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Deported?
2
00:00:53,444 --> 00:00:54,578
That's right.
3
00:00:54,612 --> 00:00:56,580
- But...
- There are no buts.
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It's the I.N.S.
5
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He's got brown skin.
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He's been accused of a violent crime.
He's going.
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Do you know why he was arrested,
what he was charged...?
8
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He was arrested because you
insisted I call Julia.
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So I called Julia,
and she called the police.
10
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This ought to teach you
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to stay out of the business
of second-hand diagnosis.
12
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Let qualified people
do the work instead.
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When you talk about qualified
people doing this work,
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are you including
yourself in that?
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Are you suggesting
that I'm to blame?
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I'm not suggesting anything.
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Because I wouldn't
have called if I...
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I understand that.
I'm not accusing you of anything.
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You've been talking for weeks
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about a loss of perspective,
21
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questioning the efficacy
of your practice,
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doubting certain decisions.
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I was right about this one.
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Based on what you
told me, I felt
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there was a risk that
needed to be addressed.
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I'm still not clear
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why you're so certain
the risk wasn't real.
28
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Sunil just told me flat out he
never intended to hurt Julia.
29
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So the police came
as he planned.
30
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He refused to show his
papers, also as planned.
31
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I mean, what part of that
do you not understand?
32
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You've been told by Sunil
33
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that much of what he shared
was fiction. Correct?
34
00:02:12,323 --> 00:02:13,857
Mm-hmm.
35
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:17,227
Yet when he claims that he
never intended to hurt Julia...
36
00:02:17,295 --> 00:02:20,564
I'm just not sure
how you're deciding
37
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which of these stories
to believe.
38
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- You've never met him.
- That's true.
39
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And you've never
had the experience
40
00:02:26,638 --> 00:02:29,139
of sitting down
and speaking with him.
41
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See, I'm talking about
an instinct that I had
42
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that you refuse
to trust.
43
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I know Sunil is not
a dangerous person.
44
00:02:39,884 --> 00:02:43,921
Okay, let's take
everything at face value.
45
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Everything he said
to you this week...
46
00:02:45,990 --> 00:02:48,458
we'll believe it's true.
47
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This is what he wanted... to
be sent home to Calcutta.
48
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That's right.
49
00:02:54,165 --> 00:02:57,034
Then why are you so upset?
50
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( Theme music playing )
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Sync by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
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Sync by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
53
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We've discussed for some time
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your strong identification
with Sunil,
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that you've come to care
about him, relate to him.
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Would you say that's true?
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Even to think of him as perhaps
something of a friend?
58
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Does it make you angry
to consider
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that you may have been betrayed
by a friend in this way?
60
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May I offer another possible
source for your anger?
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Sure.
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Do you think any part of you
might be envious of Sunil?
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Why would I be envious of a
man who's being deported?
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Because he's found a way
to change his life
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and you haven't.
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I could understand your
being envious of that.
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You know, all week I've been...
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I've just been going
over and over
69
00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:21,151
Sunil's treatment
in my head, you know...
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00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:24,187
what was really happening,
what was fantasy.
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00:04:24,255 --> 00:04:26,089
Even when I'm
with other patients,
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I'm thinking about him,
tuning them out completely.
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And when I force
myself to focus
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00:04:31,329 --> 00:04:34,798
and actually listen
to what they're saying,
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I just...
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00:04:37,135 --> 00:04:41,438
I just find myself
questioning the whole thing.
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How do I really know
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that what I'm being told
isn't bullshit?
79
00:04:47,612 --> 00:04:52,282
What am I blind to this time?
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00:04:52,350 --> 00:04:56,453
That's quite a hopeless
feeling you're describing.
81
00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,223
I got a phone message
the other day
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from a prospective patient
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00:05:02,193 --> 00:05:07,264
who asked me if I had any free
appointments in my schedule.
84
00:05:07,298 --> 00:05:09,766
I haven't been able to get
back to that person yet.
85
00:05:09,801 --> 00:05:12,335
Why not?
86
00:05:12,370 --> 00:05:16,039
What would you tell them
if you did?
87
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:17,808
I don't know.
88
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What would you want
to tell them?
89
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,212
Well, whenever I think
of making the call,
90
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,214
I can only imagine saying
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00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:27,717
that I'm not taking
any new patients.
92
00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:31,021
What does it mean to you
to hear yourself say that?
93
00:05:35,159 --> 00:05:38,728
Does it mean you're thinking of
cutting back on your practice?
94
00:05:42,834 --> 00:05:46,470
Are you thinking of closing it?
95
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:58,348
You look more pregnant.
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00:05:58,416 --> 00:06:00,851
I...
97
00:06:00,885 --> 00:06:05,255
yes, I guess I am.
98
00:06:06,891 --> 00:06:09,426
Do you know
what you're gonna do
99
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,128
when the baby is born?
100
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:14,598
Do you plan
to keep on working?
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00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:16,600
I do.
102
00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:19,536
I'll take a few months
at home, but then
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yes, I'll keep working.
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I want to.
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And you?
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You still haven't
answered my question.
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00:06:34,051 --> 00:06:37,721
Are you thinking
of closing your practice?
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I don't know.
It came into my head
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00:06:39,891 --> 00:06:43,460
when I was sitting across
from Jesse this week.
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He told me he was
quitting therapy.
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Why?
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Why? Because
he was convinced
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that he has to choose
between his father and me.
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And he's chosen his father.
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What did you say to him?
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I don't think he heard
anything I said really.
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There was a time...
a time I used to believe
118
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that you could say
something clearly
119
00:07:08,753 --> 00:07:13,256
and the other person would
hear it, digest it, respond.
120
00:07:14,759 --> 00:07:18,195
I don't think
I believe that anymore.
121
00:07:18,262 --> 00:07:21,364
Maybe any serious
communication
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00:07:21,432 --> 00:07:24,467
between two people
is useless.
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Even without outright lying,
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people only hear what
they really want to hear
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or what they're
capable of hearing,
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which...
( Chuckles )
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00:07:37,148 --> 00:07:39,115
Which often has
very little resemblance
128
00:07:39,150 --> 00:07:40,917
to what was actually said.
129
00:07:43,054 --> 00:07:45,155
At this moment
each of these setbacks
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00:07:45,223 --> 00:07:47,157
feels like a terrible blow.
131
00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:53,863
Can we talk about why these
losses feel so devastating?
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Why don't you tell me?
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00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,435
I think it has something to do
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00:07:58,469 --> 00:08:00,704
with what you've
done repeatedly.
135
00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:04,641
You've blurred boundaries
with your patients,
136
00:08:04,675 --> 00:08:08,211
treated them as friends
or children or...
137
00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:11,047
again and again you have
allowed your own feelings
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00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:12,749
to interfere.
139
00:08:12,817 --> 00:08:17,220
Why do you think Sunil was
able to fool you so easily?
140
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,789
Why do you think that deception
141
00:08:19,824 --> 00:08:22,259
affects you so deeply?
142
00:08:22,326 --> 00:08:24,961
Two weeks ago you saw
Jesse late at night.
143
00:08:25,029 --> 00:08:26,963
Now you're terribly hurt
144
00:08:26,998 --> 00:08:29,099
that Jesse's turned
to his father.
145
00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:30,834
It's all connected, Paul.
146
00:08:30,868 --> 00:08:33,203
It's a pattern.
It's one you could break if...
147
00:08:33,271 --> 00:08:35,739
I need to stop.
148
00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:37,274
You... you need
to stop?
149
00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:40,210
I need to stop seeing patients.
150
00:08:40,278 --> 00:08:41,878
That's what you're telling me.
151
00:08:41,946 --> 00:08:44,080
And you're right.
152
00:08:44,115 --> 00:08:46,549
I'm not telling you
to do anything.
153
00:08:46,584 --> 00:08:49,753
I'm only trying to get you
to examine what might be...
154
00:08:49,787 --> 00:08:53,256
fine, it's what I've been
telling you then,
155
00:08:53,291 --> 00:08:56,159
what I've really known myself
156
00:08:56,227 --> 00:08:59,396
for a very long time.
157
00:08:59,430 --> 00:09:02,732
Is that really
what you want?
158
00:09:02,767 --> 00:09:06,202
There are many many ways
to make changes, Paul.
159
00:09:07,204 --> 00:09:09,205
I know that.
160
00:09:10,274 --> 00:09:12,509
Okay.
161
00:09:12,576 --> 00:09:14,878
Do you know... if this is
a real possibility,
162
00:09:14,912 --> 00:09:18,381
have you thought about
what might be next?
163
00:09:18,416 --> 00:09:20,016
Do I have to have a plan?
164
00:09:20,084 --> 00:09:22,252
Of course not.
165
00:09:22,286 --> 00:09:24,921
Just...
166
00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:26,456
what?
167
00:09:26,490 --> 00:09:29,025
I don't know.
I just found myself
168
00:09:29,093 --> 00:09:31,594
wondering what my life
would have been
169
00:09:31,629 --> 00:09:34,531
if I hadn't gone down
this path, you know,
170
00:09:34,598 --> 00:09:39,836
if I hadn't become a therapist.
171
00:09:42,106 --> 00:09:45,041
All I know is
172
00:09:45,109 --> 00:09:48,645
that I can't spend the next
10 or 20 years like this,
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00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:52,349
locked in a room, listening.
174
00:09:52,416 --> 00:09:54,651
It's striking to hear you talk
175
00:09:54,685 --> 00:09:57,087
about the next 10 or 20 years.
176
00:09:57,121 --> 00:10:00,390
I mean, up until now
you've been convinced
177
00:10:00,458 --> 00:10:02,926
you only had a fraction
of that time left.
178
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,928
Well, maybe I've been taking
179
00:10:04,962 --> 00:10:07,497
what the doctors have told
me about the Parkinson's
180
00:10:07,531 --> 00:10:10,800
a bit more objectively.
181
00:10:10,835 --> 00:10:15,672
I'm willing to wait and see.
182
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:19,109
And maybe during that time
I'll finally figure out
183
00:10:19,143 --> 00:10:21,945
what it is that I want
from my life.
184
00:10:21,979 --> 00:10:25,382
Is there anything
that comes to mind?
185
00:10:27,718 --> 00:10:30,387
Not specifically, no.
186
00:10:30,454 --> 00:10:32,655
Nothing at all?
187
00:10:39,330 --> 00:10:41,698
I broke up with Wendy.
188
00:10:41,732 --> 00:10:43,733
It was at the breakfast
table yesterday.
189
00:10:43,801 --> 00:10:45,902
I hadn't planned
to do it.
190
00:10:45,970 --> 00:10:47,771
It just sort of
came out.
191
00:10:47,838 --> 00:10:50,774
You seem surprised.
192
00:10:50,841 --> 00:10:52,475
Do I?
193
00:10:52,510 --> 00:10:55,979
I guess I just wanted
to free myself.
194
00:10:56,013 --> 00:10:58,415
- Free yourself?
- Yes.
195
00:10:58,482 --> 00:11:00,483
Free yourself for what?
196
00:11:02,019 --> 00:11:05,188
I was never in love with Wendy.
197
00:11:05,222 --> 00:11:08,858
I know that.
198
00:11:08,893 --> 00:11:11,127
And honestly,
199
00:11:11,195 --> 00:11:13,530
I've even started to wonder
200
00:11:13,564 --> 00:11:18,334
if I was ever really
in love with Kate
201
00:11:18,369 --> 00:11:22,639
and whether love is something
202
00:11:22,706 --> 00:11:25,341
I'm really capable of.
203
00:11:26,877 --> 00:11:29,546
Wendy said she wanted to talk
204
00:11:29,580 --> 00:11:33,082
about our relationship.
205
00:11:34,552 --> 00:11:36,786
And she started to cry.
206
00:11:36,854 --> 00:11:40,089
She couldn't
stop crying.
207
00:11:40,124 --> 00:11:42,559
And inside I...
208
00:11:42,593 --> 00:11:46,196
I just didn't feel anything.
209
00:11:46,230 --> 00:11:50,200
Yeah, I knew I should
have been feeling sad
210
00:11:50,234 --> 00:11:54,971
or at the very least guilty.
211
00:11:55,039 --> 00:11:58,074
But...
212
00:11:58,142 --> 00:12:00,043
I kept saying to myself,
"she's in pain.
213
00:12:00,077 --> 00:12:01,845
She's in pain.
You can help her."
214
00:12:01,912 --> 00:12:03,646
But I couldn't move.
215
00:12:03,714 --> 00:12:06,416
I couldn't even take her hand.
216
00:12:06,484 --> 00:12:09,018
I just wanted her
to leave.
217
00:12:09,086 --> 00:12:11,621
To free yourself.
218
00:12:11,655 --> 00:12:14,491
I think
up until this point
219
00:12:14,558 --> 00:12:17,894
you've sought out
relationships that are safe,
220
00:12:17,928 --> 00:12:20,396
where the risk
to yourself emotionally
221
00:12:20,431 --> 00:12:23,366
is a small one.
222
00:12:23,434 --> 00:12:27,103
Outside the office
you keep your distance.
223
00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:29,772
Inside, you do the opposite...
224
00:12:29,807 --> 00:12:33,176
you overinvest.
You seek out intimacy.
225
00:12:33,244 --> 00:12:36,179
But whether it's Wendy,
226
00:12:36,247 --> 00:12:38,314
Kate, your patients...
227
00:12:38,349 --> 00:12:41,784
they're all
substitutes of a kind,
228
00:12:41,819 --> 00:12:45,688
allowing you to avoid actually
engaging in the world,
229
00:12:45,756 --> 00:12:48,558
experiencing life
in any real way.
230
00:12:48,626 --> 00:12:50,560
I think what
you're telling me
231
00:12:50,628 --> 00:12:53,930
is that you're ready
to stop doing this.
232
00:12:53,964 --> 00:12:55,899
Ending things with Wendy
233
00:12:55,966 --> 00:12:58,601
sounds like a step
in the right direction.
234
00:12:58,636 --> 00:13:01,170
Ending your practice...
235
00:13:01,205 --> 00:13:06,009
I'm not sure that's
precisely the right answer.
236
00:13:06,043 --> 00:13:08,111
But it does feel right to me
237
00:13:08,145 --> 00:13:11,147
to hear you talk about
freeing yourself.
238
00:13:11,181 --> 00:13:14,183
I think that's
a good description
239
00:13:14,218 --> 00:13:16,419
of the work that lies ahead...
240
00:13:16,487 --> 00:13:18,821
for you, for us together.
241
00:13:18,856 --> 00:13:22,792
I'm not coming back.
242
00:13:22,860 --> 00:13:25,028
I'm sorry.
243
00:13:26,330 --> 00:13:28,431
You just took me to task
244
00:13:28,499 --> 00:13:31,568
on my unhealthy relationships.
245
00:13:31,635 --> 00:13:34,771
Do you not see this
as one of them?
246
00:13:34,838 --> 00:13:37,574
I... I don't think...
247
00:13:37,641 --> 00:13:40,343
I think it's
entirely different.
248
00:13:40,377 --> 00:13:41,811
Why is that?
249
00:13:41,845 --> 00:13:43,813
Because you're my therapist?
250
00:13:43,847 --> 00:13:46,950
Because whatever's been going on
between us is completely routine,
251
00:13:46,984 --> 00:13:50,620
a standard critical part
of the therapeutic process?
252
00:13:50,654 --> 00:13:53,890
I think you're aware of how these
sorts of feelings function.
253
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:56,159
Transference,
countertransference...
254
00:13:56,193 --> 00:13:58,061
just go with it,
grow from it...
255
00:13:58,128 --> 00:14:00,730
- Explore it as illuminating.
- I can't do that.
256
00:14:02,833 --> 00:14:05,935
I'm sorry.
I just can't do it.
257
00:14:06,003 --> 00:14:08,304
It's too...
258
00:14:11,008 --> 00:14:12,809
it's too confusing for me.
259
00:14:12,843 --> 00:14:14,544
Why do you find it
so confusing?
260
00:14:14,578 --> 00:14:18,581
Because I can't tell
what's real.
261
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:21,718
How can I go on seeing you,
262
00:14:21,752 --> 00:14:25,888
looking at you,
keep coming here,
263
00:14:25,923 --> 00:14:30,393
when you epitomize
the conflict?
264
00:14:31,729 --> 00:14:33,963
Do you not see that?
265
00:14:34,031 --> 00:14:36,766
I'm not sure that I do.
266
00:14:38,068 --> 00:14:40,670
You're talking about
ending therapy
267
00:14:40,704 --> 00:14:44,140
just as you're contemplating
an enormous life decision.
268
00:14:44,208 --> 00:14:46,442
I think it's important
that we're clear...
269
00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:48,611
you're having a baby.
270
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:50,179
I am.
271
00:14:50,214 --> 00:14:54,317
And I know that the likelihood
272
00:14:54,385 --> 00:14:56,352
is that you're having
this child
273
00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:59,589
with somebody else...
its father,
274
00:14:59,623 --> 00:15:01,958
husband, boyfriend... having
girlfriend for all I know.
275
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:05,161
But...
276
00:15:05,229 --> 00:15:08,131
I just have this feeling
277
00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:10,933
that may not be
the case.
278
00:15:10,968 --> 00:15:13,503
I don't know
what your story is...
279
00:15:13,570 --> 00:15:16,172
whether you're
with somebody or not.
280
00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:20,143
I could be wrong.
I could be making a fool of myself.
281
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:21,711
I could be offending you.
282
00:15:21,745 --> 00:15:24,313
I could be wildly deluded.
283
00:15:26,483 --> 00:15:29,886
But something tells me
that you're alone.
284
00:15:35,492 --> 00:15:38,127
Last week you imagined
285
00:15:38,162 --> 00:15:40,430
I had a happy, growing family.
286
00:15:40,464 --> 00:15:43,232
You thought I hid
that fact from you,
287
00:15:43,267 --> 00:15:45,201
and that made you very angry.
288
00:15:45,269 --> 00:15:47,170
An now you're suggesting...
289
00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:50,039
That I can't tell
what the truth is.
290
00:15:50,107 --> 00:15:54,811
This is your opportunity
to tell me if you want to.
291
00:15:54,845 --> 00:15:57,880
Why do you think it's so important
for you to know my situation?
292
00:15:57,948 --> 00:16:01,617
Because we could go on
like this for years.
293
00:16:01,652 --> 00:16:03,586
It...
294
00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:06,856
what?
295
00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:11,627
It's too painful.
296
00:16:15,132 --> 00:16:17,100
I don't think the solution is
297
00:16:17,134 --> 00:16:20,803
to run away from what's
happening in this room, Paul,
298
00:16:20,838 --> 00:16:24,006
to protect yourself once again
299
00:16:24,041 --> 00:16:27,310
from the risk
of a relationship...
300
00:16:27,344 --> 00:16:31,347
the confusion, yes, pain
301
00:16:31,415 --> 00:16:35,818
that can sometimes
go along with one.
302
00:16:35,853 --> 00:16:37,820
The way to change that
303
00:16:37,855 --> 00:16:40,289
is to face those feelings
in a therapeutic setting.
304
00:16:40,324 --> 00:16:42,792
You just said
"relationship."
305
00:16:42,826 --> 00:16:46,095
But the point is
306
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:49,165
that it isn't one.
307
00:16:49,199 --> 00:16:52,602
It's been created in this room
308
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:54,570
by the artifice of therapy.
309
00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:58,040
And I don't know that I believe
in that artifice anymore.
310
00:16:58,108 --> 00:17:01,210
I can't distinguish it
from reality.
311
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:04,914
You're sitting across from me,
312
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,783
and you're pregnant,
313
00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:11,154
and I still think that you
are meant to be with me.
314
00:17:12,790 --> 00:17:15,691
Isn't that exactly
what I need to stop doing,
315
00:17:15,726 --> 00:17:17,527
what you've been
telling me to change?
316
00:17:17,561 --> 00:17:21,297
Isn't it time that I go outside
and experience reality,
317
00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:23,399
step beyond the office doors
318
00:17:23,467 --> 00:17:25,735
and see the difference
for myself?
319
00:17:25,803 --> 00:17:27,737
You can experience the world
320
00:17:27,805 --> 00:17:30,373
and still come back
here each week,
321
00:17:30,407 --> 00:17:33,709
talk about that experience.
322
00:17:33,744 --> 00:17:36,879
I worry that if you don't,
323
00:17:36,914 --> 00:17:40,983
you'll repeat the same patterns
you're trying to free yourself from.
324
00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:43,519
Well, maybe that's true.
325
00:17:43,554 --> 00:17:46,289
And maybe it's not.
326
00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:49,525
You've been through so much in
such a short amount of time, Paul:
327
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:53,129
The death of your father, the
fear of inheriting his illness,
328
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,131
the fundamental questioning
329
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,133
of your life's work.
330
00:17:57,201 --> 00:18:00,169
I'm 57 years old
331
00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:02,672
and I've lost my way.
332
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:07,677
I want to help you
find your way again.
333
00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:10,279
Do you ever think
about us being together?
334
00:18:10,347 --> 00:18:11,547
Do you?
335
00:18:17,020 --> 00:18:20,356
I'm not in treatment
with you any longer.
336
00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:22,658
You can answer the question.
337
00:18:29,099 --> 00:18:30,666
Wow.
338
00:18:32,369 --> 00:18:35,671
You are a good therapist.
339
00:18:42,980 --> 00:18:46,082
Paul, will you think
about coming next week?
340
00:18:48,151 --> 00:18:51,854
I can't.
I need to stop.
341
00:18:51,889 --> 00:18:54,156
I just...
342
00:18:56,827 --> 00:18:58,527
I have to.
343
00:19:00,397 --> 00:19:01,831
Good luck to you.
344
00:19:08,171 --> 00:19:11,607
My door wilt always be
open to you.
345
00:19:11,675 --> 00:19:14,710
Well, it's okay.
346
00:19:14,745 --> 00:19:17,546
You can close it behind me.
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