1 00:00:01,042 --> 00:00:03,544 In December of 2010, my friends and I decided 2 00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:06,113 to go see It's a Wonderful Life on the big screen. 3 00:00:06,114 --> 00:00:07,948 It seemed like something we all needed. 4 00:00:07,949 --> 00:00:10,518 After all, it had been a crazy couple of days. 5 00:00:10,519 --> 00:00:12,019 It all started... 6 00:00:12,020 --> 00:00:14,388 with a pregnancy test. 7 00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:16,690 This is taking forever. Are you sure you did it right? 8 00:00:16,691 --> 00:00:19,326 Is there a wrong way to pee on a stick? 9 00:00:19,327 --> 00:00:23,163 Hey, can I ask you a question that's plagued me for years? 10 00:00:23,164 --> 00:00:24,431 Can girls aim? 11 00:00:24,432 --> 00:00:25,933 Um, can boys aim? 12 00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:28,269 'Cause it seems to me like I'm taking a mop 13 00:00:28,270 --> 00:00:29,770 to that bathroom floor every two days. 14 00:00:29,771 --> 00:00:31,872 Okay, you're the one who put the Far Side calendar 15 00:00:31,873 --> 00:00:33,173 up over the toilet. 16 00:00:33,174 --> 00:00:35,209 You know I laugh with my whole body. 17 00:00:35,210 --> 00:00:37,878 It's been two minutes. 18 00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:44,218 One, two, three. 19 00:00:45,453 --> 00:00:47,922 - It's positive. - It's positive? It's positive? 20 00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:48,956 - It's positive. - It's positive? 21 00:00:48,957 --> 00:00:49,957 It's positive! 22 00:00:49,958 --> 00:00:51,158 It's positive! 23 00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:52,626 Whoa! 24 00:00:52,627 --> 00:00:53,861 Whoa! 25 00:00:53,862 --> 00:00:55,563 I'm pregnant. 26 00:00:55,564 --> 00:00:56,730 What?! 27 00:00:56,731 --> 00:00:58,499 I've never seen that woman before in my life! 28 00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:00,901 Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations! 29 00:01:02,070 --> 00:01:03,671 To Lily and Marshall. 30 00:01:03,672 --> 00:01:04,905 To Lily and Marshall. 31 00:01:04,906 --> 00:01:06,006 Well, thank you. 32 00:01:06,007 --> 00:01:08,075 - I mean, we've never been happier. - Mm. 33 00:01:08,076 --> 00:01:10,711 Can't imagine anything bringing me down right now. 34 00:01:10,712 --> 00:01:11,879 You're not pregnant. 35 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:15,115 Well, that did it. 36 00:01:29,014 --> 00:01:31,015 Kids, this is the story of the 36 hours 37 00:01:31,016 --> 00:01:33,217 we all thought Lily was pregnant, 38 00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:35,886 and how it caused each of us to reexamine our own lives. 39 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,154 Because while this was happening... 40 00:01:37,155 --> 00:01:38,622 Are you sure you did it right? 41 00:01:38,623 --> 00:01:39,990 ...I was on the phone with Punchy, 42 00:01:39,991 --> 00:01:41,325 my best friend from high school, 43 00:01:41,326 --> 00:01:43,627 who had recently asked me to be his best man. 44 00:01:43,628 --> 00:01:45,229 Hey, Punchy, I've given this some serious thought. 45 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,097 I think I know how we can crush these 46 00:01:47,098 --> 00:01:48,198 floral arrangements. 47 00:01:48,199 --> 00:01:50,301 Ah, here it comes. Hit me up, Schmos! 48 00:01:50,302 --> 00:01:54,605 Peonies, lavender blossoms with a halo of baby's breath 49 00:01:54,606 --> 00:01:56,674 for an ambiance of springtime rejuvenation. 50 00:01:56,675 --> 00:01:58,409 ♪ Crushed it! ♪ 51 00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:00,077 That's exactly the accent of whimsy 52 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:01,879 this celebration of love needs! 53 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,114 It's gonna be a magical day. 54 00:02:04,115 --> 00:02:06,250 I know what you're thinking. 55 00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:08,419 I wish I was a dude. 56 00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:10,387 I do wish you were a dude. 57 00:02:10,388 --> 00:02:13,891 Because if I was a dude, I could have Ted Mosby as my best man. 58 00:02:13,892 --> 00:02:15,392 No, and here's why. 59 00:02:15,393 --> 00:02:17,661 Ted, the best man's job 60 00:02:17,662 --> 00:02:20,798 is not to crush the floral arrangements. 61 00:02:20,799 --> 00:02:22,333 It's to get the groom down the aisle, 62 00:02:22,334 --> 00:02:25,336 because, no matter who he is, he will freak out. 63 00:02:25,337 --> 00:02:27,671 And I just don't think you have what it takes 64 00:02:27,672 --> 00:02:29,640 to get that get that soldier to pick up his rifle 65 00:02:29,641 --> 00:02:30,841 and charge up the hill. 66 00:02:30,842 --> 00:02:32,910 Uh, are you forgetting I've done this before? 67 00:02:32,911 --> 00:02:34,244 I was Marshall's best man. 68 00:02:34,245 --> 00:02:35,846 And how did that go again? 69 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:40,684 Oh for one. 70 00:02:40,685 --> 00:02:42,453 Oh, come on. That wasn't my fault. 71 00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:45,089 And need I remind you, I gave a beautiful toast. 72 00:02:45,090 --> 00:02:46,190 Ted. 73 00:02:47,826 --> 00:02:51,128 Oh, do you take one to be your lawfully wedded wife? 74 00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:53,464 Oh, God, I'm freaking out. 75 00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:56,000 Why did I chose Ted to be my best man? 76 00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:57,801 Uh, yeah. It's hard to take criticism 77 00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:59,803 from someone who just recorded seven episodes 78 00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:01,739 of Million Dollar Heads or Tails. 79 00:03:01,740 --> 00:03:03,941 Kids, Million Dollar Heads or Tails 80 00:03:03,942 --> 00:03:05,409 was an extremely popular show 81 00:03:05,410 --> 00:03:07,344 with an extremely simple premise. 82 00:03:07,345 --> 00:03:09,346 All right, your practice flip came up 83 00:03:09,347 --> 00:03:10,347 tails... 84 00:03:10,348 --> 00:03:12,149 But our Vegas oddsmaker tells us 85 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,252 that the next toss is still just 50-50. 86 00:03:15,253 --> 00:03:16,720 And so, Jordan, 87 00:03:16,721 --> 00:03:18,722 for one million dollars... 88 00:03:19,524 --> 00:03:22,359 heads... or tails? 89 00:03:24,462 --> 00:03:27,965 What was the year of the coin again? 90 00:03:27,966 --> 00:03:29,633 Why this sudden obsession with Heads or Tails? 91 00:03:29,634 --> 00:03:31,402 Well, it turns out 92 00:03:31,403 --> 00:03:34,672 that Heads or Tails has a job opening. 93 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:36,940 Ta... heads. 94 00:03:36,941 --> 00:03:39,476 Marni, flip that coin. 95 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:41,345 Ooh! Damn! 96 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:43,747 So now, because of that incident, 97 00:03:43,748 --> 00:03:45,215 Heads or Tails is looking 98 00:03:45,216 --> 00:03:47,685 for a new currency rotation specialist. 99 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:49,186 You mean coin flip bimbo? 100 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:50,888 They're not bimbos! 101 00:03:50,889 --> 00:03:53,857 You auditioned, didn't you? 102 00:03:58,329 --> 00:03:59,730 And you're Canadian?! 103 00:03:59,731 --> 00:04:01,065 Mm. 104 00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:02,700 Robin, aside from that coin, 105 00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:05,269 this is the other thing that's flipping right now. 106 00:04:05,270 --> 00:04:06,870 What is my lid? 107 00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:08,939 For you. 108 00:04:08,940 --> 00:04:10,774 You're the new coin flip bimbo? 109 00:04:10,775 --> 00:04:12,609 Currency rotation specialist. 110 00:04:12,610 --> 00:04:14,845 Robin, you better check yourself 111 00:04:14,846 --> 00:04:17,047 before you trebek yourself. 112 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:18,248 You're a journalist! 113 00:04:18,249 --> 00:04:20,050 What is the matter with you? 114 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:21,452 Well, it's a national audience! 115 00:04:21,453 --> 00:04:23,053 I get to wear shiny dresses! 116 00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:24,321 Robin, 117 00:04:24,322 --> 00:04:26,757 have you forgotten about your New Year's resolution? 118 00:04:26,758 --> 00:04:30,661 I am never drinking again. 119 00:04:30,662 --> 00:04:31,962 No, before that. 120 00:04:31,963 --> 00:04:36,366 I am gonna finish this whole bottle tonight. 121 00:04:36,367 --> 00:04:37,768 Before that, too. 122 00:04:37,769 --> 00:04:39,136 I moved here 123 00:04:39,137 --> 00:04:41,238 to work for a big-time cable news channel 124 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:42,539 like World Wide News. 125 00:04:42,540 --> 00:04:43,941 - Mm-hmm. - Well, 126 00:04:43,942 --> 00:04:46,310 by this time next year, I will be wearing 127 00:04:46,311 --> 00:04:49,213 a World Wide News I.D. badge around my neck. 128 00:04:49,214 --> 00:04:51,215 And to show you that I'm serious, 129 00:04:51,216 --> 00:04:53,517 this is my first and only drink of the night. 130 00:04:53,518 --> 00:04:55,786 - Okay. - Okay? 131 00:04:56,688 --> 00:04:59,556 Oh, damn, that's smooth. 132 00:04:59,557 --> 00:05:02,159 I thought you finally got that interview at World Wide News. 133 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:05,095 Well, I did, but they only offered me a boring, 134 00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:07,598 low-paid, off-camera research job. 135 00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:09,900 Which could be a stepping stone to bigger things in your career. 136 00:05:09,901 --> 00:05:12,569 Well, so could Heads or Tails. 137 00:05:12,570 --> 00:05:14,471 The first currency rotation specialist went on 138 00:05:14,472 --> 00:05:18,008 to be a semi-finalist on The Bachelor, and then, 139 00:05:18,009 --> 00:05:20,811 she lost, like, a hundred pounds on The Biggest Loser, 140 00:05:20,812 --> 00:05:23,280 and now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab. 141 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:26,383 It seemed like there was no changing Robin's mind. 142 00:05:26,384 --> 00:05:28,485 But what we didn't know, in that moment, 143 00:05:28,486 --> 00:05:31,421 was that our world was about to be turned upside down. 144 00:05:31,422 --> 00:05:33,257 I'm pregnant. 145 00:05:33,258 --> 00:05:34,491 What?! 146 00:05:34,492 --> 00:05:36,293 Now, kids, when your friends have great news, 147 00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:38,462 you're happy for them... For, like, a millisecond. 148 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,798 And then you start thinking about yourself. 149 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:42,232 Oh, my God! 150 00:05:42,233 --> 00:05:44,601 They're really having a baby. 151 00:05:44,602 --> 00:05:46,403 What am I doing with my life? 152 00:05:46,404 --> 00:05:48,605 Starting Monday, I'm a currency rotation spe... 153 00:05:48,606 --> 00:05:49,973 Oh, who am I kidding? 154 00:05:49,974 --> 00:05:52,376 I'm a coin flip bimbo, and I'm still single. 155 00:05:52,377 --> 00:05:54,044 Okay, let's not go there, Scherbatsky. 156 00:05:54,045 --> 00:05:55,312 That's a whole other thing. 157 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,915 I've got to take that World Wide News job. 158 00:05:57,916 --> 00:06:01,251 And so, the next night, we had two things to celebrate. 159 00:06:01,252 --> 00:06:03,720 Well, you are looking at the new 160 00:06:03,721 --> 00:06:06,323 associate researcher at World Wide News. 161 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:08,292 Oh, my gosh. That's amazing news. 162 00:06:08,293 --> 00:06:09,960 What changed your mind? 163 00:06:09,961 --> 00:06:11,228 Marshall and Lily. 164 00:06:11,229 --> 00:06:12,496 I just realized that 165 00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:15,098 I am about to have a little niece who looks up to me. 166 00:06:15,099 --> 00:06:17,201 And I don't want to be sad aunt Robin, 167 00:06:17,202 --> 00:06:19,736 the aging coin flip bimbo who gives her the creeps. 168 00:06:19,737 --> 00:06:22,840 I want to be cool aunt Robin, the respected journalist... 169 00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:24,074 Who gives her beer. 170 00:06:24,075 --> 00:06:26,643 - What? - What? Oh. 171 00:06:27,579 --> 00:06:30,314 I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. 172 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:32,349 To Lily and Marshall. 173 00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:33,584 To Lily and Marshall. 174 00:06:33,585 --> 00:06:34,718 Well, thank you. 175 00:06:34,719 --> 00:06:36,820 I mean, we've never been happier. 176 00:06:36,821 --> 00:06:38,789 So the next day Robin called 177 00:06:38,790 --> 00:06:40,657 Heads or Tails to respectfully decline. 178 00:06:40,658 --> 00:06:43,327 Hi, Mr. Trebek. This is Robin Scherbatsky. 179 00:06:43,328 --> 00:06:44,862 But at that moment... 180 00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:45,996 You're not pregnant. 181 00:06:47,265 --> 00:06:49,566 As honored as I am by the offer, um... 182 00:06:51,402 --> 00:06:53,337 Oh, my God. 183 00:06:53,338 --> 00:06:55,272 They're not having a baby. 184 00:06:55,273 --> 00:06:58,108 What am I getting all up in my head about? 185 00:06:58,109 --> 00:07:00,177 That research job sounds hard. 186 00:07:00,178 --> 00:07:01,778 And I'm pretty. 187 00:07:01,779 --> 00:07:06,016 I'm really, really pretty. 188 00:07:07,852 --> 00:07:08,952 You are looking 189 00:07:08,953 --> 00:07:10,954 at the new coin flip bimbo. 190 00:07:18,455 --> 00:07:19,889 - You took the heads or tails job? - Yeah. 191 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:23,195 What about World Wide News, your I.D. badge? 192 00:07:23,196 --> 00:07:25,297 You made a New Year's resolution. 193 00:07:25,298 --> 00:07:28,500 Okay, I also said I would never make out with a garbage man. 194 00:07:28,501 --> 00:07:31,236 Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. 195 00:07:31,237 --> 00:07:33,605 What's with the gingerbread house? 196 00:07:33,606 --> 00:07:34,973 We're seeing a Christmas movie. 197 00:07:34,974 --> 00:07:38,043 It's a Christmas-themed movie snack. 198 00:07:38,044 --> 00:07:40,445 Let's hope Santa brings you a girlfriend this year, Teddy. 199 00:07:42,081 --> 00:07:43,482 Where the hell is Barney? 200 00:07:43,483 --> 00:07:44,716 Where was Barney? 201 00:07:44,717 --> 00:07:46,118 Let's back up again. 202 00:07:46,119 --> 00:07:47,953 You see, while this was going on... 203 00:07:47,954 --> 00:07:49,421 - It's positive. - It's positive?! 204 00:07:49,422 --> 00:07:50,589 ...this was happening. 205 00:07:50,590 --> 00:07:53,692 And now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab. 206 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,061 Hey, guys. 207 00:07:56,062 --> 00:07:58,063 A yuletide riddle. 208 00:07:58,064 --> 00:08:02,201 What is my second favorite word that begins with b-o-n? 209 00:08:02,202 --> 00:08:03,302 Bon Jovi? 210 00:08:03,303 --> 00:08:04,670 Yeah. 211 00:08:04,671 --> 00:08:07,706 What is my third favorite word that begins with b-o-n? 212 00:08:07,707 --> 00:08:09,374 Bonus. 213 00:08:09,375 --> 00:08:12,544 As in, my end-of-the-year bonus check. 214 00:08:13,847 --> 00:08:15,414 My God, Barney! 215 00:08:15,415 --> 00:08:17,316 I work for GNB, too. 216 00:08:17,317 --> 00:08:20,085 All I got was $15 gift card to Costa Coffee. 217 00:08:20,086 --> 00:08:21,353 And you earned it, buddy. 218 00:08:21,354 --> 00:08:24,223 Check out what I'm gonna buy for myself. 219 00:08:24,224 --> 00:08:26,925 The Dibiase. 220 00:08:26,926 --> 00:08:28,327 See those pinstripes? 221 00:08:28,328 --> 00:08:30,262 Diamonds. 222 00:08:30,263 --> 00:08:33,599 It is the uppest a person could ever suit. 223 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,768 Uh, has it ever occurred to you to give some of this to charity? 224 00:08:36,769 --> 00:08:39,671 Charity? You're seriously talking to me about charity? 225 00:08:39,672 --> 00:08:41,306 Dude, I am Mr. Charity. 226 00:08:41,307 --> 00:08:45,377 I frequently sleep with sixes, 227 00:08:45,378 --> 00:08:48,714 chubsters, over-thirties... 228 00:08:48,715 --> 00:08:52,651 I am the Bill and Melinda Gates of the sympathy bang. 229 00:08:53,453 --> 00:08:54,553 Hey, guys. 230 00:08:54,554 --> 00:08:55,821 - Hi. - Hey. 231 00:08:55,822 --> 00:08:56,822 Big announcement. 232 00:08:56,823 --> 00:08:57,990 Let me guess. 233 00:08:57,991 --> 00:08:59,358 You got a huge bonus check, too. 234 00:08:59,359 --> 00:09:01,393 No, just a $30 gift card to Costa Coffee. 235 00:09:01,394 --> 00:09:02,427 Thirty?! 236 00:09:02,428 --> 00:09:04,229 - I'm pregnant. - What?! 237 00:09:04,230 --> 00:09:06,899 - What?! - I've never seen that woman before in my life! 238 00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:08,567 Sorry, force of habit. 239 00:09:08,568 --> 00:09:09,968 Congratulations! 240 00:09:10,837 --> 00:09:12,771 Huh. Marshall and Lily are 241 00:09:12,772 --> 00:09:14,172 doing something meaningful. 242 00:09:14,173 --> 00:09:16,942 And it's making me less happy about this bonus. 243 00:09:16,943 --> 00:09:18,844 And I'm still single. 244 00:09:18,845 --> 00:09:20,646 At least I got that going for me. 245 00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:23,849 So why do I still feel outside of awesome looking in? 246 00:09:23,850 --> 00:09:26,952 What am I doing with my life? 247 00:09:26,953 --> 00:09:29,321 We've never been happier. 248 00:09:29,322 --> 00:09:31,590 I can't imagine bringing me down right now. 249 00:09:31,591 --> 00:09:34,459 Oh, Marshall, you only think you're happy. 250 00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:35,928 Just wait, because tonight, 251 00:09:35,929 --> 00:09:39,197 is Barney's Favorite Things! 252 00:09:45,972 --> 00:09:49,174 That was the reaction Barney expected. 253 00:09:49,175 --> 00:09:51,510 This was the one he got. 254 00:09:51,511 --> 00:09:53,745 - Huh? - I don't know what that is. 255 00:09:53,746 --> 00:09:55,881 Barney's Favorite Things! 256 00:09:55,882 --> 00:10:00,385 I'm gonna give you all a bunch of free stuff... like Oprah. 257 00:10:00,386 --> 00:10:01,720 Just get excited, okay? 258 00:10:01,721 --> 00:10:03,789 The next hour got pretty weird. 259 00:10:03,790 --> 00:10:07,092 Velour track suits! 260 00:10:07,093 --> 00:10:08,927 - Velour is so comfortable. - They're so soft. 261 00:10:08,928 --> 00:10:11,697 Remote control helicopters! 262 00:10:14,534 --> 00:10:16,001 Condoms! 263 00:10:18,871 --> 00:10:20,672 And last but not least... 264 00:10:20,673 --> 00:10:23,709 There is a fleet of limos outside 265 00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:26,845 waiting to take us to... 266 00:10:26,846 --> 00:10:28,747 a strip club! 267 00:10:32,085 --> 00:10:34,987 You get a lap dance! You get a lap dance! 268 00:10:34,988 --> 00:10:36,855 You're gonna give me a lap dance! 269 00:10:36,856 --> 00:10:40,392 Everybody gets a lap dance! 270 00:10:42,061 --> 00:10:43,462 That was amazing! 271 00:10:43,463 --> 00:10:45,597 It was like a diamond suit for my soul. 272 00:10:45,598 --> 00:10:47,532 I gotta keep going. I gotta do more. 273 00:10:47,533 --> 00:10:49,768 No. No! I cannot go back to that strip club. 274 00:10:49,769 --> 00:10:52,371 I seen some things. 275 00:10:52,372 --> 00:10:54,239 I'm not going back either. 276 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:58,443 I'm taking the rest of my bonus to God's strip club. 277 00:10:58,444 --> 00:11:00,212 The next day, he paid a visit 278 00:11:00,213 --> 00:11:01,680 to the most charitable man he knew, 279 00:11:01,681 --> 00:11:03,448 his half-brother's father, Sam Gibbs, 280 00:11:03,449 --> 00:11:05,584 a minister at a church out on Long Island. 281 00:11:05,585 --> 00:11:06,985 Sam. 282 00:11:06,986 --> 00:11:08,086 Uh, father. 283 00:11:08,087 --> 00:11:09,888 I... I don't mean father father. 284 00:11:09,889 --> 00:11:11,223 Unless... 285 00:11:11,224 --> 00:11:12,257 What's up, Barney? 286 00:11:12,258 --> 00:11:13,959 I'm thinking about 287 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,827 giving some money to charity. 288 00:11:15,828 --> 00:11:18,296 Is that the name of the stripper you've been e-mailing me about? 289 00:11:18,297 --> 00:11:20,399 You got to take me off that list, Barney. 290 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,402 No, I don't mean that charity. 291 00:11:23,403 --> 00:11:25,003 That Charity is doing peachy. 292 00:11:25,004 --> 00:11:27,806 You'll see pics of the two of them in next week's e-mail. 293 00:11:27,807 --> 00:11:29,141 - What up! - Barney, 294 00:11:29,142 --> 00:11:30,942 I'm a minister. 295 00:11:30,943 --> 00:11:32,978 Unsubscribe. 296 00:11:32,979 --> 00:11:35,414 I... I recently started giving, 297 00:11:35,415 --> 00:11:37,082 and it felt surprisingly good. 298 00:11:37,083 --> 00:11:38,583 I want to do more. 299 00:11:38,584 --> 00:11:39,751 Well, now you're talking. 300 00:11:39,752 --> 00:11:42,020 We have this program that helps those in need 301 00:11:42,021 --> 00:11:43,288 get back on their feet. 302 00:11:43,289 --> 00:11:45,957 We give them food, a place to live, 303 00:11:45,958 --> 00:11:47,726 clothes for job interviews. 304 00:11:47,727 --> 00:11:52,130 Well, I would love to help by writing a check 305 00:11:52,131 --> 00:11:57,636 for... one, zero, zero, zero... 306 00:11:57,637 --> 00:11:58,603 You're not pregnant. 307 00:11:59,605 --> 00:12:00,605 ...zero... 308 00:12:01,674 --> 00:12:04,209 Woops. Hold on a second. 309 00:12:06,145 --> 00:12:07,913 Wait. They're not doing 310 00:12:07,914 --> 00:12:09,614 something meaningful with their lives. 311 00:12:09,615 --> 00:12:11,783 Well, this changes everything. 312 00:12:11,784 --> 00:12:14,786 Oh, no, I've already written four zeroes. 313 00:12:15,721 --> 00:12:18,890 Thank you, decimal point. 314 00:12:18,891 --> 00:12:22,494 One hundred dollars. 315 00:12:22,495 --> 00:12:25,530 That's great! 316 00:12:25,531 --> 00:12:27,065 Thank you, Barney! 317 00:12:30,169 --> 00:12:33,805 Diamond suited up. 318 00:12:34,707 --> 00:12:36,341 Hey, Ted, can you spot me for the movie? 319 00:12:36,342 --> 00:12:38,677 I don't like to carry a lot of cash on me. 320 00:12:42,994 --> 00:12:44,428 What happened to giving the money away? 321 00:12:44,429 --> 00:12:45,963 Yeah, that was back when Lily was pregnant. 322 00:12:45,964 --> 00:12:46,897 Now she's not. 323 00:12:46,898 --> 00:12:49,767 Ergo, a suit is born. 324 00:12:50,368 --> 00:12:51,468 Dude, what's up with 325 00:12:51,469 --> 00:12:53,203 the gingerbread house? You look ridiculous! 326 00:12:53,204 --> 00:12:55,272 It's a Christmas-themed movie snack! 327 00:12:55,273 --> 00:12:57,675 Ah, I know that move. 328 00:12:57,676 --> 00:12:59,243 You cut a hole in the floor, 329 00:12:59,244 --> 00:13:01,812 she reaches into the living room, finds the tree... 330 00:13:01,813 --> 00:13:04,114 ♪ O holy night. ♪ 331 00:13:04,115 --> 00:13:05,382 Nice. 332 00:13:05,884 --> 00:13:06,884 Where the hell 333 00:13:06,885 --> 00:13:08,419 are Marshall and Lily? 334 00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:10,254 Let's back up one last time. 335 00:13:10,255 --> 00:13:11,522 I'm pregnant. 336 00:13:11,523 --> 00:13:13,157 - What?! - What?! 337 00:13:13,158 --> 00:13:15,092 I've never seen that woman before in my life! 338 00:13:15,093 --> 00:13:16,193 Sorry, force of habit. 339 00:13:16,194 --> 00:13:18,128 Congratulations! 340 00:13:18,129 --> 00:13:19,463 This is great. 341 00:13:19,464 --> 00:13:20,864 I'm happy. 342 00:13:20,865 --> 00:13:22,800 I'm so happy, my heart's pounding. 343 00:13:22,801 --> 00:13:24,268 And I'm sweating. 344 00:13:24,269 --> 00:13:25,869 And I can't breathe. 345 00:13:25,870 --> 00:13:27,705 This is what happiness feels like, right? 346 00:13:27,706 --> 00:13:29,206 Oh, crap. 347 00:13:29,207 --> 00:13:31,175 Lily's having a baby and I'm having a panic attack. 348 00:13:31,176 --> 00:13:33,277 I hope she can't tell what I'm thinking right now. 349 00:13:33,278 --> 00:13:34,611 I can. 350 00:13:34,612 --> 00:13:35,979 And I'm freaking out, too! 351 00:13:35,980 --> 00:13:37,614 There's an alien growing in my stomach 352 00:13:37,615 --> 00:13:39,683 that's gonna explode out of my vagina! 353 00:13:39,684 --> 00:13:41,552 Do you think the others can tell we're freaking out? 354 00:13:41,553 --> 00:13:43,387 What am I doing with my life? 355 00:13:43,388 --> 00:13:44,988 What am I doing with my life? 356 00:13:44,989 --> 00:13:48,292 I should get a Christmas-themed movie snack for tomorrow night. 357 00:13:48,293 --> 00:13:49,426 They're totally onto us. 358 00:13:49,427 --> 00:13:50,561 What do we do? 359 00:13:50,562 --> 00:13:52,162 Just keep smiling, maybe wave. 360 00:13:52,163 --> 00:13:53,263 No, don't wave! 361 00:13:53,264 --> 00:13:54,264 That makes no sense! 362 00:13:54,265 --> 00:13:55,466 I'm committed. 363 00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:56,867 I'm riding this wave straight to hell. 364 00:13:56,868 --> 00:13:58,802 Let's leave, then the waving will make sense. 365 00:13:58,803 --> 00:14:01,739 So Marshall and Lily headed home. 366 00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:03,741 Lily, we have to relax. 367 00:14:03,742 --> 00:14:05,275 There's no need to panic. 368 00:14:05,276 --> 00:14:06,377 True, there's a lot to do, 369 00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:07,678 but we've got nine months to prepare. 370 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:10,080 So I say that we just make a list of everything 371 00:14:10,081 --> 00:14:12,015 that needs to get done before the baby arrives 372 00:14:12,016 --> 00:14:13,584 and do everything on that list tonight! 373 00:14:13,585 --> 00:14:15,619 Let's do it! 374 00:14:15,620 --> 00:14:16,920 Uh-huh, got it. 375 00:14:16,921 --> 00:14:18,322 Okay, that seems easy. 376 00:14:18,323 --> 00:14:20,190 Nursery's painted! 377 00:14:20,191 --> 00:14:21,825 Blue? What if it's a girl? 378 00:14:21,826 --> 00:14:22,793 Damn it! 379 00:14:36,207 --> 00:14:37,641 Oh, God, it's 8:00! 380 00:14:37,642 --> 00:14:39,543 We're supposed to meet the gang at the bar to celebrate. 381 00:14:39,544 --> 00:14:40,711 Oh, God. Okay, listen. 382 00:14:40,712 --> 00:14:42,746 When we meet them, we have to keep it together. 383 00:14:42,747 --> 00:14:43,747 Can you keep it together?! 384 00:14:43,748 --> 00:14:45,349 No, I can't keep it together! 385 00:14:45,350 --> 00:14:48,619 I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. 386 00:14:49,687 --> 00:14:50,754 To Lily and Marshall. 387 00:14:50,755 --> 00:14:52,156 Lily and Marshall. 388 00:14:52,157 --> 00:14:53,157 Well, thank you. 389 00:14:53,158 --> 00:14:56,026 I mean, we've never been happier. 390 00:14:56,027 --> 00:14:57,628 This is a nightmare! 391 00:14:57,629 --> 00:14:59,329 We've done everything wrong! 392 00:15:00,799 --> 00:15:03,033 The iPod was on shuffle! 393 00:15:04,102 --> 00:15:05,135 The Jerky Boys! 394 00:15:05,136 --> 00:15:07,304 Our baby heard The Jerky Boys! 395 00:15:07,305 --> 00:15:08,806 You know what, The Jerky Boys are funny. 396 00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:11,375 The Jerky Boys aren't funny, they are awful. 397 00:15:11,376 --> 00:15:12,743 You know what, fine, if you don't think 398 00:15:12,744 --> 00:15:14,344 The Jerky Boys are funny, then I'm not sure 399 00:15:14,345 --> 00:15:16,113 that I can raise a child with you, liver lips. 400 00:15:17,982 --> 00:15:19,550 Marshall, I don't like this. 401 00:15:19,551 --> 00:15:20,684 I know. Okay? 402 00:15:20,685 --> 00:15:22,419 I don't like it either. 403 00:15:22,420 --> 00:15:25,289 It's like I have a hot, burning 404 00:15:25,290 --> 00:15:28,025 ball of stress in my chest, 405 00:15:28,026 --> 00:15:29,860 and nothing will make it go away! 406 00:15:29,861 --> 00:15:31,028 You're not pregnant. 407 00:15:31,029 --> 00:15:32,863 Well, that did it. 408 00:15:32,864 --> 00:15:36,066 I know this probably comes as quite a disappointment. 409 00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:39,102 Yeah. 410 00:15:39,103 --> 00:15:40,671 Huge bummer. 411 00:15:40,672 --> 00:15:42,606 So disappointing. 412 00:15:44,409 --> 00:15:45,442 Hey. 413 00:15:45,443 --> 00:15:46,410 Hey. 414 00:15:46,411 --> 00:15:47,344 Are you guys okay? 415 00:15:47,345 --> 00:15:48,545 - Huh? - Yeah. 416 00:15:48,546 --> 00:15:51,081 Why wouldn't we be? Oh, the baby thing. 417 00:15:51,082 --> 00:15:52,549 Oh, yeah, whatever. 418 00:15:52,550 --> 00:15:54,318 Oh, Christmas-themed movie snack. Nice. 419 00:15:54,319 --> 00:15:56,920 Don't reach into the living room! 420 00:15:59,691 --> 00:16:01,892 Wow, I... I thought you guys would be devastated. 421 00:16:01,893 --> 00:16:03,260 Oh. 422 00:16:03,261 --> 00:16:05,662 You know, we're actually kind of relieved. 423 00:16:05,663 --> 00:16:07,931 We were freaking out for about a day and a half there. 424 00:16:07,932 --> 00:16:10,200 Yeah, this whole thing got us thinking. 425 00:16:10,201 --> 00:16:12,202 Maybe we're not ready for kids yet after all. 426 00:16:12,203 --> 00:16:14,338 Yeah, we were thinking maybe we would just get a dog. 427 00:16:14,339 --> 00:16:15,405 Get a puppy! 428 00:16:15,406 --> 00:16:16,607 Can you imagine... 429 00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:18,709 That would be the cutest thing! 430 00:16:18,710 --> 00:16:20,444 No! 431 00:16:20,445 --> 00:16:22,479 Oh. Our movie snack. 432 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,414 Are you kidding me?! 433 00:16:24,415 --> 00:16:26,683 All you ever talk about is having kids! 434 00:16:26,684 --> 00:16:28,318 And now you have one little freak-out 435 00:16:28,319 --> 00:16:30,120 and you want to get a dog instead?! 436 00:16:30,121 --> 00:16:31,655 No. Unacceptable! 437 00:16:31,656 --> 00:16:32,789 You're gonna turn around, 438 00:16:32,790 --> 00:16:34,791 you're gonna go home, get naked, 439 00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:37,594 lie together as man and wife until Lily is great with child. 440 00:16:37,595 --> 00:16:38,795 Right now! 441 00:16:39,497 --> 00:16:41,064 I'm serious! Go, go, go! 442 00:16:43,468 --> 00:16:45,769 Marshall and Lily got in trouble. 443 00:16:45,770 --> 00:16:47,504 - And you! - Ooh. 444 00:16:47,505 --> 00:16:49,673 Barney, you look real stupid in that suit. 445 00:16:49,674 --> 00:16:52,209 You're gonna go get your money back and give it to charity. 446 00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:54,511 And I don't mean that stripper you keep e-mailing us about, 447 00:16:54,512 --> 00:16:56,847 even though we beg you to take us off that list. 448 00:16:56,848 --> 00:16:59,383 I can't give this suit back. 449 00:16:59,384 --> 00:17:00,884 Ted, I glow in the dark. 450 00:17:00,885 --> 00:17:02,853 I finally glow in the dark! 451 00:17:02,854 --> 00:17:05,789 Criminals of New York! Attention! 452 00:17:05,790 --> 00:17:08,525 This man is wearing a diamond-covered suit! 453 00:17:08,526 --> 00:17:09,526 You could retire 454 00:17:09,527 --> 00:17:10,694 on the pants alone! 455 00:17:10,695 --> 00:17:12,696 Merry Christmas! 456 00:17:16,968 --> 00:17:19,503 So, if I get a large popcorn, you want to go split-skees or... 457 00:17:19,504 --> 00:17:20,837 And you... 458 00:17:21,372 --> 00:17:22,739 You did not move 459 00:17:22,740 --> 00:17:25,742 to the greatest city on earth to become a coin-flipping bimbo. 460 00:17:25,743 --> 00:17:27,711 So here's how it's gonna work: 461 00:17:27,712 --> 00:17:29,913 heads, you take the job at World Wide News; 462 00:17:29,914 --> 00:17:31,982 tails, you take the job at World Wide News. 463 00:17:31,983 --> 00:17:33,550 Ow! 464 00:17:33,551 --> 00:17:35,719 Hey, looks like somebody got a new gig! 465 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:38,388 Fine, I'll call them tomorrow. 466 00:17:38,389 --> 00:17:40,524 I'll call them right now. 467 00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:43,860 Hello. 468 00:17:43,861 --> 00:17:45,028 Ted, I can't get married! 469 00:17:45,029 --> 00:17:46,129 Yes, you can! You love her! 470 00:17:46,130 --> 00:17:47,731 You're right, I do! Thanks, Ted! 471 00:17:56,074 --> 00:17:58,542 One for It's a Wonderful Life, please. 472 00:18:00,411 --> 00:18:02,479 Thank you. 473 00:18:04,949 --> 00:18:07,150 Hi. 474 00:18:13,458 --> 00:18:15,759 We're idiots. 475 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,628 This kid doesn't stand a chance. 476 00:18:20,031 --> 00:18:22,799 - We're ready for this. - We're ready for this. 477 00:18:24,502 --> 00:18:27,237 Wow. 478 00:18:27,238 --> 00:18:29,339 That's a lot of zeroes. 479 00:18:29,340 --> 00:18:31,408 Y... you sure you're not missing a decimal point? 480 00:18:31,409 --> 00:18:32,676 Nope. 481 00:18:32,677 --> 00:18:34,444 And that's the tour. 482 00:18:34,445 --> 00:18:37,147 Uh, staff meeting's at noon, you'll meet everyone there, 483 00:18:37,148 --> 00:18:38,582 but first you need to head down to security. 484 00:18:38,583 --> 00:18:40,517 You need to get your picture taken. 485 00:18:40,518 --> 00:18:42,085 For your I.D. badge. 486 00:18:42,086 --> 00:18:44,988 Oh. 487 00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:48,625 You sure? 488 00:18:48,626 --> 00:18:50,794 Positive. 489 00:18:54,098 --> 00:18:55,165 And there's more. 490 00:18:55,166 --> 00:18:56,733 Do you still do that thing where you give 491 00:18:56,734 --> 00:18:58,101 people in need clothes for job interviews? 492 00:18:58,102 --> 00:18:59,002 Yeah. Why? 493 00:18:59,003 --> 00:19:01,938 Bring 'em in, boys! 494 00:19:10,048 --> 00:19:12,249 Merry Christmas. 495 00:19:12,250 --> 00:19:14,551 - Thank you, son. - Son?! 496 00:19:14,552 --> 00:19:16,653 It's just an expression. I'm still not your dad. 497 00:19:26,164 --> 00:19:27,564 Congratulations. 498 00:19:27,565 --> 00:19:29,966 You know, that was really cool what you did. 499 00:19:30,535 --> 00:19:31,501 When we all needed it, 500 00:19:31,502 --> 00:19:32,903 you got us back on the right path. 501 00:19:32,904 --> 00:19:35,806 It's what I do. 502 00:19:35,807 --> 00:19:38,275 Hey, Ted, if I, um, if I ever get married 503 00:19:38,276 --> 00:19:40,010 and you're not the guy I'm marrying... 504 00:19:40,011 --> 00:19:41,411 Big mistake, but go on. 505 00:19:41,412 --> 00:19:43,680 ...I could really use someone like you. 506 00:19:43,681 --> 00:19:45,315 You know, in case I freak out. 507 00:19:45,316 --> 00:19:47,050 When I freak out. 508 00:19:47,051 --> 00:19:48,285 You interested? 509 00:19:48,286 --> 00:19:51,555 Are you asking what I think you're asking? 510 00:19:51,556 --> 00:19:54,725 Ted, will you be my best man? 511 00:19:54,726 --> 00:19:57,260 Scherbatsky... 512 00:19:57,261 --> 00:19:58,995 I'm gonna crush it. 513 00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:08,370 Hi, there. 514 00:20:08,371 --> 00:20:09,671 We've had a lot of fun tonight, 515 00:20:09,672 --> 00:20:12,040 but on a more serious note, this is the time of year 516 00:20:12,041 --> 00:20:14,209 when we remember the importance of giving. 517 00:20:14,210 --> 00:20:18,446 And there's no greater gift than the gift of booty. 518 00:20:18,447 --> 00:20:23,185 So, this holiday season, why not bang someone in need? 519 00:20:23,186 --> 00:20:25,887 I'm Barney Stinson, and that's... 520 00:20:25,888 --> 00:20:27,689 one to grow on. 521 00:20:27,690 --> 00:20:28,857 Um, no. 522 00:20:30,459 --> 00:20:34,394 Hi, there. You know, we've had a lot of fun tonight...