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00:00:01,623 --> 00:00:03,924
NARRATOR:
My first kiss with Zoey was amazing,
2
00:00:03,925 --> 00:00:05,358
and complicated.
3
00:00:05,359 --> 00:00:06,794
Look, um...
4
00:00:06,795 --> 00:00:09,163
I know you're going
through a lot right now.
5
00:00:09,164 --> 00:00:11,432
Getting divorced, being single,
6
00:00:11,433 --> 00:00:14,134
figuring out
who you are on your own.
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00:00:14,135 --> 00:00:16,070
Someone knows how to set a mood.
8
00:00:16,071 --> 00:00:18,272
I just mean...
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00:00:18,273 --> 00:00:20,774
I'm okay taking this slow.
10
00:00:20,775 --> 00:00:22,843
I want to do this right.
11
00:00:22,844 --> 00:00:26,313
My friends, as usual,
were completely supportive.
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00:00:26,314 --> 00:00:28,182
You're doing this all wrong!
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00:00:28,183 --> 00:00:30,751
Ted, there are couples
in my kindergarten class
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who have moved
faster than you two.
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00:00:32,821 --> 00:00:34,755
Granted, their home lives
are not great.
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00:00:34,756 --> 00:00:35,989
Hey, I'm trying.
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00:00:35,990 --> 00:00:37,858
I keep suggesting these
big, romantic dates,
18
00:00:37,859 --> 00:00:39,777
and she keeps putting
on the brakes.
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00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:43,030
Like tonight, she wants me to
just come over and bake cookies.
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00:00:43,031 --> 00:00:44,031
Oh.
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00:00:44,032 --> 00:00:45,532
Translation: booty-call.
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00:00:45,533 --> 00:00:47,201
Total booty-call.
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00:00:47,202 --> 00:00:49,169
Private Booty,
reporting for duty.
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00:00:49,170 --> 00:00:50,704
That's crazy.
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00:00:50,705 --> 00:00:51,872
She-She wants to bake.
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00:00:51,873 --> 00:00:54,274
Guys booty-call girls
after 2:00 a.m.
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00:00:54,275 --> 00:00:57,511
with a drunkenly slurred,
"What ya doing?"
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00:00:57,512 --> 00:00:59,980
But when a lady
booty-calls a guy,
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00:00:59,981 --> 00:01:02,516
she invents
a respectable excuse
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00:01:02,517 --> 00:01:05,252
to mask the fact that she wants
to get stuck real good.
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00:01:05,253 --> 00:01:06,787
It's called class, Ted.
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00:01:06,788 --> 00:01:08,155
Wait. That...
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00:01:08,156 --> 00:01:10,591
You think that's what she
means by "baking cookies"?
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00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:11,809
Are you kidding?
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00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:14,728
You're in the kitchen,
it's getting hot,
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00:01:14,729 --> 00:01:17,397
you start licking stuff
off each others' fingers.
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00:01:17,398 --> 00:01:18,999
Before you know it, she's bent
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over the marble island,
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00:01:20,735 --> 00:01:22,769
and you're spanking her
with a rubber spatula.
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00:01:22,770 --> 00:01:24,605
And she's screaming,
"Stop, Marshall, stop,"
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00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:27,474
but that's just
code for "harder!"
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00:01:28,343 --> 00:01:29,543
Marshall's been in Minnesota
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a while, huh?
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00:01:30,645 --> 00:01:31,945
So long!
45
00:01:31,946 --> 00:01:34,581
And now he's staying
even longer.
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00:01:34,582 --> 00:01:37,551
His mom has been having a really
hard time since the funeral.
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00:01:37,552 --> 00:01:39,319
He's waiting on her
hand and foot.
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00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:40,354
But...
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00:01:40,355 --> 00:01:41,355
it's Valentine's Day.
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00:01:41,356 --> 00:01:42,823
It's not going to be the same
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00:01:42,824 --> 00:01:44,758
without the two of us
watching Predator together.
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00:01:44,759 --> 00:01:46,026
I should explain.
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00:01:46,027 --> 00:01:47,928
On their very first
Valentine's Day,
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00:01:47,929 --> 00:01:51,231
Marshall and Lily set out
to watch Sleepless in Seattle.
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00:01:51,232 --> 00:01:55,169
You know, I saw this in
the theater, like, five times,
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00:01:55,170 --> 00:01:57,771
but I never got to see it
with the right girl.
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Aw...
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00:01:59,174 --> 00:02:02,709
I'm so glad none of those
girls were right for you.
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00:02:02,710 --> 00:02:04,278
What girls?
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00:02:04,279 --> 00:02:06,780
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER:
If it bleeds, we can kill it.
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00:02:06,781 --> 00:02:10,918
Except Marshall's brothers had
taped over it with Predator.
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Mmm.
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And it became a tradition.
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00:02:14,455 --> 00:02:16,723
Wow, you sound really lonely.
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00:02:16,724 --> 00:02:20,194
I am. Earlier today,
I burst into tears...
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00:02:20,195 --> 00:02:21,762
Shh. Daddy's
talking now.
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00:02:21,763 --> 00:02:24,531
Loneliness.
The looming specter
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00:02:24,532 --> 00:02:26,767
of Valentine's Day
fast approaching.
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00:02:26,768 --> 00:02:30,637
The two key ingredients to my
favorite day of the year,
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00:02:30,638 --> 00:02:34,007
February 13:
Desperation Day.
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00:02:34,008 --> 00:02:36,109
That's not a thing.
It's a thing.
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00:02:36,110 --> 00:02:38,061
Much like Valentine's
Day itself,
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00:02:38,062 --> 00:02:40,380
Desperation Day dates
back thousands of years.
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00:02:40,381 --> 00:02:42,199
BARNEY:
Weddings were forbidden
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00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,450
under ancient Roman law,
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00:02:43,451 --> 00:02:45,886
so Saint Valentine
performed them in secret,
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00:02:45,887 --> 00:02:47,854
under threat of death.
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00:02:47,855 --> 00:02:49,990
That's actually true.
Wait, there's more.
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00:02:49,991 --> 00:02:51,191
This won't be.
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00:02:51,192 --> 00:02:53,026
And right by
Saint Valentine's side
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00:02:53,027 --> 00:02:56,630
was his best bro,
Saint Desperatius,
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00:02:56,631 --> 00:02:59,233
there to pick off
insecure bridesmaids.
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00:02:59,234 --> 00:03:00,634
Whoa. Check
out that one.
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00:03:00,635 --> 00:03:03,303
Her body is a perfect X.
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00:03:03,304 --> 00:03:07,107
Player, play on.
High V.
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00:03:07,108 --> 00:03:09,376
Oh, Jupiter,
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what are your plans for me?
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15 and still unmarried.
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00:03:15,783 --> 00:03:18,919
And I thought
Pompeii was smokin'.
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Every woman wants a date
on Valentine's Day.
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00:03:23,074 --> 00:03:25,359
That neediness
reaches its climax...
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00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,828
what up... on
February 13.
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00:03:27,829 --> 00:03:30,530
A magical night when a ten
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00:03:30,531 --> 00:03:32,432
has the self-esteem
of a four
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00:03:32,433 --> 00:03:34,801
and the depraved
enthusiasm of a two.
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00:03:34,802 --> 00:03:37,771
Now, there's only one
thing you can't do.
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Please say "widows."
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00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:42,743
Wherever you are, or
whoever you're under,
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00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:47,281
you must get home
alone by 11:59 p.m.
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00:03:47,282 --> 00:03:50,417
Otherwise, you're on a
date on Valentine's Day.
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00:03:50,418 --> 00:03:51,852
ROBIN:
Barney, Desperation Day
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00:03:51,853 --> 00:03:54,888
assumes that all single women
freak out about Valentine's Day.
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Which we do not.
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Case in point, I will be
spending February 13
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00:03:59,594 --> 00:04:01,395
with some lovely
single ladies from work...
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00:04:01,396 --> 00:04:03,480
Trolls.
...who could care less
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00:04:03,481 --> 00:04:05,399
about Valentine's Day.
Lying trolls.
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00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,600
And we will be celebrating
the fact that we don't have
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00:04:07,601 --> 00:04:09,102
to spend it with some dippy guy
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00:04:09,103 --> 00:04:11,238
carting around roses
and stuffed toys all night.
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Oh, no offense, Ted.
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And none was taken
until just then.
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Sync by jacobian @ HDbits.org
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for Web-DL PeeWee
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I decided to go to Minnesota
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to see Marshall.
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00:04:32,060 --> 00:04:33,860
He shouldn't have
to help his mom
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00:04:33,861 --> 00:04:36,229
through this rough time
all by himself.
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00:04:36,230 --> 00:04:38,148
You losing your mind,
being alone in your apartment?
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00:04:38,149 --> 00:04:39,299
I'm getting weird!
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LILY:
See, it started off
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00:04:41,469 --> 00:04:44,371
with me throwing Marshall's
jersey on my body pillow.
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00:04:44,372 --> 00:04:48,375
And, well, things kind of
spiraled from there.
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I'm sorry
I yelled like that before.
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00:04:53,781 --> 00:04:56,183
I call him "Marshpillow."
And he calls me...
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00:04:56,184 --> 00:04:58,785
nothing because he's a pillow.
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Hey.
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00:05:01,956 --> 00:05:04,157
Hey. How was "baking cookies"
last night?
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00:05:04,158 --> 00:05:05,826
NARRATOR:
That was a tough question.
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00:05:05,827 --> 00:05:07,427
You see...
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Hi.
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00:05:09,130 --> 00:05:11,565
Uh...
133
00:05:11,566 --> 00:05:14,067
Is that an overnight bag?
134
00:05:14,969 --> 00:05:16,903
(Lily and Robin groan)
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00:05:16,904 --> 00:05:18,872
You brought an overnight bag?
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00:05:18,873 --> 00:05:20,807
You guys said I was definitely
going to spend the night.
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We said you were
going to have sex.
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We didn't say,
"Bring a carry-on."
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So how did Zoey react?
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00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:28,315
She thought it was presumptuous
and asked me to leave.
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00:05:28,316 --> 00:05:30,717
It's-It's not like
I brought a ton of stuff.
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00:05:30,718 --> 00:05:32,419
Were there slippers
for the morning?
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00:05:33,721 --> 00:05:36,056
Not slippers, exactly.
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00:05:36,057 --> 00:05:37,324
(Lily, Robin and Barney
groaning)
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00:05:37,325 --> 00:05:39,793
They're called
British morning socks.
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JUDY:
This is such a nice surprise.
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Marshall will be so happy.
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Oh...
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00:05:46,701 --> 00:05:49,336
How are you holding up, Judy?
150
00:05:49,337 --> 00:05:50,404
Oh, I'm doin' okay.
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00:05:50,405 --> 00:05:51,888
It gets a little lonely.
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00:05:51,889 --> 00:05:54,808
My friends suggested
a body pillow, but...
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00:05:54,809 --> 00:05:56,810
(chuckles)
I'm not a lunatic.
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00:05:56,811 --> 00:05:58,061
MARSHALL:
Hey, Mom?
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00:05:58,062 --> 00:05:59,713
I hate to be that guy,
156
00:05:59,714 --> 00:06:01,648
but I'm pretty sure
it was Hot Pocket o'clock,
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00:06:01,649 --> 00:06:03,400
like, ten minutes ago.
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00:06:03,401 --> 00:06:05,952
Lily. Lily.
(video game sound effects)
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00:06:05,953 --> 00:06:07,070
What are you doing here?
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00:06:07,071 --> 00:06:08,822
I wanted to surprise you.
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Oh, my gosh.
That's so sweet.
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I'm so glad you're here.
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Hey, um, before I forget, Mom,
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did you remember to get
more double-A batteries?
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00:06:15,863 --> 00:06:16,963
Oh, they're upstairs, sweetie.
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Right next to your washed
and folded clothes.
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Oh, great, okay. I don't want
my Game Boy to crap out.
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00:06:21,068 --> 00:06:23,120
I'm having the sickest
Dr. Mario run of my life.
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00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:24,571
Okay. I'll be
right back.
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I love you, Lily.
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Okay.
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You're the best, Mom.
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Aw... Anything
for my baby bear.
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00:06:31,129 --> 00:06:33,947
Get him out of my house.
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00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:40,633
Take Marshall back
to New York with you.
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Please, I am begging you.
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00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:43,469
I thought he was here
helping you.
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00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:44,637
Well, he was, at first.
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But once he saw me starting
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00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:47,706
to do better,
he kind of regressed.
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00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:50,509
He's been holed up in his room
for days at a time,
182
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:51,844
playing old video games.
183
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:55,181
I mean, he is having a pretty
sick Dr. Mario run, but...
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00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:56,215
(sighs)
185
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:57,850
Uh, I'll talk to him.
186
00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,318
I want to be there for him,
187
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but it's like
he's a teenager again.
188
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:04,490
I even walked in
on him abusing himself.
189
00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:05,691
Oh, God.
190
00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:06,859
There he was, on the bed,
191
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,327
looking at old photos
of his dad.
192
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:11,697
That's emotional self-abuse,
don't you think?
193
00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:14,399
(knocking)
194
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:16,735
Hi.
Hi.
195
00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:17,936
Listen,
196
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:20,322
that was a dumb move
for me to just assume...
197
00:07:20,323 --> 00:07:21,540
No, no, I overreacted.
198
00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:25,244
I mean, I invited you over
to "bake cookies."
199
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:26,879
We both knew what that meant.
200
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:27,846
We totally did.
201
00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:29,248
I just, you know...
202
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,317
I saw those slippers
in your bag,
203
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:32,351
and suddenly everything
204
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:34,053
felt really serious.
205
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:37,056
And... ever since,
I've been asking myself,
206
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,925
"Am I ready for this?"
207
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:41,460
And...
208
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,897
the answer is "yes."
209
00:07:49,152 --> 00:07:50,936
They're actually called
British morning socks.
210
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:51,937
Yeah. Don't get in your own way.
211
00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:53,272
Right. Okay.
212
00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:54,189
(video game sound effects)
213
00:07:54,190 --> 00:07:56,325
Um, Marshall, your mom asked me
214
00:07:56,326 --> 00:07:57,543
to carry this up.
215
00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:59,712
She turned her ankle
on your Hot Wheels.
216
00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:01,213
Is my track okay?
217
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,782
It's fine, but, Marshall,
218
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:06,452
I thought you were here
taking care of your mom.
219
00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:08,854
It seems like
she's taking care of you.
220
00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:11,857
My mom loves to feel needed.
221
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:13,192
Letting her take care of me
222
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:15,561
is how I'm taking care of her.
223
00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:17,930
She's in a dark place, Lily.
224
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:19,598
She needs this.
225
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:21,000
Mom?
226
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,301
You forgot my chocolate milk
227
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:23,836
with the swirly straw!
228
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,939
JUDY:
Oops. Comin' right up!
229
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:29,275
Ow. Ow.
230
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,609
(whispers):
She needs this.
231
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:33,345
Marshall,
tomorrow's Valentine's.
232
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:36,081
Don't you want to be
at home on our couch,
233
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,150
cuddling up under
a warm blanket,
234
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:40,486
watching the Predator
use his heat vision
235
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:43,205
to stalk helpless prey?
236
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:58,504
(makes Predator clicking noise)
237
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,906
Well, baby, we could
watch Predator here.
238
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:02,675
No, my mom can go
rent it for us
239
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,510
after she's done
digging out the car.
240
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:05,778
Marshall, your mom wants you
out of here.
241
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:06,812
What?
242
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:08,714
Anything else, sweetie?
243
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,483
Mom, d-do you want me to leave?
244
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,719
Heavens to Bess, no!
245
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,287
Of course not!
246
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:16,355
But, Judy, you said...
247
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,791
Oh, if Marshall could
stay here forever,
248
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:22,027
I would be the happiest
mom in Minnesota.
249
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:23,228
(chuckles)
250
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,264
(mouthing)
251
00:09:26,116 --> 00:09:29,084
So Valentine's Day is tomorrow.
252
00:09:29,085 --> 00:09:31,453
Yeah. You know, there's
this new Italian restaurant
253
00:09:31,454 --> 00:09:33,672
on 79th that's
supposed to be amazing.
254
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:36,508
I would be happier having
just a simple, home-cooked meal.
255
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:38,777
As long as it's with you.
256
00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:41,180
Tomorrow night, my place.
257
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,819
I'm ready for this, Ted.
258
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:47,786
I am in it
259
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:49,304
for the long haul.
260
00:09:49,305 --> 00:09:52,691
I can't wait for our first
Valentine's Day as a couple.
261
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:54,159
(laughs)
262
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,862
The one we'll remember
for years.
263
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,066
Isn't that great?
Yeah, if you say so, yeah.
264
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:02,167
What do you mean?
265
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:03,202
(sighs)
266
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,937
Look, she just got
out of a marriage, Ted.
267
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,205
That's heavy.
268
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:09,208
I'm kind of freaking out,
just listening to you.
269
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,376
My heart is pounding,
270
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:11,794
I'm hearing this weird
clicking noise.
271
00:10:11,795 --> 00:10:13,996
(Predator clicking noise)
272
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,516
Well, it's romantic, right?
273
00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:20,786
Zoey and I are getting serious
on Valentine's Day.
274
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:23,389
See, that just amps up
the pressure even more.
275
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,891
Boy, it's a good thing
that you're sure.
276
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:27,159
Who said I wasn't sure?
277
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,795
I'm glad we're
in a serious relationship.
278
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,296
Right away.
279
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,331
And if I screw this up,
280
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:33,599
I'm the devil,
281
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,100
because she's going
through a divorce.
282
00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:36,985
But I'm not going
to screw this up.
283
00:10:36,986 --> 00:10:39,438
So stop freaking out, Robin.
284
00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:40,973
Stop freaking out!
285
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,876
NARRATOR: Kids, I'm not super
proud of what I did next.
286
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,160
Hi!
287
00:10:45,161 --> 00:10:46,712
I'm here to help Marshall.
288
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,883
Meanwhile, as Desperation Day
289
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,651
turned into
Desperation Night...
290
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:56,422
God, these girls are so hungry
for male attention.
291
00:10:56,423 --> 00:11:00,859
It is like being a hunter
and having the deer walk up,
292
00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:02,928
tie itself to the hood
of your car
293
00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:04,496
and beg to get mounted.
294
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:05,864
ROBIN:
Barney, this is
295
00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:09,001
Bev and Anna, uh, my
coworkers and my friends.
296
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:12,137
Bev, Anna, this is Barney,
a high-functioning sociopath
297
00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:14,039
and my ex.
298
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,274
Enchanté.
299
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,142
That's French for
"What's with the purple?"
300
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:18,477
Well, tomorrow is
Valentine's Day,
301
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,546
and everything is
pink and red, so Bev
302
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:21,880
very thoughtfully suggested
303
00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:24,883
that we wear purple to
show how little we care.
304
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:26,952
I use, uh, colors
to express emotion.
305
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:28,454
Purple is for pride.
306
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:30,589
It was a stupid idea.
307
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:32,524
Bev, you look at me.
308
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,827
It's not a stupid idea.
309
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,728
Tonight, we are queens.
310
00:11:36,729 --> 00:11:39,364
And we don't care
about some stupid,
311
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,233
sexist, corporate holiday.
312
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:42,885
Please!
313
00:11:42,886 --> 00:11:46,805
You might as well be dog-earing
a tear-stained bridal magazine
314
00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:48,774
while wolfing down
the box of chocolates
315
00:11:48,775 --> 00:11:50,542
you had delivered
to yourself at work
316
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,644
from your "fiancé"
who no one's ever met.
317
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,680
Gerard is real!
318
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:56,748
Oh!
319
00:11:56,749 --> 00:11:57,816
(video game sound effects)
320
00:11:57,817 --> 00:12:01,186
Ted... I thought
you were going
321
00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:03,956
to talk to Marshall about
coming back to New York.
322
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:07,459
Yeah, but, you know,
things move so fast in New York.
323
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:11,263
Why not hang out here until
at least after Valentine's Day?
324
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,265
Plus, we're helping
Marshall's mom.
325
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,417
Uh, Mrs. Eriksen,
we're running low on SunnyD!
326
00:12:15,418 --> 00:12:17,503
JUDY:
Is orange juice okay?
327
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,805
BOTH:
No!
328
00:12:20,773 --> 00:12:24,409
Okay, when your "fiancé"
Gerard comes back
329
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,345
from fixing cleft palates
in Peru,
330
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:29,014
maybe snatch a photo
of the two of you together,
331
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:30,549
and then I'll totally
believe you.
332
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:34,686
Well, he's going to
Kenya after Peru, so...
333
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:36,488
Hey, guys, so sorry I'm late.
334
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,423
Hey. Hey, Nora. Uh,
Nora, this is Barney.
335
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:41,226
You want to see Anna beat
him in an arm wrestle?
336
00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:42,861
My elbow slipped!
337
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,965
Marshall, I'm going home.
338
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:51,937
What?
339
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,907
I'm flying out tonight
before the big storm,
340
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:57,175
and I want you to come with me.
341
00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:01,680
I can't right now,
'cause my mom needs me.
342
00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:04,349
While I'm sure
it's been really helpful
343
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:05,751
for her to have you here
344
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:08,954
playing Super Mario Kart
for 14 hours a day...
345
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:10,255
You have Super Mario Kart?!
346
00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:12,524
Hell, yeah.
347
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,660
But your mom doesn't need you.
348
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,562
Your life in New York needs you.
349
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:19,765
It needs you really bad.
350
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,601
Baby, don't go.
351
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:31,159
Please come home soon.
352
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:37,082
So, you were an Olympic gymnast?
353
00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:38,083
Silver medal.
354
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,284
Ooh, sorry.
355
00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:41,486
Gold's the only thing
that really counts.
356
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:42,921
That's what my dad said.
357
00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:44,523
And she sticks the landing.
358
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:47,292
Why don't you start
stretching, and I'll...
359
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,461
be right back.
360
00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:50,762
Hey, hey, sorry.
Oh, hi.
361
00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:52,130
Quick question.
Yeah.
362
00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:53,465
Why aren't you wearing purple
like your friends?
363
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,968
Oh, I told them I forgot,
but the truth is,
364
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,703
I'm kind of protesting
their protest.
365
00:13:58,371 --> 00:13:59,404
Can you keep a secret?
366
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:00,238
Sure.
367
00:14:00,239 --> 00:14:02,140
I love Valentine's Day.
368
00:14:02,141 --> 00:14:04,309
Oh, my gosh! Me, too!
369
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:06,979
Um, is it getting crowded
in here, 'cause I think
370
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:08,413
there are two peas in this pod?
371
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:10,215
Oh, you're a gooey romantic,
too?
372
00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:12,684
Guilty. This is
embarrassing,
373
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:16,088
but every year, I buy flowers
and a box of chocolates,
374
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,290
even if I'm not with someone.
375
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,692
Just in case, you know?
376
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,894
We are pitiful.
The worst.
377
00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:24,129
(both chuckle)
378
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:25,897
Although there is one difference
between you and me.
379
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:28,100
What's that? I'm not
saying any of this
380
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,218
to get in your pants.
381
00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:34,806
(video game sound effects)
382
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:38,410
I miss my dad, Ted.
383
00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:41,647
I miss him so much.
384
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,148
I know.
385
00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:46,384
Um, when I was a kid,
386
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:48,737
we would spend the summers
in the Upper Peninsula.
387
00:14:48,738 --> 00:14:51,356
And every year,
we wouldn't get to the cabin
388
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:53,558
till, like,
the middle of the night.
389
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,227
And so, it would be pitch black,
390
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,195
in the middle of the woods.
391
00:14:57,196 --> 00:14:59,798
And I could never see anything
in front of the headlights,
392
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:04,169
but I always felt so safe
'cause my dad was driving.
393
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:06,638
He was like
some sort of superhero
394
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:09,107
who could just see way out
into the darkness.
395
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,844
Now he's just gone.
396
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:16,048
And it's pitch black.
397
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:19,317
And I can't see where I'm going.
398
00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:21,520
I can't see anything.
399
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,524
All right, okay.
400
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:26,925
I was playing you before.
401
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,394
But I was really doing you
a public service.
402
00:15:29,395 --> 00:15:31,296
It's February 13...
403
00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:34,666
a day many are now calling
Desperation Day.
404
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,068
It's kind of a thing.
405
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:39,371
And you walking around,
saying you're a gooey romantic?
406
00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:42,240
It comes across a bit desperate.
407
00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:45,777
What's desperate about
knowing what you want?
408
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,679
Look, life is
really short, Barney.
409
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,715
Who wants to spend
Valentine's Day alone,
410
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,383
distracting yourself
from the fact
411
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,886
that nobody loves you
with some sad little activity?
412
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:57,622
Um, or you could be
in the 47th Semi-Annual
413
00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:00,659
Laser Tag Tournament
in Poughkeepsie.
414
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:03,628
I have no idea what any
of those words mean.
415
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,198
Hey, I'm all stretched out!
416
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:10,802
Here's the first thing you need
to know about laser tag.
417
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,938
Thanks a lot
for coming out here, man.
418
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:14,406
Yeah.
419
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:17,609
Hey, are-are you sure
it's okay with Zoey
420
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,644
that you're here
for Valentine's Day?
421
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:22,914
Well, I mean, technically,
she doesn't know yet.
422
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:23,749
What?
423
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,083
Things with Zoey
424
00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:26,785
are moving really fast,
425
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:29,454
and the divorce just makes
everything more complicated.
426
00:16:29,455 --> 00:16:31,990
I just, I needed
to take a step back.
427
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,558
You're not taking a step back.
428
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,060
You're running away.
429
00:16:35,061 --> 00:16:36,328
And hiding out here,
430
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,930
hiding out here is not gonna
solve anything.
431
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:39,898
You're just
432
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:41,366
holed up in Minnesota
433
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:44,536
because you're too scared
to face reality, and it's...
434
00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:50,909
We got to go back
to New York, tonight.
435
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:53,111
We're snowed in.
Lily got the last flight.
436
00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:55,147
So, we drive. It's time.
437
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,449
It's time to get back
to real life.
438
00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:00,152
It's time to grow up.
439
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,319
Yeah.
440
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:02,587
Mom!
441
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:05,457
Can you make us some
PB and J's for the road?
442
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:06,758
Crusts cut off.
443
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,827
Crusts cut off!
444
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:10,529
No, Ted. What are we...?
445
00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:14,533
We're men.
446
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,769
Mom!
447
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:20,939
Leave the crusts on!
448
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,582
They forced their opponents
to scatter, picking them off,
449
00:17:27,583 --> 00:17:30,402
one by one, in a swift
and merciless slaughter.
450
00:17:32,738 --> 00:17:34,472
They became the 2010
Tri-County Champions.
451
00:17:35,473 --> 00:17:38,342
Wow. Laser tag
sounds brilliant!
452
00:17:38,343 --> 00:17:39,593
Oh, it is.
453
00:17:39,594 --> 00:17:41,495
Plus, if you win,
you get free pizza!
454
00:17:41,496 --> 00:17:44,198
This is my teammate
for tomorrow.
455
00:17:44,199 --> 00:17:45,966
Oh, yeah, I agreed to that.
456
00:17:45,967 --> 00:17:47,901
Where are Bev and Anna?
457
00:17:47,902 --> 00:17:48,769
Well...
458
00:17:48,770 --> 00:17:50,337
So, we're taking off.
459
00:17:50,338 --> 00:17:51,372
What?
460
00:17:51,373 --> 00:17:52,573
Those guys are gonna
461
00:17:52,574 --> 00:17:54,408
buy us hot dogs
at Grey's Papaya.
462
00:17:54,409 --> 00:17:56,243
ROBIN:
What...? So that's it?
463
00:17:56,244 --> 00:18:00,247
A couple of white Urkels offer
you sausages, and you're gone?
464
00:18:00,248 --> 00:18:02,182
What about the sisterhood?
465
00:18:02,183 --> 00:18:04,151
Solidarity? The color purple?
466
00:18:04,152 --> 00:18:06,687
But tomorrow's Valentine's Day.
467
00:18:06,688 --> 00:18:08,322
I thought we didn't care
about Valentine's Day.
468
00:18:08,323 --> 00:18:10,624
Look, Robin, you'll
find someone, too.
469
00:18:10,625 --> 00:18:12,059
You're a queen.
470
00:18:12,060 --> 00:18:13,594
You've got so much to offer.
471
00:18:13,595 --> 00:18:15,496
Maybe do something
with that hair.
472
00:18:17,098 --> 00:18:18,265
I'm telling you.
473
00:18:18,266 --> 00:18:19,600
The power of Valentine's Day.
474
00:18:19,601 --> 00:18:23,404
I'm Huey Lewis,
and you just heard the news.
475
00:18:24,272 --> 00:18:25,773
Well, I think
I'm heading out, too.
476
00:18:25,774 --> 00:18:28,192
What? No, don't go!
You want to see a magic trick?!
477
00:18:28,193 --> 00:18:30,510
It's late, and I have a date
with my pillow.
478
00:18:30,511 --> 00:18:32,679
I mean, not literally.
I'm not a lunatic.
479
00:18:33,415 --> 00:18:34,615
Boy Scout Troop 15
480
00:18:34,616 --> 00:18:35,849
doesn't stand a chance.
481
00:18:35,850 --> 00:18:37,751
Bye.
482
00:18:37,752 --> 00:18:39,453
Mm.
483
00:18:43,358 --> 00:18:46,627
Speaking of the power
of Valentine's Day...
484
00:18:46,628 --> 00:18:48,295
What are you talking about?
485
00:18:48,296 --> 00:18:49,563
Oh, come on.
486
00:18:49,564 --> 00:18:50,964
It's-It's past midnight.
487
00:18:50,965 --> 00:18:53,467
Desperation Day
has come and gone,
488
00:18:53,468 --> 00:18:56,670
and you have neither gone
nor come.
489
00:18:57,372 --> 00:18:59,173
You know why?
490
00:18:59,174 --> 00:19:00,307
You like Nora.
491
00:19:00,308 --> 00:19:01,542
No, I don't. She's gross.
492
00:19:01,543 --> 00:19:03,610
Oh...
You like her.
493
00:19:03,611 --> 00:19:06,113
You think she smells like rain.
494
00:19:06,114 --> 00:19:07,948
Whatever you say.
495
00:19:07,949 --> 00:19:09,266
Oh, hey, Nora.
496
00:19:09,267 --> 00:19:10,734
Nora...
497
00:19:19,727 --> 00:19:21,728
MARVIN:
Here's a secret.
498
00:19:21,729 --> 00:19:25,632
I couldn't see
worth a damn, either, buddy.
499
00:19:25,633 --> 00:19:29,770
I just kept driving forward,
hoping for the best.
500
00:19:31,539 --> 00:19:33,624
Look out!
(gasps)
501
00:19:33,625 --> 00:19:34,942
Gotcha.
502
00:19:34,943 --> 00:19:37,094
(laughs)
503
00:19:43,318 --> 00:19:45,285
NARRATOR: And so we
drove through the night,
504
00:19:45,286 --> 00:19:47,554
out of Desperation Day
and into Valentine's.
505
00:19:47,555 --> 00:19:50,290
And there was no trace of
my little freak out, except...
506
00:19:50,291 --> 00:19:53,193
Really? An overnight bag
for your own living room?
507
00:19:55,430 --> 00:19:57,831
Looks like we got
a matching set.
508
00:19:57,832 --> 00:20:00,767
Well, that was kind of
presumptuous.
509
00:20:00,768 --> 00:20:03,670
♪♪
510
00:20:03,671 --> 00:20:05,822
♪ The ground was shaking like ♪
511
00:20:05,823 --> 00:20:08,141
(lasers firing)
Robin, where are you?
512
00:20:08,142 --> 00:20:10,043
Those Boy Scouts have grown
a foot since last year.
513
00:20:10,044 --> 00:20:11,211
They're terrifying!
514
00:20:11,212 --> 00:20:12,613
Oh, yeah.
515
00:20:12,614 --> 00:20:14,181
Change of plans.
516
00:20:14,182 --> 00:20:15,716
Happy Valentine's Day.
517
00:20:15,717 --> 00:20:17,784
Hap...?
Hey, Barney.
518
00:20:17,785 --> 00:20:19,953
Robin told me
to meet you guys here.
519
00:20:19,954 --> 00:20:22,322
And that's how,
for the first time in his life,
520
00:20:22,323 --> 00:20:25,459
Barney Stinson wound up
on a date on Valentine's Day.
521
00:20:25,460 --> 00:20:26,727
(laser firing)
522
00:20:26,728 --> 00:20:27,811
Oh!
523
00:20:27,812 --> 00:20:29,563
(scoffs)
524
00:20:29,564 --> 00:20:30,797
(sighs)
525
00:20:30,798 --> 00:20:32,032
You will be avenged.
526
00:20:32,033 --> 00:20:34,868
(laser firing)
527
00:20:34,869 --> 00:20:36,470
♪ It's good to see you ♪
528
00:20:36,471 --> 00:20:38,205
SCHWARZENEGGER (over TV):
Come on! Come on!
529
00:20:38,206 --> 00:20:39,673
Kill me! I'm here! Kill me!
530
00:20:39,674 --> 00:20:41,975
♪ It's good to see you though ♪
531
00:20:41,976 --> 00:20:44,511
Baby, you're back.
532
00:20:44,512 --> 00:20:46,280
Happy Valentine's
Day, Lily Pad. Oh.
533
00:21:00,132 --> 00:21:03,709
We both knew this
would end eventually.
534
00:21:04,071 --> 00:25:59,234
Sync by jacobian @ HDbits.org