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NARRATOR:
Previously on Mike & Molly:

2
00:00:03,903 --> 00:00:05,837
How about we hit clubs
after we get off, huh?

3
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:09,175
Have a few drinks, find some bad girls
who wanna cop some pleas.

4
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:10,809
Or even better, please some cops.

5
00:00:10,977 --> 00:00:12,035
[LAUGHS]

6
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:13,679
No, thanks, I got an OA meeting.

7
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:17,044
Overeaters Anonymous on a Friday night?
That is pathetic.

8
00:00:17,217 --> 00:00:19,913
Oh, I'm pathetic.
Which one of us lives with his grandma?

9
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:22,711
Oh, baby,
why are you punishing yourself?

10
00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:24,686
Face it, you're a big-boned girl.

11
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,450
Bones don't jiggle, Mom.

12
00:00:26,626 --> 00:00:29,151
Do I smell
your double chocolate blackout cake?

13
00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:30,523
Fresh out of the oven.

14
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:34,155
-Give me.
-Just gonna go to my OA meeting.

15
00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:37,098
You're never gonna meet a cute guy
at the chub club.

16
00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:39,898
-Hi, my name's Mike. I'm an overeater.
GROUP [lN UNlSON]: Hi, Mike.

17
00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:42,974
I had a pretty fair week. I lost 3 pounds.

18
00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:45,868
Then I took off my shirt
and I found it about here.

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00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,513
MOLLY: Molly.
-Mike.

20
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,477
I'm a fourth-grade teacher...

21
00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:53,050
...and I'd love to have a police officer
come and speak to my class.

22
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:54,413
Okay. I will.

23
00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:56,077
All right.

24
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:03,292
Hey, Samuel, could you pour my diet shake
into a malted glass?

25
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,827
-What's wrong with this?
-It's about presentation.

26
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See, if my mind thinks
it's drinking a delicious, chocolaty treat...

27
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...it forgets that it's trying to choke down
a glass of powdery, diarrhea-inducing swill.

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Coming right up.

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00:01:16,943 --> 00:01:19,343
Sometimes it does that too.

30
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:23,315
Hey, I got tickets to the Cubs
tomorrow night. You wanna go?

31
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:26,418
Oh, I would love to,
but, uh, I'm going out with Molly.

32
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:29,749
Really? You finally called her?
Why am I just hearing about this?

33
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,653
Oh, I'm sorry. Haven't you been following
my Facebook page?

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Dude, well, I tell you everything I do.

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You're not doing anything.

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00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:41,664
While that is very hurtful...

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00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:44,497
...I'm gonna pass that off
as a low-blood-sugar thing.

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He said,
biting into his delicious bacon cheeseburger.

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00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:53,168
-So where you taking her?
-At that new French place at Navy Pier.

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Mmm, nice. But don't let them talk you
into anything with truffles. That's a scam.

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Just fancy-ass fungus.

42
00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:02,644
-Noted.
-What are you gonna wear?

43
00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:06,616
A tube top and a tiara.
What difference does it make?

44
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:08,925
First impressions, my friend.

45
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:11,791
There's three things you want a woman
to believe about you.

46
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:15,423
Oh, good, advice from a man
who lives with his grandma.

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00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:17,695
One, you're interested
in what she has to say.

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00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:20,567
Interject words "uh-huh" and "really"
as often as possible.

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-You can't say it too much.
-Really?

50
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:24,067
Uh-huh.

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Two, make her think you're tortured.
Equal parts good and evil.

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00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:31,138
-There's no telling which side's gonna win.
-Create an illusion of danger.

53
00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:34,047
Exactly. Bad boys get all the yum-yum.

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00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:36,787
And three, and most important:

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Make her think you can have sex whenever,
with whoever you want...

56
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:42,388
...and whatever happens with her
is no big deal.

57
00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:44,621
-Well, how do you do that?
-It's a Zen thing.

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00:02:44,797 --> 00:02:46,822
You gotta look at reality as an illusion.

59
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,867
Therefore, you want nothing
and you need nothing.

60
00:02:50,036 --> 00:02:53,369
It also helps to masturbate about two
or three times before you leave the house.

61
00:02:56,075 --> 00:02:58,543
Thank you. Very helpful.

62
00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:02,042
I'm a fountain of wisdom. Drink from me.

63
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:07,086
The thing is it's not really my style
to pretend to be somebody I'm not.

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What you see is what you get.
I try to be honest with people.

65
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I try to be honest with myself.

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00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:15,919
-Who ordered the chocolate malt?
-I did, I did.

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00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:21,891
[SNEEZES]

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Oh, God.

69
00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:26,867
Great. Just what I needed.

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[ALARM BLARlNG]

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Damn it.

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Hey, sweetie. Dinner's almost ready.

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Ma, why do you keep setting the alarm
when you're still in the house?

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00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:38,375
It's a precaution. I don't want
some home invader to sneak in...

75
00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:42,385
...while I'm bent over the dishwasher
and take me against my will.

76
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,686
Oh, sure. Like that's possible.

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[COUGHlNG]

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00:03:48,828 --> 00:03:51,592
-How was work?
-Great. I'm living the dream.

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You're the one
who wanted to be a teacher.

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I wanted you to be a prima ballerina.

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Completely disregarding the fact...

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...that I was 140 pounds in second grade.

83
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Swans come in all sizes, potato bug.

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[ALARM BUTTONS BEEP]

85
00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:08,974
So, what you got going this weekend?
Some fun plans?

86
00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:12,615
-I'm gonna go to dinner with that cop.
-Good for you.

87
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-You need to get out more.
-Oh.

88
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,953
I mean, what's it been, like, a year?

89
00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:19,387
Eighteen months.
And thank you for asking.

90
00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:20,583
Oh.

91
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,523
Hey, there's no shame in it.

92
00:04:22,695 --> 00:04:25,289
Your Aunt Margaret went without a man
for seven years.

93
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:27,592
Of course she was married
to Jesus, but--

94
00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:33,369
Oh. At least until she snapped
and ran off with that Puerto Rican boy...

95
00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:36,474
...who sold snow cones
outside the church.

96
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,609
[ALARM BLARlNG]

97
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,076
Darn, what's the code?

98
00:04:41,247 --> 00:04:42,475
It's the house number.

99
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:17,406
Man, this is one big-ass dummy.

100
00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:19,983
He's got your hairline and my body.

101
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This could be our baby.

102
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I don't think we're gonna find
anything for me. Let's go.

103
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Whoa, I thought you were gonna give this
a chance.

104
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Sorry, I'm just not comfortable
trying clothes on in public.

105
00:05:33,032 --> 00:05:34,590
That's why I prefer the lnternet.

106
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:38,134
Yeah, and that's why
most of your clothes fit you like a car cover.

107
00:05:38,571 --> 00:05:40,835
I don't shop for style, I shop for comfort.

108
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:44,465
Mm-hmm, and keeping the tree sap
off your paint job, I got it.

109
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-Hey, Carl.
-Cousin Andre.

110
00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:49,543
Good to see you. What brings you here?

111
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I brought you a customer. Meet Andre,
owner and proprietor of Andre's Big & Tall.

112
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:55,620
And Andre's Big & Tall West.

113
00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:58,857
-What you looking for today?
-Mike's got a hot date.

114
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I'm trying to get him a look that pops.

115
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,392
All my clothes pop eventually.

116
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[CHUCKLES]

117
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I'll tell you right off the bat,
we need to add color to your wardrobe.

118
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:08,726
See? He's not wrong.

119
00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:11,369
Uh, I mean, look at you,
you're dressed like a UPS truck.

120
00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:14,870
Hey, brown is an autumn color.
I have been told that I am an autumn.

121
00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:17,375
You're an autumn
and two months of winter.

122
00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:21,645
Look, just give this a chance.

123
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:25,250
Open yourself up to a new style,
a new look, maybe even a whole new you.

124
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:27,852
Don't oversell it, brother.
They're just clothes.

125
00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:29,879
[CARL SlGHS]

126
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,422
-All right, what the heck.
-There you go.

127
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I'm open to a little color,
but nothing too crazy.

128
00:06:36,195 --> 00:06:39,596
I don't want my date to open a door
and scream, "Hey, Kool-Aid."

129
00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:41,223
[LAUGHS]

130
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,494
I got you.
We'll stay away from primary colors.

131
00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:45,694
Good, and, uh, no horizontal stripes.

132
00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:47,339
Horizontal stripes?

133
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:50,533
Look, you are not my first big boy rodeo.

134
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:55,578
Look, don't worry. I'm not letting you walk
out of here without looking your best.

135
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:59,275
That's the truth. We got a 400-pound uncle
he made look like Wesley Snipes.

136
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,551
He's a handsome man.

137
00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:06,319
And everything I sell
has a 30-day, money-back guarantee.

138
00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:09,256
Unless, of course, you get it sweaty
or spill gravy on it.

139
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,424
-Probably don't get a lot of returns.
-Not a one.

140
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:15,928
You wait here,
while I grab things off the rack.

141
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,832
Oh, feel free to help yourself
to some chocolate milk and Hot Pockets.

142
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,029
[CARL CHUCKLES]

143
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:23,039
Hot Pockets.
Damn, he's got an entrepreneurial mind.

144
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:26,443
-You getting a kickback here?
-Little bit.

145
00:07:30,316 --> 00:07:31,749
[SNEEZES]

146
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:34,478
Molly, you really should call and cancel
with this guy.

147
00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:37,384
I don't wanna cancel.
It took him forever to ask me out.

148
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If I call now and tell him I'm sick...

149
00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:41,823
...he's gonna think
I'm making some lame excuse.

150
00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:43,052
Well, do what you want.

151
00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:46,460
But I'm just saying guys hate it
when you sneeze on their wieners.

152
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:52,333
-Here, baby, drink this cough syrup.
-Oh, good. Thank you.

153
00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:55,097
Mm.

154
00:07:55,274 --> 00:07:57,799
Oh, slow down there, slugger,
that's got codeine in it.

155
00:07:58,344 --> 00:07:59,572
God, Mom.

156
00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:01,542
Don't worry. You'll be fine.

157
00:08:01,714 --> 00:08:05,206
As long as you're not driving a car
or nursing a baby.

158
00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:07,113
Live and learn.

159
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,020
Well, how do I look?

160
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:13,954
-Very cute.
-Absolutely adorable.

161
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:18,628
You're lying.
I look like Kathy Bates in Misery.

162
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:22,262
That's who it is.

163
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:27,497
[DOORBELL RlNGS]

164
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:31,575
-Ooh, okay, I need a few more minutes.
-Take all the time you need. I'll go stall him.

165
00:08:31,744 --> 00:08:35,202
Help your sister get it together.
I'll keep Shrek on ice.

166
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,547
Hey, don't tell him I'm sick.

167
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:41,517
Don't worry. I've been lying to cops
since you were in shoplifted diapers.

168
00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:46,481
-You want a condom?
-No.

169
00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:48,684
Okay. What about lube?

170
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:50,351
It's our first date.

171
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,690
You know what they say.

172
00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:55,197
Better to have lube and not need it
than need lube and not have it.

173
00:08:55,768 --> 00:08:57,531
[ALARM BLARlNG]

174
00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:02,466
Ah, there we go. Come on in.
She'll be right down.

175
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:04,507
Thanks, Mrs. Flynn.

176
00:09:04,677 --> 00:09:07,168
My friends call me Joyce. Sit down.

177
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,571
Thanks, Joyce.

178
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:10,372
Nice sweater.

179
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,017
-Was it a gift?
-No.

180
00:09:12,351 --> 00:09:13,818
Really? You paid for that?

181
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:17,489
Oh, just yanking your chain.

182
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:18,681
[LAUGHS]

183
00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:21,292
But seriously, it looks okay, right?
It's not too garish?

184
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:22,654
No, it's nice.

185
00:09:22,828 --> 00:09:24,921
Brightens up the room.

186
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,856
So can I get you something to drink?

187
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:30,195
Maybe a little eggnog
to go with your sweater?

188
00:09:37,343 --> 00:09:39,937
Come on, pretty girl, wake up.

189
00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:42,681
Oh, God, the codeine.

190
00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:44,541
You want a diet pill?

191
00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:47,216
What? Why would--?
Why do I want a diet pill for?

192
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:50,378
It keeps you awake
so you can enjoy the codeine.

193
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:56,251
No. I don't want a diet pill, Mom.
I don't wanna be a swan.

194
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,192
[SNORlNG]

195
00:09:58,364 --> 00:09:59,729
Moll?

196
00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:01,696
Molly?

197
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:09,937
You'll thank me later.

198
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:15,978
Then she dated Brian.
He was sweet, but queer as a fish.

199
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,149
Um, I actually walked in on him
one night...

200
00:10:19,318 --> 00:10:22,754
...wearing Molly's shoes and feeding
sponge cake to the Sparkletts man.

201
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:25,617
You don't have to worry about that.

202
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:28,555
I don't have a thing for ladies' shoes
and I would never share cake.

203
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:30,286
[CHUCKLES]

204
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,091
Any chance we could get
an ETA on Molly?

205
00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:34,857
Let me go check. Unh.

206
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:38,060
Now, she may be on the phone
with one of her other suitors.

207
00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:43,436
But don't worry, none of them
have the fashion sense you do.

208
00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:45,934
[DOOR OPENS]

209
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:47,340
JOYCE:
What is going on up here?

210
00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:50,744
I'm running out of small talk
and this guy's a piece of wood.

211
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:54,246
VlCTORlA: We just need another minute.
Make him a snack.

212
00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:56,945
JOYCE:
Oh, great, I'll grab a bucket of peanuts.

213
00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:58,818
[DOOR CLOSES]

214
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,884
Any minute.

215
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:03,961
Can I get you a little something to eat?

216
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:07,258
Oh, no, thanks, I consumed
a small jungle boy on the way over.

217
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:12,835
[SlNGlNG]
There she was just walking down the street

218
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,906
Saying doo wa diddy diddy dum diddy

219
00:11:16,075 --> 00:11:19,374
She look good, look good
Look fine, look fine

220
00:11:19,545 --> 00:11:20,739
She looks good, she looks fine

221
00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:22,778
Let's go. Let's go, sweater boy,
let's jump.

222
00:11:22,948 --> 00:11:25,314
[ALARM BLARlNG]

223
00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:36,458
Lovely chatting with you.

224
00:11:37,329 --> 00:11:38,990
[DOOR CLOSES]

225
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:45,134
[SlGHS]

226
00:11:45,304 --> 00:11:46,794
Wow.

227
00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:48,803
A Mitsubishi Galant.

228
00:11:48,974 --> 00:11:51,875
-I'm guessing '78, '79?
-Oh, '79.

229
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:53,443
I knew it. I know my Galants.

230
00:11:53,612 --> 00:11:56,240
-Do you know my dad drove a '79 Galant?
-No, I didn't.

231
00:11:56,415 --> 00:11:58,440
Why would you?
He's dead, you never met him.

232
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:03,081
He had the five-door station wagon.
Cobalt blue.

233
00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:06,554
He would Turtle Wax that every Saturday.
My sister and I would drink Cokes.

234
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,387
I got to hold the hose.
Ever hold the hose?

235
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,994
[SNEEZES]

236
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:12,257
-Aah.
-Are you feeling okay?

237
00:12:12,431 --> 00:12:14,228
Yeah, I'm just allergic to Kleenex.

238
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,731
[LAUGHlNG]

239
00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:19,395
Oh, God, this car brings back
such good memories.

240
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,597
I remember when I was little-- Littlish.

241
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:25,210
--my dad would let me steer the car.
Now, I'm not asking you to do that.

242
00:12:25,377 --> 00:12:28,437
Let's see how the date goes
before I start handing out lap dances.

243
00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:29,979
You don't talk much, do you?

244
00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:35,047
I pride myself on being a good listener.
That's important when you're trying to--

245
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:37,621
Whoa, whoa, whoa, you gonna let a girl
get a word in edgewise?

246
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:39,223
Yap, yap, yap. Oh, oh.

247
00:12:39,391 --> 00:12:40,449
Fireworks in 20 miles.

248
00:12:40,626 --> 00:12:43,754
Oh, you think that's year-round
or just on the Fourth of July, huh?

249
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,727
I don't know. Are you feeling okay?

250
00:12:46,899 --> 00:12:48,764
I don't know.
Why don't you feel me and find out?

251
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,629
Ha-ha-ha. I'm kidding.

252
00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:51,827
[LAUGHlNG]

253
00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:57,636
I'm just kidding you again.
Oh, look at how red your big head gets.

254
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:07,815
[SNlFFS]

255
00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:10,046
Ah, that's what Mama likes.

256
00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:11,712
[SNlFFS]

257
00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:14,623
Sorry, what were you saying?

258
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:18,259
I was just, uh, asking
if you enjoyed your snapper.

259
00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:20,193
Sure. Do you like your penis?

260
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,890
[LAUGHS]

261
00:13:23,602 --> 00:13:28,938
Oh, I'm sorry. That was inappropriate.
Ha, ha, I'm gonna be honest with you.

262
00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:32,271
I've had some cold medicine
and I'm feeling a little loopy.

263
00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:34,838
Okay. Should you be
mixing alcohol with that?

264
00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:36,276
Oh, absolutely.

265
00:13:36,448 --> 00:13:38,040
Mm-hmm.

266
00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:42,517
So tell me, who is Mike Biggs?
You know, what makes him tick?

267
00:13:42,688 --> 00:13:45,213
We know he's a cop,
but when the badge comes off...

268
00:13:45,391 --> 00:13:48,053
...who's the man,
you know, underneath?

269
00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:50,991
Well, uh, you know,
maybe we should talk about this stuff...

270
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:54,792
...when there's a chance that you might
actually remember some of it.

271
00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:57,959
No. I wanna talk about it now.

272
00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:00,833
Okay, okay, okay. All right, okay.

273
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:02,598
[LAUGHS]

274
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:05,573
All right. Okay. I, uh, live alone.

275
00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:06,870
-Mmm.
-Um....

276
00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:09,514
-I like to spend time with my friends.
-Hold on just a sec.

277
00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:11,644
[GROANS]

278
00:14:12,084 --> 00:14:15,417
Sorry, but this nose hair
was driving me crazy.

279
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:17,346
[MOLLY LAUGHS]

280
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:20,890
-I hope you saved room for dessert.
-What the hell is that supposed to mean?

281
00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:23,659
Um, I didn't mean--

282
00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:28,266
Uh, you're just assuming by looking at us
two roly-polies that we're "dessert people"?

283
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:30,595
-I don't think he--
-I got this, bright eyes.

284
00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:34,170
-Okay.
-Okay, yes, it's true.

285
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:36,900
We both struggle with our weight,
him more than me.

286
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:42,574
You know, we are actively involved
in a 12-step anonymous program...

287
00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:44,079
...to deal with our problems.

288
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:45,717
-Do you have creme brulee?
-Yes.

289
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,250
One, please. Two spoons.

290
00:14:47,419 --> 00:14:49,216
I gotta pee like a racehorse.

291
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:50,882
Whoo!

292
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:52,853
Gang way!

293
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:58,054
What are you looking at?
Get the creme brulee.

294
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:02,557
[KNOCKS]

295
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:03,861
MlKE:
Molly?

296
00:15:04,036 --> 00:15:05,503
You okay in there?

297
00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:06,695
Molly.

298
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,104
Chicago P.D.

299
00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:15,808
All right, ladies, I'm coming in.
Cover your delicates.

300
00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:17,774
Molly?

301
00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:31,354
Oh, boy,
this could go a lot of different ways.

302
00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:40,702
You okay?

303
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:43,706
Hey, scram, I'm trying to vote.

304
00:15:46,979 --> 00:15:48,003
[SlGHS]

305
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:53,175
Okay, here we are.

306
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:55,843
I'm so sorry.

307
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:59,980
Don't be silly. We all have off nights.

308
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:05,119
Thank you, you're very sweet.
Can I tell you a little secret?

309
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:08,323
Sure you wanna do that?
You've shared a lot tonight.

310
00:16:09,435 --> 00:16:11,130
-Really?
-Well, let's just say...

311
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:14,329
...that your first period at sleepaway camp
wasn't the worst of it.

312
00:16:14,506 --> 00:16:17,441
Oh. God, I didn't.

313
00:16:17,609 --> 00:16:21,943
Hey, it was my fault, I was having
a tomato soup and it got you to thinking.

314
00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:27,280
No, look, I'm not normally like this.
It's just I have this terrible cold...

315
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:30,115
...and I didn't wanna cancel on you
because I liked you...

316
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:33,452
...and I was afraid if I did cancel,
you wouldn't call me back.

317
00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:37,618
And now by not canceling, you are never
gonna call me back again anyway.

318
00:16:37,796 --> 00:16:38,956
[SlGHS]

319
00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:41,031
Wait. You like me?

320
00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:42,625
[SCOFFS]

321
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:45,599
Of course I like you.
You're a great guy.

322
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:48,831
You carried me out of the toilet
like I was a fairy-tale princess.

323
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,976
Yeah, that was a magical moment,
wasn't it?

324
00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:52,701
Yeah.

325
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,436
Well...

326
00:16:56,148 --> 00:16:58,207
...just for the record...

327
00:16:58,650 --> 00:17:00,515
...I really like you too.

328
00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:03,621
Good.

329
00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:08,085
Hang on.

330
00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:10,494
[VOMlTlNG]

331
00:17:17,503 --> 00:17:21,166
Look, uh, I know this is where I'm supposed
to kiss you good night, but, uh--

332
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:23,467
It's okay. I got it.

333
00:17:23,642 --> 00:17:25,906
There's only so much
a butter rum Life Saver can cover up.

334
00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:28,273
[LAUGHS]

335
00:17:28,447 --> 00:17:31,712
So, uh, what do you say
to a complete do-over?

336
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:35,251
What if we just forget this entire evening
ever happened?

337
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:39,687
That would be great.
I'd really, really appreciate it.

338
00:17:39,858 --> 00:17:42,156
-We have to pick a different restaurant.
-Sure.

339
00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:44,955
-ln fact, they actually insisted on it, but--
-Okay.

340
00:17:45,597 --> 00:17:47,428
Okay, then.

341
00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:49,797
-Good night.
-Good night.

342
00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:55,101
-Hey, Mike?
-Yeah.

343
00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:58,376
Thanks for being
such a gentleman tonight.

344
00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:02,072
Well, you're a lady. You deserve it.

345
00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,110
Thank you.

346
00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:06,683
Okay.

347
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,212
[ALARM BLARlNG]

348
00:18:08,387 --> 00:18:12,483
JOYCE: If you're an intruder,
I'm upstairs in the shower.

349
00:18:13,692 --> 00:18:16,252
MOLLY:
It's me, Ma.

350
00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:35,508
So you gonna keep me in suspense?
How'd that sweater work out for you?

351
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:40,877
A lot of people made a lot of comments.

352
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:45,021
I told you.
Andre knows how to gift wrap a big man.

353
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:46,815
You were right.

354
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:50,459
-I bet she was all over you.
-She got a little on me, yeah.

355
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:54,055
My man. Tell me, tell me, tell me.

356
00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:56,701
When I picked her up,
she was loaded on codeine...

357
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,734
...and singing at the top of her lungs.

358
00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:00,337
Mm-hmm. So far, so good.

359
00:19:01,573 --> 00:19:05,134
She then proceeded to drink an entire bottle
of very expensive wine.

360
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:06,743
Uh-huh.

361
00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:09,176
After which,
she yanked a hair out of my nose...

362
00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:12,840
...started a fight with the waiter,
and then passed out on the crapper.

363
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:17,011
Oh, that doesn't sound so good.

364
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,757
It wasn't, Carl.

365
00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:21,722
It was a total disaster.

366
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,927
Oh, I'm sorry.
I guess you're never gonna see her again.

367
00:19:25,297 --> 00:19:27,060
Are you kidding?

368
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,767
I'm gonna marry that girl.

369
00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:00,655
[English - US - SDH]