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Previously on Mike & Molly...
How about we hit a couple of
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00:00:02,538 --> 00:00:03,638
clubs up after
we get off, huh?
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00:00:03,639 --> 00:00:04,923
Have a few drinks,
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00:00:04,924 --> 00:00:07,108
maybe find some bad girls
who want to cop some pleas.
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00:00:07,109 --> 00:00:08,760
Or even better,
please some cops.
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00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:11,363
No, thanks. I got an OA meeting.
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Overeaters Anonymous
on a Friday night?
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00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:15,884
-That is pathetic.
-Oh, I'm pathetic?
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00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:17,185
Which one of us
lives with his grandma?
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00:00:17,186 --> 00:00:19,971
ing yourself?
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00:00:19,972 --> 00:00:21,973
Face it,
you're a big-boned girl.
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Bones don't jiggle, Mom.
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Do I smell your double
chocolate blackout cake?
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Fresh out of the oven.
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Give me.
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Just gonna go to my OA meeting.
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You're never gonna meet
a cute guy at the chub club.
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-Hi my name is Mike, i'm an overeater.
-Hi Mike
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I had a pretty fair week.
I lost three pounds.
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Then I took off my shirt,
and I found it right about here.
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Molly.
Mike.
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I'm a fourth grade teacher,
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And I'd love to have
a police officer come and speak
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To my class.
Okay.
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I will.
All right.
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Hey, samuel, could you pour my
diet shake into a malted glass?
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What's wrong with this?
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Well, it's all about
presentation.
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See, if my mind thinks
it's drinking a delicious,
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Chocolaty treat, it forgets
that it's trying to choke down
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A glass of powdery,
diarrhea-inducing swill.
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Coming right up.
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Sometimes it does that, too.
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Hey, I got tickets
to the cubs tomorrow night.
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You want to go?
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Oh, would love to, but, uh,
I'm going out with molly.
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Really?
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You finally called her?
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Why am I just
hearing about this?
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Oh, I'm sorry.
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Haven't you been
following my facebook page?
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Well, I tell you
everything I do.
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You're not doing anything.
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You know,
while that is very hurtful,
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I'm gonna pass that off
as a low blood sugar thing.
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He said, biting into his
delicious bacon cheeseburger.
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So where you taking her?
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I got a reservation at
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That new french place
at navy pier.
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Mm, very nice.
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00:01:52,042 --> 00:01:52,975
But don't let them
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Talk you into
anything with truffles.
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Okay? That's a scam.
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Just fancy-ass fungus.
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Noted.
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What are you gonna wear?
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A tube top and a tiara.
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What difference does it make?
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First impressions, my friend.
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Out of the gate,
there's three things
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You want a woman
to believe about you.
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Oh, good, advice from a man
who lives with his grandma.
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You're very interested
in what she has to say.
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So interject the words
"uh-huh" and "really"
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As often as possible.
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Trust me,
you can't say it too much.
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Really?
Uh-huh.
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Make her think
you're tortured...
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Equal parts good and evil
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And there's no telling
which side's gonna win.
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Create an illusion of danger.
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Exactly.
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Bad boys get all the yum-yum.
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And three,
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And most important: Make her
think that you can have sex
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Whenever you want
with whoever you want,
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And whatever happens with her
is no big deal.
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Well, how do you do that?
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It's kind of a zen thing.
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You got to look at reality
as an illusion, see?
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Therefore, you want nothing
and you need nothing.
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It also helps to masturbate
about two or three times
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Before you leave the house.
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Thank you.
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Very helpful.
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I'm a fountain of wisdom.
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Drink from me.
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See, the thing is,
it's not really my style
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To pretend to be
somebody I'm not.
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I mean, what you see
is what you get.
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I try to be honest with people.
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More importantly,
I try to be honest with myself.
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Who ordered the chocolate malt?
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♪ I did, I did! ♪
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Oh, god.
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Great, just what I needed.
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Damn it.
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Hey, sweetie,
dinner's almost ready.
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Ma, why do you keep
setting the alarm
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When you're still in the house?
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It's just a precaution.
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I don't want some
home invader to sneak in
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While I'm bent over
the dishwasher
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And take me against my will.
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Oh, sure.
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Like that's possible.
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How was work?
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Great.
I'm living the dream.
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Hey, you're the one who wanted
to be a schoolteacher.
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00:03:51,711 --> 00:03:53,679
I wanted you to be
a prima ballerina.
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Completely disregarding the fact
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That I was 140 pounds
in second grade.
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Swans come in all sizes,
potato bug.
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So what you got going
this weekend?
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Some fun plans?
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I'm going to go to dinner
with that cop.
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Oh, good for you.
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You need to get out more.
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I mean, what's it been,
like, a year?
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18 months.
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And thank you for asking.
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Oh, hey, there's no shame in it.
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Your aunt margaret went
without a man for seven years.
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Of course,
she was married to jesus.
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At least until she snapped
and ran off with
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That puerto rican boy who sold
snow cones outside the church.
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Darn, what's the code?
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It's the house number.
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♪ for the first time
in my life ♪
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♪ I see love. ♪
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-- Sync by Rafael UPD --
-- Re Sync by Bordelais --
www.addic7ed.com/
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Man, this is one big-ass dummy.
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He's got your
hairline and my body.
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This could be our baby.
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Look, I don't think we're gonna
find anything for me here.
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-Let's go.
-Whoa, whoa, hold on, now.
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I thought you were
gonna give this a chance.
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I'm sorry, man, I'm
just not comfortable
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Trying clothes
on in public.
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00:05:33,728 --> 00:05:35,496
That's why I prefer
shopping on the internet.
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00:05:35,497 --> 00:05:36,947
Yeah, and that's why
most of your clothes
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Fit you like a car cover.
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I don't shop for style,
I shop for comfort.
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Mm-hmm, and keeping the tree sap
off your paint job, I got it.
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Hey, carl.
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Cousin andre.
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Good to see you.
What brings you here?
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I brought you a customer.
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00:05:51,596 --> 00:05:52,796
Mike, meet andre,
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00:05:52,797 --> 00:05:54,715
Owner and proprietor
of andre's big and tall.
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00:05:54,716 --> 00:05:56,517
And andre's big
and tall west.
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So what you
looking for today?
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00:05:58,436 --> 00:06:00,804
Mike's got a hot date, so I'm
trying to get him a new look.
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You know, something that pops.
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All my clothes pop eventually.
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00:06:04,642 --> 00:06:06,393
Well, I'll tell you
right off the bat,
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00:06:06,394 --> 00:06:08,595
I think we need to add
a little color to your wardrobe.
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00:06:08,596 --> 00:06:09,730
See? He's not wrong.
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00:06:09,731 --> 00:06:10,697
I mean, look at you,
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You're dressed
like a ups truck.
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Hey, brown is an autumn color.
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I have been told
that I am an autumn.
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You're an autumn
and two months of winter.
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Look, just give
this a chance, man.
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Open yourself up to a
new style, you know,
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A new look, maybe
even a whole new you.
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Don't oversell it, brother,
they're just clothes.
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All right, what the heck.
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There you go.
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I'm open to a little color,
but nothing too crazy.
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I mean, I don't want my date
to open the door and scream,
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"hey, kool-aid!"
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I got you. We'll stay away
from primary colors.
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00:06:44,399 --> 00:06:46,683
Good. And, uh,
no horizontal stripes.
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Horizontal stripes?
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00:06:48,469 --> 00:06:52,439
Look, you are not
my first big boy rodeo.
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00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,307
Don't worry, I'm not
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Letting you walk out of here
without looking your best.
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00:06:56,477 --> 00:06:57,911
Hey, and that's
the truth.
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00:06:57,912 --> 00:07:00,230
We got a 400-pound uncle he
made look like wesley snipes.
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00:07:00,231 --> 00:07:03,500
He's a handsome man.
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00:07:03,501 --> 00:07:07,337
And everything I sell has
a 30-day money-back guarantee.
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00:07:07,338 --> 00:07:10,207
Unless, of course, you get it
sweaty or spill gravy on it.
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00:07:10,208 --> 00:07:12,009
Probably don't get
a lot of returns.
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Not a one.
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You wait right here
while I grab
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A couple of things
off the rack.
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00:07:17,115 --> 00:07:18,365
Oh, feel free
to help yourself
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00:07:18,366 --> 00:07:20,634
To some chocolate
milk and hot pockets.
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00:07:20,635 --> 00:07:22,302
Hot pockets!
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00:07:22,303 --> 00:07:24,021
Damn, he's got an
entrepreneurial mind!
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00:07:24,022 --> 00:07:25,672
You getting a kickback here?
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00:07:25,673 --> 00:07:27,558
Little bit.
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00:07:32,397 --> 00:07:35,399
Molly, you really should call
and cancel with this guy.
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00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:36,783
I don't want to cancel.
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00:07:36,784 --> 00:07:38,368
It took him forever
to ask me out.
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00:07:38,369 --> 00:07:40,454
Plus, if I call now
and tell him I'm sick,
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00:07:40,455 --> 00:07:42,823
He's gonna think I'm making
some kind of lame excuse.
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00:07:42,824 --> 00:07:43,857
Well, do what you want.
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00:07:43,858 --> 00:07:45,025
But I'm just saying,
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00:07:45,026 --> 00:07:47,578
Guys hate it when you sneeze
on their wieners.
202
00:07:50,415 --> 00:07:52,049
Here, baby,
drink this cough syrup.
203
00:07:52,050 --> 00:07:53,467
Oh, thank you.
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00:07:56,087 --> 00:07:57,554
Whoa, slow down there, slugger!
205
00:07:57,555 --> 00:07:58,755
That's got codeine in it.
206
00:07:58,756 --> 00:08:00,540
God, mom!
207
00:08:00,541 --> 00:08:02,375
Don't worry, you'll be fine.
208
00:08:02,376 --> 00:08:04,928
As long as you're not
driving a car or nursing a baby.
209
00:08:04,929 --> 00:08:07,097
Live and learn.
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00:08:09,984 --> 00:08:12,019
Well, how do I look?
211
00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:12,986
Very cute.
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00:08:12,987 --> 00:08:14,905
Absolutely adorable.
213
00:08:14,906 --> 00:08:16,323
You're lying.
214
00:08:16,324 --> 00:08:20,077
I look like kathy bates
in misery.
215
00:08:20,945 --> 00:08:23,396
That's who it is!
216
00:08:28,402 --> 00:08:30,454
Ooh-ooh! Okay,
I need a few more minutes.
217
00:08:30,455 --> 00:08:31,922
Okay, take all the time
you need.
218
00:08:31,923 --> 00:08:32,789
I'll go stall him.
219
00:08:32,790 --> 00:08:34,074
Help your sister
get it together,
220
00:08:34,075 --> 00:08:36,209
I'll keep shrek on ice.
221
00:08:36,210 --> 00:08:38,462
Don't tell him I'm sick.
222
00:08:38,463 --> 00:08:40,213
Don't worry,
I've been lying to cops
223
00:08:40,214 --> 00:08:42,633
Since you were in
shoplifted diapers.
224
00:08:45,470 --> 00:08:46,520
You want a condom?
225
00:08:46,521 --> 00:08:47,437
No.
226
00:08:47,438 --> 00:08:48,605
Okay.
227
00:08:48,606 --> 00:08:49,640
What about lube?
228
00:08:49,641 --> 00:08:51,358
It's our first date.
229
00:08:51,359 --> 00:08:52,643
You know what they say.
230
00:08:52,644 --> 00:08:54,528
Better to have lube
and not need it
231
00:08:54,529 --> 00:08:56,196
Than need lube and not have it.
232
00:08:59,534 --> 00:09:01,101
Ah, there we go.
233
00:09:01,102 --> 00:09:02,268
Come on in.
234
00:09:02,269 --> 00:09:03,403
She'll be right down.
235
00:09:03,404 --> 00:09:05,489
Thanks, mrs. Flynn.
236
00:09:05,490 --> 00:09:07,124
My friends call me joyce.
237
00:09:07,125 --> 00:09:08,125
Sit down.
238
00:09:08,126 --> 00:09:09,576
Thanks, joyce.
239
00:09:09,577 --> 00:09:11,411
Nice sweater.
240
00:09:11,412 --> 00:09:12,963
Was it a gift?
No.
241
00:09:12,964 --> 00:09:14,948
Really? You paid for that?
242
00:09:16,334 --> 00:09:18,451
Just yanking your chain.
243
00:09:19,453 --> 00:09:21,338
But, seriously, it
looks okay, right?
244
00:09:21,339 --> 00:09:22,422
It's not too garish?
245
00:09:22,423 --> 00:09:23,640
No, it's nice.
246
00:09:23,641 --> 00:09:26,309
Brightens up the room.
247
00:09:26,310 --> 00:09:28,895
So can I get you
something to drink?
248
00:09:28,896 --> 00:09:31,314
Maybe a little eggnog
to go with your sweater?
249
00:09:37,805 --> 00:09:40,874
Come on, pretty
girl, wake up.
250
00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:43,643
Oh, god, the codeine.
251
00:09:43,644 --> 00:09:45,495
You want a diet pill?
252
00:09:45,496 --> 00:09:46,580
What?
253
00:09:46,581 --> 00:09:48,115
What do I want a diet pill for?
254
00:09:48,116 --> 00:09:51,985
It keeps you awake
so you can enjoy the codeine.
255
00:09:51,986 --> 00:09:55,155
No, I don't want
a diet pill, mom.
256
00:09:55,156 --> 00:09:57,290
I don't want to be a swan.
257
00:09:59,127 --> 00:10:00,994
Mols?
258
00:10:00,995 --> 00:10:03,180
Molly?
259
00:10:08,302 --> 00:10:11,104
You'll thank me later.
260
00:10:12,757 --> 00:10:14,508
Then she dated brian.
261
00:10:14,509 --> 00:10:16,943
He was sweet, but
queer as a fish.
262
00:10:16,944 --> 00:10:20,230
Um, you know, I actually
walked in on him one night
263
00:10:20,231 --> 00:10:22,299
Wearing molly's shoes
and feeding sponge cake
264
00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:23,683
To the sparkletts man.
265
00:10:23,684 --> 00:10:26,319
Well, you don't have
to worry about that with me.
266
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:28,188
I don't have a thing
for lady's shoes
267
00:10:28,189 --> 00:10:31,141
And I would never share cake.
268
00:10:31,142 --> 00:10:34,127
Any chance we could, uh,
get an eta on molly?
269
00:10:34,128 --> 00:10:35,746
Let me go check.
270
00:10:35,747 --> 00:10:38,999
Now, she may be on the phone
with one of her other suitors.
271
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:43,253
But don't worry, none of them
have the fashion sense you do.
272
00:10:46,891 --> 00:10:48,508
What the
hell's going on up here?
273
00:10:48,509 --> 00:10:52,145
I'm running out of small talk
and this guy's a piece of wood.
274
00:10:52,146 --> 00:10:54,014
We just
need another minute.
275
00:10:54,015 --> 00:10:55,315
Make him a snack.
276
00:10:55,316 --> 00:10:58,018
Oh, great, I'll
grab a bucket of peanuts.
277
00:10:59,821 --> 00:11:01,855
Any minute.
278
00:11:01,856 --> 00:11:04,941
Can I get you
a little something to eat?
279
00:11:04,942 --> 00:11:06,126
Oh, no thanks.
280
00:11:06,127 --> 00:11:08,428
I consumed a small jungle boy
on the way over.
281
00:11:09,630 --> 00:11:13,733
♪ there she was just a-walking
down the street ♪
282
00:11:13,734 --> 00:11:17,570
♪ singing doo-wah-diddy
diddydum-diddy-doo. ♪
283
00:11:22,176 --> 00:11:24,211
Let's go, sweater boy.
Let's jump.
284
00:11:34,055 --> 00:11:37,724
Lovely chatting with you.
285
00:11:46,451 --> 00:11:50,037
Wow. A mitsubishi galant.
286
00:11:50,038 --> 00:11:51,656
I'm guessing '78, '79?
287
00:11:51,657 --> 00:11:53,658
'79.
I knew it.
288
00:11:53,659 --> 00:11:54,775
I know my galants.
289
00:11:54,776 --> 00:11:56,377
Did you know my dad drove
a '79 galant?
290
00:11:56,378 --> 00:11:57,378
No, I didn't.
291
00:11:57,379 --> 00:11:58,329
Why would you?
292
00:11:58,330 --> 00:11:59,747
He's dead.
You never met him.
293
00:12:01,466 --> 00:12:04,414
He actually had the five-door
station wagon... cobalt blue.
294
00:12:04,415 --> 00:12:06,099
He would turtle wax
that thing every Saturday.
295
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,781
My sister and I would drink
cokes in the driveway.
296
00:12:07,782 --> 00:12:10,057
I got to hold the hose.
You ever hold the hose?
297
00:12:11,459 --> 00:12:13,227
Are you feeling okay?
298
00:12:13,228 --> 00:12:15,396
Yeah. I'm just allergic
to kleenex.
299
00:12:16,848 --> 00:12:19,133
Oh, god, this car brings
back such good memories.
300
00:12:19,134 --> 00:12:20,484
I remember when
I was little...
301
00:12:20,485 --> 00:12:21,903
Well, not little,
but little-ish...
302
00:12:21,904 --> 00:12:24,638
My dad would set me on his lap
and let me steer the car.
303
00:12:24,639 --> 00:12:26,274
Now I'm not asking
you to do that.
304
00:12:26,275 --> 00:12:27,975
Let's wait and see
how the date goes
305
00:12:27,976 --> 00:12:29,694
Before I start handing out
free lap dances.
306
00:12:29,695 --> 00:12:31,028
You don't talk much, do you?
307
00:12:31,029 --> 00:12:34,793
Well, I pride myself on
being a good listener.
308
00:12:34,794 --> 00:12:36,029
I mean, I think
that's important when...
309
00:12:36,030 --> 00:12:37,142
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
310
00:12:37,143 --> 00:12:38,502
Gonna let a girl
get a word in edgewise?
311
00:12:38,503 --> 00:12:39,620
Yap, yap, yap, yap...
312
00:12:39,621 --> 00:12:41,622
Ooh, fireworks in 20 miles.
313
00:12:41,623 --> 00:12:42,840
Oh, you think that's year-round
314
00:12:42,841 --> 00:12:44,875
Or just on the
fourth of July, huh?
315
00:12:44,876 --> 00:12:46,043
I don't know.
316
00:12:46,044 --> 00:12:47,378
Are you feeling okay?
317
00:12:47,379 --> 00:12:49,931
I don't know. Why don't
you feel me and find out.
318
00:12:53,302 --> 00:12:54,936
I'm just kidding.
319
00:12:54,937 --> 00:12:58,940
Look at how red
your big head gets.
320
00:13:09,031 --> 00:13:11,782
Ah! That's what
mama likes.
321
00:13:13,619 --> 00:13:15,586
I'm sorry, what were you saying?
322
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:19,240
I was just asking
if you enjoyed your snapper?
323
00:13:19,241 --> 00:13:21,375
Sure.
Do you like your penis?
324
00:13:25,097 --> 00:13:26,130
Oh, I'm sorry.
325
00:13:26,131 --> 00:13:27,915
That was inappropriate.
326
00:13:27,916 --> 00:13:29,934
I'm gonna be honest with you,
327
00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:33,221
I've had some cold medicine
and I'm feeling a little loopy.
328
00:13:33,222 --> 00:13:35,890
Okay, should you be mixing
alcohol with that?
329
00:13:35,891 --> 00:13:37,441
Oh, absolutely.
330
00:13:39,061 --> 00:13:42,063
So tell me, who is mike biggs?
331
00:13:42,064 --> 00:13:43,430
What makes him tick?
332
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:45,149
We know he's a cop,
333
00:13:45,150 --> 00:13:49,036
But when the badge comes off,
who's the man underneath?
334
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:52,073
Well, you know, maybe we should
talk about this stuff
335
00:13:52,074 --> 00:13:53,207
When there's a chance
336
00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:55,826
That you might actually
remember some of it.
337
00:13:55,827 --> 00:13:58,963
No. I want to talk about it now.
338
00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:00,831
Okay, okay, okay, all right.
339
00:14:00,832 --> 00:14:03,050
Okay.
340
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,886
All right, okay.
341
00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:06,554
I uh, I live alone.
342
00:14:06,555 --> 00:14:09,340
Uh, I like to spend time
with my friends...
343
00:14:09,341 --> 00:14:10,508
Hold on just a second.
344
00:14:10,509 --> 00:14:12,643
Ow!
345
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:13,895
Sorry.
346
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:16,597
This nose hair was
driving me crazy!
347
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:19,850
I hope you saved room
for dessert.
348
00:14:19,851 --> 00:14:22,069
What the hell
is that supposed to mean?
349
00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:24,655
Um, I didn't mean...
350
00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:27,491
Uh, you're just assuming
by looking at us two roly-polies
351
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:29,310
That we're "dessert people"?
352
00:14:29,311 --> 00:14:30,644
Uh, molly, I don't think that...
353
00:14:30,645 --> 00:14:32,780
I got this, bright eyes.
354
00:14:32,781 --> 00:14:35,166
Okay, yes, it's true...
355
00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:36,617
We both struggle
with our weight.
356
00:14:36,618 --> 00:14:37,919
Him more than me.
357
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,121
You know,
we are actively
358
00:14:40,122 --> 00:14:43,124
Involved in a 12-step
anonymous program
359
00:14:43,125 --> 00:14:44,625
To deal with our problems.
360
00:14:44,626 --> 00:14:46,294
Do you have any crème brûlée?
361
00:14:46,295 --> 00:14:47,345
Yes.
One please.
362
00:14:47,346 --> 00:14:48,346
Two spoons.
363
00:14:48,347 --> 00:14:50,381
I got to pee like a racehorse.
364
00:14:51,550 --> 00:14:53,100
Gangway!
365
00:14:56,571 --> 00:14:59,223
What are you looking at?
Get the crème brûlée.
366
00:15:01,877 --> 00:15:06,180
Molly, you okay in there?
367
00:15:06,181 --> 00:15:07,698
Molly?
368
00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:11,469
Chicago pd.
369
00:15:12,904 --> 00:15:14,855
All right, ladies,
I'm coming in.
370
00:15:14,856 --> 00:15:16,657
Cover your delicates.
371
00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:18,960
Molly?
372
00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:31,722
Oh, boy, this could go
a lot of different ways.
373
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,065
You okay?
374
00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:44,051
Hey, scram.
I'm trying to vote.
375
00:15:50,809 --> 00:15:54,395
Okay, here we are.
376
00:15:55,230 --> 00:15:56,847
I'm so sorry.
377
00:15:56,848 --> 00:15:58,366
Don't be silly.
378
00:15:58,367 --> 00:16:00,868
We all have... Off nights.
379
00:16:00,869 --> 00:16:04,071
Thank you.
You're very sweet.
380
00:16:04,072 --> 00:16:06,090
Can I tell you
a little secret?
381
00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:07,205
Sure you want to do that?
382
00:16:07,206 --> 00:16:09,526
You've shared a lot tonight.
383
00:16:09,527 --> 00:16:11,112
Really?
384
00:16:11,113 --> 00:16:14,031
Well, let's just say that you're
first period at sleepaway camp
385
00:16:14,032 --> 00:16:15,800
Wasn't the worst of it.
386
00:16:15,801 --> 00:16:18,419
God, I didn't.
387
00:16:18,420 --> 00:16:19,870
It was my fault.
388
00:16:19,871 --> 00:16:22,840
I was having the tomato soup,
and it got you to thinking.
389
00:16:22,841 --> 00:16:27,232
No, look, I'm not
normally like this.
390
00:16:27,233 --> 00:16:28,755
It's just I have
this terrible cold
391
00:16:28,756 --> 00:16:30,689
And I didn't want
to cancel on you
392
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:31,714
Because I really liked you,
393
00:16:31,715 --> 00:16:33,184
And I was afraid
if I did cancel,
394
00:16:33,185 --> 00:16:35,886
You wouldn't call me back
and now by not canceling,
395
00:16:35,887 --> 00:16:38,572
You are never going to call
me back again anyway.
396
00:16:39,758 --> 00:16:42,159
Wait, you like me?
397
00:16:43,328 --> 00:16:45,329
Of course I like you.
398
00:16:45,330 --> 00:16:46,563
You're a great guy.
399
00:16:46,564 --> 00:16:48,299
Plus, you carried me
out of the toilet
400
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:49,750
Like I was a fairy tale
princess.
401
00:16:49,751 --> 00:16:51,919
Yeah, that was a magical
moment, wasn't it?
402
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,671
Yeah.
403
00:16:53,672 --> 00:16:58,943
Well, just for the record,
404
00:16:58,944 --> 00:17:00,961
I really like you, too.
405
00:17:02,698 --> 00:17:04,131
Good.
406
00:17:07,052 --> 00:17:09,220
Hang on.
407
00:17:17,595 --> 00:17:19,363
Look, I know this is where
408
00:17:19,364 --> 00:17:22,116
I'm supposed to kiss you
good night, but, uh...
409
00:17:22,117 --> 00:17:23,284
It's okay.
410
00:17:23,285 --> 00:17:24,668
I got it.
411
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,570
There's only so much
a butter rum lifesaver
412
00:17:26,571 --> 00:17:27,938
Can cover up.
413
00:17:27,939 --> 00:17:32,943
So what do you say
to a complete do-over?
414
00:17:32,944 --> 00:17:36,213
What if we just forget this
entire evening ever happened.
415
00:17:36,214 --> 00:17:37,631
That would be great.
416
00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:40,167
I'd really,
really appreciate it.
417
00:17:40,168 --> 00:17:42,470
We may have to pick
a different restaurant.
418
00:17:42,471 --> 00:17:43,554
Oh, for sure.
419
00:17:43,555 --> 00:17:45,940
In fact, they actually
insisted on it.
420
00:17:45,941 --> 00:17:48,459
Okay, then...
421
00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:49,760
Good night.
422
00:17:49,761 --> 00:17:51,061
Good night.
423
00:17:52,931 --> 00:17:54,348
Hey, mike.
424
00:17:54,349 --> 00:17:55,966
Yeah.
425
00:17:55,967 --> 00:17:59,303
Thanks for being such
a gentleman tonight.
426
00:17:59,304 --> 00:18:01,489
Well, you're a lady.
427
00:18:01,490 --> 00:18:03,007
You deserve it.
428
00:18:03,008 --> 00:18:05,743
Thank you.
429
00:18:07,812 --> 00:18:10,047
If you're an intruder
430
00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:12,917
I'm upstairs
in the shower.
431
00:18:14,019 --> 00:18:16,587
It's me, mom.
432
00:18:34,304 --> 00:18:35,421
So...
433
00:18:35,422 --> 00:18:37,056
You going to keep me
in suspense?
434
00:18:37,057 --> 00:18:39,008
How'd that sweater
work out for you?
435
00:18:39,893 --> 00:18:43,295
A lot of people made
a lot of comments.
436
00:18:44,464 --> 00:18:45,931
I told you.
437
00:18:45,932 --> 00:18:48,400
Andre knows how
to gift-wrap a big man.
438
00:18:48,401 --> 00:18:50,152
You were right.
439
00:18:50,153 --> 00:18:51,520
I bet she was all over you.
440
00:18:51,521 --> 00:18:53,822
She got a little on me, yeah.
441
00:18:53,823 --> 00:18:55,691
My man!
442
00:18:55,692 --> 00:18:57,409
Tell me, tell me, tell me!
443
00:18:57,410 --> 00:18:59,978
Well, let's see... When I picked
her up she was loaded on codeine
444
00:18:59,979 --> 00:19:01,664
And singing at the top
of her lungs.
445
00:19:01,665 --> 00:19:03,666
So far so good.
446
00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:06,251
She then proceeded to drink
447
00:19:06,252 --> 00:19:08,504
An entire bottle
of very expensive wine.
448
00:19:08,505 --> 00:19:09,488
Uh-huh.
449
00:19:09,489 --> 00:19:10,839
After which
450
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,008
She yanked a hair
out of my nose,
451
00:19:13,009 --> 00:19:14,326
Started a fight with the waiter,
452
00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:16,345
And then passed out
on the crapper.
453
00:19:17,931 --> 00:19:20,382
Oh, that doesn't sound
so good.
454
00:19:20,383 --> 00:19:22,184
It wasn't, carl.
455
00:19:22,185 --> 00:19:25,054
It was a total disaster.
456
00:19:25,055 --> 00:19:27,221
Oh, I'm sorry.
457
00:19:27,222 --> 00:19:28,444
I guess you're never
gonna see her again.
458
00:19:28,445 --> 00:19:31,110
Are you kidding?
459
00:19:31,111 --> 00:19:32,945
I'm gonna marry that girl.
460
00:19:32,946 --> 00:19:36,115
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