1
00:00:02,511 --> 00:00:03,986
Have you lost
some weight?
2
00:00:03,987 --> 00:00:05,801
I have, and thank
you for noticing.
3
00:00:05,802 --> 00:00:06,903
I thought so.
4
00:00:06,904 --> 00:00:08,571
When you were bent
over tying your shoes,
5
00:00:08,572 --> 00:00:09,674
Your wallet didn't
look like it was trying
6
00:00:09,709 --> 00:00:12,641
To bust out
of your ass.
7
00:00:12,642 --> 00:00:15,077
Do you, uh, always check out
my behind when I'm bent over?
8
00:00:15,078 --> 00:00:16,829
Well, I try to look
every other way,
9
00:00:16,830 --> 00:00:18,448
But that thing
is an Imax.
10
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:22,785
Well, regardless, I feel
better, I got more energy...
11
00:00:22,786 --> 00:00:24,487
I don't know
if you're aware of this,
12
00:00:24,488 --> 00:00:26,989
But for a long time I struggled
with a midday lag.
13
00:00:26,990 --> 00:00:29,675
Well, if you're talking about
that time between noon to 5:00,
14
00:00:29,676 --> 00:00:30,993
When I drive and you sleep?
15
00:00:30,994 --> 00:00:32,929
Yeah, I've noticed.
16
00:00:32,930 --> 00:00:34,330
Well, no more.
17
00:00:34,331 --> 00:00:35,998
And the great thing is,
I'm not dieting.
18
00:00:35,999 --> 00:00:37,016
I eat whatever I want.
19
00:00:37,017 --> 00:00:38,301
It's all about
portion control.
20
00:00:38,302 --> 00:00:40,269
Well, I been preaching
moderation to you for years.
21
00:00:40,270 --> 00:00:41,504
The stomach understood.
22
00:00:41,505 --> 00:00:43,639
The ears weren't
ready to listen.
23
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:45,475
Morning, gentlemen.
24
00:00:45,476 --> 00:00:46,359
Hey, Samuel.
25
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:47,510
I'll have the
French toast,
26
00:00:47,511 --> 00:00:49,812
With hash browns and
a large orange juice.
27
00:00:49,813 --> 00:00:50,863
Mm, good choice.
28
00:00:50,864 --> 00:00:52,365
And for you, big and bountiful?
29
00:00:52,366 --> 00:00:55,568
I will have a half
a cup of grape-nuts,
30
00:00:55,569 --> 00:00:56,986
Two inches of bacon,
31
00:00:56,987 --> 00:01:01,624
And one silver-dollar pancake
with a teaspoon of syrup.
32
00:01:01,625 --> 00:01:03,326
Is he making a joke?
33
00:01:04,495 --> 00:01:08,247
I usually find more food
than that under his chair.
34
00:01:08,248 --> 00:01:10,166
Afraid not.
35
00:01:10,167 --> 00:01:11,284
Okay.
36
00:01:11,285 --> 00:01:14,604
Uh, would you like skim
milk on your grape-nuts?
37
00:01:14,605 --> 00:01:17,640
No, whole milk.
Just a whisper.
38
00:01:17,641 --> 00:01:19,475
I like my nuts crunchy.
39
00:01:21,695 --> 00:01:25,548
You are certain my chain
is not being yanked.
40
00:01:25,549 --> 00:01:26,682
Huh.
41
00:01:26,683 --> 00:01:27,984
You understand my suspicions,
though, right?
42
00:01:27,985 --> 00:01:29,268
Just go get my food!
43
00:01:31,405 --> 00:01:32,989
So what you got
going on tonight?
44
00:01:32,990 --> 00:01:34,023
Nothing, really.
45
00:01:34,024 --> 00:01:35,658
I was thinking about
asking Molly out again.
46
00:01:35,659 --> 00:01:36,776
Are you crazy?
47
00:01:36,777 --> 00:01:38,578
You can't ask a woman out
on the same day.
48
00:01:38,579 --> 00:01:39,499
Why not?
49
00:01:39,534 --> 00:01:42,164
'Cause even if she's got nothing going on,
she's gonna tell you
50
00:01:42,165 --> 00:01:43,833
She's got something going on,
so you don't think she's got
51
00:01:43,834 --> 00:01:45,868
Nothing going on, when you call
her and ask her what's going on.
52
00:01:45,869 --> 00:01:48,838
So should I call her or not?
53
00:01:48,839 --> 00:01:51,040
Sure. You got
nothing going on.
54
00:01:51,041 --> 00:01:53,242
Really? What are
you doing tonight?
55
00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:55,678
Making fondue
with your grandma?
56
00:01:58,098 --> 00:02:01,250
It's chili night.
57
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:05,354
You know, I was thinking maybe
I'd ask Molly to go bowling.
58
00:02:05,355 --> 00:02:06,422
Bowling?
59
00:02:06,423 --> 00:02:08,057
Oh, you dog!
60
00:02:08,058 --> 00:02:10,092
I see the tender trap
you're baiting.
61
00:02:10,093 --> 00:02:12,111
What? It's just
a second date.
62
00:02:12,112 --> 00:02:14,230
I figured it would be a
fun, no-pressure kinda deal.
63
00:02:14,231 --> 00:02:15,598
Uh-huh.
64
00:02:15,599 --> 00:02:18,267
And it has nothing to do with
the fact that when it comes
65
00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:19,986
To bowling, you're a
chunky, white Michael Jordan?
66
00:02:19,987 --> 00:02:22,905
It does not.
67
00:02:22,906 --> 00:02:24,440
Not to mention a sight to behold
68
00:02:24,441 --> 00:02:27,326
In that pink and black shirt
with the matching ball?
69
00:02:27,327 --> 00:02:29,629
You know, I won that ball
in a police league tournament.
70
00:02:29,630 --> 00:02:32,615
I built the ensemble around it.
71
00:02:32,616 --> 00:02:35,034
You smooth-ass Casanova, you.
72
00:02:35,035 --> 00:02:36,335
I'm not a Casanova.
73
00:02:36,336 --> 00:02:37,786
I haven't even kissed
this girl yet.
74
00:02:37,787 --> 00:02:39,005
Forget kissing.
75
00:02:39,006 --> 00:02:42,958
You're gonna be looking
at a seven/ten split.
76
00:02:42,959 --> 00:02:44,627
That schoolteacher ain't
gonna know what hit her,
77
00:02:44,628 --> 00:02:46,178
When she sees you
treat those pins
78
00:02:46,179 --> 00:02:47,396
Like your ten
little bitches.
79
00:02:47,397 --> 00:02:49,231
Well, whether it goes
that far or not,
80
00:02:49,232 --> 00:02:51,100
I just want to show
her a good time.
81
00:02:51,101 --> 00:02:53,152
She lives at home with
her mom and her sister.
82
00:02:53,153 --> 00:02:54,604
I get the feeling
she doesn't have
83
00:02:54,605 --> 00:02:56,022
A lot of excitement
in her life.
84
00:02:56,023 --> 00:02:57,773
Put the scissors down! No! No!
85
00:02:57,774 --> 00:02:59,025
I'm gonna cut it all off!
86
00:02:59,026 --> 00:03:00,026
No man is worth it.
87
00:03:00,027 --> 00:03:01,327
He said he loved me.
88
00:03:01,328 --> 00:03:02,445
He's married!
89
00:03:02,446 --> 00:03:05,748
He won't be after
his wife gets my hair!
90
00:03:05,749 --> 00:03:10,586
♪ for the first time
in my life ♪
91
00:03:10,587 --> 00:03:13,789
♪ I see love. ♪
92
00:03:13,790 --> 00:03:19,790
-- Sync by Rafael UPD --
www.addic7ed.com/
93
00:03:25,643 --> 00:03:29,162
Well, I finally got
Sweeney Todd to bed.
94
00:03:29,163 --> 00:03:30,580
How'd you manage that?
95
00:03:30,581 --> 00:03:34,534
I crushed up three xanax and put
it in her teeth whitening tray.
96
00:03:34,535 --> 00:03:37,254
You know, it's all my fault
she's so fragile.
97
00:03:37,255 --> 00:03:38,955
I was too hard on her
growing up.
98
00:03:38,956 --> 00:03:42,376
Too hard? You breastfed
her till she was five.
99
00:03:42,377 --> 00:03:44,961
(phone rings) I would've
done the same for you,
100
00:03:44,962 --> 00:03:48,465
Except you were eating corn
on the cob before you had teeth.
101
00:03:48,466 --> 00:03:50,434
Hello?
102
00:03:50,435 --> 00:03:51,351
Hey, Mike!
103
00:03:51,352 --> 00:03:53,136
Molly:
Uh, not much.
104
00:03:53,137 --> 00:03:55,522
Hanging with mom and sis.
105
00:03:55,523 --> 00:03:56,523
Tonight?
106
00:03:56,524 --> 00:03:57,724
You can't leave!
107
00:03:57,725 --> 00:03:59,059
Watch me!
108
00:04:00,361 --> 00:04:03,012
Um... Bowling, yeah,
that sounds fun!
109
00:04:03,013 --> 00:04:04,848
Your sister needs us now!
110
00:04:04,849 --> 00:04:05,866
Hang on.
111
00:04:05,867 --> 00:04:07,484
Mom, she's doing this
for attention.
112
00:04:07,485 --> 00:04:11,354
It's the same reason she's
got a webcam in her bathroom.
113
00:04:11,355 --> 00:04:13,290
Fine.
114
00:04:13,291 --> 00:04:15,959
But if you come home
and find the coroner
115
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,360
Snapping a toe tag
on your sister,
116
00:04:17,361 --> 00:04:19,162
Promise me
you won't blame yourself.
117
00:04:19,163 --> 00:04:21,164
Deal.
118
00:04:22,083 --> 00:04:23,884
I love him.
119
00:04:23,885 --> 00:04:26,136
I must go to him.
120
00:04:26,137 --> 00:04:28,004
Oh, damn, it's awake.
121
00:04:28,005 --> 00:04:31,091
Sure, that sounds fun! Great!
122
00:04:31,092 --> 00:04:33,443
7:00, I have to go!
123
00:04:37,047 --> 00:04:38,882
Listen. Why don't I
just bring you
124
00:04:38,883 --> 00:04:40,434
A whole order of french fries,
125
00:04:40,435 --> 00:04:41,935
And you just eat 12 of them?
126
00:04:41,936 --> 00:04:44,488
If I could eat just 12,
127
00:04:44,489 --> 00:04:47,190
This shirt wouldn't look like
it was made in an awning store.
128
00:04:47,191 --> 00:04:50,744
I tried that portion
control diet once.
129
00:04:50,745 --> 00:04:51,878
Yeah? How'd it go?
130
00:04:51,879 --> 00:04:53,079
Gained 14 pounds.
131
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:56,483
Three frickin' gummi bears
at a time.
132
00:04:56,484 --> 00:04:57,951
Actually, I'm having
wonderful success with it,
133
00:04:57,952 --> 00:04:59,903
And if I stay on track?
I'm thinking next summer,
134
00:04:59,904 --> 00:05:03,039
Shirtless at the beach!
135
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:04,257
I'll bring the suntan lotion.
136
00:05:04,258 --> 00:05:07,210
Just in case, bring a bucket
and a paint roller.
137
00:05:08,095 --> 00:05:10,464
That is quite an outfit.
138
00:05:10,465 --> 00:05:12,799
I'm guessing you've
done this before.
139
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,267
Well, I'm not
gonna lie to you.
140
00:05:14,268 --> 00:05:16,753
I'm a bit of a legend
in these parts.
141
00:05:16,754 --> 00:05:18,054
Oh, really?
142
00:05:18,055 --> 00:05:19,272
Well, maybe legend's too strong.
143
00:05:19,273 --> 00:05:20,690
Folk hero.
144
00:05:20,691 --> 00:05:22,943
I'm prepared to be impressed.
145
00:05:22,944 --> 00:05:25,362
Me, I just did a little
bowling in college.
146
00:05:25,363 --> 00:05:27,113
Mostly as an excuse to drink.
147
00:05:27,114 --> 00:05:29,449
Yeah, you know,
a lot of people like
148
00:05:29,450 --> 00:05:30,901
To mix alcohol with a sport.
149
00:05:30,902 --> 00:05:32,819
But I don't like
my senses dulled.
150
00:05:32,820 --> 00:05:35,989
Can't put beer goggles
on the eye of the tiger.
151
00:05:35,990 --> 00:05:38,492
Right. You know, if you're ever
interested in a couple of tips,
152
00:05:38,493 --> 00:05:40,544
I'd be happy to help.
That'd be great.
153
00:05:40,545 --> 00:05:41,878
All right.
154
00:05:41,879 --> 00:05:43,830
First off, there's a lot of
misconceptions about bowling.
155
00:05:43,831 --> 00:05:45,549
It's not just
about brute force.
156
00:05:45,550 --> 00:05:47,667
It's about form,
follow-through, and finesse.
157
00:05:47,668 --> 00:05:49,719
The three fs,
I like to call 'em.
158
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:51,338
Not to be confused
with the three rs,
159
00:05:51,339 --> 00:05:53,790
Reading, writing and
'rithmatic, which is your forte.
160
00:05:53,791 --> 00:05:56,076
Now, the key to form
161
00:05:56,077 --> 00:05:59,262
Is keeping your
wrist straight, okay?
162
00:05:59,263 --> 00:06:00,463
Key to a
follow-through
163
00:06:00,464 --> 00:06:03,900
Is releasing the ball
in a smooth, gliding motion.
164
00:06:03,901 --> 00:06:05,485
Luther:
Attaboy, Mike!
165
00:06:05,486 --> 00:06:07,737
Ignore him.
166
00:06:07,738 --> 00:06:08,855
What about finesse?
167
00:06:08,856 --> 00:06:12,025
Forget finesse for now,
focus on fun.
168
00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:14,995
Okay.
169
00:06:14,996 --> 00:06:16,363
Hope I don't
embarrass myself
170
00:06:16,364 --> 00:06:18,331
Hey. We're just here
to have a good time.
171
00:06:18,332 --> 00:06:19,950
Nobody's gonna
be embarrassed.
172
00:06:24,922 --> 00:06:28,925
Oh, look! I knocked
them all down!
173
00:06:31,762 --> 00:06:33,563
I'll be darned.
174
00:06:33,564 --> 00:06:35,131
Was my form okay?
175
00:06:35,132 --> 00:06:36,332
Yeah. I mean, uh,
176
00:06:36,333 --> 00:06:38,001
You're still bending
your wrist quite a bit,
177
00:06:38,002 --> 00:06:39,519
But that goes away
with practice.
178
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:40,670
Could I take
another turn?
179
00:06:40,671 --> 00:06:42,472
Sure.
180
00:06:42,473 --> 00:06:44,674
Maybe I'll get lucky again.
181
00:06:44,675 --> 00:06:47,193
That's a very healthy attitude.
182
00:06:50,565 --> 00:06:53,116
Boo-yah! That's what
I'm talking about!
183
00:06:54,535 --> 00:06:57,654
That's good.
That's real good.
184
00:06:57,655 --> 00:06:59,990
Where's my 12 french fries?
185
00:07:02,543 --> 00:07:05,128
Seriously, though, I don't feel
right about taking your money.
186
00:07:05,129 --> 00:07:06,379
No, no,
I made the bet,
187
00:07:06,380 --> 00:07:07,631
And you won,
fair and square.
188
00:07:07,632 --> 00:07:09,032
(under his breath):
Sandbagger.
189
00:07:09,033 --> 00:07:10,033
What?
190
00:07:10,034 --> 00:07:11,885
Nothing.
191
00:07:11,886 --> 00:07:13,336
Hey, Samuel.
192
00:07:13,337 --> 00:07:15,038
This is Molly.
Molly, Samuel.
193
00:07:15,039 --> 00:07:16,640
Oh. Pleased to
meet you, Samuel.
194
00:07:16,641 --> 00:07:18,675
The pleasure is mine.
195
00:07:18,676 --> 00:07:20,377
I heard the large man
was seeing someone,
196
00:07:20,378 --> 00:07:23,046
But I, of course, assumed
you were imaginary.
197
00:07:24,381 --> 00:07:26,900
That's funny.
198
00:07:26,901 --> 00:07:27,901
Samuel's from Africa.
199
00:07:27,902 --> 00:07:30,070
He came here to pursue
the American dream
200
00:07:30,071 --> 00:07:32,439
And, apparently,
to bust my balls.
201
00:07:33,658 --> 00:07:35,492
What part of Africa
are you from?
202
00:07:35,493 --> 00:07:37,827
I grew up in Senegal,
but my mother's from France.
203
00:07:37,828 --> 00:07:39,062
Do you speak french?
204
00:07:39,063 --> 00:07:40,246
Fluently.
205
00:07:40,247 --> 00:07:43,166
I also speak Arabic,
Wolof, and a little German.
206
00:07:43,167 --> 00:07:48,404
Apparently, the only language
he doesn't speak is "waiter. "
207
00:07:48,405 --> 00:07:50,907
I speak a little
German, too.
208
00:07:50,908 --> 00:07:52,842
Uh, was ist los
mit der hund?
209
00:07:52,843 --> 00:07:54,961
Nicht viel,
nur chillen.
210
00:07:54,962 --> 00:07:57,931
(laughing)
211
00:07:57,932 --> 00:07:59,599
I asked him,
"what up, dawg"
212
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,135
And he said,
"not much, just chillin'"
213
00:08:04,355 --> 00:08:05,438
That's good.
214
00:08:05,439 --> 00:08:08,308
You working tonight, or
just doing a floor show?
215
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:10,710
I'm sorry.
216
00:08:10,711 --> 00:08:13,780
He gets grumpy when he
doesn't get his tiny pancake.
217
00:08:14,815 --> 00:08:17,867
So what are you doing
here in the United States?
218
00:08:17,868 --> 00:08:20,904
I'm studying English literature
at the university of Illinois.
219
00:08:20,905 --> 00:08:22,122
Oh, I love English lit.
220
00:08:22,123 --> 00:08:24,457
It's where I fell in love
with Shakespeare.
221
00:08:24,458 --> 00:08:27,377
Ah! Shakespeare.
222
00:08:27,378 --> 00:08:30,113
"love looks not with the
eyes, but with the mind;
223
00:08:30,114 --> 00:08:34,384
And therefore is winged
cupid painted blind. "
224
00:08:34,385 --> 00:08:39,389
(in unison): "nor hath love's
mind of any judgment taste;
225
00:08:39,390 --> 00:08:46,012
"wings and no eyes,
figure unheedy haste. "
226
00:08:47,798 --> 00:08:49,298
(cheering)
227
00:08:49,299 --> 00:08:50,967
Ah, screw it.
228
00:08:50,968 --> 00:08:53,136
Whatever's on the
grill, I'm eating.
229
00:08:55,639 --> 00:08:57,824
Big man gets bitchy
when he's hungry.
230
00:08:58,809 --> 00:09:01,644
Keep a snickers bar
in your purse.
231
00:09:05,282 --> 00:09:07,367
So... What's next?
232
00:09:07,368 --> 00:09:09,035
You want to grab
a drink somewhere?
233
00:09:09,036 --> 00:09:10,120
I don't think so.
234
00:09:10,121 --> 00:09:11,871
You sure? You don't
have to worry about
235
00:09:11,872 --> 00:09:13,757
Blurring the eye
of the tiger anymore.
236
00:09:13,758 --> 00:09:15,992
Yep.
237
00:09:15,993 --> 00:09:17,761
Hey, we could just
drive around a little.
238
00:09:17,762 --> 00:09:19,328
It's a really beautiful night.
239
00:09:19,329 --> 00:09:20,463
Well, you're a schoolteacher
240
00:09:20,464 --> 00:09:23,633
You see the beauty.
I see the crime,
241
00:09:23,634 --> 00:09:25,852
The corruption,
and the danger.
242
00:09:25,853 --> 00:09:28,354
So what do you
think's more dangerous:
243
00:09:28,355 --> 00:09:32,475
The coffee bean and tea leaf
or the Gymboree?
244
00:09:34,145 --> 00:09:36,396
That's funny.
245
00:09:38,616 --> 00:09:40,366
You should just go
right here on wells.
246
00:09:40,367 --> 00:09:42,351
It's a quicker way
to get to my house.
247
00:09:42,352 --> 00:09:44,704
'scuse me, I'm a
Chicago police officer.
248
00:09:44,705 --> 00:09:46,873
I know these streets
like the back of my hand.
249
00:09:46,874 --> 00:09:49,692
Okay. Sorry.
250
00:09:49,693 --> 00:09:51,294
I may not know how
to quote Shakespeare,
251
00:09:51,295 --> 00:09:55,749
But I know I can navigate the
"city of the broad shoulders"
252
00:09:55,750 --> 00:09:57,584
Carl Sandburg.
253
00:09:57,585 --> 00:09:59,302
Great Illinois poet.
254
00:09:59,303 --> 00:10:03,306
I know. I love his poems.
255
00:10:03,307 --> 00:10:06,342
It's actually "city
of the big shoulders. "
256
00:10:07,878 --> 00:10:10,597
Broad is fine.
I mean, you get it.
257
00:10:15,402 --> 00:10:17,821
Look, Mike, if I've done
anything to upset you-
258
00:10:17,822 --> 00:10:19,322
Night.
259
00:10:20,991 --> 00:10:22,225
Thanks!
260
00:10:22,226 --> 00:10:25,462
I had a nice time.
I guess you'll call me, right?
261
00:10:25,463 --> 00:10:26,696
(car engine starts)
okay.
262
00:10:26,697 --> 00:10:29,332
You bowl like a girl!
263
00:10:32,236 --> 00:10:33,787
I can't live
without him!
264
00:10:33,788 --> 00:10:36,372
I'm getting too old
for this crap.
265
00:10:36,373 --> 00:10:37,791
You and me both.
266
00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:48,912
What I woudn't give for a girlfriend
or cinemax in my bedroom.
267
00:10:48,913 --> 00:10:50,079
(knock on door)
268
00:10:52,883 --> 00:10:54,584
(turns off tv)
269
00:11:02,207 --> 00:11:03,641
What are you doing here?
270
00:11:04,676 --> 00:11:05,843
Oh, no.
271
00:11:05,844 --> 00:11:07,011
Come here.
272
00:11:11,433 --> 00:11:12,650
What happened?
273
00:11:12,651 --> 00:11:14,435
It was a complete disaster.
274
00:11:14,436 --> 00:11:16,520
Erectile dysfunction?
275
00:11:19,324 --> 00:11:21,609
No. I didn't even
kiss her good night.
276
00:11:21,610 --> 00:11:23,244
So the penis is fine?
277
00:11:23,245 --> 00:11:24,862
As far as I know.
278
00:11:24,863 --> 00:11:27,698
He's been hiding
for the last couple hours.
279
00:11:27,699 --> 00:11:29,951
Did you tie your shoes
and give her the rear view?
280
00:11:29,952 --> 00:11:31,636
'cause I may have
fudged its attractiveness
281
00:11:31,637 --> 00:11:33,004
Out of friendship.
282
00:11:33,005 --> 00:11:35,572
Grandma:
Carlton, who was at the door?
283
00:11:35,573 --> 00:11:36,791
It's just
Mike, grandma.
284
00:11:36,792 --> 00:11:38,342
Go back to bed.
285
00:11:38,343 --> 00:11:39,961
Oh, hey, Michael.
286
00:11:39,962 --> 00:11:41,178
How are you, baby?
287
00:11:41,179 --> 00:11:42,380
I'm all right, Nana.
288
00:11:42,381 --> 00:11:43,747
How are you?
289
00:11:43,748 --> 00:11:47,635
Oh, I'm right with my savior
and tight with my bookie.
290
00:11:49,438 --> 00:11:52,223
What are you
doing here, sugar?
291
00:11:52,224 --> 00:11:53,941
Carlton told me you had a date.
292
00:11:53,942 --> 00:11:56,027
Uh, I did,
but it ended pretty early.
293
00:11:56,028 --> 00:11:57,645
Erectile dysfunction?
294
00:11:59,064 --> 00:12:01,699
'cause Carlton got some pills
if you need them.
295
00:12:02,985 --> 00:12:04,151
Uh, grandma,
how many times
296
00:12:04,152 --> 00:12:06,404
Have I asked you to
stay out of my room?
297
00:12:06,405 --> 00:12:08,622
Well, when you start
doing your own laundry,
298
00:12:08,623 --> 00:12:10,207
I will stay out of your room.
299
00:12:10,208 --> 00:12:13,077
Until then,
I go where I please.
300
00:12:13,078 --> 00:12:16,280
Pays $200 a month in rent,
and he gonna start
301
00:12:16,281 --> 00:12:18,499
Telling me where I can
and cannot go.
302
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:22,786
Now, Michael,
what happened with this girl?
303
00:12:22,787 --> 00:12:25,890
I don't know, we just
didn't make a connection.
304
00:12:25,891 --> 00:12:26,891
I see.
305
00:12:26,892 --> 00:12:28,926
You didn't make a connection.
306
00:12:28,927 --> 00:12:31,395
Yeah, you know, our
world views don't jibe.
307
00:12:31,396 --> 00:12:34,131
Your world views don't jibe.
308
00:12:34,132 --> 00:12:35,433
Exactly.
309
00:12:35,434 --> 00:12:38,319
Now, Michael, I'd like
to see you in heaven, too,
310
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:41,522
But lying to an old lady
ain't gonna get you there.
311
00:12:43,308 --> 00:12:46,444
She beat me
at bowling.
312
00:12:46,445 --> 00:12:48,329
You're kidding me.
313
00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:49,813
And I don't mean
just beat me,
314
00:12:49,814 --> 00:12:51,482
I mean she covered
my ass in pledge
315
00:12:51,483 --> 00:12:54,502
And wiped the
floor with it.
316
00:12:54,503 --> 00:12:56,837
The bowling alley's
your home court advantage.
317
00:12:56,838 --> 00:12:59,590
Only place you got left
to shine is house of pies.
318
00:12:59,591 --> 00:13:01,542
Hush up, black Gilligan.
319
00:13:07,832 --> 00:13:09,266
Continue, Michael.
320
00:13:09,267 --> 00:13:10,551
It's not just that.
321
00:13:10,552 --> 00:13:13,471
She was showing off and
speaking in different languages.
322
00:13:13,472 --> 00:13:16,057
You mean in tongues,
like the Pentecostals?
323
00:13:16,058 --> 00:13:20,177
No, like french and
German and Shakespeare.
324
00:13:20,178 --> 00:13:21,495
Oh, good.
325
00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:23,280
'cause I been
to a tent revival
326
00:13:23,281 --> 00:13:25,483
And that mess
will put you off Jesus.
327
00:13:25,484 --> 00:13:29,286
So if I hear you correctly,
328
00:13:29,287 --> 00:13:31,956
What's upsetting you
is you had a date with
329
00:13:31,957 --> 00:13:36,327
A smart, capable young woman and
it threatened your masculinity.
330
00:13:36,328 --> 00:13:37,328
No!
(clears throat)
331
00:13:37,329 --> 00:13:39,463
(deep voice):
No.
332
00:13:39,464 --> 00:13:41,532
Oh, Michael.
333
00:13:41,533 --> 00:13:45,753
Why is it you boys get
so intimidated by strong women?
334
00:13:45,754 --> 00:13:48,422
Want us all to just
be dumb and grateful.
335
00:13:48,423 --> 00:13:50,374
No, I don't
want dumb.
336
00:13:50,375 --> 00:13:53,260
I am a fan of grateful.
337
00:13:53,261 --> 00:13:58,015
Please. When's the last time
you laid your eyes on grateful?
338
00:14:00,936 --> 00:14:04,188
Let me tell you
something, Michael.
339
00:14:04,189 --> 00:14:06,323
You got to embrace the beauty
340
00:14:06,324 --> 00:14:09,093
Of a strong,
independent woman.
341
00:14:09,094 --> 00:14:11,278
If it was me,
I'd cut my losses and move on.
342
00:14:11,279 --> 00:14:13,731
I guess we know why
you're in the bathroom alone
343
00:14:13,732 --> 00:14:17,368
On a Friday night, shaving
your head with my lady Schick.
344
00:14:18,587 --> 00:14:23,257
And I pray to god
that's all you were shaving.
345
00:14:24,426 --> 00:14:27,461
Now, Michael, do you have
feelings for this girl?
346
00:14:27,462 --> 00:14:29,430
Yeah, I guess I do.
347
00:14:29,431 --> 00:14:32,516
Well, then you need to stop
behaving like a petulant child,
348
00:14:32,517 --> 00:14:35,803
Go back to her,
tell her what's in your heart
349
00:14:35,804 --> 00:14:37,555
And how you really feel.
350
00:14:37,556 --> 00:14:39,923
Ugh, really?
351
00:14:39,924 --> 00:14:40,924
Take it from me,
352
00:14:40,925 --> 00:14:42,726
You show her that side of you
353
00:14:42,727 --> 00:14:45,762
And she will open up
like a flower.
354
00:14:45,763 --> 00:14:48,782
'cause there ain't nothing
sexier in the world
355
00:14:48,783 --> 00:14:52,620
Than a secure man
being honest with his woman.
356
00:14:52,621 --> 00:14:54,738
Man (in distance):
Baby, you coming back to bed?
357
00:14:54,739 --> 00:14:55,956
Now, that man
358
00:14:55,957 --> 00:14:58,242
Is honest
as the day is long.
359
00:14:58,243 --> 00:15:00,711
And had he not been honest,
I never would've
360
00:15:00,712 --> 00:15:02,580
Found out he was long.
361
00:15:09,487 --> 00:15:11,172
God, I love your grandma.
362
00:15:13,175 --> 00:15:14,842
You may not believe this now,
363
00:15:14,843 --> 00:15:16,810
But you'll get
over this man.
364
00:15:16,811 --> 00:15:17,794
Yes, you will.
365
00:15:17,795 --> 00:15:18,979
And you'll find
somebody else.
366
00:15:18,980 --> 00:15:21,682
Somebody sweet and
kind and loving...
367
00:15:21,683 --> 00:15:22,816
And single.
368
00:15:22,817 --> 00:15:24,318
I'd try single for the next one.
369
00:15:24,319 --> 00:15:27,438
You know, just to
shake things up a little bit.
370
00:15:27,439 --> 00:15:29,806
Molly, your sister
is hurting.
371
00:15:29,807 --> 00:15:31,859
This is no time to play
Monday morning quarterback.
372
00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:34,995
She's had one of those,
and he was married!
373
00:15:35,997 --> 00:15:37,648
She has been doing this
her whole life.
374
00:15:37,649 --> 00:15:40,251
She gets mixed-up with
emotionally unavailable men
375
00:15:40,252 --> 00:15:42,086
And then wonders
why they broke her heart.
376
00:15:42,087 --> 00:15:45,706
He's not emotionally
unavailable, he's an alcoholic.
377
00:15:45,707 --> 00:15:47,925
There's a difference.
378
00:15:47,926 --> 00:15:49,093
My mistake.
379
00:15:49,094 --> 00:15:50,344
Oh, he's drunk and married.
380
00:15:50,345 --> 00:15:53,714
That's a guy you can count on.
381
00:15:53,715 --> 00:15:56,800
Why are you being
so mean to me?
382
00:15:56,801 --> 00:15:59,303
Is she on a new diet?
383
00:15:59,304 --> 00:16:01,972
Yeah, I'm on the "not swallowing
any more of your crap" diet.
384
00:16:01,973 --> 00:16:05,859
Oh, mom, please, give her
a cookie or something.
385
00:16:05,860 --> 00:16:07,611
Molly, you need
to calm down
386
00:16:07,612 --> 00:16:10,064
And just be supportive
of your sister.
387
00:16:10,065 --> 00:16:11,398
Are you kidding?
388
00:16:11,399 --> 00:16:14,485
That's all I ever do around here
is support my sister.
389
00:16:14,486 --> 00:16:15,703
What about me?
390
00:16:15,704 --> 00:16:17,621
Who supports me
when I'm hurting?
391
00:16:17,622 --> 00:16:18,789
Why are you hurting?
392
00:16:18,790 --> 00:16:20,074
Oh, I don't know.
393
00:16:20,075 --> 00:16:22,660
Maybe because I had a date
with a guy I really liked-
394
00:16:22,661 --> 00:16:25,713
A single guy- and it was
a complete train wreck.
395
00:16:25,714 --> 00:16:26,863
Oh, well.
396
00:16:26,864 --> 00:16:28,365
You'll be fine.
You're a rock.
397
00:16:28,366 --> 00:16:29,750
I don't want to be
the rock anymore.
398
00:16:29,751 --> 00:16:31,969
Let somebody else be the rock!
399
00:16:31,970 --> 00:16:35,005
I want to be the hot one
that gets taken care of
400
00:16:35,006 --> 00:16:37,424
And everybody wants
to have sex with.
401
00:16:37,425 --> 00:16:40,311
Oh, Molly, it's not
as glamorous as it looks.
402
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:43,847
It's really not.
403
00:16:47,185 --> 00:16:49,103
Molly, I'm really sorry
about how I behaved,
404
00:16:49,104 --> 00:16:51,105
But you got to keep in mind
that I'm a cop.
405
00:16:51,106 --> 00:16:52,656
My life is on the line
every day,
406
00:16:52,657 --> 00:16:54,391
And that can wind a man up
pretty tight.
407
00:16:54,392 --> 00:16:55,909
So sometimes you get
the teddy bear
408
00:16:55,910 --> 00:16:58,195
And sometimes you get
the rattlesnake.
409
00:16:58,196 --> 00:17:00,247
That's good.
410
00:17:00,248 --> 00:17:02,132
Okay, let's do this.
411
00:17:02,133 --> 00:17:03,417
Joyce: Victoria, what are you doing
412
00:17:03,418 --> 00:17:04,618
With that hair
spray and lighter?!
413
00:17:04,619 --> 00:17:05,703
Victoria:
Back off!
414
00:17:05,704 --> 00:17:06,820
Joyce:
Molly, code blue!
415
00:17:06,821 --> 00:17:08,656
Molly: What the hell is going on?
416
00:17:08,657 --> 00:17:11,258
Victoria: I'm gonna set that bastard
on fire and you can't stop me.
417
00:17:11,259 --> 00:17:12,376
(spray hissing,
fire roaring)
418
00:17:12,377 --> 00:17:13,427
Molly:
Oh, my god!
419
00:17:13,428 --> 00:17:14,962
Put it down!
420
00:17:14,963 --> 00:17:15,929
Step aside, ladies,
I got this.
421
00:17:15,930 --> 00:17:16,964
Mike, what are
you doing here?
422
00:17:16,965 --> 00:17:18,132
Not now.
Let me do my job.
423
00:17:18,133 --> 00:17:20,517
Victoria, give me the hairspray
and the lighter.
424
00:17:20,518 --> 00:17:23,137
No, he's got to pay!
425
00:17:23,138 --> 00:17:25,556
Listen, I understand
you're upset,
426
00:17:25,557 --> 00:17:27,608
But revenge is not the answer.
427
00:17:27,609 --> 00:17:30,093
(sobbing):
I loved him,
428
00:17:30,094 --> 00:17:32,446
And he broke my heart!
429
00:17:32,447 --> 00:17:34,698
I understand, sweetie.
430
00:17:34,699 --> 00:17:39,102
But sometimes we all suffer
disappointment and humiliation.
431
00:17:39,103 --> 00:17:43,540
Can't help it if
I'm a good bowler.
432
00:17:44,743 --> 00:17:46,043
You're a great bowler,
433
00:17:46,044 --> 00:17:48,045
And I'll get
back to you on that.
434
00:17:48,046 --> 00:17:52,416
Listen, I know guys act
really stupid sometimes.
435
00:17:52,417 --> 00:17:54,001
I certainly did tonight.
436
00:17:54,002 --> 00:17:55,419
(chuckles)
437
00:17:55,420 --> 00:17:58,055
Okay.
438
00:17:58,056 --> 00:17:59,556
But that's not an excuse
439
00:17:59,557 --> 00:18:02,626
To turn some guy's face
into burnt lasagna.
440
00:18:02,627 --> 00:18:04,478
Okay?
441
00:18:04,479 --> 00:18:06,146
What it really is,
is an opportunity
442
00:18:06,147 --> 00:18:08,849
To practice forgiveness.
443
00:18:08,850 --> 00:18:12,903
So why don't you give me the
lighter and we'll talk about it?
444
00:18:12,904 --> 00:18:13,937
(sighs)
445
00:18:13,938 --> 00:18:15,472
Come on, Victoria, please?
446
00:18:17,275 --> 00:18:20,811
That a girl.
447
00:18:20,812 --> 00:18:23,146
Hostage training at the academy.
448
00:18:23,147 --> 00:18:24,498
Okay, now, listen- oh!
449
00:18:24,499 --> 00:18:26,650
(shouting)
450
00:18:26,651 --> 00:18:29,787
Get back in this house!
451
00:18:29,788 --> 00:18:31,505
That was really sweet.
452
00:18:31,506 --> 00:18:33,590
I'll flush your eyes out
when I get back.
453
00:18:33,591 --> 00:18:35,659
Ah.
454
00:18:35,660 --> 00:18:37,828
That's good, she still likes me.
455
00:18:44,782 --> 00:18:45,815
(pins clattering)
456
00:18:45,816 --> 00:18:47,000
Yes!
457
00:18:48,786 --> 00:18:51,121
Sorry, I get excited.
458
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:53,590
It's okay.
459
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,158
You're a wonderful bowler.
460
00:18:55,159 --> 00:18:56,176
Well, in that case,
461
00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:57,243
Boo-yah!
462
00:18:57,244 --> 00:18:59,846
That's how I roll!
463
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:02,081
All right, all right,
don't push the cute.
464
00:19:02,082 --> 00:19:03,249
(sighs)
465
00:19:03,250 --> 00:19:04,467
Where are we at?
466
00:19:04,468 --> 00:19:07,220
You're up, like, 38
pins, give or take.
467
00:19:07,221 --> 00:19:09,723
Well, you can still
turn things around.
468
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:17,614
Whatcha doing?
469
00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:19,282
I'm turning
things around.
470
00:19:21,101 --> 00:19:23,620
Luther:
Attaboy, Mike!
471
00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:29,621
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