1 00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:03,701 Kids, after Uncle Marshall lost his father... 2 00:00:03,803 --> 00:00:05,998 he stayed home a while to take care of his mother. 3 00:00:06,106 --> 00:00:09,633 And the longer he stayed there, the more it was like he had never left Minnesota. 4 00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:11,802 Eriksen residence. Marshall speaking. 5 00:00:11,911 --> 00:00:14,846 Oh, that is too cute. Say it again. 6 00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:16,939 No. It's called manners, jerk. 7 00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:19,644 Now, what's goin' on in New York? Give me something. 8 00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,983 There is one thing that's been going on. 9 00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:23,988 Uh, it's about Ted. 10 00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:25,648 - Oh. - And Zoey. 11 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,989 Kids, as you remember, Zoey and I met... 12 00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:30,927 because she was trying to save an old building from being torn down... 13 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,499 and replaced by a new building that I had been hired to design. 14 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:36,899 And yet somehow despite this, we all became friends... 15 00:00:37,003 --> 00:00:40,097 which brings us to the night Aunt Robin decided to cook dinner. 16 00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:47,677 I thought the oven was Celsius. 17 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,511 It's okay. We got hot dogs. 18 00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:53,950 Yeah. And it's not like you can screw up a hot dog. 19 00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:58,185 Oh, God. This is so good. 20 00:00:58,291 --> 00:01:00,953 I'm gonna finish it in the bathroom. 21 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:05,458 Could someone pass the ketchup? 22 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,032 I hope I can pass this hot dog. 23 00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:08,361 Oh. 24 00:01:08,468 --> 00:01:09,765 Oh! 25 00:01:09,869 --> 00:01:11,234 Oops. 26 00:01:11,337 --> 00:01:13,601 Looks like someone's goin' out in the cold to get more ketchup. 27 00:01:13,706 --> 00:01:16,072 Oh, come on, man. I brought the wine. 28 00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:17,768 Which is all gone. 29 00:01:17,877 --> 00:01:21,108 - Oops. - I'll tell you what. 30 00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:24,377 - You get this one bottle, I'll get the next three. - Tell you what. No dice. 31 00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:26,748 - I'll get the next hundred. - You're not getting outta this. 32 00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:29,583 - You wanna go on a date with my hot cousin? - I'll get the ketchup. 33 00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:46,195 Robin, I just want you to know... 34 00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:48,171 it's either this story you're telling me... 35 00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:49,832 or another game of Clue against myself. 36 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,342 So make it good. 37 00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,969 Oh, it's good. You see, after that night... 38 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,911 none of us heard from Zoey for a while. 39 00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:57,744 Finally, Ted called her up. 40 00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:00,046 - Hello? - So, are we ever gonna see you again? 41 00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:03,782 Because, if I recall correctly, you owe me a date with your hot cousin. 44 00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:10,094 But the cousin thing mostly. Let's get that goin'. 45 00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:12,596 Don't worry, Ted. She's cute. 46 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,860 "Cute" means fat. 47 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,663 She's not fat. 48 00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:19,932 "Not fat" means ugly. Whoa! 49 00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:22,931 Oop, here she is. 50 00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:25,067 I take back everything I said. 51 00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:27,442 Oh, that girl's extremely attractive. 52 00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:29,879 - Hey, Zoey. - Hey. 53 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,474 Ted, this is my cousin. 54 00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:34,052 Kids, to be honest... 55 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,281 I don't quite remember this girl's name... none of us do... 56 00:02:36,389 --> 00:02:38,323 because as this story has been told and retold... 57 00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:41,655 - we've always just referred to her as... - Honey. 58 00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:43,058 Hi, Honey. I'm Ted. 59 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,528 And here's why. 60 00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:47,623 She is a lovely person. 61 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:49,861 Warm, intelligent. 62 00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:51,630 Just kind of gullible. 63 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,467 It's like every word out of her mouth... 64 00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:57,031 makes you wanna be, like, "Oh, Honey." 65 00:02:57,143 --> 00:02:59,634 Interesting. Show your work. 66 00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:02,237 My apartment building is so safe. 67 00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:05,875 My landlord, he even installed a security camera in my shower. 68 00:03:05,985 --> 00:03:07,384 Oh, Honey. 69 00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:09,114 Maybe I should feel weird... 70 00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:11,884 about giving a stranger my Social Security number... 71 00:03:11,991 --> 00:03:15,256 but the guy's a Nigerian prince. 72 00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:17,226 Oh, Honey. 73 00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:20,265 I just had a great TV audition... 74 00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,095 behind the K.F. C... 75 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,000 where the executive producer works on the weekends. 76 00:03:25,104 --> 00:03:26,594 Oh, Honey! 77 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,765 Long story short... 78 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,173 I'm gonna be on Lost. 79 00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:33,336 Oh, Honey. 80 00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:35,846 I know. You just wanna wrap her up in a blanket... 81 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:37,507 and give her a cup of tea. 82 00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:39,915 She's like this little lost lamb... 83 00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:41,816 who needs to be protected from the wolves. 84 00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:44,116 Speaking of whom. 85 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:48,661 Yeah, I always get those e-mails from Michelle Obama, and sometimes Obama himself. 86 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:53,126 Ohhh, Honey. 87 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,996 So the night went on... 88 00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:57,035 and eventually everyone went home... 89 00:03:57,136 --> 00:03:59,400 except for Ted and Honey... 90 00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:02,531 Wow, an architect. How fascinating. 91 00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:04,940 Why do they call 'em "coasters"? 92 00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:06,705 and Barney. 93 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:09,976 Okay, time to go home. 94 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,914 Ted, a word. 95 00:04:15,688 --> 00:04:17,246 Oh, God, I hate these situations. 96 00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:19,257 What are we gonna do about this? 97 00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:20,758 What are you talking about? 98 00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:22,555 Come on, Ted. It's obvious. 99 00:04:22,662 --> 00:04:24,562 Honey's "vibing" on me. 100 00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:27,428 - What? - It's called body language. 101 00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:30,730 Remember when she was touching your arm and leaning in real close? 102 00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:33,670 - Mm-hmm. - Well, while that was happening... 103 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:38,938 the straw in her drink was pointed right at me. 104 00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:44,015 I mean, that's as clear as a signal gets. 105 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:48,747 - Mm-hmm. - So I'm so sorry, man. 106 00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:53,954 You're right. She's all yours, buddy. 107 00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:57,826 I'd say hump her brains out, but someone obviously already has. 108 00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,357 Good for you. 109 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:03,333 Ted Mosby does not take advantage of poor helpless honeys. 110 00:05:03,436 --> 00:05:06,963 Yeah, actually, there's another reason that I didn't go home with her. 111 00:05:07,073 --> 00:05:08,700 - Hmm? - He's gay! 112 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:10,776 Mom! Hang up! 113 00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,606 I'm sorry. 114 00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:15,112 Go on. 115 00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:18,206 Yeah, actually, there's another reason that I didn't go home with her. 116 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,253 - Mmm. - I'm in love with Zoey. 117 00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:24,219 Oh, my God. 118 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,791 Oh, my God! 119 00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,883 - Mom! - Sorry. 120 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,463 Ted's in love with Zoey? 121 00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:37,331 But... But she's married. 122 00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:39,200 That boy needs an intervention. 123 00:05:39,305 --> 00:05:40,704 Funny you should say that. 124 00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:42,502 Does anyone know why we're here? 125 00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:44,371 Yeah, who called this intervention? 126 00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:46,809 I did. It's for me. 127 00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:50,371 - This is about the coffee breath. Finally! - No, it's the shoulder hair. 128 00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:53,281 Guys, just let the man explain... 129 00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,650 how it's all about his wearing a ladies' watch. 130 00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:58,189 It's because I'm in love with Zoey... 131 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,522 and she's married, so it needs to stop. 132 00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:04,221 And... intervene. 133 00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:06,093 Are you sure it's love? 134 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,565 Remember the ketchup bottle? 135 00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:10,397 She wasn't the one who dropped it. 136 00:06:10,503 --> 00:06:14,064 When she reached for it, our fingers touched and... 137 00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:19,577 I knew, right in that moment, this isn't friendship. 138 00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:21,374 This is love. 139 00:06:22,648 --> 00:06:24,411 - Wuss. - Marcus! 140 00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:27,350 This is a private conversation! God! 141 00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:30,115 So what'd the wuss do next? 142 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,350 This is love. 143 00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:37,018 And this was my grandmother's watch. 144 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:40,429 Anyway, now I have only one course of action in front of me. 145 00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:42,296 I have to end my friendship with Zoey. 146 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,563 - Isn't that a little harsh? - Harsh? 147 00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:47,468 Robin, a single guy and a married woman cannot be friends... 148 00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:49,541 if one's in love with the other. 149 00:06:49,642 --> 00:06:52,076 Yeah, but Zoey is friends with us now too. 150 00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:55,511 It's not like Ted can just ghost out on her. She'll always be around. 151 00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:58,106 - Then what am I supposed to do? - Okay, just shut it down. 152 00:06:58,217 --> 00:06:59,844 Okay, just ignore your feelings. 153 00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:03,388 If she asks you for ketchup, tell her to get it her own damn self. 154 00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:05,013 Look, I like Zoey. 155 00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:08,491 Without her, my dinner party wouldn't have been such a success. 156 00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:10,994 So those feelings of yours, shut them down. 157 00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:13,665 Fine. 158 00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:15,233 I'll shut 'em down. 159 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:19,431 And seriously, mouthwash after coffee. 160 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,434 Um, that's my other line. 161 00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:26,910 - It's not a number I recognize. - So, don't answer it. 162 00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,311 Yeah. 163 00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:32,646 Oh, my God. You are so Minnesota. 164 00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:36,415 You can't not answer the phone because it would be rude. 165 00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:38,046 Well, it would be. Good-bye. 166 00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:41,024 Eriksen residence. Marshall speaking. 167 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,559 - Hey, Marshall. - Barney. 168 00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:45,654 - W-What number is this? - I'm up on burners, player. 169 00:07:45,765 --> 00:07:47,699 Too many crazies had my old number... 170 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,325 so now I'm all about disposable cell phones. 171 00:07:50,436 --> 00:07:52,461 I'll use one for a while, have my fun... 172 00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:54,233 then dump it and get a new one. 173 00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:56,137 Then I'll do the same with my phone. 174 00:07:56,242 --> 00:08:00,508 Hey, um, so Robin told me about this whole "Ted and Zoey" thing. 175 00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:02,478 Dude, she doesn't know how to tell a story. 176 00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:04,106 I'll tell you that story. 177 00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:06,947 Hey, Zoey. 178 00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:09,419 Hey, Ted, this is my cousin. 179 00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:10,989 Honey. 180 00:08:15,728 --> 00:08:18,856 - Uh, Robin's version was... - That is exactly how it happened. 181 00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:21,297 So, Ted did his best to impress her. 182 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:25,496 But as per "uszh," he bored the pants very much on her. 183 00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:27,800 Blah, blah, blah. I'm an architect. 184 00:08:27,907 --> 00:08:30,467 Blah, blah, blah. I don't wear suits. 185 00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:33,977 - Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. - Wow, an architect. 186 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,048 How fascinating. 187 00:08:36,148 --> 00:08:38,981 Blah, blah, blah, blah. Rambling architecture anecdote. 188 00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:41,815 Blah, blah. Something about a bridge. 189 00:08:41,921 --> 00:08:44,651 - Blah... - Straw. 190 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:49,153 Coaster. 191 00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:53,022 Okay, time to go home. 192 00:08:55,434 --> 00:08:57,664 Anyway, I get Honey back to her place. 193 00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,271 Who's your daddy? 194 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,432 Okay, can we skip this part, please? 195 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,908 Sure. I'll just summarize it. 196 00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:22,325 - That's been goin' on a while. - Only way I know how. 197 00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:26,023 Anyhoo, next day, I'm goin' in to work. 198 00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:27,793 - I run into Zoey. - Hey, Zoey. 199 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,926 That cousin of yours, Honey... Yowza! 200 00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:35,030 I gotta say, your family tree has got a couple of pretty big coconuts. 201 00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:38,474 - Thanks. - Yeah. We had a great time last night. 202 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,046 And then just hand stuff in the morning. 203 00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:44,207 - Wait. She didn't go home with Ted? - Nope. He let me have her. 204 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,308 I have to say, it was pretty noble of him. 205 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:49,650 He fell on his sword so that she could fall on mine. 206 00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:51,620 I won't bore you with the details... 207 00:09:51,724 --> 00:09:53,555 but to summarize... 208 00:09:56,829 --> 00:09:57,921 Hey! 209 00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:02,464 She hugged me. What was that all about? 210 00:10:02,568 --> 00:10:05,093 - Zoey's in love with Ted. - Marcus! 211 00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:06,501 Wait. Hear me out, Marshall. 212 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:09,473 Zoey's in love with Ted, but she's married. 213 00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:13,671 So she tried to push him away by setting him up with her cousin instead. 214 00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:17,271 But seeing Ted and Honey hit it off was more than her gentle heart could bear. 215 00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:21,080 So Zoey left early, pricked by love's fickle thorn. 216 00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:22,745 But then, the next morning... 217 00:10:22,855 --> 00:10:25,983 upon learning that Ted had not tasted of Honey's sweet nectar... 218 00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:30,085 her joy burst forth like a blossoming flower in spring. 219 00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:32,061 Wow. 220 00:10:32,164 --> 00:10:34,462 Zoey's in love with Ted. 221 00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:38,526 Oh, Marshall, I stopped by that new doughnut shop, Hertz Doughnuts. 222 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,663 Would you like a Hertz Doughnut? 223 00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:42,172 Sure. 224 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,610 Hey, where's the... 225 00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:51,182 Hurts, don't it? 226 00:10:53,886 --> 00:10:55,513 I can't believe you fell for that, bro. 227 00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:58,681 So, Ted's in love with Zoey... 228 00:10:58,791 --> 00:11:01,259 and Zoey's in love with Ted. 229 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,725 Well, that... That's not gonna work. 230 00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:04,295 I gotta call Ted. 231 00:11:05,631 --> 00:11:07,326 Hello? 232 00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:10,664 Listen, Ted, um, I gotta tell you somethin' about Zoey. 233 00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:13,967 Yeah, yeah. I need to tell you somethin' about Zoey too. 234 00:11:14,073 --> 00:11:16,041 Hey, I was in the neighborhood... 235 00:11:16,142 --> 00:11:18,406 and I thought I'd take you up on that beer you're about to offer me. 236 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,172 Can I get you a beer? 237 00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:22,076 Oh, Ted, I'm so busy. 238 00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:24,081 But I guess I got time for one. 239 00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:25,878 Lead the way. 240 00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:30,755 Oh, God. 241 00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:33,017 What? Fridge full of ketchup? 242 00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:36,026 How? How, I ask you? 243 00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:41,596 What? 244 00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:45,627 Listen, Zoey, I, um... 245 00:11:48,074 --> 00:11:50,668 I need to tell you something. Um... 246 00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:52,539 Marshall, I'm goin' to Byerly's. You want anything? 247 00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,510 Mom! Get off the phone! 248 00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:56,274 Could you get some more Bugles please? 249 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,145 - Of course, dear. - Marcus, hang up! 250 00:11:58,250 --> 00:12:00,514 Both of you, hang up! 251 00:12:00,619 --> 00:12:02,416 And we need ice cream. 252 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,351 Go on. 253 00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:10,361 I, uh... I can't be friends with you anymore. 254 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:16,265 And this may seem strange, but you can't ask me why. 255 00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:19,026 Wow. 256 00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:21,936 Okay. 257 00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:30,140 And that was it. No more Zoey. 258 00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:34,581 Hey, buddy, that's Lily. I should take that. 259 00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:37,087 But, uh, you're a good guy, Ted. 260 00:12:38,224 --> 00:12:40,283 Hey, baby. 261 00:12:40,392 --> 00:12:41,723 We hate Ted now! 262 00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:43,795 Get on board, or the sexting stops. 263 00:12:43,896 --> 00:12:46,364 Ted's a son of a bitch! 264 00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:50,930 Oh. Nice. 265 00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:54,233 But, hey, um, baby, go easy on Ted, okay? 266 00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,467 He just... He just ended things with Zoey. 267 00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:58,042 Oh, I know. 268 00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:00,408 But did he tell you the whole story? 269 00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:04,415 I, uh... I can't be friends with you anymore... 270 00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:07,913 and you can't ask me why. 271 00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:16,919 - Why? - Lily hates you. 272 00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:21,199 You hate me? 273 00:13:25,204 --> 00:13:27,672 That's crazy. I don't hate you. 274 00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:31,106 Well, I know that's not true, Lily. Ted told me everything. 275 00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:32,939 He... Oh, really? 276 00:13:33,045 --> 00:13:36,446 And what did Ted say exactly? 277 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,017 Lily hates you. 278 00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:41,512 She hates you so much... 279 00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,516 it's hard to be around you. 280 00:13:46,091 --> 00:13:48,685 So we can't be friends. 281 00:13:48,794 --> 00:13:52,491 Oh, he... Oh, y-yeah. 282 00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:56,193 Okay, well, l-l-I guess there's no use hiding it anymore. 283 00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:59,465 l... I hate you. Bitch. 284 00:14:00,739 --> 00:14:02,297 I can't believe it. 285 00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:04,899 I really thought you and I were friends. 286 00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:07,308 Lord knows I could use a friend right now. 287 00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:10,507 I've been going through some pretty difficult stuff. 288 00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:14,143 - Difficult stuff? What-What difficult stuff? - I don't know. 289 00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:15,845 Well, you did the right thing, baby. 290 00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:18,218 Not entirely. 291 00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:20,485 Zoey, wait. 292 00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:21,992 I don't hate you. 293 00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:26,258 We just can't be friends anymore because... 294 00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,026 Robin hates you. 295 00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:31,102 And that's Robin on the other line. 296 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:33,364 Oh, well, I'll let you take that. Love you, baby. 297 00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:35,736 Eriksen residence. Marshall speaking. 298 00:14:35,841 --> 00:14:38,401 Listen, Robin, I know. I apologize for my wife. She never should have... 299 00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:41,775 Yeah. I told Zoey you hate her. 300 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,509 Me? You dragged me into this? 301 00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:47,848 You just went through a tragedy. It's not like she's gonna call you up and... 302 00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:49,420 Oh, God. 303 00:14:49,521 --> 00:14:51,079 That's my other line. 304 00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:54,455 Oh, God! It's a 917 number, and I don't recognize it. I think it's Zoey. 305 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,859 - Just don't answer it. - I can't not answer. It's impolite. 306 00:14:57,963 --> 00:14:59,191 - You can do this. - I can't turn my back... 307 00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:00,265 You don't have to answer it. 308 00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:01,833 Good manners are what separate us... 309 00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:04,198 - from those "elbows on the table" Wisconsinites. - You can do this. 310 00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:05,998 - Don't do it, Marshall! - I'm sorry Robin! 311 00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:08,369 Eriksen residence. Marshall speaking. 312 00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:11,466 Hi. I spent the night with your friend Barney... 313 00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:16,207 and he accidentally left his phone in my apartment in the garbage. 314 00:15:16,315 --> 00:15:18,374 But I've been going through all of his contacts... 315 00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:20,611 because I'm sure he wants to get in touch with me. 316 00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:23,281 After all, he told me, uh... 317 00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:25,084 I was his first. 318 00:15:25,190 --> 00:15:26,657 Oh, honey. 319 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,725 Oh. Honey... Zoey's cousin. 320 00:15:30,829 --> 00:15:33,093 - Hi. - Listen, um, about Barney. 321 00:15:33,198 --> 00:15:35,098 Oh, yeah. He's such a sweet guy. 322 00:15:36,201 --> 00:15:39,500 Who's your daddy? 323 00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,436 Who's your daddy? 324 00:15:41,540 --> 00:15:43,974 I... don't know. 325 00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:49,473 I guess he recently decided to get in touch with his dad. 326 00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:51,674 His mom gave him the guy's address. 327 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:56,778 So I wrote him a letter, and I poured my heart out. 328 00:15:56,889 --> 00:16:00,484 And I gave him my number and I told him to call me... 329 00:16:00,592 --> 00:16:03,083 and he still hasn't called me. 330 00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:05,254 Oh, honey. 331 00:16:05,364 --> 00:16:07,594 I mean, I shouldn't be surprised. 332 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:10,100 Clearly he wants nothing to do with me. 333 00:16:10,202 --> 00:16:11,760 Oh, honey. 334 00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:16,807 I mean, why else would he let 30 years go by? 335 00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:21,141 He's ashamed to have me as a son. 336 00:16:21,246 --> 00:16:24,113 Oh, honey. He's not ashamed of you. 337 00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:26,776 He's ashamed of himself. 338 00:16:26,885 --> 00:16:30,116 I mean, look at you. You do so great without him. 339 00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:32,986 I mean, you have an airline... 340 00:16:33,092 --> 00:16:35,458 and three Nobel Prizes... 341 00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,825 and you play for the Yankees. 342 00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:40,626 Four. Four Nobel Prizes. 343 00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:41,859 Four. 344 00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:44,527 See? That is impressive. 345 00:16:44,636 --> 00:16:46,160 I mean, how many does he have? 346 00:16:46,271 --> 00:16:48,136 Only three. 347 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,037 There you go. 348 00:16:50,142 --> 00:16:53,236 Hey, uh, listen, Honey, while I've got you... 349 00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:57,645 do you have any idea what kind of difficult stuff Zoey's been going through? 350 00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:00,446 Oh, I can't tell you about that. 351 00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:04,818 The only people that are allowed to know are me, Zoey and her therapist. 352 00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:07,982 I am her therapist. 353 00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:10,891 Oh! Well, in that case. 354 00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:17,928 Uh, okay, listen, I think we've made great progress for today. 355 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,232 I gotta go. Bye. 356 00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:24,169 Mom! Marcus! 357 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,573 What's this really about? 358 00:17:27,679 --> 00:17:30,671 I told you. Lily hates you. 359 00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,250 I think you hate me. 360 00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:33,909 I think you have some big problem with me... 361 00:17:34,019 --> 00:17:36,351 and you're too chicken to come out and say it. 362 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:41,191 All right. Yes. 363 00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:43,955 I... hate you. 364 00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:46,721 Great. 365 00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:49,528 See? Was that so hard? 366 00:17:54,273 --> 00:17:55,740 Zoey. 367 00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:57,604 Can you at least tell me why? 368 00:17:57,709 --> 00:18:00,473 Because I'm racking my brain here, and I thought... 369 00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:04,106 I just wanna know why. 370 00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:07,211 So we got Ted and Zoey. 371 00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:10,311 Ted is in love with Zoey. Zoey has no idea. 372 00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:12,890 Then, Zoey's cousin Honey went home with Barney... 373 00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:16,392 and Zoey was happy about it, which tells us what? 374 00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:18,895 - Zoey's in love... - Zoey's in love with Ted, and Ted doesn't know. 375 00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:20,988 So, Ted and Zoey, they're in love with each other. 376 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:24,365 Which would be fine if Zoey wasn't married to Colonel Mustard. 377 00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:26,461 I mean the Captain. 378 00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:30,008 Except now, as Honey informs me... 379 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,304 And we miss you. But the cousin thing mostly. 380 00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:33,742 Let's get that goin'. 381 00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:37,213 Fine. I will, uh, make it happen. 382 00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:39,113 Bye. 383 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,420 Okay, well... 384 00:18:43,589 --> 00:18:45,853 I guess I'll take it. 385 00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:53,688 Zoey and the Captain are getting divorced. 386 00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:56,295 Which means? 387 00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:58,369 So help me, Marshall... 388 00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:02,702 if you don't call those two crazy mixed-up kids, I will. 389 00:19:04,009 --> 00:19:05,476 Give me that phone. 390 00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:08,876 Why do I hate you? Are you kidding? 391 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,814 Uh, you're actively trying to prevent me from realizing a lifelong dream. 392 00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:13,043 So there's that. 393 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:16,212 Plus, you're stubborn and-and argumentative. 394 00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:19,381 And, what kind of name is Zoey? Huh? 395 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:21,391 Wh-What is that? Short for Zoseph? 396 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,358 Go on. 397 00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:25,487 Get it. I'll have more in a second. 398 00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:28,122 Hello? 399 00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:30,258 Oh. Hey, Marshall. 400 00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:34,872 Yes, I am. 401 00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:38,809 Yes, I am. 402 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,647 He is? 403 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,152 Bye. 404 00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:50,312 - Why was Marshall calling you? - Don't worry about it. Go on. 405 00:19:51,423 --> 00:19:53,584 You talk during movies. 406 00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:56,661 You... You sneeze with your whole body. 407 00:19:56,762 --> 00:20:00,095 - To my knowledge, you do not speak Portuguese. - Well, actually... 408 00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:04,693 You're a show-off. 409 00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,498 Better take that. 410 00:20:13,679 --> 00:20:15,340 Uh, hey, Marshall, can I call you back? 411 00:20:15,447 --> 00:20:17,074 I'm out in the hallway with... 412 00:20:19,251 --> 00:20:20,718 She is? 413 00:20:23,255 --> 00:20:24,722 She is? 414 00:20:28,093 --> 00:20:29,720 Marshall, I gotta go. 415 00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:55,551 - They're kissing. - They're kissing! 416 00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:57,212 - Yeah! - They're kissing! 417 00:20:57,322 --> 00:20:59,882 They're kissing! Mom, they're kissing. 418 00:21:25,851 --> 00:21:26,818 English - US - SDH