1
00:00:03,020 --> 00:00:04,421
I like how your wife
doesn't make us use coasters.
2
00:00:04,489 --> 00:00:07,124
She actually does, so
can you please do it? Thanks.
3
00:00:07,192 --> 00:00:08,192
Jeez.
4
00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:09,093
All right. Fine.
5
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:09,960
Here you go.
6
00:00:10,028 --> 00:00:11,328
A little coaster.
7
00:00:11,396 --> 00:00:14,031
Oh...
8
00:00:14,099 --> 00:00:15,199
Oh, wow.
9
00:00:15,267 --> 00:00:16,033
Really?
10
00:00:16,101 --> 00:00:17,401
Weight Training for Dummies?
11
00:00:17,469 --> 00:00:19,203
I'm getting a home gym.
12
00:00:19,271 --> 00:00:21,071
And apparently, you're not
ashamed to admit you know
13
00:00:21,139 --> 00:00:22,373
absolutely nothing about it.
14
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:23,173
Yeah. What?
15
00:00:23,241 --> 00:00:24,041
I'm not Chuck Norris.
16
00:00:24,109 --> 00:00:26,010
I don't know about a home
gym, so I get the book.
17
00:00:26,077 --> 00:00:28,479
Usually we have to root
around for your shortcomings
18
00:00:28,546 --> 00:00:31,482
like a pig hunting for truffles,
but this is just right in front
19
00:00:31,549 --> 00:00:32,416
of our faces.
20
00:00:32,484 --> 00:00:33,984
I like the books.
21
00:00:34,052 --> 00:00:35,185
They make things simple.
22
00:00:35,253 --> 00:00:37,655
Uh...
Did you just say "books"?
23
00:00:39,057 --> 00:00:40,057
That's a lot of books.
24
00:00:40,125 --> 00:00:41,558
I thought these were all Yellow Pages.
25
00:00:41,626 --> 00:00:43,193
Why would I keep Yellow Pages?
26
00:00:43,261 --> 00:00:45,729
Why would you keep a stack
of "How I'm a Dummy" books
27
00:00:45,797 --> 00:00:47,031
everywhere?
28
00:00:47,098 --> 00:00:49,433
Because this is my own
personal research library.
29
00:00:49,501 --> 00:00:50,768
Stretching for Dummies.
30
00:00:50,835 --> 00:00:51,769
Yeah.
31
00:00:51,836 --> 00:00:53,704
Holiday Entertaining for Dummies.
32
00:00:53,772 --> 00:00:55,639
Those things are high-
pressure situations.
33
00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:57,141
Cryptography for Dummies.
34
00:00:57,208 --> 00:00:57,641
Three seconds.
35
00:00:57,709 --> 00:00:58,609
What is cryptography?
36
00:00:58,677 --> 00:00:59,376
You know what?
37
00:00:59,444 --> 00:01:00,277
That one came in a set.
38
00:01:00,345 --> 00:01:01,312
Let's see what else.
39
00:01:01,379 --> 00:01:03,247
Oh, Kevin.
40
00:01:03,315 --> 00:01:04,281
Law for Dummies?
41
00:01:04,349 --> 00:01:05,282
I should have hid that one.
42
00:01:05,350 --> 00:01:07,017
You're a lawyer, Kevin.
43
00:01:07,085 --> 00:01:08,986
It's full of common
sense legal advice.
44
00:01:09,054 --> 00:01:10,487
Jesus.
45
00:01:10,555 --> 00:01:13,590
Oh... Mexico's Beach
Resorts for Dummies.
46
00:01:13,658 --> 00:01:14,591
Oh.
47
00:01:14,659 --> 00:01:16,293
How hard is it to hang out
on a beach in Mexico?
48
00:01:16,361 --> 00:01:18,228
Is there a How to Hide Your
Glaring Lack of Knowledge from
49
00:01:18,296 --> 00:01:19,129
Your Friends for Dummies?
50
00:01:19,197 --> 00:01:22,166
'Cause that's one you
should have bought.
51
00:01:22,286 --> 00:01:25,684
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
52
00:01:25,804 --> 00:01:27,237
Oh, come on, Andre.
53
00:01:27,305 --> 00:01:28,238
You're not really a doctor.
54
00:01:28,306 --> 00:01:29,406
Uh, I am a doctor.
55
00:01:29,474 --> 00:01:31,008
Andre, cut the shit, all right?
56
00:01:31,076 --> 00:01:31,508
It's just us.
57
00:01:31,576 --> 00:01:32,443
There's no girls around.
58
00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:34,311
You're-you're barely a doctor.
59
00:01:34,379 --> 00:01:35,346
I save lives.
60
00:01:35,413 --> 00:01:36,513
I make people look better.
61
00:01:36,581 --> 00:01:37,348
Oh, my God.
62
00:01:37,415 --> 00:01:38,649
Oh, speaking of which, um...
63
00:01:38,717 --> 00:01:39,583
Do you have any time this week?
64
00:01:39,651 --> 00:01:40,584
I need a haircut.
65
00:01:40,652 --> 00:01:41,752
I'm not a barber.
66
00:01:41,820 --> 00:01:43,987
I could give you a hair replacement.
67
00:01:44,055 --> 00:01:45,522
These week-two match-ups
are killing me.
68
00:01:45,590 --> 00:01:47,257
Yeah, you've got Kevin this week, man.
69
00:01:47,325 --> 00:01:48,092
He's stacked.
70
00:01:48,159 --> 00:01:49,693
You got any advice as
to what I should do?
71
00:01:49,761 --> 00:01:50,527
Yeah.
72
00:01:50,595 --> 00:01:52,096
Definitely.
73
00:01:52,163 --> 00:01:54,131
What, you want me to tell you?
74
00:01:55,467 --> 00:01:56,533
Are you crazy?
75
00:01:56,601 --> 00:01:58,168
Well, here's what I'm thinking.
76
00:01:58,236 --> 00:01:59,069
I got to throw a Hail Mary.
77
00:01:59,137 --> 00:02:01,271
I'm going to put Josh Cribbs in
as my flex and hope that he runs
78
00:02:01,339 --> 00:02:02,973
one back against Kansas City.
79
00:02:03,041 --> 00:02:04,208
Wow.
80
00:02:04,275 --> 00:02:05,109
That's creative.
81
00:02:05,176 --> 00:02:07,111
It's my only option, honestly.
82
00:02:07,178 --> 00:02:08,170
You know what is not an option?
83
00:02:08,290 --> 00:02:10,389
My law firm is making me do
community service again.
84
00:02:10,509 --> 00:02:11,715
What is it this time?
85
00:02:11,835 --> 00:02:13,649
They're sending me to a hospital
that helps
86
00:02:13,769 --> 00:02:15,519
Make-A-Wish kid's dream come true.
87
00:02:15,587 --> 00:02:17,388
Well, I think you'll be making
his dream come true when
88
00:02:17,455 --> 00:02:19,289
you actually leave, but sounds fun.
89
00:02:19,357 --> 00:02:21,158
If, God forbid, someone went
down right now in this bar.
90
00:02:21,226 --> 00:02:22,159
Okay.
91
00:02:22,227 --> 00:02:24,027
What would be your first
course of action?
92
00:02:24,095 --> 00:02:26,196
Establish age and sex of the patient.
93
00:02:26,264 --> 00:02:27,398
103 years old, male.
94
00:02:27,465 --> 00:02:28,165
Probably old age.
95
00:02:28,233 --> 00:02:29,700
I'm not going to waste time on them.
96
00:02:29,768 --> 00:02:30,401
Oh, my God.
97
00:02:30,468 --> 00:02:31,135
See? Exactly.
98
00:02:31,202 --> 00:02:33,604
A normal doctor would have
tried to help the person.
99
00:02:33,671 --> 00:02:34,972
I save lives.
100
00:02:35,039 --> 00:02:37,307
When these women come into my
practice, some of them are
101
00:02:37,375 --> 00:02:38,976
really down on their bodies.
102
00:02:39,043 --> 00:02:40,577
You're doing the Lord's work, buddy.
103
00:02:40,645 --> 00:02:41,311
Thank you.
104
00:02:41,379 --> 00:02:42,045
I know I am.
105
00:02:42,113 --> 00:02:42,679
Okay.
106
00:02:42,747 --> 00:02:44,248
You guys might find this interesting.
107
00:02:44,315 --> 00:02:45,983
Well, I think that's an assumption.
108
00:02:46,050 --> 00:02:49,119
I am thinking of
expanding my practice.
109
00:02:49,187 --> 00:02:50,454
I met this doctor, Dr. Maxwell.
110
00:02:50,522 --> 00:02:51,722
Real class act.
111
00:02:51,790 --> 00:02:54,057
Is he, uh...
Is he black?
112
00:02:54,125 --> 00:02:55,125
How did you know?
113
00:02:55,193 --> 00:02:57,694
Nine times out of ten, when a
sportscaster is referring to
114
00:02:57,762 --> 00:02:58,729
someone as a "class act,"
115
00:02:58,797 --> 00:03:00,998
they're talking about a
head coach who's black.
116
00:03:01,065 --> 00:03:01,565
Mm-hmm.
117
00:03:01,633 --> 00:03:02,266
Tony Dungy.
118
00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:03,100
What a class act.
119
00:03:03,168 --> 00:03:03,667
Total.
120
00:03:03,735 --> 00:03:04,968
Lovie Smith.
121
00:03:05,036 --> 00:03:06,036
Class act.
122
00:03:06,104 --> 00:03:06,970
Class act.
123
00:03:07,038 --> 00:03:08,138
I never noticed that.
124
00:03:08,206 --> 00:03:09,973
I mean, that happens all the time.
125
00:03:10,041 --> 00:03:10,974
It's not just football.
126
00:03:11,042 --> 00:03:13,343
Sportscasters use these code
words in all of the sports.
127
00:03:13,411 --> 00:03:16,246
Uh, if they're talking about a
Latino player in baseball, like
128
00:03:16,314 --> 00:03:18,582
Ozzie Guillen is, a...
Firecracker.
129
00:03:18,650 --> 00:03:19,283
Firecracker.
130
00:03:19,350 --> 00:03:20,918
Latin guys are always
"firecracker."
131
00:03:20,985 --> 00:03:21,652
Spark plug.
132
00:03:21,719 --> 00:03:23,120
Spark plug in the clubhouse.
133
00:03:23,188 --> 00:03:23,620
Mm-hmm.
134
00:03:23,688 --> 00:03:27,124
Wes Welker is, like, a gym
rat, a real scrappy player.
135
00:03:27,192 --> 00:03:28,959
Yeah, which is code word for white.
136
00:03:29,027 --> 00:03:29,927
Always a white guy.
137
00:03:29,994 --> 00:03:34,431
Ichiro Suzuki is...
Inscrutable.
138
00:03:34,499 --> 00:03:35,599
Yes.
139
00:03:35,667 --> 00:03:36,333
There you go.
140
00:03:36,401 --> 00:03:38,602
All right, well, this is exactly
what I don't want to be.
141
00:03:38,670 --> 00:03:40,637
I don't want to be racist.
142
00:03:40,705 --> 00:03:42,706
I don't know what's racist
and what's not racist.
143
00:03:42,774 --> 00:03:43,574
Neither do I.
144
00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:45,309
So, call him African American, then?
145
00:03:45,376 --> 00:03:46,243
No, you can say "black."
146
00:03:46,311 --> 00:03:47,110
I'm not offended.
147
00:03:47,178 --> 00:03:48,078
Why would you be offended?
148
00:03:48,146 --> 00:03:49,413
I'm half black.
149
00:03:49,481 --> 00:03:52,049
Mom is Italian.
150
00:03:52,116 --> 00:03:52,649
Oh, I know.
151
00:03:52,717 --> 00:03:54,051
I'm black on the inside.
152
00:03:54,118 --> 00:03:55,152
What are you up here?
153
00:03:55,220 --> 00:03:57,454
A race car driver.
154
00:03:57,522 --> 00:03:58,655
What lap are you on?
155
00:03:58,723 --> 00:04:00,390
33.
156
00:04:00,458 --> 00:04:02,493
Uh, anyone want to go see
a movie tonight? Pete?
157
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:03,260
No, I'm good.
158
00:04:03,328 --> 00:04:04,127
I got a date tonight.
159
00:04:04,195 --> 00:04:05,629
You going out with Brooke again?
160
00:04:05,697 --> 00:04:06,630
Yep.
161
00:04:06,698 --> 00:04:07,631
You all cool with that?
162
00:04:07,699 --> 00:04:08,565
Yeah, that's fine.
163
00:04:08,633 --> 00:04:09,433
It was ages ago.
164
00:04:09,501 --> 00:04:11,869
You don't mind having sex with
someone that Kevin has also
165
00:04:11,936 --> 00:04:13,070
had sex with?
166
00:04:13,137 --> 00:04:15,172
No, I mean, it's basically
like a public bathroom.
167
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,140
Do I know people who
have been in there?
168
00:04:17,208 --> 00:04:17,941
Sure.
169
00:04:18,009 --> 00:04:19,409
But I like to pretend I'm the first.
170
00:04:19,477 --> 00:04:20,477
Oh, yeah.
171
00:04:20,545 --> 00:04:22,312
'Cause you guys are Eskimo brothers.
172
00:04:23,147 --> 00:04:24,948
Now, if you could just get rid
of this pesky girl, the two
173
00:04:25,016 --> 00:04:27,661
of you guys could be
in th igloo all by yourselves,
174
00:04:28,073 --> 00:04:30,375
- Use some ** for lube.
- Thank you.
175
00:04:30,495 --> 00:04:33,090
What was her nickname in high school?
She was in your class, right, Taco?
176
00:04:33,157 --> 00:04:33,657
What did you call her?
177
00:04:33,725 --> 00:04:35,459
Was she a gym rat or a spark plug?
178
00:04:35,527 --> 00:04:36,627
No, she had a funny name.
179
00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:38,562
It was, um...
The White Knuckler.
180
00:04:38,630 --> 00:04:39,930
Oh, right.
181
00:04:39,998 --> 00:04:41,965
'Cause when she gave you a hand
job, she'd squeeze so tight, you
182
00:04:42,033 --> 00:04:43,634
could actually see the
whites of her knuckles.
183
00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:44,635
Yup.
184
00:04:44,702 --> 00:04:46,537
I can't speak to what happened
in the past, but I can
185
00:04:46,604 --> 00:04:48,605
assure you, she's worked out
all the kinks since, okay?
186
00:04:48,673 --> 00:04:49,673
Old habits die hard.
187
00:04:49,741 --> 00:04:51,408
I got to get out of here, guys.
188
00:04:51,476 --> 00:04:52,309
I have to leave, too.
189
00:04:52,377 --> 00:04:53,610
I have a martial arts class.
190
00:04:53,678 --> 00:04:54,978
Ooh. Looky, looky.
191
00:04:55,046 --> 00:04:55,979
Really?
192
00:04:56,047 --> 00:04:56,480
Really, yeah.
193
00:04:56,548 --> 00:04:57,314
I really enjoy it.
194
00:04:57,382 --> 00:05:00,617
It teaches me focus,
discipline, and focus.
195
00:05:00,685 --> 00:05:05,489
Uh, that's your third beer, Taco.
196
00:05:08,026 --> 00:05:10,294
Namaste, Taco.
197
00:05:12,330 --> 00:05:15,532
You've se Kevin and he's
cool with the whole... us?
198
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:16,833
Totally cool with it.
199
00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:18,235
Yeah? That's good.
200
00:05:18,303 --> 00:05:20,938
Yeah, I mean, I'm cool with it,
and I'm glad you can bring
201
00:05:21,005 --> 00:05:22,573
it up, and it sounds like
you're cool with it.
202
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:23,540
I'm totally cool with it.
203
00:05:23,608 --> 00:05:24,441
And I think we're cool.
204
00:05:24,509 --> 00:05:25,876
Oh.
205
00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:29,212
All right.
206
00:05:30,281 --> 00:05:31,615
So, what's Kevin been up to?
207
00:05:31,683 --> 00:05:34,918
He's got this home gym
obsession right now.
208
00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:36,420
So I'm going to go
work out over there.
209
00:05:36,487 --> 00:05:37,120
What?
210
00:05:37,188 --> 00:05:39,089
Oh, yeah, he's...
Kevin has a home gym?
211
00:05:39,157 --> 00:05:40,557
Yeah, he...
Oh, that's right.
212
00:05:40,625 --> 00:05:41,258
I forgot.
213
00:05:41,326 --> 00:05:43,193
You haven't seen him in, like...
It was almost ten years ago,
214
00:05:43,261 --> 00:05:45,929
and he had, like...
Yeah, he had that, like, flabby
215
00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:48,165
thing on his arm and he was...
Wait, wait.
216
00:05:48,232 --> 00:05:49,166
Under here, by the way.
217
00:05:49,233 --> 00:05:50,167
Look, he was a pudgy guy.
218
00:05:50,234 --> 00:05:51,501
I mean...
We all make mistakes.
219
00:05:51,569 --> 00:05:52,202
We do.
220
00:05:52,270 --> 00:05:56,073
That was a long time ago, so...
I remember, in high school,
221
00:05:56,140 --> 00:05:57,908
always thinking...
To his credit, he had, like, a
222
00:05:57,976 --> 00:06:00,043
really pretty cock.
223
00:06:00,111 --> 00:06:00,978
Excuse me?
224
00:06:01,045 --> 00:06:04,147
I just feel like the male
anatomy is always so sort of
225
00:06:04,215 --> 00:06:06,350
grotesque, and it's like
watching a science fiction film
226
00:06:06,417 --> 00:06:07,217
down there.
227
00:06:07,285 --> 00:06:09,086
But he had, like...
He had, like a really pretty
228
00:06:09,153 --> 00:06:10,954
cock and cute balls.
229
00:06:11,022 --> 00:06:13,357
It was, like, a really elegant
package, to be honest.
230
00:06:13,424 --> 00:06:16,493
Hmm. Um...
I just, like, realized that
231
00:06:16,561 --> 00:06:18,362
that's probably, like,
not the greatest...
232
00:06:18,429 --> 00:06:20,197
Like, I don't... I don't mean...
Oh, no, no.
233
00:06:20,264 --> 00:06:21,898
I didn't mean it in,
like, a weird way.
234
00:06:21,966 --> 00:06:24,067
That was just something that I...
Totally fine with it.
235
00:06:24,135 --> 00:06:25,068
I'm not thinking about it.
236
00:06:25,136 --> 00:06:27,037
You're clearly thinking
about his penis.
237
00:06:27,105 --> 00:06:29,473
You're not... I mean...
I am not thinking about Kevin's penis.
238
00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:32,609
That's not... That's not even...
It's not something for us to think about.
239
00:06:32,677 --> 00:06:36,749
Mm-mmm. No.
We don't even need to even think about it.
240
00:06:38,316 --> 00:06:40,350
I feel like you're still
thinking about it.
241
00:06:40,418 --> 00:06:42,352
A little bit.
242
00:06:44,952 --> 00:06:46,489
So, Colin, what do you think?
243
00:06:46,609 --> 00:06:48,387
Let's get this wish thing happening.
244
00:06:48,454 --> 00:06:49,154
What do you want?
245
00:06:49,222 --> 00:06:51,757
Um, I want to meet a
pro football player.
246
00:06:51,824 --> 00:06:55,160
Okay. I want to meet a
pro football player.
247
00:06:56,104 --> 00:07:01,967
In fact, I have a roster of pro
football players that we can meet.
248
00:07:02,035 --> 00:07:04,269
Huh-ho.
249
00:07:04,337 --> 00:07:06,772
Well, I want to meet my
favorite player, Baltimore
250
00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:07,806
linebacker Terrell Suggs.
251
00:07:07,874 --> 00:07:10,008
Well, he's a defensive player,
and I don't even have
252
00:07:10,076 --> 00:07:12,578
that defense, so that's not happening.
253
00:07:12,645 --> 00:07:17,983
But I do have Josh Cribbs,
Cleveland Browns' kick returner?
254
00:07:18,051 --> 00:07:18,884
I don't know.
255
00:07:18,952 --> 00:07:20,052
Terrell Suggs is my wish.
256
00:07:20,119 --> 00:07:22,788
Yeah, well, my wish was for a
house on Nantucket and the
257
00:07:22,855 --> 00:07:25,023
respect of my peers, but
we get what we get.
258
00:07:25,091 --> 00:07:26,592
You're from Baltimore, huh?
259
00:07:26,659 --> 00:07:27,125
Yup.
260
00:07:27,193 --> 00:07:28,260
You watch The Wire?
261
00:07:28,328 --> 00:07:29,595
No.
262
00:07:29,662 --> 00:07:30,762
Oh, show's brutal.
263
00:07:30,830 --> 00:07:33,131
You should check it out on Blu-ray.
264
00:07:33,199 --> 00:07:34,099
Come on! Josh Cribbs!
265
00:07:34,167 --> 00:07:36,368
All-time leading NFL kick returner.
266
00:07:36,436 --> 00:07:38,136
I guess that's pretty cool.
267
00:07:38,204 --> 00:07:39,204
We got a deal?
268
00:07:39,272 --> 00:07:40,205
Let's do this.
269
00:07:40,273 --> 00:07:41,373
What is this?
270
00:07:41,441 --> 00:07:42,708
This is pretty depressing stuff.
271
00:07:42,775 --> 00:07:43,875
Yeah.
272
00:07:43,943 --> 00:07:46,225
You're going through some shit, huh?
273
00:07:47,714 --> 00:07:48,647
Josh Cribbs!
274
00:07:48,715 --> 00:07:50,816
You're gonna meet Josh Cribbs?
275
00:07:50,883 --> 00:07:52,951
No.
Not only am I gonna meet him.
276
00:07:53,019 --> 00:07:54,953
I'm going to be able to ask him
to make my wish come true.
277
00:07:55,021 --> 00:07:57,055
You mean, the kid's
wish come true, Ruxin.
278
00:07:57,123 --> 00:07:58,863
Melanoma, melanamea.
279
00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:00,353
- All right?
- Really?
280
00:08:00,473 --> 00:08:03,958
Yeah. I'm gonna be able to say
to him, "I know this poor sick kid
281
00:08:04,078 --> 00:08:08,009
and his wish is for you to have
the game of a lifetime this weekend.
282
00:08:08,129 --> 00:08:12,189
If you don't return two kickoffs
for touchdowns, maybe a buck 50
283
00:08:12,309 --> 00:08:15,875
multipurpose yards, this
poor little kid's gonna die disappointed.
284
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,390
Can you do that for
me, Josh Cribbs?"
285
00:08:18,577 --> 00:08:22,165
"Yeah, I can do that for you, Ruxin,
but only if you go Jet Skiing with me."
286
00:08:22,285 --> 00:08:23,853
"Okay, Cribbs, I can do that."
287
00:08:23,973 --> 00:08:25,312
I'm gonna crush you this weekend.
288
00:08:25,432 --> 00:08:26,704
How do you even sleep at night?
289
00:08:26,824 --> 00:08:28,759
Usually on my side with a
pillow between my legs.
290
00:08:28,879 --> 00:08:31,530
Ellie, can you please be careful up there?!
Thank you.
291
00:08:31,650 --> 00:08:32,473
Hey, guys.
292
00:08:32,593 --> 00:08:34,395
Jesus, what the...
What are you doing?!
293
00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:35,746
What is that?
294
00:08:35,866 --> 00:08:38,060
What? It's a short-sleeved plaid shirt.
I've worn it before.
295
00:08:38,180 --> 00:08:39,832
Not the...
The gigantic spear you brought.
296
00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:42,785
Oh, it's for my martial arts class.
It's a naginata.
297
00:08:42,905 --> 00:08:46,793
Speclizing in the art of wielding
the naginata, known as the naginatajutsu.
298
00:08:46,913 --> 00:08:47,791
Jesus!
299
00:08:47,911 --> 00:08:49,536
Okay, relax, man.
300
00:08:49,656 --> 00:08:52,217
No. Put it away, Taco.
This is a park.
301
00:08:52,337 --> 00:08:54,693
- There are little kids.
- It's ok, look, no one's around.
302
00:08:54,813 --> 00:08:56,311
I'm not gonna hurt...
Whoa!
303
00:08:56,431 --> 00:08:57,253
Oh, my God!
304
00:08:57,373 --> 00:08:58,917
You cut the doll's head off.
305
00:08:58,985 --> 00:09:01,520
You were a worthy opponent,
little one, but no one survives
306
00:09:01,587 --> 00:09:03,284
the wrath of my blade.
307
00:09:03,404 --> 00:09:04,317
Put it away.
308
00:09:04,437 --> 00:09:05,023
What?
309
00:09:05,091 --> 00:09:06,401
Put it away, and get out of here.
310
00:09:06,521 --> 00:09:07,724
All right, fine.
311
00:09:09,295 --> 00:09:10,595
What does that mean?
312
00:09:10,663 --> 00:09:13,932
That's made up Japanese for, "I'm
gonna go get high right now."
313
00:09:15,168 --> 00:09:17,035
Oh, God.
314
00:09:21,158 --> 00:09:22,875
Did you start a legal
fund for him yet?
315
00:09:23,269 --> 00:09:24,915
Can't we just plead frittata?
316
00:09:25,035 --> 00:09:26,392
There is a precedent for it.
317
00:09:26,512 --> 00:09:28,520
Yeah!
318
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:31,010
I want to tell you what
my ten-year plan is.
319
00:09:31,130 --> 00:09:34,972
I'm a doctor, but I also
need to be a personality.
320
00:09:35,092 --> 00:09:38,557
Those guys that are on that show Doctors...
Love it.
321
00:09:38,624 --> 00:09:39,691
Well, me, too.
322
00:09:39,759 --> 00:09:41,026
They're making a mint.
323
00:09:41,094 --> 00:09:42,094
And you know why?
324
00:09:42,161 --> 00:09:43,562
They put their face on a cream.
325
00:09:43,629 --> 00:09:45,831
They've put their face on an ointment.
326
00:09:45,898 --> 00:09:47,966
It's all about becoming the authority.
327
00:09:48,034 --> 00:09:51,269
I want to become the Sanjay
Gupta of plastic surgery.
328
00:09:51,337 --> 00:09:52,604
Right.
329
00:09:52,672 --> 00:09:55,140
You know, what Halliburton
does for weapons, I want to do
330
00:09:55,208 --> 00:09:56,308
for dermabrasion.
331
00:09:56,375 --> 00:09:57,709
You know what I mean?
332
00:09:57,777 --> 00:10:00,312
I want to be the Pinkberry
of plastic surgery.
333
00:10:00,379 --> 00:10:02,355
I love that. I love that.
334
00:10:02,475 --> 00:10:05,050
I mean, that's one of the
reasons I agreed to meet with you today si
335
00:10:05,289 --> 00:10:09,635
it seems to me like you and I...
we have the same mind for things.
336
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:13,631
What I love about you is
that you can open up doors.
337
00:10:13,751 --> 00:10:17,074
I mean, when people see your
face, you know, it can really
338
00:10:17,194 --> 00:10:23,665
- get a wider kind of, you know,
patient base and... - Diversify.
339
00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:26,088
Is that... Is that the word
you're looking for, or...?
340
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:29,001
No, no, no, no, I did not...
I did not say that.
341
00:10:29,121 --> 00:10:35,883
I didn't. I don't...I don't like diversity,
'cause it is... racist.
342
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,616
You're not a fan of diversity, or...?
343
00:10:37,683 --> 00:10:39,918
I... I'm not talking about
putting that out there.
344
00:10:39,986 --> 00:10:41,086
I'm colorblind.
345
00:10:41,154 --> 00:10:44,370
I had a lot of black friends
when I was growing up.
346
00:10:44,490 --> 00:10:47,094
You know, like-like, one
of my best friends, Percy.
347
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:47,926
Percy?
348
00:10:47,994 --> 00:10:49,094
Percy, yeah.
349
00:10:49,162 --> 00:10:51,433
His mom made great food.
350
00:10:51,553 --> 00:10:54,640
You'd spend the night...
Yeah, yeah.
351
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:55,984
You'd spend the night?
352
00:10:56,336 --> 00:10:59,944
I didn't spend nights there,
because my parents didn't like
353
00:11:00,064 --> 00:11:01,168
the part of town that he lived in.
354
00:11:01,288 --> 00:11:02,449
Where is Percy now?
355
00:11:03,022 --> 00:11:04,042
He's in prison.
356
00:11:04,309 --> 00:11:05,610
- Yeah.
- Oh.
357
00:11:05,678 --> 00:11:09,922
Um... yeah, I'm gonna write that down.
I'm gonna send a care package to him.
358
00:11:11,174 --> 00:11:12,951
Watch my form.
See, I don't break my wrist.
359
00:11:13,019 --> 00:11:13,952
I saw it.
360
00:11:15,021 --> 00:11:16,121
Come on. Watch!
361
00:11:16,189 --> 00:11:17,222
You got to watch my form!
362
00:11:17,290 --> 00:11:19,791
I'm watching. I...
That's the key.
363
00:11:19,859 --> 00:11:21,726
Oh, God. Ugh!
364
00:11:21,794 --> 00:11:22,894
All right, let's hit those pecs.
365
00:11:22,962 --> 00:11:24,062
All right, fine.
366
00:11:24,130 --> 00:11:25,230
God, let's do the bench.
367
00:11:25,298 --> 00:11:27,732
I'll spot you, and you spot...
No spot, please.
368
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:28,733
Yes. No, no, no.
369
00:11:28,801 --> 00:11:30,836
Weight Training for Dummies
says, safety first.
370
00:11:30,903 --> 00:11:32,838
Look, I don't give a shit what it says.
You go curl.
371
00:11:32,905 --> 00:11:35,841
I don't need a spot...
I'm on posture patrol, all right?
372
00:11:35,908 --> 00:11:38,009
I don't care what patrol you're on.
I'm...
373
00:11:38,077 --> 00:11:39,044
Don't make me sit on you!
374
00:11:39,111 --> 00:11:39,978
All right.
375
00:11:40,046 --> 00:11:41,146
All right, I got it.
376
00:11:41,214 --> 00:11:42,147
I'm fine.
377
00:11:42,215 --> 00:11:43,181
Here we go. Open your eyes.
378
00:11:43,249 --> 00:11:44,349
No, I'm good closed.
379
00:11:44,417 --> 00:11:46,852
No. Weight Training for
Dummies specifically says you
380
00:11:46,919 --> 00:11:47,786
have to open your eyes.
381
00:11:47,854 --> 00:11:48,954
I don't want to. Ugh!
382
00:11:49,021 --> 00:11:49,955
Oh, God! Ugh!
383
00:11:50,022 --> 00:11:51,122
One, two, three.
384
00:11:51,190 --> 00:11:52,290
Push, push.
385
00:11:52,358 --> 00:11:53,358
You look at me.
386
00:11:53,426 --> 00:11:54,693
We'll get through this together.
387
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:55,727
Push, come on.
388
00:11:55,795 --> 00:11:56,661
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
389
00:11:56,729 --> 00:11:57,796
I can't do... I can't do it.
390
00:11:57,864 --> 00:11:58,964
Aw, come on, man.
391
00:11:59,031 --> 00:11:59,898
You can do it.
392
00:11:59,966 --> 00:12:00,932
No, I can't. I'm sorry.
393
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:01,967
What's the problem?
394
00:12:02,034 --> 00:12:04,302
There's no problem. I just...
395
00:12:07,711 --> 00:12:10,074
- She told you about my pretty cock.
- No.
396
00:12:09,275 --> 00:12:10,193
No!
397
00:12:10,194 --> 00:12:11,002
Yes!
398
00:12:11,122 --> 00:12:13,183
That's what this whole thing is.
399
00:12:13,303 --> 00:12:15,998
You couldn't look at me before,
you're weird right now.
400
00:12:16,882 --> 00:12:18,863
- I have a pretty cock.
- Don't say that, okay?
401
00:12:18,983 --> 00:12:21,658
I don't want to spend any
more time thinking about or
402
00:12:21,659 --> 00:12:26,091
visualizing what your PC may
or may not look like, okay?
403
00:12:26,211 --> 00:12:27,142
Just do me a favor.
Do you know what I'm saying?
404
00:12:27,262 --> 00:12:28,187
My eyes are up here.
405
00:12:28,307 --> 00:12:30,572
I'm-I'm looking right...Just please look me
in the eyes. I'm not a piece of meat.
406
00:12:31,330 --> 00:12:32,630
Thank you.
407
00:12:35,289 --> 00:12:36,555
Focus.
408
00:12:36,907 --> 00:12:39,271
Focus, focus, focus.
409
00:12:40,975 --> 00:12:42,288
You're playing terribly.
410
00:12:42,724 --> 00:12:44,314
Can I ask you some advice?
411
00:12:44,553 --> 00:12:45,453
Yeah.
412
00:12:45,693 --> 00:12:47,659
I have no idea who to start this week.
413
00:12:47,660 --> 00:12:50,353
I-I... I picked up,
you know, Ryan Grant.
414
00:12:50,473 --> 00:12:51,303
He's injured.
415
00:12:51,584 --> 00:12:52,477
You know that, right?
416
00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:53,408
What?!
417
00:12:53,528 --> 00:12:56,306
God damn it. I'm...
Man, I'm losing my mojo, and
418
00:12:56,426 --> 00:12:59,828
it is all about Kevin's
pretty little cock.
419
00:13:01,069 --> 00:13:04,562
So you're saying that Kevin's
beautiful cock is tearing you up inside?
420
00:13:04,630 --> 00:13:07,165
Yes.
421
00:13:07,233 --> 00:13:09,004
Awful.
422
00:13:09,124 --> 00:13:12,575
Gentlemen, you are looking at
a man with a life partner.
423
00:13:12,695 --> 00:13:16,820
Guys, the meeting with Dr.
Maxwell went dope, okay?
424
00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:18,381
So good, we're gonna do it.
425
00:13:18,501 --> 00:13:19,619
We're gonna merge practices.
426
00:13:19,739 --> 00:13:23,202
To celebrate, we're gonna have a
big old party, Diddy-style, you know?
427
00:13:23,322 --> 00:13:25,151
You know that just 'cause you're working with
a black guy
428
00:13:25,271 --> 00:13:26,966
doesn't make you black by association.
429
00:13:27,086 --> 00:13:28,514
- Aye.
- Hy, real quick.
430
00:13:28,634 --> 00:13:32,333
In your professional medical
opinion, are some penises, say,
431
00:13:32,453 --> 00:13:33,996
prettier than others would be?
432
00:13:34,116 --> 00:13:35,712
Oh, absolutely, yeah.
433
00:13:35,832 --> 00:13:37,259
The one thing you can't fix.
434
00:13:37,379 --> 00:13:38,964
Ugly penis.
435
00:13:42,434 --> 00:13:45,903
Yeah, maybe it's not the stroller's fault,
but the people pushing the stroller.
436
00:13:45,970 --> 00:13:47,237
Did you ever think about that?
437
00:13:47,305 --> 00:13:48,405
Oh, okay, I got to go.
438
00:13:48,473 --> 00:13:51,807
I got to go. Oh, Josh Cribbs!
439
00:13:51,927 --> 00:13:54,013
- Rodney?
- Yeah. People call me Ruxin.
440
00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:58,028
People are gonna call you a champion for
making everybody's dreams come true today.
441
00:13:58,148 --> 00:13:59,351
Thank you.
I really appreciate that.
442
00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:01,067
Yeah. Hey, you want to
go grab some sushi?
443
00:14:01,094 --> 00:14:01,898
In a hospital?
444
00:14:02,018 --> 00:14:02,869
No, no, no, no.
445
00:14:02,989 --> 00:14:03,783
It's this other place.
446
00:14:03,903 --> 00:14:04,965
Best place in Chicago.
447
00:14:05,085 --> 00:14:06,301
Great sashimi.
448
00:14:06,568 --> 00:14:08,555
Uh, I kind of want to
get up and see Colin.
449
00:14:08,675 --> 00:14:10,567
Aw, we got plenty of
time to go see Colin.
450
00:14:11,340 --> 00:14:12,911
I... don't think he has
a lot of time left.
451
00:14:13,031 --> 00:14:15,767
All right, not enough time for
sushi... maybe we run by my
452
00:14:15,799 --> 00:14:17,342
friend's office...
Josh Cribbs!
453
00:14:17,462 --> 00:14:18,616
Colin!
454
00:14:18,736 --> 00:14:20,371
- Hey!
- How you doing, buddy?
455
00:14:20,491 --> 00:14:21,623
I'm doing good.
456
00:14:21,743 --> 00:14:23,579
Have you ever been to
a pro football game?
457
00:14:23,699 --> 00:14:24,662
No, I haven't.
458
00:14:24,782 --> 00:14:27,222
Oh, man, you should come
sometime... you'd be my guest.
459
00:14:27,342 --> 00:14:29,103
Oh, really?
Bring your whole family.
460
00:14:29,223 --> 00:14:31,410
Really? The whole family?
461
00:14:31,530 --> 00:14:34,890
What are we talking about,
boxes, field pass, all-access?
462
00:14:35,010 --> 00:14:36,972
You're kind of freaking the
kid out a little bit here.
463
00:14:37,092 --> 00:14:38,182
Nah, he's cool.
464
00:14:38,302 --> 00:14:39,969
You just kind of seem desperate.
465
00:14:40,089 --> 00:14:40,842
You seem desperate.
466
00:14:40,962 --> 00:14:43,489
- Uh, hey, Colin, uh, you
want to play catch? - Sure.
467
00:14:43,609 --> 00:14:44,586
Oh, cool.
468
00:14:45,205 --> 00:14:47,519
All right, let me see that cannon.
All right, put it right here.
469
00:14:47,997 --> 00:14:49,913
- Ah. Good throw, good throw.
- Thanks.
470
00:14:50,033 --> 00:14:51,897
Oh! Troy Polamalu!
471
00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,289
Just kidding.
Josh Cribbs coming out, spin move!
472
00:14:54,409 --> 00:14:56,795
No, it's not Josh Cribbs.
Uh, Josh Cribbs doesn't do that.
473
00:14:56,915 --> 00:14:57,653
Okay.
474
00:14:57,773 --> 00:14:59,102
Hey, dude, we were playing.
475
00:14:59,222 --> 00:15:00,157
Oh, cool, man.
476
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:01,799
Go play down there.
477
00:15:03,037 --> 00:15:06,995
Uh... He's such a courageous little
guy, and you've been so amazing with him.
478
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,513
You know, we should spend a
little more time hanging out,
479
00:15:09,633 --> 00:15:12,472
maybe we could talk about what
to do that's best for Colin.
480
00:15:12,725 --> 00:15:15,026
Actually, my friends are
having a party tomorrow night.
481
00:15:15,146 --> 00:15:16,517
It'll be a kickass time.
482
00:15:16,637 --> 00:15:18,927
- You should come hang.
- Oh, we gonna invite Colin?
483
00:15:19,264 --> 00:15:21,546
- Ew. He's not gonna be that much fun.
- Ruxin.
484
00:15:21,666 --> 00:15:23,389
All right, cool.
Yeah, the kid can come.
485
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:25,902
- You're a real class act, Josh Cribbs.
- I appreciate that, man.
486
00:15:26,022 --> 00:15:26,887
Thanks a lot.
487
00:15:27,007 --> 00:15:28,463
Can I...
should we do it like that?
488
00:15:28,583 --> 00:15:30,896
Uh...
nah, nah, not like that.
489
00:15:31,016 --> 00:15:32,160
Okay.
490
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:33,484
Thank you.
491
00:15:33,604 --> 00:15:34,738
Oh, this is great.
492
00:15:34,805 --> 00:15:36,106
Guys, good to see you.
493
00:15:36,173 --> 00:15:37,374
All right. How are you?
494
00:15:37,441 --> 00:15:39,376
I like this, I like what's going on.
495
00:15:39,443 --> 00:15:40,677
Cheers to our future.
496
00:15:40,745 --> 00:15:41,811
Success.
497
00:15:41,879 --> 00:15:42,946
Oh, boy.
498
00:15:43,014 --> 00:15:43,980
Oh, my God, Kevin!
499
00:15:45,049 --> 00:15:45,982
Oh, Brooke.
500
00:15:46,050 --> 00:15:47,083
Yeah, you know Kevin.
501
00:15:47,151 --> 00:15:48,151
Let me get you a drink.
502
00:15:48,219 --> 00:15:51,419
I know, but it's been so long.
God, you look... You look great.
503
00:15:51,539 --> 00:15:53,965
- Thank you.
- You wanna drink or something?
504
00:15:54,085 --> 00:15:55,878
Yeah, um...
505
00:15:55,998 --> 00:15:57,599
Hey, Rudy, we're just
catching up over here.
506
00:15:57,667 --> 00:15:58,728
I haven't seen him in so long.
507
00:15:58,848 --> 00:15:59,865
So what are you, you're
married now, right?
508
00:15:59,985 --> 00:16:02,355
I am, yeah, and we have a
six-year-old daughter.
509
00:16:02,475 --> 00:16:03,753
That blows my mind.
510
00:16:03,873 --> 00:16:05,142
Yeah, she's Ellie.
She's so perfectly formed.
511
00:16:05,262 --> 00:16:06,915
Oh, that's sweet.
512
00:16:07,035 --> 00:16:07,942
Pretty.
513
00:16:08,062 --> 00:16:10,604
Uh, oh, uh, guys?
514
00:16:11,076 --> 00:16:14,442
"Whites only.
Strictly enforced."
515
00:16:14,822 --> 00:16:16,243
Do you think he knows?
516
00:16:16,363 --> 00:16:18,074
Guys! Welcome...
Nah.
517
00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:20,494
...to Andre's white party.
518
00:16:20,614 --> 00:16:22,618
We have an amazing night planned.
519
00:16:22,753 --> 00:16:25,689
Taco is going to be performing
later in the evening, and Dr.
520
00:16:25,756 --> 00:16:29,793
Maxwell brought some of his...
clientele, so mingle.
521
00:16:29,860 --> 00:16:32,028
Hey, sheriff from the Deep South.
522
00:16:32,096 --> 00:16:33,496
Hey, partner!
523
00:16:33,564 --> 00:16:36,466
Oh, uh, when are the German
shepherds and the firehoses coming?
524
00:16:36,534 --> 00:16:37,300
Wh-What?
525
00:16:37,368 --> 00:16:39,569
It's racist.
526
00:16:39,637 --> 00:16:43,494
Oh. No, no, no, I meant...
I meant clothing.
527
00:16:45,576 --> 00:16:48,078
It's clothing. It's clothing.
528
00:16:48,145 --> 00:16:49,846
You guys are class acts.
529
00:16:49,914 --> 00:16:50,814
Thanks for coming.
530
00:16:50,881 --> 00:16:51,948
It's clothing.
531
00:16:52,016 --> 00:16:53,483
It's clothing.
532
00:16:53,551 --> 00:16:55,585
Just take the sign, Andre.
533
00:16:55,653 --> 00:16:56,720
Oh... hello!
534
00:16:56,787 --> 00:16:57,587
Hey!
535
00:16:58,522 --> 00:17:00,090
Look who the cat dragged in.
536
00:17:00,157 --> 00:17:03,960
Look who it is... it's me and
my confidante, Josh Cribbs!
537
00:17:04,028 --> 00:17:04,961
How you doing?
538
00:17:05,029 --> 00:17:05,996
Josh Cribbs, hi.
539
00:17:06,063 --> 00:17:07,230
How about that.
540
00:17:07,298 --> 00:17:09,332
Is that a child behind you?
541
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,502
Oh, yeah, this is, um...
This is Colin.
542
00:17:12,570 --> 00:17:13,436
Colin.
543
00:17:13,504 --> 00:17:14,037
Hi.
544
00:17:14,105 --> 00:17:14,804
Hi.
545
00:17:14,872 --> 00:17:15,905
Kevin. Nice to meet you.
546
00:17:15,973 --> 00:17:17,907
You look well, like an angel.
547
00:17:17,975 --> 00:17:20,143
Yeah, let's not talk about
Heaven in front of him, okay?
548
00:17:20,211 --> 00:17:21,311
You're a dick.
549
00:17:21,379 --> 00:17:23,380
You guys are making
his dream come true.
550
00:17:23,447 --> 00:17:24,981
Together...
Together.
551
00:17:25,049 --> 00:17:26,049
...we are dream makers.
552
00:17:26,117 --> 00:17:27,684
Okay, we'll see.
553
00:17:27,752 --> 00:17:28,618
Colin!
554
00:17:28,686 --> 00:17:29,552
Hey, Terrell Suggs!
555
00:17:29,620 --> 00:17:30,520
What's up, man?
556
00:17:30,588 --> 00:17:31,554
How you doing?
557
00:17:31,622 --> 00:17:32,656
Terrell, what's up, baby?
558
00:17:32,723 --> 00:17:33,590
How you doing, man?
559
00:17:33,658 --> 00:17:34,524
Wow!
560
00:17:34,592 --> 00:17:35,659
What is he doing here?
561
00:17:35,726 --> 00:17:38,428
Colin's big wish was
to meet Terrell Suggs.
562
00:17:38,496 --> 00:17:40,397
So I said, I'll write a letter.
563
00:17:40,464 --> 00:17:43,667
Boom, Terrell gets it, invite him
to the party... look how that
564
00:17:43,734 --> 00:17:44,467
worked out.
565
00:17:44,535 --> 00:17:45,869
This is completely unfair.
566
00:17:45,936 --> 00:17:46,936
You have the Baltimore dee.
567
00:17:47,004 --> 00:17:47,904
Do I?
568
00:17:47,972 --> 00:17:51,274
So, Colin, let's make
this wish come true.
569
00:17:51,342 --> 00:17:53,977
What exactly can I do
to make that happen?
570
00:17:54,045 --> 00:17:57,013
Um, I think I'm gonna field
this one, all right, honcho?
571
00:17:57,081 --> 00:17:59,382
I think Colin would love if
you sacked the quarterback,
572
00:17:59,450 --> 00:18:02,085
like, three or four times, and
maybe even returned a fumble for
573
00:18:02,153 --> 00:18:03,797
a touchdown.
574
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:06,597
I don't know, but I think he
would love a bucketful of points.
575
00:18:06,717 --> 00:18:08,848
- Right? - Yes.
- Cool. - So, hold on, hold on.
576
00:18:08,968 --> 00:18:12,122
So his wish was to meet...
577
00:18:12,242 --> 00:18:13,419
Eh-eh, eh-eh.
578
00:18:13,539 --> 00:18:16,265
This little guy doesn't know
which wish is which, because his
579
00:18:16,385 --> 00:18:18,924
brain is filled with
fungus and bacterias.
580
00:18:19,408 --> 00:18:20,308
Who is this?
581
00:18:20,376 --> 00:18:21,142
So, hold on.
582
00:18:21,210 --> 00:18:24,212
Returning a kickoff for a
touchdown, a hundred all-purpose yards...
583
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,019
That was all
you, not for Colin?
584
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:28,389
You're still making a young
man's dream come true.
585
00:18:28,509 --> 00:18:30,526
I just felt my hamstring tighten up.
586
00:18:30,646 --> 00:18:32,214
Colin, let's go, man.
587
00:18:32,334 --> 00:18:33,832
Come on, man, let's get
out of here, Colin.
588
00:18:34,676 --> 00:18:36,104
Rest that hammy.
589
00:18:37,727 --> 00:18:39,961
God, where do you think
they're going right now?
590
00:18:40,029 --> 00:18:41,758
I don't know, but I wish
I could go with them.
591
00:18:42,292 --> 00:18:46,570
Ladies and gentlemen, the
performance is about to begin.
592
00:18:58,714 --> 00:19:01,249
Naginata,
naginata, love my naginata.
593
00:19:01,317 --> 00:19:03,585
Naginata, naginata,
check out my naginata.
594
00:19:03,653 --> 00:19:06,069
Naginata, everyone...
He's talking about the spear, right?
595
00:19:06,189 --> 00:19:08,306
Yes, but n-no one else knows that.
596
00:19:08,426 --> 00:19:12,150
It is so cool and awesome.
Everybody should have one.
597
00:19:12,270 --> 00:19:14,078
Naginata, please.
598
00:19:14,198 --> 00:19:17,198
Oh, there are so few things
that bring me joy like this.
599
00:19:17,266 --> 00:19:20,362
Try practicing
with a naginata.
600
00:19:20,482 --> 00:19:22,725
The exercise will do you good.
601
00:19:22,845 --> 00:19:25,458
You'll be the coolest
guy in your hood.
602
00:19:25,578 --> 00:19:27,639
With niginatas like this!
603
00:19:29,705 --> 00:19:30,992
Naginata, naginata.
604
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:32,217
Love my naginata.
605
00:19:32,285 --> 00:19:33,585
Naginata, naginata.
606
00:19:33,653 --> 00:19:34,686
That's my naginata.
607
00:19:34,754 --> 00:19:38,931
Naginata, naginata... Dr.
Nosik, our partnership's over.
608
00:19:39,051 --> 00:19:40,492
You're my naginata.
609
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:41,560
Naginata, naginata.
610
00:19:41,628 --> 00:19:42,861
Sexy naginata.
611
00:19:42,929 --> 00:19:43,862
Naginata, naginata.
612
00:19:43,930 --> 00:19:46,298
That's what I'm....
Uh, please, don't go.
613
00:19:46,366 --> 00:19:47,599
It's just one song.
614
00:19:49,268 --> 00:19:50,369
Aaah! God! Oh!
615
00:19:50,932 --> 00:19:52,371
Oh, God! Oh! Oh, God!
616
00:19:52,438 --> 00:19:55,647
Oh, my God, it hit it!
It hit it! It hit my dick!
617
00:19:55,767 --> 00:19:57,374
Everybody, this man has been hit!
618
00:19:57,494 --> 00:19:58,289
Oh, no shit!
619
00:19:58,409 --> 00:20:00,033
Don't worry, everybody, I'm a doctor!
620
00:20:00,153 --> 00:20:01,454
Oh, God, I don't want calf implants!
621
00:20:01,574 --> 00:20:03,248
Listen, his femoral artery's been hit!
622
00:20:03,316 --> 00:20:04,837
And his penis has been hit.
623
00:20:04,957 --> 00:20:06,818
Looks like somebody's cock
got a little less pretty.
624
00:20:06,886 --> 00:20:09,507
Goddamn it, Taco, I told you
that thing was dangerous!
625
00:20:09,627 --> 00:20:12,079
Sorry. You should've gotten
him Spears for Dummies.
626
00:20:12,199 --> 00:20:13,250
He's losing a lot of blood!
627
00:20:13,264 --> 00:20:15,201
I need someone to apply
pressure to his penis!
628
00:20:15,228 --> 00:20:16,037
Come on!
629
00:20:16,157 --> 00:20:18,463
It was nice knowing you, Kevin...
We're gonna divide up your team evenly.
630
00:20:18,531 --> 00:20:19,734
No, no, no!
631
00:20:19,854 --> 00:20:20,536
Come on!
632
00:20:20,656 --> 00:20:21,781
Oh, God.
633
00:20:22,049 --> 00:20:24,398
- You, white knuckler, get in here!
- What?
634
00:20:24,518 --> 00:20:27,010
White knuckle him. Get in here!
Come on!
635
00:20:27,130 --> 00:20:28,467
Put pressure on his penis!
636
00:20:28,587 --> 00:20:29,797
- No!
- Yes!
637
00:20:29,917 --> 00:20:32,107
Are you kidding me?!
This is not happening!
638
00:20:32,366 --> 00:20:34,354
- Squeeze!
- I'm squeezing!
639
00:20:34,474 --> 00:20:35,259
Squeeze!
640
00:20:35,897 --> 00:20:37,679
Don't laugh! It's not funny!
641
00:20:37,747 --> 00:20:38,713
Squeeze harder!
642
00:20:38,781 --> 00:20:39,627
It's feeling better!
643
00:20:39,747 --> 00:20:40,626
Oh, come on!
644
00:20:40,746 --> 00:20:41,950
Oh, that stopped hurting.
645
00:20:42,017 --> 00:20:43,952
It feels good now.
646
00:20:43,953 --> 00:20:53,953
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