1 00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:03,434 [Ted Narrating] In December of 2010... 2 00:00:03,536 --> 00:00:06,767 my friends and I decided to go see It's a Wonderful Life on the big screen. 3 00:00:06,873 --> 00:00:08,807 It seemed like something we all needed. 4 00:00:08,908 --> 00:00:11,900 After all, it had been a crazy couple days. 5 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,981 It all started with a pregnancy test. 6 00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:18,175 This is taking forever. Are you sure you did it right? 7 00:00:18,284 --> 00:00:20,844 Is there a wrong way to pee on a stick? 8 00:00:22,422 --> 00:00:25,858 Can I ask you a question that's plagued me for years? Can girls aim? 9 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,824 Um, can boys aim? 10 00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:31,556 'Cause it seems to me like I'm takin' a mop to that bathroom floor every two days. 11 00:00:31,664 --> 00:00:34,360 Okay, you're the one who put the Far Side calendar up over the toilet. 12 00:00:34,467 --> 00:00:36,765 You know I laugh with my whole body. 13 00:00:37,937 --> 00:00:40,064 [Gasps] It's been two minutes. 14 00:00:41,307 --> 00:00:42,672 [Both Exhale] 15 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:45,745 [Together] One, two, three. 16 00:00:46,679 --> 00:00:48,044 It's positive. 17 00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:49,445 It's positive? It's positive? 18 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,210 - It's positive. - It's positive? It's positive! 19 00:00:51,317 --> 00:00:53,410 - [Both Screaming] - It's positive! 20 00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:57,855 - I'm pregnant. - [Robin] What? 21 00:00:57,957 --> 00:01:00,016 I've never seen that woman before in my life. 22 00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:02,219 Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations! 23 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:05,222 To Lily and Marshall. 24 00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:07,526 - To Lily and Marshall. - Well, thank you. 25 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,295 - We've never been happier. - Mmm. 26 00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:12,200 Can't imagine anything bringing me down right now. 27 00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:14,466 - You're not pregnant. - [Gasps] 28 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:16,701 Well, that did it. 29 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:19,278 ##[Upbeat Pop] 30 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,711 ##[Man Vocalizing] 31 00:01:27,987 --> 00:01:29,579 ##[Ends] 32 00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,553 [Ted Narrating] Kids, this is the story... 33 00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:33,888 of the 36 hours we all thought Lily was pregnant... 34 00:01:33,993 --> 00:01:36,291 and how it caused each of us to reexamine our own lives. 35 00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:37,795 Because while this was happening... 36 00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:39,296 Are you sure you did it right? 37 00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:41,993 I was on the phone with Punchy, my best friend from high school... 38 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,229 who had recently asked me to be his best man. 39 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:46,237 Yeah, Punchy, I've given this some serious thought. 40 00:01:46,339 --> 00:01:49,069 I think I know how we can crush these floral arrangements. 41 00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:50,904 Here it comes. Hit me up, Schmos. 42 00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:55,276 Peonies, lavender blossoms with a halo of baby's breath... 43 00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:57,474 for an ambience of springtime rejuvenation. 44 00:01:57,584 --> 00:01:59,017 Crushed it! 45 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:02,418 That's exactly the accent of whimsy this celebration of love needs! 46 00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:04,649 [Voice Quavering] It's gonna be a magical day. 47 00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:08,986 I know what you're thinkin'. "I wish I was a dude." 48 00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:10,960 I do wish you were a dude. 49 00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:14,431 Because if I was a dude, I could have Ted Mosby as my best man. 50 00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:15,933 No. And here's why. 51 00:02:16,035 --> 00:02:17,935 Ted, the best man's job... 52 00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:21,370 is not to crush the floral arrangements. 53 00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,942 It's to get the groom down the aisle. 54 00:02:24,043 --> 00:02:26,944 Because no matter who he is, he will freak out. 55 00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:29,446 I just don't think you have what it takes to get that soldier... 56 00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:31,449 to pick up his rifle and charge up the hill. 57 00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:34,782 Uh, are you forgetting? I've done this before. I was Marshall's best man. 58 00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:36,287 And how did that go again? 59 00:02:36,389 --> 00:02:39,449 - [Screaming] - No! 60 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:41,186 0 for 1. 61 00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:43,057 Oh, come on. That wasn't my fault. 62 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,631 And need I remind you, I gave a beautiful toast. 63 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:48,394 - Ted. - [Screaming] 64 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:52,335 O, do you take One to be your lawfully wedded wife? 65 00:02:52,438 --> 00:02:54,201 Oh, God, I'm freakin' out. 66 00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:56,571 Why did I choose Ted to be my best man? 67 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,940 Uh, yeah, it's hard to take criticism from someone... 68 00:02:59,045 --> 00:03:02,481 who just recorded seven episodes of Million Dollar Heads or Tails. 69 00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:05,881 [Ted Narrating] Kids, Million Dollar Heads or Tails was an extremely popular show... 70 00:03:05,985 --> 00:03:07,885 with an extremely simple premise. 71 00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:11,115 All right, your practice flip came up tails... 72 00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:15,752 but our Vegas oddsmaker tells us that the next toss is still just 50-50. 73 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:19,093 And so, Jordan, for one million dollars... 74 00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,862 heads or tails? 75 00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:26,268 [Audience Shouting] Tails! Heads! Tails! 76 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:28,533 What was the year of the coin again? 77 00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:30,165 Why the sudden obsession with Heads or Tails? 78 00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:35,179 Well, it turns out that Heads or Tails has a job opening. 79 00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:37,442 - [Audience Shouting] Heads! Tails! - Ta... Heads. 80 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:39,848 Marni, flip that coin. 81 00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:42,947 - [Groans] - [Audience Gasping] 82 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:46,219 So now because of that incident, Heads or Tails is looking for a new... 83 00:03:46,326 --> 00:03:48,226 "currency rotation specialist." 84 00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:51,422 - You mean "coin flip bimbo"? - They're not bimbos. 85 00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:54,232 You auditioned, didn't you? 86 00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:01,532 - And you're Canadian? - Mm-hmm. 87 00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:05,668 Robin, aside from that coin, this is the other thing that's flipping right now. 88 00:04:05,778 --> 00:04:09,373 What is my lid for you? 89 00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:11,313 You're the new coin flip bimbo? 90 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:13,112 Currency rotation specialist. 91 00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:15,517 Robin, you better check yourself... 92 00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:18,785 before you Trebek yourself. 93 00:04:18,891 --> 00:04:22,452 - You're a journalist. What is the matter with you? - It's a national audience. 94 00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:24,894 I get to wear shiny dresses. 95 00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:27,228 Robin, have you forgotten about your New Year's resolution? 96 00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:31,167 I'm never drinking again. 97 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,397 No, before that. 98 00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:35,963 I am gonna finish this whole bottle tonight. 99 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:38,238 Before that too. 100 00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:39,743 I moved here... 101 00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:43,111 to work for a big-time cable news channel like World Wide News. 102 00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,741 Well, by this time next year... 103 00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:49,811 I will be wearing a World Wide News I.D. badge around my neck. 104 00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:51,822 And to show you that I'm serious... 105 00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:54,119 this is my first and only drink of the night. 106 00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:55,990 - Okay. - Okay? 107 00:04:58,064 --> 00:05:00,089 Oh, damn, that's smooth. 108 00:05:00,199 --> 00:05:02,759 I thought you finally got that interview at World Wide News. 109 00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,393 Well, I did. 110 00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:08,133 But they only offered me a boring, low-paid, off-camera research job. 111 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:10,641 Which could be a stepping stone to bigger things in your career. 112 00:05:10,743 --> 00:05:12,370 So could Heads or Tails. 113 00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:14,708 The first currency rotation specialist... 114 00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:17,783 went on to be a semifinalist on The Bachelor. 115 00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:21,445 And then she lost, like, a hundred pounds on The Biggest Loser. 116 00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:24,022 And now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab. 117 00:05:24,123 --> 00:05:27,024 [Ted Narrating] It seemed like there was no changing Robin's mind. 118 00:05:27,126 --> 00:05:29,253 But what we didn't realize was that in a few minutes... 119 00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:31,956 our whole world was going to be turned upside-down. 120 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,795 - I'm pregnant. - What? 121 00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:37,802 Now, kids, when your friends have great news, you're happy for them... 122 00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:39,337 for, like, a millisecond. 123 00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:41,907 And then you start thinking about yourself. 124 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:45,136 [Thinking] Oh, my God. They're really having a baby. 125 00:05:45,244 --> 00:05:47,144 What am I doing with my life? 126 00:05:47,246 --> 00:05:49,146 Starting Monday, I'm a currency rotation sp... 127 00:05:49,248 --> 00:05:51,648 Oh, who am I kidding? I'm a coin flip bimbo. 128 00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:53,378 And I'm still single. 129 00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:56,216 Okay, let's not go there, Scherbatsky. That's a whole other thing. 130 00:05:56,322 --> 00:05:58,722 I gotta take that World Wide News job. 131 00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:01,692 [Ted Narrating] And so the next night, we had two things to celebrate. 132 00:06:01,794 --> 00:06:06,925 Well, you are looking at the new associate researcher at World Wide News. 133 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,830 - [Gasps] - Oh, my gosh! That's amazing news. 134 00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:11,733 - What changed your mind? - Marshall and Lily. 135 00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:15,672 I just realized that I am about to have a little niece who looks up to me... 136 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:17,675 and I don't wanna be sad Aunt Robin... 137 00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:20,177 the aging coin flip bimbo who gives her the creeps. 138 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:22,372 I wanna be cool Aunt Robin... 139 00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:24,609 the respected journalist who gives her beer. 140 00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:27,015 - What? - What? Oh... 141 00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:30,849 I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. 142 00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:32,891 - [Both Exhale] - To Lily and Marshall. 143 00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:35,256 - To Lily and Marshall. - Well, thank you. 144 00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:37,454 I mean, we've never been happier. 145 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:41,522 [Ted Narrating] The next day, Robin called Heads or Tails to respectfully decline. 146 00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:44,364 Hi. Mr. Trebek, um, this is Robin Scherbatsky. 147 00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:46,529 - But at that moment... - You're not pregnant. 148 00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:47,867 [Both Gasping] 149 00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:51,034 - As honored as I am by the offer, um... - [Phone Chirping] 150 00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,112 [Beep] 151 00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:56,409 [Thinking] Oh, my God. They're not having a baby. 152 00:06:56,516 --> 00:06:58,916 What am I getting all up in my head about? 153 00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:01,111 That research job sounds hard. 154 00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:05,384 And I'm pretty. I'm really, really pretty. 155 00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:08,392 [Chuckles] 156 00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:11,759 You are looking at the new coin flip bimbo. 157 00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:14,059 [Imitating Gunfire] 158 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,657 Whoosh! 159 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,736 [No Audible Dialogue] 160 00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,464 - You took the Heads or Tails job? - Yeah. 161 00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:25,135 What about World Wide News? Your I.D. badge? 162 00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:27,235 You made a New Year's resolution. 163 00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:30,747 Okay, I also said I would never make out with a garbageman. 164 00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:33,751 Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. 165 00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:35,480 What's with the gingerbread house? 166 00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:37,317 We're seeing a Christmas movie. 167 00:07:37,423 --> 00:07:40,017 - It's a Christmas-themed movie snack. - Mmm. 168 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,356 Let's hope Santa brings you a girlfriend this year, Teddy. 169 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:43,952 [Muttering] 170 00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:45,587 Where the hell is Barney? 171 00:07:45,698 --> 00:07:48,098 [Ted Narrating] Where was Barney? Let's back up again. 172 00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:49,793 You see, while this was going on... 173 00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:51,301 - It's positive. - It's positive? 174 00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:52,530 this was happening. 175 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:55,436 And now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab. 176 00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:57,967 Hey, guys. 177 00:07:58,077 --> 00:08:00,204 A yuletide riddle. 178 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:04,113 What is my second-favorite word that begins with B-O-N? 179 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,014 Bon Jovi? 180 00:08:06,118 --> 00:08:09,417 What is my third-favorite word that begins with B-O-N? 181 00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:11,319 [Imitates Buzzer] "Bonus." 182 00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:15,724 As in my end-of-the-year bonus check. 183 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:17,056 My God! 184 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,154 Barney, I work for GNB too. 185 00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:21,995 All I got was a $15 gift card to Costa Coffee. 186 00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:24,069 And you earned it, buddy. 187 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,138 Check out what I'm gonna buy for myself. 188 00:08:27,406 --> 00:08:29,431 The Dibiase. 189 00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:32,170 See those pinstripes... diamonds. 190 00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:35,475 It is the uppest a person could ever suit. 191 00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:38,709 Uh, has it ever occurred to you to give some of this to charity? 192 00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:40,285 Charity? 193 00:08:40,386 --> 00:08:43,378 You're seriously talking to me about charity, dude? I am Mr. Charity. 194 00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:47,255 I frequently sleep with sixes... 195 00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:51,187 chubsters, over-30s. 196 00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:54,357 I am the Bill and Melinda Gates of the sympathy bang. 197 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,692 - Hey, guys. - Hey. 198 00:08:57,803 --> 00:09:01,170 - Big announcement. - Let me guess. You got a huge bonus check too. 199 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,242 No, just a $30 gift card to Costa Coffee. 200 00:09:03,342 --> 00:09:05,537 - Thirty? - I'm pregnant. 201 00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:07,169 - [Gasps] - What? 202 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,748 I've never seen that woman before in my life. 203 00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:11,680 Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations! 204 00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:14,217 [Thinking] Huh. 205 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,083 Marshall and Lily are doing something meaningful... 206 00:09:16,188 --> 00:09:19,180 and it's making me less happy about this bonus. 207 00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:22,420 And I'm still single. At least I got that goin'for me. 208 00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:25,964 So why do I still feel outside of awesome looking in? 209 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,795 What am I doing with my life? 210 00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,801 - We've never been happier. - Mmm. 211 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,531 Can't imagine anything bringing me down right now. 212 00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:36,369 Oh, Marshall, you only think you're happy. Just wait. 213 00:09:36,475 --> 00:09:38,875 Because tonight... 214 00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:41,071 is Barney's favorite things! 215 00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:43,614 - ##[Disco] - [Cheering, Screaming] 216 00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:51,215 [Ted Narrating] That was the reaction Barney expected. 217 00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:53,417 ...things! - This is the one he got. 218 00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,619 - Huh? - I don't know what that is. 219 00:09:55,728 --> 00:09:57,821 Barney's favorite things. 220 00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:00,364 I'm gonna give y'all a bunch of free stuff. 221 00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:02,229 - Like Oprah. - [Marshall] Oh. 222 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:03,597 Just get excited, okay? 223 00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:06,103 - Sure. - [Ted Narrating] The next hour got pretty weird. 224 00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:09,003 - Velour tracksuits! - [Cheering] 225 00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:11,008 - Velour is so comfortable. - These are so soft! 226 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:14,739 Remote control helicopters! 227 00:10:16,415 --> 00:10:19,213 Condoms! 228 00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:23,521 And last but not least... 229 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,591 there is a fleet of limos outside... 230 00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:27,955 waiting to take us to... 231 00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:32,922 a strip club! 232 00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:35,297 You get a lap dance! 233 00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:36,629 You get a lap dance! 234 00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:38,761 You are gonna give me a lap dance! 235 00:10:38,871 --> 00:10:42,830 Everybody gets a lap dance! 236 00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:47,501 Amazing! It was like a diamond suit for my soul. 237 00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:49,513 I gotta keep going. I gotta do more. 238 00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:52,448 No. No. I cannot go back to that strip club. 239 00:10:52,551 --> 00:10:54,280 I've seen some things. 240 00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,287 I'm not going back either. 241 00:10:56,389 --> 00:11:00,450 I'm takin' the rest of my bonus to God's strip club. 242 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:03,722 [Ted Narrating] The next day, he paid a visit to the most charitable man he knew... 243 00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:07,458 his half-brother's father... Sam Gibbs, a minister at a church out on Long Island. 244 00:11:07,566 --> 00:11:10,194 Sam... Uh, Father. 245 00:11:10,302 --> 00:11:12,202 l-I don't mean Father Father. 246 00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:14,169 - Unless... - What's up, Barney? 247 00:11:14,273 --> 00:11:17,731 I'm thinking about giving some money to charity. 248 00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:20,209 Is that the name of the stripper you been e-mailing me about? 249 00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:23,281 You gotta take me off that list, Barney. 250 00:11:23,382 --> 00:11:25,475 No, I don't mean that Charity. 251 00:11:25,584 --> 00:11:27,711 That Charity is doin' Peachy. 252 00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:31,017 You'll see pics of the two of 'em in next week's e-mail. What up! 253 00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:32,784 Barney, I'm a minister. 254 00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:34,917 Unsubscribe. 255 00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:37,325 l... I recently started giving... 256 00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,125 and it felt surprisingly good. 257 00:11:39,231 --> 00:11:41,665 - I wanna do more. - Well, now you're talking. 258 00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:45,294 We have this program that helps those in need get back on their feet. 259 00:11:45,404 --> 00:11:49,704 We give them food, a place to live, clothes for job interviews. 260 00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:53,802 Well, I would love to help by writing a check... 261 00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:59,510 for one-zero-zero-zero... 262 00:11:59,618 --> 00:12:01,518 - You're not pregnant. - [Both Gasping] 263 00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:03,451 - zero... - [Phone Chirps] 264 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,956 Whoops. Hold on a second. 265 00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:09,886 [Thinking] Waitl 266 00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:11,656 They're not doing something meaningful with their lives. 267 00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:13,755 Well, this changes everything. 268 00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:16,664 Oh, no. I've already written four zeros. 269 00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:20,000 [Gasps] Thank you, decimal point. 270 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:24,407 $100.00. 271 00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,168 That's great. 272 00:12:27,279 --> 00:12:28,803 Thank you, Barney. 273 00:12:32,785 --> 00:12:35,618 Diamond suited up. 274 00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:38,589 Hey, Ted, can you spot me for the movie? 275 00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:41,660 I don't like to carry a lot of cash on me. 276 00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:47,665 What happened to giving the money away? 277 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,668 That was back when Lily was pregnant. Now she's not. 278 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,568 Ergo, a suit is born. [Chuckles] 279 00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:56,436 Dude, what's up with the gingerbread house? You look ridiculous. 280 00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:58,476 It's a Christmas-themed movie snack. 281 00:12:58,577 --> 00:13:01,102 Oh, I know that move. 282 00:13:01,213 --> 00:13:04,944 You cut a hole in the floor, she reaches into the living room, finds the tree. 283 00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:07,382 # O holy night # 284 00:13:07,486 --> 00:13:09,078 Nice. 285 00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:11,681 Where the hell are Marshall and Lily? 286 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,691 [Ted Narrating] Let's back up one last time. 287 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,353 - I'm pregnant. - [Robin] What? 288 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,293 I've never seen that woman before in my life. 289 00:13:18,397 --> 00:13:21,332 Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations! 290 00:13:21,433 --> 00:13:24,095 [Thinking] This is great. I'm happy. 291 00:13:24,203 --> 00:13:26,228 I'm so happy my heart's pounding. 292 00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:29,102 And I'm sweating. And I can't breathe. 293 00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:31,335 This is what happiness feels like, right? 294 00:13:31,443 --> 00:13:34,640 Oh, crap. Lily's having a baby, and I'm having a panic attack. 295 00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:37,841 - I hope she can't tell what I'm thinking right now. - [Thinking] I can. 296 00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:39,850 And I'm freaking out tool 297 00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:42,978 There's an alien growing in my stomach that's gonna explode out of my vaginal 298 00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:46,717 - Do you think the others can tell we're freakin'out? - What am I doing with my life? 299 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,191 What am I doing with my life? 300 00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:51,525 I should get a Christmas-themed movie snack for tomorrow night. 301 00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:53,723 They're totally on to us. What do we do? 302 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,323 Just keep smiling. Maybe wave. 303 00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:57,493 No, don't wavel That makes no sensel 304 00:13:57,603 --> 00:14:00,197 I'm committed. I'm riding this wave straight to hell. 305 00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:02,137 Let's leave. Then the waving will make sense. 306 00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:05,301 - See you guys tomorrow. - [Ted Narrating] So Lily and Marshall headed home. 307 00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,046 Lily, we have to relax. There's no need to panic. 308 00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:08,479 Lily, we have to relax. There's no need to panic. 309 00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:10,811 True, there's a lot to do, but we've got nine months to prepare. 310 00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:14,682 So I say we make a list of everything that needs to get done before the baby arrives... 311 00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:16,812 and do everything on that list tonight! 312 00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,685 - Let's do it! - [Screaming] 313 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,122 Uh-huh. Got it. 314 00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:21,591 Okay. That seems easy. 315 00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:23,386 Nursery's painted. 316 00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:26,055 - Blue? What if it's a girl? - Damn it! 317 00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:29,760 ##[Man Singing: Rock] 318 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:32,327 # It's the time and the place # 319 00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:35,032 # Why all these lights popping off in my face? # 320 00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:37,267 # Or am I freakin'out? Freakin'out? # 321 00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,503 # Freakin'out? Freakin'out? Freakin'out? ## 322 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:42,740 Oh, God, it's 8:00. We're supposed to meet the gang at the bar to celebrate. 323 00:14:42,848 --> 00:14:45,942 Oh, God. Okay, listen. When we meet them, we have to keep it together. 324 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,679 - Can you keep it together? - No, I can't keep it together! 325 00:14:48,787 --> 00:14:51,779 [Robin] I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. 326 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,950 - [Both Exhale] - To Lily and Marshall. 327 00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:56,357 - To Lily and Marshall. - Well, thank you. 328 00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:59,295 I mean, we've never been happier. 329 00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:02,526 This is a nightmare! We've done everything wrong! 330 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:06,230 [Gasping] The iPod was on shuffle! 331 00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:08,272 The Jerky Boys. 332 00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:10,569 Our baby heard The Jerky Boys! 333 00:15:10,676 --> 00:15:14,635 - The Jerky Boys are funny. - The Jerky Boys aren't funny! They are awful! 334 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,647 Fine. If you don't think The Jerky Boys are funny... 335 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,274 then I'm not sure that I can raise a child with you, liver lips! 336 00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:21,250 [Gasps] 337 00:15:21,353 --> 00:15:23,719 - Marshall, I don't like this. - I know. 338 00:15:23,822 --> 00:15:25,585 Okay? I don't like it either. 339 00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:30,924 It's like I have a hot, burning ball of stress in my chest... 340 00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:33,055 and nothing will make it go away! 341 00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:36,134 - You're not pregnant. - Well, that did it. 342 00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:39,102 I know this probably comes as quite a disappointment. 343 00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:42,229 Yeah. 344 00:15:42,341 --> 00:15:43,968 Huge bummer. 345 00:15:44,076 --> 00:15:45,873 So disappointing. 346 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,613 - # Snow on the ground, snow in the... # - Hey. You guys okay? 347 00:15:50,716 --> 00:15:52,411 Yeah. Why wouldn't we be? 348 00:15:53,352 --> 00:15:54,478 Oh, the baby thing. 349 00:15:54,586 --> 00:15:55,746 Oh, yeah. Whatever. 350 00:15:55,854 --> 00:15:57,583 Oh, Christmas-themed movie snack. Nice. 351 00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:00,659 [Laughing] Don't reach into the living room. 352 00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:05,087 Wow. I thought you guys would be devastated. 353 00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:08,360 Oh. You know, we're actually kind of relieved. 354 00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,992 We were freakin' out for about a day and a half there. 355 00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:13,697 Yeah. This whole thing got us thinking... 356 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,706 maybe we're not ready for kids yet after all. 357 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,606 - We were thinking maybe we'd just get a dog. - Get a puppy! 358 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:21,942 Can you imagine? You could put it in little human shirts... 359 00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:23,639 - [Yelling] - Whoa! 360 00:16:24,783 --> 00:16:27,616 - Our movie snack. - Are you kidding me? 361 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,950 All you ever talk about is having kids! 362 00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:33,218 And now you have one little freak-out and you wanna get a dog instead? 363 00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:34,815 No. Unacceptable. 364 00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:37,862 You're gonna turn around, you're gonna go home, get naked... 365 00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:40,989 lie together as man and wife until Lily is great with child. 366 00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:42,624 Right now! 367 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:44,930 I'm serious! Go! Go! Go! 368 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,966 [Singsong] Marshall and Lily got in trouble. 369 00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:50,735 - And you! - Ooh. 370 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,505 - Barney, you look real stupid in that suit. - [Gasps] 371 00:16:53,612 --> 00:16:55,807 You're gonna go get your money back and give it to charity. 372 00:16:55,914 --> 00:16:57,814 And I don't mean that stripper you keep e-mailing us about... 373 00:16:57,916 --> 00:17:00,009 even though we beg you to take us off that list. 374 00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:02,519 I can't give this suit back. 375 00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:06,022 Ted, I glow in the dark. I finally glow in the dark. 376 00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:09,151 Criminals of New York, attention! 377 00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:11,661 This man is wearing a diamond-covered suit! 378 00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:13,823 You can retire on the pants alone! 379 00:17:13,932 --> 00:17:15,957 Merry Christmas! 380 00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:18,161 [Stammering] 381 00:17:20,272 --> 00:17:22,672 So, if I get a large popcorn, you wanna go splitskies, or... 382 00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:24,504 And you. 383 00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:27,204 You did not move to the greatest city on earth... 384 00:17:27,312 --> 00:17:28,939 to become a coin-flipping bimbo. 385 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,640 So here's how it's gonna work. 386 00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:33,047 Heads, you take the job at World Wide News. 387 00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:35,211 Tails, you take the job at World Wide News. 388 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,719 - [Coin Rings] - Ow! 389 00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:38,847 Hey, looks like somebody got a new gig! 390 00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:41,016 Fine. I'll call 'em tomorrow. 391 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,694 I'll call 'em right now! 392 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,354 - [Phone Ringing] - God. 393 00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:47,022 - [Beep] - Hello. 394 00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:49,259 - Ted, I can't get married! - Yes, you can! You love her! 395 00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:52,235 You're right. I do. Thanks, Ted! 396 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,538 One for It's a Wonderful Life, please. 397 00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:04,115 [Men] # Christmastime is here again # 398 00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:05,444 Thank you. 399 00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:10,579 # All this joy for girls and boys # 400 00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:14,386 ##[Continues, Indistinct] 401 00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:20,625 - We're idiots. - This kid doesn't stand a chance. 402 00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:25,798 - We're ready for this. - We're ready for this. 403 00:18:29,007 --> 00:18:30,497 Wow! 404 00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,406 That's a lot of zeros. 405 00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:35,810 - You're sure you're not missing a decimal point? - Nope. 406 00:18:35,914 --> 00:18:39,509 And that's the tour. Uh, staff meeting's at noon. You'll meet everyone there. 407 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:42,644 But first you need to head down to Security. 408 00:18:42,754 --> 00:18:45,245 You need to get your picture taken for your I.D. badge. 409 00:18:45,357 --> 00:18:47,985 # Merry Christmas # 410 00:18:48,093 --> 00:18:50,288 ##[Continues, Indistinct] 411 00:18:50,395 --> 00:18:51,794 You sure? 412 00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:53,795 Positive. 413 00:18:57,369 --> 00:18:59,064 There's more. Do you still do that thing... 414 00:18:59,171 --> 00:19:01,196 where you give people in need clothes for job interviews? 415 00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:03,638 - Yeah. Why? - Bring 'em in, boys. 416 00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:06,870 # Bring out the joy # 417 00:19:10,015 --> 00:19:13,280 # Light up the tree # 418 00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:15,444 Merry Christmas. 419 00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:16,816 Thank you, son. 420 00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:19,652 - Son? - It's just an expression. I'm still not your dad. 421 00:19:22,127 --> 00:19:24,891 # Merry # 422 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,465 # Christmas ## 423 00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:29,295 [Camera Shutter Clicks] 424 00:19:29,401 --> 00:19:30,800 Congratulations. 425 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:33,701 You know, that was really cool what you did. 426 00:19:33,805 --> 00:19:37,263 When we all needed it, you got us back on the right path. 427 00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:39,037 It's what I do. 428 00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:43,137 Ted, if I, um... if I ever get married... and you're not the guy I'm marrying... 429 00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:44,647 Big mistake. But go on. 430 00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:47,241 I could really use someone like you. 431 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:50,185 You know, in case I freak out... when I freak out. 432 00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:51,483 You interested? 433 00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:54,718 Are you asking what I think you're asking? 434 00:19:54,826 --> 00:19:57,886 Ted, will you be my best man? 435 00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:01,992 Scherbatsky, I'm gonna crush it. 436 00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:06,336 - Let me look at this. - Can we not? 437 00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:08,872 How do you even make... I've never seen you make that face. 438 00:20:12,077 --> 00:20:14,443 Hi there. We've had a lot of fun tonight. 439 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,446 But on a more serious note... 440 00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:19,449 this is the time of year when we remember the importance of giving. 441 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:23,317 And there's no greater gift than the gift of booty. 442 00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,686 So this holiday season... 443 00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:28,191 why not bang someone in need? 444 00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:32,525 I'm Barney Stinson, and that's... [Bell Tinkles] one to grow on. 445 00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:34,622 Um, no. 446 00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:39,700 Hi there. You know, we've had a lot of fun tonight. 447 00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:06,798 English - US - SDH