1
00:00:04,708 --> 00:00:06,442
Yeah, I'll have the
blueberry pancakes,
2
00:00:06,443 --> 00:00:08,911
A couple of scrambled eggs
and a side of sausage.
3
00:00:08,912 --> 00:00:11,914
Good choice.
And for the lady?
4
00:00:13,516 --> 00:00:16,385
No food, just a cup
of hot tea with lemon.
5
00:00:16,386 --> 00:00:19,521
Oh, are we slimming down
for the swimsuit competition?
6
00:00:19,522 --> 00:00:22,024
You realize
I carry a gun, right?
7
00:00:22,025 --> 00:00:23,292
I am from africa.
8
00:00:23,293 --> 00:00:25,527
The dogs have guns.
9
00:00:26,596 --> 00:00:28,364
(coughs)
10
00:00:28,365 --> 00:00:29,899
You're not getting
a cold, are you?
11
00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:31,667
No, I'm fine.
Just no appetite.
12
00:00:31,668 --> 00:00:33,269
No, you're
getting sick.
13
00:00:33,270 --> 00:00:34,637
And that's the reason
right there.
14
00:00:34,638 --> 00:00:36,305
What are you talking about?
You're always putting
15
00:00:36,306 --> 00:00:38,040
Your dirty germ-covered
fingers in your mouth.
16
00:00:38,041 --> 00:00:40,843
Counting your teeth,
playing with your toue.
17
00:00:40,844 --> 00:00:43,712
Hey, I wash my hands
at least three times a day.
18
00:00:43,713 --> 00:00:44,813
Well, that's very upsetting
19
00:00:44,814 --> 00:00:47,216
Because you pee
at least five times a day.
20
00:00:47,217 --> 00:00:50,853
That's because I drink
the proper amount of fluids
21
00:00:50,854 --> 00:00:52,154
For a man my size.
22
00:00:52,155 --> 00:00:53,489
Pardon me for hydrating.
23
00:00:53,490 --> 00:00:56,825
Come on, you're sweating
like a hooker in a church.
24
00:00:56,826 --> 00:00:59,628
A fully hydrated,
300-pound hooker.
25
00:00:59,629 --> 00:01:02,331
This isn't sweat,
it's condensation.
26
00:01:02,332 --> 00:01:04,433
It's cold outside,
it's warm inside,
27
00:01:04,434 --> 00:01:07,937
Which causes me
to become a little dewy.
28
00:01:07,938 --> 00:01:09,738
Why are you being a martyr?
29
00:01:09,739 --> 00:01:12,007
It's not like there's gonna be
some kind of crime wave today.
30
00:01:12,008 --> 00:01:14,510
And it's not like we can do
anything about it if there was.
31
00:01:14,511 --> 00:01:17,513
For the last time,
I am not sick.
32
00:01:17,514 --> 00:01:19,548
(sneezes)
33
00:01:19,549 --> 00:01:22,418
Now where are
you going to put that?
34
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,621
I mean, it ain't just
going to go away.
35
00:01:25,622 --> 00:01:28,390
There's nothing to put away.
36
00:01:28,391 --> 00:01:30,926
Did you just wipe
that sneeze on your pant leg?
37
00:01:32,562 --> 00:01:34,263
No.
38
00:01:34,264 --> 00:01:36,165
Yes, you did.
39
00:01:36,166 --> 00:01:38,968
Now go to the bathroom and wipe
the snot off your hands.
40
00:01:38,969 --> 00:01:41,403
Fine. You know, you're
a real nag sometimes.
41
00:01:41,404 --> 00:01:42,571
Well, it's about time
42
00:01:42,572 --> 00:01:44,440
For pee number three anyway.
43
00:01:44,441 --> 00:01:46,475
Quit counting my pees.
44
00:01:46,476 --> 00:01:48,410
If only I could.
45
00:01:48,411 --> 00:01:50,980
And don't even get me started
about his belly button.
46
00:01:50,981 --> 00:01:55,050
He digs into that thing like
there's money at the bottom.
47
00:01:55,051 --> 00:01:59,888
♪ for the first time
in my life ♪
48
00:01:59,889 --> 00:02:03,092
♪ I see love. ♪
49
00:02:03,093 --> 00:02:09,093
-- Sync by Rafael UPD --
www.addic7ed.com/
50
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,968
How were things at the
mortuary today, pumpkin?
51
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,403
Pretty quiet.
52
00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:19,238
Holiday suicide season
is over,
53
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:23,242
So we're back to just old people
and slow pedestrians.
54
00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:25,278
Well, don't despair.
55
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:28,281
Valentine's day
is right around the corner.
56
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:31,651
Yeah. Jilted lover season.
57
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:34,053
Always good for a couple
of bridge jumpers.
58
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:37,056
Or someone taking a lonely bath
with a blow dryer.
59
00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:42,228
It's almost impossible to get
their hair to stay down.
60
00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:45,198
Hello.
61
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:47,567
Wow!
Va-va-voom.
62
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:48,968
Fancy.
Thank you.
63
00:02:48,969 --> 00:02:51,571
You look...
Beautiful.
64
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:52,605
I better.
65
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:53,906
This dress is the reason
66
00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:56,109
My car won't have snow tires
on it this year.
67
00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:59,412
Well, fashion first,
safety second.
68
00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:02,048
So what's
the occasion, mol?
69
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:05,685
My boyfriend is taking me
to see la bohème tonight.
70
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:09,122
Oh, so you finally
suckered him into taking
you to the opera, huh?
71
00:03:09,123 --> 00:03:11,491
Does he know that
elmer fudd's not in it?
72
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,528
He's actually being
really sweet about it.
73
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:19,632
Although I'm sure that the
opera is the last place in
the world he wants to go.
74
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:22,602
Which means you're finally
dating a straight man.
75
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:25,438
About time, right?
76
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:26,772
Hey, you kiss enough fairies,
77
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:29,008
One of them is bound
to turn into a frog.
78
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,309
Amen.
79
00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:35,581
(retches, vomits)
80
00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:40,520
Okay, I'm fine.
81
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:41,687
I'll be fine.
82
00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:43,923
Mike biggs does not get sick.
83
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,261
Oh!
84
00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:54,534
Oh, brain freeze.
Brain freeze!
85
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:56,469
Son of a bitch!
86
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,773
Hello.
Hey!
87
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,176
Wow, you look gorgeous.
88
00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:05,011
Oh, thank you.
89
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:06,812
You're not so bad
yourself there, mister.
90
00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:09,081
Yeah, two-for-one sale
at the suit store.
91
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,783
Saving the other one
for st. Patty's day.
92
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:11,918
You know why?
93
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,553
Because it's green?
94
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,288
Bingo.
95
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,934
(happily):
Ooh-hoo!
96
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,303
So how long is this thing?
97
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:31,938
About three hours.
98
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:33,206
Three hours?
99
00:04:33,207 --> 00:04:36,008
Wow, they really give you
your money's worth.
100
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,878
Hey, is that men's room
downstairs the closest bathroom?
101
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,012
I think so. Why?
102
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:42,448
I just like to get
the lay of the land.
103
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,250
I like to be aware
of my surroundings.
104
00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:45,451
It's my cop instincts.
105
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,588
I need to know where to run,
I need to know where to hide
106
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:50,489
And I need to know
where to pee.
107
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:52,592
So what's this
opera about?
108
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,160
It's about a poet named rodolfo,
109
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,929
And he falls in love with
a seamstress named mimi.
110
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:58,231
Okay, I'm a fan already.
111
00:04:58,232 --> 00:05:00,166
Now, mimi is
kind of a flirt,
112
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:04,036
But rodolfo can't break up with
her because she's mortally ill.
113
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,238
I see.
114
00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:08,307
And it takes three hours
for her to croak, huh?
115
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:11,544
No chance she can drop early,
like at a boxing match?
116
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:13,613
Look, I realize this
is not your thing,
117
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:16,482
But I'm sure that
if you give it a half a chance,
118
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,583
You'll enjoy it.
119
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:19,252
Hey, I trust you.
120
00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:22,355
I've come to appreciate
a lot of things you've
introduced me to.
121
00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:24,657
White wine, documentaries,
clean sheets.
122
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,125
I think you'll like this.
123
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:29,028
And you don't have to understand
italian to follow the story.
124
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,097
Oh, it's in a foreign language.
125
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,633
That's a nice bonus.
126
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:37,303
Three hours from...
(watch beeps)
127
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:39,071
...Now.
128
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:42,875
(overture playing)
129
00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:50,683
(man singing in italian)
130
00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:59,659
Oh, god, where is john wilkes
booth when you need him?
131
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:07,033
(cast singing in italian)
132
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,403
Are you enjoying it?
133
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,937
Oh, it's magical.
134
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:14,307
(stomach rumbling)
135
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,613
Sorry. Just two corn dogs
fighting for kennel space.
136
00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:25,117
(man singing in italian)
137
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,989
(woman singing in italian)
138
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:39,265
(man singing in italian)
139
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:51,310
(orchestral fanfare playing)
140
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:57,616
(chorus singing)
141
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:10,329
(orchestra finishes
with a bright flourish)
142
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:11,731
(applause)
143
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:14,300
Bravo. Bravissimo.
144
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:16,369
I know, and we're
just at intermission.
145
00:07:16,370 --> 00:07:18,037
What? There's more?
Yeah.
146
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:21,407
Oh, my god, you're
drenched in sweat.
147
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:23,709
What'd you expect?
I'm a fat guy in a wool suit.
148
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:25,611
You have a fever.
149
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,513
You bet I do--
opera fever.
150
00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:28,814
Whoo!
151
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:31,350
No, sir, you're sick.
We need to get you in bed.
152
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:35,755
Okay, but I still get credit
for the full three hours, right?
153
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:42,728
(coughs)
154
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,633
Are you sure
you're okay to drive?
155
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:48,768
I'm fine.
156
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,236
Although I am a little miffed
157
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:52,071
That you dragged me out
of the opera
158
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,706
Before I could see how it ended.
159
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:55,708
Guess I'll just have
to buy the book.
160
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:58,577
Look, I appreciate that
you're "strong like bull,"
161
00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:01,213
But I think you should spend
the night at my place
162
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:02,982
So I can take care of you.
163
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,350
There's nothing
to take care of.
164
00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:06,685
I just need to go home,
get a good night's sleep
165
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:08,554
And I'll be fit
as a fiddle.
166
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:10,089
(sneezes)
167
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:17,196
Here's a million
dollar idea-
168
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,265
Windshield wipers
on the inside.
169
00:08:20,434 --> 00:08:22,501
Oh, god.
170
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:31,877
Okay, just help me
zip up my fly
171
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,380
And tuck in my shirt
and we're good to go.
172
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:38,484
Yeah, I don't see that
working out for you.
173
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,220
You're staying
home today.
174
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,189
No. Mike biggs
does not miss work.
175
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,090
And carl mcmillan
doesn't ride around in a car
176
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:46,826
With a man holding
a throw-up bucket.
177
00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:48,727
Allow me this one
eccentricity.
178
00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:50,529
It'll be fine.
179
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,997
Just drive slow,
avoid the speed bumps
180
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:54,400
And if we have to chase down
any perps on foot,
181
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:56,302
You may have to go it alone.
182
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,904
So I won't be able to count on
your normal lightning speed
183
00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:00,039
And cat-like reflexes?
184
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,774
Look, I'm going
to get ahold of molly
185
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,009
And have her come over here
and take care of you.
186
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:06,912
No, I don't want her to see me
all sweaty and out of breath.
187
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:09,081
She'll never want to have sex
with me again.
188
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,150
Well, if she hasn't seen you
sweaty and out of breath,
189
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:13,185
I'm pretty sure you haven't had
sex in the first place.
190
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:15,488
Please don't call her.
I'm begging you.
191
00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:16,889
Somebody's got
to come over here
192
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,091
And take care of you.
Hey, I am a grown man.
193
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:22,161
I'm perfectly capable
of taking care of myself.
194
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:25,531
It's your mother.
Mom, I don't feel so good.
195
00:09:32,596 --> 00:09:34,364
(mike coughing)
196
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:37,500
I can't believe you don't
own a hot water bottle.
197
00:09:37,501 --> 00:09:39,168
You young people think
you can cure everything
198
00:09:39,169 --> 00:09:40,837
With a pill or a shot of dope.
199
00:09:40,838 --> 00:09:42,071
Drink that.
200
00:09:44,508 --> 00:09:46,209
Ah! That burns.
201
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:47,677
Of course it burns.
202
00:09:47,678 --> 00:09:49,579
It's whiskey and cayenne pepper.
203
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:52,515
You don't want
to coddle flu germs.
204
00:09:52,516 --> 00:09:55,585
You want to torch their village
and behead their elders.
205
00:09:55,586 --> 00:10:00,857
Here, use jim as your
hot water bottle for now.
206
00:10:00,858 --> 00:10:04,527
But whatever you do, don't
roll over on the little fella.
207
00:10:04,528 --> 00:10:05,928
I rescued him from the pound,
208
00:10:05,929 --> 00:10:09,065
But I ain't digging him
out of your fanny.
209
00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:10,366
What is that stuff?
210
00:10:10,367 --> 00:10:11,701
Mentholatum.
211
00:10:11,702 --> 00:10:14,470
It'll help bring the lung
oysters to the surface.
212
00:10:14,471 --> 00:10:17,340
So where's your
little lady friend at?
213
00:10:17,341 --> 00:10:18,775
She's probably at work.
214
00:10:18,776 --> 00:10:20,410
Oh, that's convenient.
215
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:22,645
Drags you out
honky-tonking all night,
216
00:10:22,646 --> 00:10:24,113
Gets you sick as a dog,
217
00:10:24,114 --> 00:10:26,282
Then leaves me
with the thankless task
218
00:10:26,283 --> 00:10:30,787
Of slathering up
your big stinky feet.
219
00:10:30,788 --> 00:10:32,255
I didn't ask you
to do this.
220
00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:34,390
You also didn't ask me
to give birth to you.
221
00:10:34,391 --> 00:10:36,759
But that's what
a mother does.
222
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:40,129
Split me open like a walnut.
223
00:10:40,130 --> 00:10:43,499
Yeah, you've mentioned it a
couple times over the years.
224
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,001
Just quoting the doctor.
225
00:10:45,002 --> 00:10:46,769
Said he never saw
anything like it.
226
00:10:46,770 --> 00:10:49,672
You had chest hair
and a front tooth.
227
00:10:50,908 --> 00:10:53,242
I've seen the pictures.
228
00:10:53,243 --> 00:10:56,279
It was like nursing a beaver.
229
00:10:58,082 --> 00:11:01,250
All right, I'm going to go
put some towels in the oven
230
00:11:01,251 --> 00:11:02,719
And crank up the thermostat,
231
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,620
So we can sweat
the crud out of you.
232
00:11:04,621 --> 00:11:05,888
(knocking on door)
233
00:11:05,889 --> 00:11:07,523
I'll get it. You stay put.
234
00:11:07,524 --> 00:11:09,625
Oh, and if you gotta
break wind,
235
00:11:09,626 --> 00:11:13,096
Lift the covers and at least
give poor jim a fighting chance.
236
00:11:13,097 --> 00:11:14,397
Okay.
237
00:11:14,398 --> 00:11:16,532
(door closing)
238
00:11:16,533 --> 00:11:18,301
(coughs and farts)
239
00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:20,103
Oops.
240
00:11:22,406 --> 00:11:24,707
Sorry, jim.
241
00:11:30,814 --> 00:11:32,382
Mrs. Biggs.
242
00:11:32,383 --> 00:11:34,083
Mike can't come out.
He's sick.
243
00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:36,285
Well, I... I know.
That's why I'm here.
244
00:11:36,286 --> 00:11:38,821
I've been trying to call,
but there's been no answer.
245
00:11:38,822 --> 00:11:41,457
Yeah, I had to unplug the phone,
'cause you kept waking him up.
246
00:11:41,458 --> 00:11:44,460
Well, can I just poke my head in
and say hello?
247
00:11:44,461 --> 00:11:45,428
He's asleep.
248
00:11:45,429 --> 00:11:46,462
Mom...!
249
00:11:46,463 --> 00:11:48,364
You happy?
You woke him up again.
250
00:11:48,365 --> 00:11:50,032
Excuse me.
251
00:11:50,033 --> 00:11:51,401
I'm just going
to say hi.
252
00:11:51,402 --> 00:11:52,668
Well, keep it short.
253
00:11:52,669 --> 00:11:54,337
He's in no shape
for dirty dancing
254
00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:55,838
Or a shoes-on quickie.
255
00:11:57,708 --> 00:11:59,675
Mike.
256
00:11:59,676 --> 00:12:01,577
There's my girl.
Oh, if I would
have known
257
00:12:01,578 --> 00:12:02,678
You were this sick,
258
00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:04,680
I never would have made you
go to the opera.
259
00:12:04,681 --> 00:12:07,784
Made me? It was a
once-in-a-lifetime experience.
260
00:12:07,785 --> 00:12:10,853
Right?
261
00:12:10,854 --> 00:12:12,321
Opera, huh?
262
00:12:12,322 --> 00:12:15,057
I can't even get him
to take me to the ice capades.
263
00:12:15,058 --> 00:12:18,394
I had to go with a woman
from church that I hate.
264
00:12:18,395 --> 00:12:19,662
What can I do for
you, sweetie?
265
00:12:19,663 --> 00:12:20,963
Can I make you
something to eat?
266
00:12:20,964 --> 00:12:22,465
Hah! That'd be
a fool's errand.
267
00:12:22,466 --> 00:12:24,400
I made him
chicken noodle soup.
268
00:12:24,401 --> 00:12:28,070
The broth came out one end,
the noodles came out the other.
269
00:12:28,071 --> 00:12:29,605
Mom, please.
270
00:12:29,606 --> 00:12:30,940
What? She's a grown woman.
271
00:12:30,941 --> 00:12:33,142
She knows you poop and vomit.
272
00:12:33,143 --> 00:12:36,879
Well, she certainly does now.
273
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,848
We should probably
let him get some sleep.
274
00:12:38,849 --> 00:12:40,817
Yeah, okay.
275
00:12:40,818 --> 00:12:42,919
I love you.
I love you, too.
276
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:46,389
Yeah, yeah, everybody
loves everybody.
277
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:50,359
Listen, mrs. Biggs, I appreciate
you getting here so quickly,
278
00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:52,361
But I can take over now.
Really?
279
00:12:52,362 --> 00:12:54,730
You ready to wipe
the dried snot off his nose
280
00:12:54,731 --> 00:12:56,332
And take his temperature
the baby way?
281
00:12:56,333 --> 00:13:01,204
Or the normal,
grown-up person way.
282
00:13:02,739 --> 00:13:04,407
I think I can handle it.
283
00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:05,975
All right, suit yourself.
284
00:13:05,976 --> 00:13:07,710
But you better run out
to the pharmacy
285
00:13:07,711 --> 00:13:09,712
And get a few things
before I go.
286
00:13:09,713 --> 00:13:10,880
All right, like what?
287
00:13:10,881 --> 00:13:12,315
Well, I made a list.
288
00:13:12,316 --> 00:13:13,649
He didn't have anything here.
289
00:13:13,650 --> 00:13:16,085
He was using coffee filters
for toilet paper.
290
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:20,423
I don't know what he was using
for coffee filters.
291
00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:25,094
Luckily, I keep pepto
and whiskey in my purse.
292
00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:27,663
Wart cream and corn pads?
293
00:13:27,664 --> 00:13:28,664
Those are for me.
294
00:13:28,665 --> 00:13:29,699
My little vanities.
295
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:31,300
I'll reimburse you.
296
00:13:31,301 --> 00:13:33,002
No, please, my treat.
297
00:13:33,003 --> 00:13:35,137
Thank you for
holding down the fort.
298
00:13:35,138 --> 00:13:37,507
Oh, thanks. You're so sweet.
299
00:13:40,177 --> 00:13:42,178
Sweet but gullible.
300
00:13:42,179 --> 00:13:45,781
Mikey, get your snow boots on.
We're bugging out.
301
00:13:47,784 --> 00:13:50,119
Where are we
going, mom?
302
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,655
Where I should have taken
you in the first place.
303
00:13:52,656 --> 00:13:56,058
Oh, no, not
the ice capades.
304
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:02,765
I'm putting some citronella
in the humidifier.
305
00:14:02,766 --> 00:14:05,701
Citronella? Isn't that
for killing mosquitoes?
306
00:14:05,702 --> 00:14:07,303
Hey, bugs are bugs.
307
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:09,338
(doorbell rings)
308
00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:15,311
Help me understand.
309
00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:16,679
I called an audible.
310
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:18,281
I can take better
care of him here.
311
00:14:18,282 --> 00:14:21,083
And you couldn't leave a note
or make a phone call?
312
00:14:21,084 --> 00:14:23,252
Hey, you try dialing a phone
when you're loading
313
00:14:23,253 --> 00:14:26,022
300 pounds of clammy dead weight
into a car.
314
00:14:26,023 --> 00:14:27,657
Listen to me-- that's my
boyfriend in there,
315
00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:30,293
Like it or not, and I'm the one
who's going to take care of him.
316
00:14:30,294 --> 00:14:32,895
Well, he may be your boyfriend,
but he's my son.
317
00:14:32,896 --> 00:14:35,131
I've nursed him through croup,
measles, broken bones
318
00:14:35,132 --> 00:14:37,233
And sat with him in the bathroom
319
00:14:37,234 --> 00:14:40,036
While he tried to pass
a g.I. Joe head.
320
00:14:42,139 --> 00:14:44,373
So don't think you're going
to March in there
321
00:14:44,374 --> 00:14:48,144
And brush aside
35 years of mothering.
322
00:14:49,546 --> 00:14:51,180
You know what?
You're right.
323
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:53,716
And you've done
an amazing job.
324
00:14:53,717 --> 00:14:56,185
He's a sweet, wonderful man,
325
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:59,422
And I realize that's
mostly because of you.
326
00:14:59,423 --> 00:15:02,258
Well, wasn't easy.
327
00:15:02,259 --> 00:15:03,292
His dad was never around.
328
00:15:03,293 --> 00:15:04,427
I understand.
329
00:15:04,428 --> 00:15:07,797
You had to be both mother
and father to him,
330
00:15:07,798 --> 00:15:11,167
And the results speak
for themselves.
331
00:15:11,168 --> 00:15:13,502
Well, thank you very much.
332
00:15:13,503 --> 00:15:14,704
No.
333
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:16,906
Thank you.
334
00:15:16,907 --> 00:15:19,709
Tell him to call me
when he feels better.
335
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:22,011
Hang on.
336
00:15:22,012 --> 00:15:24,013
You drove
all the way over.
337
00:15:24,014 --> 00:15:26,616
You might as well come in
and have a cup of tea.
338
00:15:26,617 --> 00:15:27,583
Are you sure it's okay?
339
00:15:27,584 --> 00:15:28,851
Yeah.
340
00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:32,688
Got the wart cream
and corn pads?
341
00:15:32,689 --> 00:15:34,123
Yeah, it's in there.
342
00:15:34,124 --> 00:15:37,593
You're all set for a night on
the town with open-toed shoes.
343
00:15:37,594 --> 00:15:41,964
Cute, but for the record,
I'm not a whore.
344
00:15:43,667 --> 00:15:45,301
Come on in.
345
00:15:45,302 --> 00:15:48,671
Mikey, your little
girlfriend's here,
346
00:15:48,672 --> 00:15:50,339
But she can't
stay long.
347
00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:52,308
Hi, honey.
Hi, sweetie.
348
00:15:52,309 --> 00:15:53,476
Lay off the grab-ass.
349
00:15:53,477 --> 00:15:55,611
He's still on the mend.
350
00:15:55,612 --> 00:15:58,414
I'll try and control myself.
351
00:16:03,086 --> 00:16:05,788
You want to go
for a ride in the car?
352
00:16:08,258 --> 00:16:10,626
What kind of lunatic loads
a sick man into a car
353
00:16:10,627 --> 00:16:12,428
And kidnaps him?
354
00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:16,565
I mean, I-I-I'm doing it
to make a point,
355
00:16:16,566 --> 00:16:18,501
But your mother--
she's just crazy.
356
00:16:18,502 --> 00:16:20,636
Where are we going?
357
00:16:20,637 --> 00:16:23,005
I'm not wearing pants.
358
00:16:27,344 --> 00:16:28,678
I can't believe
that witch doctor
359
00:16:28,679 --> 00:16:30,046
Was feeding you whiskey.
360
00:16:30,047 --> 00:16:32,648
What's next, putting
leeches on your neck?
361
00:16:32,649 --> 00:16:35,284
I mean, I haven't raised
a child, but I'm a teacher.
362
00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:37,219
I work with children every day.
363
00:16:37,220 --> 00:16:38,454
They're just like you--
364
00:16:38,455 --> 00:16:39,455
Always touching stuff
365
00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:41,057
And putting their fingers
in their mouth.
366
00:16:41,058 --> 00:16:42,391
You're still running
a fever.
367
00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:44,427
I'm going to get you
some aspirin.
368
00:16:44,428 --> 00:16:46,629
Fingers!
369
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,898
(door opens)
370
00:16:48,899 --> 00:16:49,899
Don't ask
any questions.
371
00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:52,268
Just get in the car.
372
00:16:58,909 --> 00:17:02,178
(car doors close, engine starts)
373
00:17:02,179 --> 00:17:03,646
Damn it.
374
00:17:07,217 --> 00:17:09,218
(car speeds away)
375
00:17:09,219 --> 00:17:12,188
This isn't over, peggy biggs!
376
00:17:12,189 --> 00:17:13,889
I know where you live!
377
00:17:13,890 --> 00:17:17,359
You'd better sleep
with one eye open, old woman!
378
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:19,862
Your dog hates you!
379
00:17:31,522 --> 00:17:33,789
I'm not some toothless
rube at the county fair
380
00:17:33,790 --> 00:17:36,993
Getting lured into the
hootchy-kootchy tent.
381
00:17:36,994 --> 00:17:39,762
Thinks she can walk into
my house and steal my boy
382
00:17:39,763 --> 00:17:41,864
Right out from
under my nose.
383
00:17:41,865 --> 00:17:43,299
She caught me
when my guard was down.
384
00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:45,902
Trust me,
that'll never happen again.
385
00:17:45,903 --> 00:17:47,670
We're gonna stop
by the home depot.
386
00:17:47,671 --> 00:17:49,138
I'm getting some
utility rope
387
00:17:49,139 --> 00:17:50,973
And cowbells.
388
00:17:50,974 --> 00:17:55,144
She walks within three feet of
my perimeter and I'll know it.
389
00:17:56,446 --> 00:17:58,848
Mom, I really don't feel
so good.
390
00:17:58,849 --> 00:18:00,883
Worse come to worse, we
can always hole you up
391
00:18:00,884 --> 00:18:02,251
In your uncle ray's
ice fishing cabin.
392
00:18:02,252 --> 00:18:04,620
I have to put chains on
the tires to get to it,
393
00:18:04,621 --> 00:18:07,523
But just let little
missy try and find you
394
00:18:07,524 --> 00:18:11,761
In the backwoods of
appleton, wisconsin.
395
00:18:11,762 --> 00:18:13,095
(sneezes)
396
00:18:13,096 --> 00:18:14,430
Oh, now, that's
clearing up
397
00:18:14,431 --> 00:18:16,032
Very nicely.
398
00:18:16,033 --> 00:18:18,301
I do believe you're on the mend.
399
00:18:21,446 --> 00:18:27,446
-- Sync by Rafael UPD --
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