1 00:00:01,634 --> 00:00:03,102 Kids, in the fall of 2010, 2 00:00:03,103 --> 00:00:04,636 I was designing the new headquarters 3 00:00:04,637 --> 00:00:05,938 for Goliath National Bank, 4 00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:07,973 which meant working side by side 5 00:00:07,974 --> 00:00:09,141 with your Uncle Barney. 6 00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:11,544 I love your idea about a giant rooftop ring of fire 7 00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:12,912 you can jump through with a motorcycle, 8 00:00:12,913 --> 00:00:14,813 but I tweaked it slightly and... 9 00:00:14,814 --> 00:00:16,498 this is still super bad-ass. 10 00:00:17,821 --> 00:00:20,406 It's now a patio garden where you can bring a nice bag lunch. 11 00:00:21,704 --> 00:00:23,004 Sick. 12 00:00:23,005 --> 00:00:24,289 Yeah. 13 00:00:24,290 --> 00:00:25,373 Dude. 14 00:00:25,374 --> 00:00:28,626 Working together is gonna be legen... 15 00:00:28,627 --> 00:00:29,878 Wait for it. 16 00:00:29,879 --> 00:00:32,163 I'll send you an inter-office memo with the rest 17 00:00:32,164 --> 00:00:33,998 'cause we freakin' work together! 18 00:00:33,999 --> 00:00:35,717 Everything was going great. 19 00:00:35,718 --> 00:00:37,852 That is, right up until Barney said... 20 00:00:37,853 --> 00:00:38,514 Oh, big news. 21 00:00:38,597 --> 00:00:40,465 The board finally settled on a site for the building. 22 00:00:41,696 --> 00:00:42,947 It was the site of The Arcadian, 23 00:00:43,281 --> 00:00:45,232 one of New York's grandest old hotels. 24 00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:48,363 In its heyday, it was the New York home to kings and queens. 25 00:00:48,364 --> 00:00:49,564 But lately... 26 00:00:52,067 --> 00:00:53,818 ... mostly just queens. 27 00:00:53,819 --> 00:00:55,403 Hi, handsome. 28 00:00:55,404 --> 00:00:57,205 Lookin' for a date? 29 00:00:57,206 --> 00:00:58,740 Uh, no, thank you. 30 00:01:00,743 --> 00:01:03,411 Still got it. 31 00:01:03,412 --> 00:01:05,863 Barney, we have to talk. 32 00:01:05,864 --> 00:01:07,048 Sure. What's up? 33 00:01:07,049 --> 00:01:08,116 Excuse me, Mr. Stinson. 34 00:01:08,117 --> 00:01:09,667 Not now, Trish! 35 00:01:09,668 --> 00:01:12,253 But there's an urgent memo for Mr. Mosby. 36 00:01:14,890 --> 00:01:17,976 - "Dary." - Legendary! 37 00:01:18,761 --> 00:01:21,429 So, what's on your mind? 38 00:01:22,598 --> 00:01:24,983 I can't design the building. 39 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:31,887 How I Met Your Mother 6x05 - Architect of Destruction 40 00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,933 Oh, yeah. 41 00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:42,001 Oh, baby. No, no. 44 00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:48,591 and-and when I see those, 45 00:01:48,592 --> 00:01:50,643 I feel the egg go 46 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,695 Right back up my fallopian tube. 47 00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:55,315 Baby, these satin sheets are slippery. 48 00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:57,317 - Papa needs traction. - Traction? 49 00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,401 As you know, 50 00:01:58,402 --> 00:02:00,286 papa likes to get down with enthusiasm. 51 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,155 Please stop calling yourself "papa." 52 00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:03,406 And without traction, 53 00:02:03,407 --> 00:02:05,291 papa's likely to boogie himself right out of bed. 54 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,726 It's either these or soccer cleats. 55 00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:11,331 Hey, so I talked to Robin. 56 00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,549 I guess she and Max hooked up last night. 57 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,501 Kids, as you may remember, Max was a friend of Marshall's 58 00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:16,786 from law school... 59 00:02:16,787 --> 00:02:18,744 with whom Robin was really starting to hit it off. 60 00:02:18,857 --> 00:02:20,624 Nice! I love that guy. 61 00:02:20,994 --> 00:02:24,282 Max is both his name and his level of awesomeness. 62 00:02:24,429 --> 00:02:25,829 Yeah. He's a sweet guy. 63 00:02:25,921 --> 00:02:27,672 She feels really comfortable with him. 64 00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,432 They bonded over hockey. 65 00:02:29,433 --> 00:02:31,100 I guess he has a small penis, 66 00:02:31,101 --> 00:02:32,852 but they want to double-date next weekend. 67 00:02:33,863 --> 00:02:35,346 Why would you tell me that? 68 00:02:35,347 --> 00:02:37,182 So you'll clear your schedule. 69 00:02:37,183 --> 00:02:38,883 No! The other part! 70 00:02:38,884 --> 00:02:40,518 Oh, the small penis thing? 71 00:02:40,519 --> 00:02:41,836 Ah! Don't! Stop saying that! 72 00:02:41,837 --> 00:02:43,337 Why do you keep saying that? You... 73 00:02:43,338 --> 00:02:44,639 I don't want to know that. 74 00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:46,141 I'm not going to be able to look the guy in the eye. 75 00:02:46,142 --> 00:02:49,027 I'm certainly not going to be able to call him "Max." 76 00:02:49,028 --> 00:02:50,361 That's insane. 77 00:02:50,362 --> 00:02:52,480 I mean, just because you know Max has a small penis... 78 00:02:52,481 --> 00:02:55,400 Just don't! 79 00:02:55,401 --> 00:02:56,757 You're kidding me. 80 00:02:56,821 --> 00:02:59,892 I'm sorry. I can't do this if it means tearing down The Arcadian. 81 00:02:59,992 --> 00:03:01,660 It's an architectural landmark. 82 00:03:01,791 --> 00:03:03,691 Plus, people live there. 83 00:03:03,692 --> 00:03:05,577 How does GNB plan to get hundreds of residents 84 00:03:05,578 --> 00:03:06,694 to just up and leave? 85 00:03:06,695 --> 00:03:08,213 - Snakes. - Did you just say "snakes"? 86 00:03:08,214 --> 00:03:10,415 I don't recall saying "snakes"" 87 00:03:10,416 --> 00:03:14,219 Ted, I know you love crappy old stuff no one cares about. 88 00:03:14,220 --> 00:03:17,305 But I'm gonna give you four words to live by: 89 00:03:17,306 --> 00:03:21,059 New is always better. 90 00:03:21,060 --> 00:03:22,594 New is always better? 91 00:03:22,595 --> 00:03:24,796 You know who's a million times hotter 92 00:03:24,797 --> 00:03:26,765 than the hottest girl I've ever slept with? 93 00:03:26,766 --> 00:03:30,401 Her okay-looking friend I haven't seen naked. 94 00:03:30,402 --> 00:03:31,736 Why? 95 00:03:31,737 --> 00:03:34,205 Because new is always better. 96 00:03:34,206 --> 00:03:36,591 Mm-hmm? And this theory applies to everything? 97 00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:37,575 Everything. 98 00:03:37,576 --> 00:03:39,894 So, those new Star Wars movies... 99 00:03:39,895 --> 00:03:41,579 Those are better than the old ones? 100 00:03:41,580 --> 00:03:44,499 Yeah. The first three barely mention 101 00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:47,452 the intricacies of intergalactic trade law. 102 00:03:47,453 --> 00:03:49,521 And when you're at a Guns N' Roses concert, 103 00:03:49,522 --> 00:03:52,090 you're like, "yeah, yeah, Paradise City, whatever. 104 00:03:52,091 --> 00:03:55,576 When are they gonna rock me some Chinese democracy"? 105 00:03:55,577 --> 00:03:58,630 Axl's really matured as a songwriter, Ted. 106 00:03:58,631 --> 00:04:01,282 Wendy! I'd like to buy my friend a drink. 107 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,634 What's your oldest scotch? 108 00:04:02,635 --> 00:04:05,753 Glen McKenna, aged 30 years in oak casks. 109 00:04:05,754 --> 00:04:06,704 Amazing. 110 00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:08,139 And what's your newest scotch? 111 00:04:08,140 --> 00:04:11,559 Jumbo Jim's grape scotch. 112 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,561 Don't let it touch your skin. 113 00:04:14,513 --> 00:04:16,531 Your call, buddy. 114 00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:22,320 A glass of the J-Jumbo Jim's grape scotch sounds lovely. 115 00:04:22,321 --> 00:04:24,239 Lots of ice. 116 00:04:25,124 --> 00:04:26,791 New is always better, Ted! 117 00:04:26,792 --> 00:04:27,876 That's a rule. 118 00:04:27,877 --> 00:04:29,377 Just like bigger is always better! 119 00:04:29,378 --> 00:04:31,546 Pfft. That's not true. 120 00:04:31,547 --> 00:04:33,665 Uh, sometimes smaller is better. 121 00:04:33,666 --> 00:04:36,084 "Hey, look how big my cell phone is!" 122 00:04:36,085 --> 00:04:38,469 You don't hear people say that. 123 00:04:38,470 --> 00:04:39,971 No. You want something compact 124 00:04:39,972 --> 00:04:42,724 and efficient that fits comfortably in your pocket, 125 00:04:42,725 --> 00:04:45,643 and I think Max is just a great guy. 126 00:04:45,644 --> 00:04:46,845 Lily told you. 127 00:04:46,846 --> 00:04:47,846 Told him what? 128 00:04:47,847 --> 00:04:48,847 Max has a small penis. 129 00:04:50,482 --> 00:04:53,017 How can you speak of such things? 130 00:04:53,018 --> 00:04:54,185 Girls talk about everything. 131 00:04:54,186 --> 00:04:57,188 Size, shape, left or right leaning orientation... 132 00:04:57,189 --> 00:04:59,157 Length, resemblance to a historical figure, 133 00:04:59,158 --> 00:05:00,592 such as Winston Churchill... 134 00:05:00,593 --> 00:05:01,826 Yes, that's one of you. 135 00:05:01,827 --> 00:05:03,194 Girth, grooming... 136 00:05:03,195 --> 00:05:05,580 How can you speak of such things? 137 00:05:05,581 --> 00:05:06,814 You're kidding. 138 00:05:06,815 --> 00:05:09,417 Barney, every time I mention a woman you don't know, 139 00:05:09,418 --> 00:05:11,669 the first thing you say is, "boobs?" 140 00:05:11,670 --> 00:05:14,589 Not the complete sentence, "does she have big boobs?" 141 00:05:14,590 --> 00:05:16,040 Which also would not be great. 142 00:05:16,041 --> 00:05:17,508 "Boobs?" 143 00:05:17,509 --> 00:05:19,544 I do not do that. 144 00:05:19,545 --> 00:05:20,595 My friend Lori from work... 145 00:05:20,596 --> 00:05:22,347 Boobs? Damn it. 146 00:05:22,348 --> 00:05:23,998 But... seriously. 147 00:05:23,999 --> 00:05:25,300 Boobs? 148 00:05:25,301 --> 00:05:27,719 So why is it okay for guys to talk about boobs, 149 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:29,270 but the moment we bring up a topic 150 00:05:29,271 --> 00:05:30,722 like Max's small penis... 151 00:05:32,024 --> 00:05:34,275 I'm gonna pretend this conversation never happened. 152 00:05:34,276 --> 00:05:37,862 Impossible. Max's penis is stuck in my brain like a splinter. 153 00:05:37,863 --> 00:05:40,448 Like a splinter-sized splinter. 154 00:05:40,449 --> 00:05:42,218 Speaking of disappointing weenies... 155 00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:44,043 Ted, tell them what you told me 156 00:05:44,486 --> 00:05:47,688 I want to ask the board at GNB 157 00:05:47,689 --> 00:05:49,690 to move the site for the new headquarters 158 00:05:49,691 --> 00:05:51,525 so we don't have to tear down a classic old building. 159 00:05:51,526 --> 00:05:53,077 I still don't get this. 160 00:05:53,078 --> 00:05:55,747 Why, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, 161 00:05:55,748 --> 00:05:57,682 do you want to ruin... 162 00:05:57,683 --> 00:05:59,734 Wait a minute. 163 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,387 Who's the girl? 164 00:06:02,388 --> 00:06:04,205 - Duh. - Of course there's a girl. 165 00:06:04,206 --> 00:06:05,473 What? I... 166 00:06:05,474 --> 00:06:07,442 There's no g... girl. 167 00:06:07,443 --> 00:06:09,143 Why would you even... 168 00:06:10,012 --> 00:06:12,397 her name is Zoey. 169 00:06:12,398 --> 00:06:13,681 Boobs? 170 00:06:18,938 --> 00:06:20,888 Beautiful building, right? 171 00:06:20,889 --> 00:06:23,858 Look, mister, you are very convincing, 172 00:06:23,859 --> 00:06:26,327 and I am very flattered. 173 00:06:26,328 --> 00:06:28,062 Confused, even. 174 00:06:28,063 --> 00:06:29,113 But I'm not looking... 175 00:06:29,114 --> 00:06:31,466 I'm not a drag queen. 176 00:06:31,467 --> 00:06:34,702 But you definitely have me rethinking this eye shadow. 177 00:06:34,703 --> 00:06:36,587 Not only is she funny, 178 00:06:36,588 --> 00:06:38,923 hot and genetically female, 179 00:06:38,924 --> 00:06:40,625 but get this... 180 00:06:40,626 --> 00:06:44,095 Look at the Palladian windows, the rusticated stonework, 181 00:06:44,096 --> 00:06:46,097 the marble cornices... 182 00:06:46,915 --> 00:06:48,633 She's an architecture nerd! 183 00:06:48,634 --> 00:06:50,084 A hot architecture nerd! 184 00:06:50,085 --> 00:06:51,586 That's the dream! 185 00:06:51,587 --> 00:06:53,471 Whose dream? 186 00:06:53,472 --> 00:06:55,556 We wound up talking for hours. 187 00:06:55,557 --> 00:06:58,643 I love how old parts of the city are. 188 00:06:58,644 --> 00:06:59,827 Hmm. 189 00:06:59,828 --> 00:07:01,529 It makes me feel connected to history. 190 00:07:01,530 --> 00:07:04,065 Old is always better. I can't wait to be old. 191 00:07:04,066 --> 00:07:05,183 Me, too. 192 00:07:05,184 --> 00:07:06,734 You can wear elastic everything. 193 00:07:06,735 --> 00:07:09,203 Your lipstick doesn't have to stay inside the lines. 194 00:07:09,204 --> 00:07:11,489 You can shoplift and pretend you're just confused. 195 00:07:13,442 --> 00:07:15,159 - You could nap anywhere. - Uh-huh. 196 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:16,110 Even while driving. 197 00:07:16,111 --> 00:07:17,628 It's gonna be great. 198 00:07:17,629 --> 00:07:19,947 I can't wait to be all run-down and weathered and wrinkly. 199 00:07:19,948 --> 00:07:24,085 Well, I'd say you got a pretty long wait. 200 00:07:24,086 --> 00:07:26,337 That's sweet. 201 00:07:26,338 --> 00:07:27,972 It would be sweeter if you hadn't thought 202 00:07:27,973 --> 00:07:31,476 I was a tranny before, but it's still sweet. 203 00:07:32,394 --> 00:07:34,312 Oh, Ted, that's so romantic. 204 00:07:34,313 --> 00:07:35,730 I want to fill a pillowcase 205 00:07:35,731 --> 00:07:38,066 with dead batteries and beat you with it. 206 00:07:38,067 --> 00:07:39,650 Hey, Ted, 207 00:07:39,651 --> 00:07:41,102 can I ask you something? 208 00:07:41,103 --> 00:07:42,687 Anything. 209 00:07:47,159 --> 00:07:48,860 Will you sign this petition? 210 00:07:49,912 --> 00:07:52,046 "Save The Arcadian". 211 00:07:52,047 --> 00:07:55,616 We are gonna stop the bastards at Goliath National Bank from demolishing it. 212 00:07:57,553 --> 00:07:58,853 Will you support us? 213 00:07:59,988 --> 00:08:01,873 And you said...? 214 00:08:01,874 --> 00:08:04,525 Where do I sign? 215 00:08:06,328 --> 00:08:07,995 Hmm. 216 00:08:07,996 --> 00:08:09,864 Grape scotch. Not bad. 217 00:08:14,303 --> 00:08:16,687 Ted, you only think the arcadian needs to be saved 218 00:08:16,688 --> 00:08:18,639 because some pretty girl thinks that. 219 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:20,007 And seriously... 220 00:08:20,008 --> 00:08:21,408 Boobs? 221 00:08:21,624 --> 00:08:23,175 This isn't about the girl. 222 00:08:23,176 --> 00:08:24,593 It's about the building. 223 00:08:24,594 --> 00:08:27,062 And what did this "Zoey" say 224 00:08:27,063 --> 00:08:29,164 when she found out that you're the one 225 00:08:29,165 --> 00:08:30,999 tearing down her beloved Arcadian? 226 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,419 That you, Ted Mosby, are the architect of destruction? 227 00:08:34,420 --> 00:08:35,604 Whoa! 228 00:08:35,605 --> 00:08:37,573 Sweet wrestling name alert. 229 00:08:38,274 --> 00:08:39,691 Well... 230 00:08:39,692 --> 00:08:42,844 Uh, it's a... it's a funny thing about that... 231 00:08:42,845 --> 00:08:44,613 So what do you do, Ted? 232 00:08:44,614 --> 00:08:46,315 I'm a veterinarian. 233 00:08:47,350 --> 00:08:48,483 What? I panicked! 234 00:08:48,484 --> 00:08:51,186 This whole Arcadian thing is classic Mosby. 235 00:08:51,187 --> 00:08:53,855 Changing your personality to fit some girl. 236 00:08:53,856 --> 00:08:56,708 I don't do that. 237 00:08:57,460 --> 00:08:59,878 Well, off to meet Steph. 238 00:08:59,879 --> 00:09:03,582 We're adrenaline junkies! 239 00:09:06,302 --> 00:09:09,537 Penelope is taking me to the Battle of Gettysburg. 240 00:09:09,538 --> 00:09:12,724 We're gonna eat squirrel! 241 00:09:18,314 --> 00:09:20,666 Look, she's really hot, okay? 242 00:09:23,870 --> 00:09:26,021 - Aww! - Come on! Come on! 243 00:09:26,022 --> 00:09:28,240 We all change a little for whoever we're into. 244 00:09:28,241 --> 00:09:30,409 Barney pretended to be a rabbi to get laid. 245 00:09:30,410 --> 00:09:33,412 Asian girls love them some Jews. 246 00:09:33,413 --> 00:09:34,830 And Marshall never would've listened 247 00:09:34,831 --> 00:09:36,581 to the Indigo Girls if it weren't for Lily. 248 00:09:36,582 --> 00:09:39,084 Um, I think you got that backwards there, chief. 249 00:09:39,085 --> 00:09:42,037 And you're welcome. 250 00:09:42,038 --> 00:09:43,571 The point is, you weren't pretending 251 00:09:43,572 --> 00:09:45,257 to like the indigo girls for the other person. 252 00:09:45,258 --> 00:09:48,176 You realized you liked them because of the other person. 253 00:09:48,177 --> 00:09:50,629 Just like me, Zoey and The Arcadian. 254 00:09:51,514 --> 00:09:54,049 Did GNB really put snakes in The Arcadian? 255 00:09:54,050 --> 00:09:55,867 No. 256 00:09:55,868 --> 00:09:57,552 Technically, they were eggs. 257 00:09:57,553 --> 00:10:00,105 - Did you just say "eggs"? - I don't recall saying "eggs." 258 00:10:00,890 --> 00:10:03,358 So I walk into my boss's office 259 00:10:03,359 --> 00:10:04,626 and suddenly I realize, 260 00:10:04,627 --> 00:10:07,446 "holy crap, I'm about to quit"" 261 00:10:07,447 --> 00:10:08,763 Small penis. 262 00:10:08,764 --> 00:10:10,532 You have a small penis. 263 00:10:10,533 --> 00:10:13,769 Oh, that's super interesting, but you have a small penis. 264 00:10:13,770 --> 00:10:15,070 Damn it, Marshall! 265 00:10:15,071 --> 00:10:16,989 Okay. Okay. Think of any two words 266 00:10:16,990 --> 00:10:19,274 other than "small" or "penis." 267 00:10:19,275 --> 00:10:21,159 Small penis. 268 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:22,327 Damn it! 269 00:10:22,328 --> 00:10:24,162 Yeah, I... I think it is so cool 270 00:10:24,163 --> 00:10:25,780 that you started your own law firm. 271 00:10:25,781 --> 00:10:29,551 Well, right now it's a pretty small practice. 272 00:10:29,552 --> 00:10:31,253 Hey, hey. 273 00:10:31,254 --> 00:10:33,505 I bet it's not that small. 274 00:10:34,257 --> 00:10:35,390 Bro, it's... 275 00:10:35,391 --> 00:10:37,142 pretty small. 276 00:10:37,143 --> 00:10:38,677 Yeah, but, uh, you know what they say. 277 00:10:38,678 --> 00:10:40,762 The important thing is... is how you use it, you know? 278 00:10:40,763 --> 00:10:42,848 "The motion of the ocean." That whole thing. 279 00:10:42,849 --> 00:10:44,683 He said it's small, Marshall, and everybody's fine with that. 280 00:10:44,684 --> 00:10:46,301 Let's just move on. 281 00:10:46,302 --> 00:10:50,022 I'm just saying that I bet it's bigger than he thinks. 282 00:10:50,023 --> 00:10:51,773 And thick. 283 00:10:53,159 --> 00:10:54,476 Nah. Everything about it is tiny. 284 00:10:54,477 --> 00:10:57,662 The office is tiny. The conference room is tiny. 285 00:10:57,663 --> 00:10:59,664 Plus, I got a very small staff. 286 00:10:59,665 --> 00:11:01,483 Let's order! 287 00:11:01,484 --> 00:11:03,702 As I was mustering the courage to call Zoey 288 00:11:03,703 --> 00:11:05,370 and tell her my true identity... 289 00:11:05,371 --> 00:11:06,955 Zoey... 290 00:11:06,956 --> 00:11:09,207 I'm Batman. 291 00:11:09,208 --> 00:11:11,126 Hmm. That'd be cool. 292 00:11:11,127 --> 00:11:12,761 ... The strangest thing happened. 293 00:11:17,683 --> 00:11:19,968 I need your help. 294 00:11:19,969 --> 00:11:20,969 Just to warn you. 295 00:11:20,970 --> 00:11:22,220 What I'm about 296 00:11:22,221 --> 00:11:24,773 to show you is not a hundred percent legal. 297 00:11:24,774 --> 00:11:27,893 Wasn't expecting bunnies. 298 00:11:27,894 --> 00:11:29,311 I stole them, Ted. 299 00:11:29,312 --> 00:11:31,063 My animal rights group liberated these guys 300 00:11:31,064 --> 00:11:32,680 from an evil cosmetics company. 301 00:11:32,681 --> 00:11:35,016 And I figured, "hey, Ted's a vet. 302 00:11:35,017 --> 00:11:37,402 He can check them out and make sure they're okay." 303 00:11:37,403 --> 00:11:40,572 Absolutely. Just let me run up and get my bag of vet supplies. 304 00:11:40,573 --> 00:11:41,990 Okay. 305 00:11:41,991 --> 00:11:44,876 Why would I say that? 306 00:11:44,877 --> 00:11:47,129 Well, I know what I'm getting. 307 00:11:47,130 --> 00:11:48,997 - Oh? Oh? - The porterhouse. 308 00:11:48,998 --> 00:11:50,332 I've had it here before. 309 00:11:50,333 --> 00:11:53,168 It is like this. It's huge. 310 00:11:54,554 --> 00:11:55,804 Well, spare no expense, buddy. 311 00:11:55,805 --> 00:11:57,506 Dinner is on me, and-and get dessert. 312 00:11:57,507 --> 00:11:59,674 Maybe this molten chocolate lava cake? 313 00:11:59,675 --> 00:12:01,393 I just want you to be happy. 314 00:12:02,228 --> 00:12:03,378 Thanks, man. 315 00:12:03,379 --> 00:12:05,147 - Next time, it is on me. - Aw. 316 00:12:05,148 --> 00:12:07,065 - Excuse me. I'll be right back. All right. - Totally. 317 00:12:07,066 --> 00:12:09,351 We'll just be here. 318 00:12:12,021 --> 00:12:14,773 You're great. 319 00:12:14,774 --> 00:12:16,741 Ah. Thanks, bro. 320 00:12:16,742 --> 00:12:19,194 It's, uh... it's going on a while. 321 00:12:19,195 --> 00:12:20,695 I know. 322 00:12:20,696 --> 00:12:22,781 Thanks. 323 00:12:22,782 --> 00:12:24,332 Damn, baby, be cool! 324 00:12:24,333 --> 00:12:26,952 You're acting like he has six months to live. 325 00:12:26,953 --> 00:12:28,336 It's your fault! 326 00:12:28,337 --> 00:12:30,622 You ladies and your salty sailor talk! 327 00:12:30,623 --> 00:12:33,625 Oh, come on! What about you men and your locker room talk? 328 00:12:33,626 --> 00:12:34,742 Locker room talk. 329 00:12:34,743 --> 00:12:36,294 Do you want to know what it's like 330 00:12:36,295 --> 00:12:37,429 in a men's locker room? 331 00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:38,847 Hey. Hey. 332 00:12:38,848 --> 00:12:41,633 It's just a bunch of uncomfortable dudes 333 00:12:41,634 --> 00:12:44,352 trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. 334 00:12:44,353 --> 00:12:48,039 And one old guy just letting it all hang out. 335 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,226 Are you suggesting that guys don't talk about sex? 336 00:12:51,227 --> 00:12:53,812 Yes, we do, but you know what we say? 337 00:12:53,813 --> 00:12:55,230 "I hit that." 338 00:12:55,231 --> 00:12:56,531 "I got some." 339 00:12:56,532 --> 00:12:57,732 "I tapped it." 340 00:12:57,733 --> 00:12:59,367 "I squeezed those." 341 00:12:59,368 --> 00:13:00,619 Discreet and efficient. 342 00:13:00,620 --> 00:13:02,154 Not to mention classy. 343 00:13:02,155 --> 00:13:03,655 Thank God that I'm not dating. 344 00:13:03,656 --> 00:13:06,107 If I thought that Lily talked in that much detail 345 00:13:06,108 --> 00:13:08,326 about our sex life, I'd probably kill myself. 346 00:13:11,831 --> 00:13:14,166 Oh, no. 347 00:13:14,167 --> 00:13:15,617 What did you tell her? 348 00:13:15,618 --> 00:13:17,002 Oh, nothing. 349 00:13:17,003 --> 00:13:19,137 We don't talk about you! 350 00:13:19,138 --> 00:13:20,922 Are you sure? 351 00:13:20,923 --> 00:13:25,477 Yeah. That argument has no traction whatsoever. 352 00:13:26,812 --> 00:13:29,097 You just broke in and stole these guys? 353 00:13:29,098 --> 00:13:30,649 Aren't you worried about getting arrested? 354 00:13:30,650 --> 00:13:33,018 Nah. I've been arrested lots of times. 355 00:13:43,696 --> 00:13:46,281 Chinese democracy. 356 00:13:46,282 --> 00:13:47,532 Wow. 357 00:13:47,533 --> 00:13:49,834 You're a little bit crazy. 358 00:13:49,835 --> 00:13:52,671 Well, I'm usually crazy for a good cause. 359 00:13:52,672 --> 00:13:55,207 I can't just sit by while voiceless people or animals, 360 00:13:55,208 --> 00:13:56,925 or even buildings get screwed over. 361 00:13:56,926 --> 00:13:59,010 I'm certainly not going to just sit by 362 00:13:59,011 --> 00:14:02,514 while GNB turns The Arcadian into a soulless metal box. 363 00:14:02,595 --> 00:14:04,012 Yeah. Yeah. 364 00:14:04,013 --> 00:14:06,114 Although I hear there's a lovely rooftop patio 365 00:14:06,115 --> 00:14:08,550 where folks can enjoy a nice bag lunch, so... 366 00:14:08,551 --> 00:14:12,420 Ted, I will find the bastards at GNB responsible for this, 367 00:14:12,421 --> 00:14:17,475 and I promise you, I will take them down. 368 00:14:18,126 --> 00:14:20,127 Cuckoo! 369 00:14:20,128 --> 00:14:22,129 Ted, this woman is an anarchist, 370 00:14:22,130 --> 00:14:24,581 a sociopath, a lunatic, 371 00:14:24,582 --> 00:14:27,835 and for the love of God, boobs?! 372 00:14:27,836 --> 00:14:29,503 Solid c-cup, perky bounce. 373 00:14:29,504 --> 00:14:31,338 Momentary grudging respect. 374 00:14:33,641 --> 00:14:36,092 Zoey does what she believes is right, 375 00:14:36,249 --> 00:14:37,714 and I want to do the same thing. 376 00:14:37,807 --> 00:14:39,576 We have to find a new site for this building. 377 00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:41,348 Ted, that is never gonna happen. 378 00:14:41,349 --> 00:14:43,767 Well, I can't tear down The Arcadian. 379 00:14:43,768 --> 00:14:45,853 I'm sorry, but I'm off the project. 380 00:14:47,627 --> 00:14:48,287 Hey, guys! 381 00:14:48,293 --> 00:14:50,543 I appreciate the great turnout, 382 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:51,945 but just so we're all on the same page, 383 00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:54,594 this is not a rally to legalize marijuana. 384 00:14:54,612 --> 00:14:56,780 Oh, bummer! 385 00:14:59,868 --> 00:15:01,285 Hey. 386 00:15:01,286 --> 00:15:02,503 Hey, Ted. 387 00:15:02,504 --> 00:15:04,321 I'm so glad you came. 388 00:15:04,322 --> 00:15:06,490 Well, you really got to me the other night. 389 00:15:06,491 --> 00:15:09,126 I want to get involved with "Save The Arcadian." 390 00:15:09,127 --> 00:15:11,462 Great. I'll grab you a picket sign. 391 00:15:11,463 --> 00:15:12,763 Hmm. 392 00:15:12,764 --> 00:15:16,934 Do you want "GNB puts the douche in fiduciary... " 393 00:15:18,065 --> 00:15:20,749 Or "it's always 4:20 somewhere"? 394 00:15:21,158 --> 00:15:23,462 Dudes, you forgot your signs! 395 00:15:23,915 --> 00:15:26,017 As I looked up at that magnificent old structure, 396 00:15:26,111 --> 00:15:29,279 I realized I wasn't letting my feelings for Zoey mislead me. 397 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,732 This building really was worth saving. 398 00:15:37,122 --> 00:15:38,455 Ted, everything okay? 399 00:15:38,456 --> 00:15:40,641 Yea... um... um... 400 00:15:43,828 --> 00:15:46,863 You work for GNB? 401 00:15:49,384 --> 00:15:51,668 Dude, why are you dressed like a wizard? 402 00:15:51,669 --> 00:15:54,254 She was really hot, okay? 403 00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:06,941 How the hell could you do that? 404 00:16:06,942 --> 00:16:08,975 Simple. I rented the chair. 405 00:16:09,076 --> 00:16:10,910 The bunny was here already. That was lucky. 406 00:16:10,911 --> 00:16:12,562 I waited to do the dramatic swivel 407 00:16:12,563 --> 00:16:13,447 until I heard your key enter the door. 408 00:16:13,448 --> 00:16:14,782 The billboard, Barney. 409 00:16:14,783 --> 00:16:17,284 I had to. Now that you have no shot with the girl, 410 00:16:17,285 --> 00:16:18,953 you'll realize you never cared about the building, 411 00:16:18,954 --> 00:16:20,504 and everything can go back to normal. 412 00:16:20,505 --> 00:16:22,456 You're wrong. I do care. 413 00:16:22,457 --> 00:16:24,041 And I'm still quitting. 414 00:16:24,042 --> 00:16:25,376 Don't you get it, Ted? 415 00:16:25,377 --> 00:16:27,628 We're tearing down The Arcadian either way. 416 00:16:27,629 --> 00:16:31,298 It's a stupid old piece-of-crap, run-down, snake-infested dump! 417 00:16:31,299 --> 00:16:33,250 Okay, are there or aren't there snakes?! 418 00:16:33,251 --> 00:16:34,852 Who mentioned snakes?! 419 00:16:34,853 --> 00:16:36,437 And stop shouting! 420 00:16:36,438 --> 00:16:38,773 You're scaring cottontail. 421 00:16:38,774 --> 00:16:39,974 You named the rabbit? 422 00:16:39,975 --> 00:16:42,143 You took longer to get here than I thought, 423 00:16:42,144 --> 00:16:43,310 we bonded, I'm keeping her. 424 00:16:43,311 --> 00:16:44,645 The point is, 425 00:16:44,646 --> 00:16:46,647 you now have a chance 426 00:16:46,648 --> 00:16:48,649 to design your own building. 427 00:16:48,650 --> 00:16:49,766 Dude, 428 00:16:49,767 --> 00:16:51,569 you can do whatever you want with it. 429 00:16:51,570 --> 00:16:53,087 You're right. 430 00:16:53,088 --> 00:16:56,006 You're right. I can design it however I want. 431 00:16:56,007 --> 00:16:57,875 So you're back in? 432 00:16:57,876 --> 00:17:00,411 Yeah. 433 00:17:00,412 --> 00:17:02,997 That night, as I worked on a new design 434 00:17:02,998 --> 00:17:05,633 that just might solve all my problems... 435 00:17:08,503 --> 00:17:11,088 Marshall was visited by a disturbing vision. 436 00:17:11,089 --> 00:17:13,474 Ugh, he thinks I like this... 437 00:17:13,475 --> 00:17:15,926 But it feels disgusting. 438 00:17:15,927 --> 00:17:18,679 Uh, it looks disgusting. 439 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,314 Um... 440 00:17:20,315 --> 00:17:22,433 uh, is this working for you? 441 00:17:22,434 --> 00:17:23,984 "Uh, is this working for you?" 442 00:17:23,985 --> 00:17:24,696 Oh, of course, 443 00:17:24,802 --> 00:17:26,969 because what woman doesn't like being slobbered on 444 00:17:27,357 --> 00:17:29,609 while some giant paws at her nether regions 445 00:17:29,658 --> 00:17:32,610 like Lenny from of mice and men? 446 00:17:32,611 --> 00:17:34,144 Oh, you're bad. 447 00:17:34,145 --> 00:17:35,329 More cosmos? 448 00:17:35,330 --> 00:17:36,480 Mm. 449 00:17:36,481 --> 00:17:37,698 I can't... I can't do this! 450 00:17:37,744 --> 00:17:39,611 I can't stop thinking about you and Robin! 451 00:17:39,701 --> 00:17:41,364 Oh, I've had that a couple times. 452 00:17:41,476 --> 00:17:44,361 Just lean into it and let it fuel things. 453 00:17:44,422 --> 00:17:45,589 Look, no. You know what? 454 00:17:45,590 --> 00:17:47,625 Why don't you just... why don't you just 455 00:17:47,626 --> 00:17:51,212 call Robin, okay, and have a good laugh about it? 456 00:17:53,014 --> 00:17:54,298 Whoa! (Sliding and falling with a thud) 457 00:17:54,299 --> 00:17:57,184 Traction could have prevented that. 458 00:18:00,438 --> 00:18:02,556 Well, 459 00:18:02,557 --> 00:18:05,759 hope you don't mind, we made some changes to the billboard. 460 00:18:09,197 --> 00:18:11,649 Well, that explains a few voice-mails. 461 00:18:11,650 --> 00:18:14,652 Listen, Zoey, I think we can save The Arcadian. 462 00:18:14,653 --> 00:18:17,154 No. Maybe not in the way you were picturing, 463 00:18:17,155 --> 00:18:20,357 but I stayed up all night working on a new concept, all right? 464 00:18:20,358 --> 00:18:23,494 What if my design could incorporate the Arcadian facade 465 00:18:23,495 --> 00:18:25,079 into the new GNB headquarters? 466 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,882 Kids, it was one of those moments in life 467 00:18:27,883 --> 00:18:29,466 where everything comes together... 468 00:18:29,467 --> 00:18:35,472 the girl, the building, everything, until... 469 00:18:35,473 --> 00:18:37,424 - Are you married? - Yeah. 470 00:18:37,425 --> 00:18:41,428 So you were saying, the facade will be completely preserved? 471 00:18:44,816 --> 00:18:46,150 This isn't about the girl. 472 00:18:46,151 --> 00:18:47,735 It's about the building. 473 00:18:47,736 --> 00:18:50,070 Yeah, it was about the girl. 474 00:18:50,071 --> 00:18:53,223 Ted, wh... wh... what are you doing? 475 00:18:53,224 --> 00:18:54,608 This wouldn't work. 476 00:18:54,609 --> 00:18:57,511 Zoey, The Arcadian was a really great building once, 477 00:18:57,542 --> 00:18:59,674 but it's falling apart, and it's full of snakes. 478 00:18:59,688 --> 00:19:02,099 - Snakes? - I don't recall saying snakes. 479 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:05,369 Then he gets this panicked look on his face, says, 480 00:19:05,370 --> 00:19:07,671 "I can't do this," and storms out. 481 00:19:07,672 --> 00:19:08,956 Wow, that is weird. 482 00:19:08,957 --> 00:19:11,125 But here's the crazier part. 483 00:19:11,126 --> 00:19:13,010 No. You know what? 484 00:19:13,011 --> 00:19:15,078 Papa don't back down from a fight. 485 00:19:15,079 --> 00:19:18,882 So why don't you tell Robin... about this! 486 00:19:20,685 --> 00:19:23,053 It was amazing. 487 00:19:23,054 --> 00:19:28,025 He was passionate, animalistic, a complete stud. 488 00:19:28,026 --> 00:19:29,393 Wow. 489 00:19:29,394 --> 00:19:32,112 So he's right there making you say all this, huh? 490 00:19:32,113 --> 00:19:35,366 Yup. "'You're like a Greek God, ' 491 00:19:35,367 --> 00:19:37,267 I moaned, as the..." 492 00:19:37,268 --> 00:19:38,935 I can't read that, baby. 493 00:19:38,936 --> 00:19:41,121 "Musky scent of man." 494 00:19:41,122 --> 00:19:43,791 "As the musky scent of man 495 00:19:43,792 --> 00:19:49,713 and Marshall's sure-footed traction intoxicated 496 00:19:49,714 --> 00:19:50,947 and overpowered me." 497 00:19:50,948 --> 00:19:52,082 That sounds real. 498 00:19:52,083 --> 00:19:54,084 And as for Zoey, it was funny. 499 00:19:54,085 --> 00:19:56,303 I'd lied to her, then completely let her down. 500 00:19:56,304 --> 00:19:57,788 And I barely knew the girl. 501 00:19:57,789 --> 00:19:59,456 But there was something about her. 502 00:19:59,457 --> 00:20:02,443 I couldn't help but wonder if I'd ever see her again. 503 00:20:02,444 --> 00:20:04,595 Hey, Mosby! 504 00:20:04,596 --> 00:20:06,547 You're gonna have 505 00:20:06,548 --> 00:20:10,150 to come out of your hole at some point, you son of a bitch! 506 00:20:10,151 --> 00:20:11,402 Yeah! 507 00:20:11,403 --> 00:20:12,770 Legalize it! 508 00:20:12,771 --> 00:20:14,405 Dude! 509 00:20:14,406 --> 00:20:15,806 Ready. 510 00:20:15,807 --> 00:20:17,107 Aim. 511 00:20:17,108 --> 00:20:18,609 Fire! 512 00:20:18,610 --> 00:20:20,644 Why, yes. 513 00:20:20,645 --> 00:20:23,580 Yes, I would see her again. 514 00:20:26,467 --> 00:20:28,200 - Hey. - Hey. - Hey. 515 00:20:28,901 --> 00:20:30,235 How's it going with Robin? 516 00:20:30,236 --> 00:20:33,589 Uh, I think I have to break up with her. 517 00:20:33,590 --> 00:20:35,674 - Really? Why? - You with her? 518 00:20:35,675 --> 00:20:38,560 Yeah, well, there's this... 519 00:20:38,561 --> 00:20:41,501 kind of weird thing she likes to do in the bedroom. 520 00:20:41,672 --> 00:20:42,792 Just... 521 00:20:43,221 --> 00:20:45,041 Makes me uncomfortable. 522 00:20:45,832 --> 00:20:48,632 - I get it. - Yeah, that's not for everyone 523 00:20:48,805 --> 00:20:50,973 Hey, what's not for everyone? 524 00:20:52,475 --> 00:20:54,759 Guys, come on. What is it? 525 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:56,094 Come on, bro. 526 00:20:56,095 --> 00:20:58,313 This is a locker room. 527 00:20:59,199 --> 00:21:01,483 I... 528 00:21:03,870 --> 00:21:05,770 What do you think it was, Murray?