1 00:00:01,234 --> 00:00:03,532 [Ted Narrating] Kids, one morning in 2010... 2 00:00:03,636 --> 00:00:07,128 I open the newspaper only to discover an op-ed written by Zoey Pierson. 3 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:08,400 - [Crowd Shouting] - You remember Zoey. 4 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:11,068 Key Ted Mosby's car. 5 00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:15,011 In those four column inches, she railed against me and my company, GNB... 6 00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:18,573 for wanting to tear down a beautiful old building called the Arcadian. 7 00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,619 And as if that wasn't bad enough... 8 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,347 the piece ran on a Saturday... 9 00:00:22,455 --> 00:00:24,980 which, as you both know, is Dad's crossword day. 10 00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:27,025 She ruined crossword day! 11 00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:28,754 I can't believe this. 12 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,625 She singles me out by name. 13 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,756 Calls me a fat cat... me and my "fat cat friends." 14 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,835 - We're not fat cats. - Exactly. 15 00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:38,233 [Posh Accent] I say, Marshall, my good man, how's my bow tie? 16 00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:42,069 - Impeccable, old bean. To industry! - Oh, bully! 17 00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:45,542 Okay, maybe that night we weren't the skinniest of felines. 18 00:00:45,645 --> 00:00:49,706 You see, every year, the Natural History Museum holds its Autumn Spectacular. 19 00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:51,716 It's attended by some of the most powerful... 20 00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:53,445 and important people in New York... 21 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:56,886 and, thanks to Goliath National Bank, us. 22 00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:59,618 Look at us. Huh? In tuxedos. 23 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:02,388 Can you imagine if our college selves saw us like this? 24 00:01:02,495 --> 00:01:04,520 They'd pelt us with their Phish bootlegs. 25 00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:07,896 - [Chuckles] - Yeah, we were pretty antiestablishment back then. 26 00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:09,559 - Mmm. - Oh, God. Remember Russell? 27 00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:11,398 Oh. 28 00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,873 - Nice monkey suit, Russell. - Yeah. 29 00:01:14,974 --> 00:01:16,271 - Come on, guys. - What was... 30 00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:18,105 Oh, I'm sorry. I can't hear you... 31 00:01:18,211 --> 00:01:19,838 with that corporate noose around your neck. 32 00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:23,712 - And don't even try showin' up to the drum circle this weekend. - Yeah. 33 00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:29,420 Hey, you guys seen Russell? I'm supposed to drive him to his mom's funeral. 34 00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:33,420 I wish I knew you guys back then. 35 00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:35,790 You know why? Because you can't kick a story in the nuts. 36 00:01:35,895 --> 00:01:38,125 - [Both Laugh] - Hey, we're still those people. 37 00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:40,256 One of these days, Marshall is gonna quit his job... 38 00:01:40,366 --> 00:01:43,028 go to work for the N.R.D.C. and save the world. 39 00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:45,764 - Right, baby? - Absotively. 40 00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:48,773 Well, let's just remember, I mean, nobody's the same as they were in college. 41 00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:51,343 You know, it's, like, "Oh, I wear a suit to work every day." 44 00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:00,609 you're carrying your own sunblock. 45 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,745 ♪♪ [Piano: Jazz] 46 00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:05,188 - ## [Continues] - [Chattering] 47 00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:07,725 Ooh, I love this exhibit. 48 00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:10,660 One time when I was a kid, this room was closed for cleaning... 49 00:02:10,763 --> 00:02:12,594 so I snuck under the rope. 50 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,360 - Ooh. - Wow, that's pretty cool. 51 00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,935 When I was a kid, I knocked down the blue whale. 52 00:02:17,036 --> 00:02:19,027 The giant blue whale hanging from the ceiling? 53 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,369 I was six. My Uncle Jerry brought me here for the day. 54 00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:24,136 He said, "Don't touch anything"...to a kid. 55 00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:26,041 That's like someone telling us... 56 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:29,445 don't look at that girl's perky and impossibly symmetrical knockers. 57 00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:31,949 - Ooh. - Not bad. 58 00:02:32,051 --> 00:02:35,578 So, naturally, I snapped the rib off a triceratops... 59 00:02:35,688 --> 00:02:37,883 blahbity-blahbity blue... I knocked down the whale. 60 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,186 I'm surprised security didn't stop me on the way in. 61 00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:41,817 I'm sure they don't remember. 62 00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:43,555 I mean, it's been, like, 30 years... 63 00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,824 since that completely made-up story didn't happen. 64 00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:47,559 It happened. 65 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,134 And these people don't forget. 66 00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:51,226 This is not the " Natural Stuff That Happened... 67 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:53,828 No More Than Five Minutes Ago Museum." Huh? 68 00:02:54,774 --> 00:02:56,298 Marshall, Barney, there you are. 69 00:02:56,409 --> 00:02:59,708 I want you to meet an old friend of mine from Exeter... George van Smoot. 70 00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:02,679 But you can and should call me the Captain. 71 00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:04,647 [Together] The Captain? 72 00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:07,413 Back in school, we met during a production of Guys and Dolls. 73 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:13,686 Uh, the Captain was Nathan Detroit to my... assistant stage manager. 74 00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:16,660 Marshall and Barney here are the future of Goliath National Bank. 75 00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:18,321 Well, ahoy. 76 00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:20,592 - Ahoy. - Ahoy, the Captain. 77 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,395 The Captain pretty much paid for this entire shindig. 78 00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:24,663 Please, enjoy yourselves. Have fun. 79 00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,534 - But don't touch anything. - Thank you, the Captain. 80 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,436 Challenge accepted. 81 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:34,272 Wow, the future of Goliath National Bank. 82 00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:36,507 I know. It's so, uh... 83 00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,243 You know, I totally forgot to tell you... 84 00:03:38,351 --> 00:03:42,185 but, um, the other day Arthur offered me a five-year contract. 85 00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:45,052 Well, don't turn him down here in public. 86 00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:47,820 [Chuckles] I broke up with Scooter at the prom. 87 00:03:47,927 --> 00:03:50,259 Right before the picture too. 88 00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:53,298 - [Sobbing] - [Shutter Clicks] 89 00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:56,197 So whatever you do, don't tell him here tonight, 'cause... 90 00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:58,600 I think I'm gonna say yes. 91 00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:04,368 Ahh! That's the stuff. 92 00:04:04,477 --> 00:04:06,945 ##[Upbeat Pop] 93 00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:10,379 ##[Man Vocalizing] 94 00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:17,282 ##[Ends] 95 00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:19,548 I didn't realize you were small potatoes. 96 00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:22,560 And to be clear, I am referring to your testicles. 97 00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:31,827 - Impressive. - Mmm. 98 00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,168 Try this on for size. 99 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,739 [Jangling] 100 00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:44,778 You wanna dance? 101 00:04:44,884 --> 00:04:47,580 Let's dance. 102 00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,990 I live for the dance. 103 00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:53,792 Get... 104 00:04:53,893 --> 00:04:55,360 your other hand... 105 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:56,928 off my ass. 106 00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,964 Sorry. Sorry. 107 00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,692 [Lily] What do you mean you're gonna say yes? 108 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:06,294 - I want to keep working at GNB. - But I thought that you... 109 00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:09,170 Guys, guys, guys. Architecture fun fact... 110 00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:11,607 If you stand right here and you whisper... 111 00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:14,043 a person all the way across the other end of the room... 112 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,910 hears it like you're standing right next to them. 113 00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:17,710 It's one of the most sophisticated pieces... 114 00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,512 of acoustical design in the world. 115 00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:20,517 Watch. 116 00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:21,518 [Whispering] Diarrhea. 117 00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:23,452 [Voice Echoing] Diarrhea. 118 00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:26,281 Right? Right? 119 00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:28,553 But a five-year contract. 120 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,458 I thought you hated GNB. 121 00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:33,123 Look, I don't hate all of it. Tonight's fun. 122 00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:36,133 Just take a look around. This is pretty high-class. 123 00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:37,361 Poo-poo. 124 00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:39,028 [Echoing] Poo-poo. 125 00:05:39,138 --> 00:05:40,696 Poo-poo platter. 126 00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:42,638 [Echoing] Poo-poo platter. 127 00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:45,040 Zoey? 128 00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:47,044 [No Audible Dialogue] 129 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,980 Well, well, well. 130 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:56,817 You have got to be kidding me. 131 00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,515 So, what are we protesting tonight? 132 00:05:58,624 --> 00:06:00,888 Rising cost of jet fuel? 133 00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:03,689 The government's oppressive top hat-and-monocle tax? 134 00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:05,388 And what are you doing here? 135 00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:07,625 Oh, right. Beautiful old building. 136 00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:10,168 - You're here to knock it down. - [Chuckles] 137 00:06:10,269 --> 00:06:12,931 - Can I finish my drink first? - Darling, there you are. 138 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:14,006 - Hi. - Hi. 139 00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:16,940 [Giggles] Ted, this is my husband. 140 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:19,534 Yeah, old stuff's great. 141 00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:25,549 I can't... 142 00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:28,779 - Mmm. - [Sighs] 143 00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:30,613 Mmm! 144 00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:32,122 Ah, this scotch is good. How's your drink? 145 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,194 This is ridiculous. 146 00:06:35,294 --> 00:06:38,593 We are two grown adults standing among the greatest collection... 147 00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:40,359 of natural artifacts in the Western Hemisphere... 148 00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,093 and look at what we're doing. 149 00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:45,237 You're right. 150 00:06:47,373 --> 00:06:48,362 [Sighs] 151 00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,236 - Wanna go touch a bunch of stuff? - Yeah, I do. 152 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:08,386 [No Audible Dialogue] 153 00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:11,327 So, Captain, how'd you get that name anyway? 154 00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:12,897 Gave it to myself. 155 00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:15,058 A real man chooses his own name. 156 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:16,965 Well, pleased to meet you, Captain. 157 00:07:17,069 --> 00:07:19,799 I'm Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville. 158 00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:21,874 - This is Ted. - Capital. 159 00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:24,568 Honey, I may cut out early. I'd like to go check up on the boat. 160 00:07:24,677 --> 00:07:25,974 The boat? 161 00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:28,069 There's a bo... You must tell me about this boat, Captain. 162 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:31,082 - Well, she's an 85-foot sloop. - She? 163 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:34,915 Do you like boats? Does the sea call to you like it calls to me? 164 00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:38,752 Yes! The sea is all, like, "Ted, come hang out." 165 00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:42,521 I like Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville. 166 00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:44,118 You're coming on the boat sometime. 167 00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:45,697 Stepping off. 168 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,801 Man, I wish me and my dad were as close as you guys are. 169 00:07:50,903 --> 00:07:52,700 Oh, you want to make this personal? 170 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,204 'Kay. 171 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,867 Destroy Ted Mosby. 172 00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,443 Now it's personal. 173 00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:00,205 No, if I wanted to make it personal... 174 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,611 I'd call you a bored little trophy wife... 175 00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:04,273 who likes to play activist... 176 00:08:04,383 --> 00:08:06,442 when the shops on Fifth Avenue are closed. 177 00:08:06,552 --> 00:08:09,953 - You're goin' down. - Down where? To the yacht club? 178 00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:11,853 Oh, I would love to. 179 00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,448 W-Wait. 180 00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:16,027 I'm half Jewish. Will that be a problem? 181 00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:18,688 So what about becoming an environmental lawyer? 182 00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:20,698 What about saving the world? 183 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:21,824 Wieners. 184 00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:23,458 That was a great dream... 185 00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:25,833 but we have a mortgage and we're tryin' to have kids. 186 00:08:25,938 --> 00:08:27,405 We're grown-ups now, Lily. 187 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,134 [Ted's Voice Echoing] Wieners and gonads. 188 00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:32,302 What would "college you" say if he heard what you were saying right now? 189 00:08:32,411 --> 00:08:34,470 Honestly, probably something pretentious... 190 00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:36,980 - and pseudo-intellectual like... - [Echoing] Boogers. 191 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,978 We all change, Lily. 192 00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:42,680 You know, you don't spell "women" with a "Y" anymore. 193 00:08:42,788 --> 00:08:44,983 And I'm okay with that. 194 00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:46,888 And you need to be okay with the fact... 195 00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:49,154 that I may never become an environmental lawyer. 196 00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:50,889 [Sighs] 197 00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:53,227 So, how long have you felt this way? 198 00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:54,856 Honestly? 199 00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:58,502 Since my first day at GNB. 200 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,502 [Ted Echoing] Hershey squirts. 201 00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:08,714 Hey. 202 00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:11,078 How do you like my date's tux? 203 00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:13,549 Oh! Uh, thank you. 204 00:09:13,653 --> 00:09:15,280 Oh, none for him. 205 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:19,119 He's stuffed. [Laughs] 206 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,692 Stuffed. 207 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,359 Oh! Zoey. There you are. 208 00:09:25,464 --> 00:09:27,864 Oh, my God. You have a monocle. 209 00:09:27,967 --> 00:09:30,458 Is this real? Is this really happening? 210 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,299 Excuse us for a moment. Let's go for a walk. 211 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,202 Good luck killing James Bond. 212 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:39,778 - Are we allowed in here? - What do you want from me? 213 00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:42,404 I want my crossword day back. Okay? 214 00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,143 Go live your perfect little life and leave me the hell alone. 215 00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,947 - My life isn't perfect. - Oh, please. What's your biggest problem? 216 00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:49,681 Having to sail back to the marina... 217 00:09:49,789 --> 00:09:51,620 'cause the Captain's all out of white zin? 218 00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:55,590 Oh, great. Now you're crying. 219 00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:57,754 Like that's gonna get my sympathy. 220 00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:00,925 [Ted Narrating] It did. 221 00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:03,831 You've known about this for two and a half years? 222 00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:06,029 So, every time you've talked about wanting... 223 00:10:06,138 --> 00:10:09,232 to be an environmental lawyer since then, that was a lie? 224 00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,640 Technically, I never lied. 225 00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:14,707 You asked me questions... 226 00:10:14,814 --> 00:10:18,580 - and I responded with made-up words. - What? 227 00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:21,585 So you'll probably quit GNB in a couple of years, right? 228 00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:23,450 Affirmatootly. 229 00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:25,080 And become an environmental lawyer? 230 00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:26,453 Yepskerdoodles. 231 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,493 Hey, by the way, do you like this scarf? 232 00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:32,587 Posititochetochmecochapopocha. 233 00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:33,926 Lawyered. 234 00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:36,160 Okay, that's also a made-up word. 235 00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:39,169 Okay, look, Lily, what do you want from me? 236 00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:42,866 I want you to be the person I fell in love with. 237 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:55,714 Aah! 238 00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:58,289 - Nailed it! - Excuse me. 239 00:11:00,459 --> 00:11:01,926 Thank God you're here. 240 00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:04,360 She's been messing with the exhibits. 241 00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:08,063 [Crying] I got married when I was 22... 242 00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:11,159 to a man who calls himself the Captain. 243 00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:13,329 He seems like a good guy. 244 00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:17,070 He... He wears those red pants. 245 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:19,474 I hate boats, Ted. 246 00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:20,977 I do. I hate 'em. 247 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,980 I can't be on them. I can't be near them. 248 00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:27,382 I can't even think about them without getting seasick. 249 00:11:28,654 --> 00:11:31,487 You wanna know why I want to save that building? 250 00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:34,423 Because when I look up at the Arcadian... 251 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,792 I see something big and solid. 252 00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:41,731 And right now, everything else in my life just feels like I'm on a boat. 253 00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:46,368 I know it's crazy to care that much about a building. 254 00:11:46,472 --> 00:11:49,100 It's not crazy at all. I'm the same way. 255 00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:51,910 Look, Zoey... 256 00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:53,911 the Arcadian should be a landmark. 257 00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:55,776 It should. 258 00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:58,281 The lion head stonework is iconic. 259 00:11:59,618 --> 00:12:01,347 I hate that we have to tear it down. 260 00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,251 I hate working for GNB. 261 00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:06,415 They're a bunch of... wieners and gonads. 262 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,756 Ted, that was... [Sniffles] 263 00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:12,694 really easy. [Chuckles] 264 00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:14,197 What? 265 00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:20,295 [Ted's Voice] They're a bunch of... wieners and gonads. 266 00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:22,735 This should be useful. 267 00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:26,278 [Ted Narrating] In that moment another headline appeared before my eyes. 268 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:33,783 You tricked me. 269 00:12:33,886 --> 00:12:35,717 Well, it's the bug room, Ted. 270 00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:37,721 Your ass just got bugged. 271 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,390 Oh, the offer still stands. 272 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:45,123 We simply must have you out on the boat sometime. 273 00:12:53,639 --> 00:12:56,107 Well, aren't you two clever? 274 00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:59,109 Guess what. This museum has seen every kind of prank you can think of... 275 00:12:59,211 --> 00:13:02,339 mummies playing poker, penguins stickin' out of volcanoes... 276 00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,075 dinosaurs from the Cretaceous period... 277 00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:06,651 hanging out with dinosaurs from the Jurassic period. 278 00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:08,686 One time, a kid knocked down the blue whale. 279 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,722 - You name it... - Wait, wait. I'm sorry. 280 00:13:10,823 --> 00:13:12,415 Did you say someone knocked down the blue whale? 281 00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,857 Oh, no. Not just someone. A six-year-old. 282 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,791 - Oh yeah, that story is legen... - [Cell Phone Rings] 283 00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:18,363 - Hold on. - [Beeps] 284 00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:19,931 ...dary. 285 00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:24,264 And, um, would you happen to know what that young man's name was? 286 00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,668 - No. - [Chuckles] 287 00:13:26,772 --> 00:13:30,105 But I could, uh, check the files. 288 00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:35,179 Thank you. 289 00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:37,374 Now, Arthur, your turn. 290 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,144 I just sang three songs. 291 00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:41,776 Now, you, you do your part from Guys and Dolls. 292 00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:47,415 "Take your seats, everyone. 293 00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:50,518 Uh, the show's about to start." 294 00:13:50,629 --> 00:13:52,460 Douche. 295 00:13:56,468 --> 00:13:59,494 So, I hear my wife got you pretty good. 296 00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:04,474 She caught me on tape trashing GNB. 297 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,477 Aw. That damn recorder. 298 00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,308 Try being married to that. 299 00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:12,942 "But you said you'd get the Corgis neutered this weekend." 300 00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:16,146 "I said no such thing." "Oh, yeah?" Click. 301 00:14:17,756 --> 00:14:21,556 You're a good guy, Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville. 302 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,329 Tell you what. 303 00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:26,762 When Zoey goes to sleep, I'll find that tape and erase it for you. 304 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:27,733 - No hard feelings. - Really? 305 00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:28,563 - No hard feelings. - Really? 306 00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:32,660 - You'd do that to your own wife? - Sure. Why not? 307 00:14:32,771 --> 00:14:36,229 I mean, I'm glad she has these little causes that keep her out of trouble... 308 00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:38,606 but when she throws a temper tantrum... 309 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,771 and it gets in the way of someone doing their job, that's a problem. 310 00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:46,412 No, you know what? Don't erase the tape. 311 00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:49,043 And for what it's worth, I don't think she's throwing temper tantrums. 312 00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:52,590 I just think she's, you know, standing up for what she believes in. 313 00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,026 Well, I respect that. 314 00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:59,497 Hey, what about this? 315 00:14:59,598 --> 00:15:01,759 I'll take you out on the boat sometime. Huh? 316 00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:04,233 Oh! You gotta see this boat. 317 00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:06,133 She's breathtaking. 318 00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:08,798 [Ted Narrating] Kids, there's an amazing architectural phenomenon... 319 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,103 in the Natural History Museum. 320 00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:13,371 If you stand in the right spot... 321 00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:16,710 you can hear an entire conversation... 322 00:15:16,815 --> 00:15:19,079 all the way across the room. 323 00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:23,818 "July 23, 1981. Incident report. 324 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,551 - No. - At approximately 1000 hours... 325 00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:30,425 - No. - vandal dislodged rib from triceratops skeleton... 326 00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:33,054 - No. - and flung said rib at giant whale... 327 00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:34,723 No. 328 00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:37,893 causing said giant whale to fall in a downward trajectory." 329 00:15:38,003 --> 00:15:39,231 No. 330 00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:41,238 - And the vandal's name... - Who? 331 00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:44,070 Well, I'll be damned. Barney Stinson. 332 00:15:44,176 --> 00:15:45,905 No! No! 333 00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:48,138 "Who's the master, Leroy?" 334 00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:51,216 "Stinson was reprimanded and returned to the custody... 335 00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:53,478 of his father, Jerome Whittaker." 336 00:15:53,585 --> 00:15:55,075 Uh, no. Uncle. 337 00:15:55,187 --> 00:15:57,985 - Jerome Whittaker's my uncle. Uncle Jerry. - Well, it says father. 338 00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:00,581 He even signed it and checked the box for father and everything. 339 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:06,859 Jerry's my uncle. [Snorts] 340 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:18,465 [Marshall] Lily. 341 00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,306 Honey, what's wrong? 342 00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:24,882 You okay? 343 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,043 Do you want... You want a hit of this sandwich? 344 00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:29,120 I want you. 345 00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:31,416 Awesome. Let me just put a sock on the doorknob. 346 00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:32,683 No. 347 00:16:32,791 --> 00:16:36,921 I mean, I want you as opposed to who you've become. 348 00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:39,998 You've changed so much. 349 00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:43,068 What? How... How have I changed? Did... 350 00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:45,500 - Did I cheat on you? - No. 351 00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:47,128 Did I stop writing poems for you? 352 00:16:47,239 --> 00:16:49,537 Yes, but I'm okay with that. 353 00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:54,140 Am I not as good at making the sweet, sweet love to you? 354 00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:56,237 Actually, you're way better now. 355 00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:59,317 You last, like, two, three times as long. 356 00:16:59,418 --> 00:17:02,046 You said that any longer would be too much. 357 00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:05,646 It's okay. College Lily thinks those are orgasms. 358 00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,316 No, it's... 359 00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:09,121 It's none of that. 360 00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:12,425 It's just this new Marshall... corporate Marshall... 361 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:15,159 he wears suits all the time. 362 00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:17,531 He doesn't care about saving the world. 363 00:17:17,636 --> 00:17:20,070 He... He's not you. 364 00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:22,163 I want you back. 365 00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:25,503 Well, you can't have me. 366 00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:27,238 Look at the sign. 367 00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:31,540 I'm extinct. 368 00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:33,345 I've gone the way of Jane's Addiction. 369 00:17:33,452 --> 00:17:35,682 Actually, Jane's Addiction got back together. 370 00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,187 - They did? - Yeah. 371 00:17:37,289 --> 00:17:39,917 They've done a few tours. They put out a new album. 372 00:17:40,025 --> 00:17:41,652 Are you serious? That is awesome! 373 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,627 - Are they just as good? - Sure. 374 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:47,031 Look... 375 00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:50,966 I know that corporate Marshall wears a tie and everything... 376 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:54,870 but it sounds like he hasn't changed where it counts. 377 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:02,873 - Hey. - Hi. 378 00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:06,846 Look, Lily, I know that you would have been okay... 379 00:18:06,952 --> 00:18:10,683 if we were poor and I was trying to save the world. 380 00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:14,281 But will you still be okay if I make a lot of money... 381 00:18:14,393 --> 00:18:18,352 and I spend all of it spoiling you and our kids? 382 00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:22,026 We'll make it work. 383 00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:28,002 Mmm. 384 00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:32,643 There he goes. 385 00:18:32,744 --> 00:18:34,735 The Marathon Man. 386 00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:37,315 Mr. Stamina himself. 387 00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:41,515 I can kiss better than that old man. 388 00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:45,121 So, when was the last time you saw him? 389 00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:47,658 It was that day. 390 00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:50,728 July 23, 1981. 391 00:18:50,829 --> 00:18:54,265 My mom got pretty mad that he let me destroy a New York City landmark. 392 00:18:54,366 --> 00:18:56,766 Ugh! Moms. 393 00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:59,337 He never came around anymore after that. 394 00:19:00,906 --> 00:19:03,101 I think he moved away. 395 00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:06,177 Maybe the security guy had it wrong. 396 00:19:06,278 --> 00:19:08,246 - You never know... - But you do know. You do know. 397 00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:10,144 That's the thing. You know. 398 00:19:12,784 --> 00:19:14,411 He's my dad. 399 00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:18,914 - Barney, do you want to... - I don't want to do anything. 400 00:19:19,024 --> 00:19:20,821 Don't tell anyone about this, okay? 401 00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:24,186 I'm serious. It's a great look. 402 00:19:24,296 --> 00:19:26,127 I think it could come back. But one question. 403 00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:28,131 Does it cost half as much as glasses? 404 00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:30,030 Can I steal you for second? 405 00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:34,262 ♪♪ [Band: Ballad] 406 00:19:34,373 --> 00:19:36,068 You don't need to worry. l... 407 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,642 What are you doing? 408 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,471 Oh, l-I thought we were... 409 00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:42,570 Uh, fine. 410 00:19:43,615 --> 00:19:45,139 I erased the tape. 411 00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:46,740 What? 412 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:49,912 I don't need it. I'm gonna beat you fair and square. 413 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,490 - ##[Woman Singing In French] - Thanks. 414 00:19:52,591 --> 00:19:56,083 But it's good to know how easily you can be manipulated by a woman. 415 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,358 You look gross when you cry, you know that? 416 00:20:00,465 --> 00:20:02,228 Some women look cute. 417 00:20:02,334 --> 00:20:03,926 You look like a basset hound. 418 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,163 Oh, laugh it up now... 419 00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:10,002 because starting Monday, I got you in my crosshairs. 420 00:20:10,108 --> 00:20:12,269 Bring it on, princess. 421 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:15,039 ##[Singing Continues] 422 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,097 [Door Opens] 423 00:20:36,201 --> 00:20:39,364 Eriksen, it's, uh, 3:00 a.m. 424 00:20:39,471 --> 00:20:40,938 You know what? [Chuckles] 425 00:20:41,039 --> 00:20:43,371 You might as well not even go home. 426 00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:51,649 [Sighs] 427 00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:55,948 [Ted Narrating] And so Marshall stayed right on at Goliath National Bank. 428 00:20:56,054 --> 00:20:58,318 Of course, it wouldn't last forever... 429 00:20:59,391 --> 00:21:01,359 but that's another story. 430 00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:31,823 English - US - SDH