1 00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:03,399 Here's what you missed- 2 00:00:03,470 --> 00:00:05,802 Will's wife put the "Terri" in "terrible"relationships. 3 00:00:05,872 --> 00:00:07,931 - So now, she's his ex-wife. - What is wrong with you? 4 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,568 Kurt met this kid, Blaine, who he really likes, and he seems really nice. 5 00:00:10,643 --> 00:00:13,134 But he sings in the glee club at another school. They're called the Warblers. 6 00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:15,044 The Warblers are like rock stars. 7 00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:16,605 Kurt isn't liking his own school at all. 8 00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,548 Karofsky's been coming after him, and nobody knows why. 9 00:00:18,618 --> 00:00:21,314 You can't punch the gay out of me any more than I can punch the ignoramus out of you! 10 00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:23,015 Kurt knows why, but he hasn't told anyone. 11 00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:25,148 And that's what you missed on Glee. 12 00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:35,396 - Morning, Sue. - Oh, I'm gonna stop you right there. 13 00:00:35,468 --> 00:00:37,459 - It's Principal Sue. - What? 14 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,027 You heard me right. 15 00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:42,666 My years-long quest for power has finally bore fruit. 16 00:00:42,742 --> 00:00:45,870 - What happened to Figgins? - You need to start listening to the news, William. 17 00:00:45,945 --> 00:00:49,847 A particularly virulent strain of monkey flu has arrived in Ohio from Borneo... 18 00:00:49,916 --> 00:00:54,216 where it had been festering in a small clutch of loud, bisexual primates... 19 00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:56,278 not unlike your very Glee Club. 20 00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:58,620 But how-how did Figgins get it? 21 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,819 And that's what it means to be an American. 22 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,795 - I think I have a fever. - Can it. 23 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,698 Now! 24 00:01:18,344 --> 00:01:20,005 'Sup? 25 00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:24,612 So Figgins is sick. How does that make you principal? 26 00:01:24,684 --> 00:01:27,118 Through the blackmail of prominent local politicians... 27 00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:30,782 I strong-armed some extraordinarily broad clauses into my contract. 28 00:01:30,857 --> 00:01:34,020 My first order of business- destroy the Glee Club. 29 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,618 I thought we were friends. 30 00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:37,390 That got boring. 31 00:01:50,143 --> 00:01:52,771 Just one of the perks of being a high school teacher- 32 00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,837 constant exposure to illness. 33 00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:56,438 All right, guys, um- 34 00:01:57,684 --> 00:02:00,209 It's time to start thinking about song selections. 35 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,585 I feel like I might have a fever, but it's important that I power through it. 36 00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:10,695 Okay. 37 00:02:10,763 --> 00:02:12,526 I definitely have a fever. 38 00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:14,191 Looking good, Puckerman. 39 00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,929 Someone's been eatin' their Wheaties. 40 00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:18,868 - These guns are fully loaded. 41 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:24,770 Mr. Schue, I, for one, think we should use our set list for sectionals... 44 00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:33,782 I just want to dance. 45 00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:36,583 Mr. Schuester, you look a little green. 46 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:39,523 Um, I think I'm gonna go see the nurse. 47 00:02:41,427 --> 00:02:44,260 But first, I feel like I should get you guys a sitter. 48 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:47,891 At this point, we're going to add any of your aromatics- 49 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,270 From here, we're gonna cover the pan until the scallops open up- 50 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:00,778 I can take care of myself. 51 00:03:00,813 --> 00:03:02,644 Is that why Mrs. Weiss called me from next door? 52 00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:05,343 Because according to her, she's here morning and night. 53 00:03:05,418 --> 00:03:08,251 - Lift your head up. - You're making me feel worse. 54 00:03:08,321 --> 00:03:10,881 Oh, honey. 55 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,923 I'm probably revealing too much, but I do still love you. 56 00:03:15,995 --> 00:03:19,590 And you have to admit, no matter how toxic our marriage was... 57 00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:22,066 I was really good at taking care of you when you were sick. 58 00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:24,467 That's because you like me best when I'm weak. 59 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:27,597 Maybe. That's what my therapist says. 60 00:03:27,674 --> 00:03:30,507 - You're seeing a therapist? - And I'm medicating too. 61 00:03:30,577 --> 00:03:33,478 Now roll over and pull your pants down... 62 00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,571 because we're gonna take baby's temperature. 63 00:03:35,648 --> 00:03:37,616 No. 64 00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:40,482 But baby knows that the only way that we can get an accurate reading- 65 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,145 Stop, Terri. 66 00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:45,581 I don't wanna play "sick baby" with you. 67 00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:47,387 Now get out of here. 68 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,757 What are you doing? 69 00:03:56,369 --> 00:03:58,735 Singin'in the Rain. We were together 16 years. 70 00:03:58,838 --> 00:04:02,171 You think I don't remember what movie makes you feel better when you're sick? 71 00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:06,110 Another thing to remember- don't overcrowd the pan. 72 00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:08,545 And that is how you steam scallops. 73 00:04:10,783 --> 00:04:13,308 I am shaking, and it's either from low blood sugar or rage. 74 00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:14,876 I knew it was only a matter of time... 75 00:04:14,954 --> 00:04:16,512 before Rachel tried to take over the Glee Club. 76 00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:23,218 Class, in Mr. Schuester's absence, I'd like to go around and ask everyone... 77 00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:26,060 what solos they'd like to hear me perform at sectionals. 78 00:04:26,132 --> 00:04:27,656 All right! Let me at her! 79 00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:29,361 Tu eres local 80 00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,801 We'll forget all about it tonight at bowling. 81 00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:33,998 I can't. Blaine asked me to hang out. 82 00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:37,938 I've been looking forward to it all week. 83 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:41,105 Wait. Are you two going out? Because I think you need to come clean. 84 00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:45,310 What? No. I don't want another Jesse-Rachel traitor scenario to overcome. 85 00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:47,353 Please, Mercedes. Mum's the word. 86 00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:50,355 We'll be happy for you. We know how lonely you've been. 87 00:04:50,423 --> 00:04:53,654 Hey, we just hang out. Nothing about Glee Club even ever comes up. 88 00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:56,786 It's just nice to have someone to talk to. 89 00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:59,229 - What is that supposed to mean? - I mean someone like me. 90 00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:02,768 But I promise to make it up to you. We'll hang out Friday night. 91 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:15,406 - 'Scuse you. Watch out. - She's just hungry. 92 00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:20,048 Whoa, whoa. Couple more. Thanks. 93 00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:23,782 So what are we gonna do about Glee Club while Mr. Schue is sick? 94 00:05:23,856 --> 00:05:26,825 I have an idea. Have you met the new Spanish teacher? 95 00:05:28,728 --> 00:05:31,128 It's not easy being a substitute teacher. 96 00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:32,687 Kids feel like they get the day off. 97 00:05:32,765 --> 00:05:33,925 They'll goof off... 98 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,797 egg your car, cut class... 99 00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:39,269 break into your car, throw spitballs, put an alligator in your car. 100 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,136 And I don't even have a nice car. 101 00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:48,175 So I try to relate to the kids- 102 00:05:48,247 --> 00:05:50,647 - - Listen to what they have to say, make it fun for them. 103 00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:59,756 Because I'm the cure for the common class. 104 00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:12,001 Excuse me. Miss Holliday, a word? 105 00:06:23,516 --> 00:06:26,076 I understand that you are subbing for Mr. Schuester's Spanish class... 106 00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:30,282 and I was wondering if you might not want to take over his Glee Club duties as well. 107 00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:32,756 What makes you think I know the first thing about Glee Club? 108 00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:36,818 You subbed for my English class last week, and you were extraordinary. 109 00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:43,592 # Conjunction Junction # 110 00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:45,660 # What's your function # 111 00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:50,232 # Hookin' up words and phrases and clauses # 112 00:06:50,309 --> 00:06:51,708 # Conjunction Junction # 113 00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:53,939 # What's your function # 114 00:06:54,013 --> 00:06:58,382 # Hookin' up cars and makin' 'em function # 115 00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:01,043 - Are you on anything? 116 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,452 'Cause this is trippy. 117 00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:06,981 You smell homeless, Brett. Homeless. 118 00:07:07,059 --> 00:07:08,651 Miss Holliday, we are floundering. 119 00:07:08,728 --> 00:07:10,355 Won't you please take over Glee Club? 120 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,489 I thought you'd never ask. 121 00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:14,123 Yeah! 122 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,633 Muchas gracias. 123 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:22,571 - Dude, what are you doing? - Kurt got us a substitute, so I'm buttering the floor. 124 00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:24,633 But sectionals is, like, two weeks from now. 125 00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:27,304 Hey, Gigantor. We're all gonna swap names, yo! 126 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:30,213 Did I hear something about a substitu- 127 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,580 Yes! It works! 128 00:07:33,519 --> 00:07:36,079 Well, at least I didn't fall and break my talent. 129 00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:38,316 I'm fine. 130 00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:45,591 - What da hell? - Hola, clase. 131 00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:49,692 Nothin' says "Bienvenidos" quite like a buttered floor. 132 00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:52,899 Let's start with some introductions. 133 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:56,908 My name is Holly Holliday. What's yours? Go! 134 00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,604 I'm Finn Hudson. I'm quarterback of the football team. 135 00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:02,112 I'm Rachel Berry- his loud, loud girlfriend. 136 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,514 I'm Mike Chang. 137 00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:07,280 - Those aren't your names. You know why I know that? - You're psychic? 138 00:08:07,353 --> 00:08:11,414 I know this because I recently watched a video of you guys performing at regionals... 139 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,425 where you came in last. 140 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,257 Maybe it's because the songs were about 30 years old, but- 141 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:19,025 - Those songs are classics. - Those songs are amazing. 142 00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:22,625 But they sounded like somebody else's favorite songs, not yours. 143 00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:24,795 - Just sayin'. - She speaks the truth. 144 00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:27,704 I'm not your average, run-of-the-mill substitute teacher. 145 00:08:27,773 --> 00:08:32,073 I want you guys to do things that you want to do. 146 00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:36,103 I want you to have fun in our fabulous but fleeting time together. 147 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,980 - What do you say we have class outside today? - It's raining outside. 148 00:08:39,051 --> 00:08:42,248 - Then let's take a field trip to Taco Bell. - Oh, yeah! 149 00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:45,051 Should we toke up some medical-grade marijuana? 150 00:08:45,124 --> 00:08:47,149 I wish. 151 00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:49,251 It's really hard not to like this woman. 152 00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:51,922 Okay. No, we can't just goof off all day. 153 00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:54,159 We have to write a set list for sectionals. 154 00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:56,565 You're right. What songs would you like to do? 155 00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:01,798 Oh. Don't get asked that question much, do we? 156 00:09:01,941 --> 00:09:04,102 Miss Holliday's right. Mr. Schuester's set list... 157 00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:06,474 sometimes seems like he hasn't listened to the radio since the '80s. 158 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,673 He never listens to what I have to say. 159 00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:11,683 Mr. Schue, can we do that new Cee Lo song, "Forget You"? 160 00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:13,912 Uh, no. Come on, guys. 161 00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:16,454 There's gotta be a Journey song we haven't done yet. 162 00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:17,750 Cee Lo! 163 00:09:17,823 --> 00:09:19,313 That's what I'm talkin' about. 164 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,519 - Yeah! - Snap. 165 00:09:21,594 --> 00:09:23,323 Excuse me. What would you know about Cee Lo? 166 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,695 - 'Cause you're, like, 40. - Top 40, sweet cheeks. 167 00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:27,433 - Hit it! 168 00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:28,661 - Hit it! 169 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:38,801 # I see you drive around town with the guy I love # 170 00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:42,814 - # And I'm, like, forget you # - # Hooh-ooh # 171 00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:46,409 # I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough # 172 00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:50,444 - # I'm, like, forget you # - # Ahh-ahh-ahh # 173 00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:53,219 # Yeah, I'm sorry I can't afford a Ferrari # 174 00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:57,018 # But that don't mean I can't get you there # 175 00:09:57,096 --> 00:10:01,624 # I guess she's an Xbox and I'm more an Atari # 176 00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:04,295 # But the way you play your game ain't fair # 177 00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:07,464 # I pity the fool # 178 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,701 # That falls in love with you # 179 00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,299 # Ooh, she's a gold digger # 180 00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:13,208 - # Well # - # Just thought you should know it # 181 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,906 # Hooh, hooh-ooh # 182 00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:17,142 # I got some news for you # 183 00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:20,185 # Yeah, go run and tell your little girlfriend # 184 00:10:20,252 --> 00:10:23,710 # I see you drive around town with the guy I love # 185 00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:27,816 - # And I'm, like, forget you # - # Whooh-ooh # 186 00:10:27,893 --> 00:10:31,420 # I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough # 187 00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:33,465 # I'm, like, forget you # 188 00:10:33,532 --> 00:10:35,363 # And forget him too # 189 00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:38,232 # Said, if I was richer # 190 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,931 # I'd still be with ya # 191 00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:42,804 - # Huh, now ain't that some sh-# - # Ain't that some sh-# 192 00:10:42,875 --> 00:10:44,843 # Now though there's pain in my chest # 193 00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:46,775 # I still wish you the best # 194 00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:49,314 # With a forget you # 195 00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:50,406 # Whoo-hoo, ooh # 196 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,280 # Now, baby, baby, baby # 197 00:10:52,351 --> 00:10:55,081 # Why do you wanna wanna hurt me so bad # 198 00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:58,681 - # So bad, so bad # - # Yeah # 199 00:10:58,791 --> 00:11:00,725 # I tried to tell my mama but she told me # 200 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,058 # This is one for your dad # 201 00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:04,562 - # Your dad # - # Yes, she did # 202 00:11:04,630 --> 00:11:06,621 # Yes, she did # 203 00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:08,633 - # Why # - # Uh # 204 00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:10,430 - # Why # - # Uh # 205 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,734 # Why, ba-a-baby # 206 00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:15,899 # I love you # 207 00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:19,308 # I still love you # 208 00:11:19,378 --> 00:11:20,868 # Hey # 209 00:11:20,946 --> 00:11:24,143 # I see you drive around town with the guy I love # 210 00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:27,913 - # And I'm, like, forget you # - # Forget you # 211 00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:31,548 # I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough # 212 00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:33,751 # I'm, like, forget you # 213 00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:35,953 # And forget him too # 214 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:39,293 # Said, if I was richer I'd still be with ya # 215 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,959 - # Yeah, yeah # - # Huh, now ain't that some sh-# 216 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,524 # Oh, oh-oh # 217 00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:46,901 # Although there's pain in my chest I still wish you the best # 218 00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:49,770 - # Wish you the best # - # With a forget you # 219 00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:51,469 # Whoo-hoo, hoo-hoo ## 220 00:11:56,515 --> 00:11:58,415 - Let's go get some tacos! - Yeah! 221 00:11:58,484 --> 00:11:59,849 Yeah! 222 00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:04,285 - This is not up for discussion, fellas. 223 00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:10,158 You do not spray athlete's foot medicine in your teammates' eyes. 224 00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,719 Come on! 225 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:16,391 - Can I help you, Sue? - Principal Sue. 226 00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:20,462 And I'm here to inform you that, effective 4:00 p.m. Today... 227 00:12:20,539 --> 00:12:23,633 the football team is officially disbanded. 228 00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:27,941 Well, if you're cuttin' the football team, who are your Cheerios gonna cheer for? 229 00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:36,143 I will get back to you on all of this later. 230 00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:44,557 - No. 231 00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:46,621 Humiliation. 232 00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:50,658 Bested by the Beiste- less than 24 hours after my plan... 233 00:12:50,736 --> 00:12:54,832 to replace all chairs in the school with sharp poles was thwarted. 234 00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:57,569 A resounding defeat in my war against sitting. 235 00:12:57,643 --> 00:12:59,804 The reality is I'm a champion... 236 00:12:59,912 --> 00:13:03,746 and once I get power, I do not let it go. 237 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,580 I need a cause. 238 00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:13,254 That's it! 239 00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:16,089 Becky, get your fanny in here and bring your pad. 240 00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:18,926 - Yes, Coach? - Becky, take a memo. 241 00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:21,732 I'm banning potater tots. 242 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,666 Outstanding. 243 00:13:25,938 --> 00:13:27,565 Mr. Schue! So glad you're better. 244 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,335 We can't win sectionals without you. 245 00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:32,275 Mike, I know. Now I'm gonna run through a number here. 246 00:13:32,344 --> 00:13:34,107 - After a bit, I want you to join in. Got it? - Got it. 247 00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:35,347 All right. 248 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,813 - Though the world is full of a number of things... 249 00:13:38,884 --> 00:13:41,751 I'm sure we should all be as happy as- 250 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,254 - But are we? No. 251 00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:45,256 Definitely, no. Positively, no! 252 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,053 Decidedly, no! Uh-uh. 253 00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:52,189 Short people have long faces... 254 00:13:52,264 --> 00:13:53,959 and long people have short faces. 255 00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:57,525 Big people have little humor, and little people have no humor at all. 256 00:13:57,603 --> 00:14:01,596 And in the words of that immortal god, Samuel J. Snodgrass... 257 00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:04,870 as he was about to be led to the guillotine- 258 00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:07,777 # Make 'em laugh Make 'em laugh # 259 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,839 # Don't you know everyone wants to laugh, ha-ha # 260 00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:14,682 # My dad said Be an actor, my son # 261 00:14:14,753 --> 00:14:16,880 # But be a comical one # 262 00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:19,720 # They'll be standin' in lines # 263 00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:22,761 # For those old honky-tonk monkeyshines # 264 00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:26,093 # Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite # 265 00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:29,066 # And you can charm the critics and have nothin' to eat # 266 00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:31,728 # Just slip on a banana peel The world's at your feet # 267 00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:34,932 # Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh Make 'em laugh # 268 00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:37,737 # Make 'em- Make 'em laugh # 269 00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:41,246 # Don't you know everyone wants to laugh # 270 00:14:41,313 --> 00:14:44,441 # My grandpa said Go out and tell 'em a joke # 271 00:14:44,516 --> 00:14:46,746 # But give it plenty of hoke # 272 00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:49,617 # Make 'em roar Make 'em scream # 273 00:14:49,688 --> 00:14:53,146 # Take a fall, butt a wall Split a seam # 274 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,785 # You start off by pretending you're a dancer with grace # 275 00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:58,796 # You wiggle till they're gigglin' all over the place # 276 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,662 # And then you get a great big custard pie in the face # 277 00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:05,192 # Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh Make 'em laugh # 278 00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:31,762 # Make 'em laugh Make 'em laugh # 279 00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:35,288 # Don't you know everyone wants to laugh # 280 00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:37,699 Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! 281 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:41,103 Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! 282 00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:44,267 Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! 283 00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:47,176 # Make 'em laugh # Ha-ha! 284 00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:51,182 # Make 'em laugh # Ha-ha! 285 00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:56,554 # Make 'em laugh # Ha, ha, ha! 286 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,487 # Make 'em laugh # 287 00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:00,251 # Make 'em laugh # 288 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:03,989 # Make 'em laugh ## 289 00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:12,337 I don't understand who gave her the authority to take over Glee Club. 290 00:16:15,941 --> 00:16:17,431 What? 291 00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:20,376 I was doing a fine job of running Glee in your absence. 292 00:16:20,446 --> 00:16:22,607 And then Kurt, jealous, asked her to take over. 293 00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:25,275 I'm not too worried about her, Rachel. 294 00:16:27,419 --> 00:16:30,946 I really appreciate your concern, but- 295 00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:33,253 I'm not worried about someone coming in and usurping me. 296 00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:34,883 You kids love me. 297 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,791 Sue doesn't. 298 00:16:36,862 --> 00:16:40,093 You know what's so nice, is having someone fun at this school. 299 00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:43,594 - Mmm! We're back. - Okay. 300 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:46,866 - Hoarders is great, but- - Animal Hoarders is better. 301 00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:50,732 Hoarders and red wine. 302 00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:52,572 # I'm buzzed # 303 00:16:54,446 --> 00:16:55,913 You have to get well, Mr. Schuester. 304 00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:58,006 Because every day you're here, she's there. 305 00:16:58,083 --> 00:17:00,847 And it becomes more and more likely that she's gonna start running the Glee Club... 306 00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:03,183 and you're gonna become the substitute. 307 00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:13,391 - We have to get there early on Friday. 308 00:17:13,465 --> 00:17:15,194 It's league night for little people. 309 00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:16,996 They'll buy up all the small shoes if they get there first. 310 00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:20,470 I totally forgot. Greg Evigan is starring in Rent at the Community Playhouse... 311 00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,268 and Blaine got us tickets. 312 00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:24,605 "Us" as in "all of us"? 313 00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:26,610 I think he could only score two. 314 00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:36,621 Wait. Where do you think you're going with those? 315 00:17:36,688 --> 00:17:38,986 - Principal Sue banned the tots. - She can't do that! 316 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,049 They look like deep-fried deer poop. 317 00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:42,957 Take it up with Principal Sue. 318 00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:47,957 I'll get you some- Okay. 319 00:17:50,035 --> 00:17:52,003 Why did you take away our tots? 320 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,869 - You don't have an appointment. - It's all right. 321 00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:59,673 Jackee, I am like my idol, Richard Milhous Nixon- 322 00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:02,576 regarded in his time as petty, corrupt and venal. 323 00:18:02,614 --> 00:18:06,106 He actually always had the best interests of his people in mind. 324 00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:07,675 And also like Richard Nixon... 325 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,847 I'm obliged to inform you that this conversation is being recorded. 326 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,823 I want my tots. 327 00:18:12,891 --> 00:18:15,689 Nutrition is abysmal at this school. 328 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:18,195 - You know what this is? - Toilet brush. 329 00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:21,164 It's broccoli. When I showed this to Brittany earlier, she began to whimper... 330 00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:25,192 thinking I had cut down a small tree where a family of Gummi Bears lived. 331 00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,670 I am declaring a war on junk food. 332 00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:29,900 I'm getting my tots back. 333 00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:35,541 Becky. That can't happen again. Keep 'em out. 334 00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,411 Roger that. Thank you, Coach. 335 00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:42,812 - Hey, Rachel. - Hello, Miss Holliday. 336 00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:45,721 I'd like you to know that I have a very severe bruise on my right buttocks... 337 00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:48,259 from your game of gangsta rap musical chairs. 338 00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:50,386 I'll be going on record with the school nurse later today. 339 00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,430 Rachel, you suck. 340 00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:55,433 Oh, my God. You're, like, a total drag. 341 00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:56,832 Has anyone ever told you that? 342 00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:58,494 - I have. - Oh, Puckerman. 343 00:18:58,604 --> 00:19:01,004 Here are the answers to the pop quiz I'll be giving in Spanish class later. 344 00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:02,700 It is so boring in there. 345 00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:07,006 - Thanks, Miss H. - Righteous. Mmm! 346 00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:10,776 Maybe I should be more like you- all fun- and just forget about the consequences. 347 00:19:10,849 --> 00:19:13,909 Frankly, yes, you should. I mean, at least sometimes. 348 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,920 When is the last time that you did something... 349 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,922 just because you thought it would be a blast? 350 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:21,391 Take Glee Club. I mean, you have all these great ideas. 351 00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:23,451 When is the last time you actually did one of them? 352 00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:26,362 Mr. Schue can be a little tightfisted with song selection, but- 353 00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:28,956 I would like to do something a little bit more upbeat... 354 00:19:29,034 --> 00:19:30,797 and glamorous with a good dance beat. 355 00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:33,861 Sounds reasonable to me. Have you asked? 356 00:19:33,939 --> 00:19:36,373 Mr. Schuester, I want to do more of an upbeat... 357 00:19:36,441 --> 00:19:38,568 glamorous song with a really good dance beat. 358 00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:41,078 No, but I have good news. 359 00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:43,478 I found a Journey song we haven't done yet. 360 00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:45,574 Rachel, I used to be just like you- 361 00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:48,211 trying to get everything so right, hanging on so tight. 362 00:19:48,287 --> 00:19:49,379 What happened? 363 00:19:49,454 --> 00:19:51,445 I got punched in the face. Anyway- 364 00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:52,888 Why don't you let me know the name... 365 00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:55,586 of this upbeat, glamorous song with the nice dance beat? 366 00:19:55,661 --> 00:19:58,926 Because, hot stuff, you are doin' it in Glee Club. 367 00:19:58,997 --> 00:20:01,989 I kind of need a partner to do the song I wanted. 368 00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:05,127 I thought you'd never ask. It's kind of my catchphrase. 369 00:20:07,573 --> 00:20:10,269 So, what meds are you on? 370 00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:15,041 Um, antidepressants. And antianxiety when I need them. 371 00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:20,617 Are you happy? 372 00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:23,519 I think I feel like, for the first time, maybe I could be happy. 373 00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,917 How about you? 374 00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:28,755 - Happy? Um. - Yeah. 375 00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:32,792 If I'm gonna be honest, no. 376 00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:36,765 I still feel like I'm searching for something. 377 00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:38,894 Here. Some more. 378 00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:42,735 Thanks, Terri. 379 00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:46,701 - Baby likes his soup. 380 00:20:46,778 --> 00:20:49,645 You know, I remember something else that baby loves a lot. 381 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,118 Okay. 382 00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:02,321 Rub-in menthol. 383 00:21:03,362 --> 00:21:05,387 - I love that stuff. - I know you do. 384 00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:08,297 Take your shirt off, lie on your stomach. What? 385 00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:10,858 - Um- - What? I'm not gonna kill you. 386 00:21:13,171 --> 00:21:15,196 - It'll make you feel better. - All right. 387 00:21:16,475 --> 00:21:17,965 Here. 388 00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:38,888 Don't. 389 00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,488 Don't. 390 00:21:40,565 --> 00:21:42,499 I don't wanna get you sick. 391 00:21:43,535 --> 00:21:45,264 I don't care. 392 00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:01,381 Look at this crap. Foam fish sticks? 393 00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:05,479 Principal Sylvester is only serving predigested food now- to give us more energy. 394 00:22:05,524 --> 00:22:07,219 Do I look like a damn baby bird? 395 00:22:07,292 --> 00:22:10,352 Don't fret your culinary disappointments. I come bearing gifts. 396 00:22:10,429 --> 00:22:13,057 - You brought tots? - Better. I've set you up on a date. 397 00:22:13,131 --> 00:22:15,895 I get it. My new budding friendship with Blaine... 398 00:22:15,967 --> 00:22:17,935 is making you feel left out, jealous. 399 00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:20,096 - Who's the guy? - Anthony Rashad. 400 00:22:22,808 --> 00:22:25,106 Hmm? Hmm? 401 00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:27,236 - Why him? - No reason. 402 00:22:27,312 --> 00:22:29,041 So it has nothing to do with the fact... 403 00:22:29,114 --> 00:22:31,309 that he's one of the five black guys at this school. 404 00:22:31,383 --> 00:22:34,011 No. He is a wide receiver on the football team. 405 00:22:34,086 --> 00:22:36,520 He is very good-looking... 406 00:22:36,588 --> 00:22:38,886 and he is a member of the Black Student Union. 407 00:22:38,957 --> 00:22:40,254 Any nonblack activities? 408 00:22:40,325 --> 00:22:43,089 I don't know. My Google search was a little- 409 00:22:43,161 --> 00:22:44,890 - I can't take this anymore. - Mercedes, trust me. 410 00:22:44,963 --> 00:22:46,658 Love is just around the corner. 411 00:22:46,732 --> 00:22:47,960 'Sup, homo? 412 00:22:49,901 --> 00:22:52,802 That's not what I'm talkin' about. 413 00:22:59,945 --> 00:23:01,936 - Tots! - Oh, my God! 414 00:23:02,013 --> 00:23:03,776 Tots! Tots! Tots! 415 00:23:09,721 --> 00:23:12,519 So, the tots wars have begun, Becky. 416 00:23:12,891 --> 00:23:15,059 # You can like the life you're living # 417 00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:17,756 # You can like the life you're living # 418 00:23:17,829 --> 00:23:21,697 # You can live the life you like # 419 00:23:21,767 --> 00:23:27,831 # You can even marry Harry # 420 00:23:27,906 --> 00:23:31,603 # But mess around with lke # 421 00:23:31,676 --> 00:23:34,008 # And that's good # 422 00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:36,479 # Isn't it grand # 423 00:23:36,548 --> 00:23:38,516 # Isn't it great # 424 00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:40,949 # Isn't it swell # 425 00:23:41,019 --> 00:23:44,785 # Isn't it fun Isn't it # 426 00:23:44,856 --> 00:23:49,384 # But nothing stays # 427 00:23:49,461 --> 00:23:53,989 # In fifty years or so # 428 00:23:54,065 --> 00:23:58,126 # It's gonna change you know # 429 00:23:58,203 --> 00:24:03,573 # But, oh, it's heaven # 430 00:24:04,176 --> 00:24:08,579 # Nowadays # 431 00:25:15,146 --> 00:25:17,546 # And all # 432 00:25:17,616 --> 00:25:19,811 # That # 433 00:25:26,324 --> 00:25:31,421 # Jazz ## 434 00:25:38,870 --> 00:25:40,599 Hey, buddy, you look terrible. 435 00:25:40,672 --> 00:25:43,140 You should be home in bed. There's no reason for you to be here. 436 00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:44,766 The kids need me. 437 00:25:44,843 --> 00:25:47,368 No, literally. There's no reason for you to be here. 438 00:25:47,445 --> 00:25:50,141 The kids prefer the substitute, and so do I. 439 00:25:50,215 --> 00:25:51,773 I gotta be honest with you, Will. 440 00:25:51,850 --> 00:25:54,011 A lot of it's the hair thing. 441 00:25:54,085 --> 00:25:57,418 In fact, right now, I'm tempted to sell your scalp on the black market... 442 00:25:57,489 --> 00:25:59,320 as a tiny full-length shearling coat... 443 00:25:59,424 --> 00:26:02,552 for only the most fashionable of premature babies. 444 00:26:02,594 --> 00:26:06,655 I long for the day when Figgins gets better and comes back. 445 00:26:06,731 --> 00:26:08,289 That's not gonna happen. 446 00:26:08,366 --> 00:26:10,834 The school board has been just flooded with e-mails... 447 00:26:10,902 --> 00:26:15,168 from parents thrilled with my tough stance on healthy teen lunches. 448 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,767 Figgins has been fired, and I've been formally offered the position. 449 00:26:18,843 --> 00:26:20,640 So why don't you go home... 450 00:26:20,712 --> 00:26:24,204 rest, watch some TV, die. 451 00:26:24,282 --> 00:26:26,580 It doesn't matter. 'Cause you know what? 452 00:26:26,651 --> 00:26:29,643 As my first official act as full-time principal... 453 00:26:29,721 --> 00:26:31,450 you are fired. 454 00:26:39,197 --> 00:26:41,131 I'm just saying that drunk people who get married to someone... 455 00:26:41,199 --> 00:26:43,190 they met an hour ago- by an Elvis impersonator- 456 00:26:43,268 --> 00:26:45,793 that's a bigger insult to marriage than two gay guys getting hitched. 457 00:26:45,870 --> 00:26:49,328 Totally. It's, like, if marriage is so sacred, they should just outlaw divorce. 458 00:26:49,407 --> 00:26:51,534 - Right. Right. - What do you think, Mercedes? 459 00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:53,407 Oh, about "don't ask, don't tell"? 460 00:26:53,478 --> 00:26:56,538 - No, we're on Prop 8 now. - Totally for it. 461 00:26:56,615 --> 00:26:58,913 - Against it. - All right. 462 00:26:59,017 --> 00:27:00,780 I'm sorry. I kind of just blanked out. 463 00:27:00,819 --> 00:27:03,344 Don't apologize. We should talk about stuff that you're interested in too. 464 00:27:03,421 --> 00:27:05,514 I know. Let's play a game. On the count of three... 465 00:27:05,590 --> 00:27:07,387 name your favorite 2010 Vogue cover. 466 00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:09,927 You ready? One, two, three! 467 00:27:09,995 --> 00:27:11,189 Marion Cotillard! 468 00:27:11,262 --> 00:27:12,752 - Oh, my God! Stop it! - Yes! 469 00:27:12,831 --> 00:27:15,595 - She's amazing. Amazing. - Amazing. Amazing. 470 00:27:15,667 --> 00:27:17,259 - Gay. - Gay. 471 00:27:17,335 --> 00:27:19,200 - Gay, gay, gay. - Gay. Gay. 472 00:27:19,270 --> 00:27:20,601 Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. 473 00:27:20,672 --> 00:27:23,334 Oh, my gosh. I open my mouth, and a little purse falls out. 474 00:27:23,408 --> 00:27:25,535 - That's so gay. - How did that get in there? 475 00:27:25,610 --> 00:27:26,702 Mercedes? 476 00:27:28,780 --> 00:27:29,940 Mercedes. 477 00:27:30,015 --> 00:27:31,880 I was just talking about the Buckeyes. 478 00:27:31,950 --> 00:27:34,350 I'm a college football fan. I like sports too, you know. 479 00:27:34,419 --> 00:27:36,216 Way to break the stereotype. 480 00:27:37,255 --> 00:27:39,280 Excuse me. I know it's not on your menu... 481 00:27:39,357 --> 00:27:41,848 - but I was wondering if you guys had- - You want some tots. 482 00:27:41,926 --> 00:27:44,087 You kids must go to McKinley. 483 00:27:45,664 --> 00:27:47,723 So what were we talking about? 484 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,865 Has anyone read Patti LuPone's new book? 485 00:27:54,339 --> 00:27:55,806 I'm kidding. Of course I have. 486 00:27:55,874 --> 00:27:58,138 You scared me so much there. 487 00:27:59,644 --> 00:28:02,511 - Nice job, band dudes. 488 00:28:02,547 --> 00:28:04,208 Feels like the sun is shining in here. 489 00:28:04,282 --> 00:28:07,080 And the body's still warm. 490 00:28:07,152 --> 00:28:09,552 Hi. I'm Will Schuester. 491 00:28:09,621 --> 00:28:11,782 And this is my choir room. 492 00:28:11,856 --> 00:28:13,949 I'm sorry we had to meet like this. 493 00:28:14,025 --> 00:28:16,459 The kids really love you. You must be a great teacher. 494 00:28:16,528 --> 00:28:19,793 You don't believe that. If you did, you wouldn't have taken my job so easily. 495 00:28:19,864 --> 00:28:21,559 Guys, you wanna take five? 496 00:28:23,368 --> 00:28:25,233 You wanna have this conversation, let's have it. 497 00:28:25,303 --> 00:28:27,066 You're a substitute. 498 00:28:27,138 --> 00:28:30,801 Of course you can paint murals and let the kids sing whatever they want. 499 00:28:30,875 --> 00:28:33,503 You're never around when they have to deal with the hangover of all that fun. 500 00:28:33,578 --> 00:28:37,605 Sixteen percent of all high school students dropped out last year. 501 00:28:37,682 --> 00:28:39,616 We can't just expect them to sit up and pay attention. 502 00:28:39,684 --> 00:28:42,847 These kids feel special. They have a voice. 503 00:28:42,921 --> 00:28:45,185 If we don't listen to it, they just tune us out. 504 00:28:45,256 --> 00:28:49,420 I give my kids a voice. I just don't let it run free. 505 00:28:49,494 --> 00:28:51,758 I'm the teacher. It's my job to know more than they do. 506 00:28:51,830 --> 00:28:56,324 Right. But you don't know more about what they care about the most- themselves. 507 00:28:56,401 --> 00:28:58,995 These kids get bored, they change their Facebook status. 508 00:28:59,104 --> 00:29:01,299 They're entitled to have all of these emotions. 509 00:29:01,339 --> 00:29:03,899 Not only that, they're entitled for the world to care about them. 510 00:29:03,975 --> 00:29:05,499 That's what this generation is about. 511 00:29:05,577 --> 00:29:07,807 A great teacher is supposed to show them... 512 00:29:07,879 --> 00:29:09,642 there are other points of view besides their own. 513 00:29:09,714 --> 00:29:13,650 Okay, fine. What do you do when a kid does something really great in your class? 514 00:29:13,718 --> 00:29:16,778 - Praise them. - I tweet them about it right there and then. 515 00:29:16,855 --> 00:29:20,154 And for those 30 seconds, I know that that kid has a connection with me. 516 00:29:24,763 --> 00:29:27,755 Look, it's a terrible economy... 517 00:29:27,832 --> 00:29:31,791 and good teaching jobs are hard enough to get, let alone one in the arts. 518 00:29:31,870 --> 00:29:33,394 I just- 519 00:29:33,471 --> 00:29:37,737 I'm sorry, but I- I can't turn this opportunity down. 520 00:29:48,820 --> 00:29:50,845 You want to tell Ms. Holliday why we're here? 521 00:29:50,922 --> 00:29:53,550 You remember when I asked to be excused from class? 522 00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:55,286 May I be excused? I'm gonna go shove some tots... 523 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,089 up the tailpipe of Coach Sylvester's car. 524 00:29:57,162 --> 00:29:59,153 Sure. 525 00:29:59,230 --> 00:30:01,357 I told her not to touch my tots. 526 00:30:01,432 --> 00:30:04,993 You did $17,000 worth of damage. 527 00:30:06,771 --> 00:30:09,569 I drive a very rare and desirable automobile, ladies... 528 00:30:09,641 --> 00:30:14,544 prized by collectors for its peerless grace among vintage European sports cars... 529 00:30:14,612 --> 00:30:19,174 one of out seven in existence- the 1979 Le Car. 530 00:30:19,250 --> 00:30:23,209 You know how many hours it took to find a mechanic who even knew what a Le Car was? 531 00:30:23,288 --> 00:30:26,951 She's your student. Love to hear what you suggest as punishment. 532 00:30:27,025 --> 00:30:30,256 I was gonna suggest clapping erasers... 533 00:30:30,328 --> 00:30:33,764 but you guys are mostly dry erase here, so- 534 00:30:33,832 --> 00:30:36,323 You know what you might not find so funny, Mercedes... 535 00:30:36,401 --> 00:30:39,393 is that tampering with an automobile's exhaust is a felony. 536 00:30:39,470 --> 00:30:42,906 And you can rest assured that I and my attorney, Gloria Allred... 537 00:30:42,974 --> 00:30:44,703 will be pressing charges. 538 00:30:44,776 --> 00:30:48,143 So... am I going to jail? 539 00:30:48,213 --> 00:30:49,441 - Undetermined. - Great. 540 00:30:49,514 --> 00:30:51,607 Get the hell outta my office. 541 00:30:56,487 --> 00:31:00,082 You have absolutely no idea what you're doing, do you? 542 00:31:01,426 --> 00:31:03,553 No, not really. 543 00:31:03,628 --> 00:31:04,993 By the way, berets are out. 544 00:31:09,467 --> 00:31:11,765 Sorry for just coming over like this. 545 00:31:11,836 --> 00:31:14,737 I wanted to do this in person. 546 00:31:14,806 --> 00:31:16,933 Plus I heard you have expensive beer. 547 00:31:17,008 --> 00:31:18,771 I'm glad you did, and I do. 548 00:31:21,179 --> 00:31:24,239 I was out of line before. You have every right to teach however you want. 549 00:31:24,315 --> 00:31:26,476 And the fact is the kids clearly love you. 550 00:31:26,551 --> 00:31:28,314 I'm a terrible teacher. 551 00:31:28,386 --> 00:31:30,980 Don't argue with me. I know I am. 552 00:31:32,590 --> 00:31:35,024 Today- 553 00:31:35,093 --> 00:31:39,587 Mercedes got in trouble for shoving tots up Sue Sylvester's tailpipe. 554 00:31:39,664 --> 00:31:43,828 And we were sitting in Sue's office, and Mercedes was looking at me like- 555 00:31:43,902 --> 00:31:45,961 And I just was totally lost. 556 00:31:46,037 --> 00:31:48,437 - What did Sue do to her? - Whatever. I don't know. 557 00:31:48,506 --> 00:31:50,497 She, like, suspended her or whatever. 558 00:31:50,575 --> 00:31:52,065 Oh, see? 559 00:31:52,143 --> 00:31:53,735 God! I do that every time. 560 00:31:53,811 --> 00:31:56,803 As soon as things get serious, I retreat. 561 00:31:56,881 --> 00:32:01,181 God. I- I didn't used to be like this, you know? 562 00:32:01,286 --> 00:32:04,050 I- I was more like you. 563 00:32:04,088 --> 00:32:06,682 Spalding High School, 10 years ago. 564 00:32:06,758 --> 00:32:08,089 Good morning, class. Whoo. 565 00:32:08,159 --> 00:32:09,649 I was subbing for a math teacher. 566 00:32:09,727 --> 00:32:11,490 The syllabus says that you're on algorithms. 567 00:32:11,562 --> 00:32:13,120 So let's start with some easy ones. 568 00:32:13,197 --> 00:32:14,926 Let's start with you kissin' my ass. 569 00:32:14,999 --> 00:32:16,489 Her name was Cameo. 570 00:32:16,567 --> 00:32:18,762 She was like an attractive Biggie Smalls. 571 00:32:18,836 --> 00:32:20,463 - Okay, Miss- - Cameo. 572 00:32:20,538 --> 00:32:24,975 Miss Cameo, do you find that algorithms are hard for you to understand? 573 00:32:25,043 --> 00:32:26,567 Do you find my fist hard to understand? 574 00:32:26,644 --> 00:32:30,045 I have some really great tricks that make them very easy to learn. 575 00:32:30,114 --> 00:32:32,582 Tricks? What are you- some type of magician substitute? 576 00:32:32,650 --> 00:32:36,108 I'm a Christian, and that devil magic stuff offends me! 577 00:32:36,187 --> 00:32:37,677 Cameo! 578 00:32:37,755 --> 00:32:40,087 When I woke up in an empty classroom... 579 00:32:40,158 --> 00:32:42,718 they'd stolen my Air Jordans. 580 00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:45,763 From that moment, I realized I gotta keep things movin'. 581 00:32:45,830 --> 00:32:47,695 I gotta keep it mellow and fun. 582 00:32:47,765 --> 00:32:49,426 Keep from gettin' your butt kicked. 583 00:32:49,500 --> 00:32:51,968 And I do in all ways. 584 00:32:52,036 --> 00:32:55,062 I never sign more than a month-to-month lease. 585 00:32:55,139 --> 00:32:56,970 I only eat off paper plates. 586 00:32:57,041 --> 00:32:59,066 I live on one-night stands. 587 00:32:59,177 --> 00:33:02,237 Last year, a guy asked me to marry him. I moved. 588 00:33:04,949 --> 00:33:08,282 Sounds... lonely. 589 00:33:10,688 --> 00:33:12,519 Yeah. 590 00:33:12,590 --> 00:33:15,218 Well, it works for me. 591 00:33:17,795 --> 00:33:20,958 But it doesn't work for those kids. I'm resigning. 592 00:33:25,770 --> 00:33:27,829 Wow, Will. I mean, wow. 593 00:33:27,905 --> 00:33:29,566 What are you doing here? You should've called. 594 00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:31,267 I brought you some more soup. 595 00:33:31,342 --> 00:33:33,367 But I guess baby's feeling a lot better... 596 00:33:33,444 --> 00:33:36,242 if he's healthy enough to have a beer with a friend. 597 00:33:36,314 --> 00:33:37,975 No, no. I- 598 00:33:38,049 --> 00:33:39,880 Hi. I'm Holly Holliday. 599 00:33:39,951 --> 00:33:42,283 Are you a porn star or a drag queen? 600 00:33:42,353 --> 00:33:44,218 I'm Terri Schuester- Will's wife. 601 00:33:44,288 --> 00:33:47,257 Wow. Your wife's kind of a bitch. 602 00:33:47,325 --> 00:33:50,658 She's my ex-wife, and I have no idea what she's doing here. 603 00:33:50,728 --> 00:33:52,286 Do I have to remind you what went on here? 604 00:33:52,363 --> 00:33:53,921 Can we talk about this another time? 605 00:33:53,998 --> 00:33:55,625 'Cause this is embarrassing in front of your new girlfriend? 606 00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:57,634 Where's she been the past two days, huh? 607 00:33:57,702 --> 00:34:00,432 - Okay, I'm just gonna go home, I think. - No. 608 00:34:01,239 --> 00:34:03,400 I'm sorry, Terri. 609 00:34:03,474 --> 00:34:07,274 Last night was a mistake. I knew it as soon as it happened. 610 00:34:07,345 --> 00:34:10,337 I was lonely, and... you were there. 611 00:34:10,415 --> 00:34:12,474 I- I am sorry. 612 00:34:14,318 --> 00:34:18,220 No. I'm- Honey, I'm sorry. I just- 613 00:34:18,289 --> 00:34:20,314 I'm really out of control right now. 614 00:34:20,391 --> 00:34:23,383 I'm gonna come back. Okay? 615 00:34:23,461 --> 00:34:24,758 - Terri. - Yeah? 616 00:34:24,829 --> 00:34:26,353 Don't. 617 00:34:27,598 --> 00:34:29,031 Don't come back. 618 00:34:30,535 --> 00:34:32,469 This is your last chance, Will. 619 00:34:34,105 --> 00:34:37,700 It's never gonna happen again. If I leave now, I'm never gonna come back. 620 00:34:39,677 --> 00:34:42,339 You're gonna regret this, Will. 621 00:34:42,413 --> 00:34:45,177 I swear to God, you're gonna regret this. 622 00:34:49,454 --> 00:34:52,651 - You okay? 623 00:34:52,723 --> 00:34:54,816 Tell me again about this life with no consequences. 624 00:34:54,892 --> 00:34:56,553 It's kind of awesome. 625 00:34:58,296 --> 00:34:59,729 - Psst! 626 00:35:01,399 --> 00:35:03,196 Look what I snuck in. 627 00:35:05,369 --> 00:35:07,269 My heart was racing. 628 00:35:07,338 --> 00:35:08,999 Are you out of your mind? 629 00:35:09,073 --> 00:35:11,564 After what you did to Sue's Le Car? You're gonna end up in prison. 630 00:35:11,642 --> 00:35:15,169 So? You know what they have in prison- tots. 631 00:35:15,246 --> 00:35:17,339 I'm not breaking it off with Blaine. 632 00:35:17,949 --> 00:35:19,678 I really like him. 633 00:35:19,750 --> 00:35:23,186 You are substituting food for love, Mercedes. 634 00:35:23,254 --> 00:35:25,381 And more importantly, you're substituting me for a boyfriend. 635 00:35:27,558 --> 00:35:29,355 Look at me. Two weeks ago... 636 00:35:29,427 --> 00:35:31,588 I thought there was no way I'd ever find someone like Blaine. 637 00:35:31,662 --> 00:35:33,527 And there he was. 638 00:35:33,598 --> 00:35:35,691 You will find somebody. 639 00:35:35,766 --> 00:35:39,862 But until then, you just gotta take care of yourself... 640 00:35:39,937 --> 00:35:42,030 and treat yourself with a little respect. 641 00:35:43,674 --> 00:35:45,437 You're right. 642 00:35:45,510 --> 00:35:48,206 - I gotta go. - Where? 643 00:35:48,279 --> 00:35:49,906 I'm gonna go talk to that Anthony kid. 644 00:35:51,816 --> 00:35:53,909 First time I saw him, I thought he was kind of cute. 645 00:35:55,119 --> 00:35:56,848 Maybe we have a shot. 646 00:35:58,990 --> 00:36:00,890 Question for you! 647 00:36:00,958 --> 00:36:04,792 You tell anyone else what happened- how you kissed me? 648 00:36:04,862 --> 00:36:07,194 You kissed me, Karofsky. 649 00:36:07,265 --> 00:36:11,201 And I understand how hard this is for you to deal with, so, no, I haven't told anyone. 650 00:36:11,269 --> 00:36:13,396 Good. You keep it that way. 651 00:36:13,471 --> 00:36:15,405 'Cause if you do... 652 00:36:15,473 --> 00:36:17,873 I'm gonna kill you. 653 00:36:28,352 --> 00:36:31,788 - - I guess this is where I grovel to try to get my job back. 654 00:36:31,856 --> 00:36:34,484 No groveling necessary, William. 655 00:36:34,559 --> 00:36:36,288 I'm returning you to your position. 656 00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:38,624 One of the marks of a successful leader... 657 00:36:38,696 --> 00:36:40,630 is in appointing trusted lieutenants. 658 00:36:40,698 --> 00:36:43,792 And Ms. Holliday was clearly not up to the job. 659 00:36:45,169 --> 00:36:47,296 You irritate me, William. 660 00:36:47,371 --> 00:36:50,602 You make the underflaps of my breasts burn... 661 00:36:50,675 --> 00:36:53,200 like when I used to rub them with poison sumac. 662 00:36:53,277 --> 00:36:54,938 But your kids sure love you... 663 00:36:55,012 --> 00:36:59,176 as evinced by the amount of treacly blubbering I had to sit through. 664 00:36:59,283 --> 00:37:01,717 Mr. Schue's the only teacher at this school who asks you how you're doing... 665 00:37:01,752 --> 00:37:03,344 and actually wants to hear an answer. 666 00:37:03,421 --> 00:37:06,254 Mr. Schue's the only teacher at this school that ever really touched me- 667 00:37:06,324 --> 00:37:07,814 besides Mr. Ryerson. 668 00:37:07,892 --> 00:37:09,917 He taught me how to tie my shoelaces. 669 00:37:09,994 --> 00:37:12,690 I used to think that I was the best thing that happened to this school, but... 670 00:37:12,763 --> 00:37:14,526 I was wrong. 671 00:37:14,599 --> 00:37:16,430 Mr. Schuester is. 672 00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:18,832 Mr. Schue taught me the second half of the alphabet. 673 00:37:18,903 --> 00:37:21,201 I stopped after "M" and "N." 674 00:37:21,272 --> 00:37:23,968 I felt they were too similar and got frustrated. 675 00:37:24,041 --> 00:37:27,374 You know, William, one thing I learned in my time as president- 676 00:37:27,445 --> 00:37:30,471 - Principal. - You can't force public opinion. 677 00:37:30,548 --> 00:37:31,947 I pardoned you. 678 00:37:32,016 --> 00:37:33,916 Sometimes you gotta give the inmates what they want. 679 00:37:33,985 --> 00:37:36,852 You throw 'em a comb and hope they stop beating each other long enough... 680 00:37:36,921 --> 00:37:38,650 to whittle it into a shiv. 681 00:37:40,891 --> 00:37:44,486 Well, I am relieved. I sort of thought I'd been replaced. 682 00:37:44,562 --> 00:37:46,325 Shut your gash, Nancy. 683 00:37:47,565 --> 00:37:50,056 And as a condition of my not pressing charges... 684 00:37:50,134 --> 00:37:53,501 your Glee Club will return my Le Car to mint condition. 685 00:37:53,571 --> 00:37:55,732 I suggest selling yourself on Craigslist... 686 00:37:55,806 --> 00:37:59,037 under the heading of "Men Seeking Men with Butt Chins." 687 00:38:08,552 --> 00:38:10,918 All right, all right. Thank you very much, guys. 688 00:38:10,988 --> 00:38:13,320 Please. Please, sit down. 689 00:38:13,391 --> 00:38:16,792 Thank you for that and- 690 00:38:16,861 --> 00:38:18,920 And for all the kind words you said about me to Sue. 691 00:38:19,830 --> 00:38:22,094 The feelings are mutual. 692 00:38:22,166 --> 00:38:24,600 Now we gotta get cracking though. We lost a few days there. 693 00:38:24,669 --> 00:38:27,934 It's all gonna be about focus and hard work for the next couple of days. 694 00:38:28,005 --> 00:38:29,597 I guess Miss Holliday really is gone. 695 00:38:29,674 --> 00:38:31,699 I know you guys liked her, and she was a lot of fun. 696 00:38:31,776 --> 00:38:33,767 But she and I both agreed that this is what was best. 697 00:38:33,844 --> 00:38:36,369 Don't get us wrong, Mr. Schue. We always want you as our teacher. 698 00:38:36,447 --> 00:38:38,745 - She was just a nice break. - She did loosen us up. 699 00:38:38,816 --> 00:38:40,716 She actually had some good ideas for a sub. 700 00:38:40,785 --> 00:38:42,878 Yeah. I get it. 701 00:38:42,953 --> 00:38:46,286 And maybe we can incorporate those- after sectionals. 702 00:38:46,357 --> 00:38:50,225 Now, when I'm sick, there is only one thing that makes me feel better. 703 00:38:50,294 --> 00:38:51,591 Gin and juice. 704 00:38:51,662 --> 00:38:54,096 No. Singin'in the Rain. 705 00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:56,360 I must have watched it, like, 10 times over the past few days. 706 00:38:56,434 --> 00:38:58,561 It's actually what inspired me to try this out... 707 00:38:58,669 --> 00:39:01,001 as a contender for our first song at sectionals. 708 00:39:01,038 --> 00:39:04,804 - When is this song from? - Well, the movie opened in 1952. 709 00:39:06,110 --> 00:39:07,805 But-But it's really timeless. 710 00:39:12,049 --> 00:39:15,018 - Mary Todd Lincoln in the house! 711 00:39:15,086 --> 00:39:17,953 My husband was probably gay, and I'm bipolar... 712 00:39:18,022 --> 00:39:19,489 which makes me yell things like... 713 00:39:19,557 --> 00:39:22,583 "That teapot's spreadin' lies about me!" 714 00:39:22,660 --> 00:39:26,391 Or, "That can't be my baby, because I don't love it!" 715 00:39:28,199 --> 00:39:30,099 Ms. Holliday. Can I talk to you for a sec? 716 00:39:30,167 --> 00:39:31,691 Sure. 717 00:39:31,769 --> 00:39:33,669 Guys, practice your bipolar rants, okay? 718 00:39:33,738 --> 00:39:35,763 See? History can be fun. 719 00:39:37,742 --> 00:39:40,210 - How you holdin' up? - Okay. 720 00:39:40,277 --> 00:39:42,245 I'm back to my itinerant ways, I guess. 721 00:39:43,581 --> 00:39:45,344 I do miss Glee Club though. 722 00:39:45,416 --> 00:39:48,874 Well, as much as the kids like me, they sure do miss you. 723 00:39:48,953 --> 00:39:52,150 Which is why next time I'm sick, I'm requesting you as the Glee sub. 724 00:39:52,223 --> 00:39:54,453 Really? 725 00:39:54,525 --> 00:39:57,119 Mr. Schuester, that's so nice of you. 726 00:39:57,194 --> 00:39:59,958 It would be nice to feel like a part of something, you know? 727 00:40:00,030 --> 00:40:02,294 I know. 728 00:40:02,366 --> 00:40:05,358 I actually need your help with something else though. 729 00:40:05,436 --> 00:40:08,405 See, I've been dying to do "Singin' in the Rain" with the kids... 730 00:40:08,472 --> 00:40:10,337 show them how great it is. 731 00:40:10,408 --> 00:40:12,876 But they're convinced it's too old-fashioned. 732 00:40:12,943 --> 00:40:16,879 Would you mind helping me make it a little more... modern? 733 00:40:18,849 --> 00:40:20,384 - I thought you'd never ask. - ## 734 00:40:21,752 --> 00:40:24,220 - # Uh-huh, uh-huh # - Chill. 735 00:40:24,288 --> 00:40:26,722 - Holly. Good girl gone bad. - # Uh-huh, uh-huh # 736 00:40:26,791 --> 00:40:28,554 - # Uh-huh, uh-huh # - Take three. 737 00:40:28,626 --> 00:40:31,117 - Action. Go! - # Uh-huh, uh-huh # 738 00:40:31,195 --> 00:40:32,924 # You have my heart # 739 00:40:32,997 --> 00:40:35,864 # And we'll never be worlds apart # 740 00:40:35,933 --> 00:40:38,367 # Maybe in magazines # 741 00:40:38,436 --> 00:40:40,734 # But you'll still be my star # 742 00:40:40,805 --> 00:40:43,865 # Baby, 'cause in the dark # 743 00:40:43,941 --> 00:40:46,535 # You can't see shiny cars # 744 00:40:46,610 --> 00:40:49,135 # That's when you'll need me there # 745 00:40:49,213 --> 00:40:51,875 # With you, I'll always share # 746 00:40:51,949 --> 00:40:55,214 - # 'Cause I'm-# - # 'Cause I'm singin' in the rain # 747 00:40:55,286 --> 00:40:57,880 - # Just singin' in the rain # - ## 748 00:40:57,955 --> 00:41:00,549 # What a glorious feelin' # 749 00:41:00,658 --> 00:41:03,786 # I'm happy again # 750 00:41:03,828 --> 00:41:05,955 # I'm laughing at clouds # 751 00:41:06,030 --> 00:41:08,658 # So dark up above # 752 00:41:08,732 --> 00:41:10,290 # I'm singin' # 753 00:41:10,367 --> 00:41:12,528 # Singin' in the rain # 754 00:41:12,603 --> 00:41:14,833 # You can stand under my umbrella # 755 00:41:14,905 --> 00:41:16,099 # Ella, ella # 756 00:41:16,173 --> 00:41:18,004 # Eh, eh, eh # 757 00:41:18,075 --> 00:41:20,168 # Under my umbrella # 758 00:41:20,244 --> 00:41:21,734 # Ella, ella # 759 00:41:21,812 --> 00:41:25,111 # Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh # 760 00:41:25,182 --> 00:41:26,706 # These fancy things # 761 00:41:26,784 --> 00:41:29,582 # Will never come in between # 762 00:41:29,653 --> 00:41:31,917 # You're part of my entity # 763 00:41:31,989 --> 00:41:34,958 # Here for infinity # 764 00:41:35,025 --> 00:41:37,585 # When the world has took its part # 765 00:41:37,661 --> 00:41:40,425 # When the world has dealt its cards # 766 00:41:40,498 --> 00:41:42,898 # If the hand is hard # 767 00:41:42,967 --> 00:41:46,403 # Together, we'll mend your heart # 768 00:41:46,470 --> 00:41:48,802 # 'Cause I'm singin' in the rain # 769 00:41:48,873 --> 00:41:51,808 # Just singin' in the rain # 770 00:41:51,876 --> 00:41:54,470 # What a glorious feelin' # 771 00:41:54,545 --> 00:41:57,946 # I'm happy again # 772 00:41:58,015 --> 00:41:59,607 # I'm laughing at clouds # 773 00:41:59,717 --> 00:42:02,686 # So dark up above # 774 00:42:02,720 --> 00:42:04,187 # I'm singin' # 775 00:42:04,255 --> 00:42:06,382 # Singin' in the rain # 776 00:42:06,457 --> 00:42:09,051 # You can stand under my umbrella # 777 00:42:09,126 --> 00:42:10,753 # Ella, ella # 778 00:42:10,828 --> 00:42:13,160 # Just singin' in the rain # 779 00:42:13,230 --> 00:42:14,959 # I'm singin' # 780 00:42:15,032 --> 00:42:17,330 # Singin' in the rain # 781 00:42:17,401 --> 00:42:18,959 # Eh, eh, eh # 782 00:42:19,036 --> 00:42:20,833 # It's rainin', rainin' # 783 00:42:20,905 --> 00:42:23,499 # Ooh, baby, it's rainin', rainin' # 784 00:42:23,574 --> 00:42:26,839 # Baby, come here to me # 785 00:42:26,911 --> 00:42:29,573 # Come here to me # 786 00:42:29,647 --> 00:42:31,740 - # It's rainin', rainin' # - # I'm singin' in the rain # 787 00:42:31,815 --> 00:42:34,477 - # Ooh, baby, It's rainin', rainin' # - # Just singin' in the rain # 788 00:42:34,552 --> 00:42:37,521 - # Baby, come here to me # - # The sun's in my heart # 789 00:42:37,588 --> 00:42:39,783 # And I'm ready for love # 790 00:42:39,857 --> 00:42:41,222 # My umbrella # 791 00:42:41,292 --> 00:42:42,953 # Eh-eh, eh-eh-eh # 792 00:42:43,027 --> 00:42:45,257 - # My umbrella # - # Eh-eh, eh-eh-eh # 793 00:42:45,329 --> 00:42:48,093 - # My umbrella # - # Eh, eh, eh, eh-eh-eh # 794 00:42:48,165 --> 00:42:49,496 # My umbrella ## 795 00:43:27,871 --> 00:43:28,860 English - US - SDH