1 00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:03,326 Kids, in the fall of 2010... 2 00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:05,370 our friends Stuart and Claudia had a baby... 3 00:00:05,472 --> 00:00:08,839 and Lily and Marshall were the first to visit the happy new parents. 4 00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,671 So, have you guys landed on a name yet? 5 00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:12,438 We're tryin', but it's tougher than you think. 6 00:00:12,545 --> 00:00:14,012 See, I like Tiffany. 7 00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:16,514 And I don't want my daughter to have a whore's name. 8 00:00:16,616 --> 00:00:18,345 - That's my mother's name. - I know. 9 00:00:18,451 --> 00:00:19,918 Oh, I got it! 10 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,853 How about we name the baby after you... Frigid Shrew. 11 00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:25,083 Oh! That's good. No, no, no. 12 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:26,681 Let's call her Vodka. 13 00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:29,227 Then at least we know you'll hold her tight and never let her go. 14 00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:31,627 Don't knock the vodka. Wouldn't have a kid without it. 15 00:00:31,731 --> 00:00:34,962 Oh, that's, Stuart... You are so... 16 00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:36,535 That's not gonna be us, right? 17 00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:39,070 I mean, how hard can it be to name a baby? 18 00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:42,335 Right? Just look at her. She's clearly a... 19 00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:43,909 - Lisa. - Emily. 20 00:00:44,010 --> 00:00:45,238 - Emily? - Lisa? 21 00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:50,078 Uh-oh. 22 00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:05,858 Okay! I made a list of awesome baby names. 23 00:01:05,965 --> 00:01:08,058 Starting at the top, number one... 24 00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:10,398 I'm gonna stop you right there, Marshall. 25 00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:12,403 You name a chubby white kid LeBron... 26 00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:14,905 and he's the one getting stuffed in the basketball hoop. 27 00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:18,409 - Then I'm also crossing off, um, Shaquille... - Mm-hmm. 28 00:01:18,511 --> 00:01:21,571 Hakeem and Dikembe. 29 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,072 Wait. What about Rob? 30 00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:26,744 - Rob? No. - Why not? 31 00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:29,344 Hey, Rob. What are you gonna make... a turkey? 32 00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:32,152 Hunka, hunka! 33 00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:36,059 Not Rob. 34 00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:39,359 Um, how about Ryan? 35 00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:45,964 Not Ryan. 36 00:01:46,072 --> 00:01:47,334 Johnny? 37 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,432 Hey, where's the goldfish? 38 00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:56,471 Not Johnny. 39 00:01:58,351 --> 00:01:59,818 Or Gil. 40 00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:03,689 Jeremy. 41 00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:08,293 Jeremy, no! 44 00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:18,628 Well, I mean... Geez, Lily. 45 00:02:18,738 --> 00:02:21,969 Well, whatever you do, do not name your baby Becky. Right? 46 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,474 Why? What... 47 00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:26,238 Becky. My new co-anchor. 48 00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,712 Wait, don't you guys ever watch the show? 49 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,248 We really try. 50 00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:32,045 Our DVR won't recognize it as a television program. 51 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,382 I watched. 52 00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:37,251 - Robin insisted I confirm how "awful" Becky is... - Mm-hmm. 53 00:02:37,357 --> 00:02:39,848 so last night I checked it out. 54 00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:41,392 Peace talks in the region... 55 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,428 have been described as productive. 56 00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:46,397 - Becky. - Last night in Staten Island... 57 00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:49,935 a taco cart owner was robbed at gunpoint. 58 00:02:50,036 --> 00:02:52,698 Oh! That's so sad. 59 00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:54,466 Becky, we're... we're journalists. 60 00:02:54,574 --> 00:02:57,202 - We can't get emotional about the news we... - Oh, no! 61 00:02:57,310 --> 00:03:00,404 They stole all his money and then pelted him with his own taco meat! 62 00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,344 Who would do that? 63 00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:04,712 Well, if you read this story, we might find out. 64 00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:08,949 Oh. Can I do this one about the horse? 65 00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:11,888 - I love horsies. - Mm-hmm. 66 00:03:11,991 --> 00:03:14,721 Oh! The horse died. 67 00:03:14,827 --> 00:03:19,230 Guys, this news is all really sad. 68 00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:23,666 Okay, no holds barred. What'd you think of Becky? 69 00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:25,795 Mmm. 70 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,634 - I thought she was charming. - You too? 71 00:03:30,743 --> 00:03:34,372 Can somebody please explain to me why the "little girl" act works on men? 72 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:35,879 Want the long version or the short version? 73 00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:37,381 Short version. 74 00:03:37,483 --> 00:03:39,178 Short version... 75 00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:41,219 Who's your daddy? 76 00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:42,913 You know, when you think about that... 77 00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:45,047 that phrase is really creepy. 78 00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:47,991 No, it's not. It's fun. Here, watch this. 79 00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:49,584 Hey, Lily... 80 00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:52,327 who's your daddy? 81 00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:53,899 Okay, uh, let me get this straight. 82 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,163 So in this scenario, because you make such sweet love to Lily... 83 00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:58,897 she is now your daughter? 84 00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:00,734 No, she is not my daughter. 85 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,434 I'm just... her daddy. 86 00:04:03,543 --> 00:04:06,774 - Wow, that is disgusting. - Exactly. It's not like the opposite will work. 87 00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:10,007 There's no way a guy could pick up a girl going around talking like a little boy. 88 00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:11,606 - Challenge accepted. - No. 89 00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:13,583 I, Barney Stinson... 90 00:04:13,686 --> 00:04:16,849 will pick up a girl whilst talking like a little boy. 91 00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:19,220 It'll never work. 92 00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:21,850 - Okay, here's my list of baby names. - Oh. 93 00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:24,293 - What about Tara? - No. 94 00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:26,922 Not Tara. Tara was the hottest girl in my high school. 95 00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:29,194 We were all, like, obsessed with her. 96 00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:32,669 We didn't just talk about her and fantasize about her. 97 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:34,535 We wrote songs about her. 98 00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:40,273 ♪ Tara, your booty is so smooth ♪ 99 00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:44,976 ♪ And I hope this isn't rude ♪ 100 00:04:45,084 --> 00:04:47,644 ♪ But I wanna get up on it ♪♪ 101 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,586 Not Tara. 102 00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:53,591 What about Esther? 103 00:04:56,095 --> 00:04:57,562 Gentlemen, gentlemen. 104 00:04:57,664 --> 00:05:00,724 On the main stage, give it up for Estherl 105 00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:02,130 Oh, oh. 106 00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,465 Hey, Barney, that prime rib was surprisingly good... 107 00:05:04,570 --> 00:05:06,231 but it's 10:30 in the morning. 108 00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:08,534 I don't need to see a lady get naked and dance. 109 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,075 Oh, Esther gets naked, but she doesn't dance. 110 00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:13,737 Then what does she do? 111 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:21,878 Sweet Mother Nature! 112 00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:29,223 That was my card. 113 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:32,423 Gentlemen, gentlemen. Give it up for Estherl 114 00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:38,034 Not Esther. 115 00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:41,369 I need a drink. Ted? Hmm? Ted? 116 00:05:45,445 --> 00:05:47,913 Marshall, your list is entirely boy names. 117 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:51,074 You do realize there's roughly a 50% chance of you having a daughter, right? 118 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,516 Okay, honestly, I've never thought about having a girl. 119 00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:55,678 I don't want to think about having a girl. 120 00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:57,278 Tara, Esther... 121 00:05:57,390 --> 00:05:59,517 can you imagine being one of those girls' dads? 122 00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:02,822 ♪ Marshall's daughter ♪ 123 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:08,094 ♪ Your booty Your booty's so smooth ♪♪ 124 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,668 Gentlemen, gentlemen. 125 00:06:09,769 --> 00:06:13,227 On the main stage, give it up for Marshall's daughter. 126 00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:17,506 He screwed up my childhood. 127 00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:19,942 That's why I do this. 128 00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:25,374 I have no idea how to raise a daughter. 129 00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:27,009 What if she makes bad choices? 130 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,088 I mean, what if she ends up dating some... 131 00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,152 Oh, God. 132 00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:34,317 Papa, I want you to meet my new boyfriend. 133 00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:39,597 Hey, bro. 134 00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:41,564 Thanks for makin' such a hottie. 135 00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:44,465 Who's your daddy? 136 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,004 You are... 'cause of all the sex we have! 137 00:06:51,844 --> 00:06:54,312 I don't want a girl. I just want a little boy. 138 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,572 It's not what it sounds like, folks. 139 00:07:03,122 --> 00:07:04,851 Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. 140 00:07:04,957 --> 00:07:07,551 Marshall, is that you? 141 00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:10,128 Oh, okay, you guys, you're a little too close to the camera. 142 00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:11,696 Can you back up a bit? 143 00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:15,800 How's this? 144 00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:17,529 Every time. 145 00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:22,700 Um, can you just sit in front of the computer like normal human beings? 146 00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,299 Perfect. Perfect. 147 00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:26,173 What's up, Shooter? 148 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,008 To be honest, I'm getting a little freaked out... 149 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,082 about the idea of having a daughter. 150 00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:32,743 I know you two probably aren't the right people to talk to about this. 151 00:07:32,852 --> 00:07:35,685 - You had all boys. - Oh, well, that... that was just dumb luck. 152 00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:39,189 Uh, hey, honey, would you get me a brewski from outta the shed? 153 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,192 Sure. You want anything, Marshall? 154 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,784 I'm in a computer, Mom. 155 00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:44,886 Oh. 156 00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:46,464 Yeah, all boys. 157 00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:49,091 Total coinkydink. 158 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,102 It was no coinkydink. 159 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:52,865 Since the Viking age... 160 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:56,999 the Eriksen men have passed down ancient secrets for conceiving boys. 161 00:07:57,109 --> 00:07:59,600 Avoid lemons. 162 00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:01,646 They're baby girl fertilizer. 163 00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:03,374 Okay, no offense, Dad... 164 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,314 but I doubt there's any scientific data to support... 165 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:08,444 "I doubt there's any scientific data to support"... 166 00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:10,249 I had all sonsl 167 00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:12,221 Your grandfather had all sons. 168 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,816 Your great-grandfather had all sons. 169 00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:16,417 Scoreboardl 170 00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:20,488 Who you gonna listen to... me or the scientific data? 171 00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:25,263 Members of the G-8 convened today in Vienna... 172 00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:28,568 to discuss plans to fight climate change, by which... 173 00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:31,268 - What? - Ask me what I did yesterday. 174 00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:33,709 Hey, Becky. Becky, this is our news segment, okay? 175 00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:35,405 Nobody cares what you did yesterday. 176 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:38,746 Lighten up, Robin. What'd you do, sweetheart? 177 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,148 Mike? 178 00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:43,814 Well, I'm new in town and don't know many people... 179 00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:46,551 but yesterday I met the sweetest man... 180 00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:49,355 who took me on a tour of the city. 181 00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,987 Guys, New York is kinda cool. 182 00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:54,328 Okay. Back to the G-8 conference. 183 00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:55,730 Hello? 184 00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:58,269 Mike? Can I get in the shot? 185 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,169 Fantastic. 186 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,367 Then, this cutie patootie... 187 00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:06,309 took me to this bar called MacLaren's right underneath his apartment. 188 00:09:06,412 --> 00:09:10,280 - Wait. Did you go out with Ted Mosby? - Yes! 189 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,647 Guys, I went out with Robin's roommate. 190 00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:15,243 I saw her bedroom. 191 00:09:15,354 --> 00:09:17,982 She's a messy Bessie. 192 00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:19,557 In other news... 193 00:09:19,659 --> 00:09:23,595 later today a Manhattan architect gets punched in the throat. 194 00:09:23,696 --> 00:09:25,163 Ow! 195 00:09:25,264 --> 00:09:26,891 Ted, of all the women in New York... 196 00:09:26,999 --> 00:09:29,229 you had to go out with an eight-year-old girl? 197 00:09:29,335 --> 00:09:31,132 Yeah. Not what it sounds like, folks. 198 00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,535 Ted, you know that I hate her. 199 00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:35,766 How could you go out on a date with this girl? 200 00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:37,342 It wasn't a date. 201 00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:39,502 She came over to the apartment looking for you. 202 00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:43,070 I made Robin my famous chocolate-chip cookies... 203 00:09:43,182 --> 00:09:46,743 but instead of chocolate chips I used Gummi bears. 204 00:09:46,852 --> 00:09:47,910 Oh! 205 00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:50,079 A spider! 206 00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:52,924 Let me guess. 207 00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:55,050 She acted like a helpless little girl... 208 00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:57,425 and you stepped in as the big strong man. 209 00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:01,192 I don't know if that's totally true. 210 00:10:04,236 --> 00:10:05,965 It's okay, little darlin'. 211 00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:07,596 Poor spider. 212 00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:09,436 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 213 00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:13,344 Spiders gotta die... 214 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,437 so trees can grow. 215 00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:19,275 Then I held her tight... 216 00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:22,115 told her it was all gonna be okay. 217 00:10:23,422 --> 00:10:25,356 By the way, I think I only wounded the spider. 218 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,050 It crawled off into my bedroom. 219 00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:29,127 Wait. Is that why you slept on the couch last night? 220 00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:31,890 Yeah. I slept. 221 00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:35,028 I'm dyin' out here. 222 00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:38,626 Talkin' like a little boy is not working with the ladies. 223 00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:40,899 Wow, lady. 224 00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:43,407 You got some "tig ol' bitties"! 225 00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:47,846 Gosh! 226 00:10:47,947 --> 00:10:52,077 Your body's a perfect... this many. 227 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:57,545 Uh, do you wanna wrestle with our special bathing suit places? 228 00:10:58,791 --> 00:11:00,258 Come on. 229 00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:02,820 I just need two seconds, baby. 230 00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:04,793 I know you think that's a compliment... 231 00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:06,922 but I'd rather you take your time. 232 00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:09,365 No, um, I'll be... I'll be right back. 233 00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:21,379 Ancient Norse wisdom tells us that to sire a son... 234 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,813 you must do three things right before you lay with your maiden. 235 00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:27,511 First, eat pickled herring. 236 00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:30,685 Eat itl 237 00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:33,190 This is ridiculous. 238 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,159 Gentlemen, gentlemen. 239 00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:40,232 On the main stage, throwing her life away... 240 00:11:40,332 --> 00:11:42,766 give it up for Marshall's daughter. 241 00:11:46,572 --> 00:11:48,972 Who's your granddaddy? 242 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,374 That guy. 243 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,887 Hey, wanna have a three-way with me and my imaginary friend? 244 00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:06,821 His name's Otis. 245 00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:09,486 You don't... 246 00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:12,257 Hey. Hey! Wanna come to my house and play telephone? 247 00:12:12,364 --> 00:12:14,559 I got the string, you got the cans. 248 00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:20,167 I wet myself. Will you change me? 249 00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:23,337 Can't blame her on that one. 250 00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:29,241 Guys, I have some terrible, terrible news. 251 00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:32,317 I, Barney Stinson... 252 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:36,650 can't pick up a girl whilst talking like a little boy. 253 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,281 Challenge forfeited. 254 00:12:39,391 --> 00:12:42,827 - We don't care about this at all. - No one challenged you. It wasn't really a challenge. 255 00:12:44,396 --> 00:12:46,091 I'm sorry. 256 00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:48,926 Hey, Gerard. What's with that shirt? 257 00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:51,093 Nobody could pick up a chick wearing that thing. 258 00:12:51,203 --> 00:12:53,228 Challenge accept... 259 00:12:56,876 --> 00:12:58,400 Wow, I'm glad that's over. 260 00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:00,979 It was creepy watching Barney talk like a little kid. 261 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,275 Oh, but you find it irresistible when Becky does? 262 00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:05,612 I don't get it. The Ted that I went out with... 263 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,310 was attracted to the kind of woman... 264 00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:09,614 who could use a steak knife without supervision. 265 00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:12,247 For your information, Becky doesn't like steak. 266 00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:14,553 She likes "pasghetti"... Spaghetti. 267 00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:18,096 - And more importantly, she makes me feel needed. - Needed? 268 00:13:18,197 --> 00:13:20,324 She makes training wheels feel needed. 269 00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:22,229 Hey, it's nice to feel needed. 270 00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:25,064 And you know what? It's not a feeling guys get when they're with you. 271 00:13:31,177 --> 00:13:34,112 Son, Viking lore tells us... 272 00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:38,149 that to ensure the continuation of your noble male lineage... 273 00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:43,184 get a big ol'bowl of ice and dunk your man sack right in there. 274 00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:45,849 You two and your football. 275 00:13:52,698 --> 00:13:54,165 Okay. 276 00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,469 Mm-hmm. 277 00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:07,304 Now, get in there, point Lily due north... 278 00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:09,677 and make me a grandsonl 279 00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:12,182 Eriksenl 280 00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:15,515 Eriksen! 281 00:14:23,128 --> 00:14:24,720 When we were dating, l... 282 00:14:24,830 --> 00:14:26,457 I didn't make you feel needed? 283 00:14:26,565 --> 00:14:29,534 Come on. You always took charge of everything. 284 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:33,533 Oop. I got this. 285 00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:37,568 Is this okay? Am I hurting you? 286 00:14:37,676 --> 00:14:39,541 - I got this. - Whoa! 287 00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:44,407 Someone's trying to break in! Call the cops. 288 00:14:44,516 --> 00:14:46,677 I got this. 289 00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:50,884 - Did that really bother you? - Well, yeah. 290 00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:53,254 It's nice to be needed. 291 00:14:53,359 --> 00:14:55,350 Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. 292 00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:01,828 It's Becky. Aw, she's trapped in a revolving door. 293 00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,760 I got this. 294 00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:06,929 Thank you. 295 00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:12,241 - Let's make a baby. - Mmm! 296 00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:13,910 Whoa! 297 00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:16,277 Baby, you're packin' snowballs... 298 00:15:16,382 --> 00:15:18,577 and your breath smells like a mermaid fart. 299 00:15:19,818 --> 00:15:21,979 Loving the dirty talk. You know what's even hotter? 300 00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,884 - If we face this-a way. - Hmm? 301 00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:25,786 - Ooh, we're bad. - Baby... 302 00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:28,291 Hey, baby, why are you facing me north? 303 00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:30,123 l... 304 00:15:30,229 --> 00:15:32,129 You're trying to make us have a boy! 305 00:15:32,231 --> 00:15:34,131 I can ex... 306 00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,361 How do you know about the north thing? 307 00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:38,936 Oh, um... 308 00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:41,336 And what are you doing with those lemons? 309 00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:45,035 Baby girl fertilizerl 310 00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:48,138 You're trying to make us have a girl! 311 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:55,177 You are trying to make us have a girl. 312 00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:58,654 All my least favorite students have been boys... 313 00:15:58,757 --> 00:16:01,624 so I googled "How to make a girl." 314 00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:04,355 Some really weird stuff came up. 315 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:08,490 But, finally, I found this conception Web site that said you should... 316 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,626 Point south at the moment of conception... 317 00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:14,205 eat a lemon... 318 00:16:16,942 --> 00:16:20,673 and heat up your lady parts to a balmy 105 degrees. 319 00:16:24,616 --> 00:16:29,019 Ooh. Ahhh. Oh, that's not bad. 320 00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:31,021 Mmm! 321 00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:32,556 Eriksen! 322 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,125 Ooh, ooh. 323 00:16:35,527 --> 00:16:37,757 Lily, how could you do... 324 00:16:37,863 --> 00:16:39,592 exactly the same thing I did? 325 00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:41,325 You're supposed to be the sane one. 326 00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:45,369 See that? Another boy expecting a woman to clean up his mistakes. 327 00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:47,496 That's why girls are way better than boys. 328 00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:50,404 Oh, really? Then how come whenever there's a creepy kid in a horror movie... 329 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:55,208 it's always a little girl... or twin girls who speak in unison. 330 00:16:55,314 --> 00:16:57,043 Oh, well, what about Chucky? 331 00:16:57,149 --> 00:16:59,640 Okay. A: He was a doll. 332 00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,482 He was possessed by an adult serial killer. 333 00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:06,422 How could you bring up Chucky right before bed? 334 00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:12,021 - Hey. - Hey. 335 00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:13,655 Hey. Um... 336 00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:17,133 When we were dating, did... did I make you feel needed? 337 00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:20,137 No, I didn't feel like you needed me at all. 338 00:17:20,239 --> 00:17:21,934 That's what I thought. 339 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,770 Uh, I'm sorry. 340 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:27,243 Wait. Where are you go... That's a compliment. 341 00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:29,507 You're the least-needy woman I've ever met. 342 00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:31,082 That's awesome. 343 00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:34,880 I mean, no guy's gonna say "Who's your daddy?" to Robin Scherbatsky. 344 00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,682 You're your own daddy... 345 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,279 and mommy... 346 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:41,257 and weird survivalist uncle who lives in a cabin with a shotgun... 347 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:42,987 blaming stuff on the government. 348 00:17:45,764 --> 00:17:49,825 And that is what makes you the most amazing... 349 00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:52,028 strong... 350 00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:55,004 independent woman I've ever banged. 351 00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:57,337 Thanks, Barney. 352 00:17:57,443 --> 00:18:01,345 You know, um, there's something that I wanted to ask you. 353 00:18:02,614 --> 00:18:04,275 I don't really know how to say it... 354 00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:05,907 so here goes. 355 00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:10,013 Who's the crazy chick in the apron? 356 00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:13,523 Someone naughty left his toys on the floor... 357 00:18:13,625 --> 00:18:17,117 and needs to be spanked on his tushy-tush. 358 00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:22,425 Uh-oh. I'm in twubble! 359 00:18:22,534 --> 00:18:24,525 You did it. How? 360 00:18:24,636 --> 00:18:28,629 Last night after admitting defeat, I just let myself go. 361 00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:31,607 Mmm! That looks so good. Can I have some? 362 00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:35,703 No! It's my ice cream. You can't have any. 363 00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:38,977 Someone needs to teach you how to share. 364 00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:44,620 Who's your mommy? 365 00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:50,658 Challenge completed! 366 00:18:50,762 --> 00:18:52,229 Mmm. 367 00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:54,799 Now, uh, can you get this freak outta here? I'm really scared. 368 00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:56,663 I got this. 369 00:19:03,008 --> 00:19:05,533 Oh, so you finally agreed on a name. 370 00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:10,513 Well, the other night, she ran a... a really high fever. 371 00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:13,210 We rushed her to the emergency room at 3:00 in the morning... 372 00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:15,718 but they wouldn't admit her without a name. 373 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:22,491 Right then and there we realized how stupid we were being. 374 00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:26,997 We looked at each other and, well, we just knew. 375 00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:28,691 Our baby's name is... 376 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,267 Esther. 377 00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:31,996 Esther! 378 00:19:32,971 --> 00:19:34,700 Esther! 379 00:19:34,806 --> 00:19:36,433 That's beautiful. 380 00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:37,736 Yeah. 381 00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,040 We're idiots. 382 00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:45,776 Baby, names and gender... It's just like... 383 00:19:45,884 --> 00:19:47,852 It's some way of giving ourselves the illusion... 384 00:19:47,953 --> 00:19:49,818 that we have any control whatsoever. 385 00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:52,686 l-I just want a healthy, happy 12-pound... 386 00:19:52,791 --> 00:19:54,418 Whoa! 387 00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:55,891 Ten-pound? 388 00:19:56,962 --> 00:19:59,362 - Eight-pound? - I guess. 389 00:19:59,464 --> 00:20:01,989 But, dude, you're writing checks my vagina can't cash. 390 00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:05,870 - I love you. - Mmm. 391 00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:08,940 And I'm gonna love the crap outta whatever baby we have. 392 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,032 Me too. 393 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,371 You know what? 394 00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:20,747 We should just think of a name that's good for either a girl or a boy. 395 00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:24,083 - Like, um... - Jamie. 396 00:20:24,189 --> 00:20:27,920 Marshall, we just named our baby. 397 00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:30,220 Jamie. 398 00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:35,298 Not Jamie! 399 00:20:46,511 --> 00:20:48,479 Shoe's untied. I got it. 400 00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:00,687 Yeah, this is over. 401 00:21:28,887 --> 00:21:29,854 English - US - SDH