Every cell in the human body regenerates,
on average,
every seven years.
Like snakes...
In our own way, we shed our skin.
Biologically, we're brand-new people.
Are you visiting Seattle for the first time?
Oh, no, no. I live in Seattle. I just went home for a month.
I took my son to see my parents.
What do you do in Seattle?
I'm a surgeon.
Did you know any of those doctors...
From that shooting?
We may look the same. We probably do.
The change isn't visible...
At least not in most of us.
But we're all changed...
Completely...
Forever.
But that's normal.
It's a biological imperative change.
So the shooting changed me.
I'm changed.
But I'm also ready to get back to work.
As ready as any of us are
sitting around the house,
waiting...
I just spend my time worrying.
Your husband was shot. That's a lot to worry about.
I'm worried about Cristina. She's getting married, and that's...
I had to cut her out of her last wedding dress with scissors, so...
You watched your husband get shot.
He's fine. He's coming back to work today, actually.
We're all fine.
Excuse me.
Is everything okay?
Everything's fine.
- Opening two. - It doesn't look too bad.
You gotta keep an eye on it, Make sure it doesn't get bigger.
But if it changes color, you should see a doctor.
- Your lady looks pissed. - Again?
What?
Nothin'.
Just... You're awesome.
- Welcome back. - Thank you, sir.
We missed you here.
The place isn't the... Same.
Did you get cleared for surgery?
What do you mean, "cleared for surgery"? Who has to clear me?
- The next time, I'll leave you there. - You said that already.
Derek got arrested again. Reckless endangerment.
Did he lose his license yet?
No, because they don't charge him, because the cops worship him.
Because I saved some of their lives.
- What are we picking? - Dress color. I'm not wearing white.
It's sexist and... Vaguely racist.
No white, no veil, no rice.
- What will your mother say? - No mother.
I didn't get cleared for surgery... And I'm pretty sure it's your fault.
I am the Chief. I can overrule the counselor.
You can?
- I love the blue. - Chief, you're back.
I find a giant skull base chordoma. Biggest one I've ever seen.
He came in to the ER with trouble breathing.
- You got cleared for surgery? - I did.
- Bitch. - I like the brown, too.
It looks inoperable. I would've said it was,
- but you're back and you're you. - Right.
Good morning. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Good. Thank you very much. It's great to be back.
First of all, I'd like to thank Dr Webber for stepping up in my absence.
Thank you.
I'm grateful for all of you,
for all of your support during my recovery. Thank you.
It's just, so great to be back as Chief.
I'm grateful for the...
I'm sorry. That's a lie.
That's what people say, and, the truth is...
I hate being Chief. I hate it.
Chief Webber...
Chief Webber is our Chief.
And I'm sorry, but this giant...
Sorry, I gotta go look at this chordoma.
I'm sorry, but...
I quit.
- Let's go, Kepner. Come on. - Oh, sorry. Okay.
He just quit.
He was supposed to clear me for surgery.
The bullet's at the surface. That's good. I can take it out now.
No, if it's not infected, I'm gonna keep it.
It's my war wound.
Besides... Chicks dig that crap.
- You weren't kidding. - The last surgeon broke the dura,
which enabled the tumor to mushroom into the brain and down into the spine.
It's wrapped around his brain stem.
Whatever we do, we need to do it quickly.
The size of this thing...
Normally I open up the sinuses or the hard palate.
Now you have to open up both.
You want me to split his whole face open?
Sinuses, hard palate, tongue, jaw...
A broken jaw is excruciating, let alone the rest of it.
Does this kid know what he's in for?
He wants to live. He's not concerned about the pain.
But you don't know how enmeshed the tumor is.
- and if you can get it all. - Thank you.
You want to try this thing, Torres and I are gonna need to coordinate.
What are we thinking,
- a week? - No later.
I'll clear my schedule.
- Welcome back. - Thank you.
You're not even cleared for surgery yet.
I'll get cleared.
Little exercise.
Something I can do for you?
That stupid counselor Perkins, he won't clear me for surgery.
So I was just wondering...
- But he cleared... - I'm sorry. I am.
But we brought in the best,
and when Andrew Perkins says you're not cleared,
then it's him you need to talk to.
Did you hear that Dr. Yang and Dr. Hunt are getting married?
- I did. - It's pretty great?
It's almost like a silver lining.
I've read a lot about trauma
and how, sometimes people just
up and change their lives. They say that the trauma
was the best thing that could've happened to them.
Like Dr. Shepherd this morning. Did you hear that he's not Chief anymore?
And how have you been, dr. Grey?
You've been through a lot since I last saw you.
Does anyone have anything to say?
I know that a lot of you are only here
because this has been mandated.
So let's talk.
Anything at all?
I ate a really good taco
from one of those trucks by the side of the road.
- When? - Last night. You were asleep.
- Which truck? The one on 7th? - I want to go I like tacos.
- Me, too. - I read a book...
About the history of mass murders in the US.
That's the actual name of what happened to us. It was a mass murder.
You can't call it a terrorist attack, cause the murders weren't political.
We weren't victims of a serial killer.
He would've had to murder several people in more than 30 days
in order to qualify as a serial killer.
We could call it a spree killing...
It's killings at two or more locations with no break or pause in between,
cause he shot that guy in his car.
But, I'm not sure that that counts as a true second location
since it was so close to the hospital,
which means that we were a mass murder,
cause it happened at one place, by one person,
and more than four people were killed.
- That was quite a show this morning. - I didn't plan it.
Made it better. Any regrets?
No. Any regrets about proposing to Cristina?
None.
Getting shot turns out to not be the worst thing after all.
I need a best man.
I know we're not that close, but...
I don't know. You being married to the other twisted sister,
I just thought it...
It kinda made us brothers or something.
- I'd be honored. It's an honor. - Thank you.
You need a bachelor party? Even better.
On the day of the shooting,
I understand that you had a particularly difficult day.
On the day I gave birth to my son,
my husband had a car crash, and he needed a craniotomy,
and he almost died on Derek Shepherd's table.
Now that was a particularly difficult day.
And at the end of that day, my son was born,
and my husband lived.
But at the end of this day...
This day
was the worst day of my life.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...
You don't just sneak up on people. Okay?
- You don't... - I got these. I was...
I was playing golf. My phone was off, and I'm...
You know, 18 people got shot, 11 died, one in my arms.
A boy died in my arms, and you were playing golf.
We gotta go.
- Where you going? - Home,
to my mom. Right?
We're gonna go see grandma?
- Here you go. - When you coming back?
When are you coming back?
You're talking about slicing his face in half,
breaking his jaw, cutting his tongue.
It just sounds crazy.
I know.
I wish I could offer some comfort, but honestly,
there's no comfort that can be offered in this situation.
Let me just say that...
Every medical advancement started with the statement,
"that sounds crazy."
Let me try.
Donna, let me help.
Okay. Let's try.
Good.
He could not wake up.
He could... Wake up...
And never be able to move again.
He could go blind.
He could lose his ability to speak or to eat.
He could require around-the-clock care for the rest of his life.
He could be in a tremendous amount of pain
for the rest of his life.
He could die on the table.
If that doesn't happen, if none of those things happen,
he's still facing months of excruciatingly
painful recovery from this surgery.
And before you make a decision,
you need to understand the risks.
You're driving awfully fast,
The least you could do is wear a seat belt.
You've been working.
In the clinic, in the pit.
We haven't been allowed to operate,
which makes zero sense if you ask me.
I'd like to talk to you about the incident last week.
She's not my responsibility.
- She was your girlfriend. - She's not anymore.
Karev, give me another suture.
My patient didn't bring her meds.
She doesn't even know their names.
If I give her albuterol and she's on propanolol, then she'll stop breathing.
If I give her warfarin and she's on ibuprofen, then she'll bleed out.
If I give her diphenhydramine and she's on doxepin,
then she'll die. So do you think she wants to die?
- Is she kidding? - What's going on?
I think that she wants to die. I think she wants me to kill her.
Do you want me to kill you?
Cause you could just get a gun, and it would be a lot faster.
- Get her outta here. - So why doesn't somebody find a gun...
And we'll bring her a gun and just shoot her...
Help her I can't step away. Get her out of here!
I got my own stuff to do.
Somebody find something!
Why did you walk away?
Look, life is too short.
I almost died trying to stop that guy.
Besides, I mean...
You know how much tail you get offered
when you're carrying a bullet around in your chest?
It's like I'm a legend.
Are you... Always this crass,
or is that a defense mechanism?
I've had too much crazy for one lifetime.
You cleared Lexie Grey for surgery?
Dr. Sloan, I'm in session.
I had to check her into psych last week.
I had to commit her against her will!
And you just clear her for surgery?
What the hell kind of doctor are you?
It's okay. You can talk to him.
I'll come back.
Yeah, walk away. You're good at that.
She got snowed.
Psych put her on heavy doses of antipsychotics and benzos.
And then she slept for almost 50 hours straight.
When she woke up, she was no longer a risk to herself or others.
She has PTSD most of you do.
For her, it caused severe sleep deprivation
and led to a breakdown.
All she need was sleep.
So protocol is that she goes back to work.
See?
I'm okay.
Really. I'm back.
Clamp.
So how are you? I hear there's a guy.
- Yeah, there's a guy. - That good?
Shut up.
I need another clamp.
So... You're getting married.
I am. I am getting married.
I'm happy for you.
- I am, really. - Really?
- Thank you. - Good.
I dig weddings. I do a mean chicken dance.
There will be no chicken dance.
And if you start a conga line, I will physically throw you out.
I just went to the cafeteria,
and some nurse called me Reed
and then said, "I thought you died."
You don't go to the cafeteria. They point and stare.
Is that why you dyed your hair?
They stare because we should've died.
Pack a lunch. Keep it in your locker.
You are kidding me.
- You got cleared? - It's down to you and Yang.
- That is not funny. - Perkins is no dummy.
He can see the crazy right under the Meredith Grey surface.
Again, it's not funny cause you're not gonna get cleared either,
and the two of us are gonna be serving slushies at the multiplex.
Really? I'd choose dermatology over multiplex.
No, I'd go gynecology over dermatology.
Of course you would. Perv.
I think I'd go with psych.
That was a joke.
That was good.
Anyway, I don't know What Perkins' problem is with me.
- Maybe he saw your file. - Maybe he knew your mother.
Maybe he heard how you told the shooter to shoot you.
Not funny.
Not a joke.
Welcome back.
You okay?
I'm happy to see you all.
There's a patient in 23-04 that needs an endoscopy.
Surely your paycheck covers more than stuffing your face in the basement.
Get to the clinic now.
And, you two...
I'm awful sorry about the loss of your friends.
- Thank you. - So are we.
22-13 has a bowel impaction,
and I'm sure as hell not about to stick my hands in there.
You quit your job this morning.
Should I be worried abt impulsivity?
I didn't quit my job.
Being Chief wasn't my job.
I'm a surgeon.
That's what I do. That is who I am.
But before you got shot...
I wanted to quit that job every day before I got shot,
I didn't have the guts to do it.
After I got shot, I...
Life is short.
So now I think less and...
Just do.
So... For you, the shooting was clarifying?
A lot of people died in that shooting.
I'm saying, in your life today...
A lot of people died.
Meredith went to get something to eat. She should be back soon.
I'm sorry I got you shot.
By coming out of the office... I didn't listen, and then you got shot.
I got you shot,
And I just need to say, I am so... So sorry.
Gary Clark came here for me.
I gave the order to pull the plug on his wife.
I got everyone shot.
So...
Is this what I need to do to get cleared?
Dr. Grey, you're early.
- I'll call you later. - Yes, please.
That was creepy and inappropriate. I want a new counselor.
Teddy was never a patient of mine.
She was cleared for surgery before I got here.
We just met in the cafeteria.
I'm not interested in your love life.
I don't care how love blooms over day-old hot dogs.
My husband is about to remove the largest chordoma on record.
You cleared Lexie Grey last week.
You cleared Alex Karev,
who insists on running around the hospital with a bullet in his chest.
- I know who I've cleared. - So then why don't you tell me
what you want me to say, and I'll say it.
Dr. Grey, I don't think that you're being honest...
With me or yourself.
And I think that's a potentially dangerous situation.
So what is it that you're not saying?
Who's with Derek?
When I left Mark Sloan was with him.
- And where's Owen? - I don't know.
I think he's still talking to the police.
Not a word of this to Derek.
You have to tell Owen because he knows.
- Not a word. - Okay.
And April Kepner. She knows, too.
Okay.
Go tell them.
Go back to the hospital and tell them right now.
- Don't you want me to stay for this? - No, I want you to go.
Go and... and make sure no one says a word to Derek.
Your friend left?
- You want me to wait or... - No, just do it.
The D&C's pretty straightforward.
The fetus was only at about 5 weeks.
You'll feel some cramping after, but it shouldn't be too bad.
Andrew and I just got busted by Meredith Grey.
- Callie's watching me sleep. - What?
She's watching me sleep.
And she only watches me sleep when something is up,
and I'm afraid that she's gonna propose or...
Start talking about making babies again,
which I'm open to, honestly, just,
not right now.
I can feel her watching me, it's such hard work to keep my eyes closed,
but if I open them, that something loaded is gonna come out of her mouth
and pop the bubble that we've been floating in.
- You want to pop the bubble. - I don't, though.
Believe me. I've been living in that bubble for years.
Owen and I? We're just friends, really.
Finally knowing the truth? I don't regret that.
My bubble is so pink and so...
Pretty.
Pop the bubble.
I heard you were looking for me.
The board officially reinstated me this morning.
- No more "interim Chief." - I'm glad to hear that.
You sure? No seller's remorse?
Have you seen the tumor I'm chasing?
No, no seller's remorse.
- You feel good about this surgery? - That sounds like a loaded question.
I know Perkins cleared you for surgery.
And I know better than to question your judgment...
But, I still have nightmares, and
I go to two AA meetings a day. I'm not all the way back,
and I didn't gethot.
That's what I mean when I say, do you feel good about it?
I feel adrenaline.
And, yeah...
The adrenaline feels good.
I can't believe I'm not down there.
I can'tbelievei'm not down there.
Palate's divided.
Yeah. Okay. We're good.
Here we go.
You ever see anything like this?
I've seen mortar fire that didn't do this much damage.
Let's bring that microscope in and get you started.
Everybody ready?
Let's do it. Yeah.
There's the tumor.
We're there. Microdissectors, please.
Get up.
Let's go.
Sorry, sorry.
- What is wrong with you? - Everything is wrong.
Derek is decapitating a teenager,
and April Kepner is assisting,
and you're sitting reading about lies of the freakin' valley.
- You prefer peonies? - We are not better.
A psychiatrist, given several opportunities,
- has deemed unfit to do my job. - He'll get over it.
Just go back in a couple of days.
You are not better.
In a couple of days, I'll be better, too.
In a couple of days, you'll be married.
Are you trying to talk me out of this?
Look at me and tell me you're sure.
You don't get to do this.
All you get to do is help me break the tie
between the lilies of the valley and the peonies.
- That's it. - I do get to do this.
He's the love of my life, but you're my soul mate.
I do get to do this. Why can't it wait six months?
- Please don't. - Flowers aren't going.
You broke up with him cause he couldn't choose you.
- Just why does it have to be right now? - You know what I think?
you should tell Derek about the miscarriage.
- We're talking about you. - No, about us not being "better."
- Then you need to tell him. - He's not ready. He's not okay.
You're not okay.
You should tell him.
Well, Dr. Yang, if you don't feel ready, there's no pressure.
The hospital is prepared to work with you in whatever way...
What... I'm sorry. I'm getting special treatment?
Cause I'm the girl who operated with a gun to her head?
If you don't want to clear me, don't clear me.
You didn't show up for your appointment last week.
- You were very late today. - I'm getting married.
I heard that. Congratulations.
Can I go now?
When you think about going into an OR,
how does that make you feel?
God, the women in these magazines...
Some of them are actually brides, you know? They're not all models.
All smiling.
It's like the only thing in the world that matters
is that they find the perfect shoe to match that dress.
God, you know, I knew these girls.
I went to school with them.
It's funny.
I used to feel sorry for them.
They're simple girls.
They just want to find the guy and get married, you know...
Live.
I don't know. I think you're either born simple or you're born...
Me.
I want to be the person
who gets happy over finding the perfect dress.
I want to be simple.
Cause no one holds a gun to the head of a simple girl.
- Stop fixing him! - Owen, help.
- Who is it? - It's me. It's Owen.
You're late.
I'm sorry.
It's not okay.
Cristina, what is this?
I don't want to be alone.
You don't ever have to be alone again.
I'm not going anywhere, Cristina.
I won't ever leave again.
You hear me? I am not going anywhere...
If you let me stay.
Thank you.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was late.
Thank you.
I was playing golf.
And I can't apologize for it cause it wasn't anything I did on purpose.
I was playing golf.
I missed you, and I just...
You're a good man.
You are handsome...
And kind... And smart and...
Good.
I mean, you're perfect.
But...
I'm... Busy
holding myself together with
tape and glue.
And a piece of me wishes that
you hadn't played golf, because...
Then you'd be all taped and glued, too.
And maybe you'd be where I am.
You're too much for me right now,
cause I'm busy with the tape and the glue.
All right.
- You take care of yourself. - You, too.
You were amazing in there.
- Let's make a baby. - What?
Come on.
Let's just pull the goalie. Let's do it. Let's start right now.
Oh, God.
It's Greg. Damn it.
I already gave him 10 of morphine.
He's in too much pain. I'm gonna start him on propofol.
I never should've let you do this.
It's Dr. Shepherd. You have to listen to me.
This is the fight. This is the fight.
The pain's gonna stop. We're gonna help you.
But until it does, this is your fight.
The tumor's not driving anymore. You are.
You're in the driver's seat.
The life that's in your head? You get if you fight.
You got it?
Good. Good.
Donna, look, this...
This pain?
It's not a dying pain. It's a healing pain.
This is a victory pain.
You won.
We won.
What? I went out to get some ice.
Don't be mad. We'll make the wedding.
I'll make the wedding.
Just wanted to see you were alive for myself.
You look hot.
The whole, "crazy eyes, tight dress" thing,
it's working for you, for whatever it's worth.
You think that you are so badass cause you lived.
I'm the reason that you lived.
And while you were dying,
you were crying out for the wife who left you.
So that's the opposite of badass,
for whatever it's worth.
I'm jealous.
I think I'm jealous of Hunt and Yang.
You know Derek's gonna be the best man?
We hardly even know the guy.
I'm gonna do it.
- You're drunk. - That's why I'm gonna do it.
Lame surgery ran long. Sorry. What'd I miss?
I have something... To ask you.
I want you to move in with me. I love you,
and you have a drawer and a toothbrush,
I want you to have a whole dresser and a whole...
Blow-dryer
or something... More romantic than that or...
Something.
You're doing great. Push through.
Unless you're just totally hating the idea,
which...
Would be okay.
- Is that it? - Is what it?
You just want me to move in
to a place that I basically already live?
Thank God. Yes, yes.
Calliope, yes. I would love to have a dresser
and a blow-dryer or something more romantic.
How are you doing? You okay?
I'm sorry. He's not coming.
- He's my best man. - I know.
Do you want to pick a new one?
- Mark looks great in a suit. - Derek had the ring.
- I have it. - Oh, okay.
Are you still good?
She is gonna come down those stairs, right?
I never gave you any crap about your post-it.
You look beautiful.
I know.
How's Owen? Is he good?
Owen's perfect.
He's perfect.
Thank you.
When we say things like,
"people don't change,"
it drives scientists crazy...
Because change is literally the only constant in all of science.
Energy...
Matter...
It's always changing...
Morphing...
Merging...
growing...
Dying.
It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural...
the way we cling to what things were instead of letting them be what they are
The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones...
The way we insist on believing...
Despite every scientific indication...
That anything in this lifetime is permanent.
Change is constant.
How we experience change...
That's up to us.
It can feel like death...
Or it can feel like a second chance at life.
If we open our fingers,
loosen our grips
go with it...
it can feel like pure adrenaline...
Like at any moment...
We can have another chance at life...
like at any moment...
I do.
We can be born all over again.