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>the following program is

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Presented by attorney

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Gloria allred
and is intended

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Solely for self-promotion.

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"ask gloria allred."

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Attorney gloria
allred is a true

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Legal superstar.

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Recognized the
world over for

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Her near round-the-clock

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Television
appearances and as a

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Tireless champion
for society's

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Forgotten victims, from

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Scott peterson's girlfriend,

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Amber frey, to tiger woods's

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Mistresses numbers two,
five,

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Nine and 11.

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To the guy in
the audience at

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The laugh factory the night

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Michael richards use the "n"

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Word.

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Here now is gloria allred.

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hello and welcome to this

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Edition of
"ask gloria allred."

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I'm gloria allred.

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This week, many of you have

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Written or e-mailed to

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Congratulate me on my recent

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Press conference with

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Nikki diaz.

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Nikki is the
undocumented worker

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From mexico who
was employed by

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Meg whitman, currently the

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Republican candidate for

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Governor of california, as a

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Housekeeper.

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While working for
the whitmans,

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Nikki suffered continuous

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Emotional abuse
and was forced

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To perform a series of

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Horrendous and
degrading tasks

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From sorting and
washing laundry

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To vacuuming
carpets and dusting

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Venetian blinds.

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All under the
threat that if she

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Did not perform
these sickening

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Acts, they would
not pay her.

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It is a
heart-wrenching story.

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And many of you
thanked me for

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Bringing it to the nation's

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Attention.

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But some had questions.

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For example, paul from

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Indianapolis asks, "as her

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Attorney, how could you let

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Ms. Diaz announce
on television

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That she's in the country

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Illegally?

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Because of your reckless

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Attention seeking,
won't she be

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Arrested and deported?"

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That's a good question,
paul.

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I hadn't really thought

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About it.

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I'm going to recommend that

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Nikki hire a
good immigration

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Lawyer.

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Karen from boston asks,
"I saw

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Your latest freak show press

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Conference with ms.
Diaz, and I

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Have to ask,
is there anything

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You won't do to push your

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Butt-ugly mug in front of a

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Camera?"

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Another good question,
karen.

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I have to think
about that, but

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I guess my answer
would be no.

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Steven from new
orleans asks,

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"why do you talk so loud?

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Or does it just
seem that way

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Because your manner is so

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Grating?"

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Probably a bit of both,
steven.

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I'm naturally a very pushy

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Person and find
that by talking

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Loudly, people are forced to

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Listen to me even
if they would

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Prefer not to.

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Kevin from ft. Collins,

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Colorado, asks, "tell me,

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Gloria,
has a more disgusting

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Creature than yourself ever

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Walked the face
of the earth?"

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Wow!

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A lot of good
questions tonight.

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I don't know the answer,
kevin.

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I suppose since man in his

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Present form has
been around for

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About 250,000 years,
there must

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Have been somebody.

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But I really can't
say for sure.

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Denise from nashville asks,

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"when you die,
gloria, and you

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Go instantly to hell,
which I

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Think we can all agree will

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Absolutely happen,
will you just

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Burn with all the other

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Ambulance chasers who spent

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Their lives
bringing misery into

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The world,
or will there be a

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Special ring or
level of hell

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Just for you?"

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Oh, my.

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Denise, that is
such a profound

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Question.

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Who knows?

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All I can say is,
I sincerely

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Hope so.

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That would be nice.

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Well, that's it
for tonight's

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Show.

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We'll see you next week.

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Until then,
please pay attention

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To me.

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And live from new york, it's

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Saturday night!

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It's "Saturday

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Night live."

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With --

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Featuring --

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Musical guest --

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Bruno mars

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And your host --

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Jane lynch.

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Sync by Nícolas
-= InSUBs =-

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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Jane lynch!

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>thank you!

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Thank you!

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Thank you so much!

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It's so great to
be here hosting

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"Saturday night live."

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And right off the bat,
I just

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Want to say that
you all look

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Taller in person, too.

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I have had such an exciting

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Year.

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I'm on an incredible show,

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"glee."

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Now, folks, it's truly an

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Ensemble show,
and I get to work

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With some amazing
young people.

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But as much as I love
"glee," my

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One complaint is
I don't get to

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Sing every week.

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So I had the best idea.

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That I should sing the theme

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Song.

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But then I was
told that "glee"

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Doesn't have a theme song.

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So I said why not write one?

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And they said no.

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And I took that no as a yes.

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And I went home,
I took out some

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Sheet music.

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I sharpened some pencils.

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I drank a couple
of bottles of

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Tequila.

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I blacked out.

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And when I came to, I had

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Written this song.

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Now, long story short,
I sang it

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For the gang at "glee,
" and they

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Said, that its terrible.

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But that's not
going to stop me

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From singing it tonight.

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So joining me on stage is a

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Classically trained,

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Fred armisen --

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Thanks fred.

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So here it is.

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This is my theme to "glee."

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♪

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♪ glee ♪

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I like that,
because it gets the

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Title out right away.

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♪

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♪ glee is a show

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About sue sylvester *

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♪ sue sylvester is

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The star of "glee" *

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♪ now yes, there are a few

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Other characters but sue is

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The one you want to see *

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Okay, now I
realize that that

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Sounds very
conceited since I

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Play the part of
sue sylvester,

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But blame my co-writer,

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Jose cuervo.

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Bridge!

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♪ when sue comes

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Down the hallway *

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♪ slushie cup at her side

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The faint of heart

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Better break way and part *

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♪ and the weak

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Should run and hide *

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♪ so he should
run and hide ♪

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♪ we should run and hide ♪

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You know what --

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Now, singing this song, I

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Realize it's a
really bad theme

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Song for "glee."

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Not a good idea,
but I'm in the

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Middle of it, so I'll keep

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Going.

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But I do really
like this part

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Here, fred.

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where did sue sylvester come

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From?

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No one knows.

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Legend has it
she was birthed

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From between two
storm clouds.

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Lightning hit the ground.

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And from the billowing smoke

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Emerged the female figure

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Covered in dirt
and wearing a

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Red sweat suit.

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this will all
be clay-mation.

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and the villagers gathered

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And asked, are you a god?

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And the creature
lifted her head

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And said, "no, I'm

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Sue sylvester."

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one, two, three!

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♪ "glee" is a show

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About sue sylvester *

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♪ sue sylvester is

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The star of "glee" *

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♪ yes, there are some

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Other characters *

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♪ but sue sylvester

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Is played by me *

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♪ I'm sue sylvester ♪

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♪ I'm sue sylvester ♪

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♪ I'm sue sylvester ♪

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♪ I'm sue sylvester ♪

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♪ glee ♪

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♪ glee glee glee
glee glee glee

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Glee glee glee
glee glee glee

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Glee *

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♪ I'm sue sylvester ♪

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I won't ever sing that song

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Again.

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Hey, we have a great show.

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Bruno mars is here tonight.

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Stick around.

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We'll be right back.

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>oh, man.

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Looks like you
have a new friend

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Request.

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oh, my god, this cannot be

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Happening.

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well, it finally happened.

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Your mom is on facebook.

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Posting things like --

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October means getting all my

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Fall motif sweaters out.

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Or maybe I should
just leaf them

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Up there.

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Ha, ha, ha.

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I am laughing
out loud on the

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Floor.

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sure, she likes
posting about

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Her life,
but she loves getting

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Into yours.

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00:11:08,432 --> 00:11:08,999
who's your new friend?

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She looks ill.

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now you have to watch

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Everything you say.

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Unless you get the
"damn it, my

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00:11:15,189 --> 00:11:17,808
Mom is on facebook" filter.

282
00:11:17,875 --> 00:11:18,508
It's the only app that scans

283
00:11:18,576 --> 00:11:19,209
Your facebook page for stuff

284
00:11:19,277 --> 00:11:23,647
About drugs, alcohol, sex,

285
00:11:23,714 --> 00:11:24,381
References to
your atheism and

286
00:11:24,448 --> 00:11:26,116
Opinions.

287
00:11:26,167 --> 00:11:26,867
Go ahead and type
something that

288
00:11:26,951 --> 00:11:29,019
Your mom would hate.

289
00:11:29,086 --> 00:11:29,753
there isn't enough beer in

290
00:11:29,821 --> 00:11:30,453
The world for
me to deal with

291
00:11:30,521 --> 00:11:31,188
All of glenn
beck's holy roller

292
00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:33,990
B.S.

293
00:11:34,058 --> 00:11:34,724
now apply the "damn it, my

294
00:11:34,792 --> 00:11:39,863
Mom is on facebook" filter.

295
00:11:39,931 --> 00:11:40,530
boy do I need dungarees.

296
00:11:40,998 --> 00:11:41,631
I've got a $5 coupon from

297
00:11:41,699 --> 00:11:43,400
Kohl's.

298
00:11:43,467 --> 00:11:45,185
I'll send it to you.

299
00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:45,969
see, the "damn it, my mom is

300
00:11:46,037 --> 00:11:46,703
On facebook"
filter does what

301
00:11:46,771 --> 00:11:48,221
You do naturally.

302
00:11:48,306 --> 00:11:50,891
It lies to your mom.

303
00:11:50,975 --> 00:11:52,108
sweet!

304
00:11:52,176 --> 00:11:52,843
even changing your photos to

305
00:11:52,910 --> 00:11:55,045
Make them more mom friendly.

306
00:12:02,253 --> 00:12:04,487
The "damn it, my mom is on

307
00:12:04,539 --> 00:12:05,488
Facebook" filter.

308
00:12:05,556 --> 00:12:06,289
For when your mom discovers

309
00:12:06,357 --> 00:12:06,890
Facebook.

310
00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:08,158
like.

311
00:12:08,209 --> 00:12:09,659
like.

312
00:12:14,332 --> 00:12:14,731
♪ glee ♪

313
00:12:14,799 --> 00:12:15,365
>all right, all right.

314
00:12:15,433 --> 00:12:15,899
Settle down, guys.

315
00:12:15,967 --> 00:12:16,666
We've got a butt
load of singing

316
00:12:16,734 --> 00:12:18,702
To do today, okay.

317
00:12:18,769 --> 00:12:19,469
Regional's are
this Friday, and

318
00:12:19,537 --> 00:12:20,270
We still don't
have a theme for

319
00:12:20,338 --> 00:12:23,373
Our medley.

320
00:12:25,676 --> 00:12:26,142
no!

321
00:12:26,210 --> 00:12:26,977
but mr. Shue.

322
00:12:27,044 --> 00:12:30,347
We gotta have a theme.

323
00:12:31,449 --> 00:12:32,282
okay, take it down,
mercedes.

324
00:12:32,350 --> 00:12:33,016
Now, the way to
find the perfect

325
00:12:33,084 --> 00:12:34,618
Theme is to just
listen to our

326
00:12:34,685 --> 00:12:40,957
Hearts.

327
00:12:41,025 --> 00:12:41,725
Just like I listen
to myself on

328
00:12:41,792 --> 00:12:42,459
A tape that I was
singing in the

329
00:12:42,526 --> 00:12:46,696
Car on the way over here.

330
00:12:46,764 --> 00:12:47,497
I have the perfect theme.

331
00:12:47,565 --> 00:12:48,231
Of course she does.

332
00:12:48,299 --> 00:12:50,300
What if our theme is
"believe"?

333
00:12:50,368 --> 00:12:51,067
did you say the theme should

334
00:12:51,135 --> 00:12:52,235
Be beaver?

335
00:12:52,303 --> 00:12:52,936
Because I have
a pair of faux

336
00:12:53,004 --> 00:12:53,670
Beaver shorts
that are not to

337
00:12:53,738 --> 00:12:55,939
Die four.

338
00:12:56,007 --> 00:12:56,973
They're to die five.

339
00:12:57,041 --> 00:12:59,843
Hey!

340
00:12:59,911 --> 00:13:01,444
she said believe, kurt.

341
00:13:01,512 --> 00:13:02,212
Like, "believe me,
I'm wearing a

342
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:05,415
Condom."

343
00:13:05,483 --> 00:13:06,116
You guys know I had a baby,

344
00:13:06,183 --> 00:13:06,416
Right?

345
00:13:11,188 --> 00:13:12,622
believes a great idea.

346
00:13:12,690 --> 00:13:13,356
what does the word mean

347
00:13:13,424 --> 00:13:13,924
Again?

348
00:13:13,991 --> 00:13:16,793
Believe?

349
00:13:16,861 --> 00:13:17,928
you guys take actual classes

350
00:13:17,995 --> 00:13:19,162
Here, right?

351
00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:20,797
hey, I'm smart.

352
00:13:20,865 --> 00:13:21,932
I'm wearing
glasses and that's

353
00:13:21,999 --> 00:13:22,899
The only thing that makes me

354
00:13:22,967 --> 00:13:24,467
Different from all of you.

355
00:13:24,535 --> 00:13:26,436
yeah.

356
00:13:26,504 --> 00:13:30,674
Yeah.

357
00:13:30,741 --> 00:13:31,107
Okay.

358
00:13:31,175 --> 00:13:31,675
So we found our theme.

359
00:13:31,742 --> 00:13:35,078
Just like I found my note.

360
00:13:35,146 --> 00:13:41,351
♪

361
00:13:41,419 --> 00:13:42,285
Oh, hello, sue.

362
00:13:42,353 --> 00:13:42,686
Do you mind?

363
00:13:42,753 --> 00:13:43,453
We're practicing
for regional's.

364
00:13:43,521 --> 00:13:44,187
well, let me
know when you're

365
00:13:44,255 --> 00:13:44,888
Done so I can
scoop it out of

366
00:13:44,956 --> 00:13:49,392
The litter box.

367
00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:50,427
oh, you are shady.

368
00:13:56,133 --> 00:13:56,833
well, for your
information, I

369
00:13:56,901 --> 00:13:57,500
Came down here to do you a

370
00:13:57,568 --> 00:13:57,834
Favor.

371
00:13:57,902 --> 00:13:58,568
Puck is sick and
won't be here

372
00:13:58,636 --> 00:14:00,003
To practice, so I found a

373
00:14:00,071 --> 00:14:00,770
Replacement.

374
00:14:00,838 --> 00:14:04,374
A new student.

375
00:14:08,412 --> 00:14:09,045
a new student that sounds

376
00:14:09,113 --> 00:14:09,512
Great.

377
00:14:09,580 --> 00:14:10,280
You know what
else sounds great?

378
00:14:10,348 --> 00:14:10,613
♪

379
00:14:10,681 --> 00:14:11,348
God, I wish I
was in this glee

380
00:14:11,415 --> 00:14:11,781
Club!

381
00:14:11,849 --> 00:14:15,719
Okay.

382
00:14:15,786 --> 00:14:16,119
Ha, ha, ha.

383
00:14:16,187 --> 00:14:17,020
All right.

384
00:14:17,088 --> 00:14:18,455
Who just hit me with a glee

385
00:14:18,522 --> 00:14:19,189
Slushy?

386
00:14:19,256 --> 00:14:21,358
someone you haven't met yet.

387
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:25,595
Here's your new student.

388
00:14:25,663 --> 00:14:28,398
sorry.

389
00:14:28,466 --> 00:14:31,735
♪

390
00:14:31,802 --> 00:14:32,969
♪ her name is gilly ♪

391
00:14:33,037 --> 00:14:34,304
She's at it again *

392
00:14:34,372 --> 00:14:36,006
♪ she's always
causin' trouble

393
00:14:36,073 --> 00:14:37,574
Like a barnyard hen *

394
00:14:37,641 --> 00:14:39,075
♪ she's always
causin' trouble

395
00:14:39,143 --> 00:14:40,944
Her hair looks
like a bubble *

396
00:14:41,012 --> 00:14:42,412
♪ knock, knock

397
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,148
Who's there *

398
00:14:45,216 --> 00:14:48,084
♪ it's gilly

399
00:14:48,152 --> 00:14:54,057
Ooh *

400
00:14:54,125 --> 00:14:54,457
sorry.

401
00:14:54,525 --> 00:14:54,891
all right.

402
00:14:54,959 --> 00:14:55,425
All right, kids.

403
00:14:55,493 --> 00:14:56,159
We have to start
practicing as

404
00:14:56,227 --> 00:14:56,826
Soon as possible.

405
00:14:56,894 --> 00:14:58,028
Or as I like to say --

406
00:14:58,095 --> 00:14:59,963
♪ asap ♪

407
00:15:00,031 --> 00:15:00,764
no!

408
00:15:00,831 --> 00:15:02,032
Enough!

409
00:15:02,099 --> 00:15:02,732
Simon, you are our teacher!

410
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:06,469
you're right.

411
00:15:06,537 --> 00:15:07,137
All right.

412
00:15:07,204 --> 00:15:07,804
Let's just start with some

413
00:15:07,872 --> 00:15:08,304
Scales, shall we?

414
00:15:08,372 --> 00:15:09,539
ow, ow, ow!

415
00:15:09,607 --> 00:15:10,907
It's hot glued
onto my scalp.

416
00:15:10,975 --> 00:15:12,409
It's burning me!

417
00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:13,443
all right.

418
00:15:13,511 --> 00:15:14,477
Okay.

419
00:15:14,545 --> 00:15:15,245
Who hot glued a
tambourine onto

420
00:15:15,312 --> 00:15:18,648
Gay kurt's head?

421
00:15:18,716 --> 00:15:20,617
Was it you, mercedes?

422
00:15:20,684 --> 00:15:26,356
♪ and I am telling you

423
00:15:26,424 --> 00:15:27,457
I didn't do it *

424
00:15:32,763 --> 00:15:34,798
you can just say no.

425
00:15:34,865 --> 00:15:36,699
Was it you, artie?

426
00:15:36,767 --> 00:15:37,767
look at me.

427
00:15:37,835 --> 00:15:38,501
You know I
couldn't have done

428
00:15:38,569 --> 00:15:41,171
That because of my glasses.

429
00:15:43,374 --> 00:15:43,706
right.

430
00:15:43,774 --> 00:15:45,742
No, I apologize, artie.

431
00:15:45,810 --> 00:15:46,443
mr. Shue, I live to tattle.

432
00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:51,581
It was gilly.

433
00:15:51,649 --> 00:15:52,749
gilly, did you hot glue a

434
00:15:52,817 --> 00:15:53,683
Tambourine to
gay kurt's head?

435
00:15:53,751 --> 00:16:01,191
Gilly?

436
00:16:01,258 --> 00:16:02,759
what?

437
00:16:02,827 --> 00:16:05,562
gilly?

438
00:16:05,629 --> 00:16:07,697
yes?

439
00:16:07,765 --> 00:16:11,201
gilly?

440
00:16:11,268 --> 00:16:13,536
sorry.

441
00:16:13,604 --> 00:16:14,404
don't worry about me

442
00:16:14,472 --> 00:16:15,105
Ms. Friends, I actually like

443
00:16:15,172 --> 00:16:17,207
This fabulous hat.

444
00:16:17,274 --> 00:16:19,275
I look fierce in it.

445
00:16:19,343 --> 00:16:19,976
you're damn right you look

446
00:16:20,044 --> 00:16:21,144
Fierce in it.

447
00:16:21,212 --> 00:16:22,212
You're my gay son and I love

448
00:16:22,279 --> 00:16:23,213
Your hat!

449
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:24,380
I support you!

450
00:16:24,448 --> 00:16:26,015
I love you, gay son!

451
00:16:32,089 --> 00:16:33,523
love you, too, dad.

452
00:16:33,591 --> 00:16:38,895
Now go away.

453
00:16:38,963 --> 00:16:39,629
now, gilly, we don't do that

454
00:16:39,697 --> 00:16:39,929
Here.

455
00:16:39,997 --> 00:16:40,663
We support each other,
and we

456
00:16:40,731 --> 00:16:41,397
Sing to music
that comes out of

457
00:16:41,465 --> 00:16:46,102
Nowhere.

458
00:16:46,170 --> 00:16:46,803
Now, where did you get a hot

459
00:16:46,871 --> 00:16:47,937
Glue gun?

460
00:16:48,005 --> 00:16:48,605
nice work, little orphan

461
00:16:48,672 --> 00:16:49,038
A-hole.

462
00:16:49,106 --> 00:16:49,839
okay.

463
00:16:49,907 --> 00:16:50,440
Okay.

464
00:16:50,508 --> 00:16:51,341
Let's just walk through our

465
00:16:51,408 --> 00:16:52,609
Semi-complicated dance moves

466
00:16:52,676 --> 00:16:53,309
That you always learn in one

467
00:16:53,377 --> 00:16:53,643
Second.

468
00:16:53,711 --> 00:16:54,944
And one, two, three.

469
00:16:55,012 --> 00:16:56,346
four, five, sucks!

470
00:16:56,413 --> 00:16:57,380
Oh, and by the way, your

471
00:16:57,448 --> 00:16:58,081
Costumes have bedbugs 'cause

472
00:16:58,149 --> 00:17:05,688
Your singing bites.

473
00:17:05,756 --> 00:17:06,389
what are we going to do,

474
00:17:06,457 --> 00:17:06,823
Mr. Shue?

475
00:17:06,891 --> 00:17:08,625
Should I get pregnant again?

476
00:17:08,692 --> 00:17:09,225
no.

477
00:17:09,293 --> 00:17:09,626
No, no, no.

478
00:17:09,693 --> 00:17:10,360
I'll tell you
what we're going

479
00:17:10,427 --> 00:17:10,660
To do.

480
00:17:10,728 --> 00:17:12,929
We're gonna believe.

481
00:17:12,997 --> 00:17:29,345
♪

482
00:17:31,749 --> 00:17:35,451
♪ just a small town girl

483
00:17:35,519 --> 00:17:39,222
Living in a lonely world

484
00:17:39,290 --> 00:17:41,491
She took a midnight train

485
00:17:41,559 --> 00:17:47,030
Going anywhere *

486
00:17:47,097 --> 00:17:50,633
♪ just a city boy

487
00:17:50,701 --> 00:17:51,634
Born and raised in

488
00:17:51,702 --> 00:17:54,804
South detroit *

489
00:17:54,872 --> 00:17:56,039
♪ he took the midnight

490
00:17:56,106 --> 00:18:01,878
Train going anywhere *

491
00:18:01,946 --> 00:18:03,146
♪ don't stop believing

492
00:18:03,214 --> 00:18:06,749
Hold on to that feeling

493
00:18:06,817 --> 00:18:11,487
Streetlights *

494
00:18:11,555 --> 00:18:16,759
♪ people-oh

495
00:18:16,827 --> 00:18:18,628
Don't stop *

496
00:18:21,498 --> 00:18:26,035
gilly!

497
00:18:26,103 --> 00:18:27,770
♪ sorry ♪

498
00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:32,041
♪

499
00:18:58,728 --> 00:18:59,328
>welcome to "the new

500
00:18:59,396 --> 00:19:00,062
Boyfriend talk show"
starring

501
00:19:00,130 --> 00:19:02,898
Me, zach,
and my sidekick, mom.

502
00:19:02,966 --> 00:19:03,766
hi, sweetie.

503
00:19:03,833 --> 00:19:05,167
hi, mom.

504
00:19:05,235 --> 00:19:06,335
Okay, so my mom
dates so many

505
00:19:06,403 --> 00:19:07,436
Awesome guys.

506
00:19:07,504 --> 00:19:08,437
One day I thought,
hey, maybe on

507
00:19:08,505 --> 00:19:09,171
Sunday when they wake up, I

508
00:19:09,239 --> 00:19:10,205
Should interview them before

509
00:19:10,273 --> 00:19:10,939
They hit the road.

510
00:19:11,007 --> 00:19:11,840
I asked for permission,
and she

511
00:19:11,908 --> 00:19:14,410
Said yes.

512
00:19:14,477 --> 00:19:15,911
that's because no matter who

513
00:19:15,979 --> 00:19:16,879
Comes out of
mommy's bedroom,

514
00:19:16,946 --> 00:19:18,147
You're still my
number one guy.

515
00:19:18,214 --> 00:19:19,081
awesome.

516
00:19:19,149 --> 00:19:19,915
So mom,
why don't you tell us

517
00:19:19,983 --> 00:19:20,682
About today's guest.

518
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:21,717
sure.

519
00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:22,484
His name is mike something.

520
00:19:22,552 --> 00:19:23,952
And he works as
a cd organizer

521
00:19:24,020 --> 00:19:29,825
At borders.

522
00:19:29,893 --> 00:19:38,534
okay, very cool.

523
00:19:38,601 --> 00:19:39,501
Please welcome mike!

524
00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:46,875
♪

525
00:19:46,943 --> 00:19:47,676
hey, little buddy.

526
00:19:47,744 --> 00:19:48,610
How you doing, man?

527
00:19:48,678 --> 00:19:49,344
welcome to
"the new boyfriend

528
00:19:49,412 --> 00:19:49,745
Talk show."

529
00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:50,279
great to be here.

530
00:19:50,346 --> 00:19:50,979
okay.

531
00:19:51,047 --> 00:19:52,181
First question.

532
00:19:52,248 --> 00:19:53,182
I got to ask, it's on

533
00:19:53,249 --> 00:19:55,184
Everybody's mind,
are you my new

534
00:19:55,251 --> 00:19:58,353
Daddy?

535
00:19:58,421 --> 00:19:59,488
whoa!

536
00:19:59,556 --> 00:20:00,823
I --

537
00:20:00,890 --> 00:20:01,723
You know --

538
00:20:01,791 --> 00:20:02,458
I know you can't comment on

539
00:20:02,525 --> 00:20:09,164
That.

540
00:20:09,232 --> 00:20:09,698
I had to ask, okay.

541
00:20:09,766 --> 00:20:10,432
So we have something
in common.

542
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:11,100
We're both huge fans of mom.

543
00:20:11,167 --> 00:20:12,634
aww.

544
00:20:12,702 --> 00:20:13,035
oh.

545
00:20:13,103 --> 00:20:13,702
Yeah, yeah.

546
00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:15,471
No, she's a cool lady.

547
00:20:15,538 --> 00:20:18,140
give me an example.

548
00:20:18,208 --> 00:20:19,074
uh, all right.

549
00:20:19,142 --> 00:20:21,777
Well, on the car ride home,

550
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:29,551
Uh -- she's just
a cool lady.

551
00:20:31,454 --> 00:20:31,954
awesome.

552
00:20:32,021 --> 00:20:32,654
Now, mike.

553
00:20:32,722 --> 00:20:33,355
I'm not sure if
you're aware,

554
00:20:33,423 --> 00:20:34,089
But this is a
very special day

555
00:20:34,157 --> 00:20:34,990
For us here at the show.

556
00:20:35,058 --> 00:20:35,557
oh, yeah?

557
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:36,758
Why's that, sport?

558
00:20:36,826 --> 00:20:37,626
because this is "the new

559
00:20:37,694 --> 00:20:38,627
Boyfriend talk show's" 100th

560
00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:39,962
Episode.

561
00:20:44,167 --> 00:20:48,504
what?

562
00:20:48,571 --> 00:20:50,472
wow!

563
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:51,540
That just creeps up on you,

564
00:20:51,608 --> 00:20:53,575
That 100.

565
00:20:53,643 --> 00:20:55,043
Congrats, zachy.

566
00:20:55,111 --> 00:20:55,811
couldn't have
done it without

567
00:20:55,879 --> 00:20:56,778
You, mom.

568
00:20:56,846 --> 00:20:58,046
100?

569
00:20:58,114 --> 00:20:59,748
I'm the 100th guest?

570
00:20:59,816 --> 00:21:00,616
no, no, this is the 100th

571
00:21:00,683 --> 00:21:02,718
Episode.

572
00:21:02,785 --> 00:21:04,186
There have been about

573
00:21:04,254 --> 00:21:05,320
130 guests, right, mom?

574
00:21:05,388 --> 00:21:05,754
oh, honey.

575
00:21:05,822 --> 00:21:06,455
I don't know.

576
00:21:06,523 --> 00:21:07,189
Sometimes I think
you remember

577
00:21:07,257 --> 00:21:11,093
These guys better than I do.

578
00:21:11,161 --> 00:21:13,428
I'm sure I do.

579
00:21:13,496 --> 00:21:16,598
It's been a great
100 episodes.

580
00:21:16,666 --> 00:21:17,332
So lets take a
look back at some

581
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:18,033
Of our favorite
memories from

582
00:21:18,101 --> 00:21:19,401
"the new boyfriend
talk show."

583
00:21:19,469 --> 00:21:21,403
♪

584
00:21:21,471 --> 00:21:21,937
♪ give me just a

585
00:21:22,005 --> 00:21:23,138
Little more time *

586
00:21:23,206 --> 00:21:23,772
♪ give me just a

587
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:31,547
Little more time *

588
00:21:31,614 --> 00:21:32,614
so many memories!

589
00:21:32,682 --> 00:21:34,483
was that joaquin phoenix?

590
00:21:34,551 --> 00:21:35,150
yeah, that was a weird

591
00:21:35,218 --> 00:21:36,318
Interview.

592
00:21:36,386 --> 00:21:37,252
But it turned out he was

593
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:38,754
Faking it.

594
00:21:38,821 --> 00:21:40,122
yeah, he wasn't
the only one.

595
00:21:40,190 --> 00:21:42,591
yeah.

596
00:21:42,659 --> 00:21:43,959
Well, we've had
a lot of fun,

597
00:21:44,027 --> 00:21:45,027
But we've also
dealt with some

598
00:21:45,094 --> 00:21:47,563
Serious issues.

599
00:21:47,630 --> 00:21:48,830
That's why I'd
like to take this

600
00:21:48,898 --> 00:21:49,598
Time to give a
special shout-out

601
00:21:49,666 --> 00:21:50,332
To all of mom's
boyfriends who

602
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:56,838
Are currently
serving overseas.

603
00:21:56,906 --> 00:22:00,142
oh, my god!

604
00:22:00,210 --> 00:22:00,943
zach, sweetie, I've also got

605
00:22:01,010 --> 00:22:03,011
A surprise for you, honey.

606
00:22:03,079 --> 00:22:03,679
In the four months since we

607
00:22:03,746 --> 00:22:04,513
Started this show --

608
00:22:04,581 --> 00:22:05,180
that's all been in four

609
00:22:05,248 --> 00:22:07,115
Months?

610
00:22:07,183 --> 00:22:07,883
a few big stars have dropped

611
00:22:07,951 --> 00:22:09,218
By.

612
00:22:09,285 --> 00:22:09,952
Some of them
took time out of

613
00:22:10,019 --> 00:22:11,019
Their busy schedules
to send in

614
00:22:11,087 --> 00:22:12,120
Messages.

615
00:22:12,188 --> 00:22:15,591
Let's take a look.

616
00:22:15,658 --> 00:22:18,026
gene simmons here.

617
00:22:18,094 --> 00:22:19,194
Congrats to
everyone at "the new

618
00:22:19,262 --> 00:22:20,696
Boyfriend talk show."

619
00:22:20,763 --> 00:22:22,764
Keep it real.

620
00:22:22,832 --> 00:22:24,766
And keep it moist.

621
00:22:27,136 --> 00:22:28,470
this is verne troyer saying

622
00:22:28,538 --> 00:22:29,671
"the new boyfriend
talk show"

623
00:22:29,739 --> 00:22:35,544
With zach is shagadelic.

624
00:22:35,612 --> 00:22:38,180
hey, magic johnson here.

625
00:22:38,248 --> 00:22:38,914
I had a magic time on
"the new

626
00:22:38,982 --> 00:22:39,781
Boyfriend talk show."

627
00:22:39,849 --> 00:22:40,983
Zach and that
lady are a dream

628
00:22:41,050 --> 00:22:42,818
Team.

629
00:22:42,885 --> 00:22:45,487
Go lakers!

630
00:22:45,555 --> 00:22:46,388
yeah.

631
00:22:46,456 --> 00:22:47,089
Magic's a real friend of the

632
00:22:47,156 --> 00:22:47,589
Show.

633
00:22:47,657 --> 00:22:48,190
oh, no.

634
00:22:48,258 --> 00:22:49,091
Oh, no.

635
00:22:49,158 --> 00:22:53,161
Oh, no.

636
00:22:53,229 --> 00:22:54,463
Oh, boy.

637
00:22:54,530 --> 00:22:55,197
so mom, who's our next guest

638
00:22:55,265 --> 00:22:57,299
Today?

639
00:22:57,367 --> 00:22:58,066
wait, there's someone else

640
00:22:58,134 --> 00:22:58,567
Today?

641
00:22:58,635 --> 00:22:59,167
oh, yeah.

642
00:22:59,235 --> 00:23:00,235
We've also got
two bands coming.

643
00:23:00,303 --> 00:23:01,303
And also,
I burned the eggs, so

644
00:23:01,371 --> 00:23:04,706
It's cookies for breakfast.

645
00:23:04,774 --> 00:23:05,307
yay!

646
00:23:14,500 --> 00:23:15,384
>hi.

647
00:23:15,451 --> 00:23:15,984
I'm christine o'donnell.

648
00:23:16,052 --> 00:23:18,620
And I'm not a witch.

649
00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:19,321
I'm nothing like
you've heard.

650
00:23:19,389 --> 00:23:21,489
I'm you.

651
00:23:21,541 --> 00:23:22,190
And just like you, I have to

652
00:23:22,258 --> 00:23:22,958
Constantly deny that I'm a

653
00:23:23,026 --> 00:23:27,029
Witch.

654
00:23:27,096 --> 00:23:27,763
Isn't that what
the people of

655
00:23:27,830 --> 00:23:29,865
Delaware deserve?

656
00:23:29,932 --> 00:23:31,233
A candidate who
promises first

657
00:23:31,301 --> 00:23:33,268
And foremost
that she's not a

658
00:23:33,336 --> 00:23:36,772
Witch?

659
00:23:36,839 --> 00:23:38,206
That's the kind of candidate

660
00:23:38,274 --> 00:23:41,209
Delaware hasn't
had since 1692.

661
00:23:41,277 --> 00:23:42,510
And that's why,
if elected to

662
00:23:42,562 --> 00:23:43,395
Human senate,
I promise to fly

663
00:23:43,479 --> 00:23:45,213
Straight down to
washington, on

664
00:23:45,281 --> 00:23:47,182
A plane, and do
exactly what you

665
00:23:47,233 --> 00:23:51,086
Would do, not spells.

666
00:23:51,154 --> 00:23:52,354
Besides,
if I were a witch, why

667
00:23:52,422 --> 00:23:53,822
Wouldn't I just cast a spell

668
00:23:53,890 --> 00:23:55,824
Making all of
you forget that

669
00:23:55,892 --> 00:23:57,693
I'm a witch?

670
00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:58,760
It's certainly
not because the

671
00:23:58,828 --> 00:24:00,362
Spell requires one newt per

672
00:24:00,430 --> 00:24:01,363
Person and I
lack a sufficient

673
00:24:01,414 --> 00:24:05,834
Number of newts.

674
00:24:06,602 --> 00:24:08,136
I know the
problems facing our

675
00:24:08,204 --> 00:24:09,054
Nation because
I've been living

676
00:24:09,138 --> 00:24:10,339
Among you, since I moved to

677
00:24:10,390 --> 00:24:11,673
Delaware from
the black forest

678
00:24:11,741 --> 00:24:12,474
Of germany almost
3,000 years

679
00:24:12,542 --> 00:24:16,428
Ago.

680
00:24:16,929 --> 00:24:17,612
So this November 2nd,
vote for

681
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:21,116
Christine o'donnell.

682
00:24:21,184 --> 00:24:22,517
Aka, zaraida the
enchantress.

683
00:24:22,568 --> 00:24:24,603
Because I'm not a witch.

684
00:24:24,687 --> 00:24:25,487
And if I am,
do you really want

685
00:24:25,554 --> 00:24:29,658
To cross me?

686
00:24:29,725 --> 00:24:32,094
I didn't think so.

687
00:24:32,161 --> 00:24:33,328
paid for by the coven to

688
00:24:33,396 --> 00:24:34,162
Elect christine
o'donnell, who

689
00:24:34,230 --> 00:24:34,996
Is not a witch.

690
00:25:02,027 --> 00:25:02,660
>you're watching the game

691
00:25:02,728 --> 00:25:03,294
Show network.

692
00:25:03,362 --> 00:25:04,496
At 10:00,
it's "verb heards."

693
00:25:04,563 --> 00:25:05,830
But first -- "secret word."

694
00:25:05,898 --> 00:25:08,199
It's time to
play the game the

695
00:25:08,267 --> 00:25:09,434
Stars play --

696
00:25:09,502 --> 00:25:12,203
"secret word,
" with your host,

697
00:25:12,271 --> 00:25:16,841
Lyle round.

698
00:25:16,909 --> 00:25:18,409
hello.

699
00:25:18,477 --> 00:25:20,211
Hello!

700
00:25:20,279 --> 00:25:21,012
I'm lyle round.

701
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:21,679
My wife is in the hospital

702
00:25:21,747 --> 00:25:22,413
Having her baby.

703
00:25:22,481 --> 00:25:23,515
Good luck to you.

704
00:25:24,617 --> 00:25:27,919
So why don't we
meet our first

705
00:25:27,987 --> 00:25:28,887
Guest.

706
00:25:28,954 --> 00:25:29,687
She's better known
for her work

707
00:25:29,755 --> 00:25:30,388
On the broadway stage,
please

708
00:25:30,456 --> 00:25:31,256
Welcome mindy greyson!

709
00:25:33,559 --> 00:25:34,792
here I am.

710
00:25:34,860 --> 00:25:36,094
Isn't it grand?

711
00:25:36,162 --> 00:25:37,595
well, thank you for being

712
00:25:37,663 --> 00:25:38,696
Here, mindy.

713
00:25:38,764 --> 00:25:39,430
You are looking
ravishing, as

714
00:25:39,498 --> 00:25:40,465
Always.

715
00:25:40,533 --> 00:25:41,666
oh, do I?

716
00:25:41,734 --> 00:25:42,367
Well, I sleep
with my face in

717
00:25:42,434 --> 00:25:45,837
Mayonnaise.

718
00:25:45,905 --> 00:25:47,539
I guess its working.

719
00:25:47,606 --> 00:25:48,673
all right.

720
00:25:48,741 --> 00:25:50,141
Our next guest
is a hilarious

721
00:25:50,209 --> 00:25:50,942
Comedienne playing at the

722
00:25:51,010 --> 00:25:53,111
Concord hotel in
the catskills.

723
00:25:53,179 --> 00:25:58,783
Please welcome
peggy zoeller!

724
00:25:58,851 --> 00:25:59,918
hey!

725
00:25:59,985 --> 00:26:01,653
I hope my face
doesn't break the

726
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:02,153
Camera.

727
00:26:02,221 --> 00:26:02,520
What?

728
00:26:02,588 --> 00:26:06,224
Ha!

729
00:26:06,292 --> 00:26:09,260
you are a living riot.

730
00:26:09,328 --> 00:26:10,962
Let's start the game.

731
00:26:11,030 --> 00:26:12,030
Mindy, you're up first.

732
00:26:12,097 --> 00:26:13,331
Are you ready?

733
00:26:13,399 --> 00:26:18,002
lyle, as the
great playwright

734
00:26:18,070 --> 00:26:19,704
Once said to me, "oh, yeah."

735
00:26:19,772 --> 00:26:21,139
okay.

736
00:26:21,207 --> 00:26:22,040
Quiet from the
audience and ten

737
00:26:22,107 --> 00:26:26,778
Seconds on the clock.

738
00:26:26,845 --> 00:26:31,082
the secret word is shrimp.

739
00:26:31,150 --> 00:26:32,150
you ready?

740
00:26:32,218 --> 00:26:32,584
Hold my hand.

741
00:26:32,651 --> 00:26:32,984
Look at me.

742
00:26:33,052 --> 00:26:34,219
I'm only going
to say this once.

743
00:26:34,286 --> 00:26:35,253
Shrimp.

744
00:26:43,062 --> 00:26:43,695
you just said the secret

745
00:26:43,762 --> 00:26:46,698
Word, mindy.

746
00:26:46,765 --> 00:26:47,232
I did, didn't I?

747
00:26:47,299 --> 00:26:48,566
I knew it as soon as I said

748
00:26:48,634 --> 00:26:51,002
"shrimp."

749
00:26:51,070 --> 00:26:51,903
When I see text before me, I

750
00:26:51,971 --> 00:26:52,337
Perform it.

751
00:26:52,404 --> 00:26:52,804
I'm an actress.

752
00:26:52,871 --> 00:26:53,871
This is my craft.

753
00:26:53,939 --> 00:26:54,405
It's what I do.

754
00:26:54,473 --> 00:26:55,106
It's my job to
bring words to

755
00:26:55,174 --> 00:26:56,040
Life.

756
00:26:56,108 --> 00:26:57,508
Who is this woman?

757
00:26:57,576 --> 00:26:58,376
Who is this shrimp?

758
00:26:58,444 --> 00:26:58,776
okay.

759
00:26:58,844 --> 00:26:59,277
Okay.

760
00:26:59,345 --> 00:27:00,178
Okay.

761
00:27:00,246 --> 00:27:02,213
Sit down.

762
00:27:02,281 --> 00:27:03,014
Let's move over
to peggy's team.

763
00:27:03,082 --> 00:27:08,486
the secret word is flat.

764
00:27:08,554 --> 00:27:09,387
oh, what?

765
00:27:09,455 --> 00:27:09,954
I can relate to that.

766
00:27:10,022 --> 00:27:11,756
Hello!

767
00:27:11,824 --> 00:27:12,624
Nothing down there.

768
00:27:12,691 --> 00:27:13,925
I tell you what.

769
00:27:13,993 --> 00:27:14,626
I went for a
breast exam, and

770
00:27:14,693 --> 00:27:17,161
They brought out
a floor waxer.

771
00:27:17,229 --> 00:27:18,329
What?

772
00:27:18,397 --> 00:27:19,364
You're a great crowd.

773
00:27:19,431 --> 00:27:19,897
That never happened.

774
00:27:19,965 --> 00:27:23,434
What?

775
00:27:23,502 --> 00:27:24,636
time's running out.

776
00:27:24,703 --> 00:27:25,536
I went shopping
for a bra and

777
00:27:25,604 --> 00:27:28,239
Asked, "do you
have anything for

778
00:27:28,307 --> 00:27:29,007
These?"

779
00:27:29,074 --> 00:27:30,241
And the sales
girl said, "have

780
00:27:30,309 --> 00:27:30,808
You tried clearasil?"

781
00:27:30,876 --> 00:27:33,411
What?

782
00:27:33,479 --> 00:27:34,746
Because they're
like pimples.

783
00:27:34,813 --> 00:27:36,781
Do you get it?

784
00:27:36,849 --> 00:27:39,417
Did he win?

785
00:27:39,485 --> 00:27:40,351
no, peggy, you didn't give

786
00:27:40,419 --> 00:27:41,653
Any clues.

787
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:42,387
you're full of bananas, you.

788
00:27:42,454 --> 00:27:45,223
Great crowd!

789
00:27:45,291 --> 00:27:47,358
you didn't.

790
00:27:47,426 --> 00:27:52,297
And I am not
full of bananas.

791
00:27:52,364 --> 00:27:53,564
Well, no points
on the board.

792
00:27:53,632 --> 00:27:56,968
And my eye's
starting to twitch.

793
00:27:57,036 --> 00:27:59,370
Let's move back to mindy.

794
00:27:59,438 --> 00:27:59,737
yes.

795
00:27:59,805 --> 00:28:02,340
I'm ready to be seen again.

796
00:28:02,408 --> 00:28:05,343
the secret word is fringe.

797
00:28:05,411 --> 00:28:07,779
remember, do not say the

798
00:28:07,846 --> 00:28:08,379
Secret word this time.

799
00:28:08,447 --> 00:28:11,616
you can count on me, lyle.

800
00:28:11,684 --> 00:28:12,283
ten seconds on the clock.

801
00:28:12,351 --> 00:28:12,717
okay, wait.

802
00:28:12,785 --> 00:28:13,384
Can we just stop the clock?

803
00:28:13,452 --> 00:28:13,685
no.

804
00:28:13,752 --> 00:28:14,352
I just have one question

805
00:28:14,420 --> 00:28:15,820
About the rules.

806
00:28:15,888 --> 00:28:16,587
mindy, we went over this.

807
00:28:16,655 --> 00:28:17,322
okay, but, am I allowed to

808
00:28:17,389 --> 00:28:17,989
Just -- am I allowed to say

809
00:28:18,057 --> 00:28:18,356
"fringe"?

810
00:28:20,392 --> 00:28:21,292
I really need to win some

811
00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:22,760
Money here.

812
00:28:22,828 --> 00:28:26,531
My children have
tuberculosis.

813
00:28:26,598 --> 00:28:28,599
oh, I know how that feels.

814
00:28:28,667 --> 00:28:29,500
I had that very
same disease in

815
00:28:29,568 --> 00:28:31,002
A play "teebie jeebies"
where I

816
00:28:31,070 --> 00:28:32,603
Played a flapper
named ginger

817
00:28:32,671 --> 00:28:33,771
Who coughed her
way right out of

818
00:28:33,839 --> 00:28:40,578
The chorus and
into her grave.

819
00:28:45,084 --> 00:28:45,550
thanks.

820
00:28:45,617 --> 00:28:46,918
my best to the kids.

821
00:28:46,985 --> 00:28:49,187
I have tb, too.

822
00:28:49,254 --> 00:28:50,021
Tiny boobs.

823
00:28:50,089 --> 00:28:50,621
Zing!

824
00:28:50,689 --> 00:28:51,422
What?

825
00:28:57,896 --> 00:28:58,262
all right.

826
00:28:58,330 --> 00:29:02,133
Back to you, peggy.

827
00:29:02,201 --> 00:29:02,934
the secret word is cook.

828
00:29:03,001 --> 00:29:03,701
oh, this is funny
because I'm

829
00:29:03,769 --> 00:29:04,869
A terrible cook.

830
00:29:06,138 --> 00:29:06,838
I asked my husband,
what do you

831
00:29:06,905 --> 00:29:08,506
Want me to cook?

832
00:29:08,574 --> 00:29:09,741
And he looks at me with his

833
00:29:09,808 --> 00:29:10,875
Boxer shorts on.

834
00:29:10,943 --> 00:29:11,542
And he says cook?

835
00:29:11,610 --> 00:29:11,909
Cook?

836
00:29:11,977 --> 00:29:13,277
Cook?

837
00:29:13,345 --> 00:29:13,911
You've burned sandwiches.

838
00:29:13,979 --> 00:29:15,613
What?

839
00:29:15,681 --> 00:29:17,181
Now we're cooking.

840
00:29:19,418 --> 00:29:20,351
what's happening?

841
00:29:20,419 --> 00:29:21,886
peggy, you said the word

842
00:29:21,954 --> 00:29:23,621
"cook," like, 60 times.

843
00:29:23,689 --> 00:29:24,956
I played a cook in a little

844
00:29:25,023 --> 00:29:26,557
Musical called
"egg drop soup."

845
00:29:26,625 --> 00:29:28,292
It's the story
of a little girl

846
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:29,026
From the orient
named chopped

847
00:29:29,094 --> 00:29:32,296
Suzy.

848
00:29:32,364 --> 00:29:34,932
And this is her
11:00 number.

849
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:35,400
Hit it!

850
00:29:35,467 --> 00:29:37,402
no, no, no.

851
00:29:37,469 --> 00:29:38,302
♪ chopped suzy and

852
00:29:38,370 --> 00:29:40,405
The egg roll gang *

853
00:29:40,472 --> 00:29:42,073
♪ everywhere we go

854
00:29:42,141 --> 00:29:44,375
It's a shanghai surprise *

855
00:29:44,443 --> 00:29:45,710
please stop.

856
00:29:45,778 --> 00:29:46,377
stop?

857
00:29:46,445 --> 00:29:47,111
That's what the
neighbors say

858
00:29:47,179 --> 00:29:48,146
When my husband and I make

859
00:29:48,213 --> 00:29:50,248
Whoopi.

860
00:29:50,315 --> 00:29:51,282
Boy, are we verbal.

861
00:29:51,350 --> 00:29:54,051
I say please and he says no.

862
00:29:54,119 --> 00:29:55,686
You've been a great crowd.

863
00:29:55,754 --> 00:29:56,821
oh, brother.

864
00:29:56,889 --> 00:29:58,756
We'll be right
back after these

865
00:29:58,824 --> 00:29:59,123
Messages.

866
00:29:59,191 --> 00:29:59,657
look at me!

867
00:29:59,725 --> 00:30:00,391
don't look at her.

868
00:30:00,459 --> 00:30:14,505
♪

869
00:30:14,573 --> 00:30:15,139
>what seems to be the

870
00:30:15,207 --> 00:30:15,873
Problem?

871
00:30:15,941 --> 00:30:16,641
I just feel stressed out all

872
00:30:16,708 --> 00:30:18,242
The time.

873
00:30:18,310 --> 00:30:19,744
I don't know what to do.

874
00:30:19,812 --> 00:30:21,412
well, lets try something.

875
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:23,915
Shut your eyes.

876
00:30:23,982 --> 00:30:28,219
Now take a deep breath.

877
00:30:28,287 --> 00:30:28,953
And imagine that
you're in the

878
00:30:29,021 --> 00:30:29,570
Middle of a big, peaceful

879
00:30:29,655 --> 00:30:32,907
Meadow, all alone.

880
00:30:32,991 --> 00:30:33,908
A warm breeze floats by,

881
00:30:33,992 --> 00:30:34,592
Carrying the smell of fresh

882
00:30:34,660 --> 00:30:38,279
Flowers.

883
00:30:38,363 --> 00:30:39,163
The sun caresses
your face as

884
00:30:39,231 --> 00:30:39,897
You let go of all
your fears and

885
00:30:39,948 --> 00:30:44,535
Worries.

886
00:30:44,603 --> 00:30:46,037
And also, I'm there.

887
00:30:47,306 --> 00:30:47,872
wait.

888
00:30:47,940 --> 00:30:49,040
Why are you there?

889
00:30:49,091 --> 00:30:50,241
just relax, william, okay?

890
00:30:50,292 --> 00:30:51,175
It's all part
of the process.

891
00:30:51,243 --> 00:30:52,410
Stay with me.

892
00:30:52,478 --> 00:30:54,078
Okay?

893
00:30:54,146 --> 00:30:55,213
okay.

894
00:30:55,264 --> 00:30:57,648
so you're in the field.

895
00:30:57,716 --> 00:30:58,933
You hear the sound
of some birds

896
00:30:59,017 --> 00:31:01,552
Playing in the sunshine.

897
00:31:01,603 --> 00:31:02,937
You breathe in.

898
00:31:03,021 --> 00:31:03,888
And when you exhale,
you feel

899
00:31:03,956 --> 00:31:04,555
All your troubles just melt

900
00:31:04,606 --> 00:31:06,757
Away.

901
00:31:06,825 --> 00:31:08,059
And also I'm there
dressed as an

902
00:31:08,126 --> 00:31:08,976
Ice cream miss sliding a

903
00:31:09,061 --> 00:31:09,794
Popsicle in and out of your

904
00:31:09,862 --> 00:31:12,730
Mouth.

905
00:31:12,781 --> 00:31:13,981
wait.

906
00:31:14,066 --> 00:31:14,866
What is that?

907
00:31:14,933 --> 00:31:15,299
it's okay.

908
00:31:15,367 --> 00:31:15,867
All right.

909
00:31:15,934 --> 00:31:16,617
Just -- let's
take it a little

910
00:31:16,702 --> 00:31:17,068
Slower, okay?

911
00:31:17,135 --> 00:31:20,004
Now we're back in the field.

912
00:31:20,072 --> 00:31:21,239
You're completely calm.

913
00:31:21,290 --> 00:31:22,573
You let go of all
the tension in

914
00:31:22,624 --> 00:31:23,341
Your neck.

915
00:31:23,408 --> 00:31:24,458
You lie back.

916
00:31:24,543 --> 00:31:25,843
And when you look up,
there's a

917
00:31:25,911 --> 00:31:27,745
Golf ball on your
privates, and

918
00:31:27,813 --> 00:31:28,612
I'm there teeing off with a

919
00:31:28,664 --> 00:31:30,548
5 wood.

920
00:31:30,616 --> 00:31:32,950
okay.

921
00:31:33,018 --> 00:31:33,551
Yeah, that's not cool.

922
00:31:33,618 --> 00:31:34,285
trust, william, trust, okay?

923
00:31:34,336 --> 00:31:34,719
Stay with me.

924
00:31:34,786 --> 00:31:35,670
And we're in the field.

925
00:31:35,754 --> 00:31:37,471
The cool breezes.

926
00:31:37,556 --> 00:31:39,307
State of relaxation.

927
00:31:39,391 --> 00:31:40,591
Nothing around
you for miles.

928
00:31:40,659 --> 00:31:44,962
It smells warm
like fresh bread

929
00:31:45,013 --> 00:31:47,798
Coming out of an oven.

930
00:31:47,866 --> 00:31:49,867
On top of that
bread we've got

931
00:31:49,935 --> 00:31:53,304
Smoked ham,
lettuce, tomato, a

932
00:31:53,372 --> 00:31:54,672
Little spicy mustard on top.

933
00:31:54,740 --> 00:31:55,206
And then I guess a

934
00:31:55,274 --> 00:31:55,656
Diet dr. Pepper.

935
00:31:55,741 --> 00:31:59,277
Okay, see you
in a little bit.

936
00:32:03,315 --> 00:32:04,782
And we're in the
field with the

937
00:32:04,850 --> 00:32:06,083
Breeze, the flowers,
relaxed,

938
00:32:06,151 --> 00:32:08,252
Deep breath,
friendly rabbit, a

939
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,922
Little more popsicle.

940
00:32:10,989 --> 00:32:12,757
okay.

941
00:32:12,824 --> 00:32:13,858
What is going on?

942
00:32:13,926 --> 00:32:14,825
Are you even a therapist?

943
00:32:14,893 --> 00:32:15,593
all right, william,
I'm going

944
00:32:15,661 --> 00:32:16,093
To level with you.

945
00:32:16,161 --> 00:32:16,761
This is a new experimental

946
00:32:16,828 --> 00:32:18,012
Method that I'm developing.

947
00:32:18,096 --> 00:32:18,896
okay.

948
00:32:18,964 --> 00:32:19,630
and if it doesn't help you,

949
00:32:19,698 --> 00:32:20,331
It's a complete failure,
then

950
00:32:20,382 --> 00:32:22,700
I'll waive my fee, okay?

951
00:32:22,768 --> 00:32:23,434
fine.

952
00:32:23,501 --> 00:32:23,935
good!

953
00:32:24,002 --> 00:32:24,869
Okay.

954
00:32:24,937 --> 00:32:25,603
This time we'll
take a slightly

955
00:32:25,671 --> 00:32:27,805
Different approach.

956
00:32:27,873 --> 00:32:28,706
Now you're in a
perfect white

957
00:32:28,774 --> 00:32:33,945
Space.

958
00:32:34,012 --> 00:32:36,364
Let all of your stress just

959
00:32:36,448 --> 00:32:36,914
Melts away.

960
00:32:36,982 --> 00:32:37,365
okay.

961
00:32:37,449 --> 00:32:40,351
This is nice.

962
00:32:40,402 --> 00:32:46,240
an innocent girl approaches

963
00:32:46,325 --> 00:32:47,491
You and offers you a flower.

964
00:32:47,542 --> 00:32:50,394
You warmly accept it.

965
00:32:50,462 --> 00:32:51,762
And then she
kicks you in the

966
00:32:51,830 --> 00:32:52,763
Crotch.

967
00:32:52,831 --> 00:32:53,531
And then I walk over,
and I kick

968
00:32:53,599 --> 00:32:54,031
You in the crotch.

969
00:32:54,099 --> 00:32:54,398
That's it.

970
00:32:54,466 --> 00:32:55,066
You can open your eyes now.

971
00:32:55,133 --> 00:32:55,399
huh.

972
00:32:55,467 --> 00:32:56,133
You know,
I think that actually

973
00:32:56,201 --> 00:32:56,467
Worked.

974
00:32:56,535 --> 00:32:57,635
I strangely feel better.

975
00:32:57,703 --> 00:32:58,836
and that concludes
phase one.

976
00:32:58,904 --> 00:33:00,371
no!

977
00:33:00,439 --> 00:33:02,440
lets begin phase two.

978
00:33:07,596 --> 00:33:08,279
>and there you go, ma'am, I

979
00:33:08,347 --> 00:33:10,014
Hope you enjoy it.

980
00:33:10,082 --> 00:33:10,648
thank you so much.

981
00:33:10,716 --> 00:33:11,115
no problem.

982
00:33:11,183 --> 00:33:11,782
Thank you.

983
00:33:11,850 --> 00:33:12,950
Next.

984
00:33:13,018 --> 00:33:13,618
hi.

985
00:33:13,685 --> 00:33:14,785
I just want to return this.

986
00:33:14,853 --> 00:33:16,320
okay, ma'am, I should first

987
00:33:16,388 --> 00:33:17,555
Warn you that
denzel washington

988
00:33:17,623 --> 00:33:20,558
Is working here today.

989
00:33:20,626 --> 00:33:21,125
denzel washington?

990
00:33:21,193 --> 00:33:22,226
Here?

991
00:33:22,294 --> 00:33:22,960
yes.

992
00:33:23,028 --> 00:33:23,494
seriously?

993
00:33:23,562 --> 00:33:24,929
That is so awesome.

994
00:33:24,997 --> 00:33:26,497
What's he doing here?

995
00:33:26,565 --> 00:33:27,198
he's preparing for a role.

996
00:33:27,265 --> 00:33:29,767
I guess it's his process.

997
00:33:29,835 --> 00:33:30,501
so he's working here for a

998
00:33:30,569 --> 00:33:31,268
Movie role.

999
00:33:31,336 --> 00:33:33,104
That's amazing.

1000
00:33:33,171 --> 00:33:33,838
yeah, in his movie I guess

1001
00:33:33,905 --> 00:33:34,572
He's supposed to play an

1002
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:36,374
Ordinary retail employee who

1003
00:33:36,441 --> 00:33:38,242
Gets this returned
suitcase that

1004
00:33:38,310 --> 00:33:39,410
Has a secret government

1005
00:33:39,478 --> 00:33:40,678
Microchip accidentally left

1006
00:33:40,746 --> 00:33:42,613
Inside of it which
puts him in a

1007
00:33:42,681 --> 00:33:44,448
Web of international
intrigue.

1008
00:33:44,516 --> 00:33:45,149
wow, you know a lot about

1009
00:33:45,217 --> 00:33:45,850
This.

1010
00:33:45,917 --> 00:33:46,617
he told me a
about it about a

1011
00:33:46,685 --> 00:33:49,053
Dozen times.

1012
00:33:49,121 --> 00:33:49,787
what's it called, "point of

1013
00:33:49,855 --> 00:33:53,057
No returns"?

1014
00:33:53,125 --> 00:33:54,058
yes, that's what
it's called.

1015
00:33:54,526 --> 00:33:54,992
really?

1016
00:33:55,060 --> 00:33:57,928
okay.

1017
00:33:57,996 --> 00:33:58,763
All right.

1018
00:33:58,830 --> 00:34:00,731
I found it, huh?

1019
00:34:00,799 --> 00:34:01,399
Yeah.

1020
00:34:01,466 --> 00:34:02,600
I told you it was there.

1021
00:34:02,668 --> 00:34:04,669
Right?

1022
00:34:04,736 --> 00:34:05,269
I specifically stated.

1023
00:34:05,337 --> 00:34:05,936
yes.

1024
00:34:06,004 --> 00:34:06,370
Yes, you did.

1025
00:34:06,438 --> 00:34:08,572
Thank you, denzel.

1026
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:09,140
I knew it.

1027
00:34:09,207 --> 00:34:09,840
I knew it.

1028
00:34:09,908 --> 00:34:12,510
Oh.

1029
00:34:12,577 --> 00:34:14,178
Now, what can I
help you with,

1030
00:34:14,246 --> 00:34:14,712
Ma'am?

1031
00:34:14,780 --> 00:34:15,246
Huh?

1032
00:34:15,313 --> 00:34:15,880
you know what, denzel?

1033
00:34:15,947 --> 00:34:16,480
I think I got this one.

1034
00:34:16,548 --> 00:34:18,082
no, no, no, no, no.

1035
00:34:18,150 --> 00:34:18,649
Got to learn.

1036
00:34:18,717 --> 00:34:21,085
Got to learn, right?

1037
00:34:21,153 --> 00:34:22,987
Come on, darling,
let's see what

1038
00:34:23,055 --> 00:34:23,487
You got.

1039
00:34:23,555 --> 00:34:24,155
okay, well, I wanted to

1040
00:34:24,222 --> 00:34:26,824
Return this bag.

1041
00:34:26,892 --> 00:34:27,391
oh, okay.

1042
00:34:27,459 --> 00:34:27,858
All right.

1043
00:34:27,926 --> 00:34:28,359
Let's take a look.

1044
00:34:28,427 --> 00:34:31,762
Okay.

1045
00:34:31,830 --> 00:34:33,030
Oh, look at this here.

1046
00:34:33,098 --> 00:34:34,298
This is nice.

1047
00:34:34,366 --> 00:34:35,700
It's very nice.

1048
00:34:35,767 --> 00:34:36,867
yeah, thank you.

1049
00:34:36,935 --> 00:34:37,768
you bought this?

1050
00:34:37,836 --> 00:34:38,302
I did.

1051
00:34:38,370 --> 00:34:38,736
huh?

1052
00:34:38,804 --> 00:34:39,637
This handbag right here?

1053
00:34:39,705 --> 00:34:41,539
This is yours?

1054
00:34:41,606 --> 00:34:42,106
yes, it is.

1055
00:34:42,174 --> 00:34:44,341
okay.

1056
00:34:44,409 --> 00:34:45,176
All right.

1057
00:34:45,243 --> 00:34:46,677
So let's see here.

1058
00:34:46,745 --> 00:34:50,648
So you bought this handbag

1059
00:34:50,716 --> 00:34:51,048
For $340.

1060
00:34:51,116 --> 00:34:51,716
And now you want your money

1061
00:34:51,783 --> 00:34:52,016
Back?

1062
00:34:52,084 --> 00:34:52,783
That's what you're saying?

1063
00:34:52,851 --> 00:34:53,517
That's what
you're telling me,

1064
00:34:53,585 --> 00:34:54,418
Right.

1065
00:34:54,486 --> 00:34:55,486
yes, yes.

1066
00:34:55,554 --> 00:34:56,187
okay.

1067
00:34:56,254 --> 00:34:56,954
$340, that's a
lot of money to

1068
00:34:57,022 --> 00:34:58,723
Be asking for back.

1069
00:34:58,790 --> 00:34:59,490
I mean, I'll give it to you.

1070
00:34:59,558 --> 00:35:02,159
Huh?

1071
00:35:02,227 --> 00:35:02,893
okay.

1072
00:35:02,961 --> 00:35:03,594
I just want to ask you one

1073
00:35:03,662 --> 00:35:08,265
Question.

1074
00:35:08,333 --> 00:35:08,833
What's wrong with it?

1075
00:35:08,900 --> 00:35:11,102
Huh?

1076
00:35:11,169 --> 00:35:11,736
what, with the handbag?

1077
00:35:11,803 --> 00:35:12,203
that's right.

1078
00:35:12,270 --> 00:35:12,870
um, well, it's the wrong

1079
00:35:12,938 --> 00:35:14,605
Color.

1080
00:35:14,673 --> 00:35:15,139
the wrong color.

1081
00:35:15,207 --> 00:35:15,940
She says it's
the wrong color.

1082
00:35:20,112 --> 00:35:21,112
You knew what
color it was when

1083
00:35:21,179 --> 00:35:23,280
You brought it home.

1084
00:35:23,348 --> 00:35:23,881
Did it change color or

1085
00:35:23,949 --> 00:35:26,083
Something?

1086
00:35:26,151 --> 00:35:26,817
no.

1087
00:35:26,885 --> 00:35:27,585
no, it didn't.

1088
00:35:27,652 --> 00:35:28,719
So let me ask you this.

1089
00:35:28,787 --> 00:35:30,888
What color is this handbag?

1090
00:35:30,956 --> 00:35:31,622
you know what?

1091
00:35:31,690 --> 00:35:32,690
I can just help this lady.

1092
00:35:32,758 --> 00:35:34,024
oh, no, you won't!

1093
00:35:34,092 --> 00:35:36,327
I asked her a
simple question.

1094
00:35:36,394 --> 00:35:39,997
What color is this handbag?

1095
00:35:40,065 --> 00:35:41,031
it's -- it's black.

1096
00:35:41,099 --> 00:35:42,166
oh, it's black, is it?

1097
00:35:42,234 --> 00:35:42,900
That's what
you're telling me,

1098
00:35:42,968 --> 00:35:43,200
Right?

1099
00:35:43,268 --> 00:35:43,801
It's black?

1100
00:35:43,869 --> 00:35:44,502
yes.

1101
00:35:44,569 --> 00:35:46,270
and you don't
like the color?

1102
00:35:46,338 --> 00:35:46,904
no, it's just that it

1103
00:35:46,972 --> 00:35:47,271
Doesn't --

1104
00:35:47,339 --> 00:35:48,139
excuse me?

1105
00:35:48,206 --> 00:35:49,573
Speak up!

1106
00:35:50,175 --> 00:35:50,908
You're at macy's.

1107
00:35:50,976 --> 00:35:52,076
There are rules
and regulations.

1108
00:35:52,144 --> 00:35:52,777
If you've got a complaint, I

1109
00:35:52,844 --> 00:35:56,313
Want to hear it.

1110
00:35:56,381 --> 00:35:57,481
it doesn't match my shoes.

1111
00:35:57,549 --> 00:35:58,215
it doesn't match your shoes,

1112
00:35:58,283 --> 00:35:58,649
Huh?

1113
00:35:58,717 --> 00:35:59,350
So, you don't have any black

1114
00:35:59,417 --> 00:36:00,117
Shoes in your possession?

1115
00:36:00,185 --> 00:36:03,354
Not any?

1116
00:36:03,421 --> 00:36:07,758
That's what
you're telling me?

1117
00:36:07,826 --> 00:36:09,360
no.

1118
00:36:09,427 --> 00:36:09,994
huh?

1119
00:36:10,061 --> 00:36:10,728
I have black shoes, just not

1120
00:36:10,796 --> 00:36:11,128
The kind --

1121
00:36:11,196 --> 00:36:11,695
not the kind what?

1122
00:36:11,763 --> 00:36:11,996
What?

1123
00:36:12,063 --> 00:36:12,530
Not the right kind?

1124
00:36:12,597 --> 00:36:13,831
oh, I didn't say that.

1125
00:36:13,899 --> 00:36:14,532
but you said wrong color,

1126
00:36:14,599 --> 00:36:14,932
Didn't you?

1127
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:16,066
So I'm lying?

1128
00:36:16,134 --> 00:36:16,767
So you're calling me a liar,

1129
00:36:16,835 --> 00:36:17,968
Right?

1130
00:36:18,036 --> 00:36:18,435
no, no.

1131
00:36:18,503 --> 00:36:18,836
huh?

1132
00:36:18,904 --> 00:36:19,603
I didn't call you a liar.

1133
00:36:19,671 --> 00:36:20,571
it sounded like it to me.

1134
00:36:20,639 --> 00:36:21,906
Huh?

1135
00:36:21,973 --> 00:36:23,407
Let me tell you something.

1136
00:36:23,475 --> 00:36:24,375
Don't you ever
in your life call

1137
00:36:24,442 --> 00:36:26,610
Me a liar.

1138
00:36:26,678 --> 00:36:28,646
but I didn't.

1139
00:36:28,713 --> 00:36:29,313
I just wanted to return --

1140
00:36:29,381 --> 00:36:30,314
oh, yes, you did.

1141
00:36:30,382 --> 00:36:31,015
I want to return the bag,

1142
00:36:31,082 --> 00:36:32,583
Okay?

1143
00:36:32,651 --> 00:36:34,618
well, then you've got to

1144
00:36:34,686 --> 00:36:35,352
Answer the questions,
darling.

1145
00:36:35,420 --> 00:36:36,587
I am answering
the questions.

1146
00:36:36,655 --> 00:36:37,454
I took it home.

1147
00:36:37,522 --> 00:36:38,222
I don't like it.

1148
00:36:38,290 --> 00:36:39,256
It just happened.

1149
00:36:39,324 --> 00:36:40,024
And you're not
letting me talk,

1150
00:36:40,091 --> 00:36:41,091
You jack wad.

1151
00:36:53,572 --> 00:36:54,004
oh, thank god.

1152
00:36:54,072 --> 00:36:54,839
hey, I like you.

1153
00:36:54,906 --> 00:36:56,574
You're feisty, aren't you?

1154
00:36:56,641 --> 00:36:58,209
Yeah, I like that.

1155
00:36:58,276 --> 00:36:58,943
Let me go return
this bag and

1156
00:36:59,010 --> 00:37:01,879
Stop messing with you.

1157
00:37:01,947 --> 00:37:06,350
My man.

1158
00:37:06,418 --> 00:37:07,084
that wasn't too hard, right?

1159
00:37:07,152 --> 00:37:07,585
of course not.

1160
00:37:07,652 --> 00:37:07,918
Okay.

1161
00:37:07,986 --> 00:37:08,686
I'm so glad we
got that settled.

1162
00:37:08,753 --> 00:37:13,224
All right.

1163
00:37:13,291 --> 00:37:14,124
Who's next?

1164
00:37:14,192 --> 00:37:17,061
Anyone?

1165
00:37:17,128 --> 00:37:17,761
let me handle it.

1166
00:37:17,829 --> 00:37:18,262
no, it's okay.

1167
00:37:18,330 --> 00:37:19,029
I got it.

1168
00:37:39,916 --> 00:37:40,516
>ladies and gentlemen,

1169
00:37:40,584 --> 00:37:41,183
Bruno mars.

1170
00:37:47,724 --> 00:38:01,871
♪

1171
00:38:01,938 --> 00:38:03,405
♪ oh, her eyes

1172
00:38:03,473 --> 00:38:03,806
Her eyes

1173
00:38:03,874 --> 00:38:04,640
Make the stars look like

1174
00:38:04,708 --> 00:38:06,108
They're not shining *

1175
00:38:06,176 --> 00:38:06,976
♪ her hair, her hair

1176
00:38:07,043 --> 00:38:08,477
Falls perfectly

1177
00:38:08,545 --> 00:38:10,579
Without her trying *

1178
00:38:10,647 --> 00:38:13,082
♪ she's so beautiful

1179
00:38:13,150 --> 00:38:18,087
And I tell her every day *

1180
00:38:18,155 --> 00:38:19,922
♪ yeah, I know, I know

1181
00:38:19,990 --> 00:38:20,856
When I compliment her

1182
00:38:20,924 --> 00:38:23,125
She won't believe me *

1183
00:38:23,193 --> 00:38:24,660
♪ and it's so, it's so

1184
00:38:24,728 --> 00:38:25,161
Sad to think she

1185
00:38:25,228 --> 00:38:27,496
Don't see what I see *

1186
00:38:27,564 --> 00:38:28,197
♪ but every time she asks

1187
00:38:28,265 --> 00:38:30,499
Me do I look okay

1188
00:38:30,567 --> 00:38:34,436
I say *

1189
00:38:34,504 --> 00:38:38,674
♪ when I see your face

1190
00:38:38,742 --> 00:38:40,309
There's not a thing

1191
00:38:40,377 --> 00:38:48,751
That I would change *

1192
00:38:48,819 --> 00:38:49,418
♪ 'cause you're amazing

1193
00:38:49,486 --> 00:38:51,954
Just the way you are *

1194
00:38:52,022 --> 00:38:55,424
♪ and when you smile

1195
00:38:55,492 --> 00:38:56,859
The whole world stops

1196
00:38:56,927 --> 00:39:00,262
And stares for awhile *

1197
00:39:00,330 --> 00:39:01,197
♪ 'cause girl you're amazing

1198
00:39:01,264 --> 00:39:09,972
Just the way you are *

1199
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:11,273
♪ her nails, her nails

1200
00:39:11,341 --> 00:39:12,608
I could kiss them all day

1201
00:39:12,676 --> 00:39:14,443
If she'd let me *

1202
00:39:14,511 --> 00:39:16,378
♪ her laugh, her laugh

1203
00:39:16,446 --> 00:39:17,179
She hates but

1204
00:39:17,247 --> 00:39:19,148
I think it's so sexy *

1205
00:39:19,216 --> 00:39:20,316
♪ she's so beautiful

1206
00:39:20,383 --> 00:39:26,589
And I tell her every day *

1207
00:39:26,656 --> 00:39:27,590
♪ oh, you know, you know

1208
00:39:27,657 --> 00:39:28,457
You know I'd never ask

1209
00:39:28,525 --> 00:39:33,863
You to change *

1210
00:39:33,930 --> 00:39:36,732
♪ if perfect is what

1211
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:39,134
You're searching for

1212
00:39:39,202 --> 00:39:44,006
Then just stay the same *

1213
00:39:44,074 --> 00:39:47,877
♪ so don't even

1214
00:39:47,944 --> 00:39:49,445
Bother asking

1215
00:39:49,512 --> 00:39:50,112
If you look okay

1216
00:39:50,180 --> 00:39:50,813
You know I say *

1217
00:39:50,881 --> 00:39:51,447
♪ when I see your face

1218
00:39:51,514 --> 00:39:51,981
There's not a thing

1219
00:39:52,048 --> 00:39:55,217
That I would change *

1220
00:39:55,285 --> 00:39:55,918
♪ 'cause you're amazing

1221
00:39:55,986 --> 00:39:59,288
Just the way you are *

1222
00:39:59,356 --> 00:40:03,292
♪ and when you smile

1223
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:07,830
The whole world stops

1224
00:40:07,898 --> 00:40:08,664
And stares for awhile *

1225
00:40:08,732 --> 00:40:10,032
♪ 'cause girl you're amazing

1226
00:40:10,100 --> 00:40:16,038
Just the way you are *

1227
00:40:16,106 --> 00:40:19,975
♪ the way you are

1228
00:40:20,043 --> 00:40:25,114
The way you are

1229
00:40:25,181 --> 00:40:28,150
Girl you're amazing

1230
00:40:28,218 --> 00:40:33,222
Just the way you are *

1231
00:40:33,290 --> 00:40:38,327
♪ when I see your face

1232
00:40:38,395 --> 00:40:38,861
There's not a thing

1233
00:40:38,929 --> 00:40:42,331
That I would change *

1234
00:40:42,399 --> 00:40:45,334
♪ 'cause you're amazing

1235
00:40:45,402 --> 00:40:50,539
Just the way you are *

1236
00:40:50,607 --> 00:40:57,846
♪ and when you smile baby

1237
00:40:57,914 --> 00:40:58,414
The whole world stops

1238
00:40:58,481 --> 00:40:59,181
And stares for awhile *

1239
00:40:59,249 --> 00:41:01,283
♪ 'cause girl you're amazing

1240
00:41:01,351 --> 00:41:07,589
Just the way you are *

1241
00:41:07,657 --> 00:41:09,358
♪ girl you're amazing

1242
00:41:09,426 --> 00:41:15,130
Just the way you are *

1243
00:41:37,118 --> 00:41:37,684
>"weekend update with

1244
00:41:37,752 --> 00:41:42,222
Seth meyers."

1245
00:41:42,290 --> 00:41:42,956
I'm seth meyers,
and here are

1246
00:41:43,024 --> 00:41:45,325
Tonight's top stories.

1247
00:41:45,393 --> 00:41:46,092
>delaware republican senate

1248
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:47,327
Candidate christine
o'donnell

1249
00:41:47,395 --> 00:41:48,695
Blamed her campaign's recent

1250
00:41:48,763 --> 00:41:50,263
Troubles on
unfair coverage in

1251
00:41:50,331 --> 00:41:54,935
The liberal media.

1252
00:41:55,002 --> 00:41:55,669
Yep, the liberal
media used two

1253
00:41:55,736 --> 00:41:56,403
Of its favorite
tricks on her,

1254
00:41:56,470 --> 00:41:57,570
Record and play.

1255
00:42:00,408 --> 00:42:01,341
>while speaking at a women's

1256
00:42:01,409 --> 00:42:03,543
Conference in washington on

1257
00:42:03,611 --> 00:42:05,445
Tuesday, president obama's

1258
00:42:05,513 --> 00:42:07,881
Speech was
interrupted when the

1259
00:42:07,949 --> 00:42:09,950
Presidential seal
on his podium

1260
00:42:10,017 --> 00:42:13,586
Fell off two years early.

1261
00:42:13,654 --> 00:42:14,921
>donald trump confirmed

1262
00:42:14,989 --> 00:42:15,956
Wednesday that
he is seriously

1263
00:42:16,023 --> 00:42:17,290
Considering a run
for president

1264
00:42:17,358 --> 00:42:18,191
In 2012, though I'm not sure

1265
00:42:18,259 --> 00:42:18,892
That we're going
to solve the

1266
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:19,626
Unemployment
crisis with a guy

1267
00:42:19,694 --> 00:42:20,327
Whose catchphrase is,
"you're

1268
00:42:20,394 --> 00:42:24,164
Fired."

1269
00:42:27,001 --> 00:42:27,801
>north carolina state

1270
00:42:27,868 --> 00:42:28,768
Representative larry brown

1271
00:42:28,836 --> 00:42:29,502
Created a controversy
this week

1272
00:42:29,570 --> 00:42:30,236
When he sent an
e-mail to other

1273
00:42:30,304 --> 00:42:30,837
Lawmakers referring to

1274
00:42:30,905 --> 00:42:33,807
Homosexuals as queers and

1275
00:42:33,874 --> 00:42:35,241
Froot-loops,
and the larry brown

1276
00:42:35,309 --> 00:42:35,976
Gets caught with
a male escort

1277
00:42:36,043 --> 00:42:39,946
Countdown begins now.

1278
00:42:45,286 --> 00:42:46,186
>the number one movie in

1279
00:42:46,253 --> 00:42:47,020
America is
"the social network,"

1280
00:42:47,088 --> 00:42:47,687
Which tells the story of

1281
00:42:47,755 --> 00:42:48,421
Mark zuckerberg
and the founding

1282
00:42:48,489 --> 00:42:49,689
Of facebook.

1283
00:42:49,757 --> 00:42:50,423
Here to comment
on the film is

1284
00:42:50,491 --> 00:42:52,392
Facebook founder,

1285
00:42:52,460 --> 00:42:53,393
Mark zuckerberg.

1286
00:42:57,598 --> 00:42:59,632
hello, seth.

1287
00:42:59,700 --> 00:43:01,234
Hi.

1288
00:43:01,302 --> 00:43:01,935
so mark, you went and saw

1289
00:43:02,003 --> 00:43:02,502
"the social network"?

1290
00:43:02,570 --> 00:43:02,836
what?

1291
00:43:02,903 --> 00:43:03,436
No, don't be ridiculous.

1292
00:43:03,504 --> 00:43:04,004
I'm 26.

1293
00:43:04,071 --> 00:43:05,805
I stole it online.

1294
00:43:05,873 --> 00:43:06,973
okay, gotcha.

1295
00:43:07,041 --> 00:43:07,907
So mark,
"the social network"

1296
00:43:07,975 --> 00:43:08,641
Has been criticized for some

1297
00:43:08,709 --> 00:43:09,175
Inaccuracies.

1298
00:43:09,243 --> 00:43:09,876
So let's clear a few things

1299
00:43:09,944 --> 00:43:11,511
Up now.

1300
00:43:11,579 --> 00:43:12,746
Did you create
facebook just to

1301
00:43:12,813 --> 00:43:15,882
Meet girls?

1302
00:43:15,950 --> 00:43:17,250
um, gee, let me think.

1303
00:43:17,318 --> 00:43:20,420
Of course I did!

1304
00:43:20,488 --> 00:43:21,087
Why does anyone do anything?

1305
00:43:21,155 --> 00:43:26,126
I mean, why did
you get on tv?

1306
00:43:26,193 --> 00:43:26,893
touché.

1307
00:43:26,961 --> 00:43:27,627
Now, mark,
the movie also claims

1308
00:43:27,695 --> 00:43:28,294
You had only one friend in

1309
00:43:28,362 --> 00:43:30,230
College.

1310
00:43:30,297 --> 00:43:31,097
that's totally, totally

1311
00:43:31,165 --> 00:43:31,765
Inaccurate, seth.

1312
00:43:31,832 --> 00:43:32,966
I had three friends.

1313
00:43:33,034 --> 00:43:36,970
Because parents count.

1314
00:43:37,038 --> 00:43:37,704
I guess they do.

1315
00:43:37,772 --> 00:43:38,204
oh, wait.

1316
00:43:38,272 --> 00:43:39,039
Do turtles count?

1317
00:43:39,106 --> 00:43:40,240
no.

1318
00:43:40,307 --> 00:43:40,940
okay, yeah, then just the

1319
00:43:41,008 --> 00:43:41,274
Three.

1320
00:43:41,342 --> 00:43:42,242
okay.

1321
00:43:42,309 --> 00:43:42,976
So it's not true
that you were a

1322
00:43:43,044 --> 00:43:43,676
Loser who created
facebook to

1323
00:43:43,744 --> 00:43:45,378
Have a social life?

1324
00:43:45,446 --> 00:43:46,379
again, how good was your

1325
00:43:46,447 --> 00:43:47,147
Social life before you were

1326
00:43:47,214 --> 00:43:49,315
On tv?

1327
00:43:49,383 --> 00:43:50,950
touché.

1328
00:43:51,018 --> 00:43:52,218
I invented facebook, seth.

1329
00:43:52,286 --> 00:43:53,253
I didn't invent getting

1330
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:54,754
Successful to meet girls.

1331
00:43:54,822 --> 00:43:57,023
I guarantee that
the first guy

1332
00:43:57,091 --> 00:43:58,558
Who invented the
wheel did was

1333
00:43:58,626 --> 00:43:59,759
Roll it over some ladies.

1334
00:43:59,827 --> 00:44:00,927
Hey, girls.

1335
00:44:00,995 --> 00:44:02,328
It's called a wheel.

1336
00:44:02,396 --> 00:44:06,366
Hop on!

1337
00:44:06,434 --> 00:44:07,033
I mean, please.

1338
00:44:07,101 --> 00:44:07,767
You think aaron
sorkin doesn't

1339
00:44:07,835 --> 00:44:08,435
Mention "the west wing" on

1340
00:44:08,502 --> 00:44:08,735
Dates?

1341
00:44:08,803 --> 00:44:09,102
We're men.

1342
00:44:09,170 --> 00:44:10,003
We use what we got.

1343
00:44:10,071 --> 00:44:10,804
now to be fair, mark, not

1344
00:44:10,871 --> 00:44:11,538
Many people are
going to feel

1345
00:44:11,605 --> 00:44:12,138
Sorry for you.

1346
00:44:12,206 --> 00:44:12,872
You're 26 years old,
you have

1347
00:44:12,940 --> 00:44:14,574
$4 billion.

1348
00:44:14,642 --> 00:44:15,475
true, true.

1349
00:44:15,543 --> 00:44:16,276
But I am responsible with my

1350
00:44:16,343 --> 00:44:17,544
Money.

1351
00:44:17,611 --> 00:44:20,213
I donated $100
million to the

1352
00:44:20,281 --> 00:44:21,581
Newark school system.

1353
00:44:21,649 --> 00:44:22,315
yeah, well some people

1354
00:44:22,383 --> 00:44:23,083
Thought you did that to look

1355
00:44:23,150 --> 00:44:24,517
Good after the movie.

1356
00:44:24,585 --> 00:44:25,251
of course I did that to look

1357
00:44:25,319 --> 00:44:26,352
Good after the movie.

1358
00:44:26,420 --> 00:44:28,121
What does it matter?

1359
00:44:28,189 --> 00:44:29,422
It was $100 million.

1360
00:44:29,490 --> 00:44:30,657
That's hover board money.

1361
00:44:30,724 --> 00:44:31,925
okay.

1362
00:44:31,992 --> 00:44:32,692
So should folks
at home see the

1363
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:34,694
Movie?

1364
00:44:34,762 --> 00:44:35,562
yes.

1365
00:44:35,629 --> 00:44:36,296
That's my biggest
problem with

1366
00:44:36,363 --> 00:44:37,197
"the social network."

1367
00:44:37,264 --> 00:44:37,964
I may not like
what he says, but

1368
00:44:38,032 --> 00:44:41,067
It's a really good movie.

1369
00:44:41,135 --> 00:44:41,734
Can we talk about casting,

1370
00:44:41,802 --> 00:44:43,303
Please?

1371
00:44:43,370 --> 00:44:44,204
I mean, shawn
parker gets justin

1372
00:44:44,271 --> 00:44:45,405
Friggin' timberlake
and I get

1373
00:44:45,473 --> 00:44:47,607
Jesse isenberg.

1374
00:44:47,675 --> 00:44:48,908
Its like, hey, we're making

1375
00:44:48,976 --> 00:44:50,310
About steve jobs
and bill gates.

1376
00:44:50,377 --> 00:44:51,344
Steve, you're
going to be played

1377
00:44:51,412 --> 00:44:52,545
By brad pitt.

1378
00:44:52,613 --> 00:44:54,013
And bill, you're going to be

1379
00:44:54,081 --> 00:44:54,948
Played by a
cardboard box with

1380
00:44:55,015 --> 00:44:58,718
Glasses glued to it.

1381
00:44:58,786 --> 00:44:59,419
yeah, so do you have any

1382
00:44:59,487 --> 00:45:00,787
Regrets at all?

1383
00:45:00,855 --> 00:45:01,788
yes.

1384
00:45:01,856 --> 00:45:03,323
My one regret
with facebook is

1385
00:45:03,390 --> 00:45:05,158
Poking.

1386
00:45:05,226 --> 00:45:06,693
Poking is creepy and lame.

1387
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:08,495
And getting an e-mail saying

1388
00:45:08,562 --> 00:45:10,063
That your dad
poked you is an

1389
00:45:10,131 --> 00:45:12,398
Enormous bummer.

1390
00:45:12,466 --> 00:45:13,733
I know that now,
and for that, I

1391
00:45:13,801 --> 00:45:16,469
Apologize.

1392
00:45:16,537 --> 00:45:17,470
mark zuckerberg, everybody.

1393
00:45:17,538 --> 00:45:20,140
friend me!

1394
00:45:20,207 --> 00:45:20,907
are you my friend,
you are my

1395
00:45:20,975 --> 00:45:21,241
Friend.

1396
00:45:25,112 --> 00:45:25,712
>eliot spitzer's new

1397
00:45:25,779 --> 00:45:26,779
Political talk show

1398
00:45:26,847 --> 00:45:27,614
Parker/spitzer
premiered Monday

1399
00:45:27,681 --> 00:45:28,381
To low ratings.

1400
00:45:28,449 --> 00:45:29,149
If you're having trouble

1401
00:45:29,216 --> 00:45:30,083
Remembering which
channel it's

1402
00:45:30,151 --> 00:45:30,817
On, just remember
client number

1403
00:45:30,885 --> 00:45:34,420
Nine.

1404
00:45:34,488 --> 00:45:41,828
>four states in the nation

1405
00:45:41,896 --> 00:45:44,130
Including arizona,
tennessee,

1406
00:45:44,198 --> 00:45:46,866
Georgia and virginia have

1407
00:45:46,934 --> 00:45:48,902
Recently enacted laws that

1408
00:45:48,969 --> 00:45:49,669
Explicitly allow
people to carry

1409
00:45:49,737 --> 00:45:50,236
Loaded guns into bars.

1410
00:45:50,304 --> 00:45:50,970
So if you live
in one of those

1411
00:45:51,038 --> 00:45:51,671
States and are wondering how

1412
00:45:51,739 --> 00:45:52,338
You're going to die, you're

1413
00:45:52,406 --> 00:45:53,606
Gonna get shot in a bar.

1414
00:45:59,346 --> 00:46:00,480
>a woman from florida is

1415
00:46:00,548 --> 00:46:01,915
Claiming that her room at

1416
00:46:01,982 --> 00:46:02,682
New york's famed
waldorf astoria

1417
00:46:02,750 --> 00:46:04,851
Hotel had bedbugs.

1418
00:46:04,919 --> 00:46:06,319
Super fancy bedbugs.

1419
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:14,194
>tulare county in california

1420
00:46:14,261 --> 00:46:15,361
Has passed a law barring sex

1421
00:46:15,429 --> 00:46:16,696
Offenders from
decorating their

1422
00:46:16,764 --> 00:46:18,031
Homes and handing
out candy to

1423
00:46:18,098 --> 00:46:19,332
Children on Halloween.

1424
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:20,033
Kids are a little bummed out

1425
00:46:20,100 --> 00:46:20,833
Because you know
those guys have

1426
00:46:20,901 --> 00:46:26,839
The best candy.

1427
00:46:26,907 --> 00:46:28,741
>two russian born scientists

1428
00:46:28,809 --> 00:46:29,709
Shared the nobel prize in

1429
00:46:29,777 --> 00:46:30,443
Physics on Tuesday for

1430
00:46:30,511 --> 00:46:31,211
Groundbreaking
experiments with

1431
00:46:31,278 --> 00:46:32,045
Graphene, the strongest and

1432
00:46:32,112 --> 00:46:32,712
Thinnest material known to

1433
00:46:32,780 --> 00:46:33,313
Mankind, not counting

1434
00:46:33,380 --> 00:46:37,016
Kelly ripa.

1435
00:46:39,186 --> 00:46:42,822
She's thin and strong.

1436
00:46:42,890 --> 00:46:43,856
>the u.S. State department

1437
00:46:43,924 --> 00:46:44,591
Has extended its
travel warning

1438
00:46:44,658 --> 00:46:45,358
For citizens
traveling in mexico

1439
00:46:45,426 --> 00:46:46,292
Due to the escalating drug

1440
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:47,026
Related crime in
and around the

1441
00:46:47,094 --> 00:46:47,460
Border cities.

1442
00:46:47,528 --> 00:46:48,194
Here to talk
about it from the

1443
00:46:48,262 --> 00:46:48,828
Mexican board of tourism,

1444
00:46:48,896 --> 00:46:49,295
Miguel conjeros.

1445
00:46:49,964 --> 00:46:50,330
hola, seth.

1446
00:46:50,397 --> 00:46:50,863
welcome, welcome.

1447
00:46:50,931 --> 00:46:51,264
gracias.

1448
00:46:51,332 --> 00:46:51,998
So generous to
have me on your

1449
00:46:52,066 --> 00:46:52,298
Show.

1450
00:46:52,366 --> 00:46:52,966
I am a big fan of your work.

1451
00:46:53,033 --> 00:46:53,566
thank you very much.

1452
00:46:53,634 --> 00:46:54,033
Miguel conjeros.

1453
00:46:57,905 --> 00:46:58,304
hola, seth.

1454
00:46:58,372 --> 00:46:58,838
welcome, welcome.

1455
00:46:58,906 --> 00:46:59,239
gracias.

1456
00:46:59,306 --> 00:46:59,973
So generous to
have me on your

1457
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:01,741
Show.

1458
00:47:01,809 --> 00:47:03,943
I am a big fan of your work.

1459
00:47:04,011 --> 00:47:05,078
thank you very much.

1460
00:47:05,145 --> 00:47:06,512
tonight,
I come here to speak

1461
00:47:06,580 --> 00:47:07,747
Of mexico and its many

1462
00:47:07,815 --> 00:47:10,717
Splendors.

1463
00:47:10,784 --> 00:47:11,451
The perfect
vacation destination

1464
00:47:11,518 --> 00:47:12,051
For young and old alike.

1465
00:47:12,119 --> 00:47:12,619
so, miguel, that's

1466
00:47:12,686 --> 00:47:13,319
Interesting, but how has the

1467
00:47:13,387 --> 00:47:14,020
Escalating drug
activity near

1468
00:47:14,088 --> 00:47:16,322
The borders
affected tourism?

1469
00:47:16,390 --> 00:47:19,525
que?

1470
00:47:19,593 --> 00:47:20,893
Did you ask about
the beaches?

1471
00:47:20,961 --> 00:47:21,594
no, I didn't ask about the

1472
00:47:21,662 --> 00:47:22,428
Beaches.

1473
00:47:22,496 --> 00:47:23,997
I would like to
know more about

1474
00:47:24,064 --> 00:47:25,265
The drug cartel activity.

1475
00:47:25,332 --> 00:47:26,666
I apologize.

1476
00:47:26,734 --> 00:47:27,734
You speak very fast.

1477
00:47:27,801 --> 00:47:30,770
My english is not
so very good.

1478
00:47:30,838 --> 00:47:31,537
I'm not like jennifer lopez,

1479
00:47:31,605 --> 00:47:33,706
Okay?

1480
00:47:33,774 --> 00:47:34,374
yeah, but you seemed to

1481
00:47:34,441 --> 00:47:35,008
Understand me pretty well

1482
00:47:35,075 --> 00:47:36,376
Before.

1483
00:47:36,443 --> 00:47:37,043
yes, I'm like that.

1484
00:47:37,111 --> 00:47:39,545
It goes in and out.

1485
00:47:39,613 --> 00:47:40,680
no, I don't think so,
miguel.

1486
00:47:40,748 --> 00:47:41,381
yeah, I think --

1487
00:47:41,448 --> 00:47:41,848
no, I don't.

1488
00:47:41,915 --> 00:47:43,016
I think so.

1489
00:47:43,083 --> 00:47:44,651
okay, well, I think we agree

1490
00:47:44,718 --> 00:47:46,552
To disagree.

1491
00:47:46,620 --> 00:47:48,354
See, because
tourists are wary

1492
00:47:48,422 --> 00:47:49,922
Of traveling in mexico.

1493
00:47:49,990 --> 00:47:50,690
I mean, is there
anything you'd

1494
00:47:50,758 --> 00:47:51,557
Like to say to
ease their drug

1495
00:47:51,625 --> 00:47:53,459
Cartel fears?

1496
00:47:53,527 --> 00:47:54,527
you know, when you're

1497
00:47:54,595 --> 00:47:55,228
Talking, you're pushing your

1498
00:47:55,296 --> 00:47:56,195
Words together.

1499
00:47:56,263 --> 00:47:57,664
It sounds like one big word.

1500
00:47:57,731 --> 00:48:00,166
I believe you asked me -- I

1501
00:48:00,234 --> 00:48:01,167
Think the beaches, right?

1502
00:48:01,235 --> 00:48:03,369
no.

1503
00:48:03,437 --> 00:48:04,337
will you do me a favor?

1504
00:48:04,405 --> 00:48:05,271
Say one word at a time,
leaving

1505
00:48:05,339 --> 00:48:06,739
Space in between your words.

1506
00:48:06,807 --> 00:48:07,640
okay.

1507
00:48:07,708 --> 00:48:11,477
okay.

1508
00:48:11,545 --> 00:48:12,345
tourism --

1509
00:48:12,413 --> 00:48:12,979
yes.

1510
00:48:13,047 --> 00:48:14,314
okay?

1511
00:48:14,381 --> 00:48:15,782
Has --

1512
00:48:15,849 --> 00:48:17,417
okay, yes.

1513
00:48:17,484 --> 00:48:18,651
been affected by --

1514
00:48:18,719 --> 00:48:21,387
that's three words.

1515
00:48:22,056 --> 00:48:23,589
But yes.

1516
00:48:23,657 --> 00:48:28,895
been affected by drugs.

1517
00:48:31,031 --> 00:48:31,664
that sounded like beaches.

1518
00:48:31,732 --> 00:48:34,334
drugs.

1519
00:48:34,401 --> 00:48:37,270
Drugs and drug cartels.

1520
00:48:37,338 --> 00:48:37,870
que?

1521
00:48:37,938 --> 00:48:38,738
okay.

1522
00:48:38,806 --> 00:48:39,739
All right.

1523
00:48:39,807 --> 00:48:42,342
What about this story about

1524
00:48:42,409 --> 00:48:43,409
Americans on jet skis being

1525
00:48:43,477 --> 00:48:44,110
Attacked by mexican pirates?

1526
00:48:44,178 --> 00:48:44,944
jet skis.

1527
00:48:45,012 --> 00:48:45,778
Yes, we have jet
skis and zip

1528
00:48:45,846 --> 00:48:46,346
Lines.

1529
00:48:46,413 --> 00:48:49,215
Come to mexico.

1530
00:48:49,283 --> 00:48:50,049
We have beaches, seth.

1531
00:48:50,117 --> 00:48:51,217
no, not the beaches.

1532
00:48:51,285 --> 00:48:53,219
What about the pirates?

1533
00:48:53,287 --> 00:48:53,920
the parties.

1534
00:48:53,987 --> 00:48:56,422
no.

1535
00:48:56,490 --> 00:48:57,790
pirates.

1536
00:48:57,858 --> 00:48:58,691
the piñatas.

1537
00:48:58,759 --> 00:49:01,060
no, pirates.

1538
00:49:01,128 --> 00:49:01,694
palm trees?

1539
00:49:01,762 --> 00:49:03,296
no.

1540
00:49:03,364 --> 00:49:04,764
if you're asking
me if mexico

1541
00:49:04,832 --> 00:49:06,866
Has parties with
piñatas, the

1542
00:49:06,934 --> 00:49:09,635
Answer is a resounding yes.

1543
00:49:09,703 --> 00:49:10,670
But if it's about
anything else,

1544
00:49:10,738 --> 00:49:11,237
I don't speak english.

1545
00:49:11,305 --> 00:49:12,572
all right.

1546
00:49:12,639 --> 00:49:13,239
please come to beautiful

1547
00:49:13,307 --> 00:49:13,706
Mexico.

1548
00:49:13,774 --> 00:49:15,074
Adios!

1549
00:49:15,142 --> 00:49:16,909
miguel conjeros, everybody!

1550
00:49:16,977 --> 00:49:19,612
>this week the "peanuts"

1551
00:49:22,683 --> 00:49:23,316
>this week the "peanuts"

1552
00:49:23,384 --> 00:49:24,016
Comic strip marked its 60th

1553
00:49:24,084 --> 00:49:26,419
Anniversary.

1554
00:49:26,487 --> 00:49:27,153
The strip follows
the adventures

1555
00:49:27,221 --> 00:49:28,287
Of a group of
neurotic children

1556
00:49:28,355 --> 00:49:29,422
Whose parents
are all dead who

1557
00:49:29,490 --> 00:49:30,189
Are being educated
by an unseen

1558
00:49:30,257 --> 00:49:35,995
Trombone player.

1559
00:49:36,063 --> 00:49:36,829
>the Halloween costume

1560
00:49:36,897 --> 00:49:37,530
Industry is saying that the

1561
00:49:37,598 --> 00:49:38,231
Hottest costume this year is

1562
00:49:38,298 --> 00:49:39,399
Lady gaga.

1563
00:49:39,466 --> 00:49:40,333
Of course by the
time you finish

1564
00:49:40,401 --> 00:49:41,000
Putting it on, it will be

1565
00:49:41,068 --> 00:49:44,537
November 3rd.

1566
00:49:44,605 --> 00:49:45,238
>according to a new study,

1567
00:49:45,305 --> 00:49:46,239
85% of men said that their

1568
00:49:46,306 --> 00:49:47,807
Latest sexual partner had an

1569
00:49:47,875 --> 00:49:49,475
Orgasm while only 64% of the

1570
00:49:49,543 --> 00:49:50,209
Women surveyed
reported having

1571
00:49:50,277 --> 00:49:52,745
An orgasm.

1572
00:49:52,813 --> 00:49:53,846
I think the takeaway here is

1573
00:49:53,914 --> 00:49:54,881
That women are
kind of bad at

1574
00:49:54,948 --> 00:49:57,884
Noticing their own orgasms.

1575
00:50:02,423 --> 00:50:03,055
>for "weekend update," I'm

1576
00:50:03,123 --> 00:50:03,456
Seth meyers!

1577
00:50:03,524 --> 00:50:03,856
Good night!

1578
00:50:03,924 --> 00:50:07,393
♪

1579
00:50:24,233 --> 00:50:24,766
It's "the

1580
00:50:24,834 --> 00:50:25,267
Suze orman show."

1581
00:50:29,071 --> 00:50:29,671
>welcome to the show, my

1582
00:50:29,739 --> 00:50:32,274
Dears and dearies.

1583
00:50:32,909 --> 00:50:33,608
Halloween is coming up fast,

1584
00:50:33,676 --> 00:50:35,510
Ghoul-friends.

1585
00:50:35,578 --> 00:50:36,711
And don't be a
dum-bum and waste

1586
00:50:36,779 --> 00:50:37,445
Money on pricey
treats for the

1587
00:50:37,513 --> 00:50:39,247
Trick-or-treaters.

1588
00:50:39,315 --> 00:50:42,350
Do what I do.

1589
00:50:42,418 --> 00:50:43,185
Collect candy throughout the

1590
00:50:43,252 --> 00:50:43,919
Year from doctors'
offices and

1591
00:50:43,986 --> 00:50:44,886
Nursing homes.

1592
00:50:46,822 --> 00:50:47,489
Put them in a bowl.

1593
00:50:47,557 --> 00:50:48,490
And when you see those cute

1594
00:50:48,558 --> 00:50:49,424
Little bunions come up your

1595
00:50:49,492 --> 00:50:50,692
Driveway,
turn off your porch

1596
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:51,860
Light, turn on
your sprinklers

1597
00:50:51,928 --> 00:50:52,994
And go enjoy that
candy yourself

1598
00:50:53,062 --> 00:50:53,862
While sitting
in an empty hot

1599
00:50:53,930 --> 00:50:58,667
Tub.

1600
00:50:58,734 --> 00:50:59,734
You're welcome.

1601
00:50:59,802 --> 00:51:00,669
Now, I can't
wait to tell you

1602
00:51:00,736 --> 00:51:03,305
What happened
to me on Sunday.

1603
00:51:03,372 --> 00:51:04,272
I woke up late
and immediately

1604
00:51:04,340 --> 00:51:05,307
Went out for a
naked jog through

1605
00:51:05,374 --> 00:51:08,977
My pumpkin patch.

1606
00:51:09,045 --> 00:51:10,779
Four painful
bosom shakes into

1607
00:51:10,846 --> 00:51:12,080
The run,
I realized I was late

1608
00:51:12,148 --> 00:51:12,714
For a charity event I was

1609
00:51:12,782 --> 00:51:14,950
Hosting.

1610
00:51:15,017 --> 00:51:16,117
So I quickly got
dressed, ran

1611
00:51:16,185 --> 00:51:17,519
Down to the lake,
hopped on my

1612
00:51:17,587 --> 00:51:19,621
Covered jet ski
that turns into

1613
00:51:19,689 --> 00:51:22,490
A motorcycle and
scooted on down

1614
00:51:22,558 --> 00:51:23,592
To the tampax pearl women's

1615
00:51:23,659 --> 00:51:25,961
Business expo.

1616
00:51:26,028 --> 00:51:27,128
It was a magical
evening raising

1617
00:51:27,196 --> 00:51:28,263
A lot of money
for good ladies

1618
00:51:28,331 --> 00:51:28,997
Who have small
businesses and

1619
00:51:29,065 --> 00:51:34,269
Big periods.

1620
00:51:36,472 --> 00:51:37,172
But the best part
was that I ran

1621
00:51:37,240 --> 00:51:37,839
Into a woman who was a real

1622
00:51:37,907 --> 00:51:41,443
Blast from my past.

1623
00:51:41,510 --> 00:51:43,979
She was my very
first roommate.

1624
00:51:47,550 --> 00:51:51,653
I shared expenses
with -- during

1625
00:51:51,721 --> 00:51:54,522
College and after that.

1626
00:51:54,590 --> 00:51:56,691
She is currently running a

1627
00:51:56,759 --> 00:51:57,692
Not-for-profit animal rescue

1628
00:51:57,760 --> 00:51:58,460
Which, like many
charities right

1629
00:51:58,527 --> 00:51:59,961
Now, is struggling.

1630
00:52:00,029 --> 00:52:01,563
I asked her to
join me today to

1631
00:52:01,631 --> 00:52:03,531
See if I could help.

1632
00:52:03,599 --> 00:52:05,700
Please welcome roma donk.

1633
00:52:10,673 --> 00:52:11,640
hi, suze.

1634
00:52:11,707 --> 00:52:13,141
Thanks for having me on your

1635
00:52:13,209 --> 00:52:13,742
Show, you big shot.

1636
00:52:13,809 --> 00:52:14,643
Look at this big
desk and great

1637
00:52:14,710 --> 00:52:15,744
Lights and great jacket.

1638
00:52:15,811 --> 00:52:16,878
it is so good to see you,

1639
00:52:16,946 --> 00:52:20,015
Roma.

1640
00:52:20,082 --> 00:52:20,949
You look terrific.

1641
00:52:21,017 --> 00:52:21,683
And what is that
scent you're

1642
00:52:21,751 --> 00:52:23,184
Wearing?

1643
00:52:23,252 --> 00:52:24,686
um, it's shampoo
for severely

1644
00:52:24,754 --> 00:52:25,820
Damaged hair.

1645
00:52:25,888 --> 00:52:27,722
oh, I remember.

1646
00:52:36,065 --> 00:52:37,365
Now, roma,
don't hate me, but I

1647
00:52:37,433 --> 00:52:39,034
Brought a picture
of us when we

1648
00:52:39,101 --> 00:52:41,536
Were at amelia
earhart community

1649
00:52:41,604 --> 00:52:42,304
College when we went to the

1650
00:52:42,371 --> 00:52:46,041
Spring dance together.

1651
00:52:47,209 --> 00:52:48,043
oh.

1652
00:52:48,110 --> 00:52:49,010
Yeah, gosh those were good

1653
00:52:49,078 --> 00:52:50,412
Times, but it
was a long time

1654
00:52:50,479 --> 00:52:51,413
Ago.

1655
00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:52,147
That was just a
phase for me,

1656
00:52:52,214 --> 00:52:53,915
Suze.

1657
00:52:53,983 --> 00:52:56,351
Gotta to try
everything once.

1658
00:52:56,419 --> 00:52:58,053
a phase?

1659
00:52:58,120 --> 00:52:59,587
For 12 years?

1660
00:52:59,655 --> 00:53:01,956
On a single futon?

1661
00:53:02,024 --> 00:53:02,657
well, actually, suze, I'm

1662
00:53:02,725 --> 00:53:03,158
Married now.

1663
00:53:03,225 --> 00:53:04,426
I have a husband.

1664
00:53:04,493 --> 00:53:06,861
And I'm straight.

1665
00:53:06,929 --> 00:53:07,562
have you told that to your

1666
00:53:07,630 --> 00:53:12,300
Haircut and your crocs?

1667
00:53:12,368 --> 00:53:13,968
so back to you giving you

1668
00:53:14,036 --> 00:53:14,569
Financial advice, okay?

1669
00:53:14,637 --> 00:53:15,337
It's been hard
to keep my animal

1670
00:53:15,404 --> 00:53:17,472
Rescue going.

1671
00:53:17,540 --> 00:53:21,609
going like down a river?

1672
00:53:21,677 --> 00:53:22,644
A river like denial?

1673
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:24,713
yeah, well, money's been

1674
00:53:24,780 --> 00:53:26,548
Tight, but I have two jobs.

1675
00:53:26,615 --> 00:53:28,116
I charter fishing trips for

1676
00:53:28,184 --> 00:53:28,850
Women in the
military on a boat

1677
00:53:28,918 --> 00:53:29,718
That I named "the ss tuna

1678
00:53:29,785 --> 00:53:32,087
Schooner."

1679
00:53:37,193 --> 00:53:37,792
still sticking with that

1680
00:53:37,860 --> 00:53:40,061
Phase thing, huh?

1681
00:53:40,129 --> 00:53:41,162
and during the week,
I have a

1682
00:53:41,230 --> 00:53:42,364
Street cart that sells cat

1683
00:53:42,431 --> 00:53:48,670
Collars and wnba
bobbleheads.

1684
00:53:48,738 --> 00:53:49,404
you are digging yourself a

1685
00:53:49,472 --> 00:53:52,040
Big one, sister.

1686
00:53:52,108 --> 00:53:53,074
"lez" continue.

1687
00:53:55,177 --> 00:53:56,010
suze, I love my husband very

1688
00:53:56,078 --> 00:53:56,778
Much, and you can
ask anyone on

1689
00:53:56,846 --> 00:54:00,448
My softball team.

1690
00:54:00,516 --> 00:54:01,383
strike three, you're gay.

1691
00:54:03,986 --> 00:54:04,652
suze, I'm here to talk about

1692
00:54:04,720 --> 00:54:05,720
My animal rescue.

1693
00:54:05,788 --> 00:54:06,421
We focus on saving the lives

1694
00:54:06,489 --> 00:54:08,456
Water birds.

1695
00:54:08,524 --> 00:54:08,957
right.

1696
00:54:09,024 --> 00:54:10,592
And the name of it is?

1697
00:54:10,659 --> 00:54:11,126
indigo gulls.

1698
00:54:14,263 --> 00:54:14,929
We're currently
looking for a

1699
00:54:14,997 --> 00:54:19,534
Good home for
this female duck.

1700
00:54:19,602 --> 00:54:20,335
oh, what a doll baby.

1701
00:54:20,403 --> 00:54:22,837
And what is her name?

1702
00:54:22,905 --> 00:54:25,073
meredith quackster birney.

1703
00:54:29,812 --> 00:54:30,879
Well, this was fun.

1704
00:54:30,946 --> 00:54:32,046
I should go.

1705
00:54:32,114 --> 00:54:32,714
My husband and I have plans.

1706
00:54:32,782 --> 00:54:33,047
Come on.

1707
00:54:33,115 --> 00:54:33,681
Let's go, frank.

1708
00:54:33,749 --> 00:54:34,349
speak for yourself, miss

1709
00:54:34,417 --> 00:54:35,250
Girl.

1710
00:54:35,317 --> 00:54:36,217
I'm having scones
in the green

1711
00:54:36,285 --> 00:54:37,252
Room with suze's
hairdresser,

1712
00:54:37,319 --> 00:54:37,919
And he's teaching me how to

1713
00:54:37,987 --> 00:54:38,887
Crunk.

1714
00:54:44,393 --> 00:54:45,460
oh, suze, who am I kidding?

1715
00:54:45,528 --> 00:54:49,798
I'm gay and I feel great.

1716
00:54:49,865 --> 00:54:50,532
well, you look
like a million

1717
00:54:50,599 --> 00:54:51,399
Dollars.

1718
00:54:51,467 --> 00:54:52,801
and you look
like a vagillion

1719
00:54:52,868 --> 00:54:54,436
Dollars.

1720
00:54:57,339 --> 00:54:59,040
there's the roma I remember.

1721
00:54:59,108 --> 00:54:59,741
Well it was great having you

1722
00:54:59,809 --> 00:55:00,775
Here.

1723
00:55:00,843 --> 00:55:04,112
And I will see
you at my next

1724
00:55:04,180 --> 00:55:05,346
Sports bra fashion
week party.

1725
00:55:05,414 --> 00:55:06,314
And remember everyone, it's

1726
00:55:06,382 --> 00:55:09,417
People first,
then money, then

1727
00:55:09,485 --> 00:55:10,151
Things, then
reconnecting with

1728
00:55:10,219 --> 00:55:13,321
Old friends.

1729
00:55:13,389 --> 00:55:17,992
Bye-bye.

1730
00:55:18,761 --> 00:55:20,595
♪

1731
00:55:44,403 --> 00:55:44,869
>tonight, the

1732
00:55:44,936 --> 00:55:45,536
Philadelphia eagles and the

1733
00:55:45,604 --> 00:55:46,270
San francisco
49ers in an east

1734
00:55:46,322 --> 00:55:49,540
Coast/west coast battle.

1735
00:55:49,608 --> 00:55:50,525
I'm al michaels.

1736
00:55:50,593 --> 00:55:51,709
and I'm cris collinsworth.

1737
00:55:51,777 --> 00:55:57,782
This is
"Sunday night football."

1738
00:55:57,850 --> 00:55:58,449
all right, listen up,

1739
00:55:58,517 --> 00:55:59,450
America.

1740
00:55:59,518 --> 00:56:00,585
It's Sunday night.

1741
00:56:00,653 --> 00:56:01,286
And that means
football night

1742
00:56:01,353 --> 00:56:04,055
Right here.

1743
00:56:04,123 --> 00:56:08,559
So let's hit it.

1744
00:56:08,627 --> 00:56:09,360
♪ all right Sunday night

1745
00:56:09,428 --> 00:56:12,797
Kicking back *

1746
00:56:12,865 --> 00:56:14,265
♪ everybody looking at

1747
00:56:14,333 --> 00:56:16,567
The quarterback *

1748
00:56:16,635 --> 00:56:18,002
♪ san francisco

1749
00:56:18,070 --> 00:56:20,772
Is the place to be *

1750
00:56:20,839 --> 00:56:23,041
♪ 'cause it's Sunday night

1751
00:56:23,108 --> 00:56:25,777
Football on nbc *

1752
00:56:25,844 --> 00:56:26,511
okay, we are coming to you

1753
00:56:26,578 --> 00:56:27,245
Live from beautiful
candlestick

1754
00:56:27,313 --> 00:56:29,614
Park.

1755
00:56:29,682 --> 00:56:31,783
the eagles won
the coin toss.

1756
00:56:31,850 --> 00:56:33,084
It's time for
kickoff here on

1757
00:56:33,152 --> 00:56:36,921
"Sunday night football."

1758
00:56:36,989 --> 00:56:37,555
♪ football, touchdown

1759
00:56:37,623 --> 00:56:39,657
Sunday night *

1760
00:56:39,725 --> 00:56:41,092
♪ the tough get rough

1761
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:43,761
In a primetime fight *

1762
00:56:43,829 --> 00:56:45,363
♪ al and cris are the

1763
00:56:45,431 --> 00:56:47,865
Best on tv *

1764
00:56:47,933 --> 00:56:49,100
♪ and it's touchdown

1765
00:56:49,168 --> 00:56:52,670
Time on nbc *

1766
00:56:52,738 --> 00:56:53,404
got to love that new theme

1767
00:56:53,472 --> 00:56:56,274
Song.

1768
00:56:56,342 --> 00:57:00,111
yep, nothing says football

1769
00:57:00,179 --> 00:57:01,145
Like a woman
singing on a field.

1770
00:57:01,213 --> 00:57:01,779
I guess we're going back.

1771
00:57:01,847 --> 00:57:02,947
♪ Sunday night football

1772
00:57:03,015 --> 00:57:04,615
Here's the score

1773
00:57:04,683 --> 00:57:06,084
Niners coming at you

1774
00:57:06,151 --> 00:57:08,720
And they're o-4 *

1775
00:57:08,787 --> 00:57:10,588
♪ eagles lost a quarterback

1776
00:57:10,656 --> 00:57:13,257
Michael vick *

1777
00:57:13,325 --> 00:57:14,692
♪ he used to fight dogs

1778
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:16,994
But tonight he's sick *

1779
00:57:18,764 --> 00:57:20,064
thank you for that

1780
00:57:20,132 --> 00:57:21,265
Informative and
long theme song.

1781
00:57:21,333 --> 00:57:22,834
But moving on --

1782
00:57:22,901 --> 00:57:24,435
Oh.

1783
00:57:24,503 --> 00:57:25,970
♪ nbc, nfl

1784
00:57:26,038 --> 00:57:28,306
Nbc *

1785
00:57:28,374 --> 00:57:29,507
♪ do you know the eagles

1786
00:57:29,575 --> 00:57:33,244
Have a rich history *

1787
00:57:33,312 --> 00:57:34,278
♪ founded in the '30s

1788
00:57:34,346 --> 00:57:37,382
By commissioner bell *

1789
00:57:37,449 --> 00:57:38,683
♪ and a local businessman

1790
00:57:38,751 --> 00:57:41,619
Named ludlow wray *

1791
00:57:45,424 --> 00:57:49,060
♪ salsa olives
sour cream dip ♪

1792
00:57:49,128 --> 00:57:49,994
♪ spread it on a layer of

1793
00:57:50,062 --> 00:57:53,264
Tortilla chips *

1794
00:57:53,332 --> 00:57:54,799
♪ add some
guacamole and some

1795
00:57:54,867 --> 00:57:57,435
Melted cheese *

1796
00:57:57,503 --> 00:58:00,471
♪ your mouth just scored a

1797
00:58:00,539 --> 00:58:02,573
Touchdown here on nbc *

1798
00:58:02,641 --> 00:58:03,574
that was a nacho recipe.

1799
00:58:06,278 --> 00:58:07,779
♪ touchdown

1800
00:58:07,846 --> 00:58:09,480
Touchdown

1801
00:58:09,548 --> 00:58:10,515
Touchdown time *

1802
00:58:10,582 --> 00:58:11,649
♪ Sunday night and we're all

1803
00:58:11,717 --> 00:58:14,552
Feeling fine *

1804
00:58:14,620 --> 00:58:16,687
♪ there will be touchdowns

1805
00:58:16,755 --> 00:58:18,156
That's a guarantee *

1806
00:58:18,223 --> 00:58:20,725
♪ because the game already

1807
00:58:20,793 --> 00:58:22,026
Started and it's 14-3 *

1808
00:58:23,695 --> 00:58:24,395
did she say the game already

1809
00:58:24,463 --> 00:58:24,929
Started?

1810
00:58:24,997 --> 00:58:27,198
what the hell?

1811
00:58:27,266 --> 00:58:28,833
♪ 49ers have

1812
00:58:28,901 --> 00:58:30,535
56 active players

1813
00:58:30,602 --> 00:58:32,036
Here they are

1814
00:58:32,104 --> 00:58:35,973
In no particular order *

1815
00:58:36,041 --> 00:58:37,975
♪ kevin boss, jason hill ♪

1816
00:58:38,043 --> 00:58:39,410
♪ and josh morgan ♪

1817
00:58:39,478 --> 00:58:43,648
♪ 53 more to go on nbc ♪

1818
00:58:43,715 --> 00:58:46,951
we'll be right back after

1819
00:58:47,019 --> 00:58:48,986
This with more theme song on

1820
00:58:49,054 --> 00:58:51,222
"Sunday night football."

1821
00:59:09,530 --> 00:59:10,129
>once again, bruno mars.

1822
00:59:14,902 --> 00:59:15,902
♪

1823
00:59:15,969 --> 00:59:16,536
♪ if I told you I was

1824
00:59:16,603 --> 00:59:20,473
Perfect I'd be lying *

1825
00:59:20,541 --> 00:59:21,107
♪ if there's somethin'

1826
00:59:21,175 --> 00:59:22,975
I'm not doin'

1827
00:59:23,043 --> 00:59:24,844
Girl I'm tryin' *

1828
00:59:24,912 --> 00:59:30,450
♪ I know I'm no angel

1829
00:59:30,517 --> 00:59:33,119
But I'm not so bad

1830
00:59:33,187 --> 00:59:35,154
No, no, no *

1831
00:59:35,222 --> 00:59:36,289
♪ you should know there's

1832
00:59:36,356 --> 00:59:38,925
Beautiful girls

1833
00:59:38,992 --> 00:59:42,228
All over the world *

1834
00:59:42,296 --> 00:59:44,030
♪ I could be chasing

1835
00:59:44,097 --> 00:59:44,597
But my time would

1836
00:59:44,665 --> 00:59:48,968
Be wasted *

1837
00:59:49,036 --> 00:59:50,536
♪ they got nothing

1838
00:59:50,604 --> 00:59:53,506
On you baby

1839
00:59:53,574 --> 00:59:58,144
Nothing on you baby *

1840
00:59:58,212 --> 01:00:04,050
♪

1841
01:00:04,117 --> 01:00:04,550
that was then.

1842
01:00:04,618 --> 01:00:06,385
This is now.

1843
01:00:06,453 --> 01:00:14,660
♪

1844
01:00:14,728 --> 01:00:16,195
♪ easy come, easy go

1845
01:00:16,263 --> 01:00:18,965
That's just how you live oh

1846
01:00:19,032 --> 01:00:21,133
Take, take, take it all

1847
01:00:21,201 --> 01:00:22,735
But you never give *

1848
01:00:22,803 --> 01:00:23,603
♪ should have known

1849
01:00:23,670 --> 01:00:24,637
You was trouble

1850
01:00:24,705 --> 01:00:30,009
From the first kiss *

1851
01:00:30,077 --> 01:00:30,710
♪ had your eyes wide open

1852
01:00:30,777 --> 01:00:33,145
Why were they open *

1853
01:00:33,213 --> 01:00:33,746
♪ gave you all I had

1854
01:00:33,814 --> 01:00:34,247
And you tossed it

1855
01:00:34,314 --> 01:00:35,214
In the trash *

1856
01:00:35,282 --> 01:00:36,282
♪ you tossed it in

1857
01:00:36,350 --> 01:00:39,018
The trash you did *

1858
01:00:39,086 --> 01:00:40,586
♪ to give me all your love

1859
01:00:40,654 --> 01:00:43,055
Is all I ever asked

1860
01:00:43,123 --> 01:00:43,990
'cause what you don't

1861
01:00:44,057 --> 01:00:47,426
Understand is *

1862
01:00:47,494 --> 01:00:49,529
♪ I'd catch a grenade for ya

1863
01:00:49,596 --> 01:00:50,596
Yeah, yeah, yeah *

1864
01:00:50,664 --> 01:00:51,330
♪ throw my hand

1865
01:00:51,398 --> 01:00:52,865
On a blade for ya

1866
01:00:52,933 --> 01:00:55,067
Yeah, yeah, yeah *

1867
01:00:55,135 --> 01:00:55,668
♪ I'd jump in front

1868
01:00:55,736 --> 01:00:57,003
Of a train for ya

1869
01:00:57,070 --> 01:00:58,504
Yeah, yeah, yeah *

1870
01:00:58,572 --> 01:00:59,038
♪ you know I'd do

1871
01:00:59,106 --> 01:01:03,576
Anything for ya

1872
01:01:03,644 --> 01:01:05,111
Yeah, yeah, yeah *

1873
01:01:05,178 --> 01:01:05,912
♪ I would go through

1874
01:01:05,979 --> 01:01:08,114
All this pain

1875
01:01:08,181 --> 01:01:09,015
Take a bullet straight

1876
01:01:09,082 --> 01:01:11,951
Through my brain *

1877
01:01:12,019 --> 01:01:13,185
♪ yes, I would die for

1878
01:01:13,253 --> 01:01:15,187
Ya baby but you

1879
01:01:15,255 --> 01:01:16,822
Won't do the same *

1880
01:01:16,890 --> 01:01:25,731
♪

1881
01:01:25,799 --> 01:01:26,265
♪ black, black

1882
01:01:26,333 --> 01:01:27,033
Black and blue

1883
01:01:27,100 --> 01:01:28,668
Beat me till I'm numb *

1884
01:01:28,735 --> 01:01:29,735
♪ tell the devil I said hey

1885
01:01:29,803 --> 01:01:31,237
When you get back

1886
01:01:31,305 --> 01:01:33,439
To where you're from *

1887
01:01:33,507 --> 01:01:35,474
♪ mad woman, bad woman

1888
01:01:35,542 --> 01:01:37,343
That's just what
you are yeah

1889
01:01:37,411 --> 01:01:39,278
You'll smile in my face then

1890
01:01:39,346 --> 01:01:41,781
Rip the brakes
out of my car *

1891
01:01:41,848 --> 01:01:43,282
♪ gave you all I had

1892
01:01:43,350 --> 01:01:44,584
And you tossed it

1893
01:01:44,651 --> 01:01:45,585
In the trash *

1894
01:01:45,652 --> 01:01:46,919
♪ you tossed it in

1895
01:01:46,987 --> 01:01:49,522
The trash, yes you did *

1896
01:01:49,590 --> 01:01:50,523
♪ to give me all your love

1897
01:01:50,591 --> 01:01:51,924
Is all I ever asked

1898
01:01:51,992 --> 01:01:53,626
'cause what you

1899
01:01:53,694 --> 01:01:57,563
Don't understand is *

1900
01:01:57,631 --> 01:01:58,965
♪ I'd catch a grenade for ya

1901
01:01:59,032 --> 01:02:00,967
Yeah, yeah, yeah *

1902
01:02:01,034 --> 01:02:01,500
♪ throw my hand

1903
01:02:01,568 --> 01:02:04,270
On a blade for ya

1904
01:02:04,338 --> 01:02:05,605
Yeah, yeah, yeah *

1905
01:02:05,672 --> 01:02:06,739
♪ I'd jump in front

1906
01:02:06,807 --> 01:02:07,707
Of a train for ya

1907
01:02:07,774 --> 01:02:09,208
Yeah, yeah, yeah *

1908
01:02:09,276 --> 01:02:09,809
♪ you know I'd do

1909
01:02:09,876 --> 01:02:11,344
Anything for ya

1910
01:02:11,411 --> 01:02:14,981
Yeah, yeah, yeah *

1911
01:02:15,048 --> 01:02:15,815
♪ I would go through all

1912
01:02:15,882 --> 01:02:18,818
This pain

1913
01:02:18,885 --> 01:02:19,418
Take a bullet straight

1914
01:02:19,486 --> 01:02:22,555
Through my brain *

1915
01:02:22,623 --> 01:02:23,122
♪ yes, I would die

1916
01:02:23,190 --> 01:02:26,058
For ya baby

1917
01:02:26,126 --> 01:02:29,829
But you won't do the same *

1918
01:02:29,896 --> 01:02:33,132
♪ if my body was on fire

1919
01:02:33,200 --> 01:02:33,799
You'd watch me

1920
01:02:33,867 --> 01:02:37,603
Burn down in flames *

1921
01:02:37,671 --> 01:02:38,237
♪ you said you loved me

1922
01:02:38,305 --> 01:02:40,239
You're a liar 'cause *

1923
01:02:40,307 --> 01:02:41,641
♪ you never, ever

1924
01:02:41,708 --> 01:02:45,244
Ever did baby *

1925
01:02:45,312 --> 01:02:51,384
♪

1926
01:02:51,451 --> 01:02:52,051
♪ but darling I'll still

1927
01:02:52,119 --> 01:02:53,753
Catch a grenade for ya

1928
01:02:53,820 --> 01:02:55,788
Yeah, yeah, yeah *

1929
01:02:55,856 --> 01:02:56,489
♪ throw my hand

1930
01:02:56,556 --> 01:02:57,790
On a blade for ya

1931
01:02:57,858 --> 01:02:59,492
Yeah, yeah, yeah *

1932
01:02:59,559 --> 01:03:00,092
♪ I'd jump in front

1933
01:03:00,160 --> 01:03:01,827
Of a train for ya

1934
01:03:01,895 --> 01:03:03,462
Yeah, yeah, yeah *

1935
01:03:03,530 --> 01:03:04,030
♪ you know I'd do

1936
01:03:04,097 --> 01:03:06,332
Anything for ya

1937
01:03:06,400 --> 01:03:08,134
Yeah, yeah, yeah *

1938
01:03:08,201 --> 01:03:09,402
♪ I would go through

1939
01:03:09,469 --> 01:03:13,139
All this pain

1940
01:03:13,206 --> 01:03:14,440
Take a bullet straight

1941
01:03:14,508 --> 01:03:17,276
Through my brain *

1942
01:03:17,344 --> 01:03:17,843
♪ yes, I would die

1943
01:03:17,911 --> 01:03:20,079
For ya baby

1944
01:03:20,147 --> 01:03:20,513
But you won't

1945
01:03:20,580 --> 01:03:25,351
Do the same *

1946
01:03:50,094 --> 01:03:51,194
>are you being audited?

1947
01:03:51,262 --> 01:03:51,928
Has the irs come
to your home or

1948
01:03:51,996 --> 01:03:54,831
Place of business?

1949
01:03:54,899 --> 01:03:55,598
I'm patrick cox,
founder of tax

1950
01:03:55,666 --> 01:03:57,901
Masters.

1951
01:03:57,968 --> 01:03:58,601
Our professionals will solve

1952
01:03:58,669 --> 01:04:01,804
Your tax problems.

1953
01:04:01,872 --> 01:04:02,906
Call us today.

1954
01:04:02,973 --> 01:04:05,408
We're tax masters.

1955
01:04:05,476 --> 01:04:07,310
and cut.

1956
01:04:07,378 --> 01:04:08,211
Great job, patrick.

1957
01:04:08,279 --> 01:04:09,145
You nailed it.

1958
01:04:09,213 --> 01:04:09,946
That was really nice.

1959
01:04:10,014 --> 01:04:11,080
are you sure it was okay?

1960
01:04:11,148 --> 01:04:12,115
I mean, you don't want me to

1961
01:04:12,182 --> 01:04:12,916
Face the camera more?

1962
01:04:12,983 --> 01:04:13,816
no, no, no, no, please.

1963
01:04:13,884 --> 01:04:14,551
Just stay right
where you are.

1964
01:04:14,618 --> 01:04:16,152
really?

1965
01:04:16,220 --> 01:04:17,854
I mean I'm totally
in profile.

1966
01:04:17,922 --> 01:04:19,856
Now, wait a minute.

1967
01:04:19,924 --> 01:04:20,790
Wait a minute.

1968
01:04:20,858 --> 01:04:22,191
I know what this is about.

1969
01:04:23,394 --> 01:04:24,427
I do.

1970
01:04:24,495 --> 01:04:25,595
I know what this is about.

1971
01:04:25,663 --> 01:04:26,696
You guys don't
want anyone to

1972
01:04:26,764 --> 01:04:28,064
See my little
half-formed twin

1973
01:04:28,132 --> 01:04:29,465
Brother on the
side of my head.

1974
01:04:29,533 --> 01:04:30,500
patrick, that's not true.

1975
01:04:30,568 --> 01:04:32,268
I didn't even notice that.

1976
01:04:32,336 --> 01:04:33,903
Did you guys
notice anything?

1977
01:04:34,972 --> 01:04:35,905
no!

1978
01:04:36,674 --> 01:04:38,207
okay.

1979
01:04:38,275 --> 01:04:38,841
Well that's a wrap, guys.

1980
01:04:38,909 --> 01:04:39,576
no, wait, wait, wait, wait,

1981
01:04:39,643 --> 01:04:39,876
Wait.

1982
01:04:39,944 --> 01:04:40,443
Hold on now, hold on.

1983
01:04:40,511 --> 01:04:41,110
Daniel's a good guy, okay.

1984
01:04:41,178 --> 01:04:43,580
Now come on, one more take.

1985
01:04:43,647 --> 01:04:44,480
fine, fine.

1986
01:04:44,548 --> 01:04:46,316
Okay, everybody
we're going to

1987
01:04:46,383 --> 01:04:48,017
Do one more take for daniel.

1988
01:04:48,085 --> 01:04:50,853
tax masters, take two.

1989
01:04:50,921 --> 01:04:52,555
Oh, god.

1990
01:04:52,623 --> 01:04:55,158
are you being audited?

1991
01:04:55,225 --> 01:04:56,359
Have you not
filed tax returns

1992
01:04:56,427 --> 01:04:58,261
For years?

1993
01:04:58,329 --> 01:04:58,995
Has the irs come
to your home or

1994
01:04:59,063 --> 01:05:04,000
Place of business?

1995
01:05:04,068 --> 01:05:05,735
I'm patrick cox.

1996
01:05:05,803 --> 01:05:06,603
And this is my
little brother,

1997
01:05:06,670 --> 01:05:07,737
Daniel.

1998
01:05:07,805 --> 01:05:10,540
Our tax professionals
are ready

1999
01:05:10,608 --> 01:05:11,474
To help.

2000
01:05:11,542 --> 01:05:12,008
Call us today.

2001
01:05:12,076 --> 01:05:14,010
We're the tax masters.

2002
01:05:14,078 --> 01:05:14,510
and cut.

2003
01:05:14,578 --> 01:05:15,078
Okay, that was great.

2004
01:05:15,145 --> 01:05:15,678
Wasn't that great, guys?

2005
01:05:16,280 --> 01:05:19,382
yeah.

2006
01:05:19,450 --> 01:05:20,149
you know, I'm so glad he did

2007
01:05:20,217 --> 01:05:20,516
That one.

2008
01:05:20,584 --> 01:05:22,018
That one felt really good.

2009
01:05:22,086 --> 01:05:22,652
What are you guys doing

2010
01:05:22,720 --> 01:05:23,920
Afterwards?

2011
01:05:23,988 --> 01:05:25,722
You want to get some beers?

2012
01:05:25,789 --> 01:05:26,489
I can't drink tonight.

2013
01:05:26,557 --> 01:05:27,490
I've got a long ride home.

2014
01:05:27,558 --> 01:05:28,524
I live out in calabasas.

2015
01:05:28,592 --> 01:05:29,792
hey!

2016
01:05:29,860 --> 01:05:30,727
No kidding.

2017
01:05:30,794 --> 01:05:31,461
Well hello neighbor,
we should

2018
01:05:31,528 --> 01:05:32,195
Get dinner,
just the three of us

2019
01:05:32,262 --> 01:05:33,463
Sometime.

2020
01:05:33,530 --> 01:05:35,164
I don't know.

2021
01:05:35,232 --> 01:05:35,932
hey, wait a second, hold on.

2022
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:36,699
I think daniel --
daniel thinks

2023
01:05:36,767 --> 01:05:38,868
We should do another one.

2024
01:05:38,936 --> 01:05:39,569
roll camera, guys, quickly

2025
01:05:39,637 --> 01:05:41,638
Please.

2026
01:05:41,705 --> 01:05:43,806
tax masters, take three.

2027
01:05:43,874 --> 01:05:44,907
I appreciate you doing this.

2028
01:05:44,975 --> 01:05:46,142
It's really nice of you.

2029
01:05:46,210 --> 01:05:47,777
no, no, no!

2030
01:05:47,845 --> 01:05:48,544
are you being audited?

2031
01:05:48,612 --> 01:05:49,278
Have you not
filed tax returns

2032
01:05:49,346 --> 01:05:50,747
For years?

2033
01:05:50,814 --> 01:05:51,714
We're taxmasters.

2034
01:05:51,782 --> 01:05:53,716
I'm patrick cox.

2035
01:05:53,784 --> 01:05:56,052
and I'm daniel cox.

2036
01:05:56,120 --> 01:05:57,887
Call me today.

2037
01:05:57,955 --> 01:05:59,989
I'm not just a pretty face.

2038
01:06:11,490 --> 01:06:15,760
>and thanks to bruno mars!

2039
01:06:15,828 --> 01:06:16,360
It's been a blast!

2040
01:06:16,428 --> 01:06:16,961
Good night, everybody!

2041
01:06:17,029 --> 01:06:18,629
Thank you so much!