1 00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:04,169 My first kiss with Zoey was amazing... 2 00:00:04,270 --> 00:00:05,737 and complicated. 3 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:09,468 Look. I know you're going through a lot right now. 4 00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:12,170 Getting divorced, being single... 5 00:00:12,278 --> 00:00:14,178 figuring out who you are on your own. 6 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,145 Someone knows how to set a mood. 7 00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:20,976 I just mean... I'm okay taking this slow. 8 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,990 I wanna do this right. 9 00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:26,422 My friends, as usual, were completely supportive. 10 00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:28,255 You're doing this all wrong! 11 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:32,889 Ted, there are couples in my kindergarten class who have moved faster than you two. 12 00:00:32,999 --> 00:00:35,126 Granted, their home lives are not great. 13 00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:38,170 Hey, I'm trying. I keep suggesting these big romantic dates... 14 00:00:38,271 --> 00:00:39,898 and she keeps puttin' on the brakes. 15 00:00:40,006 --> 00:00:43,066 Like tonight, she wants me to just come over and bake cookies. 16 00:00:43,176 --> 00:00:47,272 - Oh, translation: booty call. - Total booty call. 17 00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,780 Private Booty reporting for duty. 18 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,942 That's crazy. She-She wants to bake. 19 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:57,718 Guys booty-call girls after 2:00 a.m. with a drunkenly slurred, "Whatcha doin'?" 20 00:00:57,824 --> 00:01:00,224 But when a lady booty-calls a guy... 21 00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:05,593 she invents a respectable excuse to mask the fact that she wants to get stuck real good. 22 00:01:05,698 --> 00:01:08,565 - It's called class, Ted. - Wait, that... 23 00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:10,829 You think that's what she means by "baking cookies?" 24 00:01:10,937 --> 00:01:14,805 Are you kidding? You're in the kitchen. It's getting hot. 25 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,536 You start licking stuff off each other's fingers. 26 00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,043 Before you know it... 27 00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:20,737 she's bent over the marble island... 28 00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:22,872 and you're spanking her with a rubber spatula. 29 00:01:22,982 --> 00:01:24,745 And she's screaming, "Stop, Marshall, stop!" 30 00:01:24,851 --> 00:01:27,376 But that's just code for "Harder!" 31 00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,716 Marshall's been in Minnesota a while, huh? 32 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,291 So long! 33 00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:34,656 And now he's staying even longer. 34 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,787 His mom has been having a really hard time since the funeral. 35 00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:39,831 He's waiting on her hand and foot. 36 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,628 But it's Valentine's Day. 37 00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:44,931 It's not gonna be the same without the two of us watching Predator together. 38 00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:48,337 I should explain. On their very first Valentine's Day... 39 00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:51,308 Marshall and Lily set out to watch Sleepless in Seattle. 40 00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:55,245 You know, I saw this in the theater, like, five times. 41 00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:57,839 But I never got to see it with the right girl. 42 00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:02,786 Ohh. I'm so glad none of those girls were right for you. 43 00:02:02,889 --> 00:02:04,413 What girls? 44 00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:07,322 If it bleeds, we can kill it. 45 00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:10,658 Except Marshall's brothers had taped over it with Predator. 46 00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:12,156 Mmm. 47 00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:14,165 And it became a tradition. 48 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:16,791 Wow. You sound really Ionely. 49 00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:20,270 I am. Earlier today, I burst into tears... 50 00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:22,273 Shh! Daddy's talking now. 51 00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:26,971 Loneliness, the looming specter of Valentine's Day fast approaching. 52 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:30,777 The two key ingredients to my favorite day of the year... 53 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:34,115 February 13, Desperation Day. 54 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:36,620 - That's not a thing. - It's a thing. 55 00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:40,625 Much like Valentine's Day itself, Desperation Day dates back thousands of years. 56 00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:43,787 Weddings were forbidden under ancient Roman law. 57 00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:47,993 So St. Valentine performed them in secret, under threat of death. 58 00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:50,069 - That's actually true. - Wait, there's more. 59 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,535 This won't be. 60 00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:55,039 And right by St. Valentine's side was his best bro... 61 00:02:55,141 --> 00:02:59,441 St. Desperatius, there to pick off insecure bridesmaids. 62 00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:03,880 Whoa! Check out that one. Her body is a perfect X. 63 00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:06,247 Player, play on. High V. 64 00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:11,985 Oh, Jupiter, what are your plans for me? 65 00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:14,889 Fifteen and still not married. 66 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,827 And I thought Pompeii was smokin'. 67 00:03:20,633 --> 00:03:23,295 Every woman wants a date on Valentine's Day. 68 00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:28,272 That neediness reaches its climax... What up? ...on February 13. 69 00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:32,708 A magical night, when a 10 has the self-esteem of a 4... 70 00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:35,713 and the depraved enthusiasm of a 2. 71 00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:37,908 Now, there's only one thing you can't do. 72 00:03:38,017 --> 00:03:39,484 Please say "widows." 73 00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:42,817 Wherever you are, or whoever you're under... 74 00:03:42,922 --> 00:03:47,256 you must get home, alone, by 11:59 p.m. 75 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,523 Otherwise, you're on a date on Valentine's Day. 76 00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:54,999 Barney, Desperation Day assumes that all single women freak out about Valentine's Day. 77 00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:57,695 Which we do not. Case in point... 78 00:03:57,804 --> 00:04:01,934 I will be spending February 13 with some lovely single ladies from work... 79 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,703 - Trolls. - who could care less about Valentine's Day. 80 00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:08,144 - Lying trolls. - And we will be celebrating that we don't have to spend it... 81 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,308 with some dippy guy, carting around roses and stuffed toys all night. 82 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:12,941 Oh, no offense, Ted. 83 00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:15,043 And none was taken until just then. 84 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:32,427 I decided to go to Minnesota to see Marshall. 85 00:04:32,538 --> 00:04:34,199 He shouldn't have to help his mom... 86 00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:36,298 through this rough time all by himself. 87 00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:39,242 - You losin' your mind being alone in your apartment? - I'm getting weird. 88 00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:42,047 It started off with me throwing... 89 00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:43,979 Marshall's jersey on my body pillow. 90 00:04:44,083 --> 00:04:48,281 And, well, things kind of spiraled from there. 91 00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:52,656 I'm sorry I yelled like that before. 92 00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:56,358 I call him Marshpillow, and he calls me... 93 00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,697 Nothing, because he's a pillow. 94 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,093 Hey. 95 00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:04,601 Hey! How was baking cookies last night? 96 00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:06,831 That was a tough question. You see... 97 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:09,775 Hi. 98 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,969 Uh, is that an overnight bag? 99 00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:20,883 - You brought an overnight bag? - You guys said I was definitely gonna spend the night. 100 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,614 We said you were going to have sex. 101 00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:24,781 We didn't say bring a carry-on. 102 00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:26,290 How did Zoey react? 103 00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:28,451 She thought I was presumptuous and asked me to leave. 104 00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:30,825 It's not like I brought a ton of stuff. 105 00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:32,329 Were there slippers for the morning? 106 00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:36,163 Not slippers, exactly. 107 00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:39,697 They're called British morning socks. 108 00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:43,704 This is such a nice surprise. 109 00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:45,539 Marshall will be so happy. 110 00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:47,237 Ohh. 111 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,406 How are you holding up, Judy? 112 00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:52,040 I'm doing okay. It gets a little Ionely. 113 00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:54,881 My friends suggested a body pillow, but... 114 00:05:54,987 --> 00:05:56,887 I'm not a lunatic. 115 00:05:56,989 --> 00:05:58,650 Hey, Mom? 116 00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,885 I hate to be that guy, but I'm pretty sure it was... 117 00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:03,120 Hot Pocket o'clock, like, 10 minutes ago. 118 00:06:03,996 --> 00:06:05,361 Lily! 119 00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:07,160 Lily, what are you doing here? 120 00:06:07,266 --> 00:06:08,927 I wanted to surprise you. 121 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:10,696 My gosh, that's so sweet. 122 00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:12,566 - Oh. - I'm so glad you're here. 123 00:06:12,672 --> 00:06:15,937 Hey, um, before I forget... Mom, did you remember to get more double-A batteries? 124 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,772 They're upstairs, sweetie, right next to your washed and folded clothes. 125 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,869 Great. I don't want my Game Boy to crap out. 126 00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:23,175 I'm having the sickest Dr. Mario run of my life. 127 00:06:23,282 --> 00:06:25,716 Okay. I'll be right back. I love you, Lily. 128 00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:27,115 Okay. 129 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:31,179 - You're the best, Mom. - Aww, anything for my baby bear. 130 00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:33,850 Get him out of my house. 131 00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:42,190 Take Marshall back to New York with you. Please, I am begging you. 132 00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:44,997 - I thought he was here helping you. - He was at first. 133 00:06:45,104 --> 00:06:48,073 But once he saw me startin' to do better, he kind of regressed. 134 00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:52,270 He's been holed up in his room for days at a time playing old video games. 135 00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:55,609 I mean, he is having a pretty sick Dr. Mario run, but... 136 00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:59,818 - I'll talk to him. - I want to be there for him. 137 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,479 But it's like he's a teenager again. 138 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,886 I even walked in on him abusing himself. 139 00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:06,117 Oh, God. 140 00:07:06,225 --> 00:07:08,625 He was on the bed, lookin' at old photos of his dad. 141 00:07:08,728 --> 00:07:11,959 That's emotional self-abuse. Don't you think? 142 00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:17,128 - Hi. - Hi. 143 00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:20,768 That was a dumb move for me to just assume... 144 00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:22,067 No, I overreacted. 145 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:25,736 I mean, I invited you over to "bake cookies." 146 00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:27,312 We both knew what that meant. 147 00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:29,108 We totally did. 148 00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:31,740 It's just, you know, I saw those slippers in your bag... 149 00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:34,513 and suddenly everything felt really serious. 150 00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:40,354 And ever since I've been asking myself, "Am I ready for this?" 151 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,950 And... 152 00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:45,162 the answer is "Yes." 153 00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:51,362 They're actually called British morning socks. 154 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,462 - Don't get in your own way. - Right. Good. 155 00:07:54,774 --> 00:07:58,039 Um, Marshall, your mom asked me to carry this up. 156 00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,135 She turned her ankle on your Hot Wheels. 157 00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:03,147 - Is my track okay? - It's fine. 158 00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:06,844 But, Marshall, I thought you were here taking care of your mom. 159 00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:09,285 It seems like she's taking care of you. 160 00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:12,347 My mom loves to feel needed. 161 00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:15,825 Letting her take care of me is how I'm taking care of her. 162 00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:20,365 She's in a dark place, Lily. She needs this. 163 00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:24,596 Mom? You forgot my chocolate milk with the swirly straw! 164 00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,535 Oops! Coming right up! 165 00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:29,767 Ow. Ow. 166 00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:32,071 - She needs this. - Marshall... 167 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,408 tomorrow's Valentine's. 168 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,709 Don't you wanna be at home on our couch... 169 00:08:36,816 --> 00:08:38,579 cuddling up under a warm blanket... 170 00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:41,676 watching the Predator use his heat vision... 171 00:08:41,787 --> 00:08:43,482 to stalk helpless prey? 172 00:08:59,105 --> 00:08:59,205 Well, baby, we could watch Predator here. 173 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,332 Well, baby, we could watch Predator here. 174 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:05,001 No, my mom can go rent it for us after she's done diggin' out the car. 175 00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:07,238 - Marshall, your mom wants you out of here. - What? 176 00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:09,109 Anything else, sweetie? 177 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,877 Mom, do... Do you want me to leave? 178 00:09:11,984 --> 00:09:15,750 Heavens to Bess, no! Of course not! 179 00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:16,844 But, Judy, you said... 180 00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:19,447 Oh, if Marshall could stay here forever... 181 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,687 I would be the happiest mom in Minnesota. 182 00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:29,601 - So, Valentine's Day is tomorrow. - Yeah. 183 00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:34,139 You know, there's this new Italian restaurant on 79th that's supposed to be amazing. 184 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:39,200 I would be happier having just a simple home-cooked meal, as long as it's with you. 185 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,439 Tomorrow night, my place. 186 00:09:46,018 --> 00:09:49,784 I'm ready for this, Ted. I am in it for the long haul. 187 00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:54,553 I can't wait for our first Valentine's Day as a couple. 188 00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:57,128 The one we'll remember for years. 189 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,500 - Isn't that great? - Yeah, if you say so. Yeah. 190 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:05,093 - What do you mean? - She just got out of a marriage, Ted. 191 00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:08,901 That's heavy. See, I'm kind of freaking out just listening to you. 192 00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:10,532 My-My heart is pounding. 193 00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:12,235 I'm hearing this weird clicking noise. 194 00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:17,982 Well, it's romantic, right? 195 00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:21,247 Zoey and I are getting serious on Valentine's Day. 196 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,754 See, that just amps up the pressure even more. 197 00:10:23,856 --> 00:10:26,290 Boy, it's a good thing that you're sure. 198 00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:28,519 Who said I wasn't sure? 199 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,688 I'm glad we're in a serious relationship... right away. 200 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:34,288 And if I screw this up, I'm the devil. 201 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,335 Because she's going through a divorce. But I'm not gonna screw this up. 202 00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:41,702 So, stop freaking out, Robin. Stop freaking out! 203 00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:44,298 Kids, I'm not super proud of what I did next. 204 00:10:45,177 --> 00:10:46,974 Hi. I'm here to help Marshall. 205 00:10:49,548 --> 00:10:53,143 Meanwhile, as Desperation Day turned into Desperation Night. 206 00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:56,847 God, these girls are so hungry for male attention. 207 00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:59,618 - It is like being a hunter... - Mmm. 208 00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:03,183 and having the deer walk up, tie itself to the hood of your car... 209 00:11:03,295 --> 00:11:04,990 and beg to get mounted. 210 00:11:05,097 --> 00:11:07,565 Barney, this is Bev and Anna... 211 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,328 uh, my coworkers and my friends. 212 00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:10,902 Bev, Anna, this is Barney... 213 00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:13,563 a high-functioning sociopath and my ex. 214 00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:15,869 Enchanté. 215 00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:17,943 That's French for "What's with the purple?" 216 00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:20,376 Well, tomorrow's Valentine's Day, and everything is pink and red... 217 00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:25,382 so Bev very thoughtfully suggested that we wear purple to show how little we care. 218 00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:29,318 I use colors to express emotion. Purple is for pride. 219 00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:31,982 It was a stupid idea. 220 00:11:32,091 --> 00:11:35,458 Bev, you look at me. It's not a stupid idea. 221 00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:37,461 Tonight we are queens! 222 00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:42,057 And we don't care about some stupid, sexist, corporate holiday. 223 00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:47,401 Please. You might as well be dog-earing a tear-stained bridal magazine... 224 00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:50,771 while wolfing down the box of chocolates you had delivered to yourself at work... 225 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,071 from your "fiancé", who no one's ever met. 226 00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:54,942 Gerard is real! 227 00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:57,174 Oh! 228 00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,909 Ted. 229 00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:04,217 I thought you were gonna talk to Marshall about coming back to New York. 230 00:12:04,323 --> 00:12:07,781 Yeah. But, you know, things move so fast in New York. 231 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:11,693 Why not hang out here until at least after Valentine's Day? 232 00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:13,697 Plus, we're helping Marshall's mom. 233 00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:16,359 Uh, Mrs. Eriksen, we're runnin' low on SunnyD! 234 00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:18,403 Is orange juice okay? 235 00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:20,062 No! 236 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,300 Okay. When your "fiancé," Gerard... 237 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:27,538 comes back from fixing cleft palates in Peru... 238 00:12:27,646 --> 00:12:31,047 maybe snatch a photo of the two of you together, and then I'll totally believe you. 239 00:12:31,150 --> 00:12:34,551 Well, he's going to Kenya after Peru so... 240 00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:36,985 Hey, guys! So sorry I'm late. 241 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,488 - Hey, Nora. - Hey. 242 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,424 Nora, this is Barney. Wanna see Anna beat him in an arm wrestle? 243 00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:42,824 - My elbow slipped. - Yeah. 244 00:12:44,997 --> 00:12:47,227 Marshall, I'm going home. 245 00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:52,628 What? 246 00:12:52,738 --> 00:12:55,298 I'm flying out tonight before the big storm... 247 00:12:55,407 --> 00:12:57,432 and I want you to come with me. 248 00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:02,142 I can't right now 'cause my mom needs me. 249 00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:05,376 Well, I'm sure it's been really helpful for her... 250 00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:09,420 to have you here playing Super Mario Kart for 14 hours a day. 251 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,547 - You have Super Mario Kart? - Hell yeah. 252 00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:17,290 But your mom doesn't need you. Your life in New York needs you. 253 00:13:17,396 --> 00:13:20,024 It... It needs you really bad. 254 00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:23,368 Baby, don't go. 255 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,436 Please come home soon. 256 00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:38,509 - So you were an Olympic gymnast? - Silver medal. 257 00:13:38,617 --> 00:13:41,882 Ooh, sorry. Gold's the only thing that really counts. 258 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:44,956 - That's what my dad said. - And she sticks the landing. 259 00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:49,255 Why don't you start stretching, and I'II... be right back? 260 00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:51,154 - Hey, hey, sorry. - Oh, hi. 261 00:13:51,263 --> 00:13:52,628 - Quick question. - Yeah. 262 00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:54,460 Why aren't you wearing purple like your friends? 263 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:58,799 Oh. I told them I forgot. But the truth is I'm kind of protesting their protest. 264 00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,633 - Can you keep a secret? - Sure. 265 00:14:00,739 --> 00:14:02,570 I love Valentine's Day. 266 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,836 Oh, my gosh, me too! 267 00:14:04,944 --> 00:14:06,878 Um, is it getting crowded in here? 268 00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:08,913 'Cause I think there are two peas in this pod. 269 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:11,642 - Oh, you're a gooey romantic too. - Guilty. 270 00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:14,583 This is embarrassing, but every year... 271 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:18,179 I buy flowers and a box of chocolates, even if I'm not with someone. 272 00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:21,158 Just in case, you know? 273 00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,319 - We are pitiful. - The worst. 274 00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:26,364 Although, there is one difference between you and me. 275 00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:29,491 - What's that? - I'm not saying any of this to get in your pants. 276 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,676 I miss my dad, Ted. 277 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:42,044 I miss him so much. 278 00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:43,114 I know. 279 00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:50,020 When I was a kid, we would spend the summers in the Upper Peninsula. 280 00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:53,751 And every year, we wouldn't get to the cabin until, like, the middle of the night. 281 00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:55,690 So, it would be pitch black... 282 00:14:55,794 --> 00:14:57,694 in the middle of the woods... 283 00:14:57,796 --> 00:15:00,594 and I could never see anything in front of the headlights. 284 00:15:00,699 --> 00:15:05,033 But I always felt so safe, 'cause my dad was driving. 285 00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:07,196 He was like some sort of superhero. 286 00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:09,365 He could just see way out into the darkness. 287 00:15:11,176 --> 00:15:13,110 Now he's just gone. 288 00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:16,948 And it's pitch black. 289 00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:19,176 I can't see where I'm goin'. 290 00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:21,776 I can't see anything. 291 00:15:25,391 --> 00:15:27,655 All right, okay. I was playing you before. 292 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,729 But I was really doing you a public service. 293 00:15:30,829 --> 00:15:35,425 It's February 13, a day many are now calling Desperation Day. 294 00:15:35,534 --> 00:15:40,096 It's kind of a thing. And you, walkin' around, saying you're "a gooey romantic"? 295 00:15:40,205 --> 00:15:42,730 It comes across a bit desperate. 296 00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:45,332 What's desperate about knowing what you want? 297 00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:48,106 Look, life is really short, Barney. 298 00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:50,511 Who wants to spend Valentine's Day alone... 299 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:55,315 distracting yourself from the fact that nobody loves you, with some sad little activity? 300 00:15:55,421 --> 00:16:01,018 Um, or you could be in the 47th Semi-annual Laser Tag Tournament in Poughkeepsie. 301 00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:03,458 I have no idea what any of those words mean. 302 00:16:03,562 --> 00:16:06,429 Hey! I'm all stretched out. 303 00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:11,200 Here's the first thing you need to know about laser tag. 304 00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:14,872 - Thanks a lot for comin' out here, man. - Yeah. 305 00:16:15,941 --> 00:16:18,409 Hey. Are you sure it's okay with Zoey... 306 00:16:18,510 --> 00:16:20,102 that you're here for Valentine's Day? 307 00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:24,114 - Well, I mean, technically, she doesn't... know yet. - What? 308 00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:26,980 Things with Zoey are moving really fast... 309 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:30,283 and the divorce just makes everything more complicated. 310 00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:32,380 I just... I needed to take a step back. 311 00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:36,154 You're not takin' a step back. You're running away. 312 00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:39,287 And hiding out here... Hiding out here is not gonna solve anything. 313 00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:44,062 Just holed up in Minnesota because you're too scared to face reality is... 314 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,340 We gotta go back to New York... tonight. 315 00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:53,468 We're snowed in. Lily got the last flight. 316 00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,774 So we drive. It's time. 317 00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:57,940 It's time to get back to real life. 318 00:16:58,884 --> 00:17:00,545 It's time to grow up. 319 00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:01,710 Yeah. 320 00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:03,981 Mom? 321 00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:06,421 Can you make us some P.B. and J.'s for the road? 322 00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:08,459 - Crusts cut off. - Crusts cut off! 323 00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:10,761 No, Ted, what are we... 324 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,757 We're men. 325 00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:17,762 Mom! 326 00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,566 Leave the crusts on. 327 00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:26,843 They forced their opponents to scatter... 328 00:17:26,945 --> 00:17:31,678 picking them off one by one, in a swift and merciless slaughter. 329 00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:35,550 And that is how Boy Scout Troop 15 became the 2010 Tri-County Champions. 330 00:17:36,688 --> 00:17:38,781 Wow! Laser tag sounds brilliant. 331 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,553 Oh, it is. Plus, if you win, you get free pizza. 332 00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:44,189 This is my teammate for tomorrow. 333 00:17:44,296 --> 00:17:45,923 Oh, yeah, I agreed to that. 334 00:17:46,031 --> 00:17:47,862 Where are Bev and Anna? 335 00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:48,728 Well... 336 00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:51,302 - So we're taking off. - What? 337 00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:54,395 Those guys are gonna buy us hot dogs at Gray's Papaya. 338 00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:56,303 What? So that's it? 339 00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:59,639 A couple of white Urkels offer you sausages and you're gone? 340 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:02,043 What about the sisterhood? 341 00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:04,138 Solidarity? The-The color purple? 342 00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:06,717 But tomorrow's Valentine's Day. 343 00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:08,377 I thought we didn't care about Valentine's Day. 344 00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:10,648 Look, Robin, you'll find someone too. 345 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:13,589 You're a queen. You've got so much to offer. 346 00:18:13,692 --> 00:18:15,319 Maybe do something with that hair. 347 00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:20,654 I'm tellin' you... the power of Valentine's Day. 348 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,291 I'm Huey Lewis, and you just heard the news. 349 00:18:24,336 --> 00:18:25,803 Well, I think I'm heading out too. 350 00:18:25,904 --> 00:18:28,236 What? No. Don't go. You wanna see a magic trick? 351 00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:30,501 It's late, and I have a date with my pillow. 352 00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:33,407 I mean, not literally. I'm not a lunatic. 353 00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:35,810 Boy Scout Troop 15 doesn't stand a chance. 354 00:18:35,914 --> 00:18:37,745 Night. 355 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:46,618 Speaking of the power of Valentine's Day... 356 00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:48,283 What are you talkin' about? 357 00:18:48,393 --> 00:18:51,089 Oh, come on. It's-It's past midnight. 358 00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:53,596 Desperation Day has come and gone... 359 00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:56,497 and you have neither gone nor come. 360 00:18:57,469 --> 00:19:00,302 You know why? You like Nora. 361 00:19:00,405 --> 00:19:03,499 No, I don't. She's gross. You like her. 362 00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:06,100 You think she smells like rain. 363 00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:07,937 Whatever you say. 364 00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:10,275 - Oh, hey, Nora. - Nora! 365 00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:21,723 Here's a secret. 366 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,989 I couldn't see worth a damn either, buddy. 367 00:19:26,298 --> 00:19:29,893 I just kept drivin' forward, hopin' for the best. 368 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,866 - Look out! - Oh, God. 369 00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:36,440 Gotcha. 370 00:19:43,081 --> 00:19:44,946 And so we drove through the night. 371 00:19:45,050 --> 00:19:47,518 Out of Desperation Day and into Valentine's. 372 00:19:47,619 --> 00:19:50,611 And there was no trace of my little freak-out. Except... 373 00:19:50,722 --> 00:19:53,020 Really? An overnight bag for your own living room? 374 00:19:55,594 --> 00:19:57,892 Looks like we got a matching set. 375 00:19:57,996 --> 00:20:01,557 Well, that was kind of presumptuous. 376 00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:03,692 # The moving of that sign # 377 00:20:03,802 --> 00:20:06,532 # The ground was shaking like a leaf # 378 00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:08,333 Robin? Where are you? 379 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,204 Those Boy Scouts have grown a foot since last year. They're terrifying me! 380 00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:15,713 Oh, yeah, change of plans. Happy Valentine's Day. 381 00:20:15,814 --> 00:20:17,008 I hate you. 382 00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:20,016 Hey, Barney. Robin told me to meet you guys here. 383 00:20:20,118 --> 00:20:22,279 And that's how, for the first time in his life... 384 00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:25,447 Barney Stinson wound up on a date on Valentine's Day. 385 00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:29,522 Oh! You kil... 386 00:20:29,628 --> 00:20:32,028 You will be avenged. 387 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,525 Come onl Come onl 388 00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:39,831 Kill me. I'm herel Kill mel 389 00:20:42,374 --> 00:20:45,036 Baby! You're back! 390 00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:47,771 - Happy Valentine's Day, Lily pad. - Oh! 391 00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:03,153 We both knew this would end eventually. 392 00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:34,826 English - US - SDH