1 00:00:00,505 --> 00:00:03,140 Kids, in the fall of 2010, it seemed like 2 00:00:03,141 --> 00:00:06,076 aunt Lily could only talk about one thing: babies. 3 00:00:06,077 --> 00:00:09,472 Oh, God, I have been craving this burger all day. 4 00:00:09,507 --> 00:00:11,431 Do you know what plays a huge role 5 00:00:11,432 --> 00:00:13,032 - in helping a woman conceive? - Hmm. 6 00:00:13,033 --> 00:00:14,300 Cervical mucus. 7 00:00:16,603 --> 00:00:18,805 Oh, my God, I can't wait to see this movie. 8 00:00:18,806 --> 00:00:19,972 I hear it's really scary. 9 00:00:19,973 --> 00:00:21,107 Oh, change of plans. 10 00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:23,109 I thought violent images wouldn't be good 11 00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:24,344 for my future fetus, 12 00:00:24,345 --> 00:00:28,481 so instead, I rented this video of a live water birth. 13 00:00:30,651 --> 00:00:32,485 They don't know what it is. 14 00:00:32,486 --> 00:00:34,520 It just showed up on my mom's X-ray. 15 00:00:34,521 --> 00:00:35,855 Look at this crib. 16 00:00:35,856 --> 00:00:38,391 But all in all, it wasn't a problem. 17 00:00:38,392 --> 00:00:40,910 That is, until the night of Barney's boutonniere. 18 00:00:40,911 --> 00:00:42,061 Oh, you're wearing a flower. 19 00:00:42,062 --> 00:00:43,429 Thank you. 20 00:00:43,430 --> 00:00:45,498 - Ah, didn't compliment. Just observed. - I know. 21 00:00:45,499 --> 00:00:47,367 - Isn't it? - Why are you wearing that? 22 00:00:47,368 --> 00:00:48,267 Why does Barney do anything ever? 23 00:00:48,268 --> 00:00:50,770 Exactly. Science. 24 00:00:50,771 --> 00:00:52,572 There is an 83% correlation 25 00:00:52,573 --> 00:00:55,007 between the times men wear boutonnieres 26 00:00:55,008 --> 00:00:56,776 - and the times they get laid. - Hmm. 27 00:00:56,777 --> 00:00:57,710 Think about it. 28 00:00:57,711 --> 00:00:59,178 Proms, weddings. 29 00:00:59,179 --> 00:01:00,279 Mm-Hmm. 30 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:01,347 Grandmas' funerals. 31 00:01:01,348 --> 00:01:03,015 Thanks for the redhead, Nana. 32 00:01:04,118 --> 00:01:06,586 The "everyday boutonniere" by Stinson. 33 00:01:06,587 --> 00:01:07,820 And nope. 34 00:01:07,821 --> 00:01:10,022 I'm sorry, Barney, but no girl is going home 35 00:01:10,023 --> 00:01:12,191 with a guy with a flower on his chest. 36 00:01:12,192 --> 00:01:15,228 Unless he's a clown, and she's in the trunk of his car. 37 00:01:15,229 --> 00:01:17,296 Along with 50 other clowns. 38 00:01:20,134 --> 00:01:22,468 - It's a clown car. - Oh. 39 00:01:22,469 --> 00:01:24,036 Robin, did you know 40 00:01:24,037 --> 00:01:27,006 that boutonniere is French for "bootie is near?" 41 00:01:27,007 --> 00:01:28,458 Hmm. 42 00:01:28,459 --> 00:01:29,709 True story. 43 00:01:29,710 --> 00:01:31,511 Une histoire vraie. 44 00:01:31,512 --> 00:01:33,780 Hmm! Did you know that Barney is French 45 00:01:33,781 --> 00:01:36,949 for "sad little guy who works way too hard to get laid"" 46 00:01:36,950 --> 00:01:38,251 woman, you best check yourself. 47 00:01:38,252 --> 00:01:39,519 Yeah, on the bright side, 48 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:41,888 I guess suits are pretty boring without them, so... 49 00:01:41,889 --> 00:01:42,989 Madam... 50 00:01:42,990 --> 00:01:45,291 That is an insult that cannot be borne! 51 00:01:45,292 --> 00:01:47,427 I demand satisfaction! 52 00:01:47,428 --> 00:01:49,195 What, are we gonna duel? 53 00:01:49,196 --> 00:01:52,165 No. I'm going to show everyone this embarrassing video of you. 54 00:01:52,166 --> 00:01:54,867 It's Robin sparkles III, y'all! 55 00:01:58,695 --> 00:02:01,475 Transcript by addic7ed.com 56 00:02:10,533 --> 00:02:12,217 Kids, by this point, we knew 57 00:02:12,218 --> 00:02:13,819 aunt Robin had been a teen pop sensation 58 00:02:13,820 --> 00:02:15,888 in Canada, known as Robin Sparkles. 59 00:02:15,889 --> 00:02:18,423 And we also knew that her Robin Sparkles character 60 00:02:18,424 --> 00:02:20,509 came from a Canadian TV show, 61 00:02:20,510 --> 00:02:23,095 which we'd never seen... Until now. 62 00:02:23,096 --> 00:02:25,664 I cannot wait to see what's on this DVD! 63 00:02:25,665 --> 00:02:26,899 Oh, you haven't watched it yet? 64 00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:28,200 No, of course not. 65 00:02:28,201 --> 00:02:30,369 I wanted my first time to be with someone I cared about. 66 00:02:30,370 --> 00:02:32,971 - Sweet! - I get that a lot. Well, once. 67 00:02:32,972 --> 00:02:34,106 Hey, Robin, do you want 68 00:02:34,107 --> 00:02:36,341 to go get a Korean massage on Saturday? 69 00:02:36,342 --> 00:02:37,709 Oh, I'd love to. 70 00:02:37,710 --> 00:02:39,444 I've got this knot in my neck that's so annoying. 71 00:02:39,445 --> 00:02:41,513 Yeah, I figured I should get one now 72 00:02:41,514 --> 00:02:43,715 because once I get pregnant, no more massages. 73 00:02:43,716 --> 00:02:45,417 Just so annoying. 74 00:02:45,418 --> 00:02:46,718 Okay. 75 00:02:50,690 --> 00:02:52,124 Space teens?! 76 00:02:52,125 --> 00:02:53,625 Is this a porno? 77 00:02:53,626 --> 00:02:55,160 No, no. Dude, dude. Sweet! 78 00:02:55,161 --> 00:02:56,728 It's a kids' show. 79 00:02:56,729 --> 00:02:58,413 Oh. 80 00:02:58,414 --> 00:03:00,365 Yeah! Yeah! 81 00:03:02,418 --> 00:03:03,635 I don't know. 82 00:03:03,636 --> 00:03:06,271 This does have all the earmarks of porn. 83 00:03:06,272 --> 00:03:07,973 Stripper pole, bad lighting, 84 00:03:07,974 --> 00:03:09,441 delusional girl who thinks 85 00:03:09,442 --> 00:03:11,310 it's a stepping stone to mainstream success. 86 00:03:11,311 --> 00:03:14,012 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a big old bowl of pornflakes. 87 00:03:21,254 --> 00:03:23,605 Whoa! And who is this 88 00:03:23,606 --> 00:03:24,790 exquisite keytarist I assume 89 00:03:24,791 --> 00:03:26,692 you're about to make sweet love to? 90 00:03:26,693 --> 00:03:27,826 Oh, that's Jessica Glitter. 91 00:03:27,827 --> 00:03:30,696 She was my BFF on the show and in real life. 92 00:03:30,697 --> 00:03:31,964 Ah, BFFs. 93 00:03:31,965 --> 00:03:33,432 Did you guys have sleepovers? 94 00:03:33,433 --> 00:03:35,300 Get mad at each other and wrestle, 95 00:03:35,301 --> 00:03:37,619 but then end up kissing in a tender embrace? 96 00:03:37,620 --> 00:03:39,238 - Here, show us on Lily. - Barney, you know what? 97 00:03:39,239 --> 00:03:40,372 If you're going to be disgusting, 98 00:03:40,373 --> 00:03:41,473 we're not watching this, okay? 99 00:03:41,474 --> 00:03:42,741 Yeah. Come on, Barney. 100 00:03:42,742 --> 00:03:44,943 It's just a cute little story about... 101 00:03:44,944 --> 00:03:47,679 What exactly is this about? 102 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:49,381 Oh, two average Canadian teenagers 103 00:03:49,382 --> 00:03:51,650 who solve crimes in space using math. 104 00:03:51,651 --> 00:03:53,051 That sounds ridiculous. 105 00:03:53,052 --> 00:03:54,386 So sue me. 106 00:03:54,387 --> 00:03:56,755 Like the producers of Milky Way Mathletes tried to. 107 00:04:05,782 --> 00:04:08,166 Great job using long division 108 00:04:08,167 --> 00:04:10,235 to catch that space burglar, eh? 109 00:04:10,236 --> 00:04:11,603 Well, what can I say? 110 00:04:11,604 --> 00:04:16,375 He'll be in galactic jail for the remainder of his life. 111 00:04:17,477 --> 00:04:18,810 Sparkles, Glitter, 112 00:04:18,811 --> 00:04:20,979 we're about to enter an asteroid belt, eh. 113 00:04:22,282 --> 00:04:23,948 Brace for turbulence! 114 00:04:23,949 --> 00:04:26,468 Oh. Oh. 115 00:04:26,469 --> 00:04:29,288 I have to say, as much as I hate 116 00:04:29,289 --> 00:04:30,789 to agree with Barney, 117 00:04:30,790 --> 00:04:33,425 this does seem to be a veritable pornucopia. 118 00:04:33,426 --> 00:04:34,693 Okay, guys, come on. 119 00:04:34,694 --> 00:04:36,028 It's a kids' show! 120 00:04:36,029 --> 00:04:38,680 Like Electric Company or Sesame Street or, um... 121 00:04:38,681 --> 00:04:39,898 You can't do that on television. 122 00:04:39,899 --> 00:04:40,766 Exactly. 123 00:04:40,767 --> 00:04:41,933 No. 124 00:04:41,934 --> 00:04:44,202 You can't do that on television! 125 00:04:44,203 --> 00:04:46,471 ♪♪ 126 00:04:47,407 --> 00:04:49,441 Robin, 127 00:04:49,442 --> 00:04:52,277 this show is so dirty, I don't know whether to hug you 128 00:04:52,278 --> 00:04:55,180 or run a shower for you so you can sit there alone, 129 00:04:55,181 --> 00:04:56,515 crying and clenching your knees. 130 00:04:56,516 --> 00:04:58,750 It's just bad camera work, okay? 131 00:04:58,751 --> 00:05:01,219 Wayne, our camera guy... he wasn't that great. 132 00:05:01,220 --> 00:05:03,355 I don't know. I think he did a pretty good job, 133 00:05:03,356 --> 00:05:04,956 considering he was probably only using one hand. 134 00:05:06,159 --> 00:05:07,326 You know what? 135 00:05:07,327 --> 00:05:09,961 I feel bad for you Americans, that you can look 136 00:05:09,962 --> 00:05:12,497 at this wondrous and educational adventure through space, 137 00:05:12,498 --> 00:05:14,232 and see something obscene. 138 00:05:14,233 --> 00:05:16,668 Can you just please try to look at this 139 00:05:16,669 --> 00:05:18,603 with the innocence of a child? 140 00:05:18,604 --> 00:05:20,572 - Innocence of a child. - Innocence of a child. 141 00:05:20,573 --> 00:05:21,807 - Coming up. - Here we go. 142 00:05:21,808 --> 00:05:23,975 Girls, if you want 143 00:05:23,976 --> 00:05:26,144 to get through the asteroid belt, you've got 144 00:05:26,145 --> 00:05:27,779 to use multiplication. 145 00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:29,948 To the joystick! 146 00:05:31,134 --> 00:05:34,019 Okay, space teens, let's multiply! 147 00:05:34,020 --> 00:05:35,253 Five times six? 148 00:05:35,254 --> 00:05:36,355 Oh. 30. 149 00:05:36,356 --> 00:05:37,589 - Yes! - Oh! 150 00:05:37,590 --> 00:05:38,824 Seven times four? 151 00:05:38,825 --> 00:05:41,159 28! Keep going! 152 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:42,427 Eight times nine? 153 00:05:42,428 --> 00:05:43,662 72! 154 00:05:43,663 --> 00:05:45,097 Don't stop now! Almost there! 155 00:05:45,098 --> 00:05:47,165 23 times three? 156 00:05:47,166 --> 00:05:49,568 Oh... 157 00:05:49,569 --> 00:05:51,770 I'm sorry. 158 00:05:51,771 --> 00:05:52,971 We got to ration this. 159 00:05:52,972 --> 00:05:54,756 It's like we're on a desert island, 160 00:05:54,757 --> 00:05:57,142 and this video is a really hot, naked chick, 161 00:05:57,143 --> 00:06:00,095 and she's got, like, seaweed on her and a seashell bra. 162 00:06:00,096 --> 00:06:01,279 You all feel me? 163 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:02,681 Hey, 164 00:06:02,682 --> 00:06:04,216 if you and Jessica are BFFs, 165 00:06:04,217 --> 00:06:05,684 how come we've never met her? 166 00:06:05,685 --> 00:06:07,719 Okay, well, it was a long time ago, okay? 167 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:09,788 I get a Christmas card from her every year, 168 00:06:09,789 --> 00:06:11,189 but we're not really friends anymore. 169 00:06:11,190 --> 00:06:12,924 But BFFs are forever. 170 00:06:12,925 --> 00:06:14,893 Oh, come on, Lily. 171 00:06:14,894 --> 00:06:16,361 Nobody stays friends with their High School friends. 172 00:06:16,362 --> 00:06:17,796 I'm still friends with Punchy. 173 00:06:17,797 --> 00:06:19,131 Dude, he lives in Cleveland. 174 00:06:19,132 --> 00:06:21,433 You see him once a year, at which point, 175 00:06:21,434 --> 00:06:23,435 he punches you really hard in the arm 176 00:06:23,436 --> 00:06:25,737 and tells everyone how you dookied your pants. 177 00:06:25,738 --> 00:06:27,439 I know, on paper he sounds great, 178 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:28,974 but you guys aren't really friends. 179 00:06:28,975 --> 00:06:33,078 Look, I may not see him a lot, but it doesn't matter. 180 00:06:33,079 --> 00:06:35,514 Observe. 181 00:06:36,883 --> 00:06:39,017 - Schmosby! - Punchy! 182 00:06:39,018 --> 00:06:40,185 - Schmosby! - Punchy! 183 00:06:40,186 --> 00:06:41,353 - Schmosby! - Punchy! 184 00:06:41,354 --> 00:06:42,788 - Schmosby! - Punchy! 185 00:06:42,789 --> 00:06:44,089 Hey, good talking to you, Ted. 186 00:06:44,090 --> 00:06:45,056 Yeah, you, too. If you're ever in New York. 187 00:06:45,057 --> 00:06:46,725 Definitely. 188 00:06:46,726 --> 00:06:50,929 We are just two peas. 189 00:06:50,930 --> 00:06:52,297 I don't get it. 190 00:06:52,298 --> 00:06:54,699 How can you and Glitter just stop being friends? 191 00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:56,101 Best friends don't do that. 192 00:06:56,102 --> 00:06:57,969 Well, we did, okay? And I haven't talked to her 193 00:06:57,970 --> 00:06:59,504 in, like, five years, so just drop it. 194 00:06:59,505 --> 00:07:01,790 I got to go. 195 00:07:04,410 --> 00:07:06,778 Whoa. 196 00:07:06,779 --> 00:07:09,381 What do you think came between Robin and Jessica? 197 00:07:09,382 --> 00:07:11,116 Much like our friends, 198 00:07:11,117 --> 00:07:12,617 the space teens, 199 00:07:12,618 --> 00:07:16,555 I think I can solve this crime with math. 200 00:07:17,423 --> 00:07:20,976 Okay... okay, here is a Christmas card 201 00:07:20,977 --> 00:07:22,260 that Jessica sent Robin. 202 00:07:22,261 --> 00:07:24,596 Lily, how old would you say that kid is? 203 00:07:24,597 --> 00:07:25,831 Four years, three months. 204 00:07:25,832 --> 00:07:27,933 Which means Jessica got pregnant five years ago. 205 00:07:27,934 --> 00:07:30,669 Right around the time she and Robin stopped being friends. 206 00:07:30,670 --> 00:07:32,871 Of course. Robin hates kids. 207 00:07:32,872 --> 00:07:34,372 The last thing she would want to do 208 00:07:34,373 --> 00:07:35,774 is hang out with some little brat. 209 00:07:35,775 --> 00:07:37,309 Thus, if I may... 210 00:07:38,611 --> 00:07:41,580 When Glitter's womb a fruit did bear, 211 00:07:41,581 --> 00:07:46,685 Robin said, "to hell with this, I'm outta hare." 212 00:07:48,721 --> 00:07:50,455 Glitter got pregnant, so Robin dumped her. 213 00:07:50,456 --> 00:07:52,657 - Oh. - Oh, got... wow. 214 00:07:52,658 --> 00:07:54,626 That's got to be it, right, Lil? 215 00:07:55,728 --> 00:07:56,628 Lil? 216 00:07:56,629 --> 00:07:58,930 Robin's gonna dump me! 217 00:07:58,931 --> 00:08:00,932 Oh, sweetheart. 218 00:08:00,933 --> 00:08:02,400 Aha. 219 00:08:02,401 --> 00:08:04,469 When a second uterus plumped becomes... 220 00:08:04,470 --> 00:08:06,638 Dude. 221 00:08:06,639 --> 00:08:08,840 Feel the room. 222 00:08:16,268 --> 00:08:18,552 - No. - We've been waiting all day! 223 00:08:18,553 --> 00:08:20,104 Just watch it without me. 224 00:08:20,105 --> 00:08:21,639 Two dudes on the couch together watching porn? 225 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:22,940 That's kind of weird. 226 00:08:22,941 --> 00:08:24,909 Okay, it's not porn, it's a kids' show. 227 00:08:24,910 --> 00:08:27,878 Two dudes watching a kids' show might be worse. 228 00:08:28,914 --> 00:08:30,047 Okay, fine, I'll watch it with you. 229 00:08:30,048 --> 00:08:31,482 - Yeah! - But if either of you 230 00:08:31,483 --> 00:08:33,517 makes even one peep about the show being dirty, 231 00:08:33,518 --> 00:08:34,735 I'm turning it off. 232 00:08:34,736 --> 00:08:36,520 - We... - I'm serious. 233 00:08:38,573 --> 00:08:41,225 Hey Jessica, how's your beaver? 234 00:08:42,127 --> 00:08:43,427 Great. 235 00:08:43,428 --> 00:08:44,561 How's your beaver? 236 00:08:44,562 --> 00:08:47,198 Busy as ever! 237 00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:50,034 Our characters had pet beavers. 238 00:08:50,035 --> 00:08:51,702 Sure. 239 00:08:51,703 --> 00:08:54,538 The beaver is the official animal of Canada. 240 00:08:55,774 --> 00:08:56,907 It's our national mascot. 241 00:08:57,976 --> 00:09:00,378 It's a noble creature. 242 00:09:00,379 --> 00:09:02,179 Okay, girls. 243 00:09:02,180 --> 00:09:05,216 Everyone knows a beaver's favorite food is wood. 244 00:09:05,217 --> 00:09:07,718 I just hope we brought along enough of it 245 00:09:07,719 --> 00:09:09,586 for our three-day galactic space journey. 246 00:09:09,587 --> 00:09:11,322 So let's do the math. 247 00:09:11,323 --> 00:09:13,274 If Robin's beaver devours 248 00:09:13,275 --> 00:09:15,393 six inches of wood every half hour, 249 00:09:15,394 --> 00:09:17,328 and Jessica's beaver 250 00:09:17,329 --> 00:09:20,398 devours eight inches of wood every 45 minutes, 251 00:09:20,399 --> 00:09:22,066 how much wood will I need 252 00:09:22,067 --> 00:09:26,036 to keep both of these beavers well-fed all weekend long? 253 00:09:27,205 --> 00:09:29,073 While you figure it out at home, 254 00:09:29,074 --> 00:09:31,876 how about we sing you a song about our beavers? 255 00:09:35,447 --> 00:09:36,647 Hey! 256 00:09:36,648 --> 00:09:38,783 No! You don't get to hear the beaver song! 257 00:09:38,784 --> 00:09:40,618 It is a sweet song about friendship, 258 00:09:40,619 --> 00:09:42,186 and you guys are being disgusting, 259 00:09:42,187 --> 00:09:43,454 and beavers are adorable! 260 00:09:43,455 --> 00:09:44,955 No arguments here. 261 00:09:49,561 --> 00:09:51,295 'Sup Shmosby! 262 00:09:52,848 --> 00:09:54,432 Punchy, what are you doing here? 263 00:09:54,433 --> 00:09:56,600 Well, yesterday you said if I was ever in New York. 264 00:09:56,601 --> 00:09:59,203 'Sup, turds? 265 00:10:00,238 --> 00:10:02,606 Okay, uh, uh, where are you staying? 266 00:10:02,607 --> 00:10:03,774 In your mom's pants. 267 00:10:03,775 --> 00:10:05,009 Trick. She's old. 268 00:10:05,010 --> 00:10:06,210 Hey, don't worry 269 00:10:06,211 --> 00:10:08,312 about me. I'm cool on the couch. 270 00:10:08,313 --> 00:10:10,181 Whoa. He's staying here? You're staying here? 271 00:10:10,182 --> 00:10:11,515 I know! It's so good, right? 272 00:10:11,516 --> 00:10:12,683 Feel like you're dreaming? 273 00:10:12,684 --> 00:10:13,884 But check your totem, brah. 274 00:10:13,885 --> 00:10:15,052 Punchy's here in the flesh. 275 00:10:15,053 --> 00:10:17,254 So, why don't we get one of these, Ted? 276 00:10:17,255 --> 00:10:18,456 Yeah. Remember these? 277 00:10:18,457 --> 00:10:19,823 - High School? Junior high? - Yeah. 278 00:10:19,824 --> 00:10:21,175 Elementary school? Remember those? 279 00:10:21,176 --> 00:10:23,060 - Look, look, Punchy's here. - Yeah, yeah. 280 00:10:24,129 --> 00:10:25,663 Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied 281 00:10:25,664 --> 00:10:27,515 in your pants down by the lake? 282 00:10:27,516 --> 00:10:29,667 Unbelievable! 283 00:10:32,003 --> 00:10:34,371 Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied on our couch 284 00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:36,774 in the form of your idiot High School friend? 285 00:10:38,076 --> 00:10:40,945 Unbelievable! 286 00:10:40,946 --> 00:10:42,613 Come on. I worry about the guy. 287 00:10:42,614 --> 00:10:44,081 He's had the same dead-end job 288 00:10:44,082 --> 00:10:46,183 at a car rental place for 15 years. 289 00:10:46,184 --> 00:10:47,084 Don't care. 290 00:10:47,085 --> 00:10:48,886 He's been stuck in Cleveland 291 00:10:48,887 --> 00:10:50,020 - his whole life. - Get a hotel. 292 00:10:50,021 --> 00:10:51,789 Robin... 293 00:10:51,790 --> 00:10:53,157 Lebron. 294 00:10:53,158 --> 00:10:55,025 Okay, one night. 295 00:10:55,627 --> 00:10:56,660 Got to go. 296 00:10:56,661 --> 00:10:58,379 Hey. 297 00:10:58,380 --> 00:10:59,830 Where are you going? We just got here. 298 00:10:59,831 --> 00:11:00,998 Oh, a Korean massage. 299 00:11:00,999 --> 00:11:02,032 By yourself? 300 00:11:02,033 --> 00:11:03,534 Well, I figured you'd be busy, 301 00:11:03,535 --> 00:11:07,471 reading what to expect when you're expecting to expect. 302 00:11:07,472 --> 00:11:09,974 Guys, did you see that? 303 00:11:09,975 --> 00:11:12,226 She's going to a Korean massage without me. 304 00:11:12,227 --> 00:11:14,044 That's our thing. 305 00:11:14,045 --> 00:11:16,146 I'm telling you, she's gonna dump me, 306 00:11:16,147 --> 00:11:17,648 just like she dumped Glitter. 307 00:11:17,649 --> 00:11:19,683 Lily, come on. We don't even know that's what happened. 308 00:11:19,684 --> 00:11:22,019 Um, hello, somebody already solved that crime 309 00:11:22,020 --> 00:11:23,320 using math, remember? 310 00:11:23,321 --> 00:11:24,455 Look, Lily. 311 00:11:24,456 --> 00:11:26,123 Robin is clearly getting tired 312 00:11:26,124 --> 00:11:27,992 of you constantly talking about babies. 313 00:11:27,993 --> 00:11:30,227 I don't. 314 00:11:30,228 --> 00:11:32,563 - Lily, how old am I? - 384 months. 315 00:11:32,564 --> 00:11:34,098 Busted! 316 00:11:35,066 --> 00:11:38,269 Okay. So before you Lily all over the place, 317 00:11:38,270 --> 00:11:40,371 maybe you should try hanging out with Robin 318 00:11:40,372 --> 00:11:41,872 and not talking about babies. 319 00:11:41,873 --> 00:11:43,440 So Lily did just that. 320 00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:45,509 She tried not to talk about babies. 321 00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:47,578 Hey, Lily, what brings you to the crib? 322 00:11:47,579 --> 00:11:49,213 Crib... 323 00:11:49,214 --> 00:11:50,915 What's the matter? You look rattled. 324 00:11:50,916 --> 00:11:52,750 Rattled? 325 00:11:52,751 --> 00:11:55,553 - I want to talk about babies. - What? 326 00:11:55,554 --> 00:11:57,805 Look, I know you don't care about this stuff, 327 00:11:57,806 --> 00:11:59,957 but I'm about to become a mother. 328 00:11:59,958 --> 00:12:01,158 And as a future mother, 329 00:12:01,159 --> 00:12:02,977 I'm gonna need the support... 330 00:12:02,978 --> 00:12:05,296 Oh, my God! You're not even pregnant yet. 331 00:12:05,297 --> 00:12:06,830 What's that supposed to mean? 332 00:12:06,831 --> 00:12:09,466 It means that a fertilized egg has not yet attached itself 333 00:12:09,467 --> 00:12:11,535 to the lining of your uterine wall. 334 00:12:11,536 --> 00:12:13,437 You see? I read your Facebook updates. 335 00:12:13,438 --> 00:12:16,006 God, it's like it's all you ever talk about, Lily, 336 00:12:16,007 --> 00:12:17,141 and I'm sick of it! 337 00:12:17,142 --> 00:12:19,043 Well, guess what? I've got some good news. 338 00:12:19,044 --> 00:12:21,145 When that baby comes, you don't have to see it. 339 00:12:21,146 --> 00:12:23,047 In fact, you don't have to see me. 340 00:12:23,048 --> 00:12:25,249 This whole friendship thing? Done. 341 00:12:25,250 --> 00:12:26,650 - Great. - Great. 342 00:12:33,458 --> 00:12:35,292 For crying out loud. 343 00:12:35,293 --> 00:12:36,527 You broke up with Robin? 344 00:12:36,528 --> 00:12:38,795 I had to. We were growing apart, 345 00:12:38,796 --> 00:12:41,165 and we're better off without each other. 346 00:12:41,166 --> 00:12:43,167 Okay, Lily, you sound about as convincing as you did 347 00:12:43,168 --> 00:12:44,835 the time you "accidentally" shredded 348 00:12:44,836 --> 00:12:46,670 my Joey Buttafuoco pants. 349 00:12:48,206 --> 00:12:50,441 No! 350 00:12:50,442 --> 00:12:53,911 Get on the phone, call Robin and fix this. 351 00:12:53,912 --> 00:12:56,313 I can't. The damage is done. 352 00:12:57,482 --> 00:12:59,450 Can you just hold me? 353 00:12:59,451 --> 00:13:00,501 You know what? No. 354 00:13:00,502 --> 00:13:01,952 I don't agree with what you did, 355 00:13:01,953 --> 00:13:03,420 and so I refuse to comfort you, 356 00:13:03,421 --> 00:13:06,290 despite how adorable you are when you cry. 357 00:13:06,291 --> 00:13:09,159 Okay. 358 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:13,097 Okay. Maybe just one cuddle, but then that is it. 359 00:13:13,098 --> 00:13:15,299 Times Square's the bomb! 360 00:13:15,300 --> 00:13:17,401 I got so many great pictures of all the billboards. 361 00:13:17,402 --> 00:13:18,502 Yeah. You know, 362 00:13:18,503 --> 00:13:20,187 there's more to New York than Times Square. 363 00:13:20,188 --> 00:13:23,007 There's the Village, the Lower East Side, Central Park... 364 00:13:23,008 --> 00:13:24,908 They got better billboards then the ones in Times Square? 365 00:13:24,909 --> 00:13:27,011 No. 366 00:13:27,012 --> 00:13:28,896 Times Square's the bomb! 367 00:13:28,897 --> 00:13:30,147 Here. You know what? Hold this, okay? 368 00:13:30,148 --> 00:13:31,865 I'm going to go pee in the jar 369 00:13:31,866 --> 00:13:33,717 I got going in the alley. 370 00:13:36,321 --> 00:13:39,289 Seriously, dude, he has got to go. 371 00:13:39,290 --> 00:13:40,741 You need to be like, 372 00:13:40,742 --> 00:13:44,928 "you are the weakest link. Goodbye." 373 00:13:44,929 --> 00:13:47,464 Punchy, the tribe has spoken. 374 00:13:47,465 --> 00:13:49,700 Please pack up your knives and go. 375 00:13:49,701 --> 00:13:51,001 Your work of art 376 00:13:51,002 --> 00:13:52,236 didn't work for us. 377 00:13:52,237 --> 00:13:53,337 Your time's up. 378 00:13:53,338 --> 00:13:54,338 I have to ask you 379 00:13:54,339 --> 00:13:55,589 to leave the mansion. 380 00:13:55,590 --> 00:13:57,775 You must leave the chateau. 381 00:13:57,776 --> 00:13:59,743 Your tour ends here. 382 00:13:59,744 --> 00:14:01,261 You've been chopped. 383 00:14:01,262 --> 00:14:02,429 Okay, yeah. I know. 384 00:14:02,430 --> 00:14:03,547 You've been evicted 385 00:14:03,548 --> 00:14:05,082 from the Big Brother house. 386 00:14:05,083 --> 00:14:06,550 Your dessert just didn't measure up. 387 00:14:06,551 --> 00:14:07,885 Sashay away. 388 00:14:07,886 --> 00:14:09,253 Give me your jacket 389 00:14:09,254 --> 00:14:10,821 and leave Hell's Kitchen. 390 00:14:10,822 --> 00:14:12,489 I'm sorry, you did not get a rose. 391 00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:14,458 You have been eliminated from the race. 392 00:14:14,459 --> 00:14:16,026 You are no longer in the running 393 00:14:16,027 --> 00:14:17,361 to be America's next top model. 394 00:14:17,362 --> 00:14:18,495 You're fired. 395 00:14:18,496 --> 00:14:19,580 Auf Wiedersehen. 396 00:14:19,581 --> 00:14:22,966 Ted, come look at this. 397 00:14:22,967 --> 00:14:26,003 I found a little wounded bird in the alley. 398 00:14:27,905 --> 00:14:28,956 That's your scrotum. 399 00:14:30,208 --> 00:14:31,709 You know what it is, Ted. You know what it is. 400 00:14:31,710 --> 00:14:33,610 Come on, Ted. You always fall for that. 401 00:14:35,714 --> 00:14:37,214 Yeah, he's gotta go. 402 00:14:43,271 --> 00:14:44,972 What are we doing in Madison Square Garden? 403 00:14:44,973 --> 00:14:46,557 Okay, you refused to talk to Robin. 404 00:14:46,558 --> 00:14:49,143 So I thought that you might like to talk to... 405 00:14:49,144 --> 00:14:51,128 the organist for the New York Rangers. 406 00:14:54,399 --> 00:14:55,999 Jessica Glitter?! 407 00:15:10,171 --> 00:15:11,972 How did you find Glitter? 408 00:15:11,973 --> 00:15:13,240 Simple, really. 409 00:15:13,241 --> 00:15:14,525 I used my powers of deduction. 410 00:15:14,526 --> 00:15:17,144 You see, I knew Glitter used to be a keytarist, 411 00:15:17,145 --> 00:15:18,779 which is basically a piano, 412 00:15:18,780 --> 00:15:21,399 so I just made a list of all the keyboard-based occupations 413 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:22,717 and then I cross-matched them... 414 00:15:22,718 --> 00:15:23,751 His friend Barney looked me up, 415 00:15:23,752 --> 00:15:26,087 hoping to buy my Space Teens costume. 416 00:15:26,088 --> 00:15:27,688 Yo, Glitter... 417 00:15:27,689 --> 00:15:29,457 Be cool. 418 00:15:29,458 --> 00:15:31,859 So, is this the one who's best friends with Robin now? 419 00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:35,162 More like ex-best friends. 420 00:15:35,163 --> 00:15:36,697 Just like you. 421 00:15:36,698 --> 00:15:39,166 I'm sorry to hear that. 422 00:15:39,167 --> 00:15:40,935 I miss Robin. 423 00:15:42,337 --> 00:15:45,139 Yeah, well, Marshall and I are about to get pregnant, 424 00:15:45,140 --> 00:15:47,475 and I know she stopped being friends 425 00:15:47,476 --> 00:15:49,744 with you when you had a baby, so... 426 00:15:49,745 --> 00:15:51,645 Oh, Robin didn't stop being friends with me. 427 00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:53,647 I stopped being friends with her. 428 00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:55,282 What? Why? 429 00:15:55,283 --> 00:15:56,751 Because I had a baby. 430 00:15:56,752 --> 00:15:57,952 Honey, when you have a baby, 431 00:15:57,953 --> 00:16:00,020 all that best friend stuff... 432 00:16:00,021 --> 00:16:03,324 Hockey, bow hunting for caribou, math... 433 00:16:03,325 --> 00:16:05,259 That all goes out the window. 434 00:16:05,260 --> 00:16:06,727 I mean, I tried to stay friends with her, 435 00:16:06,728 --> 00:16:08,229 but it just didn't happen. 436 00:16:08,230 --> 00:16:09,463 She took it pretty hard. 437 00:16:09,464 --> 00:16:12,366 I even thought she might try to kill herself. 438 00:16:14,870 --> 00:16:16,771 Charge! 439 00:16:16,772 --> 00:16:19,607 Wow. You dumped her just because you had a baby? 440 00:16:19,608 --> 00:16:20,908 That's cold. 441 00:16:20,909 --> 00:16:22,743 Didn't you do the same thing? 442 00:16:22,744 --> 00:16:24,512 Minus the baby? 443 00:16:24,513 --> 00:16:25,679 Oh, God. 444 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:27,080 I gotta go. 445 00:16:27,081 --> 00:16:29,100 I gotta go apologize to Robin. 446 00:16:29,101 --> 00:16:30,651 I... I need to tell her I love her, 447 00:16:30,652 --> 00:16:32,787 and that she'll always be a priority. 448 00:16:32,788 --> 00:16:33,854 Be careful, Lily. 449 00:16:33,855 --> 00:16:35,456 I made those promises, too. 450 00:16:35,457 --> 00:16:39,193 And now I haven't even talked to her in five years. 451 00:16:39,194 --> 00:16:42,663 Sure, I thought about picking up the phone 452 00:16:42,664 --> 00:16:44,498 and calling her a hundred times, 453 00:16:44,499 --> 00:16:46,534 but I just never have the courage to actually... 454 00:16:49,604 --> 00:16:51,705 Hey. 455 00:16:52,774 --> 00:16:54,875 Go ahead. 456 00:17:02,150 --> 00:17:04,051 Hey, do you guys get Big Chuck and Little John out here? 457 00:17:04,052 --> 00:17:05,352 Punchy, it's time to go back. 458 00:17:05,353 --> 00:17:06,987 Back to Times Square?! 459 00:17:06,988 --> 00:17:09,256 Uh, no. Back... back to Cleveland. 460 00:17:09,257 --> 00:17:11,559 I don't know if I can do that, bro. 461 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:13,677 I mean, yeah, I've been jonesing for a piece 462 00:17:13,678 --> 00:17:14,895 of Cleveland-style pizza, 463 00:17:14,896 --> 00:17:17,198 but I feel bad about leaving you out here. 464 00:17:17,199 --> 00:17:19,066 I worry about you, Ted. 465 00:17:20,001 --> 00:17:21,402 You worry about me? 466 00:17:21,403 --> 00:17:22,470 Yeah. 467 00:17:22,471 --> 00:17:23,871 The other day, when you called... 468 00:17:23,872 --> 00:17:25,639 - Schmosby! - Punchy! 469 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:26,941 Hey, good talking to you, Ted. 470 00:17:26,942 --> 00:17:27,875 Yeah. You, too. If you're ever in New York... 471 00:17:27,876 --> 00:17:29,076 Definitely. 472 00:17:31,530 --> 00:17:33,948 Sweetie, who was that? 473 00:17:33,949 --> 00:17:35,583 It was my friend Ted. 474 00:17:35,584 --> 00:17:37,501 He sounded kind of depressed. 475 00:17:37,502 --> 00:17:39,253 Is this the Ted who got left at the altar? 476 00:17:39,254 --> 00:17:40,521 Yeah. 477 00:17:40,522 --> 00:17:42,356 He's not doing so good. 478 00:17:42,357 --> 00:17:45,693 Poor guy lives in a tiny apartment in New York, 479 00:17:45,694 --> 00:17:47,394 nowhere near Times Square. 480 00:17:47,395 --> 00:17:48,762 He's got no family around. 481 00:17:48,763 --> 00:17:51,198 He's still single, doesn't have a backyard. 482 00:17:51,199 --> 00:17:52,833 It's just a bummer. 483 00:17:52,834 --> 00:17:55,503 Maybe you should go visit him. Cheer him up a little. 484 00:17:55,504 --> 00:17:57,071 You know, buy him some shots, 485 00:17:57,072 --> 00:17:58,873 do the whole wounded bird trick. 486 00:17:58,874 --> 00:18:00,241 You think that would work? 487 00:18:00,242 --> 00:18:02,176 Worked on me. 488 00:18:04,713 --> 00:18:05,946 Wow. 489 00:18:05,947 --> 00:18:08,148 She sounds pretty great, Punchy. 490 00:18:08,149 --> 00:18:10,217 She's my angel. 491 00:18:11,019 --> 00:18:12,319 In fact, uh... 492 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,721 We're getting married. 493 00:18:13,722 --> 00:18:15,689 Wow! Wow! 494 00:18:15,690 --> 00:18:18,592 That's... I'm... I'm really happy for you. 495 00:18:18,593 --> 00:18:20,044 Thanks, Ted. Thanks. 496 00:18:20,045 --> 00:18:22,429 Actually, that's the other reason why I came out here. 497 00:18:22,430 --> 00:18:25,532 I wanted to see if you'd be my best man. 498 00:18:27,369 --> 00:18:29,370 Of course I will. 499 00:18:29,371 --> 00:18:32,223 Yeah! That's great! No, you're stupid. 500 00:18:32,224 --> 00:18:33,591 Dawg pound. 501 00:18:33,592 --> 00:18:35,092 Oh, that's it... 502 00:18:35,093 --> 00:18:37,411 That night, Lily went to the one place 503 00:18:37,412 --> 00:18:38,729 she knew she could find Robin... 504 00:18:38,730 --> 00:18:42,149 New York's premiere Canadian bar, the Hoser Hut. 505 00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:43,901 Oh, there you are. 506 00:18:43,902 --> 00:18:46,387 Robin, I owe you a huge apology. 507 00:18:46,388 --> 00:18:47,721 No, okay? Me first. 508 00:18:47,722 --> 00:18:49,990 I've been pulling away from you, and I'm sorry. 509 00:18:49,991 --> 00:18:52,860 It's just, the last time my best friend had a baby... 510 00:18:52,861 --> 00:18:54,795 I know. I know all about it. 511 00:18:54,796 --> 00:18:57,398 It's not gonna happen with you and me. 512 00:18:58,166 --> 00:18:59,366 And I'm sorry 513 00:18:59,367 --> 00:19:01,602 I've been going crazy with this baby stuff. 514 00:19:01,603 --> 00:19:03,604 I know you hate babies. 515 00:19:03,605 --> 00:19:04,705 Whoa. 516 00:19:04,706 --> 00:19:06,507 Look, I hate most babies. 517 00:19:06,508 --> 00:19:08,575 But your baby? 518 00:19:08,576 --> 00:19:10,744 I'm gonna love that kid so much. 519 00:19:11,580 --> 00:19:13,097 I'm gonna pick it up and everything. 520 00:19:13,098 --> 00:19:14,214 Oh... 521 00:19:14,215 --> 00:19:15,883 Aww. 522 00:19:15,884 --> 00:19:18,018 I'm so happy you guys made up. 523 00:19:18,019 --> 00:19:19,453 Me, too. 524 00:19:20,588 --> 00:19:21,689 Where do I know this song from? 525 00:19:21,690 --> 00:19:23,157 Oh, my God. It's the beaver song. 526 00:19:23,158 --> 00:19:24,692 Okay, which one of you put this on? 527 00:19:24,693 --> 00:19:27,628 ♪ Hey, beaver, come on ♪ 528 00:19:27,629 --> 00:19:32,399 ♪ When you feel alone ♪ 529 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:36,403 ♪ just pick up that phone ♪ 530 00:19:36,404 --> 00:19:39,974 ♪ and I'll be there to share my ♪ 531 00:19:39,975 --> 00:19:43,877 ♪ ice cream cone. ♪ 532 00:19:43,878 --> 00:19:47,581 ♪ We'll lick it side by side ♪ 533 00:19:47,582 --> 00:19:48,849 Wow. This is so dirty. 534 00:19:48,850 --> 00:19:49,917 Come on, Barney. 535 00:19:49,918 --> 00:19:51,502 It's a sweet song about friendship. 536 00:19:51,503 --> 00:19:53,287 Yeah, dude, come on. 537 00:19:53,288 --> 00:19:56,056 ♪ Day is done ♪ 538 00:19:57,025 --> 00:20:01,128 ♪ Two beavers are better than one ♪ 539 00:20:01,129 --> 00:20:05,199 ♪ Dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah ♪ 540 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:08,485 ♪ Two beavers are better than one ♪ 541 00:20:08,486 --> 00:20:09,937 ♪ they're twice the fun ♪ 542 00:20:09,938 --> 00:20:13,140 ♪ Ask anyone ♪ 543 00:20:13,141 --> 00:20:18,862 ♪ A second beaver can be second to none ♪ 544 00:20:18,863 --> 00:20:22,416 ♪ Two beavers are better than one. ♪ 545 00:20:23,484 --> 00:20:25,169 ♪ Dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah... ♪ 546 00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:28,522 ♪ You're my favorite beaver...♪ 547 00:20:30,525 --> 00:20:33,410 ♪ Two beavers are better than one♪ 548 00:20:33,411 --> 00:20:37,114 ♪ Dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah ♪ 549 00:20:37,115 --> 00:20:40,617 ♪ Two beavers are better than one♪ 550 00:20:40,618 --> 00:20:42,820 ♪ They're twice the fun ♪ 551 00:20:42,821 --> 00:20:44,187 ♪ Ask anyone ♪ 552 00:20:45,123 --> 00:20:46,657 ♪ A second beaver ♪ 553 00:20:46,658 --> 00:20:50,994 ♪ can be second to none ♪ 554 00:20:50,995 --> 00:20:54,234 ♪ two beavers are better than one. ♪ 555 00:23:22,597 --> 00:23:25,065 www.addic7ed.com