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00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:03,500
Back when we were dating
Robin and I have this running joke.
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00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:06,000
We were the only two people in
the world who found it funny.
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00:00:06,100 --> 00:00:08,900
No way.
March does not have 31 days.
4
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,600
Yes, it does.
Everyone knows that.
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00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:13,400
It's like general knowledge.
6
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:14,700
- General Knowledge.
- General Knowledge.
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00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,100
And we did it all the time.
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00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:20,000
Isn't it sad?
I mean in 2007,
9
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,100
some countries actually still
condone corporal punishment.
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00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:24,500
- Corporal Punishment.
- Corporal Punishment.
11
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,300
Because once you start,
it's surprisingly hard to stop.
12
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:31,000
Oh, man, I got a kernel
stuck in my teeth.
13
00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:32,700
- Colonel Stuck-In-My-Teeth.
- Colonel Stuck-In-My-Teeth.
14
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,100
- Please stop!
- I hate you!
15
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,900
But now, we were broken up,
so when Marshall said...
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00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:40,700
But after the first year,
I get a major pay raise.
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00:00:41,700 --> 00:00:43,100
We just let it slide.
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00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,200
You see, on the surface, Robin and I
looked like we were doing great.
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00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:47,400
But the truth is,
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00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:50,300
trying to be friends with your ex
is a lot harder than it looks.
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00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,100
You can't be as candid
as you used to be.
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00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:54,300
So then this hot intern
leans over my desk,
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00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:56,600
I can totally see
she has a pierced...
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00:00:57,700 --> 00:01:01,100
Brosnan. Pierce Brosnan is my
favorite of all the Bonds.
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00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:05,600
But most importantly, you can
never, ever be alone together.
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00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,500
- I gotta go.
- I'm gonna go pay.
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Peeing.
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00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,800
- I'm gonna help Marshall pay.
- I'm gonna help Lily pee.
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00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,700
How I Met Your Mother 3x09
- Slapsgiving -
30
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:31,400
All right, we have a turkey.
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Yeah, we do.
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00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,300
Isn't this exciting? Our first
Thanksgiving together as a group.
33
00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:38,600
Yeah, this is gonna be
the best Slapsgiving ever.
34
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What?
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00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,700
I said this is going to be
the best Thanksgiving ever.
36
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Yeah, this is going to be great.
Just the five of us, right?
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00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:48,000
Oh, uh, that reminds me,
I invited Bob.
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00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:48,900
Bob?
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00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,200
You've been on, like,
three dates with that guy.
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00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:52,700
We haven't even met him.
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00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:55,200
Well, he didn't have
anywhere else to go,
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00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,800
and I didn't know what to say.
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00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:58,900
- Is it really that big a deal?
- Yes.
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00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,800
This is our first Thanksgiving.
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00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:03,800
30 years from now, we're
going to look at the photos and say,
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00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:07,300
"Oh, there's the four people
I love most in the world.
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00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:08,400
And Bob."
48
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,300
I'm sorry, sometimes I forget
how seriously
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00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,200
you guys take
American Thanksgiving.
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00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,400
Real Thanksgiving happened
over a month ago.
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00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,000
I'm sorry.
52
00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:20,800
Did you just say Canadian
Thanksgiving was and I'm quoting,
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00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,900
"the real Thanksgiving"?
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00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,700
What do Canadians even
have to celebrate about?
55
00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:32,300
Canadian Thanksgiving celebrates
explorer Martin Frobisher's valiant yet
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00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:35,900
ultimately unsuccessful attempt
to find the Northwest Passage.
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00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:38,300
Why are you guys even a country?
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00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:41,600
Oh, hey, by the way, if anyone wants
to come over early Thursday,
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00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:43,100
we can watch the
Slapsgiving Day Parade.
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00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:44,800
Well, there,
you said it again.
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00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,700
- Said what?
- Slapsgiving.
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00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:48,700
Oh, I guess I did.
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00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:52,500
You know why? I've invented
a new holiday: Slapsgiving.
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00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,500
It's the one day we set aside
each year to gather together
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00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,000
and give slaps.
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00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,300
I should explain.
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00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,200
Kids, you remember
the slap bet.
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00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:02,600
A year earlier, Marshall
made a bet with Barney
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00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:04,600
and won the right
to slap him five times.
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00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:06,700
He had already used the first.
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00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,000
And the second.
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00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,700
But Marshall had something
special in store for the third.
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00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:15,000
Slapcountdown.com.
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00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,400
No, no.
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00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:21,100
The countdown ends at 3:00 p.m.,
the day after Thanksgiving.
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00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,300
I counted it out.
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00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,100
How many days
are in October?
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00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,900
Uh, thirty.
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00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:29,300
Dude, I thought
we cleared this up last year.
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00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:33,500
I like Halloween very much.
Is nice.
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00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,200
- Is also tomorrow.
- Damn it!
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00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,300
Wait, you're gonna slap me
on Thanksgiving?
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00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:42,200
Slapsgiving.
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00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,100
That's not allowed.
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00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,900
Lily, you're the Slap Bet
Commissioner, is that allowed?
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00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,200
The hostess in me who's using
her wedding china for the first time
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00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,000
wants to say hell, no,
88
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,800
but yeah,
I'm going to allow it.
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00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:56,200
Well, you know what?
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00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,600
If you're trying to freak me out
about spending Thanksgiving...
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00:03:58,700 --> 00:03:59,500
Slapsgiving.
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00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:02,200
At your place,
then you failed.
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00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,300
- Truth is, I'm not scared.
- Really?
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00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,300
Right. 'Cause you blew it.
95
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,400
The worst part about getting slapped is
not knowing when it's going to happen.
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00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:12,000
But now I know exactly when
I'm gonna get slapped.
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00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:14,000
So, you took
all the suspense out.
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00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:16,300
You showed your hand.
99
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:19,400
And Thursday at 3:01 p.m.,
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00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,500
your face is going
to show my hand.
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00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:26,600
Oh, there's Bob! By the way, heads up,
he's a little bit older than us.
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00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,700
- How old is he?
- He's forty-one.
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00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,200
Hey, Bob! Over here!
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00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:33,900
Okay, kids, the truth is,
Bob probably looked like this.
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00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,900
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hi.
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00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:38,800
But when your ex
is dating someone new,
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00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:41,200
your mind tends to
accentuate their flaws.
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This is how I saw Bob.
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00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,000
Hey, dudes, what's crackin'?
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00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,100
- Hey, man, how are you?
- Good to meet you.
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00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,900
Sorry I'm late. I just got off
the phone with my parents.
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00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:52,300
- Parents?
- They were totally on my case:
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00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,100
"What are you gonna do with your life?
You're forty-one."
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00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:59,400
And I'm like, "Chillax,
snowboarding is a legit career.
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00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,400
You ought to be stoked
I found my bliss."
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00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:06,100
And speaking of bliss,
sugar me, baby.
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00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,100
Let's go get a drink.
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00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:14,300
Wow! Unbelievable.
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00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,500
Robin is dating
Orville Redenbacher.
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00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,600
What are you talking about?
He's forty-one. He looks great.
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00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:24,900
Yeah, dude he's in pretty good shape.
He could kick your ass.
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00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:28,800
How are you guys not seeing this?
He's 150; Robin's 27.
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00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:30,400
Barney, come on,
what do you got?
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00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,500
Nothing but respect
for that man.
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00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:35,800
Oh, by the way, we're all baking
pies at Robin's tomorrow.
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00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,100
Marshall can't be trusted in the
apartment with pies overnight.
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00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:43,700
For the millionth time,
sleep-eating is a very serious
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00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,200
and delicious medical condition.
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00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:49,200
Hey, uh, what time are you guys
going to Robin's?
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00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:51,400
- 7:30.
- Perfect. Just to be safe,
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00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,300
I'll get there like 8:00, 8:30.
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00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:54,300
9:30 pm
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00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,600
- Hey.
- Hey. Sorry I'm late.
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00:05:56,900 --> 00:05:59,200
- Where are Marshall and Lily?
- Uh, they just called.
135
00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:01,400
They're both super swamped
preparing for tomorrow.
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00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,800
- Is Bob coming?
- No, he went to see Green Day.
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00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,000
So it's...
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00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,700
- Just the two of us.
- ...just the two of us.
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00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:17,500
Making pies.
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00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,800
Pies. They're things that
friends make together.
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00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:20,700
- Yeah, they do.
- Yeah.
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00:06:20,700 --> 00:06:21,800
Yeah.
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00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:22,800
- Great.
- Yeah.
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00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:26,000
Great. Well, this is great.
It'll give us a chance to catch up.
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00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:27,100
Yeah.
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00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:33,000
- I'm going to make a phone call.
- I'll put it in the oven.
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00:06:35,300 --> 00:06:38,400
Hey, it's me. Listen, you have
to come over here and make pies.
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00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,200
Yeah, I'll be there, absolutely.
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00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,000
Oh, awesome, you're a lifesaver.
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00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:45,000
It's still kind of weird being alone
with Robin, but if you were here...
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00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,600
Hey, say no more.
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00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:48,900
I mean, when I pulled you out
of that burning wreckage,
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00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,500
I wasn't doing it to have
a battleship named after me.
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00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:54,900
But if you insist, yes,
I'll be there for the christening.
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00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,200
You're hitting on someone
right now, aren't you?
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00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:01,100
No, I'm not going to wear the medal
of honor. That would just be tacky.
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00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:02,900
So you're not coming
to make pies.
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00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,700
No, no.
Thank you, Mr. President.
159
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,200
Sorry.
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00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:11,600
After a very long night, it was
finally the big holiday.
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00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:13,400
Sorry, the two big holidays.
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00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,600
Oh, Marshall, are you working
on the cranberry sauce?
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00:07:15,700 --> 00:07:16,600
In a minute, baby.
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00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:18,500
I've only got so many hands.
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00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,600
You see what I got going on here?
They're turkeys, but they're also hands,
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00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,200
because later,
we're going to eat turkey...
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00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,400
and then I'm going to slap
you in your face.
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00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,200
Please, you took out
all the suspense.
169
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,800
In a horror movie, the killer does not
grab a bullhorn and announce,
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00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:38,000
"Attention unsupervised teens
here at the lake house:
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00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:41,300
"At precisely 3:00 a.m., I'm gonna
jump out of that closet right there
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00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:42,900
"and hack you all up
with a machete.
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00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,800
P.S. Fire is my one weakness."
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00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,300
- Hey, Ted.
- Hey, Happy Thanksgiving.
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00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:53,200
You, too.
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00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,500
- Is Lily in the kitchen? Great.
- Yep.
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00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,400
- Marshall?
- Lily?
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00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:00,300
- Yeah?
- Uh-huh?
179
00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:03,200
- Something really weird happened last night.
- Something really weird happened last night.
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00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,000
What do you mean
something weird happened last night?
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00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:08,900
You may not realize this,
but since we broke up,
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00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:10,800
Robin and I have never really
been alone together.
183
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:14,800
So we're in the kitchen,
starting on the pies, and we realize,
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00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,200
we don't have a damn thing
to say to each other.
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00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,200
I mean, you can't talk about
how close you used to be.
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00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,800
You can't talk about how close
you're not now.
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00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:25,400
You just feel like everything you say
is gonna make things worse.
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00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:27,400
Exactly. And you know why?
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00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:29,800
Because you don't want to hurt
someone you really care about,
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00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,600
especially around the holidays.
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00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,400
I mean, what decent human being
would want to cause
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00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,700
any kind of emotional
or physical pain...
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00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:38,200
You're still getting slapped.
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00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:40,900
I wanted to leave,
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00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,000
but I couldn't stick her with making
all the pies by herself.
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00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,000
She was exhausted.
197
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:47,200
I yawned like a million times
trying to get him to leave.
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00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:49,200
Yeah, some people
just can't take a hint.
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00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,200
By the way,
I'm really swamped in here.
200
00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:54,200
I kept looking at the clock
and sighing... totally clueless.
201
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,900
I'm not sure I have time to mash those
potatoes, you're standing right next to.
202
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,100
Then Ted does the thing that he always
does when there's an awkward silence.
203
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:02,900
Yep. Masher's right there,
next to the pot.
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00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,800
He panics and says the first
thing that pops into his head.
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00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,600
Hey, did you know that
the first pies
206
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,300
in recorded history
came from ancient Egypt?
207
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:17,800
Remember last year's Thanksgiving,
when we had sex seven times?
208
00:09:19,900 --> 00:09:21,100
- Ooh.
- Terrible.
209
00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:23,300
What?!
I thought it would break the ice.
210
00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:26,200
I'd already broken the ice
with my cool pie fact.
211
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:28,600
Then he makes it
ten times more awkward.
212
00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:30,600
How do you respond
to something like that?
213
00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:34,300
Did you know that the Egyptian
pyramids can be seen from space?
214
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:35,600
Probably?
215
00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:40,800
- Ooh, the oven's pre-heated!
- Okay, um...
216
00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:43,400
the pecan pie is gonna take
the longest.
217
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:45,900
Why don't we put
that one in first?
218
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:47,700
Pecan pie?
Why are we making that?
219
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:50,000
Um, it's my favorite.
220
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,000
- You're allergic.
- I know.
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00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,300
I just like smelling it.
It's like eating with your nose.
222
00:09:56,700 --> 00:09:59,100
So we're making a pie for Bob.
223
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,100
Well...
224
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:02,000
yeah.
225
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:05,200
She's got you making pies
for this guy?
226
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,700
That is a real slap
in the face.
227
00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:13,300
You know, you could have
just told me it was for Bob.
228
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:15,500
Yeah, I-I just thought
it might upset you.
229
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,600
Upset me?
Wait a second.
230
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:18,600
Do you think that...
231
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:23,800
...do you think
that I'm jealous of Bob?
232
00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:27,400
I don't know. Is it so ridiculous
to think that you might be?
233
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,000
- Yes.
- Why?
234
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:31,300
Because he's
a thousand years old.
235
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:34,000
No, Ted, what are
you doing?
236
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:34,800
Right?
237
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:36,600
The only reason
I'm jealous of Bob
238
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,700
is that we can only talk about the first
Thanksgiving, but he was actually there.
239
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:40,500
Come on.
240
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:42,400
The only reason
I'm jealous of Bob
241
00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:44,600
is because I heard Noah
gave him shotgun in the ark.
242
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,100
The only reason
I'm jealous of Bob
243
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,100
is that I'm just an architect,
but he discovered fire.
244
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,400
How do you top that?
245
00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:54,300
He's 41! Why are you bashing
on him so hard?
246
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,500
I'm not.
I'm just joking around.
247
00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:59,300
- That's what friends do.
- It's mean.
248
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:03,300
Well, how come we're all allowed to bust
on Barney when he dates some skanktron,
249
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:05,200
but when you sleep
with the Crypt Keeper's dad,
250
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:06,600
I'm not allowed to say a word?
251
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,500
First of all, Bob and I are not
sleeping together.
252
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:10,600
We're just dating.
253
00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:12,800
Secondly, have I said
one word about
254
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,700
the parade of dubious conquests
you've been marching past me
255
00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:16,700
the last few months?
256
00:11:16,700 --> 00:11:18,800
One of whom got you
a butterfly tattoo?
257
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,900
And if you and I
are such good friends...
258
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,300
why is baking a pie for Bob
so weird?
259
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,800
Yeah, if you and I are
such good friends,
260
00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:27,300
why couldn't you just tell me
that's what we were doing?
261
00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:32,200
Okay, maybe we should talk about
this later. I-I should get going.
262
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,700
Well, what are we doing?
It's Thanksgiving.
263
00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:38,000
I don't know. I'm sorry.
This is stupid.
264
00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:39,200
I'm sorry, too.
265
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,200
Of course we're friends.
I'm glad we're friends.
266
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:42,300
Me, too.
267
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,700
You guys slept together last night?
268
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,900
That is a terrible idea!
269
00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:58,700
Horrible idea.
270
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,800
Relapse five!
271
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:04,300
That's where we high-five,
then it's awkward for a little bit...
272
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,000
and then we
high-five again!
273
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,500
What the hell were you doing?
Let's review:
274
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,500
You and Ted broke up
six months ago,
275
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,300
- you're dating another man...
- You are correct, sir.
276
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,400
...who's coming to my
Thanksgiving today...
277
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,300
That is a truth-fact.
278
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,000
- ...an event Ted is also attending.
- Ka-blammo.
279
00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:23,100
Why are you trying to destroy
American Thanksgiving?!
280
00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:24,900
Lily, it's not
as bad as it sounds.
281
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,500
Bob and I aren't that serious,
282
00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:29,400
and what happened last night
with Ted was a fluke.
283
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,400
Well, did you guys
at least talk about it?
284
00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:39,400
- There's office material I'd...
- I hear something burning...
285
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,300
Clearly, we need to ignore this.
286
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,100
Clearly, we need to talk about this.
287
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,300
- You know? To save the friendship.
- You know? To save the friendship.
288
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,300
- Hi.
- Hi.
289
00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:50,200
- We need to talk.
- Stuffed mushroom?
290
00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:52,100
We need to talk
about last night.
291
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:55,000
Did you know that some
mushrooms are carnivorous?
292
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,200
Probably... Not?
293
00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:00,900
Ted, can we please
just deal with this?
294
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:03,600
- Look, I'm not mad. I just think...
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
295
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,200
Why would you be mad, you started it?
296
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,000
What?!
297
00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:08,400
- You're crazy!
- We called a truce,
298
00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:11,200
we hugged, and when I tried to pull
away, you kept your hand on my neck.
299
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:13,500
Only because your hand
was still around my waist.
300
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,500
Oh, come on!
You leaned into it.
301
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,700
- I... leaned into it?
- Yeah.
302
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,400
You're like the crappy kid
in Little League
303
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:21,400
who knows he's not going
to make contact, so he just...
304
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,500
"Oops, I got hit by the pitch.
Better take my base."
305
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:26,100
Oh, that was you
in Little League, wasn't it?
306
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,100
My on-base percentage
was off the charts!
307
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:30,200
- I will have to...
- What have you always to...
308
00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:31,200
Oh, no!
309
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:32,600
The slap-petizers.
310
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:34,700
You know what?
That's it!
311
00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:37,800
This is Thanksgiving.
Solve this right now.
312
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:41,400
And if you have sex again,
neither of you gets dessert!
313
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:46,100
Oh, what the hell kind
of Thanksgiving is this anyway?
314
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,300
Um, most Thanksgivings.
315
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,100
Don't stress, baby. I'll try
to find us something relaxing.
316
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,800
Thanks, baby.
Ooh, some classical music, maybe.
317
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:58,600
Oh, my!
Look at that.
318
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,600
That means we're in the final
hour of the countdown.
319
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:03,600
I'm not scared.
320
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:06,100
Then why is your
right cheek twitching?
321
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:10,900
Maybe it's because Future Me
slaps Future You so hard,
322
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:14,900
it reverberates back to the present,
shattering the time-slap continuum.
323
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:16,700
Please don't slap me.
324
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:17,800
I'm sorry, what?
325
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,400
Oh, God!
Don't slap me again!
326
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,800
I don't want to get slapped again,
327
00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:23,300
and the first two times hurt
so bad, I don't like it!
328
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,300
I don't like it one bit!
329
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,400
I thought I ruined it by putting
a clock on it, Barney?
330
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,100
Well, you didn't ruin it;
you made it so much worse!
331
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,200
I can't eat. I can't sleep.
332
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:35,900
I've lost ten pounds;
my suits are wearing me.
333
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,600
You know what?
I'm outta here.
334
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,100
- Well, no, no, no. You can't leave.
- Why can't I?!
335
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:43,200
Nowhere in the rules does
it say that I have to sit
336
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,000
through sort of mental torture!
337
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:46,500
You are allowed to slap
my face, sir,
338
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,200
but you are not allowed
to slap my mind! Good day!
339
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,600
- But it's Slapsgiving.
- It's not!
340
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,700
It's Thanksgiving!
341
00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:57,600
Our first one as a married couple,
as grownups...
342
00:14:57,700 --> 00:15:02,000
and you're not even trying
to be a part of it! None of you are!
343
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:03,500
So...
344
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:06,400
as Slap Bet Commissioner,
I'm issuing a ruling.
345
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:10,000
Thanksgiving is a day of peace.
There will be no slaps today!
346
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,500
- What?!
- Yes!
347
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:15,400
In your face! Not my face...
your face!
348
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,400
- What's up, dudes?
- Hey, Bob.
349
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:18,600
- Baby, please...
- No!
350
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,100
The Slap Bet
Commissioner's word is final,
351
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:24,300
so get in the kitchen
and mash some potatoes, now.
352
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:26,900
And for the rest
of the day,
353
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:31,400
we are going to enjoy
a civilized, grownup holiday.
354
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:34,400
Not too grownup.
I made Jell-O shots.
355
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,800
We's gonna get silly, bitches.
356
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,700
Look at us!
357
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,400
We can't be alone
together, can we?
358
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:45,600
Apparently not.
359
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:47,800
What does that mean?
360
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:49,900
We're supposed to be friends.
361
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:53,900
We aren't friends, are we?
362
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:57,400
Not really.
We avoid each other.
363
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,400
We smile politely.
364
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,200
We're two people
who pretend to be friends
365
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,100
because it would be
inconvenient not to.
366
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:09,300
Well, maybe we should stop
pretending.
367
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,500
Maybe we should.
368
00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:20,700
So...
369
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:22,900
Oh, what do we do now?
370
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:27,900
I suppose... we eat dinner.
371
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:33,800
And then that's it.
372
00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:37,700
Okay.
373
00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:52,200
Happy Thanksgiving.
374
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:58,600
So we sat down to our first
Thanksgiving together as a group...
375
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,500
and, apparently, our last.
376
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:04,500
Marshall, you're not eating.
Did something spoil your slap-petite?
377
00:17:06,871 --> 00:17:08,671
No, I just thought...
378
00:17:08,871 --> 00:17:11,271
before we eat, maybe the chef
would like to say a few words.
379
00:17:11,371 --> 00:17:14,071
Nope. This sucks.
Eat up and leave.
380
00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:21,271
Well, then,
I'd like to say something.
381
00:17:21,371 --> 00:17:22,571
If that's cool?
382
00:17:24,971 --> 00:17:27,271
Today, Lily did something great.
383
00:17:27,371 --> 00:17:31,371
Not only did she gather us all here
together and cook a delicious meal,
384
00:17:31,571 --> 00:17:34,171
but she also started
a new tradition.
385
00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:37,371
We're gonna do this again next year,
and the year after that
386
00:17:37,371 --> 00:17:39,471
maybe for the rest of our lives.
387
00:17:39,571 --> 00:17:42,371
I think that's pretty amazing
if you think about it.
388
00:17:42,471 --> 00:17:44,571
And it's all thanks
to you, Lily.
389
00:17:45,171 --> 00:17:46,171
I love you.
390
00:17:46,971 --> 00:17:49,371
So, to the first of many
Thanksgivings together.
391
00:17:56,371 --> 00:17:58,071
This is rad!
392
00:17:58,471 --> 00:18:01,571
A nice, small,
simple Thanksgiving.
393
00:18:01,871 --> 00:18:04,571
I'm the youngest of ten
in my family,
394
00:18:04,671 --> 00:18:06,871
so our Thanksgiving is
a mess.
395
00:18:07,571 --> 00:18:09,771
All the yelling
and the screaming...
396
00:18:09,771 --> 00:18:11,571
And then a funny thing
happened...
397
00:18:11,671 --> 00:18:14,871
It's really a major buzz-kill.
398
00:18:15,071 --> 00:18:17,271
- Major Buzz-kill.
- Major Buzz-kill.
399
00:18:19,771 --> 00:18:24,071
- Oh, no...
- I thought we were done with that?
400
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:26,571
I guess we're not.
401
00:18:27,371 --> 00:18:29,171
Guess we're not.
402
00:18:30,871 --> 00:18:34,271
You see kids, friendship
is an involuntary reflex...
403
00:18:34,371 --> 00:18:36,471
it just happens,
you can't help it.
404
00:18:36,671 --> 00:18:38,971
That first Thanksgiving turned
out to be a wonderful dinner
405
00:18:38,971 --> 00:18:41,571
with the four people
I love most in the world...
406
00:18:41,671 --> 00:18:43,071
and Bob.
407
00:18:43,571 --> 00:18:45,171
And it did become a tradition.
408
00:18:45,371 --> 00:18:48,871
That's why every year, we go to Aunt Lily
and Uncle Marshall's for Thanksgiving.
409
00:18:49,163 --> 00:18:50,363
Hey, check it out!
410
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:54,263
We're in the last 20 seconds
of Marshall's countdown to nothing.
411
00:18:54,363 --> 00:18:55,763
Barney, put it away.
412
00:18:55,763 --> 00:18:58,463
How does it feel, Marshall,
to sit there, impotently...
413
00:18:58,563 --> 00:19:02,063
your large, flaccid hand,
just dangling in the wind?
414
00:19:02,263 --> 00:19:04,663
The slap will occur in ten...
415
00:19:04,763 --> 00:19:06,663
Ooh, classy touch, dude.
416
00:19:06,663 --> 00:19:07,763
Too bad!
417
00:19:07,863 --> 00:19:10,763
- Barney, put it away.
- I will in... five...
418
00:19:10,863 --> 00:19:12,563
- ... four...
- You can slap him.
419
00:19:12,663 --> 00:19:14,563
- What?! Wait, you...
- ...two... one.
420
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:17,163
That's three!
421
00:19:18,663 --> 00:19:20,363
Thanks, baby, you're the best.
422
00:19:20,363 --> 00:19:23,863
And as a special, added bonus, I've
composed a song just for this occasion.
423
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,363
Ted, lights!
424
00:19:38,563 --> 00:19:40,663
♪ What is this feelin' ♪
425
00:19:41,663 --> 00:19:44,163
♪ That's put you in your place? ♪
426
00:19:45,863 --> 00:19:49,763
♪ A hot, red burnin' on the side ♪
427
00:19:49,863 --> 00:19:51,663
♪ of your face ♪
428
00:19:52,063 --> 00:19:55,363
♪ You feel the blood rush
to your cheek ♪
429
00:19:55,463 --> 00:19:57,963
♪ Tears start to fill your eyes ♪
430
00:19:58,663 --> 00:20:02,163
♪ And your lips are tremblin'
but you can't speak, ♪
431
00:20:02,163 --> 00:20:03,363
♪ you're tryin' ♪
432
00:20:03,463 --> 00:20:07,763
♪ Oh, you're tryin' not to cry! ♪
433
00:20:07,863 --> 00:20:11,563
♪ - Ya just got sla-apped
- Oh, oh! ♪
434
00:20:11,663 --> 00:20:14,663
♪ - Across the face, my friend
- Oh, oh, oh ♪
435
00:20:14,663 --> 00:20:16,363
♪ You just got slapped ♪
436
00:20:16,363 --> 00:20:19,763
♪ - Whoa-oh-oh-oh!
- Yes, that really just happened ♪
437
00:20:20,163 --> 00:20:21,463
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! ♪
438
00:20:21,563 --> 00:20:23,863
♪ Everybody saw it ♪
439
00:20:24,663 --> 00:20:28,263
♪ And everybody laughed and clapped ♪
440
00:20:28,263 --> 00:20:30,263
♪ It was awesome ♪
441
00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:32,863
♪ Wait, you just got... ♪
442
00:20:33,363 --> 00:20:35,363
♪ Slapped. ♪
443
00:20:47,563 --> 00:20:49,763
Happy Slapsgiving, everybody.
444
00:20:55,207 --> 00:20:57,207
Well, guys, have fun.
445
00:20:57,607 --> 00:20:59,907
Wow, this gonna be
a major clean up.
446
00:20:59,907 --> 00:21:01,407
- Major clean-up.
- Major clean-up.
447
00:21:01,807 --> 00:21:05,607
Oh men, we're gonna to be doing this
all the time now, are we?
448
00:21:05,607 --> 00:21:07,107
That's the general idea.
449
00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:08,607
- General idea.
- General idea.