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Kids, the early bloom of a romance
is a wonderful thing.
2
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You meet someone,
3
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you have a connection,
4
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:10,700
and that person becomes sheer perfection
in your eyes.
5
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You just can't find
anything wrong with them.
6
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You can't wait to tell
the world about it.
7
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She convinced you to go jogging?
8
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Wow, you really want to get
in this girl's pants.
9
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I'm telling you,
you guys are gonna love her.
10
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Lily, she knows all about art.
11
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Marshall, she's open to the
existence of UFOs.
12
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Barney, she's hot.
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Robin, she's not hotter than you.
14
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- Like her already.
- How not hotter?
15
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So we all went out to dinner,
16
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and I couldn't wait to see if my friends
were as crazy about Cathy as I was.
17
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So, what's everyone getting?
18
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Well, I can't decide.
19
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Which sounds better,
chicken or lasagna?
20
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Lasagna. Just get the lasagna!
21
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Oh. You guys just got a new place.
22
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How many bedrooms is it?
23
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Two. It's two bedrooms!
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Okay!
25
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Let's hear it.
26
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What's wrong with Cathy?
27
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Are you kidding me, Ted?
28
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- She's got a...
- wait.
29
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You don't notice it?
30
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Notice what?
31
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Oh, he doesn't see it.
32
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If we point it out, we're
gonna ruin her for him.
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As his friends,
we'll just keep him in the dark.
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You're right.
35
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She's great, man.
36
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She's a keeper. Just...
37
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keep her somewhere else.
38
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Marshall, what is everyone's
problem with Cathy?
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Oh, she's a total nightmare,
Ted,
40
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but can we talk about this later?
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I'm a minute away from finding out
if I'm gonna be a lawyer or not.
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His years of school,
his countless hours of study,
45
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had finally culminated in this
grueling, two-day ordeal.
46
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And...
47
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begin.
48
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The pressure of it was enormous.
49
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Every year, people taking
the bar simply cracked.
50
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No!
51
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No!
52
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No!
53
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No!
54
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But Marshall had made it through.
55
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And...
56
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time.
57
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Time's up.
58
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Right.
59
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Time.
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- Sir.
- I know.
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- Your time is...
- I know it is.
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Give me...!
63
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Now, months later,
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the results of that exam were scheduled
to post online at 10:00,
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and it was 9:59.
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Damn, they're not up yet.
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Oh, don't worry, baby.
I'm sure you rocked it.
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I mean, how many people fail the bar?
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Half.
70
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Oh, my God, half?
71
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Only half the people pass?
72
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I mean, half the people pass.
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That's fantastic.
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Go, Marshall.
75
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Oh, hey, can I jump on there?
76
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- I want to show you something awesome.
- What?
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No. Bar results. My future.
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Trust me. You need to see this.
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What is so important
that I need to see it right now?
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00:03:04,035 --> 00:03:07,200
It's a video of a dog pooping on a baby.
81
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How do I need to see that?
82
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Why would I want to see that?
83
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In what possible way
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could subjecting my eyes and my brain...
85
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to something that
disgusting enrich my life?
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It's a dog pooping on a baby.
87
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Get away from my computer.
88
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Okay, just do a quick Google
search for "caca spaniel. "
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The results are in.
90
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Whoo. What's it say?
91
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"Input password. "
92
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oh, Input the password.
93
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It's okay. They assigned it
to me when I took the test.
94
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It's gotta be around here somewhere.
95
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Here. Here-here-here.
96
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Jelly beans, fluffernutter,
Gummi Bears, ginger snaps...
97
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This is a grocery list.
98
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For who? A witch building
a house in the forest?
99
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Sugar helps me study.
100
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This is like the shopping
a ten-year-old does
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when his parents leave him alone
for the weekend.
102
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What parent leaves a ten-year-old alone
for the weekend?
103
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And your mom was perfect.
104
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- I can't find my password!
105
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Okay, just can't you let
'em know that you lost it
106
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and they'll e-mail it
to you or something?
107
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No! They won't let me do that.
108
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I'm gonna have to wait till the
results come in the regular mail.
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That could be weeks from now,
if ever!
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Our mail carrier hates me...
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ever since I asked her
when the baby was due.
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She wasn't pregnant?
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No, he was not.
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Ooh.
115
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Okay, well, that's a drag,
but the results will come eventually.
116
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Just try to keep it off
your mind until then.
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Hey, Brad.
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Oh, congratulations, man.
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I'm, uh...
120
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I'm not sure yet.
121
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I lost my password.
122
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That's great, Cara.
123
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I don't know yet.
I lost my password.
124
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I don't know how I lost it!
125
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This stuff happens!
126
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Oh. Ohh! You're one to talk.
127
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You misplace stuff all the time.
128
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I'm sorry.
129
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I'm sure the nurses are
stealing your medicine, Grandma.
130
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Love you, too.
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If I have to wait six weeks
to find out if I passed,
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I-I'm gonna have a heart attack.
133
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Based on that grocery list, I'd
say diabetes is a bigger worry.
134
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You know what?
Laugh all you want.
135
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This affects my whole future, all right?
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Okay.
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I probably shouldn't
be telling you this.
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I definitely shouldn't
be telling you this,
139
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but there is a way I can
help you with your problem.
140
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How?
141
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I know a guy at work.
142
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He can get access to software
designed to penetrate firewalls
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and retrieve passwords
through secure servers.
144
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I can get into any computer.
145
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So what do we do? Like, arrange a secret
meeting in a darkened parking structure?
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No.
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Can we?
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No.
149
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I have a trench coat.
150
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Dude, be cool.
151
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So, I just got off the phone with Cathy.
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God, you guys are so right.
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I totally hear it now.
154
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See it now?
155
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Smell it?
156
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What is it?!
157
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I left the table for two minutes.
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What could she have possibly
done in that time...
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that was so horrible?
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Was it...
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I'll be back in one second.
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One time, in the tenth grade,
as a joke,
163
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I told everyone that my English teacher
had sex with me.
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He's still in jail.
165
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Or maybe...
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I'll be back in a second.
167
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So I volunteer at the pound.
168
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Oh, isn't that nice?
169
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Yeah.
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You can't imagine the rush you get
from killing an unwanted puppy.
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I make bracelets out of the collars.
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Or...
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I'll be back in one second.
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I bet he's going to the urinal.
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Yeah.
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I remember when I had a penis.
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It wasn't anything she did
while you were in the bathroom.
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It's just the way she is.
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I don't get it.
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If it's so obvious and you guys all see it,
181
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how come I don't?
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'Cause we're not trying
to have sex with her.
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Mmm.
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Brother, you're driving the "I want
to have sex with her" truck,
185
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and it's got a huge blind spot.
186
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That's ridiculous.
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Is it really?
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Ted, let me tell you a little
story about a young lady
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I wanted to have sex with--
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Lucilia.
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On a white sand beach in Rio de Janeiro,
192
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we made love for ten straight hours.
193
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When we were done,
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she applauded
195
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and told me I was far, far better
196
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than the best lover
she could possibly imagine,
197
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and that I had restored her faith in God.
198
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What does this have to do with Cathy?
199
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:37,300
Who's Cathy?
200
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Just tell me what the hell
is wrong with her already.
201
00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:42,700
Okay.
202
00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:43,600
You want to know?
203
00:07:43,635 --> 00:07:44,300
Yes.
204
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You want to shatter this beautiful
illusion you've created for yourself?
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Fine. Here it is.
206
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Cathy talks...
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00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,300
a lot.
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Oh, come on.
209
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:58,600
That's not true.
210
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Ted. Really, really think about
that dinner we all just had together.
211
00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:05,200
And I did.
212
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,500
So, what's everyone getting?
213
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,100
Well, I can't decide.
214
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,600
Which sounds better,
chicken or lasagna?
215
00:08:11,635 --> 00:08:13,900
I like chicken. I like lasagna.
I like them both,
216
00:08:13,935 --> 00:08:15,200
but I really like pork.
217
00:08:15,235 --> 00:08:16,600
A lot of people don't eat pork,
218
00:08:16,635 --> 00:08:18,800
and maybe it's because
of that movie Babe or something.
219
00:08:18,835 --> 00:08:19,600
But that was funny.
220
00:08:19,635 --> 00:08:22,000
He was a talking pig
and he was like "Bah, Ram, Ewe!"
221
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:24,500
What-what if there was a sorority,
"Bah, Ram, Ewe?"
222
00:08:24,535 --> 00:08:25,400
I'd totally rush it.
223
00:08:25,435 --> 00:08:27,800
... And so I named him Dr. Seuss!
224
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:30,100
Lorax is a funny word.
225
00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,500
Lasagna! Just get the lasagna!
226
00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:35,700
Oh, you guys just got a new place.
227
00:08:35,735 --> 00:08:37,300
How many bedrooms is it?
228
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,000
I would love to have an extra bedroom,
229
00:08:39,035 --> 00:08:40,300
because I would put a
Stairmaster in there.
230
00:08:40,335 --> 00:08:42,400
But you guts should
get a convertible sofa.
231
00:08:42,435 --> 00:08:44,100
Or a futon.
Futons are great.
232
00:08:44,135 --> 00:08:45,600
Or what about one of those Murphy beds?
233
00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:46,700
Who invented the Murphy bed?
234
00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:47,800
Was it a guy named Murphy?
235
00:08:47,835 --> 00:08:48,500
Oh, my God.
236
00:08:48,535 --> 00:08:50,200
Do you guys remember
thatshow Murphy Brown?
237
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:51,800
That was a funny show.
238
00:08:51,900 --> 00:08:53,600
She had a new assistant every episode.
239
00:08:53,635 --> 00:08:55,736
... and it was like half an
hour before I realized...
240
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,300
he wasn't even on the phone anymore!
241
00:08:57,335 --> 00:08:58,700
Isn't that hysterical?
242
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,400
Two! It's two bedrooms!
243
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,400
Hey, do you guys like cannolis?
244
00:09:04,435 --> 00:09:06,100
Because I know this place
and it's in the South Bronx
245
00:09:06,135 --> 00:09:07,100
and you wouldn't expect it,
246
00:09:07,135 --> 00:09:09,100
but they have the best cannolis in town.
247
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,200
And just like that,
the illusion was shattered.
248
00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:14,100
Wow.
249
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:18,100
She just never shuts up, does she?
250
00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:20,900
She didn't stop to swallow her food.
251
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,100
I was scared for her.
252
00:09:22,135 --> 00:09:23,400
I didn't want her to choke.
253
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:32,300
so, kids, this girl i was dating
would not stop talking.
254
00:09:32,335 --> 00:09:34,200
Can you imagine how awful that is?
255
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:41,300
Do you own a wok?
256
00:09:41,335 --> 00:09:42,800
'Cause that's really how...
257
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,500
Don't you just love autumn?
258
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:47,800
Today I'm dressed for...
259
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,000
Oh, my God.
260
00:09:49,035 --> 00:09:51,000
The sweetest thing.
261
00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,800
And I know this great place
where we can go.
262
00:09:53,835 --> 00:09:55,400
They have guys and girls clothes.
263
00:09:55,435 --> 00:09:56,900
We could both shop at the same time.
264
00:09:56,935 --> 00:09:58,600
And a lot of times boyfriends
and girlfriends...
265
00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:00,100
Hey!
266
00:10:00,135 --> 00:10:01,800
Why are you running so fast?
267
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:05,500
Well, thank you, pal.
268
00:10:05,535 --> 00:10:06,800
You and your little friends,
269
00:10:06,835 --> 00:10:08,000
you just had to tell me.
270
00:10:08,035 --> 00:10:10,300
You just had to give in
to my incessant begging.
271
00:10:10,335 --> 00:10:11,800
You said that you wanted to know.
272
00:10:11,835 --> 00:10:13,600
I didn't want to know!
273
00:10:13,635 --> 00:10:15,300
You said you wanted to know!
274
00:10:15,335 --> 00:10:17,700
Well, I didn't know
I didn't want to know!
275
00:10:17,735 --> 00:10:19,800
You knew.
And you know me.
276
00:10:19,835 --> 00:10:22,100
And you should have known
I didn't want to know!
277
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,000
You know?
278
00:10:24,900 --> 00:10:26,300
I'm sorry we told you.
279
00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:28,400
I'm surprised she didn't tell
you herself at some point.
280
00:10:28,435 --> 00:10:31,500
There's only a finite combination
of words in the English language.
281
00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:33,900
Well, you could have let me
enjoy it a little longer.
282
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:35,500
She's got all these
other great qualities.
283
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:36,500
She's smart.
284
00:10:36,535 --> 00:10:37,300
She's caring.
285
00:10:37,335 --> 00:10:38,100
She loves animals...
286
00:10:38,135 --> 00:10:39,100
You know how to teach her a lesson?
287
00:10:39,135 --> 00:10:40,200
Buy her a parrot.
288
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:42,700
Oh, come on.
289
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,400
I'm sorry that we told you, okay?
290
00:10:45,435 --> 00:10:47,300
It's part of being in a relationship.
291
00:10:47,335 --> 00:10:49,700
Eventually, you get used
to these annoying little things
292
00:10:49,735 --> 00:10:51,100
that bug you at first.
293
00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:52,800
Yeah, I guess.
294
00:10:52,835 --> 00:10:55,000
I mean, you got used
to Lily's loud chewing, right?
295
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,100
Lily doesn't chew loudly.
296
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:00,300
Dude...
297
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,000
Come on. This isn't news.
298
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,800
Why do you think I call her "Chewbacca"?
299
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,900
I assumed because she's loyal,
wears shiny belts
300
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:09,800
and I resemble a young Harrison Ford.
301
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:12,500
Think about it.
302
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,500
Oh, man,
303
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,400
honestly, dude, that's the meanest thing
you've ever done to me.
304
00:11:44,435 --> 00:11:46,200
I really thought you knew.
305
00:11:46,235 --> 00:11:49,000
We had ribs the other night.
It sounded like Jurassic Park.
306
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:50,900
Ha-ha-ha.
307
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:51,700
You know what?
308
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:52,900
It doesn't matter.
309
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,000
But it did.
310
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:19,300
Say, what's in that cereal besides
dry twigs and small animal bones?
311
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,400
What's that supposed to mean?
312
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:24,500
Lily, I love you,
but honest to God,
313
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:27,190
when you eat, it sounds
like a garbage disposal...
314
00:12:27,290 --> 00:12:28,500
full of drywall screws.
315
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,500
What's the matter with you?
316
00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:33,200
We've been together ten years,
and you're saying this now?
317
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:36,400
Well, I never noticed it before until...
318
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,300
Until what?
319
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:39,400
Can you believe Ted?
320
00:12:39,435 --> 00:12:42,400
What a lame thing to say,
that I'm a loud chewer.
321
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,400
Yeah, that's crazy.
322
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:51,500
Maybe enough with the pretzels.
323
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,200
Oh, my God, do I
really chew that loudly?
324
00:12:55,235 --> 00:12:57,700
No, no, no.
325
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:00,800
Okay, now that you pointed it out,
326
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,536
maybe it does sound slightly like...
327
00:13:03,636 --> 00:13:06,500
someone put a screwdriver
in a pencil sharpener,
328
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:08,000
but in a cute way.
329
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,600
This is all Ted's fault.
330
00:13:10,635 --> 00:13:13,500
Oh, like he's so perfect,
Mr. Corrector.
331
00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:14,900
What do you mean?
332
00:13:14,935 --> 00:13:15,800
Oh, come on.
333
00:13:15,835 --> 00:13:16,900
You dated the guy for a year
334
00:13:16,935 --> 00:13:19,600
and you never noticed
that most of what Ted says
335
00:13:19,635 --> 00:13:21,300
is correcting you.
336
00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:24,300
Hey, can you hand me a Kleenex?
337
00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:27,300
Actually, Kleenex is a brand.
338
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:28,900
This is a facial tissue.
339
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:33,400
Oh, my God, is Frankenstein
gonna kill that little girl?
340
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,600
Uh, Dr. Frankenstein
isn't in this scene.
341
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,000
That's Frankenstein's monster.
342
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,500
That literally blew my mind.
343
00:13:43,535 --> 00:13:44,800
Figuratively.
344
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,300
Oh, my God, you're right.
345
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,400
That is so annoying.
346
00:13:52,435 --> 00:13:53,900
Isn't it?
347
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,900
Where are those pretzels from,
Ace Hardware?
348
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,000
Hey, man, you like kettle corn?
349
00:14:06,035 --> 00:14:07,600
I'm trying to get rid
of anything crunchy.
350
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,100
Are the blinds closed?
351
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:10,400
I don't know.
352
00:14:10,435 --> 00:14:11,800
Are the blinds closed?!
353
00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:15,100
Yes, the blinds are closed.
354
00:14:15,135 --> 00:14:16,600
Good, I didn't think I was followed,
355
00:14:16,635 --> 00:14:17,500
but you can never be too sure.
356
00:14:17,535 --> 00:14:18,400
Now double-lock the door
357
00:14:18,435 --> 00:14:19,900
and stay away from the windows.
358
00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:22,900
Is there a reason that
you're acting like this?
359
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:25,300
We're about to find
out if you're a lawyer.
360
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,300
Now, in good conscience,
361
00:14:27,335 --> 00:14:29,679
I have to inform you that
using this software...
362
00:14:29,779 --> 00:14:31,500
is in violation of the Patriot Act,
363
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,200
the Strategic Defense Initiative,
364
00:14:33,235 --> 00:14:36,000
and the National Security Act of 1948,
365
00:14:36,035 --> 00:14:37,700
which created the CIA.
366
00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:39,600
So I hope you passed the bar
367
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,100
because if we use this software,
368
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:44,000
the night janitor Gligor
369
00:14:44,035 --> 00:14:46,000
who I fooled into putting
fingerprints on my computer,
370
00:14:46,035 --> 00:14:47,400
is going to need a good lawyer.
371
00:14:48,900 --> 00:14:50,500
Are you certain you want
to go through with this?
372
00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:54,100
I have to know,
yes, yes.
373
00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:56,400
Very good.
374
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:59,400
First, we go to the New York
State Bar Web site.
375
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,000
We disable the firewall,
376
00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:03,700
then the recursive algorithm
grabs your password,
377
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:08,500
and as the application erases itself
leaving no trace we were here ever...
378
00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:11,400
you ready to see your future, bro?
379
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:13,400
Yes.
380
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,800
It's a dog pooping on a baby.
381
00:15:24,835 --> 00:15:26,400
Right!
Isn't that awesome?
382
00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:29,800
So you went through all this just to
get me to look at your stupid video?
383
00:15:29,835 --> 00:15:30,800
Yeah, it was worth it.
384
00:15:30,835 --> 00:15:33,300
Barney, Barney, that was
the biggest test of my life.
385
00:15:33,335 --> 00:15:35,700
I'm incredibly stressed out
right now, and I...
386
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,300
Okay, that's pretty funny.
387
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:42,800
Ted. You got to see this.
388
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:44,400
Uh-huh,
389
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,200
yeah, I have to...
390
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,600
She'll call back when
she realizes I'm gone.
391
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,400
Probably in about 45 minutes.
392
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:54,500
Hey.
393
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:55,300
Hi.
394
00:15:55,335 --> 00:15:56,600
You guys want a drink?
395
00:15:56,635 --> 00:15:58,100
I'll just have a water.
396
00:15:58,135 --> 00:16:00,100
Mm, technically,
water is a drink.
397
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:02,100
Really, Professor?
398
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:04,500
You drink it?
Is that how water works?
399
00:16:04,535 --> 00:16:06,300
Because I was just gonna
smear it on my skin
400
00:16:06,335 --> 00:16:07,600
and hope that I absorbed it.
401
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,400
Or you could, you know,
pour it over your shirt.
402
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:12,400
What's with you?
403
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,400
You're always correcting people.
404
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,600
- You totally do that!
- That's absolutely right.
405
00:16:17,635 --> 00:16:19,100
Right? I never noticed it before,
406
00:16:19,135 --> 00:16:21,100
and now it's literally driving me crazy.
407
00:16:21,135 --> 00:16:22,300
Figuratively.
408
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:25,447
Okay, maybe so, but
it's no worse than you...
409
00:16:25,547 --> 00:16:28,100
using the word "literally"
in every other sentence.
410
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,600
Don't they teach vocabulary in Canada?
411
00:16:31,635 --> 00:16:32,900
They literally don't.
412
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,600
They literally don't.
413
00:16:34,635 --> 00:16:35,700
Shut up, Marshall.
414
00:16:35,735 --> 00:16:38,200
That's nothing compared to
your thing of singing...
415
00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:39,500
what you do all the time.
416
00:16:39,535 --> 00:16:40,500
What?
417
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:44,600
♪ Paying my bills
using return address labels ♪
418
00:16:44,635 --> 00:16:48,900
♪ From a charity
that I haven't given money to ♪
419
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:55,400
♪ Writing a check 'cause
now I feel guilty ♪
420
00:16:55,435 --> 00:16:59,100
♪ The Salivation Army
does not fight fair. ♪
421
00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:06,000
♪ Heading down to the basement today ♪
422
00:17:06,035 --> 00:17:09,700
♪ With my laundry and
a roll of quarters ♪
423
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:13,800
♪ But I'm back too soon ♪
424
00:17:13,835 --> 00:17:17,700
♪ 'Cause I left the detergent ♪
♪ And the fabric softener ♪
425
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:22,500
Wow.
Those lines are so sloppy.
426
00:17:22,535 --> 00:17:23,900
Oh, come on!
427
00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:26,100
What about you, "Barney"?
428
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,900
Okay, you...
429
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:29,900
always...
430
00:17:29,935 --> 00:17:31,500
oh, Interesting, interesting,
431
00:17:31,535 --> 00:17:34,000
everyone has annoying habits but me.
432
00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:35,000
Oh,
433
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:35,900
got it.
434
00:17:35,935 --> 00:17:40,700
Okay, you sometimes talk
in a weird high-pitched voice.
435
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:45,400
And you're constantly using
lame catchphrases.
436
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,800
And sometimes you space out
437
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:51,300
and don't even pay attention
to what we're talking about.
438
00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:54,300
I'm sorry. What?
439
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:56,100
Oh, see?
440
00:17:56,135 --> 00:17:57,500
You can't think of anything
441
00:17:57,535 --> 00:17:59,800
♪ 'Cause I'm awesome! ♪
442
00:17:59,835 --> 00:18:01,100
All three right there.
443
00:18:01,135 --> 00:18:03,200
Well, technically, "awesome"
wouldn't be a catchphrase.
444
00:18:03,235 --> 00:18:04,900
If anything,
it's more of a catchword.
445
00:18:04,935 --> 00:18:07,300
I literally want to rip your head off.
446
00:18:07,335 --> 00:18:09,300
You mean "figuratively"!
447
00:18:09,335 --> 00:18:11,500
No, I literally mean
448
00:18:11,535 --> 00:18:12,600
"literally. "
449
00:18:12,635 --> 00:18:15,200
Literally, literally literally.
450
00:18:15,235 --> 00:18:16,300
Oh, my God,
451
00:18:16,335 --> 00:18:18,600
Lily, what are you eating, gravel?
452
00:18:18,635 --> 00:18:19,300
Oh, I know, right?
453
00:18:19,335 --> 00:18:21,700
It sounds like cufflinks
going up a vacuum cleaner.
454
00:18:21,735 --> 00:18:23,500
Well, why don't you sing about it?
455
00:18:23,535 --> 00:18:26,100
Because I don't sing
about everything I do.
456
00:18:26,135 --> 00:18:29,200
No, no, sometimes you just sing
nonsense sentences
457
00:18:29,235 --> 00:18:30,600
like a stroke victim,
458
00:18:30,635 --> 00:18:31,600
and what's worse,
459
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:32,800
they're catchy.
460
00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:37,900
♪ Apple, orchard, banana,
cat dance, 8663 ♪
461
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,000
See? We know that one
because once you sang that
462
00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:43,100
for, like, three hours.
What the hell is that?
463
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:45,700
That's my password.
464
00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:49,700
AOBCD8663.
465
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:56,800
- Oh, Marshall!
- Awesome!
466
00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:57,726
There's another one.
467
00:18:57,826 --> 00:18:59,400
It's called "Golden
Reliever, " where this dog...
468
00:18:59,435 --> 00:19:00,700
Yeah, we can guess.
469
00:19:00,735 --> 00:19:02,100
All right, guys, guys, guys.
470
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:08,500
I'm a lawyer.
471
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,200
And just like that
472
00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:15,000
we stopped fighting and
celebrated Marshall's success.
473
00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:17,300
You see, when someone's bad
habits are pointed out to you,
474
00:19:17,335 --> 00:19:18,600
it's hard to ignore them.
475
00:19:18,635 --> 00:19:21,200
♪ I'm a lawyer now
'cause I passed the bar ♪
476
00:19:21,235 --> 00:19:24,000
♪ I'm imposing Marshall law
on this champagne. ♪
477
00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:27,900
Are you literally on
cloud nine right now?
478
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,400
Baby, you never have
to take the bar again.
479
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:33,400
Actually, if he practices law
in another state,
480
00:19:33,435 --> 00:19:34,500
he will have to,
481
00:19:34,535 --> 00:19:35,800
but New York, man!
482
00:19:35,835 --> 00:19:37,500
It's a great state to practice law in!
483
00:19:37,535 --> 00:19:38,900
Lawsuit up!
484
00:19:38,935 --> 00:19:40,300
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
485
00:19:40,335 --> 00:19:41,400
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
486
00:19:41,435 --> 00:19:42,900
But if you love them enough,
487
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,700
those bad habits are easy to forget.
488
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,200
3 years later, i ran into cathy.
489
00:19:51,235 --> 00:19:52,400
and she was doing well.
490
00:19:52,435 --> 00:19:53,500
Ted?!
491
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,200
Oh, my God,
I haven't seen you in so long!
492
00:19:56,235 --> 00:19:57,700
How long has it been?
Three years? No, four years.
493
00:19:57,735 --> 00:19:59,500
No, three years, 'cause I went blonde
and then I went back
494
00:19:59,535 --> 00:20:00,700
'cause I was having too much fun.
495
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,600
It's true what they say:
blondes have more fun.
496
00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:04,000
Oh, my God, I'm being so rude.
497
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,000
Ted, this is my fiancee.
498
00:20:06,035 --> 00:20:07,200
Yes, I'm engaged.
499
00:20:07,235 --> 00:20:08,000
Ted, this is Daniel.
500
00:20:08,035 --> 00:20:10,300
Daniel, this is Ted.
501
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:14,500
great.
502
00:20:14,535 --> 00:20:17,000
great, nice to meet you.
503
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:19,500
You guys seem perfect for each other.
504
00:20:19,535 --> 00:20:21,900
Oh, my God. I know, right? Totally,
it was like love at first sight.
505
00:20:21,935 --> 00:20:23,100
Hey, we should go out sometime.
506
00:20:23,135 --> 00:20:24,000
Are you seeing anyone?
507
00:20:24,035 --> 00:20:26,100
Because we could double-date.
Is that weird? No, it's not.
508
00:20:26,135 --> 00:20:27,800
We can go have brunch on this street.
I know this place.
509
00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:28,800
- Do you guys like popovers?
- She sure can talk a lot, huh?
510
00:20:28,835 --> 00:20:30,100
- Because I love popovers.
- She sure can talk a lot, huh?
511
00:20:30,135 --> 00:20:30,800
- They're like croissants,
- She sure can talk a lot, huh?
512
00:20:30,835 --> 00:20:32,700
but they're a little bit less
flaky and they're kind of round.
513
00:20:32,735 --> 00:20:34,400
Hey, they have strawberry jam.