1 00:00:01,468 --> 00:00:03,698 [Ted Narrating] Kids, in my early days of being a professor... 2 00:00:03,803 --> 00:00:06,829 I had one simple goal... give a lecture that changes someone's life. 3 00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:10,808 Then, one afternoon in 2010, I achieved that goal. 4 00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:12,468 "Unfinished." 5 00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:15,707 Of all the words you could use to describe La Sagrada Família... 6 00:00:15,815 --> 00:00:18,511 "brown," "pointy," "weird"... 7 00:00:18,618 --> 00:00:21,519 the one that really seems to stick is "unfinished." 8 00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:25,182 Why? Because on June 7, 1926... 9 00:00:25,291 --> 00:00:27,521 the architect, Antoni Gaudí... 10 00:00:27,627 --> 00:00:31,427 whose beard was also brown, pointy, weird and unfinished... 11 00:00:32,632 --> 00:00:35,192 was run over by a bus. 12 00:00:35,301 --> 00:00:39,704 And so, his greatest masterpiece would remain forever... 13 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,700 But first, let's back up a few days. 14 00:00:44,811 --> 00:00:47,439 Ted, look, across the bar. 15 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,913 Three chicks... one hot, one kinda hot... 16 00:00:50,016 --> 00:00:52,382 and one whom I'm assuming is really funny. 17 00:00:52,485 --> 00:00:53,952 We ride! 18 00:00:56,156 --> 00:00:59,319 - What's wrong? - I don't know. Got a burger comin'. 19 00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:01,291 Bro, I told you... 20 00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:03,885 if you ever need a wingman, I'm your guy. 21 00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:06,431 Yeah, I'm not gonna go through that again. 22 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,864 Hi. Barney Stinson. 23 00:01:09,969 --> 00:01:12,460 And I'm Marshall, Barney's wingman. 24 00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:17,904 Thank you for your time. 25 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,774 Fine. I'll have a three-way with Hot and Kinda Hot... 26 00:01:21,881 --> 00:01:23,371 while Giggles works the camera. 27 00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:25,348 I ride! 28 00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:26,919 So get this. 29 00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,920 Last night, I was watching TV, and it turns out... 30 00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:33,152 some random satellite channel picks up a certain local Chicago newscast. 31 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:36,592 [Male Announcer] And now the Eleven O'CIock News with Don Frank. 32 00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:37,663 Boo! 33 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,095 Oh, man. 34 00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:41,099 It's bad enough to have to go through a horrible breakup. 35 00:01:41,201 --> 00:01:44,034 Then to have that person pop up on your TV? Are you okay? 36 00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:46,628 Well, I'll admit, at first I felt a little weird. 37 00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:49,469 But after the initial shock, I realized something. 38 00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:51,100 I've moved on. 39 00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:53,545 [Clicks Off] 40 00:01:53,646 --> 00:01:55,477 Finished with that. 41 00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:57,609 [Sighs] 42 00:01:57,717 --> 00:02:00,015 It was a peaceful moment of closure. 43 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,212 That's great. 44 00:02:01,321 --> 00:02:03,482 - Good on you. - Yeah. Thank you. 45 00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,854 - Where's the poop, Robin? - Excuse me? 46 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,655 When I was a kid, I had a dog named Bean. 47 00:02:08,761 --> 00:02:11,321 Whenever he made the face that you're making right now... 48 00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:14,628 you just knew he pooped somewhere in the house. 49 00:02:15,835 --> 00:02:17,496 Where's the poop, Robin? 50 00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:19,538 - I don't know what you're talking about. - Where's the poop, Robin? 51 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:21,129 - There's no poop. - Where's the poop? 52 00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:22,367 Okay. 53 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:25,000 So it wasn't entirely a peaceful moment of closure. 54 00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:27,909 Hey, Don, here's some breaking news. 55 00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:31,074 There's a zit breaking out on your forehead. [Laughs] 56 00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,816 Finished with that. 57 00:02:35,922 --> 00:02:37,219 [Shatters] 58 00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,821 Look, I'm not proud. 59 00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:44,419 But Don left so quickly that I never got the chance to have that final showdown. 60 00:02:44,531 --> 00:02:47,591 So yelling at him, even on TV... 61 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:49,167 felt kinda good. 62 00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:53,035 And you know what? Now I truly am over him. 63 00:02:53,139 --> 00:02:54,197 That's great. 64 00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:55,774 - Thank you. - Good on you. 65 00:02:55,875 --> 00:02:57,103 Where's the poop, Robin? 66 00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:58,472 Damn it! 67 00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:01,741 [Sighs] Okay, in the process of truly getting over him... 68 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,941 I may have called him... 69 00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:07,611 and left an... indelicate voice mail. 70 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,449 I am gonna kill you. 71 00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:13,254 I'm gonna fly to Chicago, kill you... 72 00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:16,658 put your stupid face on a deep-dish pizza... 73 00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:18,230 and eat it. 74 00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:20,390 And then maybe catch a Bears game. 75 00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:24,561 But mostly the "killing and eating your face" thing. 76 00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:27,401 Give me your phone. We're deleting Don's number. 77 00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:31,534 Don't worry. I am never doing that again. It was a one-time thing. 78 00:03:31,644 --> 00:03:33,544 Prove it. "Delete contact." 79 00:03:33,646 --> 00:03:35,170 [Sighs] 80 00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:38,108 - There. Deleted. - [Beeps] 81 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:41,915 Oh. Hey, wow. Back already. 82 00:03:42,021 --> 00:03:44,148 How was flying solo? 83 00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:46,020 And by solo, I mean... 84 00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:48,753 "so low" that you got shot down. 85 00:03:49,762 --> 00:03:51,389 Look, I didn't get shot down. 86 00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:53,761 Trust me, I'll get the "yes." 87 00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:57,893 Barney Stinson always gets the "yes." 88 00:03:58,004 --> 00:04:00,199 This is all part of the plan. 89 00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:03,503 After initial contact, I'm now in the ignoring phase. 90 00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:07,239 Barney, why can't you just take a girl out to dinner like a normal person? 91 00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:12,011 Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get the "yes." 92 00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:14,586 Dinner's a very intimate activity. 93 00:04:14,687 --> 00:04:17,315 It requires a level of connection... 94 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,584 and eye contact that sex just doesn't. 95 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:21,890 Call me old-fashioned... 96 00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:23,929 but I need to have sex with a girl at least three times... 97 00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:26,294 before I'll even consider having dinner with her. 98 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,124 [Ted Narrating] The next day at the university... 99 00:04:29,235 --> 00:04:30,964 I had a surprise visitor. 100 00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:32,537 What are you doing here? 101 00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:35,005 Oh, God! You're dating one of my students. 102 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,575 It's Rachel, isn't it? 103 00:04:36,676 --> 00:04:39,304 Barney, I know she wears provocative sweaters, but she's 19! 104 00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:42,745 [Groans] Now I'm gonna have to hear all about it, right? 105 00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:44,680 Go on. Tell me every detail. 106 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:48,049 No, you pent-up old perv. I brought you a present. 107 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,820 Recognize this? 108 00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:54,015 It's my building. 109 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,789 [Ted Narrating] Kids, you may remember that a few years earlier... 110 00:04:56,896 --> 00:05:01,526 I was chosen to design the new Manhattan headquarters for Goliath National Bank. 111 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:04,296 It was the opportunity every architect dreams about. 112 00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:07,464 - And when the project was ultimately scrapped... - [Eraser Scratching] 113 00:05:07,573 --> 00:05:09,006 it broke my heart. 114 00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:12,669 Do you remember how awesome it was to be coworkers... 115 00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:15,543 nay, bro-workers? 116 00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,377 Wait a minute. You don't mean... 117 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:20,043 Ted Mosby, it's back on. 118 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,477 We're gonna build your building. 119 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:25,957 ##[Upbeat Pop] 120 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,391 ##[Man Vocalizing] 121 00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:36,328 ##[Ends] 122 00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:41,229 This is awesome. You're designing our new headquarters? 123 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:45,744 Now, there will be voices that tell you a hockey rink on the roof is unfeasible. 124 00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:48,109 You've got to shut those voices out. 125 00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:51,012 Actually, I think I'm gonna say no. 126 00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:52,379 No? Are you kidding me? 127 00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:54,316 But designing a building in New York City... 128 00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:55,887 is your lifelong dream. 129 00:05:55,988 --> 00:05:58,252 I do not want to work for GNB again. 130 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,792 Those guys are evil. No offense, Marshall. 131 00:06:00,893 --> 00:06:02,690 Dude, none taken. 132 00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:05,025 Yes, GNB is, uh... 133 00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:07,224 the Empire from Star Wars. 134 00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:10,166 But the Death Star's gonna get built either way. 135 00:06:10,269 --> 00:06:12,237 And don't you think the architect of the Death Star... 136 00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:13,600 is pretty psyched to have... 137 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,606 that thing on his space résumé? 138 00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:17,198 I mean, yes, his design was flawed... 139 00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:18,777 in the sense that a single bullet... 140 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,108 fired into a particular vent would explode the whole thing. 141 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,409 For all we know, that was the contractor's fault. 142 00:06:23,516 --> 00:06:25,609 But that won't happen on your watch. You know why? 143 00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:26,776 Because you're Ted Mosby... 144 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,080 and you are gonna design... 145 00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:30,121 the most beautiful, ventless... 146 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,657 Rebel-proof building in Manhattan. 147 00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:34,226 With clearly marked emergency stops... 148 00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:36,386 for every trash compactor on the detention level. 149 00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:38,862 Look, I know this is hard to understand... 150 00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:42,662 but right now I have a quiet, simple, happy little life. 151 00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:44,236 And I like it that way. 152 00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,999 I know what my answer has to be. 153 00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:48,403 I can't take the job, Barney. 154 00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:51,170 I'm done with that life. No hard feelings? 155 00:06:51,944 --> 00:06:53,070 Of course not. 156 00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:54,646 All right. 157 00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:58,783 - Hey, Professor Mosby. - Hey, Rachel. 158 00:07:01,387 --> 00:07:03,582 [Ted Narrating] And I thought that was the end of the story. 159 00:07:03,689 --> 00:07:05,418 - But then that night... - I'm telling you... 160 00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:08,358 no architect would ever design a giant exposed vent... 161 00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:09,985 right over a Death Star's core reactor. 162 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,859 That's Space Architecture 101. 163 00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:14,296 It had to be the contractor. Barney, come on. Back me up. 164 00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:16,769 Barney? 165 00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,768 Dude, this is important. 166 00:07:19,872 --> 00:07:22,272 I need another drink. Marshall, you want anything? 167 00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:24,702 Uh, no. I'm fine. 168 00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:30,508 Okay, I get that he's mad at me for turning down the job, but acting like I'm not even here? 169 00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:32,709 Wait. You turned down the job? When? 170 00:07:32,819 --> 00:07:34,218 This morning. 171 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,049 That's so weird. 172 00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:38,646 Just, like, an hour ago when we were leaving work... 173 00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:41,283 So, uh, you still think Ted's gonna take the job? 174 00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:43,521 [Scoffs] Please. I'll get the "yes." 175 00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:46,621 Barney Stinson always... 176 00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:47,790 gets the "yes." 177 00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:49,299 [Chuckles] 178 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:50,664 Huh. 179 00:07:50,770 --> 00:07:52,965 Am I wrong, or is that exactly what Barney says... 180 00:07:53,072 --> 00:07:54,664 when he's putting the moves on a girl? 181 00:07:54,774 --> 00:07:57,140 Exactly. I mean, it's almost like he's putting the moves on you. 182 00:07:57,243 --> 00:08:00,269 Yeah, more like the opposite. He's been ignoring me all night. 183 00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:04,315 - Oh! - Oh! 184 00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:07,250 Barney wants me to take the job so bad, he's putting the moves on me? 185 00:08:07,353 --> 00:08:09,787 I hope that's his endgame. 186 00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:12,483 Actually, I don't. I like you two together. 187 00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:15,152 I don't buy it. That's crazy even for Barney. 188 00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:18,025 Okay, well, think about it. We've seen his moves countless times. 189 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:20,598 What does he do after he's done ignoring a girl? 190 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:23,601 - Chrissy, I love your glasses. - Really? 191 00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:26,672 They totally pull focus up from that whole chin situation you got going on. 192 00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:29,766 To Chrissy! 193 00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:32,902 The backhanded compliment to lower her self-esteem. A proven winner. 194 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:34,502 - But Barney hasn't done... - Ted... 195 00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:36,548 I admire your loyalty. 196 00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:38,378 You've had that hairstyle forever. 197 00:08:38,484 --> 00:08:40,543 You don't care that it's out of fashion... 198 00:08:40,653 --> 00:08:42,644 or that it's been co-opted by the lesbian community. 199 00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:43,779 You stick with it. 200 00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:45,552 To Ted. 201 00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:48,520 Hey, Lily. 202 00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,526 Don't "Hey, Lily" me. 203 00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:54,657 I smelled poop all the way from the hallway. 204 00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:56,792 [Sighs] No, not this again. 205 00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:58,200 Where's the poop, Robin? 206 00:08:59,338 --> 00:09:00,896 Okay, I left Don another message. 207 00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:01,974 [Gasps] 208 00:09:02,074 --> 00:09:03,132 "This just in"... 209 00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:06,803 is what I'm gonna say when I'm stabbing you. 210 00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:09,677 But that's impossible. You deleted his number. 211 00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:12,945 I tried to, but then this thing popped up on my phone that said, "Are you sure?" 212 00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:14,519 And I wasn't sure. 213 00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:16,087 I can't lie to my phone. 214 00:09:16,188 --> 00:09:20,386 Ooh, sweetie, I totally understand. Delete it! 215 00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:22,017 It's not that easy, okay? 216 00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:25,427 You're not just deleting a number. You're deleting a part of your life. 217 00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:28,159 You know, all those memories, all those experiences. 218 00:09:28,267 --> 00:09:30,895 It's like you're admitting they're gone forever. 219 00:09:31,003 --> 00:09:33,938 I know, sweetie. I know. 220 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,234 Delete it! 221 00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:36,899 Okay. If it's that easy... 222 00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:38,874 I'm gonna delete one of your numbers from your phone. 223 00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:40,809 - See how you like it. - My "plezh"! 224 00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:43,381 If you can find a number in there that I don't call regularly... 225 00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:45,006 I'll gladly delete it. 226 00:09:45,117 --> 00:09:46,607 "Super Kicks Karate." 227 00:09:46,719 --> 00:09:49,244 Oh, not that one. That's my dojo. 228 00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:50,845 You have a dojo? 229 00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:53,824 I took an introductory karate class. 230 00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:54,950 [Karate Yells] 231 00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:56,892 Oops! Wrong room. 232 00:09:56,996 --> 00:10:00,022 Where do the grown-ups go for the real karate class? 233 00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:03,033 What's the matter, lady? You scared? 234 00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:06,798 [Laughs] Of you? Please. I'm a kindergarten teacher. 235 00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:08,999 I hated kindergarten... 236 00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:11,008 all three times. 237 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,975 - [Karate Yell] - [Screams] 238 00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:15,809 But I'm totally gonna sign up for more lessons. 239 00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:18,315 How long ago did you take that class? 240 00:10:18,417 --> 00:10:20,749 I don't know. It was around the time... 241 00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:24,289 when everyone was going, "Whassup?" 242 00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:27,052 [Chuckles] How do you even remember that? 243 00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:29,684 Whassup! 244 00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:32,821 Lily, this is a number that you will never dial again. 245 00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:34,923 - I might. - No. No. But you keep it on your phone... 246 00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:37,594 because it reminds you of a version of yourself that you could be... 247 00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:40,433 even if it's a version of yourself that you'll never become. 248 00:10:40,539 --> 00:10:41,733 And that's okay. 249 00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:43,308 No, it's not. 250 00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:45,502 - Okay, you know what? There. Gone. - [Beeps] 251 00:10:45,611 --> 00:10:47,374 Your move, Scherbatsky. 252 00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:50,741 [Groans] I finally know what your kind goes through. 253 00:10:50,850 --> 00:10:52,340 - [Door Closes] - I get it now. 254 00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:54,419 For the last time, I don't care how big it was. 255 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,385 It is not the same as giving birth. 256 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,286 Ew. No. 257 00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,882 Barney's been "putting the moves" on Ted. 258 00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:03,154 - [Sighs] - Oh, that sucks. 259 00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:05,389 Although I like you two together. Mmm. 260 00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,159 No. He's been doing it... 261 00:11:07,266 --> 00:11:10,167 to try to get Ted to design the new GNB Tower. 262 00:11:10,269 --> 00:11:12,260 Which moves are we talking about? Did he do that thing... 263 00:11:12,371 --> 00:11:14,931 where he brags on himself in the form of a complaint? 264 00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:19,501 Man. Every time I take out my business card and women see the GNB logo... 265 00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:21,102 they throw themselves at me. 266 00:11:21,213 --> 00:11:22,680 I miss the chase. 267 00:11:22,782 --> 00:11:24,579 It sucks! 268 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,278 Man, the courtside Knicks seats that are available... 269 00:11:27,386 --> 00:11:30,651 to all upper-level GNB employees are too close to the action! 270 00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,587 I keep getting sweat on my suit. 271 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,421 It sucks! 272 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,928 Man, GNB's benefits package is so comprehensive... 273 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:40,555 it gives me the freedom to see any doctor I want. 274 00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:42,293 It sucks! 275 00:11:42,401 --> 00:11:45,131 - He did. - And the intense eye contact thing? 276 00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:50,038 So, Ted, would you like to split some jalapeño poppers? 277 00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:56,381 Uh, o-okay. 278 00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:57,540 Yep. 279 00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:59,550 And the thing where he establishes intimacy... 280 00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,210 through physical contact? 281 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,720 You know why jalapeño poppers are so good? 282 00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:05,552 It's the cream cheese. 283 00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:07,819 That is so true. 284 00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:09,121 Yep. 285 00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:13,559 Cream cheese is a mild flav-flavor, so it... 286 00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:16,829 it balances out the spiciness of the jal... 287 00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:19,200 the spiciness of the... the... 288 00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:20,272 Dude! 289 00:12:21,373 --> 00:12:23,170 So at any point in this, did you say... 290 00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:27,735 "Barney, I know what you're doing, and it's not gonna work. I am not taking that job"? 291 00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:30,577 l... Well, I mean, not exactly in those... 292 00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,981 - You're loving this. - No. 293 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,552 You are. 294 00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:36,518 You're loving the attention. 295 00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:39,716 It's nice to be wanted, okay? 296 00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:42,589 And, yes, this is a new vest. Thank you all for noticing. 297 00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:45,129 Oh, that's right. You didn't. Barney did. 298 00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:49,600 Oh, Teddy, you are so gonna spread your legs and design that building. 299 00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:52,603 [Gasps] I am not that kind of architect. 300 00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:55,105 [Laughing] 301 00:12:55,207 --> 00:12:58,506 So get this. Robin never deleted Don's number. 302 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,806 Boo! 303 00:13:00,913 --> 00:13:02,437 Oh! Oh, everyone thinks it's so easy. 304 00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:04,448 Give me your phone. Let's delete one of yours. 305 00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:05,847 - Uh, okay. - Mmm. 306 00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,612 No problem. 307 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,780 If you can find a number that I don't need or shouldn't have in here, be my guest. 308 00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:14,291 But good luck. I keep my phone tight. 309 00:13:14,393 --> 00:13:16,156 - Edwin. - Oh, no. Not that one. 310 00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:19,163 That's the booker for the club that my band plays at. 311 00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:21,130 You know, my all-lawyer funk band. You remember. 312 00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:23,963 The Funk, the Whole Funk and Nothing but the Funk. 313 00:13:24,069 --> 00:13:25,969 - ♪♪ [Funk] - ♪ Your witness lied ♪ 314 00:13:26,071 --> 00:13:28,801 ♪ So your case is sunk ♪ Ha! 315 00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:32,742 ♪ I sentence you to a life of funk ♪ 316 00:13:32,845 --> 00:13:34,642 ♪ Counselors, how do you plead? ♪ 317 00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:36,578 - Funky! - Funky! 318 00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:37,649 Kick it. 319 00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,843 ♪♪ [Continues] 320 00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:46,380 You guys played one gig four years ago. I'm deleting it. 321 00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:49,427 No. No. We're gonna play another gig again, probably really soon. 322 00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:51,689 Just we all got super busy and... 323 00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:56,197 We're not gonna play another gig again, are we? 324 00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:58,031 Probably not, baby. 325 00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:00,264 See, it's hard to hit that delete button, isn't it? 326 00:14:00,372 --> 00:14:02,840 Well, it's just that without that number in my phone... 327 00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:07,276 I'm just a corporate lawyer working 60 very un-funky hours a week. 328 00:14:07,379 --> 00:14:09,404 Sorry, Marshall. 329 00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:11,380 If I have to, you have to. 330 00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:16,845 [Beeps] 331 00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,690 Okay. Your turn. 332 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,085 [Sighs] 333 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,124 [Beeps] 334 00:14:32,504 --> 00:14:34,267 Barney, I gotta tell you something. 335 00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:35,931 Oh. That reminds me... 336 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:39,602 I got you... a little airplane. 337 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:42,374 It represents the spirit of adventure. 338 00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:44,312 Do you like it, Ted? 339 00:14:44,416 --> 00:14:46,213 Do you? 340 00:14:46,318 --> 00:14:49,981 Stop it. Stop looking at me like I'm the only person in the world who matters. 341 00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:53,552 I'm not designing the GNB Tower. 342 00:14:53,659 --> 00:14:56,992 Yeah. I know. You turned it down. We hired someone else. 343 00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:58,063 Oh. 344 00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:00,731 Oh. 345 00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:03,631 Can you believe it? He's resorting to the oldest move in the book... 346 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:07,194 the classic "pretend to take the offer off the table so I'll want it more." 347 00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:08,933 So obvious, right? 348 00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:12,738 As if that's gonna make me be, like, "Oh, God, I never should have said no." 349 00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:15,109 It's not a move, dude. 350 00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:18,183 I executed the paperwork for the new architect this morning. 351 00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:19,751 Barney wasn't lying. 352 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:23,111 Oh, God, I never should have said no! 353 00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:30,390 Come on. GNB didn't really hire a new architect. 354 00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:32,191 This is just one of Barney's moves. 355 00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:35,631 It's not a move, dude. The senior partners were getting impatient. 356 00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,258 I thought you didn't even want the job. 357 00:15:37,369 --> 00:15:38,996 I didn't. 358 00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:40,401 I don't. 359 00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:41,632 I don't. 360 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:42,707 I don't. 361 00:15:42,808 --> 00:15:44,935 - Okay, I'll do it. - What? 362 00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:46,773 Ted, it's too late. 363 00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:49,143 I'll design it for half of what you're paying the other architect. 364 00:15:49,248 --> 00:15:52,376 And you know I will do stuff they would never do. 365 00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:54,645 Lobby stuff. 366 00:15:54,753 --> 00:15:57,085 Wow. Half? 367 00:15:57,189 --> 00:15:59,555 Ted, on behalf of Goliath National Bank... 368 00:15:59,658 --> 00:16:01,455 - Okay, it's a move. - What? 369 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,391 - Dude! - There's no other architect. 370 00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:05,292 I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied. 371 00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:08,366 I was being Barney's wingman, and I never get to be the wingman. 372 00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:09,957 You guys lied to me? 373 00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:11,730 You're the world's worst wingman. You know what? 374 00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:13,236 I'm out of here. 375 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,834 I can do better. Take me back. 376 00:16:15,941 --> 00:16:17,465 You son of a bitch! 377 00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:19,476 Look, I can't do business with people who lie to me. 378 00:16:19,578 --> 00:16:22,979 We only lied to you to make you realize that you want this job. 379 00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:25,880 No, I don't. I mean, l-I know I said I did... 380 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,112 but that's only because I fell for the same... 381 00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:30,984 creepy pickup artist voodoo of yours that countless women... 382 00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:32,079 236. 383 00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:33,317 before me fell for. 384 00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:34,585 Wow. Respect. 385 00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:38,993 No. Ted, you want to do this, okay? 386 00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:41,066 You're just scared of getting hurt again. 387 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,634 But you can't let fear steal your funk. 388 00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:46,705 That is good. There is a song in there. Excuse me. 389 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,575 Come on, Ted. This is your dream. 390 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,702 No. It's not. Not anymore. 391 00:16:53,812 --> 00:16:55,609 And you know what? 392 00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:58,080 Letting go of that dream was the best decision I ever made. 393 00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:01,346 You guys actually think I have some lingering itch to be an architect... 394 00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:04,013 work 20 hours a day and weekends to get ulcers... 395 00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:06,717 and pull my hair out and worry and doubt myself, and then... 396 00:17:06,825 --> 00:17:10,192 at the end of it all, have the rug pulled out from under me? 397 00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:12,695 I love being a professor, okay? 398 00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:16,962 All that stupid crap they tell you about how fulfilling teaching is... it's all true. 399 00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:20,197 I'm happy, and I'm not letting go of that. 400 00:17:20,305 --> 00:17:22,432 My answer's no. 401 00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:27,703 Hey, guys. 402 00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:30,077 - Where's the poop, Robin? - How do you do that? 403 00:17:30,182 --> 00:17:32,878 God, you are like a bomb-sniffing dog, except with poop. 404 00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:34,452 You're a poop-sniffing dog. 405 00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,384 I think that's just called a dog. 406 00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:38,217 Where's the poop, Robin? 407 00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:40,951 [Sighs] Fine. I called Don again. 408 00:17:42,594 --> 00:17:44,960 Hey, Don, it's Robin again. 409 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,726 Uh, look, I am sorry for all the calls. 410 00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:49,494 It's just I saw you on the news... 411 00:17:49,601 --> 00:17:52,229 and it made me a little crazy for a minute. [Chuckles] 412 00:17:52,337 --> 00:17:55,067 I guess I wasn't as over our breakup as I thought. 413 00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:59,167 Um, but I want to say from the bottom of my heart... 414 00:17:59,278 --> 00:18:00,836 I am gonna kill you. 415 00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:03,073 No. [Chuckling] No, I'm not. 416 00:18:03,182 --> 00:18:05,013 I am happy for you. 417 00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:08,450 And that Asian slut on your Facebook page... she's dead too. 418 00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:09,521 [Beeps] 419 00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:11,521 I thought you deleted his number. 420 00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:13,955 [Sighs] I did. But it turns out I memorized it. 421 00:18:14,059 --> 00:18:16,084 You can't delete contacts from your brain, Lily. 422 00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:18,595 Well, you have to try. If you ever want to have closure... 423 00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:21,029 I am never gonna have closure. 424 00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:22,760 Okay? Closure doesn't exist. 425 00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:25,063 Okay... One day, Don and I are moving in together... 426 00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:27,866 and the next thing I know, he's on a plane to Chicago. 427 00:18:27,973 --> 00:18:30,771 It just... ended. 428 00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:34,209 - ##[Alt Rock] - And no matter how much I try to forget that it happened... 429 00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:36,645 it will have never not happened. 430 00:18:36,748 --> 00:18:39,216 Don and I will always be a loose end. 431 00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:40,410 We'll always be... 432 00:18:40,652 --> 00:18:42,677 "Unfinished." 433 00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:45,052 ##[Continues] 434 00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:47,455 Gaudí, to his credit, never gave up on his dream. 435 00:18:47,559 --> 00:18:49,459 But that's not usually how it goes. 436 00:18:49,561 --> 00:18:52,052 I mean, usually it isn't a speeding bus... 437 00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:55,361 that keeps the brown, pointy, weird church from getting built. 438 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:58,129 Most of the time, it's just too difficult... 439 00:18:58,237 --> 00:19:00,967 or too expensive or too scary. 440 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:04,065 It's only once you've stopped... 441 00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:05,370 [No Audible Dialogue] 442 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,638 that you realize how hard it is to start again. 443 00:19:07,746 --> 00:19:10,408 So you force yourself not to want it. 444 00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:13,712 But it's always there. 445 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:16,583 And until you finish it, it will always be... 446 00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:22,518 [Man] # While you're waiting # 447 00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:25,529 ♪ For that sound ♪ 448 00:19:25,631 --> 00:19:28,327 - # What you find # - [Tires Screech] 449 00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:30,162 ♪ Ain't what you had in mind ♪ 450 00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:32,396 ##[Continues] 451 00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:35,268 Hey, Barney. Hey, Rachel. 452 00:19:35,374 --> 00:19:37,842 Rachel, why aren't you in class? 453 00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:39,877 - Why aren't you in class? - Yeah, Ted. 454 00:19:39,978 --> 00:19:41,843 Why aren't you in class? 455 00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:46,781 ##[Continues, Indistinct] 456 00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:48,409 You son of a bitch. 457 00:19:49,988 --> 00:19:52,718 I'll call Marshall. We'll draw up the contract. 458 00:19:52,824 --> 00:19:54,018 Not so fast. 459 00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:56,060 I'm not that easy. 460 00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:58,561 [Ted Narrating] And so I made Barney break his golden rule. 461 00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:00,291 I made him take me out to dinner... 462 00:20:00,399 --> 00:20:04,733 before I finally gave him the thing he always got. 463 00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:05,962 Yes. 464 00:20:07,906 --> 00:20:10,374 And even though it didn't happen right away... 465 00:20:10,475 --> 00:20:13,672 [Male Announcer] And now the Eleven O'CIock News with Don Frank. 466 00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:15,542 ##[Continues, Indistinct] 467 00:20:15,647 --> 00:20:16,614 [Beeps] 468 00:20:17,449 --> 00:20:19,246 [Woman] Bueno. 469 00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:21,182 Uh, who is this? 470 00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:23,584 No hablo inglés. ¿ Quién es? 471 00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:26,783 I'm sorry. Is this 917-456... 472 00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,452 I'm sorry. 465... No, wait. 473 00:20:30,696 --> 00:20:32,129 Huh. 474 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,529 [Ted Narrating] Robin finally got some closure too. 475 00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:38,232 Sorry. Wrong number. 476 00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:40,669 - ##[Man Vocalizing] - [Beeps] 477 00:20:41,707 --> 00:20:43,174 Finished with that. 478 00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:44,572 [Clicks Off] 479 00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:51,974 ##[Spaghetti Western Theme] 480 00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:58,153 Hey, punk, bit of advice... 481 00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:02,091 Next time you step on a kindergarten teacher's neck... 482 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,253 you better finish the job. 483 00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:06,422 I knew this day would come. 484 00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:08,833 ##[Gong Chimes] 485 00:21:33,892 --> 00:21:34,859 English - US - SDH