1
00:00:00,836 --> 00:00:02,404
Hey, I got
a little surprise for you.
2
00:00:02,405 --> 00:00:03,872
Whatever it is,
I approve.
3
00:00:03,873 --> 00:00:05,507
You have more
than earned my trust
4
00:00:05,508 --> 00:00:06,992
And respect in the bedroom.
5
00:00:09,645 --> 00:00:11,479
Oh, Molly, thank you.
6
00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:13,048
Hang on.
7
00:00:13,049 --> 00:00:14,816
Was there some kind
of anniversary
8
00:00:14,817 --> 00:00:17,185
Or special occasion
I was supposed to remember?
9
00:00:17,186 --> 00:00:18,553
No, no occasion.
10
00:00:18,554 --> 00:00:20,822
It's just a little something
I saw that screamed "Mike."
11
00:00:20,823 --> 00:00:22,123
Oh, what a coincidence.
12
00:00:22,124 --> 00:00:25,326
I saw something last night
that screamed "Mike."
13
00:00:26,529 --> 00:00:27,562
Three times.
14
00:00:27,563 --> 00:00:29,698
Just open it.
15
00:00:29,699 --> 00:00:32,934
Oh, boy! Cowboy boots!
16
00:00:34,704 --> 00:00:36,187
Oh, how did you know?
17
00:00:36,188 --> 00:00:37,856
Well, you told me
that story
18
00:00:37,857 --> 00:00:39,808
About the boots you had
when you were little
19
00:00:39,809 --> 00:00:41,008
And how you stopped wearing them
20
00:00:41,009 --> 00:00:42,811
When all the other boys
made fun of you.
21
00:00:42,812 --> 00:00:44,879
Yeah, you get called
"belly the kid" enough,
22
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:47,482
It sours you
on western footwear.
23
00:00:47,483 --> 00:00:49,684
Can't believe you
remembered that story.
24
00:00:49,685 --> 00:00:50,952
Of course, I remembered.
25
00:00:50,953 --> 00:00:53,354
Just like you remember
the stories I tell you.
26
00:00:54,190 --> 00:00:55,590
Right.
27
00:00:55,591 --> 00:00:58,093
Don't worry.
I'm not going to quiz you.
28
00:00:58,094 --> 00:00:59,961
Thank you.
29
00:00:59,962 --> 00:01:01,329
They should fit.
30
00:01:01,330 --> 00:01:03,364
I took one of your shoes
to the boot store
31
00:01:03,365 --> 00:01:05,083
To make sure
I got the right size.
32
00:01:05,084 --> 00:01:07,552
Smart. That way,
you didn't have to pour plaster
33
00:01:07,553 --> 00:01:10,037
Into one of my footprints.
34
00:01:10,038 --> 00:01:13,708
Oh, my god, these
are amazing.
35
00:01:14,877 --> 00:01:17,612
Oh, is that real
rattlesnake?
36
00:01:17,613 --> 00:01:19,414
100%.
37
00:01:21,484 --> 00:01:23,084
Can you imagine how many snakes
had to die
38
00:01:23,085 --> 00:01:24,486
For those things?
Hey, screw them.
39
00:01:24,487 --> 00:01:28,323
Better on my feet than biting
people and swallowing eggs.
40
00:01:28,324 --> 00:01:31,743
Well, you look very handsome
in them, cowboy.
41
00:01:31,744 --> 00:01:34,529
Yeah, they do kind of
work on me, don't they?
42
00:01:36,766 --> 00:01:38,900
I don't know how to thank you.
43
00:01:38,901 --> 00:01:42,303
Well, I got a couple ideas
if you're interested, partner.
44
00:01:42,304 --> 00:01:45,006
I'd be mighty happy
to oblige, ma'am.
45
00:01:45,007 --> 00:01:46,808
Just let me pull
my boots off.
46
00:01:46,809 --> 00:01:49,377
No, no.
Leave the boots on.
47
00:01:49,378 --> 00:01:51,963
But take off
everything else.
48
00:01:55,134 --> 00:01:59,988
♪ for the first time
in my life ♪
49
00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:03,191
♪ I see love. ♪
50
00:02:03,192 --> 00:02:09,130
-- Sync by Rafael UPD --
www.addic7ed.com/
51
00:02:24,180 --> 00:02:27,265
You know those cowboy boots
aren't regulation police wear.
52
00:02:27,266 --> 00:02:28,566
Neither is
the leopard-print thong
53
00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:30,502
You're wearing
underneath your uniform.
54
00:02:33,005 --> 00:02:36,140
First of all, it's not a thong;
it's a jock strap.
55
00:02:36,141 --> 00:02:39,711
And it's not leopard print;
it's camouflage.
56
00:02:39,712 --> 00:02:41,196
That must come in handy
57
00:02:41,197 --> 00:02:44,165
When you need to hide your junk
in someone's salad.
58
00:02:46,152 --> 00:02:48,586
What do you want?
59
00:02:48,587 --> 00:02:50,855
Whoa. Is that how you greet
paying customers?
60
00:02:50,856 --> 00:02:52,657
Oh, so you're paying now?
61
00:02:54,226 --> 00:02:56,061
Figure of speech.
62
00:02:56,062 --> 00:02:57,395
What's the matter
with you this morning?
63
00:02:57,396 --> 00:02:59,597
Two busboys and a waiter
called in sick,
64
00:02:59,598 --> 00:03:01,766
So I had to walk here
in the freezing rain
65
00:03:01,767 --> 00:03:03,134
Because my bicycle was stolen.
66
00:03:03,135 --> 00:03:05,637
You want us to file a report?
We might be able to find it.
67
00:03:05,638 --> 00:03:07,972
If you're going
to play detective,
68
00:03:07,973 --> 00:03:10,508
I'd prefer you find my car.
69
00:03:12,111 --> 00:03:13,978
Which was stolen a year ago
and the reason
70
00:03:13,979 --> 00:03:16,381
I'm riding a bicycle
in the first place.
71
00:03:17,249 --> 00:03:18,683
We'll have two
breakfast specials.
72
00:03:18,684 --> 00:03:21,986
You'll have whatever I bring you
and you'll like it.
73
00:03:23,556 --> 00:03:25,757
Yes, we will.
74
00:03:28,193 --> 00:03:30,628
So, why did Molly buy you
those boots anyway?
75
00:03:30,629 --> 00:03:32,697
You guys have an anniversary
or something?
76
00:03:32,698 --> 00:03:34,032
No. That's the beauty of it.
77
00:03:34,033 --> 00:03:36,501
She bought them just 'cause
she was thinking about me.
78
00:03:36,502 --> 00:03:38,403
Huh. It's kind of like
that puka shell necklace
79
00:03:38,404 --> 00:03:40,739
I got you in fort lauderdale
that you never wear.
80
00:03:40,740 --> 00:03:43,575
Sorry. I'm not a puka shell
kind of guy.
81
00:03:43,576 --> 00:03:44,609
Who doesn't like puka shells?
82
00:03:44,610 --> 00:03:46,344
Everybody.
83
00:03:46,345 --> 00:03:48,913
Except you, aquaman and don ho.
84
00:03:49,849 --> 00:03:51,282
My point is, though,
85
00:03:51,283 --> 00:03:54,452
I've never gotten this kind of
attention from a woman before.
86
00:03:54,453 --> 00:03:59,124
It makes me feel kind of--
I don't know-- sexy.
87
00:04:00,059 --> 00:04:02,994
Now you know how I feel
about my camo jock.
88
00:04:02,995 --> 00:04:05,447
It's like having Rambo
in my pants.
89
00:04:06,899 --> 00:04:08,833
Oatmeal or pudding?
90
00:04:08,834 --> 00:04:11,403
I'll have
the oatmeal.
91
00:04:14,707 --> 00:04:16,424
Don't go in there.
92
00:04:16,425 --> 00:04:18,143
That tunnel is just painted on.
93
00:04:20,479 --> 00:04:22,213
Beep-beep.
94
00:04:22,214 --> 00:04:25,433
Why don't you ever listen to me?
95
00:04:27,086 --> 00:04:30,021
Sweetheart, you shouldn't
get so involved in that show.
96
00:04:30,022 --> 00:04:32,056
Yeah. I'm starting
to think that dog
97
00:04:32,057 --> 00:04:34,459
Is never going to catch
that chicken.
98
00:04:38,464 --> 00:04:39,731
Where you going?
99
00:04:39,732 --> 00:04:40,999
Mm, Mike's picking me up,
100
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,034
And we're going to go
to an oa meeting.
101
00:04:43,035 --> 00:04:44,936
how did he like
the cowboy boots?
102
00:04:44,937 --> 00:04:46,805
it was so cute.
103
00:04:46,806 --> 00:04:49,307
His whole face lit up
like a little boy's.
104
00:04:49,308 --> 00:04:51,943
So you guys are getting
pretty serious, huh?
105
00:04:51,944 --> 00:04:53,378
I think so.
106
00:04:53,379 --> 00:04:55,013
I mean, I don't want to jinx it,
107
00:04:55,014 --> 00:04:58,583
But, uh, I think we're headed
towards a really good place.
108
00:04:58,584 --> 00:05:01,753
Oh, I love this stage
in a relationship
109
00:05:01,754 --> 00:05:04,255
When you're just getting
comfortable with each other
110
00:05:04,256 --> 00:05:07,008
And nobody's gotten
a restraining order.
111
00:05:08,294 --> 00:05:11,463
Or asked you to have a three-way
with their cleaning lady.
112
00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:17,318
Yeah, it's a magical time.
113
00:05:22,441 --> 00:05:24,709
Hey, moonface. How are you?
114
00:05:25,744 --> 00:05:27,512
What are you doing here, Vince?
115
00:05:27,513 --> 00:05:29,664
I'm taking your mom out
for a nice dinner
116
00:05:29,665 --> 00:05:32,383
And for one of those
carriage rides along the lake.
117
00:05:32,384 --> 00:05:34,419
It's kind of romantic
if you don't mind
118
00:05:34,420 --> 00:05:37,188
The smell of hot,
steaming horse crap.
119
00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:40,158
Wait a second.
You're dating my mother?
120
00:05:40,159 --> 00:05:43,528
Hey, old soup's still good
if you heat it up.
121
00:05:45,865 --> 00:05:48,399
Mom.
122
00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:50,518
Come on in, I guess,
123
00:05:50,519 --> 00:05:52,520
But stay close
to the door.
124
00:05:52,521 --> 00:05:54,339
No problem.
125
00:05:54,340 --> 00:05:55,473
Hey, there she is.
126
00:05:55,474 --> 00:05:58,843
The reason god
created tube tops and hands.
127
00:05:59,945 --> 00:06:02,046
You want to go wait
on the porch?
128
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:06,284
Hey, vin.
129
00:06:06,285 --> 00:06:08,903
Well, you're looking
very handsome this evening.
130
00:06:08,904 --> 00:06:12,957
Thanks. I had some fat
sucked out of my neck waddle.
131
00:06:12,958 --> 00:06:15,493
Well, it's nice.
132
00:06:15,494 --> 00:06:18,913
It really separates your
shoulders from your head.
133
00:06:20,165 --> 00:06:22,367
Hey, we should probably shake
a tail feather.
134
00:06:22,368 --> 00:06:25,202
The buffet already started,
and after about an hour,
135
00:06:25,203 --> 00:06:28,223
The calamari starts looking
like deep-fried anuses.
136
00:06:31,443 --> 00:06:36,047
I know he's not your father,
but he treats me like a queen
137
00:06:36,048 --> 00:06:39,117
And you can crack walnuts
on his Johnson.
138
00:06:43,355 --> 00:06:45,857
Let's never eat walnuts
around him.
139
00:06:45,858 --> 00:06:47,258
Deal.
140
00:06:50,746 --> 00:06:51,996
I got to tell you folks,
141
00:06:51,997 --> 00:06:53,932
Things have been going
pretty well for me.
142
00:06:53,933 --> 00:06:57,068
My job, my personal life.
143
00:06:59,939 --> 00:07:03,942
And as a result,
my attitude's better.
144
00:07:06,845 --> 00:07:09,480
I'm losing weight
without even thinking about it.
145
00:07:09,481 --> 00:07:11,849
Get this-- last Tuesday,
I forgot to eat lunch.
146
00:07:11,850 --> 00:07:14,085
Crazy, right?
That never happens.
147
00:07:14,086 --> 00:07:17,088
I've forgotten I've eaten lunch
on a number of occasions,
148
00:07:17,089 --> 00:07:21,292
So I had to eat again
just in case,
149
00:07:21,293 --> 00:07:23,094
But this is monumental.
150
00:07:23,095 --> 00:07:25,647
I have forgotten to take
the gas nozzle out of my car.
151
00:07:25,648 --> 00:07:27,448
I have forgot my gun was loaded.
152
00:07:27,449 --> 00:07:30,101
But I have never
forgotten lunch.
153
00:07:31,337 --> 00:07:33,638
Anyway, long story short,
you're looking
154
00:07:33,639 --> 00:07:35,506
At a happy, confident,
slightly smaller man
155
00:07:35,507 --> 00:07:37,442
Than you saw in here
one week ago.
156
00:07:37,443 --> 00:07:40,111
Win the battle here,
win the battle here.
157
00:07:40,112 --> 00:07:42,447
No glory, no guts.
158
00:07:43,983 --> 00:07:47,085
Happy trails, mi amigos.
159
00:07:48,887 --> 00:07:50,672
You were pretty cute
up there tonight.
160
00:07:50,673 --> 00:07:53,024
No, you're just saying that
'cause you're sweet on me.
161
00:07:53,025 --> 00:07:54,425
Both can be true.
162
00:07:54,426 --> 00:07:57,095
Hey, you want to go upstairs and
make out in the confessional?
163
00:07:57,096 --> 00:07:58,462
Absolutely.
164
00:07:58,463 --> 00:08:01,599
It's been almost a week
since my last confession.
165
00:08:02,968 --> 00:08:04,702
Hi.
Hello.
166
00:08:04,703 --> 00:08:06,070
I just wanted to say
167
00:08:06,071 --> 00:08:07,805
That I really loved your share.
168
00:08:07,806 --> 00:08:09,007
Oh, thank you.
169
00:08:09,008 --> 00:08:10,358
I'm Jill.
170
00:08:10,359 --> 00:08:12,377
Mike.
I know.
171
00:08:12,378 --> 00:08:14,679
I love your boots.
172
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:16,047
I just moved here
from Texas,
173
00:08:16,048 --> 00:08:18,683
So I'm kind of a sucker
for a man in cowboy boots.
174
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,356
Oh, this is Molly.
She's a friend of mine.
175
00:08:29,628 --> 00:08:32,997
Hi. I'm Molly,
Mike's friend.
176
00:08:32,998 --> 00:08:33,998
Nice to meet you.
177
00:08:33,999 --> 00:08:35,233
Nice to meet you.
178
00:08:37,803 --> 00:08:39,504
Listen, I don't have
a sponsor yet,
179
00:08:39,505 --> 00:08:41,372
And I'd love for it to be you.
180
00:08:41,373 --> 00:08:42,740
Really? Wow.
181
00:08:42,741 --> 00:08:45,209
Nobody's ever asked me
to be their sponsor before.
182
00:08:46,979 --> 00:08:48,813
Let me give you my number.
183
00:08:48,814 --> 00:08:50,198
Great.
184
00:08:50,199 --> 00:08:52,550
I don't have a pen.
185
00:08:54,153 --> 00:08:56,154
Seriously?
186
00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:00,825
Sure. What are
friends for?
187
00:09:02,861 --> 00:09:04,328
You going to tell me
what's wrong,
188
00:09:04,329 --> 00:09:05,529
Or do I have to guess?
189
00:09:05,530 --> 00:09:07,398
I bet if you thought
really hard about it,
190
00:09:07,399 --> 00:09:09,400
You could figure
it out, friend.
191
00:09:09,401 --> 00:09:11,436
Wait. That's what
you're mad about?
192
00:09:11,437 --> 00:09:13,137
Because I introduced you
as my friend?
193
00:09:13,138 --> 00:09:14,972
Yeah, Mike, that's
what I'm so mad about.
194
00:09:14,973 --> 00:09:16,841
So what are you saying,
that we're not friends?
195
00:09:16,842 --> 00:09:18,576
That this whole thing
is just sex for you?
196
00:09:18,577 --> 00:09:20,595
Because it's more
than that for me.
Oh, no.
197
00:09:20,596 --> 00:09:22,480
Don't you dare turn this around.
198
00:09:22,481 --> 00:09:24,482
You know exactly what you did.
199
00:09:24,483 --> 00:09:25,817
She asked me to be her sponsor.
200
00:09:25,818 --> 00:09:27,118
I mean, just because
she's pretty,
201
00:09:27,119 --> 00:09:28,903
I'm not supposed
to help her?
202
00:09:28,904 --> 00:09:30,555
Not that I think she's pretty.
203
00:09:30,556 --> 00:09:31,823
You flirted with her,
plain and simple.
204
00:09:31,824 --> 00:09:33,491
Why don't you just come out
and admit it?
205
00:09:33,492 --> 00:09:34,659
I did not flirt
with her.
206
00:09:34,660 --> 00:09:36,094
Now, she may have been
flirting with me,
207
00:09:36,095 --> 00:09:37,228
But I can't control that.
208
00:09:37,229 --> 00:09:39,113
In a way, isn't that
a compliment to you?
209
00:09:39,114 --> 00:09:40,398
Do you two want me
to leave?
210
00:09:40,399 --> 00:09:41,599
Yes.
No.
211
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:45,253
Okay, I'll stay,
but I'll cover my eyes.
212
00:09:49,274 --> 00:09:51,509
Should we go upstairs
and talk about this?
213
00:09:51,510 --> 00:09:53,311
I don't think there's anything
to talk about.
214
00:09:53,312 --> 00:09:54,979
So what, then?
Should I just leave?
215
00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:56,631
Well, I'm sure you could go find
216
00:09:56,632 --> 00:09:59,150
Some of your friends to hang out
with.
217
00:09:59,985 --> 00:10:02,553
Right.
218
00:10:05,023 --> 00:10:07,492
Those boots really do
look cute on him.
219
00:10:07,493 --> 00:10:09,477
I know they do!
220
00:10:16,222 --> 00:10:17,655
Oh...
221
00:10:17,656 --> 00:10:20,525
Oh, baby, you are nasty.
222
00:10:21,527 --> 00:10:24,362
Do what? Okay, hang on.
223
00:10:24,363 --> 00:10:27,198
All right,
I'm on my hands and knees.
224
00:10:27,199 --> 00:10:30,401
What? Bark like a dog?
225
00:10:30,402 --> 00:10:33,872
Is this the busty Asians
chatline?
226
00:10:33,873 --> 00:10:36,524
Oh, damn, I dialed wrong.
227
00:10:38,177 --> 00:10:40,812
Some sick people out there.
228
00:10:43,883 --> 00:10:45,750
Uh, you need to call
before you come by.
229
00:10:45,751 --> 00:10:48,453
I've been trying to call
for the last 45 minutes.
230
00:10:48,454 --> 00:10:50,421
No, really?
231
00:10:50,422 --> 00:10:53,391
What's $2.99 times 45?
232
00:10:53,392 --> 00:10:55,126
What? Why?
233
00:10:55,127 --> 00:10:56,661
Never mind.
Come on in.
234
00:10:56,662 --> 00:10:59,363
Thought you were going out
with Molly tonight.
235
00:10:59,364 --> 00:11:01,332
I did;
we got in a fight.
236
00:11:01,333 --> 00:11:02,834
About what?
237
00:11:02,835 --> 00:11:05,637
Some girl at an o.A. Meeting
came up and flirted with me
238
00:11:05,638 --> 00:11:07,305
And Molly got
all bent out of shape.
239
00:11:07,306 --> 00:11:10,408
Wait, you had another woman
hit on you at an o.A. Meeting?
240
00:11:10,409 --> 00:11:11,976
Man, I need to pack on 80 pounds
241
00:11:11,977 --> 00:11:14,145
And get my fat ass
to a church basement.
242
00:11:15,981 --> 00:11:17,982
What was the
other girl like?
243
00:11:17,983 --> 00:11:19,517
Was she cute?
244
00:11:19,518 --> 00:11:21,753
Yeah, if you like
dirty blondes from Texas.
245
00:11:21,754 --> 00:11:24,656
I like dirty anything
from anywhere.
246
00:11:24,657 --> 00:11:27,158
What am I supposed to do?
247
00:11:27,159 --> 00:11:28,526
I mean, she approached me.
248
00:11:28,527 --> 00:11:29,994
I hear you, man.
249
00:11:29,995 --> 00:11:32,497
I mean, it's not like you took
her phone number or anything.
250
00:11:37,369 --> 00:11:39,737
She used Molly's pen
to write it down.
251
00:11:42,875 --> 00:11:44,125
Man, what is
wrong with you?
252
00:11:44,126 --> 00:11:45,109
I don't know.
253
00:11:45,110 --> 00:11:46,811
Now, let me ask you a question.
Yeah?
254
00:11:46,812 --> 00:11:48,046
How big is this dirty girl?
255
00:11:48,047 --> 00:11:50,181
We talking Texas toast
or just Texas?
256
00:11:51,851 --> 00:11:54,185
Molly, why don't you
just call him?
257
00:11:54,186 --> 00:11:56,604
No, he needs to call
me and apologize.
258
00:11:56,605 --> 00:11:57,822
What is the big deal?
259
00:11:57,823 --> 00:11:59,023
All guys flirt.
260
00:11:59,024 --> 00:12:00,959
If they didn't,
we'd have to buy our own drinks
261
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,894
And pay for
our own speeding tickets.
262
00:12:02,895 --> 00:12:06,731
And dry cleaning and tires.
263
00:12:06,732 --> 00:12:08,900
And this dinette set.
264
00:12:10,636 --> 00:12:12,320
It's not just
the flirting.
265
00:12:12,321 --> 00:12:14,072
It's that
he couldn't acknowledge
266
00:12:14,073 --> 00:12:16,491
That I was his girlfriend
in public.
267
00:12:16,492 --> 00:12:19,510
Oh, mol, that happens
to me all the time.
268
00:12:19,511 --> 00:12:21,112
'course the guy's
usually married
269
00:12:21,113 --> 00:12:23,414
Or a high-ranking
public official.
270
00:12:23,415 --> 00:12:25,416
You know, I've been
in two motorcades.
271
00:12:25,417 --> 00:12:28,553
Once in the trunk
and once under the dashboard.
272
00:12:30,306 --> 00:12:31,639
I just thought
Mike was different.
273
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,858
You know, he was so
shy when I met him,
274
00:12:33,859 --> 00:12:37,011
And now he's strutting around,
impressing slutty blondes
275
00:12:37,012 --> 00:12:40,164
With his heroic stories
of skipping lunch.
276
00:12:41,934 --> 00:12:44,535
You really should
cut the guy some slack.
277
00:12:44,536 --> 00:12:47,205
I know he cares about you.
278
00:12:47,206 --> 00:12:49,140
He cares about me
'cause I have sex with him,
279
00:12:49,141 --> 00:12:52,994
And every 25th time,
he gets a free pair of boots.
280
00:12:58,417 --> 00:13:01,019
Do we have anything
stronger than this?
281
00:13:01,020 --> 00:13:03,454
Well, there's a bottle
of vodka in the freezer.
282
00:13:03,455 --> 00:13:07,492
Or there's a spliff
of purple kush in my hand.
283
00:13:08,861 --> 00:13:11,012
Guess it was kind
of stupid of me
284
00:13:11,013 --> 00:13:12,496
To introduce her as my friend.
285
00:13:12,497 --> 00:13:15,666
Man, you were looking up
at stupid with a telescope.
286
00:13:15,667 --> 00:13:17,018
But your instincts were correct.
287
00:13:17,019 --> 00:13:19,170
How so?
Well, it's not
288
00:13:19,171 --> 00:13:21,356
In a man's nature
to settle down with one woman.
289
00:13:21,357 --> 00:13:23,308
We're supposed to propagate
with multiple partners,
290
00:13:23,309 --> 00:13:26,511
Like they do
in the animal kingdom.
291
00:13:26,512 --> 00:13:27,645
What about swans?
292
00:13:27,646 --> 00:13:29,347
I heard they mate for life.
293
00:13:30,182 --> 00:13:33,351
Who can confirm that?
294
00:13:33,352 --> 00:13:35,753
Is there some guy following them
around all day long?
295
00:13:35,754 --> 00:13:38,089
'cause if there was,
I'm sure he'd see that swan
296
00:13:38,090 --> 00:13:41,292
Playing a little duck, duck,
goose every now and then.
297
00:13:42,928 --> 00:13:45,530
Hey, Michael, how
are you, baby?
298
00:13:45,531 --> 00:13:46,631
I'm all right, nana.
299
00:13:46,632 --> 00:13:47,899
How was choir practice?
300
00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:51,469
Well, the new music director
is young and full of beans.
301
00:13:51,470 --> 00:13:53,537
I had to pull him aside
and tell him,
302
00:13:53,538 --> 00:13:57,842
"brother, the lord don't need it
fancy, he just needs it loud."
303
00:13:59,144 --> 00:14:01,596
So, what are you doing
here on a Friday night?
304
00:14:01,597 --> 00:14:04,015
Don't you have
a girlfriend?
305
00:14:04,016 --> 00:14:05,483
I'm not sure at the moment.
306
00:14:05,484 --> 00:14:08,386
Oh, what did you do?
307
00:14:08,387 --> 00:14:10,555
Why do you immediately assume
it was me?
308
00:14:10,556 --> 00:14:12,156
I'm an old woman, Michael.
309
00:14:12,157 --> 00:14:15,159
Don't waste my time.
310
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,195
Another girl flirted with me.
311
00:14:17,196 --> 00:14:18,730
How is that my fault?
312
00:14:18,731 --> 00:14:19,831
It's not.
313
00:14:19,832 --> 00:14:21,265
You were just behaving
like a natural man.
314
00:14:21,266 --> 00:14:22,633
I see.
315
00:14:22,634 --> 00:14:26,037
And does a natural man tuck
his business between his legs
316
00:14:26,038 --> 00:14:29,207
And dance in front of
the bathroom mirror?
317
00:14:36,098 --> 00:14:38,282
Grandma, I was 13 years old.
318
00:14:38,283 --> 00:14:40,018
Worst thing
I ever saw.
319
00:14:40,019 --> 00:14:43,021
Wanted to take a stick
and blind myself.
320
00:14:44,857 --> 00:14:48,092
Now, Michael,
did you flirt back?
321
00:14:48,093 --> 00:14:51,396
Not intentionally,
but I was kind of in a zone.
322
00:14:51,397 --> 00:14:53,998
Every time I opened my mouth,
something charming fell out.
323
00:14:53,999 --> 00:14:56,968
Hmm. You don't seem to
have that problem now.
324
00:14:58,737 --> 00:15:01,806
Tell me, are you interested
in this other woman?
325
00:15:01,807 --> 00:15:03,474
No, of course not, nana.
326
00:15:03,475 --> 00:15:04,776
I don't want other women.
327
00:15:04,777 --> 00:15:05,743
Molly's it for me.
328
00:15:05,744 --> 00:15:07,945
She's my girlfriend
and I love her.
329
00:15:10,349 --> 00:15:12,550
What did you say?
330
00:15:14,420 --> 00:15:16,821
I love her.
331
00:15:16,822 --> 00:15:18,256
I'm done looking.
332
00:15:18,257 --> 00:15:20,158
Molly's my swan.
333
00:15:20,159 --> 00:15:23,127
I don't want to play duck, duck,
goose with anybody but her.
334
00:15:24,396 --> 00:15:25,430
Duck, duck, what?
335
00:15:25,431 --> 00:15:27,765
I don't know, ask friar tuck.
336
00:15:28,734 --> 00:15:29,901
I got to go.
337
00:15:29,902 --> 00:15:30,868
Thanks, nana.
338
00:15:30,869 --> 00:15:32,270
I'm so happy
for you, baby.
339
00:15:32,271 --> 00:15:33,237
Me, too.
340
00:15:34,907 --> 00:15:38,176
Carlton, I hope one day
you meet the right girl,
341
00:15:38,177 --> 00:15:40,745
Fall in love
and find the kind of happiness
342
00:15:40,746 --> 00:15:41,979
Your friend has found.
343
00:15:41,980 --> 00:15:43,047
Thanks.
344
00:15:43,048 --> 00:15:45,049
But until then,
I guess you're just gonna
345
00:15:45,050 --> 00:15:48,186
Have to make do with the love
of your old grandma.
346
00:15:50,672 --> 00:15:52,323
Well, I could
do a lot worse.
347
00:15:52,324 --> 00:15:53,291
Mm-hmm.
348
00:15:53,292 --> 00:15:54,592
And you have.
349
00:16:04,103 --> 00:16:06,904
So I guess it is kind of funny.
350
00:16:06,905 --> 00:16:10,441
I put makeup on dead people
for a living.
351
00:16:11,443 --> 00:16:12,977
How do you do it?
352
00:16:12,978 --> 00:16:14,245
I mean, it's weird, right?
353
00:16:14,246 --> 00:16:15,679
It's got to be weird.
354
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:17,682
It was at first.
355
00:16:17,683 --> 00:16:19,951
But then I realized,
356
00:16:19,952 --> 00:16:23,855
Dead people are just like us.
357
00:16:23,856 --> 00:16:26,457
Except they're dead.
358
00:16:28,961 --> 00:16:30,294
I couldn't do it.
359
00:16:30,295 --> 00:16:32,697
I'd be too afraid
that their eyes would pop open
360
00:16:32,698 --> 00:16:34,932
And they'd try to eat my flesh.
361
00:16:36,735 --> 00:16:39,837
Doesn't happen
as often as you'd think.
362
00:16:42,875 --> 00:16:46,944
Mainly, I just get complaints
from family members.
363
00:16:46,945 --> 00:16:51,315
I can't tell you how many times
I've heard someone say,
364
00:16:51,316 --> 00:16:54,452
"hey, you made grandma
look like a whore."
365
00:16:56,271 --> 00:16:58,523
Cookies.
366
00:17:00,242 --> 00:17:02,727
I ever tell you about the
time I went over to Mike's
367
00:17:02,728 --> 00:17:06,364
And baked him that sugarless,
nonfat, nondairy cookies?
368
00:17:06,365 --> 00:17:07,732
Oh, that sounds awful.
369
00:17:07,733 --> 00:17:11,118
They were. They tasted like
hot dust bunnies.
370
00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:12,637
You know what he said?
What?
371
00:17:12,638 --> 00:17:15,806
He said, "wow, these
cookies really suck."
372
00:17:15,807 --> 00:17:18,042
And then he
ate four more.
373
00:17:18,043 --> 00:17:20,094
God, I love that man.
374
00:17:21,013 --> 00:17:22,446
Did you just hear
what you said?
375
00:17:22,447 --> 00:17:23,681
What did I just say?
376
00:17:23,682 --> 00:17:24,682
You said you loved him.
377
00:17:24,683 --> 00:17:26,584
When did I say that?
Just now.
378
00:17:26,585 --> 00:17:27,718
Really?
379
00:17:27,719 --> 00:17:30,271
Really.
380
00:17:30,272 --> 00:17:32,590
Son of a gun.
381
00:17:37,062 --> 00:17:39,063
Hot, hot, hot, hot!
382
00:17:49,975 --> 00:17:51,809
What's going on?
383
00:17:51,810 --> 00:17:55,079
Whatever it is,
don't stop 'em.
384
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:57,481
Molly's in love.
385
00:17:57,482 --> 00:18:01,118
Oh, sweetie, is that true?
386
00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:03,087
Uh-huh.
387
00:18:03,088 --> 00:18:05,289
Oh, I'm so happy for you.
388
00:18:06,558 --> 00:18:09,460
Good times, ladies.
389
00:18:09,461 --> 00:18:12,263
Good, good times.
390
00:18:14,483 --> 00:18:16,167
I'll get it.
391
00:18:16,985 --> 00:18:18,936
No reason the three of us
392
00:18:18,937 --> 00:18:22,173
Can't prolong
this precious moment.
393
00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:26,244
What are you doing here?
394
00:18:26,245 --> 00:18:27,612
I had to tell you something.
395
00:18:27,613 --> 00:18:28,646
What?
396
00:18:28,647 --> 00:18:29,780
First of all,
397
00:18:29,781 --> 00:18:32,183
I'm sorry I flirted
with that other girl.
398
00:18:32,184 --> 00:18:33,751
I didn't initiate it,
399
00:18:33,752 --> 00:18:36,320
But I also didn't stop it,
and that was wrong.
400
00:18:36,321 --> 00:18:37,588
Well, I'm sorry, too.
401
00:18:37,589 --> 00:18:39,991
I shouldn't have made
such a big deal about it.
402
00:18:39,992 --> 00:18:41,626
Hey, you had every right
to be upset.
403
00:18:41,627 --> 00:18:44,595
You're my girlfriend and that's
how I should've introduced you.
404
00:18:44,596 --> 00:18:47,898
Okay... So I'm still
your girlfriend?
405
00:18:47,899 --> 00:18:49,050
Of course you are.
406
00:18:49,051 --> 00:18:51,969
And I love...
407
00:18:51,970 --> 00:18:54,939
My new boots.
408
00:18:54,940 --> 00:18:58,376
Seriously, I don't know
what I'd do without them.
409
00:18:58,377 --> 00:19:01,912
Well, I'm glad
you like them.
410
00:19:01,913 --> 00:19:03,648
No, you didn't hear me.
411
00:19:03,649 --> 00:19:05,516
I love them.
412
00:19:07,019 --> 00:19:08,319
I love them, too.
413
00:19:13,858 --> 00:19:16,210
Taste like toll house cookies
and marijuana.
414
00:19:16,211 --> 00:19:20,231
Well, you shouldn't leave
me alone on a Friday night.
415
00:19:20,232 --> 00:19:21,365
It'll never happen again.
416
00:19:28,639 --> 00:19:32,442
So that's the makeup sex
I've been hearing about.
417
00:19:32,443 --> 00:19:34,878
Seems like you were a little
madder than you let on.
418
00:19:34,879 --> 00:19:36,613
Well, I'm not
gonna lie,
419
00:19:36,614 --> 00:19:39,215
A couple of those scratches
were for real, pal.
420
00:19:40,484 --> 00:19:43,119
Maybe I should flirt
with other women more often.
421
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:45,655
Joke, joke,
joke, joke, joke!
422
00:19:50,961 --> 00:19:53,930
We should probably go to sleep
before you piss me off again.
423
00:19:53,931 --> 00:19:55,532
That's a very good idea.
424
00:19:57,301 --> 00:19:58,535
Good night, Molly.
425
00:19:58,536 --> 00:20:00,737
Good night, Mike.
426
00:20:03,190 --> 00:20:06,443
Are you really gonna
sleep in those things?
427
00:20:08,579 --> 00:20:12,215
What can I tell you?
They make me happy.
428
00:20:12,216 --> 00:20:18,216
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