1
00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:03,680
Did you sleep OK?

2
00:00:03,820 --> 00:00:05,730
Uhh, yeah, pretty good.

3
00:00:05,910 --> 00:00:08,650
Are you sure?
'Cause I've been told I snore.

4
00:00:09,140 --> 00:00:10,320
Who told you that?

5
00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:11,220
My neighbors.

6
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,990
Excuse me.

7
00:00:13,820 --> 00:00:15,310
Well, there were
a couple of times

8
00:00:15,330 --> 00:00:16,880
I thought I was sleeping
next to a wood chipper

9
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:19,420
full of croquet balls.

10
00:00:19,860 --> 00:00:21,680
Yeah, I'd use
my sleep apnea machine,

11
00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:24,350
but it's got a breathing mask
that I have to put over my face.

12
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:25,660
It's not very sexy.

13
00:00:25,660 --> 00:00:27,500
Wait, you have sleep apnea?
Yeah.

14
00:00:27,510 --> 00:00:29,740
The machine really helps
cut down on the snoring.

15
00:00:29,820 --> 00:00:32,640
For the love of god,
use the machine.

16
00:00:33,010 --> 00:00:35,660
Okay, I'll strap it on tonight.
Good.

17
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,840
Do you, uh, have
 any mouthwash?

18
00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:39,580
Mm, yeah.
Oh.

19
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,480
There you go.

20
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:43,520
Oh...

21
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:45,180
That's mouthwash.

22
00:00:45,220 --> 00:00:47,400
I thought it was
wiper fluid.

23
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:49,300
You got a cup, or...

24
00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:52,190
you just want to stick
a funnel in my mouth?

25
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:54,800
Actually, the cap
doubles as a cup.

26
00:00:54,820 --> 00:00:57,230
Allow me to pour you a skosh.
Oh.

27
00:00:57,420 --> 00:00:59,370
By the way, you're, uh,
container of all-in-one

28
00:00:59,390 --> 00:01:02,070
shampoo, conditioner
and body wash is empty.

29
00:01:02,070 --> 00:01:05,540
Yeah, I had to use it last night
to pre-soak the dishes.

30
00:01:05,790 --> 00:01:08,570
I'll pick up another jug
on the way home.

31
00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:10,740
You know, um ... oh ...

32
00:01:10,740 --> 00:01:13,950
Some people buy their
shampoo and conditioner

33
00:01:13,970 --> 00:01:15,370
in separate containers.

34
00:01:15,420 --> 00:01:16,700
I know. Suckers.

35
00:01:16,740 --> 00:01:19,150
Yeah.

36
00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,960
Ooh. Uh, hey,

37
00:01:24,020 --> 00:01:25,570
Where do you keep
your hair dryer?

38
00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:27,360
Uh, I don't have one.

39
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,280
Usually, I just shake
dry like a labrador.

40
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:30,960
Just...

41
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:33,770
Ah ..., but I'll tell
you what,

42
00:01:33,770 --> 00:01:36,100
I'll pick you up one
from sam's club today.

43
00:01:36,380 --> 00:01:36,960
Thanks.

44
00:01:37,006 --> 00:01:38,793
Yeah. I saw a demonstration
on one there.

45
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,220
It was huge, like a
sawed-off leaf blower.

46
00:01:41,340 --> 00:01:43,793
Damn near blew a toddler
out of the shopping cart.

47
00:01:44,926 --> 00:01:45,910
That's Carl.

48
00:01:46,060 --> 00:01:49,293
Don't forget to leave the
seat up when you're done.

49
00:01:50,393 --> 00:01:53,320
Oh... dear God,
he's clueless.

50
00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:59,810
♪ for the first time
in my life ♪

51
00:01:59,810 --> 00:02:03,060
♪ I see love. ♪

52
00:02:03,260 --> 00:02:08,260
Mike & Molly - Season 01 - Episode 08 - Mike Snores

53
00:02:08,260 --> 00:02:13,260
Synced & corrected by
GhostedNet

54
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,973
So, has Molly asked you to empty out
one of your dresser drawers

55
00:02:16,990 --> 00:02:19,406
so she could fill it with her feminine doodads?
Nah, she just brings

56
00:02:19,413 --> 00:02:21,540
a little overnight bag
with her stuff in it.

57
00:02:21,566 --> 00:02:23,180
She packs it in
and packs it out,

58
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,766
like a cat burglar
that has sex with me.

59
00:02:27,330 --> 00:02:29,400
You haven't found hair curlers
on your toilet tank,

60
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,300
- or a couple of emergency
tampons  in your medicine chest?
- Nope. She leaves

61
00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:34,600
the scene of the crime
exactly the way she found it.

62
00:02:34,673 --> 00:02:38,540
And the only fingerprints
are on me.

63
00:02:38,710 --> 00:02:41,840
Nice. But be careful ...
I mean, women are nesters.

64
00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:43,280
Sometimes they bring
something of theirs over

65
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:44,680
and claim it's a gift for you.

66
00:02:45,006 --> 00:02:46,440
I remember once
this woman I was seeing

67
00:02:46,460 --> 00:02:47,950
brought over
a personal vibrator.

68
00:02:48,146 --> 00:02:52,190
Like an idiot, I used it
and started mixing margaritas.

69
00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:54,890
You know, come
to think of it,

70
00:02:54,890 --> 00:02:57,790
Molly recently gave me
an agave scrub sponge.

71
00:02:58,026 --> 00:03:01,093
I'm sorry, a what?
An agave scrub sponge.

72
00:03:01,213 --> 00:03:04,026
What it does is it scrapes
all the dead skin off your body,

73
00:03:04,060 --> 00:03:06,280
leaving your silky smooth ...
feel this.

74
00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:08,393
No.

75
00:03:09,306 --> 00:03:11,440
Seriously, it's
like velvet.

76
00:03:12,340 --> 00:03:15,580
Oh, man, that's
really soft.

77
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,150
Samuel,
touch that.

78
00:03:18,473 --> 00:03:20,033
No, I will not
touch your arm,

79
00:03:20,053 --> 00:03:23,080
and I will not pull
your finger. Again.

80
00:03:23,890 --> 00:03:26,520
Taunt the immigrant ...
very funny.

81
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,193
Now, see,
I'm guessing

82
00:03:29,213 --> 00:03:30,260
that's something
she brought over

83
00:03:30,260 --> 00:03:32,230
for herself,
but she's saying it's for you.

84
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:34,020
You think?
Absolutely.

85
00:03:34,053 --> 00:03:35,406
She's starting
to move in.

86
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,566
But stay vigilant,
protect your man-cave.

87
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:41,000
Now, tell me one more time ...
what's the name of that sponge?

88
00:03:46,253 --> 00:03:46,760
Hey.

89
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,710
Hey, Mol.
Hey, Mol.

90
00:03:48,710 --> 00:03:50,160
Got enough pizza there?

91
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,766
We figured out if your sister
answers the door topless,

92
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,080
we get it for free.

93
00:03:55,873 --> 00:03:57,920
Happy accident.

94
00:03:58,053 --> 00:03:59,246
When the doorbell rang,

95
00:03:59,286 --> 00:04:02,390
I thought it was
the fedex guy.

96
00:04:04,246 --> 00:04:05,666
You want a slice?
No.

97
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:06,720
I got to get changed,

98
00:04:06,753 --> 00:04:08,320
and then I'm
having dinner at Mike's.

99
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:09,853
Oh, isn't that nice!

100
00:04:09,930 --> 00:04:11,650
Yeah, he wants
to cook for me.

101
00:04:11,733 --> 00:04:13,593
Probably bought a shipping crate
full of spaghetti

102
00:04:13,613 --> 00:04:15,570
and an oil drum
of marinara.

103
00:04:16,346 --> 00:04:18,470
How come you guys
never stay here?

104
00:04:18,470 --> 00:04:19,520
You mean other
than the fact

105
00:04:19,546 --> 00:04:21,780
that you walk around naked
for free food?

106
00:04:23,653 --> 00:04:24,560
He's a little shy,

107
00:04:24,573 --> 00:04:26,480
and his place is
more private.

108
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,180
He's a screamer, huh?

109
00:04:29,893 --> 00:04:31,990
I hate when guys
scream in your ears.

110
00:04:32,380 --> 00:04:35,860
Trick is, never
let 'em near your ears.

111
00:04:36,166 --> 00:04:38,830
Oh...
Mm-hmm.

112
00:04:43,126 --> 00:04:44,630
Hi. I brought a pizza.

113
00:04:45,233 --> 00:04:46,800
Victoria, it's for you.

114
00:04:48,333 --> 00:04:51,366
I'll get this one, honey ...
you did the last three.

115
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,320
Hey. You got garlic
knots in there,

116
00:04:54,346 --> 00:04:57,340
I'll go grab
my jump rope.

117
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:03,186
Is it my imagination, or are we really
starting to get the hang of this?

118
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:06,300
Yeah, it was
pretty terrific.

119
00:05:06,413 --> 00:05:07,506
For a while there,
it was like

120
00:05:07,533 --> 00:05:10,120
we were in the zone,
working together as one,

121
00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:12,546
and anticipating
each other's moves ...

122
00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:15,360
like the '05 white sox.

123
00:05:15,613 --> 00:05:18,830
Is that why you kept humming
"take me out to the ball game""

124
00:05:18,830 --> 00:05:20,953
I had to, otherwise,
I would've laid down a bunt

125
00:05:20,980 --> 00:05:23,890
before I left the dugout.

126
00:05:25,046 --> 00:05:27,300
Do you mind if I finish up a
 little bit of work for tomorrow?

127
00:05:27,540 --> 00:05:28,806
No. By all means,
go ahead.

128
00:05:28,820 --> 00:05:30,540
It's important that
you feel at home here.

129
00:05:30,693 --> 00:05:32,540
Are you sure?
Yeah. We just shared

130
00:05:32,546 --> 00:05:35,060
the most intimate thing
two human beings can share.

131
00:05:35,086 --> 00:05:38,050
At this point, cracking open
your laptop is almost redundant.

132
00:05:38,313 --> 00:05:39,920
Well, thank you.

133
00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:42,570
Good night.
Good night.

134
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:46,120
Sleep tight,
don't let the bedbugs bite.

135
00:05:46,573 --> 00:05:48,873
Which isn't as funny
as it used to be,

136
00:05:48,906 --> 00:05:51,900
'cause I had this kid
in my class that was...

137
00:05:51,900 --> 00:05:53,400
whoa.

138
00:06:00,466 --> 00:06:03,110
If this is a turn-off,
I can do without it.

139
00:06:03,220 --> 00:06:06,473
No, no. I-I was
a little startled,

140
00:06:06,493 --> 00:06:07,853
but it's fine.

141
00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:09,940
I know it looks
a little strange,

142
00:06:09,950 --> 00:06:11,840
but it does keep me
from snoring.

143
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,666
Which is what
makes it so hot.

144
00:06:13,690 --> 00:06:16,286
Please leave it on.

145
00:06:16,340 --> 00:06:19,230
Okey-doke. You know, you can get
different-colored head straps.

146
00:06:19,230 --> 00:06:20,590
I went with basic black.

147
00:06:20,766 --> 00:06:23,100
Nice.
Very slimming.

148
00:06:25,286 --> 00:06:26,370
Good night, Molly.

149
00:06:26,693 --> 00:06:28,200
Good night, Mike.

150
00:07:53,260 --> 00:07:54,886
Ah...

151
00:07:55,993 --> 00:07:57,740
Oh, perfect.

152
00:08:03,073 --> 00:08:05,700
The gun was
right there.

153
00:08:07,933 --> 00:08:10,300
And the seat goes
down for my lady.

154
00:08:10,446 --> 00:08:12,670
No more splash
landings.

155
00:08:16,286 --> 00:08:17,246
Morning, my little
turtledove.

156
00:08:17,260 --> 00:08:19,400
You making papa bear
a cup of coffee?

157
00:08:19,546 --> 00:08:21,620
Absolutely, papa bear.

158
00:08:23,250 --> 00:08:25,750
Hey, did goldilocks
sleep out here last night?

159
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:27,650
Yeah, your bed's
a little lumpy.

160
00:08:27,660 --> 00:08:30,760
I guess it would be ...
it was my mom and dad's old bed.

161
00:08:32,733 --> 00:08:34,230
Hey, I got a
surprise for you.

162
00:08:34,230 --> 00:08:36,400
Check this out.

163
00:08:39,446 --> 00:08:41,093
It's got three heat settings.

164
00:08:41,133 --> 00:08:43,670
You could bake a pie
with this thing.

165
00:08:44,430 --> 00:08:45,593
Thank you.
That's very sweet.

166
00:08:45,673 --> 00:08:47,900
I'm gonna go take a shower.
Hey, just to show you

167
00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:50,593
I've been paying attention ...
I took your hint

168
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,273
and I bought you
some shampoo and conditioner

169
00:08:52,306 --> 00:08:55,920
in two separate gallon jugs.

170
00:08:56,213 --> 00:08:57,770
Swell.

171
00:08:58,413 --> 00:08:59,526
Peach-apricot.

172
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:00,790
You're gonna smell
like a fruit salad

173
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,020
all day long!

174
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,473
What's the problem with
the mattress you already have?

175
00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:13,140
Well, it's fine with me,
but I heard my lady

176
00:09:13,146 --> 00:09:15,720
mention the words
"small" and "lumpy."
huh.

177
00:09:15,913 --> 00:09:19,310
You sure she was talking
about your mattress?

178
00:09:19,673 --> 00:09:21,310
What are you
trying to say, Carl?

179
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,880
Really? I got to
spell it out for you?

180
00:09:24,466 --> 00:09:26,513
Hey, I'm bringing
my "a" game, pal.

181
00:09:26,540 --> 00:09:28,873
I'm playing it slow and steady,
varying my pitches

182
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:30,420
just enough
to keep her guessing.

183
00:09:30,420 --> 00:09:32,340
Good, 'cause you don't want her
to look over to the bullpen

184
00:09:32,346 --> 00:09:34,920
and signal to...
bring in the lefty.

185
00:09:35,773 --> 00:09:36,880
Good afternoon,
gentlemen.

186
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:39,500
Is there a specific type
of mattress I can help you find?

187
00:09:39,686 --> 00:09:43,010
Talk to him ... I'm
strictly a waterbed man.

188
00:09:45,593 --> 00:09:48,280
Well, I'm looking for something
that can accommodate two,

189
00:09:48,286 --> 00:09:50,370
let's say,
larger people, comfortably.

190
00:09:50,370 --> 00:09:54,340
Side by side, but
sometimes stacked.

191
00:09:54,653 --> 00:09:56,670
Are you thinking
conventional mattress

192
00:09:56,670 --> 00:09:58,180
or perhaps memory foam?

193
00:09:58,273 --> 00:10:00,606
Oh, my grandma's got one
of those memory foam beds.

194
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,050
It's like sleeping
on a cloud.

195
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:05,690
You know, a cloud that remembers
the shape of your ass.

196
00:10:06,020 --> 00:10:08,890
Everything I sit on
remembers the shape of my ass.

197
00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:12,490
Well, one of our more
popular king-size

198
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:15,153
is the pillow top, which
combines a posturepedic mattress

199
00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:18,033
with a cozy three-inch
layer of goose down.

200
00:10:18,106 --> 00:10:19,793
Oh, that's nice.

201
00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:22,280
Yeah, it's even softer
than your silky forearm.

202
00:10:23,586 --> 00:10:26,210
I'm going
for a test drive.

203
00:10:27,410 --> 00:10:28,710
Oh...

204
00:10:29,106 --> 00:10:31,100
How is it?
Very cushy.

205
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:34,380
It's what I always imagined
sleeping on you would be like.

206
00:10:35,533 --> 00:10:37,390
Scooch over ...
that's my side.

207
00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:42,520
Oh, you put a mirror on that
ceiling, I could live here.

208
00:10:42,686 --> 00:10:44,980
Show me a casket with
one of these in it,

209
00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:47,030
you can kill me right now.

210
00:10:47,273 --> 00:10:50,330
Boy, there'll be no getting you up
in the morning.

211
00:10:50,330 --> 00:10:53,540
You guys known each
other a long time?

212
00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,910
We've been partners
for five years.

213
00:11:00,273 --> 00:11:01,540
Turn on your side.

214
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:02,686
Butt-to-butt
or spooning?

215
00:11:02,713 --> 00:11:03,910
Spooning.

216
00:11:07,820 --> 00:11:09,020
Does that feel okay?

217
00:11:09,046 --> 00:11:10,213
Are you comfortable?

218
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,046
Yeah, the mattress
is offering support

219
00:11:13,046 --> 00:11:14,920
while hugging the
contours of my body.

220
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:16,033
Switch?

221
00:11:16,053 --> 00:11:18,690
Absolutely.

222
00:11:18,953 --> 00:11:19,786
Oh.

223
00:11:19,833 --> 00:11:21,666
Oh, God, I'm
in heaven.

224
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,930
Yup, you're gonna have one happy
girl on your hands tonight.

225
00:11:25,773 --> 00:11:26,470
Well, if you buy
this mattress,

226
00:11:26,470 --> 00:11:29,000
I think both you girls
are gonna be happy.

227
00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:33,480
I'll let you two discuss it.

228
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:40,180
Why is it, at least three times
a week, people think we're gay?

229
00:11:41,906 --> 00:11:43,046
Well, this one I get.

230
00:11:43,060 --> 00:11:44,406
We're snuggling
on a mattress.

231
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:45,700
But when I wipe
mustard off your lip,

232
00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:48,590
that's just me
being helpful.

233
00:11:53,633 --> 00:11:54,850
Hey, sweetie,
where you been?

234
00:11:54,850 --> 00:11:56,140
I was starting to get
worried about you.

235
00:11:56,213 --> 00:11:57,980
Sorry, I had to
go home and repack,

236
00:11:58,020 --> 00:12:00,040
and I fell asleep
on the toilet.

237
00:12:00,940 --> 00:12:01,920
You're not
sleeping well?

238
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:03,353
Because I know how
to fix that.

239
00:12:03,410 --> 00:12:05,233
So do I,
and it's in your holster.

240
00:12:05,273 --> 00:12:07,180
What's that?

241
00:12:07,446 --> 00:12:08,100
Nothing.

242
00:12:08,180 --> 00:12:10,910
Hey, no more restless
nights for my baby.

243
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,110
Come, let me show
you what I got.

244
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:14,993
Please tell me
it's a jug of vodka

245
00:12:15,020 --> 00:12:17,900
and a martini glass
the size of your head.

246
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:21,620
♪ Ta-da! ♪

247
00:12:21,993 --> 00:12:23,630
You got a new bed?

248
00:12:23,630 --> 00:12:25,560
Yeah, and check out
all the pillows.

249
00:12:25,646 --> 00:12:27,466
I was just gonna get two,
but Carl said

250
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:29,846
quantity gives it
an 'arabian nights' type of vibe.

251
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:34,600
Wait a second.

252
00:12:34,613 --> 00:12:36,866
You bought a bed
for us with Carl?

253
00:12:36,933 --> 00:12:39,220
No, I bought a bed
for you with Carl.

254
00:12:39,566 --> 00:12:40,440
Sweetie, sit down.

255
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:41,730
We need to talk.

256
00:12:41,730 --> 00:12:43,373
Did I do something wrong?

257
00:12:43,393 --> 00:12:44,553
No, no, no.

258
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,380
Buying a new bed for me
was very considerate.

259
00:12:47,693 --> 00:12:50,420
Utterly clueless,
but very considerate.

260
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:51,666
I'm not following.

261
00:12:51,693 --> 00:12:53,760
Are you happy,
or are you sad?

262
00:12:54,546 --> 00:12:58,330
Ever since we started sleeping
together, it's been right here.

263
00:12:59,206 --> 00:13:01,460
There was that time
we did it on the couch.

264
00:13:01,460 --> 00:13:03,270
Please, no cute talk right now.

265
00:13:03,453 --> 00:13:06,320
I'll try, but I'm
feeling pretty cute.

266
00:13:06,706 --> 00:13:09,150
Mike,
seriously.

267
00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:12,010
You like me, right?

268
00:13:12,573 --> 00:13:13,473
Are you kidding?

269
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:14,960
I more than like you. I...

270
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,480
...like you a lot.

271
00:13:18,786 --> 00:13:21,050
I'm glad, because
I am dead-ass tired

272
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,846
running back and forth
between my house

273
00:13:23,846 --> 00:13:24,950
And your place
every night.

274
00:13:24,950 --> 00:13:28,390
You need to start making my life
a little easier for me.

275
00:13:28,613 --> 00:13:29,990
How?
I'll do anything.

276
00:13:30,306 --> 00:13:31,830
Start spending some nights
at my place.

277
00:13:31,830 --> 00:13:34,060
Almost anything.

278
00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:35,700
Mike.
Aw, come on.

279
00:13:35,706 --> 00:13:37,260
I don't think I can
throw my "a" game

280
00:13:37,286 --> 00:13:38,953
with your mother
and sister around.

281
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:43,000
Hey, I've been doing it on
your mom and dad's old mattress.

282
00:13:45,066 --> 00:13:47,110
Okay.

283
00:13:47,813 --> 00:13:49,640
I'll go pack a
little overnight bag.

284
00:13:50,973 --> 00:13:51,880
Thanks.

285
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,850
Hey, should I bring
my agave scrub sponge,

286
00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:56,446
or do you have one
at your place?

287
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:58,090
Bring it.
That was mine.

288
00:13:58,846 --> 00:14:00,440
Damn it,
Carl was right.

289
00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:05,630
We are still gonna sleep
at my place sometimes...?

290
00:14:05,630 --> 00:14:06,913
Of course.
Good.

291
00:14:06,926 --> 00:14:08,760
'Cause I paid 700 bucks
for that bed,

292
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,100
and I want to lay on it
with someone besides Carl.

293
00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:16,720
Oh, guess who decided to
finally sleep in her own bed?

294
00:14:16,893 --> 00:14:18,120
And by sleep, I mean...

295
00:14:18,140 --> 00:14:19,970
Mom.

296
00:14:20,206 --> 00:14:22,640
Good to see you,
Mrs. Flynn. Victoria.

297
00:14:22,650 --> 00:14:24,250
Hey.
Good to see you.

298
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,080
What do you got
in your bag,

299
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,150
golf clubs or an extra
pair of underwear?

300
00:14:29,206 --> 00:14:29,950
Let's just go upstairs.

301
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:31,520
Sooner the better.

302
00:14:31,893 --> 00:14:34,086
Hey, when I go to bed,
I'll put my headphones on

303
00:14:34,133 --> 00:14:36,093
So you can get as nasty
as you want.

304
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:38,560
Keep moving.

305
00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:42,530
Where's the toothpaste?

306
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:45,020
The tooth... Oh.

307
00:14:46,770 --> 00:14:48,670
Oh.

308
00:15:18,313 --> 00:15:20,170
I want to go home.

309
00:15:53,980 --> 00:15:56,600
Shake the snake a little
too hard there, fella?

310
00:15:59,166 --> 00:15:59,810
Oh!

311
00:16:01,266 --> 00:16:02,280
Hello, Mrs. Flynn.

312
00:16:02,306 --> 00:16:04,780
No, I thought I noticed
a calcium buildup

313
00:16:04,780 --> 00:16:07,006
on your tile grout,
but upon closer surveillance,

314
00:16:07,013 --> 00:16:09,033
you're clean as a whistle,
good to go.

315
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:10,920
Thanks.

316
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,490
What time's the luau
there, big kahuna?

317
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,966
Ah, yeah.
Apparently, in my haste

318
00:16:18,013 --> 00:16:20,740
to pack, I neglected
to bring pajama bottoms.

319
00:16:20,773 --> 00:16:23,013
Hmm, top, no bottoms.

320
00:16:23,033 --> 00:16:25,600
Around these parts, we
call that porky piggin' it.

321
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,800
Okay, well, uh,
don't worry.

322
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,080
Tomorrow, I will be wearing
pants at breakfast.

323
00:16:32,140 --> 00:16:33,410
Well, that makes
one of us.

324
00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,246
- Good night.
- Good night.

325
00:16:37,906 --> 00:16:40,110
Goofy bastard.

326
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:44,420
How did my bottle of vicodin
end up in the crapper?

327
00:16:45,593 --> 00:16:48,460
Oh, God, I could be
in my new bed right now.

328
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:51,600
I heard you're
a screamer,

329
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:55,086
so I'm wearing
my noise-reduction headphones.

330
00:16:55,346 --> 00:16:56,760
Appreciate it.
Good night.

331
00:16:56,770 --> 00:16:59,100
What did you say?

332
00:16:59,613 --> 00:17:02,140
What did I say?

333
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,310
Can anybody hear me?

334
00:17:05,973 --> 00:17:07,780
What is my sister yelling about?

335
00:17:07,873 --> 00:17:09,640
I have no idea.

336
00:17:10,750 --> 00:17:13,050
Look, I really appreciate
you staying here tonight.

337
00:17:13,786 --> 00:17:15,820
Well, you've been lugging
your stuff back and forth

338
00:17:15,820 --> 00:17:20,820
to my place all week, so,
it's the least I could do.

339
00:17:21,113 --> 00:17:22,990
Well, thank you.

340
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:26,666
You know,
we should probably wait

341
00:17:26,706 --> 00:17:28,526
till your mom
and sister fall asleep.

342
00:17:28,820 --> 00:17:32,430
Or ... we could just try
to do it really quietly.

343
00:17:32,430 --> 00:17:33,770
Might make it sexier.

344
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,206
You think so?
Sure.

345
00:17:36,460 --> 00:17:37,326
Hey, we can pretend

346
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,040
we're two high school kids
trying not to get caught.

347
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,373
Uh ..., I'm not sure
I know how to do that.

348
00:17:42,373 --> 00:17:44,140
I've only played the one
high school kid

349
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,960
trying not to get caught.

350
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,740
Oh, my God,
Michael Biggs,

351
00:17:49,746 --> 00:17:51,780
ever since I sat behind
you in homeroom class,

352
00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:54,900
I've been, like, totally
fantasizing about this moment,

353
00:17:55,113 --> 00:17:57,173
and I always hoped
that you'd be my first.

354
00:18:01,966 --> 00:18:02,940
Your first?

355
00:18:02,973 --> 00:18:04,700
Well, I made out with
Mindy Peterson once

356
00:18:04,726 --> 00:18:07,513
after cheerleading practice,
but that was just an experiment.

357
00:18:07,526 --> 00:18:10,010
And I was, like, majorly
thinking about you.

358
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,140
Okay, that got
the home crowd standing.

359
00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:21,926
Mike's got the power,
Mike's got the heat,

360
00:18:21,953 --> 00:18:24,950
Mike's got the spirit to
knock you off your feet!

361
00:18:24,950 --> 00:18:27,060
Go... Mikey!

362
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,433
Are they doing it yet?

363
00:18:29,573 --> 00:18:31,160
Good Lord, I hope so.

364
00:18:32,233 --> 00:18:34,160
What?

365
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:37,170
Boy, these things are good.

366
00:18:42,933 --> 00:18:44,230
Mike, come on.

367
00:18:44,613 --> 00:18:46,560
Mike.

368
00:18:48,940 --> 00:18:50,260
Stilla good Mom

369
00:18:55,470 --> 00:18:56,790
Morning, Mrs. Flynn.

370
00:18:56,790 --> 00:18:58,010
Morning to you.

371
00:18:58,460 --> 00:18:59,320
How'd you sleep?

372
00:18:59,353 --> 00:19:00,253
Mom.
What?

373
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,210
I'm just asking the man
how he slept.

374
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,046
I slept fine,
very restful,

375
00:19:04,073 --> 00:19:05,033
thank you for asking.

376
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:06,453
Glad to hear it.

377
00:19:07,220 --> 00:19:08,400
Can I make you
some breakfast?

378
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:09,630
No, thanks.
I'm not hungry.

379
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:12,466
Really? I thought
you'd be starving to death

380
00:19:12,486 --> 00:19:14,060
after winning the big game.

381
00:19:16,786 --> 00:19:17,893
You're excused.

382
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,200
God bless you.

383
00:19:21,566 --> 00:19:24,230
Go... Mikey!

384
00:19:27,793 --> 00:19:29,513
You know,
I got to say,

385
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:33,270
it's really kind of nice
to have a man in the house.

386
00:19:33,820 --> 00:19:39,613
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