1
00:00:02,786 --> 00:00:04,014
Wow, what a fun night.

2
00:00:04,187 --> 00:00:08,783
We got to watch two guys joust
while eating wild boar with our bare hands.

3
00:00:09,159 --> 00:00:12,219
Wild boar my ass, it was ham loaf.

4
00:00:12,862 --> 00:00:15,194
Let us not quibble, saucy wench.

5
00:00:15,365 --> 00:00:17,162
Oh, apologies, sire.

6
00:00:17,333 --> 00:00:18,357
[GlGGLES]

7
00:00:18,535 --> 00:00:20,196
Maybe next weekend,
we can go to the museum.

8
00:00:20,370 --> 00:00:23,168
Uh, maybe. We'll talk about it.

9
00:00:24,674 --> 00:00:27,700
-Why the hell's the chain on?
-Who's in there?

10
00:00:27,877 --> 00:00:30,710
I don't know. The only other person
who has a key is Carl.

11
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:34,281
-Why does Carl have a key?
-Oh, I gave him one in case I'm out of town.

12
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:36,510
I need him to bring in mail,
water my plants.

13
00:00:36,686 --> 00:00:39,484
Well, you're not out of town
and you don't have any plants.

14
00:00:40,023 --> 00:00:42,287
Well, he's probably in there
doing some broad.

15
00:00:43,593 --> 00:00:45,185
Mike, that's disgusting.

16
00:00:45,361 --> 00:00:47,693
Sorry. He's in there making love
to some broad.

17
00:00:47,864 --> 00:00:49,798
-Oh.
-Ow.

18
00:00:50,233 --> 00:00:53,031
So you're telling me now he's in there
having sex on our bed?

19
00:00:53,203 --> 00:00:55,467
I don't think so.
Carl likes to stand and deliver.

20
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:58,903
Oh, God. I don't wanna know that.

21
00:00:59,709 --> 00:01:01,370
How often does this happen?

22
00:01:01,544 --> 00:01:04,342
I gave him the key about four years ago,
so what is that?

23
00:01:04,514 --> 00:01:06,641
Once every four years.

24
00:01:07,517 --> 00:01:10,350
-We're going back to my place.
-I don't know about that.

25
00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:14,479
I'm still not real comfortable sleeping over
with your mom and sister within earshot.

26
00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:16,591
CARL:
Come on, girl, spank my butt. Please.

27
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:20,491
Your place, it is. Make haste. Make haste.

28
00:01:48,625 --> 00:01:50,820
Morning, sunshine.

29
00:01:50,994 --> 00:01:52,928
-Morning.
-Did you sleep okay?

30
00:01:53,096 --> 00:01:54,256
MOLLY:
Mm-hmm.

31
00:01:54,430 --> 00:01:56,489
You must've been really exhausted
last night.

32
00:01:56,666 --> 00:01:59,567
The minute your head hit the pillow,
you were out like a light.

33
00:01:59,736 --> 00:02:00,828
Nothing could wake you.

34
00:02:01,004 --> 00:02:04,030
Not whispering in your ear,
not massaging your shoulders.

35
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:07,301
Not a gentle tap
with ye old jousting pole.

36
00:02:08,678 --> 00:02:11,408
You know, some nights, Mike,
we're just gonna go to sleep.

37
00:02:11,581 --> 00:02:13,947
-That's not a problem, is it?
-No, not at all.

38
00:02:14,117 --> 00:02:17,382
Besides, it's the waking up next to you
that I live for.

39
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,681
And how many times last night did I say:

40
00:02:19,856 --> 00:02:23,656
"Please stop poking me in the back
with your jousting pole"?

41
00:02:25,195 --> 00:02:28,164
-Four. You had to say it four times.
-Ha, ha.

44
00:02:34,971 --> 00:02:38,134
The minute he's out of there,
I'll bring in an entire cleaning crew.

45
00:02:38,308 --> 00:02:41,471
Guys that do crime scenes,
they can get brains out of air vents.

46
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:45,176
I just thought your apartment
was our secret little getaway.

47
00:02:45,348 --> 00:02:47,316
A place where no one would bother us.

48
00:02:47,483 --> 00:02:51,078
And now, it just feels like the happy ending
room at the Chicken Ranch.

49
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:52,888
I'll get the key back from him.

50
00:02:53,056 --> 00:02:55,320
If he needs it again,
he can schedule something.

51
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:58,322
You are really not hearing me.

52
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,893
I'm talking
about on one of our sex-free nights.

53
00:03:01,064 --> 00:03:03,032
By the way,
how often's that gonna happen?

54
00:03:03,199 --> 00:03:06,635
You know,
so I can bring over a book or a puzzle.

55
00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:11,164
You're a real class act, Vince.

56
00:03:11,341 --> 00:03:12,831
Oh, you need your space?

57
00:03:13,009 --> 00:03:15,534
What you need is hair plugs
and a breath mint.

58
00:03:18,047 --> 00:03:20,948
-What's going on?
-Mom's breaking up with Vince.

59
00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:26,282
Fine. I want my garage clicker
and my Walgreens senior discount card.

60
00:03:26,589 --> 00:03:29,615
Let's see what kind of Casanova you are
when paying full price...

61
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:32,056
...for your boner pills.

62
00:03:34,397 --> 00:03:36,228
Mmm, coffee.

63
00:03:36,399 --> 00:03:38,765
Forget that creep.
You could do better than him.

64
00:03:38,935 --> 00:03:40,266
And I will.

65
00:03:41,271 --> 00:03:43,034
What do you men want from us?

66
00:03:43,206 --> 00:03:48,234
We cook for you, we clean for you,
we destroy our bodies giving you children.

67
00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:52,247
Not that I'd trade either one of you
for my old boobs.

68
00:03:52,916 --> 00:03:56,283
You know, I would love to stay and chat,
but I should probably skedaddle.

69
00:03:56,452 --> 00:03:59,683
Oh, yeah, that's what you do best.
You run.

70
00:03:59,856 --> 00:04:05,226
Leaving us with nothing but heartache
and a crotch full of stubble burn.

71
00:04:09,232 --> 00:04:12,258
You know what? I don't need any coffee.
I am wide awake. Bye-bye.

72
00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:23,907
You know, if they'd invent a vibrator
that killed spiders and did the cha-cha...

73
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,139
...we wouldn't need any of them.

74
00:04:30,753 --> 00:04:32,243
CARL:
Mm-mm-mmm.

75
00:04:32,422 --> 00:04:35,619
There's nothing like a night of good loving
to make a man feel alive.

76
00:04:35,792 --> 00:04:37,726
I wouldn't know.

77
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,693
Going through a little bit of a dry spell,
are you?

78
00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:43,195
Don't worry,
I'm getting enough for the both of us.

79
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,197
Good for you. I want my key back.

80
00:04:45,802 --> 00:04:47,064
What are you talking about?

81
00:04:47,236 --> 00:04:51,104
I haven't ridden all the rides, and you're
trying to shut down Six Flags Over Carl.

82
00:04:52,075 --> 00:04:55,135
-Why can't you go to her place?
-I'm not comfortable having sex...

83
00:04:55,311 --> 00:04:58,872
...in a bunk bed with her sister underneath
us cooking kimchi on a hot plate.

84
00:04:59,816 --> 00:05:01,943
-Wait, she's Korean?
-I think she's Korean.

85
00:05:02,118 --> 00:05:03,710
Is "Carl, too beaucoup" Korean?

86
00:05:04,153 --> 00:05:07,213
No, "Carl, too beaucoup" is a lie.

87
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,051
Whatever. You gotta give me
one more night.

88
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:12,319
-Oh, Carl.
-Please. I can't bring her back to my place.

89
00:05:12,495 --> 00:05:14,827
My grandma's
gonna make her do the laundry.

90
00:05:16,099 --> 00:05:18,533
I can give you one more night,
I need the key back.

91
00:05:18,701 --> 00:05:20,999
Thank you. You're a great man.

92
00:05:21,170 --> 00:05:22,467
Which, by the way, in Korean is:

93
00:05:22,638 --> 00:05:25,835
[SHOUTS lN KOREAN]

94
00:05:27,477 --> 00:05:29,604
-Heard that a lot last night.
-Ah.

95
00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:39,085
All right,
the dishes have been washed and dried.

96
00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:42,190
Oh, wait, there's one more dish.

97
00:05:43,493 --> 00:05:46,826
-I think this one, I'll just lick clean.
-Ha, ha, Mike. Ha, ha.

98
00:05:47,163 --> 00:05:49,063
Wanna go upstairs and burn off dinner?

99
00:05:49,232 --> 00:05:51,996
I can't. I have, like, three-hours worth
of papers to grade.

100
00:05:52,168 --> 00:05:55,035
Three hours?
What am I supposed to do for three hours?

101
00:05:55,204 --> 00:05:57,195
What did you do
before you had a girlfriend?

102
00:05:57,373 --> 00:05:59,807
I didn't do dishes, I can tell you that.

103
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,545
-Go watch TV.
-So is that it?

104
00:06:03,713 --> 00:06:07,205
-We're never gonna have sex again?
-What is the matter with you?

105
00:06:07,383 --> 00:06:09,851
-It's only been one night.
-But it's a bad pattern.

106
00:06:10,019 --> 00:06:13,011
You hear about couples
that lose that part of their relationship.

107
00:06:13,189 --> 00:06:15,384
Next thing you know,
she's joined a book club...

108
00:06:15,558 --> 00:06:18,356
...and he's rubbing up against old ladies
in a grocery store.

109
00:06:20,163 --> 00:06:23,724
Listen to me.
I didn't say "not at all" or "never again."

110
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:28,633
-I said "not now," okay?
-Okay. So we're still in that hot, crazy...

111
00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,672
...can't-get-enough-of-that-funky-stuff
phase, right?

112
00:06:31,841 --> 00:06:35,709
Absolutely. If I didn't have
to eat, bathe or earn a living...

113
00:06:35,878 --> 00:06:39,644
... I'd never unwrap my legs
from around your mighty torso.

114
00:06:41,551 --> 00:06:45,078
-Really?
-Mm-hmm, yep, 24/7. Sex, sex, sex.

115
00:06:47,757 --> 00:06:49,850
All right.

116
00:06:50,259 --> 00:06:52,853
And even though I know
you're shining me on, I'll take it.

117
00:06:53,029 --> 00:06:54,690
[MOLLY GlGGLES]

118
00:06:58,201 --> 00:07:00,192
MAN [ON TV]:
--seventy-five thousand cases...

119
00:07:00,369 --> 00:07:02,633
...of alien abduction have been....

120
00:07:02,805 --> 00:07:04,864
[TV CONTlNUES lNDlSTlNCTLY]

121
00:07:05,041 --> 00:07:07,441
-Hey, Victoria.
-Whoa.

122
00:07:09,078 --> 00:07:11,012
Where did you come from?

123
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,013
The kitchen.

124
00:07:16,052 --> 00:07:17,542
What are you watching?

125
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:22,953
A very informative documentary
on UFOs and extraterrestrials.

126
00:07:23,126 --> 00:07:26,789
Yeah, but you don't actually believe
that we've been visited by aliens, do you?

127
00:07:27,730 --> 00:07:29,561
Yes, I do.

128
00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:33,368
And they're not just visiting.

129
00:07:33,736 --> 00:07:35,670
They're here.

130
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,406
Really?

131
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:48,874
Haven't you ever been in a conversation
with somebody...

132
00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:53,852
...and the whole time you're thinking,
"Wow, this person is from another planet."

133
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,557
Yes.

134
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,723
Well, there you go.

135
00:08:04,967 --> 00:08:07,834
Seeing is believing, Mike.

136
00:08:08,004 --> 00:08:09,494
Same thing with Bigfoot.

137
00:08:11,807 --> 00:08:15,402
Wait, now, hold on. Now you're telling me
you believe in Bigfoot?

138
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:17,842
I didn't used to.

139
00:08:18,548 --> 00:08:20,743
Till I saw him running away
from our campsite...

140
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:23,408
...with a can of Pringles
and a bag of weed.

141
00:08:25,388 --> 00:08:28,846
I see.
So Bigfoot stole marijuana from you?

142
00:08:29,025 --> 00:08:31,152
That's messed up, right?

143
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:36,030
Totally uncool, yeah.

144
00:08:37,066 --> 00:08:40,160
And what is camping without weed?
I'll tell you what it is.

145
00:08:40,336 --> 00:08:42,861
It's just sleeping outside.

146
00:08:44,740 --> 00:08:47,504
You know, that's actually very true.

147
00:08:48,477 --> 00:08:54,382
So, yes, I do believe in Bigfoot
and, yes, I think he's a total jerk.

148
00:08:59,589 --> 00:09:02,956
[JOYCE CRYlNG]

149
00:09:06,429 --> 00:09:08,522
Mrs. Flynn, you all right?

150
00:09:08,698 --> 00:09:11,292
JOYCE: Fine.
-Okey-doke.

151
00:09:11,734 --> 00:09:14,794
[JOYCE SOBBlNG]

152
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:18,668
Damn it. My penchant for chivalry
is nothing but a curse.

153
00:09:20,343 --> 00:09:22,436
Coming in. You decent?

154
00:09:22,612 --> 00:09:25,206
[JOYCE SOBBlNG]

155
00:09:25,381 --> 00:09:26,439
Anything I can get you?

156
00:09:27,450 --> 00:09:29,975
I want my youth back.

157
00:09:32,922 --> 00:09:36,756
I was thinking more along the lines
of a Fresca or a piece of toast.

158
00:09:37,627 --> 00:09:41,961
You know, when I was young,
I was considered quite the catch.

159
00:09:42,131 --> 00:09:43,621
And not just because I put out.

160
00:09:43,799 --> 00:09:44,891
[SNlFFLES]

161
00:09:46,769 --> 00:09:50,466
I can see that. And may I say,
you're still a very attractive woman.

162
00:09:50,806 --> 00:09:53,434
Yeah. And I'm in good shape too.

163
00:09:53,609 --> 00:09:57,978
I do Pilates three times a week
and I'm a lifetime Kegeler.

164
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:04,248
Hey, you wanna see a picture of me when
I was third runner-up for Miss Cook County?

165
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,515
Well, I gotta, um....

166
00:10:08,457 --> 00:10:10,152
I'd love to.

167
00:10:14,130 --> 00:10:16,428
This was before I met Molly's dad.

168
00:10:16,599 --> 00:10:18,157
I would've finished higher...

169
00:10:18,334 --> 00:10:23,169
...but apparently, Miss Congeniality's
special talent was sword swallowing...

170
00:10:23,339 --> 00:10:24,806
...if you get my drift.

171
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,541
Hey, where's Mike?

172
00:10:29,845 --> 00:10:31,836
He went upstairs.

173
00:10:32,014 --> 00:10:34,847
-Everything okay?
-I guess.

174
00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:40,545
He got bent out of shape
when I lit up a doobie.

175
00:10:41,824 --> 00:10:44,725
I mean, I get it, he's a cop,
it's against the law...

176
00:10:45,594 --> 00:10:49,257
... but still, dude needs to chill.

177
00:10:52,802 --> 00:10:55,100
[MlKE & JOYCE LAUGHlNG]

178
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,873
Oh. Oh, my God.

179
00:11:02,044 --> 00:11:06,572
Hey, heh, what are you doing?

180
00:11:07,149 --> 00:11:09,947
Just looking at some old family pictures
with your mom.

181
00:11:10,119 --> 00:11:13,486
Look at you running around all naked
in a Water Wiggle.

182
00:11:14,690 --> 00:11:16,351
Oh, great.

183
00:11:16,525 --> 00:11:17,549
[CHUCKLES]

184
00:11:17,727 --> 00:11:19,661
Uh, hey, I was just going to bed.

185
00:11:19,829 --> 00:11:21,660
Would you like to join me?

186
00:11:21,831 --> 00:11:22,923
Yeah, in a minute.

187
00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:26,924
Look, your senior prom.

188
00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,936
You and your cousin Jerry
made a very handsome couple.

189
00:11:31,574 --> 00:11:34,099
For the record,
he was a wonderful dancer.

190
00:11:42,351 --> 00:11:45,184
-Here's your key.
-Thanks. You did the laundry?

191
00:11:45,354 --> 00:11:47,720
Sheets, pillow cases, towels and drapes.

192
00:11:50,092 --> 00:11:52,583
-Drapes?
-We were out of towels.

193
00:11:52,762 --> 00:11:54,423
Ugh!

194
00:11:54,597 --> 00:11:57,225
You realize I eat my meals
in that apartment.

195
00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:01,632
Don't worry. The kitchen table's fine. But l
wouldn't eat any fruit or go near the butter.

196
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:08,975
If you like this woman, you might consider
introducing her to your grandmother...

197
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,079
...having a relationship under your roof.

198
00:12:11,247 --> 00:12:12,805
No, it's not that kind of thing.

199
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:15,382
I had to cut her loose.
She was getting too clingy.

200
00:12:15,885 --> 00:12:18,752
You just have your way with her
then kick her to the curb.

201
00:12:18,921 --> 00:12:20,513
Hey, I made no promises.

202
00:12:20,689 --> 00:12:23,624
Before we ever hooked up,
I told her I could not be tied down.

203
00:12:23,793 --> 00:12:26,728
Turns out I could be tied down
and punished, punished, punished.

204
00:12:28,764 --> 00:12:32,530
I hope you let that woman down gently
and didn't make her think it was her fault.

205
00:12:32,701 --> 00:12:36,432
I told her it was me. I was all messed up
in the head and I needed some space.

206
00:12:36,605 --> 00:12:38,368
Oh, Carl, they can see right through that.

207
00:12:38,541 --> 00:12:41,339
They know you're saying
they're too old or not pretty enough.

208
00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:44,377
I can't tell how old she is.
She's got that Asian thing.

209
00:12:44,713 --> 00:12:46,476
She could be 18 or 80.

210
00:12:49,051 --> 00:12:50,814
Real nice, Mr. Sensitive.

211
00:12:50,986 --> 00:12:52,419
What's with you today anyway?

212
00:12:52,588 --> 00:12:56,684
Did you think this woman might have real
feelings for you, you've broken her heart?

213
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,350
Well, it's better to have loved Carl
and lost him...

214
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:01,860
...than to never have loved Carl at all.

215
00:13:02,765 --> 00:13:04,232
Men.

216
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,161
-What did you say?
-You heard me.

217
00:13:10,139 --> 00:13:12,972
Oh, yeah, just hanging out,
watching the game, doing guy stuff.

218
00:13:13,309 --> 00:13:15,709
Hey, how's your mom? Is she okay?

219
00:13:15,945 --> 00:13:20,143
Don't let her sit up in her room all night.
She needs to get out, engage with people.

220
00:13:20,316 --> 00:13:23,012
-Boom, there it is.
-He is not getting up from that.

221
00:13:23,185 --> 00:13:26,985
-Fellas, I am on the phone here.
-Hey, you're missing this.

222
00:13:27,156 --> 00:13:30,319
-They're bringing out the stretcher.
-Shh, please.

223
00:13:30,593 --> 00:13:32,993
See if you can't get your mom
out of her bathrobe...

224
00:13:33,162 --> 00:13:37,565
...into something that makes her feel pretty.
Ask Victoria to help so she feels included.

225
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:38,893
Hey, Mike.

226
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,296
[LlPS SMACKlNG]

227
00:13:42,605 --> 00:13:44,869
I'm gonna have to call you back.

228
00:13:46,442 --> 00:13:49,411
Why did you invite us
if you're gonna talk to your girlfriend?

229
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:52,513
She's worried about her mom,
she just got dumped by some jerk.

230
00:13:52,681 --> 00:13:54,171
Sound familiar, Carl?

231
00:13:54,683 --> 00:13:58,141
Whoa, don't get your panties in a bunch,
Mary Kay.

232
00:13:58,487 --> 00:14:01,047
Perhaps it is his time of the month.

233
00:14:01,724 --> 00:14:03,419
Well, he does look a little bloated.

234
00:14:03,592 --> 00:14:05,184
[LAUGHS]

235
00:14:05,728 --> 00:14:09,357
If you knew what a menstrual cycle
does to a woman...

236
00:14:09,532 --> 00:14:12,933
...both physically and emotionally,
you would not joke.

237
00:14:14,470 --> 00:14:17,769
Oh, yes. His egg has dropped.

238
00:14:18,974 --> 00:14:20,566
Know what? I'm gonna take a little walk.

239
00:14:20,743 --> 00:14:23,177
-Uh, why?
-I need a little time to myself.

240
00:14:23,345 --> 00:14:25,609
Is that all right with you, Mr. Man?

241
00:14:26,315 --> 00:14:27,407
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]

242
00:14:27,583 --> 00:14:30,882
I hope he went out
for a Midol and chocolate.

243
00:14:33,055 --> 00:14:36,422
-Another profiterole, Joyce?
-Oh, I probably shouldn't.

244
00:14:36,592 --> 00:14:40,619
Please, if I had your figure, I'd be sucking
up those babies like an anteater.

245
00:14:41,931 --> 00:14:45,025
-You're terrible.
-I know.

246
00:14:45,334 --> 00:14:47,734
I thought you wanted to hang out
with your friends.

247
00:14:47,903 --> 00:14:49,131
Isn't that what I'm doing?

248
00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:52,138
BOTH:
Aw!

249
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:53,536
[DOORBELL RlNGS]

250
00:14:53,709 --> 00:14:55,939
I'll get it, ladies. You sit. Enjoy.

251
00:14:56,111 --> 00:15:01,378
-Oh, I just wanna eat him up.
-Well, with your figure, you can.

252
00:15:02,585 --> 00:15:04,712
-Hey.
-Vince, not a good time.

253
00:15:04,887 --> 00:15:07,788
-I need to talk to Joyce.
-I don't know. She's pretty upset.

254
00:15:07,957 --> 00:15:09,822
-Who is it?
-It's me, Vince.

255
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:12,483
-I'm sorry, lamb chop.
-Get the hell off my porch.

256
00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:15,061
-Please, let me explain.
-What's to explain?

257
00:15:15,230 --> 00:15:18,825
You wanted space? Go sit on a missile.

258
00:15:19,068 --> 00:15:23,300
-Vince, let's you and I step outside.
-Beat the crap out of him.

259
00:15:24,206 --> 00:15:26,936
If you're gonna take a poke,
I'm begging you, not the face.

260
00:15:27,109 --> 00:15:29,100
That's all I got.

261
00:15:30,079 --> 00:15:31,603
Relax. Nobody's gonna hit you.

262
00:15:31,780 --> 00:15:34,544
But I wouldn't climb into a cage
with Joyce right now.

263
00:15:34,717 --> 00:15:36,309
I did bad, I know.

264
00:15:36,485 --> 00:15:39,579
I thought I had a shot
at a 23-year-old dental hygienist.

265
00:15:39,755 --> 00:15:41,120
-23?
-Yeah.

266
00:15:41,290 --> 00:15:43,952
Skin like milk. Smelled like a puppy.

267
00:15:45,327 --> 00:15:48,194
-Wait, you had sex with this woman?
-No, never went that far.

268
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,798
-How far did it go?
-I asked her to have sex with me.

269
00:15:50,966 --> 00:15:52,524
And she said no.

270
00:15:53,769 --> 00:15:56,966
-Ah, Vince.
-I went crazy. I saw that young body...

271
00:15:57,139 --> 00:16:01,508
...and all of sudden, I had a full head of hair
and a sack I wasn't sitting on.

272
00:16:02,244 --> 00:16:04,542
Do you have any idea
how much you hurt that woman?

273
00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:07,477
I know. And as God as my witness...

274
00:16:07,650 --> 00:16:11,677
...I will never hurt her again
and I will do anything to get her back.

275
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:15,554
All right, I'll talk to her for you.

276
00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:17,487
I can't make any promises.

277
00:16:17,660 --> 00:16:20,993
Hey, leave out the part
about the puppy smell.

278
00:16:21,163 --> 00:16:23,495
That sounds a little creepy.

279
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:26,624
Wait here.

280
00:16:29,672 --> 00:16:31,697
Okay, I'm not telling you what to do...

281
00:16:31,874 --> 00:16:36,834
...but I think that man really cares
about you and he's genuinely sorry.

282
00:16:37,012 --> 00:16:38,502
So now you're taking his side?

283
00:16:38,681 --> 00:16:41,775
No, I'm not. It doesn't matter
whether I like him or you like him.

284
00:16:41,950 --> 00:16:44,043
It's up to your mom
to decide what she wants.

285
00:16:44,219 --> 00:16:48,087
I'd like to smear honey on his ass
and stuff him in a bag full of fire ants.

286
00:16:51,026 --> 00:16:54,427
Well, he's still out on the porch
and he did say he'd do anything.

287
00:16:58,467 --> 00:17:01,095
Might as well hear
what the son of a bitch has to say.

288
00:17:02,604 --> 00:17:06,199
-lf I hit him, do you have to arrest me?
-You get a free pass on the first.

289
00:17:06,375 --> 00:17:08,036
After that, I gotta step in.

290
00:17:08,744 --> 00:17:11,076
All I need is one.

291
00:17:14,550 --> 00:17:17,451
You guys really stick up for each other,
don't you?

292
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,382
There's a certain gender loyalty, yes.

293
00:17:20,923 --> 00:17:24,950
Which reminds me,
I got the key back from Carl.

294
00:17:27,963 --> 00:17:29,954
-Why are you giving it to me?
-I don't know.

295
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:33,033
I thought you might like
to come and go as you please.

296
00:17:33,202 --> 00:17:35,762
-Really?
-Yeah, really.

297
00:17:35,938 --> 00:17:37,269
It's a big step, Mike.

298
00:17:37,439 --> 00:17:40,135
I know,
but it feels like the right thing to do.

299
00:17:41,510 --> 00:17:43,307
I don't know what to say.

300
00:17:43,746 --> 00:17:46,112
Speechless. Finally.

301
00:17:47,516 --> 00:17:49,381
Don't push it, pal.

302
00:17:55,290 --> 00:18:00,023
-So can I have a key to your place?
-Absolutely not.

303
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:06,328
-How come?
-I'm just not there yet.

304
00:18:07,436 --> 00:18:08,994
Oh.

305
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:11,400
You're so easy.

306
00:18:12,407 --> 00:18:14,102
It's under the lawn gnome
in the backyard.

307
00:18:14,276 --> 00:18:16,403
[GlGGLES]

308
00:18:18,781 --> 00:18:21,272
-Hey, Mike?
-Yeah?

309
00:18:21,450 --> 00:18:25,682
If I blaze up,
are you gonna get all piggly-wiggly on me?

310
00:18:28,223 --> 00:18:32,125
You know, Victoria, you don't need
to get wasted to have a good time.

311
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,691
What are you talking about?

312
00:18:42,137 --> 00:18:46,335
I'm just saying that a person doesn't need
drugs or alcohol to enjoy themselves.

313
00:18:50,179 --> 00:18:52,443
I'm not following you.

314
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:56,946
Give it up. You can't save everybody
in one night, Sir Galahad.

315
00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:58,450
-Let's go to bed.
MlKE: All right.

316
00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:00,713
But we're not gonna have sex
every night.

317
00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:04,325
-You okay with that?
-No, you're putting out.

318
00:19:08,764 --> 00:19:10,026
[TV PLAYlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY]

319
00:19:10,199 --> 00:19:13,327
You know, many Africans
have played professional basketball...

320
00:19:13,502 --> 00:19:17,939
... but to my knowledge,
very few have played professional football.

321
00:19:18,106 --> 00:19:19,539
Huh. Not surprising.

322
00:19:19,708 --> 00:19:23,303
Those brothers are like 10 feet tall
and 65 pounds.

323
00:19:24,479 --> 00:19:26,879
That's a stick of licorice
with a helmet on.

324
00:19:29,618 --> 00:19:31,586
Do you have cheerleaders
in your country?

325
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:35,253
No, there's not much to cheer about.

326
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:41,953
Wouldn't it be great
if everyone had cheerleaders in their jobs?

327
00:19:42,130 --> 00:19:45,031
Just 10 hot bitches screaming,
"Go, Carl, go."

328
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,599
[CHUCKLES]

329
00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:50,135
You've been getting, "Go, Carl, go"
for the last two nights, haven't you?

330
00:19:50,472 --> 00:19:52,303
Yeah, but that's over.

331
00:19:52,474 --> 00:19:53,941
I don't understand.

332
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:56,441
If it was so good, why did you end it?

333
00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:59,103
She wanted to have a real relationship.
Settle down.

334
00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:00,873
But that's not my thing.

335
00:20:01,049 --> 00:20:04,644
I'm more of a lone wolf,
prowling the night.

336
00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:09,917
-She broke up with you, didn't she?
-She said I was too clingy and emotional.

337
00:20:13,028 --> 00:20:17,965
So it was not "Carl, too beaucoup,"
it was "Carl, too boohoo."

338
00:20:19,334 --> 00:20:21,427
Shut up and watch the game.

339
00:20:23,939 --> 00:20:27,136
Whoa. I wouldn't eat those grapes.

340
00:20:58,874 --> 00:21:00,865
[English - US - SDH]