1
00:00:02,268 --> 00:00:03,301
Isn't this great?
2
00:00:03,302 --> 00:00:04,936
A hot bowl of soup and
sportscenter.
3
00:00:04,937 --> 00:00:07,005
Doesn't get better
than this, does it?
4
00:00:07,006 --> 00:00:10,408
(weak laugh)
please tell me that's not true.
5
00:00:10,409 --> 00:00:12,210
I'm just saying,
it's nice to be at that point
6
00:00:12,211 --> 00:00:14,329
In our relationship where we
don't have to get dressed up
7
00:00:14,330 --> 00:00:15,914
And go out every night.
8
00:00:15,915 --> 00:00:17,115
No, I think it's great
9
00:00:17,116 --> 00:00:18,650
That we're this
comfortable with each other.
10
00:00:18,651 --> 00:00:19,918
But that doesn't mean
11
00:00:19,919 --> 00:00:21,230
We're never gonna leave
the house again, does it?
12
00:00:21,231 --> 00:00:24,853
♪
13
00:00:24,854 --> 00:00:30,554
♪♪
14
00:00:30,555 --> 00:00:32,811
***
15
00:00:34,633 --> 00:00:35,800
Hey, pancake.
16
00:00:35,801 --> 00:00:37,435
Is your mom ready?
17
00:00:37,436 --> 00:00:39,854
Yes, vince,
she was ready over an hour ago.
18
00:00:39,855 --> 00:00:42,190
What can I tell ya?
I was unavoidably detained.
19
00:00:42,191 --> 00:00:44,242
What happened,
they extend the two-for-one
20
00:00:44,243 --> 00:00:47,445
Lap dance special
at the boob shack?
21
00:00:47,446 --> 00:00:48,780
Don't kid yourself,
22
00:00:48,781 --> 00:00:50,081
That two-for-one
deal's a racket.
23
00:00:50,082 --> 00:00:52,817
They don't mean two broads,
they mean two songs.
24
00:00:52,818 --> 00:00:56,187
And you couldn't take
a minute to call my mother?
25
00:00:56,188 --> 00:00:58,022
I was stuck
in traffic!
26
00:00:58,023 --> 00:00:59,574
Plus, I don't like
cellular phones.
27
00:00:59,575 --> 00:01:02,160
Read somewhere
that it numbs your nads.
28
00:01:03,262 --> 00:01:06,497
And at my age,
boners are like money.
29
00:01:07,933 --> 00:01:10,868
You really have
no filter at all, do you?
30
00:01:10,869 --> 00:01:15,173
Mom!
Prince charming's here!
31
00:01:15,174 --> 00:01:17,342
Oh, the thrilla
in manila.
32
00:01:17,343 --> 00:01:18,610
You know, I was there.
33
00:01:18,611 --> 00:01:20,378
The ali-frazier fight?
That must've been amazing.
34
00:01:20,379 --> 00:01:21,346
Oh,yeah.
35
00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:22,647
Manila's a great town.
36
00:01:22,648 --> 00:01:24,548
For 20 bucks,
you can get a broad,
37
00:01:24,549 --> 00:01:28,353
A silk suit and a steak
the size of a fat baby.
38
00:01:31,290 --> 00:01:32,774
Hey, vin.
39
00:01:32,775 --> 00:01:34,392
Don't you look handsome tonight.
40
00:01:34,393 --> 00:01:36,027
Ooh! And look at you.
41
00:01:36,028 --> 00:01:37,629
If the couch potatoes
weren't here,
42
00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:40,765
I'd take you on
the rug right now.
43
00:01:42,901 --> 00:01:45,787
Oh, by the way,
have you thought about my offer?
44
00:01:45,788 --> 00:01:48,706
Vin wants to buy me
breast implants.
45
00:01:48,707 --> 00:01:50,742
Isn't that generous of him?
46
00:01:50,743 --> 00:01:54,579
Oh, yeah,
always thinking of others.
47
00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:58,149
Hey, I'll use 'em
as much as she will.
48
00:01:59,635 --> 00:02:00,718
Night.
49
00:02:00,719 --> 00:02:02,303
Be careful walking
in those heels.
50
00:02:02,304 --> 00:02:04,989
The only thing I want
you pulling is me.
51
00:02:07,226 --> 00:02:09,694
Oh, god! That man
just repulses me.
52
00:02:09,695 --> 00:02:11,596
Why?
53
00:02:11,597 --> 00:02:13,614
Why? Are you kidding me?
54
00:02:13,615 --> 00:02:16,317
He's a horny little piglet
with a pinky ring.
55
00:02:16,318 --> 00:02:20,171
My mom deserves
a decent man who's loving,
56
00:02:20,172 --> 00:02:23,107
And respectful and,
you know, pays attention to--
57
00:02:23,108 --> 00:02:25,076
Pow! There goes
the mouthpiece!
58
00:02:25,077 --> 00:02:26,811
You know, like what I've got.
59
00:02:28,047 --> 00:02:32,884
♪ for the first time
in my life ♪
60
00:02:32,885 --> 00:02:36,087
♪ I see love. ♪
61
00:02:36,088 --> 00:02:42,088
-- Sync by Rafael UPD --
www.addic7ed.com/
62
00:02:49,519 --> 00:02:50,986
(groans with relief)
63
00:02:52,822 --> 00:02:54,990
Now that's more like it.
64
00:02:54,991 --> 00:02:58,994
So, I guess you're officially
done courtin' me, huh?
65
00:02:58,995 --> 00:03:01,397
Look, tomorrow night,
I promise we're out
66
00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:03,599
To a nice dinner
and a movie afterwards.
67
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,134
Promise to keep
your pants buttoned?
68
00:03:05,135 --> 00:03:07,736
Boy, it's never enough
with you, is it?
69
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:11,674
What did I tell you,
they haven't budged.
70
00:03:13,577 --> 00:03:15,377
Well, we had a wonderful night.
71
00:03:15,378 --> 00:03:17,379
We ate moroccan food.
72
00:03:17,380 --> 00:03:18,380
Oh!
73
00:03:18,381 --> 00:03:20,616
A little spicy for my taste.
74
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:23,686
I hope it cools down
before it bids me adieu.
75
00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:29,008
And vin knows the owner,
so we got free lamb kabobs,
76
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:31,794
And a belly dancer
came right up to our table.
77
00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,095
Swell-lookin' broad.
78
00:03:33,096 --> 00:03:34,496
Little long in the tooth,
79
00:03:34,497 --> 00:03:38,233
But her rack hasn't
completely tear-dropped yet.
80
00:03:39,703 --> 00:03:41,036
What is it with you?
81
00:03:41,037 --> 00:03:43,005
Were you not
breast fed as a child?
82
00:03:43,006 --> 00:03:45,307
Joyce:
Hey, vin,
83
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:48,410
I'm gonna go up and run a hot
bath and light a few candles,
84
00:03:48,411 --> 00:03:50,079
If you care to join me.
85
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:51,146
You kiddin'?
86
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:52,982
Between the viagra,
the belly dancer
87
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:54,583
And watchin' you eat
with your fingers,
88
00:03:54,584 --> 00:03:57,586
I got enough lumber
to build a coffee table.
89
00:03:59,189 --> 00:04:01,290
Meet you upstairs.
90
00:04:01,291 --> 00:04:03,192
Go ahead
and start the engine.
91
00:04:03,193 --> 00:04:06,228
I'll be up in a minute
to back it out of the driveway.
92
00:04:07,464 --> 00:04:09,565
What does that even mean?
93
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,969
Hey, mikey,
if you're interested,
94
00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:15,671
I got a couple
extra bull tickets
95
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:16,939
For tomorrow
night's game.
96
00:04:16,940 --> 00:04:19,725
Against boston? I thought
that game was sold out.
97
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:22,311
My moroccan pal gave me
his season tickets.
98
00:04:22,312 --> 00:04:25,080
A little payback for getting
him a deal on rat traps.
99
00:04:25,081 --> 00:04:28,850
The quiet kind, so they don't
freak out the customers.
100
00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:31,553
Oh, man,
bulls-celtics! I'm in.
101
00:04:31,554 --> 00:04:34,023
Mike, I thought you and I
had plans for tomorrow night.
102
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:35,708
We can go to a stupid
movie anytime.
103
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,826
We're talking about
the bulls and the celtics.
104
00:04:37,827 --> 00:04:39,662
Third row behind
home bench.
105
00:04:39,663 --> 00:04:41,163
And I rented a limo.
106
00:04:41,164 --> 00:04:43,065
Oh, my god!
Third row behind home bench!
107
00:04:43,066 --> 00:04:44,500
And he rented a limo!
108
00:04:44,501 --> 00:04:47,386
Just consider it a thank-you
for keeping the streets safe
109
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:50,222
From all the perverts
and scumbags.
110
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:51,423
Now, if you'll excuse me,
111
00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:54,143
I'm gonna go throw her mom one
in the bathtub.
112
00:04:56,346 --> 00:04:59,782
Where do you keep your gun--
is at home or in the car?
113
00:04:59,783 --> 00:05:02,851
Can you believe this?
Third row.
114
00:05:02,852 --> 00:05:04,987
You're actually going?
115
00:05:04,988 --> 00:05:07,222
Well, there's two tickets.
We can both go.
116
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:09,575
No, I'm not taking
anything from that man.
117
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:11,827
He's just trying to worm his way
into my family.
118
00:05:11,828 --> 00:05:14,329
And what a great way to do it.
119
00:05:14,330 --> 00:05:15,864
Third row. Bulls tickets.
120
00:05:15,865 --> 00:05:18,067
Welcome to the family,
vince moranto.
121
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,869
All right,
if you feel comfortable
122
00:05:20,870 --> 00:05:22,705
Taking what is clearly a bribe,
123
00:05:22,706 --> 00:05:25,374
Then, by all means,
have a good time.
124
00:05:25,375 --> 00:05:26,408
I'm a cop.
125
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,143
People give me free stuff
all the time
126
00:05:28,144 --> 00:05:29,511
And I don't do squat in return.
127
00:05:29,512 --> 00:05:31,647
That's what would
make it a bribe.
128
00:05:31,648 --> 00:05:33,382
I'm not going.
129
00:05:33,383 --> 00:05:35,784
But if you want to go,
that's up to you.
130
00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:38,187
You know what? Fine.
131
00:05:38,188 --> 00:05:39,921
I won't go.
132
00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:40,889
Really?
133
00:05:40,890 --> 00:05:41,790
Sure, what the hell.
134
00:05:41,791 --> 00:05:43,125
It's just a basketball game,
135
00:05:43,126 --> 00:05:45,494
And I promised I'd take you
to dinner and a movie.
136
00:05:45,495 --> 00:05:48,163
Thank you.
I really appreciate that.
137
00:05:52,368 --> 00:05:54,870
Aw, come on!
You gonna hold me to that?
138
00:05:59,509 --> 00:06:00,909
Ah! What are you reading?
139
00:06:00,910 --> 00:06:03,128
Book.
140
00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:06,582
The sisterhood
of the traveling pants?
141
00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:09,351
Yes.
142
00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:12,688
Wow, you're already
halfway through it.
143
00:06:12,689 --> 00:06:13,956
I started in the middle.
144
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:16,225
A good book
can grab you anywhere.
145
00:06:17,427 --> 00:06:18,994
Mike, I know
you're upset with me.
146
00:06:18,995 --> 00:06:21,263
What makes you think that?
147
00:06:21,264 --> 00:06:23,298
Because you're
pretending to read.
148
00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:25,234
Hey, I can read.
149
00:06:25,235 --> 00:06:27,770
I can't believe
because you don't like vince,
150
00:06:27,771 --> 00:06:29,872
I don't get to have any fun.
151
00:06:29,873 --> 00:06:31,406
Look, I just don't
trust the guy.
152
00:06:31,407 --> 00:06:34,109
And I'm guessing the minute he
gets what he wants from my mom,
153
00:06:34,110 --> 00:06:35,210
He's out of here.
154
00:06:35,211 --> 00:06:36,879
Oh, and you really
think your mom's
155
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,447
Been holding something back?
156
00:06:38,448 --> 00:06:40,949
Boy, that's not what
I'm hearin' through the walls.
157
00:06:40,950 --> 00:06:42,751
Mike, listen to me,
158
00:06:42,752 --> 00:06:45,287
I'm not telling you
you can't go to that game.
159
00:06:45,288 --> 00:06:46,955
You're not?
160
00:06:46,956 --> 00:06:48,457
No. That has to be
your decision.
161
00:06:48,458 --> 00:06:50,709
So whichever way I go,
you'll be okay with that?
162
00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:52,661
That's my decision.
163
00:07:01,771 --> 00:07:03,972
You're killing me.
164
00:07:11,397 --> 00:07:12,781
Samuel, let me
ask you a question.
165
00:07:12,782 --> 00:07:14,216
We come in here
all the time, right?
166
00:07:14,217 --> 00:07:17,953
If we covered you in vinyl,
we could use you as a booth.
167
00:07:17,954 --> 00:07:19,855
And once in a while,
168
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:23,258
You've been known to give us
the occasional free meal.
169
00:07:23,259 --> 00:07:25,060
And dessert, coffee to go,
170
00:07:25,061 --> 00:07:26,695
Curbside service
for when you're too lazy
171
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,797
To button your pants
and come inside.
172
00:07:30,133 --> 00:07:31,250
Right, right.
173
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:33,969
And in exchange,
have we ever given you
174
00:07:33,970 --> 00:07:36,939
Any extra protection
or surveillance whatsoever?
175
00:07:36,940 --> 00:07:38,273
I've never even
heard a thank-you.
176
00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:40,609
I rest my case.
177
00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:42,110
I believe, once,
we were even robbed
178
00:07:42,111 --> 00:07:44,613
While you were sitting here
eating your free oatmeal.
179
00:07:46,482 --> 00:07:48,250
You see?
Nobody can bribe mike biggs.
180
00:07:48,251 --> 00:07:51,253
She doesn't like the guy, so I
don't get to go to the game.
181
00:07:51,254 --> 00:07:52,688
Crazy, right?
182
00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,089
Yeah, it's crazy.
183
00:07:54,090 --> 00:07:55,724
But your problem is you're
trying to approach this thing
184
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:56,892
Using logic and common sense,
185
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,827
And that ain't
the way women work.
186
00:08:00,129 --> 00:08:02,614
So when she told me she didn't
care if I went to the game...
187
00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:05,500
She meant "if you do go to that
game, don't bother coming home""
188
00:08:05,501 --> 00:08:08,036
It's like when you offer me
a bite of your dilly bar.
189
00:08:08,037 --> 00:08:09,204
I know you don't mean it,
190
00:08:09,205 --> 00:08:11,473
And I know you don't
want me to have it.
191
00:08:13,009 --> 00:08:15,244
That's true. I don't.
192
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:18,247
Look, in relationships,
it's all about solidarity.
193
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:20,632
You gotta like who she likes
and hate who she hates.
194
00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:23,051
Even if it makes
absolutely no sense at all?
195
00:08:23,052 --> 00:08:24,636
Especially when
it makes no sense.
196
00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:27,055
That's when her convictions
are the strongest.
197
00:08:27,056 --> 00:08:29,157
I thought relationships
were supposed to be
198
00:08:29,158 --> 00:08:30,259
About give and take.
199
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,560
They are-- she gives you sex
200
00:08:31,561 --> 00:08:34,029
And you take whatever
crazy bs she throws at you.
201
00:08:37,834 --> 00:08:39,334
I guess the bottom line is
202
00:08:39,335 --> 00:08:41,703
I won't be sitting third row
at tonight's bulls game.
203
00:08:41,704 --> 00:08:44,373
Third row? Oh, man,
that must hurt like a bitch.
204
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,176
But still, you gotta back
your lady, no matter what.
205
00:08:48,177 --> 00:08:49,411
I can't believe this.
206
00:08:49,412 --> 00:08:52,281
I'm passing up two tickets
to a bulls-celtics game.
207
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,249
Two tickets?
208
00:08:55,318 --> 00:08:58,520
Course, there is another way
to look at this thing.
209
00:09:02,992 --> 00:09:05,260
Boy, that was
a terrific dinner, honey.
210
00:09:05,261 --> 00:09:07,029
Glad you enjoyed it.
211
00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:10,399
Now you won't have to fill up
on hot dogs at the game.
212
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,150
Always looking out
for your man, huh?
213
00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:14,686
Molly (sarcastically):
Every waking minute.
214
00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:18,807
Sarcasm--
that-that-that's never good.
215
00:09:23,112 --> 00:09:25,547
Golly, you should've
seen carl's face
216
00:09:25,548 --> 00:09:27,816
When he found out we were
going to the bulls game.
217
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:29,201
It just lit up.
218
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:30,652
I bet it did.
219
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:33,121
See, for me, that's the whole
joy of going to this thing.
220
00:09:33,122 --> 00:09:35,507
You know, seeing how
happy it makes carl.
221
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:37,259
Uh-huh.
222
00:09:37,260 --> 00:09:40,362
Well, I hope you guys
have fun tonight.
223
00:09:40,363 --> 00:09:41,329
(doorbell rings)
224
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:42,681
Molly, please.
225
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:44,850
I can't enjoy myself
if I know you're upset.
226
00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:46,518
Well, that's a shame.
227
00:09:47,270 --> 00:09:49,037
You know what?
Forget it.
228
00:09:49,038 --> 00:09:51,306
I'm gonna tell those guys
to go on without me.
229
00:09:51,307 --> 00:09:53,008
If that's what
you want to do.
230
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:54,443
It's not what I want to do!
231
00:09:54,444 --> 00:09:55,811
I want to go to the game
232
00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:57,362
And I want you
to say it's okay,
233
00:09:57,363 --> 00:09:58,814
So I can get drunk,
have a good time
234
00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:01,900
And not worry about coming home
to that face, right there.
235
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:04,486
Carl & vince:
Mike, come on!
Let's go!
236
00:10:04,487 --> 00:10:05,954
Have fun.
237
00:10:05,955 --> 00:10:08,090
Stop saying that!
238
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:12,577
Boy, you got a mean streak
in you, sister.
239
00:10:21,888 --> 00:10:24,139
Mikey, you sure
I can't mix you
240
00:10:24,140 --> 00:10:26,675
A refreshing alcoholic
concoction?
241
00:10:26,676 --> 00:10:28,510
Man makes a wicked lemon drop.
242
00:10:28,511 --> 00:10:30,262
He even sugared the rim.
243
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:31,263
Aw, I better not.
244
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:32,764
If molly
smells liquor on my breath,
245
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:34,049
She'll think I had a good time.
246
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,567
Hey, you gotta snap out of it.
247
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:36,551
You're already in the doghouse,
248
00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:38,820
You might as well
pee on the carpet.
249
00:10:38,821 --> 00:10:40,655
(vince & carl guffawing)
250
00:10:40,656 --> 00:10:42,157
Come on,
have a little hooch.
251
00:10:42,158 --> 00:10:46,161
Some of the best sex I've ever
had involved liquor and anger.
252
00:10:46,162 --> 00:10:49,064
I agree. If she ain't mad at
you, you ain't doin' it right.
253
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:51,867
I guess
one beer wouldn't hurt.
254
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:53,602
Attaboy.
255
00:10:53,603 --> 00:10:55,203
Oh! And after the game,
256
00:10:55,204 --> 00:10:57,406
I was thinkin' we could
pop into the locker room
257
00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:59,374
And say hi
to some of the players.
258
00:10:59,375 --> 00:11:00,675
You're kiddin'!
259
00:11:00,676 --> 00:11:02,377
We get to meet the team?
260
00:11:02,378 --> 00:11:03,712
Yeah, one of the trainers
261
00:11:03,713 --> 00:11:06,681
Used to bang my cousin,
so that kinda makes him family.
262
00:11:06,682 --> 00:11:08,583
Did you hear that?
263
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:10,419
We are gonna be
in the locker room with...
264
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:13,254
Our chicago bulls!
Our chicago bulls!
265
00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:15,590
Salud!
266
00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:16,691
Check this out.
267
00:11:16,692 --> 00:11:19,478
Open sesame.
268
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:20,929
Whoa! Moon roof!
269
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,431
Moon roof?!
270
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:28,269
I'm the king of the world!
271
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:30,705
Hey, punk, you better run!
272
00:11:37,056 --> 00:11:39,858
We'd have to burn a whole
nickel bag to get this ripped.
273
00:11:39,859 --> 00:11:42,594
(basketball game
playing on tv)
274
00:11:44,297 --> 00:11:46,965
Did you smoke
a lot of pot back then, mom?
275
00:11:46,966 --> 00:11:48,183
Mm...
276
00:11:48,184 --> 00:11:51,036
You know, when I was pregnant,
I couldn't drink
277
00:11:51,037 --> 00:11:54,072
And it really did help
with the morning sickness.
278
00:11:56,175 --> 00:11:59,378
Well, a lot
has changed since then.
279
00:11:59,379 --> 00:12:01,914
It's all scientific now.
280
00:12:01,915 --> 00:12:07,119
Weed advancement really took off
once the nerds got involved.
281
00:12:08,188 --> 00:12:11,123
Well, hats off to those
little four-eyed virgins.
282
00:12:13,025 --> 00:12:15,127
Now if we can
just get 'em working on
283
00:12:15,128 --> 00:12:16,628
Wrinkle cream and hair removal.
284
00:12:16,629 --> 00:12:18,330
Absolutely.
285
00:12:18,331 --> 00:12:20,032
Today's pubic hair technology
286
00:12:20,033 --> 00:12:22,668
Really leaves much
to be desired.
287
00:12:22,669 --> 00:12:27,206
Oh, yeah, we're losing that race
to the brazilians.
288
00:12:29,893 --> 00:12:31,393
Molly:
Oh, good.
289
00:12:31,394 --> 00:12:34,263
Second-hand pot smoke
and a table full of snacks.
290
00:12:34,264 --> 00:12:36,782
It's an overeater's dream.
291
00:12:36,783 --> 00:12:40,118
Do you want to watch the
basketball game with us?
292
00:12:40,119 --> 00:12:41,436
No, thank you.
293
00:12:41,437 --> 00:12:42,654
Oh, come on.
294
00:12:42,655 --> 00:12:44,406
Vince said if they
point the camera at him,
295
00:12:44,407 --> 00:12:49,461
He's gonna stand up and cup his
junk as kind of a secret hello.
296
00:12:50,463 --> 00:12:51,780
Great.
297
00:12:51,781 --> 00:12:54,933
Please tell me
he's gonna be our new daddy.
298
00:12:54,934 --> 00:12:56,785
Honey, I know
you're not crazy about him,
299
00:12:56,786 --> 00:13:00,505
But he's really
a very sensitive and caring man.
300
00:13:00,506 --> 00:13:02,474
Why? Because when
he walks out of the bathroom
301
00:13:02,475 --> 00:13:04,843
He announces the air quality?
302
00:13:04,844 --> 00:13:07,913
Listen, I've dated guys who
didn't do that-- trust me,
303
00:13:07,914 --> 00:13:10,816
It's better to know
what you're walking into.
304
00:13:12,585 --> 00:13:14,086
Is that mike?
305
00:13:14,087 --> 00:13:16,455
No, that's the mascot.
306
00:13:16,456 --> 00:13:19,091
Oh, you're right.
307
00:13:19,092 --> 00:13:22,427
Mike doesn't have
a tail, does he?
308
00:13:24,697 --> 00:13:26,264
Look, mom,
I just think you can...
309
00:13:26,265 --> 00:13:28,367
You can do a lot better
than that guy.
310
00:13:28,368 --> 00:13:29,368
Come on, molly.
311
00:13:29,369 --> 00:13:31,069
You never like
any of my boyfriends.
312
00:13:31,070 --> 00:13:32,671
Remember jerry the housepainter?
313
00:13:32,672 --> 00:13:33,822
You made him cry.
314
00:13:33,823 --> 00:13:36,241
I caught him
stealing money from your purse.
315
00:13:37,277 --> 00:13:39,278
That man was a sexual dynamo.
316
00:13:39,279 --> 00:13:40,612
He earned every penny.
317
00:13:42,632 --> 00:13:46,184
And thanks to you, our garage
door is still only half yellow.
318
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,821
Mom, I'm not trying to tell you
how to live your life.
319
00:13:49,822 --> 00:13:53,058
It's just that I love you and I
don't want to see you get hurt.
320
00:13:53,059 --> 00:13:56,762
Aw, sweetie, I appreciate you
worrying about me,
321
00:13:56,763 --> 00:13:59,965
But I'm just having
a good time with the man.
322
00:13:59,966 --> 00:14:04,236
Besides, I'm a big girl
and I can take care of myself.
323
00:14:04,237 --> 00:14:05,537
You're right.
324
00:14:05,538 --> 00:14:06,939
It's your life.
325
00:14:06,940 --> 00:14:08,974
If he makes you happy,
that's what's...
326
00:14:08,975 --> 00:14:11,009
That's what's important.
327
00:14:11,010 --> 00:14:14,546
From now on, I am
officially butting out.
328
00:14:15,365 --> 00:14:17,783
Don't you dare.
329
00:14:21,487 --> 00:14:22,921
Hey, look, mom.
330
00:14:22,922 --> 00:14:25,290
Vince is saying hello.
331
00:14:32,999 --> 00:14:34,299
(all laughing)
332
00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:36,635
This was the greatest
night of my life-- seriously.
333
00:14:36,636 --> 00:14:38,804
I'll probably have to lie
to people, at some point,
334
00:14:38,805 --> 00:14:41,339
And say it was my wedding day
or the birth of my first child,
335
00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:43,442
But the three of us
will know the truth.
336
00:14:43,443 --> 00:14:44,810
(all guffawing)
337
00:14:44,811 --> 00:14:47,062
Double overtime,
bulls win by two,
338
00:14:47,063 --> 00:14:49,581
Plus they scored over 100
points, which means we all get--
339
00:14:49,582 --> 00:14:52,651
All:
Free chalupas!
340
00:14:53,536 --> 00:14:55,721
I mean, it was
a magical evening, right?
341
00:14:55,722 --> 00:14:57,456
I don't know how
to thank you, vince.
342
00:14:57,457 --> 00:14:58,890
Third row seats and we got to go
343
00:14:58,891 --> 00:15:00,492
Into the locker room
after the game.
344
00:15:00,493 --> 00:15:02,928
Boy, some of those guys were
swingin' the sausage, huh?
345
00:15:02,929 --> 00:15:05,697
Not that I was lookin',
but they were at eye level.
346
00:15:05,698 --> 00:15:07,833
Yeah, I thought
that one was gonna eat
347
00:15:07,834 --> 00:15:09,634
A peanut out of my hand.
348
00:15:09,635 --> 00:15:11,703
You know, dip down into the
water bucket and wash his back.
349
00:15:11,704 --> 00:15:13,755
Elephant trunk.
We got it at "peanut""
350
00:15:13,756 --> 00:15:17,576
Well, I'm glad you
boys had a good time.
351
00:15:17,577 --> 00:15:19,261
Maybe mention to
your girlfriend
352
00:15:19,262 --> 00:15:21,146
That I'm not
such a bad egg.
353
00:15:21,147 --> 00:15:22,814
Oh, she doesn't think
you're a bad egg,
354
00:15:22,815 --> 00:15:24,049
She just thinks her mom's
355
00:15:24,050 --> 00:15:26,234
Scraping the bottom
of the barrel by dating you.
356
00:15:26,235 --> 00:15:29,104
But why? I treat joyce
like a queen.
357
00:15:29,105 --> 00:15:30,355
Hey, this isn't
coming from me.
358
00:15:30,356 --> 00:15:31,990
It's just that molly
thinks your intentions
359
00:15:31,991 --> 00:15:33,458
Are less than honorable.
360
00:15:33,459 --> 00:15:36,294
Look, I'm not gonna lie to
you, I've loved many women.
361
00:15:36,295 --> 00:15:38,764
But joyce ain't like
them other skanks.
362
00:15:38,765 --> 00:15:41,099
She's smart, she's funny,
363
00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:44,786
Plus she can match me kink
for kink in the boudoir.
364
00:15:44,787 --> 00:15:48,206
I probably won't tell molly
about the kink part.
365
00:15:48,207 --> 00:15:50,742
She might not see it as
the compliment you intended.
366
00:15:50,743 --> 00:15:54,212
Well, you know her
better than I do.
367
00:15:54,213 --> 00:15:55,647
So where to now, gents?
368
00:15:55,648 --> 00:15:57,015
The night is still young.
369
00:15:57,016 --> 00:15:58,800
I should probably
head home.
370
00:15:58,801 --> 00:16:00,519
Molly was pretty mad
when I left.
371
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:01,853
We can't go home now.
372
00:16:01,854 --> 00:16:03,688
We're drunk,
we're in a limo.
373
00:16:03,689 --> 00:16:06,141
Hey, let's cruise past a
nightclub with the windows down
374
00:16:06,142 --> 00:16:08,260
And tell everybody
we're earth, wind & fire.
375
00:16:08,261 --> 00:16:09,694
You're kidding.
376
00:16:09,695 --> 00:16:12,931
♪ do you remember ♪
377
00:16:12,932 --> 00:16:15,984
♪ the twenty-first night
of September? ♪
378
00:16:15,985 --> 00:16:19,671
All: ♪ love was changing
the minds of pretenders ♪
379
00:16:19,672 --> 00:16:22,908
♪ while chasing
the clouds away ♪
380
00:16:22,909 --> 00:16:24,292
(scatting)
381
00:16:24,293 --> 00:16:25,510
♪ oh, oh, oh! ♪
382
00:16:25,511 --> 00:16:27,546
All:
♪ ba de ya ♪
383
00:16:27,547 --> 00:16:29,447
♪ say, do you remember ♪
384
00:16:29,448 --> 00:16:31,149
♪ ba de ya ♪
385
00:16:31,150 --> 00:16:32,968
♪ dancing in September ♪
386
00:16:32,969 --> 00:16:34,669
♪ ba de ya ♪
387
00:16:34,670 --> 00:16:39,091
♪ never was a cloudy day... ♪
388
00:16:39,092 --> 00:16:44,429
(all singing melody)
389
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:48,817
Mike:
Thank you again for tonight.
390
00:16:48,818 --> 00:16:50,018
It was very generous.
391
00:16:50,019 --> 00:16:52,637
Hey, I'm sure if I ever
got into a real jam,
392
00:16:52,638 --> 00:16:54,606
Like I was sittin' on, say,
393
00:16:54,607 --> 00:16:57,242
30 to 35 unpaid
parking tickets,
394
00:16:57,243 --> 00:16:59,744
You'd step up
with a little quid pro quo.
395
00:16:59,745 --> 00:17:01,480
Yeah, I really don't
do that type of thing.
396
00:17:01,481 --> 00:17:03,448
Ever?
397
00:17:04,584 --> 00:17:07,285
Molly, what are you
doing up so late?
398
00:17:07,286 --> 00:17:08,453
Waiting for you.
399
00:17:08,454 --> 00:17:09,454
You have fun tonight?
400
00:17:09,455 --> 00:17:11,006
Are you gonna be mad
if I say yes?
401
00:17:11,007 --> 00:17:13,091
No.
It was awesome!
402
00:17:13,092 --> 00:17:15,293
Best night of my life.
403
00:17:15,294 --> 00:17:18,213
I mean, not as good as
the night we met...
404
00:17:18,214 --> 00:17:19,664
But right up there.
405
00:17:20,867 --> 00:17:22,801
And just so you know,
he was a good boy tonight.
406
00:17:22,802 --> 00:17:25,303
The place
was crawlin' with tail.
407
00:17:27,006 --> 00:17:29,674
Joyce:
Hey, the boys are back.
408
00:17:29,675 --> 00:17:31,026
Dollface!
409
00:17:31,027 --> 00:17:32,410
How are ya?
410
00:17:34,514 --> 00:17:37,516
Sorry I gave you such a hard
time about going out tonight.
411
00:17:37,517 --> 00:17:40,152
Yeah, it wasn't a very
attractive side of you.
412
00:17:40,153 --> 00:17:42,154
Just take the apology, mike.
413
00:17:43,689 --> 00:17:48,026
Joyce, I want you to know that
my intentions are honorable.
414
00:17:48,911 --> 00:17:51,730
Vin, what are
you doing on your knees?
415
00:17:51,731 --> 00:17:53,999
Please tell me he's
having a heart attack.
416
00:17:54,734 --> 00:17:57,736
Joyce meredith flynn...
Marilyn.
417
00:17:57,737 --> 00:18:00,438
You gonna bust my stones
over a middle name?
418
00:18:00,439 --> 00:18:03,391
I thought you guys were just
having a good time together.
419
00:18:03,392 --> 00:18:06,678
We were.
But I think it's time
that I step up
420
00:18:06,679 --> 00:18:10,432
And let everyone know that
vincent moranto is here to stay.
421
00:18:10,433 --> 00:18:12,651
Is this what
you had in mind, big guy?
422
00:18:14,554 --> 00:18:16,154
You told him to do this?
423
00:18:16,155 --> 00:18:17,155
I don't think so.
424
00:18:17,156 --> 00:18:18,156
I don't know.
425
00:18:18,157 --> 00:18:20,825
I don't feel good.
426
00:18:20,826 --> 00:18:22,194
What do you say, joyce?
427
00:18:22,195 --> 00:18:23,695
Will you have me?
428
00:18:23,696 --> 00:18:27,449
Mom, take your time...
And think about it....
429
00:18:27,450 --> 00:18:29,501
Yes, vince,
I will marry you.
430
00:18:29,502 --> 00:18:32,537
You took absolutely
no time to think about that.
431
00:18:34,290 --> 00:18:36,458
You've made me
the happiest man in the world.
432
00:18:38,044 --> 00:18:40,745
You gotta admit,
it's kinda romantic.
433
00:18:40,746 --> 00:18:41,913
Not seein' it?
434
00:18:41,914 --> 00:18:43,048
(yawns)
435
00:18:43,049 --> 00:18:44,249
Night, everybody.
436
00:18:57,072 --> 00:18:59,274
You look very pretty
this morning.
437
00:19:04,547 --> 00:19:06,714
Some might say radiant.
438
00:19:10,986 --> 00:19:13,221
Don't. Okay?
439
00:19:15,123 --> 00:19:18,193
You know, molly,
he's actually not a bad guy.
440
00:19:18,194 --> 00:19:23,097
Can we just eat
our breakfast and not talk?
441
00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:25,683
There they are.
442
00:19:25,684 --> 00:19:28,436
Boy, I know what I'm gettin'
you two for christmas.
443
00:19:28,437 --> 00:19:30,638
Chairs.
444
00:19:32,474 --> 00:19:36,077
Hey, princess, I realize
I'm not your real dad,
445
00:19:36,078 --> 00:19:38,980
Nor would I ever
try to replace him.
446
00:19:38,981 --> 00:19:40,315
That's good to know.
447
00:19:40,316 --> 00:19:41,749
But if you ever
need anything--
448
00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:45,486
Advice, tires,
panty hose, whatever--
449
00:19:45,487 --> 00:19:46,888
I'm there for you.
450
00:19:46,889 --> 00:19:48,089
I appreciate it.
451
00:19:48,090 --> 00:19:50,758
And you,
you got a real gem here
452
00:19:50,759 --> 00:19:52,393
And you're gonna
have to start steppin' up.
453
00:19:52,394 --> 00:19:54,028
Take her out
every once in awhile,
454
00:19:54,029 --> 00:19:55,630
Spend a little coin.
455
00:19:55,631 --> 00:19:56,998
Shell out for a nice dinner.
456
00:19:56,999 --> 00:19:58,433
Don't take her someplace
457
00:19:58,434 --> 00:20:01,936
Just because you got
a coupon for a free chalupa.
458
00:20:05,774 --> 00:20:07,508
You know what?
I think you're right.
459
00:20:07,509 --> 00:20:08,977
That guy is
kind of annoying.
460
00:20:08,978 --> 00:20:12,180
I don't know, he's actually
starting to grow on me.
461
00:20:12,181 --> 00:20:14,649
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