1 00:00:00,442 --> 00:00:02,944 Narrator: In December of 2010, my friends and I decided 2 00:00:02,945 --> 00:00:05,513 to go see It's a Wonderful Life on the big screen. 3 00:00:05,514 --> 00:00:07,348 It seemed like something we all needed. 4 00:00:07,349 --> 00:00:09,918 After all, it had been a crazy couple of days. 5 00:00:09,919 --> 00:00:11,419 It all started... 6 00:00:11,420 --> 00:00:13,788 with a pregnancy test. 7 00:00:13,789 --> 00:00:16,090 This is taking forever. Are you sure you did it right? 8 00:00:16,091 --> 00:00:18,726 Is there a wrong way to pee on a stick? 9 00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:22,563 Hey, can I ask you a question that's plagued me for years? 10 00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:23,831 Can girls aim? 11 00:00:23,832 --> 00:00:25,333 Um, can boys aim? 12 00:00:25,334 --> 00:00:27,669 'Cause it seems to me like I'm taking a mop 13 00:00:27,670 --> 00:00:29,170 to that bathroom floor every two days. 14 00:00:29,171 --> 00:00:31,272 Okay, you're the one who put the Far Side calendar 15 00:00:31,273 --> 00:00:32,573 up over the toilet. 16 00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:34,609 You know I laugh with my whole body. 17 00:00:34,610 --> 00:00:37,278 (Gasps) It's been two minutes. 18 00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:40,315 (Both exhale) 19 00:00:40,316 --> 00:00:43,618 Both: One, two, three. 20 00:00:44,853 --> 00:00:47,322 - It's positive. - It's positive? It's positive? 21 00:00:47,323 --> 00:00:48,356 - It's positive. - It's positive? 22 00:00:48,357 --> 00:00:49,357 It's positive! 23 00:00:49,358 --> 00:00:50,558 It's positive! 24 00:00:50,559 --> 00:00:52,026 Whoa! (Screaming) 25 00:00:52,027 --> 00:00:53,261 Whoa! 26 00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:54,963 I'm pregnant. 27 00:00:54,964 --> 00:00:56,130 What?! 28 00:00:56,131 --> 00:00:57,899 I've never seen that woman before in my life! 29 00:00:57,900 --> 00:01:00,301 Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations! 30 00:01:01,470 --> 00:01:03,071 To Lily and Marshall. 31 00:01:03,072 --> 00:01:04,305 To Lily and Marshall. 32 00:01:04,306 --> 00:01:05,406 Well, thank you. 33 00:01:05,407 --> 00:01:07,475 - I mean, we've never been happier. - Mm. 34 00:01:07,476 --> 00:01:10,111 Can't imagine anything bringing me down right now. 35 00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:11,279 You're not pregnant. 36 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,515 Well, that did it. 37 00:01:14,516 --> 00:01:24,586 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 38 00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:30,715 Narrator: Kids, this is the story of the 36 hours 39 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,917 we all thought Lily was pregnant, 40 00:01:32,918 --> 00:01:35,586 and how it caused each of us to reexamine our own lives. 41 00:01:35,587 --> 00:01:36,854 Because while this was happening... 42 00:01:36,855 --> 00:01:38,322 Are you sure you did it right? 43 00:01:38,323 --> 00:01:39,690 ...I was on the phone with Punchy, 44 00:01:39,691 --> 00:01:41,025 my best friend from high school, 45 00:01:41,026 --> 00:01:43,327 who had recently asked me to be his best man. 46 00:01:43,328 --> 00:01:44,929 Hey, Punchy, I've given this some serious thought. 47 00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:46,797 I think I know how we can crush these 48 00:01:46,798 --> 00:01:47,898 floral arrangements. 49 00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:50,001 Ah, here it comes. Hit me up, Schmos! 50 00:01:50,002 --> 00:01:54,305 Peonies, lavender blossoms with a halo of baby's breath 51 00:01:54,306 --> 00:01:56,374 for an ambiance of springtime rejuvenation. 52 00:01:56,375 --> 00:01:58,109 (High-pitched): ♪ Crushed it! ♪ 53 00:01:58,110 --> 00:01:59,777 That's exactly the accent of whimsy 54 00:01:59,778 --> 00:02:01,579 this celebration of love needs! 55 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:03,814 It's gonna be a magical day. 56 00:02:03,815 --> 00:02:05,950 I know what you're thinking. 57 00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:08,119 I wish I was a dude. 58 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:10,087 I do wish you were a dude. 59 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:13,591 Because if I was a dude, I could have Ted Mosby as my best man. 60 00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,092 No, and here's why. 61 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:17,361 Ted, the best man's job 62 00:02:17,362 --> 00:02:20,498 is not to crush the floral arrangements. 63 00:02:20,499 --> 00:02:22,033 It's to get the groom down the aisle, 64 00:02:22,034 --> 00:02:25,036 because, no matter who he is, he will freak out. 65 00:02:25,037 --> 00:02:27,371 And I just don't think you have what it takes 66 00:02:27,372 --> 00:02:29,340 to get that get that soldier to pick up his rifle 67 00:02:29,341 --> 00:02:30,541 and charge up the hill. 68 00:02:30,542 --> 00:02:32,610 Uh, are you forgetting I've done this before? 69 00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:33,944 I was Marshall's best man. 70 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:35,546 And how did that go again? 71 00:02:35,547 --> 00:02:38,649 (Both yelling) 72 00:02:38,650 --> 00:02:40,384 Oh for one. 73 00:02:40,385 --> 00:02:42,153 Oh, come on. That wasn't my fault. 74 00:02:42,154 --> 00:02:44,789 And need I remind you, I gave a beautiful toast. 75 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:45,890 Ted. 76 00:02:45,891 --> 00:02:47,525 (Both yelling) 77 00:02:47,526 --> 00:02:50,828 Oh, do you take one to be your lawfully wedded wife? 78 00:02:51,496 --> 00:02:53,164 Oh, God, I'm freaking out. 79 00:02:53,165 --> 00:02:55,700 Why did I chose Ted to be my best man? 80 00:02:55,701 --> 00:02:57,501 Uh, yeah. It's hard to take criticism 81 00:02:57,502 --> 00:02:59,503 from someone who just recorded seven episodes 82 00:02:59,504 --> 00:03:01,439 of Million Dollar Heads or Tails. 83 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,641 Narrator: Kids, Million Dollar Heads or Tails 84 00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:05,109 was an extremely popular show 85 00:03:05,110 --> 00:03:07,044 with an extremely simple premise. 86 00:03:07,045 --> 00:03:09,046 All right, your practice flip came up 87 00:03:09,047 --> 00:03:10,047 tails... 88 00:03:10,048 --> 00:03:11,849 But our Vegas oddsmaker tells us 89 00:03:11,850 --> 00:03:14,952 that the next toss is still just 50-50. 90 00:03:14,953 --> 00:03:16,420 And so, Jordan, 91 00:03:16,421 --> 00:03:18,422 for one million dollars... 92 00:03:19,224 --> 00:03:22,059 heads... or tails? 93 00:03:22,060 --> 00:03:24,161 (Audience shouting suggestions) 94 00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:27,665 What was the year of the coin again? 95 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:29,333 Why this sudden obsession with Heads or Tails? 96 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,102 Well, it turns out 97 00:03:31,103 --> 00:03:34,372 that Heads or Tails has a job opening. 98 00:03:34,373 --> 00:03:35,339 (Audience shouting suggestions) 99 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,640 Ta... heads. 100 00:03:36,641 --> 00:03:39,176 Marni, flip that coin. 101 00:03:39,878 --> 00:03:41,045 Ooh! Damn! 102 00:03:41,046 --> 00:03:42,046 (Audience groaning) 103 00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:43,447 So now, because of that incident, 104 00:03:43,448 --> 00:03:44,915 Heads or Tails is looking 105 00:03:44,916 --> 00:03:47,385 for a new currency rotation specialist. 106 00:03:47,386 --> 00:03:48,886 You mean coin flip bimbo? 107 00:03:48,887 --> 00:03:50,588 They're not bimbos! 108 00:03:50,589 --> 00:03:53,557 You auditioned, didn't you? 109 00:03:58,029 --> 00:03:59,430 And you're Canadian?! 110 00:03:59,431 --> 00:04:00,765 Mm. 111 00:04:00,766 --> 00:04:02,400 Robin, aside from that coin, 112 00:04:02,401 --> 00:04:04,969 this is the other thing that's flipping right now. 113 00:04:04,970 --> 00:04:06,570 What is my lid? 114 00:04:06,571 --> 00:04:08,639 For you. 115 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,474 You're the new coin flip bimbo? 116 00:04:10,475 --> 00:04:12,309 Currency rotation specialist. 117 00:04:12,310 --> 00:04:14,545 Robin, you better check yourself 118 00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:16,747 before you Trebek yourself. 119 00:04:16,748 --> 00:04:17,948 You're a journalist! 120 00:04:17,949 --> 00:04:19,750 What is the matter with you? 121 00:04:19,751 --> 00:04:21,152 Well, it's a national audience! 122 00:04:21,153 --> 00:04:22,753 I get to wear shiny dresses! 123 00:04:22,754 --> 00:04:24,021 Robin, 124 00:04:24,022 --> 00:04:26,457 have you forgotten about your New Year's resolution? 125 00:04:26,458 --> 00:04:30,361 I am never drinking again. 126 00:04:30,362 --> 00:04:31,662 No, before that. 127 00:04:31,663 --> 00:04:36,066 (Slurring): I am gonna finish this whole bottle tonight. 128 00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,468 Before that, too. 129 00:04:37,469 --> 00:04:38,836 I moved here 130 00:04:38,837 --> 00:04:40,938 to work for a big-time cable news channel 131 00:04:40,939 --> 00:04:42,239 like World Wide News. 132 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,641 - Mm-hmm. - Well, 133 00:04:43,642 --> 00:04:46,010 by this time next year, I will be wearing 134 00:04:46,011 --> 00:04:48,913 a World Wide News I.D. badge around my neck. 135 00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:50,915 And to show you that I'm serious, 136 00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:53,217 this is my first and only drink of the night. 137 00:04:53,218 --> 00:04:55,486 - Okay. - Okay? 138 00:04:56,388 --> 00:04:59,256 Oh, damn, that's smooth. 139 00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:01,859 I thought you finally got that interview at World Wide News. 140 00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:04,795 Well, I did, but they only offered me a boring, 141 00:05:04,796 --> 00:05:07,298 low-paid, off-camera research job. 142 00:05:07,299 --> 00:05:09,600 Which could be a stepping stone to bigger things in your career. 143 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:12,269 Well, so could Heads or Tails. (Snorts) 144 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,171 The first currency rotation specialist went on 145 00:05:14,172 --> 00:05:17,708 to be a semi-finalist on The Bachelor, and then, 146 00:05:17,709 --> 00:05:20,511 she lost, like, a hundred pounds on The Biggest Loser, 147 00:05:20,512 --> 00:05:22,980 and now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab. 148 00:05:22,981 --> 00:05:26,083 Narrator: It seemed like there was no changing Robin's mind. 149 00:05:26,084 --> 00:05:28,185 But what we didn't know, in that moment, 150 00:05:28,186 --> 00:05:31,121 was that our world was about to be turned upside down. 151 00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:32,957 I'm pregnant. 152 00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:34,191 What?! 153 00:05:34,192 --> 00:05:35,993 Now, kids, when your friends have great news, 154 00:05:35,994 --> 00:05:38,162 you're happy for them... For, like, a millisecond. 155 00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:40,498 And then you start thinking about yourself. 156 00:05:40,499 --> 00:05:41,932 Robin: Oh, my God! 157 00:05:41,933 --> 00:05:44,301 They're really having a baby. 158 00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,103 What am I doing with my life? 159 00:05:46,104 --> 00:05:48,305 Starting Monday, I'm a currency rotation spe... 160 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,673 Oh, who am I kidding? 161 00:05:49,674 --> 00:05:52,076 I'm a coin flip bimbo, and I'm still single. 162 00:05:52,077 --> 00:05:53,744 Okay, let's not go there, Scherbatsky. 163 00:05:53,745 --> 00:05:55,012 That's a whole other thing. 164 00:05:55,013 --> 00:05:57,615 I've got to take that World Wide News job. 165 00:05:57,616 --> 00:06:00,951 Narrator: And so, the next night, we had two things to celebrate. 166 00:06:00,952 --> 00:06:03,420 Well, you are looking at the new 167 00:06:03,421 --> 00:06:06,023 associate researcher at World Wide News. 168 00:06:06,024 --> 00:06:07,992 (Gasps) Oh, my gosh. That's amazing news. 169 00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,660 What changed your mind? 170 00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:10,928 Marshall and Lily. 171 00:06:10,929 --> 00:06:12,196 I just realized that 172 00:06:12,197 --> 00:06:14,798 I am about to have a little niece who looks up to me. 173 00:06:14,799 --> 00:06:16,901 And I don't want to be sad Aunt Robin, 174 00:06:16,902 --> 00:06:19,436 the aging coin flip bimbo who gives her the creeps. 175 00:06:19,437 --> 00:06:22,540 I want to be cool Aunt Robin, the respected journalist... 176 00:06:22,541 --> 00:06:23,774 (Quietly): Who gives her beer. 177 00:06:23,775 --> 00:06:26,343 - What? - What? Oh. 178 00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:30,014 I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. 179 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,048 (Both sigh) 180 00:06:31,049 --> 00:06:32,049 To Lily and Marshall. 181 00:06:32,050 --> 00:06:33,284 To Lily and Marshall. 182 00:06:33,285 --> 00:06:34,418 Well, thank you. 183 00:06:34,419 --> 00:06:36,520 I mean, we've never been happier. 184 00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,489 Narrator: So the next day Robin called 185 00:06:38,490 --> 00:06:40,357 Heads or Tails to respectfully decline. 186 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:43,027 Hi, Mr. Trebek. This is Robin Scherbatsky. 187 00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,562 Narrator: But at that moment... 188 00:06:44,563 --> 00:06:45,696 You're not pregnant. 189 00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:46,964 (Both gasp) 190 00:06:46,965 --> 00:06:49,266 As honored as I am by the offer, um... 191 00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:51,101 (Phone chirps) 192 00:06:51,102 --> 00:06:53,037 Robin: Oh, my God. 193 00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,972 They're not having a baby. 194 00:06:54,973 --> 00:06:57,808 What am I getting all up in my head about? 195 00:06:57,809 --> 00:06:59,877 That research job sounds hard. 196 00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:01,478 And I'm pretty. 197 00:07:01,479 --> 00:07:05,716 I'm really, really pretty. 198 00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:08,652 You are looking 199 00:07:08,653 --> 00:07:10,654 at the new coin flip bimbo. 200 00:07:10,655 --> 00:07:14,992 (Imitates fireworks popping) 201 00:07:18,255 --> 00:07:19,689 - You took the Heads or Tails job? - Yeah. 202 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,995 What about World Wide News, your I.D. badge? 203 00:07:22,996 --> 00:07:25,097 You made a New Year's resolution. 204 00:07:25,098 --> 00:07:28,300 Okay, I also said I would never make out with a garbage man. 205 00:07:28,301 --> 00:07:31,036 Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. 206 00:07:31,037 --> 00:07:33,405 What's with the gingerbread house? 207 00:07:33,406 --> 00:07:34,773 We're seeing a Christmas movie. 208 00:07:34,774 --> 00:07:37,843 It's a Christmas-themed movie snack. 209 00:07:37,844 --> 00:07:40,245 Let's hope Santa brings you a girlfriend this year, Teddy. 210 00:07:40,246 --> 00:07:41,880 (Mutters mockingly) 211 00:07:41,881 --> 00:07:43,282 Where the hell is Barney? 212 00:07:43,283 --> 00:07:44,516 Narrator: Where was Barney? 213 00:07:44,517 --> 00:07:45,918 Let's back up again. 214 00:07:45,919 --> 00:07:47,753 You see, while this was going on... 215 00:07:47,754 --> 00:07:49,221 - It's positive. - It's positive?! 216 00:07:49,222 --> 00:07:50,389 ...this was happening. 217 00:07:50,390 --> 00:07:53,492 And now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab. 218 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,861 Hey, guys. 219 00:07:55,862 --> 00:07:57,863 A yuletide riddle. 220 00:07:57,864 --> 00:08:02,001 What is my second favorite word that begins with b-o-n? 221 00:08:02,002 --> 00:08:03,102 Bon Jovi? 222 00:08:03,103 --> 00:08:04,470 Yeah. 223 00:08:04,471 --> 00:08:07,506 What is my third favorite word that begins with b-o-n? 224 00:08:07,507 --> 00:08:09,174 (Imitates buzzer) Bonus. 225 00:08:09,175 --> 00:08:12,344 As in, my end-of-the-year bonus check. 226 00:08:12,345 --> 00:08:13,646 (Laughing) 227 00:08:13,647 --> 00:08:15,214 My God, Barney! 228 00:08:15,215 --> 00:08:17,116 I work for GNB, too. 229 00:08:17,117 --> 00:08:19,885 All I got was $15 gift card to Costa Coffee. 230 00:08:19,886 --> 00:08:21,153 And you earned it, buddy. 231 00:08:21,154 --> 00:08:24,023 Check out what I'm gonna buy for myself. 232 00:08:24,024 --> 00:08:26,725 The Dibiase. 233 00:08:26,726 --> 00:08:28,127 See those pinstripes? 234 00:08:28,128 --> 00:08:30,062 Diamonds. 235 00:08:30,063 --> 00:08:33,399 It is the uppest a person could ever suit. 236 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:36,568 Uh, has it ever occurred to you to give some of this to charity? 237 00:08:36,569 --> 00:08:39,471 Charity? You're seriously talking to me about charity? 238 00:08:39,472 --> 00:08:41,106 Dude, I am Mr. Charity. 239 00:08:41,107 --> 00:08:45,177 I frequently sleep with sixes, 240 00:08:45,178 --> 00:08:48,514 chubsters, over-thirties... 241 00:08:48,515 --> 00:08:52,451 I am the Bill and Melinda Gates of the sympathy bang. 242 00:08:53,253 --> 00:08:54,353 Hey, guys. 243 00:08:54,354 --> 00:08:55,621 - Hi. - Hey. 244 00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:56,622 Big announcement. 245 00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:57,790 Let me guess. 246 00:08:57,791 --> 00:08:59,158 You got a huge bonus check, too. 247 00:08:59,159 --> 00:09:01,193 No, just a $30 gift card to Costa Coffee. 248 00:09:01,194 --> 00:09:02,227 Thirty?! 249 00:09:02,228 --> 00:09:04,029 - I'm pregnant. - What?! 250 00:09:04,030 --> 00:09:06,699 - What?! - I've never seen that woman before in my life! 251 00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:08,367 Sorry, force of habit. 252 00:09:08,368 --> 00:09:09,768 Congratulations! 253 00:09:10,637 --> 00:09:12,571 Huh. Marshall and Lily are 254 00:09:12,572 --> 00:09:13,972 doing something meaningful. 255 00:09:13,973 --> 00:09:16,742 And it's making me less happy about this bonus. 256 00:09:16,743 --> 00:09:18,644 And I'm still single. 257 00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:20,446 At least I got that going for me. 258 00:09:20,447 --> 00:09:23,649 So why do I still feel outside of awesome looking in? 259 00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:26,752 What am I doing with my life? 260 00:09:26,753 --> 00:09:29,121 We've never been happier. 261 00:09:29,122 --> 00:09:31,390 I can't imagine bringing me down right now. 262 00:09:31,391 --> 00:09:34,259 Oh, Marshall, you only think you're happy. 263 00:09:34,260 --> 00:09:35,728 Just wait, because tonight, 264 00:09:35,729 --> 00:09:38,997 (imitating Oprah): is Barney's Favorite Things! 265 00:09:38,998 --> 00:09:41,700 (All cheering) 266 00:09:45,772 --> 00:09:48,974 That was the reaction Barney expected. 267 00:09:48,975 --> 00:09:51,310 This was the one he got. 268 00:09:51,311 --> 00:09:53,545 - Huh? - I don't know what that is. 269 00:09:53,546 --> 00:09:55,681 Barney's Favorite Things! 270 00:09:55,682 --> 00:10:00,185 I'm gonna give you all a bunch of free stuff... like Oprah. 271 00:10:00,186 --> 00:10:01,520 Just get excited, okay? 272 00:10:01,521 --> 00:10:03,589 The next hour got pretty weird. 273 00:10:03,590 --> 00:10:06,892 Velour track suits! 274 00:10:06,893 --> 00:10:08,727 - Velour is so comfortable. - They're so soft. 275 00:10:08,728 --> 00:10:11,497 Remote control helicopters! 276 00:10:11,498 --> 00:10:13,432 (All cheer) 277 00:10:14,334 --> 00:10:15,801 Condoms! 278 00:10:18,671 --> 00:10:20,472 And last but not least... 279 00:10:20,473 --> 00:10:23,509 There is a fleet of limos outside 280 00:10:23,510 --> 00:10:26,645 waiting to take us to... 281 00:10:26,646 --> 00:10:28,547 a strip club! 282 00:10:28,548 --> 00:10:31,884 (Applause, cheering) 283 00:10:31,885 --> 00:10:34,787 You get a lap dance! You get a lap dance! 284 00:10:34,788 --> 00:10:36,655 You're gonna give me a lap dance! 285 00:10:36,656 --> 00:10:40,192 Everybody gets a lap dance! 286 00:10:41,861 --> 00:10:43,262 That was amazing! 287 00:10:43,263 --> 00:10:45,397 It was like a diamond suit for my soul. 288 00:10:45,398 --> 00:10:47,332 I gotta keep going. I gotta do more. 289 00:10:47,333 --> 00:10:49,568 No. No! I cannot go back to that strip club. 290 00:10:49,569 --> 00:10:52,171 I seen some things. 291 00:10:52,172 --> 00:10:54,039 I'm not going back either. 292 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:58,243 I'm taking the rest of my bonus to God's strip club. 293 00:10:58,244 --> 00:11:00,012 Narrator: The next day, he paid a visit 294 00:11:00,013 --> 00:11:01,480 to the most charitable man he knew, 295 00:11:01,481 --> 00:11:03,248 his half-brother's father, Sam Gibbs, 296 00:11:03,249 --> 00:11:05,384 a minister at a church out on Long Island. 297 00:11:05,385 --> 00:11:06,785 Sam. 298 00:11:06,786 --> 00:11:07,886 Uh, father. 299 00:11:07,887 --> 00:11:09,688 I... I don't mean father father. 300 00:11:09,689 --> 00:11:11,023 Unless... 301 00:11:11,024 --> 00:11:12,057 What's up, Barney? 302 00:11:12,058 --> 00:11:13,759 I'm thinking about 303 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,627 giving some money to charity. 304 00:11:15,628 --> 00:11:18,096 Is that the name of the stripper you've been e-mailing me about? 305 00:11:18,097 --> 00:11:20,199 You got to take me off that list, Barney. 306 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,202 No, I don't mean that charity. 307 00:11:23,203 --> 00:11:24,803 That Charity is doing peachy. 308 00:11:24,804 --> 00:11:27,606 You'll see pics of the two of them in next week's e-mail. 309 00:11:27,607 --> 00:11:28,941 - What up! - Barney, 310 00:11:28,942 --> 00:11:30,742 I'm a minister. 311 00:11:30,743 --> 00:11:32,778 Unsubscribe. 312 00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:35,214 I... I recently started giving, 313 00:11:35,215 --> 00:11:36,882 and it felt surprisingly good. 314 00:11:36,883 --> 00:11:38,383 I want to do more. 315 00:11:38,384 --> 00:11:39,551 Well, now you're talking. 316 00:11:39,552 --> 00:11:41,820 We have this program that helps those in need 317 00:11:41,821 --> 00:11:43,088 get back on their feet. 318 00:11:43,089 --> 00:11:45,757 We give them food, a place to live, 319 00:11:45,758 --> 00:11:47,526 clothes for job interviews. 320 00:11:47,527 --> 00:11:51,930 Well, I would love to help by writing a check 321 00:11:51,931 --> 00:11:57,436 for... one, zero, zero, zero... 322 00:11:57,437 --> 00:11:58,403 You're not pregnant. 323 00:11:58,404 --> 00:11:59,404 (Both gasp) 324 00:11:59,405 --> 00:12:00,405 ...zero... 325 00:12:00,406 --> 00:12:01,473 (Cell phone chimes) 326 00:12:01,474 --> 00:12:04,009 Woops. Hold on a second. 327 00:12:05,945 --> 00:12:07,713 Wait. They're not doing 328 00:12:07,714 --> 00:12:09,414 something meaningful with their lives. 329 00:12:09,415 --> 00:12:11,583 Well, this changes everything. 330 00:12:11,584 --> 00:12:14,586 Oh, no, I've already written four zeroes. 331 00:12:14,587 --> 00:12:15,520 (Gasps) 332 00:12:15,521 --> 00:12:18,690 Thank you, decimal point. 333 00:12:18,691 --> 00:12:22,294 One hundred dollars. 334 00:12:22,295 --> 00:12:25,330 That's great! 335 00:12:25,331 --> 00:12:26,865 Thank you, Barney! 336 00:12:29,969 --> 00:12:33,605 Diamond suited up. 337 00:12:34,507 --> 00:12:36,141 Hey, Ted, can you spot me for the movie? 338 00:12:36,142 --> 00:12:38,477 I don't like to carry a lot of cash on me. 339 00:12:43,694 --> 00:12:45,128 What happened to giving the money away? 340 00:12:45,129 --> 00:12:46,663 Yeah, that was back when Lily was pregnant. 341 00:12:46,664 --> 00:12:47,597 Now she's not. 342 00:12:47,598 --> 00:12:50,467 Ergo, a suit is born. (Chuckles) 343 00:12:51,068 --> 00:12:52,168 Dude, what's up with 344 00:12:52,169 --> 00:12:53,903 the gingerbread house? You look ridiculous! 345 00:12:53,904 --> 00:12:55,972 It's a Christmas-themed movie snack! 346 00:12:55,973 --> 00:12:58,375 Ah, I know that move. 347 00:12:58,376 --> 00:12:59,943 You cut a hole in the floor, 348 00:12:59,944 --> 00:13:02,512 she reaches into the living room, finds the tree... 349 00:13:02,513 --> 00:13:04,814 ♪ O holy night. ♪ 350 00:13:04,815 --> 00:13:06,082 Nice. 351 00:13:06,584 --> 00:13:07,584 Where the hell 352 00:13:07,585 --> 00:13:09,119 are Marshall and Lily? 353 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,954 Narrator: Let's back up one last time. 354 00:13:10,955 --> 00:13:12,222 I'm pregnant. 355 00:13:12,223 --> 00:13:13,857 - What?! - What?! 356 00:13:13,858 --> 00:13:15,792 I've never seen that woman before in my life! 357 00:13:15,793 --> 00:13:16,893 Sorry, force of habit. 358 00:13:16,894 --> 00:13:18,828 Congratulations! 359 00:13:18,829 --> 00:13:20,163 This is great. 360 00:13:20,164 --> 00:13:21,564 I'm happy. 361 00:13:21,565 --> 00:13:23,500 I'm so happy, my heart's pounding. 362 00:13:23,501 --> 00:13:24,968 And I'm sweating. 363 00:13:24,969 --> 00:13:26,569 And I can't breathe. 364 00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:28,405 This is what happiness feels like, right? 365 00:13:28,406 --> 00:13:29,906 Oh, crap. 366 00:13:29,907 --> 00:13:31,875 Lily's having a baby and I'm having a panic attack. 367 00:13:31,876 --> 00:13:33,977 I hope she can't tell what I'm thinking right now. 368 00:13:33,978 --> 00:13:35,311 I can. 369 00:13:35,312 --> 00:13:36,679 And I'm freaking out, too! 370 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,314 There's an alien growing in my stomach 371 00:13:38,315 --> 00:13:40,383 that's gonna explode out of my vagina! 372 00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:42,252 Do you think the others can tell we're freaking out? 373 00:13:42,253 --> 00:13:44,087 What am I doing with my life? 374 00:13:44,088 --> 00:13:45,688 What am I doing with my life? 375 00:13:45,689 --> 00:13:48,992 I should get a Christmas-themed movie snack for tomorrow night. 376 00:13:48,993 --> 00:13:50,126 They're totally onto us. 377 00:13:50,127 --> 00:13:51,261 What do we do? 378 00:13:51,262 --> 00:13:52,862 Just keep smiling, maybe wave. 379 00:13:52,863 --> 00:13:53,963 No, don't wave! 380 00:13:53,964 --> 00:13:54,964 That makes no sense! 381 00:13:54,965 --> 00:13:56,166 I'm committed. 382 00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:57,567 I'm riding this wave straight to hell. 383 00:13:57,568 --> 00:13:59,502 Let's leave, then the waving will make sense. 384 00:13:59,503 --> 00:14:02,439 Narrator: So Marshall and Lily headed home. 385 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,441 Marshall: Lily, we have to relax. 386 00:14:04,442 --> 00:14:05,975 There's no need to panic. 387 00:14:05,976 --> 00:14:07,077 True, there's a lot to do, 388 00:14:07,078 --> 00:14:08,378 but we've got nine months to prepare. 389 00:14:08,379 --> 00:14:10,780 So I say that we just make a list of everything 390 00:14:10,781 --> 00:14:12,715 that needs to get done before the baby arrives 391 00:14:12,716 --> 00:14:14,284 and do everything on that list tonight! 392 00:14:14,285 --> 00:14:16,319 Let's do it! (Yelling) 393 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,620 Uh-huh, got it. 394 00:14:17,621 --> 00:14:19,022 Okay, that seems easy. 395 00:14:19,023 --> 00:14:20,890 Nursery's painted! 396 00:14:20,891 --> 00:14:22,525 Blue? What if it's a girl? 397 00:14:22,526 --> 00:14:23,493 Damn it! 398 00:14:23,494 --> 00:14:25,028 ♪ ♪ 399 00:14:36,907 --> 00:14:38,341 Oh, God, it's 8:00! 400 00:14:38,342 --> 00:14:40,243 We're supposed to meet the gang at the bar to celebrate. 401 00:14:40,244 --> 00:14:41,411 Oh, God. Okay, listen. 402 00:14:41,412 --> 00:14:43,446 When we meet them, we have to keep it together. 403 00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:44,447 Can you keep it together?! 404 00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,049 No, I can't keep it together! 405 00:14:46,050 --> 00:14:49,319 Robin: I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. 406 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:50,386 (Both sigh) 407 00:14:50,387 --> 00:14:51,454 To Lily and Marshall. 408 00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:52,856 Lily and Marshall. 409 00:14:52,857 --> 00:14:53,857 Well, thank you. 410 00:14:53,858 --> 00:14:56,726 I mean, we've never been happier. 411 00:14:56,727 --> 00:14:58,328 (Rock music playing) This is a nightmare! 412 00:14:58,329 --> 00:15:00,029 We've done everything wrong! 413 00:15:00,030 --> 00:15:01,498 (Screams) 414 00:15:01,499 --> 00:15:03,733 The iPod was on shuffle! 415 00:15:03,734 --> 00:15:04,801 (Rock music stops) 416 00:15:04,802 --> 00:15:05,835 The Jerky Boys! 417 00:15:05,836 --> 00:15:08,004 Our baby heard The Jerky Boys! 418 00:15:08,005 --> 00:15:09,506 You know what, The Jerky Boys are funny. 419 00:15:09,507 --> 00:15:12,075 The Jerky Boys aren't funny, they are awful. 420 00:15:12,076 --> 00:15:13,443 You know what, fine, if you don't think 421 00:15:13,444 --> 00:15:15,044 The Jerky Boys are funny, then I'm not sure 422 00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:16,813 that I can raise a child with you, liver lips. 423 00:15:16,814 --> 00:15:18,681 (Gasps) 424 00:15:18,682 --> 00:15:20,250 Marshall, I don't like this. 425 00:15:20,251 --> 00:15:21,384 I know. Okay? 426 00:15:21,385 --> 00:15:23,119 I don't like it either. 427 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,989 It's like I have a hot, burning 428 00:15:25,990 --> 00:15:28,725 ball of stress in my chest, 429 00:15:28,726 --> 00:15:30,560 and nothing will make it go away! 430 00:15:30,561 --> 00:15:31,728 You're not pregnant. 431 00:15:31,729 --> 00:15:33,563 Well, that did it. 432 00:15:33,564 --> 00:15:36,766 I know this probably comes as quite a disappointment. 433 00:15:38,269 --> 00:15:39,802 Yeah. 434 00:15:39,803 --> 00:15:41,371 Huge bummer. 435 00:15:41,372 --> 00:15:43,306 So disappointing. 436 00:15:45,109 --> 00:15:46,142 Hey. 437 00:15:46,143 --> 00:15:47,110 Hey. 438 00:15:47,111 --> 00:15:48,044 Are you guys okay? 439 00:15:48,045 --> 00:15:49,245 - Huh? - Yeah. 440 00:15:49,246 --> 00:15:51,781 Why wouldn't we be? Oh, the baby thing. 441 00:15:51,782 --> 00:15:53,249 Oh, yeah, whatever. 442 00:15:53,250 --> 00:15:55,018 Oh, Christmas-themed movie snack. Nice. 443 00:15:55,019 --> 00:15:57,620 (Chuckles) Don't reach into the living room! 444 00:15:57,621 --> 00:16:00,390 (Both laugh) 445 00:16:00,391 --> 00:16:02,592 Wow, I... I thought you guys would be devastated. 446 00:16:02,593 --> 00:16:03,960 Oh. 447 00:16:03,961 --> 00:16:06,362 You know, we're actually kind of relieved. 448 00:16:06,363 --> 00:16:08,631 We were freaking out for about a day and a half there. 449 00:16:08,632 --> 00:16:10,900 Yeah, this whole thing got us thinking. 450 00:16:10,901 --> 00:16:12,902 Maybe we're not ready for kids yet after all. 451 00:16:12,903 --> 00:16:15,038 Yeah, we were thinking maybe we would just get a dog. 452 00:16:15,039 --> 00:16:16,105 Get a puppy! 453 00:16:16,106 --> 00:16:17,307 Can you imagine... 454 00:16:17,308 --> 00:16:19,409 That would be the cutest thing! 455 00:16:19,410 --> 00:16:21,144 (Yelling) No! 456 00:16:21,145 --> 00:16:23,179 Oh. Our movie snack. 457 00:16:23,180 --> 00:16:25,114 Are you kidding me?! 458 00:16:25,115 --> 00:16:27,383 All you ever talk about is having kids! 459 00:16:27,384 --> 00:16:29,018 And now you have one little freak-out 460 00:16:29,019 --> 00:16:30,820 and you want to get a dog instead?! 461 00:16:30,821 --> 00:16:32,355 No. Unacceptable! 462 00:16:32,356 --> 00:16:33,489 You're gonna turn around, 463 00:16:33,490 --> 00:16:35,491 you're gonna go home, get naked, 464 00:16:35,492 --> 00:16:38,294 lie together as man and wife until Lily is great with child. 465 00:16:38,295 --> 00:16:39,495 Right now! 466 00:16:40,197 --> 00:16:41,764 I'm serious! Go, go, go! 467 00:16:44,168 --> 00:16:46,469 (Singsongy): Marshall and Lily got in trouble. 468 00:16:46,470 --> 00:16:48,204 - And you! - Ooh. 469 00:16:48,205 --> 00:16:50,373 Barney, you look real stupid in that suit. 470 00:16:50,374 --> 00:16:52,909 You're gonna go get your money back and give it to charity. 471 00:16:52,910 --> 00:16:55,211 And I don't mean that stripper you keep e-mailing us about, 472 00:16:55,212 --> 00:16:57,547 even though we beg you to take us off that list. 473 00:16:57,548 --> 00:17:00,083 I can't give this suit back. 474 00:17:00,084 --> 00:17:01,584 Ted, I glow in the dark. 475 00:17:01,585 --> 00:17:03,553 I finally glow in the dark! 476 00:17:03,554 --> 00:17:06,489 Criminals of New York! Attention! 477 00:17:06,490 --> 00:17:09,225 This man is wearing a diamond-covered suit! 478 00:17:09,226 --> 00:17:10,226 You could retire 479 00:17:10,227 --> 00:17:11,394 on the pants alone! 480 00:17:11,395 --> 00:17:13,396 Merry Christmas! 481 00:17:13,397 --> 00:17:15,898 (Stuttering) 482 00:17:17,668 --> 00:17:20,203 So, if I get a large popcorn, you want to go split-skees or... 483 00:17:20,204 --> 00:17:21,537 And you... 484 00:17:22,072 --> 00:17:23,439 You did not move 485 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,442 to the greatest city on earth to become a coin-flipping bimbo. 486 00:17:26,443 --> 00:17:28,411 So here's how it's gonna work: 487 00:17:28,412 --> 00:17:30,613 heads, you take the job at World Wide News; 488 00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:32,682 tails, you take the job at World Wide News. 489 00:17:32,683 --> 00:17:34,250 Ow! (Coin clinks) 490 00:17:34,251 --> 00:17:36,419 Hey, looks like somebody got a new gig! 491 00:17:36,420 --> 00:17:39,088 Fine, I'll call them tomorrow. 492 00:17:39,089 --> 00:17:41,224 I'll call them right now. (Annoyed muttering) 493 00:17:41,225 --> 00:17:43,559 (Cell phone ringing) 494 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:44,560 Hello. 495 00:17:44,561 --> 00:17:45,728 Ted, I can't get married! 496 00:17:45,729 --> 00:17:46,829 Yes, you can! You love her! 497 00:17:46,830 --> 00:17:48,431 You're right, I do! Thanks, Ted! 498 00:17:56,774 --> 00:17:59,242 One for It's a Wonderful Life, please. 499 00:18:01,111 --> 00:18:03,179 Thank you. 500 00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:07,850 Hi. 501 00:18:14,158 --> 00:18:16,459 We're idiots. 502 00:18:16,460 --> 00:18:18,328 This kid doesn't stand a chance. 503 00:18:20,731 --> 00:18:23,499 - We're ready for this. - We're ready for this. 504 00:18:25,202 --> 00:18:27,937 Wow. 505 00:18:27,938 --> 00:18:30,039 That's a lot of zeroes. 506 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,108 Y... you sure you're not missing a decimal point? 507 00:18:32,109 --> 00:18:33,376 Nope. 508 00:18:33,377 --> 00:18:35,144 And that's the tour. 509 00:18:35,145 --> 00:18:37,847 Uh, staff meeting's at noon, you'll meet everyone there, 510 00:18:37,848 --> 00:18:39,282 but first you need to head down to security. 511 00:18:39,283 --> 00:18:41,217 You need to get your picture taken. 512 00:18:41,218 --> 00:18:42,785 For your I.D. badge. 513 00:18:42,786 --> 00:18:45,688 Oh. 514 00:18:47,825 --> 00:18:49,325 You sure? 515 00:18:49,326 --> 00:18:51,494 Positive. 516 00:18:54,798 --> 00:18:55,865 And there's more. 517 00:18:55,866 --> 00:18:57,433 Do you still do that thing where you give 518 00:18:57,434 --> 00:18:58,801 people in need clothes for job interviews? 519 00:18:58,802 --> 00:18:59,702 Yeah. Why? 520 00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:02,638 Bring 'em in, boys! 521 00:19:08,178 --> 00:19:10,747 (Chuckles) 522 00:19:10,748 --> 00:19:12,949 Merry Christmas. 523 00:19:12,950 --> 00:19:15,251 - Thank you, son. - Son?! 524 00:19:15,252 --> 00:19:17,353 It's just an expression. I'm still not your dad. 525 00:19:26,864 --> 00:19:28,264 Congratulations. 526 00:19:28,265 --> 00:19:30,666 You know, that was really cool what you did. 527 00:19:31,235 --> 00:19:32,201 When we all needed it, 528 00:19:32,202 --> 00:19:33,603 you got us back on the right path. 529 00:19:33,604 --> 00:19:36,506 It's what I do. 530 00:19:36,507 --> 00:19:38,975 Hey, Ted, if I, um, if I ever get married 531 00:19:38,976 --> 00:19:40,710 and you're not the guy I'm marrying... 532 00:19:40,711 --> 00:19:42,111 Big mistake, but go on. 533 00:19:42,112 --> 00:19:44,380 ...I could really use someone like you. 534 00:19:44,381 --> 00:19:46,015 You know, in case I freak out. 535 00:19:46,016 --> 00:19:47,750 When I freak out. 536 00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:48,985 You interested? 537 00:19:48,986 --> 00:19:52,255 Are you asking what I think you're asking? 538 00:19:52,256 --> 00:19:55,425 Ted, will you be my best man? 539 00:19:55,426 --> 00:19:57,960 Scherbatsky... 540 00:19:57,961 --> 00:19:59,695 I'm gonna crush it. 541 00:20:09,436 --> 00:20:10,470 Hi, there. 542 00:20:10,471 --> 00:20:11,771 We've had a lot of fun tonight, 543 00:20:11,772 --> 00:20:14,140 but on a more serious note, this is the time of year 544 00:20:14,141 --> 00:20:16,309 when we remember the importance of giving. 545 00:20:16,310 --> 00:20:20,546 And there's no greater gift than the gift of booty. 546 00:20:20,547 --> 00:20:25,285 So, this holiday season, why not bang someone in need? 547 00:20:25,286 --> 00:20:27,987 I'm Barney Stinson, and that's... 548 00:20:27,988 --> 00:20:29,789 one to grow on. 549 00:20:29,790 --> 00:20:30,957 Um, no. 550 00:20:32,559 --> 00:20:36,494 Hi, there. You know, we've had a lot of fun tonight...