1
00:00:01,650 --> 00:00:03,170
Back when we were dating,
Robin and I had this running joke

2
00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:07,220
We were the only two people in
the world who found it funny

3
00:00:07,230 --> 00:00:10,040
No way March just not have 31 days

4
00:00:10,050 --> 00:00:14,690
Yes it does everyone knows that
it's like general knowledge

5
00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:16,350
general knowledge

6
00:00:16,870 --> 00:00:18,360
And we did it all the time

7
00:00:18,370 --> 00:00:21,575
Isn't it sad that I mean
in 2007 some countries...

8
00:00:21,675 --> 00:00:24,360
actually still condone
corporal punishment

9
00:00:24,370 --> 00:00:26,050
corporal punishment

10
00:00:26,690 --> 00:00:29,610
Because once you start,
it's surprisingly hard to stop

11
00:00:29,670 --> 00:00:32,300
Oh man I got kernel stuck in my teeth

12
00:00:32,310 --> 00:00:33,930
kernel stuck in my teeth

13
00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:38,020
But now we were broken
up so when Marshall said

14
00:00:38,030 --> 00:00:40,930
but after the first year
i get a major pay raise

15
00:00:41,850 --> 00:00:43,320
We just let it slide

16
00:00:43,330 --> 00:00:46,540
You see on the surface, Robin and I
look like we were doing great

17
00:00:46,550 --> 00:00:50,550
But the truth is trying to be friends
with your ex is a lot hard than it looks.

18
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:52,390
You can't be as candid
as you used to be.

19
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,550
So then this hot intern
leans over my desk,

20
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,680
I can totally see she has a pierced...

21
00:00:57,940 --> 00:00:58,850
Brosnan.

22
00:00:58,860 --> 00:01:01,780
Pierce Brosnan is my
favorite of all the Bonds.

23
00:01:01,790 --> 00:01:05,700
But most importantly, you can
never, ever be alone together.

24
00:01:05,890 --> 00:01:06,760
I gotta go.

25
00:01:06,770 --> 00:01:07,820
I'm gonna go pay.

26
00:01:07,830 --> 00:01:09,210
Peeing.

27
00:01:13,470 --> 00:01:15,310
- I'm gonna help Marshall pay.
- I'm gonna help Lily pee.

28
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:32,640
All right, we have a turkey.

29
00:01:32,650 --> 00:01:34,170
Yeah, we do.

30
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:35,220
Isn't this exciting?

31
00:01:35,230 --> 00:01:37,670
Our first Thanksgiving
together as a group.

32
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,030
Yeah, this is gonna be
the best Slapsgiving ever.

33
00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:41,480
What?

34
00:01:41,490 --> 00:01:44,580
I said this is going to be
the best Thanksgiving ever.

35
00:01:44,590 --> 00:01:45,850
Yeah, this is going to be great.

36
00:01:45,860 --> 00:01:47,160
Just the five of us, right?

37
00:01:47,170 --> 00:01:49,260
Oh, uh, that reminds me: I invited Bob.

38
00:01:49,270 --> 00:01:50,310
Bob?

39
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,440
You've been on, like, three
dates with that guy.

40
00:01:52,450 --> 00:01:53,910
We haven't even met him.

41
00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:58,150
Well, he didn't have anywhere else
to go, and I didn't know what to say.

44
00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:04,820
30 years from now, we're going
to look at the photos and say,

45
00:02:04,830 --> 00:02:09,660
"Oh, there's the four people I
love most in the world. And Bob. "

46
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:14,350
I'm sorry, sometimes I forget how seriously
you guys take American Thanksgiving.

47
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:16,760
Real Thanksgiving
happened over a month ago.

48
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,270
I'm sorry.

49
00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:22,050
Did you just say Canadian
Thanksgiving was and I'm quoting,

50
00:02:22,060 --> 00:02:24,010
"the real Thanksgiving"?

51
00:02:24,460 --> 00:02:28,260
What do Canadians even
have to celebrate about?

52
00:02:28,930 --> 00:02:33,490
Canadian Thanksgiving celebrates
explorer Martin Frobisher's valiant yet

53
00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:37,260
ultimately unsuccessful attempt
to find the Northwest Passage.

54
00:02:37,270 --> 00:02:39,740
Why are you guys even a country?

55
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:42,660
Oh, hey, by the way, if anyone
wants to come over early Thursday,

56
00:02:42,670 --> 00:02:44,450
we can watch the Slapsgiving Day Parade.

57
00:02:44,460 --> 00:02:45,990
Well, there, you said it again.

58
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:46,580
Said what?

59
00:02:46,590 --> 00:02:48,350
Slapsgiving.

60
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:50,270
Oh, I guess I did.

61
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,750
You know why? I've invented
a new holiday: Slapsgiving.

62
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:58,280
It's the one day we set aside each
year to gather together and give slaps.

63
00:02:58,290 --> 00:02:59,580
I should explain.

64
00:02:59,590 --> 00:03:01,680
Kids, you remember the slap bet.

65
00:03:01,690 --> 00:03:05,860
A yearlier, Marshall made a bet with Barney
and won the right to slap him five times.

66
00:03:05,870 --> 00:03:07,210
He had already used the first.

67
00:03:08,830 --> 00:03:10,180
And the second.

68
00:03:11,340 --> 00:03:13,990
But Marshall had something
special in store for the third.

69
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,200
Slapcountdown. com.

70
00:03:16,210 --> 00:03:17,420
No.

71
00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:18,850
No, no.

72
00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:22,300
The countdown ends at 3:00
p. m. the day after Thanksgiving.

73
00:03:22,310 --> 00:03:23,550
I counted it out.

74
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,720
How many days are in October?

75
00:03:25,730 --> 00:03:27,210
Uh, thirty.

76
00:03:27,220 --> 00:03:31,070
Dude, I thought we
cleared this up last year.

77
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:35,450
I like Halloween very much. Is nice.

78
00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:37,340
Is also tomorrow.

79
00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:38,780
Damn it!

80
00:03:39,950 --> 00:03:42,590
Wait, you're gonna slap
me on Thanksgiving?

81
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,170
Slapsgiving.

82
00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:45,400
That's not allowed.

83
00:03:45,410 --> 00:03:48,210
Lily, you're the Slap Bet
Commissioner, is that allowed?

84
00:03:48,220 --> 00:03:50,580
The hostess in me who's
using her wedding...

85
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,150
china for the first time
wants to say hell, no,

86
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,110
but yeah, I'm going to allow it.

87
00:03:56,020 --> 00:03:57,360
Well, you know what?

88
00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:59,830
If you're trying to freak me out
about spending Thanksgiving...

89
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:00,880
Slapsgiving.

90
00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:03,450
At your place, then you failed.

91
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,570
- Truth is, I'm not scared.
- Really?

92
00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:07,620
Right. 'Cause you blew it.

93
00:04:07,630 --> 00:04:10,590
The worst part about getting slapped is
not knowing when it's going to happen.

94
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:13,260
But now I know exactly
when I'm gonna get slapped.

95
00:04:13,270 --> 00:04:15,220
So, you took all the suspense out.

96
00:04:15,230 --> 00:04:18,020
You showed your hand.

97
00:04:18,030 --> 00:04:21,070
And Thursday at 3:01 p. m.

98
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,200
your face is going to show my hand.

99
00:04:24,590 --> 00:04:25,470
Oh, there's Bob!

100
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,860
By the way, heads up, he's
a little bit older than us.

101
00:04:27,870 --> 00:04:28,800
How old is he?

102
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,060
He's forty-one.

103
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:31,510
Hey, Bob! Over here!

104
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:35,270
Okay, kids, the truth is, Bob
probably looked like this.

105
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:36,980
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hi.

106
00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:40,639
But when your ex is dating
someone new, your...

107
00:04:40,739 --> 00:04:42,610
mind tends to accentuate their flaws.

108
00:04:42,620 --> 00:04:44,450
This is how I saw Bob.

109
00:04:44,460 --> 00:04:46,550
Hey, dudes, what's crackin'?

110
00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:48,350
- Hey, man, how are you?
- Good to meet you.

111
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:49,010
Sorry I'm late.

112
00:04:49,020 --> 00:04:51,220
I just got off the
phone with my parents.

113
00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:51,930
Parents?

114
00:04:51,940 --> 00:04:53,570
They were totally on my case:

115
00:04:53,580 --> 00:04:56,220
"What are you gonna do with
your life?You're forty-one. "

116
00:04:56,230 --> 00:05:00,830
And I'm like, "Chillax, snowboarding
is a legit career.

117
00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:03,860
You ought to be stoked
I found my bliss. "

118
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:07,440
And speaking of bliss, sugar me, baby.

119
00:05:08,780 --> 00:05:10,550
Let's go get a drink.

120
00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:15,580
Unbelievable.

121
00:05:15,590 --> 00:05:18,400
Robin is dating Orville Redenbacher.

122
00:05:19,090 --> 00:05:20,530
What are you talking about?

123
00:05:20,540 --> 00:05:22,910
He's forty-one. He looks great.

124
00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,880
Yeah, du he's in pretty good shape.

125
00:05:24,890 --> 00:05:26,380
probably could kick your ass.

126
00:05:26,390 --> 00:05:27,650
How are you guys not seeing this?

127
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,980
He's 150; Robin's 27.

128
00:05:29,990 --> 00:05:31,730
Barney, come on, what do you got?

129
00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:34,080
Nothing but respect for that man.

130
00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,190
Oh, by the way, we're all baking
pies at Robin's tomorrow.

131
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:40,690
Marshall can't be trusted in the
apartment with pies overnight.

132
00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:44,046
For the millionth time,
sleep-eating is a...

133
00:05:44,146 --> 00:05:47,650
very serious and delicious
medical condition.

134
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,430
Hey, uh, what time are you
guys going to Robin's?

135
00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:51,440
7:30.

136
00:05:51,450 --> 00:05:54,620
Perfect. Just to be safe, I'll
get there like 8:00, 8:30.

137
00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:56,125
{6}9:30 pm

138
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:57,550
Sorry I'm late.

139
00:05:58,150 --> 00:05:59,280
Where are Marshall and Lily?

140
00:05:59,290 --> 00:06:00,450
Uh, they just called.

141
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:03,200
They're both super swamped
preparing for tomorrow.

142
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,550
Is Bob coming?

143
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,600
No, he went to see Green Day.

144
00:06:15,170 --> 00:06:16,340
So it's...

145
00:06:16,350 --> 00:06:17,940
- Just the two of us.
- just the two of us.

146
00:06:17,950 --> 00:06:19,410
- Making pies.
- Pies.

147
00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:20,750
They're things that
friends make together.

148
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:21,460
Yeah, they do.

149
00:06:21,470 --> 00:06:22,950
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

150
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:23,980
- Great.
- Yeah.

151
00:06:23,990 --> 00:06:25,550
Great. Well, this is great.

152
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,330
It'll give us a chance to catch up.

153
00:06:27,340 --> 00:06:28,610
Yeah.

154
00:06:31,690 --> 00:06:33,650
- I'm going to make a phone call.
- I'll put it in t oven.

155
00:06:36,540 --> 00:06:37,410
Hey, it's me.

156
00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:39,770
Listen, you have to come
over here and make pies.

157
00:06:39,780 --> 00:06:41,530
Yeah, I'll be there, absolutely.

158
00:06:41,540 --> 00:06:43,290
Oh, awesome, you're a lifesaver.

159
00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:46,300
It's still kind of weird being alone
with Robin, but if you were here...

160
00:06:46,310 --> 00:06:47,840
Hey, say no more.

161
00:06:47,850 --> 00:06:50,180
I mean, when I pulled you
out of that burning wreckage,

162
00:06:50,190 --> 00:06:52,670
I wasn't doing it to have
a battleship named after me.

163
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:56,640
But if you insist, yes, I'll
be there for the christening.

164
00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:58,600
You're hitting on someone
right now, aren't you?

165
00:06:58,610 --> 00:07:00,530
No, I'm not going to
wear the medal of honor.

166
00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:02,670
That would just be tacky.

167
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:04,120
So you're not coming to make pies.

168
00:07:04,130 --> 00:07:05,400
No, no.

169
00:07:05,410 --> 00:07:07,730
Thank you, Mr. President.

170
00:07:08,620 --> 00:07:09,680
Sorry.

171
00:07:09,690 --> 00:07:12,920
After a very long night, it
was finally the big holiday.

172
00:07:12,930 --> 00:07:14,670
Sorry, the two big holidays.

173
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,890
Oh, Marshall, are you working
on the cranberry sauce?

174
00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:17,820
In a minute, baby.

175
00:07:17,830 --> 00:07:20,360
I've only got so many hands.

176
00:07:20,370 --> 00:07:21,550
You see what I got going on here?

177
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:24,200
They're turkeys, but they're also hands,

178
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:26,210
because later, we're
going to eat turkey...

179
00:07:26,810 --> 00:07:29,550
and then I'm going to
slap you in your face.

180
00:07:30,140 --> 00:07:32,760
Please, you took out all the suspense.

181
00:07:32,770 --> 00:07:36,210
In a horror movie, the killer does
not grab a bullhorn and announce,

182
00:07:36,220 --> 00:07:39,320
Attention unsupervised
teens here at the lake house:

183
00:07:39,330 --> 00:07:42,620
At precisely 3:00 a. m. I'm gonna
jump out of that closet right there

184
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,110
and hack you all up with a machete.

185
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:46,630
P. S. Fire is my one weakness.

186
00:07:51,810 --> 00:07:52,510
Hey, Ted.

187
00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:54,630
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- You, too.

188
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:55,670
- Is Lily in the kitchen?
- Yep.

189
00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:56,630
Great.

190
00:07:59,810 --> 00:08:00,580
- Marshall?
- Lily?

191
00:08:00,620 --> 00:08:01,590
- Yeah?
- Uh-huh?

192
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:02,926
- Something really weird
happened last night.

193
00:08:03,026 --> 00:08:04,290
Something really weird
happened last night.

194
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,700
what you mean something
weird happened last night?

195
00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:10,570
You may not realize this,
but since we broke up,

196
00:08:10,580 --> 00:08:13,090
Robin and I have never
really been alone together.

197
00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:16,500
So we're in the kitchen, starting
on the pies, and we realize,

198
00:08:16,510 --> 00:08:19,080
we don't have a damn
thing to say to each other.

199
00:08:19,090 --> 00:08:21,970
I mean, you can't talk about
how close you used to be.

200
00:08:21,980 --> 00:08:24,600
You can't talk about
how close you're not now.

201
00:08:24,610 --> 00:08:27,210
You just feel like everything you
say is gonna make things worse.

202
00:08:27,220 --> 00:08:28,170
Exactly.

203
00:08:28,180 --> 00:08:29,180
And you know why?

204
00:08:29,190 --> 00:08:31,136
Because you don't want
to hurt someone you...

205
00:08:31,236 --> 00:08:33,360
really care about, especially
around the holidays.

206
00:08:33,390 --> 00:08:35,795
I mean, what decent human
being would want to...

207
00:08:35,895 --> 00:08:38,300
cause any kind of emotional
or physical pain...

208
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:39,500
You're still getting slapped.

209
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,830
I wanted to leave, but I couldn't stick
her with making all the pies by herself.

210
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:45,860
She was exhausted.

211
00:08:45,870 --> 00:08:48,980
I yawned like a million times
trying to get him to leave.

212
00:08:48,990 --> 00:08:50,980
Yeah, some people just can't take a hint.

213
00:08:50,990 --> 00:08:52,470
By the way, I'm really swamped in here.

214
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:56,230
I kept looking at the clock
and sighing-- totally clueless.

215
00:08:56,660 --> 00:08:58,370
I'm not sure I have time
to mash those potatoes,

216
00:08:58,380 --> 00:08:59,790
- you're standing right next to.
- And then Ted does the thing that

217
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,050
- he always does when
there's an awkward silence.

218
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,150
Yep.

219
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:04,510
Masher's right there, next to the pot.

220
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,720
He panics and says the first
thing that pops into his head.

221
00:09:08,170 --> 00:09:13,260
Hey, did you know that the first pies in
recorded history came from ancient Egypt?

222
00:09:16,220 --> 00:09:20,390
Remember last year's Thanksgiving,
when we had sex seven times?

223
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,400
- Terrible.
- What?

224
00:09:23,410 --> 00:09:25,200
I thought it would break the ice.

225
00:09:25,210 --> 00:09:27,940
I'd already broken the
ice with my cool pie fact.

226
00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:30,420
Then he makes it ten times more awkward.

227
00:09:30,430 --> 00:09:32,730
How do you respond to
something like that?

228
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:36,300
Did you know that the Egyptian
pyramids can be seen from space?

229
00:09:36,310 --> 00:09:38,050
Probably?

230
00:09:39,730 --> 00:09:41,130
Ooh, the oven's pre-heated!

231
00:09:41,140 --> 00:09:42,700
Okay, um...

232
00:09:42,710 --> 00:09:45,330
the pecan pie is gonna take the longest.

233
00:09:45,340 --> 00:09:47,850
Why don't we put that one in first?

234
00:09:47,860 --> 00:09:49,580
Pecan pie? Why are we making that?

235
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:51,780
Um, it's my favorite.

236
00:09:51,790 --> 00:09:53,840
- You're allergic.
- I know.

237
00:09:53,850 --> 00:09:55,350
I just like smelling it.

238
00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:57,430
It's like eating with your nose.

239
00:09:58,330 --> 00:10:00,960
So we're making a pie for Bob.

240
00:10:00,970 --> 00:10:03,840
Well... yeah.

241
00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:07,130
- She's got you making pies for this guy?
- Yeah.

242
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,060
That is a real slap in the face.

243
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:15,000
You know, you could have
just told me it was for Bob.

244
00:10:15,010 --> 00:10:17,310
Yeah, I-I just thought
it might upset you.

245
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:18,530
Upset me?

246
00:10:18,540 --> 00:10:19,460
Wait a second.

247
00:10:19,470 --> 00:10:21,090
Do you think that...

248
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:25,640
do you think that I'm jealous of Bob?

249
00:10:25,650 --> 00:10:26,380
I don't know.

250
00:10:26,390 --> 00:10:29,230
Is it so ridiculous to
think that you might be?

251
00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:30,780
- Yes.
- Why?

252
00:10:30,790 --> 00:10:33,030
Because he's a thousand years old.

253
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:36,490
- No, Ted, what are you doing?
- Right?

254
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,225
The only reason I'm
jealous of Bob is that...

255
00:10:38,325 --> 00:10:40,090
we can only talk about
the first Thanksgiving,

256
00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:41,540
but he was actually there.

257
00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:42,140
Come on.

258
00:10:42,150 --> 00:10:44,287
The only reason I'm
jealous of Bob is because

259
00:10:44,387 --> 00:10:46,330
I heard Noah gave him
shotgun in the ark.

260
00:10:46,340 --> 00:10:46,860
Ted...

261
00:10:46,870 --> 00:10:50,160
The only reason I'm jealous of
Bob is that I'm just an architect,

262
00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:53,050
but he discovered fire.
How do you top that?

263
00:10:53,060 --> 00:10:54,240
He's 41!

264
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:55,970
Why are you bashing on him so hard?

265
00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:58,290
I'm not. I'm just joking around.

266
00:10:58,300 --> 00:11:00,050
That's what friends do.

267
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,320
It's mean.

268
00:11:01,330 --> 00:11:04,970
Well, how come we're all allowed to bust
on Barney when he dates some skanktron,

269
00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:06,359
but when you sleep with the Crypt

270
00:11:06,459 --> 00:11:08,270
Keeper's dad, I'm not
allowed to say a word?

271
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:11,210
First of all, Bob and I
are not sleeping together.

272
00:11:11,220 --> 00:11:12,350
We're just dating.

273
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:16,140
Secondly, have I said one word about
the parade of dubious conquests

274
00:11:16,150 --> 00:11:18,280
you've been marching past
me the last few months?

275
00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:20,550
One of whom got you a butterfly tattoo?

276
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:22,670
- Hey, that is...
- And if you and I are such good friends...

277
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:25,000
why is baking a pie for Bob so weird?

278
00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:26,530
Yeah, if you and I
are such good friends,

279
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:29,590
why couldn't you just tell
me that's what we were doing?

280
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,780
Okay, maybe we should
talk about this later.

281
00:11:32,790 --> 00:11:34,510
I-I should get going.

282
00:11:35,310 --> 00:11:37,500
Well, what are we doing?
It's Thanksgiving.

283
00:11:37,510 --> 00:11:38,780
I don't know. I'm sorry.

284
00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:40,740
- This is stupid.
- I'm sorry, too.

285
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:41,970
Of course we're friends.

286
00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:43,860
- I'm glad we're friends.
- Me too

287
00:11:54,450 --> 00:11:56,930
you guys slept together last night?

288
00:11:56,940 --> 00:11:58,960
That is a terrible idea!

289
00:11:58,970 --> 00:12:00,720
Horrible idea.

290
00:12:00,730 --> 00:12:03,360
Relapse five!

291
00:12:03,370 --> 00:12:06,460
That's where we high-five, then
it's awkward for a little bit...

292
00:12:06,470 --> 00:12:08,320
and then we high-five again!

293
00:12:08,330 --> 00:12:10,400
What the hell were you doing?

294
00:12:10,410 --> 00:12:13,400
Let's review: You and Ted
broke up six months ago,

295
00:12:13,410 --> 00:12:14,020
Yep.

296
00:12:14,030 --> 00:12:15,390
you're dating another man...

297
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:16,540
You are correct, sir.

298
00:12:16,550 --> 00:12:18,480
who's coming to my Thanksgiving today...

299
00:12:18,490 --> 00:12:19,550
That is a truth-fact.

300
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,480
an event Ted is also attending.

301
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:22,200
Ka-blammo.

302
00:12:22,210 --> 00:12:24,910
Why are you trying to
destroy American Thanksgiving?

303
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:27,000
Oh, Lily, it's not as bad as it sounds.

304
00:12:27,010 --> 00:12:29,193
Bob anI aren't that serious, and what

305
00:12:29,194 --> 00:12:31,730
happened last night
with Ted was a fluke.

306
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:34,650
Well, did you guys at
least talk about it?

307
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,290
- There's office material...
- I hear something burning...

308
00:12:42,020 --> 00:12:43,590
Clearly, we need to ignore this.

309
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,900
Clearly, we need to talk about this.

310
00:12:46,270 --> 00:12:48,550
You know? To save the friendship.

311
00:12:50,890 --> 00:12:52,190
- We need to talk.
- Stuffed mushroom?

312
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,240
We need to talk about last night.

313
00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:57,330
Did you know thatsome
mushrooms are carnivorous?

314
00:12:57,340 --> 00:12:59,690
Probably... Not?

315
00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:02,970
Ted, can we please just deal with this?

316
00:13:02,980 --> 00:13:04,490
Look, I'mad. I just think...

317
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:05,740
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

318
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:07,380
Why would you be
mad-- you started it?

319
00:13:07,390 --> 00:13:09,170
What? You're crazy!

320
00:13:09,180 --> 00:13:11,160
We called a truce, we hugged,

321
00:13:11,170 --> 00:13:13,450
and when I tried to pull away, you
kept your hand on my neck.

322
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,430
Only because your hand
was still around my waist.

323
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,600
Oh, come on! You leaned into it.

324
00:13:17,610 --> 00:13:19,900
- I... leaned into it?
- Yeah.

325
00:13:19,910 --> 00:13:21,351
You're like the crappy
kid in Little League

326
00:13:21,352 --> 00:13:22,760
who knows he's not
going to make contact,

327
00:13:22,770 --> 00:13:23,410
so he just...

328
00:13:23,420 --> 00:13:26,470
"Oops, I got hit by the
pitch. Better take my base.

329
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,270
Oh, that was you in
Little League, wasn't it?

330
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,350
My on-base percentage
was off the charts!

331
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:35,050
Oh, no! The slap-petizers.

332
00:13:35,210 --> 00:13:36,670
You know what? That's it!

333
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,300
This is Thanksgiving.

334
00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:40,100
Solve this right now.

335
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:43,840
And if you have sex
again, neither of you gets dessert!

336
00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:48,340
Oh, what the hell kind of
Thanksgiving is this anyway?

337
00:13:48,350 --> 00:13:50,520
Um, most Thanksgivings.

338
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:51,510
Don't stress, baby.

339
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,240
I'll try to find us something relaxing.

340
00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:54,610
Thanks, baby.

341
00:13:54,620 --> 00:13:57,000
Ooh, some classical music, maybe.

342
00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:00,790
Oh, my! Look at that.

343
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:04,030
That means we're in the
final hour of the countdown.

344
00:14:04,870 --> 00:14:06,180
I'm not scared.

345
00:14:06,190 --> 00:14:08,450
Then why is your right cheek twitching?

346
00:14:08,460 --> 00:14:09,040
It's not...

347
00:14:09,050 --> 00:14:13,030
Maybe it's because Future
Me slaps Future You so hard,

348
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:17,500
it reverberates back to the present,
shattering the time-slap continuum.

349
00:14:17,510 --> 00:14:18,990
Please don't slap me.

350
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:19,880
I'm sorry, what?

351
00:14:19,890 --> 00:14:21,430
Oh, God! Don't slap me again!

352
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,334
I don't want to get
slapped again, and the

353
00:14:23,335 --> 00:14:25,360
first two times hurt
so bad, I don't like it!

354
00:14:25,370 --> 00:14:27,780
I don't like it one bit!

355
00:14:27,790 --> 00:14:30,380
I thought I ruined it by
putting a clock on it, Barney?

356
00:14:30,390 --> 00:14:33,610
Well, you didn't ruin it;
you made it so much worse!

357
00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:35,310
I can't eat. I can't sleep.

358
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:38,280
I've lost ten pounds;
my suits are wearing me.

359
00:14:38,550 --> 00:14:40,810
You know what? I'm outta here.

360
00:14:40,820 --> 00:14:41,960
Well, no, no, no. You can't leave.

361
00:14:41,970 --> 00:14:43,310
Why can't I?

362
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,056
Nowhere in the rules does it say that I

363
00:14:45,057 --> 00:14:47,060
have to sit through
sort of mental torture!

364
00:14:47,070 --> 00:14:48,540
You are allowed to slap my face, sir,

365
00:14:48,550 --> 00:14:51,320
but you are not allowed
to slap my mind! Good day!

366
00:14:51,330 --> 00:14:53,580
- But it's Slapsgiving.
- No!

367
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,950
It's Thanksgiving!

368
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:59,820
Our first one as a married
couple, as grownups--

369
00:14:59,830 --> 00:15:02,560
and you're not even
trying to be a part of it!

370
00:15:02,570 --> 00:15:04,560
None of you are!

371
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:05,630
So...

372
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,600
as Slap Bet Commissioner, I'm
issuing a ruling.

373
00:15:08,610 --> 00:15:10,050
Thanksgiving is a day of peace.

374
00:15:10,060 --> 00:15:12,340
There will be no slaps today!

375
00:15:12,350 --> 00:15:13,710
- What?
- Yes!

376
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,240
In your face!

377
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:17,420
Not my face... your face!

378
00:15:17,430 --> 00:15:18,660
What's up, dudes?

379
00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:19,820
Hey, Bob.

380
00:15:19,830 --> 00:15:20,910
- Baby, please...
- No!

381
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,030
The Slap Bet Commissioner's
word is final,

382
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:26,900
so get in the kitchen and
mash some potatoes, now.

383
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:33,670
And for the rest of the day, we are going
to enjoy a civilized, grownup holiday.

384
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:34,950
Not too grownup.

385
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:36,580
I made Jell-O shots.

386
00:15:36,590 --> 00:15:39,640
We's gonna get silly, bitches.

387
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:43,170
Look at us!

388
00:15:43,180 --> 00:15:46,010
We can't be alone together, can we?

389
00:15:46,750 --> 00:15:48,470
Apparently not.

390
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,330
What does that mean?

391
00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:52,350
We're supposed to be friends.

392
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:56,190
Well... We aren't friends, are we?

393
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:59,510
Not really. We avoid each other.

394
00:15:59,860 --> 00:16:01,970
We smile politely.

395
00:16:02,850 --> 00:16:06,880
We're two people who pretend to be friends
because it would be inconvenient not to.

396
00:16:08,970 --> 00:16:11,980
Well, maybe we should stop pretending.

397
00:16:13,170 --> 00:16:15,490
Maybe we should.

398
00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:23,320
So...

399
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,380
Oh, what do we do now?

400
00:16:27,210 --> 00:16:30,310
I suppose... we eat dinner.

401
00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:31,930
Yeah.

402
00:16:34,750 --> 00:16:36,840
And then that's it.

403
00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:40,080
Okay.

404
00:16:53,030 --> 00:16:54,760
Happy Thanksgiving.

405
00:16:57,530 --> 00:17:00,890
So we sat down to our first
Thanksgiving together as a group...

406
00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:02,680
and, apparently, our last.

407
00:17:02,690 --> 00:17:04,400
Marshall, you're not eating.

408
00:17:04,410 --> 00:17:07,290
Did something spoil your slap-petite?

409
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:11,200
No, I just thought...

410
00:17:11,210 --> 00:17:13,690
before we eat, maybe the chef
would like to say a few words.

411
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,050
Nope. This sucks.
Eat up and leave.

412
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,840
Well, then, I'd like to say something.

413
00:17:23,850 --> 00:17:25,430
If that's cool?

414
00:17:27,340 --> 00:17:29,780
today, Lily did something great.

415
00:17:29,790 --> 00:17:33,990
Not only did she gather us all here
together and cook a delicious meal,

416
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,640
but she also started a new tradition.

417
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:39,880
We're gonna do this again next
year, and the year after that--

418
00:17:39,890 --> 00:17:41,920
maybe for the rest of our lives.

419
00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:44,880
I think that's pretty
amazing if you think about it.

420
00:17:44,890 --> 00:17:47,510
And it's all thanks to you, Lily.

421
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,230
I love you.

422
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,620
So, to the first of many
Thanksgivings together.

423
00:17:58,950 --> 00:18:00,880
This is rad!

424
00:18:00,890 --> 00:18:04,310
A nice, small, simple Thanksgiving.

425
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:09,440
I'm the youngest of ten in my
family, so our Thanksgiving is a mess.

426
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,320
All the yelling and the screaming...

427
00:18:12,330 --> 00:18:14,130
And then a funny thing happened...

428
00:18:14,140 --> 00:18:17,570
It's really a major buzz-kill.

429
00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:19,310
- Major Buzz-kill.
- Major Buzz-kill.

430
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:23,520
Oh, no...

431
00:18:23,530 --> 00:18:26,140
I thought we were done with that?

432
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:28,990
I guess we're not.

433
00:18:30,050 --> 00:18:31,500
Guess we're not.

434
00:18:33,490 --> 00:18:36,710
You see kids, friendship
is an involuntary reflex--

435
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,070
it just happens, you can't help it.

436
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,440
That first Thanksgiving turned
out to be a wonderful...

437
00:18:41,540 --> 00:18:43,900
dinner with the four people
I love most in the world...

438
00:18:43,910 --> 00:18:45,540
and Bob.

439
00:18:46,030 --> 00:18:47,740
And it did become a tradition.

440
00:18:47,750 --> 00:18:51,470
That's why every year, we go to Aunt Lily
and Uncle Marshall's for Thanksgiving.

441
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:52,670
Hey, check it out!

442
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:56,670
We're in the last 20 seconds of
Marshall's countdown to nothing.

443
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:57,980
Barney, put it away.

444
00:18:57,990 --> 00:19:00,800
How does it feel, Marshall,
to sit there, impotently--

445
00:19:00,810 --> 00:19:04,670
your large, flaccid hand, just
dangling in the wind?

446
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:07,300
The slap will occur in ten...

447
00:19:07,310 --> 00:19:10,280
Ooh, classy touch, dude. Too bad!

448
00:19:10,290 --> 00:19:11,360
Barney, put it away.

449
00:19:11,370 --> 00:19:13,140
I will in... five...

450
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:13,780
four...

451
00:19:13,790 --> 00:19:14,940
You can slap him.

452
00:19:14,950 --> 00:19:15,670
What?

453
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:16,920
Wait, you...

454
00:19:18,350 --> 00:19:19,710
That's three!

455
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:22,730
Thanks, baby, you're the best.

456
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:26,480
And as a special, added bonus, I've
composed a song just for this occasion.

457
00:19:26,490 --> 00:19:27,870
Ted, lights!

458
00:19:40,900 --> 00:19:43,080
♪ What is this feelin' ♪

459
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,450
♪ That's put you in your place? ♪

460
00:19:48,190 --> 00:19:53,950
♪ A hot, red burnin' on
the side of your face ♪

461
00:19:54,490 --> 00:19:57,760
♪ You feel the blood
rush to your cheek ♪

462
00:19:57,770 --> 00:20:00,680
♪ Tears start to fill your eyes ♪

463
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,780
♪ And your lips are tremblin' ♪

464
00:20:02,790 --> 00:20:05,730
♪ But you can't speak, you're tryin' ♪

465
00:20:05,740 --> 00:20:07,360
♪ Oh, you're tryin' ♪

466
00:20:07,370 --> 00:20:09,320
♪ Not to cry! ♪

467
00:20:10,130 --> 00:20:13,030
♪ Ya just got sla-apped ♪

468
00:20:14,110 --> 00:20:16,280
♪ Across the face, my friend ♪

469
00:20:17,020 --> 00:20:19,210
♪ You just got slapped ♪

470
00:20:19,220 --> 00:20:22,370
♪ Yes, that really ♪
♪ Just happened ♪

471
00:20:23,810 --> 00:20:26,220
♪ Everybody saw it ♪

472
00:20:26,930 --> 00:20:30,660
♪ And everybody laughed and clapped ♪

473
00:20:30,670 --> 00:20:32,790
♪ It was awesome ♪

474
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,050
♪ Wait, you just got... ♪

475
00:20:35,710 --> 00:20:37,390
♪ Slapped. ♪

476
00:20:49,910 --> 00:20:51,910
Happy Slapsgiving, everybody.

477
00:20:56,420 --> 00:20:58,330
well guys have fun

478
00:20:58,870 --> 00:21:01,380
well this is gonna be a major clean-up

479
00:21:01,390 --> 00:21:02,860
major clean-up

480
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,930
Oh, man we're gonna be doing
this all the time now, aren't we?

481
00:21:06,940 --> 00:21:08,430
that's the general idea

482
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,000
general idea