1 00:00:02,122 --> 00:00:04,657 I cannot stop staring at that girl's face. 2 00:00:04,658 --> 00:00:06,025 Face. Huh. 3 00:00:06,026 --> 00:00:08,494 That's your weirdest nickname for boobs yet. 4 00:00:08,929 --> 00:00:10,029 No, Ted, 5 00:00:10,030 --> 00:00:11,664 I'm really looking at her face. 6 00:00:11,665 --> 00:00:14,133 Aw... That's actually really sweet. 7 00:00:14,134 --> 00:00:15,535 Puffy cheeks, 8 00:00:15,536 --> 00:00:17,804 smudged mascara, 9 00:00:17,805 --> 00:00:19,539 slightly red nose... 10 00:00:19,540 --> 00:00:21,407 That girl was just crying. 11 00:00:21,408 --> 00:00:22,709 She's so sad 12 00:00:22,710 --> 00:00:24,210 and defenseless. 13 00:00:24,211 --> 00:00:25,712 Anyone have a condom? 14 00:00:25,713 --> 00:00:27,380 Oh! Oh, God! No, no, no! 15 00:00:27,381 --> 00:00:28,648 That's it! You know what? 16 00:00:28,649 --> 00:00:29,916 Five-minute time-out! 17 00:00:29,917 --> 00:00:31,251 Corner booth! Now. 18 00:00:32,353 --> 00:00:33,386 Hey, get this. 19 00:00:33,387 --> 00:00:35,221 You know my friend Max from law school? 20 00:00:35,222 --> 00:00:36,656 He's at Gregor's Steakhouse downtown, 21 00:00:36,657 --> 00:00:38,825 and Woody Allen is sitting two tables over. 22 00:00:38,826 --> 00:00:41,127 He wants us to come check it out. 23 00:00:42,296 --> 00:00:44,163 I don't know, it could be cool. 24 00:00:44,164 --> 00:00:45,698 I've never seen Woody Allen. 25 00:00:45,699 --> 00:00:47,767 What?! Robin, how can you be a New Yorker 26 00:00:47,768 --> 00:00:50,203 - and never have seen Woody Allen? - I have seen 27 00:00:50,204 --> 00:00:52,572 plenty of other famous people. 28 00:00:52,573 --> 00:00:56,109 Last week I saw... Maury Povich. 29 00:00:56,110 --> 00:00:58,711 Kids, you know talk show host Maury Povich. 30 00:00:58,712 --> 00:01:01,948 It was uncanny how often we saw this guy. 31 00:01:01,949 --> 00:01:03,416 Dude, everyone sees Maury Povich. 32 00:01:03,417 --> 00:01:05,184 Maury Povich is everywhere. 33 00:01:05,185 --> 00:01:06,386 I'm sorry, Robin, but you're 34 00:01:06,387 --> 00:01:07,487 not a real New Yorker 35 00:01:07,488 --> 00:01:08,721 until you've seen Woody Allen. 36 00:01:08,722 --> 00:01:10,723 I am, too, a real New Yorker. 37 00:01:10,724 --> 00:01:11,991 That's adorable. 38 00:01:11,992 --> 00:01:13,693 You're from Canada. 39 00:01:13,694 --> 00:01:15,128 I have been here for almost six years. 40 00:01:15,129 --> 00:01:16,863 It's not like I just got off a boat. 41 00:01:16,864 --> 00:01:17,930 A boat! 44 00:01:23,237 --> 00:01:24,871 from someone who needs it more than you do. 45 00:01:24,872 --> 00:01:27,907 No, you're not a real New Yorker till you've cried on the subway 46 00:01:27,908 --> 00:01:29,676 and not given a damn what anyone thinks. 47 00:01:29,677 --> 00:01:31,244 No, you're not a real New Yorker 48 00:01:31,245 --> 00:01:33,246 until you've killed a cockroach with your bare hands. 49 00:01:33,247 --> 00:01:35,048 Those rules are all stupid, okay? 50 00:01:35,049 --> 00:01:37,150 I've never done any of those things. 51 00:01:37,151 --> 00:01:38,484 By the end of this day, 52 00:01:38,485 --> 00:01:40,920 Robin would have done all of those things. 53 00:01:40,921 --> 00:01:41,788 Okay, time's up. 54 00:01:41,789 --> 00:01:43,256 What are we talking about? 55 00:01:43,257 --> 00:01:44,557 Woody Allen is eating at Gregor's, 56 00:01:44,558 --> 00:01:46,626 and Robin thinks that we should go see him. 57 00:01:46,627 --> 00:01:47,627 Why would I do that? 58 00:01:47,628 --> 00:01:49,095 I'll see him at poker on Tuesday. 59 00:01:49,096 --> 00:01:50,620 Oh, come on, if we jump in a cab, 60 00:01:50,727 --> 00:01:51,961 we'll be there in 15 minutes. 61 00:01:52,099 --> 00:01:53,866 A real New Yorker would know the subway's faster. 62 00:01:53,867 --> 00:01:55,935 You just take the one, and transfer to the two-three. 63 00:01:55,936 --> 00:01:58,071 Well, the bus runs more often on weekends. 64 00:01:58,072 --> 00:01:59,439 Take the M-7 to the M-5. 65 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,541 The bus? Every time I take the bus, 66 00:02:01,542 --> 00:02:04,444 there is one crazy person no one wants to sit near. 67 00:02:04,445 --> 00:02:06,546 That's why I have never taken the bus. 68 00:02:06,547 --> 00:02:07,714 Plus... 69 00:02:07,715 --> 00:02:10,350 I can run faster than a bus. 70 00:02:10,351 --> 00:02:12,685 Dude, that's, like, seven miles. 71 00:02:12,686 --> 00:02:14,187 You can't do that. 72 00:02:14,188 --> 00:02:16,656 - You can't beat the bus! - I can beat 73 00:02:16,657 --> 00:02:19,359 a bus or a cab or a train! 74 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,428 Is anyone else suddenly craving green eggs and ham? 75 00:02:22,429 --> 00:02:25,732 Machines are overrated, and someone needs to take them down a peg. 76 00:02:25,733 --> 00:02:29,001 You're all wrong... I got a way to get there so fast, I could beat all of you, 77 00:02:29,002 --> 00:02:29,836 even if I 78 00:02:29,837 --> 00:02:31,003 sat down and ordered 79 00:02:31,004 --> 00:02:32,472 a big, juicy steak first. 80 00:02:32,473 --> 00:02:33,172 How? 81 00:02:33,173 --> 00:02:34,173 Medium rare. 82 00:02:34,174 --> 00:02:35,508 But that's not important right now. 83 00:02:35,509 --> 00:02:37,577 Look, I know the city better than any of you guys, okay? 84 00:02:37,578 --> 00:02:39,045 - Oh, my God! - Oh, wow! 85 00:02:40,547 --> 00:02:43,549 All right, all right, hold on, hold on! 86 00:02:43,736 --> 00:02:45,153 Let's just forget about it. 87 00:02:45,159 --> 00:02:46,291 Who cares? I mean, there's no way 88 00:02:46,297 --> 00:02:48,798 to find out who's right anyway. 89 00:02:52,570 --> 00:02:53,486 First person there wins! 90 00:02:53,592 --> 00:02:54,681 Doesn't matter how you get there! 91 00:02:54,801 --> 00:02:56,602 Stay sad! I'll be back! 92 00:02:56,901 --> 00:03:02,001 How I Met Your Mother 6x04 - Subway Wars 93 00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:26,068 Hi. Can I see a menu, please? 94 00:03:26,069 --> 00:03:27,769 No rush. 95 00:03:32,408 --> 00:03:34,209 Kids, I should tell you, 96 00:03:34,210 --> 00:03:36,411 Lily really needed a win that day. 97 00:03:38,348 --> 00:03:40,649 When Marshall and Lily decided to have a baby, 98 00:03:40,650 --> 00:03:42,517 they assumed it would happen right away. 99 00:03:42,518 --> 00:03:43,852 It's gonna be positive. 100 00:03:43,853 --> 00:03:45,387 Eriksen man are hella fertile. 101 00:03:45,388 --> 00:03:48,023 When Uncle Morris was 16, he got his girlfriend pregnant 102 00:03:48,024 --> 00:03:51,360 just by holding her hand too tight in the backseat of a car. 103 00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:54,396 Now I'm thinking my parents lied to me. 104 00:03:54,397 --> 00:03:55,664 Negative. 105 00:03:55,665 --> 00:03:57,165 As the weeks went by, 106 00:03:57,166 --> 00:03:59,334 Marshall's confidence never wavered. 107 00:03:59,335 --> 00:04:01,803 Then it started to mess with Lily's head. 108 00:04:02,939 --> 00:04:05,207 Negative? 109 00:04:05,208 --> 00:04:07,309 Well, we know it's not me. 110 00:04:07,310 --> 00:04:08,377 Everything's fine. 111 00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:10,646 These things take time. 112 00:04:10,647 --> 00:04:11,813 Not with an Eriksen. 113 00:04:11,814 --> 00:04:15,117 Something must be wrong with you. 114 00:04:15,118 --> 00:04:17,853 Also, my mom hates you. 115 00:04:17,854 --> 00:04:19,421 You know what? 116 00:04:19,422 --> 00:04:22,224 Just to make sure, I'm gonna pee on this again. 117 00:04:22,225 --> 00:04:23,592 What? 118 00:04:23,593 --> 00:04:24,660 No, you wouldn't. 119 00:04:24,661 --> 00:04:26,028 Somebody help me! 120 00:04:26,029 --> 00:04:28,864 Somebody help me! 121 00:04:28,865 --> 00:04:32,067 Lily was so fed up with not getting anywhere, 122 00:04:32,068 --> 00:04:35,003 maybe winning this race was just what she needed. 123 00:04:46,783 --> 00:04:48,583 Idiot! 124 00:04:49,919 --> 00:04:51,486 I'll show them. 125 00:04:51,487 --> 00:04:53,822 My body can outrun any motorized vehicle. 126 00:04:53,823 --> 00:04:57,025 I'm like John Henry when he beat the steam engine. 127 00:04:57,026 --> 00:04:59,828 All I need is a great folk song. 128 00:05:04,734 --> 00:05:06,735 ♪ Gather round, ye children ♪ 129 00:05:06,736 --> 00:05:09,204 ♪ to hear the tale so sweet ♪ 130 00:05:09,205 --> 00:05:11,540 ♪ of a man who dared to race machines ♪ 131 00:05:11,541 --> 00:05:13,341 ♪ with nothing but his feet ♪ 132 00:05:13,342 --> 00:05:14,576 Suck it, grand-butt! 133 00:05:14,577 --> 00:05:17,079 ♪ Marshall ♪ 134 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:20,782 ♪ versus the machines ♪ 135 00:05:20,783 --> 00:05:22,017 ♪ hyah! ♪ 136 00:05:22,018 --> 00:05:23,685 Ooh, taxi! 137 00:05:27,123 --> 00:05:29,691 Excuse me, I got a thing. 138 00:05:31,294 --> 00:05:34,596 Maury... Maury... 139 00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:39,301 Track maintenance? 140 00:05:42,205 --> 00:05:44,506 20-minute delay? 141 00:05:44,507 --> 00:05:45,474 How do you do that? 142 00:05:45,475 --> 00:05:47,642 I grew up here, I speak conductor. 143 00:05:47,643 --> 00:05:48,910 Damn it! 144 00:05:53,349 --> 00:05:56,852 Damn it! 145 00:05:59,722 --> 00:06:03,091 Kids, I also needed a win that day. 146 00:06:04,961 --> 00:06:06,928 A couple nights earlier, your Uncle Marshall 147 00:06:06,929 --> 00:06:09,231 had offhandedly mentioned a web site called... 148 00:06:09,232 --> 00:06:10,932 Grademyteacher.net? 149 00:06:10,933 --> 00:06:13,068 It's this awesome site where students can go say 150 00:06:13,069 --> 00:06:14,703 what they really think about their professors. 151 00:06:14,704 --> 00:06:16,505 Hey, you're probably on there. 152 00:06:18,741 --> 00:06:22,210 I just had to see what my students had written about me. 153 00:06:22,211 --> 00:06:24,713 And it was... 154 00:06:26,582 --> 00:06:28,817 ...Majestic. 155 00:06:30,686 --> 00:06:32,420 Until... 156 00:06:36,359 --> 00:06:38,760 Now, kids, I knew I was a good Professor. 157 00:06:38,761 --> 00:06:40,796 That's why I didn't let it bother me. 158 00:06:40,797 --> 00:06:42,497 I had nothing to prove. 159 00:06:42,498 --> 00:06:44,366 Absolutely nothing. 160 00:06:44,367 --> 00:06:45,834 Here's a fun fact. 161 00:06:45,835 --> 00:06:47,502 See the Alberta Building over there? 162 00:06:47,503 --> 00:06:50,739 - Oh. The brown one or the gray one? - That's the gray one. 163 00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:52,274 Did you know 164 00:06:52,275 --> 00:06:54,709 that in 18... 165 00:07:06,422 --> 00:07:08,757 Hey! 166 00:07:08,758 --> 00:07:10,258 Come on! 167 00:07:19,068 --> 00:07:20,635 Elizabeth! 168 00:07:22,939 --> 00:07:25,240 Somebody call an ambulance! 169 00:07:29,712 --> 00:07:31,947 Excuse me, I've got a thing. Hey! 170 00:07:31,948 --> 00:07:34,449 - That's my cab! - Gregor's Steakhouse, downtown. 171 00:07:37,086 --> 00:07:38,987 This is my cab...! 172 00:07:40,790 --> 00:07:42,090 Downtown hospital, please. 173 00:07:42,091 --> 00:07:43,925 It's right by Gregor's Steakhouse. 174 00:07:43,926 --> 00:07:46,394 Take the FDR, and maybe crank up some smooth jazz. 175 00:07:46,395 --> 00:07:49,865 Uh, we're required by law to take you to the nearest hospital, 176 00:07:49,866 --> 00:07:51,499 which is St. Luke's-Roosevelt. 177 00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:53,969 Uptown. 178 00:07:53,970 --> 00:07:55,270 Oh, no. 179 00:07:58,875 --> 00:08:01,543 It's my cab! This is my cab! 180 00:08:06,341 --> 00:08:08,008 It's Barney. 181 00:08:08,009 --> 00:08:09,510 Help me. 182 00:08:13,948 --> 00:08:16,050 Robin also needed a win that day. 183 00:08:17,952 --> 00:08:19,987 It had been a rough year for Robin. 184 00:08:19,988 --> 00:08:22,209 First her boyfriend and former cohost, Don, 185 00:08:22,239 --> 00:08:23,573 left her for another job. 186 00:08:23,658 --> 00:08:25,892 Then Robin met her new cohost, Becky. 187 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,807 Hi! I'm Becky! 188 00:08:28,864 --> 00:08:30,965 I am so excited to be your coanchor! 189 00:08:31,232 --> 00:08:33,467 Yay! 190 00:08:33,468 --> 00:08:35,602 Hi, Becky. My, you're perky. 191 00:08:35,603 --> 00:08:39,112 Don't worry, I am not here to step on your toesies. 192 00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:39,723 Oh... 193 00:08:39,896 --> 00:08:41,564 You're still the star. 194 00:08:41,710 --> 00:08:44,978 I made chocolate chip cookies for everybody! 195 00:08:44,979 --> 00:08:46,313 Yay! 196 00:08:46,314 --> 00:08:47,617 And just like that, 197 00:08:47,771 --> 00:08:49,471 Becky started to eclipse Robin. 198 00:08:49,758 --> 00:08:52,927 I mean, literally eclipse her. 199 00:08:57,125 --> 00:08:59,593 This is my cab! Aah! 200 00:09:00,462 --> 00:09:02,463 Keep it. 201 00:09:08,870 --> 00:09:10,471 Hello. 202 00:09:10,472 --> 00:09:12,439 Ranjit, take me to Gregor's. 203 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:14,765 Taking you to Gregor's. 204 00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,823 ♪ As Marshall ran with all his might ♪ 205 00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:18,559 ♪ and passed his friend Christine ♪ 206 00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:19,660 Hey, Christine. 207 00:09:19,661 --> 00:09:21,395 ♪ He thought of all the times ♪ 208 00:09:21,396 --> 00:09:24,131 ♪ that he had beaten the machine. ♪ 209 00:09:24,132 --> 00:09:25,966 ♪ He triumphed over "Pitfall" ♪ 210 00:09:25,967 --> 00:09:27,034 Yes! 211 00:09:27,035 --> 00:09:28,702 ♪ He vanquished the alarm ♪ 212 00:09:28,703 --> 00:09:31,138 Yes! 213 00:09:31,139 --> 00:09:33,106 ♪ He brought the jukebox back to life ♪ 214 00:09:33,107 --> 00:09:35,275 ♪ with his Fonzarelli arm ♪ 215 00:09:35,276 --> 00:09:37,177 - Hey...! - Oh! 216 00:09:37,178 --> 00:09:39,179 ♪ Marshall ♪ 217 00:09:39,180 --> 00:09:43,584 ♪ versus the machines. ♪ 218 00:09:43,585 --> 00:09:45,152 Ow. Ow. 219 00:09:45,153 --> 00:09:46,253 Ow. 220 00:09:46,254 --> 00:09:47,521 Last seat. 221 00:09:47,522 --> 00:09:48,755 Thank God. 222 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:51,491 I just had the worst cab ride of my life. 223 00:09:51,492 --> 00:09:53,627 Well, you're in luck. 224 00:09:53,628 --> 00:09:55,762 See that gothic church over there? 225 00:09:55,763 --> 00:10:00,067 Those corinthian columns were designed by Giuseppe Pegatto in 1896. 226 00:10:00,068 --> 00:10:02,302 Ow. Ow. 227 00:10:02,303 --> 00:10:03,537 Ow. 228 00:10:03,538 --> 00:10:05,005 Hey, Ranjit, pull over. 229 00:10:05,006 --> 00:10:06,340 Pulling over. 230 00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:09,076 Hey, toots! 231 00:10:09,077 --> 00:10:10,744 How about a ride? 232 00:10:14,015 --> 00:10:16,850 Oh. Hey, Robin, it's you. 233 00:10:16,851 --> 00:10:17,918 ♪ Hyah! ♪ 234 00:10:18,853 --> 00:10:20,153 ♪ Move along. ♪ 235 00:10:21,255 --> 00:10:22,489 ♪ Hyah! ♪ 236 00:10:23,591 --> 00:10:24,658 ♪ Move along. ♪ 237 00:10:25,593 --> 00:10:26,793 ♪ Hyah! ♪ 238 00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:27,961 See that over there? 239 00:10:27,962 --> 00:10:29,363 That's the old Arcadian Hotel. 240 00:10:29,364 --> 00:10:32,132 Fun fact... While today its neoclassical fenestration 241 00:10:32,133 --> 00:10:33,834 is considered to be... 242 00:10:37,772 --> 00:10:40,574 So, is this ride your way of apologizing for this morning? 243 00:10:40,575 --> 00:10:42,609 I'm sorry. I never apologize. 244 00:10:42,610 --> 00:10:44,344 And why would I? 245 00:10:44,345 --> 00:10:45,746 Are you kidding me? 246 00:10:45,747 --> 00:10:47,948 Hey, Barney, can I talk to you? 247 00:10:47,949 --> 00:10:50,550 Sure. Stand a little more this way. 248 00:10:50,551 --> 00:10:52,653 I'm scouting some talent. 249 00:10:52,654 --> 00:10:54,755 Pretend we're talking about something important. 250 00:10:54,756 --> 00:10:57,157 Oh, well, this... This is something important. 251 00:10:57,158 --> 00:11:00,526 Um, I'm having a... A really rough time at work. 252 00:11:00,663 --> 00:11:01,779 You know, the whole Becky thing... 253 00:11:01,820 --> 00:11:02,238 Oh, you know what? 254 00:11:02,284 --> 00:11:03,385 That's just getting distracting. 255 00:11:03,398 --> 00:11:06,533 Um, say "carrots and peas". Carrots and peas. 256 00:11:06,534 --> 00:11:07,434 Carrots and peas. 257 00:11:07,435 --> 00:11:08,468 Carrots and peas. 258 00:11:08,469 --> 00:11:11,338 Carrots and peas. 259 00:11:13,007 --> 00:11:15,509 Guys, I can't stop staring at that girl's face. 260 00:11:15,510 --> 00:11:18,045 - What, you really had something to talk about? - Yes. 261 00:11:18,046 --> 00:11:20,847 Look, I've spent the last six years in this city, 262 00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,883 focusing on my career, all for nothing. 263 00:11:22,884 --> 00:11:24,651 Some lady almost got me killed. 264 00:11:24,652 --> 00:11:26,687 Maury Povich stole my cab. 265 00:11:26,688 --> 00:11:29,056 I swear, this city is starting to reject me 266 00:11:29,057 --> 00:11:30,691 like a bad organ transplant. 267 00:11:30,692 --> 00:11:33,760 You know, everyone keeps saying that I'm not a real New Yorker. 268 00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:36,630 Well, maybe I should just stop trying. 269 00:11:36,631 --> 00:11:38,231 Robin, I had no idea. 270 00:11:38,232 --> 00:11:40,500 No, it's my fault for thinking that you might care. 271 00:11:40,501 --> 00:11:41,702 Ranjit, stop the car. 272 00:11:41,703 --> 00:11:43,236 Stopping the car. 273 00:11:43,237 --> 00:11:44,204 No, don't stop the car. 274 00:11:44,205 --> 00:11:45,906 Not stopping the car. 275 00:11:45,907 --> 00:11:46,807 Seriously, stop the car. 276 00:11:46,808 --> 00:11:48,709 Seriously stopping the car. 277 00:11:48,710 --> 00:11:49,743 Look, you... 278 00:11:49,744 --> 00:11:51,211 Wait, wait... Robin, hold on. 279 00:11:51,212 --> 00:11:53,580 If you want to talk, I'm right here. 280 00:11:53,581 --> 00:11:55,449 Carrots and peas. 281 00:11:55,450 --> 00:11:57,184 Don't... 282 00:11:57,185 --> 00:11:58,418 You... 283 00:12:00,388 --> 00:12:03,957 I'll crank up the smooth jazz. 284 00:12:06,527 --> 00:12:09,162 ♪ Our hero's strength was fading fast ♪ 285 00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:11,398 ♪ just as the light ♪ 286 00:12:11,399 --> 00:12:13,399 ♪ turned... ♪ 287 00:12:18,706 --> 00:12:19,740 ♪ green. ♪ 288 00:12:19,741 --> 00:12:21,241 ♪ He then thought back 289 00:12:21,242 --> 00:12:22,676 ♪ to all the times ♪ 290 00:12:22,677 --> 00:12:25,445 ♪ he'd lost to a machine. ♪ 291 00:12:25,446 --> 00:12:28,048 Come on, Playboy channel. 292 00:12:28,049 --> 00:12:30,584 ♪ The cable box is fearsome ♪ 293 00:12:30,585 --> 00:12:31,257 Ow! 294 00:12:31,408 --> 00:12:32,975 ♪ But the stapler's mighty sting... ♪ 295 00:12:34,622 --> 00:12:36,356 Come on, spice channel. 296 00:12:36,357 --> 00:12:39,726 ♪ The cable box's bite again... ♪ 297 00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:45,165 ♪ Getting too tired ♪ 298 00:12:45,166 --> 00:12:47,934 ♪ to sing. ♪ 299 00:12:54,542 --> 00:12:55,809 Uses a hybrid steel tube structure... 300 00:12:55,810 --> 00:12:58,145 Kids, that day, I had a horrible realization. 301 00:12:58,146 --> 00:13:01,648 If you can't spot the crazy person on the bus... 302 00:13:04,485 --> 00:13:07,287 ...It's you. 303 00:13:12,260 --> 00:13:14,327 The good news is, I was halfway there, 304 00:13:14,328 --> 00:13:15,595 and nothing could stop me. 305 00:13:21,736 --> 00:13:24,871 Whoa! 306 00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,039 This is crazy. 307 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:27,073 I can't believe it. 308 00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:28,575 Okay, this is clearly a sign. 309 00:13:28,576 --> 00:13:30,744 Let's just call it a tie. 310 00:13:30,745 --> 00:13:32,112 Forget about the race. 311 00:13:32,113 --> 00:13:33,180 Head back to the bar. 312 00:13:33,181 --> 00:13:34,114 Absolutely. 313 00:13:44,538 --> 00:13:47,540 Just like that, the race was back on. 314 00:13:48,842 --> 00:13:51,344 Idiot. 315 00:13:51,345 --> 00:13:54,347 Meanwhile, one subway car over... 316 00:14:10,464 --> 00:14:13,099 Oh, God. 317 00:14:18,972 --> 00:14:20,039 Oh, bite me! 318 00:14:24,177 --> 00:14:26,646 Faster. Mush! Mush! 319 00:14:26,647 --> 00:14:29,148 I need this win. I need this win. 320 00:14:31,918 --> 00:14:33,886 And firing half my department freed up the money 321 00:14:33,887 --> 00:14:35,321 to double my own salary. 322 00:14:35,322 --> 00:14:38,024 And this chick from Boston was wicked hot in bed last night, 323 00:14:38,025 --> 00:14:39,492 and I'm getting more muscular, 324 00:14:39,493 --> 00:14:40,826 even though I've stopped working out, 325 00:14:40,827 --> 00:14:42,528 and I've got this amazing poker group. 326 00:14:42,529 --> 00:14:45,398 Actually, Barney did not need a win. 327 00:14:45,399 --> 00:14:49,068 And I smell incredible. Smell me. 328 00:14:49,069 --> 00:14:52,204 Just, seriously, smell me. 329 00:14:54,374 --> 00:14:56,842 He did smell incredible. 330 00:14:56,843 --> 00:14:58,110 Stop! 331 00:14:58,111 --> 00:15:00,279 Too slow. Switch. 332 00:15:14,661 --> 00:15:16,028 Sweetie? 333 00:15:16,029 --> 00:15:16,996 Are you okay? 334 00:15:16,997 --> 00:15:17,963 No. 335 00:15:17,964 --> 00:15:20,900 I am done with this city. It wins. 336 00:15:20,901 --> 00:15:23,436 I just want to move somewhere new and start over. 337 00:15:24,471 --> 00:15:27,606 You've had a rough year. 338 00:15:27,607 --> 00:15:29,475 But you're tough. 339 00:15:29,476 --> 00:15:31,410 And I love you like crazy. 340 00:15:31,411 --> 00:15:33,546 If you left, I'd have to follow you. 341 00:15:33,547 --> 00:15:35,281 And Marshall would follow me. 342 00:15:35,282 --> 00:15:36,482 And Ted would follow him. 343 00:15:36,483 --> 00:15:39,685 The only upside is that we might get rid of Barney. 344 00:15:41,121 --> 00:15:43,055 Bring it in. 345 00:15:45,959 --> 00:15:47,560 What did he say? 346 00:15:47,561 --> 00:15:49,095 No clue. 347 00:15:49,096 --> 00:15:52,431 Hey, is that Maury Povich? 348 00:15:55,535 --> 00:15:56,936 Hey! Lily. 349 00:15:57,938 --> 00:15:58,938 Sorry, sweetie. 350 00:15:58,939 --> 00:16:00,139 I swear I'll be a great friend 351 00:16:00,140 --> 00:16:02,108 at the finish line, but the conductor just said 352 00:16:02,109 --> 00:16:03,843 you're going express to Borough Hall, 353 00:16:03,844 --> 00:16:05,611 which means you're screwed, sweetie. 354 00:16:05,612 --> 00:16:06,746 So long, sucker. 355 00:16:11,384 --> 00:16:13,119 Bring it in. 356 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:14,820 Damn it. 357 00:16:16,723 --> 00:16:19,258 Hey, it's Lily. Help me. 358 00:16:19,259 --> 00:16:21,808 And not a single passenger would listen to me. 359 00:16:22,004 --> 00:16:23,037 I mean, am I a bad teacher? 360 00:16:23,143 --> 00:16:25,678 Do I just put people to sleep? 361 00:16:27,267 --> 00:16:28,300 Buddy? 362 00:16:28,301 --> 00:16:29,869 Hey, buddy? 363 00:16:29,870 --> 00:16:31,604 Need a hand? 364 00:16:33,039 --> 00:16:34,774 The machines have won! 365 00:16:34,775 --> 00:16:37,309 The machines have won. 366 00:16:37,310 --> 00:16:38,778 Dude, mellow. 367 00:16:40,172 --> 00:16:42,106 I can't do it. I can't run that far. 368 00:16:42,415 --> 00:16:44,216 I can't outrace anything. 369 00:16:44,217 --> 00:16:46,185 I... I can't... 370 00:16:46,186 --> 00:16:48,821 I can't get my wife pregnant! 371 00:16:52,025 --> 00:16:53,425 Wait. 372 00:16:53,426 --> 00:16:55,761 Is that what this whole stupid running thing has been about? 373 00:16:55,762 --> 00:16:58,564 My body has been letting me down, and I just wanted 374 00:16:58,565 --> 00:17:00,266 to prove that it could still do something, 375 00:17:00,267 --> 00:17:01,467 but it can't. 376 00:17:01,468 --> 00:17:03,302 Dude, you've been trying for two months, 377 00:17:03,303 --> 00:17:05,237 not two years. That's nothing. 378 00:17:05,238 --> 00:17:06,639 Well, you should talk. 379 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,274 You know, you're the one who's freaking out 380 00:17:08,275 --> 00:17:09,708 because you have one mediocre review 381 00:17:09,709 --> 00:17:11,644 and, like, 50 great ones. 382 00:17:11,645 --> 00:17:13,279 64. But whatever. 383 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:15,514 And you're designing a frickin' building. 384 00:17:15,515 --> 00:17:16,982 I mean, come on, dude. 385 00:17:16,983 --> 00:17:19,919 Sounds like you guys need to clear everything, 386 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,421 subtract the negativity, 387 00:17:22,422 --> 00:17:25,257 and add some perspective. 388 00:17:27,661 --> 00:17:29,962 Marshall! 389 00:17:29,963 --> 00:17:32,464 Marshall, get in! 390 00:17:32,465 --> 00:17:34,633 Hello. 391 00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:52,017 There it is. 392 00:17:52,018 --> 00:17:53,118 Where are Marshall and lily? 393 00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:55,054 Who cares? 394 00:18:18,511 --> 00:18:21,113 I won? I won! 395 00:18:21,114 --> 00:18:22,381 No! 396 00:18:22,382 --> 00:18:23,249 I can't believe I won! 397 00:18:23,250 --> 00:18:24,884 How did that even happen? 398 00:18:24,885 --> 00:18:26,018 Here's how it happened. 399 00:18:26,019 --> 00:18:28,220 Okay, he's in. Go. Go. Gun it. 400 00:18:28,221 --> 00:18:29,889 Ted is in the way. Run him over. 401 00:18:29,890 --> 00:18:31,023 Running him over. 402 00:18:31,024 --> 00:18:32,558 No. Lily, what the hell is the matter with you? 403 00:18:32,559 --> 00:18:35,327 Nothing. I just want to win this really badly. 404 00:18:35,328 --> 00:18:38,831 So badly that I just ditched my best friend 405 00:18:38,832 --> 00:18:40,232 when she needed me. 406 00:18:40,233 --> 00:18:43,836 Oh, baby, you were also going to run over Ted. 407 00:18:43,837 --> 00:18:47,039 Why did I get so crazy about this? 408 00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:48,974 Maybe for the same reason that I kept saying 409 00:18:48,975 --> 00:18:50,376 that I could run seven miles. 410 00:18:50,377 --> 00:18:54,346 I... I'm trying to be really, um, confident and positive 411 00:18:54,347 --> 00:18:57,216 about all this, but, baby, I'm really scared 412 00:18:57,217 --> 00:18:58,250 that we're not pregnant yet. 413 00:18:58,251 --> 00:18:59,518 Oh, thank God. 414 00:18:59,519 --> 00:19:01,954 I keep thinking there's something wrong with me. 415 00:19:01,955 --> 00:19:03,522 I keep thinking there's something wrong with me. 416 00:19:03,523 --> 00:19:04,757 It's only been two months. 417 00:19:04,758 --> 00:19:05,858 We are crazy. 418 00:19:05,859 --> 00:19:06,825 We're totally crazy. 419 00:19:06,826 --> 00:19:07,960 This is the last time 420 00:19:07,961 --> 00:19:09,239 it's ever going to be just the two of us. 421 00:19:09,323 --> 00:19:10,223 Shouldn't we be enjoying that? 422 00:19:10,764 --> 00:19:13,165 We gotta go back to Paris. 423 00:19:13,166 --> 00:19:14,366 And take ballroom dancing. 424 00:19:14,367 --> 00:19:15,534 And really learn how to ski. 425 00:19:15,535 --> 00:19:17,736 Not just up and get faced in the lodge. 426 00:19:17,737 --> 00:19:20,506 And see Coney Island. I've still never been. 427 00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:22,775 See, we have a whole bucket list of things to do 428 00:19:22,776 --> 00:19:23,809 before we start having kids. 429 00:19:23,810 --> 00:19:26,478 Oh, a cradle list. 430 00:19:26,479 --> 00:19:28,647 I'm... 431 00:19:28,648 --> 00:19:31,517 So glad we're trying, and I'm going to be really excited 432 00:19:31,518 --> 00:19:34,653 for when it happens, but this isn't a race. 433 00:19:34,654 --> 00:19:38,257 This isn't a race. 434 00:19:38,258 --> 00:19:40,326 Ranjit, screw Gregor's. 435 00:19:40,327 --> 00:19:42,061 Let's go to Coney Island. 436 00:19:42,062 --> 00:19:45,431 Screwing Gregor's. Going to Coney Island. 437 00:19:45,432 --> 00:19:48,233 As for how Robin beat me and Barney, 438 00:19:48,234 --> 00:19:51,403 to this day, your uncle Barney won't admit it... 439 00:19:51,404 --> 00:19:52,855 But here's what I saw: 440 00:19:53,010 --> 00:19:55,578 I saw Barney notice Robin's face... 441 00:19:56,309 --> 00:19:59,244 And maybe realize something. 442 00:19:59,245 --> 00:20:00,512 Barney says he tripped, 443 00:20:00,513 --> 00:20:05,517 but it sure felt like he tackled me on purpose. 444 00:20:05,518 --> 00:20:06,752 And when Robin won, 445 00:20:06,753 --> 00:20:08,354 I could have sworn I saw him smile. 446 00:20:08,355 --> 00:20:10,589 - I won! - No! 447 00:20:10,590 --> 00:20:12,491 So I said, "the cab, of course" 448 00:20:14,627 --> 00:20:16,528 I know what you did back there. 449 00:20:17,163 --> 00:20:18,497 Yeah. 450 00:20:18,498 --> 00:20:20,065 Check it. 451 00:20:20,066 --> 00:20:23,402 I just drove a pedicab 26 blocks, 452 00:20:23,403 --> 00:20:25,637 and I still smell incredible. 453 00:20:25,638 --> 00:20:26,905 Smell me. 454 00:20:26,906 --> 00:20:27,806 I'm not gonna... 455 00:20:27,807 --> 00:20:29,408 - Not gonna... - Smell me. 456 00:20:29,890 --> 00:20:31,524 He did smell incredible. 457 00:20:32,045 --> 00:20:33,212 Wait a minute. 458 00:20:33,213 --> 00:20:34,747 So, where is Woody Allen? 459 00:20:34,748 --> 00:20:37,016 He's right there. 460 00:20:39,919 --> 00:20:42,621 Damn it, Max. That's Maury Povich. 461 00:20:42,622 --> 00:20:44,890 I always get those two confused. 462 00:20:46,393 --> 00:20:48,761 Technically, there was only one winner that day. 463 00:20:48,762 --> 00:20:51,997 And in that race, everyone found exactly what they needed. 464 00:20:51,998 --> 00:20:53,432 It's true, 465 00:20:53,433 --> 00:20:54,633 she wouldn't see Woody Allen 466 00:20:54,634 --> 00:20:55,701 for another couple months, 467 00:20:55,702 --> 00:20:57,436 but that's how Robin became, 468 00:20:57,437 --> 00:21:00,472 by just about any definition of the term... 469 00:21:02,442 --> 00:21:03,976 A real New Yorker.