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It's The Futurama Holiday
Spectacular brought to you by...
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Ah, the Xmas season.
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Who wants a delicious unshelled nut?
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Ooh, I'll have one.
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It's "nut" so good.
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What's wrong, Fry?
Are you regretting another wasted year?
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I don't know. Something about Xmas
just doesn't feel like Christmas.
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Santa's coming! Initiate defenses!
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God rest ye merry gentlemen
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in peace.
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Can someone please explain
how you celebrate this crazy holiday?
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Preferably in song.
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It's the violentest season
of the year
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When Kringle-bot come dispensing
mugs of Xmas fear
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Sugar plummy visions will be dancing
in your head
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When I cane you
from the comfort of my sled
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On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel
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Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings
and a barrel
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And if Grandma 's Xmas fruitcake
finally reaches critical mass
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It can be re-gifted straight to Santa 's ass
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But the ornamental armaments
are merely superficial
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The tinsel and the trappings
are just icing on the missile
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The one thing that you need
to make your Xmas Day splendiferous
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Is a pine tree
A pine tree that's coniferous
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We have to have a pine tree
that's coniferous
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You're welcome.
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You know, Santa may have killed Scruffy,
but he makes a good point.
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What we need is
an old-fashioned pine tree.
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Cram it, Virginia.
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Pine trees have been extinct
for over 800 years.
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Professor, maybe there's some way
to bring the pine trees back to life.
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Like we did with the barking snakes.
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Pine trees aren't barking snakes.
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They won't just turn up in a salad
at Olive Garden.
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But there is one hope and, as usual,
it's Norwegian.
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Behold!
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The Svalbard Global Seed Vault.
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Since 2008, the vault has preserved seeds
of every known plant species,
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in case of extinction.
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And I brought a few seeds of my own.
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Halt! What's your business pokey-poking
about the seed vault?
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Guardian of mankind's precious botanical
heritage there?
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We just want to come in
and rummage about a bit.
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Oh, so... Okay.
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Yo, ABBA, what's that next door?
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That's the Germ Warfare Repository.
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It's so close.
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Is there any chance
of cross-contamination?
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No.
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Now, your pine trees
were all chopped down
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to make emergency toilet paper
during the Fifty-Year Squirts.
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Lucky the seeds have been preserved here
in the vault there.
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What's that splork on them?
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It's not germs, is it?
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No.
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Now that's a tree worth chopping down.
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Indeed, 'tis a lovely tree.
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'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever.
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That's what my poll numbers need.
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Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer.
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As your vice-president, I order you
to steal that tree.
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My fellow Earthicans,
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welcome to the annual White House
Xmas-tree lighting,
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brought to you by Gunderson's Nuts.
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Gunderson!
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Oh, no!
Could the seed have been contaminated
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by a virus from the germ vault?
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Yeah, I suppose.
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Wait. This could be a good thing.
That weaponized virus
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made the sickly, little tree
grow big and strong.
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Wait. This could be a good thing.
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Reforestation has begun.
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Geez, with these...
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Arguably, this could be a good thing.
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The planet has returned
to its primeval state.
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Earth is just the way it was
before the white man came.
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Good news.
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All these pine trees are fighting
global warming
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by producing oxygen.
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- Happy now, Gore?
- Yeah.
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But I'd be happier if I had a set of lungs.
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Wait a second.
Oxygen levels are rising too rapidly.
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10%, 20%, 60%.
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- As long as it doesn't hit 70.
- 80%.
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You know, I don't recall
having done anything for a while,
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but I still feel I deserve a smoke.
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Hey, cool. The air is on fire.
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Ho, ho, ho.
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Everyone's dead.
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Stay tuned for another tale
of holiday hilarity.
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Now back to the Gunderson's Nuts
Holiday Spectacular featuring Futurama.
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Okay, crew. Xmas break is over.
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It's time to destroy these gifts
we forgot to deliver.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa!
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How come we get off for every dumb
human holiday,
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but not for robot holidays?
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Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah.
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I'm talking about Robanukah,
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the holiest six and a half weeks
in the robot calendar.
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That's just a fake holiday you make up
every year to get out of work.
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Yeah. If it's real,
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how come there's no song
that explains how to celebrate it?
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Because there is.
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- Hit it.
- Hit what?
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I placed instruments under your seats.
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Play them
or I'll break them over your heads.
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Robanukah may sound
as if it's Jewish
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But its ancient-sounding customs
are exceptionally newish
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So take a hearty swallow
from your robo-Kiddush cup
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Which will give me time
to quickly make them up
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Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?
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Mine is called a droid-el
and it's rigged to make you pay
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Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped
chocolate coins?
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Better. We got fem-bots
with illegal five-speed groins
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Shalom, Ruth and Esther.
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Why with the music so loud?
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Would it kill him to turn up the heat
a little in here?
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By far, the most important thing is oil
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To keep the lamp light burning
or to help the latkes broil
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No, we pour the holy lubricant
out from this sacred vessel
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into this blessed pit so they can wrestle
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The extra made-up touch
that makes Robanukah so special
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is the oil in which the
nasty fem-bots wrestle
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We shall now begin
the traditional oil wrestling.
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Will the referee bring out
the ceremonial cruse of petroleum oil?
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Thank you, Abraham.
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Not in the hair, please. I just had it did.
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Oh, no. These broads are supposed
to wrestle for six and a half weeks,
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but there's only enough petroleum oil
for four and a half weeks.
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We're still getting paid, right?
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I told you it's an audition!
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Bender, four and a half weeks
of oil wrestling sounds like plenty.
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This isn't a lousy reform Robanukah.
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We need more petroleum oil!
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I got me some whale oil, some squirrel oil.
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Not kosher! It has to be petroleum oil!
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Do you not give a damn about
the hallowed traditions of Robanukah?
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I reckon I do not.
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Anyways, Earth done run out
of petroleum oil.
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I tried to warn you.
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One unit of free,
limitless solar power, please.
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That'll be, I don't know, 10 bucks.
143
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Can you make change for a Nobel Prize?
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Man, can't we just make more
petroleum oil?
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I'm afraid not, son.
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Petroleum only forms when organic matter
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is subjected to intense pressure
for hundreds of millions of years.
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I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.
149
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This is so unfair.
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00:10:03,845 --> 00:10:06,871
I don't wrestle dry, Bender.
I went to Vassar.
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00:10:07,048 --> 00:10:10,779
Professor, I want you to look
these poor floozies in the eye
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and tell them
their oil-wrestling days are over.
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I suppose there could be a minute quantity
of petroleum left,
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but it would be insanely deep
within the Earth
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at pressures so dangerously high...
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Let's go, already!
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Setting Bachman Turners to Overdrive.
158
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We're getting pretty deep.
Look! Mole coffins.
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Oh, no. We tunneled into a tunnel.
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What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear
when I stop talking?
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It's an albino humping worm.
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Why do they call it that?
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Because it doesn't have any pigment.
164
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- What's our depth, Captain?
- Forty kilometers, 50.
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There must be petroleum oil
down here somewhere.
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Go deeper. Deeper!
167
00:11:33,333 --> 00:11:36,496
No, Bender. The ship can't withstand
this much pressure.
168
00:11:36,603 --> 00:11:39,629
Sometimes it falls apart just sitting
in the hangar.
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00:11:39,773 --> 00:11:42,571
Professor, I've never asked
for anything before,
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but seeing those fem-bots glistening
with oil means more to me than life itself.
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Call me an old fool, but I believe
the Lord is speaking through you.
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Brace yourselves, everyone.
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One hundred kilometers.
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Two hundred.
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I hate to complain about the heat,
176
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but the air conditioner's on fire.
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My ice cream Manwich!
178
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What the hell are we doing?
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We're all gonna die so this junkyard
golem can celebrate Robanukah.
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You vile racist.
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Haven't my people suffered enough?
182
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Now keep drilling for that petroleum
oil, you selfish cowards.
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00:12:32,459 --> 00:12:35,292
Although, then again, I guess any kind
of oil would be just as...
184
00:12:36,529 --> 00:12:37,496
Not my fault.
185
00:12:41,268 --> 00:12:43,759
I am so great. Bender is great
186
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Bender, Bender, Bender
187
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Man, where'd the time go?
188
00:12:48,074 --> 00:12:50,736
Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.
189
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They turned into petroleum oil.
190
00:12:56,983 --> 00:12:59,781
I thought they were selfish,
yet in the end,
191
00:12:59,886 --> 00:13:03,185
it turns out it was I
who thought they were selfish.
192
00:13:10,130 --> 00:13:12,530
Hey, ladies, I found some. What the...
193
00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:18,297
There was only enough petroleum oil
for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling,
194
00:13:18,405 --> 00:13:21,101
but it lasted 500 million years.
195
00:13:21,474 --> 00:13:23,101
It's a miracle.
196
00:13:23,944 --> 00:13:26,105
Happy Robanukah, everyone.
197
00:13:26,212 --> 00:13:30,649
Coming up next, more thoughtful,
interfaith hijinks.
198
00:13:34,254 --> 00:13:37,121
And now, the unrelated conclusion.
199
00:13:42,495 --> 00:13:43,621
- Hello, Fry.
- Hey, Fry!
200
00:13:43,730 --> 00:13:44,822
- How you doing?
- What's up?
201
00:13:44,931 --> 00:13:47,661
LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa.
202
00:13:47,767 --> 00:13:49,132
We brought a chocolate cake,
203
00:13:49,235 --> 00:13:51,795
but now I'm worried
that might be offensive in some way.
204
00:13:51,905 --> 00:13:53,372
Just sit down.
205
00:13:54,441 --> 00:13:56,909
Happy Kwanzaa, brother men
and sister men.
206
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:59,740
Well, look at the cat the cat dragged in.
207
00:13:59,846 --> 00:14:02,508
Kwanzaa tradition
encourages educational gifts.
208
00:14:02,615 --> 00:14:05,106
So I brought Dwight my book
on mathketball.
209
00:14:05,618 --> 00:14:08,143
Whoa! Let me see that.
210
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,213
I'll sign it for you later.
211
00:14:11,324 --> 00:14:13,656
Man, it's a cold one out there.
212
00:14:13,793 --> 00:14:15,055
Barbados Slim?
213
00:14:15,161 --> 00:14:16,719
Come in, Barbados.
214
00:14:16,863 --> 00:14:20,959
Look at yourself, all throbbing
and shirtless for the holiday.
215
00:14:21,301 --> 00:14:22,859
I hope you're ready to celebrate.
216
00:14:22,969 --> 00:14:26,200
All night long, woman.
217
00:14:27,607 --> 00:14:30,235
I'm glad you all could be here
with my family.
218
00:14:30,343 --> 00:14:35,007
Kwanzaa traditions are quite ancient,
dating back over 1,000 years.
219
00:14:35,148 --> 00:14:36,445
Whoa!
220
00:14:36,549 --> 00:14:40,848
If only someone could tell us more
about these traditions.
221
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,454
Oh, yeah.
222
00:14:43,555 --> 00:14:44,954
Hey, Kool-Aid's here.
223
00:14:45,057 --> 00:14:47,890
No, child. That's not a made-up character.
224
00:14:47,993 --> 00:14:49,187
It's Kwanzaa-bot.
225
00:14:49,294 --> 00:14:51,990
And I'm gonna tell you all
how we celebrate Kwanzaa.
226
00:14:52,097 --> 00:14:54,031
Zoidberg, lay down a beat.
227
00:14:54,133 --> 00:14:56,431
How about I just lay down?
228
00:15:00,072 --> 00:15:03,371
There's seven basic principles
that go to make up Kwanzaa
229
00:15:03,475 --> 00:15:07,002
So sit your asses down and have
some knowledge dropped upon ya
230
00:15:07,112 --> 00:15:08,704
Kujichagulia
231
00:15:08,814 --> 00:15:10,281
- And Umoja.
- And the rest!
232
00:15:10,382 --> 00:15:11,349
Now we get it
233
00:15:11,450 --> 00:15:13,680
Sit back down
There's gonna be a test
234
00:15:13,886 --> 00:15:15,547
My favorite's Ujamaa
235
00:15:15,654 --> 00:15:17,246
Cooperative economics
236
00:15:17,356 --> 00:15:19,722
Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here
Put away the comics
237
00:15:21,126 --> 00:15:24,152
Ku'umba is another one
It stands for creativity
238
00:15:24,263 --> 00:15:27,824
Like the ever-changing nature
of my sexual proclivities
239
00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:31,093
I think there's one called Nia
but I don't speak Swahili
240
00:15:31,503 --> 00:15:34,597
Something about a pine tree
and an oil-wrestling deal-y?
241
00:15:34,706 --> 00:15:38,233
That's from Xmas and Robanukah
you plagiarizing lout
242
00:15:38,343 --> 00:15:41,642
Yeah, I'm kind of losing interest here
I best be rolling out
243
00:15:41,747 --> 00:15:45,046
But before I go, the most important thing
244
00:15:45,484 --> 00:15:46,883
What's that, black Santa?
245
00:15:46,985 --> 00:15:50,352
You need seven Kwanzaa candles
that you light up every night
246
00:15:50,522 --> 00:15:53,923
But they best be made of beeswax
or you all might as well be white
247
00:15:54,326 --> 00:15:58,387
They must be made of beeswax
or we might as well be white
248
00:15:59,431 --> 00:16:01,524
Well, we got no beeswax candles,
249
00:16:01,633 --> 00:16:05,262
but these scented regular wax candles
will do just fine.
250
00:16:05,404 --> 00:16:08,635
Girl, those stink sticks are
for single women who take baths.
251
00:16:08,740 --> 00:16:11,470
If your Kwanzaa candles
ain't 100% beeswax,
252
00:16:11,643 --> 00:16:13,304
you bring shame on your people.
253
00:16:13,412 --> 00:16:14,970
Well, now that won't do.
254
00:16:15,114 --> 00:16:16,945
Husband, show a little Ku'umba
255
00:16:17,049 --> 00:16:19,483
and fetch some beeswax
before Kwanzaa ends.
256
00:16:19,585 --> 00:16:21,985
Sweet candelabra of La Habra, LaBarbara.
257
00:16:22,087 --> 00:16:23,952
Isn't this the last night of Kwanzaa?
258
00:16:24,056 --> 00:16:25,683
Who the hell knows?
259
00:16:27,426 --> 00:16:30,623
Finally, a bee farm that's open late
on Kwanzaa.
260
00:16:30,863 --> 00:16:32,888
Madam, I need beeswax.
261
00:16:32,998 --> 00:16:35,262
You sure you don't need
a little honey, handsome?
262
00:16:35,367 --> 00:16:38,598
Maybe a taste of sweet nectar
straight from the hive?
263
00:16:39,905 --> 00:16:43,136
I just need some beeswax
to make Kwanzaa candles.
264
00:16:43,242 --> 00:16:44,732
Well, that's too darn bad.
265
00:16:44,843 --> 00:16:47,368
There ain't no beeswax
in the whole world.
266
00:16:47,513 --> 00:16:50,744
Oh, no.
This could be the year without a Kwanzaa,
267
00:16:50,849 --> 00:16:53,477
like every year before 1966.
268
00:16:53,585 --> 00:16:55,348
The bees are acting all crazy
269
00:16:55,454 --> 00:16:58,116
like they been drinking Tang
and cough syrup,
270
00:16:58,223 --> 00:17:01,215
or as I call it, my Friday night.
271
00:17:03,428 --> 00:17:04,554
My God.
272
00:17:04,830 --> 00:17:09,062
It's Colony Collapse Syndrome.
The bees are swarming with parasites.
273
00:17:09,268 --> 00:17:10,360
They're all dying.
274
00:17:10,469 --> 00:17:12,369
Yeah, but what a way to go.
275
00:17:12,471 --> 00:17:15,565
"Die young, leave a pretty corpse,"
that's what I say.
276
00:17:15,707 --> 00:17:17,368
You should say something else.
277
00:17:17,476 --> 00:17:19,842
Wait. I know where we can get beeswax.
278
00:17:19,945 --> 00:17:22,004
From those giant space bees
who nearly killed us,
279
00:17:22,114 --> 00:17:23,911
and we swore we'd never go back there.
280
00:17:24,016 --> 00:17:25,779
Let's go back there.
281
00:17:30,489 --> 00:17:31,979
To communicate with the bees,
282
00:17:32,090 --> 00:17:34,684
we'll need to use these trans-bumbleators.
283
00:17:34,793 --> 00:17:36,886
Bender, say something in bee talk.
284
00:17:40,032 --> 00:17:43,058
I'm sorry, Bender.
What do you want me to put on the glass?
285
00:17:44,469 --> 00:17:46,494
Okay, if we survive.
286
00:17:55,047 --> 00:17:57,914
Something's wrong. It's way too quiet.
287
00:17:58,083 --> 00:17:59,880
Like the deadly Prius.
288
00:18:01,353 --> 00:18:03,150
Ah, here they come.
289
00:18:03,288 --> 00:18:05,483
They're in attack formation.
They're gonna kill us.
290
00:18:10,329 --> 00:18:11,591
That was weird.
291
00:18:11,697 --> 00:18:14,666
It's like the Jägermeister air show
all over again.
292
00:18:19,571 --> 00:18:21,163
According to Google Hive,
293
00:18:21,306 --> 00:18:23,638
we are at the exact center
of the honeycomb.
294
00:18:24,376 --> 00:18:26,503
And there's a Jamba Juice
0.2 miles that way.
295
00:18:26,678 --> 00:18:28,908
Does that thing tell you
where the queen bee is?
296
00:18:29,014 --> 00:18:33,280
The big, fat, ugly, compound-eyed,
hairy-thoraxed...
297
00:18:33,385 --> 00:18:37,913
Don't be applying your Eurocentric
standards of beauty to me, fool.
298
00:18:40,225 --> 00:18:41,692
What's with the kamikaz-bees?
299
00:18:41,793 --> 00:18:44,023
Man, my hive's been going buck-wild
300
00:18:44,129 --> 00:18:47,586
since these blood-ganking butt crabs
moved in.
301
00:18:49,433 --> 00:18:51,230
Been there, done that.
302
00:18:51,335 --> 00:18:54,236
They're all infected,
just like the bees on Earth.
303
00:18:54,372 --> 00:18:57,773
Brother-sucking parasites gone
and disrupted our hive mind.
304
00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,672
Now, instead of working in harmony,
305
00:18:59,777 --> 00:19:02,177
my bees just talk smack to each other.
306
00:19:02,313 --> 00:19:06,647
Are you all black with yellow stripes
or are you yellow with black stripes?
307
00:19:06,784 --> 00:19:09,378
Yellow with black stripes, man.
308
00:19:09,854 --> 00:19:12,618
Why don't you just move along?
309
00:19:12,823 --> 00:19:15,018
Let me ask you something,
you sting my wife?
310
00:19:15,159 --> 00:19:16,683
What kind of buzzing question is that?
311
00:19:16,794 --> 00:19:20,025
Where do you get the wings big enough
to ask me that?
312
00:19:23,768 --> 00:19:27,534
Okay, gang. We have plenty of beeswax.
Let's get back to the ship.
313
00:19:27,638 --> 00:19:29,765
No, we are not going anywhere.
314
00:19:29,874 --> 00:19:32,434
I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict.
315
00:19:32,543 --> 00:19:35,512
It's time to African-Americanize
these honeybees.
316
00:19:37,214 --> 00:19:41,446
Listen up, bees.
It's Kwanzaa, a time of Umoja.
317
00:19:41,552 --> 00:19:43,144
It means "unity".
318
00:19:45,356 --> 00:19:48,018
You have to learn to work together again.
319
00:19:48,125 --> 00:19:50,559
The crazy tablecloth man is right.
320
00:19:50,661 --> 00:19:53,152
It's time to set aside our differences.
321
00:19:54,031 --> 00:19:56,090
Black stripe, yellow stripe.
322
00:19:56,300 --> 00:20:00,066
At the end of the day, we're just a couple
of darn talking space bees.
323
00:20:00,638 --> 00:20:02,299
Hey, forget about it.
324
00:20:02,406 --> 00:20:03,930
Come here and give me a sting.
325
00:20:05,309 --> 00:20:09,268
Look. The spirit of Kwanzaa
is killing the parasites.
326
00:20:10,481 --> 00:20:11,470
Yuck!
327
00:20:11,582 --> 00:20:13,015
But, yay!
328
00:20:13,117 --> 00:20:14,846
Thank you, my human brother.
329
00:20:14,952 --> 00:20:18,012
Your message of unity
has touched our souls.
330
00:20:18,122 --> 00:20:21,956
We are once again of a single hive mind.
331
00:20:26,230 --> 00:20:27,993
Oh, yeah.
332
00:20:28,099 --> 00:20:29,999
Hurray! Kwanzaa-bot's here to save...
333
00:20:30,101 --> 00:20:32,228
They killed him.
334
00:20:37,541 --> 00:20:39,975
Joyous Kwanzaa, everybody.
335
00:20:48,652 --> 00:20:52,019
Don't worry.
The Futurama crew will be back next year
336
00:20:52,123 --> 00:20:56,423
with all new episodes featuring Bender,
Leela and me, Al Gore,
337
00:20:56,527 --> 00:20:58,427
as Captain Lance Starman.
338
00:20:58,696 --> 00:21:01,995
And from all of us here
at Gunderson's Nuts, happy holidays.
339
00:21:37,301 --> 00:21:38,268
ENGLISH - US - SDH