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Previously on Mike & Molly...
How about we hit a couple of
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00:00:02,538 --> 00:00:03,638
clubs up after
we get off, huh?
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00:00:03,639 --> 00:00:04,923
Have a few drinks,
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00:00:04,924 --> 00:00:07,108
maybe find some bad girls
who want to cop some pleas.
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00:00:07,109 --> 00:00:08,760
Or even better,
please some cops.
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00:00:08,761 --> 00:00:09,878
(laughs)
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00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:11,363
No, thanks. I got an OA meeting.
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00:00:11,364 --> 00:00:13,882
Overeaters Anonymous
on a Friday night?
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00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:15,884
- That is pathetic.
- Oh, I'm pathetic?
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00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:17,185
Which one of us
lives with his grandma?
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00:00:17,186 --> 00:00:19,971
Oh baby, why are you
punishing yourself?
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00:00:19,972 --> 00:00:21,973
Face it,
you're a big-boned girl.
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Bones don't jiggle, Mom.
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Do I smell your double
chocolate blackout cake?
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Fresh out of the oven.
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Give me.
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00:00:30,149 --> 00:00:31,432
Just gonna go to my OA meeting.
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You're never gonna meet
a cute guy at the chub club.
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00:00:34,971 --> 00:00:36,762
Hi, my name's Mike.
I'm an overeater.
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I had a pretty fair week.
I lost three pounds.
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(applause)
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00:00:40,988 --> 00:00:44,407
Then I took off my shirt,
and I found it right about here.
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Molly.
Mike.
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00:00:45,376 --> 00:00:46,743
I'm a fourth grade teacher,
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00:00:46,744 --> 00:00:49,996
And I'd love to have
a police officer come and speak
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To my class.
Okay.
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00:00:51,632 --> 00:00:53,883
I will.
All right.
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Hey, samuel, could you pour my
diet shake into a malted glass?
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What's wrong with this?
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Well, it's all about
presentation.
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See, if my mind thinks
it's drinking a delicious,
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00:01:05,763 --> 00:01:08,714
Chocolaty treat, it forgets
that it's trying to choke down
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A glass of powdery,
diarrhea-inducing swill.
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Coming right up.
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Sometimes it does that, too.
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Hey, I got tickets
to the cubs tomorrow night.
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You want to go?
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Oh, would love to, but, uh,
I'm going out with Molly.
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Really?
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00:01:25,165 --> 00:01:26,082
You finally called her?
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00:01:26,083 --> 00:01:27,583
Why am I just
hearing about this?
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Oh, I'm sorry.
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00:01:28,752 --> 00:01:30,670
Haven't you been
following my facebook page?
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Well, I tell you
everything I do.
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You're not doing anything.
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You know,
while that is very hurtful,
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I'm gonna pass that off
as a low blood sugar thing.
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He said, biting into his
delicious bacon cheeseburger.
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So where you taking her?
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00:01:48,421 --> 00:01:49,421
I got a reservation at
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That new french place
at navy pier.
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Mm, very nice.
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But don't let them
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Talk you into
anything with truffles.
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Okay? That's a scam.
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Just fancy-ass fungus.
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Noted.
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00:01:59,199 --> 00:02:00,533
What are you gonna wear?
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00:02:00,534 --> 00:02:02,618
A tube top and a tiara.
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00:02:02,619 --> 00:02:04,454
What difference does it make?
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First impressions, my friend.
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Out of the gate,
there's three things
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You want a woman
to believe about you.
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Oh, good, advice from a man
who lives with his grandma.
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One: You're very interested
in what she has to say.
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00:02:15,215 --> 00:02:16,883
So interject the words
"uh-huh" and "really"
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00:02:16,884 --> 00:02:17,950
As often as possible.
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00:02:17,951 --> 00:02:19,585
Trust me,
you can't say it too much.
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Really?
Uh-huh.
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00:02:22,289 --> 00:02:24,290
Two: Make her think
you're tortured...
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Equal parts good and evil
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And there's no telling
which side's gonna win.
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Create an illusion of danger.
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00:02:29,012 --> 00:02:29,979
Exactly.
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00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:31,931
Bad boys get all the yum-yum.
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And three,
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And most important: Make her
think that you can have sex
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Whenever you want
with whoever you want,
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And whatever happens with her
is no big deal.
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Well, how do you do that?
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It's kind of a zen thing.
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00:02:42,743 --> 00:02:44,660
You got to look at reality
as an illusion, see?
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Therefore, you want nothing
and you need nothing.
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00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,699
It also helps to masturbate
about two or three times
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Before you leave the house.
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Thank you.
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Very helpful.
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I'm a fountain of wisdom.
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Drink from me.
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See, the thing is,
it's not really my style
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To pretend to be
somebody I'm not.
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00:03:04,681 --> 00:03:06,665
I mean, what you see
is what you get.
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00:03:06,666 --> 00:03:08,017
I try to be honest with people.
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00:03:08,018 --> 00:03:10,102
More importantly,
I try to be honest with myself.
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Who ordered the chocolate malt?
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(singsong):
♪ I did, I did! ♪
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(sneezes)
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Oh, god.
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00:03:21,865 --> 00:03:24,734
Great, just what I needed.
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(alarm wailing)
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Damn it.
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00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,521
Hey, sweetie,
dinner's almost ready.
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Ma, why do you keep
setting the alarm
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When you're still in the house?
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00:03:32,993 --> 00:03:34,126
It's just a precaution.
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I don't want some
home invader to sneak in
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00:03:36,163 --> 00:03:37,696
While I'm bent over
the dishwasher
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And take me against my will.
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Oh, sure.
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00:03:42,219 --> 00:03:43,719
Like that's possible.
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(coughing)
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How was work?
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Great.
I'm living the dream.
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Hey, you're the one who wanted
to be a schoolteacher.
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I wanted you to be
a prima ballerina.
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Completely disregarding the fact
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That I was 140 pounds
in second grade.
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Swans come in all sizes,
potato bug.
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00:04:03,907 --> 00:04:05,608
So what you got going
this weekend?
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00:04:05,609 --> 00:04:06,742
Some fun plans?
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00:04:06,743 --> 00:04:08,527
I'm going to go to dinner
with that cop.
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Oh, good for you.
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(sneezes)
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You need to get out more.
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00:04:12,732 --> 00:04:14,784
I mean, what's it been,
like, a year?
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00:04:14,785 --> 00:04:15,952
18 months.
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00:04:15,953 --> 00:04:17,753
And thank you for asking.
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00:04:17,754 --> 00:04:20,339
Oh, hey, there's no shame in it.
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00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:23,042
Your aunt Margaret went
without a man for seven years.
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Of course,
she was married to Jesus.
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At least until she snapped
and ran off with
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That Puertorican boy who sold
snow cones outside the church.
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(alarm wailing)
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00:04:37,307 --> 00:04:38,924
Darn, what's the code?
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It's the house number.
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♪ for the first time
in my life ♪
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♪ I see love. ♪
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-- Sync by Rafael UPD --
www.addic7ed.com/
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Man, this is one big-ass dummy.
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He's got your
hairline and my body.
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This could be our baby.
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Look, I don't think we're gonna
find anything for me here.
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- Let's go.
- Whoa, whoa, hold on, now.
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I thought you were
gonna give this a chance.
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I'm sorry, man, I'm
just not comfortable
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Trying clothes
on in public.
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That's why I prefer
shopping on the internet.
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Yeah, and that's why
most of your clothes
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Fit you like a car cover.
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00:05:38,201 --> 00:05:40,502
I don't shop for style,
I shop for comfort.
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00:05:40,503 --> 00:05:42,871
Mm-hmm, and keeping the tree sap
off your paint job, I got it.
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(chuckles):
Hey, Carl.
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00:05:45,842 --> 00:05:46,842
Cousin Andre.
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Good to see you.
What brings you here?
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I brought you a customer.
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00:05:49,896 --> 00:05:51,096
Mike, meet Andre,
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00:05:51,097 --> 00:05:53,015
Owner and proprietor
of Andre's Big and Tall.
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00:05:53,016 --> 00:05:54,817
And Andre's Big
and Tall West.
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00:05:54,818 --> 00:05:56,735
So what you
looking for today?
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00:05:56,736 --> 00:05:59,104
Mike's got a hot date, so I'm
trying to get him a new look.
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You know, something that pops.
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All my clothes pop eventually.
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Well, I'll tell you
right off the bat,
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I think we need to add
a little color to your wardrobe.
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See? He's not wrong.
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00:06:08,031 --> 00:06:08,997
I mean, look at you,
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00:06:08,998 --> 00:06:10,749
You're dressed
like a UPS truck.
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00:06:10,750 --> 00:06:12,267
Hey, brown is an autumn color.
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00:06:12,268 --> 00:06:14,086
I have been told
that I am an autumn.
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You're an autumn
and two months of winter.
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Look, just give
this a chance, man.
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Open yourself up to a
new style, you know,
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00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:24,429
A new look, maybe
even a whole new you.
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Don't oversell it, brother,
they're just clothes.
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All right, what the heck.
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00:06:30,303 --> 00:06:31,603
There you go.
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00:06:31,604 --> 00:06:35,224
I'm open to a little color,
but nothing too crazy.
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I mean, I don't want my date
to open the door and scream,
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"hey, kool-aid!"
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00:06:38,895 --> 00:06:40,445
(laughs)
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00:06:40,446 --> 00:06:42,698
I got you. We'll stay away
from primary colors.
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00:06:42,699 --> 00:06:44,983
Good. And, uh,
no horizontal stripes.
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00:06:44,984 --> 00:06:46,768
Horizontal stripes?
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00:06:46,769 --> 00:06:50,739
Look, you are not
my first big boy rodeo.
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00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:52,607
Don't worry, I'm not
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Letting you walk out of here
without looking your best.
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Hey, and that's
the truth.
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We got a 400-pound uncle he
made look like wesley snipes.
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00:06:58,531 --> 00:07:01,800
He's a handsome man.
190
00:07:01,801 --> 00:07:05,637
And everything I sell has
a 30-day money-back guarantee.
191
00:07:05,638 --> 00:07:08,507
Unless, of course, you get it
sweaty or spill gravy on it.
192
00:07:08,508 --> 00:07:10,309
Probably don't get
a lot of returns.
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00:07:10,310 --> 00:07:11,844
Not a one.
194
00:07:12,812 --> 00:07:14,012
You wait right here
while I grab
195
00:07:14,013 --> 00:07:15,414
A couple of things
off the rack.
196
00:07:15,415 --> 00:07:16,665
Oh, feel free
to help yourself
197
00:07:16,666 --> 00:07:18,934
To some chocolate
milk and hot pockets.
198
00:07:18,935 --> 00:07:20,602
Hot pockets!
199
00:07:20,603 --> 00:07:22,321
Damn, he's got an
entrepreneurial mind!
200
00:07:22,322 --> 00:07:23,972
You getting a kickback here?
201
00:07:23,973 --> 00:07:25,858
Little bit.
202
00:07:29,445 --> 00:07:30,696
(sneezes, sighs)
203
00:07:30,697 --> 00:07:33,699
Molly, you really should call
and cancel with this guy.
204
00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:35,083
I don't want to cancel.
205
00:07:35,084 --> 00:07:36,668
It took him forever
to ask me out.
206
00:07:36,669 --> 00:07:38,754
Plus, if I call now
and tell him I'm sick,
207
00:07:38,755 --> 00:07:41,123
He's gonna think I'm making
some kind of lame excuse.
208
00:07:41,124 --> 00:07:42,157
Well, do what you want.
209
00:07:42,158 --> 00:07:43,325
But I'm just saying,
210
00:07:43,326 --> 00:07:45,878
Guys hate it when you sneeze
on their wieners.
211
00:07:48,715 --> 00:07:50,349
Here, baby,
drink this cough syrup.
212
00:07:50,350 --> 00:07:51,767
Oh, thank you.
213
00:07:54,387 --> 00:07:55,854
Whoa, slow down there, slugger!
214
00:07:55,855 --> 00:07:57,055
That's got codeine in it.
215
00:07:57,056 --> 00:07:58,840
God, mom!
216
00:07:58,841 --> 00:08:00,675
Don't worry, you'll be fine.
217
00:08:00,676 --> 00:08:03,228
As long as you're not
driving a car or nursing a baby.
218
00:08:03,229 --> 00:08:05,397
Live and learn.
219
00:08:08,284 --> 00:08:10,319
Well, how do I look?
220
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:11,286
Very cute.
221
00:08:11,287 --> 00:08:13,205
Absolutely adorable.
222
00:08:13,206 --> 00:08:14,623
You're lying.
223
00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:18,377
I look like kathy bates
in misery.
224
00:08:19,245 --> 00:08:21,696
That's who it is!
225
00:08:25,134 --> 00:08:26,701
(doorbell rings)
226
00:08:26,702 --> 00:08:28,754
Ooh-ooh! Okay,
I need a few more minutes.
227
00:08:28,755 --> 00:08:30,222
Okay, take all the time
you need.
228
00:08:30,223 --> 00:08:31,089
I'll go stall him.
229
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:32,374
Help your sister
get it together,
230
00:08:32,375 --> 00:08:34,509
I'll keep shrek on ice.
231
00:08:34,510 --> 00:08:36,762
Don't tell him I'm sick.
232
00:08:36,763 --> 00:08:38,513
Don't worry,
I've been lying to cops
233
00:08:38,514 --> 00:08:40,933
Since you were in
shoplifted diapers.
234
00:08:43,770 --> 00:08:44,820
You want a condom?
235
00:08:44,821 --> 00:08:45,737
No.
236
00:08:45,738 --> 00:08:46,905
Okay.
237
00:08:46,906 --> 00:08:47,940
What about lube?
238
00:08:47,941 --> 00:08:49,658
It's our first date.
239
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:50,943
You know what they say.
240
00:08:50,944 --> 00:08:52,828
Better to have lube
and not need it
241
00:08:52,829 --> 00:08:54,496
Than need lube and not have it.
242
00:08:54,497 --> 00:08:57,833
(alarm wailing)
243
00:08:57,834 --> 00:08:59,401
Ah, there we go.
244
00:08:59,402 --> 00:09:00,568
Come on in.
245
00:09:00,569 --> 00:09:01,703
She'll be right down.
246
00:09:01,704 --> 00:09:03,789
Thanks, mrs. Flynn.
247
00:09:03,790 --> 00:09:05,424
My friends call me Joyce.
248
00:09:05,425 --> 00:09:06,425
Sit down.
249
00:09:06,426 --> 00:09:07,876
Thanks, Joyce.
250
00:09:07,877 --> 00:09:09,711
Nice sweater.
251
00:09:09,712 --> 00:09:11,263
Was it a gift?
No.
252
00:09:11,264 --> 00:09:13,248
Really? You paid for that?
253
00:09:14,634 --> 00:09:16,751
Just yanking your chain.
254
00:09:16,752 --> 00:09:17,752
(chuckles)
255
00:09:17,753 --> 00:09:19,638
But, seriously, it
looks okay, right?
256
00:09:19,639 --> 00:09:20,722
It's not too garish?
257
00:09:20,723 --> 00:09:21,940
No, it's nice.
258
00:09:21,941 --> 00:09:24,609
Brightens up the room.
259
00:09:24,610 --> 00:09:27,195
So can I get you
something to drink?
260
00:09:27,196 --> 00:09:29,614
Maybe a little eggnog
to go with your sweater?
261
00:09:36,105 --> 00:09:39,174
Come on, pretty
girl, wake up.
262
00:09:39,175 --> 00:09:41,943
(slurring):
Oh, god, the codeine.
263
00:09:41,944 --> 00:09:43,795
You want a diet pill?
264
00:09:43,796 --> 00:09:44,880
What?
265
00:09:44,881 --> 00:09:46,415
What do I want a diet pill for?
266
00:09:46,416 --> 00:09:50,285
It keeps you awake
so you can enjoy the codeine.
267
00:09:50,286 --> 00:09:53,455
No, I don't want
a diet pill, mom.
268
00:09:53,456 --> 00:09:55,590
I don't want to be a swan.
269
00:09:55,591 --> 00:09:57,426
(snoring)
270
00:09:57,427 --> 00:09:59,294
Mols?
271
00:09:59,295 --> 00:10:01,480
Molly?
272
00:10:06,602 --> 00:10:09,404
You'll thank me later.
273
00:10:11,057 --> 00:10:12,808
Then she dated Brian.
274
00:10:12,809 --> 00:10:15,243
He was sweet, but
queer as a fish.
275
00:10:15,244 --> 00:10:18,530
Um, you know, I actually
walked in on him one night
276
00:10:18,531 --> 00:10:20,599
Wearing Molly's shoes
and feeding sponge cake
277
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:21,983
To the sparkletts man.
278
00:10:21,984 --> 00:10:24,619
Well, you don't have
to worry about that with me.
279
00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:26,488
I don't have a thing
for lady's shoes
280
00:10:26,489 --> 00:10:29,441
And I would never share cake.
281
00:10:29,442 --> 00:10:32,427
Any chance we could, uh,
get an ETA on Molly?
282
00:10:32,428 --> 00:10:34,046
Let me go check.
283
00:10:34,047 --> 00:10:37,299
Now, she may be on the phone
with one of her other suitors.
284
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:41,553
But don't worry, none of them
have the fashion sense you do.
285
00:10:45,191 --> 00:10:46,808
(whispering): What the
hell's going on up here?
286
00:10:46,809 --> 00:10:50,445
I'm running out of small talk
and this guy's a piece of wood.
287
00:10:50,446 --> 00:10:52,314
Victoria: We just
need another minute.
288
00:10:52,315 --> 00:10:53,615
Make him a snack.
289
00:10:53,616 --> 00:10:56,318
Joyce: Oh, great, I'll
grab a bucket of peanuts.
290
00:10:58,121 --> 00:11:00,155
Any minute.
291
00:11:00,156 --> 00:11:03,241
Can I get you
a little something to eat?
292
00:11:03,242 --> 00:11:04,426
Oh, no thanks.
293
00:11:04,427 --> 00:11:06,728
I consumed a small jungle boy
on the way over.
294
00:11:07,930 --> 00:11:12,033
♪ there she was just a-walking
down the street ♪
295
00:11:12,034 --> 00:11:15,870
♪ singing doo-wah-diddy
diddydum-diddy-doo. ♪
296
00:11:20,476 --> 00:11:22,511
Let's go, sweater boy.
Let's jump.
297
00:11:22,512 --> 00:11:24,763
(alarm wailing)
298
00:11:32,355 --> 00:11:36,024
Lovely chatting with you.
299
00:11:44,751 --> 00:11:48,337
Wow. A Mitsubishi Galant.
300
00:11:48,338 --> 00:11:49,956
I'm guessing '78, '79?
301
00:11:49,957 --> 00:11:51,958
'79.
I knew it.
302
00:11:51,959 --> 00:11:53,075
I know my Galants.
303
00:11:53,076 --> 00:11:54,677
Did you know my dad drove
a '79 Galant?
304
00:11:54,678 --> 00:11:55,678
No, I didn't.
305
00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:56,629
Why would you?
306
00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:58,047
He's dead.
You never met him.
307
00:11:59,766 --> 00:12:02,714
He actually had the five-door
station wagon... cobalt blue.
308
00:12:02,715 --> 00:12:04,399
He would turtle wax
that thing every Saturday.
309
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,081
My sister and I would drink
cokes in the driveway.
310
00:12:06,082 --> 00:12:08,357
I got to hold the hose.
You ever hold the hose?
311
00:12:08,358 --> 00:12:09,758
(sneezes)
312
00:12:09,759 --> 00:12:11,527
Are you feeling okay?
313
00:12:11,528 --> 00:12:13,696
Yeah. I'm just allergic
to kleenex.
314
00:12:13,697 --> 00:12:15,147
(laughing)
315
00:12:15,148 --> 00:12:18,831
Oh, god, this car brings
back such good memories.
316
00:12:18,866 --> 00:12:19,968
I remember when
I was little...
317
00:12:20,003 --> 00:12:21,035
Well, not little,
but little-ish...
318
00:12:21,070 --> 00:12:22,938
My dad would set me on his lap
and let me steer the car.
319
00:12:22,939 --> 00:12:24,574
Now I'm not asking
you to do that.
320
00:12:24,575 --> 00:12:26,275
Let's wait and see
how the date goes
321
00:12:26,276 --> 00:12:27,994
Before I start handing out
free lap dances.
322
00:12:27,995 --> 00:12:29,328
You don't talk much, do you?
323
00:12:29,329 --> 00:12:33,093
Well, I pride myself on
being a good listener.
324
00:12:33,094 --> 00:12:34,329
I mean, I think
that's important when...
325
00:12:34,330 --> 00:12:35,442
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
326
00:12:35,443 --> 00:12:36,802
Gonna let a girl
get a word in edgewise?
327
00:12:36,803 --> 00:12:37,920
Yap, yap, yap, yap...
328
00:12:37,921 --> 00:12:39,922
Ooh, fireworks in 20 miles.
329
00:12:39,923 --> 00:12:41,140
Oh, you think that's year-round
330
00:12:41,141 --> 00:12:43,175
Or just on the
fourth of July, huh?
331
00:12:43,176 --> 00:12:44,343
I don't know.
332
00:12:44,344 --> 00:12:45,678
Are you feeling okay?
333
00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:48,231
I don't know. Why don't
you feel me and find out.
334
00:12:48,232 --> 00:12:50,233
(laughing)
335
00:12:51,602 --> 00:12:53,236
I'm just kidding.
336
00:12:53,237 --> 00:12:57,240
Look at how red
your big head gets.
337
00:13:04,194 --> 00:13:07,330
(loud sniffing)
338
00:13:07,331 --> 00:13:10,082
Ah! That's what
mama likes.
339
00:13:11,919 --> 00:13:13,886
I'm sorry, what were you saying?
340
00:13:13,887 --> 00:13:17,540
I was just asking
if you enjoyed your snapper?
341
00:13:17,541 --> 00:13:19,675
Sure.
Do you like your penis?
342
00:13:23,397 --> 00:13:24,430
Oh, I'm sorry.
343
00:13:24,431 --> 00:13:26,215
That was inappropriate.
344
00:13:26,216 --> 00:13:28,234
I'm gonna be honest with you,
345
00:13:28,235 --> 00:13:31,521
I've had some cold medicine
and I'm feeling a little loopy.
346
00:13:31,522 --> 00:13:34,190
Okay, should you be mixing
alcohol with that?
347
00:13:34,191 --> 00:13:35,741
Oh, absolutely.
348
00:13:37,361 --> 00:13:40,363
So tell me, who is Mike Biggs?
349
00:13:40,364 --> 00:13:41,730
What makes him tick?
350
00:13:41,731 --> 00:13:43,449
We know he's a cop,
351
00:13:43,450 --> 00:13:47,336
But when the badge comes off,
who's the man underneath?
352
00:13:47,337 --> 00:13:50,373
Well, you know, maybe we should
talk about this stuff
353
00:13:50,374 --> 00:13:51,507
When there's a chance
354
00:13:51,508 --> 00:13:54,126
That you might actually
remember some of it.
355
00:13:54,127 --> 00:13:57,263
No. I want to talk about it now.
356
00:13:57,264 --> 00:13:59,131
Okay, okay, okay, all right.
357
00:13:59,132 --> 00:14:01,350
Okay.
358
00:14:01,351 --> 00:14:03,186
All right, okay.
359
00:14:03,187 --> 00:14:04,854
I uh, I live alone.
360
00:14:04,855 --> 00:14:07,640
Uh, I like to spend time
with my friends...
361
00:14:07,641 --> 00:14:08,808
Hold on just a second.
362
00:14:08,809 --> 00:14:10,943
Ow!
363
00:14:10,944 --> 00:14:12,195
Sorry.
364
00:14:12,196 --> 00:14:14,897
This nose hair was
driving me crazy!
365
00:14:15,699 --> 00:14:18,150
I hope you saved room
for dessert.
366
00:14:18,151 --> 00:14:20,369
What the hell
is that supposed to mean?
367
00:14:21,455 --> 00:14:22,955
Um, I didn't mean...
368
00:14:22,956 --> 00:14:25,791
Uh, you're just assuming
by looking at us two roly-polies
369
00:14:25,792 --> 00:14:27,610
That we're "dessert people"?
370
00:14:27,611 --> 00:14:28,944
Uh, Molly, I don't think that...
371
00:14:28,945 --> 00:14:31,080
I got this, bright eyes.
372
00:14:31,081 --> 00:14:33,466
Okay, yes, it's true...
373
00:14:33,467 --> 00:14:34,917
We both struggle
with our weight.
374
00:14:34,918 --> 00:14:36,219
(whispers):
Him more than me.
375
00:14:36,220 --> 00:14:38,421
You know,
we are actively
376
00:14:38,422 --> 00:14:41,424
Involved in a 12-step
anonymous program
377
00:14:41,425 --> 00:14:42,925
To deal with our problems.
378
00:14:42,926 --> 00:14:44,594
Do you have any crème brûIée?
379
00:14:44,595 --> 00:14:45,645
Yes.
One please.
380
00:14:45,646 --> 00:14:46,646
Two spoons.
381
00:14:46,647 --> 00:14:48,681
I got to pee like a racehorse.
382
00:14:49,850 --> 00:14:51,400
Gangway!
383
00:14:54,871 --> 00:14:57,523
What are you looking at?
Get the crème brûIée.
384
00:15:00,177 --> 00:15:04,480
(knocking)
Mike: Molly, you okay in there?
385
00:15:04,481 --> 00:15:05,998
Molly?
386
00:15:05,999 --> 00:15:09,769
Chicago pd.
387
00:15:11,204 --> 00:15:13,155
All right, ladies,
I'm coming in.
388
00:15:13,156 --> 00:15:14,957
Cover your delicates.
389
00:15:15,825 --> 00:15:17,260
Molly?
390
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:30,022
Oh, boy, this could go
a lot of different ways.
391
00:15:37,781 --> 00:15:39,365
You okay?
392
00:15:39,366 --> 00:15:42,351
Hey, scram.
I'm trying to vote.
393
00:15:49,109 --> 00:15:52,695
Okay, here we are.
394
00:15:53,530 --> 00:15:55,147
I'm so sorry.
395
00:15:55,148 --> 00:15:56,666
Don't be silly.
396
00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:59,168
We all have... Off nights.
397
00:15:59,169 --> 00:16:02,371
Thank you.
You're very sweet.
398
00:16:02,372 --> 00:16:04,390
Can I tell you
a little secret?
399
00:16:04,391 --> 00:16:05,505
Sure you want to do that?
400
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:07,826
You've shared a lot tonight.
401
00:16:07,827 --> 00:16:09,412
Really?
402
00:16:09,413 --> 00:16:12,331
Well, let's just say that you're
first period at sleepaway camp
403
00:16:12,332 --> 00:16:14,100
Wasn't the worst of it.
404
00:16:14,101 --> 00:16:16,719
God, I didn't.
405
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,170
It was my fault.
406
00:16:18,171 --> 00:16:21,140
I was having the tomato soup,
and it got you to thinking.
407
00:16:21,141 --> 00:16:25,532
No, look, I'm not
normally like this.
408
00:16:25,533 --> 00:16:27,055
It's just I have
this terrible cold
409
00:16:27,056 --> 00:16:28,989
And I didn't want
to cancel on you
410
00:16:28,990 --> 00:16:30,014
Because I really liked you,
411
00:16:30,015 --> 00:16:31,484
And I was afraid
if I did cancel,
412
00:16:31,485 --> 00:16:34,186
You wouldn't call me back
and now by not canceling,
413
00:16:34,187 --> 00:16:36,872
You are never going to call
me back again anyway.
414
00:16:36,873 --> 00:16:38,057
(sighs)
415
00:16:38,058 --> 00:16:40,459
Wait, you like me?
416
00:16:41,628 --> 00:16:43,629
Of course I like you.
417
00:16:43,630 --> 00:16:44,863
You're a great guy.
418
00:16:44,864 --> 00:16:46,599
Plus, you carried me
out of the toilet
419
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,050
Like I was a fairy tale
princess.
420
00:16:48,051 --> 00:16:50,219
Yeah, that was a magical
moment, wasn't it?
421
00:16:50,220 --> 00:16:51,971
Yeah.
422
00:16:51,972 --> 00:16:57,243
Well, just for the record,
423
00:16:57,244 --> 00:16:59,261
I really like you, too.
424
00:17:00,998 --> 00:17:02,431
Good.
425
00:17:05,352 --> 00:17:07,520
Hang on.
426
00:17:08,355 --> 00:17:09,922
(retching)
427
00:17:15,895 --> 00:17:17,663
Look, I know this is where
428
00:17:17,664 --> 00:17:20,416
I'm supposed to kiss you
good night, but, uh...
429
00:17:20,417 --> 00:17:21,584
It's okay.
430
00:17:21,585 --> 00:17:22,968
I got it.
431
00:17:22,969 --> 00:17:24,870
There's only so much
a butter rum lifesaver
432
00:17:24,871 --> 00:17:26,238
Can cover up.
433
00:17:26,239 --> 00:17:31,243
So what do you say
to a complete do-over?
434
00:17:31,244 --> 00:17:34,513
What if we just forget this
entire evening ever happened.
435
00:17:34,514 --> 00:17:35,931
That would be great.
436
00:17:35,932 --> 00:17:38,467
I'd really,
really appreciate it.
437
00:17:38,468 --> 00:17:40,770
We may have to pick
a different restaurant.
438
00:17:40,771 --> 00:17:41,854
Oh, for sure.
439
00:17:41,855 --> 00:17:44,240
In fact, they actually
insisted on it.
440
00:17:44,241 --> 00:17:46,759
Okay, then...
441
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,361
Good night.
442
00:17:51,231 --> 00:17:52,648
Hey, Mike.
443
00:17:52,649 --> 00:17:54,266
Yeah.
444
00:17:54,267 --> 00:17:57,603
Thanks for being such
a gentleman tonight.
445
00:17:57,604 --> 00:17:59,789
Well, you're a lady.
446
00:17:59,790 --> 00:18:01,307
You deserve it.
447
00:18:01,308 --> 00:18:04,043
Thank you.
448
00:18:06,112 --> 00:18:08,347
(alarm wailing)
Joyce: If you're an intruder
449
00:18:08,348 --> 00:18:11,217
I'm upstairs
in the shower.
450
00:18:12,319 --> 00:18:14,887
Molly:
It's me, mom.
451
00:18:30,604 --> 00:18:31,721
So...
452
00:18:31,722 --> 00:18:33,356
You going to keep me
in suspense?
453
00:18:33,357 --> 00:18:35,308
How'd that sweater
work out for you?
454
00:18:36,193 --> 00:18:39,595
A lot of people made
a lot of comments.
455
00:18:40,764 --> 00:18:42,231
I told you.
456
00:18:42,232 --> 00:18:44,700
Andre knows how
to gift-wrap a big man.
457
00:18:44,701 --> 00:18:46,452
You were right.
458
00:18:46,453 --> 00:18:47,820
I bet she was all over you.
459
00:18:47,821 --> 00:18:50,122
She got a little on me, yeah.
460
00:18:50,123 --> 00:18:51,991
My man!
461
00:18:51,992 --> 00:18:53,709
Tell me, tell me, tell me!
462
00:18:53,710 --> 00:18:56,278
Well, let's see... When I picked
her up she was loaded on codeine
463
00:18:56,279 --> 00:18:57,964
And singing at the top
of her lungs.
464
00:18:57,965 --> 00:18:59,966
So far so good.
465
00:18:59,967 --> 00:19:02,551
She then proceeded to drink
466
00:19:02,552 --> 00:19:04,804
An entire bottle
of very expensive wine.
467
00:19:04,805 --> 00:19:05,788
Uh-huh.
468
00:19:05,789 --> 00:19:07,139
After which
469
00:19:07,140 --> 00:19:09,308
She yanked a hair
out of my nose,
470
00:19:09,309 --> 00:19:10,626
Started a fight with the waiter,
471
00:19:10,627 --> 00:19:12,645
And then passed out
on the crapper.
472
00:19:14,231 --> 00:19:16,682
Oh, that doesn't sound
so good.
473
00:19:16,683 --> 00:19:18,484
It wasn't, Carl.
474
00:19:18,485 --> 00:19:21,354
It was a total disaster.
475
00:19:21,355 --> 00:19:23,521
Oh, I'm sorry.
476
00:19:23,522 --> 00:19:24,744
I guess you're never
gonna see her again.
477
00:19:24,745 --> 00:19:27,410
Are you kidding?
478
00:19:27,411 --> 00:19:29,245
I'm gonna marry that girl.
479
00:19:29,246 --> 00:19:32,415
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