1 00:00:02,342 --> 00:00:04,844 In December of 2010, my friends and I decided 2 00:00:04,845 --> 00:00:07,413 to go see It's a Wonderful Life on the big screen. 3 00:00:07,414 --> 00:00:09,248 It seemed like something we all needed. 4 00:00:09,249 --> 00:00:11,818 After all, it had been a crazy couple of days. 5 00:00:11,819 --> 00:00:13,319 It all started... 6 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,688 with a pregnancy test. 7 00:00:15,689 --> 00:00:17,990 This is taking forever. Are you sure you did it right? 8 00:00:17,991 --> 00:00:20,626 Is there a wrong way to pee on a stick? 9 00:00:20,627 --> 00:00:24,463 Hey, can I ask you a question that's plagued me for years? 10 00:00:24,464 --> 00:00:25,731 Can girls aim? 11 00:00:25,732 --> 00:00:27,233 Um, can boys aim? 12 00:00:27,234 --> 00:00:29,569 'Cause it seems to me like I'm taking a mop 13 00:00:29,570 --> 00:00:31,070 to that bathroom floor every two days. 14 00:00:31,071 --> 00:00:33,172 Okay, you're the one who put the Far Side calendar 15 00:00:33,173 --> 00:00:34,473 up over the toilet. 16 00:00:34,474 --> 00:00:36,509 You know I laugh with my whole body. 17 00:00:36,510 --> 00:00:39,178 It's been two minutes. 18 00:00:42,216 --> 00:00:45,518 One, two, three. 19 00:00:46,753 --> 00:00:49,222 - It's positive. - It's positive? It's positive? 20 00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:50,256 - It's positive. - It's positive? 21 00:00:50,257 --> 00:00:51,257 It's positive! 22 00:00:51,258 --> 00:00:52,458 It's positive! 23 00:00:52,459 --> 00:00:53,926 Whoa! 24 00:00:53,927 --> 00:00:55,161 Whoa! 25 00:00:55,162 --> 00:00:56,863 I'm pregnant. 26 00:00:56,864 --> 00:00:58,030 What?! 27 00:00:58,031 --> 00:00:59,799 I've never seen that woman before in my life! 28 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,201 Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations! 29 00:01:03,370 --> 00:01:04,971 To Lily and Marshall. 30 00:01:04,972 --> 00:01:06,205 To Lily and Marshall. 31 00:01:06,206 --> 00:01:07,306 Well, thank you. 32 00:01:07,307 --> 00:01:09,375 - I mean, we've never been happier. - Mm. 33 00:01:09,376 --> 00:01:12,011 Can't imagine anything bringing me down right now. 34 00:01:12,012 --> 00:01:13,179 You're not pregnant. 35 00:01:13,180 --> 00:01:16,415 Well, that did it. 36 00:01:30,314 --> 00:01:32,315 Kids, this is the story of the 36 hours 37 00:01:32,316 --> 00:01:34,517 we all thought Lily was pregnant, 38 00:01:34,518 --> 00:01:37,186 and how it caused each of us to reexamine our own lives. 39 00:01:37,187 --> 00:01:38,454 Because while this was happening... 40 00:01:38,455 --> 00:01:39,922 Are you sure you did it right? 41 00:01:39,923 --> 00:01:41,290 ...I was on the phone with Punchy, 42 00:01:41,291 --> 00:01:42,625 my best friend from high school, 43 00:01:42,626 --> 00:01:44,927 who had recently asked me to be his best man. 44 00:01:44,928 --> 00:01:46,529 Hey, Punchy, I've given this some serious thought. 45 00:01:46,530 --> 00:01:48,397 I think I know how we can crush these 46 00:01:48,398 --> 00:01:49,498 floral arrangements. 47 00:01:49,499 --> 00:01:51,601 Ah, here it comes. Hit me up, Schmos! 48 00:01:51,602 --> 00:01:55,905 Peonies, lavender blossoms with a halo of baby's breath 49 00:01:55,906 --> 00:01:57,974 for an ambiance of springtime rejuvenation. 50 00:01:57,975 --> 00:01:59,709 ♪ Crushed it! ♪ 51 00:01:59,710 --> 00:02:01,377 That's exactly the accent of whimsy 52 00:02:01,378 --> 00:02:03,179 this celebration of love needs! 53 00:02:03,180 --> 00:02:05,414 It's gonna be a magical day. 54 00:02:05,415 --> 00:02:07,550 I know what you're thinking. 55 00:02:07,551 --> 00:02:09,719 I wish I was a dude. 56 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:11,687 I do wish you were a dude. 57 00:02:11,688 --> 00:02:15,191 Because if I was a dude, I could have Ted Mosby as my best man. 58 00:02:15,192 --> 00:02:16,692 No, and here's why. 59 00:02:16,693 --> 00:02:18,961 Ted, the best man's job 60 00:02:18,962 --> 00:02:22,098 is not to crush the floral arrangements. 61 00:02:22,099 --> 00:02:23,633 It's to get the groom down the aisle, 62 00:02:23,634 --> 00:02:26,636 because, no matter who he is, he will freak out. 63 00:02:26,637 --> 00:02:28,971 And I just don't think you have what it takes 64 00:02:28,972 --> 00:02:30,940 to get that get that soldier to pick up his rifle 65 00:02:30,941 --> 00:02:32,141 and charge up the hill. 66 00:02:32,142 --> 00:02:34,210 Uh, are you forgetting I've done this before? 67 00:02:34,211 --> 00:02:35,544 I was Marshall's best man. 68 00:02:35,545 --> 00:02:37,146 And how did that go again? 69 00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:41,984 Oh for one. 70 00:02:41,985 --> 00:02:43,753 Oh, come on. That wasn't my fault. 71 00:02:43,754 --> 00:02:46,389 And need I remind you, I gave a beautiful toast. 72 00:02:46,390 --> 00:02:47,490 Ted. 73 00:02:49,126 --> 00:02:52,428 Oh, do you take one to be your lawfully wedded wife? 74 00:02:53,096 --> 00:02:54,764 Oh, God, I'm freaking out. 75 00:02:54,765 --> 00:02:57,300 Why did I chose Ted to be my best man? 76 00:02:57,301 --> 00:02:59,101 Uh, yeah. It's hard to take criticism 77 00:02:59,102 --> 00:03:01,103 from someone who just recorded seven episodes 78 00:03:01,104 --> 00:03:03,039 of Million Dollar Heads or Tails. 79 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,241 Kids, Million Dollar Heads or Tails 80 00:03:05,242 --> 00:03:06,709 was an extremely popular show 81 00:03:06,710 --> 00:03:08,644 with an extremely simple premise. 82 00:03:08,645 --> 00:03:10,646 All right, your practice flip came up 83 00:03:10,647 --> 00:03:11,647 tails... 84 00:03:11,648 --> 00:03:13,449 But our Vegas oddsmaker tells us 85 00:03:13,450 --> 00:03:16,552 that the next toss is still just 50-50. 86 00:03:16,553 --> 00:03:18,020 And so, Jordan, 87 00:03:18,021 --> 00:03:20,022 for one million dollars... 88 00:03:20,824 --> 00:03:23,659 heads... or tails? 89 00:03:25,762 --> 00:03:29,265 What was the year of the coin again? 90 00:03:29,266 --> 00:03:30,933 Why this sudden obsession with Heads or Tails? 91 00:03:30,934 --> 00:03:32,702 Well, it turns out 92 00:03:32,703 --> 00:03:35,972 that Heads or Tails has a job opening. 93 00:03:36,940 --> 00:03:38,240 Ta... heads. 94 00:03:38,241 --> 00:03:40,776 Marni, flip that coin. 95 00:03:41,478 --> 00:03:42,645 Ooh! Damn! 96 00:03:43,647 --> 00:03:45,047 So now, because of that incident, 97 00:03:45,048 --> 00:03:46,515 Heads or Tails is looking 98 00:03:46,516 --> 00:03:48,985 for a new currency rotation specialist. 99 00:03:48,986 --> 00:03:50,486 You mean coin flip bimbo? 100 00:03:50,487 --> 00:03:52,188 They're not bimbos! 101 00:03:52,189 --> 00:03:55,157 You auditioned, didn't you? 102 00:03:59,629 --> 00:04:01,030 And you're Canadian?! 103 00:04:01,031 --> 00:04:02,365 Mm. 104 00:04:02,366 --> 00:04:04,000 Robin, aside from that coin, 105 00:04:04,001 --> 00:04:06,569 this is the other thing that's flipping right now. 106 00:04:06,570 --> 00:04:08,170 What is my lid? 107 00:04:08,171 --> 00:04:10,239 For you. 108 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:12,074 You're the new coin flip bimbo? 109 00:04:12,075 --> 00:04:13,909 Currency rotation specialist. 110 00:04:13,910 --> 00:04:16,145 Robin, you better check yourself 111 00:04:16,146 --> 00:04:18,347 before you trebek yourself. 112 00:04:18,348 --> 00:04:19,548 You're a journalist! 113 00:04:19,549 --> 00:04:21,350 What is the matter with you? 114 00:04:21,351 --> 00:04:22,752 Well, it's a national audience! 115 00:04:22,753 --> 00:04:24,353 I get to wear shiny dresses! 116 00:04:24,354 --> 00:04:25,621 Robin, 117 00:04:25,622 --> 00:04:28,057 have you forgotten about your New Year's resolution? 118 00:04:28,058 --> 00:04:31,961 I am never drinking again. 119 00:04:31,962 --> 00:04:33,262 No, before that. 120 00:04:33,263 --> 00:04:37,666 I am gonna finish this whole bottle tonight. 121 00:04:37,667 --> 00:04:39,068 Before that, too. 122 00:04:39,069 --> 00:04:40,436 I moved here 123 00:04:40,437 --> 00:04:42,538 to work for a big-time cable news channel 124 00:04:42,539 --> 00:04:43,839 like World Wide News. 125 00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:45,241 - Mm-hmm. - Well, 126 00:04:45,242 --> 00:04:47,610 by this time next year, I will be wearing 127 00:04:47,611 --> 00:04:50,513 a World Wide News I.D. badge around my neck. 128 00:04:50,514 --> 00:04:52,515 And to show you that I'm serious, 129 00:04:52,516 --> 00:04:54,817 this is my first and only drink of the night. 130 00:04:54,818 --> 00:04:57,086 - Okay. - Okay? 131 00:04:57,988 --> 00:05:00,856 Oh, damn, that's smooth. 132 00:05:00,857 --> 00:05:03,459 I thought you finally got that interview at World Wide News. 133 00:05:03,460 --> 00:05:06,395 Well, I did, but they only offered me a boring, 134 00:05:06,396 --> 00:05:08,898 low-paid, off-camera research job. 135 00:05:08,899 --> 00:05:11,200 Which could be a stepping stone to bigger things in your career. 136 00:05:11,201 --> 00:05:13,869 Well, so could Heads or Tails. 137 00:05:13,870 --> 00:05:15,771 The first currency rotation specialist went on 138 00:05:15,772 --> 00:05:19,308 to be a semi-finalist on The Bachelor, and then, 139 00:05:19,309 --> 00:05:22,111 she lost, like, a hundred pounds on The Biggest Loser, 140 00:05:22,112 --> 00:05:24,580 and now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab. 141 00:05:24,581 --> 00:05:27,683 It seemed like there was no changing Robin's mind. 142 00:05:27,684 --> 00:05:29,785 But what we didn't know, in that moment, 143 00:05:29,786 --> 00:05:32,721 was that our world was about to be turned upside down. 144 00:05:32,722 --> 00:05:34,557 I'm pregnant. 145 00:05:34,558 --> 00:05:35,791 What?! 146 00:05:35,792 --> 00:05:37,593 Now, kids, when your friends have great news, 147 00:05:37,594 --> 00:05:39,762 you're happy for them... For, like, a millisecond. 148 00:05:39,763 --> 00:05:42,098 And then you start thinking about yourself. 149 00:05:42,099 --> 00:05:43,532 Oh, my God! 150 00:05:43,533 --> 00:05:45,901 They're really having a baby. 151 00:05:45,902 --> 00:05:47,703 What am I doing with my life? 152 00:05:47,704 --> 00:05:49,905 Starting Monday, I'm a currency rotation spe... 153 00:05:49,906 --> 00:05:51,273 Oh, who am I kidding? 154 00:05:51,274 --> 00:05:53,676 I'm a coin flip bimbo, and I'm still single. 155 00:05:53,677 --> 00:05:55,344 Okay, let's not go there, Scherbatsky. 156 00:05:55,345 --> 00:05:56,612 That's a whole other thing. 157 00:05:56,613 --> 00:05:59,215 I've got to take that World Wide News job. 158 00:05:59,216 --> 00:06:02,551 And so, the next night, we had two things to celebrate. 159 00:06:02,552 --> 00:06:05,020 Well, you are looking at the new 160 00:06:05,021 --> 00:06:07,623 associate researcher at World Wide News. 161 00:06:07,624 --> 00:06:09,592 Oh, my gosh. That's amazing news. 162 00:06:09,593 --> 00:06:11,260 What changed your mind? 163 00:06:11,261 --> 00:06:12,528 Marshall and Lily. 164 00:06:12,529 --> 00:06:13,796 I just realized that 165 00:06:13,797 --> 00:06:16,398 I am about to have a little niece who looks up to me. 166 00:06:16,399 --> 00:06:18,501 And I don't want to be sad aunt Robin, 167 00:06:18,502 --> 00:06:21,036 the aging coin flip bimbo who gives her the creeps. 168 00:06:21,037 --> 00:06:24,140 I want to be cool aunt Robin, the respected journalist... 169 00:06:24,141 --> 00:06:25,374 Who gives her beer. 170 00:06:25,375 --> 00:06:27,943 - What? - What? Oh. 171 00:06:28,879 --> 00:06:31,614 I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. 172 00:06:32,649 --> 00:06:33,649 To Lily and Marshall. 173 00:06:33,650 --> 00:06:34,884 To Lily and Marshall. 174 00:06:34,885 --> 00:06:36,018 Well, thank you. 175 00:06:36,019 --> 00:06:38,120 I mean, we've never been happier. 176 00:06:38,121 --> 00:06:40,089 So the next day Robin called 177 00:06:40,090 --> 00:06:41,957 Heads or Tails to respectfully decline. 178 00:06:41,958 --> 00:06:44,627 Hi, Mr. Trebek. This is Robin Scherbatsky. 179 00:06:44,628 --> 00:06:46,162 But at that moment... 180 00:06:46,163 --> 00:06:47,296 You're not pregnant. 181 00:06:48,565 --> 00:06:50,866 As honored as I am by the offer, um... 182 00:06:52,702 --> 00:06:54,637 Oh, my God. 183 00:06:54,638 --> 00:06:56,572 They're not having a baby. 184 00:06:56,573 --> 00:06:59,408 What am I getting all up in my head about? 185 00:06:59,409 --> 00:07:01,477 That research job sounds hard. 186 00:07:01,478 --> 00:07:03,078 And I'm pretty. 187 00:07:03,079 --> 00:07:07,316 I'm really, really pretty. 188 00:07:09,152 --> 00:07:10,252 You are looking 189 00:07:10,253 --> 00:07:12,254 at the new coin flip bimbo. 190 00:07:20,755 --> 00:07:22,189 - You took the heads or tails job? - Yeah. 191 00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:25,495 What about World Wide News, your I.D. badge? 192 00:07:25,496 --> 00:07:27,597 You made a New Year's resolution. 193 00:07:27,598 --> 00:07:30,800 Okay, I also said I would never make out with a garbage man. 194 00:07:30,801 --> 00:07:33,536 Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. 195 00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,905 What's with the gingerbread house? 196 00:07:35,906 --> 00:07:37,273 We're seeing a Christmas movie. 197 00:07:37,274 --> 00:07:40,343 It's a Christmas-themed movie snack. 198 00:07:40,344 --> 00:07:42,745 Let's hope Santa brings you a girlfriend this year, Teddy. 199 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:45,782 Where the hell is Barney? 200 00:07:45,783 --> 00:07:47,016 Where was Barney? 201 00:07:47,017 --> 00:07:48,418 Let's back up again. 202 00:07:48,419 --> 00:07:50,253 You see, while this was going on... 203 00:07:50,254 --> 00:07:51,721 - It's positive. - It's positive?! 204 00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:52,889 ...this was happening. 205 00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:55,992 And now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab. 206 00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:58,361 Hey, guys. 207 00:07:58,362 --> 00:08:00,363 A yuletide riddle. 208 00:08:00,364 --> 00:08:04,501 What is my second favorite word that begins with b-o-n? 209 00:08:04,502 --> 00:08:05,602 Bon Jovi? 210 00:08:05,603 --> 00:08:06,970 Yeah. 211 00:08:06,971 --> 00:08:10,006 What is my third favorite word that begins with b-o-n? 212 00:08:10,007 --> 00:08:11,674 Bonus. 213 00:08:11,675 --> 00:08:14,844 As in, my end-of-the-year bonus check. 214 00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:17,714 My God, Barney! 215 00:08:17,715 --> 00:08:19,616 I work for GNB, too. 216 00:08:19,617 --> 00:08:22,385 All I got was $15 gift card to Costa Coffee. 217 00:08:22,386 --> 00:08:23,653 And you earned it, buddy. 218 00:08:23,654 --> 00:08:26,523 Check out what I'm gonna buy for myself. 219 00:08:26,524 --> 00:08:29,225 The Dibiase. 220 00:08:29,226 --> 00:08:30,627 See those pinstripes? 221 00:08:30,628 --> 00:08:32,562 Diamonds. 222 00:08:32,563 --> 00:08:35,899 It is the uppest a person could ever suit. 223 00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:39,068 Uh, has it ever occurred to you to give some of this to charity? 224 00:08:39,069 --> 00:08:41,971 Charity? You're seriously talking to me about charity? 225 00:08:41,972 --> 00:08:43,606 Dude, I am Mr. Charity. 226 00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:47,677 I frequently sleep with sixes, 227 00:08:47,678 --> 00:08:51,014 chubsters, over-thirties... 228 00:08:51,015 --> 00:08:54,951 I am the Bill and Melinda Gates of the sympathy bang. 229 00:08:55,753 --> 00:08:56,853 Hey, guys. 230 00:08:56,854 --> 00:08:58,121 - Hi. - Hey. 231 00:08:58,122 --> 00:08:59,122 Big announcement. 232 00:08:59,123 --> 00:09:00,290 Let me guess. 233 00:09:00,291 --> 00:09:01,658 You got a huge bonus check, too. 234 00:09:01,659 --> 00:09:03,693 No, just a $30 gift card to Costa Coffee. 235 00:09:03,694 --> 00:09:04,727 Thirty?! 236 00:09:04,728 --> 00:09:06,529 - I'm pregnant. - What?! 237 00:09:06,530 --> 00:09:09,199 - What?! - I've never seen that woman before in my life! 238 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,867 Sorry, force of habit. 239 00:09:10,868 --> 00:09:12,268 Congratulations! 240 00:09:13,137 --> 00:09:15,071 Huh. Marshall and Lily are 241 00:09:15,072 --> 00:09:16,472 doing something meaningful. 242 00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:19,242 And it's making me less happy about this bonus. 243 00:09:19,243 --> 00:09:21,144 And I'm still single. 244 00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:22,946 At least I got that going for me. 245 00:09:22,947 --> 00:09:26,149 So why do I still feel outside of awesome looking in? 246 00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:29,252 What am I doing with my life? 247 00:09:29,253 --> 00:09:31,621 We've never been happier. 248 00:09:31,622 --> 00:09:33,890 I can't imagine bringing me down right now. 249 00:09:33,891 --> 00:09:36,759 Oh, Marshall, you only think you're happy. 250 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,228 Just wait, because tonight, 251 00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:41,497 is Barney's Favorite Things! 252 00:09:48,272 --> 00:09:51,474 That was the reaction Barney expected. 253 00:09:51,475 --> 00:09:53,810 This was the one he got. 254 00:09:53,811 --> 00:09:56,045 - Huh? - I don't know what that is. 255 00:09:56,046 --> 00:09:58,181 Barney's Favorite Things! 256 00:09:58,182 --> 00:10:02,685 I'm gonna give you all a bunch of free stuff... like Oprah. 257 00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,020 Just get excited, okay? 258 00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:06,089 The next hour got pretty weird. 259 00:10:06,090 --> 00:10:09,392 Velour track suits! 260 00:10:09,393 --> 00:10:11,227 - Velour is so comfortable. - They're so soft. 261 00:10:11,228 --> 00:10:13,997 Remote control helicopters! 262 00:10:16,834 --> 00:10:18,301 Condoms! 263 00:10:21,171 --> 00:10:22,972 And last but not least... 264 00:10:22,973 --> 00:10:26,009 There is a fleet of limos outside 265 00:10:26,010 --> 00:10:29,145 waiting to take us to... 266 00:10:29,146 --> 00:10:31,047 a strip club! 267 00:10:34,385 --> 00:10:37,287 You get a lap dance! You get a lap dance! 268 00:10:37,288 --> 00:10:39,155 You're gonna give me a lap dance! 269 00:10:39,156 --> 00:10:42,692 Everybody gets a lap dance! 270 00:10:44,361 --> 00:10:45,762 That was amazing! 271 00:10:45,763 --> 00:10:47,897 It was like a diamond suit for my soul. 272 00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:49,832 I gotta keep going. I gotta do more. 273 00:10:49,833 --> 00:10:52,068 No. No! I cannot go back to that strip club. 274 00:10:52,069 --> 00:10:54,671 I seen some things. 275 00:10:54,672 --> 00:10:56,539 I'm not going back either. 276 00:10:56,540 --> 00:11:00,743 I'm taking the rest of my bonus to God's strip club. 277 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:02,512 The next day, he paid a visit 278 00:11:02,513 --> 00:11:03,980 to the most charitable man he knew, 279 00:11:03,981 --> 00:11:05,748 his half-brother's father, Sam Gibbs, 280 00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,884 a minister at a church out on Long Island. 281 00:11:07,885 --> 00:11:09,285 Sam. 282 00:11:09,286 --> 00:11:10,386 Uh, father. 283 00:11:10,387 --> 00:11:12,188 I... I don't mean father father. 284 00:11:12,189 --> 00:11:13,523 Unless... 285 00:11:13,524 --> 00:11:14,557 What's up, Barney? 286 00:11:14,558 --> 00:11:16,259 I'm thinking about 287 00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:18,127 giving some money to charity. 288 00:11:18,128 --> 00:11:20,596 Is that the name of the stripper you've been e-mailing me about? 289 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,699 You got to take me off that list, Barney. 290 00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:25,702 No, I don't mean that charity. 291 00:11:25,703 --> 00:11:27,303 That Charity is doing peachy. 292 00:11:27,304 --> 00:11:30,106 You'll see pics of the two of them in next week's e-mail. 293 00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:31,441 - What up! - Barney, 294 00:11:31,442 --> 00:11:33,242 I'm a minister. 295 00:11:33,243 --> 00:11:35,278 Unsubscribe. 296 00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:37,714 I... I recently started giving, 297 00:11:37,715 --> 00:11:39,382 and it felt surprisingly good. 298 00:11:39,383 --> 00:11:40,883 I want to do more. 299 00:11:40,884 --> 00:11:42,051 Well, now you're talking. 300 00:11:42,052 --> 00:11:44,320 We have this program that helps those in need 301 00:11:44,321 --> 00:11:45,588 get back on their feet. 302 00:11:45,589 --> 00:11:48,257 We give them food, a place to live, 303 00:11:48,258 --> 00:11:50,026 clothes for job interviews. 304 00:11:50,027 --> 00:11:54,430 Well, I would love to help by writing a check 305 00:11:54,431 --> 00:11:59,936 for... one, zero, zero, zero... 306 00:11:59,937 --> 00:12:00,903 You're not pregnant. 307 00:12:01,905 --> 00:12:02,905 ...zero... 308 00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:06,509 Woops. Hold on a second. 309 00:12:08,445 --> 00:12:10,213 Wait. They're not doing 310 00:12:10,214 --> 00:12:11,914 something meaningful with their lives. 311 00:12:11,915 --> 00:12:14,083 Well, this changes everything. 312 00:12:14,084 --> 00:12:17,086 Oh, no, I've already written four zeroes. 313 00:12:18,021 --> 00:12:21,190 Thank you, decimal point. 314 00:12:21,191 --> 00:12:24,794 One hundred dollars. 315 00:12:24,795 --> 00:12:27,830 That's great! 316 00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,365 Thank you, Barney! 317 00:12:32,469 --> 00:12:36,105 Diamond suited up. 318 00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,641 Hey, Ted, can you spot me for the movie? 319 00:12:38,642 --> 00:12:40,977 I don't like to carry a lot of cash on me. 320 00:12:46,294 --> 00:12:47,728 What happened to giving the money away? 321 00:12:47,729 --> 00:12:49,263 Yeah, that was back when Lily was pregnant. 322 00:12:49,264 --> 00:12:50,197 Now she's not. 323 00:12:50,198 --> 00:12:53,067 Ergo, a suit is born. 324 00:12:53,668 --> 00:12:54,768 Dude, what's up with 325 00:12:54,769 --> 00:12:56,503 the gingerbread house? You look ridiculous! 326 00:12:56,504 --> 00:12:58,572 It's a Christmas-themed movie snack! 327 00:12:58,573 --> 00:13:00,975 Ah, I know that move. 328 00:13:00,976 --> 00:13:02,543 You cut a hole in the floor, 329 00:13:02,544 --> 00:13:05,112 she reaches into the living room, finds the tree... 330 00:13:05,113 --> 00:13:07,414 ♪ O holy night. ♪ 331 00:13:07,415 --> 00:13:08,682 Nice. 332 00:13:09,184 --> 00:13:10,184 Where the hell 333 00:13:10,185 --> 00:13:11,719 are Marshall and Lily? 334 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,554 Let's back up one last time. 335 00:13:13,555 --> 00:13:14,822 I'm pregnant. 336 00:13:14,823 --> 00:13:16,457 - What?! - What?! 337 00:13:16,458 --> 00:13:18,392 I've never seen that woman before in my life! 338 00:13:18,393 --> 00:13:19,493 Sorry, force of habit. 339 00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:21,428 Congratulations! 340 00:13:21,429 --> 00:13:22,763 This is great. 341 00:13:22,764 --> 00:13:24,164 I'm happy. 342 00:13:24,165 --> 00:13:26,100 I'm so happy, my heart's pounding. 343 00:13:26,101 --> 00:13:27,568 And I'm sweating. 344 00:13:27,569 --> 00:13:29,169 And I can't breathe. 345 00:13:29,170 --> 00:13:31,005 This is what happiness feels like, right? 346 00:13:31,006 --> 00:13:32,506 Oh, crap. 347 00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:34,475 Lily's having a baby and I'm having a panic attack. 348 00:13:34,476 --> 00:13:36,577 I hope she can't tell what I'm thinking right now. 349 00:13:36,578 --> 00:13:37,911 I can. 350 00:13:37,912 --> 00:13:39,279 And I'm freaking out, too! 351 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,914 There's an alien growing in my stomach 352 00:13:40,915 --> 00:13:42,983 that's gonna explode out of my vagina! 353 00:13:42,984 --> 00:13:44,852 Do you think the others can tell we're freaking out? 354 00:13:44,853 --> 00:13:46,687 What am I doing with my life? 355 00:13:46,688 --> 00:13:48,288 What am I doing with my life? 356 00:13:48,289 --> 00:13:51,592 I should get a Christmas-themed movie snack for tomorrow night. 357 00:13:51,593 --> 00:13:52,726 They're totally onto us. 358 00:13:52,727 --> 00:13:53,861 What do we do? 359 00:13:53,862 --> 00:13:55,462 Just keep smiling, maybe wave. 360 00:13:55,463 --> 00:13:56,563 No, don't wave! 361 00:13:56,564 --> 00:13:57,564 That makes no sense! 362 00:13:57,565 --> 00:13:58,766 I'm committed. 363 00:13:58,767 --> 00:14:00,167 I'm riding this wave straight to hell. 364 00:14:00,168 --> 00:14:02,102 Let's leave, then the waving will make sense. 365 00:14:02,103 --> 00:14:05,039 So Marshall and Lily headed home. 366 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,041 Lily, we have to relax. 367 00:14:07,042 --> 00:14:08,575 There's no need to panic. 368 00:14:08,576 --> 00:14:09,677 True, there's a lot to do, 369 00:14:09,678 --> 00:14:10,978 but we've got nine months to prepare. 370 00:14:10,979 --> 00:14:13,380 So I say that we just make a list of everything 371 00:14:13,381 --> 00:14:15,315 that needs to get done before the baby arrives 372 00:14:15,316 --> 00:14:16,884 and do everything on that list tonight! 373 00:14:16,885 --> 00:14:18,919 Let's do it! 374 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:20,220 Uh-huh, got it. 375 00:14:20,221 --> 00:14:21,622 Okay, that seems easy. 376 00:14:21,623 --> 00:14:23,490 Nursery's painted! 377 00:14:23,491 --> 00:14:25,125 Blue? What if it's a girl? 378 00:14:25,126 --> 00:14:26,093 Damn it! 379 00:14:39,507 --> 00:14:40,941 Oh, God, it's 8:00! 380 00:14:40,942 --> 00:14:42,843 We're supposed to meet the gang at the bar to celebrate. 381 00:14:42,844 --> 00:14:44,011 Oh, God. Okay, listen. 382 00:14:44,012 --> 00:14:46,046 When we meet them, we have to keep it together. 383 00:14:46,047 --> 00:14:47,047 Can you keep it together?! 384 00:14:47,048 --> 00:14:48,649 No, I can't keep it together! 385 00:14:48,650 --> 00:14:51,919 I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. 386 00:14:52,987 --> 00:14:54,054 To Lily and Marshall. 387 00:14:54,055 --> 00:14:55,456 Lily and Marshall. 388 00:14:55,457 --> 00:14:56,457 Well, thank you. 389 00:14:56,458 --> 00:14:59,326 I mean, we've never been happier. 390 00:14:59,327 --> 00:15:00,928 This is a nightmare! 391 00:15:00,929 --> 00:15:02,629 We've done everything wrong! 392 00:15:04,099 --> 00:15:06,333 The iPod was on shuffle! 393 00:15:07,402 --> 00:15:08,435 The Jerky Boys! 394 00:15:08,436 --> 00:15:10,604 Our baby heard The Jerky Boys! 395 00:15:10,605 --> 00:15:12,106 You know what, The Jerky Boys are funny. 396 00:15:12,107 --> 00:15:14,675 The Jerky Boys aren't funny, they are awful. 397 00:15:14,676 --> 00:15:16,043 You know what, fine, if you don't think 398 00:15:16,044 --> 00:15:17,644 The Jerky Boys are funny, then I'm not sure 399 00:15:17,645 --> 00:15:19,413 that I can raise a child with you, liver lips. 400 00:15:21,282 --> 00:15:22,850 Marshall, I don't like this. 401 00:15:22,851 --> 00:15:23,984 I know. Okay? 402 00:15:23,985 --> 00:15:25,719 I don't like it either. 403 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,589 It's like I have a hot, burning 404 00:15:28,590 --> 00:15:31,325 ball of stress in my chest, 405 00:15:31,326 --> 00:15:33,160 and nothing will make it go away! 406 00:15:33,161 --> 00:15:34,328 You're not pregnant. 407 00:15:34,329 --> 00:15:36,163 Well, that did it. 408 00:15:36,164 --> 00:15:39,366 I know this probably comes as quite a disappointment. 409 00:15:40,869 --> 00:15:42,402 Yeah. 410 00:15:42,403 --> 00:15:43,971 Huge bummer. 411 00:15:43,972 --> 00:15:45,906 So disappointing. 412 00:15:47,709 --> 00:15:48,742 Hey. 413 00:15:48,743 --> 00:15:49,710 Hey. 414 00:15:49,711 --> 00:15:50,644 Are you guys okay? 415 00:15:50,645 --> 00:15:51,845 - Huh? - Yeah. 416 00:15:51,846 --> 00:15:54,381 Why wouldn't we be? Oh, the baby thing. 417 00:15:54,382 --> 00:15:55,849 Oh, yeah, whatever. 418 00:15:55,850 --> 00:15:57,618 Oh, Christmas-themed movie snack. Nice. 419 00:15:57,619 --> 00:16:00,220 Don't reach into the living room! 420 00:16:02,991 --> 00:16:05,192 Wow, I... I thought you guys would be devastated. 421 00:16:05,193 --> 00:16:06,560 Oh. 422 00:16:06,561 --> 00:16:08,962 You know, we're actually kind of relieved. 423 00:16:08,963 --> 00:16:11,231 We were freaking out for about a day and a half there. 424 00:16:11,232 --> 00:16:13,500 Yeah, this whole thing got us thinking. 425 00:16:13,501 --> 00:16:15,502 Maybe we're not ready for kids yet after all. 426 00:16:15,503 --> 00:16:17,638 Yeah, we were thinking maybe we would just get a dog. 427 00:16:17,639 --> 00:16:18,705 Get a puppy! 428 00:16:18,706 --> 00:16:19,907 Can you imagine... 429 00:16:19,908 --> 00:16:22,009 That would be the cutest thing! 430 00:16:22,010 --> 00:16:23,744 No! 431 00:16:23,745 --> 00:16:25,779 Oh. Our movie snack. 432 00:16:25,780 --> 00:16:27,714 Are you kidding me?! 433 00:16:27,715 --> 00:16:29,983 All you ever talk about is having kids! 434 00:16:29,984 --> 00:16:31,618 And now you have one little freak-out 435 00:16:31,619 --> 00:16:33,420 and you want to get a dog instead?! 436 00:16:33,421 --> 00:16:34,955 No. Unacceptable! 437 00:16:34,956 --> 00:16:36,089 You're gonna turn around, 438 00:16:36,090 --> 00:16:38,091 you're gonna go home, get naked, 439 00:16:38,092 --> 00:16:40,894 lie together as man and wife until Lily is great with child. 440 00:16:40,895 --> 00:16:42,095 Right now! 441 00:16:42,797 --> 00:16:44,364 I'm serious! Go, go, go! 442 00:16:46,768 --> 00:16:49,069 Marshall and Lily got in trouble. 443 00:16:49,070 --> 00:16:50,804 - And you! - Ooh. 444 00:16:50,805 --> 00:16:52,973 Barney, you look real stupid in that suit. 445 00:16:52,974 --> 00:16:55,509 You're gonna go get your money back and give it to charity. 446 00:16:55,510 --> 00:16:57,811 And I don't mean that stripper you keep e-mailing us about, 447 00:16:57,812 --> 00:17:00,147 even though we beg you to take us off that list. 448 00:17:00,148 --> 00:17:02,683 I can't give this suit back. 449 00:17:02,684 --> 00:17:04,184 Ted, I glow in the dark. 450 00:17:04,185 --> 00:17:06,153 I finally glow in the dark! 451 00:17:06,154 --> 00:17:09,089 Criminals of New York! Attention! 452 00:17:09,090 --> 00:17:11,825 This man is wearing a diamond-covered suit! 453 00:17:11,826 --> 00:17:12,826 You could retire 454 00:17:12,827 --> 00:17:13,994 on the pants alone! 455 00:17:13,995 --> 00:17:15,996 Merry Christmas! 456 00:17:20,268 --> 00:17:22,803 So, if I get a large popcorn, you want to go split-skees or... 457 00:17:22,804 --> 00:17:24,137 And you... 458 00:17:24,672 --> 00:17:26,039 You did not move 459 00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:29,042 to the greatest city on earth to become a coin-flipping bimbo. 460 00:17:29,043 --> 00:17:31,011 So here's how it's gonna work: 461 00:17:31,012 --> 00:17:33,213 heads, you take the job at World Wide News; 462 00:17:33,214 --> 00:17:35,282 tails, you take the job at World Wide News. 463 00:17:35,283 --> 00:17:36,850 Ow! 464 00:17:36,851 --> 00:17:39,019 Hey, looks like somebody got a new gig! 465 00:17:39,020 --> 00:17:41,688 Fine, I'll call them tomorrow. 466 00:17:41,689 --> 00:17:43,824 I'll call them right now. 467 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,160 Hello. 468 00:17:47,161 --> 00:17:48,328 Ted, I can't get married! 469 00:17:48,329 --> 00:17:49,429 Yes, you can! You love her! 470 00:17:49,430 --> 00:17:51,031 You're right, I do! Thanks, Ted! 471 00:17:59,374 --> 00:18:01,842 One for It's a Wonderful Life, please. 472 00:18:03,711 --> 00:18:05,779 Thank you. 473 00:18:08,249 --> 00:18:10,450 Hi. 474 00:18:16,758 --> 00:18:19,059 We're idiots. 475 00:18:19,060 --> 00:18:20,928 This kid doesn't stand a chance. 476 00:18:23,331 --> 00:18:26,099 - We're ready for this. - We're ready for this. 477 00:18:27,802 --> 00:18:30,537 Wow. 478 00:18:30,538 --> 00:18:32,639 That's a lot of zeroes. 479 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:34,708 Y... you sure you're not missing a decimal point? 480 00:18:34,709 --> 00:18:35,976 Nope. 481 00:18:35,977 --> 00:18:37,744 And that's the tour. 482 00:18:37,745 --> 00:18:40,447 Uh, staff meeting's at noon, you'll meet everyone there, 483 00:18:40,448 --> 00:18:41,882 but first you need to head down to security. 484 00:18:41,883 --> 00:18:43,817 You need to get your picture taken. 485 00:18:43,818 --> 00:18:45,385 For your I.D. badge. 486 00:18:45,386 --> 00:18:48,288 Oh. 487 00:18:50,425 --> 00:18:51,925 You sure? 488 00:18:51,926 --> 00:18:54,094 Positive. 489 00:18:57,398 --> 00:18:58,465 And there's more. 490 00:18:58,466 --> 00:19:00,033 Do you still do that thing where you give 491 00:19:00,034 --> 00:19:01,401 people in need clothes for job interviews? 492 00:19:01,402 --> 00:19:02,302 Yeah. Why? 493 00:19:02,303 --> 00:19:05,238 Bring 'em in, boys! 494 00:19:13,348 --> 00:19:15,549 Merry Christmas. 495 00:19:15,550 --> 00:19:17,851 - Thank you, son. - Son?! 496 00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:19,953 It's just an expression. I'm still not your dad. 497 00:19:29,464 --> 00:19:30,864 Congratulations. 498 00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:33,266 You know, that was really cool what you did. 499 00:19:33,835 --> 00:19:34,801 When we all needed it, 500 00:19:34,802 --> 00:19:36,203 you got us back on the right path. 501 00:19:36,204 --> 00:19:39,106 It's what I do. 502 00:19:39,107 --> 00:19:41,575 Hey, Ted, if I, um, if I ever get married 503 00:19:41,576 --> 00:19:43,310 and you're not the guy I'm marrying... 504 00:19:43,311 --> 00:19:44,711 Big mistake, but go on. 505 00:19:44,712 --> 00:19:46,980 ...I could really use someone like you. 506 00:19:46,981 --> 00:19:48,615 You know, in case I freak out. 507 00:19:48,616 --> 00:19:50,350 When I freak out. 508 00:19:50,351 --> 00:19:51,585 You interested? 509 00:19:51,586 --> 00:19:54,855 Are you asking what I think you're asking? 510 00:19:54,856 --> 00:19:58,025 Ted, will you be my best man? 511 00:19:58,026 --> 00:20:00,560 Scherbatsky... 512 00:20:00,561 --> 00:20:02,295 I'm gonna crush it. 513 00:20:12,636 --> 00:20:13,670 Hi, there. 514 00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:14,971 We've had a lot of fun tonight, 515 00:20:14,972 --> 00:20:17,340 but on a more serious note, this is the time of year 516 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,509 when we remember the importance of giving. 517 00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:23,746 And there's no greater gift than the gift of booty. 518 00:20:23,747 --> 00:20:28,485 So, this holiday season, why not bang someone in need? 519 00:20:28,486 --> 00:20:31,187 I'm Barney Stinson, and that's... 520 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,989 one to grow on. 521 00:20:32,990 --> 00:20:34,157 Um, no. 522 00:20:35,759 --> 00:20:39,694 Hi, there. You know, we've had a lot of fun tonight... 523 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:50,694 Resynced for 720p PeeWee by jacobian @ HDbits.org