1
00:00:01,300 --> 00:00:03,300
Kids, back in 2007,

2
00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:06,600
it seemed like everyone belonged to
these silly things called gyms.

3
00:00:06,900 --> 00:00:09,700
<i>The idea was you'd pay them
lots of money to run around</i>

4
00:00:09,700 --> 00:00:10,600
<i>and lift heavy things.</i>

5
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:12,200
<i>Biggest rip-off in the world.</i>

6
00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:13,500
<i>And yet people fell for it.</i>

7
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:14,800
<i>Including me.</i>

8
00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,400
Oh, forgot my wallet.

9
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,400
<i>It started with one of those moments</i>

10
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:21,700
<i>when you realize you're not
as in shape as you want to be.</i>

11
00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:24,200
Whoo...

12
00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:26,200
That's further than it looks.

13
00:00:27,300 --> 00:00:29,300
Aw, coupon's on my dresser.

14
00:00:30,300 --> 00:00:31,500
That's too far.
Forget it.

15
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,200
Please don't judge me.

16
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:37,800
I wound up shame-eating the whole pizza.

17
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,400
I woke up all greasy and sweaty.

18
00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:43,800
My sheets looked like what they
wrap deli sandwiches in.

19
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:46,600
Maybe I should join a gym.

20
00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:47,800
Do you go to a gym?

21
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,900
Well, I go to Total Rip Fitness,
But I don't work out there.

22
00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:52,000
What do you do?

23
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:52,600
I invest.

24
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,600
There goes one of my investments now.

25
00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:58,000
Cheryl, hard work's paying off.

26
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,100
Keep up the good work.

27
00:00:59,900 --> 00:01:02,600
So your investments are women?

28
00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:03,600
Yes.

29
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:07,300
Women who, how shall
I put this delicately?

30
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:09,000
They fat.

31
00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:11,200
So, I come here,

32
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:12,500
give them lots of attention now.

33
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:15,600
Then when they get hot, who's
the first guy they run to?

34
00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:18,300
The one who invested in them
when they weren't.

35
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:21,300
Wow, I can't decide if
I'm thoroughly disgusted

36
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:22,900
or really, really impressed.

37
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,600
Of course, not all investments pay dividends

38
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,000
See the girl over there at the
vending machine-- Tonya.

39
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,500
She is one Kit Kat away
from junk bond status.

40
00:01:32,900 --> 00:01:33,900
Hey, Barney.

41
00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:37,900
Becky, elliptical machine's really working
for you. Nice stuff.That one is going to reward shareholders soon. I foresee aggressive growth in my futu

44
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:46,900
What up?

45
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:50,100
Wow, that makes me want to join a gym.

46
00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:51,300
So I can get super strong

47
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,600
and punch you really hard in the face.

48
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,300
Yes, we should all do it.

49
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,500
Yeah, let's all punch Barney in the face.

50
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,300
No, I'm serious.

51
00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:02,100
We should totally join a gym.

52
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,400
Come on, we put on
the beer weight together--

53
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,600
we might as well take it off together.

54
00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:08,100
Or we could just stop drinking beer.

55
00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:10,100
No.
I say we join a gym.

56
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,700
Are you Marshall?
Yeah.

57
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:14,700
Hi, I'm Trish.

58
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:15,800
I'm the trainer you signed up for.

59
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:18,200
Oh, hi.

60
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,500
Really great to meet you, Trish.

61
00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:21,500
It's a pleasure.

62
00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:24,300
Marshall, can I talk to you for a second?

63
00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:25,200
Sure.
Great.

64
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:26,400
Just a second.

65
00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:33,500
Yeah, sweetie, I think she maybe just
a little too hot to be your trainer.

66
00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:34,700
I get it.

67
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,300
I mean, I see what you're worried about.

68
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,400
But this is just about me
taking care of myself.

69
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,700
You'll always be my sugar.

70
00:02:43,900 --> 00:02:46,800
So, Marshall, are you ready to
make a commitment to your body?

71
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,600
Pssh! Please, I'm all about
committing to my body.

72
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:50,700
I'll drive to Vermont

73
00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:53,100
and have a commitment ceremony
to my body if you want.

74
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,500
That was a weird thing to say.

75
00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:57,800
All right.
Start with 100 push-ups.

76
00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:59,500
All right, cool.
How many do you want me to do?

77
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:00,300
100.

78
00:03:01,700 --> 00:03:03,300
Oh, I thought that was
a figure of speech--100 push-ups,

79
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,400
like do a bazillion push-ups.

80
00:03:05,700 --> 00:03:06,600
No one can do 100.

81
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:09,400
Do you smell that?

82
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:10,300
No.

83
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:12,200
It smells like there's a little bitch in my gym.

84
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:14,800
Are you being a little bitch in my gym?

85
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:16,200
No.

86
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,200
Then get on the floor and give me 100!

87
00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:20,300
You don't have to yell at me.

88
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:22,600
I love it here.

89
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,900
It's just normal women
who want to get in shape.

90
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:29,900
I don't have to put on makeup,
do my hair, wear some trendy outfit.

91
00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:31,800
Yeah, this place is great.

92
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,300
We're meeting our friend Robin here.

93
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,200
I hope you don't hate her.
She's pretty hot.

94
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:36,300
Shut up.

95
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,800
Lily, tell him to shut up.

96
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:41,000
I'm sorry, lesbian prison guard,
do we know each other?

97
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,300
Ted, Lily, you'll never believe
what just happened.

98
00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:46,100
Oh, hey, dude,
I'm Barney.

99
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,600
So I was at the smoothie bar...

100
00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:51,600
What can I get you?

101
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,400
Oh, my God, Rhonda?

102
00:03:56,100 --> 00:04:00,000
It's Barney.Barney Stinson from
Staten Island Boulevard.

103
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,000
Hey, Barney Stinson from
Staten Island Boulevard.

104
00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:03,500
What can I get you?

105
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:05,800
I can't believe she didn't remember me.

106
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,100
Why? Who is she?

107
00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:08,300
That's Rhonda.

108
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:11,800
I lost my virginity to her.

109
00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:18,100
<font color="#ffff00">www.1000fr.com presents</font>

110
00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:22,500
<font color="#ffff00">Capture: FRM@Aihua
Sync: FRS@xingougou¡¢ÁðÁ§</font>

111
00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:31,200
Baby, are you still sore?

112
00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:35,300
Trish made me do 70 push-ups,
but she only gave me credit for ten.

113
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:37,800
The she had me do 100 sit-ups

114
00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:41,100
and then she made me cry,
using only her words.

115
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:44,900
It just doesn't add up.

116
00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:47,700
How could Rhonda not remember me?

117
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,300
Well, maybe it wasn't that good for her.

118
00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:51,000
I mean, it was your first time.

119
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:54,500
Ted, it's me.
I rocked her world.

120
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,000
You don't believe me?
Okay, story time.

121
00:04:58,100 --> 00:04:59,600
The year was 1998.

122
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,800
<i>I'd been going out with Shannon
since freshman year of college.</i>

123
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,000
<i>We were saving ourselves.</i>

124
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:08,200
<i>So when we broke up there I was,
23 and still a virgin.</i>

125
00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:10,000
<i>I knew nothing about girls.</i>

126
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:11,700
<i>So I went to the guy</i>

127
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:14,000
<i>who knew everything about
girls-- my brother James.</i>

128
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,600
Wait, your gay brother James?

129
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,200
Yeah, this was before he was gay.

130
00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:28,100
Why...?

131
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:32,100
Barney... Barney, you need to find a girl

132
00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:33,700
and have sex with her ASAP.

133
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,900
That is what dudes do after a breakup.

134
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:41,200
I know. I want to, but...
I guess I'm just scared.

135
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:42,100
Of course you're scared.

136
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:43,000
It's gross.

137
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,100
The thought of doing that with a woman...

138
00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:48,100
But it's part of being a guy.

139
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,400
Try thinking about baseball.

140
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,700
Somehow I imagine
those players on the field

141
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,000
and it's over a lot faster.

142
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,600
But I don't know the first thing
about seducing a woman.

143
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:02,600
What do you...? How do you...?
Where do you...?

144
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,500
Stop. Don't overthink it.

145
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:05,900
You don't want to get the yips.

146
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:06,800
The yips?

147
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:10,900
Yeah, when you overthink simple things
so much that you can't do them at all.

148
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,100
The yips.

149
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:14,900
Yeah, it happens to athletes all the time.

150
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,600
Like the second baseman
who suddenly can't throw to first

151
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,600
or the figure skater
who does a perfect tripe toe loop

152
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,600
and then loses it on the arabesque.

153
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,900
I've actually really
been getting into figure skating lately.

154
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:31,500
But, James... what woman's going
to have sex with me?

155
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,900
It's not like I'm a Backstreet Boy.

156
00:06:35,900 --> 00:06:37,200
The Man Maker.

157
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,800
<i>Rhonda "Man Maker" French</i>

158
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,900
<i>was our mom's friend from down the street.</i>

159
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:42,900
Got any kings?

160
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:44,200
Go fish.

161
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:47,700
So, Patty, know that new paperboy?

162
00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:51,200
I let him throw one into my
hedges, if you know what I mean.

163
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:54,900
Did you see that new guy
who cleans my pool?

164
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:57,800
I let him snake my drain,
if you know what I mean.

165
00:06:59,700 --> 00:07:01,700
You know that Chinese food delivery boy?

166
00:07:01,700 --> 00:07:03,700
I had sex with him.

167
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,100
I don't have a funny way of saying it yet.

168
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:07,300
It just happened 20 minutes ago.

169
00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:10,600
Of course.

170
00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:12,700
The Man Maker.

171
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,900
And it'll be easier too,
'cause she knows me so well.

172
00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:17,900
Hi, Barry.

173
00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:20,000
Barney. Hi, Ms. French.

174
00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:23,500
I know we haven't seen each other for a while,
but if there was any chance...

175
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:24,900
Oh, boy.

176
00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:33,900
Wow, you just rocked my world.
That was the best sex I ever had.

177
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,300
<i>That was the night I was born.</i>

178
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:43,200
I rose like a phoenix
from her mentholated bosom

179
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:48,500
and strode into the world,
Armani clad and fully awesome.

180
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:51,600
God, please let me stop!

181
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,200
Yes, great, let's stop.

182
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,900
Let's just kick back and wait
for the massive coronary

183
00:07:55,900 --> 00:07:58,700
you're going to have a couple years
from now when you're 40.

184
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,000
I'm... I'm 29.

185
00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:02,400
50 more!

186
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,000
Hi, sweetie.

187
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,600
I got a trainer, too.
This is Max.

188
00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:09,400
We're going to focus on flexibility.

189
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:11,100
Yeah, I'm gonna stretch her out.

190
00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:13,400
Great... Wait, what?

191
00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:15,100
50 more, now!

192
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,100
Huh?

193
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:27,100
Hey...

194
00:08:32,900 --> 00:08:34,500
Okay, well, that's not cool.

195
00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:38,600
You know, Rhonda,

196
00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:42,100
running into you really got me thinking
about the old days.

197
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,500
You were quite popular.

198
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,600
I sure got around back then.

199
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:52,000
And there was one young man
who stood out above the pack.

200
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,500
Freddy Chibatoni.

201
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,000
That kid had a tongue like a gecko.

202
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:59,000
No, no, I was thinking about someone else.

203
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,400
Chaz Alderman.

204
00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:02,800
Hips like a woman,
but he knew how to use them.

205
00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:04,400
What about me?!

206
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:08,200
- You?
- Yes. We slept together.

207
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:10,900
And you said I was the best you ever had.

208
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:11,700
Did I?

209
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,600
Oh, right.

210
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:16,800
About that...

211
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:19,600
And tell him that
he's the best you ever had.

212
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,000
Oh, I don't know.

213
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:23,500
He's just a kid.

214
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,700
No he isn't. He's 23 and
he is really hurting, Rhonda.

215
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:27,600
Please.

216
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,200
Maybe we could make a deal.

217
00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:31,600
What?

218
00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:33,600
I don't know...

219
00:09:34,900 --> 00:09:35,300
Oh...

220
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:38,800
No, girl, I got a girlfriend.

221
00:09:38,900 --> 00:09:41,500
Yeah, yeah, yeah, hers
is the only vagina for me.

222
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:45,900
Oh... I love it.
It... it isn't scary at all.

223
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,300
Well, too bad.I guess your brother's
going to stay a virgin.

224
00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:56,700
Fine.

225
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:59,400
Reggie Jackson,
Reggie Jackson,

226
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,300
Reggie Jackson...

227
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,500
But those compliments you gave me.

228
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:04,000
Wow...

229
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,300
you just rocked my world.

230
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:09,100
That was the best sex I ever had.

231
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,800
But you said I rocked your world.

232
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:18,400
All subsequent worlds that I rocked were only so rocked
because of the confidence I earned from said first world rocking.

233
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:23,900
Sorry, Barry.

234
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:29,000
it's barney...

235
00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:34,500
So I'm doing sit-ups and she says,
"All right, Marshall, just one more set."

236
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,600
So I summon all my strength
and I do that set,

237
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,800
and then she says,
"Give me another set."

238
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,600
So I'm like,
"Is this the last set?"

239
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:42,700
And she says yes.

240
00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:45,600
So I do that set and then she says,
"Give me another set."

241
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,100
She lied to my face!

242
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:48,800
Everything hurts.

243
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:52,800
Baby, the whole point of working out
is to feel better.

244
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,800
This trainer is making you miserable.

245
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,200
You have to call her and quit.

246
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,700
I got to work through it.
I got to finish what I started.

247
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:01,700
- If you're too scared, I can call her.
- Her number's on this card.

248
00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:06,500
Hi. Is this Trish?

249
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,300
This is Marshall's wife.

250
00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:11,800
Listen, we have a problem here
and it's you.

251
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:15,800
I don't know who the hell you think you are,
but from now on you don't tell Marshall what to do.

252
00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:19,400
You are an employee.

253
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,400
We tell you what to do.

254
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,200
And I'm telling you you're fired, bitch.

255
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:29,100
Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, bye.

256
00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:31,900
You better get down there, baby.
She's pretty pissed.

257
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:33,700
Hey, buddy.

258
00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:35,700
Still bummed about
the whole Rhonda thing?

259
00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:40,200
No. Why would I let the approval
of one woman define who I am?

260
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,100
That's very mature of you, Barney.

261
00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:42,700
Let him finish.

262
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:46,700
When I can let the approval
of a gaggle of supermodels define who I am.

263
00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:48,300
What? What?

264
00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:52,300
Three tickets to the after party
of the Victoria's Secret fashion show?

265
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,300
Uh, kablammie!

266
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:56,400
Lily, um, could I go?

267
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:59,200
Go. You're too sore to do anything anyway.

268
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,000
Oh... wow.

269
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:15,800
Okay, this, boys, is not
a regular season game.

270
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:18,100
This is the World Series.

271
00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:21,900
So remember, we work together.
We're a team.

272
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:24,200
And if anyone sees Heidi Klum-- dibs.

273
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,400
Target acquired.
Dig deep. Mm-hmm!

274
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:35,100
Hey, it's a nice party, huh?

275
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:36,100
Yeah, it's great.

276
00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:38,200
Do you guys work for the company?

277
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:43,300
Yeah, it's called
"I'm Gonna Get In Your Panties, Incorporated."

278
00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:45,000
Gross!

279
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,200
Dude!

280
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,500
I don't know.
That was terrible.

281
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:52,600
I am so sorry.

282
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,300
Wait a minute. It's okay.
It's okay. It's fine.

283
00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:55,600
It's a numbers game.
I'm cool.

284
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,700
Model... model.

285
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,300
Uh... hi.
I know, right?

286
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:06,700
This party is legend.
Wait for it...

287
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,600
Uh, how long do we have to wait for it?

288
00:13:16,300 --> 00:13:18,500
I think he's having a stroke.

289
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,200
- What is the matter with me?
- I don't know.

290
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:26,000
Wait, wait, wait-- you don't
think I have the yips, do ya?

291
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,900
No, no, no, relax.

292
00:13:27,900 --> 00:13:29,800
There's Alessandra Ambrosio.

293
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,300
English is her second language.

294
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,100
Even if you screw up,
she'll never know.

295
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:33,900
Come on.

296
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:35,700
Hi.

297
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,500
Those are very nice honkers.

298
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:45,200
Honkers?
I don't know this word.

299
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,500
Do you want to go dance?

300
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,200
I'm talking about those things.

301
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,400
Ah-ooga!

302
00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:53,000
Ew!

303
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:59,100
Oh, no, I can't have the yips.
I can't have the yips, not here. Not now.

304
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:01,600
This is me.
It's Barney, Barney!

305
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:03,900
Heidi Klum!

306
00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:06,800
This is perfect I can do this.
I can do this.

307
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:08,800
But thanks for coming.

308
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,000
Thanks for coming.
Heidi Klum, I'm Barney.

309
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,800
Hi, Barney.
Nice to meet you.

310
00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:15,800
Goobidy, goobidy,
goobidy, goobidy.

311
00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:19,300
Whoa.

312
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:20,500
Is he okay?

313
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:22,000
Uh, he has the yips.

314
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,100
Hasn't been able to hit on a woman
all night.

315
00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:25,400
He has the yips?

316
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,600
Ooh, that's bad.

317
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:32,100
You know, in Germany, we call this
@#$*&^%$# @+*#$_&@*&.

318
00:14:32,100 --> 00:14:33,500
Whoa, that is bad.

319
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,200
I don't know what's happened to me.

320
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,600
I've, I've totally lost my confidence.

321
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:38,800
Aw...

322
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:42,300
Barney, maybe you have
to open up to somebody.

323
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:44,300
Maybe you have to open up to some...

324
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:49,300
He just found out that the woman he lost his virginity to
only did it because his brother bribed her.

325
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,700
Ooh, that's a rough one.

326
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:55,300
I mean, the only thing
I can think of to get rid of

327
00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:59,000
&^%$#@@$%#*+&^_^

328
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,200
is you have to go out there.

329
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:02,900
And you need to find that woman.

330
00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:05,900
And you need to earn it with her for real.

331
00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:09,400
That is the only way
how you can find yourself.

332
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,200
I see little hamburgers!

333
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,600
I love little hamburgers.

334
00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:17,700
Auf wiedersehen.

335
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:19,200
- Wow!
- Yeah.

336
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,200
I just made out with Heidi Klum.

337
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:23,500
What?

338
00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:27,500
Ted, just... okay?

339
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:31,800
Come in.

340
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:34,400
Hi, Rhonda.

341
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,500
Hi, kiddo. Surprised to see you here.

342
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:42,300
So, hey, uh,
maybe how about sex?

343
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:44,400
Let's sex.

344
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:47,300
What are you talking about?
I'm watching Wheel of Fortune.

345
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:49,600
You can keep watching.
I'll face you toward the TV.

346
00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:52,900
- That's a cute idea, kid.
- Great.

347
00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:55,100
No, I'm not having sex with you.

348
00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:56,400
Sit down a minute.

349
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,400
I'm not the Man Maker anymore.

350
00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,800
You know what?

351
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,200
About five years ago,

352
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:08,000
I realized there was an emptiness inside of me
that no amount of meaningless sex could fill.

353
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,500
I needed something more.

354
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:13,500
And that's when I
discovered Indian casinos.

355
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:18,100
Hey, Barney,

356
00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:21,200
it's weird not seeing you in a suit.
What's going on?

357
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,600
Uh, not much.

358
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:27,600
My entire sexual history was built
on a rotting foundation of lies.

359
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:32,200
My whole identity is lost
in a pit of menthol ashes.

360
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,300
Work is good.

361
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,200
I'm never going back to that gym again.

362
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:47,700
Today at work, I had to have an intern rip up my bagel
and put little pieces in my mouth.

363
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:50,300
Yeah, I'm done there, too.

364
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:51,300
That place is horrible.

365
00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:55,300
What about your big muscular trainer
who's so into stretching you out?

366
00:16:56,900 --> 00:17:00,900
Yeah, well, turns out that guy had
no affiliation with the gym whatsoever.

367
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,200
Come on, guys,
don't give up on the gym.

368
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:06,700
It's been great for us.

369
00:17:06,700 --> 00:17:10,000
Like today, Robin and I
had a really nice moment.

370
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,100
Oh, God! Oh... Yahhh!

371
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:29,200
Robin, hey,
I just wanted to come over and thank you.

372
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,600
Thank me for what?

373
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,900
Well, you know how it's hard
for exes to be friends

374
00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:36,500
because there's this lingering
sexual tension between them?

375
00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:39,500
Gone. Thank you.

376
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:44,000
You know, for all the crap you've given me,

377
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,800
I haven't seen you
work up a sweat there once.

378
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,700
It's not true.
I was there today.

379
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,000
Yeah, but didn't you leave early?

380
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:57,700
Oh, great.

381
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,100
Now I got to go home and charge this.

382
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:03,900
Wait a minute.

383
00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:06,200
You didn't work out Tuesday either.

384
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:08,700
Brought the wrong shorts.

385
00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:13,600
Yeah, and you totally disappeared on Monday, too.

386
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:16,400
No, I was at the gym the whole time.

387
00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:20,200
Ooh! Oh, I love this gym.

388
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:25,100
Lily, help me bend down
these three fingers.

389
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:27,900
Actually, I have an idea.

390
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:31,800
Do it! Come on!
Do it, you worthless piece of crap!

391
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,800
Please! Please, I just want to go home.

392
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,800
Come on.
This is your last set!

393
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,800
You said that last time!

394
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:43,600
Gone.

395
00:18:50,100 --> 00:18:50,300
Hey.

396
00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:52,400
Rhonda.

397
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,300
I saw your friend Ted at the gym.

398
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,100
After he puked and cleared the line
at the smoothie bar,

399
00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:02,400
he said you were
kinda having a tough time.

400
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:07,300
Did you change your mind
about having love, making sex,

401
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:09,000
penis vagina?

402
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,200
What is the matter with me?

403
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,900
- Oh, honey...
- I just, I don't get it.

404
00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:14,500
You slept with so many guys.

405
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:15,800
You slept with my brother.

406
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:17,600
We are practically the same person.

407
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,900
Was I really so bad?

408
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,100
Nobody's good the first time.

409
00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:27,300
But I was.
At least I thought I was.

410
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,700
Oh, Barney, you know...
sex isn't everything.

411
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:36,600
When is the last time you had a conversation with a woman
with no intention of scoring with her?

412
00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:44,700
I sat next to former Secretary
of State Madeleine Albright at a benefit once.

413
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:48,000
I certainly didn't intend to hit that.

414
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,800
Yeah, well,
I tell you what.

415
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,200
Sleeping with me again
isn't gonna solve anything.

416
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:56,900
I don't know what else is.

417
00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:00,900
I think I know.

418
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:04,000
Do you have any kings?

419
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,300
No, go fish.

420
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:12,500
See, Barney, isn't it nice
to just sit and have a evening with a woman, no agenda?

421
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,800
Just make nice conversation?

422
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:18,000
No.

423
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,900
Yeah, kinda sucks,
doesn't it?

424
00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:25,800
Oh, my God, Barney,
you really did just rock my world.

425
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,900
That was amazing.

426
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,100
And I'm not lying.

427
00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:31,900
I know you're not lying, baby.

428
00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:33,700
And it was good for you?

429
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:37,000
It was the best sex I've ever had.

430
00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:40,300
Later.

431
00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:45,200
Daddy's back.

432
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:52,400
- Hey, buddy, how's it going?
- Hey. Pretty good.

433
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:53,600
Pretty good. Ooh!

434
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,200
I can move my legs now
and I can lift my arms this high.

435
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:58,100
I can move my legs now
and I can lift my arms this high.

436
00:20:58,100 --> 00:20:59,200
- Oh!
- Oh!

437
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:02,200
Yeah, you know,
I feel like I have more energy.

438
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:07,000
Yeah, it was hard at first, but now
if I go a day without working out, I miss it.

439
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,600
I'm proud of us, guys.

440
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,800
The first week is the hardest.
We're over the hump.

441
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,600
Joining that gym
was the best decision we ever made.

442
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,700
And we never went back to the gym again.

443
00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:18,300
<font color="#ffff00">welcome to www.1000fr.com</font>

