1
00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:03,794
Kids, there are two
big days in any love story:

2
00:00:03,895 --> 00:00:06,246
The day you meet
the girl of your dreams,

3
00:00:06,247 --> 00:00:07,882
and the day you marry her.

4
00:00:40,815 --> 00:00:43,650
Nice! Where'd you get this?

5
00:00:43,651 --> 00:00:45,786
Stashed a cooler behind the pulpit.

6
00:00:45,787 --> 00:00:46,954
Beer be with you.

7
00:00:46,955 --> 00:00:48,205
And also with you.

8
00:00:49,574 --> 00:00:51,408
Mmm.

9
00:00:51,409 --> 00:00:53,660
Man, this is what
church has been missing.

10
00:00:53,661 --> 00:00:54,912
Dude, you fixed church.

11
00:00:54,913 --> 00:00:56,046
Yeah. You're welcome, God.

12
00:00:57,215 --> 00:00:58,999
Nervous?

13
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,802
What? No. I'm just
hoping it doesn't rain.

14
00:01:01,803 --> 00:01:03,370
Why? Do I look nervous?

15
00:01:03,371 --> 00:01:05,589
Look at your beer, dude.

16
00:01:05,590 --> 00:01:07,841
You always do that
when you're nervous.

17
00:01:11,012 --> 00:01:14,398
It's a sad day in New York, Ted.

18
00:01:14,399 --> 00:01:15,632
A sad day, indeed.

19
00:01:15,633 --> 00:01:18,468
Do you know what I saw
on my way in here?

20
00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:20,154
A girl...

21
00:01:20,155 --> 00:01:22,189
In a sweater.

22
00:01:22,190 --> 00:01:23,907
And you know what that means.

23
00:01:23,908 --> 00:01:27,327
The season of exposed skin is over.

24
00:01:27,328 --> 00:01:29,029
Exactly.

25
00:01:29,030 --> 00:01:30,781
Gone are the tank tops, Ted.

26
00:01:30,782 --> 00:01:32,533
Gone are the cute little skirts.

27
00:01:32,534 --> 00:01:34,251
Gone are the sun dresses.

28
00:01:34,252 --> 00:01:35,536
The sun dresses, Ted!

29
00:01:35,537 --> 00:01:37,154
I don't think

30
00:01:37,155 --> 00:01:39,489
I can make it another eight
months with no sun dresses.

31
00:01:39,490 --> 00:01:41,625
Barney, I really...
I have to grade these papers.

32
00:01:41,626 --> 00:01:42,876
I'm sorry. I'll let you work.

33
00:01:42,877 --> 00:01:43,927
But first,

34
00:01:43,928 --> 00:01:45,629
a riddle:

35
00:01:45,630 --> 00:01:47,181
What piece of women's attire

36
00:01:47,182 --> 00:01:49,883
most stokes a man's desire?

37
00:01:49,884 --> 00:01:51,101
A sun dress.

38
00:01:51,102 --> 00:01:52,469
Correct.

39
00:01:52,470 --> 00:01:54,388
What lightweight outfit,

40
00:01:54,389 --> 00:01:56,173
pink or white,

41
00:01:56,174 --> 00:01:59,693
makes the front of my slacks
abnormally tight?

42
00:01:59,694 --> 00:02:00,944
I really have to get this done.

43
00:02:00,945 --> 00:02:02,229
Of course, of course.

44
00:02:02,230 --> 00:02:03,780
Thank you.

45
00:02:03,781 --> 00:02:04,898
"Sun dress", by the way.

46
00:02:04,899 --> 00:02:07,201
Hey!

47
00:02:07,202 --> 00:02:10,187
What are you nervous about?
Tell me.

48
00:02:10,188 --> 00:02:11,238
Tell me. Tell me.

49
00:02:11,239 --> 00:02:12,906
What flowing cotton frock...

50
00:02:12,907 --> 00:02:14,791
Okay, I'll tell you. Just...

51
00:02:14,792 --> 00:02:16,493
There's a...

52
00:02:16,494 --> 00:02:17,928
There's a girl

53
00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:19,796
sitting at the bar.

54
00:02:19,797 --> 00:02:21,632
- Oh.
- Don't look!

55
00:02:21,633 --> 00:02:23,934
I want to see a pretty girl.

56
00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:27,120
Okay, you can look.
Just, just, just be cool for once.

57
00:02:27,121 --> 00:02:29,339
I'll be cool.

58
00:02:36,047 --> 00:02:37,431
Ah, Ted.

59
00:02:37,432 --> 00:02:39,466
You got your beer label
in a bunch over nothing.

60
00:02:39,467 --> 00:02:40,567
Listen to your uncle Barney.

61
00:02:40,568 --> 00:02:44,388
You have no reason to be nervous.

62
00:02:44,389 --> 00:02:45,889
None whatsoever.

63
00:02:45,890 --> 00:02:49,526
And I'm going to tell
you why in one word.

64
00:02:49,527 --> 00:02:50,611
And what's that word?

65
00:02:50,612 --> 00:02:52,129
- Dibs!
- What...

66
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:05,000
Sync by fant0m, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com

67
00:03:05,126 --> 00:03:06,627
You can't call dibs on a girl

68
00:03:06,628 --> 00:03:08,679
I've been sitting here
thinking about maybe talking to

69
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:09,980
eventually at some point.

70
00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,848
You never called dibs.

71
00:03:11,849 --> 00:03:13,267
Dibs were implied.

72
00:03:13,268 --> 00:03:15,602
- Implied dibs?
- Yeah.

73
00:03:15,603 --> 00:03:17,804
Ted, you are spitting on the grave

74
00:03:17,805 --> 00:03:21,108
of Sir Walter Dibs, inventor of the dib.

75
00:03:21,109 --> 00:03:22,425
It was 1652...

76
00:03:22,426 --> 00:03:24,294
The SS Dibs was lost at sea...

77
00:03:24,295 --> 00:03:26,330
Look, I don't have time
for a fake history lesson,

78
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:27,764
so I'll keep this simple.

79
00:03:27,765 --> 00:03:29,483
You go over there
and talk to that girl,

80
00:03:29,484 --> 00:03:30,934
I will see you in court.

81
00:03:30,935 --> 00:03:33,370
And who's gonna represent you?
Dibs on Marshall as my lawyer!

82
00:03:33,371 --> 00:03:34,488
Damn it.

83
00:03:34,489 --> 00:03:35,605
Where is Marshall anyway?

84
00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:37,157
Uncle Marshall and aunt Lily

85
00:03:37,158 --> 00:03:38,258
had recently decided

86
00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:40,027
to take a swing at starting a family.

87
00:03:40,028 --> 00:03:42,279
Tonight was their first at-bat.

88
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:43,814
Okay, uh, I'm almost ready to leave.

89
00:03:43,815 --> 00:03:45,582
Let's just go through the checklist.
Candles?

90
00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:46,750
Check.

91
00:03:46,751 --> 00:03:47,951
Music to set the mood?

92
00:03:48,836 --> 00:03:50,754
Check.

93
00:03:50,755 --> 00:03:52,222
Music for when
we're actually doing it?

94
00:03:54,458 --> 00:03:56,343
Check.

95
00:03:57,545 --> 00:03:58,612
You know what?

96
00:03:58,613 --> 00:03:59,980
To hell with your dibs.

97
00:03:59,981 --> 00:04:01,648
I'm going over there right now
and talking to her.

98
00:04:01,649 --> 00:04:03,267
Oh, yeah, yeah? Be my guest.

99
00:04:03,268 --> 00:04:05,185
Fall in love with her. Get married.

100
00:04:05,186 --> 00:04:06,403
Just know this:

101
00:04:06,404 --> 00:04:08,155
When I step up to make my toast

102
00:04:08,156 --> 00:04:09,523
as your best man...

103
00:04:09,524 --> 00:04:10,941
Actually, Marshall
would probably be...

104
00:04:10,942 --> 00:04:12,526
As your best man...

105
00:04:12,527 --> 00:04:14,661
Ladies and gentlemen...

106
00:04:14,662 --> 00:04:15,946
I...

107
00:04:15,947 --> 00:04:17,998
Had dibs.

108
00:04:17,999 --> 00:04:20,350
- No!
- What?

109
00:04:20,351 --> 00:04:21,918
Tell me this isn't true.

110
00:04:21,919 --> 00:04:24,037
I had implied dibs.

111
00:04:24,038 --> 00:04:25,205
Oh!

112
00:04:25,206 --> 00:04:26,506
You know,

113
00:04:26,507 --> 00:04:28,875
you've humiliated me!

114
00:04:28,876 --> 00:04:30,877
I had no idea. You have to know that.

115
00:04:30,878 --> 00:04:32,596
Shh, shh.

116
00:04:32,597 --> 00:04:34,548
You're the victim here. We both are.

117
00:04:35,383 --> 00:04:36,600
Let's get out of here.

118
00:04:36,601 --> 00:04:39,186
Or, you know, we could
just do it right here.

119
00:04:39,187 --> 00:04:41,271
We could just do it right here.

120
00:04:43,308 --> 00:04:44,691
Fine.

121
00:04:44,692 --> 00:04:45,859
Have at it.

122
00:04:45,860 --> 00:04:47,344
Exercise your dibs.

123
00:04:47,345 --> 00:04:49,396
She's got her shields up anyway.
She's reading a book.

124
00:04:49,397 --> 00:04:51,014
Yeah.

125
00:04:51,015 --> 00:04:52,482
At a bar.

126
00:04:52,483 --> 00:04:53,650
That book might as well be called,

127
00:04:53,651 --> 00:04:55,786
are you there, Barney?
It's Me, Horny.

128
00:04:55,787 --> 00:04:56,753
That is not

129
00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:58,955
what "shields up" looks like.

130
00:04:58,956 --> 00:05:01,241
That is what "shields up" looks like.

131
00:05:01,242 --> 00:05:03,627
Move.

132
00:05:03,628 --> 00:05:05,829
God!

133
00:05:07,832 --> 00:05:10,250
Hey. 'Sup, dudes?

134
00:05:10,251 --> 00:05:12,202
Fries?

135
00:05:12,203 --> 00:05:14,388
Oh, good God, woman.
You're a disgrace.

136
00:05:14,389 --> 00:05:16,056
No fries for this guy.

137
00:05:16,057 --> 00:05:17,140
Robin,

138
00:05:17,141 --> 00:05:19,509
seriously, I love you, but it's like

139
00:05:19,510 --> 00:05:21,711
you have squiggly cartoon odor lines

140
00:05:21,712 --> 00:05:23,096
coming off of you right now.

141
00:05:23,097 --> 00:05:24,114
You know what, Barney?

142
00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:25,899
Just cut her some slack, okay?

143
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:28,652
She just went through a breakup.

144
00:05:28,653 --> 00:05:29,903
With hygiene?

145
00:05:29,904 --> 00:05:31,605
No, with Don.

146
00:05:31,606 --> 00:05:33,390
A few months earlier...

147
00:05:33,391 --> 00:05:35,242
Here, have some tea.

148
00:05:35,243 --> 00:05:36,326
Thanks.

149
00:05:36,327 --> 00:05:37,694
Robin, I am here for you.

150
00:05:37,695 --> 00:05:38,895
Whatever you need.

151
00:05:38,896 --> 00:05:41,198
Okay, um, about that.

152
00:05:41,199 --> 00:05:42,783
Ted, listen.

153
00:05:42,784 --> 00:05:45,369
I know myself pretty well.

154
00:05:45,370 --> 00:05:48,288
And, um, some time
over the next few months,

155
00:05:48,289 --> 00:05:50,323
I'm going to want to sleep with you.

156
00:05:50,324 --> 00:05:51,942
And when that happens,

157
00:05:51,943 --> 00:05:53,377
you have to try to say no.

158
00:05:53,378 --> 00:05:54,761
Try?

159
00:05:54,762 --> 00:05:56,213
I will absolutely say no.

160
00:05:56,214 --> 00:05:57,431
Our friendship is too important.

161
00:05:57,432 --> 00:05:59,383
Oh.

162
00:05:59,384 --> 00:06:01,385
Okay, you know,
maybe I wasn't clear enough.

163
00:06:01,386 --> 00:06:03,053
Um...

164
00:06:03,054 --> 00:06:05,605
I will come at you
with everything I've got.

165
00:06:05,606 --> 00:06:06,589
I will stalk you

166
00:06:06,590 --> 00:06:09,476
like the lioness stalks the gazelle:

167
00:06:09,477 --> 00:06:12,646
careful, patient, deadly.

168
00:06:12,647 --> 00:06:15,065
And if you let your guard down

169
00:06:15,066 --> 00:06:16,116
for so much as a second,

170
00:06:16,117 --> 00:06:17,934
as sure as you were born,

171
00:06:17,935 --> 00:06:21,822
I will hump your brains out.

172
00:06:26,210 --> 00:06:30,163
Okay, I'm ready to have sex now.

173
00:06:31,449 --> 00:06:33,133
It was a tough summer,

174
00:06:33,134 --> 00:06:35,302
but I think our girl's
been a real trooper.

175
00:06:35,303 --> 00:06:38,255
She's...

176
00:06:38,256 --> 00:06:39,673
Is this a Cheeto?

177
00:06:39,674 --> 00:06:41,458
No, we ran out of Cheetos last week.

178
00:06:41,459 --> 00:06:44,511
Oh, yeah, it's a Cheeto. Dibs.

179
00:06:44,512 --> 00:06:46,680
Oh, you're exquisite.

180
00:06:46,681 --> 00:06:48,665
You must let me paint you.

181
00:06:48,666 --> 00:06:49,816
Hey Robin, what do you think?

182
00:06:49,817 --> 00:06:50,884
The girl sitting at the bar.

183
00:06:50,885 --> 00:06:52,269
Shields up?

184
00:06:52,270 --> 00:06:55,021
Mmm, totes, toots.
She's here on a date.

185
00:06:55,022 --> 00:06:57,441
She brought the book
because she got here early,

186
00:06:57,442 --> 00:07:00,360
and she also wants to impress
the guy she's meeting.

187
00:07:00,361 --> 00:07:03,313
Girls like to come across all
classy and smart, you know?

188
00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:06,983
This? What you're doing right now?

189
00:07:06,984 --> 00:07:09,486
I'm getting a "de-rection."

190
00:07:10,488 --> 00:07:13,173
Hey! How'd it go?
You pregnant yet?

191
00:07:13,174 --> 00:07:14,341
Nope!

192
00:07:14,342 --> 00:07:15,992
Okay, so, here's what happened.

193
00:07:15,993 --> 00:07:17,944
I was at home, waiting for Marshall.

194
00:07:17,945 --> 00:07:20,096
Hey! How was your day?

195
00:07:20,097 --> 00:07:21,431
Don't answer. No time.

196
00:07:21,432 --> 00:07:23,216
Um, bedroom. No, no. No time.

197
00:07:23,217 --> 00:07:24,634
Floor. No, no time.

198
00:07:24,635 --> 00:07:25,769
Against this wall!

199
00:07:25,770 --> 00:07:26,853
Marshall, whoa! Wait.

200
00:07:26,854 --> 00:07:29,055
A big package just arrived.

201
00:07:29,056 --> 00:07:30,106
Yeah, it did.

202
00:07:30,107 --> 00:07:31,107
No, no.

203
00:07:31,108 --> 00:07:33,276
It's a real package from your dad.

204
00:07:33,277 --> 00:07:35,946
Well, that's a little weird,
but yeah, it is.

205
00:07:35,947 --> 00:07:37,814
Marshall, look!

206
00:07:39,851 --> 00:07:41,485
A bassinet? Oh, my...

207
00:07:41,486 --> 00:07:44,488
He must've made it
in his wood shop.

208
00:07:44,489 --> 00:07:46,523
Wasn't that sweet of him?

209
00:07:46,524 --> 00:07:48,458
Lil?

210
00:07:48,459 --> 00:07:50,577
Isn't that sweet?

211
00:07:50,578 --> 00:07:53,163
Lily?

212
00:07:53,164 --> 00:07:56,233
You told your dad
we're trying to have a baby?

213
00:07:56,234 --> 00:07:58,351
Of course I did.
I tell my dad everything.

214
00:07:58,352 --> 00:07:59,886
My dad is my best friend.

215
00:07:59,887 --> 00:08:01,421
Oh!

216
00:08:01,422 --> 00:08:04,891
Lily, we have been looking forward

217
00:08:04,892 --> 00:08:08,245
to this magical, special night
for two weeks now.

218
00:08:08,246 --> 00:08:11,598
And, sweetie, during that time,
I have been, um...

219
00:08:11,599 --> 00:08:14,935
How do I put this delicately?

220
00:08:14,936 --> 00:08:18,471
Saving all my love for you.

221
00:08:19,690 --> 00:08:23,226
I have read 11 books
on conception.

222
00:08:23,227 --> 00:08:24,561
I have cut out

223
00:08:24,562 --> 00:08:26,830
alcohol, caffeine and sugar.

224
00:08:26,831 --> 00:08:28,698
I take my temperature every hour.

225
00:08:28,699 --> 00:08:32,002
But good for you
for not playing with yourself.

226
00:08:33,688 --> 00:08:34,754
I feel you, buddy.

227
00:08:34,755 --> 00:08:36,506
Ah, no. Ah.
Don't even touch me, dude.

228
00:08:36,507 --> 00:08:38,241
It's been, like... It's been two weeks.

229
00:08:38,242 --> 00:08:41,745
I'm, like, a light breeze away
from having a big problem.

230
00:08:41,746 --> 00:08:43,463
Seriously.

231
00:08:45,049 --> 00:08:46,466
Okay, I'm better now.

232
00:08:48,252 --> 00:08:49,919
Okay, Barney.

233
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,471
What's this going to cost me?

234
00:08:51,472 --> 00:08:52,455
Excuse me?

235
00:08:52,456 --> 00:08:53,640
Your dibs. I want to buy your dibs.

236
00:08:53,641 --> 00:08:56,109
Two... hundred...

237
00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:57,811
And fifty thousand dollars.

238
00:08:57,812 --> 00:08:59,029
20 bucks.

239
00:09:00,481 --> 00:09:01,982
But I...

240
00:09:01,983 --> 00:09:03,116
Can I go smell her first?

241
00:09:03,117 --> 00:09:04,868
- No.
- Fine.

242
00:09:04,869 --> 00:09:06,519
All right.

243
00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,321
Wish me luck.

244
00:09:09,390 --> 00:09:11,975
Now kids, remember how I told you

245
00:09:11,976 --> 00:09:13,443
about a girl named Cindy?

246
00:09:13,444 --> 00:09:15,945
How I went on one date
with her and it ended...

247
00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:16,913
Get out.

248
00:09:16,914 --> 00:09:18,281
Badly? Well...

249
00:09:18,282 --> 00:09:19,833
- How are you?
- Good.

250
00:09:25,172 --> 00:09:26,139
What the hell are you doing?

251
00:09:26,140 --> 00:09:27,257
That girl she's talking to?

252
00:09:27,258 --> 00:09:28,958
I dated her.

253
00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:31,595
Oh, that sucks!

254
00:09:31,596 --> 00:09:33,680
And dibs.

255
00:09:37,064 --> 00:09:40,032
So you went on one date
with one of her friends.

256
00:09:40,033 --> 00:09:41,884
It's not necessarily a big deal.

257
00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:43,519
I mean, did it end on bad terms?

258
00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:45,705
Um...

259
00:09:45,706 --> 00:09:47,873
Oh, hi Cindy.

260
00:09:47,874 --> 00:09:49,692
Oh, hi Cindy.

261
00:09:51,995 --> 00:09:53,663
Yikes.

262
00:09:53,664 --> 00:09:55,665
Well, I guess you just got to move on.

263
00:09:55,666 --> 00:09:56,832
I mean, it's not like you have a shot

264
00:09:56,833 --> 00:09:59,101
with Ready McGee over there, right?

265
00:10:00,337 --> 00:10:01,404
Ted?

266
00:10:01,405 --> 00:10:03,055
Then I remembered.

267
00:10:03,056 --> 00:10:04,724
Cindy had a roommate.

268
00:10:04,725 --> 00:10:08,043
A roommate
I only caught a glimpse of...

269
00:10:08,762 --> 00:10:10,146
But a roommate who,

270
00:10:10,147 --> 00:10:13,899
by every indication,
was something very special.

271
00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:16,435
Was it possible?

272
00:10:16,436 --> 00:10:20,723
Could this be the girl
attached to that ankle?

273
00:10:21,908 --> 00:10:25,044
I got to see her ankles.

274
00:10:25,045 --> 00:10:26,796
You're one of those?

275
00:10:26,797 --> 00:10:29,248
God, I swear, one in five guys...

276
00:10:29,249 --> 00:10:31,066
Lily!

277
00:10:31,067 --> 00:10:33,169
We kind of had a plan tonight,
remember?

278
00:10:33,170 --> 00:10:34,954
Candles? Banjo?

279
00:10:34,955 --> 00:10:37,256
Who else did you tell?
Did you tell anyone at the office?

280
00:10:37,257 --> 00:10:39,508
Um...

281
00:10:42,963 --> 00:10:44,347
Shannon?

282
00:10:44,348 --> 00:10:46,682
Start the music.

283
00:10:50,354 --> 00:10:53,105
Can you dig it?!

284
00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:57,426
Take it to the hole, Eriksen!

285
00:10:57,427 --> 00:10:59,645
Sink that putt, big fuzz!

286
00:10:59,646 --> 00:11:01,397
Put a pillow under her lower back.

287
00:11:01,398 --> 00:11:04,533
It helps facilitate conception, bro!

288
00:11:10,157 --> 00:11:12,775
I may have mentioned it in passing

289
00:11:12,776 --> 00:11:14,577
to a couple of colleagues at work.

290
00:11:14,578 --> 00:11:16,579
I'm sorry about that,
but you know what?

291
00:11:16,580 --> 00:11:18,781
I got to be able to tell my dad.

292
00:11:18,782 --> 00:11:21,384
Your dad is the last person
you should tell!

293
00:11:21,385 --> 00:11:23,952
The man is too involved in our lives!

294
00:11:23,953 --> 00:11:26,722
It's like, every time the phone rings...

295
00:11:26,723 --> 00:11:28,391
Hello.

296
00:11:28,392 --> 00:11:30,009
Lily, Marvin Eriksen.

297
00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:32,261
I noticed you hadn't changed
your last name yet.

298
00:11:32,262 --> 00:11:33,629
No, I'm gonna...

299
00:11:33,630 --> 00:11:35,398
So, don't worry. I called the DMV,

300
00:11:35,399 --> 00:11:38,401
I called your Amex, I got
that process started for you.

301
00:11:39,236 --> 00:11:41,170
Hello.

302
00:11:41,171 --> 00:11:42,805
Lily, Marvin Eriksen.

303
00:11:42,806 --> 00:11:43,873
I understand

304
00:11:43,874 --> 00:11:45,274
you and Marshall have been fighting.

305
00:11:45,275 --> 00:11:48,077
Well, let me tell you what works
for me and the missus.

306
00:11:48,078 --> 00:11:50,679
Frilly French undies
and a box of wine.

307
00:11:51,448 --> 00:11:53,082
Hello.

308
00:11:53,083 --> 00:11:55,301
You might want to try
pickles on that sandwich.

309
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,472
Pickles would have helped
that sandwich!

310
00:11:59,473 --> 00:12:01,841
The man has no boundaries.

311
00:12:01,842 --> 00:12:04,877
And I just can't procreate
under these conditions!

312
00:12:04,878 --> 00:12:06,161
Yeah, well, you know what?

313
00:12:06,162 --> 00:12:08,547
I've already told him,
so the damage is done.

314
00:12:08,548 --> 00:12:11,517
So, call him and tell him
we decided not to have a baby.

315
00:12:11,518 --> 00:12:13,001
Okay, so you just...

316
00:12:13,002 --> 00:12:15,388
You want me to give my dad a stroke?

317
00:12:16,556 --> 00:12:18,874
Only if you want to give this a stroke.

318
00:12:18,875 --> 00:12:19,975
That's ridiculous.

319
00:12:19,976 --> 00:12:22,228
Lily, there is no way
that I would ever...

320
00:12:24,030 --> 00:12:26,065
Okay, everyone needs

321
00:12:26,066 --> 00:12:28,017
to shut up so that I can think!

322
00:12:28,018 --> 00:12:31,237
Uh-oh. They're talking to a guy now.

323
00:12:31,238 --> 00:12:33,255
What kind of guy?
A cheesy guy or a cool guy?

324
00:12:33,256 --> 00:12:34,623
Oh, a cheesy guy. Don't worry.

325
00:12:34,624 --> 00:12:36,509
Oh, man!

326
00:12:36,510 --> 00:12:37,693
That guy is cool.

327
00:12:37,694 --> 00:12:40,329
His hair's all cool, he's got a cool belt.

328
00:12:40,330 --> 00:12:42,047
Well, that guy is cheesy,

329
00:12:42,048 --> 00:12:43,966
and if you think he's not cheesy,

330
00:12:43,967 --> 00:12:47,303
then you're cheesy, too,
and now I want something cheesy.

331
00:12:47,304 --> 00:12:49,438
Who's feeling nachos?

332
00:12:49,439 --> 00:12:50,689
Oh, look at you, Robin.

333
00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:51,891
You're jealous.

334
00:12:51,892 --> 00:12:53,159
Jealous?

335
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:54,393
Yeah, jealous,

336
00:12:54,394 --> 00:12:57,045
because she's got it,
and you've lost it.

337
00:12:57,046 --> 00:12:59,281
I have not lost it.

338
00:12:59,282 --> 00:13:00,382
You lost it.

339
00:13:00,383 --> 00:13:02,184
I still have it.

340
00:13:02,185 --> 00:13:03,986
I know exactly where it is,

341
00:13:03,987 --> 00:13:06,989
and I can go get it whenever I want.

342
00:13:06,990 --> 00:13:09,859
Robin, girls are like cartons of milk.

343
00:13:09,860 --> 00:13:11,760
Each one has a hotness
expiration date,

344
00:13:11,761 --> 00:13:13,412
and you've hit yours.

345
00:13:13,413 --> 00:13:16,198
I'm not saying the occasional
guy won't still open the fridge,

346
00:13:16,199 --> 00:13:19,151
pick you up, give a sniff,
shrug and take a sip anyway.

347
00:13:19,152 --> 00:13:21,120
But it's all downhill from here.

348
00:13:21,121 --> 00:13:23,238
I don't have to take this.

349
00:13:24,875 --> 00:13:27,092
But I do have to take this.

350
00:13:28,879 --> 00:13:30,245
Okay, so you just want me

351
00:13:30,246 --> 00:13:31,597
to call my dad and tell him

352
00:13:31,598 --> 00:13:32,798
that we're not having a baby?

353
00:13:32,799 --> 00:13:34,266
That's about the size of it.

354
00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:36,552
Okay, out of curiosity,

355
00:13:36,553 --> 00:13:38,821
when do we tell him
about the baby?

356
00:13:38,822 --> 00:13:40,088
We'll tell him about the baby

357
00:13:40,089 --> 00:13:41,891
when there's a baby
to tell him about.

358
00:13:41,892 --> 00:13:43,943
So, he just gets no notice?

359
00:13:43,944 --> 00:13:45,778
He just walks into his boss's office,

360
00:13:45,779 --> 00:13:47,596
and says, "I just had a grandson.

361
00:13:47,597 --> 00:13:49,465
I'm gonna be out for three months."

362
00:13:49,466 --> 00:13:51,167
Out for three months?

363
00:13:51,168 --> 00:13:52,535
Yeah.

364
00:13:52,536 --> 00:13:53,619
He and my mom are coming

365
00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:55,287
to live with us when the baby's born.

366
00:13:56,239 --> 00:13:57,389
We talked about this.

367
00:13:57,390 --> 00:13:58,858
No, we didn't.

368
00:13:58,859 --> 00:14:01,026
I meant, me and my dad.

369
00:14:01,027 --> 00:14:02,127
You know what, Marshall?

370
00:14:02,128 --> 00:14:04,446
Why don't you have a baby
with your dad?

371
00:14:04,447 --> 00:14:05,948
Oh, okay, Lily.

372
00:14:05,949 --> 00:14:08,417
Why don't you have a baby
with your butt?

373
00:14:08,418 --> 00:14:09,451
What?

374
00:14:10,587 --> 00:14:12,555
I can't think straight!

375
00:14:12,556 --> 00:14:14,924
Why do you have to wear that shirt?

376
00:14:14,925 --> 00:14:18,561
This is not how I thought
this night was going to go!

377
00:14:24,467 --> 00:14:26,134
Ted?

378
00:14:30,379 --> 00:14:33,380
Oh, God, this sucks!
Do you think she saw me?

379
00:14:33,381 --> 00:14:34,414
Hi, Ted!

380
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,500
Yeah, she definitely saw you.

381
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:39,119
Can I see you for a minute...
In private?

382
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,121
Yeah. Yeah, sure.

383
00:14:41,122 --> 00:14:44,341
I mean, how could that not be fun?

384
00:14:46,294 --> 00:14:49,496
If I don't come back,
tell my mom I love her.

385
00:14:49,497 --> 00:14:51,431
Okay, will do. And dibs.

386
00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:55,736
Barney, am I crazy?

387
00:14:55,737 --> 00:14:58,155
Marshall talks to his dad
way too much, right?

388
00:14:58,156 --> 00:15:00,524
Oh, you don't want
my opinion on that.

389
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:01,508
Why not?

390
00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:03,610
If I had my dad's number,

391
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:06,647
I would never not be
on the phone with him.

392
00:15:06,648 --> 00:15:08,448
Wow, that was really...

393
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:10,434
Whoa, a hottie with a body!

394
00:15:10,435 --> 00:15:12,336
Boing...!

395
00:15:12,337 --> 00:15:13,387
Brief.

396
00:15:13,388 --> 00:15:15,122
No. Lily, look.

397
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:20,460
You saucy little minx.

398
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,663
You sundressed up.

399
00:15:24,849 --> 00:15:26,049
Hi.

400
00:15:27,335 --> 00:15:28,652
14 seconds!

401
00:15:28,653 --> 00:15:30,621
14 seconds, and already

402
00:15:30,622 --> 00:15:32,105
some dingdong is stepping up,

403
00:15:32,106 --> 00:15:34,575
thinking he can get
some of this broke off.

404
00:15:34,576 --> 00:15:35,776
Oh!

405
00:15:35,777 --> 00:15:38,562
I... still... got... it.

406
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,849
All right, buddy, you proved my point.
Now scram.

407
00:15:43,635 --> 00:15:45,986
Nice belt, by the way.

408
00:15:48,089 --> 00:15:49,356
Hey.

409
00:15:49,357 --> 00:15:50,407
Wow.

410
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,292
Robin, you do look super hot.

411
00:15:52,293 --> 00:15:53,526
Oh, do I?

412
00:15:53,527 --> 00:15:54,711
Yeah, you do.

413
00:15:54,712 --> 00:15:56,496
Thanks.

414
00:15:59,384 --> 00:16:01,552
I braced
myself for what was next:

415
00:16:01,553 --> 00:16:04,421
Rage, fury, a possible shanking.

416
00:16:06,558 --> 00:16:07,775
Thank you, Ted.

417
00:16:07,776 --> 00:16:09,560
After things didn't work out with us,

418
00:16:09,561 --> 00:16:11,395
I got really sad for a while.

419
00:16:11,396 --> 00:16:13,247
But then I realized,

420
00:16:13,248 --> 00:16:16,016
you're not what I wanted, Ted,
and I'm not what you wanted.

421
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,517
I'm sorry I was such a jerk.

422
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:20,020
I feel like I should
make it up to you somehow.

423
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:22,289
You know, buy you a beer
or Yankees tickets, or...

424
00:16:22,290 --> 00:16:24,575
Or set me up with one of your friends.

425
00:16:24,576 --> 00:16:26,193
No, I'm kidding. That would be weird.

426
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,112
- No, it wouldn't.
- It wouldn't, would it?

427
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:29,963
Any one of those three.

428
00:16:29,964 --> 00:16:31,915
Whichever's easiest and right nearby.

429
00:16:32,667 --> 00:16:33,851
And not the beer.

430
00:16:33,852 --> 00:16:34,868
I should get back.

431
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:35,919
Totally.

432
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:37,721
Come say good-bye
before you leave.

433
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,707
Say good-bye before you leave?

434
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,209
Her words exactly.

435
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:44,011
Dude, you are so in.

436
00:16:44,012 --> 00:16:45,212
That is so awesome.

437
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,014
A high five doesn't even cut it.

438
00:16:47,015 --> 00:16:49,316
High six!

439
00:16:49,317 --> 00:16:51,702
She didn't see us high-six, did she?

440
00:16:51,703 --> 00:16:53,353
No. Good. That was pretty lame.

441
00:16:53,354 --> 00:16:56,356
Yeah, let's never do that again.

442
00:16:56,357 --> 00:16:57,524
Marshall?

443
00:16:57,525 --> 00:16:58,609
What? Lily, what?

444
00:16:58,610 --> 00:17:00,110
Are there more members

445
00:17:00,111 --> 00:17:02,162
of my family that you
want to crap all over?

446
00:17:02,163 --> 00:17:04,564
- Here's the thing.
- I'm sorry. Hold on.

447
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,083
Just...

448
00:17:06,084 --> 00:17:07,618
It's my dad.

449
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,121
Lily, it's my dad, okay?

450
00:17:11,122 --> 00:17:14,608
I love him, and if he calls me,
I'm gonna answer the phone!

451
00:17:16,377 --> 00:17:18,011
Hey, dad.

452
00:17:18,012 --> 00:17:20,597
Hey, hey. I know it's late,
but I just had to call.

453
00:17:20,598 --> 00:17:22,216
- How'd it go?
- Dad, this is...

454
00:17:22,217 --> 00:17:23,600
Did you do everything the books say?

455
00:17:23,601 --> 00:17:25,135
Did you put the pillow
under her back?

456
00:17:25,136 --> 00:17:26,703
Dad, I'm in the middle
of something right now.

457
00:17:26,704 --> 00:17:28,305
Did it feel like a boy? Huh?

458
00:17:28,306 --> 00:17:29,523
You can tell.

459
00:17:29,524 --> 00:17:31,225
He's insane.

460
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:33,760
My dad is insane.

461
00:17:34,729 --> 00:17:37,397
I'm so sorry, Lily.

462
00:17:38,450 --> 00:17:40,234
He's just...

463
00:17:40,235 --> 00:17:44,437
He's so, um...

464
00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:46,507
Enthusiastic.

465
00:17:46,508 --> 00:17:48,492
It's ridiculous, you know?

466
00:17:48,493 --> 00:17:50,577
Like, who's like that?

467
00:17:51,412 --> 00:17:53,497
You.

468
00:17:53,498 --> 00:17:55,983
You're like that.

469
00:17:55,984 --> 00:18:00,003
You and your dad both care so much.

470
00:18:00,004 --> 00:18:02,289
It's... it's why women fall in love

471
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:05,075
with the Eriksen men to begin with.

472
00:18:05,977 --> 00:18:08,745
But right now, it's a lot of pressure.

473
00:18:08,746 --> 00:18:11,315
Baby, I'm not trying to
pressure you one bit.

474
00:18:11,316 --> 00:18:13,851
What if I can't have a baby?

475
00:18:14,903 --> 00:18:17,070
That could happen.

476
00:18:17,071 --> 00:18:19,857
I could totally let you down.

477
00:18:19,858 --> 00:18:23,694
Has that thought
not occurred to you?

478
00:18:25,113 --> 00:18:27,114
Not even for one second.

479
00:18:31,669 --> 00:18:34,955
Not having a baby would suck,

480
00:18:34,956 --> 00:18:37,875
but the idea of you letting me down...

481
00:18:37,876 --> 00:18:41,361
That's impossible.

482
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:45,349
That would be like aliens landing.

483
00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:49,520
That's a bad example,
because that could happen.

484
00:18:49,521 --> 00:18:50,771
It probably already has.

485
00:18:50,772 --> 00:18:53,223
I saw this, uh, episode...

486
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:58,946
All right.

487
00:18:58,947 --> 00:19:00,464
I'm doing this.

488
00:19:00,465 --> 00:19:02,566
I am going over there.

489
00:19:10,141 --> 00:19:12,826
Wish me luck.

490
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:19,216
Kids, nothing in this
life quite compares to the sweet,

491
00:19:19,217 --> 00:19:22,219
terrifying exhilaration
of making your move.

492
00:19:22,220 --> 00:19:25,589
When you just put it all
on the line and go for it.

493
00:19:25,590 --> 00:19:28,859
And that night, by golly,

494
00:19:28,860 --> 00:19:31,094
Cindy went for it.

495
00:19:46,094 --> 00:19:50,180
So no, that girl wasn't your mother.

496
00:19:50,181 --> 00:19:52,282
She ended up being
someone else's mother.

497
00:19:52,283 --> 00:19:54,501
In fact, they both did.

498
00:20:04,128 --> 00:20:05,578
Like I said,

499
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:06,964
she's here on a date.

500
00:20:06,965 --> 00:20:09,266
So that was not
the day I met your mother.

501
00:20:09,267 --> 00:20:13,020
The day I met your mother
was the day of a wedding.

502
00:20:13,021 --> 00:20:14,587
Okay, maybe I'm a little nervous.

503
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:16,056
Dude, it's just a wedding toast.

504
00:20:16,057 --> 00:20:19,026
I know. I just... I want
it to be great, you know?

505
00:20:19,027 --> 00:20:21,028
I want this whole day to be great.

506
00:20:21,029 --> 00:20:22,613
It will be.

507
00:20:22,614 --> 00:20:23,647
Best man?

508
00:20:23,648 --> 00:20:24,648
You're being summoned.

509
00:20:24,649 --> 00:20:26,283
Geez, what now?

510
00:20:26,284 --> 00:20:29,620
Ted, seriously, relax. Everything's...

511
00:20:29,621 --> 00:20:30,821
Okay, and it's raining.

512
00:20:30,822 --> 00:20:32,072
Yeah. You were saying?

513
00:20:32,073 --> 00:20:34,374
You didn't happen to bring
an umbrella, did you?

514
00:20:34,375 --> 00:20:36,326
No. I didn't bring an umbrella.

515
00:20:42,833 --> 00:20:45,668
I mean, everyone told us that
it might take a while, but...

516
00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:48,404
We thought we might be
the exception to the rule.

517
00:20:49,305 --> 00:20:51,306
Anyways, we're getting
back on that horse.

518
00:20:51,307 --> 00:20:54,343
I mean, feeling good
about the future.

519
00:20:56,879 --> 00:20:58,597
Obviously, this goes without saying,

520
00:20:58,598 --> 00:21:00,816
but you won't tell Lily
about any of this, right?

521
00:21:00,817 --> 00:21:02,585
No! Of course! Absolutely!

522
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,000
Sync by fant0m, corrected by gloriabg
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