1 00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:04,115 Kids, after Uncle Marshall lost his father, 2 00:00:04,150 --> 00:00:06,203 he decided to stay home a while to take care of his mother. 3 00:00:06,204 --> 00:00:07,471 But the longer he stayed there, 4 00:00:07,472 --> 00:00:10,207 the more it was like he had never left Minnesota. 5 00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:12,409 Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking. 6 00:00:12,410 --> 00:00:13,977 Oh, that is too cute. 7 00:00:13,978 --> 00:00:14,978 Say it again. 8 00:00:14,979 --> 00:00:15,979 No. 9 00:00:15,980 --> 00:00:17,281 It's called manners, jerk. 10 00:00:17,282 --> 00:00:19,083 Now, what's... what's going on in New York? 11 00:00:19,084 --> 00:00:20,217 Give me something. 12 00:00:20,218 --> 00:00:22,653 There is one thing that's been going on. 13 00:00:22,654 --> 00:00:25,826 Uh, it's about Ted... and Zoey. 14 00:00:25,927 --> 00:00:28,726 Kids, as you remember, Zoey and I met because she was trying 15 00:00:28,727 --> 00:00:30,527 to save an old building from being torn down 16 00:00:30,528 --> 00:00:33,497 and replaced by a new building that I'd been hired to design. 17 00:00:33,498 --> 00:00:34,631 And yet somehow, despite this, 18 00:00:34,632 --> 00:00:36,834 we had all managed to become friends. 19 00:00:36,835 --> 00:00:37,868 Which brings us to the night 20 00:00:37,869 --> 00:00:40,237 Aunt Robin decided to cook dinner. 21 00:00:45,226 --> 00:00:47,678 I thought the oven was Celsius. 22 00:00:47,679 --> 00:00:48,912 It's okay. 23 00:00:48,913 --> 00:00:50,481 We got hot dogs. 24 00:00:50,482 --> 00:00:53,684 Yeah, and it's not like you can screw up a hot dog. 25 00:00:54,702 --> 00:00:56,720 Oh, God. 26 00:00:56,721 --> 00:00:58,155 This is so good. 27 00:00:58,156 --> 00:01:01,091 I'm gonna finish it in the bathroom. 28 00:01:03,194 --> 00:01:05,462 Could someone pass the ketchup? 29 00:01:05,463 --> 00:01:07,164 I hope I can pass this hot dog. 30 00:01:07,966 --> 00:01:09,566 Oh. 31 00:01:09,567 --> 00:01:11,135 - Oops. - Well, looks like someone's 32 00:01:11,136 --> 00:01:13,504 going out in the cold to get more ketchup. 33 00:01:13,505 --> 00:01:16,039 Oh, come on, man, I brought the wine. 34 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:16,907 Which is all gone. 35 00:01:16,908 --> 00:01:18,776 Oops. 36 00:01:19,877 --> 00:01:21,061 All right, I tell you what... 37 00:01:21,062 --> 00:01:23,013 you get this one bottle, I'll get the next three. 38 00:01:23,014 --> 00:01:24,348 Hmm, tell you what... no dice. 39 00:01:24,349 --> 00:01:25,582 I'll get the next hundred. 40 00:01:25,583 --> 00:01:26,717 You're not getting out of this. 41 00:01:26,718 --> 00:01:28,285 You want to go on a date with my hot cousin? 44 00:01:34,993 --> 00:01:38,996 www.addic7ed.com 45 00:01:43,968 --> 00:01:45,636 Robin, I just want you to know, 46 00:01:45,637 --> 00:01:48,138 it's either this story you're telling me or another game 47 00:01:48,139 --> 00:01:51,308 of Clue against myself, so make it good. 48 00:01:51,309 --> 00:01:52,309 Oh, it's good. 49 00:01:52,310 --> 00:01:53,544 You see, after that night, 50 00:01:53,545 --> 00:01:55,979 none of us heard from Zoey for a while. 51 00:01:55,980 --> 00:01:58,515 - Finally, Ted called her up. - Hello. 52 00:01:58,516 --> 00:02:00,350 So are we ever gonna see you again? 53 00:02:00,351 --> 00:02:01,452 Because, if I recall correctly, 54 00:02:01,453 --> 00:02:03,754 you owe me a date with your hot cousin. 55 00:02:03,755 --> 00:02:05,556 You still want to do that? 56 00:02:05,557 --> 00:02:07,357 Yes. And we miss you. 57 00:02:07,358 --> 00:02:09,993 But the cousin thing mostly. Let's get that going. 58 00:02:09,994 --> 00:02:11,445 Don't worry, Ted, she's cute. 59 00:02:12,430 --> 00:02:14,832 "Cute" means "fat". 60 00:02:14,833 --> 00:02:16,433 She's not fat. 61 00:02:16,434 --> 00:02:19,937 "Not fat" means "ugly". 62 00:02:19,938 --> 00:02:21,472 Oh, here she is. 63 00:02:22,774 --> 00:02:24,842 I take back everything I said. 64 00:02:24,843 --> 00:02:27,377 That girl is extremely attractive. 65 00:02:27,378 --> 00:02:28,829 - Hey, Zoey. - Hey. 66 00:02:28,830 --> 00:02:31,682 Ted, this is my cousin... 67 00:02:31,683 --> 00:02:33,016 Kids, to be honest, 68 00:02:33,017 --> 00:02:34,551 I don't quite remember this girl's name. 69 00:02:34,552 --> 00:02:35,819 None of us do, 70 00:02:35,820 --> 00:02:37,888 because as this story has been told and retold, 71 00:02:37,889 --> 00:02:39,857 we've always just referred to her as... 72 00:02:39,858 --> 00:02:41,625 Honey. 73 00:02:41,626 --> 00:02:43,026 Hi, Honey, I'm Ted. 74 00:02:43,027 --> 00:02:44,528 And here's why. 75 00:02:44,529 --> 00:02:47,431 She is a lovely person... 76 00:02:47,432 --> 00:02:51,568 warm, intelligent, just kind of gullible. 77 00:02:51,569 --> 00:02:52,636 It's like, every word 78 00:02:52,637 --> 00:02:54,805 out of her mouth makes you want to be like, 79 00:02:54,806 --> 00:02:57,007 "Oh, honey". 80 00:02:57,008 --> 00:02:58,375 Interesting. 81 00:02:58,376 --> 00:02:59,693 Show your work. 82 00:02:59,694 --> 00:03:02,079 My apartment building is so safe. 83 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,849 My landlord... he even installed a security camera in my shower. 84 00:03:05,850 --> 00:03:07,551 Oh, honey. 85 00:03:07,552 --> 00:03:09,686 Maybe I should feel weird about giving a stranger 86 00:03:09,687 --> 00:03:11,922 my Social Security number, 87 00:03:11,923 --> 00:03:15,225 but the guy's a Nigerian prince. 88 00:03:15,226 --> 00:03:17,361 Oh, honey. 89 00:03:17,362 --> 00:03:20,230 I just had a great TV audition. 90 00:03:20,231 --> 00:03:23,066 Behind the KFC where the executive producer works 91 00:03:23,067 --> 00:03:24,968 on the weekends. 92 00:03:24,969 --> 00:03:26,737 Oh, honey. 93 00:03:26,738 --> 00:03:31,141 Long story short, I'm going to be on Lost. 94 00:03:31,142 --> 00:03:33,343 Oh, honey. 95 00:03:33,344 --> 00:03:34,361 I know. 96 00:03:34,362 --> 00:03:36,246 You just want to wrap her up in a blanket 97 00:03:36,247 --> 00:03:37,481 and give her a cup of tea. 98 00:03:37,482 --> 00:03:38,682 She's, like, this 99 00:03:38,683 --> 00:03:39,983 little lost lamb 100 00:03:39,984 --> 00:03:42,586 who needs to be protected from the wolves. 101 00:03:42,587 --> 00:03:44,054 Speaking of whom... 102 00:03:44,055 --> 00:03:46,790 Yeah, I always get those e-mails from Michelle Obama 103 00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:49,876 and sometimes Obama himself. 104 00:03:49,877 --> 00:03:52,996 Oh, honey. 105 00:03:52,997 --> 00:03:54,464 So the night went on, 106 00:03:54,465 --> 00:03:56,533 and eventually everyone went home, 107 00:03:56,534 --> 00:03:58,902 except for Ted and Honey. 108 00:03:58,903 --> 00:04:01,138 Wow, an architect. 109 00:04:01,139 --> 00:04:02,439 How fascinating. 110 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,874 Why do they call 'em coasters? 111 00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:06,209 And Barney. 112 00:04:06,210 --> 00:04:10,097 Okay, time to go home. 113 00:04:10,615 --> 00:04:12,549 Ted, a word. 114 00:04:15,553 --> 00:04:17,387 God, I hate these situations. 115 00:04:17,388 --> 00:04:19,239 What are we gonna do about this? 116 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:20,724 What are you talking about? 117 00:04:20,725 --> 00:04:22,926 Come on, Ted, it's obvious. 118 00:04:22,927 --> 00:04:24,528 Honey's vibing on me. 119 00:04:24,529 --> 00:04:25,596 What? 120 00:04:25,597 --> 00:04:27,564 It's called body language. 121 00:04:28,533 --> 00:04:30,167 Remember when she was touching your arm 122 00:04:30,168 --> 00:04:31,768 - and leaning in real close? - Mm-hmm. 123 00:04:31,769 --> 00:04:35,973 Well, while that was happening, the straw in her drink 124 00:04:35,974 --> 00:04:39,075 was pointed right at me. 125 00:04:39,944 --> 00:04:42,012 I mean... 126 00:04:42,013 --> 00:04:43,981 that's as clear as a signal gets, 127 00:04:43,982 --> 00:04:45,132 so... 128 00:04:46,985 --> 00:04:48,752 I'm so sorry, man. 129 00:04:48,753 --> 00:04:51,788 You're right. 130 00:04:52,490 --> 00:04:53,924 She's all yours, buddy. 131 00:04:53,925 --> 00:04:55,759 I'd say hump her brains out, 132 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,694 but someone obviously already has. 133 00:04:57,695 --> 00:05:00,263 Good for you. 134 00:05:00,264 --> 00:05:01,932 Ted Mosby does not take advantage 135 00:05:01,933 --> 00:05:03,300 of poor, helpless honeys. 136 00:05:03,301 --> 00:05:05,102 Yeah, actually, there's another reason 137 00:05:05,103 --> 00:05:06,937 that I didn't go home with her. 138 00:05:06,938 --> 00:05:07,904 Hmm? 139 00:05:07,905 --> 00:05:08,672 He's gay! 140 00:05:08,673 --> 00:05:10,741 Mom, hang up! 141 00:05:10,742 --> 00:05:12,609 I'm sorry. 142 00:05:13,645 --> 00:05:15,078 Go on. 143 00:05:15,079 --> 00:05:16,346 Yeah, actually, there's another reason 144 00:05:16,347 --> 00:05:18,048 that I didn't go home with her. 145 00:05:18,049 --> 00:05:19,216 Hmm? 146 00:05:19,217 --> 00:05:22,252 I'm in love with Zoey. 147 00:05:22,253 --> 00:05:24,221 Oh, my God. 148 00:05:24,222 --> 00:05:25,756 Oh, my God! 149 00:05:25,757 --> 00:05:26,623 Mom! 150 00:05:26,624 --> 00:05:28,809 Sorry. 151 00:05:33,483 --> 00:05:35,150 Ted's in love with Zoey? 152 00:05:35,151 --> 00:05:37,052 But, but she's married. 153 00:05:37,053 --> 00:05:39,087 That boy needs an intervention. 154 00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:40,722 Funny you should say that. 155 00:05:40,723 --> 00:05:42,357 Does anyone know why we're here? 156 00:05:42,358 --> 00:05:43,992 Yeah, who called this intervention? 157 00:05:43,993 --> 00:05:45,694 I did. It's for me. 158 00:05:45,695 --> 00:05:47,579 This is about the coffee breath. 159 00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:50,248 - Finally. - Hmm, no, it's the shoulder hair. 160 00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:51,700 Guys, just let 161 00:05:51,701 --> 00:05:53,502 the man explain how it's all 162 00:05:53,503 --> 00:05:55,470 about his wearing a lady's watch. 163 00:05:55,471 --> 00:05:58,073 It's because I'm in love with Zoey, 164 00:05:58,074 --> 00:05:58,974 and she's married, 165 00:05:58,975 --> 00:06:00,959 so it needs to stop. 166 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,612 And... intervene. 167 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:05,947 Are you sure it's love? 168 00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:08,350 Remember the ketchup bottle? 169 00:06:08,351 --> 00:06:10,152 She wasn't the one who dropped it. 170 00:06:10,153 --> 00:06:13,989 When she reached for it, our fingers touched, and... 171 00:06:15,525 --> 00:06:19,227 I knew, right in that moment, this isn't friendship. 172 00:06:19,228 --> 00:06:21,430 This is love. 173 00:06:22,432 --> 00:06:23,298 Wuss. 174 00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:24,282 Marcus! 175 00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:26,568 This is a private conversation! 176 00:06:27,236 --> 00:06:30,005 So what'd the wuss do next? 177 00:06:30,006 --> 00:06:32,407 This is love. 178 00:06:33,276 --> 00:06:36,144 And this was my grandmother's watch. 179 00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:40,281 Anyway, now I have only one course of action in front of me: 180 00:06:40,282 --> 00:06:42,150 I have to end my friendship with Zoey. 181 00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:43,635 Isn't that a little harsh? 182 00:06:43,636 --> 00:06:44,486 Harsh? 183 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:45,520 Robin, a single guy 184 00:06:45,521 --> 00:06:47,456 and a married woman cannot be friends 185 00:06:47,457 --> 00:06:49,424 if one's in love with the other. 186 00:06:49,425 --> 00:06:51,460 Yeah, but Zoey is friends with us now, too. 187 00:06:51,461 --> 00:06:53,678 It's not like Ted can just ghost out on her. 188 00:06:53,679 --> 00:06:55,063 She'll always be around. 189 00:06:55,064 --> 00:06:56,698 Then what am I supposed to do? 190 00:06:56,699 --> 00:06:57,799 Okay, just shut it down. 191 00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,317 Okay, just ignore your feelings. 192 00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:01,169 If... if she asks you for ketchup, 193 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:03,271 tell her to get it her own damn self. 194 00:07:03,272 --> 00:07:05,040 Look, I like Zoey. Without her, 195 00:07:05,041 --> 00:07:08,310 my dinner party wouldn't have been such a success. 196 00:07:08,311 --> 00:07:09,845 So those feelings of yours... 197 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:10,879 shut 'em down. 198 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,749 Fine. 199 00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:15,117 I'll shut 'em down. 200 00:07:15,118 --> 00:07:19,321 And seriously, mouthwash after coffee. 201 00:07:20,456 --> 00:07:23,859 Oh, um, that's my other line. 202 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,093 It's not a number I recognize. 203 00:07:25,094 --> 00:07:26,294 So don't answer it. 204 00:07:27,797 --> 00:07:29,131 Yeah. 205 00:07:29,132 --> 00:07:30,632 Oh, my God, 206 00:07:30,633 --> 00:07:32,534 you are so Minnesota. 207 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:34,136 You can't not answer the phone 208 00:07:34,137 --> 00:07:35,203 because it would be rude. 209 00:07:35,204 --> 00:07:36,304 Well, it would be. 210 00:07:36,305 --> 00:07:38,874 Good-bye. 211 00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:40,909 Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking. 212 00:07:40,910 --> 00:07:41,710 Hey, Marshall. 213 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:42,677 Barney. 214 00:07:42,678 --> 00:07:43,979 W... what number is this? 215 00:07:43,980 --> 00:07:45,480 I'm up on burners, playa. 216 00:07:45,481 --> 00:07:47,349 Too many crazies had my old number, 217 00:07:47,350 --> 00:07:50,152 so now I'm all about disposable cell phones. 218 00:07:50,153 --> 00:07:52,187 I'll use one for a while, have my fun, 219 00:07:52,188 --> 00:07:54,089 then dump it and get a new one. 220 00:07:54,090 --> 00:07:55,991 And then I'll do the same with my phone. 221 00:07:55,992 --> 00:08:00,328 Hey, uh, so Robin told me about this whole Ted and Zoey thing. 222 00:08:00,329 --> 00:08:02,297 Dude, she doesn't know how to tell a story. 223 00:08:02,298 --> 00:08:04,216 I'll tell you that story. 224 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,867 Hey, Zoey. 225 00:08:05,868 --> 00:08:06,835 Hey. 226 00:08:06,836 --> 00:08:09,087 Ted, this is my cousin... 227 00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:11,039 Honey. 228 00:08:13,776 --> 00:08:15,510 Uh... 229 00:08:15,511 --> 00:08:16,912 Robin's version was... 230 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,747 That is exactly how it happened. 231 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:19,881 So Ted did his best 232 00:08:19,882 --> 00:08:21,983 to impress her, but as per yoozh, 233 00:08:21,984 --> 00:08:25,487 he bored the pants very much on her. 234 00:08:25,488 --> 00:08:27,606 Blah, blah, blah, I'm an architect. 235 00:08:27,607 --> 00:08:30,358 Blah, blah, blah, I don't wear suits. 236 00:08:30,359 --> 00:08:31,560 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 237 00:08:31,561 --> 00:08:34,196 Wow, an architect. 238 00:08:34,197 --> 00:08:35,964 How fascinating. 239 00:08:35,965 --> 00:08:37,232 Blah, blah, blah, blah. 240 00:08:37,233 --> 00:08:38,867 Rambling architecture anecdote. 241 00:08:38,868 --> 00:08:40,235 Blah, blah, 242 00:08:40,236 --> 00:08:41,703 something about a bridge. 243 00:08:41,704 --> 00:08:42,637 Blah, blah, blah... 244 00:08:42,638 --> 00:08:44,706 Straw. 245 00:08:46,509 --> 00:08:49,211 Coaster. 246 00:08:50,079 --> 00:08:53,081 Okay, time to go home. 247 00:08:55,134 --> 00:08:57,719 Anyway, I get Honey back to her place. 248 00:08:58,654 --> 00:09:00,088 Who's your daddy? 249 00:09:00,089 --> 00:09:02,324 Okay, can we skip this part, please? 250 00:09:02,325 --> 00:09:05,727 Sure, I'll just summarize it. 251 00:09:18,274 --> 00:09:19,274 Okay, that's been 252 00:09:19,275 --> 00:09:20,408 going on a while. 253 00:09:20,409 --> 00:09:22,777 Only way I know how. 254 00:09:22,778 --> 00:09:25,780 Any-who, next day, I'm going into work. 255 00:09:25,781 --> 00:09:27,615 - I run into Zoey. - Hey, Zoey. 256 00:09:27,616 --> 00:09:30,752 That cousin of yours... Honey... yowsa! 257 00:09:30,753 --> 00:09:32,754 I must say, your family tree has got a couple 258 00:09:32,755 --> 00:09:34,923 of pretty big coconuts. 259 00:09:34,924 --> 00:09:36,091 Thanks. 260 00:09:36,092 --> 00:09:38,176 Yeah, we had a great time last night. 261 00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:40,929 And then just hand stuff in the morning, so... 262 00:09:40,930 --> 00:09:42,697 Wait, she didn't go home with Ted? 263 00:09:42,698 --> 00:09:44,065 Nope, he let me have her. 264 00:09:44,066 --> 00:09:46,067 I have to say, it was pretty noble of him. 265 00:09:46,068 --> 00:09:49,504 He fell on his sword so that she could fall on mine. 266 00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:53,141 I won't bore you with the details, but to summarize... 267 00:09:58,948 --> 00:10:00,649 She hugged me. 268 00:10:00,650 --> 00:10:02,384 What was that all about? 269 00:10:02,385 --> 00:10:03,718 Zoey's in love with Ted. 270 00:10:03,719 --> 00:10:04,953 Marcus! 271 00:10:04,954 --> 00:10:06,288 Wait, hear me out, Marshall. 272 00:10:06,289 --> 00:10:09,324 Zoey's in love with Ted, but she's married, 273 00:10:09,325 --> 00:10:11,059 so she tried to push him away 274 00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:13,428 by setting him up with her cousin instead. 275 00:10:13,429 --> 00:10:15,564 But seeing Ted and Honey hit it off was 276 00:10:15,565 --> 00:10:17,065 more than her gentle heart could bear, 277 00:10:17,066 --> 00:10:20,835 so Zoey left early, pricked by love's fickle thorn. 278 00:10:20,836 --> 00:10:22,537 But then, the next morning, upon learning 279 00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:25,740 that Ted had not tasted of Honey's sweet nectar, 280 00:10:25,741 --> 00:10:29,945 her joy burst forth like a blossoming flower in spring. 281 00:10:29,946 --> 00:10:31,947 Wow. 282 00:10:31,948 --> 00:10:34,316 Zoey's in love with Ted. 283 00:10:34,317 --> 00:10:38,587 Oh, Marshall, I stopped by that new doughnut shop Hertz Donuts. 284 00:10:38,588 --> 00:10:40,522 Would you like a Hertz Donut? 285 00:10:40,523 --> 00:10:41,723 Sure. 286 00:10:47,129 --> 00:10:47,829 Hey, where's the...? 287 00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:49,497 No! Aah! 288 00:10:49,498 --> 00:10:50,698 Hurts, don't it? 289 00:10:53,636 --> 00:10:55,370 I can't believe you fell for that, bro. 290 00:10:55,371 --> 00:10:58,173 So Ted's in love with Zoey 291 00:10:58,174 --> 00:11:00,875 and Zoey's in love with Ted? 292 00:11:00,876 --> 00:11:02,544 Well, that... that's not going to work. 293 00:11:02,545 --> 00:11:04,179 I got to call Ted. 294 00:11:06,015 --> 00:11:07,215 Hello. 295 00:11:07,216 --> 00:11:08,350 Listen, Ted, um, 296 00:11:08,351 --> 00:11:10,452 I got to tell you something about Zoey. 297 00:11:10,453 --> 00:11:13,755 Yeah, yeah. I need to tell you something about Zoey, too. 298 00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:16,424 Hey. I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd take you up 299 00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:18,259 on that beer you're about to offer me. 300 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,028 Can I get you a beer? 301 00:11:20,029 --> 00:11:22,030 Oh, Ted, I'm so busy. 302 00:11:22,031 --> 00:11:23,431 But I guess I got time for one. 303 00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:25,283 Lead the way. 304 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,305 Oh, my God. 305 00:11:30,306 --> 00:11:31,589 What?! 306 00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:33,441 Fridge full of ketchup? How? 307 00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:36,044 How, I ask you? 308 00:11:39,548 --> 00:11:41,449 What? 309 00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:45,120 Listen, Zoey, I, um... 310 00:11:46,922 --> 00:11:48,890 I need to tell you something. 311 00:11:48,891 --> 00:11:50,492 Um... 312 00:11:50,493 --> 00:11:52,427 Marshall, I'm going to Byerly's. You want anything? 313 00:11:52,428 --> 00:11:54,295 Mom! Get off the phone! 314 00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:56,164 Could you get some more Bugles, please? 315 00:11:56,165 --> 00:11:57,098 Of course, dear. 316 00:11:57,099 --> 00:11:58,233 Marcus, hang up! 317 00:11:58,234 --> 00:12:00,235 Both of you, hang up! 318 00:12:00,236 --> 00:12:02,437 And we need ice cream. 319 00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:05,907 Go on. 320 00:12:05,908 --> 00:12:10,378 I, uh... I can't be friends with you anymore. 321 00:12:11,414 --> 00:12:14,315 And this may seem strange, but... 322 00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:16,151 you can't ask me why. 323 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,353 Wow. 324 00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,990 Okay. 325 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,164 And that was it. 326 00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:30,532 No more Zoey. 327 00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,101 Oh. Hey, buddy, that's Lily. 328 00:12:33,102 --> 00:12:34,502 I should take that. 329 00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:35,470 But, uh, 330 00:12:35,471 --> 00:12:37,138 you're a good guy, Ted. 331 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,191 Hey, baby. 332 00:12:40,192 --> 00:12:41,476 We hate Ted now. 333 00:12:41,477 --> 00:12:43,712 Get on board or the sexting stops. 334 00:12:43,713 --> 00:12:46,181 Ted's a son of a bitch! 335 00:12:48,718 --> 00:12:50,651 Oh, nice. 336 00:12:50,652 --> 00:12:54,022 But, hey, um, baby, go easy on Ted, okay? 337 00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:56,357 He just, he just ended things with Zoey. 338 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:57,592 Oh, I know. 339 00:12:57,593 --> 00:13:00,228 But did he tell you the whole story? 340 00:13:00,229 --> 00:13:04,466 I, uh, I can't be friends with you anymore. 341 00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:07,969 And you can't ask me why. 342 00:13:13,642 --> 00:13:14,709 Why? 343 00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:16,978 Lily hates you. 344 00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,682 You hate me? 345 00:13:25,860 --> 00:13:27,327 That's crazy. I don't hate you. 346 00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:30,830 Well, I know that's not true, Lily. Ted told me everything. 347 00:13:30,831 --> 00:13:32,665 He... Oh, really? 348 00:13:32,666 --> 00:13:35,969 And... and what did Ted say, exactly? 349 00:13:35,970 --> 00:13:37,871 Lily hates you. 350 00:13:38,739 --> 00:13:41,608 She hates you so much 351 00:13:41,609 --> 00:13:44,411 it's hard to be around you. 352 00:13:45,746 --> 00:13:48,415 So we can't be friends. 353 00:13:48,416 --> 00:13:51,551 Oh, he... Oh, yeah. 354 00:13:51,552 --> 00:13:53,186 Yeah, okay, well, 355 00:13:53,187 --> 00:13:55,922 I... I guess there's no use hiding it anymore. 356 00:13:55,923 --> 00:13:57,957 I... I hate you. 357 00:13:57,958 --> 00:13:59,192 Bitch. 358 00:13:59,193 --> 00:14:01,728 I can't believe it. 359 00:14:01,729 --> 00:14:04,631 I really thought you and I were friends. 360 00:14:04,632 --> 00:14:06,266 Lord knows I could 361 00:14:06,267 --> 00:14:07,534 use a friend right now. 362 00:14:07,535 --> 00:14:10,203 I've been going through some pretty difficult stuff. 363 00:14:10,204 --> 00:14:12,839 Difficult stuff? What difficult stuff? 364 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:13,840 I don't know. 365 00:14:13,841 --> 00:14:15,575 Well, you did the right thing, baby. 366 00:14:15,576 --> 00:14:17,911 Not entirely. 367 00:14:17,912 --> 00:14:20,213 Zoey, wait! 368 00:14:20,214 --> 00:14:21,748 I don't hate you! 369 00:14:21,749 --> 00:14:22,782 We just 370 00:14:22,783 --> 00:14:25,919 can't be friends anymore because... 371 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,754 Robin hates you. 372 00:14:29,590 --> 00:14:30,790 And that's Robin on the other line. 373 00:14:30,791 --> 00:14:32,058 Oh, well, I'll let you take that. 374 00:14:32,059 --> 00:14:33,026 Love you, baby! 375 00:14:33,027 --> 00:14:35,395 Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking. 376 00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:37,814 Listen, Robin. I know. I apologize for my wife. 377 00:14:37,815 --> 00:14:39,165 She never should have... 378 00:14:39,166 --> 00:14:41,501 Yeah, I told Zoey you hate her. 379 00:14:41,502 --> 00:14:42,652 Me? 380 00:14:42,653 --> 00:14:44,270 You dragged me into this?! 381 00:14:44,271 --> 00:14:45,538 You just went through a tragedy. 382 00:14:45,539 --> 00:14:47,574 It's not like she's gonna call you up and... 383 00:14:48,709 --> 00:14:50,460 Oh, God, that's my other line. 384 00:14:50,461 --> 00:14:53,112 Oh, God, it's a 917 number, and I don't recognize it! 385 00:14:53,113 --> 00:14:54,180 I think it's Zoey! 386 00:14:54,181 --> 00:14:55,348 Just don't answer it. 387 00:14:55,349 --> 00:14:57,517 I can't not answer. It's impolite. 388 00:14:57,518 --> 00:14:58,751 - Marshall, you can beat this. - I can't turn my back 389 00:14:58,752 --> 00:15:00,019 - on politeness. - You don't have to answer. 390 00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:01,554 - You can just let it ring. - Good manners are what 391 00:15:01,555 --> 00:15:02,622 separate us from those "elbows on the table" Wisconsinites. 392 00:15:02,623 --> 00:15:03,857 You can do this. I believe in you. 393 00:15:03,858 --> 00:15:06,192 - Don't do it, Marshall! - I'm sorry, Robin! 394 00:15:06,193 --> 00:15:08,061 Eriksen residence. Marshall speaking. 395 00:15:08,062 --> 00:15:11,164 Hi. I spent the night with your friend Barney 396 00:15:11,165 --> 00:15:13,766 and he accidentally left his phone 397 00:15:13,767 --> 00:15:15,935 in my apartment, in the garbage. 398 00:15:15,936 --> 00:15:17,103 But I've been 399 00:15:17,104 --> 00:15:18,438 going through all of his contacts 400 00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:20,507 because I'm sure he wants to get in touch with me. 401 00:15:21,208 --> 00:15:23,009 After all, he told me, uh... 402 00:15:23,010 --> 00:15:24,811 I was his first. 403 00:15:24,812 --> 00:15:26,846 Oh, honey. 404 00:15:26,847 --> 00:15:28,781 Oh! Honey! 405 00:15:28,782 --> 00:15:30,450 Zoey's cousin. 406 00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:31,718 Hi. 407 00:15:31,719 --> 00:15:32,752 Listen, um, about Barney... 408 00:15:32,753 --> 00:15:34,854 Oh, yeah. He's such a sweet guy. 409 00:15:34,855 --> 00:15:37,090 Who's your daddy? 410 00:15:37,091 --> 00:15:39,659 Oh... 411 00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:41,127 Who's your daddy? 412 00:15:41,128 --> 00:15:43,863 I don't know. 413 00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:49,102 I guess he recently decided to get in touch with his dad. 414 00:15:49,103 --> 00:15:51,437 His mom gave him the guy's address. 415 00:15:51,438 --> 00:15:54,057 So I wrote him a letter. 416 00:15:54,058 --> 00:15:56,242 And I poured my heart out. 417 00:15:56,243 --> 00:15:59,979 And I gave him my number and I told him to call me. 418 00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:02,815 And he still hasn't called me. 419 00:16:02,816 --> 00:16:04,951 Oh, honey. 420 00:16:04,952 --> 00:16:06,953 I mean, I shouldn't be surprised. 421 00:16:06,954 --> 00:16:09,822 Clearly, he wants nothing to do with me. 422 00:16:09,823 --> 00:16:11,524 Oh, honey. 423 00:16:11,525 --> 00:16:13,326 I mean, 424 00:16:13,327 --> 00:16:16,563 why else would he let 30 years go by? 425 00:16:16,564 --> 00:16:17,997 He's ashamed 426 00:16:17,998 --> 00:16:20,833 to have me as a son. 427 00:16:20,834 --> 00:16:23,869 Oh, honey, he's not ashamed of you. 428 00:16:23,870 --> 00:16:26,639 He's ashamed of himself. 429 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:27,807 I mean, look at you. 430 00:16:27,808 --> 00:16:29,842 You're do so great without him. 431 00:16:29,843 --> 00:16:32,679 I mean, you have an airline 432 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,281 and three Nobel Prizes, 433 00:16:35,282 --> 00:16:37,584 and you play for the Yankees. 434 00:16:37,585 --> 00:16:40,353 Four. Four Nobel Prizes. 435 00:16:40,354 --> 00:16:42,255 Four. See? 436 00:16:42,256 --> 00:16:43,856 That is impressive. 437 00:16:43,857 --> 00:16:45,892 I mean, how many does he have? 438 00:16:45,893 --> 00:16:47,360 Only three. 439 00:16:47,361 --> 00:16:49,729 Well, there you go. 440 00:16:49,730 --> 00:16:53,066 Hey, uh, listen, Honey, while I've got you, 441 00:16:53,067 --> 00:16:56,169 do you have any idea what kind of difficult stuff 442 00:16:56,170 --> 00:16:57,403 Zoey's been going through? 443 00:16:57,404 --> 00:16:59,272 Oh, I can't tell you about that. 444 00:16:59,273 --> 00:17:01,474 The only people that are allowed to know 445 00:17:01,475 --> 00:17:04,711 are me, Zoey and her therapist. 446 00:17:05,546 --> 00:17:07,714 I am her therapist. 447 00:17:07,715 --> 00:17:10,783 Oh! Well, in that case... 448 00:17:14,555 --> 00:17:17,757 Uh, okay, listen, I think we've made great progress for today. 449 00:17:17,758 --> 00:17:20,109 I got to go. Bye. 450 00:17:21,395 --> 00:17:22,729 Mom! Marcus! 451 00:17:25,499 --> 00:17:27,300 What's this really about? 452 00:17:27,301 --> 00:17:29,002 I told you. 453 00:17:29,003 --> 00:17:30,403 Lily hates you. 454 00:17:30,404 --> 00:17:31,471 I think you hate me. 455 00:17:31,472 --> 00:17:33,373 I think you have some big problem with me, 456 00:17:33,374 --> 00:17:35,742 and you're too chicken to come out and say it. 457 00:17:37,144 --> 00:17:38,544 All right. 458 00:17:38,545 --> 00:17:40,847 Yes. 459 00:17:40,848 --> 00:17:43,683 I... hate you. 460 00:17:43,684 --> 00:17:45,652 Great. 461 00:17:45,653 --> 00:17:47,887 See? 462 00:17:47,888 --> 00:17:49,422 Was that so hard? 463 00:17:53,727 --> 00:17:55,461 Zoey. 464 00:17:55,462 --> 00:17:56,962 Can you at least tell me why? 465 00:17:56,963 --> 00:17:58,631 Because I'm racking my brain here, 466 00:17:58,632 --> 00:18:00,132 and I thought... 467 00:18:01,368 --> 00:18:04,003 I just want to know why. 468 00:18:05,172 --> 00:18:08,641 So we got Ted and Zoey. Ted is in love with Zoey. 469 00:18:08,642 --> 00:18:09,842 Zoey has no idea. 470 00:18:09,843 --> 00:18:12,612 Then Zoey's cousin Honey went home with Barney, 471 00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:13,913 and Zoey was happy about it. 472 00:18:13,914 --> 00:18:15,081 Which tells us what? 473 00:18:15,082 --> 00:18:16,783 Zoey's in love with... 474 00:18:16,784 --> 00:18:18,651 Zoey's in love with Ted and Ted doesn't know. 475 00:18:18,652 --> 00:18:20,620 So Ted and Zoey... they're in love with each other, 476 00:18:20,621 --> 00:18:22,622 which would be fine if Zoey wasn't 477 00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:23,923 married to Colonel Mustard. 478 00:18:23,924 --> 00:18:25,324 I mean, The Captain. 479 00:18:26,126 --> 00:18:29,762 Except now, as Honey informs me... 480 00:18:29,763 --> 00:18:30,930 And we miss you. 481 00:18:30,931 --> 00:18:32,298 But the cousin thing mostly. 482 00:18:32,299 --> 00:18:33,433 Let's get that going. 483 00:18:33,434 --> 00:18:36,168 Fine, I will, uh, make it happen. 484 00:18:36,169 --> 00:18:38,838 Good-bye. 485 00:18:38,839 --> 00:18:42,141 Okay. Well... 486 00:18:42,142 --> 00:18:44,677 I guess I'll take it. 487 00:18:49,349 --> 00:18:53,586 Zoey and The Captain are getting divorced. 488 00:18:54,688 --> 00:18:56,055 Which means...? 489 00:18:56,056 --> 00:18:57,924 So help me, Marshall, 490 00:18:57,925 --> 00:19:02,428 if you don't call those two crazy, mixed-up kids, I will. 491 00:19:02,429 --> 00:19:04,397 Give me that phone. 492 00:19:06,233 --> 00:19:07,366 Why do I hate you? 493 00:19:07,367 --> 00:19:08,534 Are you kidding? 494 00:19:08,535 --> 00:19:10,336 Uh, you're actively trying to prevent me 495 00:19:10,337 --> 00:19:11,571 from realizing a lifelong dream. 496 00:19:11,572 --> 00:19:12,805 So there's that. 497 00:19:12,806 --> 00:19:13,673 Plus, you're stubborn 498 00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:15,441 and... and... and argumentative. 499 00:19:15,442 --> 00:19:19,312 And what kind of name is Zoey, huh? 500 00:19:19,313 --> 00:19:21,080 What is that, short for Zoseph? 501 00:19:21,081 --> 00:19:23,082 Go on, get it. 502 00:19:23,083 --> 00:19:24,434 I'll have more in a second. 503 00:19:26,270 --> 00:19:27,687 Hello. 504 00:19:27,688 --> 00:19:29,772 Oh, hey, Marshall. 505 00:19:32,493 --> 00:19:34,694 Yes, I am. 506 00:19:36,697 --> 00:19:38,097 Yes, I am. 507 00:19:39,533 --> 00:19:41,801 He is? 508 00:19:44,471 --> 00:19:46,873 Bye. 509 00:19:46,874 --> 00:19:48,474 Why was Marshall calling? 510 00:19:48,475 --> 00:19:50,076 Don't worry about it. Go on. 511 00:19:50,077 --> 00:19:52,345 You talk during movies. 512 00:19:52,346 --> 00:19:53,346 You... you... you 513 00:19:53,347 --> 00:19:55,281 sneeze with your whole body. 514 00:19:55,282 --> 00:19:56,415 Uh, to my knowledge, 515 00:19:56,416 --> 00:19:58,684 you do not speak Portuguese. 516 00:19:58,685 --> 00:19:59,852 Well, actually... 517 00:20:02,256 --> 00:20:04,440 You're a show-off. 518 00:20:06,994 --> 00:20:09,428 You better take that. 519 00:20:12,783 --> 00:20:15,034 Uh, hey, Marshall, can I call you back? 520 00:20:15,035 --> 00:20:17,303 I'm out in the hallway with... 521 00:20:17,304 --> 00:20:19,906 She is? 522 00:20:23,243 --> 00:20:24,644 She is? 523 00:20:26,346 --> 00:20:30,338 Marshall, I got to go. 524 00:20:53,181 --> 00:20:54,833 They're kissing. 525 00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:55,798 They're kissing?! 526 00:20:55,980 --> 00:20:57,945 Yeah! They're kissing! 527 00:20:58,117 --> 00:21:00,800 They're kissing, Mom! They're kissing!