1 00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:04,115 Kids, after Uncle Marshall lost his father, 2 00:00:04,150 --> 00:00:06,203 he decided to stay home a while to take care of his mother. 3 00:00:06,204 --> 00:00:07,471 But the longer he stayed there, 4 00:00:07,472 --> 00:00:10,207 the more it was like he had never left Minnesota. 5 00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:12,409 Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking. 6 00:00:12,410 --> 00:00:13,977 Oh, that is too cute. 7 00:00:13,978 --> 00:00:14,978 Say it again. 8 00:00:14,979 --> 00:00:15,979 No. 9 00:00:15,980 --> 00:00:17,281 It's called manners, jerk. 10 00:00:17,282 --> 00:00:19,083 Now, what's... what's going on in New York? 11 00:00:19,084 --> 00:00:20,217 Give me something. 12 00:00:20,218 --> 00:00:22,653 There is one thing that's been going on. 13 00:00:22,654 --> 00:00:25,826 Uh, it's about Ted... and Zoey. 14 00:00:25,927 --> 00:00:28,726 Kids, as you remember, Zoey and I met because she was trying 15 00:00:28,727 --> 00:00:30,527 to save an old building from being torn down 16 00:00:30,528 --> 00:00:33,497 and replaced by a new building that I'd been hired to design. 17 00:00:33,498 --> 00:00:34,631 And yet somehow, despite this, 18 00:00:34,632 --> 00:00:36,834 we had all managed to become friends. 19 00:00:36,835 --> 00:00:37,868 Which brings us to the night 20 00:00:37,869 --> 00:00:40,237 Aunt Robin decided to cook dinner. 21 00:00:45,226 --> 00:00:47,678 I thought the oven was Celsius. 22 00:00:47,679 --> 00:00:48,912 It's okay. 23 00:00:48,913 --> 00:00:50,481 We got hot dogs. 24 00:00:50,482 --> 00:00:53,684 Yeah, and it's not like you can screw up a hot dog. 25 00:00:54,702 --> 00:00:56,720 Oh, God. 26 00:00:56,721 --> 00:00:58,155 This is so good. 27 00:00:58,156 --> 00:01:01,091 I'm gonna finish it in the bathroom. 28 00:01:03,194 --> 00:01:05,462 Could someone pass the ketchup? 29 00:01:05,463 --> 00:01:07,164 I hope I can pass this hot dog. 30 00:01:07,966 --> 00:01:09,566 Oh. 31 00:01:09,567 --> 00:01:11,135 - Oops. - Well, looks like someone's 32 00:01:11,136 --> 00:01:13,504 going out in the cold to get more ketchup. 33 00:01:13,505 --> 00:01:16,039 Oh, come on, man, I brought the wine. 34 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:16,907 Which is all gone. 35 00:01:16,908 --> 00:01:18,776 Oops. 36 00:01:19,877 --> 00:01:21,061 All right, I tell you what... 37 00:01:21,062 --> 00:01:23,013 you get this one bottle, I'll get the next three. 38 00:01:23,014 --> 00:01:24,348 Hmm, tell you what... no dice. 39 00:01:24,349 --> 00:01:25,582 I'll get the next hundred. 40 00:01:25,583 --> 00:01:26,717 You're not getting out of this. 41 00:01:26,718 --> 00:01:28,285 You want to go on a date with my hot cousin? 44 00:01:44,430 --> 00:01:46,098 Robin, I just want you to know, 45 00:01:46,099 --> 00:01:48,600 it's either this story you're telling me or another game 46 00:01:48,601 --> 00:01:51,770 of Clue against myself, so make it good. 47 00:01:51,771 --> 00:01:52,771 Oh, it's good. 48 00:01:52,772 --> 00:01:54,006 You see, after that night, 49 00:01:54,007 --> 00:01:56,441 none of us heard from Zoey for a while. 50 00:01:56,442 --> 00:01:58,977 - Finally, Ted called her up. - Hello. 51 00:01:58,978 --> 00:02:00,812 So are we ever gonna see you again? 52 00:02:00,813 --> 00:02:01,914 Because, if I recall correctly, 53 00:02:01,915 --> 00:02:04,216 you owe me a date with your hot cousin. 54 00:02:04,217 --> 00:02:06,018 You still want to do that? 55 00:02:06,019 --> 00:02:07,819 Yes. And we miss you. 56 00:02:07,820 --> 00:02:10,455 But the cousin thing mostly. Let's get that going. 57 00:02:10,456 --> 00:02:11,907 Don't worry, Ted, she's cute. 58 00:02:12,892 --> 00:02:15,294 "Cute" means "fat". 59 00:02:15,295 --> 00:02:16,895 She's not fat. 60 00:02:16,896 --> 00:02:20,399 "Not fat" means "ugly". 61 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:21,934 Oh, here she is. 62 00:02:23,236 --> 00:02:25,304 I take back everything I said. 63 00:02:25,305 --> 00:02:27,839 That girl is extremely attractive. 64 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,291 - Hey, Zoey. - Hey. 65 00:02:29,292 --> 00:02:32,144 Ted, this is my cousin... 66 00:02:32,145 --> 00:02:33,478 Kids, to be honest, 67 00:02:33,479 --> 00:02:35,013 I don't quite remember this girl's name. 68 00:02:35,014 --> 00:02:36,281 None of us do, 69 00:02:36,282 --> 00:02:38,350 because as this story has been told and retold, 70 00:02:38,351 --> 00:02:40,319 we've always just referred to her as... 71 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,087 Honey. 72 00:02:42,088 --> 00:02:43,488 Hi, Honey, I'm Ted. 73 00:02:43,489 --> 00:02:44,990 And here's why. 74 00:02:44,991 --> 00:02:47,893 She is a lovely person... 75 00:02:47,894 --> 00:02:52,030 warm, intelligent, just kind of gullible. 76 00:02:52,031 --> 00:02:53,098 It's like, every word 77 00:02:53,099 --> 00:02:55,267 out of her mouth makes you want to be like, 78 00:02:55,268 --> 00:02:57,469 "Oh, honey". 79 00:02:57,470 --> 00:02:58,837 Interesting. 80 00:02:58,838 --> 00:03:00,155 Show your work. 81 00:03:00,156 --> 00:03:02,541 My apartment building is so safe. 82 00:03:02,542 --> 00:03:06,311 My landlord... he even installed a security camera in my shower. 83 00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:08,013 Oh, honey. 84 00:03:08,014 --> 00:03:10,148 Maybe I should feel weird about giving a stranger 85 00:03:10,149 --> 00:03:12,384 my Social Security number, 86 00:03:12,385 --> 00:03:15,687 but the guy's a Nigerian prince. 87 00:03:15,688 --> 00:03:17,823 Oh, honey. 88 00:03:17,824 --> 00:03:20,692 I just had a great TV audition. 89 00:03:20,693 --> 00:03:23,528 Behind the KFC where the executive producer works 90 00:03:23,529 --> 00:03:25,430 on the weekends. 91 00:03:25,431 --> 00:03:27,199 Oh, honey. 92 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:31,603 Long story short, I'm going to be on Lost. 93 00:03:31,604 --> 00:03:33,805 Oh, honey. 94 00:03:33,806 --> 00:03:34,823 I know. 95 00:03:34,824 --> 00:03:36,708 You just want to wrap her up in a blanket 96 00:03:36,709 --> 00:03:37,943 and give her a cup of tea. 97 00:03:37,944 --> 00:03:39,144 She's, like, this 98 00:03:39,145 --> 00:03:40,445 little lost lamb 99 00:03:40,446 --> 00:03:43,048 who needs to be protected from the wolves. 100 00:03:43,049 --> 00:03:44,516 Speaking of whom... 101 00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:47,252 Yeah, I always get those e-mails from Michelle Obama 102 00:03:47,253 --> 00:03:50,338 and sometimes Obama himself. 103 00:03:50,339 --> 00:03:53,458 Oh, honey. 104 00:03:53,459 --> 00:03:54,926 So the night went on, 105 00:03:54,927 --> 00:03:56,995 and eventually everyone went home, 106 00:03:56,996 --> 00:03:59,364 except for Ted and Honey. 107 00:03:59,365 --> 00:04:01,600 Wow, an architect. 108 00:04:01,601 --> 00:04:02,901 How fascinating. 109 00:04:02,902 --> 00:04:05,336 Why do they call 'em coasters? 110 00:04:05,337 --> 00:04:06,671 And Barney. 111 00:04:06,672 --> 00:04:10,559 Okay, time to go home. 112 00:04:11,077 --> 00:04:13,011 Ted, a word. 113 00:04:16,015 --> 00:04:17,849 God, I hate these situations. 114 00:04:17,850 --> 00:04:19,701 What are we gonna do about this? 115 00:04:19,702 --> 00:04:21,186 What are you talking about? 116 00:04:21,187 --> 00:04:23,388 Come on, Ted, it's obvious. 117 00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:24,990 Honey's vibing on me. 118 00:04:24,991 --> 00:04:26,058 What? 119 00:04:26,059 --> 00:04:28,026 It's called body language. 120 00:04:28,410 --> 00:04:30,044 Remember when she was touching your arm 121 00:04:30,045 --> 00:04:31,645 - and leaning in real close? - Mm-hmm. 122 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:35,850 Well, while that was happening, the straw in her drink 123 00:04:35,851 --> 00:04:38,952 was pointed right at me. 124 00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:41,889 I mean... 125 00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:43,858 that's as clear as a signal gets, 126 00:04:43,859 --> 00:04:45,009 so... 127 00:04:46,862 --> 00:04:48,629 I'm so sorry, man. 128 00:04:48,630 --> 00:04:51,665 You're right. 129 00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:53,801 She's all yours, buddy. 130 00:04:53,802 --> 00:04:55,636 I'd say hump her brains out, 131 00:04:55,637 --> 00:04:57,571 but someone obviously already has. 132 00:04:57,572 --> 00:05:00,140 Good for you. 133 00:05:00,141 --> 00:05:01,809 Ted Mosby does not take advantage 134 00:05:01,810 --> 00:05:03,177 of poor, helpless honeys. 135 00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:04,979 Yeah, actually, there's another reason 136 00:05:04,980 --> 00:05:06,814 that I didn't go home with her. 137 00:05:06,815 --> 00:05:07,781 Hmm? 138 00:05:07,782 --> 00:05:08,549 He's gay! 139 00:05:08,550 --> 00:05:10,618 Mom, hang up! 140 00:05:10,619 --> 00:05:12,486 I'm sorry. 141 00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:14,955 Go on. 142 00:05:14,956 --> 00:05:16,223 Yeah, actually, there's another reason 143 00:05:16,224 --> 00:05:17,925 that I didn't go home with her. 144 00:05:17,926 --> 00:05:19,093 Hmm? 145 00:05:19,094 --> 00:05:22,129 I'm in love with Zoey. 146 00:05:22,130 --> 00:05:24,098 Oh, my God. 147 00:05:24,099 --> 00:05:25,633 Oh, my God! 148 00:05:25,634 --> 00:05:26,500 Mom! 149 00:05:26,501 --> 00:05:28,686 Sorry. 150 00:05:33,324 --> 00:05:35,535 Ted's in love with Zoey? 151 00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,437 But, but she's married. 152 00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:39,472 That boy needs an intervention. 153 00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,107 Funny you should say that. 154 00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,742 Does anyone know why we're here? 155 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,377 Yeah, who called this intervention? 156 00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:46,079 I did. It's for me. 157 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,964 This is about the coffee breath. 158 00:05:47,965 --> 00:05:50,633 - Finally. - Hmm, no, it's the shoulder hair. 159 00:05:50,634 --> 00:05:52,085 Guys, just let 160 00:05:52,086 --> 00:05:53,887 the man explain how it's all 161 00:05:53,888 --> 00:05:55,855 about his wearing a lady's watch. 162 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,458 It's because I'm in love with Zoey, 163 00:05:58,459 --> 00:05:59,359 and she's married, 164 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,344 so it needs to stop. 165 00:06:01,345 --> 00:06:03,997 And... intervene. 166 00:06:03,998 --> 00:06:06,332 Are you sure it's love? 167 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:08,735 Remember the ketchup bottle? 168 00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:10,537 She wasn't the one who dropped it. 169 00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:14,374 When she reached for it, our fingers touched, and... 170 00:06:15,910 --> 00:06:19,612 I knew, right in that moment, this isn't friendship. 171 00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,815 This is love. 172 00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:23,683 Wuss. 173 00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:24,667 Marcus! 174 00:06:24,668 --> 00:06:26,953 This is a private conversation! 175 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,390 So what'd the wuss do next? 176 00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:32,792 This is love. 177 00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:36,529 And this was my grandmother's watch. 178 00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:40,666 Anyway, now I have only one course of action in front of me: 179 00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,535 I have to end my friendship with Zoey. 180 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,020 Isn't that a little harsh? 181 00:06:44,021 --> 00:06:44,871 Harsh? 182 00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:45,905 Robin, a single guy 183 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,841 and a married woman cannot be friends 184 00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:49,809 if one's in love with the other. 185 00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:51,845 Yeah, but Zoey is friends with us now, too. 186 00:06:51,846 --> 00:06:54,063 It's not like Ted can just ghost out on her. 187 00:06:54,064 --> 00:06:55,448 She'll always be around. 188 00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:57,083 Then what am I supposed to do? 189 00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,184 Okay, just shut it down. 190 00:06:58,185 --> 00:06:59,702 Okay, just ignore your feelings. 191 00:06:59,703 --> 00:07:01,554 If... if she asks you for ketchup, 192 00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:03,656 tell her to get it her own damn self. 193 00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,425 Look, I like Zoey. Without her, 194 00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:08,695 my dinner party wouldn't have been such a success. 195 00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:10,230 So those feelings of yours... 196 00:07:10,231 --> 00:07:11,264 shut 'em down. 197 00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:14,134 Fine. 198 00:07:14,135 --> 00:07:15,502 I'll shut 'em down. 199 00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:19,706 And seriously, mouthwash after coffee. 200 00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:24,244 Oh, um, that's my other line. 201 00:07:24,245 --> 00:07:25,478 It's not a number I recognize. 202 00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:26,679 So don't answer it. 203 00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:29,516 Yeah. 204 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,017 Oh, my God, 205 00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,919 you are so Minnesota. 206 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:34,521 You can't not answer the phone 207 00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:35,588 because it would be rude. 208 00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:36,689 Well, it would be. 209 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:39,259 Good-bye. 210 00:07:39,260 --> 00:07:41,294 Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking. 211 00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:42,095 Hey, Marshall. 212 00:07:42,096 --> 00:07:43,062 Barney. 213 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,364 W... what number is this? 214 00:07:44,365 --> 00:07:45,865 I'm up on burners, playa. 215 00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:47,734 Too many crazies had my old number, 216 00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:50,537 so now I'm all about disposable cell phones. 217 00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:52,572 I'll use one for a while, have my fun, 218 00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:54,474 then dump it and get a new one. 219 00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:56,376 And then I'll do the same with my phone. 220 00:07:56,377 --> 00:08:00,713 Hey, uh, so Robin told me about this whole Ted and Zoey thing. 221 00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:02,682 Dude, she doesn't know how to tell a story. 222 00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,601 I'll tell you that story. 223 00:08:04,602 --> 00:08:06,252 Hey, Zoey. 224 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:07,220 Hey. 225 00:08:07,221 --> 00:08:09,472 Ted, this is my cousin... 226 00:08:09,473 --> 00:08:11,424 Honey. 227 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,895 Uh... 228 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,297 Robin's version was... 229 00:08:17,298 --> 00:08:19,132 That is exactly how it happened. 230 00:08:19,133 --> 00:08:20,266 So Ted did his best 231 00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:22,368 to impress her, but as per yoozh, 232 00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:25,872 he bored the pants very much on her. 233 00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:27,991 Blah, blah, blah, I'm an architect. 234 00:08:27,992 --> 00:08:30,743 Blah, blah, blah, I don't wear suits. 235 00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:31,945 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 236 00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:34,581 Wow, an architect. 237 00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:36,349 How fascinating. 238 00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,617 Blah, blah, blah, blah. 239 00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:39,252 Rambling architecture anecdote. 240 00:08:39,253 --> 00:08:40,620 Blah, blah, 241 00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,088 something about a bridge. 242 00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:43,022 Blah, blah, blah... 243 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,091 Straw. 244 00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:49,596 Coaster. 245 00:08:50,464 --> 00:08:53,466 Okay, time to go home. 246 00:08:55,519 --> 00:08:58,104 Anyway, I get Honey back to her place. 247 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,473 Who's your daddy? 248 00:09:00,474 --> 00:09:02,709 Okay, can we skip this part, please? 249 00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:06,112 Sure, I'll just summarize it. 250 00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:19,659 Okay, that's been 251 00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:20,793 going on a while. 252 00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:23,162 Only way I know how. 253 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:26,165 Any-who, next day, I'm going into work. 254 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,000 - I run into Zoey. - Hey, Zoey. 255 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:31,137 That cousin of yours... Honey... yowsa! 256 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:33,139 I must say, your family tree has got a couple 257 00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:35,308 of pretty big coconuts. 258 00:09:35,309 --> 00:09:36,476 Thanks. 259 00:09:36,477 --> 00:09:38,561 Yeah, we had a great time last night. 260 00:09:38,562 --> 00:09:41,314 And then just hand stuff in the morning, so... 261 00:09:41,315 --> 00:09:43,082 Wait, she didn't go home with Ted? 262 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,450 Nope, he let me have her. 263 00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,452 I have to say, it was pretty noble of him. 264 00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:49,889 He fell on his sword so that she could fall on mine. 265 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:53,526 I won't bore you with the details, but to summarize... 266 00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:01,034 She hugged me. 267 00:10:01,035 --> 00:10:02,769 What was that all about? 268 00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,103 Zoey's in love with Ted. 269 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,338 Marcus! 270 00:10:05,339 --> 00:10:06,673 Wait, hear me out, Marshall. 271 00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:09,709 Zoey's in love with Ted, but she's married, 272 00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,444 so she tried to push him away 273 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,813 by setting him up with her cousin instead. 274 00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,949 But seeing Ted and Honey hit it off was 275 00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:17,450 more than her gentle heart could bear, 276 00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:21,220 so Zoey left early, pricked by love's fickle thorn. 277 00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:22,922 But then, the next morning, upon learning 278 00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:26,125 that Ted had not tasted of Honey's sweet nectar, 279 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:30,330 her joy burst forth like a blossoming flower in spring. 280 00:10:30,331 --> 00:10:32,332 Wow. 281 00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:34,701 Zoey's in love with Ted. 282 00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:38,972 Oh, Marshall, I stopped by that new doughnut shop Hertz Donuts. 283 00:10:38,973 --> 00:10:40,907 Would you like a Hertz Donut? 284 00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:42,108 Sure. 285 00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:48,214 Hey, where's the...? 286 00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:49,882 No! Aah! 287 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,083 Hurts, don't it? 288 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,755 I can't believe you fell for that, bro. 289 00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:58,558 So Ted's in love with Zoey 290 00:10:58,559 --> 00:11:01,260 and Zoey's in love with Ted? 291 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,929 Well, that... that's not going to work. 292 00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:04,564 I got to call Ted. 293 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:07,600 Hello. 294 00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:08,735 Listen, Ted, um, 295 00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:10,837 I got to tell you something about Zoey. 296 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:14,140 Yeah, yeah. I need to tell you something about Zoey, too. 297 00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:16,809 Hey. I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd take you up 298 00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:18,644 on that beer you're about to offer me. 299 00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:20,413 Can I get you a beer? 300 00:11:20,414 --> 00:11:22,415 Oh, Ted, I'm so busy. 301 00:11:22,416 --> 00:11:23,816 But I guess I got time for one. 302 00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:25,668 Lead the way. 303 00:11:29,323 --> 00:11:30,690 Oh, my God. 304 00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:31,974 What?! 305 00:11:31,975 --> 00:11:33,826 Fridge full of ketchup? How? 306 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:36,429 How, I ask you? 307 00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,834 What? 308 00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:45,505 Listen, Zoey, I, um... 309 00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:49,275 I need to tell you something. 310 00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:50,877 Um... 311 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,812 Marshall, I'm going to Byerly's. You want anything? 312 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,680 Mom! Get off the phone! 313 00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:56,549 Could you get some more Bugles, please? 314 00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:57,483 Of course, dear. 315 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:58,618 Marcus, hang up! 316 00:11:58,619 --> 00:12:00,620 Both of you, hang up! 317 00:12:00,621 --> 00:12:02,822 And we need ice cream. 318 00:12:04,241 --> 00:12:06,292 Go on. 319 00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:10,763 I, uh... I can't be friends with you anymore. 320 00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:14,700 And this may seem strange, but... 321 00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,536 you can't ask me why. 322 00:12:16,537 --> 00:12:18,738 Wow. 323 00:12:20,541 --> 00:12:22,375 Okay. 324 00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:29,549 And that was it. 325 00:12:29,550 --> 00:12:30,917 No more Zoey. 326 00:12:32,069 --> 00:12:33,486 Oh. Hey, buddy, that's Lily. 327 00:12:33,487 --> 00:12:34,887 I should take that. 328 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:35,855 But, uh, 329 00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:37,523 you're a good guy, Ted. 330 00:12:38,392 --> 00:12:40,576 Hey, baby. 331 00:12:40,577 --> 00:12:41,861 We hate Ted now. 332 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:44,097 Get on board or the sexting stops. 333 00:12:44,098 --> 00:12:46,566 Ted's a son of a bitch! 334 00:12:49,103 --> 00:12:51,036 Oh, nice. 335 00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:54,407 But, hey, um, baby, go easy on Ted, okay? 336 00:12:54,408 --> 00:12:56,742 He just, he just ended things with Zoey. 337 00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:57,977 Oh, I know. 338 00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:00,613 But did he tell you the whole story? 339 00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:04,851 I, uh, I can't be friends with you anymore. 340 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:08,354 And you can't ask me why. 341 00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,094 Why? 342 00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:17,363 Lily hates you. 343 00:13:18,916 --> 00:13:21,067 You hate me? 344 00:13:25,631 --> 00:13:27,965 That's crazy. I don't hate you. 345 00:13:27,966 --> 00:13:31,468 Well, I know that's not true, Lily. Ted told me everything. 346 00:13:31,469 --> 00:13:33,303 He... Oh, really? 347 00:13:33,304 --> 00:13:36,607 And... and what did Ted say, exactly? 348 00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,509 Lily hates you. 349 00:13:39,377 --> 00:13:42,246 She hates you so much 350 00:13:42,247 --> 00:13:45,049 it's hard to be around you. 351 00:13:46,384 --> 00:13:49,053 So we can't be friends. 352 00:13:49,054 --> 00:13:52,189 Oh, he... Oh, yeah. 353 00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:53,824 Yeah, okay, well, 354 00:13:53,825 --> 00:13:56,560 I... I guess there's no use hiding it anymore. 355 00:13:56,561 --> 00:13:58,595 I... I hate you. 356 00:13:58,596 --> 00:13:59,830 Bitch. 357 00:13:59,831 --> 00:14:02,366 I can't believe it. 358 00:14:02,367 --> 00:14:05,269 I really thought you and I were friends. 359 00:14:05,270 --> 00:14:06,904 Lord knows I could 360 00:14:06,905 --> 00:14:08,172 use a friend right now. 361 00:14:08,173 --> 00:14:10,841 I've been going through some pretty difficult stuff. 362 00:14:10,842 --> 00:14:13,477 Difficult stuff? What difficult stuff? 363 00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:14,478 I don't know. 364 00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,213 Well, you did the right thing, baby. 365 00:14:16,214 --> 00:14:18,549 Not entirely. 366 00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:20,851 Zoey, wait! 367 00:14:20,852 --> 00:14:22,386 I don't hate you! 368 00:14:22,387 --> 00:14:23,420 We just 369 00:14:23,421 --> 00:14:26,557 can't be friends anymore because... 370 00:14:26,558 --> 00:14:28,392 Robin hates you. 371 00:14:30,228 --> 00:14:31,428 And that's Robin on the other line. 372 00:14:31,429 --> 00:14:32,696 Oh, well, I'll let you take that. 373 00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:33,664 Love you, baby! 374 00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,033 Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking. 375 00:14:36,034 --> 00:14:38,452 Listen, Robin. I know. I apologize for my wife. 376 00:14:38,453 --> 00:14:39,803 She never should have... 377 00:14:39,804 --> 00:14:42,139 Yeah, I told Zoey you hate her. 378 00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:43,290 Me? 379 00:14:43,291 --> 00:14:44,908 You dragged me into this?! 380 00:14:44,909 --> 00:14:46,176 You just went through a tragedy. 381 00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:48,212 It's not like she's gonna call you up and... 382 00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:51,098 Oh, God, that's my other line. 383 00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:53,750 Oh, God, it's a 917 number, and I don't recognize it! 384 00:14:53,751 --> 00:14:54,818 I think it's Zoey! 385 00:14:54,819 --> 00:14:55,986 Just don't answer it. 386 00:14:55,987 --> 00:14:58,155 I can't not answer. It's impolite. 387 00:14:58,156 --> 00:14:59,389 - Marshall, you can beat this. - I can't turn my back 388 00:14:59,390 --> 00:15:00,657 - on politeness. - You don't have to answer. 389 00:15:00,658 --> 00:15:02,192 - You can just let it ring. - Good manners are what 390 00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:03,260 separate us from those "elbows on the table" Wisconsinites. 391 00:15:03,261 --> 00:15:04,495 You can do this. I believe in you. 392 00:15:04,496 --> 00:15:06,830 - Don't do it, Marshall! - I'm sorry, Robin! 393 00:15:06,831 --> 00:15:08,699 Eriksen residence. Marshall speaking. 394 00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,802 Hi. I spent the night with your friend Barney 395 00:15:11,803 --> 00:15:14,404 and he accidentally left his phone 396 00:15:14,405 --> 00:15:16,573 in my apartment, in the garbage. 397 00:15:16,574 --> 00:15:17,741 But I've been 398 00:15:17,742 --> 00:15:19,076 going through all of his contacts 399 00:15:19,077 --> 00:15:21,145 because I'm sure he wants to get in touch with me. 400 00:15:21,846 --> 00:15:23,647 After all, he told me, uh... 401 00:15:23,648 --> 00:15:25,449 I was his first. 402 00:15:25,450 --> 00:15:27,484 Oh, honey. 403 00:15:27,485 --> 00:15:29,419 Oh! Honey! 404 00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:31,088 Zoey's cousin. 405 00:15:31,089 --> 00:15:32,356 Hi. 406 00:15:32,357 --> 00:15:33,390 Listen, um, about Barney... 407 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:35,492 Oh, yeah. He's such a sweet guy. 408 00:15:35,493 --> 00:15:37,728 Who's your daddy? 409 00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:40,297 Oh... 410 00:15:40,298 --> 00:15:41,765 Who's your daddy? 411 00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:44,501 I don't know. 412 00:15:46,538 --> 00:15:49,740 I guess he recently decided to get in touch with his dad. 413 00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:52,075 His mom gave him the guy's address. 414 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,695 So I wrote him a letter. 415 00:15:54,696 --> 00:15:56,880 And I poured my heart out. 416 00:15:56,881 --> 00:16:00,617 And I gave him my number and I told him to call me. 417 00:16:00,618 --> 00:16:03,453 And he still hasn't called me. 418 00:16:03,454 --> 00:16:05,589 Oh, honey. 419 00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,591 I mean, I shouldn't be surprised. 420 00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:10,460 Clearly, he wants nothing to do with me. 421 00:16:10,461 --> 00:16:12,162 Oh, honey. 422 00:16:12,163 --> 00:16:13,964 I mean, 423 00:16:13,965 --> 00:16:17,201 why else would he let 30 years go by? 424 00:16:17,202 --> 00:16:18,635 He's ashamed 425 00:16:18,636 --> 00:16:21,471 to have me as a son. 426 00:16:21,472 --> 00:16:24,507 Oh, honey, he's not ashamed of you. 427 00:16:24,508 --> 00:16:27,277 He's ashamed of himself. 428 00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:28,445 I mean, look at you. 429 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,480 You're do so great without him. 430 00:16:30,481 --> 00:16:33,317 I mean, you have an airline 431 00:16:33,318 --> 00:16:35,919 and three Nobel Prizes, 432 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:38,222 and you play for the Yankees. 433 00:16:38,223 --> 00:16:40,991 Four. Four Nobel Prizes. 434 00:16:40,992 --> 00:16:42,893 Four. See? 435 00:16:42,894 --> 00:16:44,494 That is impressive. 436 00:16:44,495 --> 00:16:46,530 I mean, how many does he have? 437 00:16:46,531 --> 00:16:47,998 Only three. 438 00:16:47,999 --> 00:16:50,367 Well, there you go. 439 00:16:50,368 --> 00:16:53,704 Hey, uh, listen, Honey, while I've got you, 440 00:16:53,705 --> 00:16:56,807 do you have any idea what kind of difficult stuff 441 00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:58,041 Zoey's been going through? 442 00:16:58,042 --> 00:16:59,910 Oh, I can't tell you about that. 443 00:16:59,911 --> 00:17:02,112 The only people that are allowed to know 444 00:17:02,113 --> 00:17:05,349 are me, Zoey and her therapist. 445 00:17:06,184 --> 00:17:08,352 I am her therapist. 446 00:17:08,353 --> 00:17:11,421 Oh! Well, in that case... 447 00:17:15,193 --> 00:17:18,395 Uh, okay, listen, I think we've made great progress for today. 448 00:17:18,396 --> 00:17:20,747 I got to go. Bye. 449 00:17:22,033 --> 00:17:23,367 Mom! Marcus! 450 00:17:26,137 --> 00:17:27,938 What's this really about? 451 00:17:27,939 --> 00:17:29,640 I told you. 452 00:17:29,641 --> 00:17:31,041 Lily hates you. 453 00:17:31,042 --> 00:17:32,109 I think you hate me. 454 00:17:32,110 --> 00:17:34,011 I think you have some big problem with me, 455 00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:36,380 and you're too chicken to come out and say it. 456 00:17:37,782 --> 00:17:39,182 All right. 457 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,485 Yes. 458 00:17:41,486 --> 00:17:44,321 I... hate you. 459 00:17:44,322 --> 00:17:46,290 Great. 460 00:17:46,291 --> 00:17:48,525 See? 461 00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:50,060 Was that so hard? 462 00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,099 Zoey. 463 00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:57,600 Can you at least tell me why? 464 00:17:57,601 --> 00:17:59,269 Because I'm racking my brain here, 465 00:17:59,270 --> 00:18:00,770 and I thought... 466 00:18:02,006 --> 00:18:04,641 I just want to know why. 467 00:18:05,810 --> 00:18:09,279 So we got Ted and Zoey. Ted is in love with Zoey. 468 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:10,480 Zoey has no idea. 469 00:18:10,481 --> 00:18:13,250 Then Zoey's cousin Honey went home with Barney, 470 00:18:13,251 --> 00:18:14,551 and Zoey was happy about it. 471 00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:15,719 Which tells us what? 472 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,421 Zoey's in love with... 473 00:18:17,422 --> 00:18:19,289 Zoey's in love with Ted and Ted doesn't know. 474 00:18:19,290 --> 00:18:21,258 So Ted and Zoey... they're in love with each other, 475 00:18:21,259 --> 00:18:23,260 which would be fine if Zoey wasn't 476 00:18:23,261 --> 00:18:24,561 married to Colonel Mustard. 477 00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:25,962 I mean, The Captain. 478 00:18:26,764 --> 00:18:30,400 Except now, as Honey informs me... 479 00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:31,568 And we miss you. 480 00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:32,936 But the cousin thing mostly. 481 00:18:32,937 --> 00:18:34,071 Let's get that going. 482 00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:36,806 Fine, I will, uh, make it happen. 483 00:18:36,807 --> 00:18:39,476 Good-bye. 484 00:18:39,477 --> 00:18:42,779 Okay. Well... 485 00:18:42,780 --> 00:18:45,315 I guess I'll take it. 486 00:18:49,987 --> 00:18:54,224 Zoey and The Captain are getting divorced. 487 00:18:55,326 --> 00:18:56,693 Which means...? 488 00:18:56,694 --> 00:18:58,562 So help me, Marshall, 489 00:18:58,563 --> 00:19:03,066 if you don't call those two crazy, mixed-up kids, I will. 490 00:19:03,067 --> 00:19:05,035 Give me that phone. 491 00:19:06,871 --> 00:19:08,004 Why do I hate you? 492 00:19:08,005 --> 00:19:09,172 Are you kidding? 493 00:19:09,173 --> 00:19:10,974 Uh, you're actively trying to prevent me 494 00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:12,209 from realizing a lifelong dream. 495 00:19:12,210 --> 00:19:13,443 So there's that. 496 00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:14,311 Plus, you're stubborn 497 00:19:14,312 --> 00:19:16,079 and... and... and argumentative. 498 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:19,950 And what kind of name is Zoey, huh? 499 00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,718 What is that, short for Zoseph? 500 00:19:21,719 --> 00:19:23,720 Go on, get it. 501 00:19:23,721 --> 00:19:25,072 I'll have more in a second. 502 00:19:26,908 --> 00:19:28,325 Hello. 503 00:19:28,326 --> 00:19:30,410 Oh, hey, Marshall. 504 00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:35,332 Yes, I am. 505 00:19:37,335 --> 00:19:38,735 Yes, I am. 506 00:19:40,171 --> 00:19:42,439 He is? 507 00:19:45,109 --> 00:19:47,511 Bye. 508 00:19:47,512 --> 00:19:49,112 Why was Marshall calling? 509 00:19:49,113 --> 00:19:50,714 Don't worry about it. Go on. 510 00:19:50,715 --> 00:19:52,983 You talk during movies. 511 00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:53,984 You... you... you 512 00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:55,919 sneeze with your whole body. 513 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,053 Uh, to my knowledge, 514 00:19:57,054 --> 00:19:59,322 you do not speak Portuguese. 515 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,490 Well, actually... 516 00:20:02,894 --> 00:20:05,078 You're a show-off. 517 00:20:07,632 --> 00:20:10,066 You better take that. 518 00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:15,672 Uh, hey, Marshall, can I call you back? 519 00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:17,941 I'm out in the hallway with... 520 00:20:17,942 --> 00:20:20,544 She is? 521 00:20:23,881 --> 00:20:25,282 She is? 522 00:20:26,984 --> 00:20:30,976 Marshall, I got to go. 523 00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:55,471 They're kissing. 524 00:20:55,472 --> 00:20:56,436 They're kissing?! 525 00:20:56,618 --> 00:20:58,583 - Yeah! - They're kissing! 526 00:20:58,755 --> 00:21:00,345 They're kissing, Mom! They're kissing!