1
00:00:00,442 --> 00:00:02,944
In December of 2010,
my friends and I decided
2
00:00:02,945 --> 00:00:05,513
to go see It's a Wonderful Life
on the big screen.
3
00:00:05,514 --> 00:00:07,348
It seemed like
something we all needed.
4
00:00:07,349 --> 00:00:09,918
After all, it had been
a crazy couple of days.
5
00:00:09,919 --> 00:00:11,419
It all started...
6
00:00:11,420 --> 00:00:13,788
with a pregnancy test.
7
00:00:13,789 --> 00:00:16,090
This is taking forever.
Are you sure you did it right?
8
00:00:16,091 --> 00:00:18,726
Is there a wrong way
to pee on a stick?
9
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:22,563
Hey, can I ask you a question
that's plagued me for years?
10
00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:23,831
Can girls aim?
11
00:00:23,832 --> 00:00:25,333
Um, can boys aim?
12
00:00:25,334 --> 00:00:27,669
'Cause it seems to me
like I'm taking a mop
13
00:00:27,670 --> 00:00:29,170
to that bathroom floor
every two days.
14
00:00:29,171 --> 00:00:31,272
Okay, you're the one who
put the Far Side calendar
15
00:00:31,273 --> 00:00:32,573
up over the toilet.
16
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:34,609
You know I laugh
with my whole body.
17
00:00:34,610 --> 00:00:37,278
It's been two minutes.
18
00:00:40,316 --> 00:00:43,618
One, two, three.
19
00:00:44,853 --> 00:00:47,322
- It's positive.
- It's positive? It's positive?
20
00:00:47,323 --> 00:00:48,356
- It's positive.
- It's positive?
21
00:00:48,357 --> 00:00:49,357
It's positive!
22
00:00:49,358 --> 00:00:50,558
It's positive!
23
00:00:50,559 --> 00:00:52,026
Whoa!
24
00:00:52,027 --> 00:00:53,261
Whoa!
25
00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:54,963
I'm pregnant.
26
00:00:54,964 --> 00:00:56,130
What?!
27
00:00:56,131 --> 00:00:57,899
I've never seen that
woman before in my life!
28
00:00:57,900 --> 00:01:00,301
Sorry. Force of habit.
Congratulations!
29
00:01:01,470 --> 00:01:03,071
To Lily and Marshall.
30
00:01:03,072 --> 00:01:04,305
To Lily and Marshall.
31
00:01:04,306 --> 00:01:05,406
Well, thank you.
32
00:01:05,407 --> 00:01:07,475
- I mean, we've never been happier.
- Mm.
33
00:01:07,476 --> 00:01:10,111
Can't imagine anything
bringing me down right now.
34
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:11,279
You're not pregnant.
35
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,515
Well, that did it.
36
00:01:14,516 --> 00:01:24,586
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
37
00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:30,715
Kids, this is the
story of the 36 hours
38
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,917
we all thought
Lily was pregnant,
39
00:01:32,918 --> 00:01:35,586
and how it caused each of us
to reexamine our own lives.
40
00:01:35,587 --> 00:01:36,854
Because while
this was happening...
41
00:01:36,855 --> 00:01:38,322
Are you sure you did it right?
42
00:01:38,323 --> 00:01:39,690
...I was on the phone
with Punchy,
43
00:01:39,691 --> 00:01:41,025
my best friend
from high school,
44
00:01:41,026 --> 00:01:43,327
who had recently asked me
to be his best man.
45
00:01:43,328 --> 00:01:44,929
Hey, Punchy, I've given this
some serious thought.
46
00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:46,797
I think I know
how we can crush these
47
00:01:46,798 --> 00:01:47,898
floral arrangements.
48
00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:50,001
Ah, here it comes.
Hit me up, Schmos!
49
00:01:50,002 --> 00:01:54,305
Peonies, lavender blossoms
with a halo of baby's breath
50
00:01:54,306 --> 00:01:56,374
for an ambiance
of springtime rejuvenation.
51
00:01:56,375 --> 00:01:58,109
♪ Crushed it! ♪
52
00:01:58,110 --> 00:01:59,777
That's exactly
the accent of whimsy
53
00:01:59,778 --> 00:02:01,579
this celebration of love needs!
54
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:03,814
It's gonna be a magical day.
55
00:02:03,815 --> 00:02:05,950
I know what you're thinking.
56
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:08,119
I wish I was a dude.
57
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:10,087
I do wish you were a dude.
58
00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:13,591
Because if I was a dude, I could
have Ted Mosby as my best man.
59
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,092
No, and here's why.
60
00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:17,361
Ted, the best man's job
61
00:02:17,362 --> 00:02:20,498
is not to crush
the floral arrangements.
62
00:02:20,499 --> 00:02:22,033
It's to get the groom
down the aisle,
63
00:02:22,034 --> 00:02:25,036
because, no matter who
he is, he will freak out.
64
00:02:25,037 --> 00:02:27,371
And I just don't think
you have what it takes
65
00:02:27,372 --> 00:02:29,340
to get that get that soldier
to pick up his rifle
66
00:02:29,341 --> 00:02:30,541
and charge up the hill.
67
00:02:30,542 --> 00:02:32,610
Uh, are you forgetting
I've done this before?
68
00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:33,944
I was Marshall's best man.
69
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:35,546
And how did that go again?
70
00:02:38,650 --> 00:02:40,384
Oh for one.
71
00:02:40,385 --> 00:02:42,153
Oh, come on.
That wasn't my fault.
72
00:02:42,154 --> 00:02:44,789
And need I remind you,
I gave a beautiful toast.
73
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:45,890
Ted.
74
00:02:47,526 --> 00:02:50,828
Oh, do you take one
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
75
00:02:51,496 --> 00:02:53,164
Oh, God, I'm freaking out.
76
00:02:53,165 --> 00:02:55,700
Why did I chose Ted
to be my best man?
77
00:02:55,701 --> 00:02:57,501
Uh, yeah. It's hard
to take criticism
78
00:02:57,502 --> 00:02:59,503
from someone who just recorded
seven episodes
79
00:02:59,504 --> 00:03:01,439
of Million Dollar Heads or Tails.
80
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,641
Kids,
Million Dollar Heads or Tails
81
00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:05,109
was an extremely popular show
82
00:03:05,110 --> 00:03:07,044
with an extremely
simple premise.
83
00:03:07,045 --> 00:03:09,046
All right,
your practice flip came up
84
00:03:09,047 --> 00:03:10,047
tails...
85
00:03:10,048 --> 00:03:11,849
But our Vegas oddsmaker
tells us
86
00:03:11,850 --> 00:03:14,952
that the next toss
is still just 50-50.
87
00:03:14,953 --> 00:03:16,420
And so, Jordan,
88
00:03:16,421 --> 00:03:18,422
for one million dollars...
89
00:03:19,224 --> 00:03:22,059
heads... or tails?
90
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:27,665
What was the year
of the coin again?
91
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:29,333
Why this sudden obsession
with Heads or Tails?
92
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,102
Well, it turns out
93
00:03:31,103 --> 00:03:34,372
that Heads or Tails
has a job opening.
94
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,640
Ta... heads.
95
00:03:36,641 --> 00:03:39,176
Marni, flip that coin.
96
00:03:39,878 --> 00:03:41,045
Ooh! Damn!
97
00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:43,447
So now, because
of that incident,
98
00:03:43,448 --> 00:03:44,915
Heads or Tails is looking
99
00:03:44,916 --> 00:03:47,385
for a new
currency rotation specialist.
100
00:03:47,386 --> 00:03:48,886
You mean coin flip bimbo?
101
00:03:48,887 --> 00:03:50,588
They're not bimbos!
102
00:03:50,589 --> 00:03:53,557
You auditioned, didn't you?
103
00:03:58,029 --> 00:03:59,430
And you're Canadian?!
104
00:03:59,431 --> 00:04:00,765
Mm.
105
00:04:00,766 --> 00:04:02,400
Robin, aside from that coin,
106
00:04:02,401 --> 00:04:04,969
this is the other thing
that's flipping right now.
107
00:04:04,970 --> 00:04:06,570
What is my lid?
108
00:04:06,571 --> 00:04:08,639
For you.
109
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,474
You're the new coin flip bimbo?
110
00:04:10,475 --> 00:04:12,309
Currency rotation specialist.
111
00:04:12,310 --> 00:04:14,545
Robin, you better check yourself
112
00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:16,747
before you trebek yourself.
113
00:04:16,748 --> 00:04:17,948
You're a journalist!
114
00:04:17,949 --> 00:04:19,750
What is the matter with you?
115
00:04:19,751 --> 00:04:21,152
Well, it's a national audience!
116
00:04:21,153 --> 00:04:22,753
I get to wear shiny dresses!
117
00:04:22,754 --> 00:04:24,021
Robin,
118
00:04:24,022 --> 00:04:26,457
have you forgotten about
your New Year's resolution?
119
00:04:26,458 --> 00:04:30,361
I am never drinking again.
120
00:04:30,362 --> 00:04:31,662
No, before that.
121
00:04:31,663 --> 00:04:36,066
I am gonna finish
this whole bottle tonight.
122
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,468
Before that, too.
123
00:04:37,469 --> 00:04:38,836
I moved here
124
00:04:38,837 --> 00:04:40,938
to work for a big-time
cable news channel
125
00:04:40,939 --> 00:04:42,239
like World Wide News.
126
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,641
- Mm-hmm.
- Well,
127
00:04:43,642 --> 00:04:46,010
by this time next year,
I will be wearing
128
00:04:46,011 --> 00:04:48,913
a World Wide News
I.D. badge around my neck.
129
00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:50,915
And to show you
that I'm serious,
130
00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:53,217
this is my first and
only drink of the night.
131
00:04:53,218 --> 00:04:55,486
- Okay.
- Okay?
132
00:04:56,388 --> 00:04:59,256
Oh, damn, that's smooth.
133
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:01,859
I thought you finally got that
interview at World Wide News.
134
00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:04,795
Well, I did, but they only
offered me a boring,
135
00:05:04,796 --> 00:05:07,298
low-paid,
off-camera research job.
136
00:05:07,299 --> 00:05:09,600
Which could be a stepping stone
to bigger things in your career.
137
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:12,269
Well, so could Heads or Tails.
138
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,171
The first currency
rotation specialist went on
139
00:05:14,172 --> 00:05:17,708
to be a semi-finalist
on The Bachelor, and then,
140
00:05:17,709 --> 00:05:20,511
she lost, like, a hundred pounds
on The Biggest Loser,
141
00:05:20,512 --> 00:05:22,980
and now she's totally winning
Celebrity Rehab.
142
00:05:22,981 --> 00:05:26,083
It seemed like there was
no changing Robin's mind.
143
00:05:26,084 --> 00:05:28,185
But what we didn't know,
in that moment,
144
00:05:28,186 --> 00:05:31,121
was that our world was about
to be turned upside down.
145
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:32,957
I'm pregnant.
146
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:34,191
What?!
147
00:05:34,192 --> 00:05:35,993
Now, kids, when your friends
have great news,
148
00:05:35,994 --> 00:05:38,162
you're happy for them...
For, like, a millisecond.
149
00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:40,498
And then you start thinking
about yourself.
150
00:05:40,499 --> 00:05:41,932
Oh, my God!
151
00:05:41,933 --> 00:05:44,301
They're really having a baby.
152
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,103
What am I doing with my life?
153
00:05:46,104 --> 00:05:48,305
Starting Monday,
I'm a currency rotation spe...
154
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,673
Oh, who am I kidding?
155
00:05:49,674 --> 00:05:52,076
I'm a coin flip bimbo,
and I'm still single.
156
00:05:52,077 --> 00:05:53,744
Okay, let's not go there,
Scherbatsky.
157
00:05:53,745 --> 00:05:55,012
That's a whole other thing.
158
00:05:55,013 --> 00:05:57,615
I've got to take
that World Wide News job.
159
00:05:57,616 --> 00:06:00,951
And so, the next night, we
had two things to celebrate.
160
00:06:00,952 --> 00:06:03,420
Well, you are looking at the new
161
00:06:03,421 --> 00:06:06,023
associate researcher
at World Wide News.
162
00:06:06,024 --> 00:06:07,992
Oh, my gosh.
That's amazing news.
163
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,660
What changed your mind?
164
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:10,928
Marshall and Lily.
165
00:06:10,929 --> 00:06:12,196
I just realized that
166
00:06:12,197 --> 00:06:14,798
I am about to have a little
niece who looks up to me.
167
00:06:14,799 --> 00:06:16,901
And I don't want to be
sad aunt Robin,
168
00:06:16,902 --> 00:06:19,436
the aging coin flip bimbo
who gives her the creeps.
169
00:06:19,437 --> 00:06:22,540
I want to be cool aunt Robin,
the respected journalist...
170
00:06:22,541 --> 00:06:23,774
Who gives her beer.
171
00:06:23,775 --> 00:06:26,343
- What?
- What? Oh.
172
00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:30,014
I have never seen you guys
looking so at peace.
173
00:06:31,049 --> 00:06:32,049
To Lily and Marshall.
174
00:06:32,050 --> 00:06:33,284
To Lily and Marshall.
175
00:06:33,285 --> 00:06:34,418
Well, thank you.
176
00:06:34,419 --> 00:06:36,520
I mean, we've never
been happier.
177
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,489
So the next day Robin called
178
00:06:38,490 --> 00:06:40,357
Heads or Tails
to respectfully decline.
179
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:43,027
Hi, Mr. Trebek.
This is Robin Scherbatsky.
180
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,562
But at that moment...
181
00:06:44,563 --> 00:06:45,696
You're not pregnant.
182
00:06:46,965 --> 00:06:49,266
As honored as I am
by the offer, um...
183
00:06:51,102 --> 00:06:53,037
Oh, my God.
184
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,972
They're not having a baby.
185
00:06:54,973 --> 00:06:57,808
What am I getting
all up in my head about?
186
00:06:57,809 --> 00:06:59,877
That research job sounds hard.
187
00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:01,478
And I'm pretty.
188
00:07:01,479 --> 00:07:05,716
I'm really, really pretty.
189
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:08,652
You are looking
190
00:07:08,653 --> 00:07:10,654
at the new coin flip bimbo.
191
00:07:18,255 --> 00:07:19,689
- You took the heads or tails job?
- Yeah.
192
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,995
What about World Wide News,
your I.D. badge?
193
00:07:22,996 --> 00:07:25,097
You made a New Year's
resolution.
194
00:07:25,098 --> 00:07:28,300
Okay, I also said I would never
make out with a garbage man.
195
00:07:28,301 --> 00:07:31,036
Life is what happens when
you're busy making other plans.
196
00:07:31,037 --> 00:07:33,405
What's with
the gingerbread house?
197
00:07:33,406 --> 00:07:34,773
We're seeing a Christmas movie.
198
00:07:34,774 --> 00:07:37,843
It's a Christmas-themed
movie snack.
199
00:07:37,844 --> 00:07:40,245
Let's hope Santa brings you
a girlfriend this year, Teddy.
200
00:07:41,881 --> 00:07:43,282
Where the hell is Barney?
201
00:07:43,283 --> 00:07:44,516
Where was Barney?
202
00:07:44,517 --> 00:07:45,918
Let's back up again.
203
00:07:45,919 --> 00:07:47,753
You see,
while this was going on...
204
00:07:47,754 --> 00:07:49,221
- It's positive.
- It's positive?!
205
00:07:49,222 --> 00:07:50,389
...this was happening.
206
00:07:50,390 --> 00:07:53,492
And now she's totally winning
Celebrity Rehab.
207
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,861
Hey, guys.
208
00:07:55,862 --> 00:07:57,863
A yuletide riddle.
209
00:07:57,864 --> 00:08:02,001
What is my second favorite word
that begins with b-o-n?
210
00:08:02,002 --> 00:08:03,102
Bon Jovi?
211
00:08:03,103 --> 00:08:04,470
Yeah.
212
00:08:04,471 --> 00:08:07,506
What is my third favorite word
that begins with b-o-n?
213
00:08:07,507 --> 00:08:09,174
Bonus.
214
00:08:09,175 --> 00:08:12,344
As in, my end-of-the-year
bonus check.
215
00:08:13,647 --> 00:08:15,214
My God, Barney!
216
00:08:15,215 --> 00:08:17,116
I work for GNB, too.
217
00:08:17,117 --> 00:08:19,885
All I got was $15 gift card
to Costa Coffee.
218
00:08:19,886 --> 00:08:21,153
And you earned it, buddy.
219
00:08:21,154 --> 00:08:24,023
Check out what
I'm gonna buy for myself.
220
00:08:24,024 --> 00:08:26,725
The Dibiase.
221
00:08:26,726 --> 00:08:28,127
See those pinstripes?
222
00:08:28,128 --> 00:08:30,062
Diamonds.
223
00:08:30,063 --> 00:08:33,399
It is the uppest
a person could ever suit.
224
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:36,568
Uh, has it ever occurred to you
to give some of this to charity?
225
00:08:36,569 --> 00:08:39,471
Charity? You're seriously
talking to me about charity?
226
00:08:39,472 --> 00:08:41,106
Dude, I am Mr. Charity.
227
00:08:41,107 --> 00:08:45,177
I frequently sleep with sixes,
228
00:08:45,178 --> 00:08:48,514
chubsters, over-thirties...
229
00:08:48,515 --> 00:08:52,451
I am the Bill and Melinda Gates
of the sympathy bang.
230
00:08:53,253 --> 00:08:54,353
Hey, guys.
231
00:08:54,354 --> 00:08:55,621
- Hi.
- Hey.
232
00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:56,622
Big announcement.
233
00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:57,790
Let me guess.
234
00:08:57,791 --> 00:08:59,158
You got a huge bonus check, too.
235
00:08:59,159 --> 00:09:01,193
No, just a $30 gift card
to Costa Coffee.
236
00:09:01,194 --> 00:09:02,227
Thirty?!
237
00:09:02,228 --> 00:09:04,029
- I'm pregnant.
- What?!
238
00:09:04,030 --> 00:09:06,699
- What?! - I've never seen that
woman before in my life!
239
00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:08,367
Sorry, force of habit.
240
00:09:08,368 --> 00:09:09,768
Congratulations!
241
00:09:10,637 --> 00:09:12,571
Huh. Marshall and Lily are
242
00:09:12,572 --> 00:09:13,972
doing something meaningful.
243
00:09:13,973 --> 00:09:16,742
And it's making me
less happy about this bonus.
244
00:09:16,743 --> 00:09:18,644
And I'm still single.
245
00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:20,446
At least I got
that going for me.
246
00:09:20,447 --> 00:09:23,649
So why do I still feel outside
of awesome looking in?
247
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:26,752
What am I doing with my life?
248
00:09:26,753 --> 00:09:29,121
We've never been happier.
249
00:09:29,122 --> 00:09:31,390
I can't imagine bringing
me down right now.
250
00:09:31,391 --> 00:09:34,259
Oh, Marshall, you only think
you're happy.
251
00:09:34,260 --> 00:09:35,728
Just wait, because tonight,
252
00:09:35,729 --> 00:09:38,997
is Barney's Favorite Things!
253
00:09:45,772 --> 00:09:48,974
That was the reaction
Barney expected.
254
00:09:48,975 --> 00:09:51,310
This was the one he got.
255
00:09:51,311 --> 00:09:53,545
- Huh?
- I don't know what that is.
256
00:09:53,546 --> 00:09:55,681
Barney's Favorite Things!
257
00:09:55,682 --> 00:10:00,185
I'm gonna give you all a bunch
of free stuff... like Oprah.
258
00:10:00,186 --> 00:10:01,520
Just get excited, okay?
259
00:10:01,521 --> 00:10:03,589
The next hour got pretty weird.
260
00:10:03,590 --> 00:10:06,892
Velour track suits!
261
00:10:06,893 --> 00:10:08,727
- Velour is so comfortable.
- They're so soft.
262
00:10:08,728 --> 00:10:11,497
Remote control helicopters!
263
00:10:14,334 --> 00:10:15,801
Condoms!
264
00:10:18,671 --> 00:10:20,472
And last but not least...
265
00:10:20,473 --> 00:10:23,509
There is a fleet of limos outside
266
00:10:23,510 --> 00:10:26,645
waiting to take us to...
267
00:10:26,646 --> 00:10:28,547
a strip club!
268
00:10:31,885 --> 00:10:34,787
You get a lap dance!
You get a lap dance!
269
00:10:34,788 --> 00:10:36,655
You're gonna give me
a lap dance!
270
00:10:36,656 --> 00:10:40,192
Everybody gets a lap dance!
271
00:10:41,861 --> 00:10:43,262
That was amazing!
272
00:10:43,263 --> 00:10:45,397
It was like a diamond suit
for my soul.
273
00:10:45,398 --> 00:10:47,332
I gotta keep going.
I gotta do more.
274
00:10:47,333 --> 00:10:49,568
No. No! I cannot go back
to that strip club.
275
00:10:49,569 --> 00:10:52,171
I seen some things.
276
00:10:52,172 --> 00:10:54,039
I'm not going back either.
277
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:58,243
I'm taking the rest of my bonus
to God's strip club.
278
00:10:58,244 --> 00:11:00,012
The next day, he paid a visit
279
00:11:00,013 --> 00:11:01,480
to the most
charitable man he knew,
280
00:11:01,481 --> 00:11:03,248
his half-brother's father,
Sam Gibbs,
281
00:11:03,249 --> 00:11:05,384
a minister at a church
out on Long Island.
282
00:11:05,385 --> 00:11:06,785
Sam.
283
00:11:06,786 --> 00:11:07,886
Uh, father.
284
00:11:07,887 --> 00:11:09,688
I... I don't mean father father.
285
00:11:09,689 --> 00:11:11,023
Unless...
286
00:11:11,024 --> 00:11:12,057
What's up, Barney?
287
00:11:12,058 --> 00:11:13,759
I'm thinking about
288
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,627
giving some money to charity.
289
00:11:15,628 --> 00:11:18,096
Is that the name of the stripper
you've been e-mailing me about?
290
00:11:18,097 --> 00:11:20,199
You got to take me off
that list, Barney.
291
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,202
No, I don't mean that charity.
292
00:11:23,203 --> 00:11:24,803
That Charity is doing peachy.
293
00:11:24,804 --> 00:11:27,606
You'll see pics of the two of
them in next week's e-mail.
294
00:11:27,607 --> 00:11:28,941
- What up!
- Barney,
295
00:11:28,942 --> 00:11:30,742
I'm a minister.
296
00:11:30,743 --> 00:11:32,778
Unsubscribe.
297
00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:35,214
I... I recently started giving,
298
00:11:35,215 --> 00:11:36,882
and it felt surprisingly good.
299
00:11:36,883 --> 00:11:38,383
I want to do more.
300
00:11:38,384 --> 00:11:39,551
Well, now you're talking.
301
00:11:39,552 --> 00:11:41,820
We have this program
that helps those in need
302
00:11:41,821 --> 00:11:43,088
get back on their feet.
303
00:11:43,089 --> 00:11:45,757
We give them food,
a place to live,
304
00:11:45,758 --> 00:11:47,526
clothes for job interviews.
305
00:11:47,527 --> 00:11:51,930
Well, I would love to help
by writing a check
306
00:11:51,931 --> 00:11:57,436
for... one, zero, zero, zero...
307
00:11:57,437 --> 00:11:58,403
You're not pregnant.
308
00:11:59,405 --> 00:12:00,405
...zero...
309
00:12:01,474 --> 00:12:04,009
Woops. Hold on a second.
310
00:12:05,945 --> 00:12:07,713
Wait. They're not doing
311
00:12:07,714 --> 00:12:09,414
something meaningful
with their lives.
312
00:12:09,415 --> 00:12:11,583
Well, this changes everything.
313
00:12:11,584 --> 00:12:14,586
Oh, no, I've already
written four zeroes.
314
00:12:15,521 --> 00:12:18,690
Thank you, decimal point.
315
00:12:18,691 --> 00:12:22,294
One hundred dollars.
316
00:12:22,295 --> 00:12:25,330
That's great!
317
00:12:25,331 --> 00:12:26,865
Thank you, Barney!
318
00:12:29,969 --> 00:12:33,605
Diamond suited up.
319
00:12:34,507 --> 00:12:36,141
Hey, Ted, can you
spot me for the movie?
320
00:12:36,142 --> 00:12:38,477
I don't like to carry
a lot of cash on me.
321
00:12:43,694 --> 00:12:45,128
What happened
to giving the money away?
322
00:12:45,129 --> 00:12:46,663
Yeah, that was back when
Lily was pregnant.
323
00:12:46,664 --> 00:12:47,597
Now she's not.
324
00:12:47,598 --> 00:12:50,467
Ergo, a suit is born.
325
00:12:51,068 --> 00:12:52,168
Dude, what's up with
326
00:12:52,169 --> 00:12:53,903
the gingerbread house?
You look ridiculous!
327
00:12:53,904 --> 00:12:55,972
It's a Christmas-themed
movie snack!
328
00:12:55,973 --> 00:12:58,375
Ah, I know that move.
329
00:12:58,376 --> 00:12:59,943
You cut a hole in the floor,
330
00:12:59,944 --> 00:13:02,512
she reaches into the
living room, finds the tree...
331
00:13:02,513 --> 00:13:04,814
♪ O holy night. ♪
332
00:13:04,815 --> 00:13:06,082
Nice.
333
00:13:06,584 --> 00:13:07,584
Where the hell
334
00:13:07,585 --> 00:13:09,119
are Marshall and Lily?
335
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,954
Let's back up one last time.
336
00:13:10,955 --> 00:13:12,222
I'm pregnant.
337
00:13:12,223 --> 00:13:13,857
- What?!
- What?!
338
00:13:13,858 --> 00:13:15,792
I've never seen that
woman before in my life!
339
00:13:15,793 --> 00:13:16,893
Sorry, force of habit.
340
00:13:16,894 --> 00:13:18,828
Congratulations!
341
00:13:18,829 --> 00:13:20,163
This is great.
342
00:13:20,164 --> 00:13:21,564
I'm happy.
343
00:13:21,565 --> 00:13:23,500
I'm so happy,
my heart's pounding.
344
00:13:23,501 --> 00:13:24,968
And I'm sweating.
345
00:13:24,969 --> 00:13:26,569
And I can't breathe.
346
00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:28,405
This is what happiness
feels like, right?
347
00:13:28,406 --> 00:13:29,906
Oh, crap.
348
00:13:29,907 --> 00:13:31,875
Lily's having a baby
and I'm having a panic attack.
349
00:13:31,876 --> 00:13:33,977
I hope she can't tell
what I'm thinking right now.
350
00:13:33,978 --> 00:13:35,311
I can.
351
00:13:35,312 --> 00:13:36,679
And I'm freaking out, too!
352
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,314
There's an alien
growing in my stomach
353
00:13:38,315 --> 00:13:40,383
that's gonna explode
out of my vagina!
354
00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:42,252
Do you think the others
can tell we're freaking out?
355
00:13:42,253 --> 00:13:44,087
What am I doing with my life?
356
00:13:44,088 --> 00:13:45,688
What am I doing with my life?
357
00:13:45,689 --> 00:13:48,992
I should get a Christmas-themed
movie snack for tomorrow night.
358
00:13:48,993 --> 00:13:50,126
They're totally onto us.
359
00:13:50,127 --> 00:13:51,261
What do we do?
360
00:13:51,262 --> 00:13:52,862
Just keep smiling, maybe wave.
361
00:13:52,863 --> 00:13:53,963
No, don't wave!
362
00:13:53,964 --> 00:13:54,964
That makes no sense!
363
00:13:54,965 --> 00:13:56,166
I'm committed.
364
00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:57,567
I'm riding this wave
straight to hell.
365
00:13:57,568 --> 00:13:59,502
Let's leave, then the waving
will make sense.
366
00:13:59,503 --> 00:14:02,439
So Marshall and Lily
headed home.
367
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,441
Lily, we have to relax.
368
00:14:04,442 --> 00:14:05,975
There's no need to panic.
369
00:14:05,976 --> 00:14:07,077
True, there's a lot to do,
370
00:14:07,078 --> 00:14:08,378
but we've got nine months
to prepare.
371
00:14:08,379 --> 00:14:10,780
So I say that we just
make a list of everything
372
00:14:10,781 --> 00:14:12,715
that needs to get done
before the baby arrives
373
00:14:12,716 --> 00:14:14,284
and do everything
on that list tonight!
374
00:14:14,285 --> 00:14:16,319
Let's do it!
375
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,620
Uh-huh, got it.
376
00:14:17,621 --> 00:14:19,022
Okay, that seems easy.
377
00:14:19,023 --> 00:14:20,890
Nursery's painted!
378
00:14:20,891 --> 00:14:22,525
Blue? What if it's a girl?
379
00:14:22,526 --> 00:14:23,493
Damn it!
380
00:14:36,907 --> 00:14:38,341
Oh, God, it's 8:00!
381
00:14:38,342 --> 00:14:40,243
We're supposed to meet the
gang at the bar to celebrate.
382
00:14:40,244 --> 00:14:41,411
Oh, God. Okay, listen.
383
00:14:41,412 --> 00:14:43,446
When we meet them,
we have to keep it together.
384
00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:44,447
Can you keep it together?!
385
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,049
No, I can't keep it together!
386
00:14:46,050 --> 00:14:49,319
I have never seen you
guys looking so at peace.
387
00:14:50,387 --> 00:14:51,454
To Lily and Marshall.
388
00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:52,856
Lily and Marshall.
389
00:14:52,857 --> 00:14:53,857
Well, thank you.
390
00:14:53,858 --> 00:14:56,726
I mean, we've never been happier.
391
00:14:56,727 --> 00:14:58,328
This is a nightmare!
392
00:14:58,329 --> 00:15:00,029
We've done everything wrong!
393
00:15:01,499 --> 00:15:03,733
The iPod was on shuffle!
394
00:15:04,802 --> 00:15:05,835
The Jerky Boys!
395
00:15:05,836 --> 00:15:08,004
Our baby heard The Jerky Boys!
396
00:15:08,005 --> 00:15:09,506
You know what,
The Jerky Boys are funny.
397
00:15:09,507 --> 00:15:12,075
The Jerky Boys aren't funny,
they are awful.
398
00:15:12,076 --> 00:15:13,443
You know what, fine,
if you don't think
399
00:15:13,444 --> 00:15:15,044
The Jerky Boys are funny,
then I'm not sure
400
00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:16,813
that I can raise a child
with you, liver lips.
401
00:15:18,682 --> 00:15:20,250
Marshall, I don't like this.
402
00:15:20,251 --> 00:15:21,384
I know. Okay?
403
00:15:21,385 --> 00:15:23,119
I don't like it either.
404
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,989
It's like I have a hot, burning
405
00:15:25,990 --> 00:15:28,725
ball of stress in my chest,
406
00:15:28,726 --> 00:15:30,560
and nothing
will make it go away!
407
00:15:30,561 --> 00:15:31,728
You're not pregnant.
408
00:15:31,729 --> 00:15:33,563
Well, that did it.
409
00:15:33,564 --> 00:15:36,766
I know this probably comes
as quite a disappointment.
410
00:15:38,269 --> 00:15:39,802
Yeah.
411
00:15:39,803 --> 00:15:41,371
Huge bummer.
412
00:15:41,372 --> 00:15:43,306
So disappointing.
413
00:15:45,109 --> 00:15:46,142
Hey.
414
00:15:46,143 --> 00:15:47,110
Hey.
415
00:15:47,111 --> 00:15:48,044
Are you guys okay?
416
00:15:48,045 --> 00:15:49,245
- Huh?
- Yeah.
417
00:15:49,246 --> 00:15:51,781
Why wouldn't we be?
Oh, the baby thing.
418
00:15:51,782 --> 00:15:53,249
Oh, yeah, whatever.
419
00:15:53,250 --> 00:15:55,018
Oh, Christmas-themed
movie snack. Nice.
420
00:15:55,019 --> 00:15:57,620
Don't reach
into the living room!
421
00:16:00,391 --> 00:16:02,592
Wow, I... I thought you guys
would be devastated.
422
00:16:02,593 --> 00:16:03,960
Oh.
423
00:16:03,961 --> 00:16:06,362
You know, we're actually
kind of relieved.
424
00:16:06,363 --> 00:16:08,631
We were freaking out for about
a day and a half there.
425
00:16:08,632 --> 00:16:10,900
Yeah, this whole thing
got us thinking.
426
00:16:10,901 --> 00:16:12,902
Maybe we're not ready
for kids yet after all.
427
00:16:12,903 --> 00:16:15,038
Yeah, we were thinking
maybe we would just get a dog.
428
00:16:15,039 --> 00:16:16,105
Get a puppy!
429
00:16:16,106 --> 00:16:17,307
Can you imagine...
430
00:16:17,308 --> 00:16:19,409
That would be the cutest thing!
431
00:16:19,410 --> 00:16:21,144
No!
432
00:16:21,145 --> 00:16:23,179
Oh. Our movie snack.
433
00:16:23,180 --> 00:16:25,114
Are you kidding me?!
434
00:16:25,115 --> 00:16:27,383
All you ever talk about
is having kids!
435
00:16:27,384 --> 00:16:29,018
And now you have
one little freak-out
436
00:16:29,019 --> 00:16:30,820
and you want to get
a dog instead?!
437
00:16:30,821 --> 00:16:32,355
No. Unacceptable!
438
00:16:32,356 --> 00:16:33,489
You're gonna turn around,
439
00:16:33,490 --> 00:16:35,491
you're gonna go home, get naked,
440
00:16:35,492 --> 00:16:38,294
lie together as man and wife
until Lily is great with child.
441
00:16:38,295 --> 00:16:39,495
Right now!
442
00:16:40,197 --> 00:16:41,764
I'm serious! Go, go, go!
443
00:16:44,168 --> 00:16:46,469
Marshall and
Lily got in trouble.
444
00:16:46,470 --> 00:16:48,204
- And you!
- Ooh.
445
00:16:48,205 --> 00:16:50,373
Barney, you look real stupid
in that suit.
446
00:16:50,374 --> 00:16:52,909
You're gonna go get your money
back and give it to charity.
447
00:16:52,910 --> 00:16:55,211
And I don't mean that stripper
you keep e-mailing us about,
448
00:16:55,212 --> 00:16:57,547
even though we beg you
to take us off that list.
449
00:16:57,548 --> 00:17:00,083
I can't give this suit back.
450
00:17:00,084 --> 00:17:01,584
Ted, I glow in the dark.
451
00:17:01,585 --> 00:17:03,553
I finally glow in the dark!
452
00:17:03,554 --> 00:17:06,489
Criminals of New York! Attention!
453
00:17:06,490 --> 00:17:09,225
This man is wearing a
diamond-covered suit!
454
00:17:09,226 --> 00:17:10,226
You could retire
455
00:17:10,227 --> 00:17:11,394
on the pants alone!
456
00:17:11,395 --> 00:17:13,396
Merry Christmas!
457
00:17:17,668 --> 00:17:20,203
So, if I get a large popcorn,
you want to go split-skees or...
458
00:17:20,204 --> 00:17:21,537
And you...
459
00:17:22,072 --> 00:17:23,439
You did not move
460
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,442
to the greatest city on earth
to become a coin-flipping bimbo.
461
00:17:26,443 --> 00:17:28,411
So here's how it's gonna work:
462
00:17:28,412 --> 00:17:30,613
heads, you take the job
at World Wide News;
463
00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:32,682
tails, you take
the job at World Wide News.
464
00:17:32,683 --> 00:17:34,250
Ow!
465
00:17:34,251 --> 00:17:36,419
Hey, looks like
somebody got a new gig!
466
00:17:36,420 --> 00:17:39,088
Fine, I'll call them tomorrow.
467
00:17:39,089 --> 00:17:41,224
I'll call them right now.
468
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:44,560
Hello.
469
00:17:44,561 --> 00:17:45,728
Ted, I can't get married!
470
00:17:45,729 --> 00:17:46,829
Yes, you can! You love her!
471
00:17:46,830 --> 00:17:48,431
You're right, I do! Thanks, Ted!
472
00:17:56,774 --> 00:17:59,242
One for It's a Wonderful Life,
please.
473
00:18:01,111 --> 00:18:03,179
Thank you.
474
00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:07,850
Hi.
475
00:18:14,158 --> 00:18:16,459
We're idiots.
476
00:18:16,460 --> 00:18:18,328
This kid doesn't stand a chance.
477
00:18:20,731 --> 00:18:23,499
- We're ready for this.
- We're ready for this.
478
00:18:25,202 --> 00:18:27,937
Wow.
479
00:18:27,938 --> 00:18:30,039
That's a lot of zeroes.
480
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,108
Y... you sure you're not
missing a decimal point?
481
00:18:32,109 --> 00:18:33,376
Nope.
482
00:18:33,377 --> 00:18:35,144
And that's the tour.
483
00:18:35,145 --> 00:18:37,847
Uh, staff meeting's at noon,
you'll meet everyone there,
484
00:18:37,848 --> 00:18:39,282
but first you need
to head down to security.
485
00:18:39,283 --> 00:18:41,217
You need to get
your picture taken.
486
00:18:41,218 --> 00:18:42,785
For your I.D. badge.
487
00:18:42,786 --> 00:18:45,688
Oh.
488
00:18:47,825 --> 00:18:49,325
You sure?
489
00:18:49,326 --> 00:18:51,494
Positive.
490
00:18:54,798 --> 00:18:55,865
And there's more.
491
00:18:55,866 --> 00:18:57,433
Do you still do that thing
where you give
492
00:18:57,434 --> 00:18:58,801
people in need
clothes for job interviews?
493
00:18:58,802 --> 00:18:59,702
Yeah. Why?
494
00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:02,638
Bring 'em in, boys!
495
00:19:10,748 --> 00:19:12,949
Merry Christmas.
496
00:19:12,950 --> 00:19:15,251
- Thank you, son.
- Son?!
497
00:19:15,252 --> 00:19:17,353
It's just an expression.
I'm still not your dad.
498
00:19:26,864 --> 00:19:28,264
Congratulations.
499
00:19:28,265 --> 00:19:30,666
You know, that was
really cool what you did.
500
00:19:31,235 --> 00:19:32,201
When we all needed it,
501
00:19:32,202 --> 00:19:33,603
you got us back
on the right path.
502
00:19:33,604 --> 00:19:36,506
It's what I do.
503
00:19:36,507 --> 00:19:38,975
Hey, Ted, if I, um,
if I ever get married
504
00:19:38,976 --> 00:19:40,710
and you're not
the guy I'm marrying...
505
00:19:40,711 --> 00:19:42,111
Big mistake, but go on.
506
00:19:42,112 --> 00:19:44,380
...I could really use
someone like you.
507
00:19:44,381 --> 00:19:46,015
You know, in case I freak out.
508
00:19:46,016 --> 00:19:47,750
When I freak out.
509
00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:48,985
You interested?
510
00:19:48,986 --> 00:19:52,255
Are you asking what I
think you're asking?
511
00:19:52,256 --> 00:19:55,425
Ted, will you be my best man?
512
00:19:55,426 --> 00:19:57,960
Scherbatsky...
513
00:19:57,961 --> 00:19:59,695
I'm gonna crush it.
514
00:20:09,436 --> 00:20:10,470
Hi, there.
515
00:20:10,471 --> 00:20:11,771
We've had a lot of fun tonight,
516
00:20:11,772 --> 00:20:14,140
but on a more serious note,
this is the time of year
517
00:20:14,141 --> 00:20:16,309
when we remember
the importance of giving.
518
00:20:16,310 --> 00:20:20,546
And there's no greater gift
than the gift of booty.
519
00:20:20,547 --> 00:20:25,285
So, this holiday season,
why not bang someone in need?
520
00:20:25,286 --> 00:20:27,987
I'm Barney Stinson,
and that's...
521
00:20:27,988 --> 00:20:29,789
one to grow on.
522
00:20:29,790 --> 00:20:30,957
Um, no.
523
00:20:32,559 --> 00:20:36,494
Hi, there. You know, we've
had a lot of fun tonight...