1
00:00:00,626 --> 00:00:01,950
Wow, what a fun night.

2
00:00:02,052 --> 00:00:05,851
We got to watch two guys joust while
eating wild boar with our bare hands.

3
00:00:06,933 --> 00:00:09,000
Wild boar my ass,
it was hamlow.

4
00:00:10,653 --> 00:00:13,106
Let us not quibble
saucy wrench.

5
00:00:13,153 --> 00:00:15,746
Ooh, apologies, Sire.

6
00:00:16,202 --> 00:00:18,051
Well, maybe next weekend
we can go to the museum.

7
00:00:18,066 --> 00:00:19,010
Uh, maybe.

8
00:00:19,260 --> 00:00:21,000
We'll talk about it.

9
00:00:22,406 --> 00:00:23,793
Why the hell
is the chain on?

10
00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:25,193
Who's in there?

11
00:00:25,350 --> 00:00:26,373
I don't know.

12
00:00:26,386 --> 00:00:28,413
The only other person
who has a key is Carl.

13
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:30,393
Why does Carl have
a key to your apartment?

14
00:00:30,433 --> 00:00:31,986
I gave him one in case
I'm out of town,

15
00:00:32,006 --> 00:00:34,193
and I need him to bring in
my mail or water my plants.

16
00:00:34,213 --> 00:00:36,000
All right,
well, you're not out of town

17
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,486
and you don't
have any plants.

18
00:00:37,786 --> 00:00:39,680
He's probably in there
doing some broad.

19
00:00:41,206 --> 00:00:42,840
Mike, that's disgusting!

20
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:45,690
Sorry! He's in there making
sweet love to some broad.

21
00:00:47,846 --> 00:00:49,060
So you're telling me,
right now,

22
00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:51,000
he's in there having sex
on our bed?

23
00:00:51,060 --> 00:00:53,250
I don't think so; Carl likes
to stand and deliver.

24
00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:56,790
Oh, God, I don't want
to know that.

25
00:00:57,260 --> 00:00:59,190
How often does
this happen?

26
00:00:59,190 --> 00:01:01,453
I don't know; I gave him
a key about four years ago,

27
00:01:01,453 --> 00:01:05,130
so, what is that?
Once every four years.

28
00:01:05,130 --> 00:01:07,066
Well, it looks like
we're going back to my place.

29
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:08,080
Boy, I don't know
about that.

30
00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:09,926
I'm still not real
comfortable, you know,

31
00:01:09,950 --> 00:01:12,580
sleeping over with your mom
and sister within earshot.

32
00:01:12,590 --> 00:01:13,940
Come on, spank my butt!

33
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:15,366
Your place it is.

34
00:01:16,033 --> 00:01:17,910
Make haste!
Make haste!

35
00:01:17,910 --> 00:01:22,740
♪ for the first time
in my life ♪

36
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,930
♪ I see love. ♪

37
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:32,000
Mike & Molly - Season 01 - Episode 11 - Carl Gets A Girl

38
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:39,000
Synced & corrected by
GhostedNet

39
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:46,810
Morning, sunshine.

40
00:01:47,893 --> 00:01:48,793
Morning.

41
00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:49,880
Did you sleep okay?

42
00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:51,410
Mm-hmm.

43
00:01:51,506 --> 00:01:54,720
Well, you must be really exhausted last night
 because the moment your head hit the pillow

44
00:01:54,753 --> 00:01:56,550
you were out like a light.

45
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,800
Nothing could wake you.

46
00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:01,173
Not whispering in your ear,
not massaging your shoulders,

47
00:02:01,293 --> 00:02:04,230
not a gentle tap with
ye olde jousting pole.

48
00:02:06,273 --> 00:02:08,586
Some nights, Mike, we're
just gonna go to sleep.

49
00:02:08,606 --> 00:02:09,830
That's not a problem, is it?

50
00:02:10,106 --> 00:02:11,186
No, not at all.

51
00:02:11,246 --> 00:02:14,386
Besides, it's the waking up
next to you that I live for.

52
00:02:14,433 --> 00:02:16,793
How many times last
night did I say,

53
00:02:16,933 --> 00:02:20,540
"please stop poking me in the
back with your jousting pole"?

54
00:02:22,246 --> 00:02:25,080
Four. You had to
say it four times.

55
00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:29,360
Well, I guess, on the upside,
Carl got to have sex last night.

56
00:02:29,373 --> 00:02:31,750
Ah, there it is.

57
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,600
Listen, the minute
he's out of there,

58
00:02:33,606 --> 00:02:35,213
I'll bring in
an entire cleaning crew.

59
00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:36,333
Guys that do crime scenes.

60
00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,560
They can get brains out
of air conditioning vents.

61
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:42,166
I just thought your apartment
was our secret little getaway.

62
00:02:42,193 --> 00:02:44,366
A place where no one
would bother us.

63
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,160
And now it just feels
like the "happy ending room"

64
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,970
at the chicken ranch.

65
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:49,740
Look, I'll get the key
back from him

66
00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:52,453
and if he needs it again, he can
call and schedule something.

67
00:02:52,666 --> 00:02:55,280
You are really
not hearing me.

68
00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:57,950
I'm talking about on one
of our sex-free nights.

69
00:02:57,950 --> 00:02:59,980
By the way, how often
is that gonna happen?

70
00:03:00,220 --> 00:03:03,420
You know, so I can bring
over a book or a puzzle.

71
00:03:05,026 --> 00:03:08,060
You're a real class act, Vince...

72
00:03:08,306 --> 00:03:10,013
Oh, you need your space?

73
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,846
What you need is hair plugs
and a breath mint.

74
00:03:15,050 --> 00:03:16,360
What's going on?

75
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,213
Mom's breaking up with Vince.

76
00:03:18,226 --> 00:03:20,300
Fine. I want my garage clicker

77
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:23,770
and my Walgreen's
senior discount card.

78
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:25,440
Let's see what kind of
Casanova you are

79
00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:28,310
when you're paying full price
for your boner pills.

80
00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:32,450
Mmm! Coffee.

81
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:34,233
Mom, forget that creep.

82
00:03:34,230 --> 00:03:35,920
You can do a lot better
than him.

83
00:03:35,980 --> 00:03:38,020
And I will.

84
00:03:38,340 --> 00:03:40,246
What do you men
want from us?

85
00:03:40,313 --> 00:03:42,753
We cook for you,
we clean for you,

86
00:03:42,813 --> 00:03:45,813
we destroy our bodies
giving you children.

87
00:03:45,930 --> 00:03:49,833
Not that I'd trade either
one of you for my old boobs.

88
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:51,820
You know, I would love
to stay and chat,

89
00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:53,466
but I should
probably skedaddle.

90
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:56,793
Oh, yeah, that's
what you do best ... you run.

91
00:03:56,910 --> 00:03:59,293
Leaving us with
nothing but heartache

92
00:03:59,353 --> 00:04:02,340
and a crotch full
of stubble burn.

93
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:07,350
You know what,
I don't need any coffee.

94
00:04:07,350 --> 00:04:09,380
I am wide awake.
Bye-bye.

95
00:04:17,186 --> 00:04:18,800
You know, if they'd
invent a vibrator

96
00:04:18,813 --> 00:04:21,080
that killed spiders
and did the cha-cha,

97
00:04:21,106 --> 00:04:23,270
we wouldn't need any of 'em.

98
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,460
Mm-mm-mm!

99
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:30,670
There's nothing like a
night of good loving

100
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,270
to make a
man feel alive.

101
00:04:32,613 --> 00:04:33,893
I wouldn't know.

102
00:04:35,393 --> 00:04:37,310
Going through a little bit
of a dry spell, are you?

103
00:04:37,526 --> 00:04:39,980
Don't worry ... I'm getting
enough for the both of us.

104
00:04:40,086 --> 00:04:42,150
Good for you.
I want my key back.

105
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,040
What are you
talking about?

106
00:04:44,060 --> 00:04:45,060
I haven't ridden
all the rides yet,

107
00:04:45,066 --> 00:04:47,620
and you're trying to shut
down "six flags over Carl".

108
00:04:48,993 --> 00:04:50,753
Well, why can't
you go to her place?

109
00:04:50,780 --> 00:04:52,693
'Cause I'm not comfortable
having sex in a bunk bed

110
00:04:52,740 --> 00:04:56,000
with her sister underneath us
cooking kimchi on a hot plate.

111
00:04:56,886 --> 00:04:57,926
Wait, she's Korean?

112
00:04:57,940 --> 00:04:59,200
I think she's Korean.

113
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:00,590
Is "Carl too beaucoup" Korean?

114
00:05:01,226 --> 00:05:04,140
No, "Carl too beaucoup"
is a lie.

115
00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:06,406
Well, whatever, you gotta give
me one more night.

116
00:05:06,460 --> 00:05:07,980
Aw, Carl.
Please!

117
00:05:07,980 --> 00:05:09,446
I can't bring her
back to my place.

118
00:05:09,473 --> 00:05:11,350
My grandma's going to
make her do the laundry.

119
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:14,300
All right, I'll give you
one more night,

120
00:05:14,330 --> 00:05:15,580
but then I need the key back.

121
00:05:15,693 --> 00:05:16,720
Thank you.

122
00:05:16,866 --> 00:05:18,020
You're a great man.

123
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:23,130
Which by the way,
in Korean is ...

124
00:05:24,473 --> 00:05:26,630
Heard that a
lot last night.

125
00:05:32,260 --> 00:05:36,200
All right, the dishes
have been washed and dried.

126
00:05:36,293 --> 00:05:38,440
Oh, wait, there's one more dish.

127
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,186
I think this one,
I'll just lick clean.

128
00:05:42,206 --> 00:05:43,810
Mike!

129
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,213
You want to go upstairs
and burn off dinner?

130
00:05:46,306 --> 00:05:49,166
I can't. I have, like, three
hours worth of papers to grade.

131
00:05:49,206 --> 00:05:49,886
Three hours?

132
00:05:49,913 --> 00:05:52,150
What am I supposed
to do for three hours?

133
00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,220
I don't know ... what did you do
before you had a girlfriend?

134
00:05:54,246 --> 00:05:57,540
I didn't do dishes,
I can tell you that.

135
00:05:58,633 --> 00:05:59,960
Go watch TV.

136
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,830
So is that it? We're never going
to have sex again?

137
00:06:03,073 --> 00:06:04,333
What is the matter
with you?

138
00:06:04,346 --> 00:06:05,700
It's only been one night.

139
00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:07,106
I know, but it's
a bad pattern.

140
00:06:07,126 --> 00:06:08,373
You hear about couples
all the time

141
00:06:08,393 --> 00:06:09,986
that lose that part
of their relationship.

142
00:06:10,140 --> 00:06:11,880
Next thing you know,
she's joined a book club

143
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:16,250
and he's rubbing up against
old ladies at a grocery store.

144
00:06:17,306 --> 00:06:18,180
Listen to me.

145
00:06:18,293 --> 00:06:20,953
I didn't say none at all
or never again.

146
00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:23,700
I said not now, okay?
Okay.

147
00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,780
So we're still
in that hot, crazy,

148
00:06:25,806 --> 00:06:28,860
'can't get enough of that
funky stuff' phase, right?

149
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,060
Absolutely.

150
00:06:30,213 --> 00:06:32,640
If I didn't have to eat,
bathe or earn a living,

151
00:06:32,666 --> 00:06:36,200
I'd never unwrap my legs
from around your mighty torso.

152
00:06:38,526 --> 00:06:39,080
Really?

153
00:06:39,113 --> 00:06:42,700
Mm-hmm. Yep, 24-seven,
sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.

154
00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:47,010
All right!

155
00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:49,466
And even though I know
you're shining me on,

156
00:06:49,533 --> 00:06:51,350
I'll take it.

157
00:07:02,020 --> 00:07:02,933
Hey, Victoria.

158
00:07:02,973 --> 00:07:05,260
Whoa.

159
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,930
Where did you 
come from?

160
00:07:09,770 --> 00:07:11,920
The kitchen.

161
00:07:13,126 --> 00:07:14,633
What are you watching?

162
00:07:14,793 --> 00:07:16,740
A very informative
documentary

163
00:07:16,780 --> 00:07:19,740
on UFO's and 
extraterrestrials.

164
00:07:20,153 --> 00:07:21,800
Well, yeah, but you
don't actually believe

165
00:07:21,806 --> 00:07:24,050
that we've been visited
by aliens, do you?

166
00:07:24,513 --> 00:07:26,110
Yes, I do.

167
00:07:27,586 --> 00:07:29,990
And they're not just visiting.

168
00:07:30,466 --> 00:07:32,220
They're here.

169
00:07:38,486 --> 00:07:41,273
Really!

170
00:07:42,693 --> 00:07:45,120
Haven't you ever been in a
conversation with somebody,

171
00:07:45,146 --> 00:07:47,066
and the whole time
you're thinking,

172
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:51,540
"wow, this person is
from another planet"?

173
00:07:56,666 --> 00:07:58,650
Yes.

174
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:01,120
Well, there you go.

175
00:08:01,700 --> 00:08:04,590
Seeing is believing, Mike.

176
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:06,420
Same thing with Bigfoot.

177
00:08:08,690 --> 00:08:09,930
Wait, now hold on.

178
00:08:10,313 --> 00:08:12,160
Now you're telling me
you believe in Bigfoot?

179
00:08:12,373 --> 00:08:14,700
I didn't used to.

180
00:08:15,353 --> 00:08:17,470
Till I saw him running
away from our campsite

181
00:08:17,470 --> 00:08:20,170
with a can of pringles
and a bag of weed.

182
00:08:22,180 --> 00:08:23,026
I see.

183
00:08:23,046 --> 00:08:25,640
So Bigfoot stole
marijuana from you?

184
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,580
That's messed up, right?

185
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,820
Totally uncool, yeah.

186
00:08:33,873 --> 00:08:35,500
What is camping
without weed?

187
00:08:35,533 --> 00:08:37,040
I'll tell you what it is.

188
00:08:37,173 --> 00:08:39,990
It's just sleeping outside.

189
00:08:41,540 --> 00:08:44,860
You know, that's
actually very true.

190
00:08:45,260 --> 00:08:48,180
So, yes, I do
believe in Bigfoot.

191
00:08:48,273 --> 00:08:51,300
And yes, I think
he's a total jerk.

192
00:09:03,253 --> 00:09:04,780
Mrs. Flynn,
you all right?

193
00:09:05,426 --> 00:09:06,350
Fine.

194
00:09:06,350 --> 00:09:08,530
Okeydoke.

195
00:09:11,713 --> 00:09:13,300
Damn it, my penchant
for chivalry

196
00:09:13,326 --> 00:09:15,690
is nothing but a curse.

197
00:09:17,153 --> 00:09:19,190
Coming in.
You decent?

198
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,200
Is there anything
I can get you?

199
00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:27,000
I want my youth back.

200
00:09:29,713 --> 00:09:30,840
I was thinking
more along the lines

201
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,510
of a fresca,
 or piece of toast?

202
00:09:34,353 --> 00:09:36,153
You know,
when I was young,

203
00:09:36,286 --> 00:09:38,550
I was considered
quite the catch.

204
00:09:38,980 --> 00:09:41,680
And not just 
because I put out.

205
00:09:43,620 --> 00:09:45,050
I can see that,
and may

206
00:09:45,050 --> 00:09:47,480
 I say, you're still
a very attractive woman.

207
00:09:47,586 --> 00:09:50,353
Yeah, and I'm in
good shape, too.

208
00:09:50,446 --> 00:09:54,900
I do pilates three times a week
and I'm a lifetime kegeler.

209
00:09:56,773 --> 00:09:58,726
Hey, you want to see
a picture of me

210
00:09:58,753 --> 00:10:01,180
when I was third runner-up
for Miss Cook County?

211
00:10:01,580 --> 00:10:03,440
Well, I got to, um...

212
00:10:05,246 --> 00:10:07,080
I'd love to.

213
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:13,150
This was before
I met Molly's dad.

214
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:15,080
I would have
finished higher,

215
00:10:15,090 --> 00:10:18,160
but apparently Miss
congeniality's special talent

216
00:10:18,193 --> 00:10:21,720
was sword swallowing,
if you get my drift.

217
00:10:24,533 --> 00:10:25,740
Hey, where's Mike?

218
00:10:26,686 --> 00:10:28,200
He went upstairs.

219
00:10:28,806 --> 00:10:30,100
Everything okay?

220
00:10:30,566 --> 00:10:31,770
I guess.

221
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:36,470
He got bent out of shape
when I lit up a doobie.

222
00:10:38,540 --> 00:10:41,666
I mean, I get it ... he's a cop,
it's against the law.

223
00:10:42,373 --> 00:10:45,910
But still, dude
needs to chill.

224
00:10:58,893 --> 00:11:00,206
Hey...

225
00:11:01,266 --> 00:11:03,470
What are you doing?

226
00:11:03,666 --> 00:11:06,840
Just looking at some old
family pictures with your mom.

227
00:11:06,953 --> 00:11:10,370
Look at you, running around
all naked in the water wiggle.

228
00:11:11,506 --> 00:11:14,026
Oh. Great.

229
00:11:14,113 --> 00:11:16,560
Uh, hey, I was
 just going to bed.

230
00:11:16,613 --> 00:11:18,410
Would you
like to join me?

231
00:11:18,410 --> 00:11:19,820
Yeah, in a minute.

232
00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:23,840
Look, your
senior prom.

233
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,820
You and your cousin Jerry made
a very handsome couple.

234
00:11:28,406 --> 00:11:30,990
For the record,
he was a wonderful dancer.

235
00:11:38,453 --> 00:11:39,810
Here's your key.

236
00:11:39,810 --> 00:11:41,253
Thanks. You did the laundry?

237
00:11:41,266 --> 00:11:43,600
Sheets, pillowcases,
towels, and drapes.

238
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,150
Drapes?!

239
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:48,710
We were out of towels.

240
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:50,533
Ugh!

241
00:11:50,613 --> 00:11:53,290
You realize I eat my meals
in that apartment.

242
00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:55,350
Don't worry,
the kitchen table's fine.

243
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,920
But I wouldn't eat any fruit,
or go near the butter.

244
00:12:01,133 --> 00:12:02,760
You know, Carl,
if you like this woman,

245
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,100
you might consider introducing
her to your grandmother

246
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,130
and having a relationship
under your own roof.

247
00:12:07,130 --> 00:12:08,800
Nah, it's not that
 kind of thing.

248
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,273
Besides, I had
to cut her loose.

249
00:12:10,293 --> 00:12:11,500
She was getting too clingy.

250
00:12:11,953 --> 00:12:13,760
So that's it. You just
have your way with her,

251
00:12:13,773 --> 00:12:14,820
and then kick
 her to the curb.

252
00:12:14,846 --> 00:12:16,566
Hey. I made no promises.

253
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,650
Before we ever hooked up, I told
her I could not be tied down.

254
00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:21,040
Turns out I
could be tied down

255
00:12:21,066 --> 00:12:23,020
and punished,
punished, punished.

256
00:12:24,733 --> 00:12:26,826
I hope you at least
let that woman down gently,

257
00:12:26,853 --> 00:12:28,546
and didn't make her
think it was her fault.

258
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:30,030
I did, I told her it was me,
and I was

259
00:12:30,030 --> 00:12:32,473
all messed up in the head,
and I needed some space.

260
00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:34,420
Oh, Carl, they can see
right through that.

261
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:35,200
They know you're
really saying

262
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,080
that they're too old,
or not pretty enough.

263
00:12:37,246 --> 00:12:40,070
I can't tell how old she is.
She's got that asian thing.

264
00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:42,270
She could be 18 or 80.

265
00:12:44,980 --> 00:12:47,000
Real nice,
Mr. Sensitive.

266
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:48,540
What's with you
today, anyway?

267
00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:50,320
Did you ever stop to think
that this woman might have

268
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,780
real feelings for you, and
you've just broken her heart?

269
00:12:52,953 --> 00:12:55,646
Well, it's better to have
loved Carl and lost him,

270
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,980
then to never have
loved Carl at all.

271
00:12:58,773 --> 00:12:59,550
Men.

272
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:01,790
What did you say?

273
00:13:01,940 --> 00:13:03,460
You heard me.

274
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,790
Oh, yeah, just hanging out,
watching the game,

275
00:13:07,790 --> 00:13:09,000
doing guy stuff.

276
00:13:09,313 --> 00:13:11,700
Hey, how's your mom?
Is she okay?

277
00:13:11,980 --> 00:13:14,046
Oh, well, don't let her
sit up in her room all night.

278
00:13:14,073 --> 00:13:16,106
She needs to get out
and engage with other people.

279
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,650
Boom!
There it is!

280
00:13:17,650 --> 00:13:19,170
He's not getting
up from that.

281
00:13:19,170 --> 00:13:22,340
Fellas, I am
on the phone here.

282
00:13:22,340 --> 00:13:24,240
You're missing this. They're
bringing out the stretcher.

283
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,510
Shh, please!

284
00:13:26,510 --> 00:13:29,050
Hey. See if you can't get
your mom out of her bathrobe

285
00:13:29,050 --> 00:13:30,850
and into something
that makes her feel pretty.

286
00:13:30,986 --> 00:13:33,720
And ask Victoria to help,
so she feels included.

287
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:34,726
Hey, Mike.

288
00:13:38,626 --> 00:13:40,890
I'm going to have
 to call you back.

289
00:13:42,466 --> 00:13:43,860
Why did you invite us
over here if you're going to

290
00:13:43,860 --> 00:13:45,460
talk to your girlfriend
all night long?

291
00:13:45,470 --> 00:13:46,900
Hey. She's worried
about her mom,

292
00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:48,566
'cause she just got dumped
by some jerk.

293
00:13:48,566 --> 00:13:50,300
Sound familiar, Carl?

294
00:13:50,813 --> 00:13:54,340
Whoa. Don't get your panties
in a bunch, Mary Kay.

295
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:57,180
Perhaps it is his time of the month.

296
00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:01,250
Well, he does look
a little bloated.

297
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:05,446
If you knew what a menstrual
cycle does to a woman,

298
00:14:05,486 --> 00:14:09,220
both physically and emotionally,
you would not joke.

299
00:14:10,506 --> 00:14:14,330
Oh, yes.
His egg has dropped.

300
00:14:14,806 --> 00:14:16,700
You know what?
I'm going to take a little walk.

301
00:14:16,746 --> 00:14:17,860
Uh, why?

302
00:14:17,980 --> 00:14:19,300
I need a little
time to myself.

303
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:21,900
Is that all right
with you, Mr. Man?

304
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,840
I hope he went out
for midol and chocolate.

305
00:14:29,126 --> 00:14:30,900
Another profiterole,
Joyce?

306
00:14:30,946 --> 00:14:32,550
No I probably
shouldn't.

307
00:14:32,550 --> 00:14:33,873
Please.
If I had your figure,

308
00:14:33,886 --> 00:14:36,750
I'd be sucking up those
babies like an anteater.

309
00:14:37,946 --> 00:14:38,913
You're terrible.

310
00:14:38,940 --> 00:14:41,150
I know!

311
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:42,020
Mike, I thought
you wanted

312
00:14:42,020 --> 00:14:43,790
to hang out with
your friends tonight.

313
00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:45,210
Well, isn't that
what I'm doing?

314
00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:46,690
Aw!
Aw!

315
00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:52,050
I'll get it, ladies.
You sit. Enjoy.

316
00:14:52,050 --> 00:14:54,026
Oh, I just want
to eat him up.

317
00:14:54,073 --> 00:14:57,366
No, with your
figure, you can.

318
00:14:58,586 --> 00:14:59,390
Hey.

319
00:14:59,473 --> 00:15:00,770
Oh, Vince,
not a good time.

320
00:15:00,770 --> 00:15:02,126
I need to
talk to Joyce.

321
00:15:02,140 --> 00:15:03,640
Yeah, I don't know,
she's pretty upset with you.

322
00:15:04,053 --> 00:15:04,780
Who is it?

323
00:15:04,780 --> 00:15:07,210
It's me, Vince.
I'm sorry, lambchop.

324
00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:08,606
Get the hell
off my porch.

325
00:15:08,620 --> 00:15:09,920
Please, let
me explain.

326
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,150
What's to explain?

327
00:15:11,150 --> 00:15:15,090
You wanted space?
Go sit on a missile!

328
00:15:15,090 --> 00:15:17,013
Vince, let's you
and I step outside.

329
00:15:17,093 --> 00:15:19,430
Beat the crap
out of him!

330
00:15:20,233 --> 00:15:21,460
If you're gonna
take a poke at me,

331
00:15:21,460 --> 00:15:23,030
I'm begging you,
not in the face.

332
00:15:23,030 --> 00:15:25,330
That's all I got.

333
00:15:26,020 --> 00:15:27,586
Relax. Nobody's
going to hit you.

334
00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:30,726
But I wouldn't climb into
a cage with Joyce right now.

335
00:15:30,813 --> 00:15:32,340
I did bad,
I know.

336
00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:35,793
I thought I had a shot at a
23-year-old dental hygienist.

337
00:15:35,813 --> 00:15:37,140
Twenty-three?
Yeah.

338
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:39,610
Skin like milk.
Smelled like a puppy.

339
00:15:41,346 --> 00:15:42,920
You had sex
with this woman?

340
00:15:42,950 --> 00:15:44,326
No, never
went that far.

341
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:45,433
Well, how far
 did it go?

342
00:15:45,450 --> 00:15:48,750
I asked her to have
sex with me, she said no.

343
00:15:49,813 --> 00:15:50,973
Aw, Vince.

344
00:15:51,026 --> 00:15:53,693
I went crazy. I saw that
young body, and all of a sudden,

345
00:15:53,706 --> 00:15:57,730
I had a full head of hair
and a sack I wasn't sitting on.

346
00:15:58,346 --> 00:15:59,126
Do you have
any idea how much

347
00:15:59,133 --> 00:16:00,773
you hurt that poor
woman in there?

348
00:16:00,830 --> 00:16:03,466
I know. And, as God
 is my witness,

349
00:16:03,633 --> 00:16:05,140
I will never
hurt her again,

350
00:16:05,140 --> 00:16:07,670
and I will do anything
to get her back.

351
00:16:08,786 --> 00:16:11,380
All right. I'll talk
to her for you.

352
00:16:11,860 --> 00:16:13,426
But I can't make
any promises.

353
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:14,186
Hey.

354
00:16:14,226 --> 00:16:17,000
Leave out the part
about the puppy smell.

355
00:16:17,180 --> 00:16:19,990
That sounds
a little creepy.

356
00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:23,790
Wait here.

357
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,926
Okay, I'm not telling
you what to do,

358
00:16:28,006 --> 00:16:30,493
but I think that man
really cares about you,

359
00:16:30,533 --> 00:16:32,586
and he's genuinely sorry.

360
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,480
So what, now you're
taking his side?

361
00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:35,906
No, I'm not
taking his side.

362
00:16:35,906 --> 00:16:37,946
And it doesn't matter whether
I like him or you like him,

363
00:16:37,953 --> 00:16:40,370
it's up to your mom to decide
what she wants to do.

364
00:16:40,370 --> 00:16:41,886
I'd like to smear
honey on his ass

365
00:16:41,940 --> 00:16:44,280
and stuff him in
a bag full of fire ants.

366
00:16:46,980 --> 00:16:48,426
Well, he's still
out on the porch,

367
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,620
and he did say
 he'd do anything.

368
00:16:54,486 --> 00:16:57,270
Might as well hear what
the son of a bitch has to say.

369
00:16:58,380 --> 00:17:00,526
If I hit him, do you
have to arrest me?

370
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,230
You get a free pass
on the first punch.

371
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:04,060
After that,
I gotta step in.

372
00:17:04,753 --> 00:17:07,530
All I need is one.

373
00:17:10,540 --> 00:17:13,410
You guys really stick up
for each other, don't you?

374
00:17:13,913 --> 00:17:16,640
There's a certain
gender loyalty, yes.

375
00:17:16,906 --> 00:17:18,940
Which reminds me...

376
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,150
got the key
back from Carl.

377
00:17:23,966 --> 00:17:25,280
Why are you
giving it to me?

378
00:17:25,426 --> 00:17:26,940
I don't know,
I thought you might like

379
00:17:26,940 --> 00:17:28,450
to come and go
 as you please.

380
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:30,066
Really?

381
00:17:30,146 --> 00:17:31,920
Yeah, really.

382
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:33,290
It's a big step, Mike.

383
00:17:33,290 --> 00:17:36,160
I know, but it feels like
the right thing to do.

384
00:17:37,626 --> 00:17:39,370
I don't know what to say.

385
00:17:39,733 --> 00:17:42,470
Speechless. Finally.

386
00:17:43,466 --> 00:17:45,570
Don't push it, pal.

387
00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:53,880
So... can I have a
key to your place?

388
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,780
Absolutely not.

389
00:17:59,133 --> 00:18:00,150
How come?

390
00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:02,350
I'm just not there yet.

391
00:18:03,466 --> 00:18:05,460
Oh.

392
00:18:06,173 --> 00:18:08,230
You're so easy.

393
00:18:08,566 --> 00:18:11,310
It's under the lawn gnome
in the backyard.

394
00:18:14,833 --> 00:18:15,940
Hey, Mike?

395
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:17,270
Yeah?

396
00:18:17,270 --> 00:18:21,870
If I blaze up, are you going to
get all piggly-wiggly on me?

397
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:25,780
You know, Victoria,

398
00:18:26,193 --> 00:18:28,310
you don't need to get wasted
to have a good time.

399
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,660
What are you
talking about?

400
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:39,880
I'm just saying that
a person doesn't need

401
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:42,530
drugs or alcohol
to enjoy themselves.

402
00:18:46,206 --> 00:18:48,130
I'm not following you.

403
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:50,520
Give it up.

404
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:53,010
You can't save everybody
in one night, sir Galahad.

405
00:18:53,010 --> 00:18:54,713
Let's go to bed.
All right.

406
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,946
But we're not going to
have sex every night.

407
00:18:56,966 --> 00:18:58,306
You okay
with that?

408
00:18:58,313 --> 00:19:00,110
No. You're putting out.

409
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:09,173
You know, many Africans have
played professional basketball,

410
00:19:09,220 --> 00:19:10,673
but to my knowledge,

411
00:19:10,726 --> 00:19:13,830
very few have played
professional football.

412
00:19:14,246 --> 00:19:15,400
Huh. Not surprising.

413
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:19,930
Those brothers are like,
10 feet tall and 65 pounds.

414
00:19:20,213 --> 00:19:22,640
That's a stick of licorice
with a helmet on.

415
00:19:25,346 --> 00:19:27,413
Do you have cheerleaders
in your country?

416
00:19:27,593 --> 00:19:30,380
No. There's not much
to cheer about.

417
00:19:33,666 --> 00:19:37,380
Wouldn't it be great if everyone
had cheerleaders in their jobs?

418
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:41,420
Just 10 hot bitches screaming,
"go, Carl, go!"

419
00:19:42,093 --> 00:19:44,393
Hey, You've been
getting "go, Carl, go,"

420
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,093
for the last two nights,
haven't you?

421
00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:48,090
Yeah, but that's over.

422
00:19:48,273 --> 00:19:49,760
I don't understand.

423
00:19:50,013 --> 00:19:51,960
If it was so good,
why did you end it?

424
00:19:52,260 --> 00:19:54,930
She wanted to have a real
relationship, settle down.

425
00:19:55,053 --> 00:19:56,870
But that's
not my thing.

426
00:19:56,870 --> 00:19:58,840
I'm more of
a lone wolf.

427
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,170
Prowling the night.

428
00:20:01,526 --> 00:20:02,900
She broke up with you,
didn't she?

429
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,680
Yeah, she said I was
too clingy and emotional.

430
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,880
So it was not
Carl "too beaucoup,"

431
00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:14,220
it was Carl "too boo-hoo."

432
00:20:15,073 --> 00:20:17,190
Shut up and watch the game.

433
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:20,360
Whoa.

434
00:20:20,846 --> 00:20:23,200
I wouldn't eat those grapes.

435
00:20:27,873 --> 00:20:30,900
Synced & corrected by
GhostedNet