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Sync b

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Sync by

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So there was this one night,
before I met your mother,

13
00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:17,459
when I really wanted to go to the bar.

14
00:00:17,555 --> 00:00:19,893
The bar. Big surprise.

15
00:00:19,991 --> 00:00:22,043
You sure spent a lot of time in bars.

16
00:00:22,139 --> 00:00:24,031
Well, that's just what we did back then.

17
00:00:24,127 --> 00:00:27,997
<i>Me, Marshall and Lily, Barney, Robin.</i>

18
00:00:28,102 --> 00:00:31,854
<i>We all used to hang out
at this one bar called MacLaren's.</i>

19
00:00:31,950 --> 00:00:33,201
<i>But then one night...</i>

20
00:00:33,297 --> 00:00:35,638
- Why don't we go to MacLaren's?
- Let's go to MacLaren's.

21
00:00:35,734 --> 00:00:38,266
You guys talking to each other?

22
00:00:38,427 --> 00:00:40,863
- Nobody's listening?
- What's wrong with MacLaren's?

23
00:00:40,959 --> 00:00:44,615
MacLaren's is bore snore.
Ted, tonight we're gonna go out.

24
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:49,681
We're gonna meet some ladies,
it's gonna be legendary. Phone-five!

25
00:00:49,777 --> 00:00:53,785
<i>I had no idea
why I hung out with Barney.</i>

26
00:00:53,881 --> 00:00:58,145
You didn't phone-five, did you?
I know when you don't phone-five, Ted.

27
00:00:58,241 --> 00:01:00,966
Come on. We always go to MacLaren's.

28
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,954
Yeah, 'cause MacLaren's is fun.

29
00:01:03,051 --> 00:01:05,199
MacLaren's is this much fun.

30
00:01:05,295 --> 00:01:09,239
What I'm offering
is the chance to have this much fun.

31
00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:11,900
See, you say that.
You say it's gonna be this much fun,

32
00:01:11,996 --> 00:01:14,818
but most of the time,
it ends up being this much fun.

33
00:01:14,914 --> 00:01:17,607
This much fun is good. It's safe.
It's guaranteed.

34
00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:20,108
This hand-gesture thing
doesn't really work on the phone, does it?

35
00:01:20,204 --> 00:01:22,125
No, it doesn't.

36
00:01:22,223 --> 00:01:24,340
Get in the cab. Marshall, you, too.

37
00:01:24,436 --> 00:01:26,425
I wish I could.
I think Lily and I are just gonna...

38
00:01:26,521 --> 00:01:29,150
- I understand. Get in the cab.
- Why can Marshall say no?

39
00:01:29,246 --> 00:01:31,369
Because he's getting laid.

40
00:01:31,746 --> 00:01:33,668
Consistently.

41
00:01:33,766 --> 00:01:35,787
Ted, Ted, Ted. Right here.

42
00:01:35,883 --> 00:01:38,575
You keep going to the same bar.
You're in a rut.

43
00:01:38,671 --> 00:01:42,070
And I am a rut-buster.
I'm going to bust your rut.

44
00:01:42,166 --> 00:01:45,694
It's not a rut, okay?
It's a routine and I like it.

45
00:01:45,790 --> 00:01:49,465
Ted, what's the first syllable in 'rut-tine'?

46
00:01:56,691 --> 00:01:58,613
Peace out, suckers!

47
00:02:00,731 --> 00:02:02,398
All right, so what's this legendary plan?

48
00:02:02,494 --> 00:02:04,226
First, we gotta pick someone up
at the airport.

49
00:02:04,322 --> 00:02:07,670
- Okay, I'm out of here.
- Estaban, doors!

50
00:02:10,413 --> 00:02:13,876
Okay, we just do this one little thing
and the rest of the night is ours.

51
00:02:13,972 --> 00:02:16,441
Why do you have those suitcases
and who are we picking up?

52
00:02:16,538 --> 00:02:19,358
I don't know. Maybe her. Or her.

53
00:02:20,288 --> 00:02:23,687
Wait. So, when you said you were
going to pick someone up at the airport,

54
00:02:23,783 --> 00:02:27,951
you meant you were going to
pick someone up at the airport?

55
00:02:28,047 --> 00:02:29,138
Scenario.

56
00:02:29,234 --> 00:02:32,440
Couple of girls fly into town
looking for a fun weekend in NYC...

57
00:02:32,536 --> 00:02:35,293
when they meet two handsome
international businessmen...

58
00:02:35,390 --> 00:02:38,596
just back from a lucrative trip to Japan.

59
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,904
Sample dialog. You have a wheelie bag?

60
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,924
Why, I have a wheelie bag.

61
00:02:43,020 --> 00:02:45,008
- You've got to be kidding me.
- False.

62
00:02:45,104 --> 00:02:47,637
Sidebar. Tuck in your shirt.
You look sketchy.

63
00:02:47,733 --> 00:02:51,228
- I'm sketchy?
- Trust me, it's gonna be legendary.

64
00:02:51,324 --> 00:02:52,639
Don't say legendary, okay?

65
00:02:52,735 --> 00:02:55,269
You're too liberal with the word legendary.

66
00:02:55,365 --> 00:02:58,570
We're building an igloo in Central Park.
It's gonna be legendary.

67
00:02:58,666 --> 00:03:00,588
Snowsuit up!

68
00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:03,759
Ted, Ted, Ted. Right here!

69
00:03:04,214 --> 00:03:05,207
This is happening.

70
00:03:05,303 --> 00:03:06,971
Now, you can either put the bags
on the carousel now...

71
00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:08,894
or you can listen to me
give you a really long speech...

72
00:03:08,990 --> 00:03:13,646
convincing you to put the bags
on the carousel. Your move.

73
00:03:14,056 --> 00:03:18,304
Ted, since the dawn of time,
mankind has struggled...

74
00:03:19,059 --> 00:03:21,431
<i>That night,
Marshall had a ton of studying to do.</i>

75
00:03:21,527 --> 00:03:22,777
<i>So, Lily went out with Robin...</i>

76
00:03:22,874 --> 00:03:25,342
<i>who was new to New York
and looking for a friend.</i>

77
00:03:25,366 --> 00:03:27,291
I'm so glad we finally get to hang out,

78
00:03:27,387 --> 00:03:28,765
- just the two of us.
- Yeah.

79
00:03:28,861 --> 00:03:30,945
And you sure you're okay
giving up your Friday night...

80
00:03:31,041 --> 00:03:33,126
to hang with an old, almost-married lady?

81
00:03:33,222 --> 00:03:35,466
Oh, please.
I'm so sick of the meat-market scene.

82
00:03:35,562 --> 00:03:36,941
Guys are like the subway.

83
00:03:36,978 --> 00:03:39,255
You miss one,
another one comes along in five minutes.

84
00:03:39,351 --> 00:03:44,415
Unless it's the end of the night,
and then you get on anything.

85
00:03:44,801 --> 00:03:46,761
Compliments of that guy.

86
00:03:48,264 --> 00:03:50,636
Really? Sweet.

87
00:03:50,733 --> 00:03:52,655
Oh. For you it's $6.

88
00:03:53,426 --> 00:03:56,216
I guess that's one drawback
to being engaged.

89
00:03:56,312 --> 00:03:58,876
- I'm sure that's why he did it.
- Hey.

90
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,894
Oh, hello.

91
00:04:05,303 --> 00:04:08,325
So, did you just get in from Detroit?

92
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:12,131
Japan.

93
00:04:16,109 --> 00:04:18,642
Okay, carousel four is tapped out. Ready?

94
00:04:18,738 --> 00:04:23,643
'Cause I'm about to drop some knowledge.
Cute girls are not from Buffalo.

95
00:04:23,739 --> 00:04:25,661
Time out. Ten o'clock.

96
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,395
You ready to rock this, Tedder?

97
00:04:27,491 --> 00:04:29,575
All right, I think we need to refine
our back-story first.

98
00:04:29,671 --> 00:04:33,591
- How did we...
- Ted! You klutzy, great guy you!

99
00:04:34,672 --> 00:04:36,468
Hey. Barney.

100
00:04:36,564 --> 00:04:38,200
- Hi.
- My God, are you okay?

101
00:04:38,296 --> 00:04:40,380
- I am so sorry.
- It's fine, no.

102
00:04:40,476 --> 00:04:43,746
You were a little shaky on your landing.
I'd give you a 9.2.

103
00:04:43,842 --> 00:04:44,996
Hi, I'm Ted.

104
00:04:45,092 --> 00:04:47,529
Laura. Look, I'm really sorry
that we have to hit and run,

105
00:04:47,625 --> 00:04:48,780
but we've got a plane to catch.

106
00:04:48,877 --> 00:04:50,640
- Oh, where are you headed?
- Philadelphia.

107
00:04:50,736 --> 00:04:54,493
- Philly? That's where we're headed.
- You are?

108
00:04:54,583 --> 00:04:59,239
- Well, then, we'll see you on the plane.
- Yes, you will.

109
00:04:59,585 --> 00:05:02,182
- Follow them. Tickets on me.
- No. Barney!

110
00:05:02,278 --> 00:05:04,892
Don't you get on that escalator!

111
00:05:05,003 --> 00:05:09,169
And don't you dare
get on that subsequent escalator!

112
00:05:37,001 --> 00:05:38,990
- Are you all right?
- Yeah.

113
00:05:39,086 --> 00:05:43,029
Hey, guess where I am? I'm on a... Ready?
Plane to... Ready? Philadelphia.

114
00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:45,594
- That is awesome.
- Hey, is that Marshall?

115
00:05:45,690 --> 00:05:46,941
Marshall, stop whatever you're doing,

116
00:05:47,037 --> 00:05:49,410
get in that hoopty-ass Fiero of yours
and come meet us in Philly.

117
00:05:49,506 --> 00:05:50,756
It's gonna be legendary!

118
00:05:50,852 --> 00:05:52,648
Man, I wish I could, guys...

119
00:05:52,744 --> 00:05:57,971
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I sent you
some pictures on my phone. Check it.

120
00:06:00,952 --> 00:06:02,874
Philly!

121
00:06:03,036 --> 00:06:05,120
Admit it, you're having fun.

122
00:06:05,216 --> 00:06:08,518
This much... 35,000 feet of fun.

123
00:06:08,614 --> 00:06:10,250
Well, I didn't think
I'd be flying to Philadelphia...

124
00:06:10,346 --> 00:06:12,013
when I woke up this morning,
I'll give you that.

125
00:06:12,109 --> 00:06:14,226
Attaboy. Now let's go talk to those girls.

126
00:06:14,322 --> 00:06:16,021
Wait, wait. The seat-belt sign's on.

127
00:06:16,117 --> 00:06:20,029
Ted, you've been living your whole life
in a seat belt.

128
00:06:20,125 --> 00:06:22,047
It's time to unclick.

129
00:06:24,229 --> 00:06:28,803
- Sir, seat-belt light's on.
- Yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry.

130
00:06:30,064 --> 00:06:31,443
Well, I grew up in Park Slope.

131
00:06:31,539 --> 00:06:34,169
Oh, I love Park Slope.
When did you move to Manhattan?

132
00:06:34,265 --> 00:06:37,368
- You're from Park Slope?
- No, she is.

133
00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:39,844
So, where are you from? Heaven?

134
00:06:39,940 --> 00:06:41,542
Yeah, I'm a ghost.

135
00:06:41,639 --> 00:06:45,232
I died 15 years ago, like that pick-up line.

136
00:06:46,704 --> 00:06:48,949
- God, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, believe me, I've been there.

137
00:06:49,045 --> 00:06:52,957
I have this line that I use
when guys come up... Check it out.

138
00:06:53,053 --> 00:06:54,975
Hey.

139
00:06:55,297 --> 00:06:59,217
You take this one,
I'll save it for the next one.

140
00:07:00,780 --> 00:07:03,569
- So, what brings you guys to Philly?
- We're visiting our boyfriends.

141
00:07:03,665 --> 00:07:06,680
I think Chris is gonna propose
this weekend.

142
00:07:06,776 --> 00:07:08,698
Isn't that great?

143
00:07:09,212 --> 00:07:11,134
So great.

144
00:07:15,464 --> 00:07:16,779
<i>So, there we were,</i>

145
00:07:16,875 --> 00:07:20,402
<i>stuck on an airplane to Philadelphia
with two very un-single girls.</i>

146
00:07:20,498 --> 00:07:22,293
<i>All thanks to your Uncle Barney.</i>

147
00:07:22,390 --> 00:07:23,768
Aren't they cute?

148
00:07:23,865 --> 00:07:27,391
- They're both linebackers for the Eagles.
- Both!

149
00:07:27,487 --> 00:07:30,836
Both of their boyfriends are linebackers.

150
00:07:32,938 --> 00:07:35,225
You're going to Philly? Why?

151
00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:37,810
I didn't ask.

152
00:07:37,972 --> 00:07:41,018
Well, it sounds like
you're having a lot more fun than I am.

153
00:07:41,114 --> 00:07:44,128
I'm just talking to guys' backs
while they hit on Robin.

154
00:07:44,224 --> 00:07:46,725
Well, yeah, I bet she gets that a lot.

155
00:07:46,821 --> 00:07:48,681
Don't you bet I get that a lot?

156
00:07:48,777 --> 00:07:49,964
Not with a ring on your finger.

157
00:07:50,060 --> 00:07:54,099
I mean, you know, guys see the ring,
it's, like, Marshall parking only.

158
00:07:54,195 --> 00:07:56,664
Oh, of course. That's it. The ring.

159
00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:58,235
I guess I'm not used to it yet.

160
00:07:58,331 --> 00:08:00,993
Oh, it's totally the ring.
If you took that ring off your finger...

161
00:08:01,089 --> 00:08:03,461
you'd have a ton of guys
crowding your junk.

162
00:08:03,558 --> 00:08:05,417
I'm not gonna take off my ring.

163
00:08:05,513 --> 00:08:09,329
Wouldn't you be jealous of guys
swarming all over my beeswax?

164
00:08:09,425 --> 00:08:12,439
Oh, yeah. You know me,
I'm the jealous type.

165
00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:15,484
Any goon so much as looks at you,
I'll sock him in the kisser!

166
00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:17,825
No, seriously,
you girls have a good time tonight.

167
00:08:17,921 --> 00:08:19,043
Bye.

168
00:08:25,937 --> 00:08:27,859
Robin! Robin!

169
00:08:28,598 --> 00:08:30,520
Hey, I'm over here.

170
00:08:31,708 --> 00:08:33,982
Going to Philly!

171
00:08:34,369 --> 00:08:36,004
Marshall, don't come to Philly.

172
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,736
But we're on an adventure.

173
00:08:37,832 --> 00:08:39,564
We're on a tarmac in Philadelphia.

174
00:08:39,660 --> 00:08:41,581
Crazy adventure.

175
00:08:42,385 --> 00:08:44,307
Fine.

176
00:08:44,661 --> 00:08:47,864
No. No. The night has just started.

177
00:08:47,964 --> 00:08:50,454
Look, airport bar. Flight attendants.

178
00:08:50,455 --> 00:08:52,892
They'll get your tray table
in its full, upright position.

179
00:08:52,988 --> 00:08:56,098
- Say what?
- Passengers Mosby and Stinson?

180
00:08:56,194 --> 00:08:57,669
Please come with us, gentlemen.

181
00:08:57,765 --> 00:09:01,420
- Keep your hands where I can see them.
- Barney, I am going to kill you.

182
00:09:01,516 --> 00:09:04,466
Don't say you're gonna kill someone
in front of airport security.

183
00:09:04,562 --> 00:09:06,484
Not cool. Not cool.

184
00:09:08,025 --> 00:09:10,168
This is an outrage.

185
00:09:10,269 --> 00:09:12,161
We are international businessmen...

186
00:09:12,257 --> 00:09:14,694
on a very important
international business trip.

187
00:09:14,790 --> 00:09:17,067
I demand you release us immediately.

188
00:09:17,163 --> 00:09:19,792
You demand?
No, no, no, no, he does not demand.

189
00:09:19,888 --> 00:09:21,299
We have no demands.

190
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:23,576
Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you
to remain calm.

191
00:09:23,672 --> 00:09:25,723
Okay, I'm calm. I'm totally calm.

192
00:09:25,819 --> 00:09:29,700
We've got footage of you placing two bags
on JFK carousel three,

193
00:09:29,796 --> 00:09:34,027
and abandoning them
to purchase a last-minute flight with cash.

194
00:09:34,124 --> 00:09:36,529
- Those bags were your responsibility.
- They were your bags.

195
00:09:36,625 --> 00:09:38,100
Sir, please.

196
00:09:38,196 --> 00:09:40,973
We're assessing the bag situation.

197
00:09:44,416 --> 00:09:46,724
Look. This is all just...
It's a misunderstanding.

198
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,742
Please.

199
00:09:49,033 --> 00:09:51,502
We are international businessmen.

200
00:09:51,598 --> 00:09:54,162
My colleague
accidentally left the bags there.

201
00:09:54,258 --> 00:10:00,057
Now, please let us go before we miss
our international business meeting.

202
00:10:00,062 --> 00:10:02,723
Can't remember the last time
I saw an international businessman...

203
00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:04,741
with an untucked shirt.

204
00:10:05,192 --> 00:10:10,827
In addition, we received this footage,
taken over the last few months.

205
00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:38,560
Believe it or not,
that duffle bag thing worked.

206
00:10:39,178 --> 00:10:41,487
The truth is, my friend, he does this thing...

207
00:10:41,583 --> 00:10:43,891
where he goes to airports
with fake luggage to pick up girls.

208
00:10:43,987 --> 00:10:45,815
And we followed some here to Philadelphia.

209
00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:48,361
That's it. That's all this is.

210
00:10:48,957 --> 00:10:50,624
Nobody's that lame.

211
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:54,477
Yes, he's that lame.
Tell him you're that lame.

212
00:10:56,652 --> 00:10:59,216
- We are international businessmen...
- Oh, come on!

213
00:10:59,312 --> 00:11:02,391
Sir! Lower your voice or I will restrain you.

214
00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:04,466
Dude, seriously, relax.

215
00:11:05,277 --> 00:11:08,707
- We at least get to call our lawyer.
- Exactly.

216
00:11:08,803 --> 00:11:10,725
We have a lawyer?

217
00:11:10,888 --> 00:11:13,196
Listen to me.
You're both American citizens.

218
00:11:13,276 --> 00:11:16,354
Don't let them pull any Patriot-Act voodoo.
You both retain the right...

219
00:11:16,451 --> 00:11:18,551
to refuse to answer any questions
without an attorney present.

220
00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:20,540
So don't say anything
until I get there, all right?

221
00:11:20,636 --> 00:11:22,558
Okay, goodbye.

222
00:11:32,213 --> 00:11:34,681
Oh, it's ridiculous in here.
Why don't we go somewhere else?

223
00:11:34,682 --> 00:11:36,484
No. This place is great.

224
00:11:40,485 --> 00:11:42,666
- What are you doing?
- What?

225
00:11:42,762 --> 00:11:45,212
With your lips and everything?

226
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:47,824
My lips are always like this.

227
00:11:56,036 --> 00:11:58,486
You had to play the race card.

228
00:11:59,723 --> 00:12:02,256
Relax, Ted, we didn't do anything wrong.

229
00:12:02,352 --> 00:12:06,840
And, BTW, we'd be out of here by now
if you'd have tucked in your shirt.

230
00:12:06,936 --> 00:12:09,502
Go ahead, JFK.
What is the baggage status?

231
00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:12,900
They're clean.
It's just a whole bunch of condoms.

232
00:12:12,996 --> 00:12:14,917
And a PowerBar.

233
00:12:16,106 --> 00:12:18,028
You're free to go.

234
00:12:19,184 --> 00:12:20,371
<i>Don't come to Philly.</i>

235
00:12:20,467 --> 00:12:22,743
- Man, I'm almost halfway there.
- Yeah, we just got released...

236
00:12:22,839 --> 00:12:24,154
and we're heading back on the next flight.

237
00:12:24,250 --> 00:12:26,334
Meet us at MacLaren's.
Maybe we can still make last call.

238
00:12:26,430 --> 00:12:30,726
- Can't we just...
- No, we can't 'just,' we're going home.

239
00:12:30,822 --> 00:12:33,292
- We're going to Sascha's.
- Who the hell is Sascha?

240
00:12:33,388 --> 00:12:34,767
Sascha.

241
00:12:34,863 --> 00:12:37,652
She's having friends over for drinks
at her house.

242
00:12:37,749 --> 00:12:40,345
It's gonna be legend... Wait for it,

243
00:12:40,441 --> 00:12:41,853
and I hope you're not lactose intolerant,

244
00:12:41,949 --> 00:12:44,257
'cause the second half of that word
is 'dairy.'

245
00:12:44,353 --> 00:12:46,084
- No!
- Legendary!

246
00:12:46,180 --> 00:12:49,450
- Legendary? That sounds awesome!
- No, Marshall, we're going back.

247
00:12:49,547 --> 00:12:50,702
Fine.

248
00:12:50,798 --> 00:12:52,882
Hold on, I have another call.

249
00:12:52,978 --> 00:12:55,286
- Hello?
- Marshall, we're going to Sascha's.

250
00:12:55,382 --> 00:12:56,921
No, we're not.

251
00:12:57,018 --> 00:13:00,203
Ted, Ted, Ted. Right here. Yes, we are.

252
00:13:00,256 --> 00:13:02,706
Sorry, buddy. Two against one.

253
00:13:04,681 --> 00:13:06,764
- Look, a booth opened up.
- Really?

254
00:13:06,860 --> 00:13:09,618
Yeah, I thought we could finally go talk
and you're not listening to me,

255
00:13:09,714 --> 00:13:13,389
- so I'm gonna walk away.
- Yeah, yeah, booth.

256
00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:19,010
- Hey.
- Hey.

257
00:13:19,364 --> 00:13:23,116
I'm engaged. You know, I'm sorry.
I took my ring off.

258
00:13:23,212 --> 00:13:26,226
It's very, very sweet of you
to come over and talk to me, but I just...

259
00:13:26,322 --> 00:13:28,054
Yeah, I'm gay.

260
00:13:28,150 --> 00:13:32,724
I just came over to let you know
that you sat on a grape.

261
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,522
Damn it!

262
00:13:39,563 --> 00:13:40,975
<i>So, Barney and I hit the town.</i>

263
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:42,642
<i>Philadelphia, PA.</i>

264
00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:46,005
<i>Our first and only stop, Sascha's party.</i>

265
00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:52,872
So, you're Sascha's friends, huh?

266
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:54,888
You know it.

267
00:13:55,563 --> 00:14:01,525
You guys, keep the volume
down. You're gonna wake my grandpa.

268
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:04,385
Who wants hard lemonade?

269
00:14:11,466 --> 00:14:13,387
Philly!

270
00:14:14,127 --> 00:14:16,049
Philly.

271
00:14:21,032 --> 00:14:24,944
<i>Back at the bar, girls'night out
wasn't going as Robin had hoped.</i>

272
00:14:30,362 --> 00:14:33,384
- Lily's phone.
- Robin? Where's Lily?

273
00:14:33,536 --> 00:14:37,635
- She's...
- Is she talking to some hot guy?

274
00:14:37,736 --> 00:14:40,301
You can tell me. It's totally cool.
It was my idea.

275
00:14:40,397 --> 00:14:42,225
Hell, I told her she could take the ring off.

276
00:14:42,321 --> 00:14:45,175
Really? Well, I thought it was
kind of weird, but if you're cool with it...

277
00:14:45,271 --> 00:14:47,643
Yeah, it's off,
and she's talking to some guy.

278
00:14:47,739 --> 00:14:52,485
- Do you want me to go over and...
- No! Don't interrupt. It's awesome.

279
00:14:52,581 --> 00:14:55,113
So, the ring's really off, huh?

280
00:14:55,819 --> 00:14:57,741
Awesome.

281
00:14:58,417 --> 00:15:00,372
Well, just tell her I called...

282
00:15:00,468 --> 00:15:04,152
and tell her that she's awesome.

283
00:15:21,950 --> 00:15:25,092
Did you hear that, Ted?
Dana works security at the Liberty Bell.

284
00:15:25,189 --> 00:15:26,887
I do okay.

285
00:15:26,984 --> 00:15:28,940
Wow, it must be
really well cordoned-off over there.

286
00:15:29,036 --> 00:15:31,505
Do you ever go behind the rope
and touch it?

287
00:15:31,601 --> 00:15:32,819
Only all the time.

288
00:15:32,915 --> 00:15:35,736
You ever, like, stick your head inside it?

289
00:15:35,832 --> 00:15:37,436
Yeah.

290
00:15:37,532 --> 00:15:40,320
- Do you ever lick it?
- Nope.

291
00:15:41,188 --> 00:15:43,109
I have never licked it.

292
00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:48,305
I bet nobody in history
has ever licked the Liberty Bell.

293
00:15:48,401 --> 00:15:50,261
If someone were to pull that off,

294
00:15:50,357 --> 00:15:53,788
I dare say it would be... What's the word?

295
00:15:54,076 --> 00:15:57,425
- Well, this is my stop.
- Ted, legendary.

296
00:15:57,475 --> 00:15:59,783
Barney, I'm going to the airport.
Sascha, thank you.

297
00:15:59,879 --> 00:16:05,270
And tell your grandpa I'm sorry
I walked in on him in the bathroom.

298
00:16:05,522 --> 00:16:08,708
I'll get some club soda for that stain.

299
00:16:10,364 --> 00:16:12,576
Lily, I thought tonight
was about us hanging out?

300
00:16:12,673 --> 00:16:13,891
What are you doing?

301
00:16:13,987 --> 00:16:17,546
Just fending off the advances
of that totally hot guy.

302
00:16:17,642 --> 00:16:21,361
- Dude, I think that guy is gay.
- I know that guy is gay.

303
00:16:21,457 --> 00:16:24,023
It's just... Marshall and I
have been together for nine years.

304
00:16:24,119 --> 00:16:26,395
I haven't been single since high school.

305
00:16:26,491 --> 00:16:27,774
You wanna be single?

306
00:16:27,870 --> 00:16:31,205
You wanna fight off loser guys all night?
Does that seem like fun to you?

307
00:16:31,301 --> 00:16:34,539
I guess I just wanted to throw this net
back into the ocean...

308
00:16:34,635 --> 00:16:37,007
and see how many fish I could catch.

309
00:16:37,104 --> 00:16:39,472
So far, one. One gay dolphin.

310
00:16:40,214 --> 00:16:41,721
And Marshall.

311
00:16:41,817 --> 00:16:43,388
Lily, all these girls here tonight...

312
00:16:43,484 --> 00:16:45,985
are all hoping to catch
what you've already got.

313
00:16:46,081 --> 00:16:48,003
You're right. I know.

314
00:16:48,742 --> 00:16:52,269
Hey, do you wanna go get coffee
and have an actual conversation?

315
00:16:52,366 --> 00:16:55,885
If by coffee you mean cheesecake,
then yes.

316
00:16:56,213 --> 00:16:59,451
Hey, I got the club soda.
Let's see that booty.

317
00:16:59,547 --> 00:17:01,469
Thank you so much.

318
00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:06,283
You wanna mess, pal?

319
00:17:06,379 --> 00:17:08,881
That's my fiancée's hot backside
that you're dabbing!

320
00:17:08,977 --> 00:17:11,157
- Marshall, no!
- Baby, please.

321
00:17:11,253 --> 00:17:14,364
Don't ever take that ring off again,
no matter how awesome I say that it is.

322
00:17:14,460 --> 00:17:16,159
<i>- It's okay, man.
- Back off, hombre!</i>

323
00:17:16,255 --> 00:17:18,019
I'm not that afraid to fight you!

324
00:17:18,115 --> 00:17:20,840
You wanna test this, guy?
Be my guest, come on.

325
00:17:20,936 --> 00:17:22,635
Marshall, he's gay.

326
00:17:22,731 --> 00:17:25,457
Oh, thank God.
I've never been in a fight before.

327
00:17:25,553 --> 00:17:27,475
You don't say.

328
00:17:27,734 --> 00:17:30,586
<i>So, it turned out Uncle Marshall
really was the jealous type.</i>

329
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:35,420
<i>Unfortunately, that guy's boyfriend?
Also the jealous type.</i>

330
00:17:44,425 --> 00:17:47,120
Could've licked the Liberty Bell.

331
00:17:47,439 --> 00:17:49,645
We're going to the airport.

332
00:17:51,030 --> 00:17:52,952
Bong.

333
00:17:53,467 --> 00:17:55,389
Bong.

334
00:17:55,455 --> 00:17:57,955
Why do I hang out with you? Why?

335
00:17:58,051 --> 00:18:00,905
All I wanted was to have a regular beer
at my regular bar,

336
00:18:01,001 --> 00:18:03,727
with my regular friends in my regular city.

337
00:18:03,823 --> 00:18:05,744
Ted, Ted, Ted.

338
00:18:06,132 --> 00:18:09,049
- You're not even looking.
- No, I'm not.

339
00:18:09,145 --> 00:18:13,345
Look, our forefathers died
for the pursuit of happiness. Okay?

340
00:18:13,441 --> 00:18:16,360
Not for
the sit-around-and-wait of happiness.

341
00:18:16,456 --> 00:18:19,854
Now, if you want, you can go to
the same bar, drink the same beer,

342
00:18:19,950 --> 00:18:24,503
talk to the same people every day.
Or you can lick the Liberty Bell.

343
00:18:24,599 --> 00:18:29,337
You can grab life by the crack
and lick the crap out of it.

344
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:33,004
That was beautiful, man.

345
00:18:33,865 --> 00:18:35,468
Thanks, Leonard.

346
00:18:35,564 --> 00:18:38,034
Ted, you're missing out
on a valuable life lesson here.

347
00:18:38,130 --> 00:18:41,625
Look, I don't need you to teach me
how to live, okay? I know how to live.

348
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:44,574
If you wanna go lick the Liberty Bell,
just go lick it yourself.

349
00:18:44,670 --> 00:18:47,876
- No. It has to be the two of us.
- Why? Why do you need me?

350
00:18:47,972 --> 00:18:50,826
Because you're my best friend, all right?

351
00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:55,379
You don't have to tell me I'm yours.
But the way I see it, we're a team.

352
00:18:55,475 --> 00:18:59,607
<i>Without you, I'm just the dynamic uno.</i>

353
00:19:00,829 --> 00:19:01,983
So, fine.

354
00:19:02,079 --> 00:19:06,179
If you wanna go home, then we'll go home.

355
00:19:09,807 --> 00:19:13,359
Fine. We'll go lick the Liberty Bell.

356
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,646
Good, 'cause we're here.

357
00:19:16,604 --> 00:19:19,650
<i>I had no idea how Barney redirected
the cab without me knowing,</i>

358
00:19:19,746 --> 00:19:21,638
<i>but we got out, Dana let us in,</i>

359
00:19:21,734 --> 00:19:24,427
<i>and by God, we licked the Liberty Bell.</i>

360
00:19:24,523 --> 00:19:27,954
- And you know what it tastes like?
- What?

361
00:19:28,723 --> 00:19:30,359
Freedom.

362
00:19:30,455 --> 00:19:32,956
No, actually it tastes like pennies.

363
00:19:33,052 --> 00:19:35,905
Oh, my God. Did you guys really do that?

364
00:19:36,001 --> 00:19:37,413
<i>We really did.</i>

365
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:40,362
<i>And that was when I realized
why I hung out with Barney.</i>

366
00:19:40,458 --> 00:19:46,502
<i>I never got where I thought I wanted to go,
but I always got a great story.</i>

367
00:19:48,185 --> 00:19:51,007
So, that girl you were talking to,
that was Mom?

368
00:19:51,103 --> 00:19:53,571
Kids, every story in a
man's life is like a dot...

369
00:19:53,667 --> 00:19:56,329
- in an impressionist painting, and when...
- So that's a no?

370
00:19:56,425 --> 00:19:58,347
Yeah, that's a no.

371
00:19:58,702 --> 00:20:00,623
What? Come on.