1 00:00:02,713 --> 00:00:06,686 I went to see Patricia yesterday to ask her permission to see you. 2 00:00:06,806 --> 00:00:09,585 - What did she say? - She said it's fine. 3 00:00:10,297 --> 00:00:12,319 You're gonna call her? 4 00:00:14,489 --> 00:00:17,631 Patricia just can't stop talking about the *** one. 5 00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:20,250 - Did you take the test? - Are you worried about me? 6 00:00:20,370 --> 00:00:22,143 I'm still waiting for the results. 7 00:00:22,263 --> 00:00:24,091 This is Isabel. 1970. 8 00:00:24,211 --> 00:00:26,454 I like to remember my mother just like this. 9 00:00:26,574 --> 00:00:28,851 She still wanted to... To look her best. 10 00:00:28,971 --> 00:00:30,525 I know what you're talking about. 11 00:00:30,645 --> 00:00:34,268 You told me that your mother always wore her signature red lipstick. 12 00:00:34,388 --> 00:00:35,658 I never told you that. 13 00:00:36,302 --> 00:00:39,171 - Patricia told you that. - I apologize, if you're upset. 14 00:00:39,291 --> 00:00:41,400 I don't want to be confused with my sister. 15 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:45,339 I have no one in my life who is willing to help me and that obviously includes you. 16 00:00:51,475 --> 00:00:52,638 So... 17 00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:56,289 Swarthmore is due on Friday. Hey. 18 00:00:56,323 --> 00:01:00,927 And then barnard and vassar are next Wednesday. 19 00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:03,396 Then it's Sarah Lawrence, Santa Cruz, 20 00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:05,932 Hampshire, oberlin and tufts all by the 15th. 21 00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:08,334 - It's insanity. - I'd skip Santa Cruz... 22 00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:10,303 Too sunny. 23 00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:12,138 You could come visit. And, you know, 24 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,840 you could get some fresh air. 25 00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:15,808 You could hit the beach, you know. 26 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,277 You could even go surfing. 27 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,345 Oh yeah, that's me all right. Yeah, surfing... 28 00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:22,415 That's a good one. 29 00:01:22,449 --> 00:01:25,952 Listen, thanks for... thanks for driving Max back. 30 00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,654 Sure. 31 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,823 So how was he? How was his mood? 32 00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:32,625 I didn't spend that much time with him, 33 00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:35,261 but he seemed good. He said D.C. was awesome. 34 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,463 D.C.? He went to D.C.? 35 00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:39,265 With Steve, on Saturday. 36 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,401 Didn't he tell you? 37 00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,505 Uh, no, he didn't mention that. 38 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:48,374 Yeah, Steve took Max to see this calder exhibit at the national 39 00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:50,143 that they've been wanting to see. 40 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,580 Is that weird for you? 41 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:56,182 No, it's fine. It's fine. 42 00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:58,418 It doesn't exactly fit 43 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,853 with what Max has been saying about Steve. 44 00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:03,389 - What's he been saying? - Nothing much. 45 00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:07,327 Just that he finds Steve more or less repulsive, 46 00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:09,495 borderline demonic. 47 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,903 What do you think of their relationship? 48 00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,239 I don't know. I mean, you know, 49 00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:21,241 the first brunch was slightly awkward. 50 00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:23,109 Max told Steve he thought 51 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:26,112 his house looked like a giant habitrail. 52 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:29,148 But then, you know, things just... 53 00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:31,884 It's okay, Rosie. 54 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,220 I mean, I... 55 00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,322 I'd prefer that they got along together. 56 00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:38,291 Yeah, I think they just like connect 57 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,093 - on the art thing, you know? - Mm-hmm. 58 00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:42,128 Like Steve has that studio in his house. 59 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,230 And he's been teaching Max drafting, you know. 60 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:46,299 He has those like side-by-side 61 00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:49,402 desks thingies that are slanted. 62 00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:51,504 Yeah. 63 00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:55,441 You should get going. 64 00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:58,344 I don't want you driving after dark. 65 00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:01,080 You know Max loves you, dad. 66 00:03:01,115 --> 00:03:03,449 He came to live with you. 67 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:08,121 Yeah. Yeah. 68 00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:12,458 Okay, so send me your essay on Friday... 69 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,961 unless Steve's got that covered too. 70 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,129 Dad. 71 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,865 I'm just kidding. 72 00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,533 Anyway, I love you. 73 00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:22,635 Love you too. 74 00:03:30,144 --> 00:03:32,111 - Seat belt. - Yeah yeah. 75 00:03:32,146 --> 00:03:35,315 No talking on the phone when you're driving, okay? 76 00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:36,849 Love you. 77 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,818 Love you too. 78 00:03:54,934 --> 00:04:05,134 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 79 00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:14,253 You cut your hair. 80 00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:17,857 It's different. It's lighter. 81 00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:20,360 Darker, for the play. 82 00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:24,430 It's very... very becoming. 83 00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:27,867 Well, it's becoming Maxine, not me. 84 00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:31,204 You know, I look in the mirror, 85 00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:34,240 wear the shirt. It helps me to find her reality. 86 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,275 Not that that reality is 87 00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:38,845 all that different than my reality, but... 88 00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,913 What do you mean? 89 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:43,116 She's recently widowed, 90 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:45,618 all alone in the world, 91 00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:48,121 sex-starved. 92 00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:51,758 You know, I am... Well, there are overlaps. 93 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,726 Overlaps? 94 00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:56,162 Do you think that has anything to do 95 00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:58,998 with why you might be struggling with your lines? 96 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,467 Maybe. 97 00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:04,971 So how... how did the week go? 98 00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,973 Fine. 99 00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:09,242 Any lapses? 100 00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:11,544 Not really. 101 00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:14,147 You left here last week and you were terrified 102 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:16,382 that you were going to fail 103 00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,851 in front of the audience in the theater. 104 00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:21,254 Yeah well, there are still moments when I'm onstage 105 00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:23,656 that I worry about stumbling on this scene or that, 106 00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:25,658 but I manage. I get through. 107 00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,660 Is one of those scenes the one you asked me 108 00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:29,395 to read with you last week? 109 00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:36,068 You were pretty angry when you left. 110 00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:38,271 No, I understood why you kicked me out. 111 00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:40,373 Kicked you out? 112 00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:44,277 Yeah, it was inappropriate. You were not comfortable. 113 00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:46,612 Well, that's... that's true. 114 00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:48,614 But the way I remember it, 115 00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:51,617 you stormed out of the room. 116 00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:53,686 How do you remember that moment? 117 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,088 I asked you to run lines 118 00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:59,759 and you refused to help me. 119 00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:01,828 I felt sorry for you. 120 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,262 Really? 121 00:06:03,297 --> 00:06:05,498 Yeah, I mean it must be strange, 122 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,400 you know, treating someone like me. 123 00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,602 You mean somebody famous like you. 124 00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:12,071 You know, ultimately it's not that interesting 125 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,040 to read a scene, so... 126 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,142 Is that something that you've been feeling... 127 00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:19,245 that your work isn't that interesting? 128 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,515 Because you have spoken about it passionately in the past. 129 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,784 Yeah well, there are times. 130 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:27,286 Would you like to talk about one of these times? 131 00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:29,655 No. 132 00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,991 Well, it's just that I would... 133 00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:33,993 I'd like to understand what it is 134 00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,195 that you are experiencing, 135 00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:38,664 what you're feeling. 136 00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:42,969 I've never done it, so I'm curious. 137 00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:49,475 Well, you know I felt really disconnected 138 00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:51,611 all that time in rehearsal. 139 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:54,280 And this week... 140 00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,949 this week in previews, 141 00:06:56,984 --> 00:07:00,086 I really felt like I understood 142 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,221 something new about what I... 143 00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:05,758 what she needed, you know, in a moment. 144 00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:08,694 And it just clicked into place. 145 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:11,063 It was... 146 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,799 Well, I was totally in time... 147 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:17,470 Present. 148 00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:20,106 Maybe it was just the haircut. 149 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:24,443 And this feeling of feeling present... 150 00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:26,145 Was it momentary? 151 00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:28,147 No, it lasted till the end. 152 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,416 And it was palpable. I mean, 153 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,752 the applause was... 154 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,520 - What? - Loud. 155 00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:38,057 That must have felt good. 156 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:41,360 Think of where you were. 157 00:07:41,395 --> 00:07:43,162 You were terrified. 158 00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:45,698 You were dreading the week of previews. 159 00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:47,833 Then the play goes on. It's a success. 160 00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,802 You make this connection. 161 00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:56,976 You must feel a satisfaction. 162 00:07:57,010 --> 00:08:01,781 What happens between then and now? 163 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:08,321 I go home. 164 00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:13,426 The apartment's dark. The fridge is empty. 165 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,895 I open a can of soup. 166 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,731 It's a nasty hangover... 167 00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:21,934 my life. 168 00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,245 Do you want to come to opening night? 169 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:36,816 I have a set of tickets and I was just thinking, 170 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,718 you know, why don't you just come? 171 00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,119 Why would you want me there? 172 00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:42,154 I don't know. You sound interested, so... 173 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,323 Any other reasons? 174 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,627 You could see that I'm good. 175 00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:50,363 Well, I know that. 176 00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:52,231 Why? 177 00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:54,300 Because I've seen your films. 178 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,168 Which ones? 179 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,337 All of them. 180 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,408 Anyway, you've never seen me onstage, right? 181 00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:04,744 No, I ve not seen you onstage. 182 00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:07,213 So there you go. You could come and see what it is that I do. 183 00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,648 I mean, is that so strange? 184 00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,316 You just said you wanted to... 185 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:13,653 It's not strange at all. 186 00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:17,523 But I'm gonna have to say no. 187 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,492 Okay, well, 188 00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:23,129 is that because of me or some policy or...? 189 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,898 Well yes, it is a kind of policy. 190 00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:27,867 I think that... 191 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,803 I think that it would interfere with the work 192 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,638 that we're trying to do here in this room. 193 00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:36,242 But please don't take that personally. 194 00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:38,044 No, that's fine. I understand. 195 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,979 I'll sell them on ebay. 196 00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:48,254 You were considering inviting Patricia. 197 00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:51,991 Did you do that? 198 00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:54,994 Why not? 199 00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:59,065 Have you spoken to Patricia this week? 200 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:02,368 I did what you told me to do. 201 00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:03,869 What did I tell you to do? 202 00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:06,706 You told me that it wasn't too late to make amends. 203 00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:10,543 So I went to her and I apologized. 204 00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:12,978 For telling her not to be an actress. 205 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,980 She didn't even know what I was talking about. 206 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:18,384 She hardly remembered being in that play. 207 00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,386 You know, I told her 208 00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,354 that I thought she was wonderful 209 00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:25,791 and that it was wrong of me to dissuade her. 210 00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:28,461 And she said, "oh, don't worry about that." 211 00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:30,896 And then she thanked me. 212 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:33,399 She said, "I don't know how you bear all that bullshit." 213 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,367 She said I saved her. 214 00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:37,870 And then... this is this best... she said, 215 00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:41,240 "I'm glad I got to lead a real life." 216 00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:45,010 A real life... can you believe that? 217 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:46,679 It must have been hurtful. 218 00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:49,448 You think? Humiliating. 219 00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:52,017 I mean, I was trying to apologize. 220 00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:55,421 And did you tell her that? That it felt painful? 221 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,657 Of course not. 222 00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:01,827 And can I ask why? 223 00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:03,496 She's sick, Paul. 224 00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,197 I went there to make amends, 225 00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:06,832 not pick a fight. 226 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,101 I... I... I wajust aware 227 00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:11,837 that you felt guilty. 228 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:15,241 I thought that talking to Patricia might be helpful. 229 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:16,942 I'm sorry it wasn't. 230 00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:19,278 At least now I know what she thinks of me, 231 00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:23,215 what she thinks of the life I chose. 232 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:27,153 What do you think of the life you chose? 233 00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:32,491 The last time we spoke I had the feeling 234 00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:34,460 that you are very invested 235 00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:36,896 in the way other people see you 236 00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:39,598 and your sister's judgment has... 237 00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:42,601 It's clearly had a big impact 238 00:11:42,636 --> 00:11:45,271 on how you view yourself. 239 00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:47,540 Look, you know, 240 00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:50,643 I understand that tricia wouldn't want my life anyway. 241 00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:53,646 All my conctions 242 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,715 are, you know, fiction. 243 00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,684 Maybe they always have been. 244 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,720 Do you really believe that? 245 00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:06,192 I mean, when you met Russell, you told me 246 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,994 that you had a really deep connection with him. 247 00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:11,897 Yeah well, I think we did at first. 248 00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:16,869 I just... I always felt like I had to prove myself to Russell. 249 00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,337 Prove yourself? 250 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,506 Yeah, to Russell and his friends... 251 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,608 You know, these academics, 252 00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:25,544 shrinks, political scientists. 253 00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:29,114 I always thought they were gonna see right through me. 254 00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:33,152 And what do you think they would see? 255 00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:38,257 That there's no there there. 256 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:41,260 That's what Russell used to say about L.A. 257 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:44,430 You were afraid that that's how Russell saw you, 258 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:47,266 and his friends... "no there there." 259 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:50,402 Yeah, Russell's shallow actress wife. 260 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,204 Oh, but how the fuck would they know? 261 00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:55,774 They've never come to a performance either. 262 00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:58,644 Are you upset with me 263 00:12:58,678 --> 00:13:02,248 because I said I wouldn't come to your play? 264 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:06,252 You invited me to an important event... 265 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,520 Your opening night. 266 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:13,225 And I thank you for that. 267 00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:16,128 But isn't there somebody else you'd like to ask instead? 268 00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:18,797 We talked about tricia. What about izzy? 269 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:21,901 Isn't she someone you'd like to take with you? 270 00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:24,136 Have you thought about asking her? 271 00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:27,740 No, that would require us to be in the same building. 272 00:13:27,774 --> 00:13:29,708 Well, surely you know 273 00:13:29,743 --> 00:13:31,877 that the relationship with izzy 274 00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:34,346 will survive this teenage angst. 275 00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,148 I'm not sure about that. 276 00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:38,684 I know it may not feel that way, but... 277 00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:40,853 You know, sometimes I think that having a teenager 278 00:13:40,887 --> 00:13:42,788 is like going to the dark side of the moon. 279 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:46,625 The person that you know and that you love just disappears. 280 00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,994 And you just have to trust that eventually 281 00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:51,130 they will come back. 282 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:54,833 Maybe different, but they will come back. 283 00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:58,337 Did that happen to you? 284 00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,706 Yes, with my daughter, yes. 285 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:03,075 Yeah. 286 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:07,613 Yeah well, I'm still reading my daughter's emails, so... 287 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,283 I don't know. It's an addiction, you know? 288 00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:13,252 Like a junkie just waiting 289 00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:16,855 for hits of information about my own kid. 290 00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:19,425 You know, she signs some of them "Isabel" now. 291 00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:23,362 I mean, when did she become Isabel? 292 00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:26,999 You might be curious to know 293 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,969 that her and young Miller have not yet had sex. 294 00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:33,038 They talk about it, however, all the time. 295 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,541 I kind of want to tell her, 296 00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:38,610 "try to preserve some of the mystery." 297 00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:42,548 But I want to tell her a lot of things. 298 00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:46,318 She did say something nice. 299 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,687 Miller had seen a movie of mine on tv 300 00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:52,191 and he said, "your mother was amazing." 301 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:56,662 And izzy wrote back, "she is amazing." 302 00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,797 Were you surprised by that comment? 303 00:14:58,832 --> 00:15:02,034 Oh, it was a silly movie. I got good enough revws, 304 00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,836 but it wasn't my best work. 305 00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:05,804 What I meant was, were you surprised 306 00:15:05,839 --> 00:15:08,540 that izzy would compliment you like that? 307 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,542 She wasn't speaking of me. 308 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,345 She was speaking of the performance. 309 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:17,049 Izzy revealed how she felt in that email. 310 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,051 She said something very kind about you. 311 00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:20,686 She said you were amazing. 312 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,555 But you dismissed her comment. 313 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,624 I've noticed that again and again 314 00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:27,726 you put yourself down 315 00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:31,030 with remarkable consistency. 316 00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:33,032 And the more success you have, 317 00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:35,467 the more applause you get for playing other people, 318 00:15:35,502 --> 00:15:37,403 the more convinced you are 319 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,806 that you have nothing to offer as yourself. 320 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:47,179 When I said before that I didn't have anyone 321 00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:50,349 to be there for me at the opening... 322 00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:53,385 I think what I mean is that I'd really like 323 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:55,721 for my mother to be able to be there. 324 00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:58,357 You know, I've done a lot of movies since mother died, 325 00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,225 but this will be the first time 326 00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:03,362 that I'll be onstage without her watching. 327 00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:06,031 You really do miss her, don't you? 328 00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:09,568 Well, it was really like a special light 329 00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:12,137 that shone just on me 330 00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:14,706 when she was in the audience. 331 00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:18,677 I mean, she came to everything 332 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:20,579 even when I was a kid. 333 00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:23,649 And then when I moved to New York, she used to take the train up. 334 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:27,352 And I flew her to London for the weekend. 335 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,221 She sat through all four performances. 336 00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:31,090 That's nine hours of Beckett. 337 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:33,559 Well, that's love. 338 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:37,296 Even at the very end... I had a premiere here in town. 339 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,132 And she just didn't want to miss it. 340 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:43,302 She was so sick by then, she was in and out of the hospital. 341 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,571 But she insisted. 342 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:48,874 And tricia had to bring her. 343 00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:54,813 I remember she wore this amazing blue gown. 344 00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,815 It had this, like, plunging neckline. 345 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,818 And she wore, of course, her red lipstick 346 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:03,122 and a black wig with this classic updo. 347 00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:05,090 She handled herself beautifully. 348 00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:08,160 She charmed the hell out of everyone. 349 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,262 I mean, it was hard to believe she was sick, 350 00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:12,698 let alone dying. 351 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,933 We went back to the hotel afterwards. 352 00:17:14,968 --> 00:17:18,670 I'd gotten this great room with a view of the park and... 353 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:21,240 Ordered champagne... 354 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:23,876 Just a great time. 355 00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:29,214 It was... 356 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:33,018 It was the last time I saw her. 357 00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:39,458 But you told me 358 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:42,628 that you were going back and forth 359 00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:45,030 to the hospital a lot. 360 00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:51,436 I know that's what I said, 361 00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:55,908 because honestly that's what it felt like inside. 362 00:17:57,377 --> 00:18:00,913 I've been telling myself that story for so long... 363 00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:11,323 That you've convinced yourself that it's true. 364 00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:14,159 I mean, when she came to New York, she looked so much better. 365 00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:15,661 I thought... 366 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,596 I don't know what I thought. 367 00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:21,567 Well, maybe you wanted to remember her like that. 368 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,835 I hated to see her in that bed. 369 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,370 That was not her. 370 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:28,240 You said that you felt out of place at the hospital. 371 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,875 Oh, I was inept. 372 00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:33,645 What do you mean, you were inept? 373 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,281 She was in pain. 374 00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:38,383 I wanted to help, you know, 375 00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:41,353 so I put on her makeup, 376 00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:43,455 'cause that's what I know how to do. 377 00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:45,757 And then? 378 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:49,127 The meds would wear off and she would start to scream. 379 00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:51,597 I couldn't do anything. 380 00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:55,867 Nothing. I... I threw up. 381 00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:58,303 I vomited in the sink at the hospital. 382 00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:02,975 Tricia said it got even worse after the premiere. 383 00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:06,111 She, I think, blamed me, you know, 384 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,847 for pushing her too hard. 385 00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:11,617 New York was exhausting. 386 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,852 Why did I need her to be 387 00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:16,188 at this ridiculous premiere? 388 00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:18,156 Did she really say that? 389 00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:24,830 We're back on familiar ground really, aren't we? 390 00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:28,100 You think that Patricia blames you, 391 00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:30,535 that she's punishing you. 392 00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:33,705 And you blame yourself. 393 00:19:35,541 --> 00:19:38,010 In the end tricia told me 394 00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:40,045 that mom was delirious in the hospital. 395 00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:45,384 She was talking 396 00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:47,452 about her daughters, you know... 397 00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:49,388 How much she loved us, her little angels, 398 00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:51,690 her sweethearts. That was the word she always used... 399 00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:54,660 sweethearts, her best girls. 400 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,995 "I love you, my daughters, 401 00:19:57,030 --> 00:20:00,132 my best girls, my angels." 402 00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:03,635 She was talking as if both of us were there. 403 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,871 But... 404 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:08,006 I wasn't there. 405 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,243 I wasn't there. 406 00:20:11,277 --> 00:20:15,013 I never said goodbye to her. 407 00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,481 My mother... 408 00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:20,719 She just must have been so disappointed by me. 409 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,622 But your mother didn't know you weren't there. 410 00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:26,358 She couldn't have been disappointed. 411 00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,460 You were one of her best girls. 412 00:20:28,494 --> 00:20:30,429 She was your biggest fan. 413 00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:33,165 She was so proud of you. 414 00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:37,869 That feeling of disappointment comes from you. 415 00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:39,871 20 years ago you were afraid 416 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,873 you didn't have the strength, the heart 417 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,376 to see your mother through her death. 418 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:47,679 You were so afraid, you didn't even let yourself show up. 419 00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:50,515 Now your sister is dying 420 00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:54,820 and you're terrified again. 421 00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:56,822 Are you afraid 422 00:20:56,856 --> 00:21:00,492 that what Russell thought of you is true... 423 00:21:00,526 --> 00:21:04,796 That there's no there there, hmm? 424 00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:06,798 I think it's really important 425 00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:09,201 that you answer this question on your own: 426 00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:12,471 What is, or what isn't there, 427 00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:14,840 inside... inside you? 428 00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:16,875 Apart from your mother, your sister, your ex-husband, 429 00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:18,977 me, nobody in the audience... 430 00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:21,780 How do you, Frances, 431 00:21:21,814 --> 00:21:24,783 measure your own worth? 432 00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:35,694 It's time, right? 433 00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:42,801 Just give me a moment. 434 00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:51,243 Wow, okay. 435 00:21:51,277 --> 00:21:54,379 This is just gonna have to do, isn't it? 436 00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:02,788 Wow, okay. 437 00:22:06,692 --> 00:22:11,263 Oh, Paul, last week when I left 438 00:22:11,297 --> 00:22:13,999 there was somebody in the waiting room. 439 00:22:16,369 --> 00:22:20,939 I really don't want to see anyone. 440 00:22:27,980 --> 00:22:29,881 Oh good. 441 00:22:29,916 --> 00:22:32,350 - See you next week. - Yeah. 442 00:22:44,063 --> 00:22:46,631 I forgot to tell you that I got the results 443 00:22:46,666 --> 00:22:49,634 of the brca1 test. I haven't opened them yet. 444 00:22:49,669 --> 00:22:52,337 It'll give us something to talk about next week. 445 00:22:52,537 --> 00:23:02,737 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com