1 00:00:03,509 --> 00:00:04,746 I do not want to come across 2 00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:06,834 as the disgruntled daughter-in-law. 3 00:00:07,059 --> 00:00:08,839 But I don't think that what we are experiencing 4 00:00:08,947 --> 00:00:10,369 is the usual disruption. 5 00:00:11,524 --> 00:00:14,067 We are truly concerned for Sunil's well-being. 6 00:00:17,515 --> 00:00:18,828 We brought him over from Calcutta 7 00:00:18,939 --> 00:00:20,706 shortly after my mother passed. 8 00:00:21,780 --> 00:00:23,319 Julia mentioned that she felt 9 00:00:23,427 --> 00:00:25,847 that your grandchildren were afraid of you. 10 00:00:26,539 --> 00:00:29,042 Do you think there's any truth in that assertion? 11 00:00:31,691 --> 00:00:32,635 What did he say? 12 00:00:33,259 --> 00:00:34,820 He said she's afraid of herself. 13 00:00:36,435 --> 00:00:38,029 I would like to help you 14 00:00:39,024 --> 00:00:40,544 in any way that I can. 15 00:00:41,604 --> 00:00:43,055 Perhaps you could write me a prescription 16 00:00:43,163 --> 00:00:45,521 that would allow me to return to India, 17 00:00:47,258 --> 00:00:48,747 where my wife would be alive. 18 00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:58,294 That's what I did, Kate. 19 00:00:57,247 --> 00:00:58,102 It's not... 20 00:01:00,806 --> 00:01:02,659 It's not a bloody penitentiary. 21 00:01:05,310 --> 00:01:07,015 I happen to be lucky enough 22 00:01:07,645 --> 00:01:08,537 To live near 23 00:01:09,175 --> 00:01:10,486 a half-decent school. 24 00:01:12,183 --> 00:01:13,143 No, 25 00:01:13,244 --> 00:01:14,502 not just half-decent... 26 00:01:17,408 --> 00:01:18,251 Sought-after. 27 00:01:22,347 --> 00:01:23,547 Mm-hmm, but, Kate, 28 00:01:24,749 --> 00:01:27,230 He doesn't want to go to private school. 29 00:01:29,612 --> 00:01:30,698 I'll tell you why. 30 00:01:31,219 --> 00:01:32,690 Because I'm his father. 31 00:01:34,216 --> 00:01:35,970 Okay, Kate I've got to go. 32 00:01:37,219 --> 00:01:39,466 I've got a patient waiting for me... 33 00:01:40,089 --> 00:01:41,129 A patient, okay? 34 00:01:42,731 --> 00:01:44,953 I'll call you back. I don't know. 35 00:01:50,585 --> 00:01:51,354 Mr. Sanyal. 36 00:01:52,154 --> 00:01:54,448 I thought patients belonged in the hospital. 37 00:01:54,556 --> 00:01:55,485 You heard me? 38 00:01:56,792 --> 00:01:57,955 I could not help. 39 00:01:58,293 --> 00:01:59,419 Was I that loud? 40 00:01:59,865 --> 00:02:00,942 Perhaps a little. 41 00:02:01,763 --> 00:02:03,824 Well, technically you are my patient, 42 00:02:03,932 --> 00:02:05,489 But I'll try to refrain 43 00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:07,210 from that particular term 44 00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:10,238 If it makes you feel more comfortable. 45 00:02:10,605 --> 00:02:11,300 Shall we? 46 00:02:13,074 --> 00:02:13,732 Yes. Oh. 47 00:02:41,169 --> 00:02:42,948 Did this happen on the train? 48 00:02:43,171 --> 00:02:45,258 I have to travel only three stops, 49 00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:47,835 But I guess this is what happens in America. 50 00:02:47,943 --> 00:02:48,835 You're okay? 51 00:02:49,945 --> 00:02:51,527 I'll survive, Dr. Weston. 52 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,588 It is only mountain dew. 53 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,510 And did these kids... did they... 54 00:02:56,618 --> 00:02:58,200 Did they apologize to you? 55 00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:00,662 I do not think they noticed. 56 00:03:02,691 --> 00:03:04,585 That's a lot of soda not to notice. 57 00:03:04,693 --> 00:03:06,472 Did you say anything to them? 58 00:03:07,863 --> 00:03:09,371 What good that would do? 59 00:03:09,865 --> 00:03:11,743 Besides, they cannot hear anyway. 60 00:03:12,167 --> 00:03:14,353 They are all wearing little headphones. 61 00:03:14,503 --> 00:03:15,851 You're very forgiving. 62 00:03:17,973 --> 00:03:18,754 I'm sorry 63 00:03:19,359 --> 00:03:20,707 about your train ride. 64 00:03:22,777 --> 00:03:24,876 Well, I'm glad that you're here. 65 00:03:27,549 --> 00:03:28,909 Can I ask you how... 66 00:03:29,818 --> 00:03:31,289 How things are at home? 67 00:03:31,887 --> 00:03:33,900 They begged me to take a shower. 68 00:03:34,155 --> 00:03:36,242 Your son and your daughter-in-law? 69 00:03:36,358 --> 00:03:39,052 All four of them knocked on my door this morning. 70 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:40,594 They made Naya ask me. 71 00:03:41,129 --> 00:03:42,280 She says, "grandpa, 72 00:03:42,460 --> 00:03:43,808 please take a shower." 73 00:03:44,032 --> 00:03:45,926 So how did that make you feel... 74 00:03:46,034 --> 00:03:48,454 Being asked to bathe by your granddaughter? 75 00:03:49,704 --> 00:03:52,690 I must admit I was starting to smell like a goat. 76 00:03:58,179 --> 00:03:59,907 So they got your notebook as well? 77 00:04:00,015 --> 00:04:02,309 Yeah, I was using it on the train, so... 78 00:04:02,417 --> 00:04:03,629 It's not so wet. 79 00:04:07,322 --> 00:04:09,015 Is that Kamala... your wife? 80 00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:09,659 Yeah. 81 00:04:10,358 --> 00:04:10,942 May I? 82 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,040 She's beautiful. 83 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:23,172 Is... 84 00:04:23,709 --> 00:04:24,316 was this 85 00:04:24,424 --> 00:04:25,698 on your wedding day? 86 00:04:27,008 --> 00:04:28,430 Just after the ceremony. 87 00:04:30,845 --> 00:04:31,577 Are you... 88 00:04:32,781 --> 00:04:34,363 Are you okay, Mr. Sanyal? 89 00:04:34,849 --> 00:04:35,975 I am only tired. 90 00:04:36,117 --> 00:04:38,011 Recently I have not been sleeping so well. 91 00:04:38,119 --> 00:04:39,085 I wake with... 92 00:04:40,622 --> 00:04:41,933 With... with an ache. 93 00:04:43,858 --> 00:04:45,058 What kind of ache? 94 00:04:46,061 --> 00:04:47,803 I suppose it is this ailment 95 00:04:48,296 --> 00:04:50,814 That my son hopes you will relieve me of. 96 00:04:51,199 --> 00:04:53,840 You and I will speak and my pain will heal 97 00:04:54,603 --> 00:04:55,951 Like a fractured bone. 98 00:04:56,571 --> 00:04:58,276 I wish it was that simple. 99 00:04:59,407 --> 00:05:01,198 If it's any comfort to you, 100 00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:04,151 I agree with what you said 101 00:05:04,259 --> 00:05:05,533 at our last session. 102 00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:09,470 I don't think that grief has any schedule. 103 00:05:10,285 --> 00:05:11,645 And I have no desire 104 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:13,175 To speed up 105 00:05:13,655 --> 00:05:14,917 your grieving process. 106 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:33,814 You are not married? 107 00:05:34,009 --> 00:05:35,517 What makes you ask that? 108 00:05:35,744 --> 00:05:37,404 Last time when I asked, you said, 109 00:05:37,512 --> 00:05:38,389 "no, I don't 110 00:05:38,497 --> 00:05:39,406 have a wife." 111 00:05:39,514 --> 00:05:41,145 That's true. Yes, I did. 112 00:05:41,282 --> 00:05:43,024 Are we playing a logic game? 113 00:05:47,155 --> 00:05:48,897 You are also a widower then? 114 00:05:52,494 --> 00:05:53,263 Forgive me. 115 00:05:54,863 --> 00:05:56,494 You know, where I'm from, 116 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,295 When we want to talk, 117 00:06:00,201 --> 00:06:01,832 We meet a friend for tea. 118 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,598 And then one person speaks and then the other. 119 00:06:04,706 --> 00:06:06,756 It is very strange to be expected 120 00:06:07,042 --> 00:06:09,622 To do all the talking continuously, you know. 121 00:06:10,178 --> 00:06:12,216 I understand, but... but this is... 122 00:06:13,448 --> 00:06:14,956 This is what therapy is. 123 00:06:15,483 --> 00:06:17,040 It's... it's... it's... 124 00:06:17,686 --> 00:06:19,625 Well, it's not exactly the same 125 00:06:20,021 --> 00:06:21,715 As meeting a friend for tea. 126 00:06:21,823 --> 00:06:24,945 You said last week we could simply have a conversation. 127 00:06:25,627 --> 00:06:26,987 That's true. I did say that. 128 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,628 And during the conversation 129 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:30,642 You scarcely said a word. 130 00:06:32,901 --> 00:06:35,801 I am expected to disclose the details of my life, 131 00:06:36,404 --> 00:06:37,875 To speak about my wife, 132 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,225 About my pain, about... 133 00:06:40,809 --> 00:06:42,876 Or share her photograph or, you know... 134 00:06:45,380 --> 00:06:46,666 I did have a wife. 135 00:06:48,383 --> 00:06:48,918 But... 136 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,189 We're divorced now. 137 00:06:55,657 --> 00:06:57,818 How long 21 years. Were you married? 138 00:07:01,396 --> 00:07:02,522 Do you miss her? 139 00:07:03,098 --> 00:07:03,978 Sometimes I... 140 00:07:07,502 --> 00:07:08,320 Yes, I do. 141 00:07:13,608 --> 00:07:14,796 In Hinduism, when... 142 00:07:17,212 --> 00:07:19,447 When the wife dies before the husband, 143 00:07:20,081 --> 00:07:21,466 Before she is cremated, 144 00:07:22,383 --> 00:07:24,815 She is dressed in her red bridal clothes. 145 00:07:25,954 --> 00:07:28,201 And now when I see her wedding photo 146 00:07:28,389 --> 00:07:29,860 I think of her funeral. 147 00:07:36,064 --> 00:07:37,424 She used to tease me 148 00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:40,950 That in our wedding photo I look like 149 00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:43,263 I'm entering into a pool 150 00:07:43,738 --> 00:07:45,271 Containing a giant octopus. 151 00:07:49,043 --> 00:07:50,859 We were both still very young. 152 00:07:51,279 --> 00:07:53,120 And like most brahmin marriages, 153 00:07:53,314 --> 00:07:54,354 It was arranged. 154 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:57,310 I'd just graduated from the university. 155 00:07:57,418 --> 00:07:59,936 She and her family came over to our home. 156 00:08:00,755 --> 00:08:02,411 There was a short interview 157 00:08:02,824 --> 00:08:04,591 Which lasted perhaps two hours. 158 00:08:05,493 --> 00:08:06,878 And our parents decided 159 00:08:07,896 --> 00:08:10,599 That we were to be married shortly after that. 160 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,806 This was going to be my future. 161 00:08:15,303 --> 00:08:17,197 And when your future walks into the room 162 00:08:17,305 --> 00:08:19,392 And sits beside you on the carpet, 163 00:08:19,908 --> 00:08:21,342 It could be, you know, 164 00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:24,480 Quite disconcerting. 165 00:08:29,918 --> 00:08:32,178 These things work differently in America. 166 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,013 Yes, they are different, yes. 167 00:08:35,857 --> 00:08:38,240 But whether they work is another question. 168 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:40,252 In some ways 169 00:08:41,329 --> 00:08:44,254 An arranged marriage seems like it might be simpler. 170 00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:46,924 I would say for us it was fine. 171 00:08:48,369 --> 00:08:49,483 Only... only fine? 172 00:08:50,772 --> 00:08:52,083 Fine... fine is good. 173 00:08:54,008 --> 00:08:54,962 Yeah, perhaps... 174 00:08:56,010 --> 00:08:58,011 Perhaps she was my closest friend. 175 00:08:59,314 --> 00:09:01,130 How often do you find yourself 176 00:09:01,349 --> 00:09:02,611 Thinking about Kamala? 177 00:09:04,052 --> 00:09:05,597 Many many times each day. 178 00:09:08,356 --> 00:09:10,763 I often think of her when I see Julia. 179 00:09:11,359 --> 00:09:11,894 So... 180 00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,362 So when you see Julia, 181 00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:18,054 You're reminded of... of your wife? 182 00:09:18,466 --> 00:09:20,307 Of the differences between them. 183 00:09:20,468 --> 00:09:21,089 It's... 184 00:09:21,497 --> 00:09:22,968 it's impossible not to. 185 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,336 Look, Kamala would not have approved 186 00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:31,738 Of the way Julia is raising our grandchildren. 187 00:09:31,846 --> 00:09:34,107 What do you mean? Why wouldn't she approve? 188 00:09:34,215 --> 00:09:36,413 She might think that they're spoiled, 189 00:09:37,085 --> 00:09:38,945 That there's too little discipline. 190 00:09:39,053 --> 00:09:41,581 She might think the minute they don't get what they want 191 00:09:41,689 --> 00:09:43,567 They scream, they throw tantrums. 192 00:09:45,193 --> 00:09:47,058 And do you think that's true? 193 00:09:47,228 --> 00:09:49,032 Our son was raised differently. 194 00:09:49,497 --> 00:09:50,574 Kamala taught him 195 00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:52,765 Good manners, humility, 196 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,295 Because it was important to her. 197 00:09:55,403 --> 00:09:57,297 And it sounds like it's important to you. 198 00:09:57,405 --> 00:09:59,073 Would you say that's true? 199 00:10:06,514 --> 00:10:07,529 Can I ask you 200 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:10,299 What else is in your notebook? 201 00:10:11,119 --> 00:10:11,925 Many things. 202 00:10:14,889 --> 00:10:15,598 Sometimes 203 00:10:16,925 --> 00:10:18,359 I write to Kamala too. 204 00:10:19,394 --> 00:10:20,253 In your notebook? 205 00:10:20,361 --> 00:10:21,820 Yeah, very simple things. 206 00:10:21,930 --> 00:10:22,933 Yes, like what? 207 00:10:23,171 --> 00:10:23,706 Like... 208 00:10:24,032 --> 00:10:24,838 Like "hello, 209 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,496 Good morning, good night," 210 00:10:27,969 --> 00:10:29,908 Or "the sun is very hot today," 211 00:10:30,238 --> 00:10:31,998 Or "the birds are too loud for sleeping." 212 00:10:32,106 --> 00:10:32,641 Yes. 213 00:10:32,854 --> 00:10:33,900 Things like this. 214 00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:36,603 Have you ever written to her about your grandchildren? 215 00:10:36,711 --> 00:10:38,539 I tell her that she would be 216 00:10:38,746 --> 00:10:39,983 Quite fond of them. 217 00:10:41,416 --> 00:10:43,651 Do you share your concerns with Kamala 218 00:10:44,285 --> 00:10:45,288 About how Julia 219 00:10:47,121 --> 00:10:48,765 Is raising your grandchildren? 220 00:10:50,091 --> 00:10:51,180 So can I smoke? 221 00:10:52,727 --> 00:10:54,617 Yeah, sure. You can smoke, yes. 222 00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:02,832 Dr. Weston, please call me Sunil. 223 00:11:03,104 --> 00:11:03,639 Okay. 224 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:07,508 And you must call me Paul. 225 00:11:08,142 --> 00:11:09,071 Mm-hmm, Paul. 226 00:11:12,914 --> 00:11:14,989 You know what happened this morning? 227 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,349 A plumber came 228 00:11:16,931 --> 00:11:18,094 to fix my shower, 229 00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:21,928 So I had to use Arun and Julia's bathroom. 230 00:11:22,423 --> 00:11:24,670 As I was coming out of the shower... 231 00:11:27,028 --> 00:11:27,994 Julia came in. 232 00:11:29,931 --> 00:11:32,326 I had the towel wrapped around my waist. 233 00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,785 She entered just as I was putting 234 00:11:36,104 --> 00:11:37,831 A small piece of soap in a dish 235 00:11:37,939 --> 00:11:39,681 On top of the toilet tank... 236 00:11:40,308 --> 00:11:41,890 A little purple soap goose 237 00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:43,769 That smelled of lavender. 238 00:11:46,114 --> 00:11:48,546 She was preparing to take the shower too. 239 00:11:48,783 --> 00:11:50,648 So she was also in her towel? 240 00:11:50,918 --> 00:11:53,880 She very quickly covered herself with her towel, yes. 241 00:11:56,357 --> 00:11:57,089 She froze. 242 00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:03,949 She obviously forgot about the plumber. 243 00:12:04,165 --> 00:12:05,279 And what happened? 244 00:12:05,633 --> 00:12:06,870 I said, "excuse me" 245 00:12:07,502 --> 00:12:10,130 And then went up to my room to get dressed. 246 00:12:10,238 --> 00:12:12,633 10 minutes later she knocked on my door. 247 00:12:13,908 --> 00:12:15,071 What did she say? 248 00:12:15,676 --> 00:12:17,024 She became very angry. 249 00:12:17,378 --> 00:12:19,606 She spoke to me as if I'm a child... 250 00:12:19,714 --> 00:12:20,754 Because of soap. 251 00:12:21,682 --> 00:12:23,843 Well, she'd just been confronted by the fact 252 00:12:23,951 --> 00:12:25,879 That you're not a child at all. 253 00:12:25,987 --> 00:12:27,881 She may have been covering for other feelings 254 00:12:27,989 --> 00:12:30,507 That she had from seeing you in this way. 255 00:12:31,192 --> 00:12:32,072 What feelings? 256 00:12:33,094 --> 00:12:34,762 My daughter-in-law is not 257 00:12:35,096 --> 00:12:36,875 A modest woman, I assure you. 258 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:40,260 She still showers with Sam even though he's nearly six. 259 00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:42,406 For her it's perfectly appropriate. 260 00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:44,460 But not to you. 261 00:12:44,672 --> 00:12:46,766 You are the expert. Please tell me. 262 00:12:46,874 --> 00:12:49,540 Where was your son when all of this happened? 263 00:12:49,710 --> 00:12:51,489 He had already left for work. 264 00:12:51,779 --> 00:12:53,977 Sunil, when Julia was here last week, 265 00:12:54,382 --> 00:12:55,607 She mentioned feeling 266 00:12:56,851 --> 00:12:58,113 Uncomfortable at times 267 00:13:00,121 --> 00:13:02,602 Because of the way that you look at her. 268 00:13:03,257 --> 00:13:05,221 Would you say that this encounter 269 00:13:05,927 --> 00:13:06,930 In the bathroom 270 00:13:07,895 --> 00:13:10,093 Might have been one of those moments? 271 00:13:10,298 --> 00:13:12,348 We were both in our towels, Paul. 272 00:13:13,634 --> 00:13:14,489 And I said, 273 00:13:14,879 --> 00:13:15,685 "excuse me." 274 00:13:16,270 --> 00:13:17,359 And I went out. 275 00:13:18,239 --> 00:13:19,624 Yes, I understand that. 276 00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:21,738 What I'm asking is... 277 00:13:22,477 --> 00:13:23,997 Can you say a bit more 278 00:13:24,479 --> 00:13:25,679 about how you felt 279 00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:28,823 When your daughter-in-law surprised you? 280 00:13:29,050 --> 00:13:30,829 I would say I felt surprised. 281 00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:32,422 Yes, but what else? 282 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:35,685 I said to myself, 283 00:13:36,491 --> 00:13:38,385 "see, here's your daughter-in-law, 284 00:13:38,493 --> 00:13:40,272 And she is wearing a towel." 285 00:13:44,599 --> 00:13:47,191 I don't understand the rules of this house. 286 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:51,876 My son and Julia are very different people. 287 00:13:52,907 --> 00:13:54,070 I used to believe 288 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:57,303 That these differences were what drew him to her, 289 00:13:57,411 --> 00:13:59,178 Beyond her yellow shining hair. 290 00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:00,974 And you don't think that anymore? 291 00:14:01,082 --> 00:14:03,317 Now the differences are less and less. 292 00:14:03,851 --> 00:14:05,593 He has become more like her, 293 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,280 As if under a spell. 294 00:14:08,422 --> 00:14:10,361 I wonder how he feels not being 295 00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:13,468 The master of his own house. 296 00:14:14,195 --> 00:14:16,405 That's how you see... you see Arun? 297 00:14:17,131 --> 00:14:19,859 He prepares her cappuccino for her every morning, 298 00:14:20,101 --> 00:14:22,102 And precisely as she wishes too... 299 00:14:22,670 --> 00:14:25,410 With just the right amount of steamed skim milk 300 00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:27,734 And one cube of organic brown sugar. 301 00:14:28,709 --> 00:14:31,104 He puts the dishes away in the cupboard, 302 00:14:31,445 --> 00:14:33,339 Gives the children their evening bath 303 00:14:33,447 --> 00:14:35,620 So that she can read in her study. 304 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:38,010 Maybe your son enjoys these activities... 305 00:14:38,452 --> 00:14:41,266 That he makes Julia her cappuccino in the morning 306 00:14:41,522 --> 00:14:43,560 And puts the dishes away because... 307 00:14:43,991 --> 00:14:45,265 Because he wants to. 308 00:14:46,661 --> 00:14:47,479 I'm not... 309 00:14:49,030 --> 00:14:51,391 I'm not for a moment dismissing your concerns. 310 00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:53,882 I think you have very legitimate concerns. 311 00:14:54,936 --> 00:14:56,629 But I do think it's possible 312 00:14:56,737 --> 00:14:58,750 They may be yours more than his. 313 00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:01,745 You're dealing with 314 00:15:02,410 --> 00:15:03,709 very real frustrations, 315 00:15:04,745 --> 00:15:06,364 Yet most of your complaints 316 00:15:07,982 --> 00:15:09,527 Your son must be unhappy; 317 00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:12,412 Your grandchildren's upbringing would disappoint Kamala; 318 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,398 Kamala would disapprove of Julia. 319 00:15:14,589 --> 00:15:16,528 I guess I'm beginning to wonder 320 00:15:16,891 --> 00:15:18,510 If you have trouble voicing 321 00:15:18,926 --> 00:15:20,311 Grievances of your own. 322 00:15:21,162 --> 00:15:23,056 The fact of the matter is that you're the one 323 00:15:23,164 --> 00:15:25,058 Who feels stuck in your son's house, 324 00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:28,017 Who's been cloistered away upstairs with the kids. 325 00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:30,363 They knocked on your door this morning 326 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:33,133 To make a collective request about your hygiene. 327 00:15:33,241 --> 00:15:36,169 Julia polices the way you handle the objects in her bathroom. 328 00:15:36,277 --> 00:15:38,705 You don't have the power to smoke where or when you want. 329 00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:40,673 You have a right to be angry. 330 00:15:40,781 --> 00:15:42,646 And it's becoming clear to me 331 00:15:42,783 --> 00:15:44,488 That on some level you are. 332 00:15:48,222 --> 00:15:50,116 So I'm just thinking it might be helpful 333 00:15:50,224 --> 00:15:52,151 To everybody, but mostly for you 334 00:15:53,127 --> 00:15:55,522 If you could begin to express that anger 335 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:56,710 More directly, 336 00:15:57,552 --> 00:15:58,949 try to put it into... 337 00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:01,798 Try to put it into words. 338 00:16:02,703 --> 00:16:04,174 I'm beginning to regret 339 00:16:05,039 --> 00:16:07,163 That I requested you to speak more. 340 00:16:07,541 --> 00:16:09,435 This is not quite what I'd meant 341 00:16:09,543 --> 00:16:10,916 By balanced conversation. 342 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:14,007 I know. You'd rather meet a friend for tea. 343 00:16:14,115 --> 00:16:15,857 Tea is terrible in New York. 344 00:16:17,084 --> 00:16:17,891 You disagree? 345 00:16:17,999 --> 00:16:18,978 Oh no, I don't. 346 00:16:19,086 --> 00:16:20,680 You're Irish. You must enjoy tea. 347 00:16:20,788 --> 00:16:21,606 Yes, I do. 348 00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:24,817 So maybe you can tell me what is wrong with Americans. 349 00:16:24,925 --> 00:16:26,593 In India we drink hot tea. 350 00:16:26,961 --> 00:16:28,087 Here it is often 351 00:16:28,537 --> 00:16:29,996 no warmer than dishwater. 352 00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:33,759 That's true. 353 00:16:34,001 --> 00:16:34,536 See? 354 00:16:35,736 --> 00:16:37,922 There, I was expressing my frustration. 355 00:16:40,474 --> 00:16:41,489 How did I do? 356 00:16:42,310 --> 00:16:43,596 It's a good start. 357 00:16:52,953 --> 00:16:54,572 See, there was one occasion 358 00:16:55,289 --> 00:16:57,031 When I spoke openly to Arun, 359 00:16:59,026 --> 00:17:00,867 When I presented my displeasure. 360 00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:02,762 And when was that? 361 00:17:03,164 --> 00:17:04,825 Many years ago, when he and 362 00:17:04,933 --> 00:17:06,392 Julia were first engaged. 363 00:17:07,134 --> 00:17:08,605 We had never met Julia. 364 00:17:09,270 --> 00:17:10,778 So they came to Calcutta 365 00:17:11,058 --> 00:17:12,689 to tell us the good news. 366 00:17:13,274 --> 00:17:15,065 You didn't see it that way? 367 00:17:15,376 --> 00:17:17,660 At first I did. Arun seemed so happy, 368 00:17:17,878 --> 00:17:20,273 Like a small child handed a special dessert, 369 00:17:20,381 --> 00:17:21,766 Barely able to breathe. 370 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,251 I must admit I was pleased 371 00:17:25,019 --> 00:17:27,254 For Arun to receive so much attention, 372 00:17:27,455 --> 00:17:29,850 Much more than we were used to seeing... 373 00:17:30,224 --> 00:17:32,410 Like holding hands, sitting very close. 374 00:17:33,994 --> 00:17:34,529 She... 375 00:17:35,003 --> 00:17:36,240 she even curled his 376 00:17:36,719 --> 00:17:38,227 hair behind his ear, eh? 377 00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:40,306 In our presence. 378 00:17:41,202 --> 00:17:42,895 I thought Kamala was going to faint. 379 00:17:43,003 --> 00:17:45,398 And how did things go between Kamala and Julia? 380 00:17:45,506 --> 00:17:46,201 Very bad. 381 00:17:46,390 --> 00:17:47,011 Mm-hmm. 382 00:17:47,308 --> 00:17:49,869 Toward the end of dinner Julia expressed her disappointment 383 00:17:49,977 --> 00:17:52,272 That we would not allow her to stay at our home. 384 00:17:52,380 --> 00:17:53,925 So where was she staying? 385 00:17:56,484 --> 00:17:57,339 In a hotel. 386 00:17:57,651 --> 00:17:58,888 And where was Arun? 387 00:18:00,087 --> 00:18:02,297 He stayed with us, in his old room. 388 00:18:02,556 --> 00:18:03,707 You must understand 389 00:18:04,558 --> 00:18:05,795 It's not acceptable 390 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:07,957 For a couple to sleep 391 00:18:08,562 --> 00:18:11,524 In the House of the parents before they are married. 392 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:13,411 So during dinner it was clear 393 00:18:14,435 --> 00:18:15,889 She wanted Arun to discuss 394 00:18:15,997 --> 00:18:17,345 these matters with us. 395 00:18:18,372 --> 00:18:19,806 So when Arun could not 396 00:18:20,201 --> 00:18:21,672 bring himself to do it, 397 00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,830 She proceeded to do so herself. 398 00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:28,015 She said they had traveled such a far distance 399 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,620 And they are very tired 400 00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:32,178 And they wished not to be separated. 401 00:18:32,286 --> 00:18:33,708 Arun was so embarrassed, 402 00:18:34,722 --> 00:18:37,437 He could not even look at his mother and me. 403 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,380 How did you and your wife respond to that? 404 00:18:40,728 --> 00:18:42,273 After Arun left to escort 405 00:18:42,873 --> 00:18:44,381 Julia back to her hotel, 406 00:18:44,965 --> 00:18:46,239 Kamala was so angry, 407 00:18:47,067 --> 00:18:48,304 She could not speak 408 00:18:49,136 --> 00:18:50,607 for more than one hour. 409 00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:54,100 Then she pleaded with me to speak to Arun. 410 00:18:54,208 --> 00:18:56,703 So the next night, I sat in the kitchen with Arun 411 00:18:56,811 --> 00:18:58,430 And asked him whether he... 412 00:18:58,813 --> 00:19:01,590 Whether he was sure about his decision to marry. 413 00:19:02,049 --> 00:19:03,175 What did he say? 414 00:19:04,718 --> 00:19:06,078 He lashed out at me. 415 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:07,973 He said we did not 416 00:19:08,737 --> 00:19:09,777 approve of Julia 417 00:19:10,591 --> 00:19:12,618 Because... because she's not Bengali. 418 00:19:12,726 --> 00:19:15,321 And he said I could not relate to his life 419 00:19:15,429 --> 00:19:17,357 And I married a woman I did not love 420 00:19:17,465 --> 00:19:19,552 And I... I chose duty over passion 421 00:19:20,968 --> 00:19:21,811 And... and... 422 00:19:22,970 --> 00:19:24,096 And I'm jealous. 423 00:19:26,173 --> 00:19:28,765 So they cut their visit short by three days 424 00:19:28,909 --> 00:19:31,292 And left to America the following morning. 425 00:19:31,812 --> 00:19:34,774 So do you think there was any truth in what Arun said? 426 00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:36,587 That I do not know passion? 427 00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:39,842 He also said that you were jealous. 428 00:19:43,924 --> 00:19:45,395 Perhaps I did not marry 429 00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:47,832 For the same reasons as my son, 430 00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:50,854 But I came to love my wife. 431 00:19:51,365 --> 00:19:54,031 Did you ever wish for something more in life? 432 00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:58,757 Do you wish for something more? 433 00:20:08,148 --> 00:20:08,917 After that, 434 00:20:10,117 --> 00:20:11,958 Things were different with Arun. 435 00:20:12,553 --> 00:20:15,047 When Samuel was born we came to New York, 436 00:20:15,155 --> 00:20:16,466 And again after Naya. 437 00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:19,593 But it was never the same. 438 00:20:21,829 --> 00:20:24,495 Did Arun ever come back to Calcutta to visit? 439 00:20:24,832 --> 00:20:25,564 Only once, 440 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,028 When his mother was in serious decline, 441 00:20:29,136 --> 00:20:31,063 Just two days before she passed. 442 00:20:32,206 --> 00:20:34,663 That must have been another difficult visit. 443 00:20:40,981 --> 00:20:42,637 What were you just thinking? 444 00:20:47,421 --> 00:20:49,052 On this same visit my son 445 00:20:49,283 --> 00:20:50,902 made his promise to Kamala. 446 00:20:51,325 --> 00:20:53,843 That he would bring you back to New York. 447 00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:57,490 Yes, she told him that I was not capable of living on my own 448 00:20:57,598 --> 00:20:59,808 And he must take care of me always. 449 00:21:02,770 --> 00:21:04,931 These were the last words she spoke. 450 00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:06,499 And so here you are. 451 00:21:10,210 --> 00:21:11,028 Here I am. 452 00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:15,171 Do you wish you had stayed in Calcutta? 453 00:21:17,585 --> 00:21:20,066 See, it is the way we do things, Paul... 454 00:21:20,854 --> 00:21:22,929 The children care for their parents. 455 00:21:24,258 --> 00:21:25,885 Do you think about going back? 456 00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:27,193 It's not possible. 457 00:21:27,928 --> 00:21:28,586 Why not? 458 00:21:29,096 --> 00:21:30,530 I have no money, Paul. 459 00:21:31,031 --> 00:21:32,416 Although I should have, 460 00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:34,182 but I do not. 461 00:21:35,336 --> 00:21:36,856 Can I ask you why not? 462 00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:39,832 See, much of my earnings went toward paying 463 00:21:39,940 --> 00:21:41,670 For Arun's American education. 464 00:21:42,743 --> 00:21:44,448 And what was left was spent 465 00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:47,595 On Kamala's medical bills. 466 00:21:49,450 --> 00:21:49,985 So... 467 00:21:52,252 --> 00:21:53,994 There is nothing to be done. 468 00:21:54,288 --> 00:21:55,402 You seem resigned. 469 00:22:00,260 --> 00:22:02,154 Have you and your son ever discussed 470 00:22:02,262 --> 00:22:04,190 The fight that you had on that first visit? 471 00:22:04,298 --> 00:22:06,077 We have never spoken of it... 472 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:06,935 Never. 473 00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:15,626 I'm... 474 00:22:17,478 --> 00:22:18,296 I'm afraid 475 00:22:18,719 --> 00:22:20,153 our time is up, Sunil. 476 00:22:23,784 --> 00:22:25,452 Oh, I'm supposed to leave? 477 00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:27,271 I have another patient, 478 00:22:27,855 --> 00:22:30,049 But we can pick up here the next week. 479 00:22:30,157 --> 00:22:30,889 Okay okay. 480 00:22:34,161 --> 00:22:35,644 If I'm going to walk, 481 00:22:36,630 --> 00:22:38,532 How do I get to prospect park? 482 00:22:40,501 --> 00:22:42,157 Prospect park? That's easy. 483 00:22:42,269 --> 00:22:43,937 You go out, you turn left, 484 00:22:44,238 --> 00:22:46,132 Pass the coffee shop on the corner, 485 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,134 Across the main drag. Once you... 486 00:22:48,242 --> 00:22:49,869 I'll find it. I'll find it. 487 00:22:49,977 --> 00:22:50,746 No problem. 488 00:22:51,812 --> 00:22:52,347 Okay. 489 00:22:53,681 --> 00:22:54,450 No problem. 490 00:22:55,883 --> 00:22:57,440 Uh, you're not going to 491 00:22:57,618 --> 00:22:58,621 take the train? 492 00:23:01,321 --> 00:23:02,016 No train. 493 00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:05,779 Sunil, those kids... 494 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:08,621 You know, they're not on every train. 495 00:23:08,729 --> 00:23:09,350 I know. 496 00:23:10,130 --> 00:23:11,891 Well, the exercise will be good for me. 497 00:23:11,999 --> 00:23:14,300 So you know where you're going? Just turn left on Atlantic and... 498 00:23:14,334 --> 00:23:15,780 I'm fine. I'm fine.