1 00:00:01,434 --> 00:00:03,402 [Ted Narrating] Kids, in the fall of 2010... 2 00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:07,337 it seemed like Aunt Lily could only talk about one thing... babies. 3 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:10,204 Oh, God. I have been craving this burger all day. 4 00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:13,677 Do you know what plays a huge role in helping a woman conceive? 5 00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:15,304 - Mmm. - Cervical mucus. 6 00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:17,406 [Gags] Oh, God. 7 00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:20,145 Oh, my God. I can't wait to see this movie. I hear it's really scary. 8 00:00:20,253 --> 00:00:21,880 Oh, change of plans. 9 00:00:21,988 --> 00:00:25,082 I thought violent images wouldn't be good for my future fetus... 10 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:29,184 so instead, I rented this video of a live water birth. 11 00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:31,786 - [Liquid Splashing] - [Screaming] 12 00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:35,629 They don't know what it is. It just showed up on my mom's X-ray. 13 00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:37,498 Look at this crib. 14 00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:39,765 [Ted Narrating] But all and all, it wasn't a problem. 15 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,501 That is, until the night of Barney's boutonniere. 16 00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,702 - [Marshall] Oh, you're wearing a flower. - Thank you. 17 00:00:44,811 --> 00:00:47,439 - I didn't compliment. Just observed. - I know, isn't it? 18 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:50,277 - Why are you wearing that? - Why does Barney do anything ever? 19 00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:52,180 Exactly! Science! 20 00:00:52,285 --> 00:00:54,253 There is an 83% correlation... 21 00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:57,983 between the times men wear boutonnieres and the times they get laid. 22 00:00:58,091 --> 00:01:02,528 Think about it... proms, weddings, grandmas' funerals. 23 00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:04,824 Thanks for the redhead, Nana. [Kisses] 24 00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:08,662 The everyday boutonniere, by Stinson. 25 00:01:08,768 --> 00:01:11,703 And nope. I'm sorry, Barney, but no girl is going home... 26 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,830 with a guy with a flower on his chest... 27 00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:16,408 unless he's a clown and she's in the trunk of his car. 28 00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:19,444 Along with 50 other clowns. [Laughing] 29 00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:23,643 It's a clown car. 30 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:28,881 Robin, did you know that "boutonniere" is French for "booty is near"? 31 00:01:28,988 --> 00:01:30,888 - Hmm. - True story. 32 00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:33,356 - Une histoire vraie. - Hmm. 33 00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:37,419 Did you know that " Barney" is French for " sad little guy who works way too hard to get laid"? 34 00:01:37,530 --> 00:01:39,498 - [Lily Chuckles] - Woman, you best check yourself. 35 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:42,466 Yeah, on the bright side, I guess suits are pretty boring without them. 36 00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:46,505 [Gasps] Madam, that is an insult that cannot be borne! 37 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,597 I demand satisfaction! 38 00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:50,437 What, are we gonna duel? 39 00:01:50,543 --> 00:01:53,341 No, I'm gonna show everyone this embarrassing video of you. 40 00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:56,415 It's Robin Sparkles 3, y'all. 41 00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:58,279 [All Screaming] 42 00:01:58,384 --> 00:02:00,852 ##[Upbeat Pop] 43 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:04,286 ##[Man Vocalizing] 44 00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:11,086 ##[Ends] 45 00:02:11,364 --> 00:02:13,491 [Ted Narrating] Kids, by this point we knew Aunt Robin... 46 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:17,161 had been a teen pop sensation in Canada known as Robin Sparkles. 47 00:02:17,270 --> 00:02:18,965 And we also knew that her Robin Sparkles character... 48 00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:22,633 came from a Canadian TVshow which we'd never seen... 49 00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:24,232 until now. 50 00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:26,141 I cannot wait to see what's on this DVD! 51 00:02:26,246 --> 00:02:28,339 - You haven't watched it yet? - No, of course not. 52 00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:31,042 I wanted my first time to be with someone I cared about. 53 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,483 - [Lily] That's so sweet. - I get that a lot. Well, once. 54 00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:36,817 Hey, Robin, do you wanna go get a Korean massage on Saturday? 55 00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:39,983 I'd love to. I've got this knot in my neck that's so annoying. 56 00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:41,617 Yeah, I figured I should get one now... 57 00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:44,219 because once I get pregnant, no more massages. 58 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:47,231 - Just so annoying. - Okay. 59 00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:50,564 ##[Pop] 60 00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,604 Space Teens? 61 00:02:52,705 --> 00:02:54,263 Is this a porno? 62 00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:57,241 - No, dude! Dude! It's a kid show. - [Gasps] 63 00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:59,004 Oh. 64 00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:01,740 Yeah, yeah! 65 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,577 [Barney Whistles] 66 00:03:05,151 --> 00:03:07,551 I don't know. This does have all the earmarks of porn. 67 00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,281 Stripper pole. Bad lighting. 68 00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:11,857 Delusional girl who thinks it's a stepping stone to mainstream success. 69 00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:14,358 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a big ol' bowl of porn flakes. 70 00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:25,302 Whoa! And who is this exquisite keytarist... 71 00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:27,202 I assume you're about to make sweet love to? 72 00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:28,934 Oh, that's Jessica Glitter. 73 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,203 She was my B.F.F. on the show and in real life. 74 00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:33,006 Ah, B.F.F.'s. 75 00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:35,979 Did you guys have sleepovers, get mad at each other and wrestle... 76 00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:38,209 but then end up kissing in a tender embrace? 77 00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:39,785 - Here, show us on Lily. - You know what? 78 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,945 If you're gonna be disgusting, we're not watching this, okay? 79 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:46,219 Yeah, come on, Barney. It's just a cute little story about... 80 00:03:46,326 --> 00:03:48,226 What exactly is this about? 81 00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:52,128 Two average Canadian teenagers who solve crimes in space using math. 82 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,632 - That sounds ridiculous. - So sue me... 83 00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:57,294 like the producers of Milky Way Mathletes tried to. 84 00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,371 ##[Electronic Pop] 85 00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:06,468 [Both Giggling] 86 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:10,709 Great job using long division to catch that space burglar, eh? 87 00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:15,777 What can I say? He'll be in galactic jail for the remainder of his life. 88 00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:17,981 [Both Giggling] 89 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,558 [Electronic Voice] Sparkles, Glitter. 90 00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:21,490 We're about to enter an asteroid belt, eh? 91 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:24,358 [Gasps] Brace for turbulence! 92 00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:26,694 - Ooh. - Ooh. 93 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,101 I have to say, as much as I hate to agree with Barney... 94 00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:33,934 this does seem to be a veritable pornucopia. 95 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,235 Okay, guys, come on! It's a kid show. 96 00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:39,277 Like, uh, Electric Company or Sesame Street or, um... 97 00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,279 - You can't do that on television. - Exactly. 98 00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:44,782 No. You can't do that on television. 99 00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:51,713 Robin, this show is so dirty... 100 00:04:51,824 --> 00:04:54,452 I don't know whether to hug you or run a shower for you... 101 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,994 so you can sit there alone, crying and clenching your knees. 102 00:04:57,096 --> 00:04:59,530 It's just bad camera work, okay? 103 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,793 Wayne, our camera guy... he wasn't that great. 104 00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:03,835 I don't know. I think he did a pretty good job... 105 00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:07,303 considering he was probably only using one hand. 106 00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:09,568 You know what? I feel bad for you Americans... 107 00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:13,237 that you can look at this wondrous and educational adventure through space... 108 00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:15,041 and see something obscene. 109 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:19,244 Can you just please try to look at this with the innocence of a child? 110 00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:22,321 - Innocence of a child. Got it. - Here we go. 111 00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:26,158 Girls, if you wanna get through the asteroid belt... 112 00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,250 you've got to use multiplication. 113 00:05:28,361 --> 00:05:30,261 To the joystickl 114 00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:34,998 Okay, Space Teens, let's multiply. 115 00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:37,331 - Five times six? - Ooh, 30. 116 00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:39,405 Yesl Seven times four? 117 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,666 - [Glitter] Twenty-eightl - [Man] Keep going. 118 00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,867 - Eight times nine? - Seventy-two! 119 00:05:43,976 --> 00:05:46,274 Don't stop nowl Almost there. 120 00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:49,507 Twenty-three times three? 121 00:05:49,615 --> 00:05:51,276 - [All] Hey! - What are you doing? 122 00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:53,352 I'm sorry. We gotta ration this. 123 00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:56,854 It's like we're on a desert island and this video is a really hot, naked chick... 124 00:05:56,956 --> 00:06:00,585 and she's got, like, seaweed on her and a seashell bra. 125 00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,422 You all feel me. 126 00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:06,259 Hey, if you and Jessica are B.F.F.'s, how come we've never met her? 127 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,357 Okay, well, it was a long time ago, okay? 128 00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:11,699 I get a Christmas card from her every year, but we're not really friends anymore. 129 00:06:11,804 --> 00:06:13,931 But B.F.F.'s are forever. 130 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,907 Oh, come on, Lily. Nobody stays friends with their high school friends. 131 00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:20,308 - I'm still friends with Punchy. - Dude, he lives in Cleveland. 132 00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:24,076 You see him once a year, at which point he punches you really hard in the arm... 133 00:06:24,183 --> 00:06:26,242 and tells everyone how you dookied your pants. 134 00:06:26,352 --> 00:06:29,549 I know on paper he sounds great, but you guys aren't really friends. 135 00:06:29,655 --> 00:06:32,954 Look, I may not see him a lot, but it doesn't matter. 136 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,994 - [Beeping] - Observe. 137 00:06:36,095 --> 00:06:38,893 - [Cell Phone Rings] - Schmosby! 138 00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:40,158 - Punchy! - Schmosby! 139 00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:41,324 - Punchy! - [High Voice] Schmosby! 140 00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:42,628 - Punchy! - Schmosby! 141 00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:44,635 - Punchy! - Hey, good talkin' to you, Ted. 142 00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:47,228 - Yeah, you too. If you're ever in New York. - Definitely. 143 00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:51,400 We are just two peas. 144 00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:55,208 I don't get it. How can you and Glitter just stop being friends? 145 00:06:55,314 --> 00:06:57,805 - Best friends don't do that. - Well, we did, okay? 146 00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,750 And I haven't talked to her in, like, five years, so just drop it. 147 00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:02,753 I gotta go. 148 00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:07,549 - [Door Closes] - Whoa. 149 00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:10,561 What do you think came between Robin and Jessica? 150 00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:13,188 Much like our friends, the Space Teens... 151 00:07:13,299 --> 00:07:16,996 I think I can solve this crime with math. 152 00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:23,336 Okay. Okay, here is a Christmas card that Jessica sent Robin. 153 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,344 - Lily, how old would you say that kid is? - Four years, three months. 154 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,880 Which means Jessica got pregnant five years ago... 155 00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:31,176 right around the time she and Robin stopped being friends. 156 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,445 Of course. Robin hates kids. 157 00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:36,283 The last thing she would wanna do is hang out with some little brat. 158 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:39,847 Thus, if I may... [Clears Throat] 159 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,928 When Glitter's womb a fruit did bear... 160 00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:47,022 Robin said, "To hell with this, I'm outta h-hare." 161 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:52,337 - Glitter got pregnant, so Robin dumped her. - Oh! 162 00:07:52,438 --> 00:07:54,963 Wow. That's gotta be it. Right, Lil? 163 00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:59,709 - Lil? - Robin's gonna dump me. 164 00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:01,780 - Oh, sweetheart. - [Crying] 165 00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:04,975 Aha! When a second uterus plumped becomes... 166 00:08:05,084 --> 00:08:07,450 Dude. 167 00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:09,180 Feel the room. 168 00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:12,217 [Murmurs] 169 00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:21,060 - No. - We've been waiting all day. 170 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,657 Just watch it without me. 171 00:08:22,768 --> 00:08:25,498 Two dudes on the couch together watching porn? That's kinda weird. 172 00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:27,368 Okay, it's not porn. It's a kid show. 173 00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:30,340 - Two dudes watchin' a kid show might be worse. - [Barney Laughs] 174 00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:33,173 - [Sighs] Okay, fine. I'll watch it with you. - Yah! 175 00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:36,942 But if either of you makes even one peep about this show being dirty, I'm turning it off. 176 00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:39,017 - I'm serious! - We... [Imitates Beep] 177 00:08:41,153 --> 00:08:43,553 Hey, Jessica. How's your beaver? 178 00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:47,022 Great. How's your beaver? 179 00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:49,686 Busy as ever. 180 00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:51,456 [Ted, Barney Stifling Laughs] 181 00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:53,498 - Our characters had pet beavers. - [Giggles] 182 00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:57,035 - Sure. - The beaver is the official animal of Canada. 183 00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:59,229 - [Giggling] - It's their national mascot. 184 00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:02,871 It's a noble creature. 185 00:09:02,975 --> 00:09:04,567 Okay, girls. 186 00:09:04,677 --> 00:09:08,204 Everyone knows a beaver's favorite food is wood. 187 00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:12,375 I just hope we brought along enough of it for a three-day galactic space journey. 188 00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:14,350 So let's do the math. 189 00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:18,913 If Robin's beaver devours six inches of wood every half hour... 190 00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:22,893 and Jessica's beaver devours eight inches of wood every 45 minutes... 191 00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:27,955 how much wood will I need to keep both of these beavers well fed all weekend long? 192 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:29,762 [Ted, Barney Laughing] 193 00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:31,564 [Robin Sparkles] While you figure it out at home... 194 00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:34,697 how about we sing you a song about our beavers? 195 00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:37,332 - [Giggling] - Hey... 196 00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:40,708 - [Both] Hey! - You do not get to hear the beaver song! 197 00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:44,442 It is a sweet song about friendship, and you guys are being disgusting! 198 00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:47,451 - And beavers are adorable! - No arguments here. 199 00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:49,316 [Knocking] 200 00:09:52,191 --> 00:09:55,251 'Sup, Schmosby! What's the man doin'? 201 00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:56,953 Punchy, what are ya doin' here? 202 00:09:57,063 --> 00:10:00,396 Well, yesterday you said if I was ever in New York. 203 00:10:00,499 --> 00:10:02,763 - 'Sup, turds? - Ew. 204 00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:05,098 Okay. Um, uh, where you stayin'? 205 00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:08,173 In your mom's pants. Trick! She's old. 206 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,799 Hey, don't worry about me. I'm cool on the couch. 207 00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:14,038 - He's staying here? You're staying here? - I know. It's so good, right? 208 00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:16,512 Feels like you're dreaming? But check your totem, brah. 209 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,710 Punchy's here in the flesh. So why don't we get one of these, Ted? Yeah. 210 00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:21,480 Remember these? High school. 211 00:10:21,587 --> 00:10:23,953 Junior high. Elementary school. Remember those? 212 00:10:24,056 --> 00:10:26,650 - Look, Punchy's here. - Yeah. 213 00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:30,126 Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied in your pants down by the lake? 214 00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:31,992 Unbelievable! 215 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,898 [Mimicking Punchy] Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied on the couch... 216 00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:39,198 in the form of your idiot high school friend? 217 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,772 [Cackling] 218 00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:43,398 Unbelievable! 219 00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:45,534 Come on. I worry about the guy. 220 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,637 He's had the same dead-end job at a car rental place for 15 years. 221 00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:51,376 - Don't care. - He's been stuck in Cleveland his whole life. 222 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:54,282 - Get a hotel. - Robin. 223 00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:57,356 - LeBron. - [Sighs] Okay. One night. 224 00:10:58,190 --> 00:11:00,124 Gotta go. 225 00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:02,319 Hey. Where are you goin'? We just got here. 226 00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:04,555 - Oh, uh, Korean massage. - By yourself? 227 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:08,361 Well, I figured you'd be busy reading What to Expect When You're Expecting to Expect. 228 00:11:10,703 --> 00:11:14,662 Guys, did you see that? She's going to a Korean massage without me. 229 00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:16,605 That's our thing. 230 00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:20,167 I'm telling you, she's gonna dump me just like she dumped Glitter. 231 00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:22,577 Lily, come on. We don't even know that's what happened. 232 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:26,140 Um, hello. Somebody already solved that crime using math, remember? 233 00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:30,552 Look, Lily, Robin is clearly getting tired of you constantly talking about babies. 234 00:11:30,656 --> 00:11:32,180 - I don't... - [Others Groan] 235 00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:35,021 - Lily, how old am I? - 384 months. 236 00:11:35,127 --> 00:11:36,424 Busted! 237 00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:40,661 Okay. So, before you Lily all over the place... 238 00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:44,361 maybe you should try hanging out with Robin and not talking about babies. 239 00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:46,062 [Ted Narrating] So, Lily did just that. 240 00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:48,538 - She tried not to talk about babies. - Hey! 241 00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:52,202 - Lily, what brings you to the crib? - The crib. 242 00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:55,280 - What's the matter? You look rattled. - Rattled? 243 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:58,077 - [Grunts] I wanna talk about babies. - What? 244 00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:00,584 Look, I know you don't care about this stuff... 245 00:12:00,686 --> 00:12:02,415 but I'm about to become a mother. 246 00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:05,046 And as a future mother, I'm gonna need the support... 247 00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:07,785 Oh, my God! You're not even pregnant yet! 248 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,383 What's that supposed to mean? 249 00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:12,157 It means that a fertilized egg has not yet attached itself... 250 00:12:12,264 --> 00:12:13,959 to the lining of your uterine wall. 251 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:16,227 You see? I read your Facebook updates. 252 00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:19,668 It's like... It's all you ever talk about, Lily, and I'm sick of it! 253 00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:21,865 Well, guess what? I've got some good news. 254 00:12:21,974 --> 00:12:23,942 When that baby comes, you don't have to see it. 255 00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:27,774 In fact, you don't have to see me. This whole friendship thing... done. 256 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:28,972 - Great. - Great. 257 00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:39,080 For crying out loud, you broke up with Robin? 258 00:12:39,191 --> 00:12:43,685 I had to. We were growing apart, and we're better off without each other. 259 00:12:43,796 --> 00:12:45,923 Okay, Lily, you sound about as convincing as you did... 260 00:12:46,031 --> 00:12:49,159 the time you accidentally shredded my Joey Buttafuoco pants. 261 00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:53,135 No! 262 00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:56,265 Get on the phone, call Robin and fix this. 263 00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:59,936 I can't. The damage is done. [Whimpering, Gasping] 264 00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:02,775 - Can you just hold me? - You know what? No. 265 00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:05,976 I don't agree with what you did, and so I refuse to comfort you... 266 00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:08,849 despite how adorable you are when you cry. 267 00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:10,649 Okay. 268 00:13:10,756 --> 00:13:14,283 - [Weeping] - Okay, maybe just one cuddle, but then that's it. 269 00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:17,786 Time Square's da bomb! 270 00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,422 I got so many great pictures of all the billboards. 271 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,694 Yeah, you know, there's more to New York than Times Square. 272 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,498 There's the Village, Lower East Side, Central Park. 273 00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:28,630 They got better billboards than the ones in Times Square? 274 00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:31,403 - No. - Times Square's da bomb! 275 00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:33,375 Here, you know what? Hold this, okay? 276 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,039 I'm gonna go pee in the jar I got goin' in the alley. 277 00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:42,411 [Scoffs] Seriously, dude, he has got to go. 278 00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:44,421 You need to be, like... 279 00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:46,491 [British Accent] "You are the weakest link. Good-bye." 280 00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:49,993 Punchy, the tribe has spoken. 281 00:13:50,095 --> 00:13:52,188 Please pack up your knives and go. 282 00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:54,698 Your work of art didn't work for us. 283 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,427 [Gruff Voice] Your time's up. 284 00:13:56,535 --> 00:13:58,469 I have to ask you to leave the mansion. 285 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,539 You must leave the château. 286 00:14:00,639 --> 00:14:02,231 Your tour ends here. 287 00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,935 - You've been chopped. - Okay. Yeah, I know. 288 00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:06,602 You've been evicted from the Big Brother house. 289 00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:10,443 Your dessert just didn't measure up. Sashay away. 290 00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:13,040 Give me a jacket and leave Hell's Kitchen! 291 00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:14,949 I'm sorry. You did not get a rose. 292 00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:17,022 You have been eliminated from the race. 293 00:14:17,122 --> 00:14:20,319 You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model. 294 00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:22,053 You're fired. Auf Wiedersehen. 295 00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:25,528 Ted, come look at this. 296 00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:28,293 I found a little wounded bird in the alley. 297 00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,768 - That's your scrotum. - [Laughing] 298 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:36,808 You know it is, Ted. You know it is. Come on, Ted. You always fall for that! 299 00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,812 Yeah, he's gotta go. 300 00:14:43,682 --> 00:14:45,775 - [Crowd Cheering] - ##[Organ On P.A.] 301 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,853 What are we doing in Madison Square Garden? 302 00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:51,753 You refused to talk to Robin, so I thought that you might like to talk to... 303 00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:53,620 the organist for the New York Rangers. 304 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:56,593 ## [Organ] 305 00:14:56,695 --> 00:14:58,322 Jessica Glitter? 306 00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:08,597 ##[Organ: "Here We Go"] 307 00:15:13,879 --> 00:15:15,938 How did you find Glitter? 308 00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:18,141 Simple, really. I used my powers of deduction. 309 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:21,913 You see, I knew that Glitter used to be a keytarist, which is basically a piano... 310 00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:26,253 so I just made a list of all the keyboard-based occupations, and then I cross matched... 311 00:15:26,358 --> 00:15:29,657 His friend Barney looked me up, hoping to buy my Space Teens costume. 312 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:33,095 And, Glitter, be cool. 313 00:15:33,198 --> 00:15:35,462 So, is this the one who's best friends with Robin now? 314 00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:40,368 No, more like ex-best friends. Just like you. 315 00:15:40,472 --> 00:15:42,599 - ## ["Chicken Dance"] - Sorry to hear that. 316 00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:44,335 I miss Robin. 317 00:15:46,078 --> 00:15:48,774 Yeah, well, Marshall and I are about to get pregnant... 318 00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:53,375 and I know she stopped being friends with you when you had a baby, so... 319 00:15:53,485 --> 00:15:55,612 Oh, Robin didn't stop being friends with me. 320 00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:58,849 - I stopped being friends with her. - What? Why? 321 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,892 Because I had a baby. 322 00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:04,053 Honey, when you have a baby, all that best friend stuff... 323 00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:06,825 hockey, bow hunting for caribou, math... 324 00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:08,832 - that all goes out the window. - ## [Continues] 325 00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:11,835 I mean, I tried to stay friends with her, but it just didn't happen. 326 00:16:11,937 --> 00:16:13,837 She took it pretty hard. 327 00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:15,998 I even thought she might try to kill herself. 328 00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:18,474 ## ["Charge"] 329 00:16:18,577 --> 00:16:20,408 [All] Charge! 330 00:16:20,512 --> 00:16:23,538 Wow, you dumped her just because you had a baby? 331 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:28,052 - That's cold. - Didn't you do the same thing, minus the baby? 332 00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:30,678 Oh, God. I gotta go. 333 00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:32,654 I gotta go apologize to Robin. 334 00:16:32,758 --> 00:16:36,353 l-I need to tell her I love her and that she'll always be a priority. 335 00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:39,090 Be careful, Lily. I made those promises too. 336 00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:42,895 And now I haven't even talked to her in five years. 337 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:48,099 Sure, I thought about picking up the phone and calling her a hundred times... 338 00:16:48,207 --> 00:16:50,505 but I just never have the courage to act... 339 00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:53,169 ## ["Chopsticks"] 340 00:16:53,278 --> 00:16:55,109 Hey! 341 00:16:56,448 --> 00:16:58,473 Go ahead. 342 00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:01,018 ## [One Note] 343 00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:07,623 Hey, do you guys get Big Chuck and Lil'John out here? 344 00:17:07,726 --> 00:17:10,524 - Punchy, it's time to go back. - Back to Times Square? 345 00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:13,462 Uh, no. Back... Back to Cleveland. 346 00:17:13,565 --> 00:17:15,760 I don't know if I can do that, bro. 347 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,894 I mean, yeah, I been jonesin' for a piece of Cleveland-style pizza... 348 00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:21,234 but I feel bad about leaving you out here. 349 00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:24,969 - I worry about you, Ted. - [Chuckles] You worry about me? 350 00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:27,705 Yeah. The other day when you called... 351 00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,212 - [Screeching] Schmosby! - Punchy! 352 00:17:29,314 --> 00:17:31,441 - Good talkin' to you. - You too. If you're ever in New York. 353 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,415 Definitely. 354 00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,077 [Exhales] 355 00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:39,218 - Sweetie, who was that? - It's my friend Ted. 356 00:17:39,324 --> 00:17:42,816 - He sounded kind of depressed. - Is this the Ted who got left at the altar? 357 00:17:42,928 --> 00:17:46,591 Yeah. He's not doin' so good. 358 00:17:46,698 --> 00:17:50,998 Poor guy lives in a tiny apartment in New York nowhere near Times Square. 359 00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:53,571 He's got no family around. He's still single. 360 00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:56,470 Doesn't have a backyard. It's just a bummer. 361 00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:59,203 Maybe you should go visit him, cheer him up a little. 362 00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:02,439 You know, buy him some shots, do the whole wounded bird trick. 363 00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:05,574 - You think that will work? - Worked on me. 364 00:18:08,353 --> 00:18:11,686 Wow. She sounds pretty great, Punchy. 365 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,589 She's my angel. 366 00:18:14,693 --> 00:18:17,287 In fact, uh, we're getting married. 367 00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:20,393 Wow! Wow! That's... 368 00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:22,160 I'm... I'm really happy for you. 369 00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:23,996 Thanks, Ted. Thanks. 370 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,833 Actually, that's the other reason why I came out here. 371 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,999 I wanted to see if you'd be my best man. 372 00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:33,705 - Of course I will. - Yo! 373 00:18:33,812 --> 00:18:35,939 That's great. Oh, no, you're... 374 00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:39,415 - Cop out! Sucker! Oh, that's it! I'm not... - Yeah. 375 00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:43,018 [Ted Narrating] That night, Lily went to the one place she knew she could find Robin... 376 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,716 New York's premiere Canadian bar, the Hoser Hut. 377 00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:49,453 Oh, there you are. Robin, I owe you a huge apology. 378 00:18:49,561 --> 00:18:51,358 No, no. Me first. 379 00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:53,624 I've been pulling away from you, and I'm sorry. 380 00:18:53,732 --> 00:18:56,462 It's just, the last time my best friend had a baby... 381 00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:58,433 I know. I know all about it. 382 00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:01,734 It's not gonna happen with you and me. 383 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,037 And I'm sorry I've been going crazy with this baby stuff. 384 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,169 It's... I know you hate babies. 385 00:19:07,279 --> 00:19:10,578 Whoa. Look, I hate most babies. 386 00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:14,140 But your baby... I'm gonna love that kid so much. 387 00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:16,653 - I'm gonna pick it up and everything. - Oh! 388 00:19:18,023 --> 00:19:21,982 - Ohh. I'm so happy you guys made up. - Me too. 389 00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:25,154 - ##[Pop] - Where do I know this song from? 390 00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:28,324 Oh, my God. It's the beaver song. Okay, which one of you put this on? 391 00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:31,231 # Hey, beaver, come on # 392 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:36,065 # When you feel alone # 393 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,872 # Just pick up that phone # 394 00:19:39,978 --> 00:19:44,039 # And I'll be there to share my # 395 00:19:44,149 --> 00:19:47,516 [Together] # Ice-cream cone # 396 00:19:47,619 --> 00:19:51,180 # We'll lick it side by side # 397 00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:55,090 - Wow, this is so dirty. - Come on, Barney. It's a sweet song about friendship. 398 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,752 Yeah. Dude, come on. 399 00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,592 # Before the day is done # 400 00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,256 [Laughing] 401 00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:04,767 # Two beavers are better than one # 402 00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:08,897 [Crowd Joins In] # Da-da, da-da-da-da, da-da-da # 403 00:20:09,007 --> 00:20:12,135 # Two beavers are better than one # 404 00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:13,939 # They're twice the fun # 405 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,810 - # Ask anyone # - Whoo-hoo! 406 00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:20,248 # A second beaver can be # 407 00:20:20,352 --> 00:20:22,786 # Second to none # 408 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,982 # Two beavers are better than one # 409 00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:27,115 - Whoo! - [Cheering] 410 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,217 # Da-da, da-da-da # 411 00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:32,229 # You're my favorite beaver # 412 00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:38,028 # Two beavers are better than one # 413 00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:41,970 # Da-da, da-da-da-da, da-da-da # 414 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:45,407 # Two beavers are better than one # 415 00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:47,603 # They're twice the fun # 416 00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:49,908 # Ask anyone # 417 00:20:50,015 --> 00:20:53,246 # A second beaver can be # 418 00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:55,820 # Second to none # 419 00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:59,118 [Electronic Voice] # Two beavers are better than one ## 420 00:20:59,224 --> 00:21:00,592 Whoo! 421 00:21:24,883 --> 00:21:25,850 English - US - SDH