1
00:00:13,468 --> 00:00:15,943
<i>Previously on Californication...</i>

2
00:00:27,647 --> 00:00:30,725
- Jesus H. Christ
- Hi, daddy!

3
00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:34,016
This is Bill's daughter, Mia.
And this is Hank.

4
00:00:34,147 --> 00:00:36,502
- Y... you two know each other?
- No!

5
00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:38,540
I am 16, you know.

6
00:00:38,987 --> 00:00:41,533
- What's this?
- Hank's new book.

7
00:00:41,550 --> 00:00:44,119
- Are you really 16?
- I'm really 16.

8
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:45,262
<i>This is really good.</i>

9
00:00:45,263 --> 00:00:46,621
It's is not a memoir

10
00:00:46,622 --> 00:00:49,269
It's a written account of my
sexual relationship with you

11
00:00:49,270 --> 00:00:51,726
Written by me
as a fucking novel!

12
00:00:52,130 --> 00:00:54,519
I know you set him up,
stole his book...

13
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:55,933
And what are you gonna do about it, huh?

14
00:00:55,934 --> 00:00:57,076
I gotta ask.

15
00:00:57,077 --> 00:00:59,631
Since you always tend to write
exactly what you know,

16
00:00:59,632 --> 00:01:01,466
what's the fuckin' deal?

17
00:01:02,148 --> 00:01:04,908
You've done some fucked up shit
in your time, but...

18
00:01:04,909 --> 00:01:06,678
I didn't think you'd do that.

19
00:01:08,710 --> 00:01:13,254
You have to love him for who he is,
not his potential.

20
00:01:13,701 --> 00:01:16,606
- Drive the car!
- Karen!

21
00:01:17,027 --> 00:01:22,545
- You're saying we must move back to New York together?
- Well, soon. Yeah. OK?

22
00:01:22,771 --> 00:01:25,095
Look what the cat dragged in.

23
00:01:25,096 --> 00:01:27,031
What brings you to these fair parts?

24
00:01:27,032 --> 00:01:29,608
I'm doing a little signing-
reading in Venice.

25
00:01:29,609 --> 00:01:30,633
I want you guys to come!

26
00:01:30,634 --> 00:01:32,543
Paul Rider, Mia's manager.

27
00:01:35,042 --> 00:01:37,991
Quite the literary scandal we have here.

28
00:01:38,055 --> 00:01:40,802
- Why would you tell him?
- Because I'm in love with him.

29
00:01:40,803 --> 00:01:44,745
- Think about Karen and think about Becca.
- It doesn't have to be this way.

30
00:01:45,786 --> 00:01:47,689
- Stop!
- You're fucked, Moody.

31
00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:50,522
- I need to tell you something.
- Okay.

32
00:01:57,990 --> 00:01:59,990
www.addic7ed.com presents

33
00:02:00,090 --> 00:02:03,090
Californication s04e01 preair
'Exile On Main St.'

34
00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:07,990
Special thanks to www.subsfactory.it
and the Moodies Team.

35
00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:48,133
- Home, Skips.
- Hey, are you hungry?

36
00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:52,056
You must be starved! You know what?
Come on, come on. We'll go get something to eat.

37
00:02:52,057 --> 00:02:54,986
- Grand slam breakfast, my treat.
- I gotta get home.

38
00:02:54,987 --> 00:02:57,646
I gotta face the music
at some point.

39
00:02:58,548 --> 00:03:00,145
What?

40
00:03:00,146 --> 00:03:02,097
- What?
- What's that look?

41
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,606
What look?

42
00:03:03,607 --> 00:03:06,820
That shifty, somewhat cunty
look of yours.

43
00:03:08,942 --> 00:03:12,391
I can't take you home, Palomino.
- And why is that, Charlie?

44
00:03:12,591 --> 00:03:14,467
I've been instructed not to.

45
00:03:14,468 --> 00:03:17,141
- By Karen?
- And Marcy.

46
00:03:17,210 --> 00:03:20,791
She told me she would kick my pale,
pockmarked ass if I brought you home by now

47
00:03:20,792 --> 00:03:23,945
And I believe that crazy little bitch too.

48
00:03:24,207 --> 00:03:25,660
Get this.

49
00:03:25,661 --> 00:03:27,943
We're splittin' the sheets.

50
00:03:29,013 --> 00:03:31,123
She signed the papers.

51
00:03:31,124 --> 00:03:32,967
She totally broke my heart.

52
00:03:32,968 --> 00:03:34,994
I really thought
we were gonna work it out.

53
00:03:34,995 --> 00:03:37,074
- I guess not...
- Charlie!

54
00:03:37,226 --> 00:03:38,289
What am I gonna do now?

55
00:03:38,290 --> 00:03:40,370
- Charlie!
- Yeah?

56
00:03:40,583 --> 00:03:42,424
I just got out of jail.

57
00:03:45,579 --> 00:03:49,825
You're right, I'm sorry. You win.
You've got it way worse right now.

58
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:52,503
Get in the car,
there's something you should see.

59
00:04:06,456 --> 00:04:08,367
How did it get out so fast?

60
00:04:08,638 --> 00:04:11,548
It's called the interweb, Hank.
It's been around for a while now.

61
00:04:11,572 --> 00:04:14,171
Remember how fast my
masturbation video spread?

62
00:04:14,172 --> 00:04:15,326
That was unnerving.

63
00:04:15,327 --> 00:04:16,615
That was funny
'cause it was you

64
00:04:16,616 --> 00:04:18,315
- Yeah
- Not me

65
00:04:20,074 --> 00:04:21,868
Some story, huh?

66
00:04:22,052 --> 00:04:23,144
Yeah. To tell you the truth,

67
00:04:23,145 --> 00:04:25,214
I never thought
he was much of a writer.

68
00:04:25,789 --> 00:04:28,597
But now the guy
is my fuckin' hero!

69
00:04:28,598 --> 00:04:30,236
I mean, he hit that shit, right?

70
00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:33,743
What I wouldn't give
for a taste of that sweet peach.

71
00:04:34,731 --> 00:04:37,726
- All right, peace.
- Yeah, okay...

72
00:04:38,423 --> 00:04:42,000
There you go!
Another satisfied customer.

73
00:04:42,001 --> 00:04:43,374
I'm gonna ask you a question, Runkle,

74
00:04:43,375 --> 00:04:47,440
and how you answer will determine
whether or not I put this cigarette
up your asshole.

75
00:04:47,846 --> 00:04:50,764
Will you take me the fuck home?

76
00:04:54,323 --> 00:04:56,437
Home it is, my good man.

77
00:05:15,986 --> 00:05:17,385
You're a useless fuck,
you know that?

78
00:05:17,386 --> 00:05:19,390
The man threatened
physical violence, Marcy.

79
00:05:19,391 --> 00:05:22,666
- So did I, you stupid mutt.
- You can't hurt me anymore, you know.

80
00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:24,456
You already torn my fuckin' heart out.

81
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:26,717
Go away, Hank.
I'm not gonna let you in.

82
00:05:26,718 --> 00:05:30,264
I get it, Marce. You're *** ***
the gatekeeper, but this is my home.

83
00:05:30,265 --> 00:05:32,469
- It's my family.
- Is it true?

84
00:05:32,470 --> 00:05:34,131
The man was framed.

85
00:05:34,132 --> 00:05:37,600
Yes it's true, but it's
also hugely complicated.

86
00:05:38,785 --> 00:05:40,282
I believe you.

87
00:05:40,283 --> 00:05:44,553
I do. But still,
it's preatty fucking grotty.

88
00:05:44,581 --> 00:05:46,953
You'll get no argument from me.

89
00:05:48,339 --> 00:05:49,506
Now, what's the move?

90
00:05:49,507 --> 00:05:54,703
Are you gonna step aside or am I gonna have
to pick you up and move you aside like
the gorgeous little garden gnome that you are?

91
00:05:55,210 --> 00:05:57,731
Get the fuck out of here, Hank,
before Becca comes home. Okay?

92
00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:59,620
I would like to see her.
How is she?

93
00:05:59,621 --> 00:06:03,358
Oh, she's great. She's fantastic.
I can't keep her off the computer, though,

94
00:06:03,359 --> 00:06:04,699
'cause she doesn't believe a word of it.

95
00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:06,448
She thinks you were set up.

96
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,213
Do you wanna take that away from her?

97
00:06:08,214 --> 00:06:11,462
<i>Do you wanna have to look her in the eye
and tell her that you put your DICK</i>

98
00:06:11,463 --> 00:06:14,544
in a girl that's the same age
that she is right now?

99
00:06:14,545 --> 00:06:16,389
'Cause if you do,
stick around.

100
00:06:16,731 --> 00:06:18,463
- Fuck you!
- Wha--

101
00:06:20,465 --> 00:06:24,562
Well, call me Mr. Brightside, but I think
we're making some serious progress here.

102
00:06:24,563 --> 00:06:28,760
She wanted you to have a change of clothes,
that was very thoughtful of her.

103
00:06:36,247 --> 00:06:38,545
So, the arraignment is tomorrow morning.

104
00:06:38,546 --> 00:06:41,852
In the meantime, I'll do what I can
to play down the assault and battery.

105
00:06:43,943 --> 00:06:45,527
Do you have any questions?

106
00:06:45,528 --> 00:06:46,528
Yes.

107
00:06:46,529 --> 00:06:49,047
- Do you mind if I smoke?
- Sure do.

108
00:06:53,709 --> 00:06:54,737
Hank.

109
00:06:54,838 --> 00:06:56,104
Hank.

110
00:06:57,144 --> 00:06:59,298
- Hank!
- Is there something I should know here?

111
00:06:59,299 --> 00:07:01,631
- Such as?
- Is he retarded?

112
00:07:01,852 --> 00:07:06,287
He's actually quite a good guy
once you get to know him.
He's very pleasant.

113
00:07:06,288 --> 00:07:08,650
- Very agreeable.
- Good to know.

114
00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:11,188
Because on paper he looks
like a total piece of shit.

115
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:15,263
Abby here is the best there is
at defending the unjustly accused.

116
00:07:15,264 --> 00:07:18,762
Hey, hey, remember that poor guy who
kept shoving his penis to the Laker girls?

117
00:07:18,763 --> 00:07:21,028
She totally got him off.

118
00:07:21,029 --> 00:07:22,718
Impressive.

119
00:07:22,744 --> 00:07:25,955
<i>So what was it you wanted to do, Abby?
You know, before.</i>

120
00:07:26,693 --> 00:07:28,668
Ok, I'll play.

121
00:07:28,908 --> 00:07:29,883
Before what?

122
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:32,320
Before you sold out
and went to law school.

123
00:07:32,739 --> 00:07:33,916
Up top

124
00:07:33,917 --> 00:07:36,023
- Cute.
- Can't help, but the guy's cute.

125
00:07:36,024 --> 00:07:37,718
He's also a three-time loser.

126
00:07:37,719 --> 00:07:39,510
Now you're just name-calling.

127
00:07:39,511 --> 00:07:41,695
It says that you were
arrested for assaulting a...

128
00:07:41,696 --> 00:07:43,463
a filmmaker named Todd Carl.

129
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:46,846
<i>A shitty filmmaker named Todd Carl.
Does it say shitty there? Cause it should!</i>

130
00:07:46,847 --> 00:07:49,098
The charges were dropped
at Mr. Carl's request,

131
00:07:49,099 --> 00:07:53,035
shortly thereafter an
altercation with an LAPD officer.

132
00:07:53,914 --> 00:07:57,463
Got off *** probation
How'd you manage that one?

133
00:07:58,329 --> 00:07:59,365
Really?

134
00:07:59,366 --> 00:08:01,065
He just had a vasectomy.

135
00:08:01,066 --> 00:08:02,550
Point being?

136
00:08:02,628 --> 00:08:04,891
The cop nightsticked him
in the balls.

137
00:08:05,134 --> 00:08:08,229
- Big misunderstanding.
- Oh, yeah? tell that to my balls!

138
00:08:08,230 --> 00:08:10,545
I still got a touch of the epididimitis.

139
00:08:10,546 --> 00:08:14,931
Whenever it flares up,
I gotta soak my pouch
in 4 inches of tepid bath water.

140
00:08:14,932 --> 00:08:16,395
Talk about a party.

141
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:17,661
You know what?

142
00:08:17,662 --> 00:08:20,095
This is a big fucking waste of my time

143
00:08:20,096 --> 00:08:21,559
Good luck to you, Mr. Moody.

144
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,393
- Apologise, you idiot.
- Ok, look...

145
00:08:23,394 --> 00:08:25,115
I'm sorry...

146
00:08:25,116 --> 00:08:26,933
...that I talked about my balls.

147
00:08:26,934 --> 00:08:30,099
My big, beautiful balls.
That was inappropriate.

148
00:08:30,923 --> 00:08:34,806
No, no, I get it, I get it how serious this all is,
you know, and I don't wanna waste your time.

149
00:08:34,807 --> 00:08:35,548
- Really?
- Yes.

150
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:39,552
I trust you to do whatever
voodoo it is that you do...

151
00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:41,371
...do for me.

152
00:08:41,372 --> 00:08:43,759
So I'm gonna--
I put myself in your hands.

153
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,068
I'm putty for you.

154
00:08:45,069 --> 00:08:47,834
I'll tumble for ya.
I'll do wwhatever it takes.

155
00:08:54,170 --> 00:08:55,725
Start with a shower.

156
00:08:55,726 --> 00:08:58,319
You smell like you just walked out
of a fisting contest.

157
00:08:58,320 --> 00:08:59,633
I'll see you tomorrow morning.

158
00:08:59,634 --> 00:09:01,216
Don't be late.

159
00:09:05,010 --> 00:09:08,322
She's good!
She totally nailed it.

160
00:09:15,150 --> 00:09:17,912
The prodigal son returns.

161
00:09:18,089 --> 00:09:21,556
- Doesn't it make you wanna pleasure
yourself just a little bit?
- I won't lie,

162
00:09:21,557 --> 00:09:24,981
- It is slight tumescent.
- What are we doing here?

163
00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,945
All will be revealed in good time, my friend.

164
00:09:27,946 --> 00:09:30,849
Meanwhile, I got to drain the hog.

165
00:09:30,850 --> 00:09:34,911
Oh, come on, we all know that thing is
thin, bent and uncircumsized.
Don't bullshit me.

166
00:09:34,912 --> 00:09:38,491
Jesus Christ, how many times
I gotta tell you, I'm not uncircumsized.

167
00:09:38,492 --> 00:09:43,399
The mohel just left a little too much foreskin.
That's all. A smidge, just a smidge.

168
00:09:43,422 --> 00:09:45,991
Ha ha. So it's, like, circled halfway?

169
00:09:57,878 --> 00:09:58,614
Hey.

170
00:10:09,377 --> 00:10:11,295
Here. You happy?

171
00:10:11,418 --> 00:10:12,654
Very much so, thanks.

172
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:19,779
I'm not going to sleep with you.

173
00:10:22,966 --> 00:10:23,828
All right.

174
00:10:24,519 --> 00:10:26,400
- You're not really my type, anyway.
- Oh, really?

175
00:10:26,405 --> 00:10:30,934
Yeah, I like 'em older. And hadicapped.
Excuse me, handicapable.

176
00:10:31,202 --> 00:10:34,654
Well, now I'm definitely for sure
not sleeping with you.

177
00:10:37,876 --> 00:10:39,261
- Hank.
- Mia.

178
00:10:39,291 --> 00:10:42,168
Ok. You win, lady,
you're officially creeping me out.

179
00:10:42,217 --> 00:10:45,645
- What-- what-- what...
- Sorry, professional hazard.

180
00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:47,887
- What do you do?
- Hello hello!

181
00:10:47,947 --> 00:10:49,491
I see you two have already met.

182
00:10:49,540 --> 00:10:52,480
No, he introduced herself to me
as Mia and totally bummed me out.

183
00:10:52,522 --> 00:10:55,538
Charlie Runkle, I'm so pleased
to meet you. Huge fan.

184
00:10:55,556 --> 00:10:58,064
<i>My guy Friday.
Smooth, real smooth.</i>

185
00:10:58,071 --> 00:11:00,296
Hank Moody, Sasha Bingham.

186
00:11:00,302 --> 00:11:02,302
Sasha Bingham, all right.
What is that you do, Sasha?

187
00:11:03,082 --> 00:11:06,987
He's a kidder, this one.
He's a kidder. He's kidding.

188
00:11:07,222 --> 00:11:08,978
Guys, ladies.

189
00:11:09,921 --> 00:11:11,807
She's a fucking movie star, you nudnik.

190
00:11:11,813 --> 00:11:14,018
- How am I supposed to know that?
- Open your eyes!

191
00:11:14,027 --> 00:11:15,586
- I've been in jail, Charlie.
- Look!

192
00:11:15,647 --> 00:11:17,933
- I've been in jail.
- You've been in jail for 72 hours, Hank.

193
00:11:17,990 --> 00:11:20,767
- A lot can happen in a weekend.
- Just come with me.

194
00:11:21,065 --> 00:11:22,470
Come with me.

195
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:28,084
<i>Look, when I was in Junior high
I saw Fast Times.</i>

196
00:11:28,128 --> 00:11:31,134
<i>Fast Times, great fucking movie.</i>

197
00:11:31,634 --> 00:11:35,112
- Christ, Runkle, settle down.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

198
00:11:35,726 --> 00:11:38,804
- Continue, please.
- Thank you, Roger Ebert.

199
00:11:39,014 --> 00:11:43,159
So, anyway, Phoebe Cates took off her top
and it changed my life.

200
00:11:43,293 --> 00:11:46,824
<i>Which is why
I wanna take Fucking and Punching</i>

201
00:11:46,868 --> 00:11:50,611
and give my inner 12-year-old
the movie he fucking deserves.

202
00:11:50,897 --> 00:11:53,757
I'm not gonna lie to you,
Im a big fan of gratuitous nudity.

203
00:11:53,767 --> 00:11:57,635
Forget it. Sasha Bingham is
America's sweetheart, the girl next door.

204
00:11:57,728 --> 00:12:00,478
- She's not doing any gratuitous nudity.
- Nudity?

205
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,401
I don't give a fuck about the nudity.

206
00:12:02,702 --> 00:12:05,171
- I have great tits.
- Great tits!

207
00:12:05,228 --> 00:12:07,888
And if I'm ever gonna show them
on screen, now's the time.

208
00:12:07,937 --> 00:12:09,701
<b>Now is the time!</b>

209
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:13,836
You know, a lot of actresses say that,
and then you get to the---

210
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:16,906
Holy shit.

211
00:12:16,907 --> 00:12:18,283
- There.
- Sweet Lord.

212
00:12:18,284 --> 00:12:20,832
- You happy?
- I'm having heart palpitations.

213
00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:23,153
You know, Runks?
I'm glad I came.

214
00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:24,841
I'm glad you came too.

215
00:12:24,842 --> 00:12:26,402
What I care about is the script,

216
00:12:26,437 --> 00:12:28,290
because right now it's a fucking mess.

217
00:12:28,482 --> 00:12:31,097
- Agreed. it needs some work.
- A lot of work.

218
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,090
I mean the only reason why
I'm even considering this

219
00:12:33,103 --> 00:12:35,036
is because of how much I love the book.

220
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:38,295
Cheers! Not only this lady
has bodacious tatas,

221
00:12:38,332 --> 00:12:40,969
She also has splendiferous
taste in literature.

222
00:12:41,031 --> 00:12:42,392
That she does.

223
00:12:42,792 --> 00:12:45,978
And considering that you actually
wrote the book that I love,

224
00:12:46,378 --> 00:12:49,074
how about you rewrite
the script that I loathe?

225
00:12:49,140 --> 00:12:52,087
Ouch! No, no, no.
My adventures in the screen trade

226
00:12:52,103 --> 00:12:54,599
have been about as much fun
as forced anal.

227
00:12:54,792 --> 00:12:56,892
Not that forced anal can't be fun.

228
00:12:57,332 --> 00:13:00,409
- You're a fantastic writer, Hank.
- You know what? I like where this is going.

229
00:13:00,425 --> 00:13:03,419
I'm not immune to kind words,
especially when they are so true.

230
00:13:03,465 --> 00:13:04,821
Please, continue.

231
00:13:05,039 --> 00:13:06,654
For what is worth,

232
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:10,205
Hank, I wanted you to adapt the book

233
00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:11,646
back when I first optioned it,

234
00:13:11,669 --> 00:13:14,978
- And I was disappointed when you passed.
- I passed?

235
00:13:14,999 --> 00:13:16,275
- Yeah.
- I did?

236
00:13:16,315 --> 00:13:18,634
No, I don't remember getting that offer.

237
00:13:18,652 --> 00:13:20,400
I passed, on your behalf.

238
00:13:20,643 --> 00:13:24,271
- Thought it'd be too weird for you.
- And you wonder why my career

239
00:13:24,301 --> 00:13:27,289
- is in such disrepair.
- I never wonder about that.

240
00:13:27,689 --> 00:13:32,766
Call me a scumbag, but there is
a real moment right here.

241
00:13:33,197 --> 00:13:34,951
With Sascha's interest

242
00:13:35,068 --> 00:13:37,470
and with Hank's face
all over the news right now,

243
00:13:37,506 --> 00:13:39,824
we could be at Sundance
this time next year.

244
00:13:41,626 --> 00:13:43,150
- Woo-hoo!
- Let me handle this.

245
00:13:43,267 --> 00:13:45,780
Well you then handle it, motherfucker.

246
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:48,218
- In process. I'm in process.
- Ok.

247
00:13:48,303 --> 00:13:51,403
Ladies and gentlemen, I apologise,
I've already said too much.

248
00:13:51,405 --> 00:13:55,208
I just got out of jail
and I haven't slept, eaten or-

249
00:13:55,267 --> 00:13:58,436
pardon me, my lady,
taken a decent crap in days.

250
00:14:00,002 --> 00:14:03,468
Huh... except this coffee does...
does seem to be working.

251
00:14:03,663 --> 00:14:06,986
Yes, indeed.
It is time to release the Kraken!

252
00:14:07,543 --> 00:14:10,811
All right. I wanna thank each and everyone of you.
Especially you, Sasha Bingham.

253
00:14:11,038 --> 00:14:14,253
You say you have great tits
and I most certainly concur, but

254
00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:17,180
that ass of yours is no slouch either.

255
00:14:23,690 --> 00:14:25,147
I want this movie.

256
00:14:25,148 --> 00:14:28,147
Oh, we want you to want this movie.

257
00:14:30,594 --> 00:14:31,773
What was the question?

258
00:14:31,947 --> 00:14:34,365
I'm sorry, I'm incredibly high right now.

259
00:14:34,510 --> 00:14:38,149
Look, I have a window and
I want this to be my next thing,

260
00:14:38,216 --> 00:14:39,428
but the script has to be right.

261
00:14:39,451 --> 00:14:42,219
and the man dropping the deuces here
has the best shot of getting it there.

262
00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:45,503
So, if not, there is always CAA.

263
00:14:46,822 --> 00:14:49,297
I'm in town for a few days,
I'll let you guys know where to find me.

264
00:14:58,003 --> 00:15:03,468
"When the student is ready,
the master appears."

265
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:05,579
Is that a quote?
I don't know what that means.

266
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:12,207
<i>Well, it would appear that I
have something that you want.</i>

267
00:15:12,688 --> 00:15:15,202
<i>I'm sorry. Something that you need.</i>

268
00:15:15,203 --> 00:15:17,856
Ok. I'll play this game.
What is it you want, Runkle?

269
00:15:17,857 --> 00:15:20,200
How can we help you help your client?

270
00:15:20,865 --> 00:15:24,965
See? that's what I love.
What I miss. Being part of a team.

271
00:15:25,335 --> 00:15:29,522
Helping wildly talented people
achieve their wildest dreams.

272
00:15:29,591 --> 00:15:32,958
Having an expense account,
a car allowance...

273
00:15:32,959 --> 00:15:36,925
a young nubile assistant
to fetch me my caramel macchiato.

274
00:15:36,926 --> 00:15:37,885
Done.

275
00:15:37,886 --> 00:15:39,963
You convince your client to take this job,

276
00:15:39,964 --> 00:15:42,040
make sure he doesn't shit the bed,

277
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:45,217
and you can have your
old job back. Happy?

278
00:15:45,767 --> 00:15:48,374
Oh, just one little thing.

279
00:15:48,495 --> 00:15:50,174
Try keeping your fucking dick
in your pants this time.

280
00:15:50,275 --> 00:15:53,653
Or I will rip it off with my bare hands.
I promise.

281
00:16:06,447 --> 00:16:07,754
This one's on me.

282
00:16:08,747 --> 00:16:10,122
Oh, thank you.

283
00:16:10,623 --> 00:16:12,150
Drinks on the house.

284
00:16:21,035 --> 00:16:23,204
How do you do it?

285
00:16:23,825 --> 00:16:26,063
It's an old Jedi mind trick.

286
00:16:27,575 --> 00:16:30,596
I can't believe I never
asked you this before, but...

287
00:16:30,597 --> 00:16:31,856
How many?

288
00:16:32,143 --> 00:16:33,576
How many. How many?

289
00:16:33,577 --> 00:16:35,748
How many broads have you balled?

290
00:16:36,351 --> 00:16:37,451
Broads?

291
00:16:37,624 --> 00:16:38,135
Balled?

292
00:16:38,136 --> 00:16:40,389
- Who are you right now?
- Ok, fine.

293
00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:42,581
How many women to whom
have you made the Love?

294
00:16:42,582 --> 00:16:44,696
You don't wanna know that kind of shit.
You don't want that information

295
00:16:44,697 --> 00:16:48,410
raveling around in your head, making you
feel effeminate, emasculated and shit.

296
00:16:48,411 --> 00:16:49,351
Sure I do.

297
00:16:49,352 --> 00:16:52,858
Trust me. Some things are better
left to your limited imagination.

298
00:16:52,859 --> 00:16:54,537
Wanna know how many women
I've slept with?

299
00:16:55,523 --> 00:16:56,978
No. No, no, no.

300
00:16:57,132 --> 00:16:58,475
- I'm sure you do.
- All this talk about sleeping with women...

301
00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,785
...is making me sleepy.

302
00:17:01,452 --> 00:17:03,788
One... eleven.

303
00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:04,612
- Eleven.
- Eleven!

304
00:17:04,613 --> 00:17:06,995
Well, it's double digits,
sounds good.

305
00:17:06,996 --> 00:17:09,972
Perfectly respectable number
for a cock of your caliber.

306
00:17:10,034 --> 00:17:12,514
And it reminds me of spinal taps.
Cheers!

307
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:15,843
I gotta get it up to 100.

308
00:17:16,309 --> 00:17:18,833
Triple digits.
Then I can die happy.

309
00:17:20,324 --> 00:17:24,919
Hmm. You may have to criogenically
freeze your cock and attach it to
Brad Pitt to get there, buddy boy.

310
00:17:25,992 --> 00:17:27,726
You don't think I can do it?

311
00:17:27,954 --> 00:17:30,915
No I don't.
And I don't think it matters.

312
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:34,183
Eleven women.
Who's your favourite?

313
00:17:35,456 --> 00:17:36,248
Marcy.

314
00:17:36,249 --> 00:17:39,578
You see that? You had the
magic puss and you lost it.

315
00:17:39,579 --> 00:17:43,006
You think that boning 89 more broads
is gonna make you feel any better about that?

316
00:17:43,041 --> 00:17:44,619
It would certainly be a start.

317
00:17:50,074 --> 00:17:54,082
Do you think... do you think
that lady lawyer was...

318
00:17:54,083 --> 00:17:57,233
- Do you think she was right?
- About what?

319
00:17:57,234 --> 00:17:58,781
She called me 'piece of shit'.

320
00:17:58,930 --> 00:18:01,759
On paper. She said you're
a piece of shit on paper.

321
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:02,522
Still.

322
00:18:02,523 --> 00:18:05,602
You're not a piece of shit, Hank.
Paper or otherwise.

323
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,317
You may be my worst client, but...

324
00:18:09,197 --> 00:18:13,444
you've always been my best friend
and me love you very long time.

325
00:18:15,838 --> 00:18:17,890
I refuse to be number twelve, Charlie.

326
00:18:17,961 --> 00:18:19,990
Oh, I wasn't counting the guys.

327
00:18:21,719 --> 00:18:23,206
Hey, can I crash with you guys tonight?

328
00:18:23,207 --> 00:18:25,093
You think Marcy would mind
if I take the master?

329
00:18:25,094 --> 00:18:27,570
<i>- Can't do it, Hank.
- Ok, I'll flip ya for it.</i>

330
00:18:29,923 --> 00:18:31,557
No... What?

331
00:18:31,634 --> 00:18:33,670
The cunty look. Stop!

332
00:18:33,847 --> 00:18:37,216
- Put your face back.
- You got another meeting.

333
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,348
No

334
00:18:39,605 --> 00:18:41,387
You'll be meetin' and greetin'.

335
00:18:47,303 --> 00:18:49,121
Fuck you, Charlie.
I'm not doing this.

336
00:18:51,283 --> 00:18:53,465
- I told her you would.
- Well, that's your problem.

337
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:54,547
I just want to go the fuck home.

338
00:18:54,548 --> 00:18:57,054
You don't got one.
You're homeless, get used to it.

339
00:18:57,055 --> 00:18:58,182
Then I wanna go to your place.

340
00:18:58,183 --> 00:19:00,668
My place? My place is in fucking escrow!

341
00:19:00,802 --> 00:19:03,347
I'm living on borrowed time,
in a house that don't even belongs to me.

342
00:19:03,348 --> 00:19:05,892
with a woman that don't want
to have anything to do with me!

343
00:19:05,893 --> 00:19:08,054
You're not the only
exiled on Main Street, Hank.

344
00:19:08,460 --> 00:19:10,789
Whatever, I 'll settle for a
decent night's sleep at this point.

345
00:19:10,790 --> 00:19:13,470
Or maybe your newest bestest
friend will let you crash.

346
00:19:13,484 --> 00:19:16,464
Bullshit. I have, like, zero interest
in chasing her right now.

347
00:19:16,637 --> 00:19:21,662
That's fine. Totally understandable.
But you should have interest in chasing this job.

348
00:19:22,410 --> 00:19:24,596
You always talk a big game
about doing the good work

349
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,981
and fighting the good fights,
well, here's your chance!

350
00:19:26,982 --> 00:19:31,255
Stop feeling so fuckin' sorry for
yourself and get in there and...

351
00:19:31,256 --> 00:19:35,502
<i>Hey, are we sure this is just about
rewrting my history, not yours?</i>

352
00:19:35,891 --> 00:19:37,500
So what if it is?

353
00:19:37,947 --> 00:19:40,950
You think I wouldn't jump at the chance
to get back some version of what I lost?

354
00:19:40,951 --> 00:19:42,651
You don't think I deserve that?

355
00:19:49,486 --> 00:19:50,516
Fine.

356
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,497
I'll give it a shot.

357
00:19:53,675 --> 00:19:55,398
- I knew you would.
- Asshole.

358
00:19:55,399 --> 00:19:59,212
Attaboy, douchebag.
I'm proud of ya.

359
00:20:07,850 --> 00:20:08,946
Hi

360
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:13,587
Come on in

361
00:20:22,208 --> 00:20:25,937
When you said you had some notes,
you really had some fucking notes.

362
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:27,854
Did I make sense?

363
00:20:28,178 --> 00:20:31,498
They will, eventually, when
I get around to reading the script.

364
00:20:32,196 --> 00:20:38,112
I think we're pretty much on the
same page. Or pages... pages and pages...

365
00:20:40,568 --> 00:20:41,889
You look tired.

366
00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:44,873
Yeah. It's been a long life.

367
00:20:46,005 --> 00:20:47,104
Go home.

368
00:20:47,474 --> 00:20:49,197
I would if I could,
but I ain't got none.

369
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:51,230
I'm homeless.

370
00:20:53,434 --> 00:20:55,997
You're pretty handsome
for a homeless fellow

371
00:20:56,350 --> 00:20:57,773
I don't know about that.

372
00:20:58,322 --> 00:20:59,837
But I do have great tits!

373
00:21:01,257 --> 00:21:05,540
Well, you can crash here if you want.
As you can see there's plenty of room.
Too much, actually.

374
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:09,072
That is... That's pretty tempting.

375
00:21:10,180 --> 00:21:11,562
As it should be.

376
00:21:14,576 --> 00:21:17,083
You have a beautiful bed

377
00:21:22,184 --> 00:21:25,110
Don't worry, I'll be
the perfect gentleman.

378
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:30,002
I've been here before.

379
00:21:31,903 --> 00:21:32,842
Come on.

380
00:21:32,843 --> 00:21:35,789
So, one more question
about the characters.

381
00:21:35,849 --> 00:21:36,928
Shoot.

382
00:21:37,514 --> 00:21:39,110
What does Mia want?

383
00:21:39,692 --> 00:21:42,168
Mia wants what all girls want.

384
00:21:42,169 --> 00:21:43,986
a guy just gay enought to curl up
and watch Project Runway.

385
00:21:47,386 --> 00:21:49,264
And what does Hank want?

386
00:21:49,775 --> 00:21:50,972
Hank...

387
00:21:51,965 --> 00:21:55,661
wants to close his eyes
and wake up in his own bed

388
00:21:55,932 --> 00:21:57,752
next to the love of his life

389
00:21:58,424 --> 00:22:02,946
listening to the sweet *** sound
of her daughter's heavy metal guitar

390
00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:05,922
coming from the bedroom next.

391
00:22:08,773 --> 00:22:10,795
You really love them,
don't you?

392
00:22:11,463 --> 00:22:15,506
So much that the words themeselves
sound unspeakably lame.

393
00:22:16,838 --> 00:22:18,465
God, that's hot.

394
00:22:32,610 --> 00:22:33,811
Liar.

395
00:22:33,913 --> 00:22:36,061
Another hazard of the profession.

396
00:22:36,427 --> 00:22:38,524
Besides, you know what they say.

397
00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:40,607
No, I don't know what they say.

398
00:22:40,617 --> 00:22:42,921
- If you can't be with the ones you love...
- Stop, stop.

399
00:22:42,922 --> 00:22:45,224
Again, the unspeakably lame.

400
00:22:45,225 --> 00:22:46,474
I know.

401
00:22:47,738 --> 00:22:49,382
That's why I need a writer.

402
00:23:23,761 --> 00:23:24,904
What was it like?

403
00:23:25,012 --> 00:23:26,437
Was what like?

404
00:23:26,904 --> 00:23:28,187
The punch.

405
00:23:31,970 --> 00:23:34,784
Well, there's only one way to find out.

406
00:23:36,012 --> 00:23:37,357
Why not give it a shot?

407
00:23:38,078 --> 00:23:38,978
Really?

408
00:23:38,979 --> 00:23:40,124
Yeah.

409
00:23:40,125 --> 00:23:41,142
Come on.

410
00:23:47,565 --> 00:23:49,926
You're like a girl,
Jesus Christ.

411
00:23:50,273 --> 00:23:52,552
That was a punch, darling,
not a slap.

412
00:23:52,780 --> 00:23:53,987
All right.

413
00:23:59,564 --> 00:24:00,711
Harder.

414
00:24:01,024 --> 00:24:02,027
Harder?

415
00:24:02,028 --> 00:24:03,417
- Harder.
- All right.

416
00:24:11,259 --> 00:24:12,449
Harder.

417
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,649
<i>Hank Moody and Mia Lewis had The Sex!</i>

418
00:26:27,106 --> 00:26:29,849
<i>Pilates.
Thanks for the F&P.</i>

419
00:26:45,742 --> 00:26:47,186
Jesus!

420
00:26:47,187 --> 00:26:49,123
Holster that thing, would ya?

421
00:26:53,135 --> 00:26:55,823
Nice cock, by the way.
Very manly.

422
00:26:56,171 --> 00:26:57,346
This whole thing?

423
00:26:58,704 --> 00:27:00,280
What are you still doing here, Runks?

424
00:27:00,281 --> 00:27:01,858
Number twelve.

425
00:27:01,859 --> 00:27:04,078
The waitress last night at the bar.

426
00:27:04,079 --> 00:27:07,194
- Totally out of my league.
- Totally.

427
00:27:07,494 --> 00:27:10,881
- Oh the Runks! Number 12!
- Thank you.

428
00:27:10,882 --> 00:27:13,858
No time to celebrate, though.
You're late for your arraignment.

429
00:27:14,685 --> 00:27:16,276
Fuck me.

430
00:27:19,507 --> 00:27:21,275
- Thank you, Skeeves.
- Go get 'em.

431
00:27:25,121 --> 00:27:27,979
My lady lawyer!
Look who's here.

432
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:29,807
Jesus.

433
00:27:30,512 --> 00:27:31,118
What?

434
00:27:31,719 --> 00:27:34,585
- What's up with your face?
- That's kind of a life imitating art, imitating art...

435
00:27:34,586 --> 00:27:35,792
Fair enough, I don't wanna know.

436
00:27:35,793 --> 00:27:38,029
Good call, best not to know.
Should we do this?

437
00:27:38,030 --> 00:27:40,203
No need, they're dropping
the assault charges.

438
00:27:41,792 --> 00:27:42,983
Thanks.

439
00:27:43,748 --> 00:27:45,941
- Thank you, thank you..
- That's the good news.

440
00:27:46,850 --> 00:27:47,917
Yeah?

441
00:27:48,256 --> 00:27:49,464
Hank Moody?

442
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,278
- Guilty!
- Don't say that.

443
00:27:51,603 --> 00:27:53,301
We have a warrant for your arrest.

444
00:27:53,395 --> 00:27:54,978
Jesus... fuck. What now?

445
00:27:54,979 --> 00:27:59,142
Well, like I said, the DA's office moved to drop
the assault charges. That's the good news.

446
00:27:59,143 --> 00:28:00,652
What's the bad news?

447
00:28:01,019 --> 00:28:02,928
You're being charged with
statutory rape.

448
00:28:04,488 --> 00:28:05,661
This way.

449
00:28:08,207 --> 00:28:09,194
Wha-- wha-- what happend?

450
00:28:09,195 --> 00:28:12,389
Well, your friend just became
hell of a lot more interesting.

451
00:28:12,890 --> 00:28:14,190
Wha--

452
00:28:14,691 --> 00:28:24,390
Credits:
www.addic7ed.com
www.subsfactory.it

