1
00:00:01,333 --> 00:00:03,241
Kids, in the fall of 2010,

2
00:00:03,242 --> 00:00:05,541
our friends Stuart and Claudia had a baby,

3
00:00:05,542 --> 00:00:06,979
and Lily and Marshall were the first

4
00:00:07,033 --> 00:00:08,800
to visit the happy new parents.

5
00:00:08,844 --> 00:00:09,318
So, have you guys

6
00:00:09,335 --> 00:00:10,535
landed on a name yet?

7
00:00:10,595 --> 00:00:12,296
We're trying, but it's
tougher than you think.

8
00:00:12,297 --> 00:00:14,398
You see, I like "Tiffany."

9
00:00:14,399 --> 00:00:16,333
And I don't want my daughter
to have a whore's name.

10
00:00:16,334 --> 00:00:17,368
That's my mother's name.

11
00:00:17,369 --> 00:00:19,203
I know.

12
00:00:19,204 --> 00:00:19,807
Oh, I got it.

13
00:00:19,948 --> 00:00:22,582
How 'bout we name the baby
after you... "Frigid Shrew."

14
00:00:22,807 --> 00:00:24,341
Oh, that's good.

15
00:00:24,686 --> 00:00:25,175
No, no, no, no.

16
00:00:25,330 --> 00:00:26,497
Let's call her "Vodka."

17
00:00:26,511 --> 00:00:28,309
Then at least we know you'd hold her tight

18
00:00:28,342 --> 00:00:29,809
and never let her go!

19
00:00:29,856 --> 00:00:32,224
Don't knock the vodka.
Wouldn't have a kid without it.

20
00:00:32,417 --> 00:00:34,919
Stuart, you are so...

21
00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:36,420
That's not gonna be us, right?

22
00:00:36,421 --> 00:00:38,856
I mean, how hard can it be
to name a baby?

23
00:00:38,857 --> 00:00:40,758
- Right? I mean, just look at her.
- Yeah.

24
00:00:40,759 --> 00:00:42,192
She's clearly a...

25
00:00:42,193 --> 00:00:43,460
- Emily.
- Lisa.

26
00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:44,895
- Lisa?!
- Emily?!

27
00:00:47,299 --> 00:00:49,833
- Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh.

28
00:00:50,707 --> 00:00:55,807
How I Met Your Mother 6x06 -
Baby Talk

29
00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:04,229
Okay!

30
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:06,098
I made a list of awesome baby names.

31
00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:08,200
Starting at the top: number one...

32
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,002
I'm gonna stop you right here, Marshall.

33
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:12,804
You name a chubby white kid "LeBron,"

34
00:01:12,805 --> 00:01:15,040
and he's the one getting stuffed
in the basketball hoop.

35
00:01:15,041 --> 00:01:17,576
Then I'm also crossing off,
um, "Shaquille"...

36
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:18,677
Mm-hmm.

37
00:01:18,678 --> 00:01:21,913
"Hakeem," and "Dikembe."

38
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:23,649
Hey, what about "Rob"?

39
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:24,983
"Rob"?

40
00:01:24,984 --> 00:01:26,752
- No.
- Why not?

41
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,520
Hey, Rob. What are you gonna make?

44
00:01:34,294 --> 00:01:35,861
Not "Rob."

45
00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:38,363
Okay, um, how about "Ryan"?

46
00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:39,564
Ooh.

47
00:01:43,903 --> 00:01:45,637
Not "Ryan."

48
00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:47,372
"Johnny?"

49
00:01:47,373 --> 00:01:49,641
Hey, where's the goldfish?

50
00:01:55,081 --> 00:01:57,416
Not "Johnny."

51
00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:59,484
Or "Gil."

52
00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:04,256
"Jeremy."

53
00:02:06,392 --> 00:02:08,593
Jeremy, no!

54
00:02:12,498 --> 00:02:14,499
Definitely not "Jeremy."

55
00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:16,601
His stuff was so derivative.

56
00:02:16,602 --> 00:02:18,837
Well, I mean, geez, Lily.

57
00:02:18,838 --> 00:02:19,461
Well, whatever you do,

58
00:02:19,561 --> 00:02:21,629
do not name your baby "Becky," right?

59
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,642
- Why? What?
- What?

60
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:26,578
Becky. My new co-anchor?

61
00:02:26,983 --> 00:02:28,716
Don't you guys ever watch the show?

62
00:02:28,881 --> 00:02:30,649
Oh, honey, I really try.
Our DVR won't recognize it

63
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,217
- as a television program.
- Mm-hmm.

64
00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:34,086
I watched.

65
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:37,289
Robin insisted I confirm
how "awful" Becky is,

66
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:39,758
so last night I checked it out.

67
00:02:39,759 --> 00:02:41,460
Peace talks in the region

68
00:02:41,461 --> 00:02:43,295
have been described as, "productive."

69
00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:44,496
Becky?

70
00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:46,023
Last night, in Staten Island,

71
00:02:46,024 --> 00:02:48,392
a taco cart owner was robbed at gunpoint.

72
00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:50,902
Aww...

73
00:02:50,903 --> 00:02:52,938
That's so sad.

74
00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:54,206
Becky, we're-we're journalists.

75
00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:56,074
We can't get emotional
about the news, we...

76
00:02:56,075 --> 00:02:57,096
Oh, no!

77
00:02:57,097 --> 00:02:59,007
They stole all his money
and then pelted him

78
00:02:59,008 --> 00:03:00,208
with his own taco meat!

79
00:03:00,813 --> 00:03:02,447
Who would do that?

80
00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:05,050
Well, if you read the story,
we might find out.

81
00:03:05,918 --> 00:03:09,221
Oh, can I do this one, about the horse?

82
00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:10,655
I love horseys.

83
00:03:10,656 --> 00:03:12,090
Mm-hmm.

84
00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:14,459
Aww, the horse died.

85
00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:15,761
Guys!

86
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:19,431
This news is all really sad.

87
00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:23,034
Okay, no holds barred...
What'd you think of Becky?

88
00:03:23,035 --> 00:03:25,570
Mmm...

89
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,474
I thought she was charming.

90
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:30,809
You, too?

91
00:03:30,810 --> 00:03:32,511
Can somebody please explain to me

92
00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:34,479
why the little girl act works on men?

93
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:35,873
You want the long version
or the short version?

94
00:03:35,874 --> 00:03:37,341
Short version.

95
00:03:37,492 --> 00:03:38,959
Short version.

96
00:03:39,018 --> 00:03:40,552
Who's your daddy?

97
00:03:41,274 --> 00:03:42,908
You know, when you think about that,

98
00:03:43,189 --> 00:03:45,190
that phrase is really creepy.

99
00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:46,792
No, it's not. It's fun.

100
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,193
Here, watch this.

101
00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:51,029
Hey, Lily... Who's your daddy?

102
00:03:52,498 --> 00:03:53,999
Okay, uh, let me get this straight.

103
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,267
So, in, uh, in this scenario,

104
00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:57,335
because you make such sweet love to Lily,

105
00:03:57,336 --> 00:03:59,037
she is now your daughter.

106
00:03:59,038 --> 00:04:00,906
No, she is not my daughter.

107
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,525
I'm just her daddy.

108
00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:04,625
Wow. That is disgusting.

109
00:04:04,626 --> 00:04:06,460
Exactly. And it's not like
the opposite would work.

110
00:04:06,712 --> 00:04:08,268
There's no way a guy could pick up a girl,

111
00:04:08,269 --> 00:04:09,636
going around talking like a little boy.

112
00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:11,783
- Challenge accepted.
- No.

113
00:04:11,784 --> 00:04:13,685
I, Barney Stinson,

114
00:04:13,686 --> 00:04:17,022
will pick up a girl whilst
talking like a little boy.

115
00:04:18,891 --> 00:04:20,158
Okay.

116
00:04:20,159 --> 00:04:21,326
Here's my list of baby names.

117
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:22,761
- Oh.
- What about "Tara"?

118
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:23,929
No.

119
00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:25,597
Not "Tara."

120
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:27,239
Tara was the hottest girl
in my high school.

121
00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:28,807
We were all, like, obsessed with her.

122
00:04:29,101 --> 00:04:30,838
We didn't just talk about her

123
00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:32,106
and fantasize about her...

124
00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,573
We wrote songs about her.

125
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:40,445
♪ Tara, your booty is so smooth ♪

126
00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:45,016
♪ And I hope this isn't rude ♪

127
00:04:45,017 --> 00:04:47,819
♪ But I want to get up on it. ♪

128
00:04:49,822 --> 00:04:51,590
Not "Tara."

129
00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:53,825
What about "Esther"?

130
00:04:56,062 --> 00:04:57,462
Gentlemen, gentlemen.

131
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:58,651
Coming up on the main stage,

132
00:04:58,792 --> 00:05:00,559
give it up for Esther!

133
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:02,801
Oh. Oh. Hey, Barney.

134
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,845
That prime rib was surprisingly good,

135
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:06,280
but it's 10:30 in the morning.

136
00:05:06,281 --> 00:05:08,547
I don't need to see
a lady get naked and dance.

137
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,041
Oh, Esther gets naked.

138
00:05:10,042 --> 00:05:11,276
But she doesn't dance.

139
00:05:11,277 --> 00:05:12,477
Then what does she do?

140
00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:22,220
Sweet mother nature!

141
00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:28,493
That was my card!

142
00:05:29,437 --> 00:05:30,415
Gentlemen, gentlemen.

143
00:05:30,416 --> 00:05:32,684
Give it up for Esther!

144
00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:38,370
Not "Esther."

145
00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:41,706
I need a drink. Ted? Ted?

146
00:05:45,729 --> 00:05:47,530
Marshall, your list is entirely boy names.

147
00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:49,748
You do realize there's roughly a 50% chance

148
00:05:49,749 --> 00:05:51,283
of you having a daughter, right?

149
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,718
Okay, honestly, I've never
thought about having a girl.

150
00:05:53,719 --> 00:05:55,954
I don't want to think about having a girl.

151
00:05:55,955 --> 00:05:57,325
Tara, Esther...

152
00:05:57,326 --> 00:05:59,460
can you imagine being
one of those girls' dads?

153
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:02,594
♪ Marshall's daughter ♪

154
00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:03,995
♪ Your booty ♪

155
00:06:03,996 --> 00:06:07,432
♪ Your booty's so smooth. ♪

156
00:06:08,234 --> 00:06:09,801
Gentlemen, gentlemen.

157
00:06:09,802 --> 00:06:14,072
On the main stage, give it up
for Marshall's daughter.

158
00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:17,842
He screwed up my childhood.

159
00:06:17,843 --> 00:06:19,978
That's why I do this.

160
00:06:22,848 --> 00:06:25,550
I have no idea how to raise a daughter!

161
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:26,952
What if she makes bad choices?

162
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:30,155
I mean, what if she winds up dating some...

163
00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:32,057
Oh, God.

164
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,659
Papa, I want you to meet my new boyfriend.

165
00:06:37,263 --> 00:06:39,497
Hey, bro.

166
00:06:39,498 --> 00:06:41,900
Thanks for making such a hottie.

167
00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:44,669
Who's your daddy?

168
00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:47,172
You are, 'cause of all the sex we have.

169
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:53,178
I don't want a girl.

170
00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:54,512
I just want a little boy.

171
00:06:54,513 --> 00:06:57,649
It's not what it sounds like, folks.

172
00:07:03,351 --> 00:07:05,219
Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

173
00:07:05,220 --> 00:07:07,788
Marshall? Is that you?

174
00:07:07,789 --> 00:07:08,796
Oh, okay, um...

175
00:07:08,797 --> 00:07:10,531
You guys, you're a little
too close to the camera.

176
00:07:10,532 --> 00:07:11,916
Can you back up a bit?

177
00:07:14,262 --> 00:07:16,230
How's this?

178
00:07:16,231 --> 00:07:17,765
Every time.

179
00:07:17,766 --> 00:07:20,512
Um, can you just sit
in front of the computer

180
00:07:20,513 --> 00:07:22,013
like normal human beings?

181
00:07:22,270 --> 00:07:23,737
.Perfect

182
00:07:24,501 --> 00:07:26,201
What's up, shooter?

183
00:07:26,574 --> 00:07:28,035
Um, to be honest,
I'm getting a little freaked out

184
00:07:28,036 --> 00:07:29,737
about the idea of having a daughter.

185
00:07:30,345 --> 00:07:31,892
I know you two probably
aren't the right people

186
00:07:31,893 --> 00:07:33,661
to talk to about this. You had all boys.

187
00:07:33,755 --> 00:07:35,789
Oh, well, that was just dumb luck.

188
00:07:35,851 --> 00:07:39,454
Hey, honey, would you get me a
brewski from out of the shed?

189
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,251
Sure. You want anything, Marshall?

190
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,819
I'm in a computer, Mom.

191
00:07:43,224 --> 00:07:44,358
Oh.

192
00:07:44,359 --> 00:07:46,556
Yeah, all boys.

193
00:07:46,575 --> 00:07:48,810
Total co-winky-dink.

194
00:07:49,109 --> 00:07:50,943
It was no co-winky-dink.

195
00:07:51,187 --> 00:07:52,721
Since the Viking age,

196
00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:55,457
the Eriksen men have
passed down ancient secrets

197
00:07:55,458 --> 00:07:56,958
for conceiving boys.

198
00:07:56,959 --> 00:07:59,561
Number one, avoid lemons.

199
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,830
They're baby girl fertilizer.

200
00:08:01,831 --> 00:08:03,398
Okay... No offense, Dad,

201
00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:05,491
but I doubt there's any
scientific data to support...

202
00:08:05,492 --> 00:08:08,081
"I doubt there's
any scientific data to support..."

203
00:08:08,871 --> 00:08:10,405
I had all sons.

204
00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:12,007
Your grandfather had all sons.

205
00:08:12,008 --> 00:08:14,342
Your great-grandfather had all sons.

206
00:08:14,343 --> 00:08:15,811
Scoreboard!

207
00:08:16,308 --> 00:08:17,342
Who you gonna listen to?

208
00:08:17,647 --> 00:08:20,816
Me? Or "scientific data"?

209
00:08:22,685 --> 00:08:23,752
Members of the G-8

210
00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,620
convened today in Vienna

211
00:08:25,621 --> 00:08:27,255
to discuss plans to fight

212
00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:29,724
climate change by re... What?

213
00:08:29,725 --> 00:08:31,593
Ask me what I did yesterday.

214
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,728
Hey, Becky, Becky, this is
our news segment, okay?

215
00:08:33,729 --> 00:08:35,564
Nobody cares what you did yesterday.

216
00:08:35,565 --> 00:08:37,299
Lighten up, Robin.

217
00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:38,900
What'd you do, sweetheart?

218
00:08:38,901 --> 00:08:40,302
Mike!

219
00:08:40,303 --> 00:08:43,905
Well, I'm new in town
and don't know many people.

220
00:08:43,906 --> 00:08:46,508
But yesterday, I met the sweetest man,

221
00:08:46,509 --> 00:08:49,411
who took me on a tour of the city.

222
00:08:49,412 --> 00:08:51,880
Guys, New York is kind of cool.

223
00:08:51,881 --> 00:08:54,182
Okay, back to the G-8 conference.

224
00:08:54,183 --> 00:08:55,884
Hello?

225
00:08:55,885 --> 00:08:58,453
Mike, can I get in the shot?

226
00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:01,056
Fantastic.

227
00:09:01,057 --> 00:09:03,124
Then this cutie patootie

228
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:04,893
took me to this bar called MacLaren's,

229
00:09:04,894 --> 00:09:06,361
right underneath his apartment.

230
00:09:06,362 --> 00:09:08,697
Wait... Did you go out with Ted Mosby?

231
00:09:08,698 --> 00:09:09,965
Yes!

232
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:12,734
Guys, I went out with Robin's roommate.

233
00:09:12,735 --> 00:09:14,970
I saw her bedroom.

234
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:18,139
She's a messy Bessie.

235
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:20,442
In other news, later today,

236
00:09:20,443 --> 00:09:23,745
a Manhattan architect gets
punched in the throat.

237
00:09:23,746 --> 00:09:25,347
Ow!

238
00:09:25,348 --> 00:09:27,015
Ted, of all the women in New York,

239
00:09:27,016 --> 00:09:29,417
you had to go out with
an eight-year-old girl?

240
00:09:29,418 --> 00:09:31,286
Not what it sounds like, folks.

241
00:09:31,287 --> 00:09:33,388
Ted, you know that I hate her.

242
00:09:33,389 --> 00:09:35,924
How could you go out
on a date with this girl?

243
00:09:35,925 --> 00:09:37,192
It wasn't a date.

244
00:09:37,193 --> 00:09:39,427
She came over to
the apartment looking for you.

245
00:09:39,428 --> 00:09:42,797
I made Robin my famous
chocolate chip cookies.

246
00:09:42,798 --> 00:09:46,902
But instead of chocolate chips,
I used gummie bears.

247
00:09:46,903 --> 00:09:48,069
Aww...

248
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,405
A spider!

249
00:09:51,474 --> 00:09:54,943
Let me guess: she acted
like a helpless little girl,

250
00:09:54,944 --> 00:09:57,546
and you stepped in as the big, strong man.

251
00:09:57,547 --> 00:10:01,082
I don't know if that's totally true.

252
00:10:04,820 --> 00:10:06,121
It's okay, little darlin'.

253
00:10:06,122 --> 00:10:08,290
Poor spider.

254
00:10:08,291 --> 00:10:09,758
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

255
00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:15,764
Spiders gotta die so trees can grow.

256
00:10:17,233 --> 00:10:22,437
Then I held her tight and told
her it was all gonna be okay.

257
00:10:23,472 --> 00:10:25,707
By the way, I think
I only wounded the spider.

258
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,175
It crawled off into my bedroom.

259
00:10:27,176 --> 00:10:29,210
Wait. Is that why you slept
on the couch last night?

260
00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:32,213
Yeah, I slept.

261
00:10:33,316 --> 00:10:34,916
I'm dying out here.

262
00:10:34,917 --> 00:10:38,486
Talking like a little boy
is not working with the ladies.

263
00:10:38,487 --> 00:10:40,822
Wow, lady.

264
00:10:40,823 --> 00:10:43,725
You got some tig ol' bitties!

265
00:10:46,429 --> 00:10:48,029
Gosh!

266
00:10:48,030 --> 00:10:50,432
Your body's a perfect...

267
00:10:50,433 --> 00:10:52,400
This many.

268
00:10:53,169 --> 00:10:54,703
Hi.

269
00:10:54,704 --> 00:10:57,573
Do you want to wrestle with our
special bathing suit places?

270
00:10:57,707 --> 00:11:00,675
Come on!

271
00:11:00,676 --> 00:11:03,208
Mm, I just need two seconds, baby.

272
00:11:03,209 --> 00:11:04,838
I know you think that's a compliment,

273
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,481
but I'd rather you took your time.

274
00:11:06,482 --> 00:11:09,684
No, um... I'll be right back.

275
00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:21,129
Ancient Norse wisdom
tells us that, to sire a son,

276
00:11:21,130 --> 00:11:24,933
you must do three things right
before you lay with your maiden.

277
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:27,836
First, eat pickled herring.

278
00:11:28,971 --> 00:11:30,839
Eat it!

279
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,508
This is ridiculous.

280
00:11:36,579 --> 00:11:39,047
Gentlemen, gentlemen, on the main stage,

281
00:11:39,048 --> 00:11:40,615
throwing her life away,

282
00:11:40,616 --> 00:11:42,917
give it up for Marshall's daughter!

283
00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:48,957
Who's your granddaddy?

284
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,126
That guy.

285
00:12:00,536 --> 00:12:03,138
Hey, want to have a three-way

286
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,939
with me and my imaginary friend?

287
00:12:04,940 --> 00:12:07,475
His name's Otis.

288
00:12:08,711 --> 00:12:11,446
Hey, hey, want to come to my house

289
00:12:11,447 --> 00:12:12,447
and play telephone?

290
00:12:12,448 --> 00:12:14,749
I got the string; you got the cans.

291
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:18,987
I wet myself!

292
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,488
Will you change me?

293
00:12:21,590 --> 00:12:23,658
Can't blame her on that one.

294
00:12:25,561 --> 00:12:27,062
Guys...

295
00:12:27,063 --> 00:12:29,264
I have some terrible, terrible news.

296
00:12:29,265 --> 00:12:31,700
I, Barney Stinson,

297
00:12:31,701 --> 00:12:35,970
can't pick up a girl whilst
talking like a little boy.

298
00:12:35,971 --> 00:12:37,939
Challenge forfeited.

299
00:12:39,375 --> 00:12:41,810
Yeah, we don't care about this...
No one challenged you,

300
00:12:41,811 --> 00:12:43,011
so it wasn't really a challenge.

301
00:12:44,580 --> 00:12:46,247
I'm sorry.

302
00:12:46,248 --> 00:12:49,117
Hey, Gerard, what's with that shirt?

303
00:12:49,118 --> 00:12:51,286
Nobody could pick up
a chick wearing that thing.

304
00:12:51,287 --> 00:12:53,154
Challenge accept...

305
00:12:56,959 --> 00:12:58,226
Wow, I'm glad that's over.

306
00:12:58,227 --> 00:13:01,162
It was creepy watching Barney
talk like a little kid.

307
00:13:01,163 --> 00:13:03,431
Oh, but you find it irresistible
when Becky does?

308
00:13:03,432 --> 00:13:04,574
I don't get it.

309
00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:07,137
The Ted that I went out with was
attracted to the kind of woman

310
00:13:07,138 --> 00:13:08,973
who could use a steak knife
without supervision.

311
00:13:09,739 --> 00:13:12,073
For your information,
Becky doesn't like steak,

312
00:13:12,074 --> 00:13:13,241
she likes pasghetti.

313
00:13:13,242 --> 00:13:14,476
Spaghetti.

314
00:13:14,477 --> 00:13:17,011
And more importantly,
she makes me feel needed.

315
00:13:17,012 --> 00:13:18,113
Needed?

316
00:13:18,114 --> 00:13:20,448
She makes training wheels feel needed.

317
00:13:20,449 --> 00:13:22,817
Hey, it's nice to feel needed.
And you know what?

318
00:13:22,818 --> 00:13:25,420
It's not a feeling guys get
when they're with you.

319
00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:32,694
Son...

320
00:13:32,695 --> 00:13:36,174
Viking lore tells us
that to ensure the continuation

321
00:13:36,175 --> 00:13:38,543
of your noble male lineage...

322
00:13:38,601 --> 00:13:40,902
Get a big old bowl of ice

323
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:43,671
and dunk your man sack right in there!

324
00:13:44,673 --> 00:13:46,641
You two and your football.

325
00:13:52,448 --> 00:13:54,516
Okay.

326
00:13:56,952 --> 00:13:58,219
Mm-hmm.

327
00:14:04,226 --> 00:14:07,462
Now get in there, point Lily due north

328
00:14:07,463 --> 00:14:09,931
and make me a grandson!

329
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,367
Eriksen!

330
00:14:12,368 --> 00:14:14,302
Eriksen!

331
00:14:23,345 --> 00:14:26,581
When we were dating, I...
I didn't make you feel needed?

332
00:14:26,582 --> 00:14:29,884
Come on! You always
took charge of everything.

333
00:14:30,753 --> 00:14:31,886
Oop.

334
00:14:31,887 --> 00:14:33,721
I got this.

335
00:14:33,722 --> 00:14:35,123
Thanks.

336
00:14:35,891 --> 00:14:37,225
This okay? Am I hurting y...

337
00:14:37,226 --> 00:14:38,426
- I got this.
- Whoa!

338
00:14:41,363 --> 00:14:45,099
Someone's trying to break in...
Call the cops.

339
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:47,101
I got this.

340
00:14:48,737 --> 00:14:50,138
Did that really bother you?

341
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,740
Well, yeah. It's nice to be needed.

342
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:54,662
Look, I'm sorry.

343
00:14:54,663 --> 00:14:58,332
I didn't mean to upset you.

344
00:14:58,380 --> 00:14:59,514
It's Becky.

345
00:14:59,515 --> 00:15:02,183
Aw, she's trapped in a revolving door.

346
00:15:04,451 --> 00:15:05,201
I got this.

347
00:15:05,955 --> 00:15:07,288
Yeah.

348
00:15:09,425 --> 00:15:11,893
Let's make a baby!

349
00:15:11,894 --> 00:15:14,162
Mm, mm, mm, mm! Whoa!

350
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,331
Baby, you're packing snowballs,

351
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:18,733
and your breath smells like a mermaid fart.

352
00:15:18,734 --> 00:15:21,669
Loving the dirty talk... But
you know what's even hotter?

353
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,304
If we face this-a-way.

354
00:15:23,305 --> 00:15:24,906
Ooh, we're bad.

355
00:15:24,907 --> 00:15:26,641
Wait... hey, baby,

356
00:15:26,642 --> 00:15:28,509
why are you facing me north?

357
00:15:29,478 --> 00:15:32,313
You're trying to make us have a boy.

358
00:15:32,314 --> 00:15:34,749
I... can ex...

359
00:15:34,750 --> 00:15:37,552
How do you know about the north thing?

360
00:15:37,553 --> 00:15:39,053
Um, um...

361
00:15:39,054 --> 00:15:41,689
And what are you doing with those lemons?

362
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:45,159
Baby girl fertilizer!

363
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,896
You're trying to make us have a girl!

364
00:15:53,581 --> 00:15:55,916
You are trying to make us have a girl.

365
00:15:55,917 --> 00:15:58,620
All my least favorite students
have been boys.

366
00:15:58,621 --> 00:16:01,490
So I Googled "how to make a girl"...

367
00:16:01,943 --> 00:16:04,326
some really weird stuff came up...

368
00:16:04,483 --> 00:16:07,310
But finally, I found
this conception website

369
00:16:07,311 --> 00:16:08,493
that said you should...

370
00:16:08,831 --> 00:16:11,866
Point south at the moment of conception...

371
00:16:12,064 --> 00:16:12,635
Eat a lemon...

372
00:16:16,338 --> 00:16:20,741
And heat up your lady parts
to a balmy 105 degrees.

373
00:16:24,646 --> 00:16:26,714
Ooh... Ah...

374
00:16:26,715 --> 00:16:28,983
Oh, that's not bad.

375
00:16:30,785 --> 00:16:32,519
Eriksen!

376
00:16:35,530 --> 00:16:37,531
Lily, how could you do...

377
00:16:37,532 --> 00:16:39,233
exactly the same thing I did?

378
00:16:39,234 --> 00:16:41,368
You're supposed to be the sane one.

379
00:16:41,369 --> 00:16:44,504
See that?
Another boy expecting a woman

380
00:16:44,527 --> 00:16:45,494
to clean up his mistakes.

381
00:16:45,495 --> 00:16:47,489
That's why girls are way better than boys.

382
00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:49,024
Oh, really. Well, then how
come whenever there's

383
00:16:49,077 --> 00:16:51,445
a creepy kid in a horror movie
it's always a little girl?

384
00:16:51,446 --> 00:16:53,047
Or twin girls, who speak...

385
00:16:53,048 --> 00:16:55,316
In unison.

386
00:16:55,317 --> 00:16:57,184
Oh, well, what about Chucky?

387
00:16:57,185 --> 00:16:59,353
Okay, A) He was a doll;

388
00:16:59,354 --> 00:17:02,656
B) He was possessed
by an adult serial killer;

389
00:17:02,657 --> 00:17:06,694
And C) How could you bring up
Chucky right before bed?

390
00:17:11,223 --> 00:17:12,197
- Hey.
- Hey.

391
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:15,302
Um, when we were dating,

392
00:17:15,474 --> 00:17:17,140
did... Did I make you feel needed?

393
00:17:17,969 --> 00:17:20,173
No, I didn't feel like
you needed me at all.

394
00:17:20,670 --> 00:17:22,178
That's what I thought.

395
00:17:22,510 --> 00:17:25,713
- Uh, I'm sorry.
- Wait, where are you...

396
00:17:25,714 --> 00:17:27,095
That's a compliment.

397
00:17:27,434 --> 00:17:30,803
You are the least needy woman
I've ever met... That's awesome.

398
00:17:31,186 --> 00:17:33,287
I mean, no guy's gonna say.

399
00:17:33,288 --> 00:17:34,988
"Who's your daddy?" to Robin Scherbatsky.

400
00:17:34,989 --> 00:17:36,423
You're your own daddy.

401
00:17:36,424 --> 00:17:37,958
And mommy.

402
00:17:37,959 --> 00:17:40,728
And weird survivalist uncle
who lives in a cabin

403
00:17:40,729 --> 00:17:43,263
with a shotgun
blaming stuff on the government.

404
00:17:45,734 --> 00:17:48,569
And that is what makes you the most...

405
00:17:48,570 --> 00:17:51,872
Amazing, strong...

406
00:17:51,873 --> 00:17:55,142
independent woman I've ever banged.

407
00:17:55,143 --> 00:17:56,710
Thanks, Barney.

408
00:17:57,479 --> 00:17:59,012
You know, um...

409
00:17:59,013 --> 00:18:01,448
there's something that I wanted to ask you,

410
00:18:01,449 --> 00:18:06,153
and I don't really know how
to say it so... Here goes.

411
00:18:06,955 --> 00:18:09,990
Who's the crazy chick in the apron?

412
00:18:09,991 --> 00:18:13,494
Someone naughty left his toys on the floor

413
00:18:13,495 --> 00:18:17,398
and needs to be spanked on his tushy-tush.

414
00:18:19,768 --> 00:18:22,569
Uh-oh, I'm in "twubble."

415
00:18:22,570 --> 00:18:24,605
You did it? How?

416
00:18:24,606 --> 00:18:26,173
Last night, after admitting defeat,

417
00:18:26,174 --> 00:18:28,575
I just let myself go.

418
00:18:28,576 --> 00:18:30,344
Mmm, that looks so good.

419
00:18:30,345 --> 00:18:31,712
Can I have some?

420
00:18:31,713 --> 00:18:32,946
No!

421
00:18:32,947 --> 00:18:35,682
It's my ice cream; you can't have any.

422
00:18:35,683 --> 00:18:39,253
Someone needs
to teach you how to share.

423
00:18:41,122 --> 00:18:44,892
Who's your mommy?

424
00:18:48,830 --> 00:18:50,731
Challenge completed!

425
00:18:50,732 --> 00:18:53,033
Now, uh, can you get

426
00:18:53,034 --> 00:18:54,902
this freak out of here? I'm really scared.

427
00:18:54,903 --> 00:18:56,937
I got this.

428
00:19:03,004 --> 00:19:05,062
Oh, so you finally agreed on a name?

429
00:19:05,063 --> 00:19:06,638
Uh, well,

430
00:19:06,639 --> 00:19:10,175
the other night she ran
a really high fever.

431
00:19:10,452 --> 00:19:12,172
We rushed her to the emergency room

432
00:19:12,173 --> 00:19:14,274
at 3:00 in the morning, but they wouldn't

433
00:19:14,389 --> 00:19:18,058
admit her without a name.

434
00:19:18,059 --> 00:19:22,596
Right then and there, we
realized how stupid we were being.

435
00:19:22,597 --> 00:19:24,631
We looked at each other

436
00:19:24,632 --> 00:19:26,667
and, well, we just knew.

437
00:19:26,668 --> 00:19:28,669
Our baby's name is...

438
00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:30,304
- Esther.
- Esther.

439
00:19:30,305 --> 00:19:32,239
Esther?

440
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,842
Esther!

441
00:19:34,843 --> 00:19:36,543
That's beautiful.

442
00:19:36,544 --> 00:19:38,011
Yeah.

443
00:19:39,881 --> 00:19:41,782
We're idiots.

444
00:19:41,783 --> 00:19:45,018
Baby, names and gender, it's just, like...

445
00:19:45,019 --> 00:19:47,621
it's some way of giving
ourselves the illusion

446
00:19:47,622 --> 00:19:49,723
that we have any control whatsoever.

447
00:19:49,724 --> 00:19:52,793
I... I just want a healthy,
happy, 12-pound...

448
00:19:52,794 --> 00:19:54,561
Whoa.

449
00:19:54,562 --> 00:19:56,163
Ten-pound?

450
00:19:56,965 --> 00:19:58,332
Eight-pound?

451
00:19:58,333 --> 00:19:59,967
I guess, but, dude,

452
00:19:59,968 --> 00:20:02,669
you're writing checks my vagina can't cash.

453
00:20:03,705 --> 00:20:05,439
I love you.

454
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:09,076
And I'm gonna love the crap
out of whatever baby we have.

455
00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:10,244
Me, too.

456
00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:17,351
You know what?

457
00:20:17,352 --> 00:20:20,854
We should just think of a name that's
good for either a girl or a boy.

458
00:20:20,855 --> 00:20:21,855
Like, um...

459
00:20:21,856 --> 00:20:24,191
- Jamie.
- Jamie.

460
00:20:24,192 --> 00:20:25,893
Marshall...

461
00:20:25,894 --> 00:20:28,195
We just named our baby.

462
00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:30,264
Jamie.

463
00:20:30,265 --> 00:20:31,698
- Mmm...
- Mmm...

464
00:20:33,868 --> 00:20:35,569
Not Jamie.

465
00:20:46,658 --> 00:20:48,742
Shoe's untied. I got it.

466
00:20:58,950 --> 00:21:01,552
Yeah, this is over.

