1 00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:04,434 [Ted Narrating] When Lily and Marshall started trying to have a baby... 2 00:00:04,537 --> 00:00:06,027 they went a little crazy. 3 00:00:06,139 --> 00:00:09,973 We've been trying and trying, and still nothing's happened. 4 00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:12,806 I'm just worried we can't have children. 5 00:00:12,912 --> 00:00:16,143 - And how long have you been trying? - Six days. 6 00:00:16,249 --> 00:00:18,444 Oy. 7 00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:21,884 But then months went by, and still nothing happened. 8 00:00:21,988 --> 00:00:25,515 Something must be wrong. We're doing it, a lot. 9 00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:27,115 And everywhere... 10 00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:29,889 the kitchen, the bathroom, the living room... 11 00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:32,328 outside in your wait... the kitchen. 12 00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:34,992 Seriously, Doc, why isn't this happening? 13 00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:37,126 Look, if you're really worried... 14 00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:39,899 here's a number for a reproductive endocrinologist... 15 00:00:40,006 --> 00:00:41,371 Dr. Stangel. 16 00:00:41,474 --> 00:00:43,442 He's the best in the city. 17 00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:46,569 Dr. John Stangel? I don't know, baby. Do we really need a specialist? 18 00:00:46,679 --> 00:00:51,116 What's your plan, Marshall? Just have unprotected sex day after day after day... 19 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:54,015 in every position imaginable until... 20 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:57,021 Wait. It sounded worse in my head. 21 00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:59,853 - Guys, we've got a problem. - [Ted] Hmm? 22 00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,426 This is the application... 23 00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:04,861 for the regional doubles laser tag tournament in Poughkeepsie. 24 00:01:04,964 --> 00:01:07,228 Problem is only one of you can be my partner. 25 00:01:07,333 --> 00:01:09,358 So it looks like we've got a bake-off. 26 00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:11,437 You may now present your arguments. 27 00:01:11,538 --> 00:01:13,438 - I'm not playing laser tag. - I'm absolutely not playing laser tag. 28 00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:16,634 - Damn it. - And Marshall's the winner. 29 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:20,235 Well, I'm gonna call Dr. Stangel. It can't hurt. 30 00:01:20,346 --> 00:01:22,974 [Ted Narrating] So Aunt Lily went to see Dr. John Stangel... 31 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,984 the man who knew more about human reproduction than anyone in New York City. 32 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,553 [Door Opens] 33 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:30,282 So, I understand you want to get pregnant. 34 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:34,059 ##[Upbeat Pop] 35 00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,493 ##[Man Vocalizing] 36 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,430 ##[Ends] 37 00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:48,569 - Yeah, and it cuts... - Ooh! 38 00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:50,472 How did you do it? 39 00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:53,171 Oh, God, you found one of the cameras. 40 00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:55,839 I swear that's the only one. Which one did you find? 41 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,611 - What are you talking about? - What are you talking about? 42 00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:02,017 My visit to a certain Dr. Stangel. 43 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,818 We'll look at all the factors that contribute to fertility... 44 00:02:04,924 --> 00:02:07,085 dietary, environmental, genetic. 45 00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:11,960 But first, Ms. Aldrin, do you have any questions for me? 46 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:16,263 Just one, "Dr. Stangel." Where'd you get the beard? 47 00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:20,669 Well, m-m-my mother's Armenian. 48 00:02:20,773 --> 00:02:23,765 Lily, I have been with Barney since 9:00 a.m. 49 00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,107 Between the sexual harassment seminar all morning... 50 00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:28,180 and the secretary beauty pageant all afternoon... 51 00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:29,976 he hasn't left my sight. 52 00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:32,449 Wait. So you weren't wearing a fake beard... 53 00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:34,452 and examining girl parts all day? 54 00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:36,613 Not today I wasn't. 55 00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:39,817 Wow. We finally found Barney's doppelgänger. 56 00:02:39,926 --> 00:02:41,553 I guess we can tell you now, Lily. 57 00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:44,221 The hot dog guy did not look like Barney. 58 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,388 Um, Marshall? 59 00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:47,898 Yes, we made our little deal with the universe, but... 60 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,868 No. We made a binding covenant with the universe. 61 00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:52,665 We said we weren't gonna try to have kids... 62 00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:54,865 until we saw Barney's doppelgänger. 63 00:02:54,974 --> 00:02:56,999 Oh, this is bad news. 64 00:02:57,110 --> 00:03:00,511 This is like a black cat walked through my uterus. 65 00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:03,241 Okay, that's it. I am going back to Dr. Stangel... 66 00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,317 and getting thoroughly checked out. 67 00:03:05,418 --> 00:03:07,511 Or... Or cost-saving alternative... 68 00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:10,748 you could get checked out by someone who looks just like him. 69 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,087 I'm gonna go scrub up. I'll meet you in stall three. 70 00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:19,257 - I still kind of think it's Barney. - There's no way it's Barney. 71 00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:22,493 Hello. You must be Mr. Eriksen. I'm Dr. Stangel. 72 00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:25,264 It's Barney. Wow. 73 00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:27,999 Really, dude. Bravo. 74 00:03:28,107 --> 00:03:29,836 You almost got a peek. 75 00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,069 But seriously... 76 00:03:31,177 --> 00:03:33,839 what second-rate community theater did you get... 77 00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,676 Would you, uh... 78 00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,015 So my wife and I are trying to get pregnant. 79 00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:45,614 Ms. Aldrin, please just put your feet on the stirrups. 80 00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,192 - We can begin. - Uh-uh. No. 81 00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:49,124 Can't do it. 82 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,857 No, look, baby, I yanked on his beard. He checks out. 83 00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,398 I really don't have time for this. 84 00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:55,126 No, Barney... Doctor, wait. Please. 85 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,601 It's... Can you just give us a couple of minutes? 86 00:03:57,704 --> 00:04:02,232 Lily, how can I convince you that this is not Barney? 87 00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,109 Wow! 88 00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:09,272 It is like looking into a poorly dressed mirror. 89 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,650 - Okay, you have to go. - Right. 90 00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:20,824 Leave the model of the vagina. 91 00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:25,061 Okay. Convinced. 92 00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:28,600 Great. All right. You're a little low on the table. Please scoot up. 93 00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:30,430 "Suit up." Not convinced. 94 00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:32,629 This whole thing stinks to high heaven. 95 00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:34,707 Baby, you just saw Barney. 96 00:04:34,807 --> 00:04:37,275 He could have pulled some crazy switch. 97 00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:40,073 Remember when his Swedish cousin came to visit? 98 00:04:40,179 --> 00:04:41,976 Oh, yeah. Bjorney. 99 00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:43,605 Yeah. I'm sorry. 100 00:04:43,716 --> 00:04:45,946 But unless I see Barney at the same time... 101 00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:49,112 l-l-I'll never be sure that Dr. Stangel isn't him. 102 00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:54,285 [Shouting] How you doing, Lily? Should I have a boner? 103 00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:55,861 Okay, we're all done. 104 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,362 - I'll call you in a few days with the results. - [Sighs] Yeah. 105 00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:00,364 You don't mind if I take pictures, do you? 106 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:03,526 Can we leave him in here for a while? 107 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,934 I'm done for the day. You can leave him in here all night. 108 00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:09,338 - [Shutter Clicks] - Aw, yeah! 109 00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:12,002 - [Shutter Clicks] - Smile for the birdie, Lou. 110 00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:16,211 Gynomite! 111 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,546 [Ted Narrating] Now, while all this was going on... 112 00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:21,711 your Aunt Robin was starting her new job at World Wide News... 113 00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,118 a.k.a. the big leagues. 114 00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:24,621 She was excited. 115 00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:27,215 This job was a new start, a clean slate. 116 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,955 So, first day of work? 117 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,122 [Blows Raspberry] 118 00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:36,190 Everyone, say hello to your new research associate, Robin Scherbatsky. 119 00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:37,667 - Hi, guys. - [Woman] Welcome. 120 00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:40,170 Oh, here comes our new Hardfire host. 121 00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:42,741 Robin, this is Sandy Rivers. 122 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,139 Sandy Rivers? 123 00:05:44,243 --> 00:05:46,507 [Ted Narrating] Sandy Rivers... Robin's old cohost... 124 00:05:46,612 --> 00:05:48,239 and my old nemesis. 125 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,316 We should have sex. 126 00:05:50,416 --> 00:05:53,647 - Oh, I hate that guy. - It gets worse. 127 00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:55,983 - Sandy, this is... - Robin. 128 00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,717 - You two know each other. - Know each other? 129 00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:00,622 - We've had sex. - [Man] Oh! 130 00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:02,661 You had sex with Sandy Rivers? 131 00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:04,354 No! [Groans] 132 00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:06,455 And I can't believe it's my first day... 133 00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:09,000 and already I'm the girl who slept with the host of the show. 134 00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,832 Already? Were you planning on eventually sleeping with the host? 135 00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:14,236 Well, now that I know it's Sandy, I'm not. 136 00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:15,807 [Exhales] 137 00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:19,505 [Sighs] Hey, babe. 138 00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:22,638 Hi, honey. There's a couple messages on the machine. 139 00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:25,684 Your dad called. He wants to know if you have any sixes. 140 00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:28,276 Yeah, we got a game of Go Fish going on the phone. 141 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,856 "P.S., Pops. Go fish." [Laughs] 142 00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:36,756 - Who's the second message from? - Dr. Stangel's office. 143 00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:39,855 - I'm extremely fertile. - You're extremely fertile! 144 00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,799 Oh, my God. I told you there was nothing to worry about. 145 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:46,303 I got to call my dad and tell him the good news. 146 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,739 [Sports Announcer On Radio] The penalty puts the ball on the 44-yard line. 147 00:06:54,847 --> 00:06:58,476 If you're fertile, um, then that means I'm the problem. 148 00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:05,591 Okay, now you're being ridiculous. 149 00:07:05,691 --> 00:07:07,852 An hour ago, you didn't even think there was a problem. 150 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,986 Well, I was just putting on a brave face. Okay, think about it. 151 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:15,693 We've had unprotected sex 203 times in the past four months. 152 00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,066 Obviously, I'm the problem. 153 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:21,436 Problem? You can't get a girl pregnant. That's the dream. 154 00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:25,671 I'd give my firstborn to not be able to have children. 155 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,578 So, second day of work? 156 00:07:29,682 --> 00:07:32,276 - [Blows Raspberry] - What's wrong? 157 00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:34,683 Oh, you didn't hear? She's the office slut. 158 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,652 Already? Oh, honey. 159 00:07:36,756 --> 00:07:39,452 I wish I was the office slut. 160 00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:43,791 And we can explore how those policy changes will affect Iraq. 161 00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:45,921 Yes. 162 00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:49,661 - We definitely had sex. - We did not have sex. 163 00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,896 - Then why do I remember you? - I don't know. 164 00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:55,269 Maybe because I'm, uh, smart, talented, professional. 165 00:07:55,374 --> 00:07:56,841 No. None of those. 166 00:07:56,943 --> 00:08:01,312 - Oh, I remember. We didn't have sex. - Thank you. 167 00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:04,406 You're the girl who did the report on the carriage driver... 168 00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:06,542 and slipped and fell in horse poop. 169 00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:09,553 We did have sex. Oh, I remember now. 170 00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:13,455 Gregory, do me a favor. 171 00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:15,891 But this reporter takes pride in... Whoal 172 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,293 - [All Laughing] - [All Laughing] 173 00:08:18,397 --> 00:08:20,729 And now everyone calls me Scherpoopie. 174 00:08:22,401 --> 00:08:25,529 - It's not funny. - Robin, a word of advice... play along. 175 00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:28,004 The more you fight it, the worse it's gonna get. 176 00:08:28,107 --> 00:08:31,042 It's like when your car slides on ice. You steer into the skid. 177 00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:33,703 Exactly. Or when your... I don't know... 178 00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:35,781 friend invites you to a laser tag tournament. 179 00:08:35,882 --> 00:08:38,214 You don't fight it. You just strap on the vinyl holster... 180 00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:42,151 and race into that abandoned J.C. Penney, guns a-blazin'. 181 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:44,314 - I'm just agreeing with Ted. - [Cell Phone Rings] 182 00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:47,187 Oh. It's my dad. 183 00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:50,057 - [Line Ringing] - [Sports Announcer On Radio] 184 00:08:50,162 --> 00:08:52,494 - [Beeps] - Aren't you gonna get it? 185 00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:57,058 Um, no. No. You know what? Um, I'm gonna get my stuff checked out first. 186 00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:59,729 I'll call my dad after Dr. Stangel gives me the thumbs-up. 187 00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:02,330 Ew! He has to do that? 188 00:09:02,441 --> 00:09:04,841 But I thought you talked to your dad about everything. 189 00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:07,139 I only like to call my dad with good news. 190 00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:10,215 Telling him good news is what makes it feel real to me. 191 00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:12,011 I'm getting married! 192 00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:13,551 Yeah! 193 00:09:13,653 --> 00:09:15,518 I passed the bar! 194 00:09:15,621 --> 00:09:17,111 All right! 195 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,690 I found an amazing Viking lamp... 196 00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:20,258 that fits right on the coffee table... 197 00:09:20,359 --> 00:09:22,122 as long as we don't mind stepping over the cord. 198 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,628 - That's what I'm talking about! - Right! 199 00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:27,221 I found someone who can fix the Viking lamp! 200 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:30,268 Yeah! 201 00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:33,861 But the news that I might not be able to give him a grandchild? 202 00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:37,272 You know, I don't even know how to have that conversation. 203 00:09:37,376 --> 00:09:38,866 I'll show you. 204 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,147 Dad, there's a... There's something I need to tell you... 205 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:47,208 and it's gonna come as a bit of a shock to you, but here goes. 206 00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:53,554 You are speaking to the 2011 tri-county laser tag co-champion. 207 00:09:53,659 --> 00:09:55,786 - Barney, I've already told... - And my sperm don't work. 208 00:09:55,895 --> 00:09:59,490 Yeah. Yeah. That laser tag thing is awesome. 209 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:05,361 So, third day of work? 210 00:10:05,471 --> 00:10:07,496 [Blows Raspberry] 211 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,405 And the fertilizer is seeping into the groundwater, causing it... 212 00:10:10,509 --> 00:10:13,569 Is Scherpoopie pitching a story about manure? 213 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,510 [All Laughing] 214 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:18,106 - Genius! - Okay. 215 00:10:18,217 --> 00:10:22,449 Yes, I, uh... I fell into some manure. It's hilarious. Fine. 216 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,716 In a five-year career of on-air reports... 217 00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:27,088 there are bound to be a few embarrassing moments. 218 00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:28,990 A few? 219 00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:32,826 Uh, but in my case, uh, it was just the one. 220 00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:36,595 And you found it. So, uh, just the one. 221 00:10:38,838 --> 00:10:41,773 - Gregory. - Oh, God. 222 00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:44,035 What did they find? 223 00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:45,804 [Sighs] 224 00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:49,008 ##['80s Pop] 225 00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:51,015 Everything. 226 00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:55,110 # Everybody come and play # 227 00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:58,054 I'm a dirty, dirty girl. 228 00:10:58,157 --> 00:10:59,124 [Vomits] 229 00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,125 # Let's go to the mall today # 230 00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:03,320 [Speaking Japanese] 231 00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:04,953 [Fan Whirring] 232 00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:06,531 The Federal Reserve Board... 233 00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:08,122 voted to leave interest... 234 00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:13,629 "Ahh." 235 00:11:13,739 --> 00:11:16,572 # Let's go to the mall Let's go to the mall # 236 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:23,414 They even found a video of me getting attacked by an owl. 237 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:27,316 - You got attacked by an owl? - I did not get attacked by an owl. 238 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,547 Robin, listen. Here's what you need to do. 239 00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:32,021 Don't you dare tell me to steer into the skid. 240 00:11:32,124 --> 00:11:35,560 It's too late. I'm already wrapped around a hydro pole. 241 00:11:35,661 --> 00:11:37,925 It's a Canadian telephone pole. 242 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:40,225 God. I never should've taken this job. 243 00:11:40,332 --> 00:11:42,061 [Ted Narrating] Kids, at that moment... 244 00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:44,500 I knew what I had to do for my friend Robin. 245 00:11:44,603 --> 00:11:46,594 But first, I had to do something for me. 246 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:51,006 - Show me... owl attack. - [Typing] 247 00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:54,637 I'm freaking out. Is there a chance that I can't have kids? 248 00:11:54,747 --> 00:11:56,738 I've been hit in the nuts a lot. 249 00:11:56,849 --> 00:11:59,477 Well, we won't know anything until we run some tests. 250 00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:01,576 We'll need a sample of your sperm. 251 00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:03,746 No, no, no. There's a room at the end of the hall. 252 00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:06,757 If you find yourself inside the elevator, you've gone too far. 253 00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:09,293 You'd think I wouldn't have to say that, but you'd be surprised. 254 00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:16,595 All yours, buddy. 255 00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:29,543 The thing you're about to do in here... 256 00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:31,741 I did that in here, too... 257 00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:34,149 three minutes ago. 258 00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:37,086 I was here eight minutes ago. 259 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,887 Fourteen minutes ago. 260 00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:43,488 I'm here every Thursday. 261 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,393 [Screams] 262 00:12:46,999 --> 00:12:48,466 I can't do it, Doc. 263 00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:51,593 Is there, like, another option? Can l... Can I take this home? 264 00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:55,606 Sure, you could, but we close in an hour and I'm not back till Tuesday. 265 00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:58,336 So... clock is ticking. Make it fast. 266 00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,810 Only way I know how, Doc. 267 00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:04,075 Only way I know how. 268 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,046 [Together] Surprise! 269 00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:18,591 Mom, Dad. Uh, what are you doing here? 270 00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:21,291 We hadn't heard from you in a couple of days. We were worried about you. 271 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,425 For God's sake, Son, do you have any sixes? 272 00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:24,935 Go fish. 273 00:13:25,037 --> 00:13:28,097 Excuse me. Lily, can I just talk to you in here for a minute? 274 00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:29,799 Oh, yeah. 275 00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:32,469 Isn't it great? They just showed up. 276 00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:36,571 Your mom's already rearranged my kitchen, organized my closet... 277 00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:38,707 and she asked me if I lost height. 278 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,513 Not weight, height. 279 00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:42,519 Yeah, I'm very excited that they're here, too... 280 00:13:42,621 --> 00:13:45,784 but right now I have to get excited about something else. 281 00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:48,860 Oh, okay, well, I'll go handle your parents... 282 00:13:48,961 --> 00:13:51,623 and you handle your, well... 283 00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:54,130 Wait, wait, wait. Marshall. 284 00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,627 Thank you, baby. You're the best. 285 00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:02,841 - [Judy] Marshall! Marshall! - [Knocking] 286 00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:06,139 I just got my new bathing suit for the beach this summer. 287 00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:08,543 It's a two-piece. I mean, can you imagine? 288 00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:12,879 Me in a two-piece bathing suit at my age? Just picture it. 289 00:14:12,985 --> 00:14:14,475 Picture it. 290 00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:17,886 That's why Fred Cox is the greatest kicker the Vikings ever had. 291 00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:21,825 Seriously, Marshall, picture it. 292 00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:23,417 Just picture it. 293 00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,724 Give me a "C"! Give me an "O"! Give me an "X"! 294 00:14:25,831 --> 00:14:28,493 What's that spell? Cox! Cox! 295 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:31,434 Cox! Cox! Cox! Cox! 296 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,971 Uh... 297 00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:36,564 Okay, I did a bad thing last night. 298 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,534 - I looked up his address. - Who? 299 00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,476 [Laughing] 300 00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:43,275 Sorry. You said "who?" 301 00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:45,850 It reminded me of the owl footage. Genius. 302 00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:49,148 No. Sandy... how dare he laugh at you? 303 00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:51,883 Who does he... [Laughs] Sorry. "Who." 304 00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:54,152 Anyway... 305 00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,194 I looked up his address on your contact list. 306 00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:58,195 Oh, God. Tell me you didn't go over there. 307 00:14:58,297 --> 00:15:02,393 I just thought he needed to listen to common sense and reasonable discourse. 308 00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:04,765 Oh, God. Tell me those aren't the names of your fists. 309 00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:07,737 They're my feet. I'm actually more of a kicker. 310 00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:11,071 So... I went to his apartment. 311 00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:14,869 [Sharp Exhalations] 312 00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:16,447 [Groans] 313 00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:24,981 You're not the pizza guy. 314 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,394 [Shutter Clicks] 315 00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:31,019 Oh, my God. This is... 316 00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:33,894 This is how you make sure Sandy never makes fun of you again. 317 00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:36,593 I told you to steer into the skid. That was bad advice. 318 00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:40,399 So, new advice... steer into Sandy and run him down. 319 00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:43,304 Boy, if people found out Sandy wears a toupee... 320 00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:47,345 Really? That's your takeaway? Nothing on the bear in the bra? 321 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:51,576 Oh, no. He's very open about that. That's Gregory. Nice guy. 322 00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:54,743 And the top is so low cut... 323 00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:58,983 your father says he has front-row seats to the Minnesota Twins. 324 00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:03,221 Oh-Oh, by the way, Marshall, we do need to know... 325 00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:05,354 if you're coming to Florida this summer. 326 00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:07,432 Are you coming? 327 00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:10,400 Marshall? Marshall, are you coming? 328 00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:14,503 This isn't working. 329 00:16:14,606 --> 00:16:17,507 - Where you going, Son? - I'm going to... 330 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,639 I'm going to... 331 00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:22,304 [Ted Narrating] Kids, to this day... 332 00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:24,939 your Uncle Marshall is thankful for what Lily said next. 333 00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:27,280 - He's going to masturbate. - Lily! 334 00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:29,479 Marshall, just tell them what's going on. 335 00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:33,388 And so Marshall told his parents everything. 336 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:37,394 And so now I'm just scared that we won't be able to give you a grandchild. 337 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,726 Aw, Marshall. 338 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,198 Hey, we don't care about that one bit. 339 00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:46,237 And if you guys want kids, there are other ways. 340 00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:47,805 Adoption. 341 00:16:47,906 --> 00:16:51,034 Maybe you have a good friend who could loan you some sperm. 342 00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:54,909 Aw, yeah! 343 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,572 [Sharp Exhalations] 344 00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,206 Maybe adoption. 345 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,414 What I'm saying is... 346 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,715 we love you no matter what. 347 00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:08,459 Now, why don't you pretend you're in high school... 348 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:12,428 get back in that bathroom and "blow-dry" your hair. 349 00:17:13,932 --> 00:17:17,424 - Wait. You knew? - We didn't have a hair dryer, dear. 350 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:23,171 So, possibly last day of work? 351 00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:26,005 Actually, it was a good day. 352 00:17:26,111 --> 00:17:31,105 And I need more numbers on how the holiday season impacted the economy. 353 00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:33,684 Sparkles, got anything on malls? 354 00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:36,016 [All Laughing] 355 00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:39,113 Actually, Sandy, I have something... 356 00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:42,125 I think you're all gonna want to see. 357 00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:44,695 Yes! Put him in a body bag! 358 00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:46,856 [Exhaling, Karate Yells] 359 00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:48,523 - Okay, I didn't do it. - What? 360 00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:52,092 I didn't wanna viciously attack someone out of the blue like some kind of... 361 00:17:52,204 --> 00:17:54,229 - Owl? - Exactly. 362 00:17:54,339 --> 00:17:57,900 So instead of taking your advice, I took your advice. 363 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:05,281 [Ted Narrating] That day, Robin decided to steer into the skid. 364 00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:07,875 And though she never quite shook the nickname... 365 00:18:07,986 --> 00:18:11,285 Sparkles went on to do very well at World Wide News... 366 00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:13,381 especially after this happened. 367 00:18:13,492 --> 00:18:16,586 [All Laughing] 368 00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,364 After his parents had gone back to Minnesota... 369 00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:22,434 Marshall got the results of his test. 370 00:18:22,534 --> 00:18:25,230 I'm afraid I have some very bad news, Marshall. 371 00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:28,633 Judging from the results of your test... 372 00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:33,074 it is... it is very unlikely that you'll be able to father a child. 373 00:18:34,546 --> 00:18:36,776 - Oh, God. - I know. I know. 374 00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:38,281 It's just... 375 00:18:38,383 --> 00:18:41,546 Now, in some rare cases... 376 00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:43,985 a regimen change can fix the problem. 377 00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:47,957 So I'm recommending a spirited cardio routine... 378 00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:50,153 preferably with a partner... 379 00:18:50,262 --> 00:18:54,358 involving any light-based firearm activity in the tri-state area. 380 00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:57,435 Poughkeepsie, for example. 381 00:18:57,536 --> 00:19:00,937 Have you heard of the gentleman sport known as laser tag? 382 00:19:02,541 --> 00:19:05,203 - Surprise! - Damn it, Barney. 383 00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:07,278 What are you doing in here? 384 00:19:07,379 --> 00:19:11,042 Think about it, Marshall. All entrants get 20% off at the snack bar. 385 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,948 Oh, B-T-Dubs, the receptionist... what's her situation? 386 00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:15,519 Go! 387 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,990 Well, Marshall, I've got your results. 388 00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:23,051 And? 389 00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:25,987 Your sperm is fine. 390 00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:27,861 My sperm is fine! 391 00:19:27,966 --> 00:19:30,196 [All Whooping, Cheering] 392 00:19:30,302 --> 00:19:32,497 Count, motility... 393 00:19:32,604 --> 00:19:34,731 everything's off the charts. 394 00:19:36,074 --> 00:19:38,634 You, sir, have got some strong swimmers. 395 00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:42,509 Bro, that is awesome. Motility five. 396 00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:44,943 Pow! 397 00:19:45,050 --> 00:19:48,577 - Hey, can I borrow your phone? I wanna call my dad. - Yeah. Go ahead. 398 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,153 Man, this is great. 399 00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:55,590 l-I was expecting bad news. I really was. 400 00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:03,257 [Ringing] 401 00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:05,359 [Ringing Continues] 402 00:20:10,809 --> 00:20:15,269 You're here. Oh, my God. I love you so much. Can you believe it? 403 00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,439 Marshall. [Sniffles] 404 00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:21,244 Something's happened. Um... 405 00:20:21,353 --> 00:20:24,220 Your father, he had a heart attack. 406 00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:28,516 He didn't make it. 407 00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:35,699 My dad's dead? 408 00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:57,478 I'm not ready for this. 409 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,583 [Crying] 410 00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:34,826 English - US - SDH