1 00:00:00,623 --> 00:00:02,924 NARRATOR: My first kiss with Zoey was amazing, 2 00:00:02,925 --> 00:00:04,358 and complicated. 3 00:00:04,359 --> 00:00:05,794 Look, um... 4 00:00:05,795 --> 00:00:08,163 I know you're going through a lot right now. 5 00:00:08,164 --> 00:00:10,432 Getting divorced, being single, 6 00:00:10,433 --> 00:00:13,134 figuring out who you are on your own. 7 00:00:13,135 --> 00:00:15,070 Someone knows how to set a mood. 8 00:00:15,071 --> 00:00:17,272 I just mean... 9 00:00:17,273 --> 00:00:19,774 I'm okay taking this slow. 10 00:00:19,775 --> 00:00:21,843 I want to do this right. 11 00:00:21,844 --> 00:00:25,313 My friends, as usual, were completely supportive. 12 00:00:25,314 --> 00:00:27,182 You're doing this all wrong! 13 00:00:27,183 --> 00:00:29,751 Ted, there are couples in my kindergarten class 14 00:00:29,752 --> 00:00:31,820 who have moved faster than you two. 15 00:00:31,821 --> 00:00:33,755 Granted, their home lives are not great. 16 00:00:33,756 --> 00:00:34,989 Hey, I'm trying. 17 00:00:34,990 --> 00:00:36,858 I keep suggesting these big, romantic dates, 18 00:00:36,859 --> 00:00:38,777 and she keeps putting on the brakes. 19 00:00:38,778 --> 00:00:42,030 Like tonight, she wants me to just come over and bake cookies. 20 00:00:42,031 --> 00:00:43,031 Oh. 21 00:00:43,032 --> 00:00:44,532 Translation: booty-call. 22 00:00:44,533 --> 00:00:46,201 Total booty-call. 23 00:00:46,202 --> 00:00:48,169 Private Booty, reporting for duty. 24 00:00:48,170 --> 00:00:49,704 That's crazy. 25 00:00:49,705 --> 00:00:50,872 She-She wants to bake. 26 00:00:50,873 --> 00:00:53,274 Guys booty-call girls after 2:00 a.m. 27 00:00:53,275 --> 00:00:56,511 with a drunkenly slurred, "What ya doing?" 28 00:00:56,512 --> 00:00:58,980 But when a lady booty-calls a guy, 29 00:00:58,981 --> 00:01:01,516 she invents a respectable excuse 30 00:01:01,517 --> 00:01:04,252 to mask the fact that she wants to get stuck real good. 31 00:01:04,253 --> 00:01:05,787 It's called class, Ted. 32 00:01:05,788 --> 00:01:07,155 Wait. That... 33 00:01:07,156 --> 00:01:09,591 You think that's what she means by "baking cookies"? 34 00:01:09,592 --> 00:01:10,809 Are you kidding? 35 00:01:10,810 --> 00:01:13,728 You're in the kitchen, it's getting hot, 36 00:01:13,729 --> 00:01:16,397 you start licking stuff off each others' fingers. 37 00:01:16,398 --> 00:01:17,999 Before you know it, she's bent 38 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,734 over the marble island, 39 00:01:19,735 --> 00:01:21,769 and you're spanking her with a rubber spatula. 40 00:01:21,770 --> 00:01:23,605 And she's screaming, "Stop, Marshall, stop," 41 00:01:23,606 --> 00:01:26,474 but that's just code for "harder!" 42 00:01:27,343 --> 00:01:28,543 Marshall's been in Minnesota 43 00:01:28,544 --> 00:01:29,644 a while, huh? 44 00:01:29,645 --> 00:01:30,945 So long! 45 00:01:30,946 --> 00:01:33,581 And now he's staying even longer. 46 00:01:33,582 --> 00:01:36,551 His mom has been having a really hard time since the funeral. 47 00:01:36,552 --> 00:01:38,319 He's waiting on her hand and foot. 48 00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:39,354 But... 49 00:01:39,355 --> 00:01:40,355 it's Valentine's Day. 50 00:01:40,356 --> 00:01:41,823 It's not going to be the same 51 00:01:41,824 --> 00:01:43,758 without the two of us watching Predator together. 52 00:01:43,759 --> 00:01:45,026 I should explain. 53 00:01:45,027 --> 00:01:46,928 On their very first Valentine's Day, 54 00:01:46,929 --> 00:01:50,231 Marshall and Lily set out to watch Sleepless in Seattle. 55 00:01:50,232 --> 00:01:54,169 You know, I saw this in the theater, like, five times, 56 00:01:54,170 --> 00:01:56,771 but I never got to see it with the right girl. 57 00:01:56,772 --> 00:01:58,173 Aw... 58 00:01:58,174 --> 00:02:01,709 I'm so glad none of those girls were right for you. 59 00:02:01,710 --> 00:02:03,278 What girls? 60 00:02:03,279 --> 00:02:05,780 ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER: If it bleeds, we can kill it. 61 00:02:05,781 --> 00:02:09,918 Except Marshall's brothers had taped over it with Predator. 62 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:11,085 Mmm. 63 00:02:11,086 --> 00:02:13,454 And it became a tradition. 64 00:02:13,455 --> 00:02:15,723 Wow, you sound really lonely. 65 00:02:15,724 --> 00:02:19,194 I am. Earlier today, I burst into tears... 66 00:02:19,195 --> 00:02:20,762 Shh. Daddy's talking now. 67 00:02:20,763 --> 00:02:23,531 Loneliness. The looming specter 68 00:02:23,532 --> 00:02:25,767 of Valentine's Day fast approaching. 69 00:02:25,768 --> 00:02:29,637 The two key ingredients to my favorite day of the year, 70 00:02:29,638 --> 00:02:33,007 February 13: Desperation Day. 71 00:02:33,008 --> 00:02:35,109 That's not a thing. It's a thing. 72 00:02:35,110 --> 00:02:37,061 Much like Valentine's Day itself, 73 00:02:37,062 --> 00:02:39,380 Desperation Day dates back thousands of years. 74 00:02:39,381 --> 00:02:41,199 BARNEY: Weddings were forbidden 75 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:42,450 under ancient Roman law, 76 00:02:42,451 --> 00:02:44,886 so Saint Valentine performed them in secret, 77 00:02:44,887 --> 00:02:46,854 under threat of death. 78 00:02:46,855 --> 00:02:48,990 That's actually true. Wait, there's more. 79 00:02:48,991 --> 00:02:50,191 This won't be. 80 00:02:50,192 --> 00:02:52,026 And right by Saint Valentine's side 81 00:02:52,027 --> 00:02:55,630 was his best bro, Saint Desperatius, 82 00:02:55,631 --> 00:02:58,233 there to pick off insecure bridesmaids. 83 00:02:58,234 --> 00:02:59,634 Whoa. Check out that one. 84 00:02:59,635 --> 00:03:02,303 Her body is a perfect X. 85 00:03:02,304 --> 00:03:06,107 Player, play on. High V. 86 00:03:06,108 --> 00:03:08,376 Oh, Jupiter, 87 00:03:08,377 --> 00:03:10,929 what are your plans for me? 88 00:03:10,930 --> 00:03:13,548 15 and still unmarried. 89 00:03:14,783 --> 00:03:17,919 And I thought Pompeii was smokin'. 90 00:03:19,421 --> 00:03:22,073 Every woman wants a date on Valentine's Day. 91 00:03:22,074 --> 00:03:24,359 That neediness reaches its climax... 92 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,828 what up... on February 13. 93 00:03:26,829 --> 00:03:29,530 A magical night when a ten 94 00:03:29,531 --> 00:03:31,432 has the self-esteem of a four 95 00:03:31,433 --> 00:03:33,801 and the depraved enthusiasm of a two. 96 00:03:33,802 --> 00:03:36,771 Now, there's only one thing you can't do. 97 00:03:36,772 --> 00:03:38,439 Please say "widows." 98 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,743 Wherever you are, or whoever you're under, 99 00:03:41,744 --> 00:03:46,281 you must get home alone by 11:59 p.m. 100 00:03:46,282 --> 00:03:49,417 Otherwise, you're on a date on Valentine's Day. 101 00:03:49,418 --> 00:03:50,852 ROBIN: Barney, Desperation Day 102 00:03:50,853 --> 00:03:53,888 assumes that all single women freak out about Valentine's Day. 103 00:03:53,889 --> 00:03:55,490 Which we do not. 104 00:03:55,491 --> 00:03:58,593 Case in point, I will be spending February 13 105 00:03:58,594 --> 00:04:00,395 with some lovely single ladies from work... 106 00:04:00,396 --> 00:04:02,480 Trolls. ...who could care less 107 00:04:02,481 --> 00:04:04,399 about Valentine's Day. Lying trolls. 108 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,600 And we will be celebrating the fact that we don't have 109 00:04:06,601 --> 00:04:08,102 to spend it with some dippy guy 110 00:04:08,103 --> 00:04:10,238 carting around roses and stuffed toys all night. 111 00:04:10,239 --> 00:04:11,339 Oh, no offense, Ted. 112 00:04:11,340 --> 00:04:14,709 And none was taken until just then. 113 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:21,195 Sync & correction by Addic7ed.com 114 00:04:21,804 --> 00:04:27,655 www.addic7ed.com 115 00:04:27,690 --> 00:04:29,724 I decided to go to Minnesota 116 00:04:29,725 --> 00:04:31,059 to see Marshall. 117 00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:32,860 He shouldn't have to help his mom 118 00:04:32,861 --> 00:04:35,229 through this rough time all by himself. 119 00:04:35,230 --> 00:04:37,148 You losing your mind, being alone in your apartment? 120 00:04:37,149 --> 00:04:38,299 I'm getting weird! 121 00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:40,468 LILY: See, it started off 122 00:04:40,469 --> 00:04:43,371 with me throwing Marshall's jersey on my body pillow. 123 00:04:43,372 --> 00:04:47,375 And, well, things kind of spiraled from there. 124 00:04:48,844 --> 00:04:51,746 I'm sorry I yelled like that before. 125 00:04:52,781 --> 00:04:55,183 I call him "Marshpillow." And he calls me... 126 00:04:55,184 --> 00:04:57,785 nothing because he's a pillow. 127 00:04:58,787 --> 00:05:00,955 Hey. 128 00:05:00,956 --> 00:05:03,157 Hey. How was "baking cookies" last night? 129 00:05:03,158 --> 00:05:04,826 NARRATOR: That was a tough question. 130 00:05:04,827 --> 00:05:06,427 You see... 131 00:05:06,862 --> 00:05:08,129 Hi. 132 00:05:08,130 --> 00:05:10,565 Uh... 133 00:05:10,566 --> 00:05:13,067 Is that an overnight bag? 134 00:05:13,969 --> 00:05:15,903 (Lily and Robin groan) 135 00:05:15,904 --> 00:05:17,872 You brought an overnight bag? 136 00:05:17,873 --> 00:05:19,807 You guys said I was definitely going to spend the night. 137 00:05:19,808 --> 00:05:20,942 We said you were going to have sex. 138 00:05:20,943 --> 00:05:22,710 We didn't say, "Bring a carry-on." 139 00:05:22,711 --> 00:05:24,679 So how did Zoey react? 140 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:27,315 She thought it was presumptuous and asked me to leave. 141 00:05:27,316 --> 00:05:29,717 It's-It's not like I brought a ton of stuff. 142 00:05:29,718 --> 00:05:31,419 Were there slippers for the morning? 143 00:05:32,721 --> 00:05:35,056 Not slippers, exactly. 144 00:05:35,057 --> 00:05:36,324 (Lily, Robin and Barney groaning) 145 00:05:36,325 --> 00:05:38,793 They're called British morning socks. 146 00:05:39,661 --> 00:05:41,596 JUDY: This is such a nice surprise. 147 00:05:41,597 --> 00:05:44,382 Marshall will be so happy. 148 00:05:44,383 --> 00:05:45,700 Oh... 149 00:05:45,701 --> 00:05:48,336 How are you holding up, Judy? 150 00:05:48,337 --> 00:05:49,404 Oh, I'm doin' okay. 151 00:05:49,405 --> 00:05:50,888 It gets a little lonely. 152 00:05:50,889 --> 00:05:53,808 My friends suggested a body pillow, but... 153 00:05:53,809 --> 00:05:55,810 (chuckles) I'm not a lunatic. 154 00:05:55,811 --> 00:05:57,061 MARSHALL: Hey, Mom? 155 00:05:57,062 --> 00:05:58,713 I hate to be that guy, 156 00:05:58,714 --> 00:06:00,648 but I'm pretty sure it was Hot Pocket o'clock, 157 00:06:00,649 --> 00:06:02,400 like, ten minutes ago. 158 00:06:02,401 --> 00:06:04,952 Lily. Lily. (video game sound effects) 159 00:06:04,953 --> 00:06:06,070 What are you doing here? 160 00:06:06,071 --> 00:06:07,822 I wanted to surprise you. 161 00:06:07,823 --> 00:06:09,574 Oh, my gosh. That's so sweet. 162 00:06:09,575 --> 00:06:11,409 I'm so glad you're here. 163 00:06:11,410 --> 00:06:13,194 Hey, um, before I forget, Mom, 164 00:06:13,195 --> 00:06:14,862 did you remember to get more double-A batteries? 165 00:06:14,863 --> 00:06:15,963 Oh, they're upstairs, sweetie. 166 00:06:15,964 --> 00:06:17,665 Right next to your washed and folded clothes. 167 00:06:17,666 --> 00:06:20,067 Oh, great, okay. I don't want my Game Boy to crap out. 168 00:06:20,068 --> 00:06:22,120 I'm having the sickest Dr. Mario run of my life. 169 00:06:22,121 --> 00:06:23,571 Okay. I'll be right back. 170 00:06:23,572 --> 00:06:24,639 I love you, Lily. 171 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:25,640 Okay. 172 00:06:25,641 --> 00:06:26,791 You're the best, Mom. 173 00:06:26,792 --> 00:06:30,128 Aw... Anything for my baby bear. 174 00:06:30,129 --> 00:06:32,947 Get him out of my house. 175 00:06:37,632 --> 00:06:39,633 Take Marshall back to New York with you. 176 00:06:39,634 --> 00:06:40,700 Please, I am begging you. 177 00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,469 I thought he was here helping you. 178 00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:43,637 Well, he was, at first. 179 00:06:43,638 --> 00:06:44,871 But once he saw me starting 180 00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:46,706 to do better, he kind of regressed. 181 00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:49,509 He's been holed up in his room for days at a time, 182 00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:50,844 playing old video games. 183 00:06:50,845 --> 00:06:54,181 I mean, he is having a pretty sick Dr. Mario run, but... 184 00:06:54,182 --> 00:06:55,215 (sighs) 185 00:06:55,216 --> 00:06:56,850 Uh, I'll talk to him. 186 00:06:56,851 --> 00:06:58,318 I want to be there for him, 187 00:06:58,319 --> 00:07:00,887 but it's like he's a teenager again. 188 00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:03,490 I even walked in on him abusing himself. 189 00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:04,691 Oh, God. 190 00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:05,859 There he was, on the bed, 191 00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:07,327 looking at old photos of his dad. 192 00:07:07,328 --> 00:07:10,697 That's emotional self-abuse, don't you think? 193 00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,399 (knocking) 194 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,735 Hi. Hi. 195 00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:16,936 Listen, 196 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,322 that was a dumb move for me to just assume... 197 00:07:19,323 --> 00:07:20,540 No, no, I overreacted. 198 00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:24,244 I mean, I invited you over to "bake cookies." 199 00:07:24,245 --> 00:07:25,879 We both knew what that meant. 200 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:26,846 We totally did. 201 00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:28,248 I just, you know... 202 00:07:28,249 --> 00:07:30,317 I saw those slippers in your bag, 203 00:07:30,318 --> 00:07:31,351 and suddenly everything 204 00:07:31,352 --> 00:07:33,053 felt really serious. 205 00:07:33,054 --> 00:07:36,056 And... ever since, I've been asking myself, 206 00:07:36,057 --> 00:07:38,925 "Am I ready for this?" 207 00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:40,460 And... 208 00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:43,897 the answer is "yes." 209 00:07:48,152 --> 00:07:49,936 They're actually called British morning socks. 210 00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:50,937 Yeah. Don't get in your own way. 211 00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:52,272 Right. Okay. 212 00:07:52,273 --> 00:07:53,189 (video game sound effects) 213 00:07:53,190 --> 00:07:55,325 Um, Marshall, your mom asked me 214 00:07:55,326 --> 00:07:56,543 to carry this up. 215 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:58,712 She turned her ankle on your Hot Wheels. 216 00:07:58,713 --> 00:08:00,213 Is my track okay? 217 00:08:00,214 --> 00:08:02,782 It's fine, but, Marshall, 218 00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:05,452 I thought you were here taking care of your mom. 219 00:08:05,453 --> 00:08:07,854 It seems like she's taking care of you. 220 00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:10,857 My mom loves to feel needed. 221 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,192 Letting her take care of me 222 00:08:12,193 --> 00:08:14,561 is how I'm taking care of her. 223 00:08:15,363 --> 00:08:16,930 She's in a dark place, Lily. 224 00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:18,598 She needs this. 225 00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:20,000 Mom? 226 00:08:20,001 --> 00:08:21,301 You forgot my chocolate milk 227 00:08:21,302 --> 00:08:22,836 with the swirly straw! 228 00:08:22,837 --> 00:08:25,939 JUDY: Oops. Comin' right up! 229 00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:28,275 Ow. Ow. 230 00:08:28,276 --> 00:08:29,609 (whispers): She needs this. 231 00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:32,345 Marshall, tomorrow's Valentine's. 232 00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:35,081 Don't you want to be at home on our couch, 233 00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:37,150 cuddling up under a warm blanket, 234 00:08:37,151 --> 00:08:39,486 watching the Predator use his heat vision 235 00:08:39,487 --> 00:08:42,205 to stalk helpless prey? 236 00:08:55,436 --> 00:08:57,504 (makes Predator clicking noise) 237 00:08:57,505 --> 00:08:59,906 Well, baby, we could watch Predator here. 238 00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,675 No, my mom can go rent it for us 239 00:09:01,676 --> 00:09:03,510 after she's done digging out the car. 240 00:09:03,511 --> 00:09:04,778 Marshall, your mom wants you out of here. 241 00:09:04,779 --> 00:09:05,812 What? 242 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,714 Anything else, sweetie? 243 00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:10,483 Mom, d-do you want me to leave? 244 00:09:10,484 --> 00:09:12,719 Heavens to Bess, no! 245 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,287 Of course not! 246 00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:15,355 But, Judy, you said... 247 00:09:15,356 --> 00:09:17,791 Oh, if Marshall could stay here forever, 248 00:09:17,792 --> 00:09:21,027 I would be the happiest mom in Minnesota. 249 00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:22,228 (chuckles) 250 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,264 (mouthing) 251 00:09:25,116 --> 00:09:28,084 So Valentine's Day is tomorrow. 252 00:09:28,085 --> 00:09:30,453 Yeah. You know, there's this new Italian restaurant 253 00:09:30,454 --> 00:09:32,672 on 79th that's supposed to be amazing. 254 00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:35,508 I would be happier having just a simple, home-cooked meal. 255 00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:37,777 As long as it's with you. 256 00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:40,180 Tomorrow night, my place. 257 00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,819 I'm ready for this, Ted. 258 00:09:45,820 --> 00:09:46,786 I am in it 259 00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:48,304 for the long haul. 260 00:09:48,305 --> 00:09:51,691 I can't wait for our first Valentine's Day as a couple. 261 00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,159 (laughs) 262 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,862 The one we'll remember for years. 263 00:09:57,932 --> 00:10:00,066 Isn't that great? Yeah, if you say so, yeah. 264 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,167 What do you mean? 265 00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,202 (sighs) 266 00:10:02,203 --> 00:10:03,937 Look, she just got out of a marriage, Ted. 267 00:10:03,938 --> 00:10:05,205 That's heavy. 268 00:10:05,206 --> 00:10:08,208 I'm kind of freaking out, just listening to you. 269 00:10:08,209 --> 00:10:09,376 My heart is pounding, 270 00:10:09,377 --> 00:10:10,794 I'm hearing this weird clicking noise. 271 00:10:10,795 --> 00:10:12,996 (Predator clicking noise) 272 00:10:14,548 --> 00:10:16,516 Well, it's romantic, right? 273 00:10:16,517 --> 00:10:19,786 Zoey and I are getting serious on Valentine's Day. 274 00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:22,389 See, that just amps up the pressure even more. 275 00:10:22,390 --> 00:10:24,891 Boy, it's a good thing that you're sure. 276 00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:26,159 Who said I wasn't sure? 277 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,795 I'm glad we're in a serious relationship. 278 00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:30,296 Right away. 279 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,331 And if I screw this up, 280 00:10:31,332 --> 00:10:32,599 I'm the devil, 281 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,100 because she's going through a divorce. 282 00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:35,985 But I'm not going to screw this up. 283 00:10:35,986 --> 00:10:38,438 So stop freaking out, Robin. 284 00:10:38,439 --> 00:10:39,973 Stop freaking out! 285 00:10:39,974 --> 00:10:42,876 NARRATOR: Kids, I'm not super proud of what I did next. 286 00:10:42,877 --> 00:10:44,160 Hi! 287 00:10:44,161 --> 00:10:45,712 I'm here to help Marshall. 288 00:10:47,982 --> 00:10:49,883 Meanwhile, as Desperation Day 289 00:10:49,884 --> 00:10:51,651 turned into Desperation Night... 290 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:55,422 God, these girls are so hungry for male attention. 291 00:10:55,423 --> 00:10:59,859 It is like being a hunter and having the deer walk up, 292 00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,928 tie itself to the hood of your car 293 00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:03,496 and beg to get mounted. 294 00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:04,864 ROBIN: Barney, this is 295 00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:08,001 Bev and Anna, uh, my coworkers and my friends. 296 00:11:08,002 --> 00:11:11,137 Bev, Anna, this is Barney, a high-functioning sociopath 297 00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:13,039 and my ex. 298 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,274 Enchanté. 299 00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:16,142 That's French for "What's with the purple?" 300 00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:17,477 Well, tomorrow is Valentine's Day, 301 00:11:17,478 --> 00:11:19,546 and everything is pink and red, so Bev 302 00:11:19,547 --> 00:11:20,880 very thoughtfully suggested 303 00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:23,883 that we wear purple to show how little we care. 304 00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,952 I use, uh, colors to express emotion. 305 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,454 Purple is for pride. 306 00:11:27,455 --> 00:11:29,589 It was a stupid idea. 307 00:11:29,590 --> 00:11:31,524 Bev, you look at me. 308 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,827 It's not a stupid idea. 309 00:11:33,828 --> 00:11:35,728 Tonight, we are queens. 310 00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:38,364 And we don't care about some stupid, 311 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,233 sexist, corporate holiday. 312 00:11:40,234 --> 00:11:41,885 Please! 313 00:11:41,886 --> 00:11:45,805 You might as well be dog-earing a tear-stained bridal magazine 314 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,774 while wolfing down the box of chocolates 315 00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:49,542 you had delivered to yourself at work 316 00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:51,644 from your "fiancé" who no one's ever met. 317 00:11:51,645 --> 00:11:53,680 Gerard is real! 318 00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:55,748 Oh! 319 00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:56,816 (video game sound effects) 320 00:11:56,817 --> 00:12:00,186 Ted... I thought you were going 321 00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,956 to talk to Marshall about coming back to New York. 322 00:12:02,957 --> 00:12:06,459 Yeah, but, you know, things move so fast in New York. 323 00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:10,263 Why not hang out here until at least after Valentine's Day? 324 00:12:10,264 --> 00:12:12,265 Plus, we're helping Marshall's mom. 325 00:12:12,266 --> 00:12:14,417 Uh, Mrs. Eriksen, we're running low on SunnyD! 326 00:12:14,418 --> 00:12:16,503 JUDY: Is orange juice okay? 327 00:12:16,504 --> 00:12:18,805 BOTH: No! 328 00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:23,409 Okay, when your "fiancé" Gerard comes back 329 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,345 from fixing cleft palates in Peru, 330 00:12:25,346 --> 00:12:28,014 maybe snatch a photo of the two of you together, 331 00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,549 and then I'll totally believe you. 332 00:12:29,550 --> 00:12:33,686 Well, he's going to Kenya after Peru, so... 333 00:12:33,687 --> 00:12:35,488 Hey, guys, so sorry I'm late. 334 00:12:35,489 --> 00:12:37,423 Hey. Hey, Nora. Uh, Nora, this is Barney. 335 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:40,226 You want to see Anna beat him in an arm wrestle? 336 00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:41,861 My elbow slipped! 337 00:12:43,464 --> 00:12:45,965 Marshall, I'm going home. 338 00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,937 What? 339 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:53,907 I'm flying out tonight before the big storm, 340 00:12:53,908 --> 00:12:56,175 and I want you to come with me. 341 00:12:57,995 --> 00:13:00,680 I can't right now, 'cause my mom needs me. 342 00:13:00,681 --> 00:13:03,349 While I'm sure it's been really helpful 343 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:04,751 for her to have you here 344 00:13:04,752 --> 00:13:07,954 playing Super Mario Kart for 14 hours a day... 345 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,255 You have Super Mario Kart?! 346 00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:11,524 Hell, yeah. 347 00:13:11,525 --> 00:13:13,660 But your mom doesn't need you. 348 00:13:13,661 --> 00:13:15,562 Your life in New York needs you. 349 00:13:15,563 --> 00:13:18,765 It needs you really bad. 350 00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,601 Baby, don't go. 351 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:30,159 Please come home soon. 352 00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:36,082 So, you were an Olympic gymnast? 353 00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:37,083 Silver medal. 354 00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:38,284 Ooh, sorry. 355 00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,486 Gold's the only thing that really counts. 356 00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:41,921 That's what my dad said. 357 00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,523 And she sticks the landing. 358 00:13:43,524 --> 00:13:46,292 Why don't you start stretching, and I'll... 359 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,461 be right back. 360 00:13:48,462 --> 00:13:49,762 Hey, hey, sorry. Oh, hi. 361 00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:51,130 Quick question. Yeah. 362 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,465 Why aren't you wearing purple like your friends? 363 00:13:52,466 --> 00:13:54,968 Oh, I told them I forgot, but the truth is, 364 00:13:54,969 --> 00:13:56,703 I'm kind of protesting their protest. 365 00:13:57,371 --> 00:13:58,404 Can you keep a secret? 366 00:13:58,405 --> 00:13:59,238 Sure. 367 00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:01,140 I love Valentine's Day. 368 00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:03,309 Oh, my gosh! Me, too! 369 00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,979 Um, is it getting crowded in here, 'cause I think 370 00:14:05,980 --> 00:14:07,413 there are two peas in this pod? 371 00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,215 Oh, you're a gooey romantic, too? 372 00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:11,684 Guilty. This is embarrassing, 373 00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:15,088 but every year, I buy flowers and a box of chocolates, 374 00:14:15,089 --> 00:14:17,290 even if I'm not with someone. 375 00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:19,692 Just in case, you know? 376 00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,894 We are pitiful. The worst. 377 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,129 (both chuckle) 378 00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:24,897 Although there is one difference between you and me. 379 00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,100 What's that? I'm not saying any of this 380 00:14:27,101 --> 00:14:29,218 to get in your pants. 381 00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:33,806 (video game sound effects) 382 00:14:34,642 --> 00:14:37,410 I miss my dad, Ted. 383 00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:40,647 I miss him so much. 384 00:14:40,648 --> 00:14:42,148 I know. 385 00:14:43,851 --> 00:14:45,384 Um, when I was a kid, 386 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,737 we would spend the summers in the Upper Peninsula. 387 00:14:47,738 --> 00:14:50,356 And every year, we wouldn't get to the cabin 388 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,558 till, like, the middle of the night. 389 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,227 And so, it would be pitch black, 390 00:14:54,228 --> 00:14:56,195 in the middle of the woods. 391 00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,798 And I could never see anything in front of the headlights, 392 00:14:58,799 --> 00:15:03,169 but I always felt so safe 'cause my dad was driving. 393 00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:05,638 He was like some sort of superhero 394 00:15:05,639 --> 00:15:08,107 who could just see way out into the darkness. 395 00:15:09,643 --> 00:15:11,844 Now he's just gone. 396 00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:15,048 And it's pitch black. 397 00:15:15,049 --> 00:15:18,317 And I can't see where I'm going. 398 00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:20,520 I can't see anything. 399 00:15:23,157 --> 00:15:24,524 All right, okay. 400 00:15:24,525 --> 00:15:25,925 I was playing you before. 401 00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:28,394 But I was really doing you a public service. 402 00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,296 It's February 13... 403 00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:33,666 a day many are now calling Desperation Day. 404 00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:35,068 It's kind of a thing. 405 00:15:35,069 --> 00:15:38,371 And you walking around, saying you're a gooey romantic? 406 00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:41,240 It comes across a bit desperate. 407 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:44,777 What's desperate about knowing what you want? 408 00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,679 Look, life is really short, Barney. 409 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,715 Who wants to spend Valentine's Day alone, 410 00:15:48,716 --> 00:15:50,383 distracting yourself from the fact 411 00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:53,886 that nobody loves you with some sad little activity? 412 00:15:53,887 --> 00:15:56,622 Um, or you could be in the 47th Semi-Annual 413 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,659 Laser Tag Tournament in Poughkeepsie. 414 00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:02,628 I have no idea what any of those words mean. 415 00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,198 Hey, I'm all stretched out! 416 00:16:06,867 --> 00:16:09,802 Here's the first thing you need to know about laser tag. 417 00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:11,938 Thanks a lot for coming out here, man. 418 00:16:11,939 --> 00:16:13,406 Yeah. 419 00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:16,609 Hey, are-are you sure it's okay with Zoey 420 00:16:16,610 --> 00:16:18,644 that you're here for Valentine's Day? 421 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,914 Well, I mean, technically, she doesn't know yet. 422 00:16:21,915 --> 00:16:22,749 What? 423 00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:24,083 Things with Zoey 424 00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,785 are moving really fast, 425 00:16:25,786 --> 00:16:28,454 and the divorce just makes everything more complicated. 426 00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,990 I just, I needed to take a step back. 427 00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:32,558 You're not taking a step back. 428 00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:34,060 You're running away. 429 00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:35,328 And hiding out here, 430 00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:37,930 hiding out here is not gonna solve anything. 431 00:16:37,931 --> 00:16:38,898 You're just 432 00:16:38,899 --> 00:16:40,366 holed up in Minnesota 433 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:43,536 because you're too scared to face reality, and it's... 434 00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:49,909 We got to go back to New York, tonight. 435 00:16:49,910 --> 00:16:52,111 We're snowed in. Lily got the last flight. 436 00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,147 So, we drive. It's time. 437 00:16:54,148 --> 00:16:56,449 It's time to get back to real life. 438 00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:59,152 It's time to grow up. 439 00:16:59,153 --> 00:17:00,319 Yeah. 440 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,587 Mom! 441 00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:04,457 Can you make us some PB and J's for the road? 442 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:05,758 Crusts cut off. 443 00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:07,827 Crusts cut off! 444 00:17:07,828 --> 00:17:09,529 No, Ted. What are we...? 445 00:17:10,964 --> 00:17:13,533 We're men. 446 00:17:14,635 --> 00:17:16,769 Mom! 447 00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:19,939 Leave the crusts on! 448 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,582 They forced their opponents to scatter, picking them off, 449 00:17:26,583 --> 00:17:29,402 one by one, in a swift and merciless slaughter. 450 00:17:31,738 --> 00:17:33,472 They became the 2010 Tri-County Champions. 451 00:17:34,473 --> 00:17:37,342 Wow. Laser tag sounds brilliant! 452 00:17:37,343 --> 00:17:38,593 Oh, it is. 453 00:17:38,594 --> 00:17:40,495 Plus, if you win, you get free pizza! 454 00:17:40,496 --> 00:17:43,198 This is my teammate for tomorrow. 455 00:17:43,199 --> 00:17:44,966 Oh, yeah, I agreed to that. 456 00:17:44,967 --> 00:17:46,901 Where are Bev and Anna? 457 00:17:46,902 --> 00:17:47,769 Well... 458 00:17:47,770 --> 00:17:49,337 So, we're taking off. 459 00:17:49,338 --> 00:17:50,372 What? 460 00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:51,573 Those guys are gonna 461 00:17:51,574 --> 00:17:53,408 buy us hot dogs at Grey's Papaya. 462 00:17:53,409 --> 00:17:55,243 ROBIN: What...? So that's it? 463 00:17:55,244 --> 00:17:59,247 A couple of white Urkels offer you sausages, and you're gone? 464 00:17:59,248 --> 00:18:01,182 What about the sisterhood? 465 00:18:01,183 --> 00:18:03,151 Solidarity? The color purple? 466 00:18:03,152 --> 00:18:05,687 But tomorrow's Valentine's Day. 467 00:18:05,688 --> 00:18:07,322 I thought we didn't care about Valentine's Day. 468 00:18:07,323 --> 00:18:09,624 Look, Robin, you'll find someone, too. 469 00:18:09,625 --> 00:18:11,059 You're a queen. 470 00:18:11,060 --> 00:18:12,594 You've got so much to offer. 471 00:18:12,595 --> 00:18:14,496 Maybe do something with that hair. 472 00:18:16,098 --> 00:18:17,265 I'm telling you. 473 00:18:17,266 --> 00:18:18,600 The power of Valentine's Day. 474 00:18:18,601 --> 00:18:22,404 I'm Huey Lewis, and you just heard the news. 475 00:18:23,272 --> 00:18:24,773 Well, I think I'm heading out, too. 476 00:18:24,774 --> 00:18:27,192 What? No, don't go! You want to see a magic trick?! 477 00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:29,510 It's late, and I have a date with my pillow. 478 00:18:29,511 --> 00:18:31,679 I mean, not literally. I'm not a lunatic. 479 00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:33,615 Boy Scout Troop 15 480 00:18:33,616 --> 00:18:34,849 doesn't stand a chance. 481 00:18:34,850 --> 00:18:36,751 Bye. 482 00:18:36,752 --> 00:18:38,453 Mm. 483 00:18:42,358 --> 00:18:45,627 Speaking of the power of Valentine's Day... 484 00:18:45,628 --> 00:18:47,295 What are you talking about? 485 00:18:47,296 --> 00:18:48,563 Oh, come on. 486 00:18:48,564 --> 00:18:49,964 It's-It's past midnight. 487 00:18:49,965 --> 00:18:52,467 Desperation Day has come and gone, 488 00:18:52,468 --> 00:18:55,670 and you have neither gone nor come. 489 00:18:56,372 --> 00:18:58,173 You know why? 490 00:18:58,174 --> 00:18:59,307 You like Nora. 491 00:18:59,308 --> 00:19:00,542 No, I don't. She's gross. 492 00:19:00,543 --> 00:19:02,610 Oh... You like her. 493 00:19:02,611 --> 00:19:05,113 You think she smells like rain. 494 00:19:05,114 --> 00:19:06,948 Whatever you say. 495 00:19:06,949 --> 00:19:08,266 Oh, hey, Nora. 496 00:19:08,267 --> 00:19:09,734 Nora... 497 00:19:18,727 --> 00:19:20,728 MARVIN: Here's a secret. 498 00:19:20,729 --> 00:19:24,632 I couldn't see worth a damn, either, buddy. 499 00:19:24,633 --> 00:19:28,770 I just kept driving forward, hoping for the best. 500 00:19:30,539 --> 00:19:32,624 Look out! (gasps) 501 00:19:32,625 --> 00:19:33,942 Gotcha. 502 00:19:33,943 --> 00:19:36,094 (laughs) 503 00:19:42,318 --> 00:19:44,285 NARRATOR: And so we drove through the night, 504 00:19:44,286 --> 00:19:46,554 out of Desperation Day and into Valentine's. 505 00:19:46,555 --> 00:19:49,290 And there was no trace of my little freak out, except... 506 00:19:49,291 --> 00:19:52,193 Really? An overnight bag for your own living room? 507 00:19:54,430 --> 00:19:56,831 Looks like we got a matching set. 508 00:19:56,832 --> 00:19:59,767 Well, that was kind of presumptuous. 509 00:19:59,768 --> 00:20:02,670 ♪♪ 510 00:20:02,671 --> 00:20:04,822 ♪ The ground was shaking like ♪ 511 00:20:04,823 --> 00:20:07,141 (lasers firing) Robin, where are you? 512 00:20:07,142 --> 00:20:09,043 Those Boy Scouts have grown a foot since last year. 513 00:20:09,044 --> 00:20:10,211 They're terrifying! 514 00:20:10,212 --> 00:20:11,613 Oh, yeah. 515 00:20:11,614 --> 00:20:13,181 Change of plans. 516 00:20:13,182 --> 00:20:14,716 Happy Valentine's Day. 517 00:20:14,717 --> 00:20:16,784 Hap...? Hey, Barney. 518 00:20:16,785 --> 00:20:18,953 Robin told me to meet you guys here. 519 00:20:18,954 --> 00:20:21,322 And that's how, for the first time in his life, 520 00:20:21,323 --> 00:20:24,459 Barney Stinson wound up on a date on Valentine's Day. 521 00:20:24,460 --> 00:20:25,727 (laser firing) 522 00:20:25,728 --> 00:20:26,811 Oh! 523 00:20:26,812 --> 00:20:28,563 (scoffs) 524 00:20:28,564 --> 00:20:29,797 (sighs) 525 00:20:29,798 --> 00:20:31,032 You will be avenged. 526 00:20:31,033 --> 00:20:33,868 (laser firing) 527 00:20:33,869 --> 00:20:35,470 ♪ It's good to see you ♪ 528 00:20:35,471 --> 00:20:37,205 SCHWARZENEGGER (over TV): Come on! Come on! 529 00:20:37,206 --> 00:20:38,673 Kill me! I'm here! Kill me! 530 00:20:38,674 --> 00:20:40,975 ♪ It's good to see you though ♪ 531 00:20:40,976 --> 00:20:43,511 Baby, you're back. 532 00:20:43,512 --> 00:20:45,280 Happy Valentine's Day, Lily Pad. Oh. 533 00:20:49,171 --> 00:20:58,234 Sync & corrected by Addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com 534 00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:02,709 We both knew this would end eventually.