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>>> the following program is

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Presented by attorney

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Gloria allred and is intended

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Solely for self-promotion.

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>> "ask gloria allred."

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Attorney gloria allred is a true

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Legal superstar.

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Recognized the world over for

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Her near round-the-clock

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Television appearances and as a

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Tireless champion for society's

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Forgotten victims, from

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Scott peterson's girlfriend,

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Amber frey, to tiger woods's

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Mistresses numbers two, five,

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Nine and 11.

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To the guy in the audience at

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The laugh factory the night

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Michael richards use the "n"

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Word.

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Here now is gloria allred.

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[ applause ]

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>> hello and welcome to this

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Edition of "ask gloria allred."

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I'm gloria allred.

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This week, many of you have

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Written or e-mailed to

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Congratulate me on my recent

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Press conference with

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Nikki diaz.

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Nikki is the undocumented worker

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From mexico who was employed by

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Meg whitman, currently the

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Republican candidate for

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Governor of california, as a

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Housekeeper.

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While working for the whitmans,

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Nikki suffered continuous

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Emotional abuse and was forced

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To perform a series of

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Horrendous and degrading tasks

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From sorting and washing laundry

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To vacuuming carpets and dusting

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Venetian blinds.

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All under the threat that if she

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Did not perform these sickening

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Acts, they would not pay her.

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It is a heart-wrenching story.

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And many of you thanked me for

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Bringing it to the nation's

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Attention.

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But some had questions.

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For example, paul from

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Indianapolis asks, "as her

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Attorney, how could you let

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Ms. Diaz announce on television

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That she's in the country

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Illegally?

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Because of your reckless

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Attention seeking, won't she be

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Arrested and deported?"

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That's a good question, paul.

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I hadn't really thought

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About it.

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I'm going to recommend that

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Nikki hire a good immigration

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Lawyer.

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Karen from boston asks, "I saw

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Your latest freak show press

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Conference with ms. Diaz, and I

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Have to ask, is there anything

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You won't do to push your

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Butt-ugly mug in front of a

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Camera?"

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Another good question, karen.

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I have to think about that, but

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I guess my answer would be no.

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Steven from new orleans asks,

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"why do you talk so loud?

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Or does it just seem that way

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Because your manner is so

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Grating?"

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Probably a bit of both, steven.

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I'm naturally a very pushy

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Person and find that by talking

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Loudly, people are forced to

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Listen to me even if they would

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Prefer not to.

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Kevin from ft. Collins,

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Colorado, asks, "tell me,

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Gloria, has a more disgusting

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Creature than yourself ever

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Walked the face of the earth?"

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Wow!

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A lot of good questions tonight.

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I don't know the answer, kevin.

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I suppose since man in his

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Present form has been around for

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About 250,000 years, there must

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Have been somebody.

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But I really can't say for sure.

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Denise from nashville asks,

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"when you die, gloria, and you

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Go instantly to hell, which I

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Think we can all agree will

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Absolutely happen, will you just

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Burn with all the other

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Ambulance chasers who spent

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Their lives bringing misery into

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The world, or will there be a

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Special ring or level of hell

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Just for you?"

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Oh, my.

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Denise, that is such a profound

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Question.

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Who knows?

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All I can say is, I sincerely

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Hope so.

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That would be nice.

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Well, that's it for tonight's

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Show.

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We'll see you next week.

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Until then, please pay attention

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To me.

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And live from new york, it's

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Saturday night!

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[ cheers and applause ]

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>> announcer: It's "Saturday

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Night live."

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With --

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Featuring --

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Musical guest --

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Bruno mars

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And your host --

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Jane lynch.

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Sync by Nícolas
-= InSUBs =-

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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Jane lynch!

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>>> thank you!

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[ cheers and applause ]

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Thank you!

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Thank you so much!

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It's so great to be here hosting

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"Saturday night live."

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And right off the bat, I just

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Want to say that you all look

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Taller in person, too.

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[ laughter ]

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I have had such an exciting

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Year.

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I'm on an incredible show,

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"glee."

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[ cheers and applause ]

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Now, folks, it's truly an

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Ensemble show, and I get to work

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With some amazing young people.

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But as much as I love "glee," my

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One complaint is I don't get to

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Sing every week.

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So I had the best idea.

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That I should sing the theme

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Song.

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But then I was told that "glee"

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Doesn't have a theme song.

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So I said why not write one?

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And they said no.

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And I took that no as a yes.

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And I went home, I took out some

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Sheet music.

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I sharpened some pencils.

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I drank a couple of bottles of

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Tequila.

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I blacked out.

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[ laughter ]

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And when I came to, I had

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Written this song.

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Now, long story short, I sang it

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For the gang at "glee," and they

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Said, that its terrible.

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But that's not going to stop me

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From singing it tonight.

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So joining me on stage is a

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Classically trained,

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Fred armisen --

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Thanks fred.

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So here it is.

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This is my theme to "glee."

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♪

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♪ glee ♪

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I like that, because it gets the

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Title out right away.

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♪

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♪ glee is a show

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About sue sylvester ♪

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♪ sue sylvester is

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The star of "glee" ♪

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♪ now yes, there are a few

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Other characters but sue is

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The one you want to see ♪

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Okay, now I realize that that

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Sounds very conceited since I

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Play the part of sue sylvester,

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But blame my co-writer,

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Jose cuervo.

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Bridge!

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♪ when sue comes

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Down the hallway ♪

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♪ slushie cup at her side

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The faint of heart

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Better break way and part ♪

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♪ and the weak

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Should run and hide ♪

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♪ so he should run and hide ♪

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♪ we should run and hide ♪

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You know what --

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Now, singing this song, I

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Realize it's a really bad theme

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Song for "glee."

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Not a good idea, but I'm in the

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Middle of it, so I'll keep

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Going.

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But I do really like this part

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Here, fred.

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>> where did sue sylvester come

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From?

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No one knows.

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Legend has it she was birthed

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From between two storm clouds.

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Lightning hit the ground.

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And from the billowing smoke

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Emerged the female figure

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Covered in dirt and wearing a

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Red sweat suit.

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>> this will all be clay-mation.

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>> and the villagers gathered

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And asked, are you a god?

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And the creature lifted her head

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And said, "no, I'm

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Sue sylvester."

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>> one, two, three!

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♪ "glee" is a show

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About sue sylvester ♪

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♪ sue sylvester is

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The star of "glee" ♪

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♪ yes, there are some

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Other characters ♪

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♪ but sue sylvester

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Is played by me ♪

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♪ I'm sue sylvester ♪

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♪ I'm sue sylvester ♪

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♪ I'm sue sylvester ♪

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♪ I'm sue sylvester ♪

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♪ glee ♪

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♪ glee glee glee glee glee glee

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Glee glee glee glee glee glee

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Glee ♪

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♪ I'm sue sylvester ♪

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[ cheers and applause ]

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>> I won't ever sing that song

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Again.

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Hey, we have a great show.

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Bruno mars is here tonight.

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Stick around.

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We'll be right back.

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>>> oh, man.

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Looks like you have a new friend

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Request.

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>> oh, my god, this cannot be

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Happening.

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>> well, it finally happened.

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Your mom is on facebook.

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[ laughter ]

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Posting things like --

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>> October means getting all my

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Fall motif sweaters out.

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Or maybe I should just leaf them

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Up there.

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Ha, ha, ha.

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>> I am laughing out loud on the

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Floor.

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>> sure, she likes posting about

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Her life, but she loves getting

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Into yours.

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>> who's your new friend?

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She looks ill.

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>> now you have to watch

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Everything you say.

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Unless you get the "damn it, my

289
00:11:15,189 --> 00:11:17,808
Mom is on facebook" filter.

290
00:11:17,875 --> 00:11:18,508
It's the only app that scans

291
00:11:18,576 --> 00:11:19,209
Your facebook page for stuff

292
00:11:19,277 --> 00:11:23,647
About drugs, alcohol, sex,

293
00:11:23,714 --> 00:11:24,381
References to your atheism and

294
00:11:24,448 --> 00:11:26,116
Opinions.

295
00:11:26,167 --> 00:11:26,867
Go ahead and type something that

296
00:11:26,951 --> 00:11:29,019
Your mom would hate.

297
00:11:29,086 --> 00:11:29,753
>> there isn't enough beer in

298
00:11:29,821 --> 00:11:30,453
The world for me to deal with

299
00:11:30,521 --> 00:11:31,188
All of glenn beck's holy roller

300
00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:33,990
B.S.

301
00:11:34,058 --> 00:11:34,724
>> now apply the "damn it, my

302
00:11:34,792 --> 00:11:39,863
Mom is on facebook" filter.

303
00:11:39,931 --> 00:11:40,530
>> boy do I need dungarees.

304
00:11:40,598 --> 00:11:40,931
[ laughter ]

305
00:11:40,998 --> 00:11:41,631
>> I've got a $5 coupon from

306
00:11:41,699 --> 00:11:43,400
Kohl's.

307
00:11:43,467 --> 00:11:45,185
I'll send it to you.

308
00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:45,969
>> see, the "damn it, my mom is

309
00:11:46,037 --> 00:11:46,703
On facebook" filter does what

310
00:11:46,771 --> 00:11:48,221
You do naturally.

311
00:11:48,306 --> 00:11:50,891
It lies to your mom.

312
00:11:50,975 --> 00:11:52,108
>> sweet!

313
00:11:52,176 --> 00:11:52,843
>> even changing your photos to

314
00:11:52,910 --> 00:11:55,045
Make them more mom friendly.

315
00:11:55,112 --> 00:12:02,185
[ laughter ]

316
00:12:02,253 --> 00:12:04,487
The "damn it, my mom is on

317
00:12:04,539 --> 00:12:05,488
Facebook" filter.

318
00:12:05,556 --> 00:12:06,289
For when your mom discovers

319
00:12:06,357 --> 00:12:06,890
Facebook.

320
00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:08,158
>> like.

321
00:12:08,209 --> 00:12:09,659
>> like.

322
00:12:09,727 --> 00:12:14,264
[ cheers and applause ]

323
00:12:14,332 --> 00:12:14,731
♪ glee ♪

324
00:12:14,799 --> 00:12:15,365
>>> all right, all right.

325
00:12:15,433 --> 00:12:15,899
Settle down, guys.

326
00:12:15,967 --> 00:12:16,666
We've got a butt load of singing

327
00:12:16,734 --> 00:12:18,702
To do today, okay.

328
00:12:18,769 --> 00:12:19,469
Regional's are this Friday, and

329
00:12:19,537 --> 00:12:20,270
We still don't have a theme for

330
00:12:20,338 --> 00:12:23,373
Our medley.

331
00:12:23,441 --> 00:12:25,609
[ talking over each other ]

332
00:12:25,676 --> 00:12:26,142
>> no!

333
00:12:26,210 --> 00:12:26,977
>> but mr. Shue.

334
00:12:27,044 --> 00:12:30,347
We gotta have a theme.

335
00:12:30,414 --> 00:12:31,381
[ laughter ]

336
00:12:31,449 --> 00:12:32,282
>> okay, take it down, mercedes.

337
00:12:32,350 --> 00:12:33,016
Now, the way to find the perfect

338
00:12:33,084 --> 00:12:34,618
Theme is to just listen to our

339
00:12:34,685 --> 00:12:40,957
Hearts.

340
00:12:41,025 --> 00:12:41,725
Just like I listen to myself on

341
00:12:41,792 --> 00:12:42,459
A tape that I was singing in the

342
00:12:42,526 --> 00:12:46,696
Car on the way over here.

343
00:12:46,764 --> 00:12:47,497
>> I have the perfect theme.

344
00:12:47,565 --> 00:12:48,231
Of course she does.

345
00:12:48,299 --> 00:12:50,300
What if our theme is "believe"?

346
00:12:50,368 --> 00:12:51,067
>> did you say the theme should

347
00:12:51,135 --> 00:12:52,235
Be beaver?

348
00:12:52,303 --> 00:12:52,936
Because I have a pair of faux

349
00:12:53,004 --> 00:12:53,670
Beaver shorts that are not to

350
00:12:53,738 --> 00:12:55,939
Die four.

351
00:12:56,007 --> 00:12:56,973
They're to die five.

352
00:12:57,041 --> 00:12:59,843
Hey!

353
00:12:59,911 --> 00:13:01,444
>> she said believe, kurt.

354
00:13:01,512 --> 00:13:02,212
Like, "believe me, I'm wearing a

355
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:05,415
Condom."

356
00:13:05,483 --> 00:13:06,116
You guys know I had a baby,

357
00:13:06,183 --> 00:13:06,416
Right?

358
00:13:06,484 --> 00:13:11,121
[ laughter ]

359
00:13:11,188 --> 00:13:12,622
>> believes a great idea.

360
00:13:12,690 --> 00:13:13,356
>> what does the word mean

361
00:13:13,424 --> 00:13:13,924
Again?

362
00:13:13,991 --> 00:13:16,793
Believe?

363
00:13:16,861 --> 00:13:17,928
>> you guys take actual classes

364
00:13:17,995 --> 00:13:19,162
Here, right?

365
00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:20,797
>> hey, I'm smart.

366
00:13:20,865 --> 00:13:21,932
I'm wearing glasses and that's

367
00:13:21,999 --> 00:13:22,899
The only thing that makes me

368
00:13:22,967 --> 00:13:24,467
Different from all of you.

369
00:13:24,535 --> 00:13:26,436
>> yeah.

370
00:13:26,504 --> 00:13:30,674
Yeah.

371
00:13:30,741 --> 00:13:31,107
Okay.

372
00:13:31,175 --> 00:13:31,675
So we found our theme.

373
00:13:31,742 --> 00:13:35,078
Just like I found my note.

374
00:13:35,146 --> 00:13:41,351
♪

375
00:13:41,419 --> 00:13:42,285
Oh, hello, sue.

376
00:13:42,353 --> 00:13:42,686
Do you mind?

377
00:13:42,753 --> 00:13:43,453
We're practicing for regional's.

378
00:13:43,521 --> 00:13:44,187
>> well, let me know when you're

379
00:13:44,255 --> 00:13:44,888
Done so I can scoop it out of

380
00:13:44,956 --> 00:13:49,392
The litter box.

381
00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:50,427
>> oh, you are shady.

382
00:13:50,494 --> 00:13:56,066
[ laughter ]

383
00:13:56,133 --> 00:13:56,833
>> well, for your information, I

384
00:13:56,901 --> 00:13:57,500
Came down here to do you a

385
00:13:57,568 --> 00:13:57,834
Favor.

386
00:13:57,902 --> 00:13:58,568
Puck is sick and won't be here

387
00:13:58,636 --> 00:14:00,003
To practice, so I found a

388
00:14:00,071 --> 00:14:00,770
Replacement.

389
00:14:00,838 --> 00:14:04,374
A new student.

390
00:14:04,442 --> 00:14:08,345
[ talking over each other ]

391
00:14:08,412 --> 00:14:09,045
>> a new student that sounds

392
00:14:09,113 --> 00:14:09,512
Great.

393
00:14:09,580 --> 00:14:10,280
You know what else sounds great?

394
00:14:10,348 --> 00:14:10,613
♪

395
00:14:10,681 --> 00:14:11,348
God, I wish I was in this glee

396
00:14:11,415 --> 00:14:11,781
Club!

397
00:14:11,849 --> 00:14:15,719
Okay.

398
00:14:15,786 --> 00:14:16,119
Ha, ha, ha.

399
00:14:16,187 --> 00:14:17,020
All right.

400
00:14:17,088 --> 00:14:18,455
Who just hit me with a glee

401
00:14:18,522 --> 00:14:19,189
Slushy?

402
00:14:19,256 --> 00:14:21,358
>> someone you haven't met yet.

403
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:25,595
Here's your new student.

404
00:14:25,663 --> 00:14:28,398
>> sorry.

405
00:14:28,466 --> 00:14:31,735
♪

406
00:14:31,802 --> 00:14:32,969
♪ her name is gilly ♪

407
00:14:33,037 --> 00:14:34,304
She's at it again ♪

408
00:14:34,372 --> 00:14:36,006
♪ she's always causin' trouble

409
00:14:36,073 --> 00:14:37,574
Like a barnyard hen ♪

410
00:14:37,641 --> 00:14:39,075
♪ she's always causin' trouble

411
00:14:39,143 --> 00:14:40,944
Her hair looks like a bubble ♪

412
00:14:41,012 --> 00:14:42,412
♪ knock, knock

413
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,148
Who's there ♪

414
00:14:45,216 --> 00:14:48,084
♪ it's gilly

415
00:14:48,152 --> 00:14:54,057
Ooh ♪

416
00:14:54,125 --> 00:14:54,457
>> sorry.

417
00:14:54,525 --> 00:14:54,891
>> all right.

418
00:14:54,959 --> 00:14:55,425
All right, kids.

419
00:14:55,493 --> 00:14:56,159
We have to start practicing as

420
00:14:56,227 --> 00:14:56,826
Soon as possible.

421
00:14:56,894 --> 00:14:58,028
Or as I like to say --

422
00:14:58,095 --> 00:14:59,963
♪ asap ♪

423
00:15:00,031 --> 00:15:00,764
>> no!

424
00:15:00,831 --> 00:15:02,032
Enough!

425
00:15:02,099 --> 00:15:02,732
Simon, you are our teacher!

426
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:06,469
>> you're right.

427
00:15:06,537 --> 00:15:07,137
All right.

428
00:15:07,204 --> 00:15:07,804
Let's just start with some

429
00:15:07,872 --> 00:15:08,304
Scales, shall we?

430
00:15:08,372 --> 00:15:09,539
>> ow, ow, ow!

431
00:15:09,607 --> 00:15:10,907
It's hot glued onto my scalp.

432
00:15:10,975 --> 00:15:12,409
It's burning me!

433
00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:13,443
>> all right.

434
00:15:13,511 --> 00:15:14,477
Okay.

435
00:15:14,545 --> 00:15:15,245
Who hot glued a tambourine onto

436
00:15:15,312 --> 00:15:18,648
Gay kurt's head?

437
00:15:18,716 --> 00:15:20,617
Was it you, mercedes?

438
00:15:20,684 --> 00:15:26,356
♪ and I am telling you

439
00:15:26,424 --> 00:15:27,457
I didn't do it ♪

440
00:15:27,525 --> 00:15:30,193
[ laughter ]

441
00:15:30,261 --> 00:15:32,695
[ applause ]

442
00:15:32,763 --> 00:15:34,798
>> you can just say no.

443
00:15:34,865 --> 00:15:36,699
Was it you, artie?

444
00:15:36,767 --> 00:15:37,767
>> look at me.

445
00:15:37,835 --> 00:15:38,501
You know I couldn't have done

446
00:15:38,569 --> 00:15:41,171
That because of my glasses.

447
00:15:41,238 --> 00:15:43,306
[ laughter ]

448
00:15:43,374 --> 00:15:43,706
>> right.

449
00:15:43,774 --> 00:15:45,742
No, I apologize, artie.

450
00:15:45,810 --> 00:15:46,443
>> mr. Shue, I live to tattle.

451
00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:51,581
It was gilly.

452
00:15:51,649 --> 00:15:52,749
>> gilly, did you hot glue a

453
00:15:52,817 --> 00:15:53,683
Tambourine to gay kurt's head?

454
00:15:53,751 --> 00:16:01,191
Gilly?

455
00:16:01,258 --> 00:16:02,759
>> what?

456
00:16:02,827 --> 00:16:05,562
>> gilly?

457
00:16:05,629 --> 00:16:07,697
>> yes?

458
00:16:07,765 --> 00:16:11,201
>> gilly?

459
00:16:11,268 --> 00:16:13,536
>> sorry.

460
00:16:13,604 --> 00:16:14,404
>> don't worry about me

461
00:16:14,472 --> 00:16:15,105
Ms. Friends, I actually like

462
00:16:15,172 --> 00:16:17,207
This fabulous hat.

463
00:16:17,274 --> 00:16:19,275
I look fierce in it.

464
00:16:19,343 --> 00:16:19,976
>> you're damn right you look

465
00:16:20,044 --> 00:16:21,144
Fierce in it.

466
00:16:21,212 --> 00:16:22,212
You're my gay son and I love

467
00:16:22,279 --> 00:16:23,213
Your hat!

468
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:24,380
I support you!

469
00:16:24,448 --> 00:16:26,015
I love you, gay son!

470
00:16:26,083 --> 00:16:32,021
[ applause ]

471
00:16:32,089 --> 00:16:33,523
>> love you, too, dad.

472
00:16:33,591 --> 00:16:38,895
Now go away.

473
00:16:38,963 --> 00:16:39,629
>> now, gilly, we don't do that

474
00:16:39,697 --> 00:16:39,929
Here.

475
00:16:39,997 --> 00:16:40,663
We support each other, and we

476
00:16:40,731 --> 00:16:41,397
Sing to music that comes out of

477
00:16:41,465 --> 00:16:46,102
Nowhere.

478
00:16:46,170 --> 00:16:46,803
Now, where did you get a hot

479
00:16:46,871 --> 00:16:47,937
Glue gun?

480
00:16:48,005 --> 00:16:48,605
>> nice work, little orphan

481
00:16:48,672 --> 00:16:49,038
A-hole.

482
00:16:49,106 --> 00:16:49,839
>> okay.

483
00:16:49,907 --> 00:16:50,440
Okay.

484
00:16:50,508 --> 00:16:51,341
Let's just walk through our

485
00:16:51,408 --> 00:16:52,609
Semi-complicated dance moves

486
00:16:52,676 --> 00:16:53,309
That you always learn in one

487
00:16:53,377 --> 00:16:53,643
Second.

488
00:16:53,711 --> 00:16:54,944
And one, two, three.

489
00:16:55,012 --> 00:16:56,346
>> four, five, sucks!

490
00:16:56,413 --> 00:16:57,380
Oh, and by the way, your

491
00:16:57,448 --> 00:16:58,081
Costumes have bedbugs 'cause

492
00:16:58,149 --> 00:17:05,688
Your singing bites.

493
00:17:05,756 --> 00:17:06,389
>> what are we going to do,

494
00:17:06,457 --> 00:17:06,823
Mr. Shue?

495
00:17:06,891 --> 00:17:08,625
Should I get pregnant again?

496
00:17:08,692 --> 00:17:09,225
>> no.

497
00:17:09,293 --> 00:17:09,626
No, no, no.

498
00:17:09,693 --> 00:17:10,360
I'll tell you what we're going

499
00:17:10,427 --> 00:17:10,660
To do.

500
00:17:10,728 --> 00:17:12,929
We're gonna believe.

501
00:17:12,997 --> 00:17:29,345
♪

502
00:17:31,749 --> 00:17:35,451
♪ just a small town girl

503
00:17:35,519 --> 00:17:39,222
Living in a lonely world

504
00:17:39,290 --> 00:17:41,491
She took a midnight train

505
00:17:41,559 --> 00:17:47,030
Going anywhere ♪

506
00:17:47,097 --> 00:17:50,633
♪ just a city boy

507
00:17:50,701 --> 00:17:51,634
Born and raised in

508
00:17:51,702 --> 00:17:54,804
South detroit ♪

509
00:17:54,872 --> 00:17:56,039
♪ he took the midnight

510
00:17:56,106 --> 00:18:01,878
Train going anywhere ♪

511
00:18:01,946 --> 00:18:03,146
♪ don't stop believing

512
00:18:03,214 --> 00:18:06,749
Hold on to that feeling

513
00:18:06,817 --> 00:18:11,487
Streetlights ♪

514
00:18:11,555 --> 00:18:16,759
♪ people-oh

515
00:18:16,827 --> 00:18:18,628
Don't stop ♪

516
00:18:18,696 --> 00:18:21,431
[ explosion ]

517
00:18:21,498 --> 00:18:26,035
>> gilly!

518
00:18:26,103 --> 00:18:27,770
♪ sorry ♪

519
00:18:27,838 --> 00:18:31,608
[ laughter ]

520
00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:32,041
♪

521
00:18:32,109 --> 00:18:33,743
[ cheers and applause ]

522
00:18:58,728 --> 00:18:59,328
>>> welcome to "the new

523
00:18:59,396 --> 00:19:00,062
Boyfriend talk show" starring

524
00:19:00,130 --> 00:19:02,898
Me, zach, and my sidekick, mom.

525
00:19:02,966 --> 00:19:03,766
>> hi, sweetie.

526
00:19:03,833 --> 00:19:05,167
>> hi, mom.

527
00:19:05,235 --> 00:19:06,335
Okay, so my mom dates so many

528
00:19:06,403 --> 00:19:07,436
Awesome guys.

529
00:19:07,504 --> 00:19:08,437
One day I thought, hey, maybe on

530
00:19:08,505 --> 00:19:09,171
Sunday when they wake up, I

531
00:19:09,239 --> 00:19:10,205
Should interview them before

532
00:19:10,273 --> 00:19:10,939
They hit the road.

533
00:19:11,007 --> 00:19:11,840
I asked for permission, and she

534
00:19:11,908 --> 00:19:14,410
Said yes.

535
00:19:14,477 --> 00:19:15,911
>> that's because no matter who

536
00:19:15,979 --> 00:19:16,879
Comes out of mommy's bedroom,

537
00:19:16,946 --> 00:19:18,147
You're still my number one guy.

538
00:19:18,214 --> 00:19:19,081
>> awesome.

539
00:19:19,149 --> 00:19:19,915
So mom, why don't you tell us

540
00:19:19,983 --> 00:19:20,682
About today's guest.

541
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:21,717
>> sure.

542
00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:22,484
His name is mike something.

543
00:19:22,552 --> 00:19:23,952
And he works as a cd organizer

544
00:19:24,020 --> 00:19:29,825
At borders.

545
00:19:29,893 --> 00:19:38,534
>> okay, very cool.

546
00:19:38,601 --> 00:19:39,501
Please welcome mike!

547
00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:46,875
♪

548
00:19:46,943 --> 00:19:47,676
>> hey, little buddy.

549
00:19:47,744 --> 00:19:48,610
How you doing, man?

550
00:19:48,678 --> 00:19:49,344
>> welcome to "the new boyfriend

551
00:19:49,412 --> 00:19:49,745
Talk show."

552
00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:50,279
>> great to be here.

553
00:19:50,346 --> 00:19:50,979
>> okay.

554
00:19:51,047 --> 00:19:52,181
First question.

555
00:19:52,248 --> 00:19:53,182
I got to ask, it's on

556
00:19:53,249 --> 00:19:55,184
Everybody's mind, are you my new

557
00:19:55,251 --> 00:19:58,353
Daddy?

558
00:19:58,421 --> 00:19:59,488
>> whoa!

559
00:19:59,556 --> 00:20:00,823
I --

560
00:20:00,890 --> 00:20:01,723
You know --

561
00:20:01,791 --> 00:20:02,458
>> I know you can't comment on

562
00:20:02,525 --> 00:20:09,164
That.

563
00:20:09,232 --> 00:20:09,698
I had to ask, okay.

564
00:20:09,766 --> 00:20:10,432
So we have something in common.

565
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:11,100
We're both huge fans of mom.

566
00:20:11,167 --> 00:20:12,634
>> aww.

567
00:20:12,702 --> 00:20:13,035
>> oh.

568
00:20:13,103 --> 00:20:13,702
Yeah, yeah.

569
00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:15,471
No, she's a cool lady.

570
00:20:15,538 --> 00:20:18,140
>> give me an example.

571
00:20:18,208 --> 00:20:19,074
>> uh, all right.

572
00:20:19,142 --> 00:20:21,777
Well, on the car ride home,

573
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:29,551
Uh -- she's just a cool lady.

574
00:20:29,619 --> 00:20:31,386
[ laughter ]

575
00:20:31,454 --> 00:20:31,954
>> awesome.

576
00:20:32,021 --> 00:20:32,654
Now, mike.

577
00:20:32,722 --> 00:20:33,355
I'm not sure if you're aware,

578
00:20:33,423 --> 00:20:34,089
But this is a very special day

579
00:20:34,157 --> 00:20:34,990
For us here at the show.

580
00:20:35,058 --> 00:20:35,557
>> oh, yeah?

581
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:36,758
Why's that, sport?

582
00:20:36,826 --> 00:20:37,626
>> because this is "the new

583
00:20:37,694 --> 00:20:38,627
Boyfriend talk show's" 100th

584
00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:39,962
Episode.

585
00:20:40,029 --> 00:20:44,099
[ applause ]

586
00:20:44,167 --> 00:20:48,504
>> what?

587
00:20:48,571 --> 00:20:50,472
>> wow!

588
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:51,540
That just creeps up on you,

589
00:20:51,608 --> 00:20:53,575
That 100.

590
00:20:53,643 --> 00:20:55,043
Congrats, zachy.

591
00:20:55,111 --> 00:20:55,811
>> couldn't have done it without

592
00:20:55,879 --> 00:20:56,778
You, mom.

593
00:20:56,846 --> 00:20:58,046
>> 100?

594
00:20:58,114 --> 00:20:59,748
I'm the 100th guest?

595
00:20:59,816 --> 00:21:00,616
>> no, no, this is the 100th

596
00:21:00,683 --> 00:21:02,718
Episode.

597
00:21:02,785 --> 00:21:04,186
There have been about

598
00:21:04,254 --> 00:21:05,320
130 guests, right, mom?

599
00:21:05,388 --> 00:21:05,754
>> oh, honey.

600
00:21:05,822 --> 00:21:06,455
I don't know.

601
00:21:06,523 --> 00:21:07,189
Sometimes I think you remember

602
00:21:07,257 --> 00:21:11,093
These guys better than I do.

603
00:21:11,161 --> 00:21:13,428
>> I'm sure I do.

604
00:21:13,496 --> 00:21:16,598
It's been a great 100 episodes.

605
00:21:16,666 --> 00:21:17,332
So lets take a look back at some

606
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:18,033
Of our favorite memories from

607
00:21:18,101 --> 00:21:19,401
"the new boyfriend talk show."

608
00:21:19,469 --> 00:21:21,403
♪

609
00:21:21,471 --> 00:21:21,937
♪ give me just a

610
00:21:22,005 --> 00:21:23,138
Little more time ♪

611
00:21:23,206 --> 00:21:23,772
♪ give me just a

612
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:31,547
Little more time ♪

613
00:21:31,614 --> 00:21:32,614
>> so many memories!

614
00:21:32,682 --> 00:21:34,483
>> was that joaquin phoenix?

615
00:21:34,551 --> 00:21:35,150
>> yeah, that was a weird

616
00:21:35,218 --> 00:21:36,318
Interview.

617
00:21:36,386 --> 00:21:37,252
But it turned out he was

618
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:38,754
Faking it.

619
00:21:38,821 --> 00:21:40,122
>> yeah, he wasn't the only one.

620
00:21:40,190 --> 00:21:42,591
>> yeah.

621
00:21:42,659 --> 00:21:43,959
Well, we've had a lot of fun,

622
00:21:44,027 --> 00:21:45,027
But we've also dealt with some

623
00:21:45,094 --> 00:21:47,563
Serious issues.

624
00:21:47,630 --> 00:21:48,830
That's why I'd like to take this

625
00:21:48,898 --> 00:21:49,598
Time to give a special shout-out

626
00:21:49,666 --> 00:21:50,332
To all of mom's boyfriends who

627
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:56,838
Are currently serving overseas.

628
00:21:56,906 --> 00:22:00,142
>> oh, my god!

629
00:22:00,210 --> 00:22:00,943
>> zach, sweetie, I've also got

630
00:22:01,010 --> 00:22:03,011
A surprise for you, honey.

631
00:22:03,079 --> 00:22:03,679
In the four months since we

632
00:22:03,746 --> 00:22:04,513
Started this show --

633
00:22:04,581 --> 00:22:05,180
>> that's all been in four

634
00:22:05,248 --> 00:22:07,115
Months?

635
00:22:07,183 --> 00:22:07,883
>> a few big stars have dropped

636
00:22:07,951 --> 00:22:09,218
By.

637
00:22:09,285 --> 00:22:09,952
Some of them took time out of

638
00:22:10,019 --> 00:22:11,019
Their busy schedules to send in

639
00:22:11,087 --> 00:22:12,120
Messages.

640
00:22:12,188 --> 00:22:15,591
Let's take a look.

641
00:22:15,658 --> 00:22:18,026
>> gene simmons here.

642
00:22:18,094 --> 00:22:19,194
Congrats to everyone at "the new

643
00:22:19,262 --> 00:22:20,696
Boyfriend talk show."

644
00:22:20,763 --> 00:22:22,764
Keep it real.

645
00:22:22,832 --> 00:22:24,766
And keep it moist.

646
00:22:24,834 --> 00:22:27,069
[ laughter ]

647
00:22:27,136 --> 00:22:28,470
>> this is verne troyer saying

648
00:22:28,538 --> 00:22:29,671
"the new boyfriend talk show"

649
00:22:29,739 --> 00:22:35,544
With zach is shagadelic.

650
00:22:35,612 --> 00:22:38,180
>> hey, magic johnson here.

651
00:22:38,248 --> 00:22:38,914
I had a magic time on "the new

652
00:22:38,982 --> 00:22:39,781
Boyfriend talk show."

653
00:22:39,849 --> 00:22:40,983
Zach and that lady are a dream

654
00:22:41,050 --> 00:22:42,818
Team.

655
00:22:42,885 --> 00:22:45,487
Go lakers!

656
00:22:45,555 --> 00:22:46,388
>> yeah.

657
00:22:46,456 --> 00:22:47,089
Magic's a real friend of the

658
00:22:47,156 --> 00:22:47,589
Show.

659
00:22:47,657 --> 00:22:48,190
>> oh, no.

660
00:22:48,258 --> 00:22:49,091
Oh, no.

661
00:22:49,158 --> 00:22:53,161
Oh, no.

662
00:22:53,229 --> 00:22:54,463
Oh, boy.

663
00:22:54,530 --> 00:22:55,197
>> so mom, who's our next guest

664
00:22:55,265 --> 00:22:57,299
Today?

665
00:22:57,367 --> 00:22:58,066
>> wait, there's someone else

666
00:22:58,134 --> 00:22:58,567
Today?

667
00:22:58,635 --> 00:22:59,167
>> oh, yeah.

668
00:22:59,235 --> 00:23:00,235
We've also got two bands coming.

669
00:23:00,303 --> 00:23:01,303
And also, I burned the eggs, so

670
00:23:01,371 --> 00:23:04,706
It's cookies for breakfast.

671
00:23:04,774 --> 00:23:05,307
>> yay!

672
00:23:05,375 --> 00:23:14,449
[ applause ]

673
00:23:14,500 --> 00:23:15,384
>>> hi.

674
00:23:15,451 --> 00:23:15,984
I'm christine o'donnell.

675
00:23:16,052 --> 00:23:18,620
And I'm not a witch.

676
00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:19,321
I'm nothing like you've heard.

677
00:23:19,389 --> 00:23:21,489
I'm you.

678
00:23:21,541 --> 00:23:22,190
And just like you, I have to

679
00:23:22,258 --> 00:23:22,958
Constantly deny that I'm a

680
00:23:23,026 --> 00:23:27,029
Witch.

681
00:23:27,096 --> 00:23:27,763
Isn't that what the people of

682
00:23:27,830 --> 00:23:29,865
Delaware deserve?

683
00:23:29,932 --> 00:23:31,233
A candidate who promises first

684
00:23:31,301 --> 00:23:33,268
And foremost that she's not a

685
00:23:33,336 --> 00:23:36,772
Witch?

686
00:23:36,839 --> 00:23:38,206
That's the kind of candidate

687
00:23:38,274 --> 00:23:41,209
Delaware hasn't had since 1692.

688
00:23:41,277 --> 00:23:42,510
And that's why, if elected to

689
00:23:42,562 --> 00:23:43,395
Human senate, I promise to fly

690
00:23:43,479 --> 00:23:45,213
Straight down to washington, on

691
00:23:45,281 --> 00:23:47,182
A plane, and do exactly what you

692
00:23:47,233 --> 00:23:51,086
Would do, not spells.

693
00:23:51,154 --> 00:23:52,354
Besides, if I were a witch, why

694
00:23:52,422 --> 00:23:53,822
Wouldn't I just cast a spell

695
00:23:53,890 --> 00:23:55,824
Making all of you forget that

696
00:23:55,892 --> 00:23:57,693
I'm a witch?

697
00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:58,760
It's certainly not because the

698
00:23:58,828 --> 00:24:00,362
Spell requires one newt per

699
00:24:00,430 --> 00:24:01,363
Person and I lack a sufficient

700
00:24:01,414 --> 00:24:05,834
Number of newts.

701
00:24:05,902 --> 00:24:06,535
[ laughter ]

702
00:24:06,602 --> 00:24:08,136
I know the problems facing our

703
00:24:08,204 --> 00:24:09,054
Nation because I've been living

704
00:24:09,138 --> 00:24:10,339
Among you, since I moved to

705
00:24:10,390 --> 00:24:11,673
Delaware from the black forest

706
00:24:11,741 --> 00:24:12,474
Of germany almost 3,000 years

707
00:24:12,542 --> 00:24:16,428
Ago.

708
00:24:16,512 --> 00:24:16,878
[ laughter ]

709
00:24:16,929 --> 00:24:17,612
So this November 2nd, vote for

710
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:21,116
Christine o'donnell.

711
00:24:21,184 --> 00:24:22,517
Aka, zaraida the enchantress.

712
00:24:22,568 --> 00:24:24,603
Because I'm not a witch.

713
00:24:24,687 --> 00:24:25,487
And if I am, do you really want

714
00:24:25,554 --> 00:24:29,658
To cross me?

715
00:24:29,725 --> 00:24:32,094
I didn't think so.

716
00:24:32,161 --> 00:24:33,328
>> paid for by the coven to

717
00:24:33,396 --> 00:24:34,162
Elect christine o'donnell, who

718
00:24:34,230 --> 00:24:34,996
Is not a witch.

719
00:24:35,064 --> 00:24:35,831
[ cheers and applause ]

720
00:25:02,027 --> 00:25:02,660
>>> you're watching the game

721
00:25:02,728 --> 00:25:03,294
Show network.

722
00:25:03,362 --> 00:25:04,496
At 10:00, it's "verb heards."

723
00:25:04,563 --> 00:25:05,830
But first -- "secret word."

724
00:25:05,898 --> 00:25:08,199
It's time to play the game the

725
00:25:08,267 --> 00:25:09,434
Stars play --

726
00:25:09,502 --> 00:25:12,203
"secret word," with your host,

727
00:25:12,271 --> 00:25:16,841
Lyle round.

728
00:25:16,909 --> 00:25:18,409
>> hello.

729
00:25:18,477 --> 00:25:20,211
Hello!

730
00:25:20,279 --> 00:25:21,012
I'm lyle round.

731
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:21,679
My wife is in the hospital

732
00:25:21,747 --> 00:25:22,413
Having her baby.

733
00:25:22,481 --> 00:25:23,515
Good luck to you.

734
00:25:23,582 --> 00:25:24,549
[ laughter ]

735
00:25:24,617 --> 00:25:27,919
So why don't we meet our first

736
00:25:27,987 --> 00:25:28,887
Guest.

737
00:25:28,954 --> 00:25:29,687
She's better known for her work

738
00:25:29,755 --> 00:25:30,388
On the broadway stage, please

739
00:25:30,456 --> 00:25:31,256
Welcome mindy greyson!

740
00:25:31,323 --> 00:25:33,491
[ cheers and applause ]

741
00:25:33,559 --> 00:25:34,792
>> here I am.

742
00:25:34,860 --> 00:25:36,094
Isn't it grand?

743
00:25:36,162 --> 00:25:37,595
>> well, thank you for being

744
00:25:37,663 --> 00:25:38,696
Here, mindy.

745
00:25:38,764 --> 00:25:39,430
You are looking ravishing, as

746
00:25:39,498 --> 00:25:40,465
Always.

747
00:25:40,533 --> 00:25:41,666
>> oh, do I?

748
00:25:41,734 --> 00:25:42,367
Well, I sleep with my face in

749
00:25:42,434 --> 00:25:45,837
Mayonnaise.

750
00:25:45,905 --> 00:25:47,539
I guess its working.

751
00:25:47,606 --> 00:25:48,673
>> all right.

752
00:25:48,741 --> 00:25:50,141
Our next guest is a hilarious

753
00:25:50,209 --> 00:25:50,942
Comedienne playing at the

754
00:25:51,010 --> 00:25:53,111
Concord hotel in the catskills.

755
00:25:53,179 --> 00:25:58,783
Please welcome peggy zoeller!

756
00:25:58,851 --> 00:25:59,918
>> hey!

757
00:25:59,985 --> 00:26:01,653
I hope my face doesn't break the

758
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:02,153
Camera.

759
00:26:02,221 --> 00:26:02,520
What?

760
00:26:02,588 --> 00:26:06,224
Ha!

761
00:26:06,292 --> 00:26:09,260
>> you are a living riot.

762
00:26:09,328 --> 00:26:10,962
Let's start the game.

763
00:26:11,030 --> 00:26:12,030
Mindy, you're up first.

764
00:26:12,097 --> 00:26:13,331
Are you ready?

765
00:26:13,399 --> 00:26:18,002
>> lyle, as the great playwright

766
00:26:18,070 --> 00:26:19,704
Once said to me, "oh, yeah."

767
00:26:19,772 --> 00:26:21,139
>> okay.

768
00:26:21,207 --> 00:26:22,040
Quiet from the audience and ten

769
00:26:22,107 --> 00:26:26,778
Seconds on the clock.

770
00:26:26,845 --> 00:26:31,082
>> the secret word is shrimp.

771
00:26:31,150 --> 00:26:32,150
>> you ready?

772
00:26:32,218 --> 00:26:32,584
Hold my hand.

773
00:26:32,651 --> 00:26:32,984
Look at me.

774
00:26:33,052 --> 00:26:34,219
I'm only going to say this once.

775
00:26:34,286 --> 00:26:35,253
Shrimp.

776
00:26:35,321 --> 00:26:35,720
[ buzzer ]

777
00:26:35,788 --> 00:26:42,994
[ laughter ]

778
00:26:43,062 --> 00:26:43,695
>> you just said the secret

779
00:26:43,762 --> 00:26:46,698
Word, mindy.

780
00:26:46,765 --> 00:26:47,232
>> I did, didn't I?

781
00:26:47,299 --> 00:26:48,566
I knew it as soon as I said

782
00:26:48,634 --> 00:26:51,002
"shrimp."

783
00:26:51,070 --> 00:26:51,903
When I see text before me, I

784
00:26:51,971 --> 00:26:52,337
Perform it.

785
00:26:52,404 --> 00:26:52,804
I'm an actress.

786
00:26:52,871 --> 00:26:53,871
This is my craft.

787
00:26:53,939 --> 00:26:54,405
It's what I do.

788
00:26:54,473 --> 00:26:55,106
It's my job to bring words to

789
00:26:55,174 --> 00:26:56,040
Life.

790
00:26:56,108 --> 00:26:57,508
Who is this woman?

791
00:26:57,576 --> 00:26:58,376
Who is this shrimp?

792
00:26:58,444 --> 00:26:58,776
>> okay.

793
00:26:58,844 --> 00:26:59,277
Okay.

794
00:26:59,345 --> 00:27:00,178
Okay.

795
00:27:00,246 --> 00:27:02,213
Sit down.

796
00:27:02,281 --> 00:27:03,014
Let's move over to peggy's team.

797
00:27:03,082 --> 00:27:08,486
>> the secret word is flat.

798
00:27:08,554 --> 00:27:09,387
>> oh, what?

799
00:27:09,455 --> 00:27:09,954
I can relate to that.

800
00:27:10,022 --> 00:27:11,756
Hello!

801
00:27:11,824 --> 00:27:12,624
Nothing down there.

802
00:27:12,691 --> 00:27:13,925
I tell you what.

803
00:27:13,993 --> 00:27:14,626
I went for a breast exam, and

804
00:27:14,693 --> 00:27:17,161
They brought out a floor waxer.

805
00:27:17,229 --> 00:27:18,329
What?

806
00:27:18,397 --> 00:27:19,364
You're a great crowd.

807
00:27:19,431 --> 00:27:19,897
That never happened.

808
00:27:19,965 --> 00:27:23,434
What?

809
00:27:23,502 --> 00:27:24,636
>> time's running out.

810
00:27:24,703 --> 00:27:25,536
>> I went shopping for a bra and

811
00:27:25,604 --> 00:27:28,239
Asked, "do you have anything for

812
00:27:28,307 --> 00:27:29,007
These?"

813
00:27:29,074 --> 00:27:30,241
And the sales girl said, "have

814
00:27:30,309 --> 00:27:30,808
You tried clearasil?"

815
00:27:30,876 --> 00:27:33,411
What?

816
00:27:33,479 --> 00:27:34,746
Because they're like pimples.

817
00:27:34,813 --> 00:27:36,781
Do you get it?

818
00:27:36,849 --> 00:27:39,417
Did he win?

819
00:27:39,485 --> 00:27:40,351
>> no, peggy, you didn't give

820
00:27:40,419 --> 00:27:41,653
Any clues.

821
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:42,387
>> you're full of bananas, you.

822
00:27:42,454 --> 00:27:45,223
Great crowd!

823
00:27:45,291 --> 00:27:47,358
>> you didn't.

824
00:27:47,426 --> 00:27:52,297
And I am not full of bananas.

825
00:27:52,364 --> 00:27:53,564
Well, no points on the board.

826
00:27:53,632 --> 00:27:56,968
And my eye's starting to twitch.

827
00:27:57,036 --> 00:27:59,370
Let's move back to mindy.

828
00:27:59,438 --> 00:27:59,737
>> yes.

829
00:27:59,805 --> 00:28:02,340
I'm ready to be seen again.

830
00:28:02,408 --> 00:28:05,343
>> the secret word is fringe.

831
00:28:05,411 --> 00:28:07,779
>> remember, do not say the

832
00:28:07,846 --> 00:28:08,379
Secret word this time.

833
00:28:08,447 --> 00:28:11,616
>> you can count on me, lyle.

834
00:28:11,684 --> 00:28:12,283
>> ten seconds on the clock.

835
00:28:12,351 --> 00:28:12,717
>> okay, wait.

836
00:28:12,785 --> 00:28:13,384
Can we just stop the clock?

837
00:28:13,452 --> 00:28:13,685
>> no.

838
00:28:13,752 --> 00:28:14,352
>> I just have one question

839
00:28:14,420 --> 00:28:15,820
About the rules.

840
00:28:15,888 --> 00:28:16,587
>> mindy, we went over this.

841
00:28:16,655 --> 00:28:17,322
>> okay, but, am I allowed to

842
00:28:17,389 --> 00:28:17,989
Just -- am I allowed to say

843
00:28:18,057 --> 00:28:18,356
"fringe"?

844
00:28:18,424 --> 00:28:20,325
[ buzzer ]

845
00:28:20,392 --> 00:28:21,292
>> I really need to win some

846
00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:22,760
Money here.

847
00:28:22,828 --> 00:28:26,531
My children have tuberculosis.

848
00:28:26,598 --> 00:28:28,599
>> oh, I know how that feels.

849
00:28:28,667 --> 00:28:29,500
I had that very same disease in

850
00:28:29,568 --> 00:28:31,002
A play "teebie jeebies" where I

851
00:28:31,070 --> 00:28:32,603
Played a flapper named ginger

852
00:28:32,671 --> 00:28:33,771
Who coughed her way right out of

853
00:28:33,839 --> 00:28:40,578
The chorus and into her grave.

854
00:28:40,646 --> 00:28:45,016
[ laughter ]

855
00:28:45,084 --> 00:28:45,550
>> thanks.

856
00:28:45,617 --> 00:28:46,918
>> my best to the kids.

857
00:28:46,985 --> 00:28:49,187
>> I have tb, too.

858
00:28:49,254 --> 00:28:50,021
Tiny boobs.

859
00:28:50,089 --> 00:28:50,621
Zing!

860
00:28:50,689 --> 00:28:51,422
What?

861
00:28:51,490 --> 00:28:57,829
[ laughter ]

862
00:28:57,896 --> 00:28:58,262
>> all right.

863
00:28:58,330 --> 00:29:02,133
Back to you, peggy.

864
00:29:02,201 --> 00:29:02,934
>> the secret word is cook.

865
00:29:03,001 --> 00:29:03,701
>> oh, this is funny because I'm

866
00:29:03,769 --> 00:29:04,869
A terrible cook.

867
00:29:04,937 --> 00:29:06,070
[ buzzer sounds ]

868
00:29:06,138 --> 00:29:06,838
I asked my husband, what do you

869
00:29:06,905 --> 00:29:08,506
Want me to cook?

870
00:29:08,574 --> 00:29:09,741
And he looks at me with his

871
00:29:09,808 --> 00:29:10,875
Boxer shorts on.

872
00:29:10,943 --> 00:29:11,542
And he says cook?

873
00:29:11,610 --> 00:29:11,909
Cook?

874
00:29:11,977 --> 00:29:13,277
Cook?

875
00:29:13,345 --> 00:29:13,911
You've burned sandwiches.

876
00:29:13,979 --> 00:29:15,613
What?

877
00:29:15,681 --> 00:29:17,181
Now we're cooking.

878
00:29:17,249 --> 00:29:19,350
[ buzzer ]

879
00:29:19,418 --> 00:29:20,351
>> what's happening?

880
00:29:20,419 --> 00:29:21,886
>> peggy, you said the word

881
00:29:21,954 --> 00:29:23,621
"cook," like, 60 times.

882
00:29:23,689 --> 00:29:24,956
>> I played a cook in a little

883
00:29:25,023 --> 00:29:26,557
Musical called "egg drop soup."

884
00:29:26,625 --> 00:29:28,292
It's the story of a little girl

885
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:29,026
From the orient named chopped

886
00:29:29,094 --> 00:29:32,296
Suzy.

887
00:29:32,364 --> 00:29:34,932
And this is her 11:00 number.

888
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:35,400
Hit it!

889
00:29:35,467 --> 00:29:37,402
>> no, no, no.

890
00:29:37,469 --> 00:29:38,302
♪ chopped suzy and

891
00:29:38,370 --> 00:29:40,405
The egg roll gang ♪

892
00:29:40,472 --> 00:29:42,073
♪ everywhere we go

893
00:29:42,141 --> 00:29:44,375
It's a shanghai surprise ♪

894
00:29:44,443 --> 00:29:45,710
>> please stop.

895
00:29:45,778 --> 00:29:46,377
>> stop?

896
00:29:46,445 --> 00:29:47,111
That's what the neighbors say

897
00:29:47,179 --> 00:29:48,146
When my husband and I make

898
00:29:48,213 --> 00:29:50,248
Whoopi.

899
00:29:50,315 --> 00:29:51,282
Boy, are we verbal.

900
00:29:51,350 --> 00:29:54,051
I say please and he says no.

901
00:29:54,119 --> 00:29:55,686
You've been a great crowd.

902
00:29:55,754 --> 00:29:56,821
>> oh, brother.

903
00:29:56,889 --> 00:29:58,756
We'll be right back after these

904
00:29:58,824 --> 00:29:59,123
Messages.

905
00:29:59,191 --> 00:29:59,657
>> look at me!

906
00:29:59,725 --> 00:30:00,391
>> don't look at her.

907
00:30:00,459 --> 00:30:14,505
♪

908
00:30:14,573 --> 00:30:15,139
>>> what seems to be the

909
00:30:15,207 --> 00:30:15,873
Problem?

910
00:30:15,941 --> 00:30:16,641
>> I just feel stressed out all

911
00:30:16,708 --> 00:30:18,242
The time.

912
00:30:18,310 --> 00:30:19,744
I don't know what to do.

913
00:30:19,812 --> 00:30:21,412
>> well, lets try something.

914
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:23,915
Shut your eyes.

915
00:30:23,982 --> 00:30:28,219
Now take a deep breath.

916
00:30:28,287 --> 00:30:28,953
And imagine that you're in the

917
00:30:29,021 --> 00:30:29,570
Middle of a big, peaceful

918
00:30:29,655 --> 00:30:32,907
Meadow, all alone.

919
00:30:32,991 --> 00:30:33,908
A warm breeze floats by,

920
00:30:33,992 --> 00:30:34,592
Carrying the smell of fresh

921
00:30:34,660 --> 00:30:38,279
Flowers.

922
00:30:38,363 --> 00:30:39,163
The sun caresses your face as

923
00:30:39,231 --> 00:30:39,897
You let go of all your fears and

924
00:30:39,948 --> 00:30:44,535
Worries.

925
00:30:44,603 --> 00:30:46,037
And also, I'm there.

926
00:30:46,104 --> 00:30:47,238
[ laughter ]

927
00:30:47,306 --> 00:30:47,872
>> wait.

928
00:30:47,940 --> 00:30:49,040
Why are you there?

929
00:30:49,091 --> 00:30:50,241
>> just relax, william, okay?

930
00:30:50,292 --> 00:30:51,175
It's all part of the process.

931
00:30:51,243 --> 00:30:52,410
Stay with me.

932
00:30:52,478 --> 00:30:54,078
Okay?

933
00:30:54,146 --> 00:30:55,213
>> okay.

934
00:30:55,264 --> 00:30:57,648
>> so you're in the field.

935
00:30:57,716 --> 00:30:58,933
You hear the sound of some birds

936
00:30:59,017 --> 00:31:01,552
Playing in the sunshine.

937
00:31:01,603 --> 00:31:02,937
You breathe in.

938
00:31:03,021 --> 00:31:03,888
And when you exhale, you feel

939
00:31:03,956 --> 00:31:04,555
All your troubles just melt

940
00:31:04,606 --> 00:31:06,757
Away.

941
00:31:06,825 --> 00:31:08,059
And also I'm there dressed as an

942
00:31:08,126 --> 00:31:08,976
Ice cream miss sliding a

943
00:31:09,061 --> 00:31:09,794
Popsicle in and out of your

944
00:31:09,862 --> 00:31:12,730
Mouth.

945
00:31:12,781 --> 00:31:13,981
>> wait.

946
00:31:14,066 --> 00:31:14,866
What is that?

947
00:31:14,933 --> 00:31:15,299
>> it's okay.

948
00:31:15,367 --> 00:31:15,867
All right.

949
00:31:15,934 --> 00:31:16,617
Just -- let's take it a little

950
00:31:16,702 --> 00:31:17,068
Slower, okay?

951
00:31:17,135 --> 00:31:20,004
Now we're back in the field.

952
00:31:20,072 --> 00:31:21,239
You're completely calm.

953
00:31:21,290 --> 00:31:22,573
You let go of all the tension in

954
00:31:22,624 --> 00:31:23,341
Your neck.

955
00:31:23,408 --> 00:31:24,458
You lie back.

956
00:31:24,543 --> 00:31:25,843
And when you look up, there's a

957
00:31:25,911 --> 00:31:27,745
Golf ball on your privates, and

958
00:31:27,813 --> 00:31:28,612
I'm there teeing off with a

959
00:31:28,664 --> 00:31:30,548
5 wood.

960
00:31:30,616 --> 00:31:32,950
>> okay.

961
00:31:33,018 --> 00:31:33,551
Yeah, that's not cool.

962
00:31:33,618 --> 00:31:34,285
>> trust, william, trust, okay?

963
00:31:34,336 --> 00:31:34,719
Stay with me.

964
00:31:34,786 --> 00:31:35,670
And we're in the field.

965
00:31:35,754 --> 00:31:37,471
The cool breezes.

966
00:31:37,556 --> 00:31:39,307
State of relaxation.

967
00:31:39,391 --> 00:31:40,591
Nothing around you for miles.

968
00:31:40,659 --> 00:31:44,962
It smells warm like fresh bread

969
00:31:45,013 --> 00:31:47,798
Coming out of an oven.

970
00:31:47,866 --> 00:31:49,867
On top of that bread we've got

971
00:31:49,935 --> 00:31:53,304
Smoked ham, lettuce, tomato, a

972
00:31:53,372 --> 00:31:54,672
Little spicy mustard on top.

973
00:31:54,740 --> 00:31:55,206
And then I guess a

974
00:31:55,274 --> 00:31:55,656
Diet dr. Pepper.

975
00:31:55,741 --> 00:31:59,277
Okay, see you in a little bit.

976
00:31:59,344 --> 00:32:03,247
[ laughter ]

977
00:32:03,315 --> 00:32:04,782
And we're in the field with the

978
00:32:04,850 --> 00:32:06,083
Breeze, the flowers, relaxed,

979
00:32:06,151 --> 00:32:08,252
Deep breath, friendly rabbit, a

980
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,922
Little more popsicle.

981
00:32:10,989 --> 00:32:12,757
>> okay.

982
00:32:12,824 --> 00:32:13,858
What is going on?

983
00:32:13,926 --> 00:32:14,825
Are you even a therapist?

984
00:32:14,893 --> 00:32:15,593
>> all right, william, I'm going

985
00:32:15,661 --> 00:32:16,093
To level with you.

986
00:32:16,161 --> 00:32:16,761
This is a new experimental

987
00:32:16,828 --> 00:32:18,012
Method that I'm developing.

988
00:32:18,096 --> 00:32:18,896
>> okay.

989
00:32:18,964 --> 00:32:19,630
>> and if it doesn't help you,

990
00:32:19,698 --> 00:32:20,331
It's a complete failure, then

991
00:32:20,382 --> 00:32:22,700
I'll waive my fee, okay?

992
00:32:22,768 --> 00:32:23,434
>> fine.

993
00:32:23,501 --> 00:32:23,935
>> good!

994
00:32:24,002 --> 00:32:24,869
Okay.

995
00:32:24,937 --> 00:32:25,603
This time we'll take a slightly

996
00:32:25,671 --> 00:32:27,805
Different approach.

997
00:32:27,873 --> 00:32:28,706
Now you're in a perfect white

998
00:32:28,774 --> 00:32:33,945
Space.

999
00:32:34,012 --> 00:32:36,364
Let all of your stress just

1000
00:32:36,448 --> 00:32:36,914
Melts away.

1001
00:32:36,982 --> 00:32:37,365
>> okay.

1002
00:32:37,449 --> 00:32:40,351
This is nice.

1003
00:32:40,402 --> 00:32:46,240
>> an innocent girl approaches

1004
00:32:46,325 --> 00:32:47,491
You and offers you a flower.

1005
00:32:47,542 --> 00:32:50,394
You warmly accept it.

1006
00:32:50,462 --> 00:32:51,762
And then she kicks you in the

1007
00:32:51,830 --> 00:32:52,763
Crotch.

1008
00:32:52,831 --> 00:32:53,531
And then I walk over, and I kick

1009
00:32:53,599 --> 00:32:54,031
You in the crotch.

1010
00:32:54,099 --> 00:32:54,398
That's it.

1011
00:32:54,466 --> 00:32:55,066
You can open your eyes now.

1012
00:32:55,133 --> 00:32:55,399
>> huh.

1013
00:32:55,467 --> 00:32:56,133
You know, I think that actually

1014
00:32:56,201 --> 00:32:56,467
Worked.

1015
00:32:56,535 --> 00:32:57,635
I strangely feel better.

1016
00:32:57,703 --> 00:32:58,836
>> and that concludes phase one.

1017
00:32:58,904 --> 00:33:00,371
>> no!

1018
00:33:00,439 --> 00:33:02,440
>> lets begin phase two.

1019
00:33:02,507 --> 00:33:07,528
[ laughter and applause ]

1020
00:33:07,596 --> 00:33:08,279
>>> and there you go, ma'am, I

1021
00:33:08,347 --> 00:33:10,014
Hope you enjoy it.

1022
00:33:10,082 --> 00:33:10,648
>> thank you so much.

1023
00:33:10,716 --> 00:33:11,115
>> no problem.

1024
00:33:11,183 --> 00:33:11,782
Thank you.

1025
00:33:11,850 --> 00:33:12,950
Next.

1026
00:33:13,018 --> 00:33:13,618
>> hi.

1027
00:33:13,685 --> 00:33:14,785
I just want to return this.

1028
00:33:14,853 --> 00:33:16,320
>> okay, ma'am, I should first

1029
00:33:16,388 --> 00:33:17,555
Warn you that denzel washington

1030
00:33:17,623 --> 00:33:20,558
Is working here today.

1031
00:33:20,626 --> 00:33:21,125
>> denzel washington?

1032
00:33:21,193 --> 00:33:22,226
Here?

1033
00:33:22,294 --> 00:33:22,960
>> yes.

1034
00:33:23,028 --> 00:33:23,494
>> seriously?

1035
00:33:23,562 --> 00:33:24,929
That is so awesome.

1036
00:33:24,997 --> 00:33:26,497
What's he doing here?

1037
00:33:26,565 --> 00:33:27,198
>> he's preparing for a role.

1038
00:33:27,265 --> 00:33:29,767
I guess it's his process.

1039
00:33:29,835 --> 00:33:30,501
>> so he's working here for a

1040
00:33:30,569 --> 00:33:31,268
Movie role.

1041
00:33:31,336 --> 00:33:33,104
That's amazing.

1042
00:33:33,171 --> 00:33:33,838
>> yeah, in his movie I guess

1043
00:33:33,905 --> 00:33:34,572
He's supposed to play an

1044
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:36,374
Ordinary retail employee who

1045
00:33:36,441 --> 00:33:38,242
Gets this returned suitcase that

1046
00:33:38,310 --> 00:33:39,410
Has a secret government

1047
00:33:39,478 --> 00:33:40,678
Microchip accidentally left

1048
00:33:40,746 --> 00:33:42,613
Inside of it which puts him in a

1049
00:33:42,681 --> 00:33:44,448
Web of international intrigue.

1050
00:33:44,516 --> 00:33:45,149
>> wow, you know a lot about

1051
00:33:45,217 --> 00:33:45,850
This.

1052
00:33:45,917 --> 00:33:46,617
>> he told me a about it about a

1053
00:33:46,685 --> 00:33:49,053
Dozen times.

1054
00:33:49,121 --> 00:33:49,787
>> what's it called, "point of

1055
00:33:49,855 --> 00:33:53,057
No returns"?

1056
00:33:53,125 --> 00:33:54,058
>> yes, that's what it's called.

1057
00:33:54,126 --> 00:33:54,458
[ laughter ]

1058
00:33:54,526 --> 00:33:54,992
>> really?

1059
00:33:55,060 --> 00:33:57,928
>> okay.

1060
00:33:57,996 --> 00:33:58,763
All right.

1061
00:33:58,830 --> 00:34:00,731
I found it, huh?

1062
00:34:00,799 --> 00:34:01,399
Yeah.

1063
00:34:01,466 --> 00:34:02,600
I told you it was there.

1064
00:34:02,668 --> 00:34:04,669
Right?

1065
00:34:04,736 --> 00:34:05,269
I specifically stated.

1066
00:34:05,337 --> 00:34:05,936
>> yes.

1067
00:34:06,004 --> 00:34:06,370
Yes, you did.

1068
00:34:06,438 --> 00:34:08,572
Thank you, denzel.

1069
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:09,140
>> I knew it.

1070
00:34:09,207 --> 00:34:09,840
I knew it.

1071
00:34:09,908 --> 00:34:12,510
Oh.

1072
00:34:12,577 --> 00:34:14,178
Now, what can I help you with,

1073
00:34:14,246 --> 00:34:14,712
Ma'am?

1074
00:34:14,780 --> 00:34:15,246
Huh?

1075
00:34:15,313 --> 00:34:15,880
>> you know what, denzel?

1076
00:34:15,947 --> 00:34:16,480
I think I got this one.

1077
00:34:16,548 --> 00:34:18,082
>> no, no, no, no, no.

1078
00:34:18,150 --> 00:34:18,649
Got to learn.

1079
00:34:18,717 --> 00:34:21,085
Got to learn, right?

1080
00:34:21,153 --> 00:34:22,987
Come on, darling, let's see what

1081
00:34:23,055 --> 00:34:23,487
You got.

1082
00:34:23,555 --> 00:34:24,155
>> okay, well, I wanted to

1083
00:34:24,222 --> 00:34:26,824
Return this bag.

1084
00:34:26,892 --> 00:34:27,391
>> oh, okay.

1085
00:34:27,459 --> 00:34:27,858
All right.

1086
00:34:27,926 --> 00:34:28,359
Let's take a look.

1087
00:34:28,427 --> 00:34:31,762
Okay.

1088
00:34:31,830 --> 00:34:33,030
Oh, look at this here.

1089
00:34:33,098 --> 00:34:34,298
This is nice.

1090
00:34:34,366 --> 00:34:35,700
It's very nice.

1091
00:34:35,767 --> 00:34:36,867
>> yeah, thank you.

1092
00:34:36,935 --> 00:34:37,768
>> you bought this?

1093
00:34:37,836 --> 00:34:38,302
>> I did.

1094
00:34:38,370 --> 00:34:38,736
>> huh?

1095
00:34:38,804 --> 00:34:39,637
This handbag right here?

1096
00:34:39,705 --> 00:34:41,539
This is yours?

1097
00:34:41,606 --> 00:34:42,106
>> yes, it is.

1098
00:34:42,174 --> 00:34:44,341
>> okay.

1099
00:34:44,409 --> 00:34:45,176
All right.

1100
00:34:45,243 --> 00:34:46,677
So let's see here.

1101
00:34:46,745 --> 00:34:50,648
So you bought this handbag

1102
00:34:50,716 --> 00:34:51,048
For $340.

1103
00:34:51,116 --> 00:34:51,716
And now you want your money

1104
00:34:51,783 --> 00:34:52,016
Back?

1105
00:34:52,084 --> 00:34:52,783
That's what you're saying?

1106
00:34:52,851 --> 00:34:53,517
That's what you're telling me,

1107
00:34:53,585 --> 00:34:54,418
Right.

1108
00:34:54,486 --> 00:34:55,486
>> yes, yes.

1109
00:34:55,554 --> 00:34:56,187
>> okay.

1110
00:34:56,254 --> 00:34:56,954
$340, that's a lot of money to

1111
00:34:57,022 --> 00:34:58,723
Be asking for back.

1112
00:34:58,790 --> 00:34:59,490
I mean, I'll give it to you.

1113
00:34:59,558 --> 00:35:02,159
Huh?

1114
00:35:02,227 --> 00:35:02,893
>> okay.

1115
00:35:02,961 --> 00:35:03,594
>> I just want to ask you one

1116
00:35:03,662 --> 00:35:08,265
Question.

1117
00:35:08,333 --> 00:35:08,833
What's wrong with it?

1118
00:35:08,900 --> 00:35:11,102
Huh?

1119
00:35:11,169 --> 00:35:11,736
>> what, with the handbag?

1120
00:35:11,803 --> 00:35:12,203
>> that's right.

1121
00:35:12,270 --> 00:35:12,870
>> um, well, it's the wrong

1122
00:35:12,938 --> 00:35:14,605
Color.

1123
00:35:14,673 --> 00:35:15,139
>> the wrong color.

1124
00:35:15,207 --> 00:35:15,940
She says it's the wrong color.

1125
00:35:16,007 --> 00:35:20,044
[ laughter ]

1126
00:35:20,112 --> 00:35:21,112
You knew what color it was when

1127
00:35:21,179 --> 00:35:23,280
You brought it home.

1128
00:35:23,348 --> 00:35:23,881
Did it change color or

1129
00:35:23,949 --> 00:35:26,083
Something?

1130
00:35:26,151 --> 00:35:26,817
>> no.

1131
00:35:26,885 --> 00:35:27,585
>> no, it didn't.

1132
00:35:27,652 --> 00:35:28,719
So let me ask you this.

1133
00:35:28,787 --> 00:35:30,888
What color is this handbag?

1134
00:35:30,956 --> 00:35:31,622
>> you know what?

1135
00:35:31,690 --> 00:35:32,690
I can just help this lady.

1136
00:35:32,758 --> 00:35:34,024
>> oh, no, you won't!

1137
00:35:34,092 --> 00:35:36,327
I asked her a simple question.

1138
00:35:36,394 --> 00:35:39,997
What color is this handbag?

1139
00:35:40,065 --> 00:35:41,031
>> it's -- it's black.

1140
00:35:41,099 --> 00:35:42,166
>> oh, it's black, is it?

1141
00:35:42,234 --> 00:35:42,900
That's what you're telling me,

1142
00:35:42,968 --> 00:35:43,200
Right?

1143
00:35:43,268 --> 00:35:43,801
It's black?

1144
00:35:43,869 --> 00:35:44,502
>> yes.

1145
00:35:44,569 --> 00:35:46,270
>> and you don't like the color?

1146
00:35:46,338 --> 00:35:46,904
>> no, it's just that it

1147
00:35:46,972 --> 00:35:47,271
Doesn't --

1148
00:35:47,339 --> 00:35:48,139
>> excuse me?

1149
00:35:48,206 --> 00:35:49,573
Speak up!

1150
00:35:49,641 --> 00:35:50,107
[ laughter ]

1151
00:35:50,175 --> 00:35:50,908
You're at macy's.

1152
00:35:50,976 --> 00:35:52,076
There are rules and regulations.

1153
00:35:52,144 --> 00:35:52,777
If you've got a complaint, I

1154
00:35:52,844 --> 00:35:56,313
Want to hear it.

1155
00:35:56,381 --> 00:35:57,481
>> it doesn't match my shoes.

1156
00:35:57,549 --> 00:35:58,215
>> it doesn't match your shoes,

1157
00:35:58,283 --> 00:35:58,649
Huh?

1158
00:35:58,717 --> 00:35:59,350
So, you don't have any black

1159
00:35:59,417 --> 00:36:00,117
Shoes in your possession?

1160
00:36:00,185 --> 00:36:03,354
Not any?

1161
00:36:03,421 --> 00:36:07,758
That's what you're telling me?

1162
00:36:07,826 --> 00:36:09,360
>> no.

1163
00:36:09,427 --> 00:36:09,994
>> huh?

1164
00:36:10,061 --> 00:36:10,728
>> I have black shoes, just not

1165
00:36:10,796 --> 00:36:11,128
The kind --

1166
00:36:11,196 --> 00:36:11,695
>> not the kind what?

1167
00:36:11,763 --> 00:36:11,996
What?

1168
00:36:12,063 --> 00:36:12,530
Not the right kind?

1169
00:36:12,597 --> 00:36:13,831
>> oh, I didn't say that.

1170
00:36:13,899 --> 00:36:14,532
>> but you said wrong color,

1171
00:36:14,599 --> 00:36:14,932
Didn't you?

1172
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:16,066
So I'm lying?

1173
00:36:16,134 --> 00:36:16,767
So you're calling me a liar,

1174
00:36:16,835 --> 00:36:17,968
Right?

1175
00:36:18,036 --> 00:36:18,435
>> no, no.

1176
00:36:18,503 --> 00:36:18,836
>> huh?

1177
00:36:18,904 --> 00:36:19,603
>> I didn't call you a liar.

1178
00:36:19,671 --> 00:36:20,571
>> it sounded like it to me.

1179
00:36:20,639 --> 00:36:21,906
Huh?

1180
00:36:21,973 --> 00:36:23,407
Let me tell you something.

1181
00:36:23,475 --> 00:36:24,375
Don't you ever in your life call

1182
00:36:24,442 --> 00:36:26,610
Me a liar.

1183
00:36:26,678 --> 00:36:28,646
>> but I didn't.

1184
00:36:28,713 --> 00:36:29,313
I just wanted to return --

1185
00:36:29,381 --> 00:36:30,314
>> oh, yes, you did.

1186
00:36:30,382 --> 00:36:31,015
>> I want to return the bag,

1187
00:36:31,082 --> 00:36:32,583
Okay?

1188
00:36:32,651 --> 00:36:34,618
>> well, then you've got to

1189
00:36:34,686 --> 00:36:35,352
Answer the questions, darling.

1190
00:36:35,420 --> 00:36:36,587
>> I am answering the questions.

1191
00:36:36,655 --> 00:36:37,454
I took it home.

1192
00:36:37,522 --> 00:36:38,222
I don't like it.

1193
00:36:38,290 --> 00:36:39,256
It just happened.

1194
00:36:39,324 --> 00:36:40,024
And you're not letting me talk,

1195
00:36:40,091 --> 00:36:41,091
You jack wad.

1196
00:36:41,159 --> 00:36:53,070
[ slow clap ]

1197
00:36:53,138 --> 00:36:53,504
[ laughter ]

1198
00:36:53,572 --> 00:36:54,004
>> oh, thank god.

1199
00:36:54,072 --> 00:36:54,839
>> hey, I like you.

1200
00:36:54,906 --> 00:36:56,574
You're feisty, aren't you?

1201
00:36:56,641 --> 00:36:58,209
Yeah, I like that.

1202
00:36:58,276 --> 00:36:58,943
Let me go return this bag and

1203
00:36:59,010 --> 00:37:01,879
Stop messing with you.

1204
00:37:01,947 --> 00:37:06,350
My man.

1205
00:37:06,418 --> 00:37:07,084
>> that wasn't too hard, right?

1206
00:37:07,152 --> 00:37:07,585
>> of course not.

1207
00:37:07,652 --> 00:37:07,918
Okay.

1208
00:37:07,986 --> 00:37:08,686
I'm so glad we got that settled.

1209
00:37:08,753 --> 00:37:13,224
All right.

1210
00:37:13,291 --> 00:37:14,124
Who's next?

1211
00:37:14,192 --> 00:37:17,061
Anyone?

1212
00:37:17,128 --> 00:37:17,761
>> let me handle it.

1213
00:37:17,829 --> 00:37:18,262
>> no, it's okay.

1214
00:37:18,330 --> 00:37:19,029
I got it.

1215
00:37:19,097 --> 00:37:20,931
[ cheers and applause ]

1216
00:37:39,916 --> 00:37:40,516
>>> ladies and gentlemen,

1217
00:37:40,584 --> 00:37:41,183
Bruno mars.

1218
00:37:41,251 --> 00:37:46,989
[ cheers and applause ]

1219
00:37:47,724 --> 00:38:01,871
♪

1220
00:38:01,938 --> 00:38:03,405
♪ oh, her eyes

1221
00:38:03,473 --> 00:38:03,806
Her eyes

1222
00:38:03,874 --> 00:38:04,640
Make the stars look like

1223
00:38:04,708 --> 00:38:06,108
They're not shining ♪

1224
00:38:06,176 --> 00:38:06,976
♪ her hair, her hair

1225
00:38:07,043 --> 00:38:08,477
Falls perfectly

1226
00:38:08,545 --> 00:38:10,579
Without her trying ♪

1227
00:38:10,647 --> 00:38:13,082
♪ she's so beautiful

1228
00:38:13,150 --> 00:38:18,087
And I tell her every day ♪

1229
00:38:18,155 --> 00:38:19,922
♪ yeah, I know, I know

1230
00:38:19,990 --> 00:38:20,856
When I compliment her

1231
00:38:20,924 --> 00:38:23,125
She won't believe me ♪

1232
00:38:23,193 --> 00:38:24,660
♪ and it's so, it's so

1233
00:38:24,728 --> 00:38:25,161
Sad to think she

1234
00:38:25,228 --> 00:38:27,496
Don't see what I see ♪

1235
00:38:27,564 --> 00:38:28,197
♪ but every time she asks

1236
00:38:28,265 --> 00:38:30,499
Me do I look okay

1237
00:38:30,567 --> 00:38:34,436
I say ♪

1238
00:38:34,504 --> 00:38:38,674
♪ when I see your face

1239
00:38:38,742 --> 00:38:40,309
There's not a thing

1240
00:38:40,377 --> 00:38:48,751
That I would change ♪

1241
00:38:48,819 --> 00:38:49,418
♪ 'cause you're amazing

1242
00:38:49,486 --> 00:38:51,954
Just the way you are ♪

1243
00:38:52,022 --> 00:38:55,424
♪ and when you smile

1244
00:38:55,492 --> 00:38:56,859
The whole world stops

1245
00:38:56,927 --> 00:39:00,262
And stares for awhile ♪

1246
00:39:00,330 --> 00:39:01,197
♪ 'cause girl you're amazing

1247
00:39:01,264 --> 00:39:09,972
Just the way you are ♪

1248
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:11,273
♪ her nails, her nails

1249
00:39:11,341 --> 00:39:12,608
I could kiss them all day

1250
00:39:12,676 --> 00:39:14,443
If she'd let me ♪

1251
00:39:14,511 --> 00:39:16,378
♪ her laugh, her laugh

1252
00:39:16,446 --> 00:39:17,179
She hates but

1253
00:39:17,247 --> 00:39:19,148
I think it's so sexy ♪

1254
00:39:19,216 --> 00:39:20,316
♪ she's so beautiful

1255
00:39:20,383 --> 00:39:26,589
And I tell her every day ♪

1256
00:39:26,656 --> 00:39:27,590
♪ oh, you know, you know

1257
00:39:27,657 --> 00:39:28,457
You know I'd never ask

1258
00:39:28,525 --> 00:39:33,863
You to change ♪

1259
00:39:33,930 --> 00:39:36,732
♪ if perfect is what

1260
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:39,134
You're searching for

1261
00:39:39,202 --> 00:39:44,006
Then just stay the same ♪

1262
00:39:44,074 --> 00:39:47,877
♪ so don't even

1263
00:39:47,944 --> 00:39:49,445
Bother asking

1264
00:39:49,512 --> 00:39:50,112
If you look okay

1265
00:39:50,180 --> 00:39:50,813
You know I say ♪

1266
00:39:50,881 --> 00:39:51,447
♪ when I see your face

1267
00:39:51,514 --> 00:39:51,981
There's not a thing

1268
00:39:52,048 --> 00:39:55,217
That I would change ♪

1269
00:39:55,285 --> 00:39:55,918
♪ 'cause you're amazing

1270
00:39:55,986 --> 00:39:59,288
Just the way you are ♪

1271
00:39:59,356 --> 00:40:03,292
♪ and when you smile

1272
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:07,830
The whole world stops

1273
00:40:07,898 --> 00:40:08,664
And stares for awhile ♪

1274
00:40:08,732 --> 00:40:10,032
♪ 'cause girl you're amazing

1275
00:40:10,100 --> 00:40:16,038
Just the way you are ♪

1276
00:40:16,106 --> 00:40:19,975
♪ the way you are

1277
00:40:20,043 --> 00:40:25,114
The way you are

1278
00:40:25,181 --> 00:40:28,150
Girl you're amazing

1279
00:40:28,218 --> 00:40:33,222
Just the way you are ♪

1280
00:40:33,290 --> 00:40:38,327
♪ when I see your face

1281
00:40:38,395 --> 00:40:38,861
There's not a thing

1282
00:40:38,929 --> 00:40:42,331
That I would change ♪

1283
00:40:42,399 --> 00:40:45,334
♪ 'cause you're amazing

1284
00:40:45,402 --> 00:40:50,539
Just the way you are ♪

1285
00:40:50,607 --> 00:40:57,846
♪ and when you smile baby

1286
00:40:57,914 --> 00:40:58,414
The whole world stops

1287
00:40:58,481 --> 00:40:59,181
And stares for awhile ♪

1288
00:40:59,249 --> 00:41:01,283
♪ 'cause girl you're amazing

1289
00:41:01,351 --> 00:41:07,589
Just the way you are ♪

1290
00:41:07,657 --> 00:41:09,358
♪ girl you're amazing

1291
00:41:09,426 --> 00:41:15,130
Just the way you are ♪

1292
00:41:15,198 --> 00:41:22,705
[ cheers and applause ]

1293
00:41:37,118 --> 00:41:37,684
>>> "weekend update with

1294
00:41:37,752 --> 00:41:42,222
Seth meyers."

1295
00:41:42,290 --> 00:41:42,956
>> I'm seth meyers, and here are

1296
00:41:43,024 --> 00:41:45,325
Tonight's top stories.

1297
00:41:45,393 --> 00:41:46,092
>>> delaware republican senate

1298
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:47,327
Candidate christine o'donnell

1299
00:41:47,395 --> 00:41:48,695
Blamed her campaign's recent

1300
00:41:48,763 --> 00:41:50,263
Troubles on unfair coverage in

1301
00:41:50,331 --> 00:41:54,935
The liberal media.

1302
00:41:55,002 --> 00:41:55,669
Yep, the liberal media used two

1303
00:41:55,736 --> 00:41:56,403
Of its favorite tricks on her,

1304
00:41:56,470 --> 00:41:57,570
Record and play.

1305
00:41:57,638 --> 00:42:00,340
[ laughter ]

1306
00:42:00,408 --> 00:42:01,341
>>> while speaking at a women's

1307
00:42:01,409 --> 00:42:03,543
Conference in washington on

1308
00:42:03,611 --> 00:42:05,445
Tuesday, president obama's

1309
00:42:05,513 --> 00:42:07,881
Speech was interrupted when the

1310
00:42:07,949 --> 00:42:09,950
Presidential seal on his podium

1311
00:42:10,017 --> 00:42:13,586
Fell off two years early.

1312
00:42:13,654 --> 00:42:14,921
>>> donald trump confirmed

1313
00:42:14,989 --> 00:42:15,956
Wednesday that he is seriously

1314
00:42:16,023 --> 00:42:17,290
Considering a run for president

1315
00:42:17,358 --> 00:42:18,191
In 2012, though I'm not sure

1316
00:42:18,259 --> 00:42:18,892
That we're going to solve the

1317
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:19,626
Unemployment crisis with a guy

1318
00:42:19,694 --> 00:42:20,327
Whose catchphrase is, "you're

1319
00:42:20,394 --> 00:42:24,164
Fired."

1320
00:42:24,231 --> 00:42:26,933
[ laughter ]

1321
00:42:27,001 --> 00:42:27,801
>>> north carolina state

1322
00:42:27,868 --> 00:42:28,768
Representative larry brown

1323
00:42:28,836 --> 00:42:29,502
Created a controversy this week

1324
00:42:29,570 --> 00:42:30,236
When he sent an e-mail to other

1325
00:42:30,304 --> 00:42:30,837
Lawmakers referring to

1326
00:42:30,905 --> 00:42:33,807
Homosexuals as queers and

1327
00:42:33,874 --> 00:42:35,241
Froot-loops, and the larry brown

1328
00:42:35,309 --> 00:42:35,976
Gets caught with a male escort

1329
00:42:36,043 --> 00:42:39,946
Countdown begins now.

1330
00:42:40,014 --> 00:42:45,218
[ laughter ]

1331
00:42:45,286 --> 00:42:46,186
>>> the number one movie in

1332
00:42:46,253 --> 00:42:47,020
America is "the social network,"

1333
00:42:47,088 --> 00:42:47,687
Which tells the story of

1334
00:42:47,755 --> 00:42:48,421
Mark zuckerberg and the founding

1335
00:42:48,489 --> 00:42:49,689
Of facebook.

1336
00:42:49,757 --> 00:42:50,423
Here to comment on the film is

1337
00:42:50,491 --> 00:42:52,392
Facebook founder,

1338
00:42:52,460 --> 00:42:53,393
Mark zuckerberg.

1339
00:42:53,461 --> 00:42:57,530
[ cheers and applause ]

1340
00:42:57,598 --> 00:42:59,632
>> hello, seth.

1341
00:42:59,700 --> 00:43:01,234
Hi.

1342
00:43:01,302 --> 00:43:01,935
>> so mark, you went and saw

1343
00:43:02,003 --> 00:43:02,502
"the social network"?

1344
00:43:02,570 --> 00:43:02,836
>> what?

1345
00:43:02,903 --> 00:43:03,436
No, don't be ridiculous.

1346
00:43:03,504 --> 00:43:04,004
I'm 26.

1347
00:43:04,071 --> 00:43:05,805
I stole it online.

1348
00:43:05,873 --> 00:43:06,973
>> okay, gotcha.

1349
00:43:07,041 --> 00:43:07,907
So mark, "the social network"

1350
00:43:07,975 --> 00:43:08,641
Has been criticized for some

1351
00:43:08,709 --> 00:43:09,175
Inaccuracies.

1352
00:43:09,243 --> 00:43:09,876
So let's clear a few things

1353
00:43:09,944 --> 00:43:11,511
Up now.

1354
00:43:11,579 --> 00:43:12,746
Did you create facebook just to

1355
00:43:12,813 --> 00:43:15,882
Meet girls?

1356
00:43:15,950 --> 00:43:17,250
>> um, gee, let me think.

1357
00:43:17,318 --> 00:43:20,420
Of course I did!

1358
00:43:20,488 --> 00:43:21,087
Why does anyone do anything?

1359
00:43:21,155 --> 00:43:26,126
I mean, why did you get on tv?

1360
00:43:26,193 --> 00:43:26,893
>> touché.

1361
00:43:26,961 --> 00:43:27,627
Now, mark, the movie also claims

1362
00:43:27,695 --> 00:43:28,294
You had only one friend in

1363
00:43:28,362 --> 00:43:30,230
College.

1364
00:43:30,297 --> 00:43:31,097
>> that's totally, totally

1365
00:43:31,165 --> 00:43:31,765
Inaccurate, seth.

1366
00:43:31,832 --> 00:43:32,966
I had three friends.

1367
00:43:33,034 --> 00:43:36,970
Because parents count.

1368
00:43:37,038 --> 00:43:37,704
>> I guess they do.

1369
00:43:37,772 --> 00:43:38,204
>> oh, wait.

1370
00:43:38,272 --> 00:43:39,039
Do turtles count?

1371
00:43:39,106 --> 00:43:40,240
>> no.

1372
00:43:40,307 --> 00:43:40,940
>> okay, yeah, then just the

1373
00:43:41,008 --> 00:43:41,274
Three.

1374
00:43:41,342 --> 00:43:42,242
>> okay.

1375
00:43:42,309 --> 00:43:42,976
So it's not true that you were a

1376
00:43:43,044 --> 00:43:43,676
Loser who created facebook to

1377
00:43:43,744 --> 00:43:45,378
Have a social life?

1378
00:43:45,446 --> 00:43:46,379
>> again, how good was your

1379
00:43:46,447 --> 00:43:47,147
Social life before you were

1380
00:43:47,214 --> 00:43:49,315
On tv?

1381
00:43:49,383 --> 00:43:50,950
>> touché.

1382
00:43:51,018 --> 00:43:52,218
>> I invented facebook, seth.

1383
00:43:52,286 --> 00:43:53,253
I didn't invent getting

1384
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:54,754
Successful to meet girls.

1385
00:43:54,822 --> 00:43:57,023
I guarantee that the first guy

1386
00:43:57,091 --> 00:43:58,558
Who invented the wheel did was

1387
00:43:58,626 --> 00:43:59,759
Roll it over some ladies.

1388
00:43:59,827 --> 00:44:00,927
Hey, girls.

1389
00:44:00,995 --> 00:44:02,328
It's called a wheel.

1390
00:44:02,396 --> 00:44:06,366
Hop on!

1391
00:44:06,434 --> 00:44:07,033
I mean, please.

1392
00:44:07,101 --> 00:44:07,767
You think aaron sorkin doesn't

1393
00:44:07,835 --> 00:44:08,435
Mention "the west wing" on

1394
00:44:08,502 --> 00:44:08,735
Dates?

1395
00:44:08,803 --> 00:44:09,102
We're men.

1396
00:44:09,170 --> 00:44:10,003
We use what we got.

1397
00:44:10,071 --> 00:44:10,804
>> now to be fair, mark, not

1398
00:44:10,871 --> 00:44:11,538
Many people are going to feel

1399
00:44:11,605 --> 00:44:12,138
Sorry for you.

1400
00:44:12,206 --> 00:44:12,872
You're 26 years old, you have

1401
00:44:12,940 --> 00:44:14,574
$4 billion.

1402
00:44:14,642 --> 00:44:15,475
>> true, true.

1403
00:44:15,543 --> 00:44:16,276
But I am responsible with my

1404
00:44:16,343 --> 00:44:17,544
Money.

1405
00:44:17,611 --> 00:44:20,213
I donated $100 million to the

1406
00:44:20,281 --> 00:44:21,581
Newark school system.

1407
00:44:21,649 --> 00:44:22,315
>> yeah, well some people

1408
00:44:22,383 --> 00:44:23,083
Thought you did that to look

1409
00:44:23,150 --> 00:44:24,517
Good after the movie.

1410
00:44:24,585 --> 00:44:25,251
>> of course I did that to look

1411
00:44:25,319 --> 00:44:26,352
Good after the movie.

1412
00:44:26,420 --> 00:44:28,121
What does it matter?

1413
00:44:28,189 --> 00:44:29,422
It was $100 million.

1414
00:44:29,490 --> 00:44:30,657
That's hover board money.

1415
00:44:30,724 --> 00:44:31,925
>> okay.

1416
00:44:31,992 --> 00:44:32,692
So should folks at home see the

1417
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:34,694
Movie?

1418
00:44:34,762 --> 00:44:35,562
>> yes.

1419
00:44:35,629 --> 00:44:36,296
That's my biggest problem with

1420
00:44:36,363 --> 00:44:37,197
"the social network."

1421
00:44:37,264 --> 00:44:37,964
I may not like what he says, but

1422
00:44:38,032 --> 00:44:41,067
It's a really good movie.

1423
00:44:41,135 --> 00:44:41,734
Can we talk about casting,

1424
00:44:41,802 --> 00:44:43,303
Please?

1425
00:44:43,370 --> 00:44:44,204
I mean, shawn parker gets justin

1426
00:44:44,271 --> 00:44:45,405
Friggin' timberlake and I get

1427
00:44:45,473 --> 00:44:47,607
Jesse isenberg.

1428
00:44:47,675 --> 00:44:48,908
Its like, hey, we're making

1429
00:44:48,976 --> 00:44:50,310
About steve jobs and bill gates.

1430
00:44:50,377 --> 00:44:51,344
Steve, you're going to be played

1431
00:44:51,412 --> 00:44:52,545
By brad pitt.

1432
00:44:52,613 --> 00:44:54,013
And bill, you're going to be

1433
00:44:54,081 --> 00:44:54,948
Played by a cardboard box with

1434
00:44:55,015 --> 00:44:58,718
Glasses glued to it.

1435
00:44:58,786 --> 00:44:59,419
>> yeah, so do you have any

1436
00:44:59,487 --> 00:45:00,787
Regrets at all?

1437
00:45:00,855 --> 00:45:01,788
>> yes.

1438
00:45:01,856 --> 00:45:03,323
My one regret with facebook is

1439
00:45:03,390 --> 00:45:05,158
Poking.

1440
00:45:05,226 --> 00:45:06,693
Poking is creepy and lame.

1441
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:08,495
And getting an e-mail saying

1442
00:45:08,562 --> 00:45:10,063
That your dad poked you is an

1443
00:45:10,131 --> 00:45:12,398
Enormous bummer.

1444
00:45:12,466 --> 00:45:13,733
I know that now, and for that, I

1445
00:45:13,801 --> 00:45:16,469
Apologize.

1446
00:45:16,537 --> 00:45:17,470
>> mark zuckerberg, everybody.

1447
00:45:17,538 --> 00:45:20,140
>> friend me!

1448
00:45:20,207 --> 00:45:20,907
>> are you my friend, you are my

1449
00:45:20,975 --> 00:45:21,241
Friend.

1450
00:45:21,308 --> 00:45:25,044
[ cheers and applause ]

1451
00:45:25,112 --> 00:45:25,712
>>> eliot spitzer's new

1452
00:45:25,779 --> 00:45:26,779
Political talk show

1453
00:45:26,847 --> 00:45:27,614
Parker/spitzer premiered Monday

1454
00:45:27,681 --> 00:45:28,381
To low ratings.

1455
00:45:28,449 --> 00:45:29,149
If you're having trouble

1456
00:45:29,216 --> 00:45:30,083
Remembering which channel it's

1457
00:45:30,151 --> 00:45:30,817
On, just remember client number

1458
00:45:30,885 --> 00:45:34,420
Nine.

1459
00:45:34,488 --> 00:45:41,828
>>> four states in the nation

1460
00:45:41,896 --> 00:45:44,130
Including arizona, tennessee,

1461
00:45:44,198 --> 00:45:46,866
Georgia and virginia have

1462
00:45:46,934 --> 00:45:48,902
Recently enacted laws that

1463
00:45:48,969 --> 00:45:49,669
Explicitly allow people to carry

1464
00:45:49,737 --> 00:45:50,236
Loaded guns into bars.

1465
00:45:50,304 --> 00:45:50,970
So if you live in one of those

1466
00:45:51,038 --> 00:45:51,671
States and are wondering how

1467
00:45:51,739 --> 00:45:52,338
You're going to die, you're

1468
00:45:52,406 --> 00:45:53,606
Gonna get shot in a bar.

1469
00:45:53,674 --> 00:45:59,279
[ laughter ]

1470
00:45:59,346 --> 00:46:00,480
>>> a woman from florida is

1471
00:46:00,548 --> 00:46:01,915
Claiming that her room at

1472
00:46:01,982 --> 00:46:02,682
New york's famed waldorf astoria

1473
00:46:02,750 --> 00:46:04,851
Hotel had bedbugs.

1474
00:46:04,919 --> 00:46:06,319
Super fancy bedbugs.

1475
00:46:06,387 --> 00:46:12,692
[ laughter ]

1476
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:14,194
>>> tulare county in california

1477
00:46:14,261 --> 00:46:15,361
Has passed a law barring sex

1478
00:46:15,429 --> 00:46:16,696
Offenders from decorating their

1479
00:46:16,764 --> 00:46:18,031
Homes and handing out candy to

1480
00:46:18,098 --> 00:46:19,332
Children on Halloween.

1481
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:20,033
Kids are a little bummed out

1482
00:46:20,100 --> 00:46:20,833
Because you know those guys have

1483
00:46:20,901 --> 00:46:26,839
The best candy.

1484
00:46:26,907 --> 00:46:28,741
>>> two russian born scientists

1485
00:46:28,809 --> 00:46:29,709
Shared the nobel prize in

1486
00:46:29,777 --> 00:46:30,443
Physics on Tuesday for

1487
00:46:30,511 --> 00:46:31,211
Groundbreaking experiments with

1488
00:46:31,278 --> 00:46:32,045
Graphene, the strongest and

1489
00:46:32,112 --> 00:46:32,712
Thinnest material known to

1490
00:46:32,780 --> 00:46:33,313
Mankind, not counting

1491
00:46:33,380 --> 00:46:37,016
Kelly ripa.

1492
00:46:37,084 --> 00:46:39,118
[ laughter ]

1493
00:46:39,186 --> 00:46:42,822
She's thin and strong.

1494
00:46:42,890 --> 00:46:43,856
>>> the u.S. State department

1495
00:46:43,924 --> 00:46:44,591
Has extended its travel warning

1496
00:46:44,658 --> 00:46:45,358
For citizens traveling in mexico

1497
00:46:45,426 --> 00:46:46,292
Due to the escalating drug

1498
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:47,026
Related crime in and around the

1499
00:46:47,094 --> 00:46:47,460
Border cities.

1500
00:46:47,528 --> 00:46:48,194
Here to talk about it from the

1501
00:46:48,262 --> 00:46:48,828
Mexican board of tourism,

1502
00:46:48,896 --> 00:46:49,295
Miguel conjeros.

1503
00:46:49,363 --> 00:46:49,896
[ cheers and applause ]

1504
00:46:49,964 --> 00:46:50,330
>> hola, seth.

1505
00:46:50,397 --> 00:46:50,863
>> welcome, welcome.

1506
00:46:50,931 --> 00:46:51,264
>> gracias.

1507
00:46:51,332 --> 00:46:51,998
So generous to have me on your

1508
00:46:52,066 --> 00:46:52,298
Show.

1509
00:46:52,366 --> 00:46:52,966
I am a big fan of your work.

1510
00:46:53,033 --> 00:46:53,566
>> thank you very much.

1511
00:46:53,634 --> 00:46:54,033
Miguel conjeros.

1512
00:46:54,101 --> 00:46:57,837
[ cheers and applause ]

1513
00:46:57,905 --> 00:46:58,304
>> hola, seth.

1514
00:46:58,372 --> 00:46:58,838
>> welcome, welcome.

1515
00:46:58,906 --> 00:46:59,239
>> gracias.

1516
00:46:59,306 --> 00:46:59,973
So generous to have me on your

1517
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:01,741
Show.

1518
00:47:01,809 --> 00:47:03,943
I am a big fan of your work.

1519
00:47:04,011 --> 00:47:05,078
>> thank you very much.

1520
00:47:05,145 --> 00:47:06,512
>> tonight, I come here to speak

1521
00:47:06,580 --> 00:47:07,747
Of mexico and its many

1522
00:47:07,815 --> 00:47:10,717
Splendors.

1523
00:47:10,784 --> 00:47:11,451
The perfect vacation destination

1524
00:47:11,518 --> 00:47:12,051
For young and old alike.

1525
00:47:12,119 --> 00:47:12,619
>> so, miguel, that's

1526
00:47:12,686 --> 00:47:13,319
Interesting, but how has the

1527
00:47:13,387 --> 00:47:14,020
Escalating drug activity near

1528
00:47:14,088 --> 00:47:16,322
The borders affected tourism?

1529
00:47:16,390 --> 00:47:19,525
>> que?

1530
00:47:19,593 --> 00:47:20,893
Did you ask about the beaches?

1531
00:47:20,961 --> 00:47:21,594
>> no, I didn't ask about the

1532
00:47:21,662 --> 00:47:22,428
Beaches.

1533
00:47:22,496 --> 00:47:23,997
I would like to know more about

1534
00:47:24,064 --> 00:47:25,265
The drug cartel activity.

1535
00:47:25,332 --> 00:47:26,666
>> I apologize.

1536
00:47:26,734 --> 00:47:27,734
You speak very fast.

1537
00:47:27,801 --> 00:47:30,770
My english is not so very good.

1538
00:47:30,838 --> 00:47:31,537
I'm not like jennifer lopez,

1539
00:47:31,605 --> 00:47:33,706
Okay?

1540
00:47:33,774 --> 00:47:34,374
>> yeah, but you seemed to

1541
00:47:34,441 --> 00:47:35,008
Understand me pretty well

1542
00:47:35,075 --> 00:47:36,376
Before.

1543
00:47:36,443 --> 00:47:37,043
>> yes, I'm like that.

1544
00:47:37,111 --> 00:47:39,545
It goes in and out.

1545
00:47:39,613 --> 00:47:40,680
>> no, I don't think so, miguel.

1546
00:47:40,748 --> 00:47:41,381
>> yeah, I think --

1547
00:47:41,448 --> 00:47:41,848
>> no, I don't.

1548
00:47:41,915 --> 00:47:43,016
>> I think so.

1549
00:47:43,083 --> 00:47:44,651
>> okay, well, I think we agree

1550
00:47:44,718 --> 00:47:46,552
To disagree.

1551
00:47:46,620 --> 00:47:48,354
See, because tourists are wary

1552
00:47:48,422 --> 00:47:49,922
Of traveling in mexico.

1553
00:47:49,990 --> 00:47:50,690
I mean, is there anything you'd

1554
00:47:50,758 --> 00:47:51,557
Like to say to ease their drug

1555
00:47:51,625 --> 00:47:53,459
Cartel fears?

1556
00:47:53,527 --> 00:47:54,527
>> you know, when you're

1557
00:47:54,595 --> 00:47:55,228
Talking, you're pushing your

1558
00:47:55,296 --> 00:47:56,195
Words together.

1559
00:47:56,263 --> 00:47:57,664
It sounds like one big word.

1560
00:47:57,731 --> 00:48:00,166
I believe you asked me -- I

1561
00:48:00,234 --> 00:48:01,167
Think the beaches, right?

1562
00:48:01,235 --> 00:48:03,369
>> no.

1563
00:48:03,437 --> 00:48:04,337
>> will you do me a favor?

1564
00:48:04,405 --> 00:48:05,271
Say one word at a time, leaving

1565
00:48:05,339 --> 00:48:06,739
Space in between your words.

1566
00:48:06,807 --> 00:48:07,640
>> okay.

1567
00:48:07,708 --> 00:48:11,477
>> okay.

1568
00:48:11,545 --> 00:48:12,345
>> tourism --

1569
00:48:12,413 --> 00:48:12,979
>> yes.

1570
00:48:13,047 --> 00:48:14,314
>> okay?

1571
00:48:14,381 --> 00:48:15,782
Has --

1572
00:48:15,849 --> 00:48:17,417
>> okay, yes.

1573
00:48:17,484 --> 00:48:18,651
>> been affected by --

1574
00:48:18,719 --> 00:48:21,387
>> that's three words.

1575
00:48:21,455 --> 00:48:21,988
[ laughter ]

1576
00:48:22,056 --> 00:48:23,589
But yes.

1577
00:48:23,657 --> 00:48:28,895
>> been affected by drugs.

1578
00:48:28,962 --> 00:48:30,963
[ laughter ]

1579
00:48:31,031 --> 00:48:31,664
>> that sounded like beaches.

1580
00:48:31,732 --> 00:48:34,334
>> drugs.

1581
00:48:34,401 --> 00:48:37,270
Drugs and drug cartels.

1582
00:48:37,338 --> 00:48:37,870
>> que?

1583
00:48:37,938 --> 00:48:38,738
>> okay.

1584
00:48:38,806 --> 00:48:39,739
All right.

1585
00:48:39,807 --> 00:48:42,342
What about this story about

1586
00:48:42,409 --> 00:48:43,409
Americans on jet skis being

1587
00:48:43,477 --> 00:48:44,110
Attacked by mexican pirates?

1588
00:48:44,178 --> 00:48:44,944
>> jet skis.

1589
00:48:45,012 --> 00:48:45,778
Yes, we have jet skis and zip

1590
00:48:45,846 --> 00:48:46,346
Lines.

1591
00:48:46,413 --> 00:48:49,215
Come to mexico.

1592
00:48:49,283 --> 00:48:50,049
We have beaches, seth.

1593
00:48:50,117 --> 00:48:51,217
>> no, not the beaches.

1594
00:48:51,285 --> 00:48:53,219
What about the pirates?

1595
00:48:53,287 --> 00:48:53,920
>> the parties.

1596
00:48:53,987 --> 00:48:56,422
>> no.

1597
00:48:56,490 --> 00:48:57,790
>> pirates.

1598
00:48:57,858 --> 00:48:58,691
>> the piñatas.

1599
00:48:58,759 --> 00:49:01,060
>> no, pirates.

1600
00:49:01,128 --> 00:49:01,694
>> palm trees?

1601
00:49:01,762 --> 00:49:03,296
>> no.

1602
00:49:03,364 --> 00:49:04,764
>> if you're asking me if mexico

1603
00:49:04,832 --> 00:49:06,866
Has parties with piñatas, the

1604
00:49:06,934 --> 00:49:09,635
Answer is a resounding yes.

1605
00:49:09,703 --> 00:49:10,670
But if it's about anything else,

1606
00:49:10,738 --> 00:49:11,237
I don't speak english.

1607
00:49:11,305 --> 00:49:12,572
>> all right.

1608
00:49:12,639 --> 00:49:13,239
>> please come to beautiful

1609
00:49:13,307 --> 00:49:13,706
Mexico.

1610
00:49:13,774 --> 00:49:15,074
Adios!

1611
00:49:15,142 --> 00:49:16,909
>> miguel conjeros, everybody!

1612
00:49:16,977 --> 00:49:19,612
>>> this week the "peanuts"

1613
00:49:22,683 --> 00:49:23,316
>>> this week the "peanuts"

1614
00:49:23,384 --> 00:49:24,016
Comic strip marked its 60th

1615
00:49:24,084 --> 00:49:26,419
Anniversary.

1616
00:49:26,487 --> 00:49:27,153
The strip follows the adventures

1617
00:49:27,221 --> 00:49:28,287
Of a group of neurotic children

1618
00:49:28,355 --> 00:49:29,422
Whose parents are all dead who

1619
00:49:29,490 --> 00:49:30,189
Are being educated by an unseen

1620
00:49:30,257 --> 00:49:35,995
Trombone player.

1621
00:49:36,063 --> 00:49:36,829
>>> the Halloween costume

1622
00:49:36,897 --> 00:49:37,530
Industry is saying that the

1623
00:49:37,598 --> 00:49:38,231
Hottest costume this year is

1624
00:49:38,298 --> 00:49:39,399
Lady gaga.

1625
00:49:39,466 --> 00:49:40,333
Of course by the time you finish

1626
00:49:40,401 --> 00:49:41,000
Putting it on, it will be

1627
00:49:41,068 --> 00:49:44,537
November 3rd.

1628
00:49:44,605 --> 00:49:45,238
>>> according to a new study,

1629
00:49:45,305 --> 00:49:46,239
85% of men said that their

1630
00:49:46,306 --> 00:49:47,807
Latest sexual partner had an

1631
00:49:47,875 --> 00:49:49,475
Orgasm while only 64% of the

1632
00:49:49,543 --> 00:49:50,209
Women surveyed reported having

1633
00:49:50,277 --> 00:49:52,745
An orgasm.

1634
00:49:52,813 --> 00:49:53,846
I think the takeaway here is

1635
00:49:53,914 --> 00:49:54,881
That women are kind of bad at

1636
00:49:54,948 --> 00:49:57,884
Noticing their own orgasms.

1637
00:49:57,951 --> 00:50:02,355
[ laughter ]

1638
00:50:02,423 --> 00:50:03,055
>>> for "weekend update," I'm

1639
00:50:03,123 --> 00:50:03,456
Seth meyers!

1640
00:50:03,524 --> 00:50:03,856
Good night!

1641
00:50:03,924 --> 00:50:07,393
♪

1642
00:50:24,233 --> 00:50:24,766
>> announcer: It's "the

1643
00:50:24,834 --> 00:50:25,267
Suze orman show."

1644
00:50:25,334 --> 00:50:29,004
[ applause ]

1645
00:50:29,071 --> 00:50:29,671
>>> welcome to the show, my

1646
00:50:29,739 --> 00:50:32,274
Dears and dearies.

1647
00:50:32,341 --> 00:50:32,841
[ laughter ]

1648
00:50:32,909 --> 00:50:33,608
Halloween is coming up fast,

1649
00:50:33,676 --> 00:50:35,510
Ghoul-friends.

1650
00:50:35,578 --> 00:50:36,711
And don't be a dum-bum and waste

1651
00:50:36,779 --> 00:50:37,445
Money on pricey treats for the

1652
00:50:37,513 --> 00:50:39,247
Trick-or-treaters.

1653
00:50:39,315 --> 00:50:42,350
Do what I do.

1654
00:50:42,418 --> 00:50:43,185
Collect candy throughout the

1655
00:50:43,252 --> 00:50:43,919
Year from doctors' offices and

1656
00:50:43,986 --> 00:50:44,886
Nursing homes.

1657
00:50:44,954 --> 00:50:46,755
[ laughter ]

1658
00:50:46,822 --> 00:50:47,489
Put them in a bowl.

1659
00:50:47,557 --> 00:50:48,490
And when you see those cute

1660
00:50:48,558 --> 00:50:49,424
Little bunions come up your

1661
00:50:49,492 --> 00:50:50,692
Driveway, turn off your porch

1662
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:51,860
Light, turn on your sprinklers

1663
00:50:51,928 --> 00:50:52,994
And go enjoy that candy yourself

1664
00:50:53,062 --> 00:50:53,862
While sitting in an empty hot

1665
00:50:53,930 --> 00:50:58,667
Tub.

1666
00:50:58,734 --> 00:50:59,734
You're welcome.

1667
00:50:59,802 --> 00:51:00,669
Now, I can't wait to tell you

1668
00:51:00,736 --> 00:51:03,305
What happened to me on Sunday.

1669
00:51:03,372 --> 00:51:04,272
I woke up late and immediately

1670
00:51:04,340 --> 00:51:05,307
Went out for a naked jog through

1671
00:51:05,374 --> 00:51:08,977
My pumpkin patch.

1672
00:51:09,045 --> 00:51:10,779
Four painful bosom shakes into

1673
00:51:10,846 --> 00:51:12,080
The run, I realized I was late

1674
00:51:12,148 --> 00:51:12,714
For a charity event I was

1675
00:51:12,782 --> 00:51:14,950
Hosting.

1676
00:51:15,017 --> 00:51:16,117
So I quickly got dressed, ran

1677
00:51:16,185 --> 00:51:17,519
Down to the lake, hopped on my

1678
00:51:17,587 --> 00:51:19,621
Covered jet ski that turns into

1679
00:51:19,689 --> 00:51:22,490
A motorcycle and scooted on down

1680
00:51:22,558 --> 00:51:23,592
To the tampax pearl women's

1681
00:51:23,659 --> 00:51:25,961
Business expo.

1682
00:51:26,028 --> 00:51:27,128
It was a magical evening raising

1683
00:51:27,196 --> 00:51:28,263
A lot of money for good ladies

1684
00:51:28,331 --> 00:51:28,997
Who have small businesses and

1685
00:51:29,065 --> 00:51:34,269
Big periods.

1686
00:51:34,337 --> 00:51:36,404
[ laughter ]

1687
00:51:36,472 --> 00:51:37,172
But the best part was that I ran

1688
00:51:37,240 --> 00:51:37,839
Into a woman who was a real

1689
00:51:37,907 --> 00:51:41,443
Blast from my past.

1690
00:51:41,510 --> 00:51:43,979
She was my very first roommate.

1691
00:51:44,046 --> 00:51:47,482
[ laughter ]

1692
00:51:47,550 --> 00:51:51,653
I shared expenses with -- during

1693
00:51:51,721 --> 00:51:54,522
College and after that.

1694
00:51:54,590 --> 00:51:56,691
She is currently running a

1695
00:51:56,759 --> 00:51:57,692
Not-for-profit animal rescue

1696
00:51:57,760 --> 00:51:58,460
Which, like many charities right

1697
00:51:58,527 --> 00:51:59,961
Now, is struggling.

1698
00:52:00,029 --> 00:52:01,563
I asked her to join me today to

1699
00:52:01,631 --> 00:52:03,531
See if I could help.

1700
00:52:03,599 --> 00:52:05,700
Please welcome roma donk.

1701
00:52:05,768 --> 00:52:10,605
[ applause ]

1702
00:52:10,673 --> 00:52:11,640
>> hi, suze.

1703
00:52:11,707 --> 00:52:13,141
Thanks for having me on your

1704
00:52:13,209 --> 00:52:13,742
Show, you big shot.

1705
00:52:13,809 --> 00:52:14,643
Look at this big desk and great

1706
00:52:14,710 --> 00:52:15,744
Lights and great jacket.

1707
00:52:15,811 --> 00:52:16,878
>> it is so good to see you,

1708
00:52:16,946 --> 00:52:20,015
Roma.

1709
00:52:20,082 --> 00:52:20,949
You look terrific.

1710
00:52:21,017 --> 00:52:21,683
And what is that scent you're

1711
00:52:21,751 --> 00:52:23,184
Wearing?

1712
00:52:23,252 --> 00:52:24,686
>> um, it's shampoo for severely

1713
00:52:24,754 --> 00:52:25,820
Damaged hair.

1714
00:52:25,888 --> 00:52:27,722
>> oh, I remember.

1715
00:52:27,790 --> 00:52:35,997
[ laughter ]

1716
00:52:36,065 --> 00:52:37,365
Now, roma, don't hate me, but I

1717
00:52:37,433 --> 00:52:39,034
Brought a picture of us when we

1718
00:52:39,101 --> 00:52:41,536
Were at amelia earhart community

1719
00:52:41,604 --> 00:52:42,304
College when we went to the

1720
00:52:42,371 --> 00:52:46,041
Spring dance together.

1721
00:52:46,108 --> 00:52:47,142
[ laughter ]

1722
00:52:47,209 --> 00:52:48,043
>> oh.

1723
00:52:48,110 --> 00:52:49,010
Yeah, gosh those were good

1724
00:52:49,078 --> 00:52:50,412
Times, but it was a long time

1725
00:52:50,479 --> 00:52:51,413
Ago.

1726
00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:52,147
That was just a phase for me,

1727
00:52:52,214 --> 00:52:53,915
Suze.

1728
00:52:53,983 --> 00:52:56,351
Gotta to try everything once.

1729
00:52:56,419 --> 00:52:58,053
>> a phase?

1730
00:52:58,120 --> 00:52:59,587
For 12 years?

1731
00:52:59,655 --> 00:53:01,956
On a single futon?

1732
00:53:02,024 --> 00:53:02,657
>> well, actually, suze, I'm

1733
00:53:02,725 --> 00:53:03,158
Married now.

1734
00:53:03,225 --> 00:53:04,426
I have a husband.

1735
00:53:04,493 --> 00:53:06,861
And I'm straight.

1736
00:53:06,929 --> 00:53:07,562
>> have you told that to your

1737
00:53:07,630 --> 00:53:12,300
Haircut and your crocs?

1738
00:53:12,368 --> 00:53:13,968
>> so back to you giving you

1739
00:53:14,036 --> 00:53:14,569
Financial advice, okay?

1740
00:53:14,637 --> 00:53:15,337
It's been hard to keep my animal

1741
00:53:15,404 --> 00:53:17,472
Rescue going.

1742
00:53:17,540 --> 00:53:21,609
>> going like down a river?

1743
00:53:21,677 --> 00:53:22,644
A river like denial?

1744
00:53:22,712 --> 00:53:24,012
[ laughter ]

1745
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:24,713
>> yeah, well, money's been

1746
00:53:24,780 --> 00:53:26,548
Tight, but I have two jobs.

1747
00:53:26,615 --> 00:53:28,116
I charter fishing trips for

1748
00:53:28,184 --> 00:53:28,850
Women in the military on a boat

1749
00:53:28,918 --> 00:53:29,718
That I named "the ss tuna

1750
00:53:29,785 --> 00:53:32,087
Schooner."

1751
00:53:32,154 --> 00:53:37,125
[ laughter ]

1752
00:53:37,193 --> 00:53:37,792
>> still sticking with that

1753
00:53:37,860 --> 00:53:40,061
Phase thing, huh?

1754
00:53:40,129 --> 00:53:41,162
>> and during the week, I have a

1755
00:53:41,230 --> 00:53:42,364
Street cart that sells cat

1756
00:53:42,431 --> 00:53:48,670
Collars and wnba bobbleheads.

1757
00:53:48,738 --> 00:53:49,404
>> you are digging yourself a

1758
00:53:49,472 --> 00:53:52,040
Big one, sister.

1759
00:53:52,108 --> 00:53:53,074
"lez" continue.

1760
00:53:53,142 --> 00:53:55,110
[ laughter ]

1761
00:53:55,177 --> 00:53:56,010
>> suze, I love my husband very

1762
00:53:56,078 --> 00:53:56,778
Much, and you can ask anyone on

1763
00:53:56,846 --> 00:54:00,448
My softball team.

1764
00:54:00,516 --> 00:54:01,383
>> strike three, you're gay.

1765
00:54:01,450 --> 00:54:03,918
[ laughter ]

1766
00:54:03,986 --> 00:54:04,652
>> suze, I'm here to talk about

1767
00:54:04,720 --> 00:54:05,720
My animal rescue.

1768
00:54:05,788 --> 00:54:06,421
We focus on saving the lives

1769
00:54:06,489 --> 00:54:08,456
Water birds.

1770
00:54:08,524 --> 00:54:08,957
>> right.

1771
00:54:09,024 --> 00:54:10,592
And the name of it is?

1772
00:54:10,659 --> 00:54:11,126
>> indigo gulls.

1773
00:54:11,193 --> 00:54:14,195
[ laughter ]

1774
00:54:14,263 --> 00:54:14,929
We're currently looking for a

1775
00:54:14,997 --> 00:54:19,534
Good home for this female duck.

1776
00:54:19,602 --> 00:54:20,335
>> oh, what a doll baby.

1777
00:54:20,403 --> 00:54:22,837
And what is her name?

1778
00:54:22,905 --> 00:54:25,073
>>meredith quackster birney.

1779
00:54:25,141 --> 00:54:29,744
[ laughter ]

1780
00:54:29,812 --> 00:54:30,879
Well, this was fun.

1781
00:54:30,946 --> 00:54:32,046
I should go.

1782
00:54:32,114 --> 00:54:32,714
My husband and I have plans.

1783
00:54:32,782 --> 00:54:33,047
Come on.

1784
00:54:33,115 --> 00:54:33,681
Let's go, frank.

1785
00:54:33,749 --> 00:54:34,349
>> speak for yourself, miss

1786
00:54:34,417 --> 00:54:35,250
Girl.

1787
00:54:35,317 --> 00:54:36,217
I'm having scones in the green

1788
00:54:36,285 --> 00:54:37,252
Room with suze's hairdresser,

1789
00:54:37,319 --> 00:54:37,919
And he's teaching me how to

1790
00:54:37,987 --> 00:54:38,887
Crunk.

1791
00:54:38,954 --> 00:54:44,325
[ laughter ]

1792
00:54:44,393 --> 00:54:45,460
>> oh, suze, who am I kidding?

1793
00:54:45,528 --> 00:54:49,798
I'm gay and I feel great.

1794
00:54:49,865 --> 00:54:50,532
>> well, you look like a million

1795
00:54:50,599 --> 00:54:51,399
Dollars.

1796
00:54:51,467 --> 00:54:52,801
>> and you look like a vagillion

1797
00:54:52,868 --> 00:54:54,436
Dollars.

1798
00:54:54,503 --> 00:54:57,272
[ laughter ]

1799
00:54:57,339 --> 00:54:59,040
>> there's the roma I remember.

1800
00:54:59,108 --> 00:54:59,741
Well it was great having you

1801
00:54:59,809 --> 00:55:00,775
Here.

1802
00:55:00,843 --> 00:55:04,112
And I will see you at my next

1803
00:55:04,180 --> 00:55:05,346
Sports bra fashion week party.

1804
00:55:05,414 --> 00:55:06,314
And remember everyone, it's

1805
00:55:06,382 --> 00:55:09,417
People first, then money, then

1806
00:55:09,485 --> 00:55:10,151
Things, then reconnecting with

1807
00:55:10,219 --> 00:55:13,321
Old friends.

1808
00:55:13,389 --> 00:55:17,992
Bye-bye.

1809
00:55:18,060 --> 00:55:18,693
[ cheers and applause ]

1810
00:55:18,761 --> 00:55:20,595
♪

1811
00:55:44,403 --> 00:55:44,869
>>> tonight, the

1812
00:55:44,936 --> 00:55:45,536
Philadelphia eagles and the

1813
00:55:45,604 --> 00:55:46,270
San francisco 49ers in an east

1814
00:55:46,322 --> 00:55:49,540
Coast/west coast battle.

1815
00:55:49,608 --> 00:55:50,525
I'm al michaels.

1816
00:55:50,593 --> 00:55:51,709
>> and I'm cris collinsworth.

1817
00:55:51,777 --> 00:55:57,782
This is "Sunday night football."

1818
00:55:57,850 --> 00:55:58,449
>> all right, listen up,

1819
00:55:58,517 --> 00:55:59,450
America.

1820
00:55:59,518 --> 00:56:00,585
It's Sunday night.

1821
00:56:00,653 --> 00:56:01,286
And that means football night

1822
00:56:01,353 --> 00:56:04,055
Right here.

1823
00:56:04,123 --> 00:56:08,559
So let's hit it.

1824
00:56:08,627 --> 00:56:09,360
♪ all right Sunday night

1825
00:56:09,428 --> 00:56:12,797
Kicking back ♪

1826
00:56:12,865 --> 00:56:14,265
♪ everybody looking at

1827
00:56:14,333 --> 00:56:16,567
The quarterback ♪

1828
00:56:16,635 --> 00:56:18,002
♪ san francisco

1829
00:56:18,070 --> 00:56:20,772
Is the place to be ♪

1830
00:56:20,839 --> 00:56:23,041
♪ 'cause it's Sunday night

1831
00:56:23,108 --> 00:56:25,777
Football on nbc ♪

1832
00:56:25,844 --> 00:56:26,511
>> okay, we are coming to you

1833
00:56:26,578 --> 00:56:27,245
Live from beautiful candlestick

1834
00:56:27,313 --> 00:56:29,614
Park.

1835
00:56:29,682 --> 00:56:31,783
>> the eagles won the coin toss.

1836
00:56:31,850 --> 00:56:33,084
It's time for kickoff here on

1837
00:56:33,152 --> 00:56:36,921
"Sunday night football."

1838
00:56:36,989 --> 00:56:37,555
♪ football, touchdown

1839
00:56:37,623 --> 00:56:39,657
Sunday night ♪

1840
00:56:39,725 --> 00:56:41,092
♪ the tough get rough

1841
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:43,761
In a primetime fight ♪

1842
00:56:43,829 --> 00:56:45,363
♪ al and cris are the

1843
00:56:45,431 --> 00:56:47,865
Best on tv ♪

1844
00:56:47,933 --> 00:56:49,100
♪ and it's touchdown

1845
00:56:49,168 --> 00:56:52,670
Time on nbc ♪

1846
00:56:52,738 --> 00:56:53,404
>> got to love that new theme

1847
00:56:53,472 --> 00:56:56,274
Song.

1848
00:56:56,342 --> 00:57:00,111
>> yep, nothing says football

1849
00:57:00,179 --> 00:57:01,145
Like a woman singing on a field.

1850
00:57:01,213 --> 00:57:01,779
I guess we're going back.

1851
00:57:01,847 --> 00:57:02,947
♪ Sunday night football

1852
00:57:03,015 --> 00:57:04,615
Here's the score

1853
00:57:04,683 --> 00:57:06,084
Niners coming at you

1854
00:57:06,151 --> 00:57:08,720
And they're o-4 ♪

1855
00:57:08,787 --> 00:57:10,588
♪ eagles lost a quarterback

1856
00:57:10,656 --> 00:57:13,257
Michael vick ♪

1857
00:57:13,325 --> 00:57:14,692
♪ he used to fight dogs

1858
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:16,994
But tonight he's sick ♪

1859
00:57:17,062 --> 00:57:18,696
[ laughter ]

1860
00:57:18,764 --> 00:57:20,064
>> thank you for that

1861
00:57:20,132 --> 00:57:21,265
Informative and long theme song.

1862
00:57:21,333 --> 00:57:22,834
But moving on --

1863
00:57:22,901 --> 00:57:24,435
Oh.

1864
00:57:24,503 --> 00:57:25,970
♪ nbc, nfl

1865
00:57:26,038 --> 00:57:28,306
Nbc ♪

1866
00:57:28,374 --> 00:57:29,507
♪ do you know the eagles

1867
00:57:29,575 --> 00:57:33,244
Have a rich history ♪

1868
00:57:33,312 --> 00:57:34,278
♪ founded in the '30s

1869
00:57:34,346 --> 00:57:37,382
By commissioner bell ♪

1870
00:57:37,449 --> 00:57:38,683
♪ and a local businessman

1871
00:57:38,751 --> 00:57:41,619
Named ludlow wray ♪

1872
00:57:41,687 --> 00:57:45,356
[ laughter ]

1873
00:57:45,424 --> 00:57:49,060
♪ salsa olives sour cream dip ♪

1874
00:57:49,128 --> 00:57:49,994
♪ spread it on a layer of

1875
00:57:50,062 --> 00:57:53,264
Tortilla chips ♪

1876
00:57:53,332 --> 00:57:54,799
♪ add some guacamole and some

1877
00:57:54,867 --> 00:57:57,435
Melted cheese ♪

1878
00:57:57,503 --> 00:58:00,471
♪ your mouth just scored a

1879
00:58:00,539 --> 00:58:02,573
Touchdown here on nbc ♪

1880
00:58:02,641 --> 00:58:03,574
>> that was a nacho recipe.

1881
00:58:03,642 --> 00:58:06,210
[ laughter ]

1882
00:58:06,278 --> 00:58:07,779
♪ touchdown

1883
00:58:07,846 --> 00:58:09,480
Touchdown

1884
00:58:09,548 --> 00:58:10,515
Touchdown time ♪

1885
00:58:10,582 --> 00:58:11,649
♪ Sunday night and we're all

1886
00:58:11,717 --> 00:58:14,552
Feeling fine ♪

1887
00:58:14,620 --> 00:58:16,687
♪ there will be touchdowns

1888
00:58:16,755 --> 00:58:18,156
That's a guarantee ♪

1889
00:58:18,223 --> 00:58:20,725
♪ because the game already

1890
00:58:20,793 --> 00:58:22,026
Started and it's 14-3 ♪

1891
00:58:22,094 --> 00:58:23,628
[ laughter ]

1892
00:58:23,695 --> 00:58:24,395
>> did she say the game already

1893
00:58:24,463 --> 00:58:24,929
Started?

1894
00:58:24,997 --> 00:58:27,198
>> what the hell?

1895
00:58:27,266 --> 00:58:28,833
♪ 49ers have

1896
00:58:28,901 --> 00:58:30,535
56 active players

1897
00:58:30,602 --> 00:58:32,036
Here they are

1898
00:58:32,104 --> 00:58:35,973
In no particular order ♪

1899
00:58:36,041 --> 00:58:37,975
♪ kevin boss, jason hill ♪

1900
00:58:38,043 --> 00:58:39,410
♪ and josh morgan ♪

1901
00:58:39,478 --> 00:58:43,648
♪ 53 more to go on nbc ♪

1902
00:58:43,715 --> 00:58:46,951
>> we'll be right back after

1903
00:58:47,019 --> 00:58:48,986
This with more theme song on

1904
00:58:49,054 --> 00:58:51,222
"Sunday night football."

1905
00:58:51,290 --> 00:58:54,225
[ cheers and applause ]

1906
00:59:09,530 --> 00:59:10,129
>>> once again, bruno mars.

1907
00:59:10,197 --> 00:59:13,599
[ cheers and applause ]

1908
00:59:14,902 --> 00:59:15,902
♪

1909
00:59:15,969 --> 00:59:16,536
♪ if I told you I was

1910
00:59:16,603 --> 00:59:20,473
Perfect I'd be lying ♪

1911
00:59:20,541 --> 00:59:21,107
♪ if there's somethin'

1912
00:59:21,175 --> 00:59:22,975
I'm not doin'

1913
00:59:23,043 --> 00:59:24,844
Girl I'm tryin' ♪

1914
00:59:24,912 --> 00:59:30,450
♪ I know I'm no angel

1915
00:59:30,517 --> 00:59:33,119
But I'm not so bad

1916
00:59:33,187 --> 00:59:35,154
No, no, no ♪

1917
00:59:35,222 --> 00:59:36,289
♪ you should know there's

1918
00:59:36,356 --> 00:59:38,925
Beautiful girls

1919
00:59:38,992 --> 00:59:42,228
All over the world ♪

1920
00:59:42,296 --> 00:59:44,030
♪ I could be chasing

1921
00:59:44,097 --> 00:59:44,597
But my time would

1922
00:59:44,665 --> 00:59:48,968
Be wasted ♪

1923
00:59:49,036 --> 00:59:50,536
♪ they got nothing

1924
00:59:50,604 --> 00:59:53,506
On you baby

1925
00:59:53,574 --> 00:59:58,144
Nothing on you baby ♪

1926
00:59:58,212 --> 01:00:04,050
♪

1927
01:00:04,117 --> 01:00:04,550
>> that was then.

1928
01:00:04,618 --> 01:00:06,385
This is now.

1929
01:00:06,453 --> 01:00:14,660
♪

1930
01:00:14,728 --> 01:00:16,195
♪ easy come, easy go

1931
01:00:16,263 --> 01:00:18,965
That's just how you live oh

1932
01:00:19,032 --> 01:00:21,133
Take, take, take it all

1933
01:00:21,201 --> 01:00:22,735
But you never give ♪

1934
01:00:22,803 --> 01:00:23,603
♪ should have known

1935
01:00:23,670 --> 01:00:24,637
You was trouble

1936
01:00:24,705 --> 01:00:30,009
From the first kiss ♪

1937
01:00:30,077 --> 01:00:30,710
♪ had your eyes wide open

1938
01:00:30,777 --> 01:00:33,145
Why were they open ♪

1939
01:00:33,213 --> 01:00:33,746
♪ gave you all I had

1940
01:00:33,814 --> 01:00:34,247
And you tossed it

1941
01:00:34,314 --> 01:00:35,214
In the trash ♪

1942
01:00:35,282 --> 01:00:36,282
♪ you tossed it in

1943
01:00:36,350 --> 01:00:39,018
The trash you did ♪

1944
01:00:39,086 --> 01:00:40,586
♪ to give me all your love

1945
01:00:40,654 --> 01:00:43,055
Is all I ever asked

1946
01:00:43,123 --> 01:00:43,990
'cause what you don't

1947
01:00:44,057 --> 01:00:47,426
Understand is ♪

1948
01:00:47,494 --> 01:00:49,529
♪ I'd catch a grenade for ya

1949
01:00:49,596 --> 01:00:50,596
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

1950
01:00:50,664 --> 01:00:51,330
♪ throw my hand

1951
01:00:51,398 --> 01:00:52,865
On a blade for ya

1952
01:00:52,933 --> 01:00:55,067
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

1953
01:00:55,135 --> 01:00:55,668
♪ I'd jump in front

1954
01:00:55,736 --> 01:00:57,003
Of a train for ya

1955
01:00:57,070 --> 01:00:58,504
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

1956
01:00:58,572 --> 01:00:59,038
♪ you know I'd do

1957
01:00:59,106 --> 01:01:03,576
Anything for ya

1958
01:01:03,644 --> 01:01:05,111
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

1959
01:01:05,178 --> 01:01:05,912
♪ I would go through

1960
01:01:05,979 --> 01:01:08,114
All this pain

1961
01:01:08,181 --> 01:01:09,015
Take a bullet straight

1962
01:01:09,082 --> 01:01:11,951
Through my brain ♪

1963
01:01:12,019 --> 01:01:13,185
♪ yes, I would die for

1964
01:01:13,253 --> 01:01:15,187
Ya baby but you

1965
01:01:15,255 --> 01:01:16,822
Won't do the same ♪

1966
01:01:16,890 --> 01:01:25,731
♪

1967
01:01:25,799 --> 01:01:26,265
♪ black, black

1968
01:01:26,333 --> 01:01:27,033
Black and blue

1969
01:01:27,100 --> 01:01:28,668
Beat me till I'm numb ♪

1970
01:01:28,735 --> 01:01:29,735
♪ tell the devil I said hey

1971
01:01:29,803 --> 01:01:31,237
When you get back

1972
01:01:31,305 --> 01:01:33,439
To where you're from ♪

1973
01:01:33,507 --> 01:01:35,474
♪ mad woman, bad woman

1974
01:01:35,542 --> 01:01:37,343
That's just what you are yeah

1975
01:01:37,411 --> 01:01:39,278
You'll smile in my face then

1976
01:01:39,346 --> 01:01:41,781
Rip the brakes out of my car ♪

1977
01:01:41,848 --> 01:01:43,282
♪ gave you all I had

1978
01:01:43,350 --> 01:01:44,584
And you tossed it

1979
01:01:44,651 --> 01:01:45,585
In the trash ♪

1980
01:01:45,652 --> 01:01:46,919
♪ you tossed it in

1981
01:01:46,987 --> 01:01:49,522
The trash, yes you did ♪

1982
01:01:49,590 --> 01:01:50,523
♪ to give me all your love

1983
01:01:50,591 --> 01:01:51,924
Is all I ever asked

1984
01:01:51,992 --> 01:01:53,626
'cause what you

1985
01:01:53,694 --> 01:01:57,563
Don't understand is ♪

1986
01:01:57,631 --> 01:01:58,965
♪ I'd catch a grenade for ya

1987
01:01:59,032 --> 01:02:00,967
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

1988
01:02:01,034 --> 01:02:01,500
♪ throw my hand

1989
01:02:01,568 --> 01:02:04,270
On a blade for ya

1990
01:02:04,338 --> 01:02:05,605
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

1991
01:02:05,672 --> 01:02:06,739
♪ I'd jump in front

1992
01:02:06,807 --> 01:02:07,707
Of a train for ya

1993
01:02:07,774 --> 01:02:09,208
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

1994
01:02:09,276 --> 01:02:09,809
♪ you know I'd do

1995
01:02:09,876 --> 01:02:11,344
Anything for ya

1996
01:02:11,411 --> 01:02:14,981
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

1997
01:02:15,048 --> 01:02:15,815
♪ I would go through all

1998
01:02:15,882 --> 01:02:18,818
This pain

1999
01:02:18,885 --> 01:02:19,418
Take a bullet straight

2000
01:02:19,486 --> 01:02:22,555
Through my brain ♪

2001
01:02:22,623 --> 01:02:23,122
♪ yes, I would die

2002
01:02:23,190 --> 01:02:26,058
For ya baby

2003
01:02:26,126 --> 01:02:29,829
But you won't do the same ♪

2004
01:02:29,896 --> 01:02:33,132
♪ if my body was on fire

2005
01:02:33,200 --> 01:02:33,799
You'd watch me

2006
01:02:33,867 --> 01:02:37,603
Burn down in flames ♪

2007
01:02:37,671 --> 01:02:38,237
♪ you said you loved me

2008
01:02:38,305 --> 01:02:40,239
You're a liar 'cause ♪

2009
01:02:40,307 --> 01:02:41,641
♪ you never, ever

2010
01:02:41,708 --> 01:02:45,244
Ever did baby ♪

2011
01:02:45,312 --> 01:02:51,384
♪

2012
01:02:51,451 --> 01:02:52,051
♪ but darling I'll still

2013
01:02:52,119 --> 01:02:53,753
Catch a grenade for ya

2014
01:02:53,820 --> 01:02:55,788
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

2015
01:02:55,856 --> 01:02:56,489
♪ throw my hand

2016
01:02:56,556 --> 01:02:57,790
On a blade for ya

2017
01:02:57,858 --> 01:02:59,492
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

2018
01:02:59,559 --> 01:03:00,092
♪ I'd jump in front

2019
01:03:00,160 --> 01:03:01,827
Of a train for ya

2020
01:03:01,895 --> 01:03:03,462
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

2021
01:03:03,530 --> 01:03:04,030
♪ you know I'd do

2022
01:03:04,097 --> 01:03:06,332
Anything for ya

2023
01:03:06,400 --> 01:03:08,134
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

2024
01:03:08,201 --> 01:03:09,402
♪ I would go through

2025
01:03:09,469 --> 01:03:13,139
All this pain

2026
01:03:13,206 --> 01:03:14,440
Take a bullet straight

2027
01:03:14,508 --> 01:03:17,276
Through my brain ♪

2028
01:03:17,344 --> 01:03:17,843
♪ yes, I would die

2029
01:03:17,911 --> 01:03:20,079
For ya baby

2030
01:03:20,147 --> 01:03:20,513
But you won't

2031
01:03:20,580 --> 01:03:25,351
Do the same ♪

2032
01:03:25,419 --> 01:03:32,091
[ cheers and applause ]

2033
01:03:50,094 --> 01:03:51,194
>>> are you being audited?

2034
01:03:51,262 --> 01:03:51,928
Has the irs come to your home or

2035
01:03:51,996 --> 01:03:54,831
Place of business?

2036
01:03:54,899 --> 01:03:55,598
I'm patrick cox, founder of tax

2037
01:03:55,666 --> 01:03:57,901
Masters.

2038
01:03:57,968 --> 01:03:58,601
Our professionals will solve

2039
01:03:58,669 --> 01:04:01,804
Your tax problems.

2040
01:04:01,872 --> 01:04:02,906
Call us today.

2041
01:04:02,973 --> 01:04:05,408
We're tax masters.

2042
01:04:05,476 --> 01:04:07,310
>> and cut.

2043
01:04:07,378 --> 01:04:08,211
Great job, patrick.

2044
01:04:08,279 --> 01:04:09,145
You nailed it.

2045
01:04:09,213 --> 01:04:09,946
That was really nice.

2046
01:04:10,014 --> 01:04:11,080
>> are you sure it was okay?

2047
01:04:11,148 --> 01:04:12,115
I mean, you don't want me to

2048
01:04:12,182 --> 01:04:12,916
Face the camera more?

2049
01:04:12,983 --> 01:04:13,816
>> no, no, no, no, please.

2050
01:04:13,884 --> 01:04:14,551
Just stay right where you are.

2051
01:04:14,618 --> 01:04:16,152
>> really?

2052
01:04:16,220 --> 01:04:17,854
I mean I'm totally in profile.

2053
01:04:17,922 --> 01:04:19,856
Now, wait a minute.

2054
01:04:19,924 --> 01:04:20,790
Wait a minute.

2055
01:04:20,858 --> 01:04:22,191
I know what this is about.

2056
01:04:22,259 --> 01:04:23,326
[ laughter ]

2057
01:04:23,394 --> 01:04:24,427
I do.

2058
01:04:24,495 --> 01:04:25,595
I know what this is about.

2059
01:04:25,663 --> 01:04:26,696
You guys don't want anyone to

2060
01:04:26,764 --> 01:04:28,064
See my little half-formed twin

2061
01:04:28,132 --> 01:04:29,465
Brother on the side of my head.

2062
01:04:29,533 --> 01:04:30,500
>> patrick, that's not true.

2063
01:04:30,568 --> 01:04:32,268
I didn't even notice that.

2064
01:04:32,336 --> 01:04:33,903
Did you guys notice anything?

2065
01:04:33,971 --> 01:04:34,904
[ in unison ]

2066
01:04:34,972 --> 01:04:35,905
>> no!

2067
01:04:35,973 --> 01:04:36,606
[ talking over each other ]

2068
01:04:36,674 --> 01:04:38,207
>> okay.

2069
01:04:38,275 --> 01:04:38,841
Well that's a wrap, guys.

2070
01:04:38,909 --> 01:04:39,576
>> no, wait, wait, wait, wait,

2071
01:04:39,643 --> 01:04:39,876
Wait.

2072
01:04:39,944 --> 01:04:40,443
Hold on now, hold on.

2073
01:04:40,511 --> 01:04:41,110
Daniel's a good guy, okay.

2074
01:04:41,178 --> 01:04:43,580
Now come on, one more take.

2075
01:04:43,647 --> 01:04:44,480
>> fine, fine.

2076
01:04:44,548 --> 01:04:46,316
Okay, everybody we're going to

2077
01:04:46,383 --> 01:04:48,017
Do one more take for daniel.

2078
01:04:48,085 --> 01:04:50,853
>> tax masters, take two.

2079
01:04:50,921 --> 01:04:52,555
Oh, god.

2080
01:04:52,623 --> 01:04:55,158
>> are you being audited?

2081
01:04:55,225 --> 01:04:56,359
Have you not filed tax returns

2082
01:04:56,427 --> 01:04:58,261
For years?

2083
01:04:58,329 --> 01:04:58,995
Has the irs come to your home or

2084
01:04:59,063 --> 01:05:04,000
Place of business?

2085
01:05:04,068 --> 01:05:05,735
I'm patrick cox.

2086
01:05:05,803 --> 01:05:06,603
And this is my little brother,

2087
01:05:06,670 --> 01:05:07,737
Daniel.

2088
01:05:07,805 --> 01:05:10,540
Our tax professionals are ready

2089
01:05:10,608 --> 01:05:11,474
To help.

2090
01:05:11,542 --> 01:05:12,008
Call us today.

2091
01:05:12,076 --> 01:05:14,010
We're the tax masters.

2092
01:05:14,078 --> 01:05:14,510
>> and cut.

2093
01:05:14,578 --> 01:05:15,078
Okay, that was great.

2094
01:05:15,145 --> 01:05:15,678
Wasn't that great, guys?

2095
01:05:15,746 --> 01:05:16,212
[ in unison ]

2096
01:05:16,280 --> 01:05:19,382
>> yeah.

2097
01:05:19,450 --> 01:05:20,149
>> you know, I'm so glad he did

2098
01:05:20,217 --> 01:05:20,516
That one.

2099
01:05:20,584 --> 01:05:22,018
That one felt really good.

2100
01:05:22,086 --> 01:05:22,652
What are you guys doing

2101
01:05:22,720 --> 01:05:23,920
Afterwards?

2102
01:05:23,988 --> 01:05:25,722
You want to get some beers?

2103
01:05:25,789 --> 01:05:26,489
>> I can't drink tonight.

2104
01:05:26,557 --> 01:05:27,490
I've got a long ride home.

2105
01:05:27,558 --> 01:05:28,524
I live out in calabasas.

2106
01:05:28,592 --> 01:05:29,792
>> hey!

2107
01:05:29,860 --> 01:05:30,727
No kidding.

2108
01:05:30,794 --> 01:05:31,461
Well hello neighbor, we should

2109
01:05:31,528 --> 01:05:32,195
Get dinner, just the three of us

2110
01:05:32,262 --> 01:05:33,463
Sometime.

2111
01:05:33,530 --> 01:05:35,164
>> I don't know.

2112
01:05:35,232 --> 01:05:35,932
>> hey, wait a second, hold on.

2113
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:36,699
I think daniel -- daniel thinks

2114
01:05:36,767 --> 01:05:38,868
We should do another one.

2115
01:05:38,936 --> 01:05:39,569
>> roll camera, guys, quickly

2116
01:05:39,637 --> 01:05:41,638
Please.

2117
01:05:41,705 --> 01:05:43,806
>> tax masters, take three.

2118
01:05:43,874 --> 01:05:44,907
>> I appreciate you doing this.

2119
01:05:44,975 --> 01:05:46,142
It's really nice of you.

2120
01:05:46,210 --> 01:05:47,777
>> no, no, no!

2121
01:05:47,845 --> 01:05:48,544
>> are you being audited?

2122
01:05:48,612 --> 01:05:49,278
Have you not filed tax returns

2123
01:05:49,346 --> 01:05:50,747
For years?

2124
01:05:50,814 --> 01:05:51,714
We're taxmasters.

2125
01:05:51,782 --> 01:05:53,716
I'm patrick cox.

2126
01:05:53,784 --> 01:05:56,052
>> and I'm daniel cox.

2127
01:05:56,120 --> 01:05:57,887
Call me today.

2128
01:05:57,955 --> 01:05:59,989
I'm not just a pretty face.

2129
01:06:11,490 --> 01:06:15,760
>>> and thanks to bruno mars!

2130
01:06:15,828 --> 01:06:16,360
It's been a blast!

2131
01:06:16,428 --> 01:06:16,961
Good night, everybody!

2132
01:06:17,029 --> 01:06:18,629
Thank you so much!