1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,664 [Ted Narrating] Kids, sometimes... 2 00:00:04,771 --> 00:00:06,864 wonderful things come out of horrible situations. 3 00:00:06,973 --> 00:00:10,238 Like, remember that trip I took to Hong Kong where I got stuck in the airport? 4 00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,174 Well, a funny thing happened that day. 5 00:00:12,278 --> 00:00:14,872 Yes, I realize it's raining, but come on! 6 00:00:14,981 --> 00:00:17,814 It's 2021. We can make cell phones that project holograms... 7 00:00:17,917 --> 00:00:20,249 but a light drizzle shuts down a whole airport? 8 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:21,684 Hey, Ted. 9 00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:24,656 Hey! 10 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:28,194 There she is. Wow! 11 00:00:28,294 --> 00:00:30,262 - Wendy the waitress. - Wendy the waitress! 12 00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:32,854 I was just saying. What... What are you doing here? 13 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,900 [Ted Narrating] What was she doing there? 14 00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:37,265 For that, we have to back up about 10 years. 15 00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:40,669 So, Barney, I hear you and Nora had a fun time at laser tag. 16 00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:43,299 I don't know where you heard that. It was a disaster. 17 00:00:43,410 --> 00:00:45,207 Not according to her. 18 00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:47,541 Oh, my God. This was so much fun. 19 00:00:47,647 --> 00:00:50,707 - We have to do this again. - We do. We have to. You wanna grab a drink right now? 20 00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:55,481 No. I'm kind of tired. But this is my number. Give me a call. 21 00:00:55,588 --> 00:00:57,078 Absolutely. 22 00:00:57,190 --> 00:00:59,556 How is that a disaster? 23 00:00:59,659 --> 00:01:01,217 She didn't want to get drinks. 24 00:01:01,327 --> 00:01:04,319 And as soon as a girl says she doesn't want to get drinks, well... 25 00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:05,898 You wanna grab a drink right now? 26 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:07,489 No. I'm kind of tired. 27 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,467 [Trombone Squawking] 28 00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:14,563 - [Squawking Continues] - Absolutely. 29 00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:18,201 That's a shame too. She was a really great laser tag partner. 30 00:01:18,311 --> 00:01:20,438 She's tiny, so she's allowed to push kids. 31 00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:24,412 Please, cheese. You like this girl. 32 00:01:24,517 --> 00:01:26,781 What? Nora? No, I don't. 33 00:01:26,886 --> 00:01:29,582 Barney, you can't say her name without smiling. 34 00:01:29,689 --> 00:01:30,917 That's... 35 00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:33,589 Nora. 36 00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:34,853 Sorry. Sorry. 37 00:01:34,961 --> 00:01:37,521 I was thinking of a funny thing that Nora said. 38 00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:38,654 - Mmm. - Stop it. 39 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,131 No... ra. Nah! 40 00:01:41,234 --> 00:01:42,929 Damn it! What is the matter with me? 41 00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:44,833 You like her. You should call her. 42 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,168 Call her? Robin, three things: 43 00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:49,741 She had a nice face, her booty was in place... 44 00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,834 - but Barney don't chase. - [Lily Scoffs] 45 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,412 That is ridiculous. 46 00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:55,606 Barney, you know what? Here's some advice. 47 00:01:55,715 --> 00:01:58,616 [Trombone Squawking] 48 00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:01,778 [Squawking Continues] 49 00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:03,355 Totally. 50 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:05,924 ##[Upbeat Pop] 51 00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:09,358 ##[Man Vocalizing] 52 00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,295 ##[Ends] 53 00:02:18,838 --> 00:02:20,738 [Ted Narrating] Kids, I had just started dating Zoey. 54 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:24,173 And when you first start dating someone, everyone wants to know the same thing... 55 00:02:24,277 --> 00:02:26,245 - How did we meet? - Oh, Ted, she doesn't... 56 00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,746 No, no, no, no. It's a cute story. 57 00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:30,372 Once upon a time... 58 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:32,542 Zoey was married to this super-rich... 59 00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:35,086 super-creepy guy called the Captain. 60 00:02:35,188 --> 00:02:38,749 So when Zoey and I became friends, I was careful not to cross any lines. 61 00:02:38,858 --> 00:02:41,588 Oh, man. This movie is scary. 62 00:02:41,694 --> 00:02:44,094 I know, right? 63 00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:47,257 But then one day Zoey and the Captain had a huge fight. 64 00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,995 - [No Audible Dialogue] - He flipped out and demanded a divorce. 65 00:02:50,870 --> 00:02:52,599 And she was heartbroken. 66 00:02:52,705 --> 00:02:54,468 But after a little soul-searching... 67 00:02:54,574 --> 00:02:56,064 she ended up back in my life. 68 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,406 And the rest, as they say... 69 00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,672 is history. 70 00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:03,044 Actually, I said, "How's your meat?" 71 00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:04,878 Oh. 72 00:03:04,984 --> 00:03:06,508 A little cold. 73 00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:08,314 Gee, I wonder why. 74 00:03:09,822 --> 00:03:12,256 Oh, Ted, did you have a chance to pick up that box... 75 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:14,588 I left at my old apartment? 76 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,321 Oh. Yeah. 77 00:03:16,429 --> 00:03:18,363 I don't want to see the Captain. 78 00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:20,455 I mean this in a super-manly way. 79 00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:22,467 That guy scares the panties off me. 80 00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:24,230 Well, you don't have to see him. 81 00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:25,804 He left the box with the doorman. 82 00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:28,533 If it's really important to you, I will pick it up tomorrow. 83 00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:30,939 All right, guys. I have to go. 84 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,012 I have a big, meaningless stack of paperwork... 85 00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,807 that I have to get off my desk to make room... 86 00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:36,905 for tomorrow's big, meaningless stack of paperwork. 87 00:03:38,484 --> 00:03:40,384 But it's all worth it, you know, 'cause... 88 00:03:40,486 --> 00:03:42,249 at least I know I'm making the world a... 89 00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:43,822 place. 90 00:03:43,923 --> 00:03:45,823 All right. See you guys later. 91 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,725 I'm worried about Marshall. He doesn't seem like himself lately. 92 00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:51,922 Yeah, he's been really quiet. 93 00:03:52,031 --> 00:03:54,261 Well, that's just what Minnesota guys are like... 94 00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:56,096 strong, silent, you know, man's man. 95 00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:57,669 Like Prince. 96 00:03:57,770 --> 00:03:59,397 No, it's more than that. 97 00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:00,631 It's, like, all the stuff... 98 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:01,866 he used to love... 99 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:05,342 he suddenly has no interest in anymore. 100 00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:07,208 Oh! 101 00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:08,746 Ha-wink. 102 00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:10,076 Excuse me? 103 00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:12,549 Lily, in my travels... 104 00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:14,552 I've developed a finely calibrated sense... 105 00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:16,622 of how long it's been since... 106 00:04:16,723 --> 00:04:18,452 how do I not put this delicately?... 107 00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:21,026 a girl's been porked. 108 00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:22,788 And, boo, you've been pork-free so long... 109 00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:24,419 you're practically kosher. 110 00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:26,462 It's been a while. 111 00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:29,262 Five weeks, three days, by my estimation. 112 00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:31,530 You should work at a carnival. 113 00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:34,436 I tried. They're pretty strict with backgrounds. 114 00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:36,030 Anyway, we should get going. 115 00:04:36,142 --> 00:04:38,235 Yeah, I'll walk out with you guys. Good night. 116 00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:39,811 Good night, guys. 117 00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:50,348 - Eighteen weeks? - [Groans] 118 00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:52,481 Damn it! Okay, yes. 119 00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:54,651 - I am in a bit of a dry spell. - Hmm. 120 00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:57,787 But I just started a new job, and dating's been on the back burner... 121 00:04:57,897 --> 00:05:01,628 Shh. Child, listen. 122 00:05:01,734 --> 00:05:03,702 If you're really hurtin' for it... 123 00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:06,135 I'd be more than happy to throw you one. 124 00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:08,400 - Throw me one? - Yeah. 125 00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:11,341 We're exes. We're probably due for a backslide. 126 00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:14,038 Or we could just do it the normal way. 127 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,877 - Oh, I see what's going on. - Yeah? 128 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,417 This is about Nora. 129 00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:21,783 You met a girl. You liked her. 130 00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:26,382 But then you missed your shot, and now you're trying to hook up with your ex-girlfriend... 131 00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:28,858 to prove to yourself that you don't care. 132 00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:30,622 Robin, you could not be more... 133 00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:32,322 What do you mean I missed my shot? 134 00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,730 - Nora met a guy. - What? [Clears Throat] 135 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:36,734 - What? - Yeah. 136 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:40,237 Off the market. He's taking her to Café L'Amour this Friday night. 137 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,240 But "L'Amour" means love. They're going to the Café of Love! 138 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,537 I'm fine. It's fine. 139 00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:48,410 The point is, Robin, I don't even like Nora. 140 00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:50,072 Damn it! 141 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,785 - [Man On TV: Indistinct] - Oh, baby. 142 00:05:53,886 --> 00:05:55,683 Why aren't you in bed? 143 00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:57,449 I can't sleep. 144 00:05:57,557 --> 00:05:59,218 Mmm. 145 00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:02,192 Anything I can do to help you with that? 146 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,854 Maybe after this documentary on garbage. 147 00:06:07,266 --> 00:06:10,099 Man, I am losin' my touch. 148 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,467 [Man Narrating, Elmer Fudd Accent] Nearly twice the size of Texas... 149 00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:15,268 the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, or Garbage Island... 150 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,037 is an environmental catastrophe. 151 00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:19,771 Lost in a sea of rubbish... 152 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:22,211 this young bird struggles not to drown... 153 00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:25,148 strangling in the plastic rings of a six-pack. 154 00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:28,379 Marshall Eriksen, I think you know what you have to do. 155 00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:30,012 I have to save the planet! 156 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,988 Is it over? I call on top. 157 00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:33,888 [Screams] 158 00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:35,927 [Ted Narrating] A few days later, I headed over to the Captain's building... 159 00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:37,427 to get Zoey's box. 160 00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:38,929 - I'm here to... - [Captain] Ted! 161 00:06:39,031 --> 00:06:41,261 What a surprise. 162 00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:48,273 Ted. 163 00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:49,739 Captain, l... 164 00:06:49,842 --> 00:06:51,002 You've come to rescue me... 165 00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:54,011 from the capsized wreckage of my marriage. 166 00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:56,240 - [Murmurs] - I hesitated calling you... 167 00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:58,408 because I know you and Zoey were friendly. 168 00:06:58,518 --> 00:06:59,917 [Scoffs] Nah. 169 00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:02,647 But my wife has left me. All my friends have abandoned me. 170 00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:05,986 Please tell me you're on my side. 171 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,117 [Nervous Chuckle] 172 00:07:08,227 --> 00:07:10,286 [Mouthing Words] 173 00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:13,098 Let's adjourn to the study. 174 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:17,427 Garbage Island. 175 00:07:18,871 --> 00:07:20,771 You haven't heard of Garbage Island? 176 00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:23,131 It's an island... 177 00:07:23,242 --> 00:07:25,210 made of garbage! 178 00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:28,644 It's in the Pacific Ocean. It's twice the size of Texas. 179 00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:32,445 In other words, one-eighth the size of Canada, so... 180 00:07:33,719 --> 00:07:36,085 Guys, I'm going environmental. 181 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,180 Okay? Phase one... the bar. 182 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,124 I've already convinced MacLaren's to implement a new green initiative. 183 00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:42,888 That's 'cause of you? 184 00:07:42,995 --> 00:07:46,863 I gotta carry an 80-pound bag of bottles to the recycling center every night. 185 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,358 I threw my back out! 186 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,029 You're welcome, Earth. 187 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,936 Phase two... GNB. 188 00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:57,236 Tomorrow I'm gonna make a presentation in front of the board... 189 00:07:57,343 --> 00:08:02,474 about how we can cut our carbon footprint by half for only 12 million dollars. 190 00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:05,710 Dude, don't do that. All they're gonna hear is "12 million dollars"... 191 00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:10,050 and all you're gonna hear is the sound of the door smackin' your fired ass. 192 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,852 And some muffled laughter, which I apologize for in advance. 193 00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:15,257 Guys, I got a problem. 194 00:08:15,361 --> 00:08:17,761 I ran into the Captain. 195 00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:19,661 Ted... 196 00:08:19,765 --> 00:08:23,360 beneath this lustrous mane... 197 00:08:23,469 --> 00:08:25,164 I wear the horns of a cuckold. 198 00:08:26,939 --> 00:08:28,429 Zoey left me for another man. 199 00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:33,512 Wow. Do you have any idea who it could be? 200 00:08:33,613 --> 00:08:35,547 [Ted Narrating] The Captain then told a story much different... 201 00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:39,015 than the one I'd been telling, but one maybe just as true. 202 00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:42,349 Once upon a time, Zoey and I were happy. 203 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:45,049 - Blissful as arcadian shepherds. - [No Audible Dialogue] 204 00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:47,990 I was Poseidon, and she my Amphitrite. 205 00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:51,928 I daresay Scylla and Charybdis could not have torn us asunder. 206 00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:55,296 We had great big boners for each other. 207 00:08:56,435 --> 00:08:59,302 But then... enter the scoundrel. 208 00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:02,636 Oh, man. This movie's scary. 209 00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:05,734 I know. Right? 210 00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:08,678 [Captain] I don't know what he looks like, but I picture him with a mustache. 211 00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:12,046 Yes. Limit the search to guys with mustaches. Smart. 212 00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:15,714 Anyway, soon the inevitable happened. 213 00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:18,415 - She told me she was in love with someone else. - [No Audible Dialogue] 214 00:09:18,524 --> 00:09:20,492 Obviously, it made me angry. 215 00:09:20,593 --> 00:09:22,925 And that's the last time you saw her. 216 00:09:23,029 --> 00:09:24,963 But I gathered my composure... 217 00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,929 and told her I'd do anything to keep her. 218 00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:30,400 I begged her not to leave. We made love that night. 219 00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:31,993 [Sputters] 220 00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:34,436 It's, uh... It's damn good brandy. 221 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:38,408 But morning came, and she was gone. 222 00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:42,676 Captain, don't blame yourself. 223 00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:45,443 - I don't blame myself. - Hmm? 224 00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:49,282 There's only one man I blame for this. 225 00:09:49,388 --> 00:09:52,016 Me. I'm the bad guy. 226 00:09:52,124 --> 00:09:54,388 Well, maybe to him you are... 227 00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:59,328 but in the story of picking up the box for Zoey, you're the hero. 228 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,990 Damn it! The box! 229 00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:10,942 Baby... Baby, I really got to work on this presentation. 230 00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:14,979 Oh, that's too bad, because I was gonna make a little presentation of my own. 231 00:10:16,148 --> 00:10:17,706 Okay, um... 232 00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:19,512 How about this? 233 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:23,316 From now until tomorrow afternoon, I do this. 234 00:10:23,422 --> 00:10:25,219 And then tomorrow night... 235 00:10:25,324 --> 00:10:26,791 I do that. 236 00:10:26,892 --> 00:10:27,722 Deal. 237 00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:33,123 Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on! 238 00:10:33,232 --> 00:10:34,529 Lily! 239 00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:40,467 You lying little minx! 240 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:43,269 I happened to be at Café L'Amour tonight... 241 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,401 from 5:00 p.m. until closing... 242 00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:47,604 reading a newspaper with two holes cut out of it... 243 00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:51,149 and I never saw Nora or this Italian race car driver she's dating. 244 00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:52,979 Sorry. Who said anything about an Ital... 245 00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:55,144 Come on. You just know he's an Italian race car driver. 246 00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:57,279 No, he's not. He doesn't exist. 247 00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,984 I made the whole thing up to see if you like her, and you do. 248 00:11:00,092 --> 00:11:02,390 So you should just call her. 249 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,020 - [Scoffs] - Here is her number. 250 00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:06,820 Wh... 251 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,668 And I also programmed it into your phone while you were in the bathroom. 252 00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:19,843 Wow. That was a joke. You just got here, remember? 253 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,341 You really are smitten. 254 00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:25,917 No, I'm not. I'm Barney Stinson. 255 00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:28,509 I don't get smitten. I smite. 256 00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:32,182 You are totally smitten, but you're scared of being in a relationship. 257 00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:36,125 No, I'm not. I can't be anyone's boyfriend, Robin. 258 00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:39,095 If I got serious with Nora, it would be like if Mother Teresa... 259 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:42,395 focused all her attention on one really hot orphan. 260 00:11:42,501 --> 00:11:45,902 With great penis comes great responsibility. 261 00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:49,200 Okay, Mother Teresa... 262 00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:50,775 throw me one. 263 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,207 Sorry? 264 00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:54,142 I would like it if you threw me one. 265 00:11:54,246 --> 00:11:55,941 Fastball right down the middle. 266 00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:59,279 Actually, if I recall correctly, a slight curve. 267 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,615 Careful, Robin. I'll do it. 268 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,484 - Oh, I don't think you will. - Hmm. 269 00:12:03,589 --> 00:12:05,887 Because you don't want to screw things up with Nora. 270 00:12:05,991 --> 00:12:08,721 Prove me wrong. Tomorrow night, my place. 271 00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:13,265 Don't poke the dragon, Robin, 'cause the dragon will poke you back. 272 00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:20,028 - Oh... - Sex now. We'll do the foreplay after. 273 00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:21,401 No, no... Baby, come on. 274 00:12:22,174 --> 00:12:24,074 Today didn't go so well. 275 00:12:24,176 --> 00:12:27,441 The green initiative, for only 12 million dollars... 276 00:12:27,546 --> 00:12:29,070 - will change the way... - Okay. I've heard enough. 277 00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:31,581 Don't we already have a green initiative? 278 00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:35,176 I mean, didn't we do a whole thing... hang a banner, make a video? 279 00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:37,255 Sting was there. I thought I met Sting. 280 00:12:37,356 --> 00:12:39,256 - You did meet Sting. - Yeah. I met Sting. 281 00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:42,521 So why on earth would we spend another 12 million dollars? 282 00:12:42,628 --> 00:12:44,255 Well, because we can always do more. 283 00:12:44,363 --> 00:12:46,263 Yeah, but I met Sting. 284 00:12:46,365 --> 00:12:49,129 Well, meeting Sting isn't gonna fix anything, Arthur. 285 00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:52,602 [Sighs] Who here supports Eriksen's proposal? 286 00:12:54,306 --> 00:12:56,866 Well, he has some good points. 287 00:12:56,976 --> 00:12:59,604 Meeker, you're fired. And as for you, Eriksen... 288 00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:02,010 - His father just died. - [Sighs] 289 00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,776 Nice presentation. We'll keep it under advisement. 290 00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:09,285 Meeker got fired because of me. I'm the bad guy. 291 00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:14,257 No, sweetie. Just-Just put all of that out of your mind and relax. 292 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:18,057 Look. I got you a six-pack of tall boys from the deli. 293 00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:20,258 - Hmm. - Mmm. 294 00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,560 Hmm. 295 00:13:24,403 --> 00:13:25,870 [Moaning] 296 00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:28,140 Hey, baby? 297 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:29,673 - Yeah? - [Clears Throat] 298 00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:32,767 What happened to the plastic rings that held the six-pack together? 299 00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:35,073 Oh, l-I don't know. I threw them down the garbage chute. 300 00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:36,910 Let's just use the handcuffs instead. 301 00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:39,814 Baby, birds can get caught in those. 302 00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:42,581 And then they "dwown" in a sea of "wubbish." Weren't you listening? 303 00:13:42,688 --> 00:13:44,588 - Don't you care about Garbage Island? - [Groans] 304 00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:47,386 Marshall, right now I don't give a"wat's ass" about Garbage Island. 305 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:50,462 Well, I do. I gotta find those rings. 306 00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:55,091 - [Door Closes] - "Cwap." 307 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,162 - [Elevator Bell Dings] - Hi. I'm here to pick up a... 308 00:13:58,270 --> 00:13:59,498 Hello, Ted. 309 00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:01,698 - To the study? - To the study. 310 00:14:01,807 --> 00:14:02,774 Mmm. 311 00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:05,743 Ted... 312 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,142 [Sighs] 313 00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:09,909 I know. 314 00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:11,573 Know what? 315 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,413 I know who stole my Zoey. 316 00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:16,016 No man likes to be betrayed... 317 00:14:16,121 --> 00:14:18,555 especially by a friend. 318 00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:20,557 You can imagine then how painful it was... 319 00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:23,628 when I learned that the name of my betrayer is... 320 00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:26,825 Ted... 321 00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:29,093 when I tell you who it is, you're gonna... 322 00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:31,294 [Imitates Explosion] 323 00:14:32,504 --> 00:14:33,801 It's my doorman. 324 00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:37,541 That son of a bitch! 325 00:14:42,915 --> 00:14:45,042 You think Zoey is sleeping with the doorman? 326 00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:48,517 He always winks and tips his hat when he sees her. 327 00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,350 I know how these things work. 328 00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:53,220 He holds her package, and pretty soon she's holding his. 329 00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:56,260 And then there's his glorious mustache. 330 00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:58,660 - I will have him fired for this! - No, no, no, no. 331 00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:00,459 You can't fire him. 332 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,033 You're right. 333 00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:06,597 Maritime protocol demands physical retribution! 334 00:15:06,705 --> 00:15:09,572 Oh, my God! No, no, no! Physical retribution? No, stop! 335 00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:13,736 Who is this flower child, and what has he done with my lion-hearted friend Ted Mosby? 336 00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:15,575 No, no, no... Look, look... Yes, yes! 337 00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:19,082 The doorman is a scoundrel. The mustache alone gives that away. 338 00:15:19,184 --> 00:15:22,085 He's a rake, a rogue, a rapscallion. 339 00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:24,655 Oh, rapscallion may be going a bit far, Ted. 340 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,384 But it's not his fault. 341 00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:28,653 Okay? It's nobody's fault. 342 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,695 You and Zoey have nothing in common. 343 00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:33,390 For God's sake, Captain, she hates boats! 344 00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:35,330 You're just not right for each other. 345 00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,994 Look, I know it's tough to face, but I'm sure... 346 00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:40,435 a small part of you has always known that. 347 00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:44,539 [Sighs] 348 00:15:45,477 --> 00:15:47,445 Why couldn't she just like boats? 349 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,479 Just to have one thing in common. 350 00:15:50,582 --> 00:15:52,777 Other girls like boats, don't they? 351 00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:55,353 Of course they do. 352 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:57,319 And you'll find one. 353 00:15:57,423 --> 00:16:00,790 And you'll be much happier with her than you ever were with Zoey. 354 00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,952 [Weapons Clattering] 355 00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:06,998 You put it that way, I should almost thank the doorman. 356 00:16:07,099 --> 00:16:09,090 Yeah! Yeah! 357 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,831 And, you know, since... 358 00:16:12,938 --> 00:16:15,736 since it doesn't really matter who Zoey's dating now... 359 00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:18,241 - It doesn't. It really doesn't. - It doesn't. 360 00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,374 It's me. You're welcome. 361 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,970 [Door Closes] 362 00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:32,116 Okay, baby, what gives? 363 00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:34,317 I'm sorry, but neither of us are getting any action... 364 00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:36,758 until I find those rings. 365 00:16:36,862 --> 00:16:38,329 [Garbage Rustling] 366 00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:40,660 I hope this doesn't make me look desperate. 367 00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:47,000 All right, Robin. Give it to me. 368 00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:50,007 [Sighs] Damn it, Barney. You failed my test. 369 00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:53,044 You know, l-I try to root for you. Even as your ex-girlfriend. 370 00:16:53,145 --> 00:16:56,376 When you meet someone, I'm, like, "Yeah, Barney. Go get her." 371 00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:58,746 But you know what? Just forget it. 372 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:01,012 You're never gonna change. I'm done trying to help you. 373 00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:03,521 - [Sighs] - The number. 374 00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:05,749 Give me the number. 375 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,019 'Cause I really can't tell... 376 00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:12,058 Is that a seven or a nine? 377 00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:13,859 It's a five, idiot. 378 00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:16,696 A f... In what moon man language is that a five? 379 00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:18,702 - "Moon man language"? What does that even mean? - Looks nothing like a five. 380 00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:21,034 - How am I supposed to see that that's a five? - Look how you taped this up. 381 00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:22,698 - You can hardly even see... - Fine. Fine. Fine. 382 00:17:23,642 --> 00:17:25,439 I have a phone call to make. 383 00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:29,076 Barney. 384 00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:30,205 Go get her. 385 00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:32,609 [Door Closes] 386 00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:34,952 Listen, Zoey... 387 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,646 I need to ask you something. 388 00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:39,123 Did I steal you? 389 00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:42,559 Well, yeah. [Chuckles] 390 00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:46,825 You did, by being the kind of sweet, thoughtful guy... 391 00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:49,560 who'd never even think of stealing someone. 392 00:17:49,668 --> 00:17:50,726 You stole me. 393 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,905 So I'm the bad guy. Great. 394 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:57,407 Well, the story isn't over, Ted. 395 00:17:57,509 --> 00:18:00,637 It'll be years before we know who's the good guy and who's the bad guy. 396 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:04,011 I mean, yes, divorce sucks. 397 00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:06,949 But sometimes... 398 00:18:07,052 --> 00:18:10,419 things need to fall apart to make way for better things. 399 00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:13,454 Well, if you say so. 400 00:18:13,559 --> 00:18:16,528 I'm just saying, the eggs are already broken. 401 00:18:16,628 --> 00:18:19,028 Let's make sure we get a pretty good omelet out of it. 402 00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:22,266 Okay, Marshall... 403 00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:24,961 seriously, what's going on? 404 00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:30,104 He'll never get to see how I turn out. 405 00:18:30,209 --> 00:18:31,767 What do you mean? 406 00:18:32,811 --> 00:18:35,245 My dad. You know, I used to, um... 407 00:18:35,347 --> 00:18:38,111 I used to always tell him that I was gonna be an environmental lawyer... 408 00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:40,549 and he was always so proud of me for that. 409 00:18:40,652 --> 00:18:45,954 But he never got to see the version of me that was anything but a corporate stooge. 410 00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:48,148 And now it's too late. 411 00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:51,127 And we're starting a family. You know... 412 00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:53,721 Are you avoiding sleeping with me... 413 00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:55,663 'cause you don't want to start a family? 414 00:18:57,469 --> 00:19:00,233 Lily, if we have a baby right now... 415 00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:02,864 that is just it for me. 416 00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:05,136 The cement will dry... 417 00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:08,680 and I will be stuck at GNB... forever. 418 00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:11,977 Marshall, if you want to quit your job... 419 00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:14,518 and go work for the N.R.D.C. right now... 420 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:16,986 then you need to do that right now. 421 00:19:18,423 --> 00:19:20,516 And then once you've cleaned up all the oceans... 422 00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:22,355 and saved the planet... 423 00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:24,725 you know, like a year from now... 424 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,821 then we'll start a family. 425 00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:29,194 I don't know. 426 00:19:29,301 --> 00:19:31,735 So far, in the name of saving the planet... 427 00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,532 I've ruined your night... 428 00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:36,972 I practically broke Wendy's back, and I got Meeker fired. 429 00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:38,508 The guy must hate me. 430 00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:40,271 Meeker doesn't hate you. 431 00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:42,847 [Ted Narrating] Oh, Meeker hated him, all right. 432 00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:45,280 After all, Marshall was the one who got him fired. 433 00:19:45,384 --> 00:19:47,409 Now, Meeker knew we all hung out at MacLaren's... 434 00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:49,680 so that night he went there to confront Marshall. 435 00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:51,415 But, as luck would have it... 436 00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:53,252 - Are you guys... - Closed, sorry. 437 00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:56,449 [Exhales] 438 00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,292 Thanks. 439 00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:01,025 Rough night? 440 00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:03,124 - Yeah. - I'm sorry. 441 00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:04,896 It's not your fault. 442 00:20:05,003 --> 00:20:07,972 It's no one's fault... except for Marshall Eriksen. 443 00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:09,700 What did you just say? 444 00:20:10,809 --> 00:20:13,209 Uh, I said it's Marshall Eriksen's fault. 445 00:20:13,312 --> 00:20:14,643 Why? Do you know him? 446 00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:17,374 Know him? I hate that guy. 447 00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:19,040 Me too. 448 00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:21,346 - No way. - [Laughs] 449 00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:24,650 And the rest, as they say... 450 00:20:24,756 --> 00:20:26,223 ...is history. 451 00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:27,792 And three kids later... 452 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,054 we decided to come here on our second honeymoon. 453 00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,823 Wow. 454 00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:33,795 That's a pretty good omelet. 455 00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,732 Oh, and, hey, what about you? You still with Zoey? 456 00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:38,427 N... No. 457 00:20:38,537 --> 00:20:40,402 No. Wow, that did not end well. 458 00:20:40,505 --> 00:20:43,338 But it's all for the best, 'cause now I'm married to an amazing girl. 459 00:20:43,442 --> 00:20:44,909 We have two kids. 460 00:20:45,010 --> 00:20:47,274 It's actually a funny story of how we met. 461 00:20:47,379 --> 00:20:49,677 I was the best man at this wedding, and... 462 00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:52,272 Listen, Ted, it's great seeing you, but we gotta run. 463 00:20:52,384 --> 00:20:53,976 Okay. Well, uh, have a safe trip. 464 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,986 It was great seeing you. 465 00:21:00,058 --> 00:21:01,889 [Energy Field Crackles] 466 00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:03,427 - Hello? - Marshall. 467 00:21:03,528 --> 00:21:05,223 - Hey, Ted. - Hey. 468 00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:07,924 You will not believe who I just ran into. 469 00:21:33,892 --> 00:21:34,859 English - US - SDH