1 00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:02,528 [Ted Narrating] Kids... 2 00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:04,603 there are two big days in any love story... 3 00:00:04,704 --> 00:00:06,831 the day you meet the girl of your dreams... 4 00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:08,498 and the day you marry her. 5 00:00:08,608 --> 00:00:11,805 ##[Rock Ballad] 6 00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,825 [Man] # Let it roll across the floor # 7 00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:39,400 ♪ Through the hall and out the door ♪ 8 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,435 - Nice. Where'd you get this? - ##[Continues, Indistinct] 9 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:46,876 Stashed a cooler behind the pulpit. 10 00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,448 - Beer be with you. - And also with you. 11 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,514 Mmm. 12 00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:55,417 This is what church has been missing. Dude, you fixed church. 13 00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:57,820 - Yeah. You're welcome, God. - [Chuckles] 14 00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:00,786 - Nervous? - What? No. 15 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,862 I'm just hopin' it doesn't rain. 16 00:01:02,962 --> 00:01:04,725 Why, do I look nervous? 17 00:01:04,831 --> 00:01:06,298 Look at your beer, dude. 18 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:08,367 You always do that when you're nervous. 19 00:01:08,468 --> 00:01:11,767 ##[Background: Rock] 20 00:01:11,871 --> 00:01:15,068 [Sighs] It's a sad day in New York, Ted. 21 00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:16,699 A sad day indeed. 22 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:19,335 Do you know what I saw on my way in here? 23 00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:22,882 A girl... in a sweater. 24 00:01:22,982 --> 00:01:24,813 And you know what that means. 25 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:28,081 The season of exposed skin is over. 26 00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:29,746 Exactly! 27 00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:31,414 Gone are the tank tops, Ted. 28 00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:33,219 Gone are the cute little skirts. 29 00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:37,160 Gone are the sundresses? The sundresses, Ted! 30 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:40,232 I don't think I can make it another eight months with no sundresses. 31 00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:42,301 Barney, I really... I have to grade these papers. 32 00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:44,597 I'm sorry. I'll let you work. 33 00:01:44,704 --> 00:01:46,296 But first a riddle. 34 00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:50,570 What piece of women's attire most stokes a man's desire? 35 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:53,111 - A sundress. - Correct. 36 00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:56,843 What lightweight outfit, pink or white... 37 00:01:56,950 --> 00:02:00,351 makes the front of my slacks abnormally tight? 38 00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:02,921 - I really have to get this done. - Of course. Of course. 39 00:02:03,022 --> 00:02:04,489 Thank you. 40 00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:07,025 - Sundress, by the way. - Mm-hmm. 41 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,254 Hey, hey. 42 00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:11,922 What are you nervous about? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. 43 00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:14,556 - What flowing cotton frock... - Okay! I'll tell you. 44 00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:16,362 Just... There's a... 45 00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:20,528 There's a girl sitting at the bar. 46 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,369 - Oh! - Don't look. 47 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:24,636 Wah. I wanna see a pretty girl. 48 00:02:24,744 --> 00:02:26,405 Okay, you can look. But just... just... 49 00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:30,040 - Just be cool, for once. - Oh. I'll be cool. 50 00:02:36,789 --> 00:02:40,225 Aw, Ted. You got your beer label in a bunch over nothin'. 51 00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:42,453 Listen to your Uncle Barney. 52 00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:45,190 You have no reason to be nervous. 53 00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:46,822 None whatsoever. 54 00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:50,198 And I'm gonna tell you why in one word. 55 00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:52,203 - And what's that word? - Dibs. 56 00:02:52,305 --> 00:02:52,896 [Mutters] 57 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,474 ##[Upbeat Pop] 58 00:02:57,076 --> 00:02:58,907 ##[Man Vocalizing] 59 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,776 ##[Ends] 60 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,544 You can't call dibs on a girl I've been sitting here thinking about... 61 00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:10,646 maybe talking to eventually at some point. 62 00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:13,988 - You never called dibs. - Dibs were implied. 63 00:03:14,093 --> 00:03:16,323 - Implied dibs? - Yeah. 64 00:03:16,429 --> 00:03:18,488 Ted, you are spitting on the grave... 65 00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:21,624 of Sir Walter Dibs, inventor of the dib. 66 00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:23,292 It was 1652. 67 00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:24,995 The S.S. Dibs was lost at sea... 68 00:03:25,104 --> 00:03:28,505 Look, I don't have time for a fake history lesson, so I'll keep this simple. 69 00:03:28,608 --> 00:03:31,668 You go over there and talk to that girl, I will see you in court. 70 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:34,042 And who's gonna represent you? Dibs on Marshall as my lawyer! 71 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,377 - Damn it! - Ha, ha! Where is Marshall anyway? 72 00:03:36,482 --> 00:03:38,814 [Ted Narrating] Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily had recently decided... 73 00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:40,681 to take a swing at starting a family. 74 00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:42,982 Tonight was their first at bat. 75 00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:45,523 I'm almost ready to leave. Let's just go through the checklist. 76 00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:47,593 - Candles? - Check. 77 00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,594 Music to set the mood? 78 00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:51,459 - ##[Soft Jazz] - Check. 79 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:53,896 Music for when we're actually doing it. 80 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,867 - ##[Banjo: Country] - Check. 81 00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,272 You know what? To hell with your dibs. 82 00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:02,364 I'm goin' over there right now and talking to her. 83 00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:04,102 Oh, yeah? Yeah? Be my guest. 84 00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:05,871 Fall in love with her. Get married. 85 00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,742 Just know this. When I step up... 86 00:04:07,847 --> 00:04:10,247 to make my toast as your best man... 87 00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:13,376 - Actually, Marshall will probably be my best man. - As your best man! 88 00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:15,317 Ladies and gentlemen... 89 00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:18,720 I... had dibs. 90 00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:21,055 - [Man] No! - [People Gasping] 91 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:24,721 - Tell me this isn't true. - l... I had implied dibs. 92 00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:25,889 Oh! 93 00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,900 The way you've humiliated me! 94 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,562 I had no idea. You have to know that. 95 00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:34,299 Shh. Shh. You're the victim here. 96 00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:36,068 We both are. 97 00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:38,040 - Let's get outta here. - [Whimpers] 98 00:04:38,144 --> 00:04:39,907 Or we could just do it right here. 99 00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:42,311 We could just do it right here. Let's do it, baby. 100 00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:44,110 [Both Moaning] 101 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:48,119 Fine. Have at it. Exercise your dibs. 102 00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:50,917 She's got her shields up anyway. She's readin' a book. 103 00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:52,719 Yeah, at a bar. 104 00:04:52,825 --> 00:04:54,452 That book might as well be called... 105 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,460 Are You There, Barney? It's Me, Horny. 106 00:04:56,562 --> 00:04:59,861 That is not what "shields up" looks like. 107 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,934 That is what "shields up" looks like. 108 00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:06,095 Move! God! 109 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,939 Hey, what's up, dudes? 110 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,944 Fries? 111 00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,105 Oh, good God, woman. You're a disgrace. 112 00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:17,148 No fries for this guy. [Snorts] 113 00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,184 Robin, seriously, I love you... 114 00:05:19,285 --> 00:05:22,118 but it's like you have squiggly cartoon odor lines... 115 00:05:22,221 --> 00:05:23,779 coming off of you right now. 116 00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:24,788 What? 117 00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:26,688 Know what, Barney? Just cut her some slack. 118 00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:28,761 - She just went through a breakup. - Thank you, Ted. 119 00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:30,624 With hygiene? 120 00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:32,357 [Ted Narrating] No, with Don. 121 00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:34,023 You see, a few months earlier... 122 00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:36,764 - Here. Have some tea. - Thanks. 123 00:05:36,869 --> 00:05:39,531 Robin, I am here for you. Whatever you need. 124 00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:42,699 Okay. Um, about that, Ted. 125 00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:44,606 Listen. 126 00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:46,440 I know myself pretty well... 127 00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:49,071 and, um, sometime over the next few months... 128 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,979 I'm gonna want to sleep with you. 129 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:54,019 And when that happens, you have to try to say no. 130 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,748 Try? I will absolutely say no. 131 00:05:56,856 --> 00:06:00,189 - Our friendship is too important. - [Chuckles] Oh. 132 00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:02,261 Okay. Maybe I wasn't clear enough. 133 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:06,264 Um, I will come at you with everything I've got. 134 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:10,063 I will stalk you like the lioness stalks the gazelle... 135 00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:13,332 careful, patient, deadly. 136 00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:16,931 And if you let your guard down for so much as a second... 137 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:21,605 as sure as you were born, I will hump your brains out. 138 00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:25,850 [Robin Crying] 139 00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:29,319 Okay, I'm ready to have sex now. 140 00:06:32,191 --> 00:06:35,683 It was a tough summer, but I think our girl's been a real trouper. 141 00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:37,422 She's... 142 00:06:39,031 --> 00:06:42,125 - Is this a Cheeto? - No, we ran out of Cheetos last week. 143 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,204 Oh, yeah. It's a Cheeto. Dibs. 144 00:06:45,304 --> 00:06:47,295 Oh, you're exquisite. 145 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,398 You must let me paint you. 146 00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:51,067 Hey, Robin. What do you think? 147 00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:52,940 The girl sitting at the bar... shields up? 148 00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:55,707 Mmm. Totes, toots. She's here on a date. 149 00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:58,215 She brought the book because she got here early... 150 00:06:58,317 --> 00:07:00,877 and she also wants to impress the guy she's meeting. 151 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,956 Girls like to come across all classy and smart, you know? 152 00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:07,955 This, what you're doin' right now... 153 00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:09,994 I'm getting a de-rection. 154 00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:12,958 Hey! How'd it go? 155 00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:15,056 - You pregnant yet? - Nope. 156 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:16,658 Okay. So here's what happened. 157 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:18,896 I was at home waiting for Marshall. 158 00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:21,997 - Hey, how was your day? Don't answer. No time. - Look... 159 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,905 Um, bedroom. No, no. No time. 160 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:26,240 - Look... - Floor. No. No time. Against this wall! 161 00:07:26,345 --> 00:07:29,746 Marshall, whoa! Wait! A big package just arrived. 162 00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:31,840 - Yeah, it did. - No, no. 163 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,976 It's a real package from your dad. 164 00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:38,318 - Well, that's a little weird, but, yeah, it is. - Marshall, look! 165 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:45,088 A bassinet? Oh, my... He must've made it in his woodshop. 166 00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,666 Wasn't that sweet of him? 167 00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:51,259 Lil? Isn't that sweet? 168 00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:53,866 Lily? 169 00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,942 You told your dad we're trying to have a baby? 170 00:07:57,043 --> 00:08:00,604 Of course I did. I tell my dad everything. My dad is my best friend. 171 00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:02,146 [Ted, Barney] Oh! 172 00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:05,411 Lily, we have been looking forward... 173 00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:08,715 to this magical, special night for two weeks now. 174 00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:11,619 And, sweetie, during that time, I have been, um... 175 00:08:12,925 --> 00:08:14,825 How do I put this delicately? 176 00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:18,988 Savin' all my love for you. 177 00:08:20,566 --> 00:08:23,899 I have read 11 books on conception. 178 00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:27,200 I have cut out alcohol, caffeine and sugar. 179 00:08:27,306 --> 00:08:29,399 I take my temperature every hour. 180 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,273 But good for you for not playing with yourself. 181 00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:34,642 [Sighs] 182 00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:37,011 - I feel ya, buddy. - Ah! No, don't even touch me, dude. 183 00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:38,981 It's been like... It's been two weeks. 184 00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:42,418 I'm, like, a light breeze away from havin' a big problem. 185 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:43,989 I'm seriously... 186 00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:48,055 Okay. I'm better now. 187 00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:52,161 Okay, Barney. What's this gonna cost me? 188 00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:54,324 - Excuse me? - Your dibs. I wanna buy your dibs. 189 00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:58,665 $250,000. 190 00:08:58,771 --> 00:09:00,238 Twenty bucks. 191 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,835 But... Can I go smell her first? 192 00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:05,535 - No. - Fine. 193 00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:08,842 All right. Wish me luck. 194 00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:14,414 [Ted Narrating] Now, kids, remember how I told you about a girl named Cindy... 195 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:18,081 - how I went on one date with her and it ended badly? - Get out. 196 00:09:18,190 --> 00:09:20,351 - Well... - [Woman] How are you? 197 00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:21,585 Good. 198 00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:26,494 What the hell are you doing? 199 00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:29,932 That girl she's talking to... I dated her. 200 00:09:30,036 --> 00:09:32,630 Ooh. That sucks. 201 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,205 And dibs. 202 00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:41,439 So you went on one date with one of her friends. 203 00:09:41,547 --> 00:09:43,708 It's not necessarily a big deal. 204 00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:46,148 I mean, did it end on bad terms? 205 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:47,719 Um... 206 00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,754 Oh, hi, Cindy. 207 00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:51,322 [Mimicking] Oh, hi, Cindy! [Raspberry] 208 00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:55,527 Yikes. 209 00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:57,528 Well, I guess you just gotta move on. 210 00:09:57,630 --> 00:10:00,724 It's not like you have a shot with Reading McGee over there, right? 211 00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:03,223 Ted? 212 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:04,997 [Ted Narrating] Then I remembered. 213 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,572 Cindy had a roommate... 214 00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:09,664 a roommate I only caught a glimpse of. 215 00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:15,741 But a roommate who, by every indication, was something very special. 216 00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,778 Was it possible? 217 00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:21,409 Could this be the girl attached to that ankle? 218 00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:26,854 I gotta see her ankles. 219 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:28,620 You're one of those? 220 00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:31,925 God, I swear! One in five guys. 221 00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:34,966 Lily, we kinda had a plan tonight, remember? 222 00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:37,535 - Candles, banjo... - Who else did you tell? 223 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,162 Did you tell anyone at the office? 224 00:10:40,272 --> 00:10:41,466 Um... 225 00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:43,132 [Exhales] 226 00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:48,504 Shannon, start the music. 227 00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:52,311 - ##[High-energy Rock] - [Cheering] 228 00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:55,353 Can you dig it! 229 00:10:57,556 --> 00:10:59,217 Take it to the hole, Eriksen! 230 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,486 [Man] Sink that putt, big buzz! 231 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,391 - Put a pillow under her lower back. - [Elevator Bell Dings] 232 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:06,124 It helps facilitate conception, bro. 233 00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:08,200 [Cheering Continues] 234 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,962 - Yeah! - [Cheering Louder] 235 00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:16,599 I may have mentioned it in passing to a couple of colleagues at work. 236 00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:18,734 I'm sorry about that. But you know what? 237 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:20,573 I gotta be able to tell my dad. 238 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,978 Your dad is the last person you should tell. 239 00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:25,607 The man is too involved in our lives. 240 00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:28,482 It's like every time the phone rings... 241 00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:30,145 - [Rings] - Hello. 242 00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:31,848 Lily! Marvin Eriksen. 243 00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:34,721 - I noticed you hadn't changed your last name yet. - Oh, no. I'm gonna... 244 00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:37,921 So, don't worry. I called the D. M.V. I called your AmEx. 245 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:40,590 - I got that process started for ya. - But... 246 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,930 - [Rings] - Hello. 247 00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,559 Lily. Marvin Eriksen. 248 00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:46,934 I understand you and Marshall have been fighting. 249 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:49,473 Let me tell you what works for me and the missus... 250 00:11:49,575 --> 00:11:52,271 frilly French undies and a box of wine. 251 00:11:52,978 --> 00:11:54,878 - [Rings] - Hello? 252 00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:56,914 You might wanna try pickles on that sandwich. 253 00:11:58,951 --> 00:12:01,215 Pickles would have helped that sandwich! 254 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,515 The man has no boundaries. 255 00:12:03,622 --> 00:12:06,614 l-I just can't procreate under these conditions. 256 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:10,355 Yeah, well, you know what? I've already told him, so the damage is done. 257 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,795 So call him and tell him we decided not to have a baby. 258 00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,593 [Wheezing Laugh] Okay. 259 00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:17,134 So you just... you want me to give my dad a stroke? 260 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:20,069 [Mimicking Laugh] Only if you wanna give this a stroke. 261 00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:23,801 That's ridiculous. Lily, there's no way that I would ever... 262 00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:29,781 Okay, everyone needs to shut up so that I can think! 263 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:32,983 Uh-oh. They're talkin' to a guy now. 264 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:35,053 What kinda guy? A cheesy guy or a cool guy? 265 00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:37,588 Oh, a cheesy guy. Don't worry. 266 00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,954 Aw, man. That guy is cool. 267 00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:42,050 His hair's all cool. He's got a cool belt. 268 00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:44,061 What... That guy is cheesy. 269 00:12:44,163 --> 00:12:47,564 And if you think he's not cheesy, then you're cheesy too. 270 00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:51,158 And now I want something cheesy. Who's feeling nachos? 271 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,602 Oh, look at you, Robin. You're jealous. 272 00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:55,867 - Jealous? - Yeah, jealous. 273 00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:58,773 'Cause she's got it, and you've lost it. 274 00:12:58,878 --> 00:13:00,971 [Scoffs] I have not lost it. 275 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,945 - Ya lost it. - I still have it. 276 00:13:03,048 --> 00:13:05,812 I mean, I know exactly where it is... 277 00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:08,751 and I can go get it whenever I want. 278 00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:11,550 Robin, girls are like cartons of milk. 279 00:13:11,657 --> 00:13:15,650 Each one has a hotness expiration date, and you've hit yours. 280 00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:18,229 I'm not sayin' the occasional guy won't still open the fridge... 281 00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:20,821 pick you up, give a sniff, shrug and take a sip anyway... 282 00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:22,867 but it's all downhill from here. 283 00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:24,799 I don't have to take this. 284 00:13:26,705 --> 00:13:28,673 But I do have to take this. 285 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,607 Okay. So you just want me to call my dad... 286 00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:34,542 and tell him that we're not havin' a baby? 287 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,877 That's about the size of it. 288 00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:40,543 Okay. Out of curiosity, when do we tell him about the baby? 289 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,622 We'll tell him about the baby when there's a baby to tell him about. 290 00:13:43,722 --> 00:13:45,713 So he just gets no notice? 291 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:48,623 He just walks into his boss's office and says... 292 00:13:48,727 --> 00:13:51,195 "I just had a grandson. I'm gonna be out for three months." 293 00:13:51,297 --> 00:13:54,232 - Out for three months? - Yeah. 294 00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:57,962 He and my mom are coming to live with us when the baby's born. 295 00:13:58,070 --> 00:14:00,561 - We talked about this. - No, we didn't. 296 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,732 I meant me and my dad. 297 00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:06,140 You know what, Marshall? Why don't you have a baby with your dad? 298 00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:07,974 Oh, okay, Lily. 299 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:10,378 Why don't you have a baby with your butt? 300 00:14:10,482 --> 00:14:12,211 - What? - [Angry Grunt] 301 00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:14,309 I can't think straight! 302 00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,718 Why do you have to wear that shirt? 303 00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:20,258 This is not how I thought this night was going to go! 304 00:14:21,493 --> 00:14:23,120 [Shouts] 305 00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:27,989 Ted? 306 00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:35,936 Oh, God. This sucks. Do you think she saw me? 307 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:39,169 - Hi, Ted. - Yeah, she definitely saw you. 308 00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:41,678 Can I see you for a minute, in private? 309 00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:43,714 Yeah. Yeah. Sure. 310 00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:46,785 I mean, how could that not be fun? 311 00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:51,546 If I don't come back, tell my mom I love her. 312 00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:53,852 Okay. Will do. And dibs. 313 00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:58,363 Barney, am I crazy? 314 00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,796 Marshall talks to his dad way too much, right? 315 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:04,097 - Oh. You don't want my opinion on that. - Why not? 316 00:15:04,203 --> 00:15:06,603 If I had my dad's number... 317 00:15:06,705 --> 00:15:09,196 I would never not be on the phone with him. 318 00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,037 Wow, that was really... 319 00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:13,077 Whoa! A hottie with a body. 320 00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:15,043 [Blubbering] Boing! 321 00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:17,547 - Brief. - No, Lily, look. 322 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:23,054 [Barney] You saucy little minx. 323 00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:25,123 You sundressed up. 324 00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:31,220 - Hi. - [Chuckles] Fourteen seconds. 325 00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:33,298 Fourteen seconds, and already... 326 00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:36,698 some ding-dong is steppin' up, thinkin' he can get some of this broke off. 327 00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:38,167 Ho! 328 00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:41,068 I... still... got... it! 329 00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:46,310 All right, buddy. You proved my point. Now scram. 330 00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:49,040 Nice belt, by the way. 331 00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:54,950 - Hi. - Wow. Robin, you do look super hot. 332 00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:57,284 - Oh, do I? - Yeah, you do. 333 00:15:58,223 --> 00:15:59,690 Thanks. 334 00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:04,286 [Ted Narrating] I braced myself for what was next... 335 00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:06,864 rage, fury, a savage beating. 336 00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:10,661 Oh. Thank you, Ted. 337 00:16:10,769 --> 00:16:14,170 After things didn't work out with us, I got really sad for a while... 338 00:16:14,273 --> 00:16:17,071 but then I realized you're not what I wanted, Ted... 339 00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:18,837 and I'm not what you wanted. 340 00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:22,539 I'm sorry I was such a jerk. I feel like I should make it up to you somehow. 341 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:25,116 You know, buy you a beer or Yankees tickets. 342 00:16:25,217 --> 00:16:27,185 Or set me up with one of your friends. [Laughs] 343 00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:29,049 I'm kidding. That would be weird. 344 00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:30,951 - No, it wouldn't. - It wouldn't, would it? 345 00:16:31,056 --> 00:16:34,548 Any one of those three. Whichever's easiest and right nearby. 346 00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,654 - And not the beer. - I should get back. 347 00:16:37,763 --> 00:16:40,357 - Totally. - Come say good-bye before you leave. 348 00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:43,458 [Chuckles] "Say good-bye before you leave"? 349 00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:44,968 - Her words exactly. - Hmm. 350 00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:48,506 Dude, you are so in. That is so awesome. 351 00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:51,303 A high five doesn't even cut it. High six! 352 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:53,173 [Murmurs] 353 00:16:53,278 --> 00:16:55,143 - She didn't see us high-six, did she? - No. 354 00:16:55,247 --> 00:16:57,943 - Good. That was pretty lame. - Yeah. Let's never do that again. 355 00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:02,084 - Marshall. - What? Lily, what? 356 00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:05,020 Are there more members of my family that you wanna crap all over? 357 00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:06,489 - Here's the thing. - [Cell Phone Rings] 358 00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:09,288 - I'm sorry. Hold on. Just... - [Ringing] 359 00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:11,329 It's my dad. 360 00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:13,762 Lily, it's my dad, okay? 361 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:17,233 I love him! And if he calls me, I'm gonna answer the phone. 362 00:17:17,336 --> 00:17:20,828 - [Rings] - Hey, Dad. 363 00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:23,407 Hey, hey! l-I know it's late, but I just had to call. 364 00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:25,067 - How'd it go? - Dad, this isn't... 365 00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:28,010 Did you do everything the book said? Did you put the pillow under her back? 366 00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:30,911 - Dad, I'm in the middle of somethin' right now. - Did it feel like a boy? 367 00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:32,916 - Huh? You can tell. - [Cell Phone Beeps] 368 00:17:33,018 --> 00:17:34,883 He's insane. 369 00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:37,512 My dad is insane. 370 00:17:38,857 --> 00:17:41,223 I'm so sorry, Lily. 371 00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:43,021 He's just... 372 00:17:44,463 --> 00:17:49,491 He's so, um, enthusiastic. 373 00:17:49,601 --> 00:17:51,432 It's ridiculous, you know. 374 00:17:51,537 --> 00:17:53,198 Like, who's like that? 375 00:17:54,973 --> 00:17:56,270 You. 376 00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:58,775 You're like that. 377 00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:03,143 You and your dad both care so much. 378 00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:07,708 It's... It's why women fall in love with the Eriksen men to begin with. 379 00:18:08,887 --> 00:18:12,823 But right now, it's a lot of pressure. 380 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:16,486 - Baby, I'm not tryin' to pressure you one bit. - What if I can't have a baby? 381 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:20,025 That could happen. 382 00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:22,760 I could totally let you down. 383 00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:26,330 Has that thought not occurred to you? 384 00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:29,737 - ##[Acoustic Guitar: Alt Rock] - Not even for one second. 385 00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:34,708 [Exhales] 386 00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:36,781 Not having a baby would suck... 387 00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:41,845 but the idea of you letting me down... 388 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,979 that's impossible. 389 00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:47,991 That would be like aliens landing. 390 00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:52,556 That's a bad example, because that could happen. 391 00:18:52,664 --> 00:18:55,861 It probably already has. I saw this, uh, episode... 392 00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:00,237 [Man] # It had been filled in # 393 00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:03,270 - All right. I'm doin' this. - # With rusty nails and then # 394 00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:05,434 I am goin' over there. 395 00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:08,513 ♪ You finally knew that you were lost ♪ 396 00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,743 ♪ But no one thought you were a fool ♪ 397 00:19:13,852 --> 00:19:15,444 Wish me luck. 398 00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:19,657 ♪ Even though everyone knew ♪ 399 00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:21,453 [Ted Narrating] Nothing in this life quite compares... 400 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:25,553 to the sweet, terrifying exhilaration of making your move... 401 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:28,827 when you just put it all on the line and go for it. 402 00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:31,664 And that night, by golly... 403 00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:33,670 Cindy went for it. 404 00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:47,977 [Shutter Clicks] 405 00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,949 So, no, that girl wasn't your mother. 406 00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:55,026 She ended up being someone else's mother. 407 00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:57,254 In fact, they both did. 408 00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,330 [No Audible Dialogue] 409 00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:04,232 ♪ Never stopped to notice all ♪ 410 00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:09,907 Like I said, she's here on a date. 411 00:20:10,008 --> 00:20:12,169 [Ted Narrating] That was not the day I met your mother. 412 00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:15,838 The day I met your mother was the day of a wedding. 413 00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:18,509 Okay, maybe I'm a little nervous. 414 00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:20,585 - Dude, it's just a wedding toast. - I know. 415 00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:23,553 I want it to be great, you know? I want this whole day to be great. 416 00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:27,352 - It will be. - Best man? You're being summoned. 417 00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:32,362 - Oh, geez. What now? - Ted, seriously, relax. Everything's f... 418 00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:34,694 - Okay. And it's raining. - Yeah. You were saying? 419 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,995 You didn't happen to bring an umbrella, did you? 420 00:20:37,102 --> 00:20:39,627 No, I didn't bring an umbrella. 421 00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:41,933 ♪ Let it roll ♪ 422 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,008 ♪ Let it roll ♪♪ 423 00:20:46,812 --> 00:20:49,679 I mean, everyone told us that it might take a while... 424 00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:53,239 but we thought we might be the exception of the rule. 425 00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:55,320 Anyways, we're getting back on that horse. 426 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:58,218 I mean, feelin' good about the future. 427 00:21:00,659 --> 00:21:02,286 Obviously, this goes without saying... 428 00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:04,555 but you won't tell Lily about any of this, right? 429 00:21:04,663 --> 00:21:07,791 - No! - No! - Of course not. 430 00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:34,826 English - US - SDH