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>>> next on c-span, on Friday,

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President obama was in seoul,

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South korea, for the annual g-20

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Conference where he met

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Privately with chinese president

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Hu jintao.

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>> good afternoon.

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Thank you.

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Earlier today representatives of
The world's 20 largest economies

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Concluded the full session of
The annual g-20 conference.

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After which president hu and I
Were able to meet privately.

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We had an extraordinarily frank
And wide-ranging discussion on a

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Variety of topics from trade
Practices to currency

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Devaluation to labor standards
To global climate change.

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I left convinced that relations
Between the United States and

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China remain strong and will
Only grow stronger.

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President hu.

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>> translator: Thank you,
President obama.

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President obama is absolutely
Correct.

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In our meeting, we spoke Candidly
about a wide array of Issues.

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Everything under the sun.

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No topic was off limits.

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You name it, we covered it.

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In fact -- and correct me if I'm
Wrong -- the only thing we

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Didn't talk about is the matter

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Of your country owing china a

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Great deal of money.

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How about $800 billion,
Actually.

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Strangely, that is the one

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Subject we did not discuss.

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>> the United States is well

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Aware of its debt to china.

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>> translator: I kept waiting

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For you to bring it up.

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And when you didn't, I thought

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To myself, did he already pay us

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Back and I just forgot?

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Or perhaps the money arrived

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After I left for this
Conference.

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But I checked with my office,
And they haven't received it.

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>> as president hu will recall,

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We discussed this issue a year
Ago.

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As I said at the time, the

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United states fully intends to
Honor its debt.

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>> translator: So did you bring
The check?

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>> I promise you you're going to
Get your money.

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>> all right.

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Then that's good enough for me.

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But say, do you mind if we turn

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Off the lights?

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>> I'm sorry, I do not

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Understand.

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>> I like to have the lights off

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When someone is doing sex to me!

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>> please, mr. President.

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Let's not have this again.

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Obviously, it's no secret that

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My country's recovery from the

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Recession has been slower than

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Expected.

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>> translator: We know all about

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Your economic problems.

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That's why we were so surprised

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To see you embark on this

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Ten-day vacation to asia.

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That is costing $200 million a

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Day.

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>> now, hold on.

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I don't know where you heard

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That, but this trip is not

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Costing $200 million a day.

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>> that's not what glenn beck

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Says.

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>> again, let me be clear.

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Glenn beck has no idea what he's

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Talking about.

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>> translator: He was right

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About buying gold.

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>> I think we're getting off the

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Subject.

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>> translator: My government

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Should have bought gold.

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Unfortunately, all our assets

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Were tied up in u.S. Treasury

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Bills.

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>> I know.

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>> translator: I understand your

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Next stop is japan?

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>> that's right.

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We leave for tokyo tonight.

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>> translator: Please tell me

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You don't owe them money, too.

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>> uh, mr. President, my country

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Will repay all its foreign

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Vittwi

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Creditors.

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>> translator: Okay.

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That's all I needed to hear.

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I'm not worried anymore.

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But just do me one favor.

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Would you gently bite the back

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Of my neck?

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>> please, there's really no

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Need for this.

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>> translator: I'll tell you why

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I ask.

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I like to have my neck bitten

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When someone is doing sex to me!

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[ laughter ]

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>> please, mr. President.

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>> translator: Tell me, when you

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Finish this trip and do finally

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Get back to america, exactly how

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Do you plan to restore your

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Nation's economy so we can get

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Our money?

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>> as I've said many times, the

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Solution to my country's

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Economic problems lies in the

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New green economy.

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Good, high-paying green jobs are

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The answer.

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>> translator: Green jobs.
>> yes.

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Green jobs.

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>> translator: Have you by any

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Chance mistaken me for miss

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Universe?

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>> I'm sorry?

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>> translator: Have you mistaken

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Me for miss universe?

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>> of course not.

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>> translator: Then why do you

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Insist on doing sex to me as if

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I were miss universe?

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>> mr. President, once again,

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There is really no need.

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>> translator: You know, at a

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Certain point, it's not even

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About the $800 billion.

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It's more the lack of respect.

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>> mr. President, don't do this.

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>> translator: Go ahead.

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Be as rough as you like.

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>> I'm asking you to stop.

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>> translator: You can pull my

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Hair or choke me, too.

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I don't care anymore.

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I just want it to be over.

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>> mr. President, please stop.

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I beg of you.

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>> translator: Very well.

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We can continue this later.

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In the meantime, live from new

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York, it's Saturday night!

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Night live"!

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With --

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With fred armisen

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Abby elliott

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Bill hader

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Seth meyers

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Bobby moynihan

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Andy samberg

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Jason sudeikis

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Kenan thompson

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Kristen wiig

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Featuring vanessa bayer

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Paul brittain

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Taran killiam

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Nasim pedrad

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Jay pharaoh

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Musical guest arcade fire.

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And your host,

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Scarlett johansson.

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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Scarlett johansson!

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Captions paid for by
nbc-universal television

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-- <font color="#ffff00">Transcript by</font> --
<font color="#00ffff">www.Addic7ed.Com</font>

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-- <font color="#ffff00">Sync by</font> --
<font color="#00ffff">www.InSUBs.Com - Henrique</font>

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>>> thank you.

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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It is great to be hosting

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"Saturday night live" for a

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Third time.

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It's an exciting time for me.

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The movie "due date" opened last
Week.

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[ cheers and applause ]

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I'm not in it, but I'm excited

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About it.

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I don't have any movies out

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Right now, so you may not have

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Seen me in a while because when

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I'm not promoting something, I

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Try to stay out of the tabloids.

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I mean, I'm not perfect, but I

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Found there were a few simple

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Ways for a young celebrity to

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Keep a low profile.

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Like for starters, wear

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Underwear.

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I mean, why wouldn't you?

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It takes seconds to put on, and

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It's comfortable.

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Underwear.

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It's your friend.

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Another way to keep cameras out

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Of your life, do not have a show

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Where you're followed around by

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Cameras.

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That's an easy one.

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And if you make a sex tape, you

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Are not allowed to act surprised

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When it ends up on the internet.

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Sex tapes are like take-out soup

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Containers.

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They always leak.

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[ laughter ]

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If you're desperate to watch

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Yourself have sex, use a mirror.

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They're like cameras that

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Forget.

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[ laughter ]

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Which makes me wonder, why can't

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Celebrities keep it together

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These days?

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You know, it reminds me of a

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Song from the musical,

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"chicago."

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I should sing it for you

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Sometime.

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Oh, what the hell, I'll do it

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Now.

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♪

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♪ whatever happened to

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Please may I

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And yes thank you

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And how charming ♪

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♪ now every son of a bitch

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Is a snake in the grass

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Whatever happened to class ♪

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>> hey, scarlett.

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>> oh, it's lindsay lohan's

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Mother, dina.

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[ cheers and applause ]

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>> I like your song and I'm

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Joining in.

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[ laughter ]

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♪ whatever happened to

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Yes mommy

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Thank you mother

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And don't blame the mother ♪

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♪ now everyone's

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Throwing stones

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From a house made of glass ♪

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♪ whatever happened to class ♪

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>> do you mind if I chime in?

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>> hey, everyone, it's ke$ha.

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[ laughter ]

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What are you doing here?

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>> I don't know, I woke up here.

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[ laughter ]

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>> we were just saying that no

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One has any class anymore.

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>> girls today wouldn't know

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Class if it tried to kiss them

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And puked in their mouth.

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♪ oh there ain't no gentlemen

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To open up the doors

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There ain't no ladies now

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There's only pigs and whores ♪

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♪ and even kids will knock you

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Down so they can pass

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Nobody's got no class ♪

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♪ people get their news

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Today from tmz

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♪ every girl's made a sex tape

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For free ♪

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♪ nobody's got no class

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Every girl is a fool

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Every guy is a tool ♪
♪ holy shiz, holy shiz

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What a shame

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What a shame ♪

283
00:11:57,128 --> 00:12:05,634
♪ what became of class ♪

284
00:12:05,702 --> 00:12:07,035
>> dina lohan and ke$ha!

285
00:12:07,103 --> 00:12:11,306
[ applause ]

286
00:12:11,373 --> 00:12:12,040
Oh, and I do have a sex tape out

287
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:12,707
There somewhere.

288
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:13,341
If you find it, godspeed.

289
00:12:13,408 --> 00:12:14,442
We've got a great show tonight.

290
00:12:14,509 --> 00:12:17,544
Arcade fire is here.

291
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:18,145
[ cheers and applause ]

292
00:12:18,212 --> 00:12:18,845
So, stick around and we'll be

293
00:12:18,913 --> 00:12:20,413
Right back.

294
00:12:25,019 --> 00:12:29,223
>>> from mtv, the network that
Brought you "16 and pregnant"

295
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:32,326
And "teen mom" comes a
Groundbreaking new series that

296
00:12:32,394 --> 00:12:39,259
Explores what it means to be
Young, pregnant and fabulous?

297
00:12:39,494 --> 00:12:41,737
It's "my super sweet 16 and
Pregnant."

298
00:12:41,804 --> 00:12:43,438
>> I'm rich, I'm beautiful and

299
00:12:43,506 --> 00:12:45,173
I'm fully dilated.

300
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:48,275
This is going to be the best
Party ever.

301
00:12:48,343 --> 00:12:49,143
>> go janice.

302
00:12:49,211 --> 00:12:53,681
Go janice.

303
00:12:53,748 --> 00:12:54,315
>> and it gets even more

304
00:12:54,382 --> 00:12:54,815
Pregnant.

305
00:12:54,882 --> 00:12:57,082
Get ready for "america's best

306
00:12:57,150 --> 00:13:01,820
Pregnant dance crew" hosted by

307
00:13:01,887 --> 00:13:02,920
America's favorite dilf, mario

308
00:13:02,988 --> 00:13:03,955
Lopez.

309
00:13:04,022 --> 00:13:04,789
>> from albuquerque, new mexico,

310
00:13:04,856 --> 00:13:06,223
Give it up for stretch marks.

311
00:13:06,291 --> 00:13:09,626
[ cheers ]

312
00:13:09,694 --> 00:13:11,094
>> and there's so much more.

313
00:13:11,162 --> 00:13:14,230
Nick cannon presents "wild and

314
00:13:14,297 --> 00:13:15,631
Out" featuring special guest

315
00:13:15,699 --> 00:13:17,065
Star, a baby.

316
00:13:17,133 --> 00:13:19,334
>> hey, baby, you think you're

317
00:13:19,402 --> 00:13:22,070
All that when you stroller roll

318
00:13:22,137 --> 00:13:23,504
Past me, I smelled your

319
00:13:23,572 --> 00:13:24,339
Diaper, son.

320
00:13:24,406 --> 00:13:26,040
That was nasty.

321
00:13:26,108 --> 00:13:27,741
>> plus, if you like "cribs,"

322
00:13:27,809 --> 00:13:29,476
Then you'll love "cribs."

323
00:13:29,544 --> 00:13:34,014
>> here it is.

324
00:13:34,082 --> 00:13:35,415
>> and finally, from the makers

325
00:13:35,483 --> 00:13:36,850
Of "jersey shore," it's "I'm

326
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:40,819
Snooki and pregnant."

327
00:13:40,887 --> 00:13:41,953
>> there's a freaking baby in

328
00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:45,657
Here!

329
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:46,524
>> mtv, maternity television.

330
00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:49,927
[ applause ]

331
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,629
♪

332
00:14:07,961 --> 00:14:08,861
>>> you're watching bravo.

333
00:14:08,929 --> 00:14:10,263
Up next, "millionaire

334
00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:11,164
Matchmaker."

335
00:14:11,231 --> 00:14:11,964
♪

336
00:14:12,032 --> 00:14:12,832
>> love.

337
00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:13,967
Everyone wants it.

338
00:14:14,034 --> 00:14:16,268
But not everyone finds it.

339
00:14:16,336 --> 00:14:17,102
That's why they come to me.

340
00:14:17,170 --> 00:14:17,969
Who am I?

341
00:14:18,037 --> 00:14:19,403
Shut up!

342
00:14:19,471 --> 00:14:23,907
I'm the millionaire matchmaker.

343
00:14:23,975 --> 00:14:25,074
Okay, everybody.

344
00:14:25,142 --> 00:14:27,043
Shut up!

345
00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:27,776
What goomba jew are we helping

346
00:14:27,844 --> 00:14:30,879
This week?

347
00:14:30,947 --> 00:14:32,047
Mohawk, go.

348
00:14:32,114 --> 00:14:34,715
>> actually, our millionaire

349
00:14:34,783 --> 00:14:36,551
This week is a woman.

350
00:14:36,618 --> 00:14:38,152
>> she's a lawyer, she's 33.

351
00:14:38,220 --> 00:14:39,420
>> okay, weird girl, just show

352
00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:42,088
Me her tape.

353
00:14:42,156 --> 00:14:42,655
>> hi.

354
00:14:42,723 --> 00:14:43,089
I'm candace.

355
00:14:43,156 --> 00:14:44,056
I'm 33 years young.

356
00:14:44,124 --> 00:14:44,790
My net worth is $5 million and

357
00:14:44,858 --> 00:14:46,926
Rising.

358
00:14:46,993 --> 00:14:54,065
So, holla!

359
00:14:54,133 --> 00:14:56,333
>> no wonder she's single.

360
00:14:56,401 --> 00:14:57,467
She looks like an ass fraggle.

361
00:14:57,535 --> 00:14:58,334
>> I guess my ideal guy is,

362
00:14:58,402 --> 00:14:59,135
Like, a jock or a beefcake, like

363
00:14:59,203 --> 00:15:00,303
A ripped guy with muscles.

364
00:15:00,371 --> 00:15:01,771
Like sometimes I'll see the

365
00:15:01,838 --> 00:15:03,439
Cover of "men's health" and say

366
00:15:03,506 --> 00:15:04,273
"oh, there's a nice piece of

367
00:15:04,340 --> 00:15:06,274
Ham."

368
00:15:06,342 --> 00:15:06,841
[ light laughter ]

369
00:15:06,909 --> 00:15:08,276
>> okay, this girl only likes

370
00:15:08,343 --> 00:15:08,976
Guys who are way out of her

371
00:15:09,044 --> 00:15:11,111
League.

372
00:15:11,179 --> 00:15:12,012
She's in a fantasy land.

373
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:13,413
I can't help people like that.

374
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,180
There is no way I'm working with

375
00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:15,081
Her.

376
00:15:15,149 --> 00:15:16,816
Let's go meet her right now.

377
00:15:16,884 --> 00:15:17,950
[ laughter ]

378
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:19,951
Candace is a sweet girl with a

379
00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:21,886
Lot of great qualities, who

380
00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:23,621
Happens to look like a dog dump.

381
00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:24,755
This girl needs my help.

382
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:29,893
Today.

383
00:15:29,961 --> 00:15:30,728
Okay.

384
00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:31,429
What are you looking for in a

385
00:15:31,496 --> 00:15:34,164
Man?

386
00:15:34,232 --> 00:15:39,335
>> I guess my dream guy would be

387
00:15:39,403 --> 00:15:41,437
Like brad pitt if he was cuter

388
00:15:41,504 --> 00:15:42,137
And didn't have any children.

389
00:15:42,205 --> 00:15:42,871
[ light laughter ]

390
00:15:42,939 --> 00:15:43,472
>> candace, look at me.

391
00:15:43,540 --> 00:15:44,573
You have champagne taste and an

392
00:15:44,641 --> 00:15:45,140
Ass face.

393
00:15:45,208 --> 00:15:47,108
[ laughter ]

394
00:15:47,176 --> 00:15:48,542
Right now, your bar is way up

395
00:15:48,609 --> 00:15:49,276
Here, and you need to put the

396
00:15:49,344 --> 00:15:50,543
Bar here.

397
00:15:50,611 --> 00:15:51,377
So it covers your face.

398
00:15:51,445 --> 00:15:53,679
[ laughter ]

399
00:15:53,747 --> 00:15:55,948
>> patty's so insightful.

400
00:15:56,016 --> 00:15:57,649
She's like oprah if oprah was

401
00:15:57,717 --> 00:15:58,383
White and really horrible to be

402
00:15:58,451 --> 00:15:59,084
Around.

403
00:15:59,151 --> 00:16:04,988
[ laughter ]

404
00:16:05,055 --> 00:16:05,822
>> so what do you do when you

405
00:16:05,889 --> 00:16:07,189
See a cute guy?

406
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:08,024
>> I'll kind of wink at him and

407
00:16:08,091 --> 00:16:08,725
Move my shoulders in a sexy,

408
00:16:08,793 --> 00:16:09,459
Come-hither way.

409
00:16:09,527 --> 00:16:13,162
>> show me.

410
00:16:13,230 --> 00:16:18,869
[ laughter ]

411
00:16:18,937 --> 00:16:20,004
>> you look like a visible fart.

412
00:16:20,071 --> 00:16:21,138
[ laughter ]

413
00:16:21,206 --> 00:16:22,839
You know, I tell most girls

414
00:16:22,907 --> 00:16:24,841
"play hard to get," but for you,

415
00:16:24,909 --> 00:16:25,675
If a guy takes it out, you sit

416
00:16:25,743 --> 00:16:27,443
On it.

417
00:16:27,511 --> 00:16:28,511
[ laughter ]

418
00:16:28,578 --> 00:16:30,512
After all my coaching, candace

419
00:16:30,580 --> 00:16:32,214
Was as ready as she'd ever be.

420
00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:34,482
So I rounded up some nice,

421
00:16:34,550 --> 00:16:35,116
Eligible guys perfect for

422
00:16:35,184 --> 00:16:37,885
Someone like her.

423
00:16:37,953 --> 00:16:39,320
Okay.

424
00:16:39,387 --> 00:16:40,054
These guys are the best you can

425
00:16:40,121 --> 00:16:43,590
Hope for.

426
00:16:43,658 --> 00:16:44,457
Which one do you like?

427
00:16:44,525 --> 00:16:51,496
[ laughter ]

428
00:16:51,564 --> 00:16:54,799
>> so do any of you guys, like,

429
00:16:54,867 --> 00:16:56,401
Work out or play sports?

430
00:16:56,469 --> 00:16:57,302
>> I'm in a softball league at

431
00:16:57,370 --> 00:16:58,270
Work.

432
00:16:58,338 --> 00:16:58,570
>> oh.

433
00:16:58,638 --> 00:17:00,672
Really?

434
00:17:00,740 --> 00:17:01,440
>> oh, yeah.

435
00:17:01,508 --> 00:17:05,142
It's pretty fun.

436
00:17:05,209 --> 00:17:07,910
>> aren't you just a sweet piece

437
00:17:07,977 --> 00:17:11,846
Of ham?

438
00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:13,948
♪ laughter ]

439
00:17:14,015 --> 00:17:14,788
>> that's it.

440
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:17,501
No more mole people.

441
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:18,637
Did candace find true love?

442
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:22,075
Who knows? Who cares?
Shut up.

443
00:17:48,841 --> 00:17:51,698
>>> you are watching telecentro
Tv dominicana.

444
00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:55,954
At 6:00, cooking with papaya
Juice followed by the weather.

445
00:17:55,989 --> 00:17:59,612
But first, "the manuel ortiz
Show."

446
00:17:59,647 --> 00:18:04,225
>> hola.
Welcome to my show.

447
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:05,359
I'm manuel ortiz.

448
00:18:05,427 --> 00:18:07,361
And I'm here to help you with

449
00:18:07,428 --> 00:18:08,295
Whatever it is you're going

450
00:18:08,362 --> 00:18:08,628
Through.

451
00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:09,429
And if I cannot, I am very, very

452
00:18:09,497 --> 00:18:11,564
Sorry.

453
00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:12,932
My first guest has a secret she

454
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:17,370
Has told no one.

455
00:18:17,438 --> 00:18:19,372
Please welcome jasmine rios.

456
00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:21,074
[ applause ]

457
00:18:21,141 --> 00:18:23,908
♪

458
00:18:23,976 --> 00:18:29,581
[ laughter ]

459
00:18:29,648 --> 00:18:31,582
>> beuneos dias, senora.

460
00:18:31,650 --> 00:18:33,583
>> y tu, manuel, y tu.

461
00:18:33,651 --> 00:18:34,417
>> so, what is this secret you

462
00:18:34,485 --> 00:18:36,152
Have told no one?

463
00:18:36,220 --> 00:18:39,654
>> there is a chance this baby

464
00:18:39,722 --> 00:18:41,189
May not be my husband's baby.

465
00:18:41,256 --> 00:18:43,157
>> how big a chance?

466
00:18:43,225 --> 00:18:44,559
>> I would say pretty big.

467
00:18:44,626 --> 00:18:46,294
>> I see.

468
00:18:46,361 --> 00:18:46,961
How about we bring him out.

469
00:18:47,029 --> 00:18:48,830
Please welcome ace rios.

470
00:18:49,765 --> 00:18:50,565
[ applause ]

471
00:18:50,632 --> 00:19:03,339
♪

472
00:19:03,407 --> 00:19:04,172
>> my friend, your wife has

473
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,774
Something she wants to tell you.

474
00:19:06,842 --> 00:19:07,541
>> ace, this baby may not be

475
00:19:07,609 --> 00:19:09,609
Your baby.

476
00:19:09,677 --> 00:19:11,310
>> okay.

477
00:19:11,377 --> 00:19:11,877
[ laughter ]

478
00:19:11,945 --> 00:19:12,711
>> okay?

479
00:19:12,779 --> 00:19:17,182
>> okay.

480
00:19:17,249 --> 00:19:19,183
>> it might be your best friend

481
00:19:19,251 --> 00:19:20,451
Dexter's baby.

482
00:19:20,519 --> 00:19:21,853
>> okay.

483
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:22,420
[ laughter ]

484
00:19:22,487 --> 00:19:23,153
Jasmine, are you okay with ace

485
00:19:23,221 --> 00:19:23,587
Being okay?

486
00:19:23,655 --> 00:19:24,421
>> I'm split.

487
00:19:24,489 --> 00:19:25,623
>> would you feel better if I

488
00:19:25,690 --> 00:19:26,390
Told you dexter rojas was in the

489
00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:27,024
Studio?

490
00:19:27,092 --> 00:19:29,560
Let's bring him out.

491
00:19:30,762 --> 00:19:31,829
[ applause ]

492
00:19:31,897 --> 00:19:39,770
♪

493
00:19:39,838 --> 00:19:43,473
[ laughter ]

494
00:19:43,541 --> 00:19:45,774
>> hola, everyone.

495
00:19:45,842 --> 00:19:48,142
Hola.

496
00:19:48,210 --> 00:19:48,976
>> to have fun, to meet new

497
00:19:49,044 --> 00:19:49,542
People?

498
00:19:49,610 --> 00:19:50,110
>> no.

499
00:19:50,177 --> 00:19:53,813
>> no?

500
00:19:53,881 --> 00:19:54,514
>>jasmine has something very

501
00:19:54,581 --> 00:19:55,081
Important to tell you.

502
00:19:55,149 --> 00:19:55,815
>> dexter, I might be carrying

503
00:19:55,883 --> 00:19:56,216
Your baby.

504
00:19:56,283 --> 00:19:58,351
>> so this is why.

505
00:19:58,419 --> 00:20:01,754
>> there is also someone else

506
00:20:01,822 --> 00:20:03,489
Who would like to see you.

507
00:20:03,557 --> 00:20:05,391
[ laughter ]

508
00:20:05,459 --> 00:20:07,060
Your girlfriend.

509
00:20:07,127 --> 00:20:08,194
>> no, not her.

510
00:20:08,262 --> 00:20:08,761
>> please welcome

511
00:20:08,829 --> 00:20:10,196
Rosita consuelos.

512
00:20:11,098 --> 00:20:11,898
[ applause ]

513
00:20:11,965 --> 00:20:17,001
♪

514
00:20:17,069 --> 00:20:20,170
Rosita, you seem very upset.

515
00:20:20,238 --> 00:20:20,971
>> I watch you backstage, and

516
00:20:21,039 --> 00:20:22,706
I'm saying to myself, "this must

517
00:20:22,774 --> 00:20:24,674
Be lies."

518
00:20:24,742 --> 00:20:28,144
Estupido, I will kill you!

519
00:20:28,212 --> 00:20:28,545
>> security!

520
00:20:28,612 --> 00:20:28,812
No!

521
00:20:28,879 --> 00:20:29,946
Security!

522
00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:31,948
[ applause ]

523
00:20:32,015 --> 00:20:40,187
♪

524
00:20:40,254 --> 00:20:43,022
[ laughter ]

525
00:20:43,090 --> 00:20:43,655
>> so, jasmine, we have

526
00:20:43,723 --> 00:20:45,289
Conducted a paternity test.

527
00:20:45,357 --> 00:20:46,056
Would you like to know what we

528
00:20:46,124 --> 00:20:48,426
Found out?

529
00:20:48,494 --> 00:20:49,861
>> si, this is the reason.

530
00:20:49,929 --> 00:20:50,995
>> nurse monica, can you please

531
00:20:51,063 --> 00:20:53,865
Bring out the results?

532
00:20:54,733 --> 00:20:55,566
♪

533
00:20:55,634 --> 00:21:02,373
[ applause ]

534
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:03,540
♪

535
00:21:03,608 --> 00:21:05,809
[ laughter ]

536
00:21:05,876 --> 00:21:06,576
>> is it me or is the music too

537
00:21:06,643 --> 00:21:08,343
Fast?

538
00:21:08,411 --> 00:21:10,112
Okay, jeremy, we got to get that

539
00:21:10,179 --> 00:21:11,780
Fixed.

540
00:21:11,848 --> 00:21:13,181
Nurse monica, tell us who the

541
00:21:13,248 --> 00:21:14,615
Baby's father is.

542
00:21:14,683 --> 00:21:15,482
>> the resultas indicate the

543
00:21:15,550 --> 00:21:16,050
Padre is --

544
00:21:16,117 --> 00:21:19,184
>> wait.

545
00:21:19,251 --> 00:21:21,685
The baby, it cannot be mine.

546
00:21:21,753 --> 00:21:25,890
Because my peepee don't work.

547
00:21:25,957 --> 00:21:29,493
>> see, his flauta is flaccid.

548
00:21:29,561 --> 00:21:33,431
>> so, do I still need to read
The resultas or --

549
00:21:33,499 --> 00:21:37,635
>> no, nurse monica, you do not.

550
00:21:37,703 --> 00:21:39,036
♪

551
00:21:39,104 --> 00:21:44,474
[ laughter ]

552
00:21:44,542 --> 00:21:46,142
♪

553
00:21:46,209 --> 00:21:51,278
[ cheers and applause ]

554
00:21:51,346 --> 00:21:52,146
Jeremy, we have to get that

555
00:21:52,214 --> 00:21:52,680
Fixed.

556
00:21:52,747 --> 00:21:53,414
I'm being told we need to go to

557
00:21:53,481 --> 00:21:54,681
A commercial break.

558
00:21:54,749 --> 00:21:56,416
When we return, hopefully I will

559
00:21:56,484 --> 00:21:57,183
Be able to help jasmine and ace

560
00:21:57,251 --> 00:21:59,219
Put their lives back together.

561
00:21:59,286 --> 00:22:00,086
And if I cannot, I am very, very

562
00:22:00,154 --> 00:22:00,954
Sorry.

563
00:22:01,022 --> 00:22:04,925
♪

564
00:22:04,992 --> 00:22:11,163
[ applause ]

565
00:22:17,967 --> 00:22:21,402
♪

566
00:22:21,470 --> 00:22:23,104
>>> so you my new partner, huh?

567
00:22:23,171 --> 00:22:23,804
I didn't know I was running a

568
00:22:23,872 --> 00:22:25,105
Day-care center.

569
00:22:25,173 --> 00:22:25,873
>> yeah, well, I didn't know I

570
00:22:25,941 --> 00:22:29,109
Was working in a retirement
Home.

571
00:22:29,176 --> 00:22:35,383
♪

572
00:22:35,450 --> 00:22:35,916
[ light laughter ]

573
00:22:35,984 --> 00:22:37,051
>> all right.

574
00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:38,185
>> we have an unmanned train

575
00:22:38,253 --> 00:22:41,622
With eight freight cars with

576
00:22:41,690 --> 00:22:45,323
Hazardous chemicals rolling into

577
00:22:45,391 --> 00:22:46,157
A highly populated area with no

578
00:22:46,225 --> 00:22:47,025
Air brakes.

579
00:22:47,093 --> 00:22:47,592
It's not a train.

580
00:22:47,660 --> 00:22:48,326
It's a missile the size of the

581
00:22:48,393 --> 00:22:48,860
Chrysler building.

582
00:22:48,927 --> 00:22:49,860
>> ha-ha, let's do this, rookie.

583
00:22:49,928 --> 00:22:50,995
>> don't call me rookie, old

584
00:22:51,062 --> 00:22:52,996
Man.

585
00:22:53,064 --> 00:22:53,830
I know trains!

586
00:22:53,898 --> 00:22:54,697
>> where you learn trains, huh?

587
00:22:54,765 --> 00:22:55,298
Thomas the tank engine?

588
00:22:55,365 --> 00:22:56,098
>> and where did you learn

589
00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:56,966
Trains, old man?

590
00:22:57,034 --> 00:22:59,803
From inventing them?

591
00:22:59,871 --> 00:23:04,074
[ laughter ]

592
00:23:04,142 --> 00:23:04,775
>> guys, we need you to stop

593
00:23:04,843 --> 00:23:05,243
That train now.

594
00:23:05,310 --> 00:23:05,777
>> it gets worse.

595
00:23:05,844 --> 00:23:06,911
>> it's on a collision course

596
00:23:06,979 --> 00:23:08,913
With a train full of kids on a

597
00:23:08,981 --> 00:23:09,480
Field trip.

598
00:23:09,548 --> 00:23:10,047
>> it gets worse.

599
00:23:10,115 --> 00:23:11,215
>> the field trip was to a

600
00:23:11,283 --> 00:23:12,883
Petroleum refinery, and they all

601
00:23:12,951 --> 00:23:16,019
Brought home souvenir gasoline.

602
00:23:16,087 --> 00:23:17,454
That's enough to hold hands in a

603
00:23:17,521 --> 00:23:18,188
Circle around the chrysler

604
00:23:18,255 --> 00:23:18,655
Building.

605
00:23:18,722 --> 00:23:20,857
>> what are we gonna do?

606
00:23:20,925 --> 00:23:21,558
>> relax, rugrat, don't soil

607
00:23:21,625 --> 00:23:22,292
Your diaper, huh.

608
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:23,026
>> don't soil your depends, old

609
00:23:23,093 --> 00:23:27,395
Man.

610
00:23:27,462 --> 00:23:29,663
[ laughter ]

611
00:23:29,730 --> 00:23:33,499
>> ha-ha-ha!

612
00:23:33,567 --> 00:23:35,067
You see, he's insulting me, and

613
00:23:35,135 --> 00:23:35,934
I'm allowing it.

614
00:23:36,002 --> 00:23:38,136
>> guys, what's the status?

615
00:23:38,203 --> 00:23:38,870
>> it seems we're coming to a

616
00:23:38,937 --> 00:23:39,537
Begrudging respect for each

617
00:23:39,605 --> 00:23:39,837
Other.

618
00:23:39,905 --> 00:23:40,571
When we met, we focused on our

619
00:23:40,639 --> 00:23:41,005
Differences.

620
00:23:41,072 --> 00:23:41,739
>> now it appears we have more

621
00:23:41,806 --> 00:23:42,373
In common than we thought.

622
00:23:42,441 --> 00:23:43,074
>> now, what did you want to

623
00:23:43,142 --> 00:23:44,743
Say?

624
00:23:44,811 --> 00:23:46,545
>> a nursing

625
00:23:46,613 --> 00:23:48,581
Home shuttle bus got stuck on

626
00:23:48,649 --> 00:23:50,250
The track.

627
00:23:50,317 --> 00:23:50,617
>> boom!

628
00:23:50,684 --> 00:23:51,084
[ laughter ]

629
00:23:51,152 --> 00:23:51,851
>> there's got to be a way to

630
00:23:51,919 --> 00:23:52,185
Stop it.

631
00:23:52,253 --> 00:23:52,919
>> we're trying to figure that

632
00:23:52,987 --> 00:23:53,619
Out, but we're going through

633
00:23:53,687 --> 00:23:54,153
100 years of files.

634
00:23:54,220 --> 00:23:55,087
It's like trying to find a

635
00:23:55,154 --> 00:23:58,489
Needle in the chrysler building.

636
00:23:58,557 --> 00:23:59,056
>> you're too youg!

637
00:23:59,124 --> 00:24:01,993
>> you're too old!

638
00:24:02,060 --> 00:24:03,027
>> I love this guy.

639
00:24:03,095 --> 00:24:04,494
Okay.

640
00:24:04,562 --> 00:24:05,195
>> here's the worst news yet.

641
00:24:05,262 --> 00:24:08,731
There was a train on top of the

642
00:24:08,799 --> 00:24:09,899
Runaway train that's moving even

643
00:24:09,966 --> 00:24:10,598
Faster than the first train.

644
00:24:10,666 --> 00:24:11,332
That's like a chrysler building

645
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:12,733
On top of a chrysler building.

646
00:24:12,801 --> 00:24:16,436
>> chug-a-chug-a choo-choo.

647
00:24:16,503 --> 00:24:16,869
>> good news.

648
00:24:16,937 --> 00:24:17,670
We were able to get the runaway

649
00:24:17,738 --> 00:24:18,271
On the emergency track.

650
00:24:18,338 --> 00:24:18,838
>> where does that go?

651
00:24:18,906 --> 00:24:19,471
>> 42nd and lexington in

652
00:24:19,539 --> 00:24:20,138
New york.

653
00:24:20,206 --> 00:24:27,244
>> that's the chrysler building.

654
00:24:27,312 --> 00:24:27,645
[ laughter ]

655
00:24:27,713 --> 00:24:29,513
[ cheers and applause ]

656
00:24:31,849 --> 00:24:37,186
>>> scarlett johansson, look at
You.

657
00:24:37,254 --> 00:24:38,321
>> sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy.

658
00:24:38,388 --> 00:24:39,188
>> whoa!

659
00:24:39,256 --> 00:24:40,023
Look at you.

660
00:24:40,090 --> 00:24:44,596
More like scarlett jo-handsome.
>> good nickname.

661
00:24:44,663 --> 00:24:45,163
[ light laughter ]

662
00:24:45,231 --> 00:24:45,997
I'm brady trump.

663
00:24:46,065 --> 00:24:46,664
>> and I'm anastasia sticks.

664
00:24:46,732 --> 00:24:47,398
Thanks so much for doing this

665
00:24:47,466 --> 00:24:47,765
Interview.

666
00:24:47,833 --> 00:24:50,667
>> I'm thrilled.

667
00:24:50,735 --> 00:24:59,404
I love "hollywood dish."
>> and we love you.

668
00:25:00,172 --> 00:25:00,839
Now.

669
00:25:00,907 --> 00:25:01,406
He's very good.

670
00:25:01,473 --> 00:25:02,840
Yeah, anyway, are we ready to

671
00:25:02,908 --> 00:25:05,910
Get started?

672
00:25:05,977 --> 00:25:07,544
How did you feel about your tony

673
00:25:07,612 --> 00:25:07,844
Award?

674
00:25:07,912 --> 00:25:09,112
>> I've got to be honest.

675
00:25:09,180 --> 00:25:11,447
I was not expecting that at all.

676
00:25:11,515 --> 00:25:12,782
Being on stage in new york, it's

677
00:25:12,849 --> 00:25:18,588
Such an incredible feeling.

678
00:25:18,656 --> 00:25:19,756
The whole experience was

679
00:25:19,824 --> 00:25:20,123
Magical.

680
00:25:20,191 --> 00:25:24,427
I want to do it all over again.

681
00:25:24,494 --> 00:25:25,160
I'm sorry, is there something

682
00:25:25,228 --> 00:25:26,227
Wrong?

683
00:25:26,295 --> 00:25:28,262
>> oh, no, you're doing fine.

684
00:25:28,329 --> 00:25:29,429
We can't talk while you're

685
00:25:29,497 --> 00:25:30,129
Talking.

686
00:25:30,197 --> 00:25:33,266
>> but we want to encourage you.

687
00:25:33,333 --> 00:25:34,133
>> oesh, okay.

688
00:25:34,201 --> 00:25:36,135
I see.

689
00:25:36,202 --> 00:25:37,436
>> I have to ask, what was it

690
00:25:37,504 --> 00:25:39,504
Like working with woody allen?

691
00:25:39,572 --> 00:25:40,572
>> at first I was so intimidated

692
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:44,042
By him.

693
00:25:44,110 --> 00:25:45,944
I mean because he's such an

694
00:25:46,012 --> 00:25:46,244
Icon.

695
00:25:46,312 --> 00:25:51,047
He's made so many amazing films.

696
00:25:51,115 --> 00:25:51,714
Now we have such a great

697
00:25:51,782 --> 00:25:56,452
Relationship between us.

698
00:25:56,519 --> 00:25:56,985
No, not like that.

699
00:25:57,053 --> 00:25:59,687
We're friends.

700
00:25:59,755 --> 00:26:01,388
>> now, you were in "lost in

701
00:26:01,456 --> 00:26:01,822
Translation."

702
00:26:01,889 --> 00:26:04,257
Do you know any japanese?

703
00:26:04,324 --> 00:26:09,626
>> I can say, like, one thing.

704
00:26:09,694 --> 00:26:10,227
[ speaking japanese ]

705
00:26:10,295 --> 00:26:10,995
>> oh, that sounds romantic.

706
00:26:11,062 --> 00:26:11,596
>> it means where's the

707
00:26:11,663 --> 00:26:11,963
Bathroom.

708
00:26:12,030 --> 00:26:12,263
>> oh.

709
00:26:12,331 --> 00:26:14,733
Do it.

710
00:26:14,801 --> 00:26:17,035
>> do it again.

711
00:26:17,103 --> 00:26:18,470
[ speaking japanese ]

712
00:26:18,537 --> 00:26:19,304
>> okay.

713
00:26:19,371 --> 00:26:19,871
Do it more shy like.

714
00:26:19,939 --> 00:26:24,140
[ speaking japanese ]

715
00:26:24,208 --> 00:26:25,007
>> oh no.

716
00:26:25,075 --> 00:26:26,406
Bigger.

717
00:26:26,474 --> 00:26:29,543
Use your arms.

718
00:26:29,610 --> 00:26:35,781
[ speaking japanese ]

719
00:26:35,882 --> 00:26:38,349
>> okay.

720
00:26:38,417 --> 00:26:39,083
>>are we -- are we almost done

721
00:26:39,150 --> 00:26:40,350
Here?

722
00:26:40,418 --> 00:26:40,917
>> oh, hang on.

723
00:26:40,985 --> 00:26:42,052
Hang on.

724
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:43,187
I've got to ask you this, okay?

725
00:26:43,254 --> 00:26:43,954
Your husband, ryan reynolds, has

726
00:26:44,022 --> 00:26:44,554
Some pretty big muscles.

727
00:26:44,622 --> 00:26:45,455
Is he big everywhere?

728
00:26:45,523 --> 00:26:47,190
>> what do you mean?

729
00:26:47,258 --> 00:26:49,459
>> does he have a big --

730
00:26:49,527 --> 00:26:50,593
[ whistles ]

731
00:26:50,661 --> 00:26:51,194
[ laughter ]

732
00:26:51,261 --> 00:26:52,028
>> excuse me?

733
00:26:52,096 --> 00:26:54,629
>> we're talking about his --

734
00:26:54,697 --> 00:26:55,296
>> I'm not answering that.

735
00:26:55,364 --> 00:26:56,864
>> come on.

736
00:26:56,932 --> 00:26:59,131
We're just talking about his --

737
00:26:59,198 --> 00:27:00,533
>> stop, stop.

738
00:27:00,601 --> 00:27:03,403
I know exactly what you're

739
00:27:03,471 --> 00:27:04,471
Talking about, and there is no

740
00:27:04,538 --> 00:27:05,805
Way I'm going

741
00:27:05,873 --> 00:27:08,874
To discuss my husband's penis.

742
00:27:08,942 --> 00:27:10,575
>> whoa, our moms are here.

743
00:27:10,643 --> 00:27:12,310
Right behind us.

744
00:27:12,378 --> 00:27:13,411
>> you know what?

745
00:27:13,478 --> 00:27:14,011
I'm sorry.

746
00:27:14,079 --> 00:27:15,312
I don'tean to be rude.

747
00:27:15,380 --> 00:27:16,146
I think I should probably just

748
00:27:16,214 --> 00:27:17,280
Go.

749
00:27:17,348 --> 00:27:19,115
>> wait, one last question, not

750
00:27:19,183 --> 00:27:20,616
Personal at all.

751
00:27:20,684 --> 00:27:22,384
>> we're asking everybody.

752
00:27:22,452 --> 00:27:23,719
Just tell us how excited you are

753
00:27:23,786 --> 00:27:26,387
For the next and probably final

754
00:27:26,455 --> 00:27:30,024
Version of "the jersey shore."

755
00:27:30,092 --> 00:27:31,692
>> you know, I've never seen

756
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:33,527
That show.

757
00:27:33,595 --> 00:27:34,661
I just don't watch a lot of

758
00:27:34,729 --> 00:27:51,273
Reality television.

759
00:28:00,383 --> 00:28:04,919
[ laughter ]

760
00:28:04,987 --> 00:28:06,420
>> you have great skin.

761
00:28:06,488 --> 00:28:09,957
What's your secret?

762
00:28:10,024 --> 00:28:12,192
>> well, I make sure I never go

763
00:28:12,260 --> 00:28:14,362
To bed with makeup on, and I

764
00:28:14,430 --> 00:28:15,596
Live for sunblock.

765
00:28:15,664 --> 00:28:18,065
The big secret is, I -- okay.

766
00:28:18,132 --> 00:28:18,798
Are you two even listening to

767
00:28:18,866 --> 00:28:21,901
Me?

768
00:28:21,969 --> 00:28:22,201
Okay.

769
00:28:22,269 --> 00:28:23,902
I'm officially annoyed and

770
00:28:23,970 --> 00:28:24,903
Officially leaving.

771
00:28:24,971 --> 00:28:26,705
I can't believe I went on this

772
00:28:26,772 --> 00:28:27,138
Stupid show.

773
00:28:27,206 --> 00:28:29,507
I'm going to fire my publicist.

774
00:28:29,574 --> 00:28:31,108
Thank you for a junky time.

775
00:28:31,176 --> 00:28:31,842
>> wow.

776
00:28:31,910 --> 00:28:32,510
>> she is so cool.

777
00:28:32,577 --> 00:28:32,943
>> cool chick.

778
00:28:33,011 --> 00:28:34,311
Laid back.

779
00:28:34,379 --> 00:28:37,747
>> oh, love her.

780
00:28:37,815 --> 00:28:42,652
>> tonight on "hollywood
Dish" --

781
00:28:42,719 --> 00:28:43,819
>> has starjo lost her mind?

782
00:28:43,887 --> 00:28:47,121
>> at first I was so intimidated

783
00:28:47,188 --> 00:28:50,122
By my husband's penis.

784
00:28:50,190 --> 00:28:51,991
>> is hollywood gaga missing?

785
00:28:52,059 --> 00:28:54,527
>> next on "the hollywood dish."

786
00:29:13,201 --> 00:29:16,598
>>> ladies and gentlemen,
Arcade fire.

787
00:29:16,106 --> 00:29:17,774
[ cheers and applause ]

788
00:29:18,675 --> 00:29:23,144
♪

789
00:29:23,211 --> 00:29:26,846
♪ I used to write

790
00:29:26,914 --> 00:29:27,981
I used to write letters

791
00:29:28,048 --> 00:29:31,417
I used to sign my name

792
00:29:31,485 --> 00:29:35,654
I used to sleep at night ♪

793
00:29:35,722 --> 00:29:36,522
♪ before the flashing lights

794
00:29:36,589 --> 00:29:39,091
Settled deep in my brain

795
00:29:39,159 --> 00:29:44,229
But by the time we met

796
00:29:44,297 --> 00:29:45,898
By the time we met the ♪

797
00:29:45,965 --> 00:29:56,707
♪ times had already changed

798
00:29:56,775 --> 00:30:00,076
So I never wrote a letter

799
00:30:00,144 --> 00:30:01,210
I never took my true heart

800
00:30:01,278 --> 00:30:06,615
I never wrote it down ♪

801
00:30:06,683 --> 00:30:09,751
♪ so when the lights cut out

802
00:30:09,819 --> 00:30:10,586
I was left standing in the

803
00:30:10,653 --> 00:30:16,291
Wilderness downtown

804
00:30:16,359 --> 00:30:17,425
Now our lives are ♪

805
00:30:17,493 --> 00:30:18,827
♪ changing fast

806
00:30:18,895 --> 00:30:19,694
Now our lives are

807
00:30:19,762 --> 00:30:23,098
Changing fast

808
00:30:23,165 --> 00:30:24,499
Hope that something pure ♪

809
00:30:24,567 --> 00:30:26,768
♪ can last

810
00:30:26,836 --> 00:30:28,202
Hope that something pure

811
00:30:28,270 --> 00:30:32,773
Can last

812
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:37,610
It seems strange ♪

813
00:30:37,678 --> 00:30:38,744
♪ how we used to wait

814
00:30:38,812 --> 00:30:40,746
For letters to arrive

815
00:30:40,814 --> 00:30:43,848
But what's stranger still

816
00:30:43,916 --> 00:30:45,884
Is how something so small ♪

817
00:30:45,951 --> 00:30:47,285
♪ can keep you alive

818
00:30:47,353 --> 00:30:51,255
We used to wait

819
00:30:51,323 --> 00:30:52,689
We used to waste hours

820
00:30:52,757 --> 00:30:54,391
Just walking around ♪

821
00:30:54,459 --> 00:30:57,827
♪ we used to wait

822
00:30:57,895 --> 00:31:00,396
All those wasted lives

823
00:31:00,464 --> 00:31:04,400
In the wilderness downtown

824
00:31:05,868 --> 00:31:19,745
♪

825
00:31:19,813 --> 00:31:22,580
♪ oh we used to wait

826
00:31:22,648 --> 00:31:26,851
Oh we used to wait

827
00:31:26,919 --> 00:31:29,387
Oh we used to wait

828
00:31:29,455 --> 00:31:32,790
Sometimes it never came ♪

829
00:31:32,858 --> 00:31:33,457
♪ sometimes it never came

830
00:31:33,525 --> 00:31:36,226
We used to wait

831
00:31:36,294 --> 00:31:39,662
Still moving through

832
00:31:39,730 --> 00:31:44,467
The pain ♪

833
00:31:44,535 --> 00:31:45,168
♪ I'm gonna write a letter

834
00:31:45,235 --> 00:31:45,868
To my true love

835
00:31:45,936 --> 00:31:49,604
I'm gonna sign my name

836
00:31:49,672 --> 00:31:53,307
Like a patient on a table ♪

837
00:31:53,375 --> 00:31:55,575
♪ I wanna walk again

838
00:31:55,643 --> 00:31:58,377
Gonna move through the pain

839
00:31:58,445 --> 00:32:02,682
Now our lives are

840
00:32:02,750 --> 00:32:03,549
Changing fast ♪

841
00:32:03,617 --> 00:32:04,116
♪ now our lives are

842
00:32:04,184 --> 00:32:06,385
Changing fast

843
00:32:06,452 --> 00:32:08,086
Hope that something pure

844
00:32:08,154 --> 00:32:10,655
Can last ♪

845
00:32:10,723 --> 00:32:11,489
♪ hope that something pure

846
00:32:11,557 --> 00:32:23,434
Can last

847
00:32:23,501 --> 00:32:24,268
Oh we used to wait

848
00:32:24,336 --> 00:32:25,436
Oh we used to wait ♪

849
00:32:25,503 --> 00:32:28,839
♪ oh we used to wait

850
00:32:28,906 --> 00:32:29,706
Sometimes it never came

851
00:32:29,774 --> 00:32:31,974
We used to wait

852
00:32:32,042 --> 00:32:33,676
Sometimes it never came ♪

853
00:32:33,743 --> 00:32:35,377
♪ we used to wait

854
00:32:35,445 --> 00:32:36,244
Still moving through

855
00:32:36,312 --> 00:32:37,345
The pain

856
00:32:37,413 --> 00:32:41,949
We used to wait ♪

857
00:32:42,017 --> 00:32:45,052
♪ we used to wait

858
00:32:45,119 --> 00:32:52,425
We used to wait

859
00:32:52,493 --> 00:33:03,570
Oh yes

860
00:33:03,638 --> 00:33:04,404
We used to wait for it ♪

861
00:33:04,472 --> 00:33:05,072
♪ we used to wait for it

862
00:33:05,139 --> 00:33:05,806
Now we're screaming

863
00:33:05,873 --> 00:33:07,241
Sing the chorus again ♪

864
00:33:07,308 --> 00:33:10,077
♪ we used to wait for it

865
00:33:10,145 --> 00:33:10,645
We used to wait for it

866
00:33:10,712 --> 00:33:11,512
Now we're screaming

867
00:33:11,580 --> 00:33:13,480
Sing the chorus again ♪

868
00:33:13,548 --> 00:33:16,049
♪ I used to wait for it

869
00:33:16,117 --> 00:33:17,217
I used to wait for it

870
00:33:17,284 --> 00:33:18,351
Hear my voice screaming

871
00:33:18,419 --> 00:33:20,620
Sing the chorus again ♪

872
00:33:20,688 --> 00:33:26,292
♪

873
00:33:26,359 --> 00:33:31,696
♪ wait for it

874
00:33:31,764 --> 00:33:38,235
Wait for it

875
00:33:38,303 --> 00:33:40,804
Wait for it ♪

876
00:33:40,871 --> 00:33:41,938
[ cheers and applause ]

877
00:32:49,096 --> 00:33:30,493
Making friends with other moms

878
00:33:30,494 --> 00:33:42,101
Has

879
00:33:42,168 --> 00:33:43,902
♪

880
00:33:56,970 --> 00:33:57,569
>>> "weekend update" with

881
00:33:57,637 --> 00:34:00,037
Seth meyers.

882
00:34:00,105 --> 00:34:04,007
[ cheers and applause ]

883
00:34:04,074 --> 00:34:04,874
>> I'm seth meyers, and here are

884
00:34:04,941 --> 00:34:10,010
Tonight's top stories.

885
00:34:10,078 --> 00:34:11,779
An article on "huffington post"

886
00:34:11,846 --> 00:34:13,413
Yesterday claimed that several

887
00:34:13,481 --> 00:34:14,947
Passages of george wncht bush's

888
00:34:15,015 --> 00:34:16,715
New memoir "decision points"

889
00:34:16,783 --> 00:34:18,250
Were lifted from other books

890
00:34:18,318 --> 00:34:21,219
Including several written by his

891
00:34:21,286 --> 00:34:22,620
Advisers which explains why he

892
00:34:22,687 --> 00:34:23,854
Spent much of the book

893
00:34:23,922 --> 00:34:29,625
Complaining about his boss.

894
00:34:29,693 --> 00:34:30,359
>>one of the new proposals from

895
00:34:30,427 --> 00:34:31,126
A bipartisan commission released

896
00:34:31,194 --> 00:34:31,794
Wednesday suggested that in

897
00:34:31,861 --> 00:34:34,796
Order to bring down the deficit,

898
00:34:34,864 --> 00:34:35,497
The government would need to

899
00:34:35,564 --> 00:34:38,366
Raise the retirement age to 69

900
00:34:38,433 --> 00:34:39,767
By the year 2075.

901
00:34:39,835 --> 00:34:40,467
So the next time a baby is

902
00:34:40,535 --> 00:34:41,134
Crying on your flight, it's

903
00:34:41,202 --> 00:34:41,902
Probably because they just found

904
00:34:41,969 --> 00:34:42,636
Out they're gonna have to work

905
00:34:42,703 --> 00:34:43,336
Until they're 69 in new china.

906
00:34:43,404 --> 00:34:46,605
[ laughter ]

907
00:34:46,673 --> 00:34:48,340
>>> speaking in a video for an

908
00:34:48,408 --> 00:34:49,174
Ad campaign aimed at ending the

909
00:34:49,242 --> 00:34:50,609
Bullying of gay teenagers,

910
00:34:50,677 --> 00:34:52,311
Cindy mccain, the wife of

911
00:34:52,378 --> 00:34:53,712
Senator john mccain, broke with

912
00:34:53,780 --> 00:34:54,847
Her husband and called for the

913
00:34:54,914 --> 00:34:55,514
Repeal of "don't ask, don't

914
00:34:55,582 --> 00:34:58,284
Tell."

915
00:34:58,351 --> 00:34:59,118
Mccain says he and his wife have

916
00:34:59,185 --> 00:35:00,252
Disagreed on other issues too.

917
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:01,086
Things like, "where am I and

918
00:35:01,154 --> 00:35:01,720
What the hell's going on?"

919
00:35:01,788 --> 00:35:06,460
[ laughter ]

920
00:35:06,528 --> 00:35:09,164
>>> the dallas cowboys Monday

921
00:35:09,232 --> 00:35:10,499
Fired head coach wade phillips

922
00:35:10,567 --> 00:35:12,334
After the 1-7 start this season.

923
00:35:12,402 --> 00:35:14,604
Wow, a brand-new house, a rapid

924
00:35:14,672 --> 00:35:15,706
Downward spiral and now

925
00:35:15,773 --> 00:35:16,140
Unemployment.

926
00:35:16,208 --> 00:35:21,147
They really are america's team.

927
00:35:21,215 --> 00:35:22,016
>>> this week, kanye west

928
00:35:22,083 --> 00:35:22,750
Apologized to former president

929
00:35:22,817 --> 00:35:23,451
George w. Bush for saying he

930
00:35:23,519 --> 00:35:24,186
Doesn't care about black people

931
00:35:24,254 --> 00:35:27,990
During hurricane katrina.

932
00:35:28,058 --> 00:35:29,993
While the president said he
Forgave kanye.

933
00:35:30,061 --> 00:35:31,262
Here to explain are
George w. Bush and kanye west.

934
00:35:31,330 --> 00:35:40,440
[ cheers and applause ]

935
00:35:40,507 --> 00:35:42,842
Good to see you, kanye.

936
00:35:42,910 --> 00:35:55,691
>> I mean, what's up, fam?

937
00:35:55,759 --> 00:35:57,560
>> so everything's good with you

938
00:35:57,628 --> 00:35:57,860
Guys?

939
00:35:57,928 --> 00:35:59,195
>> I know, we had problems and

940
00:35:59,262 --> 00:36:04,800
Now we solved those problems.

941
00:36:04,868 --> 00:36:06,134
Yeah, fam.

942
00:36:06,202 --> 00:36:06,868
>> absolutely.

943
00:36:06,936 --> 00:36:07,736
I love kanye.

944
00:36:07,803 --> 00:36:08,336
I do.

945
00:36:08,404 --> 00:36:10,305
♪ kanye and w. ♪

946
00:36:10,373 --> 00:36:12,741
♪ best of friends united by

947
00:36:12,808 --> 00:36:13,241
Forgiveness ♪

948
00:36:13,309 --> 00:36:16,911
♪ yo recognize, haters.

949
00:36:16,979 --> 00:36:17,878
>> yo, haters.

950
00:36:17,946 --> 00:36:18,746
Come on, recognize.

951
00:36:18,813 --> 00:36:19,780
>> I wouldn't have thought you

952
00:36:19,848 --> 00:36:21,815
Guys had that much in common.

953
00:36:21,883 --> 00:36:23,551
>> sure, we do.

954
00:36:23,619 --> 00:36:24,152
We're both rich.

955
00:36:24,219 --> 00:36:25,786
We're both impulsive.

956
00:36:25,854 --> 00:36:27,822
I mean, he interrupted taylor

957
00:36:27,890 --> 00:36:29,257
Swift at an awards show.

958
00:36:29,324 --> 00:36:30,257
>> that's true.

959
00:36:30,325 --> 00:36:31,892
>> I interrupted how well our

960
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:32,559
Country was doing for eight

961
00:36:32,627 --> 00:36:34,795
Years.

962
00:36:34,863 --> 00:36:36,763
>> that's right, fam, that's

963
00:36:36,831 --> 00:36:37,096
Right.

964
00:36:37,164 --> 00:36:37,930
No time for haters.

965
00:36:37,998 --> 00:36:39,331
>> that's right.

966
00:36:39,399 --> 00:36:40,699
Kanye's even got me doing the

967
00:36:40,767 --> 00:36:41,066
Twister.

968
00:36:41,134 --> 00:36:41,500
>> twitter.

969
00:36:41,568 --> 00:36:42,334
>> twitter, I'm sorry about

970
00:36:42,402 --> 00:36:42,635
That.

971
00:36:42,702 --> 00:36:44,270
Fam.

972
00:36:44,338 --> 00:36:46,205
You know, he was teaching me how

973
00:36:46,273 --> 00:36:46,706
To tweet.

974
00:36:46,773 --> 00:36:48,240
And I really like it because

975
00:36:48,308 --> 00:36:48,874
It's short.

976
00:36:48,942 --> 00:36:50,442
You just kind of puke out

977
00:36:50,510 --> 00:36:51,877
Whatever's on your mind.

978
00:36:51,944 --> 00:36:52,944
It's also real lenient on

979
00:36:53,012 --> 00:36:55,212
Grammar, and I like that.

980
00:36:55,313 --> 00:36:58,782
>> hey, tell them your twitter,

981
00:36:58,850 --> 00:36:59,082
Fam.

982
00:36:59,150 --> 00:36:59,616
>> sure.

983
00:36:59,684 --> 00:37:00,584
I call myself not so curious

984
00:37:00,652 --> 00:37:04,389
George.

985
00:37:04,456 --> 00:37:06,624
I don't know if you get it.

986
00:37:06,692 --> 00:37:07,358
I didn't get it initially, but I

987
00:37:07,426 --> 00:37:09,194
Get it now.

988
00:37:09,262 --> 00:37:11,497
>> so I have to ask, have you

989
00:37:11,565 --> 00:37:12,698
Guys actually been hanging out?

990
00:37:12,766 --> 00:37:14,200
>> well, yes.

991
00:37:14,268 --> 00:37:15,134
Yes, fam.

992
00:37:15,202 --> 00:37:16,535
I took him sunglass shopping.

993
00:37:16,603 --> 00:37:17,136
>> that's right.

994
00:37:17,204 --> 00:37:18,704
I needed glasses to help me with

995
00:37:18,772 --> 00:37:19,739
All the squinting.

996
00:37:19,806 --> 00:37:21,341
That's when I bought these bad

997
00:37:21,408 --> 00:37:21,641
Boys.

998
00:37:21,709 --> 00:37:24,611
Look at that.

999
00:37:24,678 --> 00:37:29,416
They're designer brand called

1000
00:37:29,484 --> 00:37:29,783
Guckies.

1001
00:37:29,851 --> 00:37:31,485
>> no, it's gucci.

1002
00:37:31,553 --> 00:37:32,253
>> gucci.

1003
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:36,925
I also went down to crawford to

1004
00:37:36,993 --> 00:37:38,162
Clear brush.

1005
00:37:38,229 --> 00:37:40,566
>> I thought clearing brush was

1006
00:37:40,634 --> 00:37:41,901
A white people's term for going

1007
00:37:41,969 --> 00:37:43,403
To a club and picking up ugly

1008
00:37:43,471 --> 00:37:46,507
Bitches.

1009
00:37:46,575 --> 00:37:47,041
>> honest mistake.

1010
00:37:47,109 --> 00:37:49,211
Honest mistake.

1011
00:37:49,278 --> 00:37:50,713
This guy's a hoot.

1012
00:37:50,781 --> 00:37:53,716
You know, I love black people.

1013
00:37:53,784 --> 00:37:54,683
I love them.

1014
00:37:54,750 --> 00:37:55,382
>> president bush and kanye

1015
00:37:55,450 --> 00:38:00,416
West, everyone.

1016
00:38:00,483 --> 00:38:01,749
>>> while in israel this week,

1017
00:38:01,817 --> 00:38:03,549
Pamela anderson met with

1018
00:38:03,617 --> 00:38:04,649
Orthodox lawmakers in an effort

1019
00:38:04,717 --> 00:38:07,148
To get them to endorse an animal

1020
00:38:07,216 --> 00:38:08,115
Rights bill that would limit the

1021
00:38:08,182 --> 00:38:09,649
Production of traditional fur

1022
00:38:09,716 --> 00:38:11,784
Hats worn by hasidic jews.

1023
00:38:11,851 --> 00:38:13,452
Anderson suggested they wear

1024
00:38:13,519 --> 00:38:14,452
Regular hats with just a little

1025
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:23,393
Strip of fur down the middle.

1026
00:38:23,461 --> 00:38:25,462
>>> a new study shows that

1027
00:38:25,530 --> 00:38:26,997
Drowsy driving is responsible

1028
00:38:27,065 --> 00:38:28,832
For nearly 17% of all driving

1029
00:38:28,900 --> 00:38:29,232
Fatalities.

1030
00:38:29,300 --> 00:38:30,634
That's a lot of blood on your

1031
00:38:30,702 --> 00:38:36,039
Hands, prairie home companion.

1032
00:38:36,107 --> 00:38:36,773
>>> a woman in florida and her

1033
00:38:36,841 --> 00:38:37,474
Boyfriend were arrested after

1034
00:38:37,542 --> 00:38:40,877
They allegedly tried to sell her
Infant grandson for $30,000.

1035
00:38:40,945 --> 00:38:48,918
Florida, where grandmas have
Boyfriends.

1036
00:38:48,986 --> 00:38:51,420
>>> a new survey from

1037
00:38:51,488 --> 00:38:55,591
"travel & lee sure" lists

1038
00:38:55,659 --> 00:38:57,860
Charleston first in politeness

1039
00:38:57,928 --> 00:38:59,395
And philadelphia, pennsylvania,

1040
00:38:59,463 --> 00:39:00,796
As also a city.

1041
00:39:00,864 --> 00:39:02,564
>>> a fire on the carnival

1042
00:39:02,632 --> 00:39:04,132
Cruise ship splendor left over

1043
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:05,734
3,000 passengers stranded in the

1044
00:39:05,801 --> 00:39:06,935
Pacific ocean without air

1045
00:39:07,002 --> 00:39:08,036
Conditioning, hot food or

1046
00:39:08,104 --> 00:39:09,938
Working toilets for three days.

1047
00:39:10,006 --> 00:39:11,073
Joining us now to tell us about

1048
00:39:11,140 --> 00:39:13,075
Their ordeal aboard the ship,

1049
00:39:13,143 --> 00:39:13,742
Passengers frank and gladys

1050
00:39:13,810 --> 00:39:18,546
Madden.

1051
00:39:18,613 --> 00:39:19,146
[ cheers and applause ]

1052
00:39:19,214 --> 00:39:20,547
Thank you guys for coming.

1053
00:39:20,615 --> 00:39:21,081
>> you're welcome.

1054
00:39:21,149 --> 00:39:21,381
Hello.

1055
00:39:21,449 --> 00:39:21,948
>> okay.

1056
00:39:22,016 --> 00:39:22,682
So mr. And mrs. Madden, I can't

1057
00:39:22,750 --> 00:39:27,052
Even begin to imagine what an

1058
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:27,953
Ordeal that trip was like.

1059
00:39:28,021 --> 00:39:28,520
>> it was horrible.

1060
00:39:28,588 --> 00:39:29,088
It was a nightmare.

1061
00:39:29,155 --> 00:39:31,023
>> okay.

1062
00:39:31,090 --> 00:39:32,858
So tell us about the cruise.

1063
00:39:32,925 --> 00:39:34,426
>> where do I begin?

1064
00:39:34,494 --> 00:39:35,861
When we book our cruises, we

1065
00:39:35,929 --> 00:39:37,596
Always book the junior suite

1066
00:39:37,664 --> 00:39:39,064
Which has a queen bed and couch.

1067
00:39:39,132 --> 00:39:40,732
We show up, and we are in a

1068
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:45,137
Junior sleeper which has a queen

1069
00:39:45,205 --> 00:39:45,404
Bed.

1070
00:39:45,472 --> 00:39:46,872
I go to open the window.

1071
00:39:46,940 --> 00:39:47,940
There is no window.

1072
00:39:48,007 --> 00:39:48,607
I'm furious.

1073
00:39:48,675 --> 00:39:50,008
>> okay.

1074
00:39:50,076 --> 00:39:51,476
Well, those actually seem to be

1075
00:39:51,544 --> 00:39:52,777
Complaints about the cruise

1076
00:39:52,845 --> 00:39:53,111
Itself.

1077
00:39:53,179 --> 00:39:53,812
What about the fire and the

1078
00:39:53,879 --> 00:39:54,479
Power outage?

1079
00:39:54,547 --> 00:39:56,814
>> I'll get to that.

1080
00:39:56,882 --> 00:39:58,716
Morning of the second day, I go

1081
00:39:58,784 --> 00:40:02,454
To the gym to use the stepper.

1082
00:40:02,521 --> 00:40:04,356
One of my few pleasures in life.

1083
00:40:04,424 --> 00:40:05,624
I walk in only to find there is

1084
00:40:05,692 --> 00:40:06,491
A jumping class.

1085
00:40:06,559 --> 00:40:11,563
You heard me, a jumping class.

1086
00:40:11,630 --> 00:40:13,031
Middle-aged heavy women jumping.

1087
00:40:13,098 --> 00:40:13,798
I turn around, go right back to

1088
00:40:13,866 --> 00:40:14,565
My room.

1089
00:40:14,633 --> 00:40:16,801
>> that sounds awful.

1090
00:40:16,869 --> 00:40:17,969
But surely things got worse when

1091
00:40:18,037 --> 00:40:19,604
The power went out.

1092
00:40:19,672 --> 00:40:21,005
>> things got worse.

1093
00:40:21,073 --> 00:40:23,608
The next night at dinner.

1094
00:40:23,675 --> 00:40:24,675
Seth, I've learned not to expect

1095
00:40:24,743 --> 00:40:26,677
Much from life.

1096
00:40:26,745 --> 00:40:29,346
But when you book a carnival

1097
00:40:29,414 --> 00:40:31,682
Cruise, you expect the dessert

1098
00:40:31,750 --> 00:40:36,287
Menu to include caramel flan.

1099
00:40:36,355 --> 00:40:37,688
We get to dessert, and the

1100
00:40:37,756 --> 00:40:39,524
Waiter says, "for dessert, we

1101
00:40:39,591 --> 00:40:41,392
Have three types of ice cream."

1102
00:40:41,460 --> 00:40:42,761
That's funny because at home, I

1103
00:40:42,828 --> 00:40:46,331
Have five types of ice cream.

1104
00:40:46,399 --> 00:40:48,167
He goes -- and I berated him.

1105
00:40:48,235 --> 00:40:50,436
>> and rightly so.

1106
00:40:50,504 --> 00:40:51,237
Frank, can you tell us about the

1107
00:40:51,305 --> 00:40:53,373
Power outage?

1108
00:40:53,441 --> 00:40:55,476
>> here's another one.

1109
00:40:55,544 --> 00:40:58,513
I signed us up for a couples'

1110
00:40:58,581 --> 00:40:59,180
Cha-cha class.

1111
00:40:59,248 --> 00:41:00,682
This one plays hooky.

1112
00:41:00,749 --> 00:41:02,816
I find him at the casino sitting

1113
00:41:02,884 --> 00:41:08,152
At the $5 baccarat table.

1114
00:41:08,219 --> 00:41:09,619
The jewish james bond over here.

1115
00:41:09,687 --> 00:41:10,520
>> what happened when the power

1116
00:41:10,587 --> 00:41:10,887
Went out?

1117
00:41:10,954 --> 00:41:13,355
>> day three.

1118
00:41:13,423 --> 00:41:15,390
I take a lunesta.

1119
00:41:15,458 --> 00:41:17,191
Put on my eye shade.

1120
00:41:17,259 --> 00:41:18,759
Power goes out.

1121
00:41:18,827 --> 00:41:19,827
Alarm never goes off.

1122
00:41:19,894 --> 00:41:23,496
I sleep for three days.

1123
00:41:23,564 --> 00:41:26,498
And I wake up in san diego being

1124
00:41:26,566 --> 00:41:28,100
Interviewed by wolf blitzer.

1125
00:41:28,167 --> 00:41:31,736
Who I do not care for.

1126
00:41:31,804 --> 00:41:33,204
>> frank, you let her sleep for

1127
00:41:33,272 --> 00:41:35,807
Three days?

1128
00:41:35,874 --> 00:41:40,410
>> wouldn't you?

1129
00:41:40,478 --> 00:41:42,745
>> gladys and frank madden,
Everybody.

1130
00:41:42,813 --> 00:41:50,051
[ applause ]

1131
00:41:50,118 --> 00:41:51,685
>>> voters in rhode island

1132
00:41:51,753 --> 00:41:52,787
Rejected a proposition last week

1133
00:41:52,854 --> 00:41:53,855
To change the state's official

1134
00:41:53,923 --> 00:41:55,892
Name from state of rhode island

1135
00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:56,827
And providence plantations to

1136
00:41:56,895 --> 00:41:58,164
Just rhode island, but I think

1137
00:41:58,231 --> 00:41:59,799
People are just going to keep

1138
00:41:59,867 --> 00:42:00,434
Calling it connecticut's

1139
00:42:00,502 --> 00:42:07,581
Foreskin.

1140
00:42:07,649 --> 00:42:10,018
>>> a man in pennsylvania was

1141
00:42:10,086 --> 00:42:11,753
Arrested after he smoked

1142
00:42:11,821 --> 00:42:13,855
Marijuana in the hospital to

1143
00:42:13,923 --> 00:42:14,890
Celebrate the birth of his

1144
00:42:14,957 --> 00:42:15,223
Child.

1145
00:42:15,291 --> 00:42:16,858
Celebrate or cope with?

1146
00:42:16,926 --> 00:42:18,693
>>> the first ever starbucks at

1147
00:42:18,761 --> 00:42:20,428
Sea was opened this week on a

1148
00:42:20,496 --> 00:42:22,363
Royal caribbean cruise ship, and

1149
00:42:22,431 --> 00:42:23,198
Somehow there's already a

1150
00:42:23,265 --> 00:42:27,535
Homeless guy in the bathroom.

1151
00:42:27,603 --> 00:42:29,638
>>> for "weekend update," I'm

1152
00:42:29,705 --> 00:42:30,038
Seth meyers!

1153
00:42:30,106 --> 00:42:30,772
Good night!

1154
00:42:50,096 --> 00:42:56,201
>>> and now back to --

1155
00:42:56,269 --> 00:42:58,403
St. Kat's middle school.

1156
00:42:58,471 --> 00:42:59,537
>> hey, what's up, guys?

1157
00:42:59,605 --> 00:43:00,103
How's it hanging?

1158
00:43:00,171 --> 00:43:00,971
Am I right?

1159
00:43:01,038 --> 00:43:01,705
>> hey marvin, how did your knee

1160
00:43:01,773 --> 00:43:02,973
Surgery go?

1161
00:43:03,041 --> 00:43:07,176
>> oh, no problems here.

1162
00:43:07,244 --> 00:43:07,977
Doc said I'll be up and walking

1163
00:43:08,044 --> 00:43:09,678
In no time.

1164
00:43:09,745 --> 00:43:10,345
>> hey marvin, what did you

1165
00:43:10,413 --> 00:43:11,079
Think of mr. Conklin's lecture

1166
00:43:11,147 --> 00:43:11,713
On the power of positive

1167
00:43:11,781 --> 00:43:12,247
Thinking today?

1168
00:43:12,314 --> 00:43:13,381
>> oh, I totally enjoyed it.

1169
00:43:13,449 --> 00:43:14,248
With positive thinking, you can

1170
00:43:14,316 --> 00:43:17,784
Do anything.

1171
00:43:17,852 --> 00:43:18,118
>> yeah.

1172
00:43:18,186 --> 00:43:19,720
>> exactly.

1173
00:43:19,787 --> 00:43:21,922
>> maybe if marvin used positive

1174
00:43:21,990 --> 00:43:22,556
Thinking, he could walk.

1175
00:43:22,624 --> 00:43:24,558
>> yeah!

1176
00:43:24,626 --> 00:43:25,192
>> I don't know, you guys.

1177
00:43:25,259 --> 00:43:28,127
I have a broken knee.

1178
00:43:28,195 --> 00:43:29,462
>> you'll never know if you

1179
00:43:29,530 --> 00:43:29,829
Don't try.

1180
00:43:29,897 --> 00:43:31,097
>> you know what?

1181
00:43:31,165 --> 00:43:32,598
You're absolutely right.

1182
00:43:32,666 --> 00:43:32,899
Okay.

1183
00:43:32,966 --> 00:43:35,968
Help me out of this wheelchair.

1184
00:43:36,035 --> 00:43:36,268
Okay.

1185
00:43:36,336 --> 00:43:39,571
Here we go.

1186
00:43:39,638 --> 00:43:41,105
Dang!

1187
00:43:41,173 --> 00:43:43,173
Get out of here!

1188
00:43:43,241 --> 00:43:44,941
Leave me!

1189
00:43:45,009 --> 00:43:46,142
You talked me into this!

1190
00:43:46,210 --> 00:43:48,711
Go away!

1191
00:43:48,778 --> 00:43:50,579
Go away!

1192
00:43:50,647 --> 00:43:52,681
I need to heal!

1193
00:43:52,749 --> 00:43:54,949
Leave me by myself!

1194
00:43:55,017 --> 00:43:56,250
>> I'm sorry, marvin.

1195
00:43:56,318 --> 00:43:57,418
I guess I thought our positive

1196
00:43:57,486 --> 00:43:58,118
Thinking would help you walk

1197
00:43:58,186 --> 00:43:59,086
Again.

1198
00:43:59,154 --> 00:44:02,422
>> I have a broken knee.

1199
00:44:02,490 --> 00:44:11,797
Get out of here!

1200
00:44:11,864 --> 00:44:13,298
>> I hope marvin doesn't hate

1201
00:44:13,366 --> 00:44:13,565
Us.

1202
00:44:13,633 --> 00:44:15,266
>> he hit the ground so hard on

1203
00:44:15,334 --> 00:44:15,767
His face.

1204
00:44:15,834 --> 00:44:16,867
>> hey, guys.

1205
00:44:16,935 --> 00:44:17,635
>> marvin.

1206
00:44:17,702 --> 00:44:19,903
>> marvin, you're not mad at us

1207
00:44:19,971 --> 00:44:20,671
For yesterday, are you?

1208
00:44:20,738 --> 00:44:21,905
>> no.

1209
00:44:21,973 --> 00:44:26,044
I'm mad at myself for allowing

1210
00:44:26,112 --> 00:44:28,713
Me to talk me into walking with

1211
00:44:28,781 --> 00:44:29,680
A broken knee.

1212
00:44:29,748 --> 00:44:30,914
Deep down I knew it wasn't a

1213
00:44:30,982 --> 00:44:31,581
Good idea.

1214
00:44:31,649 --> 00:44:33,616
>> hey, marvin, what did you

1215
00:44:33,683 --> 00:44:35,651
Think of mr. Conklin's anything

1216
00:44:35,718 --> 00:44:36,752
Is possible lecture today?

1217
00:44:36,819 --> 00:44:37,285
>> it was good.

1218
00:44:37,353 --> 00:44:38,453
I mean, most things are possible

1219
00:44:38,521 --> 00:44:39,921
Within reason.

1220
00:44:39,988 --> 00:44:41,989
>> marvin, I've been meaning to

1221
00:44:42,056 --> 00:44:43,323
Ask you, would you want to go to

1222
00:44:43,391 --> 00:44:45,826
The fall dance with me?

1223
00:44:45,894 --> 00:44:47,828
>> sure, I'll go with you.

1224
00:44:47,896 --> 00:44:48,528
I won't be able to dance, you

1225
00:44:48,596 --> 00:44:49,195
Know.

1226
00:44:49,263 --> 00:44:52,198
The broken knee.

1227
00:44:52,265 --> 00:44:54,067
>> hey, but what about the

1228
00:44:54,135 --> 00:44:54,400
Lecture?

1229
00:44:54,468 --> 00:44:55,102
Anything is possible?

1230
00:44:55,170 --> 00:44:57,138
>> in this case, it's not.

1231
00:44:57,205 --> 00:44:58,239
Because my knee's broken.

1232
00:44:58,306 --> 00:44:59,607
>> I bet if we played music, you

1233
00:44:59,674 --> 00:45:01,276
Wouldn't be saying that.

1234
00:45:01,344 --> 00:45:02,878
>> well, I think I'd be saying

1235
00:45:02,946 --> 00:45:04,913
That music or no music.

1236
00:45:04,981 --> 00:45:07,050
>> hit the music!

1237
00:45:07,117 --> 00:45:08,384
>> come on, guys.

1238
00:45:08,452 --> 00:45:10,119
Let's get marvin out of this

1239
00:45:10,186 --> 00:45:10,519
Wheelchair.

1240
00:45:10,587 --> 00:45:11,352
>> three, two, one.

1241
00:45:11,420 --> 00:45:15,754
♪

1242
00:45:15,822 --> 00:45:17,555
>> I told you!

1243
00:45:17,623 --> 00:45:22,493
You don't listen!

1244
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:22,860
My knee!

1245
00:45:22,927 --> 00:45:27,096
You knew about my knee!

1246
00:45:27,164 --> 00:45:29,030
Why won't y'all listen to me?

1247
00:45:29,098 --> 00:45:30,031
Just get out of here!

1248
00:45:30,099 --> 00:45:32,166
Leave me alone!

1249
00:45:32,234 --> 00:45:33,401
Leave me alone, I tell you!

1250
00:45:33,468 --> 00:45:36,904
Go away!

1251
00:45:36,971 --> 00:45:44,976
Go away!

1252
00:45:45,044 --> 00:45:47,478
>> man, if marvin ever forgives

1253
00:45:47,546 --> 00:45:49,479
Us, we'll be so super lucky.

1254
00:45:49,547 --> 00:45:51,448
>> hey, how's is hanging, guys?

1255
00:45:51,515 --> 00:45:52,082
>> marvin!

1256
00:45:52,149 --> 00:45:53,883
>> marvin, we are way sorry.

1257
00:45:53,951 --> 00:45:55,452
I just thought about us dancing

1258
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:56,153
Together and nothing else.

1259
00:45:56,221 --> 00:45:56,754
>> yeah.

1260
00:45:56,822 --> 00:45:57,455
I thought about it long and

1261
00:45:57,523 --> 00:45:59,258
Hard, too.

1262
00:45:59,326 --> 00:46:00,325
This morning when I was working

1263
00:46:00,393 --> 00:46:02,227
My way out of the tub.

1264
00:46:02,295 --> 00:46:04,395
You guys arey best friends.

1265
00:46:04,462 --> 00:46:05,996
You just don't understand what

1266
00:46:06,065 --> 00:46:11,702
Broken knees are bp p about.

1267
00:46:11,770 --> 00:46:13,270
I'm partially to blame for that.

1268
00:46:13,338 --> 00:46:16,206
>> what did you think of mr.

1269
00:46:16,274 --> 00:46:17,708
Conklin's lecture, the sky's the

1270
00:46:17,776 --> 00:46:18,141
Limit?

1271
00:46:18,209 --> 00:46:19,876
>> I thought it was reckless.

1272
00:46:19,944 --> 00:46:20,810
Reckless and irresponsible.

1273
00:46:20,878 --> 00:46:23,345
>> it's time for mini tramp

1274
00:46:23,413 --> 00:46:24,380
Exercis

1275
00:46:24,447 --> 00:46:24,747
Exercises.

1276
00:46:24,814 --> 00:46:25,514
>> I think marvin should go

1277
00:46:25,582 --> 00:46:26,382
First because the sky's the

1278
00:46:26,449 --> 00:46:26,682
Limit.

1279
00:46:26,750 --> 00:46:27,983
>> you can't be serious.

1280
00:46:28,051 --> 00:46:30,085
>> yeah, kids, marvin can't jump

1281
00:46:30,153 --> 00:46:31,387
On the trampoline, right?

1282
00:46:31,454 --> 00:46:32,655
>> if marvin doesn't jump, no

1283
00:46:32,722 --> 00:46:34,123
Of us jump.

1284
00:46:34,191 --> 00:46:35,357
>> where is your brain?

1285
00:46:35,425 --> 00:46:38,893
In your butt?

1286
00:46:38,961 --> 00:46:39,460
>> okay, okay, okay.

1287
00:46:39,528 --> 00:46:40,928
You win.

1288
00:46:40,996 --> 00:46:42,163
Marvin, you can jump.

1289
00:46:42,231 --> 00:46:44,699
>> I don't want to jump!

1290
00:46:44,766 --> 00:46:45,332
You're a teacher!

1291
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:47,301
Don't let this happen!

1292
00:46:47,369 --> 00:46:48,669
>> come on, guys.

1293
00:46:48,737 --> 00:46:49,336
Let's get him on the tramp.

1294
00:46:49,404 --> 00:46:54,405
>> no.

1295
00:46:54,472 --> 00:46:58,207
>> marvin!

1296
00:46:58,275 --> 00:47:02,544
>> go away!

1297
00:47:02,612 --> 00:47:03,745
Leave me be!

1298
00:47:03,813 --> 00:47:04,879
Leave me to my regrets!

1299
00:47:04,947 --> 00:47:06,848
Go away!

1300
00:47:06,916 --> 00:47:12,420
You're animals!

1301
00:47:12,488 --> 00:47:13,488
All of you!

1302
00:47:13,555 --> 00:47:14,422
Beasts, I tell you!

1303
00:47:14,490 --> 00:47:16,223
Get away from my face!

1304
00:47:16,291 --> 00:47:18,559
You don't listen!

1305
00:47:18,626 --> 00:47:20,961
My knee is broken!

1306
00:47:21,028 --> 00:47:21,928
Where's your common sense?

1307
00:47:21,995 --> 00:47:25,097
Go away.

1308
00:47:25,165 --> 00:47:26,998
>> marvin.

1309
00:47:27,066 --> 00:47:33,203
>> get out of here!

1310
00:47:42,512 --> 00:47:44,713
>>> next on the day's agenda, a

1311
00:47:44,781 --> 00:47:45,547
Very, very special treat.

1312
00:47:45,615 --> 00:47:48,316
The winners of our model u.N.

1313
00:47:48,384 --> 00:47:49,283
Competition are going to address

1314
00:47:49,351 --> 00:47:51,185
The general assembly and present

1315
00:47:51,253 --> 00:47:52,786
Their thoughts on world history.

1316
00:47:52,854 --> 00:47:58,991
So please welcome.

1317
00:47:59,059 --> 00:48:00,425
[ applause

1318
00:48:00,493 --> 00:48:01,526
>> hello.

1319
00:48:01,594 --> 00:48:03,261
Based on our hours logged

1320
00:48:03,329 --> 00:48:07,230
Deliberating at the model u.N.,

1321
00:48:07,298 --> 00:48:08,098
Here are our key thoughts on

1322
00:48:08,165 --> 00:48:09,232
World history thus far.

1323
00:48:09,299 --> 00:48:10,366
2,3,4 --

1324
00:48:10,434 --> 00:48:11,500
♪

1325
00:48:11,568 --> 00:48:12,634
♪ the holocaust

1326
00:48:12,702 --> 00:48:16,072
What was that?

1327
00:48:16,140 --> 00:48:17,140
Hiroshima

1328
00:48:17,241 --> 00:48:19,174
What was that? ♪

1329
00:48:19,242 --> 00:48:20,909
♪ terrorism

1330
00:48:20,977 --> 00:48:22,576
What is that all about?

1331
00:48:22,644 --> 00:48:26,278
Slavery?

1332
00:48:26,346 --> 00:48:28,013
Come on guys ♪

1333
00:48:28,081 --> 00:48:28,881
♪ vietnam

1334
00:48:28,949 --> 00:48:31,717
What was that?

1335
00:48:31,785 --> 00:48:35,420
Nanking massacre

1336
00:48:35,487 --> 00:48:39,090
That totally sucked! ♪

1337
00:48:39,157 --> 00:48:39,957
♪ and rwanda

1338
00:48:40,025 --> 00:48:40,825
Real mature, guys!

1339
00:48:40,892 --> 00:48:41,391
Tiananmen square

1340
00:48:41,459 --> 00:48:42,793
Give me a break! ♪

1341
00:48:42,860 --> 00:48:45,661
♪ the inquisition

1342
00:48:45,729 --> 00:48:47,363
What was that?

1343
00:48:47,430 --> 00:48:49,632
The khmer rouge

1344
00:48:49,700 --> 00:48:51,066
So bogus! ♪

1345
00:48:51,134 --> 00:48:53,034
♪ armenian genocide

1346
00:48:53,102 --> 00:48:55,302
Unacceptable!

1347
00:48:55,369 --> 00:48:57,002
Ethnic cleansing

1348
00:48:57,070 --> 00:48:59,304
Talk to the hand! ♪

1349
00:48:59,372 --> 00:49:01,572
♪ apartheid

1350
00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:03,007
What was that?!

1351
00:49:03,074 --> 00:49:05,275
Get it together guys!

1352
00:49:05,342 --> 00:49:08,678
You're blowing it! ♪

1353
00:49:08,746 --> 00:49:10,381
♪ the middle east

1354
00:49:10,448 --> 00:49:12,951
Quit goofin' around!

1355
00:49:13,019 --> 00:49:13,818
And these oil spills

1356
00:49:13,886 --> 00:49:14,954
Hit the showers! ♪

1357
00:49:15,022 --> 00:49:16,655
♪ darfur

1358
00:49:16,723 --> 00:49:20,926
What are you guys doing? ♪

1359
00:49:20,994 --> 00:49:26,032
♪ but dancing --

1360
00:49:26,100 --> 00:49:34,876
That'll set your whole

1361
00:49:34,943 --> 00:49:37,547
Shake it off and dance ♪

1362
00:49:37,614 --> 00:49:39,182
♪ and dance your troubles away ♪

1363
00:49:39,250 --> 00:49:41,117
♪ fight off the evil ♪

1364
00:49:41,185 --> 00:49:42,819
♪ because it can't ruin our

1365
00:49:42,887 --> 00:49:43,187
Day ♪

1366
00:49:43,254 --> 00:49:45,223
♪ now rip your shirt wide open

1367
00:49:45,291 --> 00:49:45,790
And dance ♪

1368
00:49:45,858 --> 00:49:48,326
♪ come on you guys ♪

1369
00:49:48,394 --> 00:49:50,328
♪ dance with a boy and a girl ♪

1370
00:49:50,396 --> 00:49:54,767
♪ we're all just people ♪

1371
00:49:54,835 --> 00:49:56,469
♪ stand up ♪

1372
00:49:56,537 --> 00:49:57,537
♪ you've got to [ bleep ] and

1373
00:49:57,604 --> 00:49:58,537
Save the world ♪

1374
00:49:58,605 --> 00:50:01,940
>> what was that?

1375
00:50:30,841 --> 00:50:33,408
>> hi, y'all.

1376
00:50:33,476 --> 00:50:35,142
I'm paula deen, and you know my

1377
00:50:35,210 --> 00:50:37,678
Favorite two ingredients to cook

1378
00:50:37,745 --> 00:50:39,379
With are butter and oil.

1379
00:50:39,446 --> 00:50:43,347
But some people don't want all

1380
00:50:43,415 --> 00:50:44,515
That fat in their food.

1381
00:50:44,582 --> 00:50:45,248
That's why I'm introducing my

1382
00:50:45,316 --> 00:50:46,516
New product.

1383
00:50:46,583 --> 00:50:48,783
Paula deen's big old soak 'em

1384
00:50:48,851 --> 00:50:52,084
Paper towels, for when you want

1385
00:50:52,151 --> 00:50:54,384
To get the fat out of your good

1386
00:50:54,452 --> 00:50:58,286
Old southern food.

1387
00:50:58,354 --> 00:51:00,087
They are eight ply, y'all.

1388
00:51:00,155 --> 00:51:00,921
They really suck on up all that

1389
00:51:00,988 --> 00:51:02,054
Butter and oil that y just

1390
00:51:02,122 --> 00:51:02,788
Don't wa getting on your

1391
00:51:02,856 --> 00:51:04,356
Little ticker.

1392
00:51:04,424 --> 00:51:05,757
Watch this, y'all.

1393
00:51:05,825 --> 00:51:11,693
I'm going to put one of my

1394
00:51:11,761 --> 00:51:14,729
Famous butter-crusted drizzler

1395
00:51:14,797 --> 00:51:15,464
Biscuits on a big old piece of

1396
00:51:15,531 --> 00:51:15,897
Soak 'em.

1397
00:51:15,965 --> 00:51:16,598
And I'm just gonna let it sit

1398
00:51:16,666 --> 00:51:17,266
There like a frog on a log.

1399
00:51:17,333 --> 00:51:22,404
Let's wait ten seconds.

1400
00:51:22,471 --> 00:51:30,980
[ laughter ]

1401
00:51:31,048 --> 00:51:34,653
Now, look at that.

1402
00:51:34,720 --> 00:51:36,354
Laughter ]

1403
00:51:36,421 --> 00:51:38,088
That big old biscuit got all the

1404
00:51:38,156 --> 00:51:40,356
Butter and oil just soaked on

1405
00:51:40,424 --> 00:51:45,896
Right out of it.

1406
00:51:45,964 --> 00:51:47,933
Now that biscuit is a lot

1407
00:51:48,001 --> 00:51:48,767
More healthy, y'all.

1408
00:51:48,835 --> 00:51:49,869
Also, it tastes like [ bleep ].

1409
00:51:49,936 --> 00:51:50,736
[ laughter ]

1410
00:51:50,804 --> 00:51:52,171
Look, y'all, just between you,

1411
00:51:52,239 --> 00:51:54,173
Me and the chickens, I have to

1412
00:51:54,241 --> 00:51:55,608
Suggest this oil draining

1413
00:51:55,676 --> 00:51:59,145
Because health professionals are

1414
00:51:59,213 --> 00:52:01,147
Really backing up my back bumper

1415
00:52:01,214 --> 00:52:01,847
About my food making little

1416
00:52:01,915 --> 00:52:02,581
Children fat.

1417
00:52:02,649 --> 00:52:03,316
I was a fat child and look how I

1418
00:52:03,383 --> 00:52:06,285
Turned out.

1419
00:52:06,352 --> 00:52:07,152
I'm on tv, and I have a real

1420
00:52:07,220 --> 00:52:13,925
Foxy husband.

1421
00:52:13,993 --> 00:52:16,828
He is santalicious.

1422
00:52:16,895 --> 00:52:19,531
I'd love to sit on his lap.

1423
00:52:19,598 --> 00:52:20,398
And you should see how fat my

1424
00:52:20,466 --> 00:52:21,232
Little grandbaby boy is.

1425
00:52:21,300 --> 00:52:22,133
He is like a string of plump

1426
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:22,933
Little sausages with a diaper on

1427
00:52:23,001 --> 00:52:23,534
It.

1428
00:52:23,602 --> 00:52:26,102
I just want to bite him.

1429
00:52:26,170 --> 00:52:27,203
He better watch it or I'm going

1430
00:52:27,271 --> 00:52:28,070
To put him in the fryer and

1431
00:52:28,138 --> 00:52:29,772
Serve him up on a bed of

1432
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:31,207
Buttered noodles.

1433
00:52:31,275 --> 00:52:36,345
[ laughter ]

1434
00:52:36,413 --> 00:52:39,814
Oh, it is as hot as the devil's

1435
00:52:39,882 --> 00:52:41,249
Danglers in this kitchen.

1436
00:52:41,316 --> 00:52:42,349
Oh, my mercy me.

1437
00:52:42,417 --> 00:52:42,917
[ laughter ]

1438
00:52:42,984 --> 00:52:43,784
I am giving off some body butter

1439
00:52:43,852 --> 00:52:47,187
Today.

1440
00:52:47,254 --> 00:52:48,621
Y'all, please go buy you some of

1441
00:52:48,689 --> 00:52:49,355
These soak 'em so people will

1442
00:52:49,422 --> 00:52:51,790
Get off my double bubble.

1443
00:52:51,858 --> 00:52:55,015
I'm going to take a heat lamp and
put it on my face on my sun Porch.

1444
00:52:55,016 --> 00:52:57,825
I'd better put down a soak 'em
Or I'm going to ruin my pillows.

1445
00:52:57,826 --> 00:53:00,594
Love y'all!

1446
00:53:23,246 --> 00:53:25,514
>>> once again, arcade fire.

1447
00:53:25,582 --> 00:53:28,117
[ cheers and applause ]

1448
00:53:29,586 --> 00:53:34,056
♪

1449
00:53:34,124 --> 00:53:34,924
♪ they heard me singing

1450
00:53:34,992 --> 00:53:41,465
And they told me to stop

1451
00:53:41,533 --> 00:53:43,433
Quit these pretentious things

1452
00:53:43,501 --> 00:53:49,440
And just punch the clock ♪

1453
00:53:49,508 --> 00:53:52,544
♪ these days my life

1454
00:53:52,611 --> 00:53:58,250
I feel it has no purpose

1455
00:53:58,317 --> 00:53:59,384
But late at night the

1456
00:53:59,452 --> 00:54:00,818
Feelings swim to ♪

1457
00:54:00,886 --> 00:54:07,059
♪ the surface

1458
00:54:07,127 --> 00:54:08,795
'cause on the surface

1459
00:54:08,862 --> 00:54:15,035
The city lights shine

1460
00:54:15,103 --> 00:54:17,604
They're calling at me ♪

1461
00:54:17,672 --> 00:54:25,547
♪ come and find your kind

1462
00:54:25,615 --> 00:54:26,415
Sometimes I wonder if

1463
00:54:26,482 --> 00:54:31,821
The world's so small

1464
00:54:31,888 --> 00:54:33,222
That we can never get ♪

1465
00:54:33,289 --> 00:54:36,094
♪ away from the sprawl

1466
00:54:36,162 --> 00:54:38,631
Living in the sprawl

1467
00:54:38,698 --> 00:54:39,799
Dead shopping malls rise

1468
00:54:39,866 --> 00:54:40,933
Like mountains ♪

1469
00:54:41,001 --> 00:54:42,902
♪ beyond mountains

1470
00:54:42,970 --> 00:54:46,307
And there's no end in sight

1471
00:54:46,374 --> 00:54:46,907
I need the darkness

1472
00:54:46,975 --> 00:54:47,741
Someone please ♪

1473
00:54:47,809 --> 00:54:54,583
♪ cut the lights

1474
00:54:54,651 --> 00:54:57,419
We rode our bikes

1475
00:54:57,487 --> 00:55:03,693
To the nearest park

1476
00:55:03,761 --> 00:55:05,395
Sat under the swings ♪

1477
00:55:05,462 --> 00:55:11,936
♪ and kissed in the dark

1478
00:55:12,003 --> 00:55:13,937
We shield our eyes

1479
00:55:14,005 --> 00:55:20,744
From the police lights

1480
00:55:20,812 --> 00:55:21,612
We run away ♪

1481
00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:26,751
♪ but we don't know why

1482
00:55:26,819 --> 00:55:28,719
On the black river

1483
00:55:28,787 --> 00:55:34,959
The city lights shine

1484
00:55:35,027 --> 00:55:36,961
They're screaming at us ♪

1485
00:55:37,029 --> 00:55:42,368
♪ we don't need your kind

1486
00:55:42,435 --> 00:55:47,773
Sometimes I wonder if

1487
00:55:47,841 --> 00:55:54,881
The world's so small

1488
00:55:54,949 --> 00:55:56,016
That we can never get ♪

1489
00:55:56,084 --> 00:55:57,150
♪ away from the sprawl

1490
00:55:57,218 --> 00:55:58,285
Living in the sprawl

1491
00:55:58,353 --> 00:55:59,720
Dead shopping malls rise like

1492
00:55:59,787 --> 00:56:03,691
Mountains beyond mountains ♪

1493
00:56:03,759 --> 00:56:04,559
♪ and there's no end in sight

1494
00:56:04,626 --> 00:56:06,861
I need the darkness

1495
00:56:06,928 --> 00:56:08,262
Someone please cut the lights

1496
00:56:08,330 --> 00:56:24,681
♪

1497
00:56:31,089 --> 00:56:37,529
♪

1498
00:56:37,596 --> 00:56:40,399
♪ they heard me singing

1499
00:56:40,467 --> 00:56:46,105
And they told me to stop

1500
00:56:46,173 --> 00:56:47,240
Quit these pretentious things

1501
00:56:47,307 --> 00:56:54,349
And just punch the clock ♪

1502
00:56:54,416 --> 00:56:55,516
♪ sometimes I wonder if

1503
00:56:55,584 --> 00:57:00,021
The world's so small

1504
00:57:00,089 --> 00:57:02,891
Can we ever get away

1505
00:57:02,958 --> 00:57:04,292
From the sprawl? ♪

1506
00:57:04,360 --> 00:57:07,128
♪ living in the sprawl

1507
00:57:07,196 --> 00:57:08,863
Dead shopping malls rise like

1508
00:57:08,931 --> 00:57:11,701
Mountains beyond mountains

1509
00:57:11,769 --> 00:57:13,403
And there's no end in sight ♪

1510
00:57:13,471 --> 00:57:15,706
♪ I need the darkness

1511
00:57:15,774 --> 00:57:22,780
Someone please cut the lights

1512
00:57:22,848 --> 00:57:29,318
I need the darkness

1513
00:57:29,386 --> 00:57:30,453
Someone please ♪

1514
00:57:30,520 --> 00:57:31,887
♪ cut the lights ♪

1515
00:57:31,955 --> 00:57:48,304
♪

1516
00:58:01,819 --> 00:58:18,168
♪

1517
00:58:26,009 --> 00:58:27,943
[ cheers and applause ]

1518
00:58:41,999 --> 00:58:42,599
>>> tlc presents "stars of

1519
00:58:42,667 --> 00:58:47,168
Tomorrow."

1520
00:58:47,236 --> 00:58:48,303
>> I travel all over the country

1521
00:58:48,370 --> 00:58:50,571
Looking for talented kids.

1522
00:58:50,639 --> 00:58:52,005
You never know where you'll find

1523
00:58:52,072 --> 00:58:56,173
The next abigail breslin.

1524
00:58:56,241 --> 00:58:57,842
And I still remember the night I

1525
00:58:57,909 --> 00:58:58,709
Went to akron, ohio, to see

1526
00:58:58,777 --> 00:59:00,978
11-year-old laura parsons.

1527
00:59:01,046 --> 00:59:04,114
>> from the moment laura was

1528
00:59:04,181 --> 00:59:04,881
Born, we knew she had something

1529
00:59:04,949 --> 00:59:05,248
Special.

1530
00:59:05,316 --> 00:59:07,816
She was a very expressive baby.

1531
00:59:07,884 --> 00:59:08,583
She would, like, cry when she

1532
00:59:08,651 --> 00:59:11,217
Wanted something.

1533
00:59:11,284 --> 00:59:12,918
We always knew she was amazing.

1534
00:59:12,985 --> 00:59:16,351
But at that first audition, she

1535
00:59:16,419 --> 00:59:18,585
Did a piece from "a few good

1536
00:59:18,653 --> 00:59:19,652
Men," she

1537
00:59:19,720 --> 00:59:20,486
Let everyone know.

1538
00:59:20,553 --> 00:59:21,886
>> son, we live in a world that

1539
00:59:21,953 --> 00:59:25,485
Has walls.

1540
00:59:25,553 --> 00:59:27,983
Those walls have to be guarded

1541
00:59:28,051 --> 00:59:29,617
By men with guns.

1542
00:59:29,684 --> 00:59:30,750
Who's going to do it?

1543
00:59:30,817 --> 00:59:32,181
You -- you -- you want the

1544
00:59:32,249 --> 00:59:32,515
Truth?

1545
00:59:32,582 --> 00:59:33,314
You can't handle the truth.

1546
00:59:33,381 --> 00:59:33,946
>> we have a word in the

1547
00:59:34,014 --> 00:59:36,379
Theater.

1548
00:59:36,447 --> 00:59:40,445
Show-stopper.

1549
00:59:40,513 --> 00:59:42,712
That audition got her the

1550
00:59:42,780 --> 00:59:43,446
Lead in some of the top kids'

1551
00:59:43,514 --> 00:59:44,080
Touring productions like

1552
00:59:44,148 --> 00:59:44,781
"rocking red riding hood" and

1553
00:59:44,848 --> 00:59:45,414
The mary-kate and ashley

1554
00:59:45,482 --> 00:59:47,548
Classic, "how the west was fun."

1555
00:59:47,615 --> 00:59:48,980
>> she was the only name in kids

1556
00:59:49,047 --> 00:59:52,111
Theater for a long time.

1557
00:59:52,179 --> 00:59:52,845
And then -- and then one day,

1558
00:59:52,912 --> 00:59:55,211
Everything changed.

1559
00:59:55,278 --> 00:59:56,909
>> amanda starr was just a poor

1560
00:59:56,977 --> 00:59:58,611
11-year-old kid from bethesda.

1561
00:59:58,679 --> 01:00:00,045
But when she hit that stage,

1562
01:00:00,113 --> 01:00:02,046
Boom!

1563
01:00:02,114 --> 01:00:07,950
Fireworks.

1564
01:00:08,018 --> 01:00:09,585
Amanda's audition for "on the

1565
01:00:09,653 --> 01:00:10,219
Waterfront" had everyone

1566
01:00:10,287 --> 01:00:11,087
Talking.

1567
01:00:11,154 --> 01:00:11,721
>> you don't understand.

1568
01:00:11,788 --> 01:00:12,321
I could have had class.

1569
01:00:12,389 --> 01:00:13,022
I could have been a contender.

1570
01:00:13,089 --> 01:00:15,056
I could have been somebody.

1571
01:00:15,124 --> 01:00:15,790
Instead of a bum which is what I

1572
01:00:15,858 --> 01:00:16,190
Am.

1573
01:00:16,258 --> 01:00:17,890
Let's face it.

1574
01:00:17,958 --> 01:00:22,393
It was you, charlie.

1575
01:00:22,460 --> 01:00:23,560
>> that's when the rivalry

1576
01:00:23,628 --> 01:00:24,694
Started.

1577
01:00:24,762 --> 01:00:26,429
And it was -- it was so hard.

1578
01:00:26,496 --> 01:00:27,830
I couldn't eat.

1579
01:00:27,897 --> 01:00:29,531
I couldn't sleep.

1580
01:00:29,598 --> 01:00:31,532
But laura stayed strong and took

1581
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:35,335
Care of the both of us.

1582
01:00:35,402 --> 01:00:38,072
>> I really wanted to work with

1583
01:00:38,139 --> 01:00:43,844
Laura and man da butdy but I co.

1584
01:00:43,912 --> 01:00:46,480
It was an all-african-american

1585
01:00:46,547 --> 01:00:48,848
Cast, so I had no use for either

1586
01:00:48,916 --> 01:00:50,216
Of the girls.

1587
01:00:50,283 --> 01:00:51,350
>> they never thought she had a

1588
01:00:51,418 --> 01:00:54,287
Shot until they saw laura

1589
01:00:54,354 --> 01:00:55,188
Perform the character bubba from

1590
01:00:55,255 --> 01:00:59,190
"forrest gump."

1591
01:00:59,257 --> 01:00:59,857
>> you ever been on a real

1592
01:00:59,924 --> 01:01:00,591
Shrimp boat?

1593
01:01:00,658 --> 01:01:01,291
I'm talking about a shrimping

1594
01:01:01,359 --> 01:01:01,758
Boat.

1595
01:01:01,826 --> 01:01:02,459
I've been working on shrimp

1596
01:01:02,527 --> 01:01:03,760
Boats all my life.

1597
01:01:03,828 --> 01:01:05,728
People call me bubba.

1598
01:01:05,796 --> 01:01:06,462
Just like one of them redneck

1599
01:01:06,529 --> 01:01:07,462
Boys.

1600
01:01:07,530 --> 01:01:11,131
Can you believe that?

1601
01:01:11,199 --> 01:01:15,337
Anyway, like I was saying,

1602
01:01:15,405 --> 01:01:16,538
Shrimp is the fruit of the sea.

1603
01:01:16,606 --> 01:01:19,474
You can barbecue it, boil it,

1604
01:01:19,541 --> 01:01:22,510
Broil it, make shrimp soup,

1605
01:01:22,577 --> 01:01:23,210
Shrimp stew, shrimp and

1606
01:01:23,278 --> 01:01:24,845
Potatoes.

1607
01:01:24,913 --> 01:01:25,579
And that's -- that's about it.

1608
01:01:25,647 --> 01:01:27,948
[ laughter ]

1609
01:01:28,016 --> 01:01:29,183
>> oh, yes, they pushed each

1610
01:01:29,251 --> 01:01:30,985
Other.

1611
01:01:31,053 --> 01:01:31,752
Once mandy heard that laura was

1612
01:01:31,820 --> 01:01:32,286
Auditioning for an

1613
01:01:32,354 --> 01:01:33,054
African-american part, she knew

1614
01:01:33,122 --> 01:01:37,326
What she had to do.

1615
01:01:37,393 --> 01:01:38,727
Sophie from "the color purple."

1616
01:01:38,795 --> 01:01:39,562
>> all my life I had to fight.

1617
01:01:39,629 --> 01:01:41,232
I had to fight my daddy.

1618
01:01:41,299 --> 01:01:44,975
I had to fight my uncles.

1619
01:01:45,042 --> 01:01:48,378
I had to fight my brothers.

1620
01:01:48,446 --> 01:01:50,080
A girl travelling safe in a

1621
01:01:50,147 --> 01:01:52,082
Family of men.

1622
01:01:52,149 --> 01:01:52,949
But I ain't never thought I'd

1623
01:01:53,017 --> 01:01:53,683
Have to fight in my own house.

1624
01:01:53,751 --> 01:01:54,117
I loved harpo.

1625
01:01:54,184 --> 01:01:54,651
God knows I do.

1626
01:01:54,718 --> 01:01:55,785
But I'll kill him dead before I

1627
01:01:55,853 --> 01:01:58,737
Let him beat me.

1628
01:02:02,395 --> 01:02:06,569
>> amanda and laura were the

1629
01:02:06,636 --> 01:02:07,638
Biggest names.

1630
01:02:07,706 --> 01:02:09,110
We had no choice.

1631
01:02:09,178 --> 01:02:10,581
We cast mandy in the part of

1632
01:02:10,648 --> 01:02:12,683
Mama and laura as her husband,

1633
01:02:12,750 --> 01:02:13,183
Walter.

1634
01:02:13,251 --> 01:02:14,551
>> of course, it was a

1635
01:02:14,619 --> 01:02:14,918
Sensation.

1636
01:02:14,985 --> 01:02:15,585
People talked about it for

1637
01:02:15,653 --> 01:02:17,720
Weeks.

1638
01:02:17,788 --> 01:02:19,722
That's when laura and mandy

1639
01:02:19,790 --> 01:02:21,224
Realized it was better to work

1640
01:02:21,292 --> 01:02:22,725
Together than as rivals.

1641
01:02:22,793 --> 01:02:24,030
In their next project, they

1642
01:02:24,098 --> 01:02:24,899
Decided to collaborate.

1643
01:02:24,967 --> 01:02:26,236
>> if you'd have told me that

1644
01:02:26,303 --> 01:02:27,538
Our company was going to do a

1645
01:02:27,606 --> 01:02:29,241
Stage version of "brokeback

1646
01:02:29,309 --> 01:02:29,942
Mountain," I would have been

1647
01:02:30,010 --> 01:02:31,878
Skeptical.

1648
01:02:31,947 --> 01:02:35,916
But then you said that the lead

1649
01:02:35,983 --> 01:02:38,452
Roles of the two gay cowboys

1650
01:02:38,519 --> 01:02:40,887
Will be played by 11-year-old

1651
01:02:40,955 --> 01:02:42,956
Girls, I would tell you it can't

1652
01:02:43,023 --> 01:02:45,525
Be done.

1653
01:02:45,593 --> 01:02:47,893
>> why didn't you just let me

1654
01:02:47,961 --> 01:02:48,160
Be?

1655
01:02:48,228 --> 01:02:49,462
It's because of you, jack twist,

1656
01:02:49,530 --> 01:02:50,230
That I'd like this.

1657
01:02:50,298 --> 01:02:50,730
I'm nothing.

1658
01:02:50,798 --> 01:02:53,333
I'm nowhere.

1659
01:02:53,401 --> 01:02:56,436
I can't stand being like this no

1660
01:02:56,504 --> 01:02:56,736
More.

1661
01:02:56,804 --> 01:02:58,271
>> I tell you what, we could

1662
01:02:58,338 --> 01:03:00,372
Have had a good life together,

1663
01:03:00,440 --> 01:03:02,674
But you didn't want it, ennis.

1664
01:03:02,742 --> 01:03:04,677
So what we've got now is

1665
01:03:04,744 --> 01:03:05,878
Brokeback mountain.

1666
01:03:05,946 --> 01:03:07,948
You have no idea how bad it

1667
01:03:08,016 --> 01:03:11,720
Gets.

1668
01:03:16,929 --> 01:03:20,533
A couple every year.

1669
01:03:20,601 --> 01:03:22,103
I wish I knew how to quit you.

1670
01:03:22,171 --> 01:03:23,072
>> opening night was a

1671
01:03:23,140 --> 01:03:27,415
Ten-minute standing ovation.

1672
01:03:27,482 --> 01:03:31,858
We have a word in theater,

1673
01:03:31,927 --> 01:03:32,226
Gaymazing.

1674
01:03:32,294 --> 01:03:34,097
That was double gaymazing.

1675
01:03:48,044 --> 01:03:49,777
>>> ceramic busts.

1676
01:03:49,845 --> 01:03:52,646
Nothing says I'm a millionaire

1677
01:03:52,714 --> 01:03:57,450
More than ceramic busts.

1678
01:03:57,518 --> 01:03:58,151
You want to start rumors that

1679
01:03:58,218 --> 01:04:01,153
You come from a rich family?

1680
01:04:01,221 --> 01:04:02,054
Get yourself some ceramic busts.

1681
01:04:02,122 --> 01:04:03,456
Fill your house with them.

1682
01:04:03,523 --> 01:04:04,223
You like having orange juice and

1683
01:04:04,291 --> 01:04:09,328
Toast for breakfast?

1684
01:04:09,396 --> 01:04:10,096
Try having it with ceramic

1685
01:04:10,163 --> 01:04:11,430
Busts.

1686
01:04:11,498 --> 01:04:12,164
Now you're eating in a european

1687
01:04:12,232 --> 01:04:12,865
Museum.

1688
01:04:12,933 --> 01:04:13,632
You're doing a bunch of work on

1689
01:04:13,700 --> 01:04:14,200
Your computer at home?

1690
01:04:14,267 --> 01:04:19,104
Put a ceramic bust on it.

1691
01:04:19,172 --> 01:04:20,272
Pretty soon you'll be logging on

1692
01:04:20,340 --> 01:04:23,677
To those yacht websites.

1693
01:04:23,744 --> 01:04:24,377
You like freshening up in the

1694
01:04:24,445 --> 01:04:26,213
Bathroom?

1695
01:04:26,281 --> 01:04:27,081
Freshen up with ceramic busts

1696
01:04:27,149 --> 01:04:28,516
Everywhere.

1697
01:04:28,584 --> 01:04:29,651
You're going to think you're

1698
01:04:29,719 --> 01:04:30,418
Washing your hands in the white

1699
01:04:30,486 --> 01:04:30,786
House.

1700
01:04:30,853 --> 01:04:33,355
And I mean the top floor.

1701
01:04:33,423 --> 01:04:35,325
You've got to get yourself these

1702
01:04:35,392 --> 01:04:36,459
Ceramic busts.

1703
01:04:36,527 --> 01:04:37,327
It's people from all over

1704
01:04:37,395 --> 01:04:39,597
History.

1705
01:04:39,664 --> 01:04:41,298
France, greece, shakespeare.

1706
01:04:41,366 --> 01:04:41,866
[ light laughter ]

1707
01:04:41,934 --> 01:04:43,868
People are going to look at

1708
01:04:43,936 --> 01:04:47,272
These and think you own a

1709
01:04:47,340 --> 01:04:47,839
Mercedes.

1710
01:04:47,907 --> 01:04:48,973
Don't believe me?

1711
01:04:49,041 --> 01:04:49,841
Try asking my daughter, lexi.

1712
01:04:49,908 --> 01:04:54,378
>> come on.

1713
01:04:54,445 --> 01:04:54,978
Just get these already.

1714
01:04:55,046 --> 01:04:55,812
Don't you want people to look

1715
01:04:55,880 --> 01:04:58,914
Into your house and say, "whoa.

1716
01:04:58,982 --> 01:04:59,648
That must be a family of brain

1717
01:04:59,716 --> 01:05:01,216
Surgeons.

1718
01:05:01,284 --> 01:05:04,352
I bet they listen to classical

1719
01:05:04,420 --> 01:05:05,493
Music every day."
Look at this one.

1720
01:05:05,494 --> 01:05:07,303
Who is that?
Sir isaac newton?

1721
01:05:07,304 --> 01:05:09,710
Who's that one?
Beethoven?

1722
01:05:09,711 --> 01:05:11,748
Is that one zeus?

1723
01:05:11,749 --> 01:05:15,069
Everyone's going to see these
And go, "god, they probably have

1724
01:05:15,070 --> 01:05:17,645
A tennis court back there behind
The bushes."

1725
01:05:17,646 --> 01:05:22,625
I mean, imagine waking up and The
first thing you see is a Face like this one.

1726
01:05:22,626 --> 01:05:24,784
Or that one.
Or this one.

1727
01:05:24,785 --> 01:05:28,027
Or that one.

1728
01:05:30,500 --> 01:05:32,902
>> these things have no arms and
No legs.

1729
01:05:32,903 --> 01:05:34,574
So they're not going anywhere.

1730
01:05:34,575 --> 01:05:39,814
Plus, every customer gets a free
Copy of "the kama sutra."

1731
01:05:39,815 --> 01:05:41,623
You know what that's about,
Right?

1732
01:05:41,691 --> 01:05:42,457
I insist, you should really get

1733
01:05:42,525 --> 01:05:45,293
Yourself some ceramic busts.

1734
01:05:45,361 --> 01:05:45,961
Come to mike's bustaria on

1735
01:05:46,029 --> 01:05:47,295
Central avenue.

1736
01:05:47,363 --> 01:05:50,099
♪

1737
01:05:50,166 --> 01:05:52,134
♪

1738
01:05:52,202 --> 01:05:54,908
[ cheers and applause ]

1739
01:05:54,908 --> 01:05:59,118
>> you've gotta get yourself
some ceramic busts.

1740
01:06:12,898 --> 01:06:16,489
>>> thanks to arcade fire!

1741
01:06:16,490 --> 01:06:20,501
Thank you so much for watching.
Thanks to "snl" cast and crew.

1742
01:06:20,502 --> 01:06:25,497
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Good night!

1743
01:06:25,498 --> 01:06:26,498
www.Addci7ed.com
www.insubs.com