1 00:00:01,831 --> 00:00:04,383 Kids, sometimes wonderful things 2 00:00:04,384 --> 00:00:06,028 come out of horrible situations. 3 00:00:06,148 --> 00:00:07,834 Like, remember that trip I took to Hong Kong 4 00:00:07,954 --> 00:00:09,521 where I got stuck in the airport? 5 00:00:09,623 --> 00:00:11,441 Well, a funny thing happened that day. 6 00:00:11,442 --> 00:00:13,526 Yes, I realize it's raining, 7 00:00:13,527 --> 00:00:15,161 but, come on, it's 2021. 8 00:00:15,162 --> 00:00:17,096 We can make cell phones that project holograms, 9 00:00:17,097 --> 00:00:19,532 but a light drizzle shuts down a whole airport? 10 00:00:19,533 --> 00:00:21,042 Hey, Ted. 11 00:00:21,710 --> 00:00:23,707 Hey... 12 00:00:23,827 --> 00:00:25,285 there she is. 13 00:00:25,405 --> 00:00:27,370 Wow. 14 00:00:27,490 --> 00:00:29,553 - Wendy the Waitress. - Wendy the Waitress! 15 00:00:29,673 --> 00:00:32,178 I was just saying... what are you doing here? 16 00:00:32,179 --> 00:00:33,946 What was she doing there? 17 00:00:33,947 --> 00:00:36,415 For that, we have to back up about ten years. 18 00:00:36,416 --> 00:00:38,197 So, Barney, I hear you and Nora 19 00:00:38,317 --> 00:00:40,085 had a fun time at laser tag. 20 00:00:40,086 --> 00:00:41,422 I don't know where you heard that. 21 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,767 It was a disaster. 22 00:00:42,887 --> 00:00:44,557 Not according to her. 23 00:00:44,558 --> 00:00:46,859 Oh, my God, this was so much fun. 24 00:00:46,860 --> 00:00:48,874 - We have to do this again. - We do, we have to. 25 00:00:48,994 --> 00:00:50,062 You want to grab a drink right now? 26 00:00:50,063 --> 00:00:51,630 No, I'm kind of tired. 27 00:00:51,750 --> 00:00:52,731 But... 28 00:00:52,732 --> 00:00:53,766 this is my number. 29 00:00:53,767 --> 00:00:54,833 Give me a call. 30 00:00:54,834 --> 00:00:56,268 Absolutely. 31 00:00:56,269 --> 00:00:58,324 How is that a disaster? 32 00:00:58,637 --> 00:01:00,314 She didn't want to get drinks. 33 00:01:00,613 --> 00:01:01,878 And as soon as a girl says 34 00:01:01,998 --> 00:01:03,609 she doesn't want to get drinks, well... 35 00:01:03,610 --> 00:01:06,435 - You want to grab a drink right now? - No, I'm kind of tired. 36 00:01:10,817 --> 00:01:13,619 Absolutely. 37 00:01:13,620 --> 00:01:15,090 It's a shame, too. 38 00:01:15,210 --> 00:01:17,289 She was a really great laser tag partner. 39 00:01:17,290 --> 00:01:19,959 She's tiny, so she's allowed to push kids. 40 00:01:20,860 --> 00:01:23,429 Please, Cheese. You like this girl. 41 00:01:23,430 --> 00:01:24,930 What? Nora? 42 00:01:24,931 --> 00:01:25,909 No, I don't. 43 00:01:26,029 --> 00:01:28,667 Barney, you can't say her name without smiling. 44 00:01:28,668 --> 00:01:31,070 That's... 45 00:01:31,071 --> 00:01:32,771 Nora. 46 00:01:32,772 --> 00:01:34,306 Sorry, sorry. 47 00:01:34,307 --> 00:01:35,477 I was thinking of a funny thing 48 00:01:35,597 --> 00:01:37,209 - that Nora said. - Hmm. 49 00:01:37,210 --> 00:01:39,378 Stop it. No... ra. 50 00:01:39,379 --> 00:01:40,479 Nah... 51 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:42,248 Damn it, what is the matter with me? 52 00:01:42,249 --> 00:01:44,049 You like her. You should call her. 53 00:01:44,050 --> 00:01:45,150 Call her? 54 00:01:45,151 --> 00:01:47,886 Robin, three things: she had a nice face, 55 00:01:47,887 --> 00:01:51,190 her booty was in place, but Barney don't chase. 56 00:01:51,191 --> 00:01:52,625 That is ridiculous. 57 00:01:52,626 --> 00:01:54,960 Barney, you know what, here's some advice. 58 00:02:00,934 --> 00:02:02,868 Totally. 59 00:02:03,608 --> 00:02:14,567 Sync & corrected by Addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com 60 00:02:17,612 --> 00:02:19,897 Kids, I had just started dating Zoey. 61 00:02:19,898 --> 00:02:21,614 And when you first start dating someone, 62 00:02:21,734 --> 00:02:24,613 - everyone wants to know the same thing. - How did we meet? 63 00:02:24,733 --> 00:02:27,534 - Oh, Ted, she doesn't want... - No, it's a cute story. 64 00:02:28,171 --> 00:02:29,922 Once upon a time... 65 00:02:29,923 --> 00:02:32,708 Zoey was married to this super rich, super creepy guy 66 00:02:32,709 --> 00:02:33,875 called The Captain. 67 00:02:33,910 --> 00:02:35,855 So when Zoey and I became friends, 68 00:02:35,975 --> 00:02:37,747 I was careful not to cross any lines. 69 00:02:37,748 --> 00:02:40,650 Oh, man, this movie is scary. 70 00:02:40,651 --> 00:02:42,032 I know, right? 71 00:02:43,271 --> 00:02:44,401 But then one day, 72 00:02:44,521 --> 00:02:46,589 Zoey and The Captain had a huge fight. 73 00:02:46,590 --> 00:02:49,292 He flipped out and demanded a divorce. 74 00:02:50,293 --> 00:02:51,461 And she was heartbroken. 75 00:02:51,962 --> 00:02:53,596 But after a little soul-searching, 76 00:02:53,599 --> 00:02:57,316 she ended up back in my life, and the rest, as they say, 77 00:02:57,317 --> 00:02:58,902 is history. 78 00:02:59,103 --> 00:03:02,109 Actually, I said, "how's your meat?" 79 00:03:02,578 --> 00:03:03,744 Oh. 80 00:03:04,207 --> 00:03:05,494 A little cold. 81 00:03:05,614 --> 00:03:07,409 Gee, wonder why. 82 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,538 Oh, Ted, did you have a chance to pick up that box 83 00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:13,416 I left at my old apartment? 84 00:03:13,954 --> 00:03:17,386 Oh. Yeah, I don't want to see The Captain. 85 00:03:17,506 --> 00:03:19,636 I mean this in a super manly way. 86 00:03:19,756 --> 00:03:21,953 That guy scares the panties off me. 87 00:03:22,426 --> 00:03:23,625 You don't have to see him. 88 00:03:23,626 --> 00:03:25,161 He left the box with the doorman. 89 00:03:25,220 --> 00:03:27,688 If it's really important to you, I will pick it up tomorrow. 90 00:03:27,731 --> 00:03:30,532 All right, guys, I have to go. I have a big 91 00:03:30,533 --> 00:03:33,302 meaningless stack of paperwork that I have to get off my desk 92 00:03:33,303 --> 00:03:36,339 to make room for tomorrow's big meaningless stack of paperwork. 93 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:38,541 But it's all worth it, 94 00:03:38,542 --> 00:03:42,813 you know, 'cause at least I know I'm making the world a... place. 95 00:03:43,103 --> 00:03:45,236 All right, see you guys later. 96 00:03:46,749 --> 00:03:47,689 I'm worried about Marshall. 97 00:03:47,809 --> 00:03:48,861 He doesn't seem like himself lately. 98 00:03:48,981 --> 00:03:51,087 Yeah, he's been really... quiet. 99 00:03:51,288 --> 00:03:53,389 Well, that's just what Minnesota guys are like... 100 00:03:53,390 --> 00:03:55,258 strong, silent, you know, man's man. 101 00:03:55,459 --> 00:03:56,959 Like Prince. 102 00:03:57,260 --> 00:03:58,561 No, it's more than that. 103 00:03:58,562 --> 00:04:00,863 It's like, all the stuff he used to love, 104 00:04:00,864 --> 00:04:04,100 he suddenly has no interest in anymore. 105 00:04:04,101 --> 00:04:05,802 Oh. 106 00:04:06,103 --> 00:04:07,804 Ha-wink. 107 00:04:07,905 --> 00:04:09,472 Excuse me? 108 00:04:09,473 --> 00:04:11,540 Lily, in my travels, 109 00:04:11,541 --> 00:04:13,943 I've developed a finely calibrated sense 110 00:04:13,944 --> 00:04:15,845 of how long it's been since... 111 00:04:15,846 --> 00:04:17,700 How do I not put this delicately?... 112 00:04:17,820 --> 00:04:19,381 a girl's been porked. 113 00:04:19,382 --> 00:04:20,316 And, boo, 114 00:04:20,317 --> 00:04:22,251 you've been pork-free so long, 115 00:04:22,252 --> 00:04:23,753 you're practically kosher. 116 00:04:24,387 --> 00:04:25,754 It's been a while. 117 00:04:25,755 --> 00:04:28,591 Five weeks, three days by my estimation. 118 00:04:28,592 --> 00:04:30,926 You should work at a carnival. 119 00:04:30,927 --> 00:04:33,196 I tried. They're pretty strict with backgrounds. 120 00:04:33,397 --> 00:04:34,931 Anyway, we should get going. 121 00:04:34,932 --> 00:04:36,879 Yeah, I'll walk out with you guys. 122 00:04:36,999 --> 00:04:38,935 - Good night. - Good night, guys. 123 00:04:48,006 --> 00:04:50,113 18 weeks. Damn it. 124 00:04:50,314 --> 00:04:53,381 Okay, yes, I am in a bit of a dry spell. 125 00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:54,226 Hmm. 126 00:04:54,346 --> 00:04:55,715 But I just started a new job, 127 00:04:55,835 --> 00:04:57,053 and dating's been on the back burner, and... 128 00:04:57,054 --> 00:04:57,887 Shh. 129 00:04:57,888 --> 00:05:01,090 Child, listen. 130 00:05:01,091 --> 00:05:02,592 If you're really hurting for it, 131 00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:05,228 I'd be more than happy to throw you one. 132 00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:07,369 Throw me one? Yeah. 133 00:05:07,489 --> 00:05:10,151 We're exes. We're probably due for a backslide. 134 00:05:10,407 --> 00:05:12,802 Or we could just do it the normal way. 135 00:05:13,616 --> 00:05:16,104 Oh, I see what's going on. Yeah? 136 00:05:16,224 --> 00:05:17,924 This is about Nora. 137 00:05:18,365 --> 00:05:22,840 You met a girl, you liked her, but then you missed your shot. 138 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,679 And now you're trying to hook up with your ex-girlfriend 139 00:05:25,799 --> 00:05:27,406 to prove to yourself that you don't care. 140 00:05:27,847 --> 00:05:30,191 Robin, you could not be more... 141 00:05:30,220 --> 00:05:31,617 What do you mean I missed my shot? 142 00:05:31,658 --> 00:05:32,989 - Nora met a guy. - What?! 143 00:05:34,091 --> 00:05:35,525 What? 144 00:05:35,526 --> 00:05:36,606 Yep. Off the market. 145 00:05:36,726 --> 00:05:39,195 He's taking her to Cafe L'Amour this Friday night. 146 00:05:39,315 --> 00:05:41,531 But "L'Amour" means love! They're going to the cafe of love! 147 00:05:41,532 --> 00:05:42,899 I'm fine. It's fine. 148 00:05:43,874 --> 00:05:44,920 Point is, 149 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,604 Robin, I don't even like Nora. 150 00:05:47,605 --> 00:05:49,005 Damn it! 151 00:05:51,048 --> 00:05:54,986 Oh, baby, why aren't you in bed? 152 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,849 I can't sleep. 153 00:05:56,969 --> 00:05:58,147 Mmm. 154 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:01,551 Anything I can do to help you with that? 155 00:06:02,723 --> 00:06:05,288 Maybe after this documentary on garbage. 156 00:06:06,446 --> 00:06:08,825 Man, I am losing my touch. 157 00:06:08,945 --> 00:06:11,473 Nearly twice the size of Texas, 158 00:06:11,593 --> 00:06:14,163 the Gweat Pacific Garbage Patch, or "Garbage Island," 159 00:06:14,164 --> 00:06:16,368 is an environmental catastrophe. 160 00:06:17,008 --> 00:06:19,060 Lost in a sea of wubbish, 161 00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:21,252 this young bird stwuggles not to dwown, 162 00:06:21,372 --> 00:06:23,994 stwangling in the plastic wings of a six-pack. 163 00:06:24,548 --> 00:06:27,560 Marshall Eriksen, I think you know what you have to do. 164 00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:29,062 I have to save the planet! 165 00:06:29,063 --> 00:06:31,002 Is it over? I call on top. 166 00:06:31,122 --> 00:06:32,515 Ow! 167 00:06:32,516 --> 00:06:35,126 A few days later, I headed over to The Captain's building 168 00:06:35,246 --> 00:06:36,152 to get Zoey's box. 169 00:06:36,153 --> 00:06:37,720 - I'm here to... - Ted. 170 00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,889 What a surprise. 171 00:06:46,602 --> 00:06:47,768 Ted. 172 00:06:47,888 --> 00:06:48,883 Captain. I... 173 00:06:49,003 --> 00:06:50,085 You've come to rescue me 174 00:06:50,205 --> 00:06:53,214 from the capsized wreckage of my marriage. 175 00:06:53,334 --> 00:06:54,044 Mm... 176 00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:55,352 I hesitated calling you 177 00:06:55,472 --> 00:06:57,357 because I know you and Zoey were friendly. 178 00:06:57,477 --> 00:07:00,147 - Pssh, nah... - But my wife has left me. 179 00:07:00,148 --> 00:07:02,036 All my friends have abandoned me. 180 00:07:02,156 --> 00:07:04,617 Please, tell me you're on my side. 181 00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:12,374 Let's adjourn to the study. 182 00:07:15,729 --> 00:07:17,264 Garbage Island. 183 00:07:17,265 --> 00:07:18,565 You haven't heard 184 00:07:18,566 --> 00:07:20,289 of Garbage Island? 185 00:07:20,644 --> 00:07:22,080 It's an island... 186 00:07:22,436 --> 00:07:24,185 made of garbage! 187 00:07:24,305 --> 00:07:25,635 It's in the Pacific Ocean. 188 00:07:25,755 --> 00:07:27,880 It's twice the size of Texas! 189 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,610 In other words, one-eighth the size of Canada. 190 00:07:30,730 --> 00:07:32,297 So... 191 00:07:32,937 --> 00:07:35,642 Guys, I'm going environmental, okay? 192 00:07:35,762 --> 00:07:37,385 Phase one: the bar. 193 00:07:37,505 --> 00:07:39,029 I've already convinced MacLaren's to implement 194 00:07:39,149 --> 00:07:40,365 a new green initiative. 195 00:07:40,485 --> 00:07:41,517 That's 'cause of you? 196 00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:44,110 I got to carry an 80-pound bag of bottles 197 00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:46,239 to the recycling center every night. 198 00:07:46,580 --> 00:07:48,795 I threw my back out. 199 00:07:48,796 --> 00:07:50,614 You're welcome... Earth. 200 00:07:51,866 --> 00:07:54,189 Phase two: GNB. 201 00:07:54,309 --> 00:07:55,625 Tomorrow I'm going to make a presentation 202 00:07:55,745 --> 00:07:57,417 in front of the board about how we can cut 203 00:07:57,537 --> 00:08:01,026 our carbon footprint by half for only $12 million. 204 00:08:01,146 --> 00:08:03,884 Dude, don't do that. All they're going to hear 205 00:08:04,004 --> 00:08:05,946 is "$12 million," and all you're going to hear 206 00:08:06,066 --> 00:08:08,663 is the sound of the door smacking your fired ass. 207 00:08:08,783 --> 00:08:10,044 And some muffled laughter. 208 00:08:10,164 --> 00:08:11,935 Which I apologize for in advance. 209 00:08:12,055 --> 00:08:13,379 Guys, 210 00:08:13,499 --> 00:08:15,088 I got a problem. 211 00:08:15,089 --> 00:08:16,884 I ran into The Captain. 212 00:08:17,458 --> 00:08:20,627 Ted, beneath this 213 00:08:20,628 --> 00:08:24,728 lustrous mane, I wear the horns of a cuckold. 214 00:08:26,179 --> 00:08:28,435 Zoey left me for another man. 215 00:08:28,923 --> 00:08:30,288 Wow. 216 00:08:30,408 --> 00:08:32,600 Do you have any idea who it could be? 217 00:08:32,885 --> 00:08:34,548 The Captain then told a story much different 218 00:08:34,668 --> 00:08:35,885 than the one I'd been telling. 219 00:08:36,005 --> 00:08:38,068 But one maybe just as true. 220 00:08:38,188 --> 00:08:41,125 Once upon a time, Zoey and I were happy. 221 00:08:41,245 --> 00:08:44,384 Blissful as Arcadian shepherds. 222 00:08:44,385 --> 00:08:45,552 I was Poseidon, 223 00:08:45,553 --> 00:08:47,087 she my Amphitrite. 224 00:08:47,357 --> 00:08:49,085 I dare say, Scylla and Charybdis 225 00:08:49,205 --> 00:08:50,950 could not have torn us asunder. 226 00:08:51,263 --> 00:08:54,448 We had great big boners for each other. 227 00:08:55,599 --> 00:08:56,897 But then... 228 00:08:56,898 --> 00:08:58,129 enter the scoundrel. 229 00:08:58,811 --> 00:09:01,621 Oh, man, this movie's scary. 230 00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:04,365 I know, eh? 231 00:09:04,991 --> 00:09:06,276 I don't know what he looks like, 232 00:09:06,396 --> 00:09:07,841 but I picture him with a mustache. 233 00:09:07,842 --> 00:09:08,556 Yes! 234 00:09:08,676 --> 00:09:11,845 Limit the search to guys with mustaches. Smart. 235 00:09:11,846 --> 00:09:14,455 Anyway, soon the inevitable happened. 236 00:09:14,966 --> 00:09:17,241 She told me she was in love with someone else. 237 00:09:17,361 --> 00:09:19,194 Obviously, it made me angry. 238 00:09:19,947 --> 00:09:21,972 And that's the last time you saw her. 239 00:09:22,092 --> 00:09:23,858 But I gathered my composure, 240 00:09:23,978 --> 00:09:26,219 and told her I'd do anything to keep her. 241 00:09:26,339 --> 00:09:28,428 I begged her not to leave. 242 00:09:28,429 --> 00:09:29,712 We made love that night. 243 00:09:32,130 --> 00:09:33,467 That's damn good brandy. 244 00:09:33,587 --> 00:09:35,528 But morning came, 245 00:09:35,648 --> 00:09:37,334 and she was gone. 246 00:09:38,239 --> 00:09:40,070 Oh, Captain... 247 00:09:40,992 --> 00:09:42,476 don't blame yourself. 248 00:09:42,477 --> 00:09:44,569 - I don't blame myself. - Hmm? 249 00:09:44,853 --> 00:09:48,221 There's only one man I blame for this. 250 00:09:48,341 --> 00:09:49,529 Me. 251 00:09:49,970 --> 00:09:51,136 I'm the bad guy. 252 00:09:51,256 --> 00:09:54,960 Well, maybe to him you are, but in the story 253 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,093 of picking up the box for Zoey, 254 00:09:57,213 --> 00:09:58,458 you're the hero. 255 00:09:58,771 --> 00:10:00,749 Damn it! The box! 256 00:10:07,068 --> 00:10:09,562 Baby, baby, I really got to work on this presentation. 257 00:10:09,682 --> 00:10:11,154 Oh, that's too bad, 258 00:10:11,274 --> 00:10:14,362 'cause I was going to make a little presentation of my own. 259 00:10:15,457 --> 00:10:18,374 Okay, um, how about this: 260 00:10:18,772 --> 00:10:21,374 from now until tomorrow afternoon, 261 00:10:21,494 --> 00:10:25,914 I do this, and then tomorrow night, I do that. 262 00:10:26,034 --> 00:10:27,754 Deal. 263 00:10:31,292 --> 00:10:32,281 Come on, come on. 264 00:10:32,401 --> 00:10:33,518 Lily! 265 00:10:36,831 --> 00:10:39,091 You lying little minx. 266 00:10:39,211 --> 00:10:42,537 I happened to be at Cafe L'Amour tonight 267 00:10:42,657 --> 00:10:44,699 from 5:00 p.m. until closing, 268 00:10:44,819 --> 00:10:46,739 reading a newspaper with two holes cut out of it, 269 00:10:46,859 --> 00:10:48,132 and I never saw Nora 270 00:10:48,252 --> 00:10:50,180 or this Italian race car driver she's dating. 271 00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:52,165 Sorry. Who said anything about an...? 272 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,155 Come on, you just know he's an Italian race car driver. 273 00:10:54,275 --> 00:10:56,515 No, he's not. He doesn't exist. 274 00:10:56,635 --> 00:10:59,390 I made the whole thing up to see if you like her. And you do. 275 00:10:59,510 --> 00:11:01,564 So you should just call her. 276 00:11:02,716 --> 00:11:04,410 Here is her number. 277 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:10,393 And I also programmed it 278 00:11:10,428 --> 00:11:11,988 into your phone while you were in the bathroom. 279 00:11:15,919 --> 00:11:19,146 Wow. That was a joke. You just got here, remember? 280 00:11:20,552 --> 00:11:22,244 You really are smitten. 281 00:11:22,364 --> 00:11:23,666 No, I'm not. 282 00:11:23,786 --> 00:11:25,152 I'm Barney Stinson. 283 00:11:25,272 --> 00:11:27,396 I don't get smitten, I smite! 284 00:11:27,516 --> 00:11:29,415 You are totally smitten, 285 00:11:29,535 --> 00:11:31,328 but you're scared of being in a relationship. 286 00:11:31,448 --> 00:11:32,506 No, I'm not. 287 00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:34,852 I can't be anyone's boyfriend, Robin. 288 00:11:34,972 --> 00:11:36,894 If I got serious with Nora, it would be like 289 00:11:37,014 --> 00:11:39,453 if Mother Teresa focused all her attention on 290 00:11:39,573 --> 00:11:41,003 one really hot orphan. 291 00:11:41,458 --> 00:11:44,832 With great penis comes great responsibility. 292 00:11:45,733 --> 00:11:47,768 Okay, Mother Teresa, 293 00:11:48,693 --> 00:11:50,072 throw me one. 294 00:11:50,192 --> 00:11:51,149 Sorry? 295 00:11:51,269 --> 00:11:52,798 I would like it if you threw me one. 296 00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:54,825 Fastball, right down the middle. 297 00:11:54,945 --> 00:11:57,967 Actually, if I recall correctly, a slight curve. 298 00:11:58,763 --> 00:12:00,901 Careful, Robin, I'll do it. 299 00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:02,351 - Oh, I don't think you will. - Hmm. 300 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:04,370 Because you don't want to screw things up with Nora. 301 00:12:04,896 --> 00:12:05,948 Hey, prove me wrong. 302 00:12:06,068 --> 00:12:07,455 Tomorrow night, my place. 303 00:12:07,725 --> 00:12:09,573 Don't poke the dragon, Robin, 304 00:12:09,693 --> 00:12:12,002 'cause the dragon will poke you back. 305 00:12:17,556 --> 00:12:19,092 Sex now, we'll do the foreplay after. 306 00:12:19,212 --> 00:12:21,268 Oh, no, baby, come on. 307 00:12:21,269 --> 00:12:22,936 Today didn't go so well. 308 00:12:23,638 --> 00:12:24,638 The green initiative, 309 00:12:24,758 --> 00:12:26,917 for only $12 million, will change the way... 310 00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:28,197 Okay, I've heard enough. 311 00:12:28,524 --> 00:12:30,756 Don't we already have a green initiative? 312 00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:32,827 I mean, didn't we do a whole thing? 313 00:12:32,947 --> 00:12:35,439 Hang a banner, make a video, Sting was there. 314 00:12:35,475 --> 00:12:37,385 I thought I met Sting. You did meet Sting. 315 00:12:37,505 --> 00:12:38,372 Yeah, I met Sting. 316 00:12:38,492 --> 00:12:41,393 So why on Earth would we spend another $12 million? 317 00:12:41,513 --> 00:12:43,427 Well, because we can always do more. 318 00:12:43,547 --> 00:12:45,261 Yeah, but I met Sting. 319 00:12:45,381 --> 00:12:48,418 Well, meeting Sting isn't gonna fix anything, Arthur! 320 00:12:48,896 --> 00:12:51,742 Who here supports Eriksen's proposal? 321 00:12:53,534 --> 00:12:56,069 Well, he has some good points. 322 00:12:56,189 --> 00:12:57,320 Meeker, you're fired! 323 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,854 - And as for you, Eriksen... - His father just died. 324 00:12:59,974 --> 00:13:02,342 ...nice presentation. 325 00:13:02,462 --> 00:13:04,148 We'll keep it under advisement. 326 00:13:05,511 --> 00:13:07,416 Meeker got fired because of me. 327 00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:08,397 I'm the bad guy. 328 00:13:08,517 --> 00:13:11,056 No, sweetie, just... just put all that 329 00:13:11,176 --> 00:13:13,117 out of your mind and relax. 330 00:13:13,373 --> 00:13:17,554 Look, I got you a six-pack of tall boys from the deli. 331 00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:27,754 - Hey, baby. - Yeah? 332 00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:30,171 What happened to the plastic rings 333 00:13:30,291 --> 00:13:32,005 that held the six-pack together? 334 00:13:32,006 --> 00:13:32,949 Oh, I... I don't know. 335 00:13:33,069 --> 00:13:34,584 I threw them down the garbage chute. 336 00:13:34,704 --> 00:13:36,574 Let's just use the handcuffs instead. 337 00:13:36,694 --> 00:13:39,179 Baby, birds can get caught in those 338 00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:40,675 and then they dwown in a sea of wubbish! 339 00:13:40,795 --> 00:13:41,716 Weren't you listening? 340 00:13:41,836 --> 00:13:43,871 Don't you care about Garbage Island? 341 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,662 Marshall, right now, I don't give a wat's ass 342 00:13:45,782 --> 00:13:46,552 about Garbage Island. 343 00:13:46,672 --> 00:13:48,088 Well, I do. 344 00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:49,709 I got to find those rings! 345 00:13:52,968 --> 00:13:54,233 Cwap. 346 00:13:55,186 --> 00:13:56,849 Hi, I'm here to pick up... 347 00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:58,044 Hello, Ted. 348 00:13:59,134 --> 00:14:00,058 To the study? 349 00:14:00,178 --> 00:14:01,693 - To the study! - Mmm. 350 00:14:04,055 --> 00:14:05,722 Ted... 351 00:14:07,401 --> 00:14:08,567 I know. 352 00:14:09,744 --> 00:14:10,790 Know what? 353 00:14:10,910 --> 00:14:12,931 I know who stole my Zoey. 354 00:14:13,051 --> 00:14:15,120 No man likes to be betrayed, 355 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,253 especially by a friend. 356 00:14:17,552 --> 00:14:18,789 You can imagine then 357 00:14:18,909 --> 00:14:21,306 how painful it was when I learned that the name 358 00:14:21,426 --> 00:14:23,069 of my betrayer is... 359 00:14:24,051 --> 00:14:25,487 Ted... 360 00:14:25,786 --> 00:14:28,945 when I tell you who it is, you're gonna... 361 00:14:31,544 --> 00:14:33,150 It's my doorman! 362 00:14:34,984 --> 00:14:37,032 That son of a bitch! 363 00:14:41,991 --> 00:14:44,284 You think Zoey's sleeping with the doorman? 364 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:47,737 He always winks and tips his hat when he sees her. 365 00:14:47,857 --> 00:14:49,441 I know how these things work. 366 00:14:49,561 --> 00:14:50,667 He holds her package, 367 00:14:50,787 --> 00:14:52,257 and pretty soon, she's holding his. 368 00:14:52,377 --> 00:14:55,436 And then there's his glorious mustache. 369 00:14:55,556 --> 00:14:57,290 I will have him fired for this! 370 00:14:57,410 --> 00:14:58,968 No, no, no, you can't fire him. 371 00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:00,703 You're right. 372 00:15:02,572 --> 00:15:05,867 Maritime protocol demands physical retribution! 373 00:15:05,902 --> 00:15:06,777 Oh, my God! No, no! 374 00:15:06,897 --> 00:15:08,696 No physical retribution! Stop! 375 00:15:08,816 --> 00:15:11,127 Who is this flower child, and what has he done 376 00:15:11,247 --> 00:15:13,018 with my lionhearted friend Ted Mosby?! 377 00:15:13,138 --> 00:15:14,725 Look, look, yes, yes, 378 00:15:14,845 --> 00:15:16,462 the doorman is a scoundrel. 379 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,310 The mustache alone gives that away. 380 00:15:18,430 --> 00:15:21,353 He's a rake, a rogue, a rapscallion! 381 00:15:21,473 --> 00:15:23,788 Whoa, "rapscallion" may be going a bit far, Ted. 382 00:15:23,908 --> 00:15:25,579 But it's not his fault, okay? 383 00:15:25,699 --> 00:15:27,499 It's nobody's fault. 384 00:15:27,619 --> 00:15:29,950 You and Zoey have nothing in common. 385 00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:32,188 For God's sake, Captain, she hates boats! 386 00:15:32,308 --> 00:15:34,584 You're just not right for each other. 387 00:15:35,054 --> 00:15:37,052 Look, I know it's tough to face, but I'm sure 388 00:15:37,172 --> 00:15:39,854 a small part of you has always known that. 389 00:15:44,616 --> 00:15:46,678 Why couldn't she just like boats? 390 00:15:46,798 --> 00:15:49,265 Just to have one thing in common? 391 00:15:49,759 --> 00:15:51,560 Other girls like boats, don't they? 392 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,388 Of course they do. 393 00:15:54,508 --> 00:15:56,557 And you'll find one. 394 00:15:56,677 --> 00:15:58,619 And you'll be much happier with her 395 00:15:58,739 --> 00:16:00,169 than you ever were with Zoey. 396 00:16:02,335 --> 00:16:03,622 When you put it that way, 397 00:16:03,742 --> 00:16:06,105 I should almost thank the doorman. 398 00:16:06,225 --> 00:16:08,610 Yeah, yeah! 399 00:16:09,646 --> 00:16:13,371 And, you know, since, since it doesn't really matter 400 00:16:13,491 --> 00:16:15,034 who Zoey's dating now... 401 00:16:15,154 --> 00:16:16,651 It doesn't, it really doesn't. 402 00:16:16,771 --> 00:16:17,934 It doesn't. 403 00:16:18,889 --> 00:16:20,322 It's me. You're welcome. 404 00:16:29,198 --> 00:16:31,066 Okay, baby, what gives? 405 00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:33,768 I'm sorry, but neither of us are getting any action 406 00:16:33,769 --> 00:16:35,265 until I find those rings. 407 00:16:37,362 --> 00:16:39,641 I hope this doesn't make me look desperate. 408 00:16:43,815 --> 00:16:45,780 All right, Robin, give it to me. 409 00:16:46,376 --> 00:16:48,773 Damn it, Barney, you failed my test! 410 00:16:48,893 --> 00:16:50,830 You know, I... I try to root for you. 411 00:16:50,950 --> 00:16:52,365 Even as your ex-girlfriend, 412 00:16:52,485 --> 00:16:53,818 when you meet someone, I'm like, 413 00:16:53,938 --> 00:16:55,497 "Yeah, Barney, go get her!" 414 00:16:55,617 --> 00:16:57,772 But you know what? Just forget it. 415 00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:00,407 You're never gonna change. I'm done trying to help you. 416 00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:03,265 The number. 417 00:17:03,266 --> 00:17:06,620 Give me the number, 'cause I really can't tell... 418 00:17:09,297 --> 00:17:11,274 Is that a seven or a nine? 419 00:17:11,394 --> 00:17:12,795 It's a five, idiot. 420 00:17:12,915 --> 00:17:15,795 A fi...? In what moon man language is that a five? 421 00:17:15,915 --> 00:17:17,754 "Moon man language"? What does that even mean? 422 00:17:17,874 --> 00:17:19,447 How am I supposed to see that's a five? 423 00:17:19,448 --> 00:17:21,516 - Look how you taped this up... - Fine, fine, fine. 424 00:17:22,869 --> 00:17:24,291 I have a phone call to make. 425 00:17:25,554 --> 00:17:26,721 Barney. 426 00:17:27,890 --> 00:17:29,190 Go get her. 427 00:17:32,691 --> 00:17:33,762 Listen, Zoey, 428 00:17:34,243 --> 00:17:36,231 I need to ask you something. 429 00:17:36,788 --> 00:17:38,395 Did I steal you? 430 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,347 Well... yeah. 431 00:17:41,467 --> 00:17:42,754 You did. 432 00:17:42,874 --> 00:17:44,200 By being the kind of 433 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:47,485 sweet, thoughtful guy who'd never even think 434 00:17:47,605 --> 00:17:49,982 of stealing someone, you stole me. 435 00:17:50,764 --> 00:17:52,399 So I'm the bad guy. 436 00:17:52,662 --> 00:17:54,026 Great. 437 00:17:54,146 --> 00:17:56,579 Well, the story isn't over, Ted. 438 00:17:56,699 --> 00:17:58,639 It'll be years before we know who's the good guy 439 00:17:58,759 --> 00:18:00,160 and who's the bad guy. 440 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,649 I mean, yes, 441 00:18:01,769 --> 00:18:02,907 divorce sucks, 442 00:18:02,908 --> 00:18:07,658 but sometimes things need to fall apart 443 00:18:07,778 --> 00:18:09,691 to make way for better things. 444 00:18:11,037 --> 00:18:12,233 If you say so. 445 00:18:12,922 --> 00:18:15,737 I'm just saying, the eggs are already broken. 446 00:18:15,857 --> 00:18:18,006 Let's make sure we get a pretty good omelet out of it. 447 00:18:18,841 --> 00:18:21,344 Okay, Marshall, 448 00:18:21,955 --> 00:18:23,945 seriously, what's going on? 449 00:18:27,029 --> 00:18:29,134 He'll never get to see how I turn out. 450 00:18:29,617 --> 00:18:31,238 What do you mean? 451 00:18:31,664 --> 00:18:32,574 My dad. You know, 452 00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:35,332 I used to, um, I used to always tell him 453 00:18:35,452 --> 00:18:37,180 that I was gonna be an environmental lawyer. 454 00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:39,077 And he was always so proud of me for that. 455 00:18:39,961 --> 00:18:42,864 But he never got to see the version of me that was anything but 456 00:18:42,865 --> 00:18:44,799 a corporate stooge. 457 00:18:45,648 --> 00:18:47,098 And now it's too late. 458 00:18:47,218 --> 00:18:49,938 And we're starting a family, you know. 459 00:18:50,933 --> 00:18:53,045 Are you avoiding sleeping with me 460 00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:54,792 'cause you don't want to start a family? 461 00:18:56,376 --> 00:18:58,594 Lily, if we have a baby right now, 462 00:18:59,433 --> 00:19:02,006 that is just it for me. 463 00:19:03,115 --> 00:19:07,340 The cement will dry, and I will be stuck at GNB forever. 464 00:19:07,757 --> 00:19:09,791 Marshall, 465 00:19:09,792 --> 00:19:13,862 if you want to quit your job and go work for the NRDC right now, 466 00:19:13,909 --> 00:19:16,047 then you need to do that right now. 467 00:19:16,811 --> 00:19:19,811 And then, once you've cleaned up all the oceans 468 00:19:19,931 --> 00:19:21,603 and saved the planet... 469 00:19:21,604 --> 00:19:25,640 you know, like, a year from now... then we'll start a family. 470 00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,642 I don't know. 471 00:19:28,405 --> 00:19:30,992 So far, in the name of saving the planet, 472 00:19:31,112 --> 00:19:34,460 I've ruined your night, I practically broke Wendy's back 473 00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:36,285 and I got Meeker fired. 474 00:19:36,405 --> 00:19:37,642 The guy must hate me. 475 00:19:37,762 --> 00:19:39,493 Meeker doesn't hate you. 476 00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:41,719 Oh, Meeker hated him, all right. 477 00:19:41,839 --> 00:19:44,209 After all, Marshall was the one who got him fired. 478 00:19:44,210 --> 00:19:46,631 Meeker knew we all hung out at MacLaren's. 479 00:19:46,751 --> 00:19:48,877 So that night, he went there to confront Marshall. 480 00:19:48,997 --> 00:19:50,298 But as luck would have it... 481 00:19:50,299 --> 00:19:52,934 - Are you guys...? - Closed. Sorry. 482 00:19:57,713 --> 00:19:58,580 Thanks. 483 00:19:58,700 --> 00:19:59,774 Rough night? 484 00:20:00,228 --> 00:20:02,147 - Yeah. - I'm sorry. 485 00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:04,994 It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. 486 00:20:05,648 --> 00:20:07,448 Except for Marshall Eriksen. 487 00:20:07,568 --> 00:20:09,174 What did you just say? 488 00:20:09,294 --> 00:20:12,685 Uh, I said it's Marshall Eriksen's fault. 489 00:20:12,805 --> 00:20:14,036 Why, do you know him? 490 00:20:14,156 --> 00:20:16,647 Know him? I hate that guy. 491 00:20:17,046 --> 00:20:18,197 Me, too. 492 00:20:18,317 --> 00:20:19,661 Well, hey. 493 00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:23,198 And the rest, as they say... 494 00:20:23,199 --> 00:20:24,566 is history. 495 00:20:25,526 --> 00:20:26,742 And three kids later, 496 00:20:26,862 --> 00:20:28,870 we decided to come here on our second honeymoon. 497 00:20:28,871 --> 00:20:30,722 Wow. 498 00:20:31,509 --> 00:20:32,987 That's a pretty good omelet. 499 00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:34,911 Oh, and hey, what about you? 500 00:20:35,031 --> 00:20:36,035 You still with Zoey? 501 00:20:36,155 --> 00:20:39,530 No, no, no. Wow, that did not end well. 502 00:20:39,650 --> 00:20:41,137 But it's all for the best, 503 00:20:41,257 --> 00:20:41,948 'cause now I'm married to 504 00:20:42,068 --> 00:20:43,739 an amazing girl, we have two kids. 505 00:20:43,859 --> 00:20:46,142 It's actually a funny story of how we met. 506 00:20:46,262 --> 00:20:48,490 I was a best man at this wedding... 507 00:20:48,491 --> 00:20:51,459 Listen, Ted, it's great seeing you, but we got to run. 508 00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:54,585 Okay, well, have a safe trip. It was great seeing you. 509 00:20:54,705 --> 00:21:00,483 Sync & corrected by Addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com 510 00:21:00,603 --> 00:21:02,477 - Hello. - Marshall. 511 00:21:02,597 --> 00:21:04,026 Hey, Ted. 512 00:21:04,146 --> 00:21:07,008 Hey. You will not believe who I just ran into.